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Not so Legendary - (PG-14)

Black Murder Heavangelon

Ow! Ow! Harder! Ow!
Hey guys, BMH here with a story I don't write so often. I mean, my sense of humor isn't the most polished, but when I focus, I can split your sides. I'm a bit nervous right now about publishing this story. I don't know why though.

Anyway, I wrote this story as a response to the severe lack of legendary-centric humor stories on the web. It may be that I'm not looking in the right direction, but then again, I would've wrote this anyway. I had this story beta-read by a good friend of mine.

So! 'Not so Legendary' is a humorous fiction that focuses on the daily lives of everyones favorite legnedaries, all of them! I made the characters as diverse as their movepools, though figuring out what each one is like will definitely be a challenge. Also, each legendary has a different...oh, what's the word i'm looking for? Well, each character is a 'something' that no good comedy is without. For example, Suicune will be the 'NeatFreak' while Azelf is the 'GenkiGirl'. The rest you'll just have to figure out for yourself. Have fun doing it.

And before anyone asks, there won't be any 'pairings' in the fic. But I will try to give a little something to everyone. Emphasis on 'try'.

This fic is rated PG-14 due to swearing. Not too light but not too heavy, just mild enough. There will be the occasional 'damn', but I don't consider it a serious swear word. This chapter does have the word 'douche' in it, but I don't think that warrants a higher rating. If a Mod feels that it should be higher or lower, feel free to change the title.

Enjoy!

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Not so Legendary.

It was a cold day in Hoenn, if you could get by the fact that he sat there miles from touching the stratosphere. Cold days are all to be expected when one lives atop of Sky Pillar. Not to mention lonely. Yes, it was a cold and lonely day. And windy too. Cold, lonely, and windy. A normal person would kill themselves if they were forced to live a secluded life like this. But as a legendary, he had no choice but to live in total isolation. If he lived anywhere else, he’d risk being seen or worse, caught. Such is the life of Rayquaza who lived on top of Sky Pillar, where the days were cold, the nights were colder, and the constant buzz of wind against his ears kept him from trying meditation. Such a lonely life it was. You can’t help but feel sorry for him.

Well, he wasn’t bored, at least.

“Oh Rayquaza, how can we ever love?” Rayquaza said, raising his pitch to sound more feminine and petit.

“Do not worry, my love, the world will understand one day,” Rayquaza said again, lowering his pitch to sound more masculine.

“But how? We are of two different worlds, and everyone has been brainwashed by my evil twin brother,” Rayquaza said, raising his pitch again.

Rayquaza switched between high and low pitch as he shifted the toys he was holding to imitate dialogue.

“Then I have no choice but to go and defeat him.”

“But he is very strong, my love. He has an army of highly trained Wailords.”

“I will do whatever it takes for the sake of our relationship, my sweet Latias.”

From his side, he brought in a miniature Wailord toy. Putting aside the Latias toy, he picked up the Rayquaza toy and made it ‘fly’ around the Wailord toy, imitating airplane noises as he did.

“Dragon pulse!” he yelled as he made a screechy noise.

“Ice Beam!” he yelled again, making a buzzing sound to imitate the attack.

He continued to do this for a while, looking silly as he did. He mimicked explosions, earthquakes, and lasers, all while unaware of his uninvited guest behind him.

“What are you doing?” the star child said abruptly.

“GAAH!” Rayquaza screamed as he turned around to come face to face with his guest.

The emerald dragon held the two toys tightly in his hands close to his chest, receiving a disturbed stare from the wish maker.

“Um, Jirachi… hi.” He said uneasily, “…this isn’t what it looks like.”

“You are playing with dolls,” he said, “I don’t know what else it could look like.”

“Whatever,” he said angrily as he set down his toys, “Just what are you doing here? And for your information, they’re action figures, not dolls.”

“Riiight,” he replied uncaringly.

“No really, they aren’t dolls at all,” he said defensively, Jirachi’s face unchanged, “Look.”

Picking up the Rayquaza toy, he pressed a little button on its back. From the toys mouth, a projectile molded to look like a spear of fire was launched.

“Yeah, that’s really-”

Jirachi didn’t finish his sentence as said projectile wounded up landing in his right eye.

“OW! MY FREAKIN’ EYE!” Jirachi yelled out loud.

“Holy crap!” Rayquaza replied, shocked at his terribly good accuracy, “I’m sorry, let me-”

“No! Don’t!” Jirachi said, holding out his hand to keep Rayquaza away as he tried to pry the projectile free from his eye, “Your claws are too sharp and you might gouge them out.”

Rayquaza looked at his claws and noticed how sharp they were, opening and closing them subconsciously. Jirachi removed the projectile from his eye with his left hand and rubbed his eye with his right one. As a tear ran down his cheek, he looked at Rayquaza twiddling his fingers as the star child held onto the toy bullet. Rayquaza only chuckled modestly.

“Uh, heheh, sorry.”

“Whatever,” he said, dropping the toy bullet to the ground, “Arceus is calling for a meeting and he asked me to get you.”

“Oh. Is it important?” he said, reaching towards the toy bullet and reloaded the toy.

“All he said was something about an improvement,” Jirachi said as he levitated off the grounds of Sky Pillar.

“Huh, I wonder who is getting improved,” Rayquaza thought out loud, lifting his body off the ground and sailing into the sky.

“Hope it turns out better than the last meeting did,” Jirachi said to himself as he also headed in Rayquazas direction, shuddering at the memory.

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He opened the door that led to the normally bright main hall. It was dark, darker than pitch black. So dark that not even his decent night-vision could make out who was in the room. All he knew was that there were people in the room. A lot of people. Only the light from the room behind him granted a trickle of light, which was overtaken by his own shadow. He gulped loudly as he stepped into the room, not knowing what awaited him.

The whole day, everyone had been acting weird. Well, weirder than usual. Nobody would tell him anything and many desperately avoided him. He was clueless as to their true intentions for keeping secrets from him, even though he was very good at connecting dots. The day was nearly over and he couldn’t find anyone. He had searched everywhere he could think of, including the Heavenly Mansion, where Arceus lived. The entire building had been empty; not even the Alpha pokemon could be found. After hours of searching and wild mass guessing, he came to an ugly conclusion. And for someone like Darkrai, it was too drastic and unlawful.

He noticed Deoxys zooming towards the Heavenly Mansion in a hurry. Darkrai had called out to him, but when Deoxys noticed him, he only zoomed faster. Angry, Darkrai gave chase as they escalated Mt. Coronet. Darkrai was fast, yes, but Deoxys was faster. The pursuit ended in the main hall, where Darkrai was now.

Breathing deeply, he knew he faced certain death.

“I KNOW OF YOUR PLANS TO ASSASSINATE ME! I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR CLEVER SCHEME! BUT DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I’LL GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!”

And then, the lights turned on.

Darkrai had his hands held out, each one holding a dark orb ready to fire. In the room was every legendary, from Articuno to Arceus. Off to the left was a table littered with food and drinks. To the right sat a mountain of presents, each one distinctively wrapped in unique wrapping and knots. The ceiling was littered with bright streamers and balloons. Above the doorway to the next room was a banner that spelt out ‘Happy Birthday Darkrai’ with the last letter blocked by Rayquaza’s head. Everyone was wearing a party hat, although Heatran’s and Moltres’ were set aflame, some were holding party poppers and Raikou held a blowout in his mouth.

Darkrai stood there, dumbfounded, as they stared at his awkward pose, made much more awkward by his highly misdirected conclusion and speech. Looking at the scenery before him, he remembered what today was.

“Oh…right…” he said as the dark orbs in his hands disappeared, “Today was…”

“Your birthday, moron,” Cresselia finished, as Raikou tooted his blowout.

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The two had sailed in the sky a long way from Sky Pillar. Hoenn sank under the horizon and Sinnoh came closer into view. The two decided to make small talk to pass the time.

“Any ideas on what this ‘improvement’ will be?” Rayquaza asked.

“Not a clue,” Jirachi replied, “But if I had to guess, it may be increasing Kyogre’s size a bit.”

Rayquaza looked at Jirachi with a raised brow, despite that brow being absent.

“That’s the best guess you’ve got?” he asked.

“Well, I don’t see you making any,” Jirachi shot back.

“I don’t have any, but I doubt there’d be a whole meeting just to increase Kyogre’s size. Arceus isn’t like that.”

“Well, he rarely holds them, so we don’t have much to go on.”

“What I do know, is that it may have to do with Groudon and Kyogre.”

“What makes you say that?” Jirachi asked.

“Well, in the past meetings, all I’ve done is kept Groudon and Kyogre from fighting. And in those meetings, it did concern them.”

“Well, that is a good theory, but Arceus is calling absolutely everyone in the meeting, so that disproves yours.”

“Wait, everybody?” Rayquaza questioned, assuring he had heard right.

Jirachi nodded.

“Wait, except for Deoxys, right?”

“Well, of course. Him and Mewtwo. Deoxys is from space and Mewtwo is an artificial legendary,” Jirachi clarified, “Wait, don’t tell me you haven’t gotten over your grudge.”

“How can I?” Rayquaza asked, “Everyone knows my dislike towards anything that falls from space.”

“Yeah, you told us.”

“As if I can get over my first encounter,” Rayquaza muttered, remembering his experience that caused him to develop a deep dislike towards all astronomical objects.

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The Earth was a bright and healthy blue, with large wispy clouds dotting the surface. Green blessed the islands below with various spots tinted with sand. Bordering the ozone layer was a realm of blackness. A dark and mysterious void dotted with twinkles awaited anyone with the technology and power to break free from the planet’s gravitational pull. Scenery so breathtaking that only the fortunate could hope to photograph or relive every second of this astronomical wonder.

However, the sole being who had such power did not do much to appreciate it.

“Hmm…multiply by four…” Rayquaza mumbled as he pressed buttons.

Despite being hailed as King of the Sky, Rayquaza had his own shortcomings when he was bored. For instance, he would pick up interesting pieces of trash and toss them into the ozone layer to watch it burn as it fell towards Earth. Today, however, he had found something interesting in the rubble he gathered.

“Huh, I guess calculators are neat, considering their jump in technology,” Rayquaza said, looking at his pocket calculator.

“Hmm, if a year has three-hundred-sixty-five days, how many days are in four years?” he asked himself as he pressed the appropriate buttons.

The screen came up with the number one-thousand-four-hundred-sixty.

“Ha! Wrong! It forgot about the extra day that comes with the leap year,” Rayquaza said triumphantly.

After his comment, the screen somehow added one to the number.

“…”

Ignoring the abnormal adding the calculator had done by itself, Rayquaza resumed fiddling with the contraption.

“…divide by two…multiply by seven…add forty-two…” the dragon mumbled as he pressed keypads.

The screen came up with the number eighty-thousand-eighty-five.

“Haha! I knew you could do something like that!” Rayquaza said, laughing at his immature humor, “let’s see if I can come up with…”

A strange humming noise was heard to his left.

“Hey, I’m a little busy right now. Do you-”

The object crashed into him at a very high speed. His head tore through most of the spaceship, knocking out the dragon unconscious. His calculator escaped his hands only to burn up in the ozone layer. Pieces of his skin came off as well as drops of blood, showing how severe the crash was. As Rayquaza fell down into ocean, the spaceship gave off a loud boom and made loud beeping noises. Despite its best effort to retain levitation, it careened down towards Earth, specifically in the direction of North America.


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“It took me three weeks to recover from that,” Rayqauza said, shuddering at the painful memory, “I had a full set of teeth…”

“Fractured jaw, missing teeth, kidney surgery…” Jirachi said as he collected fragments of that day.

“Kidney what?” Rayquaza questioned.

“What?”

“…”

“But come on, Rayquaza,” Jirachi continued, hoping to change the subject, “that was thirty years ago.”

“I’m not one to let a grudge die, you know that,” Rayquaza scoffed, “I looked all over New Mexico for that ship. Groudon was sure it landed there.”

“You think the humans found it?” Jirachi asked.

“Probably. I just hope the worst came to that vessel,” Rayquaza grumbled as Sinnoh came ever so closer into view.

“When it comes to humans, things usually get worse,” Jirachi commented, “But when Deoxys came to Earth, he didn’t collide with you.”

“You mean ‘almost’,” Rayquaza corrected.

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Walreins and Sealeos bellowed loudly as they happily chatted with one another. Dark blue skies complete with the northern lights dancing overhead achieved a breathtaking view of dramatic proportions only indigenous to the North pole. The chilly arctic weather would have hindered the appreciation of this spectacle, but the thick-fat gifted and heavily coated had no trouble taking in the eye sore that were the auroras.

“Crap, I’m so late,” Rayquaza grumbled.

…save for the legendary king of the sky, who would rather be somewhere else.

‘Today was just a total mess,’ Rayquaza thought woefully, ‘First, I lose my diary, then I lost my prized Mewtwo action figure to a bet with Moltres, and then I take a wrong turn in Johto and wound up in the south pole. I would have been here earlier had it not been for the hurricane that got in my way. Man, am I tired… at least it’s smooth sailing from…’

Just then, a distant sailing noise was heard, breaking Rayquaza’s train of thought. Rayquaza turned to look and saw a bright light, well, brighter then the aurora, in the sky.

‘What the hell is that?’ Rayquaza thought, ‘It looks like…’

Without warning, the bright light zoomed directly at Rayquaza, revealing itself as a comet, and narrowly nailed Rayquaza had it not been for a timely dodge. As the comet proceeded to impact the ice below, Rayquaza processed what had just happened and, fueled by frustration from the day’s earlier events, roared loudly.

“Oh, you did NOT just almost hit me! I am going to Hyper Beam you into oblivion!” Rayquaza roared, speeding towards the crash site as he did.

Seeing the alien figure below, he charged his ice beam, ready to fire.

“Hey! Fruit by the foot!” Rayquaza called out as he fired the cold beam onto the ground. The alien managed to escape the path of the beam but was caught by the crystallizing ice. It broke out of the ice cage effortlessly but lost the jewel-embedded rock it was holding.

Rayquaza continued its assault on the uninvited alien as the two waged their epic battle across the arctic. Lasers were fired, stuff exploded, and the alien somehow managed to suplex Rayquaza onto the ice, leading to a very nasty comment from the dragon’s mouth. Of course, worse, and much more negative, responses were expressed from Rayquaza with each successive Psycho Boost, pinning him towards the cold ground. For the convenience of this fiction’s rating, these comments were removed. But if you want an idea of how verbal it got, a close equivalent would be an angry football fan watching the championships.

The battle ended with Rayquaza falling into the ocean, scarred with a singed mouth as a result of a hyper beam that backfired on him. The dragon’s unconscious body made a loud splash as he entered the cold waters of the North Pole. His opponent defeated, Deoxys moved in closer to get a better view of the sinking dragon to ensure that it would not trouble him no more. However, to Deoxys’s misfortune, Rayquaza feigned defeat and rose out of the water, fully charged Hyper Beam in his mouth with Deoxys in point-blank range of the blast. The second before the Hyper Beam was shot, Rayquaza faintly heard Deoxys say something.

“You’re a douche.”

All that remained of him afterward was the gem in his chest.

“I bet y’all thought I was dead,” Rayquaza said mockingly at his audience, who were humans fortunate, or unfortunate, to have witnessed the fight, as he ran loops over the water, “Told ya I’d hyper beam him into oblivion!”

With a victory roar, Rayquaza sailed into the sky. The battle had left him tired and shivering as a result of being thrown against the cold ice rather consecutively. Only one thought ran through his mind as he sailed higher into the stratosphere.

‘Well, at least I have an excuse for why I am late,’ Rayquaza thought, ‘The water didn’t feel so bad either. The water, not the coldness. I might spend a vacation in a lake.’

Suddenly, Rayquaza felt a bloated sensation in his nose, releasing a cloud of nasal debris accompanied with a loud, short sneeze.

“Damn aliens,” Rayquaza sniffed.


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“And yet you tracked him down four years later just to do it again,” Jirachi said.

“But he brought a friend,” Rayquaza said defensively.

“He was looking for that friend,” Jirachi countered.

“Well, they double teamed me.”

“Only in defense. They just wanted to subdue you long enough to escape into space,” Jirachi pointed out.

“Whatever, I got a good suplex throw in that fight. That’s good enough for me,” Rayquaza said with mild satisfaction.

“Even though they helped you escape a blocky fate?” the wish maker questioned.

“…well, I guess I forgot that little detail. But still, I was tossed against the ground so many times, it wasn’t funny.”

“That isn’t a good excuse to warrant a grudge.”

Rayquaza merely crossed his arms.

“I just don’t like meteor or meteor-like objects. That’s all.”

With that said, Rayquaza zoomed forward towards the Hall of Origin, having already entered Sinnoh miles before. Jirachi slowed down a little to process his words slowly.

“You like me…” Jirachi uttered.

“No I don’t,” Rayquaza replied, to Jirachi’s surprise.

Jirachi levitated there, thinking about his connection with the emerald dragon. Jirachi sighed heavily as he watched the dragon enter the vicinity of Spear Pillar. Staring at his tail before it disappeared, the wish maker shook his head back and forth, realizing he knew Rayquaza better than anyone, even Arceus, did.

“You go by many titles Rayquaza, King of the Sky, Emerald Legend, etcetera,” Jirachi said to himself, “but past that rough exterior and reputation, you have faults and flaws just like everyone else does. You may be widely renowned as Rayquaza, but the truth is, you’re not so legendary.”

Jirachi proceeded to enter Spear Pillar.

‘But you are still my best friend.’

--

Well, we've started. The first chapters are usually short for me, but the chapters will expand as we go on. From what you have seen, Rayquaza has an affinity for...action figures. As for Jirachi, it is unclear of what he's like for now, but read on if you want to find out.

Anyway! Next chapter will be concerning Arceus's meeting with everyone in it. The next chapter won't do much about revealing the characters, but i'll be nice enough to give hints here and there. And just what could this upgrade be? Well, good things come to those who do something else besides waiting.

So? How'd I do? I consider myself rather amatuer for a writer but i still do my best. Tell me how i did, what you liked, and how i can improve, even though all that is in the rules. I know i'm not descriptive enough with the scenery. i always figure that everyone already knows what everything looks like. I'll fix that habit eventually.

That's all for now. Rate and Review!
 
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Aura Master

Smell of Success
That was really funny...If this was a comedy then I think you did really well

Even though your description isn't that dandy, You did a good job with it.
 

Ysavvryl

Pokedex Researcher
That was quite interesting. I love the action figures and the idea of Rayquaza using a pocket calculator is hilarious. Wouldn't it be really hard for a large dragon to look at a small screen like that?

Although you contradicted yourself a bit by saying there would be no pairings and then giving Rayquaza a crush on Latias. He was making up his own little soap opera there...

I'd say make sure your author's comments are well-written too, though. The repeated mistake of 'i' makes it look bad and would turn away some readers before the story even begins. Also, have you checked the Pokedex stats on the legendaries? I ask this because Rayquaza is 23 feet long, while Jirachi is only a foot tall. Not only would Rayquaza gouge Jirachi's eyes out, but he might also stab him through the head.

Nice work so far.
 

Black Murder Heavangelon

Ow! Ow! Harder! Ow!
That was really funny...If this was a comedy then I think you did really well

Even though your description isn't that dandy, You did a good job with it.

Thank you! I know my descriptions need work. I'll try to tune that as I go on with the story.

That was quite interesting. I love the action figures and the idea of Rayquaza using a pocket calculator is hilarious. Wouldn't it be really hard for a large dragon to look at a small screen like that?

Although you contradicted yourself a bit by saying there would be no pairings and then giving Rayquaza a crush on Latias. He was making up his own little soap opera there...

I'd say make sure your author's comments are well-written too, though. The repeated mistake of 'i' makes it look bad and would turn away some readers before the story even begins. Also, have you checked the Pokedex stats on the legendaries? I ask this because Rayquaza is 23 feet long, while Jirachi is only a foot tall. Not only would Rayquaza gouge Jirachi's eyes out, but he might also stab him through the head.

Nice work so far.

funny, comparing Rayquaza's PBR model to the trainers, I'd say he can see it just fine. And i think the dex measures Rayquaza from head to tail. and he does have some small hands...

As for the pairings, i did say i was going to try to give everyone a little bit. i probably should have stated that while there will be hints, nobody will 'pair up'.

And yes, i will write the author's comments as i do a story. i'm kinda new to this so thanks for the tip. and the review.

Next chapter will probably be up in a week.
 

Aura Master

Smell of Success
Rayquaza's romance, I think, won't be romance since hes so naive and a crackhead. More of a fail romance which

Fail romance=comedy. Lol

What he meant by the "author comments" is that you undercapitalized "i" in the begginning post
 

Yonowaru in Chaos

gaspard de la nuit
This is a pretty good attempt at comedy. Admittedly, the description is a bit shaky, but it doesn't matter really, since most of the content is conveyed through dialogue instead. Of course, there are also problems with some points of dialogue as well, such as awkward wording and some unnecessary bits - well, not unnecessary, but a bit cluttered and unrefined. Granted, it adds to the comedy, but it feels a bit unnatural when viewing the dialogue as normal conversation. Eh, it's not a big problem anyway. If anything, you should work on your description first (reading some other fics here would help facilitate this).

So yeah, post the next chapter >:|
 

blackness777

Well-Known Member
Only thing I have to say is that first you meantion Rayquaza was in the South Pole, then all of a sudden hes in the North Pole.
 

Black Murder Heavangelon

Ow! Ow! Harder! Ow!
Part 2 - Look Ma! Two hands!

Phew, after weeks of waiting for my beta to finish, which she never did and I had to beta it myself, I have finally finished the second chapter! Please enjoy yourself as this and the next chapter will be the funniest part of the story yet.

Speaking of the next chapter. It is already done. I ended up overhauling this chapter and made it longer than it needed to be so it has been split into two parts. I'll wait a while after this chapter has been posted before uploading the third chapter. Be patient, it'll be worht the wait.

Oh, and there's some innuendo here. Whether it's intentional or actual, is up to you.

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Chapter 2: Look ma! Two hands!

White. The whitest of white. A blank void beyond our world where nothing exists. One would think that a realm like this can’t exist in the first place, where nothing tethers reality, light and dark are the same, and life is nonexistent. It’s true that this place doesn’t exist. Not anymore, that is.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Time stood still and Space had no law. Arceus, a powerful being with a thousand hands, is said to have created the universe by turning the gears of time and writing the laws of space and thus, set the universe in motion. An opposite world created itself as a reaction, keeping the newly created universe stable and ever flowing by supplying a constant flow of life and death through a complex recycling system. The rest is history.

However, a small piece of that nothingness remains. Deep within Spear Pillar was a portal that led into the blank void, a portal that could only be opened by Arceus. In this small pocket of a dimension stood the Heavenly Mansion, a building so grand, it couldn’t possibly exist in any other world. This grand house is the resting grounds of Arceus. Although he can do fine living anywhere else, the Heavenly Mansion is simply more comfortable to Arceus where he could live eons all alone to himself. Not only did Arceus need to govern the universe and everyone in it, he had to pay special attention to planets that had spawned life over the course of millions of years. Each one had their own biosphere of Pokemon and Arceus needed to watch over them, especially the ones that developed mythical pokemon, better known as legendaries, over time. Considering the amount of planetary biospheres, Arceus had a lot of trouble keeping order and had little time for himself. So the Heavenly Mansion served mostly as a home than anything else. But Arceus loved his humble abode either way.

The mansion was extremely spacious, so much so that it could house all of the legendaries if Arceus willed it. The halls were large, large enough to make Groudon feel small, the mansion stood at a toppling height, high enough to tire Rayquaza should he try to scale it, and the interior decorating was magnificent, so much so that even Darkrai, the most insensible person anyone had the misfortune of knowing, can’t bear to criticize its design. In general, the Heavenly Mansion was considered, if not heralded, a masterpiece.

Arceus built the Heavenly Mansion in the blank dimension for two reasons. One reason was that it was his getaway home, built in a dimension only he could access, not even Palkia can open the portal to the blank dimension. It was a place where Arceus could be alone and sleep for years if he wanted to. Another reason was that the blank dimension made the legendaries powers ineffective. Darkrai can’t give nightmares, Palkia has no control over space, and Dialga can’t bend time. Some legendaries, however, still retain some of their power, like Uxie’s memory-wiping gaze, much to her dismay, and Celebi’s ability to see into the future.

It begs the question of how would such a side effect prove useful if the legendaries weren’t able to enter the white void in the first place. The Heavenly Mansion also served as a headquarters of sorts since it was the only place where the legendaries congregated and, most importantly, did not fight. The only reason the legendaries would need to be here would be to be a part of Arceus’s meetings. They ranged from resolutions and petty arguments, to multi topic debates and relocations. The biggest meeting was concerning Deoxys and his immigration to the planet as well as introducing him to the native legendaries.

The most memorable, however, was Darkrai’s birthday.

“Yo Darkrai,” Azelf said as she floated her way over to the dark type, “Hope you don’t mind if I plan to assassinate you today.”

Azelf, the blue being of the lake sisters, laughed on as she made her way back to Mesprit and Uxie as they too chuckled at the taunt. Darkrai did nothing but utter a grumble and a silent death threat as he stood there leaning against the wall.

During Darkrai’s birthday party, everyone managed to salvage what little sincerity they had and avoided poking Darkrai about the assassination accusations. The birthday boy had made himself look like such an idiot that day, but he did find it odd that everybody seemed to forget about the whole ‘assassination’ thing when the party started. The day after that, however, the prince of darkness was fair game. Each legendary shot Darkrai with their best insult, knowing that the dark type couldn’t do anything to fight back. Any witty remark the nightmare pokemon could make was countered by referencing the whole mishap back at his birthday. Darkrai was a pokemon of pride. He would never resort to using force to fight petty insults. It was his dignity that was taking all of the damage as a consequence of his hasty conclusions. And not only that, Darkrai was always the one who would insult and correct you to absolute mortification all while he enjoyed it. The others just felt that Darkrai deserved some payback, especially while the window of opportunity was open. On the bright side, that window was beginning to close.

“Hey, are we late?” Rayquaza asked as he entered the hall.

He spotted Darkrai standing there, grumpy as ever.

“Hey ‘totally-not-on-my-hit-list’ Darkrai,” the emerald dragon said with a smile as he greeted the dark type with a wave. Darkrai grumbled more loudly and angrily.

Not long after Rayquaza went on ahead, Jirachi entered the hall silently. Upon spotting Darkrai, he stopped, stared at him for a second, then drew out his thumb, pointed at the side of his neck, and made a sharp screeching sound as he traced it over his neck before he went on and followed Rayquaza. Darkrai grumble as loudly and angrily as possible.

Oh gods of all that are mighty and holy, that window couldn’t possibly close soon enough.

Jirachi zoomed over to Mesprit as she chatted with her sisters.

“Hey Mesprit,” the Wish maker said, coolly resting his hands on the back of his head, “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much,” Mesprit said, “Other than stopping the creation of a universe, I’ve had no plans.”

“That’s good, and how about you, Azelf?” Jirachi asked, turning to the spirit of willpower.

“I’ve been trying to beat Registeel at chess for the past few weeks but I’ve lost every game,” she said with a frown, “Got any tips?”

“Try reading the manual,” Jirachi said in a way that should’ve sounded blunt and straight but it didn’t.

“Hmm, I’m not sure. Sounds like it might work so I’ll give it a try,” Azelf said as Jirachi turned his attention to Uxie.

“And you, Uxie?”

“Meh, I’ve been better,” she said with a bored tone, “It’s been kind of boring if you ask-”

“Uxie, I’m over here,” Jirachi said, interrupting the being of knowledge.

Uxie turned to the sound of his voice, which was to her left.

“Oh, sorry. That happens a lot,” Uxie said apologetically, “You know, having to keep my eyes closed so I don’t-”

Uxie didn’t finish because she slammed into a column. Hard.

“Ow. Stupid wall,” Uxie cursed as she rubbed her face.

“You gonna be okay?” Jirachi asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I will. Nice talking to you Jirachi,” she said as she levitated onwards.

“Uxie!” Jirachi called out, “Your sisters are in the other direction!”

“Right!” Uxie yelled in response.

Jirachi heaved a sigh as he watched Uxie follow her sisters. Or tried to.

“Ow. Damn wall.” Uxie swore.

Meanwhile, in another part of the Heavenly Mansion, Rayquaza had just entered the meeting room moments after he stopped another fight between Groudon and Kyogre. The two titans always argued whenever given the chance and they would usually argue about the best flavor, who was better, the sun and moon, and sometimes, they would even fight over the most ridiculous of things. Their recent argument, for example, was over which was better, peanut butter or jelly. Despite the well-known fact that both ingredients were common condiments for sandwiches, neither one listened to reason. Rayquaza managed to quell the argument by telling them that both items were equally delicious and that they were stupid. Neither one furthered the argument afterward.

“Okay,” Rayuaza started in an aggrevated tone, “I want both of you to head to your seats without a word to each other, capiche?”

Groudon and Kyogre avoided the glare of Rayquaza with a stubborn look on their faces.

“She started it,” Groudon said.

“Now wait just a minute!” Kyogre replied.

“I said ‘CAPICHE’?!” Rayquaza shouted, shutting down another argument before it started, “March!”

Groudon and Kyogre walked in the direction of Rayquaza’s pointing hand, looking frustrated as he did. Groudon trudged his way towards his seat, which was actually a circle on the ground with his name in it, as he did all he could to restrain himself from shoving Kyogre, lest he incite the wrath of an already displeased dragon. Kyogre was also doing the same, struggling to push the thought out of her head, as she floated, another feature of the blank dimension, her way to her respective seat. As Rayquaza zoomed his way towards his own seat, Moltres, the fiery phoenix, quickly dashed to him.

“Moltres?” Rayquaza asked, “What do you want?”

“I’ll cut the chit chat. I’ve come to give you back your toy, Rayquaza,” Moltres said as he held a Mewtwo action figure in his foot.

“Now what is this for?” Rayquaza asked as he received the figurine.

“I’ve come to my senses and realized that I was in the wrong,” Moltres said with honor, “Not only that, it is a fugly looking toy and I wanted to burn it.”

“I would have destroyed you had you burned it!” Rayquaza said, expressing his dissatisfaction.

“I know you would have, which is why I came to my senses and decided to return it.”

“Good thing too. I had trouble sleeping at night because I was worried the toy would have been accidentally incinerated.”

“Believe me, I would have gladly done it myself, but I was in the wrong. And besides, what would Mewtwo think of me had he seen me holding this?”

“I can only imagine what would happen, but if I tried to, it would only end with both of you fainting from my epicness and Latias going out with me.”

“…” Moltres stared at the dragon, stricken with a gaping mind trying to comprehend Rayquaza’s words.

“…You did not hear that,” Rayquaza uttered as he pointed at the phoenix.

“I wish I did. But at the same time I don’t.”

“Well, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone else knowing I have a crush on Latias,” Rayquaza said, completely oblivious to the character behind him.

Moltres paid the character behind Rayquaza attention, looking back and forth between the legendary behind him and the dragon.

“…someone is behind me, isn’t there…?” Rayquaza asked, reading Moltres’ face.

Moltres nodded his head.

“You’d do best keeping your identity a secret,” Rayqauaza spoke particularly to the person behind him, “lest I sneak into your nest at night and eat your legs.”

“Actually,” the mysterious legenday spoke, “I don’t have any-”

“Manaphy,” Rayquaza said.

Manaphy let out a short ‘Eep!’ before rushing off somewhere else away from the emerald dragon. Moltres stared at Rayqaza for a second before the green legendary uttered a sigh.

“I suck at keeping my own secrets.”

In the westernmost entrance of the meeting room, Lugia and Ho-oh entered. While Ho-oh looked normal, if not jolly, Lugia looked frustrated.

“Remember,” Lugia started, “It still echoes here, so keep a low volume.”

“Okay!” Ho-oh said rather eagerly.

In the corner of his eye, Ho-oh spotted a green dot buzz toward a spot in the room. Recognizing her, Ho-oh shouted out her name.

“Hey Celebi!” Ho-oh yelled, “Think fast!”

Mustering up an intense flare in her beak, Ho-oh shot a quick burst of fire at the green pixie. Narrowly missing Rayquaza and Mesprit, Celebi dodged the Sacred Fire with so much as a listless drift to the left.

Jirachi, however, wasn’t as quick.

“You’re not gonna get me Ho-oh,” Celebi said in a blank tone, ignoring the cries of an incinerated Jirachi.

“Tch, I’ll get her someday,” Ho-oh said with a smirk, despite the outraged looks from a certain dragon and pink sprite.

“I’d rather you stop trying,” Lugia said as he walked towards his spot, “It’s senseless and it’s highly destructive to everything and everyone around you.”

Ho-oh followed him, glancing at Azelf pouring water on the charred star child.

“That’s how Orre ended up with one forest,” Lugia finished.

After Lugia and Ho-oh entered the meeting room, other legendaries began to assemble. The three ‘Regi’s’, as everyone liked to call them, arrived some time later, along with Heatran, Dialga and Palkia, Latios and Latias, and Shaymin. The rest were already present. While the legendaries were making chit chat, Mew flew into the meeting room.

“Attention everyone!” she said out loud, “The meeting begins in two minutes. Please be in your seats before then.”

To her right, she spotted Celebi floating lazily above her seat, carelessly twiddling with her antennae.

“Oh, and Celebi,” she said as she zoomed towards her, “you’re switching places with Manaphy today.”

Celebi looked at Mew, fingers knitted on her antennae, and stared at her for a silent second.

“Fine,” she said, lazily buzzing towards Manaphy, who had already nestled in his seat.

As quickly as she came, Mew left the room after her announcement.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What do you guys think this announcement will be?” Raikou asked his fellow companions.

“Whatever it is, it better be good,” Entei said.

“Arceus has called for every legendary,” Suicune pointed out, “He doesn’t do this so often so it has to be something good, if not important.”

“If I had to guess,” Raikou said, “It would probably be enhancing our powers over our elements.”

“We have powers?” Entei questioned, Suicune sharing the same look.

“Yes, we do,” Raikou confirmed, “My power is thunderclouds, Entei’s power is volcanoes, and Suicune’s power is wind.”

“North wind, to be precise,” Suicune interjected.

“Whatever. I think this ‘improvement’ will enhance our powers so that we have greater control over them. Like maybe I can direct lightning.”

“Or maybe I can spout molten rocks from my back,” Entei said.

“Or maybe I can freeze my opponents with very cold wind!” Suicune exclaimed.

All three held onto their mildly excited expressions for a short moment, a moment that dulled upon a certain realization.

“Wait…” Suicune said, “We can already do that.”

“Not until Platinum, we couldn’t,” Entei said.

Both Raikou and Suicune stared at the volcano pokemon with a befuddled expression.

“Wait, what about platinum?” Raikou asked as a sweat drop fell down Entei’s face.

“And what’s with the sweat? I thought you couldn’t sweat?” Suicune asked.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Remind me again,” Giratina asked, “why Arceus asked me to escort you two myself?”

“Because father knows quite well that me and pinky over there have bad chemistry,” Dialga said, earning a glare from said ‘pink’ one.

“Hey, you’re one to talk, Mr. Bling!” Palkia said.

“‘Mr. Bling’? Was that the best you could come up with?”

“I’d rather talk with my fists,” Palkia said, “or rather, large excerpts of space-rending energy!”

“Even ‘fists’ is a language you fail at.”

“You saying I can’t fight?”

“No, I’m saying you can’t fight and make witty remarks!”

Both growled fiercely, staring each other down with intimidating snarls and glares. Giratina, who had the misfortune of taking care of the two, decided to stop their fighting and force them to make up. Using his wings as substitutes for hands, he grabbed both of their heads, much to their surprise, and said…

“Kiss and make-up.”

…before slamming their heads into the others. Hard. Needless to say, both cried out in pain.

“Ow! You’re stupid horn jabbed into my brain!” Dialga exclaimed.

“Your stupid, metal exterior hurt my horn!” Palkia cried out.

“What’s with that horn anyway?! That thing is sharp enough to cut diamond!” Dialga yelled.

“Your head is like titanium! My horn was almost bent because of you!” Palkia replied.

The two continued to argue again, forgetting the fact that it was Giratina responsible for the attack. Giratina stood there, making no face, just a solemn sympathetic expression. Drowning out their noise, the renegade heaved a tired, irritated sigh.

He had every right to sigh that hard.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, Regi’s,” Heatran asked, “What’re your takes on this improvement Arceus talked about?”

The three ‘Regi’s’, as everyone liked to call them solely because of their themed names, had already seated themselves in their respective seats. Although the seating arrangement of the meeting room was rather sporadic, they were still assigned in groups, like the lake sisters or the Regi’s for example. Heatran just happened to be passing by to her seat when she decided to ask the group a question.

“At best, it’s probably an expansion to our territories,” Regirock said, “that or increasing Kyogre’s size a bit.”

“I doubt Arceus would call an entire meeting just to increase Kyogre’s size,” Heatran said.

“That’s what I told him,” Registeel said, “I do think it may be about expanding our territories though.”

“Maybe we’ll drop a member from our circle,” Regice said, “Maybe we’ll ‘get rid’ of Darkrai.”

All three, except Regirock, began to laugh heartily, not easily forgetting the events of the birthday. Speaking of whom, Darkrai just so happened to have been passing by, or perhaps, Regice knew he was there.

“You guys are douche bags,” Darkrai said, ceasing the laughter of the troupe.
As Darkrai left, the three resumed laughing, loud enough for the dark prince to hear, which only caused him to furl his brow angrily and make a grumbling noise.

“That was cold, Regice,” Heatran said.

“Why thank you, I try,” Regice said humbly.

“You know Heatran, the meeting starts soon. You really should be heading to your seat,” Registeel pointed out.

“Ah, you’re right. I shouldn’t falter,” she said, resuming her walk towards her seat.

“You know Heatran,” Registeel said, “We really should hang out more. A couple of guys like us can make a fine group of friends.”

Heatran’s originally normal face turned into a dark tempered glare so cold, even Regice felt shivers when she caught the stare. All three stood still, frozen, unable to move out of fear as they stared at Heatran’s scary face. Even though their Clear Body ability prevented the Scary Face from working, it still worked visually.

“How many times must I tell you…” Heatran said darkly, “I’m. A. Girl.”

Neither one made a noise, not even a whimper, as they were too afraid to respond to the question as Heatran began walking in the direction of her seat. Even when she left, the burned memory of her face restrained the Regi’s from moving. The uncomfortable silence was broken when Regice spoke.

“I like her.”

Suddenly, off to their right, the doors opened widely, revealing the goliath Regigigas standing there, exhausted.

“Am I late?” he asked.

“Regigigas!” all three said in unison as they waved their arms.

“You’re late! The meeting starts very soon!” Registeel yelled.

“I’m on it!” Regigigas said as he made his way towards the three.

Despite the urgency of being on time for the meeting, Regigigas could not run if his life depended on it. One foot after the other while his arms waved accordingly, you wouldn’t really call it running even though it looked like it. His slowness is mainly attributed to the amount of time he spends asleep, which is mostly all the time. Some have wondered why Arceus would have forsaken him with such an ability that was useless and troublesome, but then they would get the whole ‘All-I-did-was-create-the-universe’ rant, which they all try to avoid.

“Alright, made it,” Regigigas said, heaving.

“32 seconds,” Regirock said.

“You owe me a Durin berry, Registeel,” Regice said, followed by a disappointed groan from the steel golem.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay everyone! The meeting will now begin!” Mew shouted out loud as she circled the meeting room, eventually landing in her own seat.

One of the largest rooms in the Heavenly Mansion was the Meeting Room, which it had to be since it would house all of the legendaries of the planet. The most conspicuous feature of the Meeting Room was the absolutely gigantic pillar in the center of the room, stretching out high enough to strain necks should you try to comprehend its height visually. A second noticeable feature of the meeting room was the large circles dotted around the pillar, with some circles forming groups of three. These circles happen to be the respective seats of each legendary with the groups of circles corresponding to the trios of legendaries. However, the most spectacular feature of the Meeting Room was how the meetings were held.

“All rise,” Mew said out loud.

As if on command, a rumbling tremor began to resonate from the ground. Below their feet, the circles that acted as seats began to rise slowly out of the ground, revealing themselves to be columns that seat the individual legendaries. One by one, each pillar slowly rose out of the ground under each legendary, gaining speed the higher it went and into the sky. The levitators, like Mew, were forced to the ground as the pillar continued to ascend higher and higher above the ground. Ordinarily, the sudden change in elevation could damage or kill a normal human, but such laws of physics were omitted in the blank dimension and the legendaries were by no means fragile. The gigantic column’s top slowly came into view with the seats slowing down as they escalated closer to the ceiling. Eventually, the seats where elevated several feet higher than the top of the large column.

The large column itself was topped with a round table-like structure with décor similar to that of Rome. To the north of the room was a large door fitted with beautiful curtains and a balcony whose grand design could only have been met by a passionate architect. The balcony presumably belongs to Arceus as his seat. The ceiling was littered with markings and drawings which depicted various legendaries and cycles of the universe including life, biospheres, seasons, and planets, each one closer to the center the more grand the cycle itself was. At the center of the ceiling was a ring that closely resembled Arceus’s central ring, with the exact center depicting writing knitted in a circle too small to read.

On another part of the picture, a profile of Groudon had been vandalized with black markings, giving him the look of a gentleman wearing a top hat, a monocle, a frilly mustache, and what looked like a cup of tea in his hand and a cane in the other. A speech bubble was written coming from his mouth with the words ‘I do say’ enclosed in it. It is unclear who the vandal was, but the fact that Mew was the only one who had a black marker, the fact that her hands had blots of ink smeared on her fingers at the time of the graffiti, and the alluring fact that the portrait was close to Mew’s seat was a clear indication. Unfortunately, nobody really cared too much about the picture, especially since it was difficult to see the art from any angle in the room and thus, went by unnoticed.

All of the pillars had fully risen from their spots and each legendary were awaiting the arrival of Arceus.

Save for one.

“What the heck?! Stupid seat!” Jirachi swore disdainfully as he tapped the seat with all his might.

While the other pillars were rising, Jirachi noticed that his seat failed to move at all, not even budge. He stomped the floor as hard as he could with his wimpy little feet, but to no avail.

“Move, you stupid floor!” Jirachi yelled.

As if on command, the floor began to rumble.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After moments of waiting, the curtains unveiled and Arceus trotted onto the balcony. The Alpha pokemon walked with grace, as he preferred to look so, being the creator of the universe and all. Fully exposed and onto the balcony, Arceus opened his eyes to meet the assembled legendaries. It was like Arceus to have a dramatic entrance like this, as they tend to remind everyone his status as the original one.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

They also tend to end abruptly from some crude interruption.

In the blink of an eye, Jirachi rocketed toward the ceiling at speeds that would even make the fastest Ninjask alive jealous. Everyone was silent as they processed what had just happened to the unfortunate star child, save for one outburst of laughter, courtesy of Mew.

“I’ve heard of rising stars,” Latios said, “but that is ridiculous.”

Several of them stifled a laugh, accompanying the guffawing Mew as she clutched her sides. It wasn’t that they didn’t care for the injured Jirachi, it was just that pain and humor worked very well hand in hand together. None disagreed.

“How do you find that funny?” Celebi asked the gasping Mew.

Mew’s laughing fit ended quickly upon hearing the question. Turning to the time traveler, she wore a confused expression on her face.

“Wait, Celebi?” she asked.

She looked at Celebi then to the seat belonging to Jirachi, who had just peeled himself off of the ceiling and fell directly on top of his pillar, then back to Celebi.

“I thought that was Manaphy’s seat?”

“It was, until we got our new seating charts before the meeting started.”

“But how’d you know I tampered with the lifting mechanics of the seat?”

“I didn’t. Jirachi just happened to have been assigned the faulty one,” Celebi finished as Jirachi stood up, dizzy from the prank.

“…peanut butter…” he muttered.

Arceus chuckled softly, “I hope you are done with your shenanigans, Mew. We’ve got a meeting to attend to.”

“Understood sir,” Mew said in an exhausted tone, as if she had been told this numerous times, unsurprisingly.

“Now, as you know, I have called you all here for the unveiling of an upgrade I have been working on for a few years. This improvement ended up taking almost decades due to the amount I had to make for everyone, because I am that generous.”

“Oh father,” Dialga said, “We appreciate your generosity with the utmost gratitude, but I could have easily made it easier for you had you allowed me to speed up the process for you.”

“Oh, don’t kiss ***, Dialga,” Palkia rudely said, “Although you could have made it faster for him, I could have duplicated his gift for him, making it even shorter!”

“Don’t be so ludicrous!” Dialga shot back, “I could have done that myself since he made multiple gifts by himself. I could’ve sped up time and help father finish each gift faster, therefore, rendering you useless!”

“Why, I oughtta!” Palkia said challengingly.

“Allow me, Arceus,” Giratina said.

Giratina’s wings deformed into blacks holes while dark energy began to swallow a piece of Dialga’s and Palkia’s pillar. Suddenly, the pillar began to tilt, much to their shock, and the time and space dragons found themselves struggling to balance on the pillar as it waved back and forth listlessly. Once both of them were tightly gripped onto the pillars top, Giratina restored the pillars to their normal shape as his wings receded from the black holes he made.

“Thank you, Giratina,” Arceus said.

“Tch, he makes it look so easy,” Rayquaza commented.

“But alas, Dialga and Palkia,” Arceus continued, “I would have decided against your help as I really wanted to keep this upgrade a secret. Besides, you don’t exactly have sealed lips, you two.”

“I suppose so,” Dialga said. “Yeah, that sounds like you,” Palkia commented.

“Now, before I reveal the upgrade,” Arceus started, “We are to follow through with the standard roll call. I trust you all know how this works, right?”

The meeting room echoed with a resounding ‘yes’.

“Alright then,” from out of nowhere, Arceus brought out a notepad and pencil which he held in the air with his psychic powers, “I have my checklist. Articuno, you start.”

And so began the rather amusing roll call system. Instead of the list holder saying out loud each name on the list, each legendary were to yell out their name as Arceus checked them off the list to see who was present and who was absent. It was considered much faster than a regular roll call and Arceus was capable of keeping up with the checking.

“Articunooo!” “Zapdos…” “Moltres.” “Mew!” “What a cheap yet effective way to introduce everyone…I mean, Entei!” “Raikou.” “Suicune.” “Lugia.” “HO-OOOH!” “Celebi…” “…Regirock.” “Regice!” “Registeel.” “Latios.” “Latiaaas.” “Groudon!” “Cherrim!” “Kyo- wait, who?”

Groudon looked around for the owner of the voice, although he knew very well who that was. A few feet away from his foot stood a tiny pink figure. It had a light yellow body and pink sakura petals decorated the little pokemon as it wore an incomparably happy face. Staring up at the red titan as it stared back, the two received awkward stares from the audience around them.

“What the heck is she doing here?” Lugia asked out loud, “H-How did she even get here?”

“I swear, I made sure she didn’t follow me!” Groudon said in self defense, “I have no clue how the little brat got in as well!”

“Oh, don’t be so coy, Groudon,” the little Cherrim said in an adoring tone as she scaled Groudon by hopping on his spikes, “You know you love me!”

“Yeah, I’d love to pound you into the earth,” Groudon muttered.

“Ooh, naughty boy. I’m still developing, you know?” the Cherrim said seductively.

“Did she just-?!” Kyogre cried.

“Groudon! You dog!” Azelf cheered.

“This really deserves a mild innuendo warning,” Entei said.

“GAH! That’s not what I meant!” Groudon yelled, holding his hands defensively, “Don’t let her put words into your ears!”

Arceus, despite seeing the disturbing scene unfold, chuckled warmly.

“This is rather problematic, Groudon,” Arceus said, “What do you intend to do with her?”

“Oh, let me tell you,” the Cherrim began to speak, “Once I get older, Groudon can do whatever-”

“Shut. Up!” Groudon whispered to the Cherrim.

“That deserves a higher innuendo warning,” Entei said, receiving disturbed stares from his peers, Raikou and Suicune.

“This is something,” Darkrai said with a smile, “This is probably better than my birthday party.”

“No, not even close, Darkrai,” Manaphy replied quickly.

Darkrai shot Manaphy a quick, dark glare.

“Shut. UP! Manaphy!”

“I’ll have her evicted from the meeting room as soon as possible,” Groudon said, apologetically.

“Well, I’m afraid you can’t do that,” Arceus said.

“Huh? Why not?”

“Somehow, and this is coming from the creator of the universe himself,” Arceus said, “That Cherrim wrote her name on my checklist. And since I already checked her off, I’m afraid she can’t go yet.”

“Are you serious…?” Groudon asked, slowly becoming frustrated, “You mean this thing will have to stay by my side for the entire meeting?”

“Aw, come on, Groudon!” the flower said in a charming tone, “You know you love me.”

“Unfortunately, yes. You must,” Arceus said as Kyogre stifled laughs, “We really should get back to the roll call. Groudon, may you continue?”

“…fine,” Groudon grumbled, “Groudon…”

“Cherrim!” “…snort…snicker…Kyogre….PFFFAHAHAH!” “…” “Um Rayquaza?”

The king of the sky was not paying attention when it came to his part of the roll call. In fact, he hadn’t been paying attention at all during the entire roll call. The emerald dragon had his back turned to the meeting room and his head hanging low, it looked like he was doing something with his hands as he uttered little words to himself. Instead of calling his name out like a logical person would, Mew had the bright idea of hitting him with rock she fired from a slingshot. One would ask where she finds such implements of torment, but everyone decided to leave that question unanswered after the fireworks incident.

“Hey!” Rayquaza yelled as he turned around, still clutching the little figures in his hand.

Rayquaza suddenly remembered he was in a room full of legendaries, every legendary to be exact. And in his hands were his artifacts of interest, his cherished toys, exposed so that everyone could see them. An awkward silence cursed the room again as Rayquaza looked back and forth, furiously digging through his mind for a believable excuse as to why he was holding the little figures.

“Rayquaza, I thought you left those at the Sky Pillar?” Jirachi asked.

“Is that…a toy Mewtwo and a toy of yourself in your hands?” Darkrai asked with a raised brow.

“…no?”Rayquaza replied.

“It seems that they are,” Moltres said smugly, earning a glare from Rayquaza.

“Rayquaza, you play with dolls?” Shaymin asked.

“Ok, I know this looks weird and I’d rather not be discriminated for my interests,” Rayquaza said, still holding the toys in his hands, “but I’m actually a collector of these figures. And they’re NOT dolls! They’re action figures!”

“I’ve seen more action watching Uxie solve a Rubik’s cube,” Regice said.

“No, seriously. These things aren’t dolls at all,” Rayquaza said defensively, Regice scoffing at his defense, “Look.”

“Uh, Rayquaza…” Jirachi asked concernedly.

Rayquaza held the Mewtwo toy up; having put aside the Rayquaza toy he had earlier. The Mewtwo toy was molded so that the figure held its hands out and a projectile molded to look like aura sphere was lodged in the arms. Pressing a button on the back of the toy, the Mewtwo figure ejected the aura sphere mold out of the slot and into the air…

“OW!” Cresselia yelled.

…and into the eye of the lunar pokemon.

“What the heck, Rayquaza?!” Cresselia yelled as she shook her head back trying to dislodge the projectile.

“Holy crap! I am so sorry!” Rayquaza said as he flew towards the distressed psychic.

“Wow, that kind of stuff usually happens to me,” Jirachi said unsympathetically.

Suddenly, Jirachi felt a sharp jab to his ear. He winced in pain and covered his ear as he looked down to see a small rock. He turned to the direction of the thrown rock and saw Celebi twiddling her fingers.

“Celebi!” Jirachi called out.

Celebi looked at Jirachi in response to her name being shouted. As if she knew immediately what he was thinking, Celebi backed up to let Jirachi see Mew holding a slingshot, who quickly put it away when Jirachi caught sight of her.

“Mew!” Jirachi shouted in the same tone.

“Um, I’d try to remove it myself,” Rayquaza said sympathetically, “but I might gouge out your eyes if I tried to, so…sorry.”

“Can someone help me?!” Cresselia yelled, not being able to remove the toy bullet due to a lack of hands.

“HAHAHAH!” Darkrai laughed, “That’s a good look on you, Cress!”

“Shut up, Darkrai!” Cresselia shot back.

“Geez, can’t you guys see a lady in distress?” Latios said as flew over to Cresselia to help.

Cresselia still struggled to remove the piece herself, but to no avail. It wasn’t until she heard Latios that she decided to sit still.

“Cresselia, stop. I’ll remove it for you,” he said as Cresselia decided to hold it still, “Now just relax. Pressing your eyelids together will only make it harder than it needs to be.”

Latios easily pried the projectile thanks to Cresselia’s cooperation.

“Thank you, Latios,” Cresselia said as a tear ran down her face, “At least you’re not a total jerk like the others.”

“Hey! That only applies to half of us!” Regice yelled out.

“Anytime,” Latios said warmly as he wiped the tear off of Cresselia’s face, causing her to blush.

“…hmm,” Darkrai uttered quietly, feeling disturbed from the scene.

“Um, Latios…” Rayquaza said, tapping Latios’ shoulder, “Now that that’s settled, mind giving me back the thingy?”

Latios looked at the toy bullet in his hand, remembering he had it.

“Actually, I don’t think so,” Latios said, “This thing is dangerous in your hands, and it would probably be a good idea for me to-”

“Give it,” Rayquaza said in a menacingly dark tone.

Rayquaza held his head uncomfortably close to Latios’ face, so much so that he had to lean his neck back to make room between him and the emerald dragon. Rayquaza had an intimidating look on his face, made darker because of the lighting of the room, that made Latios frozen with fear. Without moving his body, without even looking away, Latios handed Rayquaza the toy bullet. With the transaction complete, Rayquaza backed up and returned to his seat as Latios did seconds later.

“Heh, I bet this is something to talk about,” Darkrai said, “probably better than my birthday party.”

“Sorry, it doesn’t even compare,” Manaphy said, earning another angry glare from the nightmare pokemon.

“Shut! UP! Manaphy!” Darkrai threatened through gritted teeth.

“Just so you all know,” Arceus started, “Rayquaza’s action figures have helped me with the seating arrangements before meetings.”

“Yeah, but all of the Manaphy toys are blue,” Rayquaza said, “I don’t have any that are green.”

“Well, it’s not that big of a deal,” Manaphy said, “Though I am surprised to know that the humans have made a toy of me. Mind if I see it?”

“My collection is at Sky Pillar in Hoenn. If you want to see it, you’ll have to come and visit.”

“Oh! Rayquaza!” Azelf called out, “Did they make a toy of me?”

“Yeah. I’ve had that one for a month now.”

“Did they make one of me?” Raikou called out.

“Oh! What about me?” Mew asked.

“I’d like to see mine’s,” Kyogre said.

Pretty soon, everyone in the meeting was begging Rayquaza the question of whether he was in possession of the figurines or not. Rayquaza found himself being asked left and right such questions. It eventually became too much.

“OK! If you all want to see them that badly,” Rayquaza spoke, holding out his hands, “Just visit me at the Sky Pillar. Not all of you can come at once, though, because the tower will collapse under everyone’s weight. So please, be patient.”

“Thank you for settling that, Rayquaza,” Arceus said with a hint of annoyance, “Now, we really should resume the roll call. This has gone on long enough. Would you mind?”

“Of course, Arceus,” Rayquaza said with a bow, “Ahem…Rayquaza!”

“Jirachi.” “Azelf!” “Mesprit!” “Uxie.” “Heatran!” “…” “Regigigas, wake up!” “..uh, huh?! Erm, Regigigas!” “Cresselia!” “Dialga.” “Palkia!” “Giratina.” “Manaphy!” “Darkrai.” “…Shaymin…” “And that concludes with myself, Arceus.”

“Phew, we’re finally done with the roll call,” Giratina said.

“That went on longer than it needed to be,” Entei remarked as well, “that was like, what, four pages?”

Both Raikou and Suicune stared at Entei, now lost as to what Entei’s words meant anymore.

“Now that I am sure that everyone is here,” Arceus started, “With the exception of Deoxys and Mewtwo, the former being foreign to this planet, and the latter, well, you know how I feel about clones.”

“I don’t think he’s a clone,” Mew started, “I think he’s just a confused, psychotic little brother.”

“Do you even listen to yourself?” Celebi asked.

“Regardless, everyone is here,” Arceus said, “It is time for the anxious unveiling of my latest project, the so-named ‘improvement’.”

From the center of the room, a bright light flashed above the top of the large pillar, leaving behind a spherical object that looked much like a capsule. Slight murmurs traveled along the audience along with ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s courtesy of the younger minded legendaries. Suddenly, air escaped from the object with a shallow hiss as it opened slightly.

“Ladies and gentlemen, legends of all shapes and sizes” Arceus said dramatically as the cap lifted off into the air, “Behold!”

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What could be in that capsule? How will it influence the lives of the legendaries? Will I actually go through with a cheesy love triangle here despite my own statement of no pairings?

Speaking of which, there will be no pairings in this fic, I promise you that. The whole pairing thing between Latios and Cresselia is purely for comedy material. Which I will abuse until I decide to end it. If I ever do get serious about it, I'll just make a seperate story about it and spare your eyes.

Now that that's out of the way, please review my story. Review's are like an author's salary. I'd also like some criticism on my humor. Is it stale? Is it pure gold? Is it over the top? Please tell me.

Stay tuned for the next chapter, coming in a couple of days, I promise.
 
I've really enjoyed reading this; the humour is pretty good throughout, and the natures of characters come through even without any use of long descriptive passages.
With all the dialogue this story seems almost like the script of a play in form, but it still works well as a narrative with the short passages of description in-between, enough to provide an adequate background to the tales without interrupting the humourous conversations between all the characters.

Keep up the good work!

Pirate
 

Yonowaru in Chaos

gaspard de la nuit
The comedic parts do seem to ramble ever so slightly, but it really is nothing to worry about, as it retracts from the style you're going for here. I mean, cheesy humour isn't all dead, right?
 

Black Murder Heavangelon

Ow! Ow! Harder! Ow!
I am really sorry for the slow update. I really suck at turning anything in on time. But why should you care? You're not even reading this. *Disheartened.*

Oh well, Here we go. Third Chapter is up.

Oh, and again, there is some mild innuendo here, though none of it straightforward. Mild swearing as usual.

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Chapter 3: This is a lame title.

The cap came off of the silver cup, revealing it to be filled with large, bright pink pearls not unlike the pearls Palkia donned. All of the legendaries stared in amazement at the sparkling pearls, letting escape a faint wow under their breath, without giving thought to their actual purpose other than their beauty.

Of course, the one person who was not amused easily felt the need to break the astonished silence with an insensitive remark.

“So…you’re going to give us crummy pieces of jewelry?” Regice asked.

“Hey! Pearls are not crummy!” Palkia said to the ice golem, “They’re fashionable and coveted for their simple beauty and rarity.”

“Yeah, but it can’t beat diamonds,” Dialga commented.

“Oh yeah?” Palkia said, turning her head to her steel-clad brother, “Figures you’d say something like that, but pearls are better than diamonds!”

“Keep dreaming Palkia,” Dialga retorted, “but diamonds beat pearls in every way!”

“Nobody cares about a rock, you blue bas-”

Suddenly, the pillars seating the bickering siblings split in half from the top, causing Palkia and Dialga to fall and get wedged in the pit. A dark inky blackness laced the pillar, clearly indicating it as Giratina’s work.

“Do we REALLY need to start this again?” Giratina asked, sounding as irritated as possible, “If you two are done bickering, I’d like it so that we can finish this meeting as early as possible.”

“Yes!”, “Okay! We’ll stop!” both said as they struggled their way out of their uncomfortable positions.

Like an elevator, the blackness lifted both deities out of the pit. The pillar fixed itself, thanks to Giratina, and both Dialga and Palkia were allowed back on their seats.

“Thank you, again, Giratina,” Arceus said, as his children huffed and panted, “And yes, I will be handing out these pieces of ‘jewelry’ to everyone. But they are not ordinary jewels.”

With his psychic powers, Arceus took one of the pearls from the cup and brought it to himself.

“You see, a few centuries ago, I came upon the realization that human contact was inevitable, seeing how they were quick to adapt to life out of caves and inside tents. Worse, humans grew smarter and discovered electricity, eventually using it to discover and develop technology. And even worse, they would use that technology to tame pokemon to fight other pokemon and attempt to capture us. And if they ever did catch us, who knows what they could do to us?”

“You have no idea,” Lugia said.

“For the time being, we have resorted to isolating ourselves from human contact, residing in oceans, caves, and forests. But no matter how hard we tried, a human eye always catches us and soon myths and legends began to circulate their community, bringing us to their knowledge that we exist. The humans are ever so curious and go to as far as the four corners of the Earth to find us. Their curiosity is even reaching towards the highest planes of the sky. Outer space, I mean. But after centuries of work, I have developed a tool for us to remain out of their reach and out of their sight while at the same time in plain sight.”

“Wait, how does that work?” Mesprit asked.

“Simple,” Arceus continued, “I was inspired by Latias when she used a human body to hide herself in Alto Mare.”

“Yes. I remember what happened in that town,” Latias said, “It was a day I will never forget.”

“At least we’re still alive and Alto Mare is still in one piece,” Latios replied, comforting his sister.

“Wait,” Entei spoke up, “Didn’t he die in that movie?”

“This little gem,” Arceus continued, focusing his attention on the pearl, “will enable all of us to do just that, but make the changes more real and achieve more than any mere illusion can.”

With his mind, Arceus brought the pearl to his mouth. He opened his mouth and let the pearl move in, just enough to allow his teeth to bite down on it. Once he did, Arceus glowed for a bit and then there flashed a bright light over the room. The light disappeared as quickly as it appeared, but the large horse-like pokemon was no longer there. Instead, in his place stood a tall man with snow white hair draping down his back. His ears were slightly pointed upward and his eyes were a strong shade yellow. Around his neck was a really wide golden ring that looked exactly like Arceus’ torso ring and it held a curtain-like cape that nearly touched the floor, shading the rest of his body from view. All of the legendaries gaped in amazement at the alpha pokemon’s transformation.

“I call it,” he said, his voice noticeably different but definitely more human, “the Homo Sapiens Mineral. Or Humanus Gem if you want something that sounds cooler.”

“So that’s what you were talking about when you said ‘improvement’,” Azelf said, “But this isn’t really an improvement but more of an upgrade. Still cool, though.”

“Well, I said ‘upgrade’. I don’t know where you guys got ‘improvement’ from,” Arceus said, “Anyway, these gems have qualities as a means to resist all forms of damage. They are highly resistant to intense temperatures, indestructible, and they have a negative psi resistance. All it takes is a simple thought to lift them. Go ahead, try it.”

Assuring his words, the legendaries began to stress their minds, causing the pearls to float. Each of the remaining pearls levitated towards each legendary and floated towards them.

“How do we activate it?” Registeel asked, “I don’t have a mouth to do what you did.”

“Well, it’s easy,” Arceus said, “All you need to do is place pressure on the pearls. It doesn’t matter how you do it, be it by mouth or hand, any measure of pound per square inch is enough to activate it, but only if you want them to, to avoid any accidents.”

Looking back at the pearl, Registeel grabbed the pearl and began to apply pressure. The rest of the legendaries followed suit and the meeting room was filled with a bright light. Once the light died down, the seemingly average room now looked void and spacious since the legendaries have shrunk to humans. There were no legendaries left in the room, no lizards, no pixies, no birds, nor deities, just several humans standing there in place of the mythical beasts and legends. Resounding voices of shock and amazement echoed in the room as the legendaries examined their new bodies.

“Wow, I have legs now…” Rayquaza commented as he waved his leg back and forth.

“I have hands AND feet!” Cresselia shouted.

“Oh, don’t I look adoring?” Latias asked.

“Wow Groudon!” Cherrim, still in pokemon form, “In that form, it’d be much easier for us to-”

“Shut! Up!” Groudon said, as he clutched the flower pokemon. “Wow. It is much easier to do this now.”

“Hmm, I have never stood upright like this…” Dialga commented.

“I don’t look too different…” Darkrai said.

“What a dramatic change I’ve undergone!” Articuno said.

“I trust you are all pleased with the transformations?” Arceus asked. He was met with resounding positive answers, “Good. I forged the Humanus Gem for the sole purpose of blending in with humans, allowing easier interaction, communication, and association with humans.”

“Why the hell would we want to do any of that?” Moltres asked.

“Why, I wouldn’t know,” Arceus answered, “The initial reason you would want to use this would be to avoid human detection, but it provides an opportunity to do many things with humans and try out other humanly things. You can try out the different foods humans make, try out different activities they do, or even make friends with other humans. Just think of the possibilities!”

“I think I’m starting to get hungry…” Azelf muttered. Despite being a legendary, Azelf, and other legendaries, had to eat regularly like other pokemon do. These hunger periods varied from legendary to legendary, but for Azelf, she hadn’t eaten in several years. She didn’t need to, until now.

“Ah yes. That’s another feature of the Humanus Gem’s transformation,” Arceus explained, “When you change into the human body, not only do you adopt a human’s features, but their diet, metabolism, bodily functions such as the need to deposit waste, erhem, and sleep cycles.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing,” Regice said, “It sounds like a bad deal. Why would we want any of that?”

“It’s for the human experience,” Arceus replied, “It allows you to blend in with other humans for an extended period of time without an indication as to your real identity.”

“This is AWESOME!” Ho-oh yelled, “Maybe I can hang out with those Kimono girls that think they know me. Wait until they get a face full of Sacred Fire!”

Ho-oh opened her mouth and shouted into the air, much to the annoyance of those seated next to her, only to stop when she noticed her powers weren’t working.

“Hey. Why am I not breathing fire?”

“That’s another feature of the transformation,” Arceus said, “In your human form, much of your powers are limited so as to prevent any ‘accidents’ should they happen.”

“Wait, so I can’t summon the sun when I’m human?” Groudon asked.

“I can’t control space anymore?” Palkia asked as well.

“Now, now, hold on,” Arceus said, shushing the crowd before they escalated in complaints and volume, “As I said, it is solely to prevent accidents from happening. Even though you do have a small portion of your powers, the last thing I want is to hear Heatran being arrested for setting a village on fire.”

“They’re called towns, now,” Manaphy said.

“Whatever!” Arceus spoke, “The point is, it is for your own good, as well as for the good of others around you.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay,” Regice said, looking at herself and her attractive female body, “At least now I can afford to walk in public.”

“Now, to transform back,” Arceus said, “Simply apply pressure to the Humanus Gem and you’ll revert back to your legendary self.”

Following Arceus’ instructions, the legendaries began reverting back to their original selves as they applied pressure to their gems. The remaining few admired their bodies for a bit before falling in with the rest of the audience. Arceus was the last one to revert back to his normal horse-like form.

“You may use the Humanus Gem as you please,” Arceus said, his voice now normally godlike, “but remember that you are each responsible for your respective orbs.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever,” Azelf said, disregarding Arceus’ warning as she tried to see how high she could throw her pearl into the air.

“I’m serious. The Humanus Gem works for any pokemon, not just you. It doesn’t have an identification system yet. That’s something I’m working on,” Arceus said as Azelf caught her gem before it fell off of her pillar, “And it has a reverse effect on humans too. I really don’t want to hear any humans go missing because they happened to find the pearl you lost. So please, for the sake of me, keep those things safe.”

“Trust me,” Darkrai said as he held his pearl with his hand for everyone to see, “I won’t be using mine so much since I’m smart enough to isolate myself on an island.”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Mesprit asked, “It’s much more fun going around Sinnoh screwing stuff up and setting stuff on fire.”

“That’s something Mew would say,” Uxie said.

“That’s something Mew already did,” Azelf pointed out.

“Regardless, it is always handy to have some camouflage in hand should the situation arise,” Arceus said as positive murmurs waved through the meeting room, “So, does anyone have anything to say before I end the meeting?”

“Nope,” “Not really,” “This is gonna be a lot of fun,” “I anticipate repeated usage of this new element in future chapters…” “Maybe I can buy glasses…” “I liked having legs…” “I suppose it’s okay,” “Can I borrow it, Groudon?” “No.” “Thanks for the gems Arceus!” “What a splendid invention father,” “Kiss up,” “Don’t start, you two,” and other sayings resounded throughout the room.

“Very well then,” Arceus said, the curtains behind him opening themselves, “I have other things I’ll need to tend to, so if no one else would like to share their thoughts, meeting adjourned.”

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The pillars that seated the legendaries began to descend. With the meeting over, the pillars gently descended at a comfortable speed, not too fast to hurt them and not too slow to irritate them. It was fortunate that Jirachi’s seat didn’t malfunction on its way down, probably his luckiest break ever, but his fortune was short lived as he was hit by another Sacred Fire that was originally meant for Celebi, who saw the blast coming seconds away. As Manaphy helped extinguish the burnt star, the legendaries were conversing with each other, discussing things they would do with their new, as Mew would put it, ‘toy’, although that was more of Rayquaza’s expertise.

“I’m going to Veilstone city to check out their department store,” Mesprit said, “I’ve been to the city once, but I always wanted to buy something from there.”

“What kind of stuff are you going to buy?” Azelf asked.

“First, I’ll need to see what they have. But I might try their rare candy bars I’ve heard about.”

“Wow, I hear that stuff is expensive. Where are you going to get the money?”

“…money?” Mesprit asked, tilting her head to the side.

In another part of the room, Entei and Raikou were at a loss for words as to what to say to Suicune. Their faces clearly expressing surprise as Suicune felt the awkward stares dig into his skin.

“…I wouldn’t have guessed,” Entei said.

“…it totally changes the way I see you,” Raikou stated.

“…what about it?” Suicune asked, “So what if I’m actually a guy…?”

“It’s just that… you always had this flowery attitude when it came to things you liked. Not to mention your unhealthy obsession of cleaning everything,” Raikou said.

“Most people would have imagined you as a female, you know?” Entei claimed, “But I bet this is a definite twist to the reader.”

Raikou and Suicune stared at Entei again, who, as usual, wasn’t making any sense. The thunder cat looked at the aurora pokemon again, still amazed at the discovery of his actual gender.

“Heck, I think I’m the only sane one in this group,” Raikou said as he walked away.

Suddenly, his foreleg collapsed under him, causing him to trip and fall to the floor. Entei and Suicune gasped, wondering what could have possibly made him trip on the pristine floor.

“Ow…what the…?” Raikou asked as he noticed a little rock a distance from him, “The heck is something like this doing here?”

“Oh! That’s my ammunition,” Mew said as she went over to take the rock from him, “I threw this at Celebi during the meeting.”

“You didn’t hit me. You hit Jirachi,” Celebi said from the other side of the room.

“Um, Raikou?” Entei started, “You didn’t trip on that rock. You tripped yourself.”

“That rock wasn’t anywhere near you when you tripped,” Suicune said.

Raikou processed the information for a second, and then, out of frustration, he took the rock from Mew’s hand and tossed it in a random direction ahead of him. Raikou happened to have thrown the rock so fast, it bounced off of the object it hit, namely Registeel who responded with an inquisitive ‘Hey,’ and ended up nailing himself in the forehead. Raikou clutched his face in pain as Entei and Suicune restrained their laughter, Mew already cracking up, as the rock fell in front of him unscratched.

“I’m an idiot,” he said to himself as he got up and walked ahead, only to end up stepping on the rock and injuring his paw, causing him to reel over and fall again.

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“So, do you guys want to hang out somewhere?” Heatran asked the three Regi’s, “This new toy Arceus gave us definitely presents the opportunity.”

“That is true,” Registeel said, “but exactly where would we do our ‘hanging out’?” he said, quoting with his fingers.

“I think Lilycove has a cool diner we can go to,” Regice spoke, “but they’re cheaper on Tuesdays than other days of the week.”

“Fine, we’ll go there on Tuesday. We’ll meet at the beach, if that’s okay with you guys,” Heatran asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure we can find our way there,” Regice replied, “but may I say, Heatran, your human form looked remarkably dazzling. I actually believed you were a girl.”

“Wow, Regice giving a good comment. Excuse me while I check Hell’s temperature and make sure it hasn’t fallen below Celsius,” Registeel said to himself as Regice ignored him.

“Thank you for the compliment, Regice,” Heatran thanked, “I’m touchy about people calling me a guy when I’m really a girl. So what if the first Heatran was a guy? I’m a girl!”

“Yeah, you sure can be scary when you’re insulted like that,” Registeel said.

“Don’t think I forgot what happened before the meeting, Registeel,” Heatran said, Registeel trembling at the remark, “And as for you…”

Heatran stared at Regirock for a short second, spurring no response or reaction when she drew closer to his face.

“What with him?” she asked, “I haven’t seen him move or even heard him talk.”

“Regirock isn’t really one for words, Heatran,” Registeel explained as he crossed his arms, “Heck, he’s true to his namesake when you compare him to a statue.”

“It’s almost as if he’s watching time ebb away,” Regice said.

Heatran resumed staring down Regirock’s braille face as she tried to stimulate a response or a reaction of something from the stone golem. She tried breathing on his face only to learn that he lacked lungs. She tried sticking her tongue out at the statue to no avail. She ultimately resorted to making noise as she held her tongue out while waving her head back and forth, much to the confusion of Regice and Registeel. This finally stimulated a reaction from the mountain of rock, but not one she was expecting.

“That isn’t very lady-like,” Regirock said.

Shock and embarrassment waved through Heatran as she retracted her tongue and shrunk down into the floor, crawling away with modest speed while blushing various shades of crimson. As soon as she left, Regice turned to Regirock and spoke.

“Typical,” she started, “the one time you do talk, you drive people away.”

“And that’s why we like you,” Registeel reassured.

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“What will you guys use your Humanus Gems for?” Articuno asked.

“Hmm, well, it will make travelling towns easier,” Moltres replied, “Heck, if humans have catalogued all of the volcanoes in the world, I might look for the best one.”

“What would, per say, define a volcano ‘good’?” Zapdos asked.

“Well, it depends on the vegetation of the island,” Moltres said, “And it must have already erupted.”

“Maybe Entei can direct you to some that have already erupted,” Articuno suggested, “I hear one erupts when he roars.”

“Yeah, but he also says that he was born in the eruption of a volcano,” Zapdos said.

“So, wait…” Moltres said, starting to get confused, “If a volcano erupts every time he roars, does that mean another Entei is born?”

“Would that make it the only known natural occurrence of cloning?” Articuno asked.

“It wouldn’t be cloning if it was natural birth,” Zapdos said, “…but crap, this is confusing.”

All three birds stood there, trying to wrap their heads around the concept of Entei’s coming of existence. Incidentally, Entei himself happened to walk by, overhearing the conversation.

“You know,” he started, “all of that stuff is based off of human interpretation.”

“But wait,” Articuno started, “Groudon can make volcanoes erupt too.”

“Holy crap,” Moltres said, “does this mean Groudon birthed Entei?!”

“Were you guys even listening?” Entei said, a cross popping vein appearing above his forehead.

“What’s this about sacred droppings?” Groudon, carrying Cherrim on his head, asked, having only heard a part of the conversation.

“Groudon!” Moltres said, “Why didn’t you tell us Entei was your son?!”

“I- What?!” he replied.

“Say what?!” Entei shouted as well, sharing the same reaction.

“Groudon! How could you?!” Groudon’s little partner, Cherrim, shouted.

“Groudon! How could you neglect your only son?” Articuno said disdainfully.

“Really low of you, man,” Zapdos said.

“Whoa, hold on!” Entei said outloud, “He is NOT my father!”

“And I don’t have a son!” Groudon said as well, “He just happened to be born in a volcano! Next thing you know, you’re going to say Kyogre birthed Manaphy!”

All four of them stood there in silence, absorbing and comprehending Groudon’s words. Kyogre, who was wondering what he did to cause the loud racket, came over to see what was going on.

“Groudon, what’s with all of the shouting?” she asked.

“Kyogre!” Moltres yelled, “Why didn’t you tell us Manaphy was your son?!”

“WHAT?!”

“What?” Groudon asked as well.

“Kyogre, how could you neglect your one and only son?” Articuno asked.

“Was it because you lacked the support of a husband?” Zapdos asked.

While all this was happening, Entei gave off a tired sigh, bringing his paw to his face to mimic the infamous facepalm.

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“I look adorable! Don’t I, Latios?” Latias asked as she was currently in her human form.

“Well, you are pretty,” Latios replied, who was still in his regular form, “But didn’t you have enough fun imitating Bianca back in Alto Mare?”

“Oh, but this is different!” she said, “This dress is just perfect for me. As if it personifies me!”

Latias’ human form compromised of a red and white scheme. Even her hair was reddish brown while her eyes were a clear yellow. Her hair was combed so that a triangular wave of hair covered her forehead. Two locks of hair pointed backwards with tiny notches at the end, resembling her original head fins. She wore a white short vest, the sleeves cut before the elbows, with one button and a large triangular piece cut out from the bottom over a red short-sleeved dress. She wore a blue ribbon around her neck collar and a large red bow tied around her waist, the wings of the bow being thin and notched in many places to resemble her wings and foot-wings. The dress’s skirt stopped at the knees and she also wore red and white shoes.

“Well, I admit, it really does work for you,” Latios said.

“I know. Oh! Now you transform so that I can judge how we’d look together,” she suggested.

“Oh Latios!” Cresselia called.

Latios was about to transform into his human form, Humanus Gem in hand, until the lunar pokemon called out his name and flew over to the two.

“Oh, love the look, by the way,” she said to the human Latias.

“Thank you,” she replied.

“Um, Latios…I want to tell you something…” Cresselia started, beginning to blush a bit.

“Yeah?”

“…but first, thank you for earlier. You know? When Rayquaza shot his projectile into my eye.”

“That isn’t innuendo unless someone points it out,” Entei said as he passed by, suddenly donning a shocked face, “OH SHI-”

“It was nothing,” he said, suddenly remembering something, “Oh, which reminds me.”

Latios began to fly in the direction of Rayquaza, who was showing his Mewtwo figurine to an interested Manaphy and Shaymin.

“Wait, Latios!” Cresselia cried out, figuring she’d follow him.

“Hold on you guys!” Latias said as she attempted to run but fell, still not use to the body.

She got up slowly, brushing dust off of her dress, and began to walk slowly. Baby steps, she figured, as she slowly gained speed. After a few steps, she had figured out running and began to give chase to the two psychic types.

“No, you can’t move the arms,” Rayquaza explained, “You see, the plastic is molded so I can’t move it without breaking it.”

“Well, that sucks,” Manaphy said.

“It’s a retail choice. If it had movable arms, there wouldn’t be enough space for the spring mechanism.”

“So you’d have to buy two for the full experience?” Shaymin asked.

“It’s a dirty, clever, money-making scheme that the producers thought of just so you could spend more money on their toys,” Rayquaza said, “but it works.”

“Yo, Rayquaza!” Latios said as Cresselia and Latias followed him.

“Oh, Latios. What do you want?” he asked.

“I just thought when would be a good time to visit you so that I could take a look at your collection,” he questioned.

“Well, tomorrow morning sounds good,” he said, “Of course, if other people or going to come, they’d have to be in their human forms so that the tower doesn’t collapse.”

“But wait,” Latias started, having already caught up to them, “Wouldn’t our human bodies be incapable of surviving at that elevation?”

“Hmm, that’s true. In that case, we can all meet up at Route 115. That place doesn’t have a lot of people so it should be okay.”

“Sounds great. Tomorrow morning, right?” he asked, receiving a nod from the emerald dragon, “Alright, I’ll tell the others who’ll join me.”

He then turned to Cresselia, who began blushing when he looked at him, and asked.

“So Cresselia, what else did you want to tell me?”

“I…um…I, uh…” she rambled, at a loss for the true words she wanted to say.

“Yeah?” he asked again.

“…I’ll come with you. To see the toys, I mean,” she spluttered.

“Cool. See you tomorrow morning,” he said as Latias reverted back to her pokemon form and flew away with him.

Cresselia sighed, watching the blue dragon exit the room with his sister. She left her spot moments later, intending to return to her island once she left the Heavenly Mansion. Rayquaza, oblivious to the drama unfolding before him, resumed showing off his toy to the two small legendaries before him. Darkrai, who had leaned against the darker side of the large pillar, watched Cresselia exit the room with a suspicious look, having already noticed her affection towards Latios. Entei also happened to be walking by him when she left.

“Huh, I thought the author said no pairings,” he said, receiving an awkward stare from the dark pokemon.

“Just what is that supposed to mean?” Darkrai asked.

“Oh, nothing ‘Not-gonna-kill-you-today’ Darkrai,” he said as he walked away, Darkrai’s face twisted angrily at his comment.

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“So, Arceus?” Mew asked as she flew towards the alpha pokemon in the hall, “What do you think is gonna happen now that you gave everyone your little present?”

The two were conversing in a small hall, significantly smaller than any other hall in the mansion anyway, and Arceus was waiting for everyone to leave the mansion so that he could seal it and move on to his next agenda.

“Oh, I meant that gift for the best,” he said, “but if you want a real answer, I expect zany things to happen as well as chaos and misadventures.”

“Like?” she asked.

“Most of them from you,” he said, looking at Mew when he said this.

“What basis do you have that I might do something unpredictable?”

Arceus stopped and stared at Mew for a second, collecting memories of many incidents where the fingers pointed to her.

“No comment,” he said as he continued walking.

“But what about the others?” she asked, having put aside his answer.

“Well, I know that Ho-oh will cause some trouble once she leaves the mansion,” he said, “Then again, Mesprit and Azelf will be unpredictable. At least Uxie is with them.”

“Don’t forget Dialga and Palkia,” Mew reminded, “Who knows how their fights will turn out in their human forms.”

“But that doesn’t compare to Groudon and Kyogre,” he said, “I just hope Rayquaza settles it if he’s there.”

“Maybe they can do their fighting in other ways other than fighting?” Mew suggested.

“Like?” Arceus inquired.

“Well, they can compete in games instead of fighting. For instance, there’s always checkers. I hear that’s a good game. Or maybe even thumb wrestling.”

“Hm, if I know those two, it’ll only lead to more fighting afterwards,” Arceus said, “Remember they tried Tic Tac Toe? That’s why the Sevii region is just called the Sevii islands, now.”

“But hey, Rayquaza can always be the referee,” Mew said impishly.

“I suppose.”

“Hey, mind if I ask, but,” Mew started, “Aren’t you expecting a bit too much from the legendaries and their gems?”

“How do you mean?”

“Aren’t you afraid of chaotic things happening? Stuff that could end up much worse than what happened at Alamos town and a la Rousse city combined?”

“Oh, I’m not afraid,” he said, “I expect those things to happen.”

“Wait, I don’t understand?” Mew asked.

“Between you and me,” he started, “This planet, of the entire universe, is on top of my list of favorite planets. The legendaries that evolved here are just so full of character and life, I take extra care of this planet above others. That’s why I stopped that meteor and nearly died.”

“That’s kind of cold of you,” Mew said, “especially considering the other planets that have pokemon.”

“Yeah, well, my universe,” Arceus said.

“I guess that’s why you gave everyone the Humanus Gem. But don’t you think it’s a bit too much?”

“Don’t worry, I thought ahead. The Humanus Gem is designed so that no catastrophes erupt while I’m away.”

“Yeah, but still…” Mew said, still concerned.

“Look, I love everyone on this planet,” he started, “I just love their rich personalities. Most of the time, they provide me with the comedy I need to go on through the day. Especially when you compare the legendaries to the myths humans depicted them in. They may be considered titans or even gods by the humans, although that title is really more fitting for me, but by the end of the day, they are just as varied in personality as they are varied in color. I love how this planet turned out, especially considering how long it has lived without destroying itself, and I love the pokemon that came to be on this planet. So that’s why I gave everyone a present, to show them the gratitude I have for watching this planet grow. They may be powerful titans that molded this world, but past that legendary status, they’re not so legendary.”

Mew was half paying attention to Arceus, as she was tinkering with a toy gun that had a suction cup loaded in its barrel. Accidentally pulling the trigger, the suction cup sailed into the air and lodged itself onto Arceus’ face. Mew clutched her mouth, almost as if she wanted to say sorry but was too afraid to. Arceus looked at the plastic that was glued to his face and merely chuckled before pulling it off with his mind and giving it back to Mew. As Mew reloaded the toy, Arceus walked away into the hall.

“Don’t think about trying that again,” he yelled from afar as Mew responded by hiding the gun behind her, previously aiming at him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phew. There we go. The third chapter.

Firstly, I'd like to thank Pirate and Yonowarr in Chaos for their reviews. But I'm kind of disappointed that no one else has reviewed my story. Good things come to those who wait, but how does that work for the guy working on good things?

Oh well, I should probably shut up ad tell you to review my story. I admit the chapter is a bit dialogue heavy, but it's not a serious story anyway. Just meant to be funny.

Anyway, please read and review. I'd really like a review. Just one. Please?
 

Timetraveler:Pikachu

Servant of Time.....
(time vortex opens up) Stupid Primal Dialg- oh wrong story... hmm this looks interesting.... hey thats a quote from my thread! thats so cool! Oh the authors here... onto the review!
Well....that wasn't what I exspected but I gotta feeling that the pokeworld is in for a whole lot of (entei pops out of volcano) "No cussing!"
....... well its in trouble. anyways funny idea and great personality's for the legendary Pokemon. You need to update this more. It has great potential. I would die to see this as an RPG. Are you going to focus on Rayquaza or switch from legendary to legendary? And another quick question will this just be a relaxed plot line or will you maybe add some deep sinister plot latter on. That would be perfect. "HOW DARE YOU DESTROY MY ACTION FIGURES!!!!" that would be funny. I hope you expand on Groudon, Entei, Kyoger,Manaphy and Cherubi. There is so much potential right there. and-...( Groudon,Entei,Kyoger,Manaphy,Cherubi and Rayquaza all come out looking mad)
.......Oh hey guys......
"He's not my son!!" "He's not my dad!" "And shes not my mother!" "I am no ones son!" " tell the author that Groudon can-" "SHUT UP!! YOU LITTLE-" -and then he can" "GET AWAY FROM ME!!" (Groudon,Entei,Kyoger,Manaphy,Cherubi walk away bickering)
.....hi R-r-r.... "DONT YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT MY ACTION FIGURES!!!"
........Hurry and post the next chapter!! (time vortex opens up and the poor Pikachu dives in) ....... "You are never going to touch my action figures... wheres Dialga now......"
 

Yonowaru in Chaos

gaspard de la nuit
Don't worry, the posting momentum's great - many authors struggle with getting a chapter up once every few months (then again you did say it'd be up within a few days after Chapter 2). Don't worry about it :]

The Humanus Gem has a lot of humour potential, and I really look forward to seeing how much of that potential you can squeeze. Interaction with each other aside, I'd really like to see how well (or, more likely, how bad) the Legendaries can conform into human society.

The stage is set. Do not disappoint me now >:]
 
This fic is hilarious, and hopefully you won't let me down. Keep up the good work, if you're still alive that is.
 
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