Oaken Falls [PG-13]

[duncan]

That was it? Wow, I really expected better. XD Just kidding, of course. Like UR said, fantastic chapter here. I was pretty much glued to my floor seat the whole time, not something that many fics (or books, for that matter) can do.

Lucky for you, however, I'm in a really good reviewing mood, so I'll tear this one down.

“You?” she said, apparently surprised. “Well, well. It seems I’m not the only one with female parts who has a gift for mischief. Which one of you pulled the golden book from the shelf, then?”

Again, Annie raised her hand. The woman cast a sly glance at Alex as if to say, “Who’s wearing the pants here?”

“Wait a minute,” Alex protested, pulling down Annie’s arm. “I’m the one who pointed it out to her!”

“Yeah, but I put the flashlight on it!”

“QUIET!”

XD Funny scene here, and with all the doom going on, some nice comic relief.

Something was horribly wrong with the woman. Desperation and fear flashed in her eyes. She opened her mouth, but it had become so dry that she choked and coughed several times. After swallowing, she licked her lips and tried again.

“By sunrise,” she said bitterly, “Oaken Falls will be nothing more than a smoldering pile of twisted metal and broken glass.”

Oaken Falls—smoldering? Broken glass? What the hell was she talking about?

Say what? Yeah...that's not good.

“It tells the story of a young man who came to own a sword. With this sword, he slew countless Pokémon.”

Real nitpick here, but slew doesn't quite sound right here. Smote sounds a little bit better and ties in with the Myth better, but honestly it makes very little difference at all.

The jackal had released Annie by this time, who was also listening intently to Cynthia’s arrangement.

Couple of things here. One, while most Pokemon it's fine to call fish, or what have you, but referring to Lucario as a jackal seemed a bit odd, as while he is based on one, he really doesn't come off like a jackal to me. Again, stupid nitpick.

Second thing was the end of the sentence. Although I'm fairly sure you meant Annie was listening intently, it could also mean Lucario is as well. A bit of clarification there would help some.

“And what about my mom?” Alex whined. “Can’t we tell her about all this?”

“There’s simply no time, you two,” Cynthia replied, before turning to the girl. “Annie, please hurry.”

Alex was about to object again, but Annie silenced him with a finger. The girl then reached down to the floor and picked up all of her belongings, shoving them back in the shopping bag which they had confiscated from her before.

This kind of made me think, ouch that was cold to leave his mother to die while they chat. I guess they didn't realize that Lucario had forgotten to reset his watch...XD What a way for the world to almost end, eh?

“Oh, alive and very well!” Cynthia reassured her, laughing wholeheartedly. “My grandmother takes incredibly good care of herself. She never eats meat, but always vegetables. Why, and she drinks more water than anyone I know. She’s almost eighty-three.”

This kind of struck me as odd. The world is very nearly about to end, she was just obviously upset, and yet she seemed fairly happy here. Cracking up? XD

Oh, he had found it.

And there was his mother, standing on their front porch in her nightgown with her hair down, arms crossed, and mouth ajar. She wore the worried expression of someone who had been waiting for another for a very long time.

She was oblivious to the oncoming slaughter.

Several miles away, the heathen Giratina fluttered past buildings with those wicked wings. One by one, each tower and rooftop imploded and disintegrated with the rhythm of the Legendary’s flight. Skyscrapers began collapsing upon one another, and every time the Renegade Pokémon let out a blood-curdling cry, the creations of man would warp and distort themselves in unimaginably horrific ways.

Everything was being twisted. Everything was shedding layers of glass, steel, and concrete and tumbling to the cracked streets.

Oaken Falls was falling down. Smoke and ash spewed into the sky, blocking out the rising sun.

Alex screamed and clasped his hands against the rear window of the stolen car, crying out for his mother.

But she was gone.

This was pretty dramatic, and very nicely done. And a nice (albeit sad) way to end the very good chapter. Fit in well with the Giratina-ending-the-world vibe as well.

Like they said, certainly your best chapter yet, and the best chapter of anything I've read in a while. I'm sorry if this seemed a bit negative, but don't get me wrong. I really want this to be as perfect as it can be, okay? Great job.

Oh, almost forgot:

Haha, you know what’s weird? I’m reading another fic who also has this destruction of the world coming soon kind of plot and Johto too seems to be the only region unaffected at the moment. XD

I don't give you nearly enough credit for plugging my fic everywhere. XD Oh, and Johto is the one region everyone loves, so that no one can destroy it. Heh.

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

That was it? Wow, I really expected better. XD Just kidding, of course. Like UR said, fantastic chapter here. I was pretty much glued to my floor seat the whole time, not something that many fics (or books, for that matter) can do.

Lucky for you, however, I'm in a really good reviewing mood, so I'll tear this one down.



XD Funny scene here, and with all the doom going on, some nice comic relief.



Say what? Yeah...that's not good.



Real nitpick here, but slew doesn't quite sound right here. Smote sounds a little bit better and ties in with the Myth better, but honestly it makes very little difference at all.



Couple of things here. One, while most Pokemon it's fine to call fish, or what have you, but referring to Lucario as a jackal seemed a bit odd, as while he is based on one, he really doesn't come off like a jackal to me. Again, stupid nitpick.

Second thing was the end of the sentence. Although I'm fairly sure you meant Annie was listening intently, it could also mean Lucario is as well. A bit of clarification there would help some.



This kind of made me think, ouch that was cold to leave his mother to die while they chat. I guess they didn't realize that Lucario had forgotten to reset his watch...XD What a way for the world to almost end, eh?



This kind of struck me as odd. The world is very nearly about to end, she was just obviously upset, and yet she seemed fairly happy here. Cracking up? XD



This was pretty dramatic, and very nicely done. And a nice (albeit sad) way to end the very good chapter. Fit in well with the Giratina-ending-the-world vibe as well.

Like they said, certainly your best chapter yet, and the best chapter of anything I've read in a while. I'm sorry if this seemed a bit negative, but don't get me wrong. I really want this to be as perfect as it can be, okay? Great job.

Oh, almost forgot:



I don't give you nearly enough credit for plugging my fic everywhere. XD Oh, and Johto is the one region everyone loves, so that no one can destroy it. Heh.

Mmm, those are some pretty glaring errors. D8 Guess I didn't put as much time into proofreading as I had hoped. That, or I needed an outside opinion.

I'll go in and change a few things you mentioned, particularly Cynthia's cracking up outside the lab. xD I'll tone it down a little bit, although she can't help but smile when she thinks about her grandmother. She's just trying to keep the kids from becoming more morose than they already are. D:

I apologize for the jackal references, but maybe I should clarify my interpretation of Lucario: a tall, blue, bipedal Anubis/jackal figure. Real jackals actually look more like tiny foxes on four legs, but when I imagine them standing up as Lucario does, they seem to take on a new persona.

Anyway, thank you for correcting me!

Johto is, by far, the best region, by the way. ;___; I'd give my left nut for a DS remake of G/S/C. No matter, because it's still going to be destroyed, just like every other region. Dx I'm such an evil whore.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Yami has two complaints; Talking Lucario and using Jesus Christ.

Cause I don't think Arceus went about and godly impregnated a virgin to have a son 8D

Anyways.

Usually I don't like talking pokemon, unless with a good backstory; like it's psychic, the owner is psychic, something like that and they trained to understand one another, yada yada yada, but for the most part it still rubs me the wrong way, even when I used it in a fic.

And while it fits, while it's good and all, sorry Chesh, I just don't like it. You don't need to feel bad or change it, just, one of those things that terribly bothers me, even when written well and not mary sued.

Outside of that, this was a wonderful chapter, and while the Giratina description/intro could have been a bit better I think, outside of that, this third installement was awsome, I was able to get into the heads of all the characters, feel their emotions, see them too, and just, wonderful.

The stolen car scene and Lucario driving were the best tbh 8D

Keep up the good work Chesh.

And sorry for not reviewing sooner :s

 

[FlameMaster4895]

That was a great chapter! I was practically onthe floor while i was reading this. You are one of the most talented writers in the world! One more thing, when are they going to get their pokemon?

 

[storymasterb]

Excellent story but just a few questions
1: Even without professor Oak you've still got Birch and all the others. what happened to them?
2: Where did you get Daisy and Blue from?
3:Why did you only let Cynthia use Lucario? She could have battled Giratina with something at least.

 

[The Doctor]

Excellent story but just a few questions
1: Even without professor Oak you've still got Birch and all the others. what happened to them?

Think it's because Oak is by far the most famous and well-respected Pokemon Professor/Researcher in the Pokemon World. That idea of losing him is the main aspect, hence the matter of the other Professors isn't too pushing.

2: Where did you get Daisy and Blue from?

From the Pokemon Special manga, they're Oak's grandchildren. Blue is the name of the FRLG rival/Gary character, but in the original Japanese manga he was named Green. This was because of the whole Red/Green in Japan, Red/Blue in America.

3:Why did you only let Cynthia use Lucario? She could have battled Giratina with something at least.

Pretty sure the chapter was meant to end with Giratina wreaking havoc on the city. If it was just attacking or beating it, I think it would have taken the edge off. Hope it helped!

Um, I'm trying to do a good review here, but I just can't find anything to really nitpick, and I'm really tired. I can understand Lucario being able to communicate through Aura, but I think it was brought forward a bit too early in the game. This is just me, but I mainly see Lucario with its arms crossed and letting Cynthia do the talking; maybe it would have been some sort of jaw-dropping revelation later on.

Aside from that - admittedly minor - criticism, I think this is a fantastic piece of work with an interesting concept; but then, I'd expect nothing less from you. Good luck with the next chapter, and keep it up.

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Yami has two complaints; Talking Lucario and using Jesus Christ.

Cause I don't think Arceus went about and godly impregnated a virgin to have a son 8D

Anyways.

Usually I don't like talking pokemon, unless with a good backstory; like it's psychic, the owner is psychic, something like that and they trained to understand one another, yada yada yada, but for the most part it still rubs me the wrong way, even when I used it in a fic.

And while it fits, while it's good and all, sorry Chesh, I just don't like it. You don't need to feel bad or change it, just, one of those things that terribly bothers me, even when written well and not mary sued.

Outside of that, this was a wonderful chapter, and while the Giratina description/intro could have been a bit better I think, outside of that, this third installement was awsome, I was able to get into the heads of all the characters, feel their emotions, see them too, and just, wonderful.

The stolen car scene and Lucario driving were the best tbh 8D

Keep up the good work Chesh.

And sorry for not reviewing sooner :s

I knew I shouldn't have included the Jesus reference. xP But it would have sounded stupid to use one of the Legendaries' names in vain. Changed it to a subtle, "God."

I'm very surprised that I'm getting rapped on for allowing Lucario to communicate through telepathy. But don't worry, Yams, I'm not angry about what you said. It would just be irrelevant to explain the mechanics of how humans and Pokemon communicate in this story. However, I'll tell you what I had in mind anyway so that I won't be questioned later (in fact, I should post this at the beginning as a disclaimer): Pokemon and humans have different methods of communicating with each other than they do in the canon.

============================================================================================

STORY MECHANIC: POKEMON-HUMAN COMMUNICATION​

If a Pokemon, like a child, spends enough time around a person who speaks English, it is bound to pick up the language. However, since its vocal cords are typically unable to produce the same sounds as a human, the Pokemon will use a form of telepathy to convey its thoughts to anyone in the vicinity, Psychic-type or not. The mental voice they project when "speaking" is based on the pitch of their true cry.

In the canon world, Pokemon either make noises or say their names when they speak. I think that's utter crap. If Pokemon are able to understand what their Trainers are saying, they should be free to express themselves by using something other than a guttural noise. Understand that I want my readers to see into the mind of all my characters and show them their unique personalities. This applies to every Pokemon character who understands English in this story.

They're more than just Pokemon, too. They're individuals with thought processes just like you and me who deserve to be heard.

============================================================================================​

And I agree that the Giratina scene could have been more descriptive, but also understand that when you're driving five times over the regular speed limit through a residential area, details are bound to be left out (especially since Giratina was miles away and there was some severe panic going on).

Yeah, the whole Lucario driving part came out of nowhere. xD I just have these really absurd ideas and act on them.

As always, thank you for reviewing. xp

That was a great chapter! I was practically onthe floor while i was reading this. You are one of the most talented writers in the world! One more thing, when are they going to get their pokemon?

Who's going to get what Pokemon...?

Excellent story but just a few questions
1: Even without professor Oak you've still got Birch and all the others. what happened to them?
2: Where did you get Daisy and Blue from?
3:Why did you only let Cynthia use Lucario? She could have battled Giratina with something at least.

1.) Birch and Elm are very much alive (Rowan is another story), but are not central to this story's concept of unbalanced relationships between Pokemon and humans. Professor Oak was the authority on Pokemon-human interaction and maintaining harmony between man and beast. More of his past will be revealed throughout the story, but in short, he was a cornerstone in keeping the peace between humans and Pokemon. That's why the story revolves around him sometimes, so you can understand why the other regional professors' roles are regarded as insignificant compared to that of Oak.

2.) Daisy is the name of Oak's granddaughter in FireRed and LeafGreen. Blue is one of the names that you can pick for your rival (AKA Oak's grandson) in the western counterpart of Japan's Green Version (Blue Version everywhere else).

3.) Cynthia is undoubtedly strong, but to put it quite frankly, she would have been squashed by Giratina. These Pokemon are not just your average high-leveled, AI-operated opponents as they are in the games. These Pokemon are titans with supernatural powers beyond human comprehension. You don't want to fight them. You want to run away. Fast.

Thank you for your questions. ^^

Um, I'm trying to do a good review here, but I just can't find anything to really nitpick, and I'm really tired. I can understand Lucario being able to communicate through Aura, but I think it was brought forward a bit too early in the game. This is just me, but I mainly see Lucario with its arms crossed and letting Cynthia do the talking; maybe it would have been some sort of jaw-dropping revelation later on.

Aside from that - admittedly minor - criticism, I think this is a fantastic piece of work with an interesting concept; but then, I'd expect nothing less from you. Good luck with the next chapter, and keep it up.

I've never seen Lucario & the Mystery of Mew (if that's where you're referencing "Aura" from), but I did provide an explanation for Lucario's "speech" in response to Yams' review above. XP And thank you for other your kind words.

 

[storymasterb]

Another question. Sorry but I didn't really notice this before. Is Giratina in origin form? The description sounds like it.

 

[pokeaidmissy]

YAY!! Chapter 3 at last! And, as you promised, there was alot of action!!! Lucario driving a car, a speed chase, end of the world, doom, ancient proficy stuff, a chick with an attitude hot-wiring a car, some weird dude with an accent and a baseball bat....it was great!! *gives you a cheesy smile and two thumbs up*
I can't wait for Chapter 4!!! Keep it up!!!

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Another question. Sorry but I didn't really notice this before. Is Giratina in origin form? The description sounds like it.

Well, partly. ^^ I retained the wings from Giratina's Another Form, but made its body resemble the Origin Form. That's why some people might be confused by the description. I just don't think those "streamers" in its Origin Form are practical for flying. xP

However, Giratina would have probably been in its full Another Form when I was writing Oaken Falls a year ago. The recent Platinum Version updates have been helpful.

YAY!! Chapter 3 at last! And, as you promised, there was alot of action!!! Lucario driving a car, a speed chase, end of the world, doom, ancient proficy stuff, a chick with an attitude hot-wiring a car, some weird dude with an accent and a baseball bat....it was great!! *gives you a cheesy smile and two thumbs up*
I can't wait for Chapter 4!!! Keep it up!!!

Woo, lots of exclamation marks. xD Thanks for reading.



EDIT: I changed my response to Yami Ryu's post to a Story Mechanic for future reference.

 

[Skysthelimit]

Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down! woo I love dramtic stories, filled with destruction, and dark themes. This story took an interesting turn into the abyse. I like it! The chapter was very long. However, as a reader who never played Diamond or Pearl, I found myself confused with tiny details in the story. (no worries, it's not your fault XD)

The length was perfect, it kept me glued to my seat the entire time. You have great skills at Dialogues, and your diction is great. Keep up the good work. Now here comes the quotes. woo!

“That’s a boy,” she said, lips curling into a devious smile.

It may be just because we're from different regions in the world, but where I am from, it's pronounced "That-a-boy". I'm not sure if it's pronounced differently in other places though. =]

Feeling safer, the two teens pushed off from the floor and stood back up, legs wobbling like gel. However, they nearly toppled over in a heap at Lucario’s feet as the Pokémon’s deep voice addressed them.

I Love your descriptions!

“Ah, young love!” the woman suddenly cried from the table, still flipping through notebooks and manuscripts. “It can steal your emotion in a heartbeat, and your virginity even faster.”

HAHA! I smiled when I read this.

“Dissolved! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Annie cried. “First Indigo Plateau, then Evergrande City, and now Sinnoh? That was the last surviving Pokémon League in the world! The very last!”

Aww. It makes me wonder if Ash ever became a pokemon master. He's only been trying for like.... ever! =P

At least two hundred species have gone extinct in the past twenty years, for God’s sake! And that’s not even half of the cruelties they have suffered on our account!”

200 Species in 25 years? Geesh that's a lot of species! Did the humans have themselves a pokemon Genocide? IMO 25 years is really soon. However, I trust you have a valid explanation. Don't get me wrong though, I understand why they're going extinct, it's the theme you're trying to present in the story

Several miles away, the heathen Giratina fluttered past buildings with those wicked wings. One by one, each tower and rooftop imploded and disintegrated with the rhythm of the Legendary’s flight. Skyscrapers began collapsing upon one another, and every time the Renegade Pokémon let out a blood-curdling cry, the creations of man would warp and distort themselves in unimaginably horrific ways.

You rocked this paragraph! It reminded me of that silly movie, War of the Worlds.


Although I totally dislike pokemon speech in stories, I think you pulled it off. so Great job. I was totally thrown though the loop during this chapter. I was actually thinking that the two pokemon in the pokeballs were two Kanto starters, and the duo would go on an urban pokemon journey, while facing the war between humans and Pokemon. I guess not! =]


I hope my review was semi- helpful, i'm slightly new to it haha. Now, if you excuse me, I am packing my bags and running to Johto.

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down! woo I love dramtic stories, filled with destruction, and dark themes. This story took an interesting turn into the abyse. I like it! The chapter was very long. However, as a reader who never played Diamond or Pearl, I found myself confused with tiny details in the story. (no worries, it's not your fault XD)

The length was perfect, it kept me glued to my seat the entire time. You have great skills at Dialogues, and your diction is great. Keep up the good work. Now here comes the quotes. woo!




It may be just because we're from different regions in the world, but where I am from, it's pronounced "That-a-boy". I'm not sure if it's pronounced differently in other places though. =]


I Love your descriptions!



HAHA! I smiled when I read this.




Aww. It makes me wonder if Ash ever became a pokemon master. He's only been trying for like.... ever! =P



200 Species in 25 years? Geesh that's a lot of species! Did the humans have themselves a pokemon Genocide? IMO 25 years is really soon. However, I trust you have a valid explanation. Don't get me wrong though, I understand why they're going extinct, it's the theme you're trying to present in the story



You rocked this paragraph! It reminded me of that silly movie, War of the Worlds.


Although I totally dislike pokemon speech in stories, I think you pulled it off. so Great job. I was totally thrown though the loop during this chapter. I was actually thinking that the two pokemon in the pokeballs were two Kanto starters, and the duo would go on an urban pokemon journey, while facing the war between humans and Pokemon. I guess not! =]


I hope my review was semi- helpful, i'm slightly new to it haha. Now, if you excuse me, I am packing my bags and running to Johto.

Well, in most regions of the world, "that's a boy" is proper English. XP If you really look at "that-a-boy", it really makes no grammatical sense.

A terrible thing happened to "Ash Ketchum" a long time ago. :3 You'll find out a little bit later, probably mid-story.

If you think about it logically, more or less than 50 native species per region going extinct (including evolutionary forms of Pokemon) is fairly reasonable during this time. The invasive humans have completely obliterated most Pokemon habitats within this short time frame of twenty years. After hitting depression, each corporation catering to Pokemon Trainers' needs had to change their marketing scheme to get the economy back on its feet.


Thanks for reviewing, suh. :3

 

[Ryano Ra]

^^;;

Well, well, well, it has been a REALLY long time. XDD I feel so old at the moment...I haven't written ANYTHING in months (well actually, since two days ago, but before that, since December. xD LONG HIATUS! ;_; Nuu). But really, your writing has grown on me. The entire feel on things is fantastic, the characters are very well-rounded (I love Cynthia and Lucario, and I actually think it would be rather eccentric that Cynthia wouldn't have a talking Lucario. After all, she's a champion with champion-classed pokemon; there has to be some incredible trait that makes them entirely special only to her, and I think this is the perfect trait for her Lucario.) Your details never cease to amaze me; everything is described perfectly and I get a clear view.

So far, the concept seems mysterious and interesting. I can't put that much of a thorough critique because it is very early in the story (only the third chapter) but I am absolutely attached to this story. o_o; It's actually getting me the motivation to start writing again (and continue writing on that Action OT that was supposed to be out last year in January. xDD) Fantastic job, my fellowly cat friend! *pounces away*

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

^^;;

Well, well, well, it has been a REALLY long time. XDD I feel so old at the moment...I haven't written ANYTHING in months (well actually, since two days ago, but before that, since December. xD LONG HIATUS! ;_; Nuu). But really, your writing has grown on me. The entire feel on things is fantastic, the characters are very well-rounded (I love Cynthia and Lucario, and I actually think it would be rather eccentric that Cynthia wouldn't have a talking Lucario. After all, she's a champion with champion-classed pokemon; there has to be some incredible trait that makes them entirely special only to her, and I think this is the perfect trait for her Lucario.) Your details never cease to amaze me; everything is described perfectly and I get a clear view.

So far, the concept seems mysterious and interesting. I can't put that much of a thorough critique because it is very early in the story (only the third chapter) but I am absolutely attached to this story. o_o; It's actually getting me the motivation to start writing again (and continue writing on that Action OT that was supposed to be out last year in January. xDD) Fantastic job, my fellowly cat friend! *pounces away*

Welcome back, Ryano Ra. :3 Psychic says that it's really odd that a lot of the old fan fic writers are reappearing after I came back, and I have to agree with her. Anyway, thank you very much for your review, and I'm glad someone wasn't upset over the whole "talking" Lucario thing. XP

As for the rest of you, I know you were expecting Chapter IV this last weekend, and while it is in progress, it won't be completed until I've settled down for a little while. We're currently hopping on a ferry from the Olympic Peninsula over to Puget Sound in Washington, and I hardly have any time to write as we check out new places to live in the Pacific Northwest. Just bear with me, and I should be posting it in the next week or so. D:

I'm trying to take my time with Chapter IV as well, considering the ball is really rolling now. I have to pay attention to great detail so to keep the facts straight and the plot elements intact. You're going to see some familiar faces and places that have been curiously transformed by the past events of this story, too, so please be aware of this tedious task I've undertaken. xD

 

[storymasterb]

Please get chapter 4 out soon. The suspense is killing me and theres still so many questions to answer. Which pokemon are in the pokeballs? What is the rest of the story that Cynthia mentioned? These questions are tearing at my intelligence and I won't rest until they are answered.

 

[Ryano Ra]

Welcome back, Ryano Ra. :3 Psychic says that it's really odd that a lot of the old fan fic writers are reappearing after I came back, and I have to agree with her. Anyway, thank you very much for your review, and I'm glad someone wasn't upset over the whole "talking" Lucario thing. XP

XDDD

I wouldn't be upset over the talking Lucario. People have their opinions, true, but there are things that just make natural sense, and this is one of them. It doesn't degrade the story, but instead, draws me in so much closer. And yeah, I haven't been around here in some time, away from writing period (taking care of the business at school), and now I have loads of time on my hands.

 

[Sike Saner]

YOU DO IT FOR THE NOOKIE! ...I mean, THE MONSTER!

I loved the way the prologue began, first of all. The part about "the Monster"... I thought that was seriously cool.

Then there was the awesome freakiness of the circumstances surrounding Alex and Janice fleeing from the Harbor Inn. My reaction to the last line of the prologue: O_O Holy crap... I wonder just what kind of freakiness was at work there... o.o

Spoiler: I do have a theory...

I smell Darkrai. o.o Not literally, mind you. XP But anyway... Harbor Inn in Canalave City, a nightmare... yeah. Definitely smacks of Darkrai. o.o

I thought the inscription on the Professor Oak statue was a really nice touch. Towards the end in particular, it was quite lovely. ^^ And speaking of the scene with the statue, I enjoyed seeing Annie scare the frelling crap out of that Tommy person. XD Serves him right for being such a dick. X3

The part where Janice hit Annie with her car was something else that made me say "holy crap". X3 Even having read that part before, I still found it to have impact. I mean, there's Alex and his mom having that chat (great work on that chat and on their interactions in general, by the way ^^), one that had just taken an uplifting turn, and then it suddenly turned into HOLY CRAP, PERSON IN THE ROAD OH MY GOD GONNA HIT HER BAM! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD... X3 A nice, sharp, unexpected turn, indeed. And then it's followed by another unexpected turn--I remember the first time I read that part and thought that Annie might well be street pizza, only for it to turn out that she was relatively fine. Yay for surprises. X3

I also was very amused by the way she avoided capture after stealing that PokéNav, just as I was when I read the prior version of this story--I mean, there she was, having shed her sweats, actually talking face-to-face to the cops and leading them off-course. She was right frelling there, and they were none the wiser. XD Awesome.

It looks as though Alex is pretty nightmare-prone (which makes me all the more inclined to believe my aforementioned theory...). o.o Of course, that did mean another awesome, freaky Monster dream scene--I loved the cathedral scene in Chapter 2. X3 I liked the mention of the Red Chain in that scene, too--quite fitting, given the Sinnoh-Legendary-inflicted-destruction at the end of Chapter 3.

Spoiler: And speaking of other things--or rather, people--called "Red"...

...Could Alex's father be who I can't help but think he might be? o.o

Somehow I wasn't expecting Alex and Annie to find a hidden-passage-behind-the-bookcase-with-a-book-as-its-switch. o.o Incidentally, I find it amusing that the book that was a switch in disguise actually had the word "switch" in its title. X3 And when that huge-*** iron door at the end of the passage nearly fell on them... damn. o_o; That was certainly a close one...

And I loved what happened when they jumped over the hole that thing left in the floor. CONK! XD And then they found the skeleton, complete with spiders swarming around on it and in it. *shudders* What a nice, creepy image that was. X3 Heck, the entire scene in the Oak Estate had this nice air of creepiness hanging over it. I liked that. ^^

Plus, there was the surprise of Alex and Annie finding occupied Poké Balls--something I sure wasn't expecting them to find there. o.o And even less was I expecting Cynthia and her Lucario to show up--and it's damned weird that I didn't see that coming, considering that I had seen that banner you have in your sig around. XD;

Speaking of Cynthia:

“Ah, young love!” the woman suddenly cried from the table, still flipping through notebooks and manuscripts. “It can steal your emotion in a heartbeat, and your virginity even faster.”

THAT CRACKED ME UP. XD

I love the parallel you've drawn between the Myth of Veilstone and what's happening to the world in the wake of Professor Oak's death. The way it all ties in together is brilliant, in my opinion. *_* And I'm loving the apocalyptic elements in this too, oh hell yes.

And this:

“Good-night, Oaken Falls,” she said quietly, pressing lightly on the power button. “Good-night…Pallet Town.”

That actually brought tears to my eyes. ;-; I **** you not.

Oh, and lol at Cynthia and company nearly getting annihilated because of Daylight Savings Time. SPRING FORWARD OR DIE. X3 Lol also at the dude from whom they stole that car:

“KEEEYAAAA!” the man hollered. “GIT A-WEE FROM MAH CAR!”

THAT CRACKED ME UP, TOO. XD

And this:

“YOU CAN’T LET A POKÉMON DRIVE!” Alex shouted, grabbing at the front seat, eyes glazed with panic.

You know what that made me hear him saying? "OH MY GOD, LUCARIO IS DRIVING! HOW CAN THAT BE?!" XD Anything that reminds me of the "OH MY GOD, BEAR IS DRIVING! HOW CAN THAT BE?!" moment from the Clerks animated series makes me very happy indeed.

And the appearance of Giratina was ****ing awesome. *_* I loved the way you did that part. Equally ****ing awesome was the destruction Giratina wrought, and something else that got me to cry was the ending of Chapter 3, with Alex unable to do anything but scream and cry for his mother in the back seat while she was destroyed along with the rest of the city. ****ing damn. Powerful stuff, there.

Good concept, good characters, and good God, do I ever want you to put me on the PM list RIGHT NOW.

PS: You still owe me that can of salve. ;-;

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Thank you graciously for your review, Sike. ;___; I would answer the questions you have in spoilers, but that would be against the ruuuules.

Okay, so Chapter IV is still in progress.

But in my spare time, I cooked up a promotional music track for Oaken Falls and uploaded it to YouTube. If you want to check it out, it's riiiight here.

I hope that tides you over until the next chapter comes out. ^^; Busy busy busy I am.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Yes I know Chesh, I knew you'd have a good answer to my grumble, a good reasoning to counter my complaint, and as I said, I think I said, it's not you it's me.

It's really just me and one of my quirks :s

</3 btw :< make me think you have chapter four up!

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Chapter IV is intense. Again, I'm trying to keep all of the plot elements intact. @__@ I don't need more holes than I can fill. I also have a feeling that it's going to be longer than Chapter III.

If you want to know a little bit about what's going to happen next, go ahead and click the spoiler below.
[spoil]1. The identity of the Monster will be revealed.
2. The mastermind behind this gory story will be revealed.
3. A deal will be made.
4. At least two familiar characters will make their first appearances in this story.
5. The Pokemon in those Pokeballs from the Oak Estate will be revealed.[/spoil]