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Oh, this has got to be the good life [PG-13]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by jstinftw!, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. jstinftw!

    jstinftw! hontoni

    Hello, reader!

    Basically, what this is, is a writing exercise for me. But it's a bit bigger than that. I hope it's good enough that it was worth posting this, but meh. We'll see. I doubt I'll get any reviews for the first post, but maybe I will after I start posting the other parts. Maybe. haha

    Anyways, this was inspired by two things;
    1. the movie Eat, Pray, Love (will read the book someday) and
    2. This video project that some guys did. Here's a link to that project: http://vimeo.com/27246366
    Basically, what those guys did was travel all over the world and compacted it into one minute videos based upon three actions; Move, Eat, and Learn.

    This story is more like the second inspiration than the first. I think the phrasing of the first one was its only inspiration. haha. Maybe the poster for the movie too. But the concept of the movie is somewhat similar; my story is like that minus the huge underlying meaning.

    Also, there was a specific song that I listened to while writing this. For those of you have haven't guessed, it is Good Life by OneRepublic, the fourth single from their second studio album Wake Up. It's a nice song to listen to while reading this, but that might just be me. The song's meaning can be applied to the story, although judging from a couple live performances, there's another, totally unrelated meaning to the song.
    But anyways, here's a link for those who might want to try it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEpEeAPwdgs

    So, without further ado, here goes!

    Oh, this has got to be the good life

    Rating: PG-13, mainly for swearing.
    Point of View: First Person
    Summary: The diaries of a young woman, explaining her experiences through out her travels.
    Me. (completed)
    ------------ Experiences. (in the works)
    ------------ Places.
    ------------ People.
    ------------ Food.
    ------------ Sounds.
    ------------ Me.2


    My name is Mica Rae Sanders. Seventeen years old; female; born in Canalave City, Sinnoh; and I currently live everywhere. My trainer classification would be backpacker, since that’s what I do, but in no way do I run around in comfortable tank tops and cargo shorts. I like my pretty, pretty dresses, and dressing up. But I am not a Pokemon Trainer. That’s my boyfriend, Joshua Morgan. I do own pokemon, but I don’t do the whole “Raise ‘em, battle ‘em” thing.

    Now, everywhere. That’s a big term. I don’t actually live ‘everywhere,’ but I don’t really live anywhere either. The world is my home. Traveling, experiencing things, doing new things; that’s my thing. I’ve been almost everywhere. Johto, Kanto, Sinnoh, Hoenn… The only places I haven’t been are Unova and Orre, if we only consider the main bodies of land.

    A little more about me. I like to read, although I don’t read a lot. I read mainly when I’m on a boat and I’m getting ready for bed or something. I don’t really play any instruments, but I do try them out when they’re in front of me. I live simple; if I want to do something, I do it. There’s no reason for me not to try it out. You never know; you may really like it. I also like going out for walks, playing with my pokemon at the park, listening to music, laying in the grass, eating new food, dancing (although I’m in no way a good dancer)

    The important things to me are as follows and are in no particular order. Life and living. The people I care about. My pokemon. Love. Music and the soul. Simple as that.

    I’m also a bit random, but not so much that I hear a simple, random sound and I lose my train of thought. I just do silly things often.

    I have a bit of a potty-mouth too. But I try not to curse.

    I left Canalave City, despite the fact that everyone I loved and cared for was there, because I couldn’t take living in that shell anymore. I left when I was twelve. There was so much out there, so many things that I’d never seen or tried before, and staying in Canalave wasn’t going to help me. I had to get out of the controlled environment and ****in live! So I said goodbye to my family (which consists of my father, my mother, and my little brother who I miss oh-so-much) and kissed my boyfriend and left. I should have explained why I was leaving to him though; he thought he was the reason for the longest time. Thought I wasn’t happy with him anymore, and I just left as a way to “run away.” I laughed at him when I found out.

    Speaking of my boyfriend, he’s a really big part of my life, despite the fact that we’ve been in a long distance relationship for a long time. We started dating in November, on the 17th, way back when I was twelve and he was thirteen. It wasn’t really a serious thing back then, but we could never break-up with each other, despite the distance. Why not travel with him? He wants to train pokemon, collect badges, and partake in the Pokemon League, that kind of thing. I want to sight see. Live my life. Wake up in the morning, get up and walk, not knowing where I’m going. But we always stay in touch. Videophones, Pokegear, webcam, whatever we can do to talk. We stay up until late at night, talking about our days and stuff. I miss him so much. Sometimes, I wish I could just be beside him, and hold him again. But no matter how much I miss him, I can't abandon this lifestyle. Not yet. There's too much to see.

    I really live up to my backpacker classification.

    I have two pokemon; a zigzagoon name John Lennon (a.k.a. JL) and a shiny ponyta named Agnes. I met JL when I first reached the Hoenn region. Josh was getting on my case about me not having a pokemon to protect me, so I went out, tossed my Pokeball at a random bush and viola! John Lennon. I named him John Lennon because at first, I couldn’t come up with a good name for him. Then I played some Beatles songs, and he started to hum along. It was a Lennon song he started humming to (Happiness is a Warm Gun), so that’s his namesake.

    Agnes’ story is actually kind of sweet. I had JL with me, yes, but Josh wasn’t happy with my form of protection. I was, but that’s beside the point. My silly boyfriend decides to go to a breeding center and scout out some pokemon. He actually stays at that breeding center for three weeks before leaving with my new pokemon. He was lucky, he says, because he met someone who was willing to trade his shiny baby ponyta for some berries. Apparently, this breeder really needed these berries.

    But instead of sending it to me immediately, he waited until out monthiversary (people call this monthsary, but for some reason, I can’t say monthsary properly. I stumble with the syllables; and accidentally said ‘monthiversary’ while Josh was trying to teach me. And it stuck). Imagine my surprise when I got on one of the videophones in a local Pokemon Center and he told me to go to the receiving terminal. And then a pink and purple Pokeball materialized. And a ponyta blue flames instead of red and orange burst out of the ball. Imagine my surprise.

    I named her Agnes because she looks like a unicorn, and Agnes loves unicorns.

    Pretty good monthiversary gift, if I do say so myself. Josh doesn’t know how happy I am with her though. He thinks I’m nonchalant about the ponyta, but I’m ****in ecstatic about her! I trained her as best as I could, although I must admit, I’m bad at training.

    Oh. I’m bad at pokemon training. I didn’t pay attention a lot during the annual pokemon weeks while I was still in school. So it’s safe to say that my pokemon and I aren’t really accepting any challenges. We just want to explore and enjoy everything this world has to offer!

    I want to live. I stated this earlier but I want to stress this. I want to live. There is so much that the world has to offer. So many experiences to experience, places to go, people to meet, food to taste, sounds to hear. I’ve sacrificed so much just to do this, but this is what I want to do. This is the path I have chosen. And I’m sticking to it. Who knows what’ll happen to me once I’ve finished this journey of mine. But that’s not a big problem; I’ll find something I’ll love to do one day.

    A good man once said something. He was a teacher of sorts. “Find a job that you love to do, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” And that’s what I’m doing. Today, I love traveling. Tomorrow, who knows? Maybe I’ll bake. Maybe there’s a chance for me to become a trainer yet. Who knows?

    And there it is! Expect Experience to come out soon. Thanks for reading!
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2011
  2. Breezy

    Breezy Well-Known Member

    Your first person is nice to read. It's very stream-of-thought, which seems to fit your character's laid-back, go with the flow, personality but doesn't derail itself into a confusing mesh of character detail. For what you were writing, which is essentially a character bio, you kept it intriguing to read and were able to give your readers a feel for your character's personality without really deliberately stating what she's like. I do like that you did take the time to explain certain things, like her boyfriend John, who you, too, also gave a wonderful personality to without him actually being here or speaking (well, I suppose Mica gave him a wonderful, caring personality, but you portrayed that nicely); at the same time, however, you also don't explain everything, like who Agnes is other than her love for unicorns. I do love all the small detail you gave the characters so far as well, like why John Lennon is named John Lennon.

    Admittedly, and this is a personal thing, the "LIVING MY LIFE" message seemed forced or you just put it in there too many times/in places that seemed random. Like here:

    The placement of "live my life" seems random (it's snug between two everyday activities). And I get that she's a character that's optimistic and lives for the moment, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't try to proclaim it every chance she got, right? (Or maybe that's part of her character.)

    But like I said, that's totally my opinion; it isn't really an error (besides maybe repetition).

    On a smaller note, I love that you know how to use semicolons and how to use punctuation to your advantage rather than punctuation being an annoying necessity. I could hug you.

    Anyway, a good, solid start.
  3. jstinftw!

    jstinftw! hontoni

    Why thank you! I've only begun writing first person this year, so it's nice to see that it's starting to work out a bit. It might be the character though. heheh... I tried my very best not to make it become too much of a character-description overload. And in regards to Agnes, I was debating whether I should state the Despicable Me reference or not, and, as you can see, not won out. Should have done it, darn. haha.

    No, I see what you mean. I wanted to emphasize the 'live my life' statement throughout the 'Me' portion, and I figured it would go overboard somewhere. I just couldn't figure out when it was overboard, and just tried to make do. Hopefully it wasn't too bad. haha

    Hahaha. Why thank you. My teacher last year brought up how to use semi-colons, and I paid extra attention to that lesson. It was a short lesson, but I think I got the gist of it, and I tried to incorporate it into my overall writing. I think I still get it wrong sometimes, but I try. ^___^

    And punctuation's never been a hard thing for me, but I'm glad I didn't make any mistakes. Thank you for the compliment!

    And once again, thank you for the compliment. I was actually surprised someone reviewed this first part; I figured no one would until I got to the next part, or the part after. That is, if anyone did. It's a little random, and it's not even about a canon character. So yeah, thank you. Your review means a lot! Thanks for reading!

    A note to the other readers: Hopefully the next part comes out within the next week. I know I posted a "chapter" list above, but it's subject to change. I just wanted something tentative up, so that you all would have an idea of what this is. Thanks for reading!
  4. Ejunknown

    Ejunknown be creative

    First things first, in this review. I love the conversational style, but be careful that your sentences don't become lists:

    You also forgot a full stop there. >u<

    This makes her sound a bit of a simpleton, and an idiot. Honestly. There is honesty, and there is making redundant statements; be careful of those! >m<

    Second thing. Your characterisation. I noticed this as I was going through, so I highlight this next section specifically, as it scared me a tad on content.

    First thing, there will be a 'g' in that curse, *****ing (I'm assuming that is going to filter that for me. x'D

    Second thing. She's twelve. The fact that she has a boyfriend she has a strong commitment with, and makes such an intense and long term decision for herself, is not the actions of a twelve year old; maybe, maybe a fourteen year old. Nothing younger than that. I remember thinking I knew everything at age twelve, but long term and following it through? It's unrealisitc to believe she could keep it up.

    With the next segment, I want to add to this - especially without a Pokemon.

    The real world is a lot scarier **** than a twelve year old, obviously young (unless she does look like a sixteen year old at the age, which a friend of mine unfortunately does - she is five eight? she's a foot taller and farther along in development then everyone else in her class. She's self conscious about it.) with no way of earning enough money to support herself. It's unrealistic, and dangerous, and I really don't like how you've portrayed it here.

    Now. Back to reading this. >__<

    x'D This did make me giggle.

    I'm assuming, as it was your character's 'Monthsary' (cute name! >u<) that their ages are still quite young? The two of their relationship is cute, but still, isn't it unrealistic to expect such commitment from their age group?

    The main downfall I have with this story, despite how much I do like this honest and refreshing style, is that you the way you have done it, you have shown her as a ditz with her language 'random things distract me, oooh, butterfly', who can't take care of herself - despite the fact she has gone off on her own - and has to be recommended to do smart things by her thirteen year old boyfriend.

    You have removed any redeeming characteristics for this character, which disproves your plot as it made it evident that this girl can not take care of herself, despite the fact she insists she can. You feel sorry for her for being so simple, which is not the lasting impression you want to leave of this character. >__<

    I do like your writing style, though, it eases you in nicely and comforts you while you read it - but then again, it also goes to highlight her simplicity, which is not what you want! D: I hope this reviews helps you see what I see, because it'd be a shame to not see this continued, but I will not be interested in any further plot with this character.
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2011
  5. jstinftw!

    jstinftw! hontoni

    Hahaha. Ehh, can't please everyone.

    Your points are actually vary valid. I will keep in mind for future reference to be a little more realistic with things.

    However, this is Pokemon. People think it's a good idea to send 10 year olds out on their own. Why not a 12 year old? Sure, she doesn't have any Pokemon. But doesn't make it harder for her to live. She's in about the same boat as any 10 year old who goes on a journey. She might be better off (though this is only a probability and involves a bit of luck), since she doesn't have the mindset of having to get to this gym and that gym and beat this people. She can get on a boat, or walk, or get a ride, and stop at any city she pleases to do work. Any simple work. It's the world of Pokemon. Depending on your mood for the story, it can have a more optimistic view and a more realistic view.

    I went for the optimistic. Although maybe I should have reigned in the optimism a bit. @__@

    As for the simplicity, I know people who are simplistic. They don't need this and this and that. They like the simpleness. A little bit airheaded, maybe, but it doesn't necessarily make them any worse of than other people. Some of the smartest people I know also happen to be very simple. Their intelligence is not hindered by their simpleness, nor is the depth of their understanding. They just like the small things, and at most come off as a bit childish. The character I created for this story does happen to be simpleminded, but there's no harm in that. I personally do not feel sorry for simple people.

    But that's where personal interpretation comes in, so I can't really argue.

    Now the boyfriend thing. I know some people who became serious early on, and it's lasted until now. I also mentioned that at first, it wasn't a serious thing. There was just no reason for her to break up with him at the time (unless you count her leaving, but long distance does work out sometimes). And she was twelve. At the story's current time period, she's seventeen. Not to say there weren't any rough patches, but if two people really wanna keep things together, they can. It just depends on the two characters. If Josh were some scumbag who would date anyone who so much as glanced at him, then the relationship wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. If Mica Rae was a pessimist and thought they wouldn't work out from the get-go, things wouldn't have lasted. With the right ingredients, almost anything can work out. The important thing is the ingredients.

    I will work on preventing redundant and repetitive statements. haha. I think I tried a little too hard to get certain points across.

    But thank you for all your comments. They do help and keep me grounded, so I can look a bit closer in my story. I'll keep all the other mistakes in mind, but simpleness isn't really going to change, because that's the character I have established for the character. I'm a bit saddened that you won't be continuing the story, but it's ok. It's just not your cup of tea. But thank you for giving it the time of day to review; I will try my best to keep your comments (and Breezy's) in mind while righting the next part.
  6. Ejunknown

    Ejunknown be creative

    That did cross my mind. x'D

    To be honest, I enjoyed the simple things as well as a child, heck, I fully enjoy my childish side to this day; black humour made me laugh like hell, even when the rest of the class didn't get the ending of my 8th grade play they enacted, or why it was so funny. >__> (it was totally funny.)

    It just didn't seem as if that sort of person could be self-sufficient here - that that life style could not support her. Enjoying simple things, and looking at everything that- that optimistically, I guess, just didn't strike well with me, but it is a personal preference, then. >u< The environment I was brought in was rather driven (heck, really driven), and I view the world a little pessimistically. x'D I wish you good luck with this fic! <3
  7. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    EDIT: The previous text here has been removed, because what was said was nothign like what was meant. What I had wanted to say was a humorous aside to how een the simply minded lives can do so well despite usal expectations. To those of you sho got the e-mail with the original post in it, I'm sorry you had to read that.

    Okay, I'll shut up now. A nice solid start to the story, and a nice take focusing on a diffewrent class of trainer than the typical. Berries though? Me thinks the boyfriend may have left out a few details...

    Speaking of him. I have ti toss in my hat in the ring of "Thigs won't work. that young." I say that, because I just gradjiated two years ago, and let me go through the facebook list how many of my classmates are still paired.


    Nope, I don't think any of them ave made it. Middle School relationships too. Granted, the Pokemon world is different, there's less school in general, less clique-y ness and pettyness in school, so that helps a lot, but humans is humans. Perhaps a more unstable relationship in the fututre chapters to be viewed would be more realistic, or not? Or perhaps she's just too nieve?
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2011
  8. Ejunknown

    Ejunknown be creative

    Hee, did you just compare a magikarp to a person? Sure, we don't have problems with scavenging, bigger things that can eat us, and mating, but I thought our developed society had more factors involved then 'eat, excrete, reproduce'. Our society is safer, yes, and the basic principles remain the same, but apparently doing nothing to maintain oneself (as was my interpretation when I read this) and enjoying the simple things in life, are not the same thing.

    As I said in my previous post, however, this was my interpretation of what the author had taught the audience about the character, linked to my previous discussion of my more pessimistic view of self-sufficiency in the world, but it was my opinion. My preference in fiction is to try to apply realism, as I see it, to situations previously more optimistic, but it is preference. I was offering my opinion, in my review, to help characterization which I thought was unsustainable.

    Nachoe, I wish you all the best with this story.
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2011
  9. jstinftw!

    jstinftw! hontoni

    Well, the story is kind of capturing her feelings at the time. Mica Rae and Josh are characters I created for my other stories (Originally The Battle and now Black City). If you check those out, they're not together. At least not anymore.

    And I personally know of a Middle School couple that worked out until past high school, and are currently married and have on child (obviously, they weren't part of my age group). It works out sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. Very rarely. I agree, it is a bit of the stretch, which kind of put me on the seat about whether or not to go through with this, but Mica Rae has been travelling for some time. She left Josh in Canalave to go live her life, but they stayed together. For the story, I didn't want to right about a bunch of 20 year-olds. I wanted to keep it at a younger age group. And as I said earlier, it can work.

    All we need is love people. Some people can make that work. What if Josh and Mica are a part of that small group of people?

    I guess I didn't explain that very well. @___@ I'm going to incorporate that when I write the next parts then. But she does work. Random little jobs to support herself, because she does have to get money to survive. I do realize that part.

    @___@ I guess this wasn't written as well as I thought it might have been. So many loopholes!

    Anyways, I thank both of you for both of your reviews (i didn't catch the first part of Glover's review before he/she edited it so. ??). It's helped me try to think about what I should think about and incorporate while writing the next parts. Of course, your opinions are respected, and I took no offense to any of them (can you take offense to them? ....). Again, thanks for reading; I'm sorry it wasn't your cup of tea. (I think that last line sounds really sarcastic. Just to be sure; it's not sarcastic. ^___^)

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