Dragon trainer
Arise from the Ashes
The Johto journey's
I've written up the first chapter, i've done a spelling and grammer check, however this been the first chapter its rather long 5 pages in total, o well here it is critical evaluation is welcomed, without further ado here it is:
Chapter 1: Introductions
Sunlight pieced down into the near empty room, I was already awake, tomorrow was my finally day here, I looked around as I lay in the higher bunker bed, the peeling pale pink wallpaper, the sounds of the early morning pokemon, the aroma of the flowering berry trees and the climbers outside, the sights of what was the wardrobe now little more then a rail, with three sides, the door broken off, it once stood majestic, I wouldn’t see it again after tomorrow. I looked over, three uniforms hanging up, several pairs of jeans and tops, of various colours and styles.
The uniform here was comprised of a short black skirt, a white plain blazer and a pair of plain black shoes.
I slowly crept down the stairs, slipping half way but quickly gaining my balance, and then I whacked my knee.
“Oh flipping Latios” I cursed under my breathe.
The door opened quickly.
There was my best mate Rain, so called because of her sky blue eyes and matching hair, odd I had always thought.
“Yes Rain what do you want especially at this time in the morning?” I asked my voice now groggy from the early morning, once a rather tune sweet tune.
“Its 80clock” she hurried it out catching her breathe on the last word. Coughing and spluttering.
“Yeah so, it’s breakfast time and we don’t have lessons, we haven’t for the last two days” I replied, my stomach growled.
“Oh yeah” she dopily replied.
“You…oh god have mercy please Groudon!!” I buried my head in my hands, and walked over and gave her a slight slap, waking her up.
“Oh thanks for that” Rain replied, now sounding slightly more awake.
“Any time” I sarcastically replied.
“Oh do you know what starter pokemon we’re getting?” I asked, cocking my head slightly as Rain was sniffing the air.
“No I don’t and I smell fry up!” She eagerly replied.
She ran off in the direction of the kitchens and halls.
I shook my head, I walked underneath my bed, it was on of those beds where there is a desk underneath, and here I kept my most prized possessions.
I grabbed a small, clear bright blue bag, containing a bottle labelled ‘Mt moon shower gel’ inside was a gloopy liquid which was a pink colour, with small white bits inside, some visible. Observiously mixed in, there was a pink small electronic tooth brush, and a small tube of tooth paste, labelled ironically ‘Toothpaste’ and in the corner just visible whitens, cleans and leaves the mouth minty fresh and healthy and good looking.
I grabbed a pair of dark blue ripped styled jeans, and a halter back top, it’s my favourite, a baby blue colour, an embodied picture of a lovely horse type creature, running free on it, galloping its mane and tail made of fire, glowing orange and red and yellow. The body a perfect white, flames rising from the hooves which barely touched the surface, a ruby red colour. Its eyes looked deep into whoever looked at it, a ruby red colour. Its horse like head, perfect, the nostrils flared, the mouth closed, a horn protruding from its forehead, white as snow. The body sleek, slim.
I opened the door and found myself a free cuble wasn’t hard, as everyone was downstairs eating, gorging themselves. Hanging them out away from the water, I undressed, and turned the water on, hot water poured down over, burning my slim, adolescent body, I lathered up the shower gel, rubbing it over my body, the water washing it off, a slight chill breezed over and I shuddered slightly. I finished, turning the settings down to cold, I stood for 5 seconds, my body instantly awaking to this cruel harsh treatment.
I turned the shower off, and grabbed my towel, wrapping the cotton pink fluffy sheet around my body; I grabbed my clothes and walked over to the changing rooms. I locked the door and dried my body off quickly and applied deodorant, to the bare under arms. I hurried on my underwear, first with a pair of bright blue plain G – strings, and matching 34C bra. The jeans ran up my smooth legs easily, zipping them up and doing the button, tying the halter back neck top in a secure but tight knot and double bow.
I slipped on a pair of pink trainer socks, fitting up to my delicate ankles, covering my feet. I proceduced do to the same on my other foot, then putting on a fitting pair of white trainers.
I walked down stairs, the doors opened, everyone dressed in their own clothes chatting away to each other, and I found Rain, finally changed into some rather lovely looking clothes.
A summary yellow looking dress, complimenting her natural pale complexion and eyes, and her lovely figure, showing off her natural curves, thin body and developed chest. She wore a pair of white sandals showing off her pale yellow painted toes nails and feet.
I grabbed the seat opposite her, and helped myself to couple of pancakes, and a glass of orange juice.
“Finally your dressed” I joked to her.
“You like it? Think it suits me?” She asked nervously.
“It looks perfect on you, really suits you” I complimented her, meaning every word, pride beaming out.
She grinned and I back at her. I hurried down the pancakes.
Over and over in my head, going over want needed to be finished, any coursework to be finished.
“We got any coursework to complete?” I asked.
“No don’t think so, ive still to finish the breeding coursework, and data on all kanto and Hoenn pokemon, the Johto paper I did last night.”
“Done all that work, and have you done the work for battling, the combo moves and stuff?” I asked dreading the answer
“Yep we did that in class, and the essay on berries, and advanced battling and the essay on your favourite pokemon. I did mine on Surskit, hoping I get one as my starter” she replied, as a bright spark entered her eye when mentioning her starter.
“Done all that” I mentioned, “Here’s me hoping for a ponyta” I replied back, hope in my voice.
The bell rang, and a loud voice boomed over the halls:
“STUDENTS PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR DORMETORIES THE HALLS NEED TO BE PREPARED FOR A SURPRISE VISIT!”
At the moment the intercom, squeaked off, everyone started gossiping, rumours riffled though out the halls instantly.
Everyone left leaving the halls free.
*In the principals office*
A large woman was sat on a large chair, shivering, not from cold but from fear.
“Nice work principipal” The mans voice chilled the air. He grinned at her. He held a tape recorder to her moth.
“Now repeat after me … Please report to the halls now. Repeat it”
She shakily did as he said, she couldn’t argue not with a gun pointed to the head, and virouses looking cobra and odd pokemon ready to strike at any moment.
He started to walk out, but stopped at another young looking man, his rubble showing the tiredness of the past two days work.
“You know what to do when it’s right” he whispered. Handing him a black glossy hand gun, and three bullets.
Outside in the now quiet halls. He got his cell phone, and pressed ‘1’ it rung twice and a man answered.
“Yes sir, almost done …… perfectly sir…..thank you sir” A dial tone cut him off. He placed the cell phone back in the pocket of his trousers.
He walked off outside, ready to signal the operation into practise.
The last man fell to the floor, as the silent bullet buried into his skull, the strange man, threw down his black cloaked hood, revealing, a rather young man, slightly stubbled showing the effects of his under cover operation, a pair of emerald green eyes, slightly tired out, from the past two days of non stop travelling, long spikes of his purple hair, rose up, stuck firmly in place.
He grinned showing his pearly white teeth, neat and straight at the terrified women, now shaking.
“You don’t remember me do ya?” He asked, cocking his head, grinning, eyes gleaming as the sunlight streamed over then.
“Lance?” The woman calmed down, the young man grinned “Lance Dragonheart?” She asked further.
“Yep that’s me!” He answered cockey.
“But bu…” She started.
“Under cover” He answered.
She got up, waddling over, he put his arms out expecting a hug, and then SLAP, a large flat hand slapped him across his left cheek.
“Ow” he squawked out in pain, creasing it as it glowed a bright pink and red in colour.
“Don’t you dare scare me like that again Lance!!!!” The woman shrieked at him.
“Sorry” He pulled a baby face, rubbing the cheek.
“Right I need you to get them into the main hall, altogether in the middle. They’re gonna attack them going though each of the rooms, they were going to kill them and grab everything, any pokemon, student equipment, sell laptops and stuff, trying to attack me to get them to join them.” Lance ordered, with a demanding voice and determined eyes.
“But Lance” She started.
“Just to it” He ordered, turning round, shouting, leaving the stunned woman and Dragonite, in the room, looking bewildered at each other.
*Back to 1st person*
“COME ON NOW EVERYONE DOWNSTAIRS” Lance’s voice boomed thoughtout the halls.
I was sat on my bed, looking out the windows, rain pounding hard down, dark grey clouds had filled the sky, the white lighting bolting down, casting shadows down on the ground. On an old oak tree, this had died long ago, still standing tall a large gaping hole which sheltered a large number of wild bug pokemon and eggs could be clearly be seen, although one a small butterfly like creature, smaller then the rest, normally with a deep purple colouring to its colouring and deep midnight black eyes, this had, a pale purple body and deep purple eyes, only about three quarters in height, following that it was or must have been a small one of the litter.
Feeling sorry for it I opened my window a jar, it noticed this, and flew into the room, fluttering around, looking for a place to sleep, before settling down laying on the desk, laying on top of a book named ‘Pokemon battling strategies’. It wings folded backwards, perfectly shaped, its beautiful eyes, closed.
Its two large feet lying perfectly off its tired body. I walked over from it towards the old radiator, and switched it on, turning the large, now peeling knob onto light.
Instantly the room warmed slightly, I hoped it would help the creature warm up slightly.
It did the trick, awaking it slightly the drops of water drying off instantly, it groomed it self dry going away like a bird would using its strange shaped mouth, instantly cleaning it.
My door slammed open. Rain half ran in. Gasping for breathe.
“Rain, Rain what’s wrong?” I asked I’d never seen her like this before.
“Breathe Rain breathe in” At that she stopped breathed in and out.
“T Team Rocket L Elite” She gasped out. Before collapsing.
I picked her up and tossed her on my bed, I went to close my door, but heard strange voices, and streaming, hissing and guns going off.
I quickly shut my door, rather scared.
Then all of a sudden, a bright light shone in one corner of my room, and a rather tall man appeared.
I've written up the first chapter, i've done a spelling and grammer check, however this been the first chapter its rather long 5 pages in total, o well here it is critical evaluation is welcomed, without further ado here it is:
Chapter 1: Introductions
Sunlight pieced down into the near empty room, I was already awake, tomorrow was my finally day here, I looked around as I lay in the higher bunker bed, the peeling pale pink wallpaper, the sounds of the early morning pokemon, the aroma of the flowering berry trees and the climbers outside, the sights of what was the wardrobe now little more then a rail, with three sides, the door broken off, it once stood majestic, I wouldn’t see it again after tomorrow. I looked over, three uniforms hanging up, several pairs of jeans and tops, of various colours and styles.
The uniform here was comprised of a short black skirt, a white plain blazer and a pair of plain black shoes.
I slowly crept down the stairs, slipping half way but quickly gaining my balance, and then I whacked my knee.
“Oh flipping Latios” I cursed under my breathe.
The door opened quickly.
There was my best mate Rain, so called because of her sky blue eyes and matching hair, odd I had always thought.
“Yes Rain what do you want especially at this time in the morning?” I asked my voice now groggy from the early morning, once a rather tune sweet tune.
“Its 80clock” she hurried it out catching her breathe on the last word. Coughing and spluttering.
“Yeah so, it’s breakfast time and we don’t have lessons, we haven’t for the last two days” I replied, my stomach growled.
“Oh yeah” she dopily replied.
“You…oh god have mercy please Groudon!!” I buried my head in my hands, and walked over and gave her a slight slap, waking her up.
“Oh thanks for that” Rain replied, now sounding slightly more awake.
“Any time” I sarcastically replied.
“Oh do you know what starter pokemon we’re getting?” I asked, cocking my head slightly as Rain was sniffing the air.
“No I don’t and I smell fry up!” She eagerly replied.
She ran off in the direction of the kitchens and halls.
I shook my head, I walked underneath my bed, it was on of those beds where there is a desk underneath, and here I kept my most prized possessions.
I grabbed a small, clear bright blue bag, containing a bottle labelled ‘Mt moon shower gel’ inside was a gloopy liquid which was a pink colour, with small white bits inside, some visible. Observiously mixed in, there was a pink small electronic tooth brush, and a small tube of tooth paste, labelled ironically ‘Toothpaste’ and in the corner just visible whitens, cleans and leaves the mouth minty fresh and healthy and good looking.
I grabbed a pair of dark blue ripped styled jeans, and a halter back top, it’s my favourite, a baby blue colour, an embodied picture of a lovely horse type creature, running free on it, galloping its mane and tail made of fire, glowing orange and red and yellow. The body a perfect white, flames rising from the hooves which barely touched the surface, a ruby red colour. Its eyes looked deep into whoever looked at it, a ruby red colour. Its horse like head, perfect, the nostrils flared, the mouth closed, a horn protruding from its forehead, white as snow. The body sleek, slim.
I opened the door and found myself a free cuble wasn’t hard, as everyone was downstairs eating, gorging themselves. Hanging them out away from the water, I undressed, and turned the water on, hot water poured down over, burning my slim, adolescent body, I lathered up the shower gel, rubbing it over my body, the water washing it off, a slight chill breezed over and I shuddered slightly. I finished, turning the settings down to cold, I stood for 5 seconds, my body instantly awaking to this cruel harsh treatment.
I turned the shower off, and grabbed my towel, wrapping the cotton pink fluffy sheet around my body; I grabbed my clothes and walked over to the changing rooms. I locked the door and dried my body off quickly and applied deodorant, to the bare under arms. I hurried on my underwear, first with a pair of bright blue plain G – strings, and matching 34C bra. The jeans ran up my smooth legs easily, zipping them up and doing the button, tying the halter back neck top in a secure but tight knot and double bow.
I slipped on a pair of pink trainer socks, fitting up to my delicate ankles, covering my feet. I proceduced do to the same on my other foot, then putting on a fitting pair of white trainers.
I walked down stairs, the doors opened, everyone dressed in their own clothes chatting away to each other, and I found Rain, finally changed into some rather lovely looking clothes.
A summary yellow looking dress, complimenting her natural pale complexion and eyes, and her lovely figure, showing off her natural curves, thin body and developed chest. She wore a pair of white sandals showing off her pale yellow painted toes nails and feet.
I grabbed the seat opposite her, and helped myself to couple of pancakes, and a glass of orange juice.
“Finally your dressed” I joked to her.
“You like it? Think it suits me?” She asked nervously.
“It looks perfect on you, really suits you” I complimented her, meaning every word, pride beaming out.
She grinned and I back at her. I hurried down the pancakes.
Over and over in my head, going over want needed to be finished, any coursework to be finished.
“We got any coursework to complete?” I asked.
“No don’t think so, ive still to finish the breeding coursework, and data on all kanto and Hoenn pokemon, the Johto paper I did last night.”
“Done all that work, and have you done the work for battling, the combo moves and stuff?” I asked dreading the answer
“Yep we did that in class, and the essay on berries, and advanced battling and the essay on your favourite pokemon. I did mine on Surskit, hoping I get one as my starter” she replied, as a bright spark entered her eye when mentioning her starter.
“Done all that” I mentioned, “Here’s me hoping for a ponyta” I replied back, hope in my voice.
The bell rang, and a loud voice boomed over the halls:
“STUDENTS PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR DORMETORIES THE HALLS NEED TO BE PREPARED FOR A SURPRISE VISIT!”
At the moment the intercom, squeaked off, everyone started gossiping, rumours riffled though out the halls instantly.
Everyone left leaving the halls free.
*In the principals office*
A large woman was sat on a large chair, shivering, not from cold but from fear.
“Nice work principipal” The mans voice chilled the air. He grinned at her. He held a tape recorder to her moth.
“Now repeat after me … Please report to the halls now. Repeat it”
She shakily did as he said, she couldn’t argue not with a gun pointed to the head, and virouses looking cobra and odd pokemon ready to strike at any moment.
He started to walk out, but stopped at another young looking man, his rubble showing the tiredness of the past two days work.
“You know what to do when it’s right” he whispered. Handing him a black glossy hand gun, and three bullets.
Outside in the now quiet halls. He got his cell phone, and pressed ‘1’ it rung twice and a man answered.
“Yes sir, almost done …… perfectly sir…..thank you sir” A dial tone cut him off. He placed the cell phone back in the pocket of his trousers.
He walked off outside, ready to signal the operation into practise.
The last man fell to the floor, as the silent bullet buried into his skull, the strange man, threw down his black cloaked hood, revealing, a rather young man, slightly stubbled showing the effects of his under cover operation, a pair of emerald green eyes, slightly tired out, from the past two days of non stop travelling, long spikes of his purple hair, rose up, stuck firmly in place.
He grinned showing his pearly white teeth, neat and straight at the terrified women, now shaking.
“You don’t remember me do ya?” He asked, cocking his head, grinning, eyes gleaming as the sunlight streamed over then.
“Lance?” The woman calmed down, the young man grinned “Lance Dragonheart?” She asked further.
“Yep that’s me!” He answered cockey.
“But bu…” She started.
“Under cover” He answered.
She got up, waddling over, he put his arms out expecting a hug, and then SLAP, a large flat hand slapped him across his left cheek.
“Ow” he squawked out in pain, creasing it as it glowed a bright pink and red in colour.
“Don’t you dare scare me like that again Lance!!!!” The woman shrieked at him.
“Sorry” He pulled a baby face, rubbing the cheek.
“Right I need you to get them into the main hall, altogether in the middle. They’re gonna attack them going though each of the rooms, they were going to kill them and grab everything, any pokemon, student equipment, sell laptops and stuff, trying to attack me to get them to join them.” Lance ordered, with a demanding voice and determined eyes.
“But Lance” She started.
“Just to it” He ordered, turning round, shouting, leaving the stunned woman and Dragonite, in the room, looking bewildered at each other.
*Back to 1st person*
“COME ON NOW EVERYONE DOWNSTAIRS” Lance’s voice boomed thoughtout the halls.
I was sat on my bed, looking out the windows, rain pounding hard down, dark grey clouds had filled the sky, the white lighting bolting down, casting shadows down on the ground. On an old oak tree, this had died long ago, still standing tall a large gaping hole which sheltered a large number of wild bug pokemon and eggs could be clearly be seen, although one a small butterfly like creature, smaller then the rest, normally with a deep purple colouring to its colouring and deep midnight black eyes, this had, a pale purple body and deep purple eyes, only about three quarters in height, following that it was or must have been a small one of the litter.
Feeling sorry for it I opened my window a jar, it noticed this, and flew into the room, fluttering around, looking for a place to sleep, before settling down laying on the desk, laying on top of a book named ‘Pokemon battling strategies’. It wings folded backwards, perfectly shaped, its beautiful eyes, closed.
Its two large feet lying perfectly off its tired body. I walked over from it towards the old radiator, and switched it on, turning the large, now peeling knob onto light.
Instantly the room warmed slightly, I hoped it would help the creature warm up slightly.
It did the trick, awaking it slightly the drops of water drying off instantly, it groomed it self dry going away like a bird would using its strange shaped mouth, instantly cleaning it.
My door slammed open. Rain half ran in. Gasping for breathe.
“Rain, Rain what’s wrong?” I asked I’d never seen her like this before.
“Breathe Rain breathe in” At that she stopped breathed in and out.
“T Team Rocket L Elite” She gasped out. Before collapsing.
I picked her up and tossed her on my bed, I went to close my door, but heard strange voices, and streaming, hissing and guns going off.
I quickly shut my door, rather scared.
Then all of a sudden, a bright light shone in one corner of my room, and a rather tall man appeared.