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~Oo~ Naruto- Lessons of life~oO~ [PG-14]

Ri-Chan

♚ get s l e a z y
Hey ya'll! It's pokemonmaster21, back for more writing. You might have remebered me from my other few fics, such as ... The lauren Chronicles, and others. Well here i am, back for writing a naruto fic, which sets them in thier late teens, where they have fun, and talk about junk, and obviosly, battle! This is a comedy/action parody, so enjoy. Im just gonna start with a prolouge and character introduction..

Characters that will join us through the story...

http://i38.*******.com/slu4wh.gif
Hinata Hyuga
A shy and insecure young girl who has a mega crush a naruto (another main character) and fights using the Byakugan, a justsu passed down through her clan. She is the cousin of Neji. She constantly feels she cannot better herself, but after her battle with neji, and almost dying, she has the will power to change her powers.

http://i38.*******.com/ff7ny8.gif
Ino Yamanaka
A smart and sexy nina girl, she feels she is the hottest of the ninja girls. A total drama queen who allures her male foes, she realizes after the chunin competition that beauty will get her nowhere in the world of a ninja. After cutting her hair, she becomes a new person, physically and mentally.

http://i34.*******.com/121v4ec.gif
Itachi Uchiha
No much to say, aside of him being an evil power obsessed bas*ard who killed his whole family, nut just let his brother live

http://i37.*******.com/2r7lc02.gif
Naruto uzumaki

The main protagonist in the naruto stories, he believes one day that he will become the hokage. After defeating asuke and losing him as a friend to orochimaru, he realizes that he needs to train for further battles. He goes away for three years with his sensei....

http://i33.*******.com/dc3tb8.gif
Neji Hyuga
The strongest young member of the hyuga clan, neji possesses the byuakugan, as does hinata. Rumoured to be one of the strongest child in the leaf village, he is constantly in battles which people who claim to be better.

http://i35.*******.com/2i9o5eo.gif
Sakura Haruno
A young smart kunoichi who claims to be the smartest teen in the hidden leaf village. Never have gotten a bbad grade, The hokage tsunade takes her under her wing.

http://i37.*******.com/2q8brkg.gif
Sasuke uchiha
A young ninja from the leaf village. Orphaned at birth, he turned to the dark side with orochimaru, as past leaf village member.

http://i33.*******.com/9rk16p.gif
Temari
This young ninja girl is a member of the hidden sand village, and came to the leaf for training. The uses her humoungous fan to blow objects out of the way, and injure her opponents.

http://i35.*******.com/2d8hvts.gif
Tenten
A young kunoichi of the leaf village. The uses her talent with ninja tools to hurt oppenents. Her scrools summon them immediatly at will.

other characters include Tsunade, Jiraya, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kankuro, Gaara, Komachi, Kagura, towa, Yuago Uzuki, Choji, shikamaru and kisame.




Prolouge

The ninja lined up against the stone wall, awaiting orders from the hokage, Tsunade. Sakura stood with the ninja, accompaning the ninja. The anbu black ops stood in the line. Komachi, Yuoago, and Towa stood eagerly awaiting the hokage. Tsunade stepped forward, and began to speak.
"Towa, you and Komachi must battle, or just show me your jutsu."
"Yes, My Lady." said Komachi, bowing
" Yes ma'am!" said Towa.
"Komachi... you go first." said Tsunade
"Yes, I shall." said Komachi. "Ninja tool Barrage- Senbon hair needles!" She hit she dummy with great accuracy, and it went flying into the air. "Here goe's!" While in the hair, she pulled out her six, dagger like hairpins, and threw the at the dummy. She infused them wiht purple genjutsu chakra, so they cloned and did a 48 hit combo. The dummy and on the ground, and the ended the combo by putting a chakra drain on the dummy, so if he was real, i would suck his chakra up like a drain." Now for my secondary jutsu!" She made a combination of handsigns, and threw 100 chakra infused needles. The second dummy blew up at 40.
" Very well done Komachi. I se you work with needles, paper bombs, genjutsu, and infusing chakra. NIce work. Towa, your up."
"Yes, lady Tsunade!"
Towa did a combo of both red chakra and handsigns. He took out his sword, which turned red at the touch. "Red chakra sword- blade of red death!" He knocked the puppet upwards, and sliced him twice with his sword. While he was in the air, towa made his sword humoungous and sliced the dummy in half.
"NIce work..."

"Lady Tsunade! I see...!!

Who does Sakura see? some one evil, or a long lost friend. Tune in for chapter one: A new world- Same friends
 

Diddy

Renegade
Okay, so you have pistures of all your characters. Even thought the only people willing to read this, Naruto fans (of which I cannot count myself) would already know what the characters would look like and what their pasts are, so why waste a whole lot of page describing that.

Oh wait! It's so you can mask the fact that your prologue was too short, way too undescriptive and way too bad.

She made a combination of handsigns, and threw 100 chakra infused needles.

ascuse me.

What the flip is Chakra

She infused them wiht purple genjutsu chakra, so they cloned and did a 48 hit combo.

Yeah because everyone counts fights in terms of how many hits they do in a combo. Bully uses three hit gut combo. Nerd Faints!

Diddy uses ReviewJutsu to proclaim this fic SUB-PAR!

*Disappears in cloud of review induced mist*
 

Ri-Chan

♚ get s l e a z y
Okay, well, if you were a naruto fan, you would know what jutsu is.

That review was SUB-PAR.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Okay, well, if you were a naruto fan, you would know what jutsu is.

That review was SUB-PAR.

THIS EXCUSE IS SUBPAR.

As is this.. sorry and icky excuse of a prologue.

Sakura was standing with the ninja squad, obviously accompaning them.

Wow. Makes a difference doesn't it. When you actually have time to write and not using the reply button.

So because you posted a profile of each character, you think you can get away with this? With no description, personality, depth, anything?

Pft. Yeah right.

I am a Naruto fan and even tho I KNOW WHAT CHAKRA AND JUTSU IS THIS FAILS.

Go read Advice for Aspiring Authors and the Rule's thread. They do help you get better.

If you're just after mindless praise, well there's better forums for
that​
.
 

Diddy

Renegade
Above post was deleted hence it may cause confuse at what this user is refering to. But the advice was useful so it stays :D ~Zephyr Flare

Hey, hey, leave that expletive to Samuel L. Jacksom and Samuel L. Jackson alone.

If you want to write a fan fic, go ahead, all me and Yami were doing was telling you how to write a better fanfic, something people will enjoy

The sign of a good 'fanfic-based-on-an-anime-series' is that you can read and enjoy it without having any prior knowledge of said Fandom. For example, all I know about Naruto is that theres a bloke with spiky blonde hair with an orange outfit. And I suppose if a fanfic about Naruto that was written in such a way in which I didn't need any prior knowledge, I think I could enjoy it.

A pokemon fanfic for example, still needs descriptions about what the pokemon look like, descriptions about what the anime characters look like, just because its a pokemon forum doesn't mean you can skimp on the details.

If your going to write fanfics and post them on here, you might as well post stuff we will enjoy. Be a sport and listen to what people say that will improve your writing and make the fan-fic section a better place for everyone.
 
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Ri-Chan

♚ get s l e a z y
OMG im sooooo sorry Yami Ryu. This is my first non pokemon fic, and my first two pokemon fics recieved very good reviews fro mthe mojority of the fan fic raters/commenters. Sorry i got soo worked up. I had not time and noo motivation. Thank you for the great help ^-^
 
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