OK, this is my first fic, I enjoy creative writing so I thought I'd give it a shot. Please do not be too harsh with your criticism but constructive pointers are nice ^^;
Oh, and I will be writing from a girl's P.O.V. from Chapter 1 onwards, so any female critics out there, if the emotions/ actions Opal feels and makes are uncharacteristic of a 14-year-old girl, let me know. By the way, this is a Pokemon fic, just the Prologue does not involve Pokemon. Chapter 1 will...
EDIT: This fic takes place in semi-medieval Zeragravia.
As Butler brought out the first course of prawn cocktail, discussion between the couple turned to their one and only daughter, Opal.
“Dear, she would never manage. Anyway, I wouldn’t let you. She has been looked after with the utmost of care for her whole life, she can do barely anything for herself.” The Baroness frowned at her husband, rejecting his suggestion.
“Listen, I just think it would be good for Opal to learn the skills it takes to survive in the world outside the palace grounds, that’s all,” Baron Jewel retorted animatedly.
“No, I will not have it. Opal would die at the sight of the…” She paused to think of the word. “ ‘House’. Let alone the inside.”
“But honey, the Rudmans sent their son Topaz off to do the training! They said he is doing well and enjoys the different environment.”
The Baroness was really fired up now. “Who cares what the Rudmans have done? I care about what we do, not them. And I say we don’t do this. Opal would not last a minute out in the Peasant Country, she is completely un-independent. Not a chance.”
Opal, a few moments previous to this statement, had walked down the grand staircase from upstairs, where she had been resting in her chambers, to inquire about the time her dinner would be served. She stood at the door about to open it, when her mother said the word ‘un-independent.’ Opal turned away from the door, and put her hands over her face to mask the sound of her crying. She ran up the stairs back to her quarters, sobbing as she went…
Manene rushed down the hallway, almost tripping over its own feet. It never liked to hear its family be upset, especially young Opal. It skidded to a halt at the doorway into Opal’s bedroom. Manene lightly tapped on the door with its hand.
“Come in…” sniffed Opal, acknowledging the Pokemon’s presence.
Manene walked in and spotted Opal lying face down on her four-poster bed.
“Man?” it said, worried about Opal- she seemed really upset.
Manene was Butler’s helper, and the family pet. It was adored by everyone, especially Opal.
“Manene, my parents think I cant do anything for myself! They think I’m un-independent! I can do stuff for myself! Look!” Opal climbed off her bed and walked over to the window. But before she got there, she turned round to face Manene and said, “Could you open that for me?” Manene rolled its eyes and tottered over to the window. It hopped up onto the windowsill, where it proceeded to open the latch and let the fresh night air and the scent from the ivy outside wash in and paint the room with the smells of flowers and springtime.
“I can, I can! See, I managed to dress myself today!”
Manene clapped sarcastically.
“I know that’s not much, but it’s a start right?
Manene raised one eyebrow and looked at Opal.
“You’re not helping!” Opal moaned, wiping her nose with her lace handkerchief.
“But I know a way you can!”
Manene’s eyes widened. This was one of its many expressions for ‘Oh, lord’. Opal’s ideas that involved Manene always involved either dancing or heavy lifting. Not that Manene minded dancing…
“Listen, Manene, will you help me break free from this…. this… Iron Fortress of Oppression?!?”
Manene quizzically stared at her. Opal had been reading literature again.
Opal went through into her grand bathroom to collect some items. Manene followed, and sat on the edge of the bath, watching Opal collect soaps and beauty products. She stuffed them all into an old tote bag that lay beneath the towel rack.
“Manene. You have to come with me! I can’t go alone!”
Manene was smart and understood human speech better that some humans. It knew that there were so many things wrong with that sentence, given the circumstances. Opal was trying to go it alone; yet she just said she couldn’t do it. Why was she so upset if she believed the same thing as her parents?
Opal opened her wardrobe and removed a black dress, which she folded neatly and slipped into the bag. She found her red stilettos and put them on. Manene shook its head and came through from the bathroom and hopped back onto the windowsill.
“Come on, were leaving!” Opal slung the bag over her shoulder and stomped over to the door. Manene came down and pulled on her stylish red dress. She looked at her feet and saw Manene gesticulating wildly at the open window.
“Man! Nene, Nene, Man!”
“Oh. Of course. The window. Close it for me on the way out would you?”
Manene tugged her dress. It was trying to get her to leave out the window!
Opal was slow, but she understood what the little mime was getting at.
“Why should I use the window when I can use the front door?” asked Opal.
“Man. Man, manene. Man.”
This roughly translated as: ‘Because you don’t want them to know youre leaving.’
“Right. Oopsies!” giggled Opal, having a ditsy blond moment.
Manene had pushed the window open further and was beckoning to Opal to climb out. Opal looked nervous but clambered out the open window frame anyway. The ivy grew around the window and a branch was within grabbing distance. Opal reached out and touched the soft, spindly wood. Manene urged her to go on. Opal closed her eyes and jumped out the window….
Oh, and I will be writing from a girl's P.O.V. from Chapter 1 onwards, so any female critics out there, if the emotions/ actions Opal feels and makes are uncharacteristic of a 14-year-old girl, let me know. By the way, this is a Pokemon fic, just the Prologue does not involve Pokemon. Chapter 1 will...
EDIT: This fic takes place in semi-medieval Zeragravia.
Prologue
Butler pulled the chair out from beneath the table. The Baroness nodded her head in gratitude and sat down on the leather cushion that provided comfort on the hard wooden chair. She deftly unravelled her hair from the clips that had held it in place all day. Her long, auburn hair fell down to chest-height and Baroness Jewel smiled across the table to her husband, the Baron. He returned her loving expression with a look in his eyes that said, ‘I love you so much; I could never leave you.’As Butler brought out the first course of prawn cocktail, discussion between the couple turned to their one and only daughter, Opal.
“Dear, she would never manage. Anyway, I wouldn’t let you. She has been looked after with the utmost of care for her whole life, she can do barely anything for herself.” The Baroness frowned at her husband, rejecting his suggestion.
“Listen, I just think it would be good for Opal to learn the skills it takes to survive in the world outside the palace grounds, that’s all,” Baron Jewel retorted animatedly.
“No, I will not have it. Opal would die at the sight of the…” She paused to think of the word. “ ‘House’. Let alone the inside.”
“But honey, the Rudmans sent their son Topaz off to do the training! They said he is doing well and enjoys the different environment.”
The Baroness was really fired up now. “Who cares what the Rudmans have done? I care about what we do, not them. And I say we don’t do this. Opal would not last a minute out in the Peasant Country, she is completely un-independent. Not a chance.”
Opal, a few moments previous to this statement, had walked down the grand staircase from upstairs, where she had been resting in her chambers, to inquire about the time her dinner would be served. She stood at the door about to open it, when her mother said the word ‘un-independent.’ Opal turned away from the door, and put her hands over her face to mask the sound of her crying. She ran up the stairs back to her quarters, sobbing as she went…
Chapter 1- Opal Recruits
Chapter1 Opal Recruits a Helper… Manene rushed down the hallway, almost tripping over its own feet. It never liked to hear its family be upset, especially young Opal. It skidded to a halt at the doorway into Opal’s bedroom. Manene lightly tapped on the door with its hand.
“Come in…” sniffed Opal, acknowledging the Pokemon’s presence.
Manene walked in and spotted Opal lying face down on her four-poster bed.
“Man?” it said, worried about Opal- she seemed really upset.
Manene was Butler’s helper, and the family pet. It was adored by everyone, especially Opal.
“Manene, my parents think I cant do anything for myself! They think I’m un-independent! I can do stuff for myself! Look!” Opal climbed off her bed and walked over to the window. But before she got there, she turned round to face Manene and said, “Could you open that for me?” Manene rolled its eyes and tottered over to the window. It hopped up onto the windowsill, where it proceeded to open the latch and let the fresh night air and the scent from the ivy outside wash in and paint the room with the smells of flowers and springtime.
“I can, I can! See, I managed to dress myself today!”
Manene clapped sarcastically.
“I know that’s not much, but it’s a start right?
Manene raised one eyebrow and looked at Opal.
“You’re not helping!” Opal moaned, wiping her nose with her lace handkerchief.
“But I know a way you can!”
Manene’s eyes widened. This was one of its many expressions for ‘Oh, lord’. Opal’s ideas that involved Manene always involved either dancing or heavy lifting. Not that Manene minded dancing…
“Listen, Manene, will you help me break free from this…. this… Iron Fortress of Oppression?!?”
Manene quizzically stared at her. Opal had been reading literature again.
Opal went through into her grand bathroom to collect some items. Manene followed, and sat on the edge of the bath, watching Opal collect soaps and beauty products. She stuffed them all into an old tote bag that lay beneath the towel rack.
“Manene. You have to come with me! I can’t go alone!”
Manene was smart and understood human speech better that some humans. It knew that there were so many things wrong with that sentence, given the circumstances. Opal was trying to go it alone; yet she just said she couldn’t do it. Why was she so upset if she believed the same thing as her parents?
Opal opened her wardrobe and removed a black dress, which she folded neatly and slipped into the bag. She found her red stilettos and put them on. Manene shook its head and came through from the bathroom and hopped back onto the windowsill.
“Come on, were leaving!” Opal slung the bag over her shoulder and stomped over to the door. Manene came down and pulled on her stylish red dress. She looked at her feet and saw Manene gesticulating wildly at the open window.
“Man! Nene, Nene, Man!”
“Oh. Of course. The window. Close it for me on the way out would you?”
Manene tugged her dress. It was trying to get her to leave out the window!
Opal was slow, but she understood what the little mime was getting at.
“Why should I use the window when I can use the front door?” asked Opal.
“Man. Man, manene. Man.”
This roughly translated as: ‘Because you don’t want them to know youre leaving.’
“Right. Oopsies!” giggled Opal, having a ditsy blond moment.
Manene had pushed the window open further and was beckoning to Opal to climb out. Opal looked nervous but clambered out the open window frame anyway. The ivy grew around the window and a branch was within grabbing distance. Opal reached out and touched the soft, spindly wood. Manene urged her to go on. Opal closed her eyes and jumped out the window….
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