SilentMemento
Lone Wolf
Alright. I'm going to go through a long chapter-by-chapter review. Okay...here goes something:
Chapter Four:
Pierce is a Tenganist? That's certainly intriguing. I do wonder who the woman meeting with him is and what Ghetsis has done to her people. It also makes me wonder if the reason why Ghetsis treats Anthea and Concordia so poorly is because they have Tenganist backgrounds; from what I can see, he clearly has prejudices against those poor people. ...Or maybe they don't have those backgrounds. If they were, I could see him murdering them because of it. This is a lot more complex than I would have guessed.
Oh my goodness. I laughed so hard when the nurse said that Matt would be charged money for healing his Pokemon because he didn't have a Pokedex. That certainly explains why they're free in the games. XD
I think you accurately captured why Ghetsis was so dangerous in the B/W series. The fact that his speeches can cause some people to think about what he's saying - even if he doesn't mean any of it - immediately transports my mind to the 1930s, where another madman captured the attention of an entire nation with nothing but words. That, my friend, is an incredibly scary portrayal of Ghetsis. Major kudos to you. I do wonder how Nekou knows him, though. Hmm...
Pierce giving away all of that information to the group in that fashion is...very odd, to say the least. Why in the world is he helping Matt, and why wasn't the group suspicious of his motives instead of justifying them by saying that "he did nothing to hurt us"? If some guy walked up to me when I was eating and told me about someone as bad as Ghetsis under the guise of an information broker, I'd be pretty suspicious of the guy's motives. Forgive me for saying this, but it doesn't make much sense.
And the fact that he's mistreating them because they're Tenganists is confirmed. Doesn't make him any less scary. I think that the fact that he's going to use N and their own prophet to bring about their downfall is the most frightening part of all of this. This version of Ghetsis is more frightening than Everton and Nixon combined, which is saying a whole hell of a lot.
I quite liked the battle of Nando against Dahlia. It was a good pace, the description of the moves was superb, and I loved their respective battling styles and how they seemed to fit the trainers in question. I'm not quite sure why Nando has a Dragonite if he's a master of bug and grass types as well as Pokemon that are influenced by sound, but that's a minor quibble compared to the whole. Well done.
This time, I loved your portrayal of Silver. You've done a lot of work to accurately portray his character, and I have to give you all sorts of props for that. His Pokemon fit his battling style, and I enjoyed this battle even more than I did with Nando and Dahlia. I quite enjoyed seeing Silver's perspective as well. I do wonder who his source is, though...
Chapter Five:
Oh, man. I quite enjoyed the battle of Matt versus Dahlia. I love how you created new ways for the moves to be used, and I loved how the battle styles of Matt and Dahlia contrasted. It's this kind of creativity that makes your battles so enjoyable to read. Having Patrick use earthquake when Zapdos was forced to the ground was a stroke of pure brilliance on Matt's part.
Team Rocket trying to convert Matt over to their side...well, I guess it's worth a shot, even if that plan doesn't stand a chance of working out.
Hmm...Dahlia's right, though. Matt's going to have to start out with a plan in his battles. He will eventually be defeated if he keeps going in blind. Chance is a lot more fickle than luck. Dominic seems like an interesting character, but the Angel Corporation sounds suspicious when you think about it. Lots of references to angels...
The TR interactions between Pierce, Zager, Ariana, and Giovanni were awesome, and Ariana's line about ignoring the suggestion was full of epic win. I wonder if Proton and Petrel will come into play, though... Also, Giovanni and Stacia's relationship was nicely developed as well. You can tell that he has a certain soft spot with her, even if he won't admit it.
Darkness, Chaos, and Pestilence...those are awesome names for the Shadow Triad members. I have to say, I love the way you're mixing perspectives, comparing and contrasting them. Moving from the insanity of Ghetsis to the relative calm tension between Matt and Nekou was nice. The scene between them was very sweet, I must admit.
Chapter Six:
A mobile home/lab combination? Where can I get one of those?
Oh, you're using the dreaded Pokerus virus? Yeah, you were right about Polaris. Every single time you go into their perspective, they freak me out just a little bit more. And an expert on Pokemon strength? I think I knew who he was before that last chapter.
Well, you certainly did a good job with Renzo's character. Before, he just seemed...crazy and not all that interesting to me. With his interactions with the Cottonee and the children, though, he's more of a sympathetic character with a Freudian excuse for his actions. I still think that Renzo is batshit insane, and I don't like him much, but at least he seems like he has a reason for it. I'm starting to think that Rich really did kill - or badly hurt - someone that was close to him. And the fact that he has a Drowzee certainly increases my opinion of him. ;P ...But the fact that he brutally hurt Olivia's Pokemon immediately lowers it again. Thank you, N, for stepping in. Although...Nikolai? That's a new one.
Transcendence? And Sheena...I know I've heard that name before. Was she in the first fic of the Gear series?
N's right, though (even if he was a little over the top with his reaction); Matt really hasn't used Charlotte much. He should make a conscious effort to interact with her. I absolutely love the way you're portraying these canon characters, as well as your original characters. I wonder what Matt'll name his new Roggenrola, though...
So Chaos finally makes his appearance...but why would he be fooled by the sincerity in N's tone? Surely he remembers him, right? ...And Nekou is also called Black Cat? Um...that actually fits her. And why is nobody questioning the fact that her eyes occassionally turn yellow?
So Chaos' Bisharp is the leader of its pack, huh? Fitting. I definitely consider the whole species to be some of the most dangerous Pokemon on the planet. And Chaos is such a little punk for using a poison dart. Ninjas, I tell you... -shakes head-
Tobias...is that the same Tobias who had the Darkrai and Latios against Ash? If so, who is Gabriella? And now the Angel Corporation pops up again. Curious...very curious...
Holy crap...Mercury is Matt's mother?! And Mr. Pokemon is a Polaris spy?! Wow. I did not expect those twists. ...So Jessie and James evolved their Pokemon? About time; it's a shame that the last time both of them had evolved Pokemon was when Arbok and Weezing were still on the team.
...Oh no. Meowth...Polaris, you (censored for twenty-four minutes). Just when I think that I can't hate them more, they always manage to one-up themselves. Damn you, Polaris... Still, Ariana just proves how utterly awesome she is by being the big damn hero and saving the...I was almost going to say "trio"...again, damn you, Polaris.
Chapter Seven:
Oh, man, I can't stop laughing. Zager and Pierce + Internet = winning on a scale so epic that it defies everything. And Slowpoke Tail? You really do think of everything...
It's good to hear that N (I just can't call him "Nikolai") will recover from the poison. Not so good that Ghetsis is whipping people into a frenzy. The fact that he actually got a mob to protest against the gym is really frightening...and that's nothing compared to what happens later in the chapter.
Seduire is really starting to creep me out. She's clearly obsessed with Matt. It makes me think that she knows him from somewhere and that she thinks that she's in love with him or something like that. It's like having a psycho-ex stalker, and it's really creeping me out. Mercury's words at the end didn't help either.
And Ghetsis. Oh my fate, Ghetsis. What he's doing to Chaos is sickening. I don't even like the Shadow Triad, and I feel completely sorry for the poor guy. Ghetsis, you complete monster...
Avril, Monroe, and Helena have really distinct personalities. I think Helena is my favorite out of the three because of the way that she overcame her disability. Major props goes to her for that and kudos to you for the way you're handling her character. And Amanda is awesome as well for overcoming her disability. The fact that she's a teacher just makes it even better.
Am I sensing another rival for Olivia in Avril? I can't believe she already managed to evolve her Snivy. She must be a pretty good trainer...but her arrogance is going to end up costing her someday. Right now, she's on a roll. She has momentum on her side; I doubt that she's lost yet. It'll be interesting to watch Avril when she gets soundly defeated by someone who's much better than she is (like Olivia was with Renzo) - and it will happen. Something I learned from sports: those who thrive solely on momentum and the high points are the least prepared to face the low points.
The battle between Amanda and Matt...well, he wasn't lying when he said that she was better than him. She is. He's just a lot more unconventional - and that tends to win him matches more often than not.
Zinzolin...and he's leading a mob against the school. All that's missing is the pitchforks and torches. I can see why you didn't want to post this chapter immediately; this is a very frightening scene in its own right. I must admit, though; the Torchic hatching-maturing-laying-eggs line was seriously cool.
...Zinzolin's just as crazy as Ghetsis (and apparently went to the same public speaking/debate school). Ordering his Pokemon to target Amanda is terrifying. I don't get why she thought he was targeting her students, though. Maybe you could justify it as the heat of the battle getting to her head, but Amanda (from my limited perspective of her) doesn't seem like the type who would lose her head like that.
I loved this battle, not for the description, but for the way Amanda completely took Zinzolin to task. I certainly wouldn't want to face her in a Pokemon battle.
...And again you do a nice job contrasting the scenes and creating a whiplash between the attack on the school, and the budding rivalry between Olivia and Avril. Their interactions are adorable. Enough said.
Again, the reason why Polaris hates Matt and Amanda is the reason why I hate Polaris so much. There's no damn reason why they should be opposed to disabled people who have no other options try to improve their quality of life. Seriously, don't get me started on how I feel about that backwards thinking.
The Jewel of Life notes are freaky in their own right...wow. I can't even imagine what kind of disaster this must have been...
Colress Antimony...what a seriously awesome name for a seriously awesome scientist. He's just as awesome as I thought he'd be, and he looks like he's in-character.
Overall, I'm loving how where this story is going, and I love speculating on it, even if I'm wrong. I do wonder when the Kiss of Death will show up, though...ah, never mind. Hope this review has helped. Sorry for the late reply~
Sincerely,
Mem.
Chapter Four:
Pierce is a Tenganist? That's certainly intriguing. I do wonder who the woman meeting with him is and what Ghetsis has done to her people. It also makes me wonder if the reason why Ghetsis treats Anthea and Concordia so poorly is because they have Tenganist backgrounds; from what I can see, he clearly has prejudices against those poor people. ...Or maybe they don't have those backgrounds. If they were, I could see him murdering them because of it. This is a lot more complex than I would have guessed.
Oh my goodness. I laughed so hard when the nurse said that Matt would be charged money for healing his Pokemon because he didn't have a Pokedex. That certainly explains why they're free in the games. XD
I think you accurately captured why Ghetsis was so dangerous in the B/W series. The fact that his speeches can cause some people to think about what he's saying - even if he doesn't mean any of it - immediately transports my mind to the 1930s, where another madman captured the attention of an entire nation with nothing but words. That, my friend, is an incredibly scary portrayal of Ghetsis. Major kudos to you. I do wonder how Nekou knows him, though. Hmm...
Pierce giving away all of that information to the group in that fashion is...very odd, to say the least. Why in the world is he helping Matt, and why wasn't the group suspicious of his motives instead of justifying them by saying that "he did nothing to hurt us"? If some guy walked up to me when I was eating and told me about someone as bad as Ghetsis under the guise of an information broker, I'd be pretty suspicious of the guy's motives. Forgive me for saying this, but it doesn't make much sense.
And the fact that he's mistreating them because they're Tenganists is confirmed. Doesn't make him any less scary. I think that the fact that he's going to use N and their own prophet to bring about their downfall is the most frightening part of all of this. This version of Ghetsis is more frightening than Everton and Nixon combined, which is saying a whole hell of a lot.
I quite liked the battle of Nando against Dahlia. It was a good pace, the description of the moves was superb, and I loved their respective battling styles and how they seemed to fit the trainers in question. I'm not quite sure why Nando has a Dragonite if he's a master of bug and grass types as well as Pokemon that are influenced by sound, but that's a minor quibble compared to the whole. Well done.
This time, I loved your portrayal of Silver. You've done a lot of work to accurately portray his character, and I have to give you all sorts of props for that. His Pokemon fit his battling style, and I enjoyed this battle even more than I did with Nando and Dahlia. I quite enjoyed seeing Silver's perspective as well. I do wonder who his source is, though...
Chapter Five:
Oh, man. I quite enjoyed the battle of Matt versus Dahlia. I love how you created new ways for the moves to be used, and I loved how the battle styles of Matt and Dahlia contrasted. It's this kind of creativity that makes your battles so enjoyable to read. Having Patrick use earthquake when Zapdos was forced to the ground was a stroke of pure brilliance on Matt's part.
Team Rocket trying to convert Matt over to their side...well, I guess it's worth a shot, even if that plan doesn't stand a chance of working out.
Hmm...Dahlia's right, though. Matt's going to have to start out with a plan in his battles. He will eventually be defeated if he keeps going in blind. Chance is a lot more fickle than luck. Dominic seems like an interesting character, but the Angel Corporation sounds suspicious when you think about it. Lots of references to angels...
The TR interactions between Pierce, Zager, Ariana, and Giovanni were awesome, and Ariana's line about ignoring the suggestion was full of epic win. I wonder if Proton and Petrel will come into play, though... Also, Giovanni and Stacia's relationship was nicely developed as well. You can tell that he has a certain soft spot with her, even if he won't admit it.
Darkness, Chaos, and Pestilence...those are awesome names for the Shadow Triad members. I have to say, I love the way you're mixing perspectives, comparing and contrasting them. Moving from the insanity of Ghetsis to the relative calm tension between Matt and Nekou was nice. The scene between them was very sweet, I must admit.
Chapter Six:
A mobile home/lab combination? Where can I get one of those?
Oh, you're using the dreaded Pokerus virus? Yeah, you were right about Polaris. Every single time you go into their perspective, they freak me out just a little bit more. And an expert on Pokemon strength? I think I knew who he was before that last chapter.
Well, you certainly did a good job with Renzo's character. Before, he just seemed...crazy and not all that interesting to me. With his interactions with the Cottonee and the children, though, he's more of a sympathetic character with a Freudian excuse for his actions. I still think that Renzo is batshit insane, and I don't like him much, but at least he seems like he has a reason for it. I'm starting to think that Rich really did kill - or badly hurt - someone that was close to him. And the fact that he has a Drowzee certainly increases my opinion of him. ;P ...But the fact that he brutally hurt Olivia's Pokemon immediately lowers it again. Thank you, N, for stepping in. Although...Nikolai? That's a new one.
Transcendence? And Sheena...I know I've heard that name before. Was she in the first fic of the Gear series?
N's right, though (even if he was a little over the top with his reaction); Matt really hasn't used Charlotte much. He should make a conscious effort to interact with her. I absolutely love the way you're portraying these canon characters, as well as your original characters. I wonder what Matt'll name his new Roggenrola, though...
So Chaos finally makes his appearance...but why would he be fooled by the sincerity in N's tone? Surely he remembers him, right? ...And Nekou is also called Black Cat? Um...that actually fits her. And why is nobody questioning the fact that her eyes occassionally turn yellow?
So Chaos' Bisharp is the leader of its pack, huh? Fitting. I definitely consider the whole species to be some of the most dangerous Pokemon on the planet. And Chaos is such a little punk for using a poison dart. Ninjas, I tell you... -shakes head-
Tobias...is that the same Tobias who had the Darkrai and Latios against Ash? If so, who is Gabriella? And now the Angel Corporation pops up again. Curious...very curious...
Holy crap...Mercury is Matt's mother?! And Mr. Pokemon is a Polaris spy?! Wow. I did not expect those twists. ...So Jessie and James evolved their Pokemon? About time; it's a shame that the last time both of them had evolved Pokemon was when Arbok and Weezing were still on the team.
...Oh no. Meowth...Polaris, you (censored for twenty-four minutes). Just when I think that I can't hate them more, they always manage to one-up themselves. Damn you, Polaris... Still, Ariana just proves how utterly awesome she is by being the big damn hero and saving the...I was almost going to say "trio"...again, damn you, Polaris.
Chapter Seven:
Oh, man, I can't stop laughing. Zager and Pierce + Internet = winning on a scale so epic that it defies everything. And Slowpoke Tail? You really do think of everything...
It's good to hear that N (I just can't call him "Nikolai") will recover from the poison. Not so good that Ghetsis is whipping people into a frenzy. The fact that he actually got a mob to protest against the gym is really frightening...and that's nothing compared to what happens later in the chapter.
Seduire is really starting to creep me out. She's clearly obsessed with Matt. It makes me think that she knows him from somewhere and that she thinks that she's in love with him or something like that. It's like having a psycho-ex stalker, and it's really creeping me out. Mercury's words at the end didn't help either.
And Ghetsis. Oh my fate, Ghetsis. What he's doing to Chaos is sickening. I don't even like the Shadow Triad, and I feel completely sorry for the poor guy. Ghetsis, you complete monster...
Avril, Monroe, and Helena have really distinct personalities. I think Helena is my favorite out of the three because of the way that she overcame her disability. Major props goes to her for that and kudos to you for the way you're handling her character. And Amanda is awesome as well for overcoming her disability. The fact that she's a teacher just makes it even better.
Am I sensing another rival for Olivia in Avril? I can't believe she already managed to evolve her Snivy. She must be a pretty good trainer...but her arrogance is going to end up costing her someday. Right now, she's on a roll. She has momentum on her side; I doubt that she's lost yet. It'll be interesting to watch Avril when she gets soundly defeated by someone who's much better than she is (like Olivia was with Renzo) - and it will happen. Something I learned from sports: those who thrive solely on momentum and the high points are the least prepared to face the low points.
The battle between Amanda and Matt...well, he wasn't lying when he said that she was better than him. She is. He's just a lot more unconventional - and that tends to win him matches more often than not.
Zinzolin...and he's leading a mob against the school. All that's missing is the pitchforks and torches. I can see why you didn't want to post this chapter immediately; this is a very frightening scene in its own right. I must admit, though; the Torchic hatching-maturing-laying-eggs line was seriously cool.
...Zinzolin's just as crazy as Ghetsis (and apparently went to the same public speaking/debate school). Ordering his Pokemon to target Amanda is terrifying. I don't get why she thought he was targeting her students, though. Maybe you could justify it as the heat of the battle getting to her head, but Amanda (from my limited perspective of her) doesn't seem like the type who would lose her head like that.
I loved this battle, not for the description, but for the way Amanda completely took Zinzolin to task. I certainly wouldn't want to face her in a Pokemon battle.
...And again you do a nice job contrasting the scenes and creating a whiplash between the attack on the school, and the budding rivalry between Olivia and Avril. Their interactions are adorable. Enough said.
Again, the reason why Polaris hates Matt and Amanda is the reason why I hate Polaris so much. There's no damn reason why they should be opposed to disabled people who have no other options try to improve their quality of life. Seriously, don't get me started on how I feel about that backwards thinking.
The Jewel of Life notes are freaky in their own right...wow. I can't even imagine what kind of disaster this must have been...
Colress Antimony...what a seriously awesome name for a seriously awesome scientist. He's just as awesome as I thought he'd be, and he looks like he's in-character.
Overall, I'm loving how where this story is going, and I love speculating on it, even if I'm wrong. I do wonder when the Kiss of Death will show up, though...ah, never mind. Hope this review has helped. Sorry for the late reply~
Sincerely,
Mem.
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