Hush, keep it down
Sorry this isn't a huge review as everyone else pretty much said my thoughts on the chapter in greater detail (read through the chapter on the bus ride and wasn't able to do this review until much later). There are a few things I quite like, so I'll mention those.
That's okay. I obviously appreciate any review at all.
As the others said the development on the characters in this chapter are great. Nice to see Olivia warming up to Oshawott a bit more (don't think the little guy deserved the harsh treatment from before heh). Matt and Nekou's interaction at the end is a very enjoyable read too, shows the both of them are trusting/giving each other respect now.
Both of these things are going to continue in the next chapter. Definitely keep an eye on Oshawott, and when it comes to Matt and Nekou trusting each other, there's more to that scene you haven't seen yet.
Backtracking a bit, Matt's explination in wanting to keep Olivia's innocence--yeah gonna agree with Nekou that five years is a long time. Still a good scene with them I like too. Also in that part good to see Nando appearing again and Pansage does fit him well.
I think it was important to show that main characters can make mistakes. Really, Olivia is guilty of it too, when you consider her reaction to Oshawott. I want them to be likable but flawed.
Nando wasn't a major role, so I was a little worried that bringing him in this chapter might have been a mistake.
Nekou going berserk is quite frightenging. .__. Luckily Looker came in time to help. Kinda wonder where Looker went to next after that incident and Matt's reaction to Looker's sudden apperance, but I guess that'll drag on the chapter a bit more and wouldn't flow too well.
That incident with Nekou is a turning point, but I'm sure you could already realize that.
Looker's actions are going to be clarified a bit in the next chapter.
The mention of Saeko Oryo in this chapter have me more interested in her, especially with the prophet's sudden outburst at Pierce when he mentioned her name. Dang.
That's going to come up again pretty soon. And I think you'll be very, very surprised as to how and why.
Pretty sure the "she" being referred here is Bunny. If so
I don't think that'll be the case (until she meets with Matt and the gang :x) I'm sure I missed something, though haha.
Yeah, you're right.
Overall another enjoyable chapter there. Looking forward to more!
Glad you liked it!
I’ve gotta say that a strong point of your writing is your dialogue, especially with the Polaris characters. There’s enough formality to make it seem realistic, yet there’s some fun, playful dialogue in there to show how familiar they are with each other.
Yet, are they actually familiar with each other at all? I think that's a question you might be asking yourself sometime in the future...
Thank you for the compliment, in all seriousness. I enjoy writing dialogue; it's really a great tool for establishing both setting and characters.
I thought this was a cute moment. I’d like to know more about Nando, to be honest. He might be the thing Olivia needs to get back on track.
He could certainly help. Maybe I can figure out some ways to work him in a bit more extensively than I initially planned.
Tell me about it, Nekou. I think caves are worse than swimming.
Oh, if this story was in Hoenn, I could only imagine what kind of things she'd be saying.
I think you said that Olivia’s smile toward Nando was “her first in some time”, too, and it didn’t seem that long ago.
You're right, and I could have phrased the lines better, but I feel like I should point out that the smile at Nando was described as happening "for the first time in what seemed like forever to Matt," meaning that one was framed just in his perception.
Interesting. It seems similar to how the pokémon react to the Meteonite. I wonder if that has anything to do with it? Either way, it’s just another thing that adds to Nekou’s character.
That's a curious observation. Obviously I can't say much right now, but it's something that's going to be revisited. Oh, will it ever be revisited...
Overall, good chapter. Lots of mysteries still surrounding everything, but things are still happening and everything is clear. Well done.
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
Just a few general updates:
I'm still in the process of putting all the content on it, but I created a blog on Tumblr for chapter updates, author notes, artwork, and whatever else related to this.
The next chapter is coming along decently; it's probably about half done or so, and the rest won't be too difficult once I buckle down and get going on it.