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Operation GEAR: The Angel of Reckoning (R)

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
As soon as Matt gave his assent, the glass changed from opaque to clear, revealing two men behind it. One was Looker, holding a small remote in his hand that triggered the change in the window.

The other was an elderly man in an orange prison jumpsuit. He was balding, retaining only some wisps of white hair on his head, but he also had an unkempt beard similarly lacking in color. When he set his eyes upon Matt, he smiled and slowly picked up the phone on his side of the window.

“Hello, Matt,” he calmly said.

“And hello to you, Jacob…” The bitterness in Matt’s voice was obvious.

“To what do I owe this pleasure? It’s quite nice to have you come calling with your rather lovely new friends.”

Matt didn’t see Nekou blanche at the implicit suggestion in Jacob’s words, but he didn’t have to as he felt a similar revulsion. Bunny, meanwhile, simply sat stone-faced, staring at her former professor and friend.

“Don’t push your luck, Jacob,” Matt growled, clutching his shoulder where Jacob had once shot him. “I would rather just watch you go back to prison for the murder you committed. Unfortunately for me, I need help and you’re the only man I can turn to.”

“So what is it? What did you seek me out for?”

“It’s about the past of this country and the world. I am aware of the existence of a certain Guild of men that shaped the world’s history thousands of years ago, but they dropped off the charts of history around the time of Caitlin the First’s rule over this country, about a century and a half ago.”

“Did you ever think that they don’t exist anymore?”

Matt almost instantly became visibly flustered at the suggestion. “But… I remember back to when I found the Golden City of La Ciudad Dorada years ago… that man who tried to stop me, Count Fernando VIII… he said that he thought people from that Guild were coming for him and an artifact in his possession. He thought I was one of them.”

“And since when do you put stock in the ravings of a madman?” Jacob reproached him. “You’re Sutter’s grandson, I know you’re smarter than that. Listen well. That Guild disbanded after the events of the attempted revolution led by Colonel Nixon against Caitlin the First in the year 1850.”

Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew the events Jacob was referring to, especially because he had lived them. Some time earlier, while at the Indigo Plateau investigating the ruins of an ancient city, Matt, Nekou, Olivia and Bunny had been sent back in time by a strange phenomenon and witnessed the rebellion firsthand. Recalling these events led Matt to a realization he considered even more ominous – the Time Gate phenomenon in Ilex Forest was very similar to what had happened.

“…are you even listening?” Jacob snapped, bringing Matt back to reality. “They were disbanded because their influence was seen as no longer necessary. Caitlin the First instated the earliest workings of what would become the Pokémon League. As it were, she replaced the guiding hand of a secret organization with bread and circuses for the people, but damn if it didn’t work.”

Matt stood and stepped away from the glass, running his hand down his face. All of a sudden, his quest for the truth of the events of the past had hit a wall. He considered the apparent link to the Guild a clue to why those events had taken place, but with that lead now quashed by Jacob, he felt helpless, as if he had run headfirst into a brick wall.

He failed to notice Nekou take up the phone.

“I’ve got a few questions for you too, old man.”

Jacob’s expression brightened at the chance to talk to her. “Well, I have to consider this quite a gift. I’ve been in prison for a long time now, after all. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You’re lucky I need you. And you’re even more ****ing lucky you’re on the other side of that glass, because don’t you think for a second I’d hesitate to crack you one for that. I need to know more about what’s in this book.”

Nekou produced the book she’d stolen from the Pokémon Academy library, the one where Sutter and Jacob recounted their adventures. Much to her surprise, as soon as he saw it, Jacob turned white as a sheet and attempted to stand, only to be restrained by his handcuffs bracing him to the table. He ended up smashing his face against the glass.

“No! Not that!” he screamed. “Don’t read that! What’s in that book should have been burned decades ago!”

“Well I hate to tell you, but it’s more relevant than ever now. I read all about your travels with Sutter Chiaki in it… but what’s really got me intrigued is this one person, Saeko Oryo…”

“NO!!” Jacob slammed himself against the glass again. He was blatantly trying to break the handcuffs off the table, which forced Looker to rush in and restrain him.

“Doing that you are again, and ending this meeting will!”

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry…” Though he stopped throwing himself around, Jacob was visibly rattled and disturbed.

“I need to know,” Nekou repeated. “What is the truth behind Saeko Oryo, the Jewel of Life and what happened that day in the Tenganist holy land?”

“If you really want to know, it’s a horrible story…” Jacob looked up, hoping to see Nekou dissuaded from the story, but he was disappointed to find her gaze more determined than ever. “Fine. You know of the Transcendence, the power that many Tenganists have?”

“Yes.”

“Saeko Oryo had the most powerful one, the ability to see the past and future. Her people called her “The Oracle” and she was held in a position of high honor within their society. But then…”

“I know, she was burned as a witch,” Nekou said, irritated. “Stop stalling. What really happened?”

“The… the reason she was to be burned was because… she… she got too close to us. Sutter and I, we were outsiders. That led the Tenganists in the holy land to treat us with suspicion already, but she got too close to us. When she was tried and condemned, we were exiled from the holy land. But, as we were leaving, she escaped her prison and tried to leave as well. When she couldn’t, she… she committed the mortal sin. She used the partial Jewel of Life there for her own benefit.”

“How, and why?” Now Bunny was involved in the questioning, as she was utterly fascinated with the story.

“As far as I can tell, she didn’t want to die, so she swallowed that accursed thing. Foolish choice… it unleashed massive energy and burned her from the inside out. She condemned herself to the very death she tried to avoid. But that wasn’t it. The backlash from her swallowing it… even though it was just partial… it unleashed a blast of energy that destroyed the Tenganist holy land. At once all of its residents perished, and a lush jungle was turned into a snowy wasteland. Sutter and I only survived because we were just outside of it. We watched as everything in front of our eyes turned to pure death in an instant.”

“No wonder he’s so shaken…” Matt murmured.

“You said it was a mortal sin in their eyes. Why?”

“Your fortitude is admirable,” Jacob complimented Nekou. “Long, long ago… the Tenganists spread throughout the world. There was not one place they didn’t reach with their then-advanced society. In the Kalos region, an especially strong settlement of Tenganists took hold three thousand years ago. They were led by a mighty, powerful king… he was called AZ, the beginning and the end, because of the great power he held. He was the alchemist who first discovered the way to create a Jewel of Life using the Life Plates of Arceus. Even with just shards of the Plates, a jewel containing the life energy of the earth could be created, just as it was by Arceus itself in the legend of Michina. AZ created a Jewel of Life and led his kingdom to great prosperity, but it would not last.”

Jacob stopped for a moment to appreciate how enthralled his audience was.

“A war started. Greedy individuals led by AZ’s younger brother wished to capture the kingdom and the power it held. The war was so horrible and vast that AZ had to send his beloved Pokémon to fight in that war… and it perished. When he received its body, AZ was distraught. Desperate to save it, he created a device powered by the life energy of other living Pokémon to resurrect that Pokémon, but it was not enough. He had to augment it with the Jewel of Life for the device to work, and it did. But even with his Pokémon revived, he was too far gone into his madness. He further powered up the device and turned it into an ultimate weapon, a harbinger of death itself… with the Jewel of Life he set devastation and ruin on both sides of the war. He ended it, but his Pokémon left his side because of his sins… AZ then disappeared, and the kingdom was dismantled by his regretful brother. Because of AZ’s actions, using the Jewel of Life for such purposes is considered a mortal sin even by the modern-day Tenganists.”

“I see…” Nekou passively said, lost in her consideration of what she had learned. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

“Listen to me though!” Jacob was screaming again, and behind him, Looker was watching warily. “Don’t pursue any further knowledge about this!”

“Why the **** would a murderer like you care?” Nekou countered with a bitter tone.

“I learned my lesson. What I did was wrong. But if you pursue the Jewel of Life and knowledge of what happened in the past, it will bring you nothing but ruin! Listen to me! Matt, you know better than anyone here what could happen!”

“All I know is that you shot me.” Matt shared the same audible bitterness that Nekou had. He looked down on Jacob and added, “Why should I believe that you care about my well being now?”

“It’s not just yours but possibly this entire world’s!”

Jacob stood up again, and at that point, Looker had had enough. “That is having it, Alexison! We are being done here!”

The glass went opaque again when Looker pressed the button on his remote, and Matt’s group could hear several crashes against the glass, presumably from Looker restraining Jacob.

“I guess he sure takes his job seriously,” Olivia awkwardly uttered to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Sometimes, you’re right about that,” Silver put in, approaching the group for the first time since the meeting started. “I think he wants me to show you out now.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Matt concurred.

Before they started walking, though, Bunny tapped both him and Nekou on their shoulders. When they turned to look at her, she said, “I’m going to keep looking into what he told us, because that story reminded me of something I heard that happened in Unova.”

“Unova, huh?” Nekou raised an eyebrow. “Who knows what you might find…”

-:-

Team Rocket weren’t the only ones with a hideout in Goldenrod’s slums. Polaris had one too, set up in a small warehouse inconspicuous to passersby on the street. Inside, Cassy lay on a makeshift bed with her leg bandaged. Geminus was with her, though he was speaking to Finansielle using a video screen.

“I have to say, I appreciate your diligence in going out there and recovering her,” Finansielle said, “but she must be punished according to the Sacred Helix’s code for removing her mask. Do you understand why we wear masks, Geminus?”

“Do enlighten me, my lady,” Geminus requested, standing with his arms crossed.

“We wear masks because in the world envisioned by Polaris, we are all equal. That cannot be perfectly duplicated right now, so the next best thing is erasing who we are by all assuming the masks. I let Ghetsis get away with it for now because he’s too much of a blind egomaniac to cooperate and it’s not worth the effort for the time we need him, but I have higher expectations of Séduire.”

“If we are trying to be the salvation of the world from its sins,” countered Geminus, “should we not forgive her for her own? I understand we must hold ourselves to a higher standard if we are to be the leaders of man’s next evolution, but she is just an innocent girl who lost her mask through an accident.” Geminus grinned, then asked, “Can she not be forgiven?”

Geminus and Finansielle stared at each other for what felt like forever, their eyes searing into each other from behind their masks. Abruptly, though, Finansielle smiled.

“I suppose forgiveness can be arranged.”

His request granted, Geminus grinned a bit more widely as well. “I knew you’d find some mercy in your heart, Lady Finansielle.”

“I sure did. Stand by for what you should do next.”

Finansielle disappeared from the screen. Geminus then walked over to the bed, sat down and took up Cassy’s hand.

“Don’t you worry. I’ll make everything you wish for come true.”

-:-

Outside the court complex, Matt, Nekou and Bunny were left standing in confusion as they attempted to rationalize what Jacob had told them while Olivia and Monroe went off on the subject of Goldenrod City’s Gym. Each of them was struggling with the new knowledge in a different way. While Matt was sullen and silent, holding his chin as he faced the wall his quest had seemingly reached, Bunny was pacing back and forth and Nekou was facing away from the others, fiddling with the stem of her glasses.

“What’s wrong?”

Matt jumped, having been so enraptured in his own thoughts that Bunny’s sudden question startled him. “What he told me… well, what I asked him about was what spurred me into looking for the truth in the first place. Back when we first met Dante, he told me that the Light Stone, which is necessary for finding Reshiram, will only appear to someone who has put extraordinary effort into searching for the truth. But if my search all started for a reason I was mistaken about, how can I actually find the truth?”

“Is it really mistaken, though?” Bunny suggested. “So the Guild you thought was behind what happened five years ago doesn’t actually exist anymore. Does that really matter? The end result you’re pursuing is still the same. You still want to know the truth behind the same events, it’s just that one potential answer isn’t in play anymore.”

For a few minutes, Matt considered what Bunny had said, taking to pacing back and forth much as she had been doing. When he finally stopped, he turned to her and said, “You’re right. Thanks for talking me down from that.”

“So what will you do next? What’s your next step?”

“When I defeated her in Cherrygrove, Dahlia told me that the Frontier Brain of the Battle Factory might know more about Reshiram. Plus, Olivia needs to go there to get one of the stamps she needs for entering Goldenrod Gym, so I think the answer is that we should head over there first.”

“Alright.” Bunny smiled, then looked over to where Olivia was still in Monroe’s face regarding battle strategy. “Olivia! Come on, we’re going to the Battle Factory now!”

“Alright!” she called back. “Come on, you’re coming with us,” Olivia then said to Monroe.

“I… I wanted to in the first place.”

As Olivia and Monroe walked back toward Matt and Bunny, they passed by Nekou, who was still preoccupied fiddling with whatever she was doing. Olivia realized that Nekou’s lack of presence in the conversations going on was unusual, so she slapped her friend on the back to get her attention.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

“What the fu…” Once Nekou had turned around and realized who was addressing her, her angry expression softened. “Sorry, Olivia, I was distracted. What’s going on?”

“We’re heading over to the Battle Factory.”

“Okay, obviously I’ll be coming along.”

Matt and Bunny had been watching the entire exchange between Olivia and Nekou, and by the time the two of them and Monroe finally joined with them, they were visibly frustrated.

“Ready yet?” Matt sighed.

Nekou gently draped her arms over his shoulders, licked her lips and stared into his eye as she breathily replied, “I don’t know… are we?”

“Okay, now you’re messing with me,” he said, pulling away. “I’ll take it as a yes. Let’s go.”

“Maybe not, you don’t know…” she thought to herself with a wry grin as the group finally started on its way.

The Battle Factory was at the far western end of the city, but not terribly far from the Pokémon Center and therefore not far from the court complex. While the trip didn’t require a significant amount of walking, though, the necessary route did take them past a number of landmarks on their way. While they passed by the Magnet Train station – a dome-roofed building that Nekou never stopped staring at as she passed – and the imposing structure of the city’s Radio Tower, a large building made of glass came into view. It was both wide and tall, with multiple antennae and satellite dishes affixed to its roof. A vast, busy plaza spread out before it.

“Wow, that building is beautiful!” Olivia burst out, running to get a closer view of its sun-drenched splendor.

“That’s the Global Terminal, Olivia,” Nekou explained once she caught up. “People trade Pokémon and battle with others worldwide from there. That’s the nexus of the Pokémon trading market.”

“You have to go there to get one of the stamps,” Monroe added as a reminder.

“Can we go to the Battle Factory first?” Matt quietly asked. “Remember, you guys can all split from me once I get started there.”

“Fine, fine,” Nekou said, waving him off.

Matt turned, but stopped almost instantly. Over by one of the plaza’s fountains, he could see a towering man in a dark red trench coat. The figure’s height wasn’t the only thing setting him apart from the nondescript crowd around him, however, as he had a wide shock of orange hair that spread out in both directions from his head, as well as an orange beard. He was just standing there, staring toward the rest of the plaza and the Global Terminal itself.

“Wait,” Matt said, putting his hand up to stop the others.

It ended up being Nekou who walked into his hand, and when her chest bumped into it, she immediately took a single step back and snarked, “I knew you were interested.”

“Nekou, not now.” Ignoring Nekou’s attempt to get a rise from him, Matt pointed toward the strange man. “Doesn’t that guy look familiar?”

“Yeah, he does, actually…”

“I’ve never seen him,” Olivia remarked. “He gives me the creeps.”

“Wait, I know who he is,” Bunny suddenly realized. “That’s Lysandre Flordelis, the president of the electronics company Lysandre Labs in Kalos. What’s he doing here?”

As it turned out, Bunny would soon get her answer. Lysandre had seen the group pointing at him, and he slowly and deliberately approached them himself. Matt quickly understood why Olivia said she was disturbed by him; he was easily taller than the six-foot-plus Matt, and his eyes burned with an unsettling intensity.

“I see you recognize me,” Lysandre said, his deep voice shaking the bones of his audience. “Therefore, we will dispense with formalities. Who are you?”

“Matt Chiaki, sir.” Matt couldn’t help but show Lysandre a degree of respect he didn’t usually show. “And this is Nekou, and Bunny, and Olivia and Monroe.”

“Matt Chiaki…” Shutting his eyes, Lysandre continued speaking, “I know of you as well. Even as far off as the Kalos region, your efforts in creating a renewable energy source are recognized. I commend you for your efforts to improve this world.”

“Th-thank you…”

“May I ask why you are in Johto, Mister Flordelis?” Bunny spoke up.

“I am here because I am intrigued by the organization known as Polaris…” Nekou immediately blanched at the statement, but Lysandre didn’t notice. He instead turned away to face the Global Terminal once more. “A group that aims to reshape the world… is it a force for good? I have tried to help the world with the profits from my company but my efforts have been futile. Resources, money and land simply exist in only finite qualities. Could Polaris be able to accomplish what I could not and save this world?” Turning back to the group, Lysandre asked, “What do you think?”

“I think Polaris is a ****ing scam and you’d have to be dumb as **** to fall for it,” Nekou immediately chimed in, causing her companions to visibly panic.

“Nekou, don’t be so rude!”

Nekou shrugged at Matt’s reproach. “So what? He asked what I think, and I just answered him.”

“Yes, that is true,” Lysandre said, much to the surprise of both Matt and Bunny. “You have your opinion on Polaris. I recognize that. I wonder what you will do to contribute to the world, though. As for me, I’m interested in this place because Polaris will be holding a speech here in this plaza tomorrow. I want to see for myself if their claims have merit.”

“Maybe we’ll meet there?” Olivia suggested.

“Perhaps. Well, it has been interesting speaking to you and your friends, Matt Chiaki. I would like to see you again someday. I expect that I will.”

With that, Lysandre walked past Matt and the others and left the plaza. Immediately, Nekou turned her nose up at him as he vanished into the crowd.

“What a ****ing weirdo.”

“Nekou, please…”

“Actually, I think I agree with her on this one.” Bunny’s agreement with Nekou made Matt stare in wide-eyed surprise at them both. “I heard he was a strange guy, but that was actually disturbing…”

“Come on, let’s go,” Olivia urged them. “We can’t fall behind schedule here.”

Shaking off the sense of fear that Lysandre had instilled in him, Matt started to lead the group down the road toward the Battle Factory once again. They didn’t have far left to go, and before long, the huge, egg-shaped metallic building came into view. It was at the front of a cluster of buildings on the coast and had several large industrial fans on each side.

“There we go,” Matt said, smiling in relief. “Now we can finally get going.”

“Come on, you slowpokes! Get moving!”

For the second time, Olivia ran ahead of the others, but she didn’t slow until she reached the entryway of the Battle Factory. Matt, Nekou, Bunny and Monroe all had to rush through the crowds to catch up with her at the iron gates.

“You’re pretty enthusiastic about this, aren’t you, Olivia?”

“After the **** we’ve been through,” Nekou said to Bunny, “I can hardly blame her.”

Matt pushed the doorway open and held it for his friends to pass through before he entered himself. He was surprised what he found inside – unlike the Battle Arcade, which had a dark and flashy interior, inside the Battle Factory was bright and stark white, both on the walls and on the floor. The only break in this sterile setting was a path of transparent blue plastic on the floor leading from the entrance to a desk on the other side of the room, underneath which ran glowing circuitry lines.

“Olivia, this way,” Monroe urged while gesturing toward a bank of computers nearby, “that’s where you get the stamp for the Gym.”

“Alright.”

“I’m guessing that’s the registry desk where I need to go…” Matt ventured while Olivia went off with Monroe. He followed the blue path, and Nekou and Bunny went after him. When he got to the desk, however, he was left in confusion as he looked around for an attendant. “What’s with this? There’s nobody here?”

“Look at that,” Bunny said, pointing at a red button on the desk that Matt had initially missed. “Think that calls someone?”

“Let’s find out.”

Almost instantly upon the moment Matt pressed the button, a hologram lit up from the desk. It was of a short, droopy-eyed man, whose green hair was styled into segments wrapped around his head. He was well-dressed, clad in a black vest with a white undershirt accompanied by a slate-gray necktie.

“…Thorton?!” Matt exclaimed, stepping back in surprise.

“Welcome to the Battle Factory. I am the Factory Head, Thorton,” the hologram introduced. “If you are a challenger, please scan your Frontier Pass now.”

“You know this guy?” Nekou questioned Matt as he fumbled for his Frontier Pass in his bag.

“I went to school with him in Rustboro. We had the same robotics class together.”

Once Matt had scanned the Frontier Pass using a small panel in front of the hologram projector, it recited, “Welcome, challenger. Today in the Battle Factory, you will face a series of three-on-three Single Battles. However, you will not be permitted to use your own Pokémon. Instead, you must select virtual rental Pokémon from our stock, and your opponents will also be using rental Pokémon. After each victory, you will get a clue toward your next opponent and the opportunity to trade a Pokémon for one of the previous opponent’s Pokémon. If you win three battles, your fourth and final will be against me. Good luck.”

Part of the desk slid away, allowing Matt passage through to the path leading to the battlefield. Before he followed it, he turned around to Nekou and Bunny, discovering that Olivia and Monroe had rejoined them.

“I guess I’ll be here a while if I want to talk to him about Reshiram. You guys go around the city and get the rest of the stamps. I’ll meet up with you later at the Gym.” Matt put his hand on Olivia’s shoulder and added, “Be confident when you go in there. Just go ahead and go for what you want. Make all of us proud.”

“I will!” she responded with a broad grin.

Matt straightened up to his full height, but before he could turn around, he noticed Nekou wink at him and say, “Nice.”

-:-

Roughly fifteen minutes later, Thorton was watching from his control room as Matt wrapped up his first battle. With a Tangrowth in the group of Pokémon he’d selected, Matt had made short work of the Gastrodon and Quagsire before him, and was just finishing up the last opponent, a Magnezone.

“Tangrowth, Focus Blast!” Matt’s voice echoed in Thorton’s spacious office from the monitor the Factory Head was watching the battle on.

A sphere of energy took shape between the Tangrowth’s arms, which she then threw at the Magnezone. There was a great explosion, and when its smoke cleared, the Magnezone was lying still on the ground.

“Challenger wins!” the holographic referee droned. “Battle number one concluded!”

“****…” Thorton groaned, slumping in his chair. “I can’t deal with this. Not now with Finansielle breathing down my neck.”

“He’s going to ask you about Reshiram if he reaches you,” Jeunes said from the shadows behind Thorton. “We cannot risk letting any information fall into the hands of the enemy.”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Thorton snapped. “And why are you here anyway? I’m working!”

“Cool your jets, Getriebe,” Colress sarcastically uttered, stepping forward toward the control computer where Thorton was seated. “We finished entering all the Pokémon we received from the others into the database, so you of all people should know how to fix this. The Purine Base is yours, after all. Just dial up the difficulty on his challenge. Make him face a Pokémon he cannot possibly defeat.”

“Yes, yes, you’re right,” Thorton responded, calming considerably. “He’s gotten better as a trainer since I went to school with him, but this base contains enough data for me to create something he has no hope against.”

With his colleagues looking on, Thorton swiftly entered a command into his control system. When he hit the execute key, the holographic referee on the battlefield instantly acted.

“Challenger, your second opponent will lead with a Pokémon that knows Air Slash. Would you like to trade?”

“Yes, here.”
Matt pulled away one of the holographic Poké Balls floating next to him. Three more of them appeared in front of him, and he touched one of them – the one with the Magnezone – to add it to his team.

“Your trade is complete. Now beginning battle number two.”

A holographic trainer was projected on the opposite side of the battlefield from Matt. It was a young man with spiky green hair, dressed in a vest, bowtie and cape.

“I took time off from my gig at the circus to battle you! Go, Tornadus!”

The Pokémon that materialized from the hologram’s Poké Ball was a muscular, green humanoid, with everything below his waist enveloped by a white cloud. Another cloud sat atop his head like hair, and his long, purple tail stretched around him to its ending in a curl.

As soon as they saw the Pokémon Thorton had sent Matt’s way, Colress broke down laughing.

“G-Getriebe…” Colress was so beside himself with hilarity that he could barely speak. “You sure took my advice literally, didn’t you?! I mean… wow, throwing a legendary Pokémon at him… this is just too good!”

“We just have to hope Tornadus gets past the Magnezone,” Jeunes added, sobering the mood. “It gets that far, we’re home free.”

The sudden sound of footsteps indicated that someone else had joined the group of three conspirators. “It’s all finished… those containers are all counted and collected safely on the ship that’ll carry ‘em on out of here…”

Colress turned around and pushed his visor up again. “Ah, good job, Meowth,” he said to the brainwashed Pokémon. “Putting you to work for Polaris’s cause was a fine idea after all.”

“Don’t stress him too much,” Thorton remarked while pulling up a chart on his computer. “Have a look at this. If you overtax his mind, the Meteonite’s energy may cause him to simply fall into a comatose state. The energy he was exposed to wasn’t stabilized.”

“You’re lucky you have a mind like mine working to fix that, because with just a little bit more work, I’ll have that sorted right now. Now, what’s the schedule for getting those Pokémon to the Adenosine Base?”

“The day after tomorrow,” Jeunes answered. “Trust me. I have this all prepared already.”

The three Polaris members continued to discuss their plans while paying fleeting attention to Matt’s struggle against Tornadus, which was unfolding on the monitor.

What they were unaware of was that they weren’t the only ones privy to their colluding. Outside, flying over the Battle Factory, were two Pokémon staring intently at the building.

“Duskull, dus duskull,” Edgar chattered to Lenore, his eye glowing as he gazed at the Battle Factory.

“Mur-krow.”

-:-

Olivia, Monroe, Nekou and Bunny had gone to the city’s Game Corner in their pursuit of the Gym stamps. They’d saved it for last on Nekou’s recommendation, agreeing with her belief that it would be good to relax with some games before heading off to the Gym. Nekou had stayed behind as the others went to get the stamp, however, as she was preoccupied looking at something on her phone.

That something was a direct video feed from Lenore’s camera. Grimacing at a revelation she didn’t want to believe, Nekou pressed a button on the screen to switch to an infrared view of the video. Her worst fears were realized when she could make out four figures, which with a small amount of digital enhancement took on the recognizable shapes of Thorton, Jeunes, Colress and Meowth.

“****…” Nekou growled at the phone, a feeling of dread taking hold in her stomach. “****ing hell… I was afraid of this… the Battle Factory is the Purine Base after all…”

“Hey, Nekou, what are you doing?” Olivia called out from a cluster of games a short distance away. “Come over here and check this out!”

Putting aside the grave concerns she had for the moment, Nekou put her phone away and followed Olivia’s beckoning. The girl and her friends had gathered around a game machine titled “Meloetta’s Dance Rumble,” which featured a small, fairy-like Pokémon with blue eyes and long golden hair overlooking a stage.

“Oh, this game?” Nekou laughed, a wry smirk coming onto her face. “I’m good at this ****. Let’s play.”

”Good, because Monroe thinks I’ll beat him.”

“Aw, come on, Olivia, I told you I’m just not that good at it…”

“You won’t beat me.” Suddenly thinking of something, Nekou turned to Bunny and asked, “Why didn’t you play?”

“This game isn’t my favorite,” Bunny replied, waving off the inquiry, “you play. You guys ought to have more fun.”

“Alright then.”

Nekou and Olivia took the stage, each of them occupying one of the two pairs of directional arrows under their feet. After looking to Olivia to confirm that she was ready, Nekou deposited several coins into the game machine, bringing it fully to life. The Pokémon adorning the machine, Meloetta, cried out cheerfully, followed by the words ‘Both of you, dance like you want to win!’ displaying on the video monitor before its two players.

“Get ready to lose, Olivia,” Nekou whispered while she continued smirking. “I like you, but I play to win.”

“I won’t go down without a fight.” Olivia countered with a wide grin of her own. “Either way, we’re walking out of this with fistfuls of game coins.”

Spotlights flared around the game, and a fast-paced dance song started to play. Arrows started scrolling up the screen to tell Nekou and Olivia which steps to make on the stage, and they furiously attempted to follow every single one.

-:-

“You have got to be kidding me!” Thorton screamed, standing and kicking away his chair. Behind him, Colress and Jeunes both had looks of worry themselves.

It had taken another twenty minutes, but Matt had actually overcome the trainer with the Tornadus. Luck had played a huge part, as Matt quickly deduced Tornadus’s Flying-type from its Air Slash and sent the Steel-and-Electric-type Magnezone to face it, only to discover it also knew the Fighting-type move Focus Blast. However, all of the attempted Focus Blasts Tornadus used missed their target, leaving Magnezone able to defeat it. After that, defeating his Gengar was a simple matter, but it took Magnezone, Tangrowth and Matt’s third Pokémon, Glaceon, to finally put down his Pinsir.

The mood in the control room was one of palpable panic. Though none of them said it, the three Polaris leaders were all thinking the same thing: if Matt could find a way around a legendary Pokémon like Tornadus, there could very well be no way to stop him.

“Maybe try another legendary Pokémon?” Jeunes suggested. For once, the ordinarily cunning and brilliant scientist was at a loss for a solution. “Heatran? Landorus?”

“That’s not going to work. He’ll find a way around it.”

“Wait, Getriebe, I have an idea,” Colress chimed in. His sarcastic manner from earlier was gone. “This base contains data on just about every possible Pokémon. So far we’ve been hitting him with Pokémon he clearly can figure out. So why not hit him with something we know he’s never seen?”

“What are you thinking, Colress?” Thorton questioned, reverting to his typical bored tone.

“Finansielle told us about him. He’s been to Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova and Orre. Notice something missing from that list?”

“Kalos,” Jeunes immediately answered, verbally stepping on Thorton, “and the only Pokémon from Kalos he’s seen is Séduire’s Pyroar. We send a team of Kalos Pokémon against him, and he’ll have no chance.”

“Let’s do it then,” Thorton said, turning back to his control system. “I’ve got a few ideas up my sleeve.”

-:-

Out on the battlefield, Matt had just finished his trade, swapping away his Magnezone for the Tornadus used by the previous hologram trainer.

“Your trade is complete. Now beginning battle number three.”

The hologram generator on the other side of the field projected a young woman wearing a tank top, tight jeans and her brown hair in a bun. Despite being just a computer program, she displayed personality by lifting her sunglasses from her eyes.

“Oh, my, a challenger…” she said. Matt thought he detected a condescending tone in her voice. “Let me finish you off so I can go back to the beach. Go, Greninja!”

The Pokémon sent out by the beautiful woman caused Matt to recoil. It was unlike anything he’d seen before – a purple-and-white frog with flat, webbed feet and hands and sharp, angular ears, whose tongue wrapped around its neck and flowed out like a scarf. The Pokémon, Greninja, leaned down and struck a battle-ready stance as he awaited Matt’s move.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
“It looks kind of like a frog,” Matt reasoned, “so I think it should be Water-type. In that case, Tangrowth, make your mark!”

The virtual Tangrowth emerged from her Poké Ball and flexed her long arms, but she was barely out for a moment before the holographic trainer reacted.

“Greninja, Ice Beam!”

What happened next caught Matt completely by surprise. Before he attacked, the blue parts of Greninja’s body changed into a much lighter blue, and the ensuing Ice Beam he launched was far more intense than Matt expected. Tangrowth ended up taking a direct hit, and not only was she badly injured, she was frozen into a block of ice.

“Tangrowth!” Matt gasped.

“Greninja, Dark Pulse!”

Greninja’s color changed again, this time to a deep black. He then brought his hands together to form a cluster of dark energy, which flooded forward in the form of black rings. Within her block of ice, Tangrowth had no hope of escape.

“Tangrowth is unable to battle!” the holographic referee called.

Without a word, Matt recalled Tangrowth and readied another virtual Poké Ball. “I don’t know what this is… Glaceon, do your best out there!”

When Matt’s rented Glaceon came out of the sphere, she shook her head and stretched. Greninja and his trainer both stood still, waiting for something to happen.

“Glaceon, try a Blizzard!”

The virtual trainer reacted instantly. “Greninja, Water Shuriken!”

While Glaceon took in air to use in her attack, Greninja shifted back to his original blue coloring and formed a set of four throwing stars made of water in his hand, which he used to cut Glaceon’s body in several places. When he finally got hit by the blast of ice Glaceon countered with, he barely shivered.

A sudden realization came to Matt’s mind. “The color changes… it’s changing its type! Shifted to Water to block an Ice attack, shifted to Dark and Ice before… alright, try this! Hyper Beam!”

“Greninja, Rock Slide!”

Glaceon started to charge energy for her attack, but Greninja was simply too fast. His skin took on a brown hue, and he used his power to create a glowing portal that dropped large rocks onto Glaceon, crushing her. She held on even under the weight of the stones and managed to fire the crimson laser from her mouth, but like the earlier Blizzard, Greninja used his type shifting to shrug it off.

Matt felt his heart stop as the flaws in his strategy caught up with him. He knew that Hyper Beam often required a Pokémon using it to rest afterward, but that had slipped his mind when he ordered it, meaning Glaceon had no ability to even try escaping from the rock pile. Both he and Glaceon could do nothing but watch as the computer program controlling the opposition played out its next move.

“Greninja, Water Shuriken!”

With his skin shifting back to blue once more, Greninja shaped another set of throwing stars – this time a total of five – in his hand. His motions were swift as he threw the quintet of watery weapons Glaceon’s way, and they hit her with such force that they even caused the hill of rocks to collapse around her.

As the aftermath became visible, Glaceon was lying prone on the floor among the broken stones.

“Glaceon is unable to battle!”

Matt scoffed and sent Glaceon back to her virtual Poké Ball without a word. The same feeling he’d had after meeting with Jacob, that of his goal of finding Reshiram seemingly slipping away, was back again. The difference was that this time, he wasn’t feeling hopeless. He’d burned through that earlier. As he curled his face and burned right through the holographic trainer with his gaze, he felt his arms twitching as anger washed over him. He reasoned to himself that if he could overcome Tornadus, a Pokémon he knew was legendary, he could defeat Greninja.

“That’s it!” he gasped out loud, realizing just what his last Pokémon was. Reflexively, he grabbed the last Poké Ball and threw it, releasing the Tornadus that had been his enemy less than a half hour earlier.

Matt knew his situation was desperate, but watching Tornadus stretch his muscular arms in preparation for the impending fight gave him a brief sense of hope. It didn’t last long, for when he glanced over to Greninja, he saw the Pokémon adjusting his tongue scarf, equally ready for what was to come.

“Tornadus, Air Slash! Take it down!”

“Greninja, Ice Beam!”

That Greninja would use Ice Beam again was something Matt had anticipated. But as the two Pokémon started to move toward each other, he realized that Greninja was quite clearly moving faster than Tornadus. Without outrunning him, Matt knew that Tornadus would be at Greninja’s mercy.

The clash played out in the blink of an eye. Tornadus had a wave of wind energy surrounding his tail, but when Greninja slammed him with the blast of ice, he lost his aim and lashed the wave up at the ceiling as he fell to the floor.

Matt’s thoughts were beginning to jumble, and he was no longer able to focus on the battle. All he knew was the basic type matchup of Fighting overpowering Ice. “Tornadus, try a Focus Blast!” he cried in desperation.

Tornadus brought his hands together and formed a sphere of energy between them, but well before he could act, Greninja was upon him.

“Greninja, Ice Beam!”

The computer program was so confident in its impending victory that it no longer felt the need to change Greninja’s type, instead opting to go in for the finishing move immediately. With his superior speed, Greninja got as close to Tornadus as he dared and shot an Ice Beam right into the Flying-type Pokémon’s face.

Matt looked away. He didn’t have to have his eyes on the battle to know what was coming next.

“The house wins! Battle number three concluded!”

-:-

In the control room, the mood was one of celebration. Jeunes and Colress were even high-fiving each other.

“Well that takes care of that!” Colress laughed. “Don’t have to worry about him troubling us on Reshiram now!”

“I must give you credit, Colress,” Jeunes complimented. “Excellent idea, sending Kalos Pokémon into the battle.”

“Well, I am a genius after all.” As he stroked his own ego, Colress pushed his visor up again and put his hands in his pockets.

“You two are celebrating,” Thorton droned, his voice taking the joy out of the room, “but what do we do if he comes back?”

“He won’t be back here today, rest assured,” Jeunes answered. “He’ll go back with his little harem for the night to lick his wounds. And tomorrow? Don’t make me laugh. Tomorrow we’ll have this whole area locked down. And the day after that, Getriebe, we’ll be evacuating you to the Adenosine Base to continue your work. This facility is going to be shut down. Its purpose has been served.”

Thorton spun around in his chair, surprised at this news. “I cannot say I’m thrilled with that. This base has been my pet project since the start.”

“You don’t have to worry. All your work will be transferred to the Adenosine Base so you can continue.”

-:-

Meanwhile, after winning enough Game Corner coins between them for Olivia to receive a prize, she, Nekou, Bunny and Monroe had gone to Goldenrod City’s Gym. Unlike the previous two Gyms the group had visited, this one was much more ordinary in appearance. On the outside, it was a simple brick building, while its interior held a battlefield of artificial grass surrounded by a white and pink floor.

A young woman stood confidently before Olivia and her friends, staring them down from the opposite end of the battlefield. Her pink pigtails shook from behind her head as she walked forward to address her visitors.

“Welcome to Goldenrod Gym!” she cheerfully greeted. “I’m Whitney, the Gym Leader here!” Whitney hesitated when she realized Monroe was there. “Oh, Monroe, it’s you again. Did you come back for something?”

“I’m just here to support my friend,” Monroe answered, gesturing to Olivia.

“Oh? And who might you be?”

“My name is Olivia!” Olivia’s voice carried such confidence that Nekou and Bunny immediately felt a surge in pride for her. “I’m here to challenge you for the Plain Badge!”

“I’m liking your spunk, challenger,” Whitney said with a wink. “Alright, how many Badges do you have?”

“One.”

“Then this will be a three-on-three Single Battle. Substitutions are allowed on both sides, and the battle is over when one side loses all their Pokémon. Are we all square on that?”

“I got it, but…” Olivia wrinkled her nose. “…who’s the referee?”

“Oh, usually, I have my assistants here, but they’re all up at the National Park today.”

“I’ll referee the battle,” Monroe volunteered.

Both Olivia and Whitney looked at the boy in surprise, but quickly accepted the idea. Whitney said, “That Monroe’s a real whiz kid, you know? Olivia, you pick good friends.”

“Is that true?” Olivia asked Monroe as she stepped into her box on the battlefield and he walked to the referee position at mid-field.

“I…” Suddenly, Monroe was flush with embarrassment. “I… guess I’m okay.”

“Olivia, you can do it!” Bunny called out, having gone to a nearby spectator area with Nekou. “Win that Badge!”

“Oh, I intend to,” she responded, taking up one of her Poké Balls.

“You’ve got some fire in you, Olivia. I like that. Let’s have a fun battle!” Reaching under the end of her red-and-white baseball jersey, Whitney pulled a Poké Ball of her own from the waist of her shorts and threw it. “Go, Porygon!”

“Lillipup, let’s play!”

Once they arrived on the battlefield, the two Normal-type Pokémon regarded each other with caution. Porygon, being the more experienced of the pair, simply floated in the air and watched its opponent, while Lillipup began slowly circling it, looking for a weakness to exploit.

“The first match is going to be Olivia’s Lillipup versus Whitney’s Porygon!” Monroe announced. “Go!”

“Lillipup, use Tackle!”

“I thought you’d begin with a Normal-type attack,” Whitney said as she watched Lillipup scamper toward Porygon. “And I’ll go with this! Porygon, Conversion 2!”

Lillipup leapt into the air and rammed Porygon, throwing his foe back a few feet. However, Porygon quickly recovered and began glowing. Before long, the surface of Porygon’s body had changed to a brown color.

Whitney saw Olivia’s surprised expression and felt compelled to explain. “Conversion 2 changes the user’s type into one that resists the type of the last attack that hit it. I just knew you would use a Normal-type attack when I saw you begin with Lillipup. After all,” she said with a smile, “I am the Gym Leader who specializes in Normal-type Pokémon.”

“If you changed Porygon’s type, with that color it must be… Rock,” Olivia correctly deduced. “I just need to make my attacks stronger, then! Lillipup, Work Up!”

Seeing that Olivia was taking care to have Lillipup raise his offensive ability, Whitney decisively said, “You make yourself stronger in one way, I’ll weaken you in another. Electroweb!”

Just as Lillipup’s red glow from Work Up was disappearing, Porygon’s beak began to spark with an electrical charge. It fired out a clump of electrified thread that spread into the shape of a web, draping over and shocking Lillipup.

“Lillipup, hang in there!” Olivia called out as Lillipup struggled out of the web. “That’s right, like that! Don’t be afraid of that Porygon!”

“I see what Whitney’s doing…” Nekou muttered to Bunny on the sidelines. “Slowing Lillipup down… that’ll make it harder for Olivia to keep a leg up on her.”

“Do you think Olivia will get through this?”

“Of ****ing course I do,” Nekou beamed. “She’s tougher than to fall just because of such a trap.”

With great confidence, Whitney thrust her arm forward and commanded, “Foul Play!”

“That attack…” Olivia knew of Foul Play; she thought back to her training with Nekou, where she’d seen Nekou’s Zorua use it. Despite not fully realizing what it meant, she knew that when Porygon’s eyes glinted before it darted toward Lillipup, she knew it wasn’t a good sign. “Get out of the way, then use Crunch!”

Unfortunately for Olivia, she hadn’t realized the secondary effect of Electroweb yet. Lillipup wasn’t fast enough anymore to move himself out of the way, and Porygon tackled him with significant force.

“Hitting Lillipup with its own attack power…” Nekou mused, but she trailed off without finishing.

“Whitney sure has her bases covered with Porygon,” Bunny added, effectively completing Nekou’s thought.

Lillipup pulled himself up slowly. Once he was standing again, he realized his legs were trembling, and the fear that was sinking into his body finally struck his mind. He froze, but then he thought back to Olivia’s encouragement, which gave him a surge of energy. He could literally feel his trainer’s faith in him.

Abruptly, he lunged at Porygon, giving so little warning that it could not get away from him. He bit down on one of Porygon’s feet, sending a shockwave of pain through the virtual Pokémon’s body. Whitney gasped as her Pokémon lashed around in mid-air and cried out, desperately trying to shake off the opponent that so hurt him.

“**** yeah! You go for it, Olivia!” Nekou cheered.

“Porygon, you can’t stand for that!” Whitney screamed, her voice straining in her throat. “Get it off with Electroweb!”

With anger in his eyes, Porygon looked down at Lillipup – who was still latched on tightly to its foot – and produced another Electroweb. This one, though, was in too close a quarter, and ended up shocking both Lillipup and Porygon itself. After a moment, the electricity caused a small explosion that finally separated the two.

“I was right in what I thought of you, Olivia! You’re quite skilled. I’ll have to step up my game to stay in competition with you. Porygon, Conversion 2!”

In response to the Dark-type attack Lillipup had used against it, Porygon shifted the color of its body, this time to a metallic silver.

“…oh ****.” Nekou groaned.

“What?”

“Bunny, that Porygon just turned itself into a ****ing Steel-type. I don’t think Lillipup has any attacks that will significantly hurt it now.” Looking away from Olivia, Nekou noticed a smile play onto Whitney’s lips. “That’s what she was hoping for, a Conversion 2 to the Steel type. I get it now… Steel is one of the most defensive types.”

Olivia recognized this fact, and took the most immediate action she could think of by calling, “Work Up!”

Feeling encouraged by how successful Crunch had proved against Porygon, Lillipup boldly growled at it, filling his muscles with further vigor. He punctuated this act with a loud, bone-chilling howl.

“Sticking with Lillipup…” Whitney briefly looked confused and seemingly stared past Olivia, but swiftly recovered. “I’m not sure if you know what you’re dealing with here, now that Porygon’s a Steel-type. Let me give you a taste. Foul Play!”

“Let it come to you, then use Crunch!”

Lillipup braced himself and bravely faced down the oncoming Porygon. Just as his opponent arrived, he opened his mouth and caught the front of Porygon’s body, then attempted to bite down into it.

Much to his shock, however, Crunch no longer worked. He could not get his teeth into Porygon’s body no matter how hard he tried. Olivia remembered the point about Porygon now being a Steel-type just in time to see it snicker at Lillipup and kick him back toward her.

“Whitney sure isn’t letting up, is she?”

Nekou and Bunny turned in surprise to find Matt sitting next to them. They both chuckled nervously as they realized they’d been so enraptured in the battle that they had not seen him arrive.

“So that’s what surprised Whitney just now…” Bunny reasoned. “How’d your battle go?”

“Let’s just say I had plenty of time to do other things before coming here,” he answered before turning back to the battle. “This is Olivia’s time now. Give her your attention.”

“Lillipup, can you go on any more?” Olivia said, her voice quivering with worry.

Though he stood up again, it was plainly obvious to all present that Lillipup couldn’t take much more. He was covered in scratches and burns, and his entire body was shaking. Olivia felt her eyes twitching, but with memories of her battle in Azalea Town fresh in her mind, she resolved not to cry.

“Lillipup… just do what you can. It’s not bad if you can’t win. Just do your best.”

Lillipup turned and gave Olivia a shaky nod. He agreed with her. He knew that while he might have been unable to defeat Porygon on his own, he would be weakening it for the next Pokémon on Olivia’s team.

Whitney saw the courage she was facing and stared in wide-eyed surprise for a moment, before simply closing her eyes out of respect for her challenger. “Not everyone who comes in this Gym has got the spine you have, Olivia… we’ve only just begun, and yet I feel like I should be honored to be in this battle. But…” Lashing her eyes back open, Whitney threw her hand forward again and shouted, “I won’t lose! Porygon, Icy Wind!”

“Lillipup, get through that! One step at a time!”

Porygon was unnerved by Lillipup’s endurance, and it felt several times any desire Whitney had to end the fight. Gathering all of its power, it set upon Lillipup with a powerful gust of freezing air.

Much to the surprise of both Porygon and its trainer, Lillipup stood fast against the cold, refusing to cede even an inch of ground to his adversary. Not only that, he was actually pushing slowly forward through the storm in direct defiance of all the pride-fueled anger Porygon was putting into it.

And then a blinding light flashed from the heart of the heart of the attack.

“Wha…” Whitney was finally truly speechless. She was only able to watch, her mouth open in utter shock.

“Well, well, well, what do you know,” Nekou said with a smirk, matching the one she saw Olivia gaining. “She got lucky again.”

“Yes!” Olivia squeaked at the top of her lungs. Even though she couldn’t yet see whatever it was Lillipup was evolving into, she fumbled out her Pokédex anyway.

“Herdier, the Loyal Dog Pokémon. Type is Normal. Evolved form of Lillipup. This very loyal Pokémon helps trainers, and it also takes care of other Pokémon. It has black, cape-like fur that is very hard and reduces the amount of damage it receives.”

The light exploded outward, dispelling Porygon’s Icy Wind. In place of Lillipup stood a larger, more outwardly confident canine Pokémon. The burst of cream-colored fur that had coated his face as Lillipup now formed a pair of bushy eyebrows and a makeshift moustache, while the dark-colored fur referred to by the Pokédex draped over his brown stomach and legs. He howled with newfound strength, making Porygon reel back.

“Keep going, Olivia!” Bunny shouted from the stands. “It’s not over yet!”

“First, let’s see what I’ve got now…” In a moment of prudence that surprised Matt but not the others, Olivia kept her Pokédex out for a moment. She was thumbing through the pages related to Herdier’s capabilities. “So two of our attacks got a little stronger… let’s show her one! Herdier, give it a taste of your Strength!”

“Porygon, Icy Wind!!” Whitney’s confidence was beginning to give way to desperation. The battle with Herdier had dragged on far too long for her liking, and she was beginning to get nervous that she didn’t have control of the situation after all.

Assuming the confidence its trainer had lost, Porygon locked onto Herdier with even more fury in its eyes and let loose with an Icy Wind of increased intensity. Herdier wasn’t shaken by it, though. He simply tensed his body up and then shot straight through the gust like a bullet, catching Porygon completely by surprise. Its Steel-type protection shielded him from significant injury, but Herdier’s impact against its body violently shook it.

Unfortunately, Herdier’s display of strength also snapped Whitney’s head back into her previous sense with a realization. “That’s your Achilles heel…” she uttered. “Porygon, finish this now with Foul Play!”

Consumed by violent urges directed at Herdier, Porygon appraised his new strength with a black glint in its eyes, then tackled him before he could prepare a defense.

Even with his newfound power, Herdier couldn’t stand against Porygon turning his own strength on him while suffering from everything else he’d taken. He collapsed on Olivia’s side of the battlefield, but just before going down, he shot her a proud look. Olivia thought she even saw him smile.

“Herdier is unable to battle!” Monroe announced. “The winner is Porygon!”

“That was rough…” Matt intoned, shaking his head.

As soon as she saw his action, Nekou grabbed Matt by the sides of his face and looked right into his eye. “Don’t do that!” she shrilled, apparently referring to him shaking his head. “She put up a hell of a fight!”

“You’re right. I have to admit that.” Matt’s genuine reversal was the only reason Nekou released him. “But what now?”

“She’ll pull through, I know it. Don’t doubt her.”

“Herdier, return.” There was great peace in Olivia’s voice as she brought Herdier back to his Poké Ball. “You did really well. I’m proud of you.”

“I am too,” Whitney commented. “You gave me a great fight there. Let me apologize now… Porygon gets a little too into competition sometimes.”

“Oh, don’t apologize for that, I appreciate the challenge. Now, I’ll try this! Let’s play!”

Olivia threw another of her Poké Balls, but the Pokémon that emerged was one that Matt never expected – a Mr. Mime. The Psychic-type Pokémon stretched his spindly arms then cheerfully started miming, seemingly ignorant of Porygon’s presence.

“A Mr. Mime?!” Matt exclaimed. “When did she…?”

“The Game Corner,” Nekou smugly revealed. “We did so well there that we got enough coins for a prize. That’s what she won.”

“I see you took advantage of the Goldenrod City tour this Gym sends you on,” Whitney said. “I’m glad to see it… and I’ll be glad to show you what this city’s Pokémon can do! Porygon, Electroweb!”

Olivia simply grinned and carelessly directed, “Protect!”

Spreading his arms and gesturing in Porygon’s direction, Mr. Mime created a barrier around himself that dispelled the electrified webbing, rendering it useless. Once he was safe, Mr. Mime dropped the shield.

“I thought you’d do that,” Olivia said. “You did it to the first Pokémon you saw that you thought would be faster, so I knew you’d do it again. This time is different, though. Mr. Mime, Mimic!”

Mr. Mime’s body flashed in a golden hue in response to this direction. It was simple, but deceptively so, and Whitney was all too aware of what it meant.

“Take my own attack away and turn it against me, will you? It won’t be that easy! Porygon, Icy Wind!”

Porygon realized the trouble it was in just as much as its trainer did. Knowing it likely wouldn’t last much longer, it turned all its remaining strength toward washing a freezing gust over Mr. Mime. He stood well against it, though some frost did develop on his body.

“Use Electroweb to wrap this up!”

Having temporarily learned Electroweb through his use of Mimic, Mr. Mime turned it on Porygon, lashing a thread of charged silk from each of the fingertips on one of his hands. The webbing tangled Porygon up on its own, but the electrical shock that the threads delivered finished it off. As the threads disappeared, it collapsed onto the floor.

“Porygon is unable to continue! The winner is Mr. Mime!”

“Well then,” Matt quietly said to himself as he crossed his arms, “looks like Mr. Mime was a good prize after all.”

Whitney recalled Porygon and readied her next Poké Ball before she spoke. “Not bad, not bad… but can you stand against my star? It’s showtime! Go, Miltank!”

Both Nekou and Monroe regarded the seemingly jolly-looking cow Pokémon with great apprehension when she arrived on the battlefield. Their views were for similar reasons – while Nekou was familiar with the notorious reputation of Whitney’s Miltank as a Pokémon that crushed the hopes of challengers, Monroe had lived it and barely come out on top. Both of them waited nervously to see how Olivia would handle it.

“Your star, huh? It should make a fun challenge. Mr. Mime, Electroweb!”

“Hmph… I’ll just go ahead, then. Miltank, Stealth Rock!”

Miltank got wrapped in the charged threads Mr. Mime threw over her, but she didn’t show much of an outward reaction to the power coursing through them. Even while tangled in the threads, she surrounded herself with bursts of light, which she quickly directed to surround Mr. Mime. The lights planted themselves in the ground and faded to reveal a number of pointed stone pillars.

“Alright, you did your job, Miltank. Pinch hit!” Olivia was quite surprised to see Whitney take out a Poké Ball and withdraw Miltank. As she threw the next ball, Whitney said, “Kecleon, go!”

The third and final Pokémon on Whitney’s team turned out to be one from Hoenn, as Olivia and her friends mentally noted. Kecleon voiced a low-pitched squeal and wagged her tongue in Mr. Mime’s direction as a way of announcing her presence.

“Whitney’s Pokémon sure have a lot of personality…” Olivia thought, tiring of the overwhelming characters she found herself against. Luckily, she was also aware of Kecleon’s capabilities, so she was able to quickly figure out a plan. “Hit it with Electroweb, Mr. Mime!”

“Kecleon, Incinerate!”

Kecleon was too slow to act, and ended up draped in the electrical net Mr. Mime cast over her. She spent several seconds being shocked by the threads before finally launching a stream of fire from her mouth. It burned through the Electroweb and flowed over Mr. Mime, leaving small singe marks all over his body.

Olivia stared at Kecleon and took note of a change she had anticipated – Kecleon’s skin was now yellow. “Color Change… it’s another type change strategy,” she thought. Holding up her own Poké Ball, she said, “Alright, Mr. Mime, take a break.”

“So she’s switching as well,” Matt observed, leaning forward onto the railing in front of the seats. “Where are we going from here…”

“Watch and see,” Nekou replied, gesturing toward the battle with her head.

“The first Pokémon I caught for myself…” Olivia said to the new Poké Ball she held in her hand. “Not for him, for myself… I’ll get this right. Now… let’s play!”

Olivia put all the strength she had into flinging the Poké Ball. It released a bright ball of light, from which two pincers arose before it dispelled to reveal the Pokémon’s identity.

“Krabby…” he hissed, using his right pincer to shield his eyes from the bright lights of the Gym.

Almost immediately, the stones planted in the ground when Miltank used Stealth Rock started to glow, and an energy field they generated gave Krabby a brief shock. He quickly recovered, however.

“A Krabby?” Matt gasped. “But when…?”

“That day in Slowpoke Well,” Nekou answered, not even really waiting for a question. “That’s the result. Olivia caught that Krabby in Slowpoke Well.”

“She hasn’t used it before…” he fretted. “Is she certain this will work?”

“I’m sure she has a strategy,” Nekou said in great confidence.

Whitney was sure Olivia had a plan as well, and decided that she had to dispose of Krabby quickly. “Kecleon, be ready. I don’t trust it.”

“Kec,” Kecleon answered with a nod.

“Krabby, Mud Shot! Go!”

With surprising speed, Krabby dug his claws into the ground and then violently pulled them out, throwing a large clump of mud at Kecleon.

“Solar Beam!”

When Kecleon was hit by the mound of dirt, she reeled back, a result of Color Change shifting her type to Electric. Her skin turned brown, then her entire body began to glow from her absorbing light.

“Perfect,” Olivia said, striking a grin very reminiscent of one Nekou would have. “Dig!”

“No!”

Krabby jumped up into the air, turned his claws downward and began spinning, allowing him to pierce through the ground. Just after he disappeared, Kecleon fired a wide beam of light from her mouth, but with Krabby nowhere to be seen the attack was useless. Seconds later, Krabby burst out of the ground beneath Kecleon and struck her in the chin with his claw.

“Good job, Krabby!” Olivia called out. “Keep it up!”

“Come on, Whitney, focus…” the Gym Leader said to herself. “It’s a Water-type, so… Solar Beam!”

“This is what I was waiting for! Bubble Beam!” Olivia immediately countered.

There was barely time for Kecleon to start absorbing light again before she was harshly buffeted by the bubbles Krabby launched from his claws. As she had become a Ground-type through Color Change’s reaction to Mud Shot and Dig, she was especially weak to the Water-type attack. Every bubble left a noticeable bruise on her skin, and by the time the stream finally ended, she fell forward to the ground in defeat.

“Kecleon is unable to continue! The winner is Krabby!”

“Yes!” cheered the young trainer, basking in the admiration from her friends. “Good work, Krabby! I knew you’d go far!”

“She’s really doing well,” Bunny said. “Was she this good in Azalea Town?”

“No…” Matt answered gloomily, “but she’s really improved over the last few days. She’s grown up quite a bit.”

After recalling Kecleon, Whitney threw Miltank’s Poké Ball to release her into battle again. She then put her hands on her hips and said, “You’re doing very well here so far, Olivia, but now you’re going up against my star player. Are you going to hit one out of the park, or strike out? Show me right now!”

“Oh, I will! You ready, Krabby? Dig!”

“Alright, here we go! Miltank, Heart Stamp!”

As he prepared to burrow into the ground again, Miltank rushed Krabby and hit him with a crushing punch, her fist glowing with red light. Though he hissed loudly due to the pain radiating down through his body, he still managed to get underground. All that was left when Miltank pulled back was a heart-shaped imprint on the battlefield.

Not showing any sign of doubt, Whitney announced, “Stomp!”

Krabby burst from the ground and slashed Miltank across the leg. However, she was ready with her other leg raised, and forcefully brought her foot down on Krabby’s head. While Miltank was left nursing a gash on her leg, Krabby was already badly injured and trembling violently.

“Okay, fine, what about this?!” Olivia snapped. “Bubble Beam!”

“Heart Stamp!”

Before Olivia realized it, Miltank was upon Krabby once more. She put even more strength into her Heart Stamp than the first time, smashing him with everything she had. He managed to still stay conscious, however, and he showered her with a blast of bubbles from his claws. They all left small marks on Miltank’s body, but when the injury on her leg was hit, she stumbled back and cringed.

“Huh…” Olivia muttered when she noticed Miltank’s reaction. “Alright, go for its leg with Vice Grip!”

“I won’t let you!” A vicious sound came through in the way Whitney snarled, reflecting a sudden change in her mood. From her perspective, Nekou mentally attributed it to Olivia finding a weakness she could exploit, thus putting Whitney at a disadvantage. “Miltank, Rollout, now!”

Krabby rushing in with the intent to grab Miltank’s leg actually gave the Normal-type Pokémon a huge opening. She curled up into a ball and rolled forward, mowing over her foe. In her wake, Krabby was left unconscious and splayed out on the ground.

“Krabby is unable to continue! The winner is Miltank!”

“Rough…” Bunny mumbled.

Having had first-hand experience with Miltank’s power earlier, Monroe looked on in worry while Olivia recalled and consoled Krabby. Though he was rooting for her, he had a terrible expectation that she wouldn’t be able to win.

“Mr. Mime, let’s play!”

As soon as Mr. Mime hit the battlefield, the stone pillars activated their energy field again and shocked him. He stumbled and flailed his arms, but quickly shook it off.

“So this is it, then. Olivia, give it your best!” Smiling broadly, Whitney called out, “Rollout!”

Turning back to Olivia’s direction, Miltank gathered speed and rolled toward Mr. Mime.

“Electroweb!” Olivia swiftly ordered.

Mr. Mime bravely faced the oncoming Miltank and threw an Electroweb over her. She still took the shock it brought, but her speed allowed her to break through it fairly quickly on her way to colliding with her opponent. Olivia could only gasp and watch as her Pokémon was smashed backward several feet.

“I can’t take another one like that,” Olivia said to herself. She saw that Miltank was coming back around and even gathering even more momentum, a sight that was giving her increasing concern. Suddenly, she remembered something she’d learned once, and calmed considerably. “Use Protect!”

Miltank once again had Mr. Mime in her sights, but she ended up only hitting the shield Mr. Mime put up around himself. This completely broke her pace, and she was left to fall back to her trainer with her Rollout ruined.

“It’s alright, Miltank,” Whitney said. “Let’s see what happens next.”

The sparkle in her eyes made clear that Olivia was eager to show her what would come. “Magical Leaf!”

“You’re not putting me away this easily!” Whitney roared. “Stomp!”

Mr. Mime hung back, allowing Miltank to come to him. For her entire approach, he showered her with sharp, glowing leaves, cutting her body up in a number of places. Some of the leaves even cut into the gash on her leg, making it even more painful for her. She did her best to endure it and managed to reach Mr. Mime, though she could only stomp on his foot.

“Alright, throw it into the air with Confusion!”

The two Pokémon being so close to each other allowed Mr. Mime to look right into Miltank’s eyes. She struggled to get away when she saw them filling with blue light, but it was already too late, as she was in the grip of his psychic power. He lifted her several feet off the ground, then used his mind to throw her diagonally upward.

“Miltank, use this to build up momentum for Rollout!”

“I’m not done, Whitney!” Olivia said, her words accompanied by a toothy grin. “Pull it down with Electroweb, Mr. Mime!”

Mr. Mime lashed Electroweb threads around Miltank like whips. Even though she rolled up into a ball in preparation to use Rollout again, she still got shocked and slammed into the ground.

“She’s improvising… I’m impressed,” Matt admired. “That was practically a Contest move in terms of being elaborate.”

“Do it, Miltank!” Whitney’s voice was getting increasingly raspy as her emotions burned through into her voice more and more. “Rollout!”

“Protect!”

Whitney’s last-ditch attempt at a comeback with Rollout was useless, as Miltank simply bounced off of Mr. Mime’s shield again. Her slow wobbling backward in the aftermath of her failed attack gave Olivia the chance she had been waiting for, and with wide eyes and a great smile, she seized it.

“Use Magical Leaf! Direct it all to the cut on Miltank’s leg!”

Sharp pain shot through Miltank’s body with each one of Mr. Mime’s leaves that hit her wounded leg. It quickly clouded her mind and weakened her body, eventually bringing her to her knees.

Whitney was speechless. With Miltank immobilized, she couldn’t order any attack – Miltank simply did not know any that it could use under the circumstances. She was completely stuck, and Whitney realized that her Pokémon was a sitting duck for Mr. Mime’s finishing move.

“Alright, this is over!” Olivia pointed forward at Miltank and boomed, “End this with Confusion!”

Once more, Mr. Mime used his psychic power to surround Miltank in blue light and lift her. This time, he lifted her nearly all the way to the roof of the Gym, then smashed her down at incredible speed.

With the kind of force Mr. Mime had put into his assault, the outcome was a foregone conclusion. Miltank briefly stood back up after being slammed to the ground, but her bruised, battered body could simply take no more and gave out on her.

“M-Miltank is… unable to continue!” Monroe declared, dumbfounded by what he had seen. “Mr. Mime is the winner, and the victor is Olivia!”

Within seconds of Olivia’s victory, Nekou had jumped the railing and run to embrace her. Matt, Bunny and Monroe followed, but at a slower pace.

“I’m so ****ing proud of you, Olivia!” Nekou was actually almost crying while tightly hugging Olivia. “That was all you, and it was amazing!”

“Aw, thanks, Nekou… it felt so good to just put all my own skill into wanting to win...”

“That’s right, your win is your achievement,” Whitney said, approaching the group. “There used to be a time when I would have cried after losing, but not now. I’ve learned that my job as Gym Leader is to teach young trainers like you to do exactly what you just did. And you know, I’m proud of you too. It was great fun battling you. Here you go, you’ve earned this… the Plain Badge.”

Matt, Nekou, Bunny and Monroe looked on as Whitney handed the Plain Badge to Olivia. Once she had it, she looked at it in her hand, almost tearing up as her emotions overwhelmed her.

She thought of all the years she had dreamt of moments like this in a quest to get her father back, imagining that winning Badges would increase his favor of her. She thought of her mental breakdown in Azalea Town, and finally, she thought of everything she’d gone through to get to this point, where she’d won a Badge entirely for herself on her own strength.

For the first time on her journey, she felt truly proud of something she’d achieved, and after looking at how proud Nekou and the others were of her, she fully felt like she belonged there with her friends.

-:-

That evening, as the sun was beginning to set, Jessie and James stood on the roof of a building across the street from the Battle Factory. They were fully dressed in their trenchcoats, accessorized with dark sunglasses and wide-brimmed hats.

“So there’s where they took him,” Jessie said, peering through her high-tech binoculars at the facility. “The Battle Factory… to think Polaris even controls a Frontier Society facility.

“We’ll make good on our mistake,” James resolved. “Meowth, we’ll get you back, and we’ll get revenge on Polaris for what they did…

-:-

At the same time, Looker and Silver were sitting in a small café, drinking coffee as they discussed what would come next.

“Silver… I am wanting you to return to the company of Matt Chiaki and the people he calls friend.”

“Why?” Silver growled, irritated. “I don’t want to put up with her any more than I have to.”

“That’s being just the exact thing. I am having to escort the prisoners Jacob Alexison and Grings Kodai back to the region of Kanto tomorrow, no matter what. Therefore, the job falls to your shoulders to observe their actions. I am having a feeling that is bad that something of great importance will soon be taking place within this city.”

“Fine, I guess I’ll seek them out. I’m not making any promises, though.”

“Good. Have remembrance – if you wish to obtain the revenge you are seeking on the Team Rocket and the man who is your father, having cooperation with me is of paramount importance.”

-:-

Late that night, long after most of Goldenrod City had gone to sleep, Giovanni and the other members of Team Rocket were still wide awake in their hideout. Everyone was present for the meeting, including Jessie, James, Proton, Rosalie, Trevor, Ada and Pierce.

“Where is she?!” Giovanni fumed. When he slammed his hand on the armrest of his chair, his Persian cringed next to him. “She said she’d be here!”

Ariana, after swallowing a gulp of coffee to wash down her medication, replied, “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. After all these years, Giovanni, you should have more faith in her.”

“Fine. But I don’t like how she pushes the line all the time. Tomorrow is going to be an important day… war might break out between us and Polaris, and I don’t want to even entertain the chance of a rude surprise.”

“I-I… I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, b-boss…” Ada whimpered. “I have faith in Lady N-Ne…”

Suddenly, a voice could be heard outside the door. Strangely, it was singing to itself.

“I’ve seen you on the beach and I’ve seen you on TV, two of a billion stars, it means so much to me…”

“Oh boy,” Trevor chuckled, adjusting the collar of the floral shirt that burst from beneath his uniform. “She sounds like she’s really going today.”

The door burst open, and the person in question walked in with great, confident strides. She slammed it shut with her foot, as her hands were busy fumbling with the music player she’d been using.

“Lady Nekou!” Ada exclaimed.

“It’s good to finally see you again too, Ada,” Nekou warmly said as her teammate jumped into her arms. As a further show of affection, Nekou kissed her on the lips before they separated.

“The boss isn’t happy with how late you are,” Pierce sternly informed her.

“Well I’m here now.” Turning to Giovanni, Nekou raised her arm and said, “Admin Nekou Langley Lalume reporting! Hail Giovanni!”

“Hmph, fine…” Giovanni grumbled. “Let’s get on with it.”

Nekou reached into her uniform and took out a memory card emblazoned with the Team Rocket logo, which she then handed to Ada. Ada in turn sat down at the bank of computers and inserted the card, causing data to fill the screens.

“Get around here, people!” Rosalie ordered. “This is the real thing!”

Once all the assembled Team Rocket members were gathered around the computers, Nekou began her explanation.

“This is everything I gathered during my mission,” she stated. First, a picture of Matt and relevant data to him appeared on the computers. “Matt Chiaki, grandson of archeologist Sutter Chiaki and guardian of Olivia Mistbloom. And way, way more involved in all that’s going on than he even knows.”

“What does that mean?” James asked.

“Well look who he’s the son of.” On Nekou’s cue, two more photos appeared. One was an old man with gray hair and red spectacles, while the other was a woman with blonde, helmet-shaped hair. “Charon and Fumika Chiaki, his parents. Charon Chiaki was better known as Pluto, one of the Commanders of Team Galactic, but passed away of old age three years ago. Fumika Chiaki, on the other hand… she was also a Team Galactic Commander under the name Mercury…”

“Mercury?!” Jessie cut in. “That’s the woman who stole Meowth! It was her!”

“You said someone from Polaris did it,” Proton said. “Are you really suggesting…”

“It could be true,” Nekou replied to the incomplete question. “We know that Polaris had moles inside Team Galactic to bring them down from within. And how do we know that? This one.” Joining the pictures on the screen was one of Cassy. “Cassy Natsuka. See, nothing looks wrong with her on the surface, and at first, she seems like just the typical possessive girlfriend. She met Matt Chiaki while they were both students at the Rustboro School, fell head over heels in love with him almost immediately. From the sound of it, she pretty much owned him for years. You know, typical possessive girlfriend **** like controlling his schedule and not letting others get too close to him. Thing is, she was also a Team Galactic member at the same time as Mercury… and I just found out that she is Séduire, one of Polaris’s Chromosomes. Her motive is to force Matt Chiaki to love her again, even though he likely never truly loved her at all.”

“You’re saying everything is connected through this guy you’ve been watching?” Even Ariana was becoming surprised at the way things were developing.

“You don’t even know all of it yet, Maman, you guys. Jessie, James, you might want to pay attention to this part. This…” A picture of the Battle Factory replaced all the others. “…is the Battle Factory, which is also Polaris’s Purine Base. I learned through audio and visual spying that its Frontier Brain, Thorton, is the Chromosome named Getriebe. And you know what? He was also in the Rustboro School at the same time as Matt and Cassy.”

“This is looking more and more like a bigger conspiracy than we ever expected,” Trevor mused.

“How do we even know we can trust this Matt Chiaki guy?” wondered Jessie.

“He’s the most harmless person I’ve ever seen. He could not be evil if he even tried. The thing is, he used to have an evil side that was yet another Team Galactic member. That side of him called itself Janus, and he was a scientist who worked in Team Galactic’s labs. In fact, it’s Janus’s fault that the Galactic Bomb exists. As far as I can tell, the last time Matt Chiaki relapsed into the Janus personality was five years ago during Team Galactic’s last stand. He was using a device to drain Dialga’s power, but it was shut down, resulting in his defeat. The red liquid that the power manifested as was accidentally spilled onto Olivia Mistbloom, but she seems to be healthy by all accounts despite this. I also became aware that during the extensive surgeries he had after his body was destroyed, he had Janus removed from his mind in a controversial, first-of-its-kind procedure.”

“So that’s what we’re dealing with…” Rosalie lowly said.

“Assemble,” Giovanni suddenly announced.

Without any dissent, the members of Team Rocket present lined up next to each other. Nekou stood with Ada and Trevor, whose uniforms were similar to hers, only that hers was mostly unbuttoned and accompanied by a short skirt, customizations made to suit her tastes.

“My followers, you must understand the severity of the threat Team Rocket currently faces. I ask of you, what is the primary goal of Team Rocket?”

“To capture the rarest and most powerful Pokémon!” Jessie instantly responded, as if it was programmed into her.

“We’ll assemble an army of those Pokémon and conquer the world!” James added.

“Correct. Polaris, however, aims to change our world in such a fundamental way that it is a threat to not only Team Rocket’s goal, but our very survival. Make no mistake, this is a war for our survival. We do not know what Polaris’s true goal is, but if they trigger a revolution, we will not be able to live in that world anymore. It’s with those stakes in mind that I give you your respective missions for tomorrow. Jessie, James, Proton, you are to attack Polaris’s speech and disrupt it, while recapturing Meowth as well. Pierce, you search for where Polaris is keeping the Meteonite so we can figure out how to capture it.”

“What should I do?” Nekou questioned.

“Continue on your observation of Matt Chiaki. Keep him from interfering in our plans.”

Nekou’s eyes brightened at the news. “I’ll be glad to.”

“Boy, you sure seem happy,” Rosalie teased. “What is it? Have you fallen for him? Done what you do to get intelligence from your targets?”

“Hahaha, **** no. Not yet anyway.” Nekou licked her lips and added, “Give it time. I’ll get him to want it.”




END of CHAPTER 13
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
The first couple parts with Matt and the rest of the group is a great read. Yay for Bunny back and having a Gogoat. Like how you incorporate the Pokedex being updated for the Kalos Pokemon (although it would be nice if Olivia tried out her pokedex on Gogoat).

“Hello, Matt,” he calmly said.

“And hello to you, Jacob…” The bitterness in Matt’s voice was obvious.

“To what do I owe this pleasure? It’s quite nice to have you come calling with your rather lovely new friends.”

I feel he should say “Hello, Matt. Hello Bunny” because he knew Bunny quite a while too. With Jacob just talking to Matt, it’s as if he’s referring to Bunny as a new friend. I know a few sentences later you have her stone-faced and all, but can’t help but feel wanting Jacob to acknowledge Bunny a bit more.

The rest of the group’s encounter with Jacob sure is something. The tension between him and Nekou I thought was nicely done and it was nice you’re able to incorporate some events from the XY games along with the anime version of Diamond/Pearl lore.

Finansielle disappeared from the screen. Geminus then walked over to the bed, sat down and took up Cassy’s hand.

“Don’t you worry. I’ll make everything you wish for come true.”

I don’t like the sound of that… :x

I’ll admit I didn’t expect Lysandre here. With the addition of him in this story, wonder what role he’ll play.

And we meet Thorton again. Interesting he’s interacting with Colress and Jeunes (and Thorton being one of the Polaris chromosomes). Gonna agree with Colress over throwing Matt a legendary on the second battle, haha.

Nekou and Olivia took the stage, each of them occupying one of the two pairs of directional arrows under their feet. After looking to Olivia to confirm that she was ready, Nekou deposited several coins into the game machine, bringing it fully to life. The Pokémon adorning the machine, Meloetta, cried out cheerfully, followed by the words ‘Both of you, dance like you want to win!’ displaying on the video monitor before its two players.

Gotta love the Pokemonized version of Dance Dance Revolution. XD

Nice use of Greninja’s Hidden Ability there. What a tricky way to catch Matt off guard. Ouch over him losing to that Pokemon, even with a legendary. D:

And then a blinding light flashed from the heart of the heart of the attack.

Did you mean “from the heart of the attack?”

Quite a few developments during Olivia’s battle with Whitney there. Lilipup evolving, Krabby and Mr. Mime, Kelecon’s ability---good stuff, good stuff. The last couple paragraphs wrapped up pretty well what Olivia wanted to accomplish and shifting her goals after some rough spots she faced.

Usually two big battles in one chapter can get overwhelming to me, but since Matt’s battle against Greninja is fairly short I didn’t mind it this chapter.

Had an idea Nekou is involved with Team Rocket when she wanted her Pokemon to spy at the Battle Factory.

Still, I believe her involvement might lead to tension/misunderstandings within the group soon. Not only that, Silver is asked to observe everyone too and he wanted revenge on Giovanni. I predict that too will cause more problems.

Overall another enjoyable chapter and quite a few things happened. Really like the few Kalo Easter eggs you scattered around this chapter. Looking forward to the next one!
 

Blue Saturday

Unfurl your Blessed Wings!
‘Both of you, dance like you want to win!’
I see what you did there...amusing little Easter egg, especially considering who Nekou reminded me of during her Union Cave rampage.

This certainly was a whirlwind of different actions, moments, developments and character showcasings. So much went on, I followed it coherently and never once felt overwhelmed by all that went. I still have to commend you on your confidence in character juggling and focus; carrying that many aspects of a story and keeping it all together is very hard to pull off.

On the flip side, I have to be a bit blunt here, I think Professor Juniper's role of appearing just to update Olivia's PokeDex to be pretty unneeded since that's all she appeared for and I feel like her PokeDex could have easily been updated in an easier way without Juniper's presence, whether it be through Monroe being told to do so on his way to Goldenrod or through the phone. Plus, while I had no problem at all understanding everything character wise you work with a lot of different characters and some readers might not be able to handle or keep track of each one. So that is something to be wary of in the grand scheme of things.

Bunny making her return to the group with the addition of a Gogoat reminded me of an aspect I liked about the chapter, the Kalosian Easter eggs. I feel like you're placing them well in your story without overplaying it to a point where the reader feels it to be redundant and obvious. I partially say this because I, myself, have thought about the idea for a future story and how the implanting of Kalos elements would be handled. I feel like a good number of fanfiction writers aren't subtle about these and just feel the need to throw aspects of a new Gen everywhere in their story to the point where it feels like too much but your inclusion of it was handled so well I couldn't have done a better job myself at all.

The sucker punches with Nekou being allied with Team Rocket, Thorton being in-line with Polaris, Matt's past, the small part about Olivia(I'm sure this had something to do with Olivia's behavior and pain last chapter.) had a good amount of shock factor behind them. As did the parts about AZ, the Tenganists, Jacob, Looker/Silver and Lysandre's debut in this story. It's a lot on your plate to handle but you're making it all work well. The immense amounts of interconnection these events have with each other and the handling of the factions in it all has a lot of impact and you show absolute control of everything well.

To the battles, I enjoyed both battles a lot, I liked how unnerved Colress and Thorton were getting over Matt's success. I had a feeling either Olivia's or Matt's challenge would be foregone a bit. That Greninja being such a monstrosity in its own right and too much for Matt to handle certainly was entertaining to read, your use of Protean and the variation of Greninja's moves showed you clearly have done your research well. As for Olivia's situation, the battle against Whitney was written great. I was half-expecting Olivia's new debut to be a Kalos Pokemon given it was veiled a good amount up until this point and I did think the same of Whitney too, given she went with her Miltank as her second I half-expected her to use a Bunnelby or something as her third to throw Olivia off her game a bit.

But I'm glad you ultimately didn't since there were already a good amount of Kalos in this chapter and it was more surprising that they weren't Kalos Pokemon. Now that I remember, Mr.Mime is a Fairy/Psychic Pokemon. I wonder if that'll come up at any point and/or play a role in anything. Here I thought Olivia's words about leaving with a pocket full of coins was valueless in the end of her and Nekou's scene. Needless to say the two Pokemon you chose for her surprised me.

During the battle I was engrossed so much in everything, description was fantastic as always and I liked how Lillipup's evolution wasn't the end-all be-all and he still left in defeat. I can only say how much I enjoyed your usage of Olivia, I feel like her character has genuinely grown up and changed a lot from the beginning. This battle showcased it well and there's definitely a clear progression from what was seen in Violet, Azalea and now Goldenrod in who she is as a person. I could go on for days about how much I enjoyed the battle but I'll just say that you did everything well, even the strategy was something I haven't seen a fanfiction writer utilize. I wonder if the similarity of Color Change and Protean being important factors in both battles of the chapter were your intention, just a small possible throwback I'm assuming.

The last minute scene with Team Rocket, this is all looking to be something explosive next chapter, looking forward to it.
 
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Matori

THE QUEEN IS BACK
This was a long chapter but definitely worth it! There was a lot I loved about this chapter so I'll just dive right in to this review.

Goldenrod City took on a completely different appearance when under the sun’s warm glow.

At night, it was a neon-laced metropolis, glowing so brightly that it could be seen from space. While the central part of the city retained its glory during the day, sunlight showed the uncomfortable truth of the slums surrounding it much more than the night did.

This is a fantastic description of Goldenrod City that shows both the good and bad of the city, and I think it's an interesting way to start the chapter.

“Olivia…” Matt said, becoming serious. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I got a good sleep and I feel completely better. Why would you think anything else?”

“Well…” Matt looked up at Nekou, who was looking back at him. Both of them had great concern in their eyes, but what he got from her was feeling that he shouldn’t push the subject. “Yeah, I guess the beds were comfortable,” he said, resigning himself to not pursuing his worries.

It's really good how you show Matt and Nekou's continued concern for Olivia's well-being, as well as his respect for her.

“You wouldn’t know about drinking in small spaces.” Much to Matt’s surprise, Nekou was actually taking his question, which was intended as a tease, seriously. “Get drunk in small areas and things can get weird. Believe me when I say that you want space if you’re getting ****ing bombed.”

She would know...


Bunny's re-introduction felt natural, and I'll agree it's a great way to bring Kalos Pokemon into your story that feels really natural. I also enjoy Juniper's enthusiasm for her job and helping Olivia with her Pokedex- the scene felt really natural to me, as did Bunny's flashback to the Ruins of Alph incident. I also really liked the mention of Harmonia loyalists in the old man's dialogue.

Olivia? Is that you?”

When the newly-reformed group of four turned in the direction of the voice, they saw a familiar boy dressed in a blue-and-black school uniform.

“A uniform from Earl’s Pokémon Academy…” Matt said in surprise. “…Monroe? Dominic’s son?”

“…you… actually remember me?” the brown-haired young man meekly said as he approached the group. “I’m honored…”

“What are you doing in Goldenrod City?” Olivia asked.

“I just got a Plain Badge from the Gym, actually.” Furthering his point, Monroe extended his hand, showing them his badge, a yellow diamond outlined in silver.

Monroe's return is adorable. I really love how he helps Olivia out with navigating Goldenrod City and it really shows how cool of a guy he is. He clearly wants Olivia to do well.

Matt shook his head at Bunny and smiled. “I don’t need it. Honestly, I think Olivia would appreciate it more, but I’ll leave it up to her.”

Matt, Bunny and Nekou all looked down to Olivia in anticipation of her decision. They didn’t have to wait long, as she quickly said, “Sure, I’m up for it. I have to get my second badge as soon as possible.”

“Second…? Huh, what do you know.” Monroe was mumbling to himself, so the others didn’t take notice of him until he directly addressed them. “I… I hope I’m not being a burden, but may I come with you? I don’t have anything to do for a while…”

“Sure, I don’t see why n…”

“Just as long as you can keep up,” Olivia teased, cutting Matt off in the process. “I won’t be held back.”

“Good to see you’re back to your old self,” Matt thought to himself.


This really made me smile. It's nice to see Matt relieved by Olivia's behavior.


“We’ve been waiting for you,” Silver growled. “Any longer and I would have come in there looking for you myself.”

“Well in that case it’s pretty lucky you didn’t have to, right?” Nekou sniped back at him. “What now?”

As Matt, Olivia, Bunny and Monroe walked off, they were too caught up in talking amongst themselves to notice that Nekou had stayed back. She quietly opened two of her Poké Balls, releasing her Murkrow and Duskull, then took a small camera device from inside her uniform and attached it to her Murkrow’s neck.

“Edgar, you know what to do,” she said to her Duskull. “Use your powers to search through the city for our target. Lenore, you use that camera to record wherever it is. I’ll receive the video as soon as you get it, and then I want you two to meet me at Goldenrod Gym. Got it?”

This is such a cute and clever use of the two.

The first Purine Base scene was great. Actually, I'll take this moment to comment on all of the scenes set in Purine Base, as well as the scene between Geminus and Finansielle. First, I love how you write the Purine crew interacting- Thorton making sure Matt can't win to reach him is brilliant thinking, the constant banter between him, Jeunes, and Colress reminds me of a bunch of best friends playing video games together, and the high-five near the end really was the cherry on top for these scenes. The Geminus and Finansielle scene is great because it shows that Geminus apparently cares enough about Cassy to step in and say some words in her defense to get her forgiveness from Finansielle, as well as Finansielle providing background information on Ghetsis' personality.

Back on where I left off following that... the discussion between Matt and Jacob was amazing. Jacob is a truly chilling character, and I think his interactions with Matt had great chemistry. Jacob's characterization is great.


“I’ve got a few questions for you too, old man.”

Jacob’s expression brightened at the chance to talk to her. “Well, I have to consider this quite a gift. I’ve been in prison for a long time now, after all. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You’re lucky I need you. And you’re even more ****ing lucky you’re on the other side of that glass, because don’t you think for a second I’d hesitate to crack you one for that. I need to know more about what’s in this book.”

Nekou demonstrates the correct method of dealing with creepers.

Saeko Oryo's story was chilling and the way Jacob reacted to it made sense once he'd told it. I can't imagine what it must have been like to witness that event. The way you tied in AZ's backstory was also really impressive and I feel like it was really natural and made good use of XY's plot. The amount of worldbuilding you put into the rules of the Tenganists was also really impressive. I also really was impressed by Jacob taking pride in his storytelling abilities- it seems like even though he had (or believed he had) a legitimate reason for warning them, he also enjoyed being able to totally hold their attention.

The glass went opaque again when Looker pressed the button on his remote, and Matt’s group could hear several crashes against the glass, presumably from Looker restraining Jacob.

I have to wonder if Jacob tried to escape at that point.

“What the fu…” Once Nekou had turned around and realized who was addressing her, her angry expression softened. “Sorry, Olivia, I was distracted. What’s going on?”

This made me smile.


Matt and Bunny had been watching the entire exchange between Olivia and Nekou, and by the time the two of them and Monroe finally joined with them, they were visibly frustrated.

“Ready yet?” Matt sighed.

Nekou gently draped her arms over his shoulders, licked her lips and stared into his eye as she breathily replied, “I don’t know… are we?”

“Okay, now you’re messing with me,” he said, pulling away. “I’ll take it as a yes. Let’s go.”

“Maybe not, you don’t know…” she thought to herself with a wry grin as the group finally started on its way.

Haha, nice, Nekou.

As it turned out, Bunny would soon get her answer. Lysandre had seen the group pointing at him, and he slowly and deliberately approached them himself. Matt quickly understood why Olivia said she was disturbed by him; he was easily taller than the six-foot-plus Matt, and his eyes burned with an unsettling intensity.

“I see you recognize me,” Lysandre said, his deep voice shaking the bones of his audience. “Therefore, we will dispense with formalities. Who are you?”

“Matt Chiaki, sir.” Matt couldn’t help but show Lysandre a degree of respect he didn’t usually show. “And this is Nekou, and Bunny, and Olivia and Monroe.”

“Matt Chiaki…” Shutting his eyes, Lysandre continued speaking, “I know of you as well. Even as far off as the Kalos region, your efforts in creating a renewable energy source are recognized. I commend you for your efforts to improve this world.”

Oh wow, here's something I never saw coming. Nice, first we see AZ and now we get Lysandre. Great way to work the new games into your story and on such short notice too.

“I think Polaris is a ****ing scam and you’d have to be dumb as **** to fall for it,” Nekou immediately chimed in, causing her companions to visibly panic.

Nekou's bluntness here is great.

Once Matt had scanned the Frontier Pass using a small panel in front of the hologram projector, it recited, “Welcome, challenger. Today in the Battle Factory, you will face a series of three-on-three Single Battles. However, you will not be permitted to use your own Pokémon. Instead, you must select virtual rental Pokémon from our stock, and your opponents will also be using rental Pokémon. After each victory, you will get a clue toward your next opponent and the opportunity to trade a Pokémon for one of the previous opponent’s Pokémon. If you win three battles, your fourth and final will be against me. Good luck.”

The holograms system is actually really neat and I like the thought you put into it. It's a different way than I pictured it. I also loved, as mentioned before, watching the Purine Base keep throwing out Pokemon to trip Matt up- it's great thinking really- and using Meowth's speech ability to their advantage was also clever.

Nekou and Olivia took the stage, each of them occupying one of the two pairs of directional arrows under their feet. After looking to Olivia to confirm that she was ready, Nekou deposited several coins into the game machine, bringing it fully to life. The Pokémon adorning the machine, Meloetta, cried out cheerfully, followed by the words ‘Both of you, dance like you want to win!’ displaying on the video monitor before its two players.

Heehee, Pokemon Dance Dance Revolution. Also nice Eva reference.

Matt's battle against Greninja was well-paced, and I have to admit I was surprised when he lost- I really thought Tornadus would have been able to pull it off. Again, great job working in Kalos Pokemon.

“I’m liking your spunk, challenger,” Whitney said with a wink. “Alright, how many Badges do you have?”

Whitney's speech style is really cute, and fits her.

I really enjoyed seeing Olivia battle in this Gym battle. Her reasoning she uses during battles- like the one with Porygon- really shows how she's growing as a trainer. Her enthusiasm also made this battle really great.


Nekou and Bunny turned in surprise to find Matt sitting next to them. They both chuckled nervously as they realized they’d been so enraptured in the battle that they had not seen him arrive.

“So that’s what surprised Whitney just now…” Bunny reasoned. “How’d your battle go?”

“Let’s just say I had plenty of time to do other things before coming here,” he answered before turning back to the battle. “This is Olivia’s time now. Give her your attention.”

Heh, I love the way Matt answered Bunny.

And then a blinding light flashed from the heart of the heart of the attack.

“Wha…” Whitney was finally truly speechless. She was only able to watch, her mouth open in utter shock.

“Well, well, well, what do you know,” Nekou said with a smirk, matching the one she saw Olivia gaining. “She got lucky again.”

“Yes!” Olivia squeaked at the top of her lungs. Even though she couldn’t yet see whatever it was Lillipup was evolving into, she fumbled out her Pokédex anyway.

“Herdier, the Loyal Dog Pokémon. Type is Normal. Evolved form of Lillipup. This very loyal Pokémon helps trainers, and it also takes care of other Pokémon. It has black, cape-like fur that is very hard and reduces the amount of damage it receives.”

The light exploded outward, dispelling Porygon’s Icy Wind. In place of Lillipup stood a larger, more outwardly confident canine Pokémon. The burst of cream-colored fur that had coated his face as Lillipup now formed a pair of bushy eyebrows and a makeshift moustache, while the dark-colored fur referred to by the Pokédex draped over his brown stomach and legs. He howled with newfound strength, making Porygon reel back.

I was really surprised by Lillipup's evolution. I'm so happy for Olivia.

I also really love just how well you captured the utter frustration of battling Miltank. That thing is tough and I know how Olivia must have felt trying to deal with all the Stomps.

Olivia's growth really showed in the battle, in how composed she was and how proud she was of herself afterward, and I was really pleased by the whole thing.

That evening, as the sun was beginning to set, Jessie and James stood on the roof of a building across the street from the Battle Factory. They were fully dressed in their trenchcoats, accessorized with dark sunglasses and wide-brimmed hats.

“So there’s where they took him,” Jessie said, peering through her high-tech binoculars at the facility. “The Battle Factory… to think Polaris even controls a Frontier Society facility.

“We’ll make good on our mistake,” James resolved. “Meowth, we’ll get you back, and we’ll get revenge on Polaris for what they did…

So cool.


At the same time, Looker and Silver were sitting in a small café, drinking coffee as they discussed what would come next.

“Silver… I am wanting you to return to the company of Matt Chiaki and the people he calls friend.”

“Why?” Silver growled, irritated. “I don’t want to put up with her any more than I have to.”

“That’s being just the exact thing. I am having to escort the prisoners Jacob Alexison and Grings Kodai back to the region of Kanto tomorrow, no matter what. Therefore, the job falls to your shoulders to observe their actions. I am having a feeling that is bad that something of great importance will soon be taking place within this city.”

“Fine, I guess I’ll seek them out. I’m not making any promises, though.”

“Good. Have remembrance – if you wish to obtain the revenge you are seeking on the Team Rocket and the man who is your father, having cooperation with me is of paramount importance.”

I love watching Silver and Looker interact.

The Team Rocket scene was definitely an example of ending a chapter on a high note- it gave me a ton of feels and I think all the characters interacted really well. I loved Nekou singing outside and tipping everyone off to her presence, the various members' reaction to her being late, and Nekou's presenting all of her data she'd collected. It all came together really well and the final scene had a great reference to early BW as well as capturing the feel of those episodes perfectly. Also, Giovanni's speech at the end was perfectly worded.

Overall this was a great chapter and I really enjoyed reading all of it. The end of it makes me really excited for the next one and I can't wait for it.
 
Last edited:

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
At night, it was a neon-laced metropolis, glowing so brightly that it could be seen from space. While the central part of the city retained its glory during the day, sunlight showed the uncomfortable truth of the slums surrounding it much more than the night did.

I really like this piece of description. Short and simple, but it tells a lot.

“I know mine was.” Nekou assumed that Olivia was talking to her. “Plus, I can drink as much as I want in there and get away with it.”

Classic Nekou. I like the interaction between all 3 of them in this entire part really.

Olivia took out the Pokémon, but fumbled around with it as she looked for the place to connect it to the phone. “Where?”

I think you mean “pokedex” not pokémon.

Matt almost instantly became visibly flustered at the suggestion. “But… I remember back to when I found the Golden City of La Ciudad Dorada years ago… that man who tried to stop me, Count Fernando VIII… he said that he thought people from that Guild were coming for him and an artifact in his possession. He thought I was one of them.”

This must be about your last fic. Reading about Matt’s past makes me realize just how… important he is? I guess that’s the right term for it.

Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew the events Jacob was referring to, especially because he had lived them. Some time earlier, while at the Indigo Plateau investigating the ruins of an ancient city, Matt, Nekou, Olivia and Bunny had been sent back in time by a strange phenomenon and witnessed the rebellion firsthand. Recalling these events led Matt to a realization he considered even more ominous – the Time Gate phenomenon in Ilex Forest was very similar to what had happened.

Is there a summary of the events that happened in your past fic, or in the general past that’s mentioned here? I’d be interested in reading it.

“As far as I can tell, she didn’t want to die, so she swallowed that accursed thing. Foolish choice… it unleashed massive energy and burned her from the inside out. She condemned herself to the very death she tried to avoid. But that wasn’t it. The backlash from her swallowing it… even though it was just partial… it unleashed a blast of energy that destroyed the Tenganist holy land. At once all of its residents perished, and a lush jungle was turned into a snowy wasteland. Sutter and I only survived because we were just outside of it. We watched as everything in front of our eyes turned to pure death in an instant.”

This. This is awesome. And tragically sad. As Matt said, no wonder he was so shaken up. I’m shaken up just reading about it.

“A war started. Greedy individuals led by AZ’s younger brother wished to capture the kingdom and the power it held. The war was so horrible and vast that AZ had to send his beloved Pokémon to fight in that war… and it perished. When he received its body, AZ was distraught. Desperate to save it, he created a device powered by the life energy of other living Pokémon to resurrect that Pokémon, but it was not enough. He had to augment it with the Jewel of Life for the device to work, and it did. But even with his Pokémon revived, he was too far gone into his madness. He further powered up the device and turned it into an ultimate weapon, a harbinger of death itself… with the Jewel of Life he set devastation and ruin on both sides of the war. He ended it, but his Pokémon left his side because of his sins… AZ then disappeared, and the kingdom was dismantled by his regretful brother. Because of AZ’s actions, using the Jewel of Life for such purposes is considered a mortal sin even by the modern-day Tenganists.”

I wasn’t expecting AZ to be brought into this, but it was done masterfully so.

“I think Polaris is a ****ing scam and you’d have to be dumb as **** to fall for it,” Nekou immediately chimed in, causing her companions to visibly panic.

Tell him how it is, Nekou!

Once Matt had scanned the Frontier Pass using a small panel in front of the hologram projector, it recited, “Welcome, challenger. Today in the Battle Factory, you will face a series of three-on-three Single Battles. However, you will not be permitted to use your own Pokémon. Instead, you must select virtual rental Pokémon from our stock, and your opponents will also be using rental Pokémon. After each victory, you will get a clue toward your next opponent and the opportunity to trade a Pokémon for one of the previous opponent’s Pokémon. If you win three battles, your fourth and final will be against me. Good luck.”

It hit me here. They went to school together, right? Well, Thorton seems to be making a good name for himself, if he works here and is in a pretty high ranking system. On the other hand, Matt’s just chasing his dreams and thinks he’s getting nowhere. A sad thought.

“He’s going to ask you about Reshiram if he reaches you,” Jeunes said from the shadows behind Thorton. “We cannot risk letting any information fall into the hands of the enemy.”

Maybe I should take back what I just thought… If Thorton has showed up before, I obviously forgot.

While Glaceon took in air to use in her attack, Greninja shifted back to his original blue coloring and formed a set of four throwing stars made of water in his hand, which he used to cut Glaceon’s body in several places.

Not sure why Matt would keep Glaceon over Magnezone. I don’t know anything about competitive battling but I know Magnemite’s evolution line always messes me up in the games. It’s probably a much better choice.

“So there’s where they took him,” Jessie said, peering through her high-tech binoculars at the facility. “The Battle Factory… to think Polaris even controls a Frontier Society facility.

Missing quotation mark at the end.

Also there was no one quote I wanted to show from the battle, but it was a good one. I liked the parallels between her and Matt’s battle with the type switching thing, and Herdier evolving was probably another accomplishment that Olivia needed. Surprising the readers with pokémon she had just caught was interesting to see, too, though I’m wondering if she got a little too lucky with them being powerful enough to beat a gym leader right off the bat?

“Boy, you sure seem happy,” Rosalie teased. “What is it? Have you fallen for him? Done what you do to get intelligence from your targets?”

“Hahaha, **** no. Not yet anyway.” Nekou licked her lips and added, “Give it time. I’ll get him to want it.”

And suddenly my view of Matt/Nekou’s relationship just took on a whole new meaning. I’m very excited to see where this goes.

I apologize in the lateness of me reading this. I believe I told you I lost interest in pokémon and writing for a while, and am only just now getting back into it. Reading awesome fics like yours helps me to get inspired again. Thanks for writing this. You have such a great imagination, and great talent when it comes to plot and characters. I certainly am jealous.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
And here we go. I think some violent content and potentially disturbing imagery is all to warn for here.

-:-

CHAPTER 14: Goldenrod City Under Siege (Part 1)

-:-

Deep beneath the temple Bunny had briefly visited, there was a vast network of caves. One such chamber within the depths of the temple opened up to a great subterranean lake, filled with clear, sparkling water that chilled to the touch. Huge stalagmites peppered the lake, rising up toward the impossibly high ceiling.

The Tenganist prophet stood between her followers and the water, slowly walking to each of them and setting a hand on each of their left shoulders. One of the other Tenganists followed closely behind her, carrying an ornate golden pot containing water taken from the lake. Before touching each follower, the prophet returned to the pot and wet her fingers with its contents.

“Carry the spirits of our brave ancestors inside your hearts,” she powerfully said, addressing them in a fashion meant to rally them. “Our people must once again rise up in battle to fight for our survival. Like the courageous warriors who came before us, we must fully believe in our cause. What we will do will be violent, and people will die, but we do not take this action because we want to. This is what we must do to save our people from extinction. We must strike against Polaris. We will strike them quickly and powerfully, then retreat with our spoils as quickly as we came.”

As she said the last line of her speech, the prophet looked to the side of the cave, where a Gardevoir and Gothitelle were waiting.

-:-

The next morning in Goldenrod City was a dim one, as the sky was blotted with clouds that diminished the sun.

Nearby the Pokémon Center was a grand hotel that stood taller than a good number of the buildings in central Goldenrod. Before he had gone over to the Gym from the Battle Factory the previous day, Matt had rented a suite, intending it as a surprise reward for Olivia after she won.

“Goal! And with that goal, the Roshan Glaciers take a one to nothing lead, combining the strength of their Beartic’s goaltending with Cryogonal’s agile shots! After this break, we’ll see if the Dendemille Icicles can tie the score. You’re watching international Pokémon Baccer on GlobalNet.”

Olivia and Bunny were sitting on the plush couch opposite the large plasma-screen television, but looked away as the sports they had been watching gave way to commercials. Matt’s coat was lying folded over next to them.

“Wasn’t that something?” Olivia beamed. “That Cryogonal’s spin shot… I’ve been watching Pokémon Baccer for years and that stuff always impresses me!”

“You’re right, Olivia, that was pretty cool,” Bunny replied, smiling.

Suddenly, a great crash pierced through the suite as the door flew open. Olivia and Bunny jumped off the couch, and Matt ran in from the small kitchen adjacent to the room.

What they found was Nekou lying face-first on the floor with a bottle in her hand. Simultaneously, they all grimaced.

“Well I know what you did last night,” Matt sighed.

“A night not spent drinking is a night wasted,” she slurred back, into the floor.

“I guess it’s good to have a motto,” laughed Bunny.

“Olivia, step back. Bunny, help me get her up.”

Following Matt’s direction, Olivia went back to the television, while Bunny joined him in lifting Nekou up from under her arms. They helped her stumble over toward another chair near the television, but they didn’t know what was inside their seemingly drunk friend’s mind.

The night of binge drinking was a complete lie. Nekou had only been drinking right before going up to the room, and she took satisfaction at how easy covering her tracks had been. In reality, she had spent the night at Team Rocket’s hideout at Ada’s request. As Matt and Bunny dropped her on the chair, they had truly no idea what she had really done. She rationalized her baldfaced lie by telling herself that she was still acting to protect her friends, assuaging the guilt she did feel for misleading them so badly.

“It’s tea time! The best water, the finest leaves, warmed at the right temperature… Striaton Brothers Tea. Have a taste today!”

“That’s some good ****ing ****…” Nekou groaned at the television.

“We’re not going anywhere now,” Matt asserted. “She’s got to get sobered up first, and besides, I have to finish working on my coat. The weather’s getting too cold for this body to take.”

“And I want to watch the rest of this Baccer match, anyway,” Olivia added.

“Fair enough. I don’t think any of us had any plans until meeting up with Monroe at the Department Store this afternoon anyway.”

-:-

Meanwhile, on the same floor of the hotel and not far from Matt’s group’s suite, a beautiful woman with jet-black hair was sitting at her laptop, speaking to another individual on a video call. She was wearing a white bathrobe and drinking a cup of coffee as they talked.

“It’s today, like I said, Secc,” she informed the party on the other side of the call. “Polaris has publicized an event at the plaza outside the Global Terminal, to address the growing division between the poor and privileged. I intend to film as much of it as I can and maybe grab a few interviews if possible.”

“Fine by me, Rowena,” the young man on her computer screen replied. He brushed a lock of his green hair from his face, then adjusted the headphones he was wearing. “ONBS always seeks to broadcast the truth, and this story is something I’ve had my eye on since Polaris first entered the public sphere. With Marcia off covering stories on the other end of Orre, we have to rely on our freelancers, and you’re the finest one to ever file a story for us.”

“Of course, on that note, we have to talk compensation,” Rowena said with a wink.

“File the story and we’ll talk, but rest assured that if it’s the caliber of your previous work, the payment will be quite handsome. I understand you intend to reconnect with the source you used for the story on Everton International’s corruption?”

“Yeah, Matt Chiaki is staying in this very hotel. He had a rather nasty encounter with Polaris in Violet City, so I believe he’ll be worth interviewing again.”

“Do what your journalistic judgment tells you is right to get the story. I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Secc disconnected from the call, cutting off the video stream on Rowena’s computer. Seeing that her trainer was finished with her conversation, a Pokémon similar in appearance to Minccino but wrapped in luxurious white fur jumped onto Rowena’s shoulder.

“Cinci?”

“This is a big one, Cinccino,” Rowena gently said, scratching her Pokémon on the chin. “You and I are going to get a full-fledged expose on Polaris.”

-:-

Getriebe, Jeunes, Colress and Meowth had been joined by Zinzolin, who was facing Ghetsis via the main communication screen in the control room of the Purine Base. The Third Chromosome was reclining comfortably in a throne-like chair, leaning on his cane.

“You know what our message is, Zinzolin. This is the day when it reaches the people, and you have a vital role to play in that. I cannot stress that fact enough.”

“I understand, Lord Ghetsis,” Zinzolin answered, not flinching from bowing before Ghetsis despite how much it pained his back. “My speech is prepared. It would appear that there is significant interest in the event, as well, so I fully expect that everything will work out as we hope.”

“For your sake, I hope it does. Don’t leave me another mess I have to clean up myself.”

-:-

“Twelve o’ clock,” Ada announced to the others in Team Rocket’s hideout from her seat at the computers. “High noon…”

“It’s time to get started,” Giovanni declared, staring out over the city. “Pierce, you’re up first. Rosalie, give him his gear.”

Pierce remained rigidly still, so Rosalie guided her wheelchair to him. She handed him a device that resembled an electronic compass with a small computer attached to its bottom.

“That is programmed to detect even latent Meteonite energy,” the professor explained between puffs of her pipe. “You are to use it and track down where Polaris is keeping the large Meteonite they took from the Ruins of Alph. The upper portion is both a map of the city and a compass, so when you find the location, make sure to mark it down. That data will be transferred to our computers here, allowing us to begin planning a takedown.”

“You are to begin your part of the mission now, Pierce,” Giovanni added when he didn’t hear Pierce leave immediately.

A slight flush came to Pierce’s cheeks. He always stuck rigidly to rules, and everyone in the room knew it, but he had feared accidentally leaving during his briefing so much that he ended up missing the cue to do just that.

“Y-yes, Giovanni, sir!” he stammered, embarrassed at his failure to live up to his own standards, before turning and quickly leaving.

As the door slammed behind Pierce, Rosalie took notice of Ariana, who was sitting nearby and weakly propping herself up on the wall. Concerned, she rode over to the Executive to speak to her. Meanwhile, Jessie and James joined Giovanni at the window.

“Your part of this mission will begin soon as well,” he informed them. “Rosalie will be bringing you to prepare your equipment shortly.”

“We got it, boss!” Jessie determinedly replied.

“Meowth, you’ll be home soon…” James whispered, his gaze not breaking from the expanse of the city.

-:-

The trip to the Department Store wasn’t a long one, as it was directly across Goldenrod’s main street from the Pokémon Center and thus only a few blocks from the hotel. The day had turned dim as the hours passed, with more clouds gathering to completely block out the sun. As a result, the lights shining through the windows of the six-story building turned it into a beacon within the city.

Matt, Nekou, Bunny and Olivia entered through the sliding glass doors and glanced around their surroundings. The store was packed with shoppers, making it difficult for them to find Monroe.

“Where did he say he was going to meet us again?” Olivia asked.

“By the first floor escalators,” Matt answered, looking around for a guide. “There’s got to be something here to tell us where everything is, an information desk or something.”

Their search was abruptly halted when a song began playing rather loudly right near them.

“Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love, roll me in designer sheets I’ll never get enough… emotions come I don’t know why, cover up love’s alibi…”

“Oh ****, that’s me,” Nekou realized. She pulled her phone from her uniform, looked at it, and found that it had a tab reading ‘accept holo clip.’ She started to walk away and said over her shoulder, “I have to take this. Go find Monroe and I’ll meet up with you.”

Needing a place that was quiet, Nekou slunk off toward the closed-off area in the corner of the lobby. She hesitated at the door marked with “Staff Only” for only a moment. Producing a blue card imprinted with the Team Rocket insignia, she swiped it through the door’s electronic lock to allow herself access to the dim hallway beyond.

She took several steps into the tunnel, then took out her phone again. However, before she could answer it, she was accosted from behind by a male voice.

“Hey! You can’t be in here!”

Nekou didn’t turn around to face the security guard immediately. A plan instantly took shape in her head, and the brief look of surprise she had gave way to a devious smirk.

“Oh my, officer, did I do something wrong?” As she turned, she put on her best seductive voice and glared at him through half-closed eyes. “Tell me. I was bad, wasn’t I?”

Clearly unnerved, the guard stammered, “Y-You can’t be back here. This is a s-shipping area. Staff only. You don’t have one of our uniforms so I know you aren’t…”

“And I think I’m already shipping you and me,” she whispered, continuing to draw closer to him.

“You won’t get out of trouble with this. I’m a happily married…”

Nekou was practically in his face now, and she was clutching one of the open folds of her uniform. He realized what she was intending to do and turned beet red.

“Then just have a quick look.”

She started to pull back the opening, but before the guard could see anything, a puff of light-blue vapor burst out. As soon as he inhaled it, he blacked out and collapsed.

“Sweet dreams, ****er,” Nekou grumbled, taking her phone back out. Before she answered it, she thanked her luck to have Rosalie on her side.

~:~

Before Nekou left the hideout that morning, Rosalie had pulled her aside to show her a small vial containing the light-blue liquid.

“I call this perfume Meromero,” the wheelchair-bound scientist explained. “It’s substantially derived from Mental Herb, with a dash of White Herb as well as liquefied Lax Incense extract added. Hit someone with one dose of it and they’ll be out like a light, but additionally, they won’t want to wake up easily because they’ll be dreaming of the person they’re most physically attracted to.”

“Neat,” Nekou said, taking the vial. She pulled open the right side of her unbuttoned uniform and attached it to a mechanism within, consisting of a small clamp and a tube that led to a spray device attached to the strap of her black brassiere. After fixing the one button she ever cared to close, she picked up a nearby beer bottle. “I’m sure I’ll put this to good use.”

~:~

When Nekou finally pushed the ‘accept holo clip’ button on the screen of her phone, the lens on its top generated a hologram of Giovanni in his chair.

“Lalume, what took you so long to answer the call?” he growled.

“Had to deal with an unforeseen interruption, boss. What’s up?”

Giovanni sighed and shut his eyes for a moment before speaking. “I have commenced the mission, so your role is now active. Keep Matt Chiaki and his friends away from Polaris’s event site. We cannot risk any interference. It has to be us against Polaris.”

“I think that ought to be easy to do.”

“Then go do it. I’ll communicate with you again at an appropriate…”

“Wait, before you go, boss… tell Rosalie that Meromero worked like a charm.”

“Fine.”

The hologram disappeared, and Nekou put her phone back in her uniform. She took another look at the sleeping guard, shrugged and straightened out her uniform before going back out into the lobby. She knew where the escalators were, so she immediately made her way toward them, hoping that Matt and the others would already be there.

Instead, she simply found Monroe standing there by himself.

“Nekou, you made it!” he said in a manner that was unusually cheery for him. “Where’s Olivia and everyone else?”

“Geez, you sure are hyper today,” Nekou sarcastically replied. She set her hand on her hip and looked around. “I guess they got turned around looking for you.”

Nekou’s words seemed to summon Matt, Olivia and Bunny, as they turned up as soon as she spoke. She stepped back, sighing to herself as she did so.

“Monroe!” Matt exclaimed. “We had a hell of a time finding you in this crowd.”

“Th-that’s okay,” Monroe said back, reverting into his usual nervous self. “A-as long as we all meet up with each other, right?”

“Come on, let’s just get going.” Olivia charged forward, in the direction that a nearby sign indicated would lead to the elevators. “I need to go find a new coat.”

Monroe flinched, but quickly recovered and followed her. Matt, Nekou and Bunny went after them, with Matt and Bunny chuckling to themselves about Olivia’s forceful mood. Nekou, on the other hand, simply chewed on a handful of potato chips she’d gotten from somewhere.

“So I guess I’m the only one who noticed Monroe blush before he followed Olivia?” she deadpanned.

“Are you serious?”

“Matt, wait,” Bunny cautioned him. “She might be onto something. Didn’t you notice as we approached that he seemed comfortable talking to Nekou?”

“Come to think of it…” Matt rubbed his chin in thought. Bunny was right, but he hadn’t quite taken conscious note of Monroe’s actions before.

“Well it looks like Olivia’s got her first boy crushing on her!” Nekou suddenly and loudly exclaimed, making Matt and Bunny cringe with the volume of her voice. As she walked behind the others, though, Nekou was grateful that Olivia preferred to stay at the Department Store, as it made her mission much easier.

-:-

Down the street from the Global Terminal stood a two-story, gold-brick building whose sign bore the words “Magnet Train station” below an appropriate image of the vehicle. Looker and Silver were sitting and drinking coffee together in the small second-floor café near the boarding area. Their table was next to a row of large windows, permitting them an unobstructed view of the road below.

“I’m getting a bad feeling about this,” Silver said as he watched the flow of people toward the Global Terminal plaza. “How many do you think there are going to be?”

“If I was to work into myself giving an estimate… a number touching into the range of hundreds sounds like it is correct.” Setting down his smartphone, Looker shut his eyes and rubbed his chin. “And if the Team Rocket should make an appearance…”

“Why do you think I insisted on coming with you?!” Silver snapped, slamming his fist on the table. “You’re the one here concerned about whatever those Polaris idiots are doing, but I just consider them bait. I know that Team Rocket won’t be able to resist showing up for this.”

“Do not be getting ahead of your own position,” Looker warned. “Action that is reckless will lead to only more problems…”

-:-

Meanwhile, Pierce was making his way north, concealed by his own trench coat and following the signals from the device Rosalie had given him. He was near the line where the central city area gave way to the northern slum, yet the device urged him to go further still.

“They hid it where nobody would think to look…” he thought, seeing that the brightness of the readout was intensifying as he went into the slum. “The attention of the poor in this city will be on their speech, making it easy for them to move something out of this area…”

-:-

“So what do you guys think? You like it?”

Olivia was standing before Matt, Bunny and Monroe in the Department Store’s clothing shop. Having spent some time searching for something she could wear in the increasingly cold weather, she’d chosen a simple gray leather jacket.

“It’s… different,” Matt answered, “different for you, anyway.”

“I like it, though,” added Bunny. “What made you choose it?”

“I wanted something more simple, you know? It’s surprisingly warm, too.”

“I…I… I have something I want to say…” Monroe fumbled.

“What?”

“Don’t… don’t you think it clashes with your hair?”

Matt and Bunny looked to Monroe, confused by what he was saying. Olivia, on the other hand, actually seemed to understand. She walked to a nearby mirror and considered her appearance.

“You know,” she said after a moment, “I think I actually see it. I’ll have to let my hair down tonight and see how it looks.” Turning around, Olivia smiled at Monroe, making him nearly jump from his nerves. “Thanks.”

“I think it’ll look good.”

While Olivia had been considering her new look, Nekou had come out from the dressing rooms as well. She had replaced her uniform and kneesocks with a black, waist-tied trench coat of similar appearance and a pair of knee-high boots.

“You think so?” Olivia glowed in the praise her friend was putting on her. “Thanks!”

“Gladly.” Directing her attention to Matt, Bunny and Monroe, Nekou asked, “So what do you guys want to do now?”

Bunny opened her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted by an audible gulp next to her. Looking down, she saw Monroe staring at the floor. He had his arms pinned to his sides, and his whole body was trembling.

“Monroe?”

“I…I…” After gulping again, Monroe took a deep breath, shut his eyes and forced himself into saying what he wanted to. “Olivia, I really liked your battle with Whitney and I want to know if you’ll go to a movie with me!”

Monroe’s face went bright red as soon as he coughed up his request, matched only by how flush Olivia’s turned. Matt and Bunny could only watch with their mouths agape, while Nekou, having been the one to figure out Monroe’s feelings first, just smirked wryly.

Slowly, Olivia approached Monroe, her every step sending a chill down his bones. He was already embarrassed but his fear kept rising until she was right in his face, staring into his eyes. To Monroe, it felt as if Olivia was staring right into his soul.

“Well of course you liked how I battled!” Olivia suddenly and proudly exclaimed, pulling back and shrugging her shoulders. “You’re nice enough, so sure, why would I say no? But I get to pick which movie.”

Feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders, Monroe gasped in relief and said, “Oh, of… of course. Your choice.”

“Olivia’s got herself a boyfriend!” Nekou playfully cheered as she threw herself onto Olivia and Monroe’s shoulders, nearly knocking them to the floor.

“Aw, Nekou, come on!” Olivia growled, her face turning red again. Though he didn’t speak, Monroe was similarly embarrassed.

“I’m just playing with you guys,” Nekou assured her as she rose back to her full height. “Come on, let’s hit the road.”

As the group started walking, Matt and Bunny looked at each other and smiled. They needed no words to communicate how happy they were that Olivia was reaching out to others.

Unfortunately, the peaceful scene wouldn’t last. As they stepped out of the clothing department, the sound from a nearby television caught their ears.

“We’re seeing literally hundreds of people, many of them from the slums, flowing into the central area of Goldenrod City for Polaris’s speech. The best estimates are that a crowd of around three hundred is now gathered outside the Global Terminal…”

Immediately upon hearing the newscaster’s words, Nekou became completely serious again. Even while the others just listened to the broadcast, she said, “It might get dangerous out there. Olivia, Monroe, go to your movie later. For now, let’s get something to eat here.”

“A-Actually, that’s a good idea,” Monroe said in agreement. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“There’s a burger stand I want to try in the food court here,” Matt piped up.

“Then that’s where we’ll go,” Nekou concluded. “Come on. They have TVs up there, so we’ll see everything that goes on.”

-:-

The newscaster’s estimate of about three hundred people in the crowd was fairly close to the actual number, and indeed, most of them were from the slums. Lysandre was also present as he had promised, standing out among the crowd due to his great height and well-tailored clothing. As he waited for the speech to start, he carefully scanned the crowd, looking to see if Matt and the others had shown as well. It disappointed him somewhat when he couldn’t find them.

Also in the plaza was Rowena, now concealing her identity behind a hooded coat and large, dark sunglasses. She was hiding in an alley near the crowd with her video camera out, Cinccino sitting on her shoulder.

The crowd was gathered before a makeshift stage set up in the plaza. Zinzolin stood behind a curtain on the stage, looking out at the audience he was to address.

“Lord Ghetsis’s expectations for this event were met,” he nervously mumbled to himself. After looking up at the clouds that provided him a rather ominous backdrop, he fumbled with the papers Ghetsis had written his speech on. He then reached to his collar and triggered a device hidden within, which generated a holographic prompter loaded with the same speech. Pleased that his equipment was working, he sighed in relief and stepped out from behind the curtain.

The response from the crowd was immediate, but it wasn’t the reaction Zinzolin was anticipating. He thought he would be greeted by cheering, but instead, the crowd’s loud chattering gave way to a silence that unsettled the elderly man. He flinched but quickly recovered and reactivated his prompter, which also had a microphone built into it.

“Welcome! Welcome, citizens of Goldenrod City!” Once he had begun speaking, Zinzolin started to settle into his comfort zone. While he was no master of giving speeches like Ghetsis – and he knew as much – he felt confidence in his ability to deliver Ghetsis’s words. “Each and every one of you deserves applause for coming this far. I know it was not easy for you, perhaps near impossible for some, but the calling of justice brought you all here today. As you know, my name is Zinzolin, and I am here as a representative of Polaris. I am here to speak to you today about the injustices visited upon you, who you should hold responsible, and what you can do about it.”

A murmur went up from the crowd. Zinzolin regarded it as a good sign – he knew that they were interested in the lead of his speech, which meant they were listening. All that was left was to sell his case.

“People of Goldenrod City, I ask you to look around yourselves. Are you pleased with the state of your city, divided as it is? Where we stand now, we are at the heart of this corrupt, diseased beast created by the Pokémon League! Why, just observe our surroundings as I speak to you.” The crowd was enraptured with Zinzolin already, and their collective gazes followed his sweeping gestures. “The Magnet Train station, where the wealthy and privileged who have oppressed you travel freely across these regions, while you are left with only your own feet… the Game Corner, where those people and their decadent families while away their time and ill-gotten money on frivolous games without a care in the world… the Radio Tower, which serves to further spread the siren song that calls our young people to the foolish path of the Pokémon League… and finally, I can think of no more perfect a symbol for the derelict, bloated order of the Pokémon League than the building right behind me, the Global Terminal. Behind me, hundreds if not thousands of Pokémon are traded daily by those who can afford the equipment necessary to capture them. Those individuals can easily acquire a wide variety of Pokémon from throughout the world, and every species they collect makes it easier for them to obtain even more. Not only that, it is those with the widest variety of Pokémon available to them that have the easiest way in this world. But what opportunity do those who are not permitted to even get their feet into the door have? That promise of false opportunity is what has led to the despicable status of this city! The facilities that benefit those who have grown fat on the backs of you, the people, are clustered in this neon hell at the center of Goldenrod City. Meanwhile, you are kept out of that opportunity, that gilded life, and exiled to the decrepit slums where you are neither seen nor heard! But today, that will change! Today you will be seen and you will be heard!”

That last proclamation was what it took to finally get the reaction Zinzolin had expected all along from the crowd. A great cheer rose from the people, one that showed they were hungry for more of what Zinzolin was feeding them. Before moving to the next point in his speech, Zinzolin took a moment to bathe in the eager adoration of the crowd before him.

“Yes, you know it all to be true! For decades, generations now, this regime known as the Pokémon League has kept you down. Through all matters of media, they present to you an idealized image, a dream, of life under their control. Pokémon Master…” Zinzolin coughed scornfully before continuing. “I must scoff at the very notion. We see media telling you day in and day out that all you need to reach a life of luxury is belief… belief in yourself, but more wickedly, faith in their leadership. They will give you everything, they claim… free care at the Pokémon Centers? A lie, such benefits are reserved only for the privileged few who qualify for a Pokédex. How about Poké Marts stocked with all the resources trainers could ever need? Another lie. The products sold to trainers at these corrupt establishments are by and large rationed in favor of those with more Badges. Good point about that, let’s talk about Badges for a second. To get a Badge, you have to defeat a local Gym Leader in a Pokémon battle, as you all already know. Of course, you are all smart enough to see the problem with this. To have the best chances of defeating Gym Leaders, you must have the leg up offered to only those already in the upper crust of society! And of course, these Gym Leaders… they are contributing to the culture of corruption keeping you in second-class status! We of Polaris have come here before you to present the truth that has been hidden, and we urge you to rise! Join us and make your voices heard! Tell the Gym Leaders and the Pokémon League that you will soon be at their doorsteps!”

By this point, Zinzolin was getting so worked up that he was becoming short of breath, but the growing noise from the crowd afforded him a chance to recover. He gestured for calm and was met by just enough of a decrease in volume to allow him to continue.

“So in order to ensure that their rule is unchallenged, the Pokémon League has rigged the system to make it nearly impossible for the average person to capture powerful enough Pokémon. Polaris… we intend to change that.” Zinzolin turned and called out, “Meowth, it’s your turn!”

As Zinzolin turned back to the crowd, Meowth slowly shuffled out from behind the curtain. He moved with deliberate steps until he was parallel to but still several paces behind the old man.

“This Meowth is an example of our work,” Zinzolin explained. “We now possess an artifact of incredible power, one that will soon allow us to awaken the true strength within each Pokémon. When that day comes, we will give the Pokémon we strengthen to those of you who join our cause. Stand alongside us and we will give you the tools to change your lives! We will give you what the Pokémon League has kept out of your hands for generations! And when that day comes…”

All of a sudden, a number of blue fireballs descended from the sky in a ring, settling around the stage. The Will-O-Wisp attack was followed by several blades of air striking the stage, forcing Zinzolin to stumble backward and away from Meowth. When he looked up, he saw a Swoobat and Cofagrigus descending from the sky, and moments later, four laser beams shot down from above the clouds to surround Meowth. A box of light formed around him when the lasers faded.

“Th-those Pokémon…” Zinzolin stuttered. “Who is so bold as to do this…?”

“Do you really need to ask that question?”

“If you really want to know, the answer is here!”

Behind Swoobat and Cofagrigus, who were laughing at Zinzolin, Jessie and James –still wearing their trench coats, hats and sunglasses - descended using jetpacks strapped to their backs.

“Prepare for trouble, soaring from the sky!” Jessie shouted to the assembly.

“And make it double, over the earth it flies!” James enthusiastically added.

“You can NOT be serious…” thought Zinzolin.

Not caring what their foe thought, the two Team Rocket members continued their motto, with Jessie saying, “To protect the world from devastation!”

“To unite all peoples within our nation!”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

With that, Jessie and James tore off their disguises, revealing their customized black Team Rocket uniforms underneath.

“Jessie!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight!”

While Jessie and James struck dramatic poses in the air, the crowd looked on in disgruntled silence. Zinzolin gazed at them in a cold fury.

“How dare you come here!” he roared, finding a new strength in his voice. “You two are the prime example of what goes on unchecked in this failed society!”

Ignoring the old man’s rant, Jessie said, “It sure felt good to do that in front of them, but don’t you think something was missing?”

“You’re right, Jessie. Meowth was missing…” Turning down to the stage and its occupants, James took a deep breath and yelled, “He’s missing because you Polaris creeps took him from us! And we’re here to take him back!”

“Do you really think you can take me on after the lashing Mercury dealt you?” Zinzolin scoffed, pulling a Poké Ball off his coat. “Cryogonal…”

“Dusclops, Rock Tomb!”

All of a sudden, a flurry of stones flew from somewhere in the crowd and crashed onto the stage, extinguishing Cofagrigus’s flames but locking Zinzolin in tighter. A Dusclops rose from the assembly, holding Proton by the shoulders, and floated toward the stage.

“Rock Tomb, once more!” Proton called.

More rugged stones materialized around Dusclops, and when her eye flashed, they started to rain down.

Zinzolin growled and quickly lashed one of his Poké Balls toward the threat. “Weavile, Ice Shard!”

As soon as she burst from her ball, Weavile brought her claws together and launched a series of sharp-edged ice chunks toward the Rock Tomb. When they hit the stones, both attacks exploded into dust. Though they’d been shocked still so far, when the explosion rang out over their heads, it was like a switch was thrown in the minds of the crowd.

Three hundred people turned and attempted to flee the Global Terminal plaza as complete chaos broke out. Zinzolin didn’t care. His mind was filled with rage, all directed at Jessie, James and Proton.

Rowena retreated slightly into the alley, avoiding the flood of people just beyond her hiding place. Her resolve to continue pursuing the story quickly returned, though, and with a new burst of courage, she approached the crowd again and grabbed at the first arm she could reach, pulling its owner toward her. It turned out to be the homeless trainer Team Rocket had helped.

“Who are you?” he coughed as he stumbled into the alley.

“A reporter,” Rowena answered. “I want to ask you some questions when this is over.”

The trainer shrugged. “I guess I can do that.”

“Good, thank you. Now to just finish recording this…”

Rowena returned to her vantage point, catching the fight just in time to see Zinzolin’s Weavile fighting Proton’s Dusclops while his Jynx and Cryogonal struggled with Swoobat and Cofagrigus. The entire plaza was coated in a thin layer of snow and ice from the attacks being carelessly thrown about.

“Cofagrigus, use Toxic Spikes!” James ordered as he flew out of the way of a Shadow Ball from Jynx.

“Cryogonal, take them out with Frost Breath!”

Cofagrigus swept his four arms out, throwing forth several sharp traps glowing with poison, but Cryogonal immediately countered by exhaling an icy wind over them. The spikes ended up frozen within the ice as they fell to the ground, sealing in their toxicity and rendering it useless.

“Shadow Ball!” both Jessie and Zinzolin shouted in unison.

While Swoobat and Jynx’s attacks met in a midair explosion, Looker, Silver and several others – including Lysandre – were watching the chaos from the second floor of the train station.

“I knew they’d show up,” Silver growled. “It’s go time.”

“It is that it is,” Looker responded, frantically dialing a number with his phone. “Greetings, it is I, with the codename of Looker! I am needing warrants of arrest for the members of the Team Rocket, as their plea bargain has been violated!”

“Calling up the data on Team Rocket right now, Agent Looker, please stand by…” a female voice said on the other end of the call. The sound of a computer keyboard clicking could be heard, followed by an audible gasp. “A-Agent Looker… there is… there is no logged data of any crime for any of them! According to our database, the members of Team Rocket are completely clean!”

“What?!” Looker nearly crushed the phone in his hand, and he had screamed so loudly that everyone in the room was staring at him. “How is that possible to be happening? The Team Rocket… cleared of all crimes?!”

“What the hell did you just say?” roared Silver. He was so overcome with rage that he put his hands on his head and pulled his own hair. “Impossible, I won’t accept it! Just arrest them for what they’re doing now!”

Putting away the phone, Looker stared out the window and said, “If they haven’t been acting to violate the plea bargain we gave to them… then what are they happening to be doing, precisely?”

“Are… are you actually serious? Disrupting the peace, if nothing else!”

Looker rubbed his chin, images of the past flashing through his mind. “Polaris’s speech event was occurring to already disrupt that peace, though… and that man named Zinzolin… he is still wearing on his self the crest of the Team Plasma and working with the man named Ghetsis… I am not trusting the situation. Not to be mentioning, the Team Rocket did not harm anyone called a civilian. They only targeted that Meowth, which I am being able to tell you for quite certain does belong to them. I want to see how this will end up being played out…”

Seeing that he was getting nowhere with Looker, Silver went back to fuming and watching the battle.

“Jynx, use Avalanche! Cryogonal, team up with it and use Flash Cannon!”

Leaving Weavile to spar with Proton’s Dusclops on her own, Zinzolin focused his attention on Jessie and James. His Cryogonal and Jynx aligned with each other and then delivered their respective assaults; the latter sent a rain of icy boulders toward her enemies, while the former fired a single ray of bright, silvery light from its mouth.

“Air Slash!”

“Shadow Ball!”

Swoobat and Cofagrigus weren’t afraid, however, and they met Zinzolin’s offense with a spirited counterattack. Swoobat cut down the ice chunks with blades of air lashed from her wings, while Cofagrigus drifted right in front of Cryogonal’s Flash Cannon and used a Shadow Ball to nearly completely block it.

Much to Zinzolin’s surprise, Jessie and James then recalled Swoobat and Cofagrigus, and after recalling his Dusclops, Proton flew up on his own jetpack alongside them.

“What are you doing now, you Team Rocket cowards?” Zinzolin shouted up into the air. “Are you surrendering?”

“Oh, we’re not surrendering,” Jessie smugly said.

“You might call it more of a tactical retreat…” added James, “…with our spoils of victory!”

“Stop being theatrical,” Proton warned them. “We’re at the endgame of phase one. It’s time.”

“Got it.” Putting her finger to her ear, Jessie called out, “Yoo hoo, Wobbuffet!”

A great roaring sound filled the air, and when Zinzolin looked up past the Team Rocket members, he saw the clouds beginning to part. Stunned, he could only watch as a hot-air balloon equipped with jet boosters on its basket descended, piloted by Jessie’s Wobbuffet. It was only when he saw the red Team Rocket insignia on both the metallic blue basket and the dark purple balloon itself that Zinzolin truly realized how coordinated the attack on the speech was.

The laser cube containing Meowth began to rise off the stage, heading for the bottom of the balloon’s basket. This snapped Zinzolin out of his daze, and he gestured wildly to Weavile.

“Don’t let them get away!” he snapped. “Destroy that balloon with Blizzard!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Jessie countered. “Wobbuffet, Mirror Coat!”

Weavile aimed her icy blast squarely at the balloon itself, but it met resistance when Wobbuffet, glowing brightly, jumped from the basket. As soon as the Blizzard hit Wobbuffet, its energy enveloped him, only to be blasted back moments later, and Weavile was cut down by the counterattack.

While Zinzolin tried to regroup, Jessie recalled Wobbuffet and landed in the balloon’s basket with James and Proton. The laser cube had also reached and attached itself to the bottom of the basket. Jessie and James leaned forward and waved at Zinzolin.

“Well then, toodle-oo!”

“We’ll see you soon!”

Using not only the boosters on the basket but a larger one installed on the back of the balloon itself, the craft surged back into the clouds and vanished, leaving Zinzolin alone with his exhausted Pokémon.

“I just can’t catch a break,” he sighed to himself, already dreading whatever punishment Ghetsis would level out. Looking around, he realized just how empty the plaza had become, and seeing no further point in staying himself, recalled his Pokémon and fled for a car hidden behind the stage.

Meanwhile, in the train station, the argument between Silver and Looker was coming to a boil.

“You saw it, you have to arrest them!”

“Yes, I did indeed happen to be seeing it, but I cannot say I support that conclusion.”

“Why?!” Silver raged, stomping his foot on the tile floor. “They’re criminals, just as much as that Team Plasma is!”

“That they are. But we just were seeing and witnessing them not harm anyone who is not also a criminal suspect. They were attacking only the stage and struck a retreat after taking something that rightfully was precisely their own.”

“So what?”

“They may be worth taking and bringing in… but first, I want to see with my own eyes their interactions with the Polaris group. They may be leading us to the answer regarding greater mysteries.” Adjusting his tie, Looker then said, “Some civilians may have taken on injuries in the plaza. Let us go inspect for such cases, then I will have to be departing for Kanto.”
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
-:-

“Things appear to be returning to normal following Team Rocket’s attack on the speech being given by Polaris. Stick with us throughout this breaking news story as it unfolds…”

All of the televisions hanging over the Department Store’s packed food court were tuned to the news, and an unsettling quiet had set into the shoppers, who had seen the entire incident from the beginning.

“What is all of this…” Matt murmured, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “I’m getting really nervous about Polaris. Did you hear those things Zinzolin was saying? Especially after he attacked us in Violet City…”

“And Team Rocket, too…” Bunny said, her voice low and wavering. “I don’t know if you know about this, but a few years ago in Unova, there was a war between Team Rocket and Team Plasma, the group Zinzolin and Ghetsis used to lead. If that’s still going and is coming to Johto, we might get caught up in the middle of it…”

“You’ve got to ask yourselves the hard ****ing question,” Nekou chimed in. She was visibly tense, and was boiling with anger internally, though Bunny had no idea it was what she said that caused it. “Who is worse here, a gang of common thieves or actual ****ing terrorists who are trying to overthrow the government?”

“I guess you have a point there…” Matt mumbled into the table.

“But on the other hand,” Olivia piped up, “How do we know it’s as simple as it looks? What if this is a trick, and they’re working together?”

If it had been anyone other than Olivia saying that, Nekou would have attacked them on the spot. She had to restrain her reaction to what she considered an insulting implication, keeping her rage in check by breathing heavily and clenching her fists so tightly that her palms bled slightly.

“Not everything has a conspiracy behind it, Olivia,” Nekou said, managing a fairly gentle tone. “I think what we saw on the TV was what really happened.”

“You’re right.” Turning away from her friend, Olivia slumped in her chair. “But this is just so scary, all of it... is what they’re saying true, that so many people have it that bad? Am I really that well off?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit scared too,” Monroe said in glum agreement. “My dad’s job has made my life pretty easy, so my sisters and I could be targeted…”

“So you’re in a similar position as me, then,” Olivia commented.

“But, Monroe, do you consider yourself better than others because of your comfortable life?” asked Nekou.

“No…”

“So then at least from a moral standpoint, you’re fine. Now, honestly, I think now that all ****ing hell isn’t breaking loose out there anymore, we should stop obsessing over things we can’t help and go about our business.”

“So you are capable of good ideas,” Matt joked. Nekou looked at him with a start, but quickly caught on and laughed. He took out his tablet and asked, “Olivia, Monroe, you guys still want to go catch a movie, right?”

“Yeah!” they both said together.

“Then let’s have a look…” Thumbing through movie directories on the screen, Matt noticed something that he thought Olivia and Monroe would like. “There’s a showing of Fossil Island in a little while at the movie theater in this very Department Store.”

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Monroe beamed, his usual nervous demeanor disappearing briefly. “But… O-Olivia, if you don’t…”

“I probably would have chosen the same thing, so don’t worry about it.”

“Good! Then you two have fun, and Bunny and I can go visit the Name Rater about Ayin… Sigilyph’s nickname. Nekou, are you coming with us or going to the movie with Olivia?”

Nekou sighed and shut her eyes. “I’m tired. I just want to go back to the hotel and rest.”

-:-

As the evening sun began to sink in the sky, Pierce found himself at his destination. The radar had led him deep into the northern slum, to a nondescript warehouse with a cargo truck parked outside.

“Got you,” Pierce said to himself. He touched the radar device’s screen at the point where its readings were most intense, marking the warehouse with a small Team Rocket logo.

All of a sudden, he heard the sound of tires screeching up the street. Concealing himself behind a dumpster, Pierce watched as Zinzolin’s car tore up and parked next to the truck. The old man climbed out and quickly entered the warehouse, but Pierce was still able to catch a clear sight of him.

“And there’s the smoking gun. Caught you red-handed, Polaris.”

-:-

Jessie and James backed through the doorway of Team Rocket’s hideout, the latter using the R-Pad to guide the laser box containing Meowth. Once they were all inside, Jessie stopped walking abruptly, causing James to crash into her.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, James!”

“If you didn’t stop behind me, that wouldn’t have happened.”

“Both of you, quiet!” Giovanni commanded, with Persian meowing to punctuate his speech. “I see you got Meowth back here safely.”

“Good work,” Rosalie complimented, “I’m impressed. Now…”

After placing a container on her lap, Rosalie moved her wheelchair toward Jessie and James. Once she reached them, she handed the cube to Jessie, who opened it to find a single blue rock.

“That’s a Chargestone we had left over from Unova,” explained the scientist.

“I know,” Jessie sharply replied, “we mined those for Dr. Zager.”

“Well, in that case, just put it in the cube with Meowth. We have a small trigger inside the Chargestone to manipulate its energy flow, and your R-Pad has a program to control it. Some exposure to the Chargestone’s energy will reverse the effects of the Meteonite’s energy on Meowth.”

“Let’s get to it, then.” By tapping several buttons on the R-Pad’s screen, James caused the top of the laser box to disappear.

Jessie took the Chargestone out of its case and dropped it into the box, where it rolled over next to Meowth. She then nodded to James, who closed the container again, then activated the device within the Chargestone.

The rock sparked to life with an electrical glow. Its light got brighter and brighter as it discharged more energy, forcing Jessie, James, Giovanni, Rosalie and the other Team Rocket members to cover their eyes. At its most intense point, Meowth could be heard screaming, and shortly after that, the light began to fade.

The laser box, left cracked by the intensity of the energy, shattered and dropped Meowth to the floor. Jessie and James watched him, barely able to contain their anticipation.

Finally, he slowly stood up, rubbing his head. “Ugh… where am I? What happened?”

“Meowth! You’re back to normal!”

“We finally got you away from Polaris!”

Meowth turned around and saw Jessie and James. Realizing what had happened, he jumped into their arms, and the three of them all started crying in joy.

“You two guys really saved me!”

“We can’t terrorize Polaris if we aren’t a trio!”

“James is right, and now we can even say the motto the right way again!”

“G-Giovanni, sir?” Ada piped up from her seat at the computer terminal.

“What?”

“We… we’ve confirmed that the Magnet Train has departed from the station…”

“Very good.” Turning to Jessie, James and Meowth, Giovanni said, “Pierce isn’t back yet, so you’ll have to go after the Meteonite…”

“…b-but it’s not the train we were watching.”

“What?” Ariana ran up next to Ada so she could look at the computers.

“I’ve been watching RChannel for the signal, and… a-and there, you can see it. ‘I missed my train, what can I do until the next one leaves tomorrow?’”

“It’s a trap,” Ariana growled. “They knew we would be watching them. I don’t know how, but they did.”

“Rosalie, contact the Tenganists,” Giovanni directed. “Tell them to call it off.”

“Got it.” Rosalie hit several buttons on the arm of her wheelchair, opening a hologram window that displayed ‘audio only.’ “Come in, this is Goldenrod…”

What neither Rosalie nor Giovanni were expecting was to be met with static.

“Come in, this is Goldenrod!” Rosalie repeated.

There was no response. The silence sent a chill down Rosalie’s spine, and behind her, Giovanni scowled and leaned on his arm.

She turned her head and nervously said to him, “Sir, we can’t get them to respond… we might not be able to stop this…”

“So be it,” Giovanni growled. “We’ll have to take what losses happen and go to a backup plan…”

-:-

“Cordelia, huh?”

“Yeah, he thought she would like it and she did.”

Matt and Bunny were walking out of a shop on the northern end of the town’s central area, discussing the renaming of his Sigilyph. They were so engrossed with their conversation that they didn’t notice Rowena step out in front of them until they had nearly walked into her.

“Oh, sorry about…” Matt cut his apology short when he saw the face of who he was talking to. “Wait, you…”

“It’s good to see you again too, Matt, Bunny,” Rowena said with a slight bow of her head.

“You’re the reporter from Whitegold City, aren’t you?”

“Rowena, right?” Bunny guessed.

“You got it. I came out here to report on Polaris’s speech, and when I found out about you being here, I wanted to conduct an interview with you about it. You had quite the encounter with them in Violet City, after all.”

Matt chuckled nervously, then put Cordelia’s Poké Ball away and scratched the back of his head. “I guess I can do that. Sorry for almost walking into you… and sorry for forgetting your name, too.”

-:-

Back at the hotel room, Nekou had tossed her clothes about the bronze-colored bathroom so she could soak in the tub. She had placed pots of incense around the room and sprinkled flower petals in the water, all to help her meditate.

“I can’t lose myself to… that… again,” she said out loud, taking deep, cleansing breaths. “For Olivia’s sake, I have to control it.”

Between the hot water and the pleasant scents she’d surrounded herself with, Nekou did what she could to relax her mind. As she sat and soaked, she did her best to push everything out of her head, knowing that it would be the only way to reach her dark, violent side without degenerating into it.

She sat in the tub, breathing and meditating, for around an hour before she found something deep in her mind. It wasn’t clear to her what it was, just that it gave her a very uncomfortable, nervous feeling.

“So you came without being about to die for once, huh?”

“The ****? Who said that?” In truth, Nekou knew who it was. The voice she heard in her head was her own voice, just with a more hissing, feral tone.

“You know me. Or is it just uncomfortable to see what kind of a monster you really are?”

“Oh, I know I’m a monster. But what ****ing right have you got to take over my body like you own it?”

“Because I do own it, you dumb *****. Why do you think I’m so deep inside of you? You know, just worked nice and deep in there… at the core of your being…”

Nekou sank lower into the bath. She knew that the entity in her mind, her berserk, animalistic side, was right.

“As much as you want to deny it, it’s true. Everything about you is a lie. Lies you built around yourself to hide from what you really are.”

“**** you. Why am I arguing with voices in my head again? Just shut the **** up and behave. I’m in charge, not you.”

“Oh, ouch. As always, you’ve got quite the sharp tongue. But you know, you’re the one who should be behaving. The reason you get so violent every time I come out is because you keep struggling to control me.”

“No, **** you. Stop taking over what belongs to me.”

“You’re so trapped in your illusion that you don’t see how truly deep the **** you’re in is. You want to stop having problems with me? Give yourself up to me then. I see everything you want, don’t worry. I’ll take everything you want. You’re a monster, so start acting like one. I would have just broken the glass and taken that coat today. You just don’t get it…”

“No, no, no!” Nekou screamed, pulling at her hair in anguish. She could feel her muscles beginning to tense and swell, a fact that made her realize she was losing control. “Shut the **** up! Just stop it!”

Ignoring her pleas, the voice kept on, “We’ll have to find somewhere to live, too. There’s plenty of rich assholes in this city, we can kill one and take his **** and nobody would be any the wiser. Of course, we’d need to surround ourselves with things we like, too. Maybe we can take that guy you’ve got your eye on and that girl and make them ours, whether they like it or not…”

“Shut the **** up!!”

Regretting having ever tried to reach her vicious side deliberately, Nekou flipped over and hit her head against the side of the tub in a desperate attempt to escape. It didn’t help, as she could hear the twisted version of her voice laughing at her in her head.

Suddenly, music filled the room.

“Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love, roll me in designer sheets I’ll never get enough… emotions come I don’t know why, cover up love’s alibi…”

The ringing of her phone, which had been sitting on the side of the tub, snapped Nekou out of her increasing insanity. As she flopped back over in the water again, she thought she heard the voice one last time.

“I’ll see you again…”

Pushing the whole thing out of her mind as much as she could, Nekou sank down in the tub until the water was at her neck, then hit her phone, activating the hologram function. Another projection of Giovanni materialized just in time to see her reaching for a beer can on the other side of the tub.

“Drinking again?” he sighed.

“Oh come on, I’m off the clock now. Cut me some slack.”

“No, Lalume, you aren’t,” Giovanni reproached her. “Polaris found out about our plans somehow and sent a decoy train. The mission isn’t over.”

This news prompted Nekou to sit up slightly. “Well, ****. Did you manage to at least call off Pierce’s friends?”

“No. They cut off contact. This is about to get much, much worse. Be careful.”

“What’s…” Nekou paused to take a nervous sip of beer before finishing her question, “what’s our move now?”

“Stand by. I will have more orders tomorrow.”

-:-

A three-car train sped over the plains on its way into Kanto under a clear, early night sky. Aboard were Looker and several other International Police members, with two prisoners in their custody. Looker was riding in the back car with Jacob, while in the middle car, the other officers were holding a rigid-faced man with disheveled blue hair and a matching beard. From their car, Looker and Jacob could hear the prisoner ranting out loud.

“I see Ecruteak City burning… and I see this region falling to its knees… listen to me, we’re all going to die!”

Looker sighed. “That man, whose name is Grings Kodai… he is still thinking he can see his vision into the future?”

“We’re all going to die, listen to me! There’s going to be a big explosion, and, and…”

“Wait…”

“Alexison, you should best keep your mouth shut.”

“No, I’m serious.” Though he couldn’t move much due to being handcuffed to a rail, Jacob stared straight at Looker with a fire in his eyes. “Listen to what he’s saying.”

“They’re going to bomb the train!!” Kodai screamed, under the audible sounds of the officers trying to calm him.

“Looker, if you’ve never thought about anything I say before, do it now. There might be something to what Kodai’s yelling about. He did see the future at one time.”

Looker considered what Jacob was telling him. He couldn’t deny his prisoner’s passion for what he believed, but Looker wasn’t sure what to make of it. Standing, he walked over to a phone and picked it up.

“Hello, this is codename Looker in car three. That is what they all call me, yes. Did you manage to happen to sweep the train for anything of suspiciousness before we departed? …I thought so.”

“What did they say?”

“This train does not have one spot against its record of safety…”

In a cruel fit of irony, within seconds of Looker’s statement, a great explosion rocked the train. The bombs weren’t on the train itself, but on the tracks, decimating them just in front of the speeding vehicle. With no chance of stopping, the train plummeted off the destroyed tracks and crashed into the ground. The locomotive at the front split into two parts from the impact, while the middle car smashed into it at an angle and broke apart as well. As for the third car, it slammed into the back of the second, destroying the side that was attached to the rest of the train. Looker and Jacob were violently thrown across the car, the latter taking the broken bar his handcuffs were latched to with him.

As smoke rose over the Kanto countryside from the combination of the bombs and the destroyed train, a thick fog suddenly began rolling in. Several men and women emerged from the fog into the site of the crash, accompanied by a Gardevoir and Gothitelle. Both Pokémon had their eyes glowing as they used their psychic power.

“What a mess…” one of the women uttered.

“The Prophet’s words are absolute,” another said. “We aren’t targeting anyone but Polaris, and we have to fight if we’re going to survive.”

One of the men stepped forward and clasped his hands together. “Transcend the confines of time and space! Show me the terrain!”

The Tenganists waited in silence for the results of their survey of the area. The man using his Transcendence took several minutes to complete the task, but when he did, he was visibly unnerved.

“The Meteonite isn’t here… and these aren’t Polaris members, they’re the International Police…”

“Oh damn it!” another man shouted before taking out a handheld radio. “It was a trap! We bombed an International Police convoy train!”

“Polaris figured us out,” the Prophet said through the radio. “Are there any survivors?”

“Two in the back car,” the man who had scanned the area reported. “Everyone else is gone already…”

“Take the two who survived and bring them back,” came the order. “Retreat before Polaris finds you. We’ll have to heal the survivors and talk to them.”

Several of the Tenganists made their way to the wreckage of the third car, where Looker and Jacob were unconscious on the floor. They pulled the two survivors up and dragged them out of the train. With nothing more at the site for them, the Tenganists then fled back into the fog, and once they had disappeared with their Pokémon, the fog lifted, leaving no evidence they’d been there.







END of CHAPTER 14
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
“Well I know what you did last night,” Matt sighed.

“A night not spent drinking is a night wasted,” she slurred back, into the floor.

“I guess it’s good to have a motto,”laughed Bunny.

“Olivia, step back. Bunny, help me get her up.”

Concerning the bolded parts, I recently read an article concerning bookisms, words used to replace said. Some are okay when used once in a while like mutter, yell, whisper as people do those occasionally. However others like snicker, laugh, sigh, grunt are not as it’s hard to laugh/etc. when talking. Pretty much ask yourself, “Will I be able to say this as I chuckle/snicker/etc?” You can easily edit the bolded parts I pointed out.

- “Well I know what you did last night,” Matt sighed. (You can easily replace the comma with the period or change the dialogue tag to “Matt said and sighed”. That way it doesn’t seem like Matt is sighing as he’s saying that line—he either sighs before or after he speaks.)

-“I guess it’s good to have a motto,” laughed Bunny. (Same thing, Bunny either laughs before or after she speaks. You can replace “laughed Bunny” with “Bunny said before laughing” or replace the comma with period and put “Bunny laugh” right after it.)

Meanwhile, on the same floor of the hotel and not far from Matt’s group’s suite, a beautiful woman with jet-black hair was sitting at her laptop, speaking to another individual on a video call. She was wearing a white bathrobe and drinking a cup of coffee as they talked.

“Beautiful” seems a bit off to me as people have their own ideas of who is considered beautiful. I would probably rewrite the paragraph a bit to mention that’s Rowana straight away.

“You are to begin your part of the mission now, Pierce,” Giovanni added when he didn’t hear Pierce leave immediately.

A slight flush came to Pierce’s cheeks. He always stuck rigidly to rules, and everyone in the room knew it, but he had feared accidentally leaving during his briefing so much that he ended up missing the cue to do just that.

“Y-yes, Giovanni, sir!” he stammered, embarrassed at his failure to live up to his own standards, before turning and quickly leaving.

I found this part with Pierce cute, heh.

“And I think I’m already shipping you and me,” she whispered, continuing to draw closer to him.

That line is priceless. XD I do like the reference to the store’s basement, though.

“I call this perfume Meromero,” the wheelchair-bound scientist explained. “It’s substantially derived from Mental Herb, with a dash of White Herb as well as liquefied Lax Incense extract added. Hit someone with one dose of it and they’ll be out like a light, but additionally, they won’t want to wake up easily because they’ll be dreaming of the person they’re most physically attracted to.”

That perfume sure is something. D:

“Well it looks like Olivia’s got her first boy crushing on her!” Nekou suddenly and loudly exclaimed, making Matt and Bunny cringe with the volume of her voice. As she walked behind the others, though, Nekou was grateful that Olivia preferred to stay at the Department Store, as it made her mission much easier.

I would cringe too if Nekou announces that loudly in public, haha.

“Well of course you liked how I battled!” Olivia suddenly and proudly exclaimed, pulling back and shrugging her shoulders. “You’re nice enough, so sure, why would I say no? But I get to pick which movie.”

Of course Olivia will want to pick the movie. :p Monroe’s confession is cute.

Lysandre was also present as he had promised, standing out among the crowd due to his great height and well-tailored clothing.

Oh hi again, Lysandre. :p

When Zinzolin said “You can’t be serious” as Jessie and James were saying their motto, I laughed as his reaction is amusing. Their interruption with Swoobat and Cofagrigus is quite cool.

“Calling up the data on Team Rocket right now, Agent Looker, please stand by…” a female voice said on the other end of the call. The sound of a computer keyboard clicking could be heard, followed by an audible gasp. “A-Agent Looker… there is… there is no logged data of any crime for any of them! According to our database, the members of Team Rocket are completely clean!”

My reaction is the same as Looker’s and Silver’s. o_O

A great roaring sound filled the air, and when Zinzolin looked up past the Team Rocket members, he saw the clouds beginning to part. Stunned, he could only watch as a hot-air balloon equipped with jet boosters on its basket descended, piloted by Jessie’s Wobbuffet. It was only when he saw the red Team Rocket insignia on both the metallic blue basket and the dark purple balloon itself that Zinzolin truly realized how coordinated the attack on the speech was.

Okay that’s pretty awesome of Wobbuffet piloting the balloon. Very glad Jessie and James are able to get Meowth back!

If it had been anyone other than Olivia saying that, Nekou would have attacked them on the spot. She had to restrain her reaction to what she considered an insulting implication, keeping her rage in check by breathing heavily and clenching her fists so tightly that her palms bled slightly.

“Not everything has a conspiracy behind it, Olivia,” Nekou said, managing a fairly gentle tone. “I think what we saw on the TV was what really happened.”

Good Nekou thought over her words before suddenly lashing at Olivia.

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Monroe beamed, his usual nervous demeanor disappearing briefly. “But… O-Olivia, if you don’t…”

Bringing attention to bookisms again (in this case, beamed). I would replace the comma with the period as “beamed” used to replace “said” is weird.

The rock sparked to life with an electrical glow. Its light got brighter and brighter as it discharged more energy, forcing Jessie, James, Giovanni, Rosalie and the other Team Rocket members to cover their eyes. At its most intense point, Meowth could be heard screaming, and shortly after that, the light began to fade.

The laser box, left cracked by the intensity of the energy, shattered and dropped Meowth to the floor. Jessie and James watched him, barely able to contain their anticipation.

Finally, he slowly stood up, rubbing his head. “Ugh… where am I? What happened?”

“Meowth! You’re back to normal!”

“We finally got you away from Polaris!”

Meowth turned around and saw Jessie and James. Realizing what had happened, he jumped into their arms, and the three of them all started crying in joy.

“You two guys really saved me!”

“We can’t terrorize Polaris if we aren’t a trio!”

“James is right, and now we can even say the motto the right way again!”

Interesting the Chargestone is used to bring Meowth to normal. And the mention over the motto not being complete without him is cute.

“Got it.” Rosalie hit several buttons on the arm of her wheelchair, opening a hologram window that displayed ‘audio only.’ “Come in, this is Goldenrod…”

What neither Rosalie nor Giovanni were expecting was to be met with static.

“Come in, this is Goldenrod!” Rosalie repeated.

There was no response. The silence sent a chill down Rosalie’s spine, and behind her, Giovanni scowled and leaned on his arm.

She turned her head and nervously said to him, “Sir, we can’t get them to respond… we might not be able to stop this…”

“So be it,” Giovanni growled. “We’ll have to take what losses happen and go to a backup plan…”

Don't like the sound of that at all...

Thank goodness Giovanni’s phone call interrupted Nekou’s arguing with her head. Having your mind keep telling you negative things over and over is the worst feeling (happens to me many times). >.>;

Jacob and Kodai in the same train together? Why am I amused of that image. XD Anyways, in all seriousness though ah yup, Kodai is right over the explosion. D:

And the appearance of Gardevoir and Gothitelle in the beginning and end of this chapter leads me to believe the two women are Concordia and Anthea.

Another good chapter here. Team Rocket’s interruption during the speech is fun and the train explosion is great. Looking forward to part 2 of the Goldenrod City under siege arc!
 

Matori

THE QUEEN IS BACK
Even though this is a shorter chapter, I felt like there was no lack of action in it. The chapter went smoothly and flowed really nicely too. Onto specific stuff I enjoyed:


“Carry the spirits of our brave ancestors inside your hearts,” she powerfully said, addressing them in a fashion meant to rally them. “Our people must once again rise up in battle to fight for our survival. Like the courageous warriors who came before us, we must fully believe in our cause. What we will do will be violent, and people will die, but we do not take this action because we want to. This is what we must do to save our people from extinction. We must strike against Polaris. We will strike them quickly and powerfully, then retreat with our spoils as quickly as we came.”

I thought this was a really powerful and moving speech, and the scene itself was beautiful. I really get a sense of the gravity of what they're about to undertake from this.

Nearby the Pokémon Center was a grand hotel that stood taller than a good number of the buildings in central Goldenrod. Before he had gone over to the Gym from the Battle Factory the previous day, Matt had rented a suite, intending it as a surprise reward for Olivia after she won.

“Goal! And with that goal, the Roshan Glaciers take a one to nothing lead, combining the strength of their Beartic’s goaltending with Cryogonal’s agile shots! After this break, we’ll see if the Dendemille Icicles can tie the score. You’re watching international Pokémon Baccer on GlobalNet.”

Olivia and Bunny were sitting on the plush couch opposite the large plasma-screen television, but looked away as the sports they had been watching gave way to commercials. Matt’s coat was lying folded over next to them.

“Wasn’t that something?” Olivia beamed. “That Cryogonal’s spin shot… I’ve been watching Pokémon Baccer for years and that stuff always impresses me!”

Nice shout-out to the Zoroark movie and Pokemon Baccer here.

What they found was Nekou lying face-first on the floor with a bottle in her hand. Simultaneously, they all grimaced.

“Well I know what you did last night,” Matt sighed.

“A night not spent drinking is a night wasted,” she slurred back, into the floor.

“I guess it’s good to have a motto,” laughed Bunny.

“Olivia, step back. Bunny, help me get her up.”

Following Matt’s direction, Olivia went back to the television, while Bunny joined him in lifting Nekou up from under her arms. They helped her stumble over toward another chair near the television, but they didn’t know what was inside their seemingly drunk friend’s mind.

The night of binge drinking was a complete lie. Nekou had only been drinking right before going up to the room, and she took satisfaction at how easy covering her tracks had been. In reality, she had spent the night at Team Rocket’s hideout at Ada’s request. As Matt and Bunny dropped her on the chair, they had truly no idea what she had really done. She rationalized her baldfaced lie by telling herself that she was still acting to protect her friends, assuaging the guilt she did feel for misleading them so badly.

Great cover story for Nekou here. I especially appreciate how you showed Nekou realizing she misled them but that it's necessary to keep them safe- sometimes those decisions are necessary and you didn't oversimplify it.

Gotta say, Nekou has some good advice as far as drinking goes.

“It’s tea time! The best water, the finest leaves, warmed at the right temperature… Striaton Brothers Tea. Have a taste today!”

Good Unova reference there.

Meanwhile, on the same floor of the hotel and not far from Matt’s group’s suite, a beautiful woman with jet-black hair was sitting at her laptop, speaking to another individual on a video call. She was wearing a white bathrobe and drinking a cup of coffee as they talked.

“It’s today, like I said, Secc,” she informed the party on the other side of the call. “Polaris has publicized an event at the plaza outside the Global Terminal, to address the growing division between the poor and privileged. I intend to film as much of it as I can and maybe grab a few interviews if possible.”

“Fine by me, Rowena,” the young man on her computer screen replied. He brushed a lock of his green hair from his face, then adjusted the headphones he was wearing. “ONBS always seeks to broadcast the truth, and this story is something I’ve had my eye on since Polaris first entered the public sphere. With Marcia off covering stories on the other end of Orre, we have to rely on our freelancers, and you’re the finest one to ever file a story for us.”

“Of course, on that note, we have to talk compensation,” Rowena said with a wink.

“File the story and we’ll talk, but rest assured that if it’s the caliber of your previous work, the payment will be quite handsome. I understand you intend to reconnect with the source you used for the story on Everton International’s corruption?”

“Yeah, Matt Chiaki is staying in this very hotel. He had a rather nasty encounter with Polaris in Violet City, so I believe he’ll be worth interviewing again.”

“Do what your journalistic judgment tells you is right to get the story. I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Secc disconnected from the call, cutting off the video stream on Rowena’s computer. Seeing that her trainer was finished with her conversation, a Pokémon similar in appearance to Minccino but wrapped in luxurious white fur jumped onto Rowena’s shoulder.

“Cinci?”

“This is a big one, Cinccino,” Rowena gently said, scratching her Pokémon on the chin. “You and I are going to get a full-fledged expose on Polaris.”

YES, ROWENA'S BACK! Love her, and love Cinccino. Looks like she's just as serious a reporter as ever.

“I understand, Lord Ghetsis,” Zinzolin answered, not flinching from bowing before Ghetsis despite how much it pained his back. “My speech is prepared. It would appear that there is significant interest in the event, as well, so I fully expect that everything will work out as we hope.”

Zinzolin's dedication to Ghetsis is fascinating. Even when it hurts him from old age, he's totally loyal.

Pierce remained rigidly still, so Rosalie guided her wheelchair to him. She handed him a device that resembled an electronic compass with a small computer attached to its bottom.

“That is programmed to detect even latent Meteonite energy,” the professor explained between puffs of her pipe. “You are to use it and track down where Polaris is keeping the large Meteonite they took from the Ruins of Alph. The upper portion is both a map of the city and a compass, so when you find the location, make sure to mark it down. That data will be transferred to our computers here, allowing us to begin planning a takedown.”

“You are to begin your part of the mission now, Pierce,” Giovanni added when he didn’t hear Pierce leave immediately.

A slight flush came to Pierce’s cheeks. He always stuck rigidly to rules, and everyone in the room knew it, but he had feared accidentally leaving during his briefing so much that he ended up missing the cue to do just that.

“Y-yes, Giovanni, sir!” he stammered, embarrassed at his failure to live up to his own standards, before turning and quickly leaving.

okay this is adorable. Love awkwardly official Pierce.

“Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love, roll me in designer sheets I’ll never get enough… emotions come I don’t know why, cover up love’s alibi…”


She clearly has a sense of humor with her ringtones


“Hey! You can’t be in here!”

Nekou didn’t turn around to face the security guard immediately. A plan instantly took shape in her head, and the brief look of surprise she had gave way to a devious smirk.

“Oh my, officer, did I do something wrong?” As she turned, she put on her best seductive voice and glared at him through half-closed eyes. “Tell me. I was bad, wasn’t I?”

Clearly unnerved, the guard stammered, “Y-You can’t be back here. This is a s-shipping area. Staff only. You don’t have one of our uniforms so I know you aren’t…”

“And I think I’m already shipping you and me,” she whispered, continuing to draw closer to him.

“You won’t get out of trouble with this. I’m a happily married…”

Nekou was practically in his face now, and she was clutching one of the open folds of her uniform. He realized what she was intending to do and turned beet red.

“Then just have a quick look.”

She started to pull back the opening, but before the guard could see anything, a puff of light-blue vapor burst out. As soon as he inhaled it, he blacked out and collapsed.

“Sweet dreams, ****er,” Nekou grumbled, taking her phone back out. Before she answered it, she thanked her luck to have Rosalie on her side.

I laughed out loud at this whole scene, especially the shipping jokes. On a more serious note though, Nekou was well prepared for this, and it shows how seriously she takes her job.

“I call this perfume Meromero,” the wheelchair-bound scientist explained. “It’s substantially derived from Mental Herb, with a dash of White Herb as well as liquefied Lax Incense extract added. Hit someone with one dose of it and they’ll be out like a light, but additionally, they won’t want to wake up easily because they’ll be dreaming of the person they’re most physically attracted to.”

Good touch using Pokemon herb ingredients in the formula. It makes perfect sense they'd be used together.

When Nekou finally pushed the ‘accept holo clip’ button on the screen of her phone, the lens on its top generated a hologram of Giovanni in his chair.

“Lalume, what took you so long to answer the call?” he growled.

“Had to deal with an unforeseen interruption, boss. What’s up?”

Giovanni sighed and shut his eyes for a moment before speaking. “I have commenced the mission, so your role is now active. Keep Matt Chiaki and his friends away from Polaris’s event site. We cannot risk any interference. It has to be us against Polaris.”

“I think that ought to be easy to do.”

“Then go do it. I’ll communicate with you again at an appropriate…”

“Wait, before you go, boss… tell Rosalie that Meromero worked like a charm.”

“Fine.”

I can tell from this scene that even though Giovanni might find some of Nekou's habits annoying, he still appreciates her, and that's a great and important thing to show. I think far too often writers portray him as a grouchy jerk, with few other aspects to his character, and stuff like this makes him a little more human and is ESPECIALLY important if one wants him to be portrayed with any level of sympathy. It makes perfect sense- and fits every canon for him- for him to be appreciative and respectful of his agents who do good work.

“Well it looks like Olivia’s got her first boy crushing on her!” Nekou suddenly and loudly exclaimed, making Matt and Bunny cringe with the volume of her voice. As she walked behind the others, though, Nekou was grateful that Olivia preferred to stay at the Department Store, as it made her mission much easier.

Oh, Nekou.

You're handling Monroe and Olivia really well, I think. It's unusual to see the male character on the side of the relationship that Monroe is in in this story- usually the female character is the awkward one- and that's refreshing.


“I’m getting a bad feeling about this,” Silver said as he watched the flow of people toward the Global Terminal plaza. “How many do you think there are going to be?”

“If I was to work into myself giving an estimate… a number touching into the range of hundreds sounds like it is correct.” Setting down his smartphone, Looker shut his eyes and rubbed his chin. “And if the Team Rocket should make an appearance…”

“Why do you think I insisted on coming with you?!” Silver snapped, slamming his fist on the table. “You’re the one here concerned about whatever those Polaris idiots are doing, but I just consider them bait. I know that Team Rocket won’t be able to resist showing up for this.”

“Do not be getting ahead of your own position,” Looker warned. “Action that is reckless will lead to only more problems…”

Silver should listen to Looker's advice. I really enjoy their scenes together, they're a good duo.

Meanwhile, Pierce was making his way north, concealed by his own trench coat and following the signals from the device Rosalie had given him. He was near the line where the central city area gave way to the northern slum, yet the device urged him to go further still.

“They hid it where nobody would think to look…” he thought, seeing that the brightness of the readout was intensifying as he went into the slum. “The attention of the poor in this city will be on their speech, making it easy for them to move something out of this area…”

I enjoy seeing Pierce's deduction. He seems like a fairly smart agent and this reflects that.

Matt and Bunny looked to Monroe, confused by what he was saying. Olivia, on the other hand, actually seemed to understand. She walked to a nearby mirror and considered her appearance.

“You know,” she said after a moment, “I think I actually see it. I’ll have to let my hair down tonight and see how it looks.” Turning around, Olivia smiled at Monroe, making him nearly jump from his nerves. “Thanks.”

“I think it’ll look good.”

While Olivia had been considering her new look, Nekou had come out from the dressing rooms as well. She had replaced her uniform and kneesocks with a black, waist-tied trench coat of similar appearance and a pair of knee-high boots.

“You think so?” Olivia glowed in the praise her friend was putting on her. “Thanks!”

This scene is really cute. It's adorable to see Olivia growing up, and Nekou and Olivia have the sweetest relationship ever.

“I…I…” After gulping again, Monroe took a deep breath, shut his eyes and forced himself into saying what he wanted to. “Olivia, I really liked your battle with Whitney and I want to know if you’ll go to a movie with me!”

Monroe’s face went bright red as soon as he coughed up his request, matched only by how flush Olivia’s turned. Matt and Bunny could only watch with their mouths agape, while Nekou, having been the one to figure out Monroe’s feelings first, just smirked wryly.

Slowly, Olivia approached Monroe, her every step sending a chill down his bones. He was already embarrassed but his fear kept rising until she was right in his face, staring into his eyes. To Monroe, it felt as if Olivia was staring right into his soul.

“Well of course you liked how I battled!” Olivia suddenly and proudly exclaimed, pulling back and shrugging her shoulders. “You’re nice enough, so sure, why would I say no? But I get to pick which movie.”

Feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders, Monroe gasped in relief and said, “Oh, of… of course. Your choice.”

Aww. Glad Olivia didn't turn Monroe down. I'm enjoying how their relationship is really growing this chapter, it's very realistic and sweet.

“We’re seeing literally hundreds of people, many of them from the slums, flowing into the central area of Goldenrod City for Polaris’s speech. The best estimates are that a crowd of around three hundred is now gathered outside the Global Terminal…”

Immediately upon hearing the newscaster’s words, Nekou became completely serious again. Even while the others just listened to the broadcast, she said, “It might get dangerous out there. Olivia, Monroe, go to your movie later. For now, let’s get something to eat here.”

“A-Actually, that’s a good idea,” Monroe said in agreement. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“There’s a burger stand I want to try in the food court here,” Matt piped up.

“Then that’s where we’ll go,” Nekou concluded. “Come on. They have TVs up there, so we’ll see everything that goes on.”

Good thinking, Nekou. I can only imagine how startling the news report must be to those in the mall.

“Welcome! Welcome, citizens of Goldenrod City!” Once he had begun speaking, Zinzolin started to settle into his comfort zone. While he was no master of giving speeches like Ghetsis – and he knew as much – he felt confidence in his ability to deliver Ghetsis’s words. “Each and every one of you deserves applause for coming this far. I know it was not easy for you, perhaps near impossible for some, but the calling of justice brought you all here today. As you know, my name is Zinzolin, and I am here as a representative of Polaris. I am here to speak to you today about the injustices visited upon you, who you should hold responsible, and what you can do about it.”

A murmur went up from the crowd. Zinzolin regarded it as a good sign – he knew that they were interested in the lead of his speech, which meant they were listening. All that was left was to sell his case.

“People of Goldenrod City, I ask you to look around yourselves. Are you pleased with the state of your city, divided as it is? Where we stand now, we are at the heart of this corrupt, diseased beast created by the Pokémon League! Why, just observe our surroundings as I speak to you.” The crowd was enraptured with Zinzolin already, and their collective gazes followed his sweeping gestures. “The Magnet Train station, where the wealthy and privileged who have oppressed you travel freely across these regions, while you are left with only your own feet… the Game Corner, where those people and their decadent families while away their time and ill-gotten money on frivolous games without a care in the world… the Radio Tower, which serves to further spread the siren song that calls our young people to the foolish path of the Pokémon League… and finally, I can think of no more perfect a symbol for the derelict, bloated order of the Pokémon League than the building right behind me, the Global Terminal. Behind me, hundreds if not thousands of Pokémon are traded daily by those who can afford the equipment necessary to capture them. Those individuals can easily acquire a wide variety of Pokémon from throughout the world, and every species they collect makes it easier for them to obtain even more. Not only that, it is those with the widest variety of Pokémon available to them that have the easiest way in this world. But what opportunity do those who are not permitted to even get their feet into the door have? That promise of false opportunity is what has led to the despicable status of this city! The facilities that benefit those who have grown fat on the backs of you, the people, are clustered in this neon hell at the center of Goldenrod City. Meanwhile, you are kept out of that opportunity, that gilded life, and exiled to the decrepit slums where you are neither seen nor heard! But today, that will change! Today you will be seen and you will be heard!”

That last proclamation was what it took to finally get the reaction Zinzolin had expected all along from the crowd. A great cheer rose from the people, one that showed they were hungry for more of what Zinzolin was feeding them. Before moving to the next point in his speech, Zinzolin took a moment to bathe in the eager adoration of the crowd before him.

“Yes, you know it all to be true! For decades, generations now, this regime known as the Pokémon League has kept you down. Through all matters of media, they present to you an idealized image, a dream, of life under their control. Pokémon Master…” Zinzolin coughed scornfully before continuing. “I must scoff at the very notion. We see media telling you day in and day out that all you need to reach a life of luxury is belief… belief in yourself, but more wickedly, faith in their leadership. They will give you everything, they claim… free care at the Pokémon Centers? A lie, such benefits are reserved only for the privileged few who qualify for a Pokédex. How about Poké Marts stocked with all the resources trainers could ever need? Another lie. The products sold to trainers at these corrupt establishments are by and large rationed in favor of those with more Badges. Good point about that, let’s talk about Badges for a second. To get a Badge, you have to defeat a local Gym Leader in a Pokémon battle, as you all already know. Of course, you are all smart enough to see the problem with this. To have the best chances of defeating Gym Leaders, you must have the leg up offered to only those already in the upper crust of society! And of course, these Gym Leaders… they are contributing to the culture of corruption keeping you in second-class status! We of Polaris have come here before you to present the truth that has been hidden, and we urge you to rise! Join us and make your voices heard! Tell the Gym Leaders and the Pokémon League that you will soon be at their doorsteps!”

I'm really impressed by this speech. First, the way locales in Goldenrod City are used to symbolize Polaris' objections to the League system is brilliant- Ghetsis clearly knows how to write speeches to work a crowd, and turning everyday fixtures in the crowd's life into symbols of oppression is fairly persuasive. The second half of the speech is also well written, each point flowing well into another. I've pointed out before how chilling the speeches in your story are, and this is another great example.

All of a sudden, a number of blue fireballs descended from the sky in a ring, settling around the stage. The Will-O-Wisp attack was followed by several blades of air striking the stage, forcing Zinzolin to stumble backward and away from Meowth. When he looked up, he saw a Swoobat and Cofagrigus descending from the sky, and moments later, four laser beams shot down from above the clouds to surround Meowth. A box of light formed around him when the lasers faded.

Okay, I was worried about poor Meowth but when this happened I couldn't help but smile. Because I knew exactly where this was going.

“Th-those Pokémon…” Zinzolin stuttered. “Who is so bold as to do this…?”

“Do you really need to ask that question?”

“If you really want to know, the answer is here!”

Behind Swoobat and Cofagrigus, who were laughing at Zinzolin, Jessie and James –still wearing their trench coats, hats and sunglasses - descended using jetpacks strapped to their backs.

“Prepare for trouble, soaring from the sky!” Jessie shouted to the assembly.

“And make it double, over the earth it flies!” James enthusiastically added.

“You can NOT be serious…” thought Zinzolin.

Not caring what their foe thought, the two Team Rocket members continued their motto, with Jessie saying, “To protect the world from devastation!”

“To unite all peoples within our nation!”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

With that, Jessie and James tore off their disguises, revealing their customized black Team Rocket uniforms underneath.

“Jessie!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight!”

While Jessie and James struck dramatic poses in the air, the crowd looked on in disgruntled silence. Zinzolin gazed at them in a cold fury.

YES

While Jessie and James struck dramatic poses in the air, the crowd looked on in disgruntled silence. Zinzolin gazed at them in a cold fury.

“How dare you come here!” he roared, finding a new strength in his voice. “You two are the prime example of what goes on unchecked in this failed society!”

Ignoring the old man’s rant, Jessie said, “It sure felt good to do that in front of them, but don’t you think something was missing?”

“You’re right, Jessie. Meowth was missing…” Turning down to the stage and its occupants, James took a deep breath and yelled, “He’s missing because you Polaris creeps took him from us! And we’re here to take him back!”

Okay their banter here is the single most beautiful bit of dialogue I've ever seen between the two of them. Great work.

All of a sudden, a flurry of stones flew from somewhere in the crowd and crashed onto the stage, extinguishing Cofagrigus’s flames but locking Zinzolin in tighter. A Dusclops rose from the assembly, holding Proton by the shoulders, and floated toward the stage.

“Rock Tomb, once more!” Proton called.

More rugged stones materialized around Dusclops, and when her eye flashed, they started to rain down.

Zinzolin growled and quickly lashed one of his Poké Balls toward the threat. “Weavile, Ice Shard!”

As soon as she burst from her ball, Weavile brought her claws together and launched a series of sharp-edged ice chunks toward the Rock Tomb. When they hit the stones, both attacks exploded into dust. Though they’d been shocked still so far, when the explosion rang out over their heads, it was like a switch was thrown in the minds of the crowd.

Didn't expect Proton there.

Rowena retreated slightly into the alley, avoiding the flood of people just beyond her hiding place. Her resolve to continue pursuing the story quickly returned, though, and with a new burst of courage, she approached the crowd again and grabbed at the first arm she could reach, pulling its owner toward her. It turned out to be the homeless trainer Team Rocket had helped.

“Who are you?” he coughed as he stumbled into the alley.

“A reporter,” Rowena answered. “I want to ask you some questions when this is over.”

The trainer shrugged. “I guess I can do that.”

Oh nice, I never expected that homeless guy to show up again. Rowena is great not letting this keep her from getting the scoop, love me some badass reporter women.

While Swoobat and Jynx’s attacks met in a midair explosion, Looker, Silver and several others – including Lysandre – were watching the chaos from the second floor of the train station.

“I knew they’d show up,” Silver growled. “It’s go time.”

“It is that it is,” Looker responded, frantically dialing a number with his phone. “Greetings, it is I, with the codename of Looker! I am needing warrants of arrest for the members of the Team Rocket, as their plea bargain has been violated!”

“Calling up the data on Team Rocket right now, Agent Looker, please stand by…” a female voice said on the other end of the call. The sound of a computer keyboard clicking could be heard, followed by an audible gasp. “A-Agent Looker… there is… there is no logged data of any crime for any of them! According to our database, the members of Team Rocket are completely clean!”

“What?!” Looker nearly crushed the phone in his hand, and he had screamed so loudly that everyone in the room was staring at him. “How is that possible to be happening? The Team Rocket… cleared of all crimes?!”

“What the hell did you just say?” roared Silver. He was so overcome with rage that he put his hands on his head and pulled his own hair. “Impossible, I won’t accept it! Just arrest them for what they’re doing now!”

Putting away the phone, Looker stared out the window and said, “If they haven’t been acting to violate the plea bargain we gave to them… then what are they happening to be doing, precisely?”

“Are… are you actually serious? Disrupting the peace, if nothing else!”

Looker rubbed his chin, images of the past flashing through his mind. “Polaris’s speech event was occurring to already disrupt that peace, though… and that man named Zinzolin… he is still wearing on his self the crest of the Team Plasma and working with the man named Ghetsis… I am not trusting the situation. Not to be mentioning, the Team Rocket did not harm anyone called a civilian. They only targeted that Meowth, which I am being able to tell you for quite certain does belong to them. I want to see how this will end up being played out…”

Well, I can't exactly argue with Looker's logic there, about Meowth. Silver's not a happy camper though...

Swoobat and Cofagrigus weren’t afraid, however, and they met Zinzolin’s offense with a spirited counterattack. Swoobat cut down the ice chunks with blades of air lashed from her wings, while Cofagrigus drifted right in front of Cryogonal’s Flash Cannon and used a Shadow Ball to nearly completely block it.

Much to Zinzolin’s surprise, Jessie and James then recalled Swoobat and Cofagrigus, and after recalling his Dusclops, Proton flew up on his own jetpack alongside them.

“What are you doing now, you Team Rocket cowards?” Zinzolin shouted up into the air. “Are you surrendering?”

“Oh, we’re not surrendering,” Jessie smugly said.

“You might call it more of a tactical retreat…” added James, “…with our spoils of victory!”

“Stop being theatrical,” Proton warned them. “We’re at the endgame of phase one. It’s time.”

I love how much sass Jessie and James possess in this scene.

“Got it.” Putting her finger to her ear, Jessie called out, “Yoo hoo, Wobbuffet!”

A great roaring sound filled the air, and when Zinzolin looked up past the Team Rocket members, he saw the clouds beginning to part. Stunned, he could only watch as a hot-air balloon equipped with jet boosters on its basket descended, piloted by Jessie’s Wobbuffet. It was only when he saw the red Team Rocket insignia on both the metallic blue basket and the dark purple balloon itself that Zinzolin truly realized how coordinated the attack on the speech was.

Oh, Wobbuffet.

Weavile aimed her icy blast squarely at the balloon itself, but it met resistance when Wobbuffet, glowing brightly, jumped from the basket. As soon as the Blizzard hit Wobbuffet, its energy enveloped him, only to be blasted back moments later, and Weavile was cut down by the counterattack.

No one is ever ready for the full force of the Wobbuffet.

“I just can’t catch a break,” he sighed to himself, already dreading whatever punishment Ghetsis would level out. Looking around, he realized just how empty the plaza had become, and seeing no further point in staying himself, recalled his Pokémon and fled for a car hidden behind the stage.

Yeah, I can't imagine Ghetsis is going to be too happy with Zinzolin after he got beaten that hard by TR...

“You saw it, you have to arrest them!”

“Yes, I did indeed happen to be seeing it, but I cannot say I support that conclusion.”

“Why?!” Silver raged, stomping his foot on the tile floor. “They’re criminals, just as much as that Team Plasma is!”

“That they are. But we just were seeing and witnessing them not harm anyone who is not also a criminal suspect. They were attacking only the stage and struck a retreat after taking something that rightfully was precisely their own.”

Good to see Looker being a good cop here and not arresting Team Rocket for not actually doing anything wrong. Silver might not like it, but Looker's correct.

The entire Team Rocket vs Zinzolin scene was pretty amazing and action packed, and the kind of writing they deserve. Possibly one of the most thrilling scenes I've seen for a while, and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time I read it. I've definitely got some ideas for how to write them in the future from this, so good work.


“Things appear to be returning to normal following Team Rocket’s attack on the speech being given by Polaris. Stick with us throughout this breaking news story as it unfolds…”

All of the televisions hanging over the Department Store’s packed food court were tuned to the news, and an unsettling quiet had set into the shoppers, who had seen the entire incident from the beginning.

“What is all of this…” Matt murmured, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “I’m getting really nervous about Polaris. Did you hear those things Zinzolin was saying? Especially after he attacked us in Violet City…”

“And Team Rocket, too…” Bunny said, her voice low and wavering. “I don’t know if you know about this, but a few years ago in Unova, there was a war between Team Rocket and Team Plasma, the group Zinzolin and Ghetsis used to lead. If that’s still going and is coming to Johto, we might get caught up in the middle of it…”

“You’ve got to ask yourselves the hard ****ing question,” Nekou chimed in. She was visibly tense, and was boiling with anger internally, though Bunny had no idea it was what she said that caused it. “Who is worse here, a gang of common thieves or actual ****ing terrorists who are trying to overthrow the government?”

“I guess you have a point there…” Matt mumbled into the table.

“But on the other hand,” Olivia piped up, “How do we know it’s as simple as it looks? What if this is a trick, and they’re working together?”

If it had been anyone other than Olivia saying that, Nekou would have attacked them on the spot. She had to restrain her reaction to what she considered an insulting implication, keeping her rage in check by breathing heavily and clenching her fists so tightly that her palms bled slightly.

“Not everything has a conspiracy behind it, Olivia,” Nekou said, managing a fairly gentle tone. “I think what we saw on the TV was what really happened.”

“You’re right.” Turning away from her friend, Olivia slumped in her chair. “But this is just so scary, all of it... is what they’re saying true, that so many people have it that bad? Am I really that well off?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit scared too,” Monroe said in glum agreement. “My dad’s job has made my life pretty easy, so my sisters and I could be targeted…”

“So you’re in a similar position as me, then,” Olivia commented.

“But, Monroe, do you consider yourself better than others because of your comfortable life?” asked Nekou.

“No…”

“So then at least from a moral standpoint, you’re fine. Now, honestly, I think now that all ****ing hell isn’t breaking loose out there anymore, we should stop obsessing over things we can’t help and go about our business.”

This is a great scene to follow up that attack with, because even though Matt and the others don't know Nekou's deal yet, the reader does, and it's perfectly reasonable for her to react the way she is to what she's hearing about Team Rocket. Her understanding with Olivia shows how much Olivia means to her, and I like how you included that. I also liked Nekou pointing out to Monroe that he's not necessarily bad just for being more fortunate for other trainers- it's perspective that's lacking in Polaris' speeches.

“Then let’s have a look…” Thumbing through movie directories on the screen, Matt noticed something that he thought Olivia and Monroe would like. “There’s a showing of Fossil Island in a little while at the movie theater in this very Department Store.”

Heehee, Fossil Island.

As the evening sun began to sink in the sky, Pierce found himself at his destination. The radar had led him deep into the northern slum, to a nondescript warehouse with a cargo truck parked outside.

“Got you,” Pierce said to himself. He touched the radar device’s screen at the point where its readings were most intense, marking the warehouse with a small Team Rocket logo.

All of a sudden, he heard the sound of tires screeching up the street. Concealing himself behind a dumpster, Pierce watched as Zinzolin’s car tore up and parked next to the truck. The old man climbed out and quickly entered the warehouse, but Pierce was still able to catch a clear sight of him.

“And there’s the smoking gun. Caught you red-handed, Polaris.”

I love Pierce's confidence in this scene.

Jessie and James backed through the doorway of Team Rocket’s hideout, the latter using the R-Pad to guide the laser box containing Meowth. Once they were all inside, Jessie stopped walking abruptly, causing James to crash into her.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, James!”

“If you didn’t stop behind me, that wouldn’t have happened.”

“Both of you, quiet!” Giovanni commanded, with Persian meowing to punctuate his speech. “I see you got Meowth back here safely.”

Great way to open this scene, especially Persian's input.

That’s a Chargestone we had left over from Unova,” explained the scientist.

“I know,” Jessie sharply replied, “we mined those for Dr. Zager.”

Making Jessie know what she's talking about is a great move. She's really a brilliant character and you represent her well.

The rock sparked to life with an electrical glow. Its light got brighter and brighter as it discharged more energy, forcing Jessie, James, Giovanni, Rosalie and the other Team Rocket members to cover their eyes. At its most intense point, Meowth could be heard screaming, and shortly after that, the light began to fade.

Excellent use of imagery here.

“Meowth! You’re back to normal!”

“We finally got you away from Polaris!”

Meowth turned around and saw Jessie and James. Realizing what had happened, he jumped into their arms, and the three of them all started crying in joy.

“You two guys really saved me!”

“We can’t terrorize Polaris if we aren’t a trio!”

“James is right, and now we can even say the motto the right way again!”

Aww, it's good to see them reunited. Nice to see friends back together.

There was no response. The silence sent a chill down Rosalie’s spine, and behind her, Giovanni scowled and leaned on his arm.

She turned her head and nervously said to him, “Sir, we can’t get them to respond… we might not be able to stop this…”

“So be it,” Giovanni growled. “We’ll have to take what losses happen and go to a backup plan…”

This dialogue really reflects their awareness that this might not end cleanly, as well as that they all seem to realize the gravity of what's going on here.

“Cordelia, huh?”

“Yeah, he thought she would like it and she did.”

I see what you did there.

Back at the hotel room, Nekou had tossed her clothes about the bronze-colored bathroom so she could soak in the tub. She had placed pots of incense around the room and sprinkled flower petals in the water, all to help her meditate.

“I can’t lose myself to… that… again,” she said out loud, taking deep, cleansing breaths. “For Olivia’s sake, I have to control it.”

Between the hot water and the pleasant scents she’d surrounded herself with, Nekou did what she could to relax her mind. As she sat and soaked, she did her best to push everything out of her head, knowing that it would be the only way to reach her dark, violent side without degenerating into it.

She sat in the tub, breathing and meditating, for around an hour before she found something deep in her mind. It wasn’t clear to her what it was, just that it gave her a very uncomfortable, nervous feeling.

“So you came without being about to die for once, huh?”

“The ****? Who said that?” In truth, Nekou knew who it was. The voice she heard in her head was her own voice, just with a more hissing, feral tone.

“You know me. Or is it just uncomfortable to see what kind of a monster you really are?”

“Oh, I know I’m a monster. But what ****ing right have you got to take over my body like you own it?”

“Because I do own it, you dumb *****. Why do you think I’m so deep inside of you? You know, just worked nice and deep in there… at the core of your being…”

Nekou sank lower into the bath. She knew that the entity in her mind, her berserk, animalistic side, was right.

“As much as you want to deny it, it’s true. Everything about you is a lie. Lies you built around yourself to hide from what you really are.”

“**** you. Why am I arguing with voices in my head again? Just shut the **** up and behave. I’m in charge, not you.”

“Oh, ouch. As always, you’ve got quite the sharp tongue. But you know, you’re the one who should be behaving. The reason you get so violent every time I come out is because you keep struggling to control me.”

“No, **** you. Stop taking over what belongs to me.”

“You’re so trapped in your illusion that you don’t see how truly deep the **** you’re in is. You want to stop having problems with me? Give yourself up to me then. I see everything you want, don’t worry. I’ll take everything you want. You’re a monster, so start acting like one. I would have just broken the glass and taken that coat today. You just don’t get it…”

“No, no, no!” Nekou screamed, pulling at her hair in anguish. She could feel her muscles beginning to tense and swell, a fact that made her realize she was losing control. “Shut the **** up! Just stop it!”

Ignoring her pleas, the voice kept on, “We’ll have to find somewhere to live, too. There’s plenty of rich assholes in this city, we can kill one and take his **** and nobody would be any the wiser. Of course, we’d need to surround ourselves with things we like, too. Maybe we can take that guy you’ve got your eye on and that girl and make them ours, whether they like it or not…”

“Shut the **** up!!”

Regretting having ever tried to reach her vicious side deliberately, Nekou flipped over and hit her head against the side of the tub in a desperate attempt to escape. It didn’t help, as she could hear the twisted version of her voice laughing at her in her head.

This makes me worry for Nekou- her internal struggle, and how much it bothers her.

Pushing the whole thing out of her mind as much as she could, Nekou sank down in the tub until the water was at her neck, then hit her phone, activating the hologram function. Another projection of Giovanni materialized just in time to see her reaching for a beer can on the other side of the tub.

“Drinking again?” he sighed.

“Oh come on, I’m off the clock now. Cut me some slack.”

“No, Lalume, you aren’t,” Giovanni reproached her. “Polaris found out about our plans somehow and sent a decoy train. The mission isn’t over.”

This news prompted Nekou to sit up slightly. “Well, ****. Did you manage to at least call off Pierce’s friends?”

“No. They cut off contact. This is about to get much, much worse. Be careful.”

“What’s…” Nekou paused to take a nervous sip of beer before finishing her question, “what’s our move now?”

“Stand by. I will have more orders tomorrow.”

What a call to get in the bath. I love how she clearly doesn't seem to care, though. It sounds like Giovanni's used to this too.

A three-car train sped over the plains on its way into Kanto under a clear, early night sky. Aboard were Looker and several other International Police members, with two prisoners in their custody. Looker was riding in the back car with Jacob, while in the middle car, the other officers were holding a rigid-faced man with disheveled blue hair and a matching beard. From their car, Looker and Jacob could hear the prisoner ranting out loud.

“I see Ecruteak City burning… and I see this region falling to its knees… listen to me, we’re all going to die!”

Looker sighed. “That man, whose name is Grings Kodai… he is still thinking he can see his vision into the future?”

“We’re all going to die, listen to me! There’s going to be a big explosion, and, and…”

“Wait…”

“Alexison, you should best keep your mouth shut.”

“No, I’m serious.” Though he couldn’t move much due to being handcuffed to a rail, Jacob stared straight at Looker with a fire in his eyes. “Listen to what he’s saying.”

“They’re going to bomb the train!!” Kodai screamed, under the audible sounds of the officers trying to calm him.

“Looker, if you’ve never thought about anything I say before, do it now. There might be something to what Kodai’s yelling about. He did see the future at one time.”

Looker considered what Jacob was telling him. He couldn’t deny his prisoner’s passion for what he believed, but Looker wasn’t sure what to make of it. Standing, he walked over to a phone and picked it up.

Jacob makes a good point. Kodai could either be right, or he could be bluffing. Looker has a bit of a tough decision before him.

“Hello, this is codename Looker in car three. That is what they all call me, yes. Did you manage to happen to sweep the train for anything of suspiciousness before we departed? …I thought so.”

Nice touch with the reference to "that is what they all call me".

In a cruel fit of irony, within seconds of Looker’s statement, a great explosion rocked the train. The bombs weren’t on the train itself, but on the tracks, decimating them just in front of the speeding vehicle. With no chance of stopping, the train plummeted off the destroyed tracks and crashed into the ground. The locomotive at the front split into two parts from the impact, while the middle car smashed into it at an angle and broke apart as well. As for the third car, it slammed into the back of the second, destroying the side that was attached to the rest of the train. Looker and Jacob were violently thrown across the car, the latter taking the broken bar his handcuffs were latched to with him.

Looks like Kodai's still got it...

As smoke rose over the Kanto countryside from the combination of the bombs and the destroyed train, a thick fog suddenly began rolling in. Several men and women emerged from the fog into the site of the crash, accompanied by a Gardevoir and Gothitelle. Both Pokémon had their eyes glowing as they used their psychic power.

“What a mess…” one of the women uttered.

“The Prophet’s words are absolute,” another said. “We aren’t targeting anyone but Polaris, and we have to fight if we’re going to survive.”

This just got even more interesting.

One of the men stepped forward and clasped his hands together. “Transcend the confines of time and space! Show me the terrain!”

The Tenganists waited in silence for the results of their survey of the area. The man using his Transcendence took several minutes to complete the task, but when he did, he was visibly unnerved.

“The Meteonite isn’t here… and these aren’t Polaris members, they’re the International Police…”

I can only imagine how he must have felt...

“Take the two who survived and bring them back,” came the order. “Retreat before Polaris finds you. We’ll have to heal the survivors and talk to them.”

Several of the Tenganists made their way to the wreckage of the third car, where Looker and Jacob were unconscious on the floor. They pulled the two survivors up and dragged them out of the train. With nothing more at the site for them, the Tenganists then fled back into the fog, and once they had disappeared with their Pokémon, the fog lifted, leaving no evidence they’d been there.

Wow, what a way to close the chapter. The Tenganists have Looker and Jacob, and it looks like things have only started in Goldenrod City. I'm really excited for what your next chapter will bring.

Overall, this was great. Like I said before, it's one of your shorter ones, but short is sometimes just what a story needs to be enjoyable, and you packed a lot of action into such a short chapter. Fantastic work!
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
All these reviews are going to take several posts to reply to.

Excellent chapter. Your work just keeps getting more exciting and gripping with each chapter you put out and this one was definitely quite the ride. Hopefully my review gets this across, because I'm not sure my words can do it justice.

Thanks! And don't worry, your reviews are always good.

Oh, I'm already liking her. She definitely sounds interesting and very colorful. Good use of description to set the atmosphere too.

I think Rosalie is someone a lot of people will like. I enjoyed creating her.

I love how you wrote this scene because it's clear how much Jessie and James miss Meowth, and how much they want him back. The detail of Ariana calming Giovanni is a nice one that hints at how close they might be and shows he really respects her.

Especially with the current state the team is in, with only these members left, I think the 'family' angle is important to play up. I think it fits them too.

Ada is just too cute, just from this line I can tell.

You're going to love her.

I really appreciate that you portrayed Jessie this way, I think it's something about her a lot of writers forget. She won't stop if there's something she wants, and that's part of what makes her awesome.

I went back to how she was in the original series for inspiration on her depiction here.

"Day of the people" sounds ominous, considering what we've heard from Ghetsis, and Rosalie has some good thinking there. I wouldn't suspect any less from Ghetsis and his underlings myself.

Ada worked on analyzing the intelligence, so it's both of their work. But aside from that, they are effective at it, and they're right about what's coming.

This should end well.

You know it.

This is really sweet, because hopefully it'll restore some of her confidence she lost when learning the truth about Rich.

Luckily, it does. She needs the accomplishments for herself to rebuild her confidence.

Aww, this is really sweet and shows a lot of growth for Olivia as a character. I can see why this capture is so important to her, with that in mind- she realizes it means she's grown, too.

I think she is very self-aware as a person.

Wow, Silver, nice.

Can you blame him?

I'm loving the interaction between Silver and Proton here. Great, and exactly how I'd imagine he'd react to someone like Proton, too.

It wasn't hard, actually. Putting an angry person like Silver and a sarcastic, sadistic person like Proton together leads to natural results.

Still bragging about that, Proton?

That's his thing.

I actually admire Silver's toughness in this scene. Sometimes he can really come through when it counts.

There are times when he does have his priorities straight. It helps that he has a very clear motivation.

This is really sweet to me, for some reason. It reminds me so much of Masuda's intentions for the games and I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I like it.

Huh, you know, that makes me look at N a little differently now. I didn't think about it before.

It's sweet how Matt's started noticing this and I think it'll help him later on when trying to help Olivia.

He's getting there.

It's five o' clock somewhere.

Her mind. Her mind is always on five o' clock.

Awesome timing on this scene. It worked perfectly.

I know. I thought it worked perfectly too.

Good planning on his part.

He didn't become an Executive for nothing.

Haha, yay for genre-savvy Nekou.

She's good at that.

Silver's reaction here works, because of his past- it makes perfect sense for him to want to pursue a Rocket this way.

Precisely. Thinking about his past really helped to define his role.

Good way to capture the mood in his office. I love the image of Galvantula running around like that, it's really cute.

Heh, yeah, I wanted to bring Galvantula up again.

Aww, this is adorable.

Minccino generally is.

I really enjoyed this battle. Good work showing the potential danger of a horde of Zubat and Hoothoot in a dark forest setting.

Thanks!

I hope the wild Pokemon battles in this chapter were good, they were a bit of a struggling point for me.

I feel like this is going to come up again, isn't it?

Of course.

This in particular is fairly ominous. If Colress is confident in the power of Ghetsis' speeches...

They might not like each other, but Colress does recognize what Ghetsis is good at.

Nekou's reply to Matt was great. I really like her detective work here, she's showing her clever thinking as usual.

She's pretty good at things like this.

Nekou's observation is correct- TR isn't known for subtlety. I feel sorry for poor Ayingott.

She knows her stuff, let's say.

Ayingott will be fine, don't worry.

Great chase scene.

Another thing I was worried about. I'm glad it worked.

This completely caught me offguard. I don't think I expected them to actually be murdered, just knocked out. It's in character for Ghetsis though- he really is a brutal character.

I think that scene represents the danger inherent in Ghetsis's character well, actually. Note how quickly he went from smiling and polite to ordering their deaths.


He doesn't tolerate failure much.

Creepy as always. I can tell she's having the time of her life though.

Oh, she is. For now.

Okay I really don't have a good feeling about this.



And I was right not to.

Yeah, they're actually recurring characters. Expect them to show up again in the future, too.

That's actually surprising.

I wanted to give them more character than simple antagonistic wild Pokemon.

I love the tension between Zager and Proton in this scene, and Zager's panicked nature under fire, as opposed to his usually calm and composed self.

Well, you know that when he gets like that, it's a dangerous time.

I wish I knew what was wrong with Olivia... I feel so bad for her.

When you find out you'll wish you didn't know.

I shivered.

As you should.

Excellent work making her truly terrifying. I enjoy her and Nekou's exchanges though. Nekou definitely knows how to deal with shittalkers.

Seduire is definitely a fascinating character and seeing how she's slowly losing it is great. Amazing characterization.

Hmm... thanks for the compliment, though I think I could have done her better.

oh ****

The reveal of Cassy as Seduire, and her explanation of her motivations, makes her character even more chilling. Here is a woman who will stop at nothing to try to get her lost love back... even when she knows he no longer wants anything to do with her. She's not afraid to hurt his friends while she's at it, and she's a fantastically written character even if she does terrify me.

Again, I think the reveal is something that, in hindsight, I could have done better. But I'm glad it worked on some level, that way I can salvage it.

Badass Nekou is badass.

Yes she is, yes she is. That's what happens when you threaten people she cares about like that.

I love how you show a different side to the universe than we're used to seeing. Just like the real world, there's a dark side to everything.

That's a central theme of the fic, right at the heart of what's going on.

Very realistic dialogue. I especially appreciate the last line here, which echoes Nekou's earlier comments.

I tossed that casual dialogue in to bring things down a little, even if the story was about to spike in intensity again right after this.

Geminus is a really mysterious character and now I'm wondering even more about him. What inspired him to rescue Cassy like that?

You'll find out...

Even on what seems to be important business, Nekou needs her beer, doesn't she? I'm wondering what the deal is with this, it sounds like she's up to something super-important, and I'm wondering how this will affect the plot later.

Yes, she needs her beer, and yes, this is super important.

Proton and Ariana's dialogue is great. I can tell Ariana understands Proton's frustration.

Definitely. They work well together.

You ended this on a cliffhanger that makes me excited for the next chapter's events. I really can't wait for the next chapter because it's definitely shaping up to be exciting.

Excellent work again. I love your updates and this one was no disappointment.

Thank you very much!

Aw over Jessie and James missing Meowth. :< At least Ariana stepped in to calm Giovanni. And hm, “Days of the people”… yup, a distraction for sure.

But in what way, you might be wondering... you'll see.

I like this small development of Olivia there. Ah oh to the battle between Silver and Proton, though .D:

I think Olivia's probably a more sentimental person than you'd expect.

I also like Nikolai’s part about Pokemon and humans working together. Would be of him to say that.

Yes, it is. Some parts of his personality are still there.

Okay, I laughed at that part.

It's true though!

Nice detail of Ice Beam and Swift there.

Thanks. I was looking for ways to spice up what could have been a dull fight.

That’s some wicked appearance of the Shadow Triad there. *_*

Yes, they are quite dangerous. Do you think it was okay to not describe what weapons they used and just say that they cut down the sages?

I like the little characteristics you gave Matt’s Sigilyph and Roggenrola and they get a bit of spotlight in the forest scenes.

Right. I do like throwing a little development into the Pokemon as well.

Oh, hi there Cassy. Glad Matt got over her really quickly, though I too was a bit stunned Nekou used her switchblade on her. Yay though for a Kalos Pokemon making an appearance and Looker recognizing Pyroar.

Nekou doesn't mess around. Even if it's obvious to you that Cassy wasn't much of a threat,

All right, the Bisharp and the Pawinard weren’t influenced by the Meteonite anymore after they attacked Cassy, but there wasn’t any mention of them after the part I pulled out. Did they leave quietly during Matt and the group’s confrontation with Cassy?

Yeah, they realized that they had their leader back and left. I should have specified that more.

Olivia’s Time Gate scene…What is going on? o_O;

Like I said to Matori, you'll wish you never knew.

About time.

Another enjoyable chapter there! Looking forward to the stuff going down at Goldenrod.

Yes.

Glad you liked it!




Review responses will continue in the next post.
 
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The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Well, I'm here to tackle your latest chapter, sorry about the general lateness of it. This won't be blow by blow since I feel a general actions summary of my thoughts would be more beneficial and less wordy. So without further ado, I'd just like to say I found the chapter engrossing from start to finish in terms of the plot and details, you managed to get so much out of one chapter and cover your bases well without anything getting sloppy at all and I commend you for being able to juggle so many proactive actions at once.

Don't worry about it, review at your own pace.

Thanks for the compliment! There will be a lot going on from this point forward. We've really left the slow stage.

The beginning scenes between all the Rockets was an excellent way of beginning the chapter, not only because we got to see more of the Rockets in-general(There are a good number of them and many might not have them all memorized and recognized yet) but the way you characterized them all was well done. Especially Jessie and James who show immense concern for Meowth and Ariana being understanding of these feelings instead of being generic, mean, villain lady 24/7. It does add more to her character at the end of the day, even if it's in a small fashion I enjoyed that a good bit. The continued plot development of something big to come in the near future and the tense mood of the whole scene really captured my attention well and held it. While I'm on villain-esque stuff, the scene between Ghetsis and the sages certainly was brutal, wasn't it? He certainly does live up the general title of being a pure monster in his ways.

I do have fun writing those Rocket scenes, but you could probably tell that already. It's good that they all stand out personality-wise; I was a little worried about that being a problem once I added Rosalie, Ada and Trevor.

I think Ghetsis's monstrosity isn't just coming from his actions by themselves. I think it comes from just how little he thinks of doing these things.

Speaking of characterization, Olivia's scene with capturing a Pokemon not connected to her father and Silver's scene of disdain of his own was an interesting interaction. Mainly because we get to see how these two contrast in general opinions of each other's parents. Seeing her capturing a Pokemon for her own sake was a nice benchmark of showing how she changed and grew past her former pain. Nikolai read really well this chapter, mainly because of how rhythmic his dialogue was, as to be expected of someone as steady as he is and the way he understand Bisharp's wishes completely.

I actually happened into the Olivia/Silver interaction by pure accident. I had him with her to lead to the meeting with Proton but it turned out leading to those interactions which, I have to say, I really liked as well.

Having Nikolai present for this chapter was good as he made the link between the wild Pokemon and the humans, as you noticed.

As for the Pokemon of this chapter, they did have a lot going on, didn't they? Two of Matt's Pokemon having bad blood with each other, Bisharp and her gang's advancement and find of Matt's group, Matt's Sigilyph dislike of the nickname he gave it, I never expected to see this much happening with them in one chapter. I really didn't expect for the Bisharp clan to make another showing. Though it not being one of ill will but of Bisharp wanting the desire for a rematch and letting Matt leave to take Olivia to safety was a nice way of showing the gang and being more of anti-heroes in that notion stood out to me. I guess I could hazard that Bisharp had grown to respect Matt's strength and has no intention of trying to kill him nor his friends.

Huh, you're right, come to think of it. This really was a Pokemon-heavy chapter.

The bad blood between Manticore and Charlotte will probably come back again. If you recall, when Matt caught Manticore it was really angry and wild, and he used Charlotte, so it seems natural for that anger to remain even after capture.

"Bisharp clan"... I like that. I might call them that from now on. I'll remind you that last time they appeared, Dante's experiment with the Meteonite had driven them crazy, so how they appeared here is a bit more like their true personalities.

You have a knack for doing good characterization and I find that riveting about a lot of Pokemon and characters thus far, though Nekou's still stands above the rest as my favorite among Matt's group. And as for Cassy, wow, would it be accurate to call her Matt's own yandere? Truly, truly something else in terms of being an antagonist. After reading her this chapter, there are many different roads you can take her. The scene of her weeping for help after being slashed by Nekou and being taken into the care and understanding of someone like Geminus who she thinks means her well definitely showed more to her character. It showed she's more than just a psychotic yandere character, I wonder if the door for her to reform as an individual and get some help is open? Of course I could easily see her continuing on the path of anger and jealously as well and that's not a bad thing at all. Nice Kalosian Easter egg right there, didn't expect for her to have a Pyroar.

Yes, yes, you could call her his very own yandere. Whether he likes it or not. Forever and ever.

But yes, she is more complex than the simple yandere surface. I think you'll enjoy where she goes.

Pyroar just seemed to suit her, so I went with it.

Nekou and Olivia....just what is going on? What motives does Nekou have in-mind. Nice enigmatic way to finish off a strong chapter, there wasn't much to criticize so I'll point out to try to continue to be tight knit and great about your character juggling.

Thank you, once again.

I gotta hand it to you, this description was pretty cute.

Minccino is good for that.

The first couple parts with Matt and the rest of the group is a great read. Yay for Bunny back and having a Gogoat. Like how you incorporate the Pokedex being updated for the Kalos Pokemon (although it would be nice if Olivia tried out her pokedex on Gogoat).

I knew you would like when Bunny returned, and let me promise you, it's all uphill from here for her.

It seemed more practical to just have it updated since Juniper was there. At least, that's how I approached it.

I feel he should say “Hello, Matt. Hello Bunny” because he knew Bunny quite a while too. With Jacob just talking to Matt, it’s as if he’s referring to Bunny as a new friend. I know a few sentences later you have her stone-faced and all, but can’t help but feel wanting Jacob to acknowledge Bunny a bit more.

Hmm... thinking of it, you're right. I should have been more mindful there.

The rest of the group’s encounter with Jacob sure is something. The tension between him and Nekou I thought was nicely done and it was nice you’re able to incorporate some events from the XY games along with the anime version of Diamond/Pearl lore.

XY really gave me a lot to work with, to be honest. AZ's story and Lysandre fit into my existing plot quite well.

I don’t like the sound of that… :x

That is the correct feeling.

I’ll admit I didn’t expect Lysandre here. With the addition of him in this story, wonder what role he’ll play.

It may be a little easy to guess fairly soon, but I do hope to still give him a good role.

And we meet Thorton again. Interesting he’s interacting with Colress and Jeunes (and Thorton being one of the Polaris chromosomes). Gonna agree with Colress over throwing Matt a legendary on the second battle, haha.

Did you like the way I revealed Thorton's identity? I was confident in it, but comments are always good.

Gotta love the Pokemonized version of Dance Dance Revolution. XD

Yes. XD

Nice use of Greninja’s Hidden Ability there. What a tricky way to catch Matt off guard. Ouch over him losing to that Pokemon, even with a legendary. D:

Here's a fun bit of trivia: originally, Matt was going to beat Greninja but be worn down by the trainer's other two Pokemon. They were Aegislash and Talonflame.

Did you mean “from the heart of the attack?”

Yeah. I just got distracted and typed it twice. I'll have to be more careful.

Quite a few developments during Olivia’s battle with Whitney there. Lilipup evolving, Krabby and Mr. Mime, Kelecon’s ability---good stuff, good stuff. The last couple paragraphs wrapped up pretty well what Olivia wanted to accomplish and shifting her goals after some rough spots she faced.

Yeah, a good victory at a Gym really felt like something she needed. The battle itself was fun, and Kecleon allowed me to draw parallels between her and Matt.

Usually two big battles in one chapter can get overwhelming to me, but since Matt’s battle against Greninja is fairly short I didn’t mind it this chapter.

Matt being destined to lose allowed me to trim the chapter down by not focusing on his battles.

Had an idea Nekou is involved with Team Rocket when she wanted her Pokemon to spy at the Battle Factory.

Interesting, so you did pick up on it at that part. I thought someone would.

Still, I believe her involvement might lead to tension/misunderstandings within the group soon. Not only that, Silver is asked to observe everyone too and he wanted revenge on Giovanni. I predict that too will cause more problems.

Oh, the truth will lead to some turmoil.

Overall another enjoyable chapter and quite a few things happened. Really like the few Kalo Easter eggs you scattered around this chapter. Looking forward to the next one!

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

I see what you did there...amusing little Easter egg, especially considering who Nekou reminded me of during her Union Cave rampage.

Yes, that was very deliberate, and I'm glad someone picked up on it.

This certainly was a whirlwind of different actions, moments, developments and character showcasings. So much went on, I followed it coherently and never once felt overwhelmed by all that went. I still have to commend you on your confidence in character juggling and focus; carrying that many aspects of a story and keeping it all together is very hard to pull off.

Wow, really? Thanks, it means a lot. I was worried that the ambitious scope of this chapter would be too overwhelming.

Honestly, my secret is just that I have a lot planned out. That makes it a lot easier to fit all the pieces together in each chapter.

On the flip side, I have to be a bit blunt here, I think Professor Juniper's role of appearing just to update Olivia's PokeDex to be pretty unneeded since that's all she appeared for and I feel like her PokeDex could have easily been updated in an easier way without Juniper's presence, whether it be through Monroe being told to do so on his way to Goldenrod or through the phone. Plus, while I had no problem at all understanding everything character wise you work with a lot of different characters and some readers might not be able to handle or keep track of each one. So that is something to be wary of in the grand scheme of things.

The Juniper point is an interesting one. I wanted her to appear not only to upgrade the Pokedex, though. I also wanted her appearance to help remind readers of the ongoing storyline involving Professor Elm's disappearance, which she's a part of. She hadn't appeared since the earliest chapters, though, so I felt it was necessary to bring her back before the resolution of that plot to keep her in readers' minds.

On the subject of how many characters there are, I'll just have to be careful to not take things too far. I'm fairly confident I can do that.

Bunny making her return to the group with the addition of a Gogoat reminded me of an aspect I liked about the chapter, the Kalosian Easter eggs. I feel like you're placing them well in your story without overplaying it to a point where the reader feels it to be redundant and obvious. I partially say this because I, myself, have thought about the idea for a future story and how the implanting of Kalos elements would be handled. I feel like a good number of fanfiction writers aren't subtle about these and just feel the need to throw aspects of a new Gen everywhere in their story to the point where it feels like too much but your inclusion of it was handled so well I couldn't have done a better job myself at all.

Oh wow, thank you very much for your compliments here. The Kalos Pokemon and other aspects from XY will come into play gradually over time.

The sucker punches with Nekou being allied with Team Rocket, Thorton being in-line with Polaris, Matt's past, the small part about Olivia(I'm sure this had something to do with Olivia's behavior and pain last chapter.) had a good amount of shock factor behind them. As did the parts about AZ, the Tenganists, Jacob, Looker/Silver and Lysandre's debut in this story. It's a lot on your plate to handle but you're making it all work well. The immense amounts of interconnection these events have with each other and the handling of the factions in it all has a lot of impact and you show absolute control of everything well.

Which small part about Olivia do you mean?

And thank you, once again. Everything is tied together. I've carefully planned out as much as I could. Some things though, like AZ and Lysandre, just happened to work out.

To the battles, I enjoyed both battles a lot, I liked how unnerved Colress and Thorton were getting over Matt's success. I had a feeling either Olivia's or Matt's challenge would be foregone a bit. That Greninja being such a monstrosity in its own right and too much for Matt to handle certainly was entertaining to read, your use of Protean and the variation of Greninja's moves showed you clearly have done your research well. As for Olivia's situation, the battle against Whitney was written great. I was half-expecting Olivia's new debut to be a Kalos Pokemon given it was veiled a good amount up until this point and I did think the same of Whitney too, given she went with her Miltank as her second I half-expected her to use a Bunnelby or something as her third to throw Olivia off her game a bit.

The funny part is, I had never used a Greninja in the game before I wrote this. Only recently did I breed one, and it bore out exactly what I put into this chapter. It has different moves than this Greninja, but the same thing happens when it gets on a roll in battles.

Whitney does have a Kalos Pokemon, but it's not one I think you're expecting. You'll be seeing it fairly soon. As for Olivia, I wanted her to have more Kanto/Johto Pokemon because she's in Johto right now and has a good supply of other-region Pokemon already.

But I'm glad you ultimately didn't since there were already a good amount of Kalos in this chapter and it was more surprising that they weren't Kalos Pokemon. Now that I remember, Mr.Mime is a Fairy/Psychic Pokemon. I wonder if that'll come up at any point and/or play a role in anything. Here I thought Olivia's words about leaving with a pocket full of coins was valueless in the end of her and Nekou's scene. Needless to say the two Pokemon you chose for her surprised me.

I admit, I did have to stretch the truth a little - Krabby isn't in Slowpoke Well in the games, but I feel it's an acceptable liberty. Mr. Mime's type will come up a bit later.

During the battle I was engrossed so much in everything, description was fantastic as always and I liked how Lillipup's evolution wasn't the end-all be-all and he still left in defeat. I can only say how much I enjoyed your usage of Olivia, I feel like her character has genuinely grown up and changed a lot from the beginning. This battle showcased it well and there's definitely a clear progression from what was seen in Violet, Azalea and now Goldenrod in who she is as a person. I could go on for days about how much I enjoyed the battle but I'll just say that you did everything well, even the strategy was something I haven't seen a fanfiction writer utilize. I wonder if the similarity of Color Change and Protean being important factors in both battles of the chapter were your intention, just a small possible throwback I'm assuming.

Lillipup evolving but losing was one of my earliest ideas for the battle. I wanted to subvert what happened for Ash several times in the Best Wishes series.

Olivia has indeed grown quite a bit, hasn't she? And let me tell you, there's still more growth coming for her yet.

And yes, Protean and Color Change were selected to create parallels between the two battles.

The last minute scene with Team Rocket, this is all looking to be something explosive next chapter, looking forward to it.

Of course. I'm sure you will like it.

This was a long chapter but definitely worth it! There was a lot I loved about this chapter so I'll just dive right in to this review.



This is a fantastic description of Goldenrod City that shows both the good and bad of the city, and I think it's an interesting way to start the chapter.

Thanks. I wanted to draw a really vivid picture that itself tells the problems in the city.

It's really good how you show Matt and Nekou's continued concern for Olivia's well-being, as well as his respect for her.

Right. I think their interactions should only continue to improve from here.

She would know...

Oh yes, yes she would.

Bunny's re-introduction felt natural, and I'll agree it's a great way to bring Kalos Pokemon into your story that feels really natural. I also enjoy Juniper's enthusiasm for her job and helping Olivia with her Pokedex- the scene felt really natural to me, as did Bunny's flashback to the Ruins of Alph incident. I also really liked the mention of Harmonia loyalists in the old man's dialogue.

Good. This overall was what I was aiming for. There was a lot going on so I tried to balance it as best I could.

Monroe's return is adorable. I really love how he helps Olivia out with navigating Goldenrod City and it really shows how cool of a guy he is. He clearly wants Olivia to do well.

Oh yes. Of course, you know why now.

This really made me smile. It's nice to see Matt relieved by Olivia's behavior.

I think they both deserved a break after everything they've gone through.

This is such a cute and clever use of the two.

Useful, too.

The first Purine Base scene was great. Actually, I'll take this moment to comment on all of the scenes set in Purine Base, as well as the scene between Geminus and Finansielle. First, I love how you write the Purine crew interacting- Thorton making sure Matt can't win to reach him is brilliant thinking, the constant banter between him, Jeunes, and Colress reminds me of a bunch of best friends playing video games together, and the high-five near the end really was the cherry on top for these scenes. The Geminus and Finansielle scene is great because it shows that Geminus apparently cares enough about Cassy to step in and say some words in her defense to get her forgiveness from Finansielle, as well as Finansielle providing background information on Ghetsis' personality.

The thing is, they aren't actually all that friendly with each other. It just comes off the way you described because Colress is a sarcastic jerk while Yung is an egomaniac and Thorton just wants to do his work. The collision of their personalities creates a rather outlandish spectacle.

Let me say this about the Geminus/Finansielle scene: there's a lot more going on there than meets the eye.

Back on where I left off following that... the discussion between Matt and Jacob was amazing. Jacob is a truly chilling character, and I think his interactions with Matt had great chemistry. Jacob's characterization is great.

Then I think you'll be quite fascinated by how he progresses in the story going forward.

Nekou demonstrates the correct method of dealing with creepers.

She went easy on him. You're going to see something later that proves how far she'll go to preserve her image of her dignity.

Saeko Oryo's story was chilling and the way Jacob reacted to it made sense once he'd told it. I can't imagine what it must have been like to witness that event. The way you tied in AZ's backstory was also really impressive and I feel like it was really natural and made good use of XY's plot. The amount of worldbuilding you put into the rules of the Tenganists was also really impressive. I also really was impressed by Jacob taking pride in his storytelling abilities- it seems like even though he had (or believed he had) a legitimate reason for warning them, he also enjoyed being able to totally hold their attention.

I really had to improvise quickly due to the nature of AZ's story and XY's plot in general, so I'm pleased it turned out well. It fit well into what I already had planned.

You haven't seen anything yet when it comes to Saeko Oryo and the Tenganists. Things are going to get much, much worse.

I have to wonder if Jacob tried to escape at that point.

Sort of. He wasn't really making a credible escape attempt, just panicking.

This made me smile.

Nekou really does have a soft spot for her.

Haha, nice, Nekou.

She's right though. He doesn't know.

Oh wow, here's something I never saw coming. Nice, first we see AZ and now we get Lysandre. Great way to work the new games into your story and on such short notice too.

Thankfully, I have a good plan in mind for his role, so he should work out.

Nekou's bluntness here is great.

Would you expect anything else of her?

The holograms system is actually really neat and I like the thought you put into it. It's a different way than I pictured it. I also loved, as mentioned before, watching the Purine Base keep throwing out Pokemon to trip Matt up- it's great thinking really- and using Meowth's speech ability to their advantage was also clever.

Come to think of it, there's an obvious detail here about how easily the Battle Factory's fights can be rigged by the person controlling the system if they want. I might have to do something with that at some point, so thanks for helping me think about it.

The use of holograms and automation seemed like an obvious choice to make. The Battle Factory is all about inventions and machines in its visual theme, so having it staffed mainly by computers feels very natural.

Heehee, Pokemon Dance Dance Revolution. Also nice Eva reference.

Plus the Madoka reference, in the composure of the scene.

Whitney's speech style is really cute, and fits her.

I really enjoyed seeing Olivia battle in this Gym battle. Her reasoning she uses during battles- like the one with Porygon- really shows how she's growing as a trainer. Her enthusiasm also made this battle really great.

I think Whitney and Olivia made good foils for each other, do you agree?

I visualized Whitney with a sports/baseball theme based on her appearance in the Pokeathlon, for trivia's sake. This was why she had the "pinch hit" line, for example.

Heh, I love the way Matt answered Bunny.

I find that line kind of sad myself, actually. He's being courteous, but at the same time, he's rejecting the attention Bunny is giving him and effectively trying to hide. He's just concealing it.

I was really surprised by Lillipup's evolution. I'm so happy for Olivia.

I also really love just how well you captured the utter frustration of battling Miltank. That thing is tough and I know how Olivia must have felt trying to deal with all the Stomps.

Olivia's growth really showed in the battle, in how composed she was and how proud she was of herself afterward, and I was really pleased by the whole thing.

I knew Lillipup evolving would be a surprise, but like I mentioned in an earlier response, I wanted the real surprise to be that Herdier still lost. Of course, things still work out in the end.

It was only natural for Miltank to be the final, most frustrating opponent. I know I took some liberties with how it fights, but I think in the bigger picture I still captured the... let's say 'experience' of fighting Miltank quite well.

And I'm happy you enjoyed it. It's not as straightforward as it may seem, but it's still an important step for her.


They do have it in them, even if it takes some work.

I love watching Silver and Looker interact.

This is another case where the personalities clash so much that they naturally create entertaining scenes, I think.

The Team Rocket scene was definitely an example of ending a chapter on a high note- it gave me a ton of feels and I think all the characters interacted really well. I loved Nekou singing outside and tipping everyone off to her presence, the various members' reaction to her being late, and Nekou's presenting all of her data she'd collected. It all came together really well and the final scene had a great reference to early BW as well as capturing the feel of those episodes perfectly. Also, Giovanni's speech at the end was perfectly worded.

I have to admit I really loved that scene as well. It was just so much fun putting such a varied cast of characters together for the first time, which is something I've been waiting to do from the very beginning.

Overall this was a great chapter and I really enjoyed reading all of it. The end of it makes me really excited for the next one and I can't wait for it.

Thank you very much!
 
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The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
I really like this piece of description. Short and simple, but it tells a lot.

Thank you. I'm not so great at description most of the time so it's nice I was able to pull it off satisfactorily here.

Classic Nekou. I like the interaction between all 3 of them in this entire part really.

They're really fun to write as a group, especially now that they're settling in well with each other.

I think you mean “pokedex” not pokémon.

Oops, you're right. My mistake on that one.

This must be about your last fic. Reading about Matt’s past makes me realize just how… important he is? I guess that’s the right term for it.


Is there a summary of the events that happened in your past fic, or in the general past that’s mentioned here? I’d be interested in reading it.

I do have this, but it's a little outdated when it comes to the events specifically described at the Indigo Plateau. If you'd like a more specific summary of that part, PM me and I'll work something out.

It does specifically describe everything that happened prior to Operation GEAR, though. That part is still accurate.

This. This is awesome. And tragically sad. As Matt said, no wonder he was so shaken up. I’m shaken up just reading about it.

And you haven't even heard the worst yet!

I wasn’t expecting AZ to be brought into this, but it was done masterfully so.

Have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised by how well his inclusion has been received. I was quite worried before finishing this chapter that his introduction (as well as Lysandre's) would not go over so well.

Tell him how it is, Nekou!

Oh, you can count on her for that, don't you worry.

It hit me here. They went to school together, right? Well, Thorton seems to be making a good name for himself, if he works here and is in a pretty high ranking system. On the other hand, Matt’s just chasing his dreams and thinks he’s getting nowhere. A sad thought.

Maybe I should take back what I just thought… If Thorton has showed up before, I obviously forgot.

Thorton has only appeared as Getriebe so far.

That said, I think the thought you expressed is still valid. Despite being a Polaris member, he still does have the accomplishment of being a Frontier Brain and everything that entails.

Not sure why Matt would keep Glaceon over Magnezone. I don’t know anything about competitive battling but I know Magnemite’s evolution line always messes me up in the games. It’s probably a much better choice.

I have to admit, because Matt had to lose the competition, I put in Glaceon after I asked another friend of mine for a suggestion of what Pokemon to include.

Missing quotation mark at the end.

Going to have to be more mindful of those little errors. Thank you.

Also there was no one quote I wanted to show from the battle, but it was a good one. I liked the parallels between her and Matt’s battle with the type switching thing, and Herdier evolving was probably another accomplishment that Olivia needed. Surprising the readers with pokémon she had just caught was interesting to see, too, though I’m wondering if she got a little too lucky with them being powerful enough to beat a gym leader right off the bat?

Hmm, I don't think so. I'd agree with that idea if Olivia had simply curbstomped straight through Whitney, but she still had to do a good deal of work, so I'm not worried about it. Of course, I could be mistaken.

And suddenly my view of Matt/Nekou’s relationship just took on a whole new meaning. I’m very excited to see where this goes.

Oh man...

I apologize in the lateness of me reading this. I believe I told you I lost interest in pokémon and writing for a while, and am only just now getting back into it. Reading awesome fics like yours helps me to get inspired again. Thanks for writing this. You have such a great imagination, and great talent when it comes to plot and characters. I certainly am jealous.

Wow, that's really the greatest praise any writer can hear. I'm truly very honored that you would say such things. I work hard to provide an enjoyable read, so to see that my readers are indeed enjoying it this much really does mean a lot to me.

Concerning the bolded parts, I recently read an article concerning bookisms, words used to replace said. Some are okay when used once in a while like mutter, yell, whisper as people do those occasionally. However others like snicker, laugh, sigh, grunt are not as it’s hard to laugh/etc. when talking. Pretty much ask yourself, “Will I be able to say this as I chuckle/snicker/etc?” You can easily edit the bolded parts I pointed out.

- “Well I know what you did last night,” Matt sighed. (You can easily replace the comma with the period or change the dialogue tag to “Matt said and sighed”. That way it doesn’t seem like Matt is sighing as he’s saying that line—he either sighs before or after he speaks.)

-“I guess it’s good to have a motto,” laughed Bunny. (Same thing, Bunny either laughs before or after she speaks. You can replace “laughed Bunny” with “Bunny said before laughing” or replace the comma with period and put “Bunny laugh” right after it.)

Can you show me this article? I understand what you're saying and I will take it into account, but I would like to read the original article to better my understanding of the subject.

“Beautiful” seems a bit off to me as people have their own ideas of who is considered beautiful. I would probably rewrite the paragraph a bit to mention that’s Rowana straight away.

This, on the other hand, I totally get. I have to be more careful with my word choices.

I found this part with Pierce cute, heh.

I have to give Matori credit for inspiring me, to be fair.

That line is priceless. XD I do like the reference to the store’s basement, though.

It's actually setting something up for later, in fact.

That perfume sure is something. D:

Rosalie is good at that.

I would cringe too if Nekou announces that loudly in public, haha.

It was actually due to how loud she was being, not the subject of it. Though I'd imagine Olivia was pretty embarrassed.

Of course Olivia will want to pick the movie. :p Monroe’s confession is cute.

Glad you liked it.

Oh hi again, Lysandre. :p

When Zinzolin said “You can’t be serious” as Jessie and James were saying their motto, I laughed as his reaction is amusing. Their interruption with Swoobat and Cofagrigus is quite cool.

Well, Lysandre did promise he would attend.

I couldn't think of any better reaction for Zinzolin in that scene than to simply be frustrated with them, to be honest.

Okay that’s pretty awesome of Wobbuffet piloting the balloon. Very glad Jessie and James are able to get Meowth back!

You knew they would eventually, I'm sure.

I knew Wobbuffet would be pretty great in that scene, so I'm glad you agree.

Good Nekou thought over her words before suddenly lashing at Olivia.

Olivia's one of the few people she'd even bother to do that for.

Interesting the Chargestone is used to bring Meowth to normal. And the mention over the motto not being complete without him is cute.

Well, it did seem right to continue on that mention they made earlier about not feeling right doing it without him.

Thank goodness Giovanni’s phone call interrupted Nekou’s arguing with her head. Having your mind keep telling you negative things over and over is the worst feeling (happens to me many times). >.>;

She got saved this time, but it's going to get worse. Much worse.

Jacob and Kodai in the same train together? Why am I amused of that image. XD Anyways, in all seriousness though ah yup, Kodai is right over the explosion. D:

I wanted to create the idea that Kodai's powers had driven him insane while he was in prison, though I'm not sure if it worked. The intention was to make it unclear until the actual bombing whether or not he was simply raving insanely or actually right.

And the appearance of Gardevoir and Gothitelle in the beginning and end of this chapter leads me to believe the two women are Concordia and Anthea.

No, Ghetsis still has them. However, it is correct to assume that their use for interdimensional fog is indeed inspired by that, and they may be the same Gardevoir and Gothitelle. Not sure yet on that one.

Glad you liked the chapter!

I thought this was a really powerful and moving speech, and the scene itself was beautiful. I really get a sense of the gravity of what they're about to undertake from this.

Thanks. I really liked the visuals the cave presented, and the speech itself is really pretty heavy when you take the ending of the chapter into consideration.

Nice shout-out to the Zoroark movie and Pokemon Baccer here.

Not only that, I believe I included Olivia watching Pokemon Baccer games in previous fics. It's an ongoing interest of hers.

Great cover story for Nekou here. I especially appreciate how you showed Nekou realizing she misled them but that it's necessary to keep them safe- sometimes those decisions are necessary and you didn't oversimplify it.

Gotta say, Nekou has some good advice as far as drinking goes.

I think that scene nicely reflected the moral complexity of what she's doing now that there's no secret to the reader anymore. It's an angle I'm going to have to keep focusing on.

And yes, she knows her stuff when it comes to drinking.

Good Unova reference there.

It's Nekou's preferred brand, after all.

YES, ROWENA'S BACK! Love her, and love Cinccino. Looks like she's just as serious a reporter as ever.

Oh, you bet. She's not going to ignore a story this big.

Zinzolin's dedication to Ghetsis is fascinating. Even when it hurts him from old age, he's totally loyal.

Not like he really has much choice at his age. He's spent so much time dedicated to Ghetsis that he really knows no other way of life.

okay this is adorable. Love awkwardly official Pierce.

You inspired him, so thank you.

She clearly has a sense of humor with her ringtones

Or just really good taste. Or both.

I laughed out loud at this whole scene, especially the shipping jokes. On a more serious note though, Nekou was well prepared for this, and it shows how seriously she takes her job.

I approached this scene with the intent to make it serious but with a humorous bend, so I think it worked out based on your comment. It was intended to change, in a sense, the usual image one has of Nekou. I wanted to introduce the question of how much of her erratic behavior is truly her and how much is an act she's putting on.

Good touch using Pokemon herb ingredients in the formula. It makes perfect sense they'd be used together.

Well, Rosalie is a botanist. She's good at this kind of thing.

I can tell from this scene that even though Giovanni might find some of Nekou's habits annoying, he still appreciates her, and that's a great and important thing to show. I think far too often writers portray him as a grouchy jerk, with few other aspects to his character, and stuff like this makes him a little more human and is ESPECIALLY important if one wants him to be portrayed with any level of sympathy. It makes perfect sense- and fits every canon for him- for him to be appreciative and respectful of his agents who do good work.

The anime for many years certainly didn't help with creating that impression of him as a grouchy jerk, but I agree with you. He's a demanding boss, but well aware of his resources and more than appreciates those who work hard for him.

Of course, Nekou's history with Team Rocket is far from simple, but that's for another time.

Oh, Nekou.

Would you expect anything else?

You're handling Monroe and Olivia really well, I think. It's unusual to see the male character on the side of the relationship that Monroe is in in this story- usually the female character is the awkward one- and that's refreshing.

Precisely what I was going for. It would have never suited either Olivia or Monroe to turn into a nervous, submissive wreck or an assertive and confident person respectively. They're just staying exactly who they are.

Silver should listen to Looker's advice. I really enjoy their scenes together, they're a good duo.

The conflict is what makes those scenes so great, I think.

I enjoy seeing Pierce's deduction. He seems like a fairly smart agent and this reflects that.

Giovanni did trust him with this part of the mission for a reason.

This scene is really cute. It's adorable to see Olivia growing up, and Nekou and Olivia have the sweetest relationship ever.

That's true, and I'm glad you found it to be adorable, but I can't help but feel a hint of sadness in it too. Maybe it's too soon for readers to get the same feeling I get, though.

Aww. Glad Olivia didn't turn Monroe down. I'm enjoying how their relationship is really growing this chapter, it's very realistic and sweet.

It's also more complex than you might think right now. But again, with time.

Good thinking, Nekou. I can only imagine how startling the news report must be to those in the mall.

Oh, it is, it is. The shoppers are a captive audience, of sorts.

I'm really impressed by this speech. First, the way locales in Goldenrod City are used to symbolize Polaris' objections to the League system is brilliant- Ghetsis clearly knows how to write speeches to work a crowd, and turning everyday fixtures in the crowd's life into symbols of oppression is fairly persuasive. The second half of the speech is also well written, each point flowing well into another. I've pointed out before how chilling the speeches in your story are, and this is another great example.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised by how well the speech turned out. It's such an important element of not just this chapter but of the story as well, and I worried I wouldn't get it right.

Okay, I was worried about poor Meowth but when this happened I couldn't help but smile. Because I knew exactly where this was going.


YES

This was the only way it ever could have ended.

Okay their banter here is the single most beautiful bit of dialogue I've ever seen between the two of them. Great work.

In this fic, or ever anywhere? I'm quite surprised if it's the latter, because I didn't expect it to be that good.

Didn't expect Proton there.

He's some vital support for them. Even as good as Swoobat and Cofagrigus are, they can't fight off Zinzolin alone.

Oh nice, I never expected that homeless guy to show up again. Rowena is great not letting this keep her from getting the scoop, love me some badass reporter women.

I really need to give him a name soon. I'll need to work on that.

But yeah, Rowena doesn't let anything stop her from getting the story she wants to get.

Well, I can't exactly argue with Looker's logic there, about Meowth. Silver's not a happy camper though...

Silver's much more impulsive than Looker. That's a big part of the conflict between them, outside of their contradicting goals.

I love how much sass Jessie and James possess in this scene.

It's just a good thing they saved the real celebrating until later, I'd say.

Oh, Wobbuffet.


No one is ever ready for the full force of the Wobbuffet.

I think he had great fun being able to play such a vital role in their operation.

Yeah, I can't imagine Ghetsis is going to be too happy with Zinzolin after he got beaten that hard by TR...

Oh, you're going to find out. Just wait.

Good to see Looker being a good cop here and not arresting Team Rocket for not actually doing anything wrong. Silver might not like it, but Looker's correct.

He's being practical. I think Looker is beginning to pick up that something bigger is happening.

The entire Team Rocket vs Zinzolin scene was pretty amazing and action packed, and the kind of writing they deserve. Possibly one of the most thrilling scenes I've seen for a while, and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time I read it. I've definitely got some ideas for how to write them in the future from this, so good work.

Wow, I'm glad you liked it that much. It's a pleasant surprise to hear such positive feedback.

This is a great scene to follow up that attack with, because even though Matt and the others don't know Nekou's deal yet, the reader does, and it's perfectly reasonable for her to react the way she is to what she's hearing about Team Rocket. Her understanding with Olivia shows how much Olivia means to her, and I like how you included that. I also liked Nekou pointing out to Monroe that he's not necessarily bad just for being more fortunate for other trainers- it's perspective that's lacking in Polaris' speeches.

Perspective, that's a good word. I think it applies to that scene as a whole.

Great way to open this scene, especially Persian's input.

He's still a character who is present, so he should be shown, I say.

Making Jessie know what she's talking about is a great move. She's really a brilliant character and you represent her well.

Her intelligence is something I feel is very important to her character.

Excellent use of imagery here.

Thank you.

Aww, it's good to see them reunited. Nice to see friends back together.

Naturally. This is what they were waiting for for quite a while now.

This dialogue really reflects their awareness that this might not end cleanly, as well as that they all seem to realize the gravity of what's going on here.

They do. This is serious now.

This makes me worry for Nekou- her internal struggle, and how much it bothers her.

You should worry, trust me. You should worry.

What a call to get in the bath. I love how she clearly doesn't seem to care, though. It sounds like Giovanni's used to this too.

You're right on both counts. She doesn't care, and Giovanni's used to it. She still does her job so he can tolerate some goofing off.

Jacob makes a good point. Kodai could either be right, or he could be bluffing. Looker has a bit of a tough decision before him.

He's totally insane now, it's just that he was right about what he said this time. No bluffing involved.

I can only imagine how he must have felt...

It's probably similar to what they're all feeling.

Wow, what a way to close the chapter. The Tenganists have Looker and Jacob, and it looks like things have only started in Goldenrod City. I'm really excited for what your next chapter will bring.

Overall, this was great. Like I said before, it's one of your shorter ones, but short is sometimes just what a story needs to be enjoyable, and you packed a lot of action into such a short chapter. Fantastic work!

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much!
 
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JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
Aaaaand here we go, as requested~!

“File the story and we’ll talk, but rest assured that if it’s the caliber of your previous work,

Nitpick! Did you mean “film the story”? Also, this is actually a run-on, given that “file the story,” “we’ll talk,” and “rest assured ...” are all independent clauses. This is a pretty easy fix, though. All you’ll need to do is insert a period at “talk” and turn everything after that into a standalone sentence.

Getriebe, Jeunes, Colress and Meowth had been joined by Zinzolin, who was facing Ghetsis via the main communication screen in the control room of the Purine Base. The Third Chromosome was reclining comfortably in a throne-like chair, leaning on his cane.

“You know what our message is, Zinzolin. This is the day when it reaches the people, and you have a vital role to play in that. I cannot stress that fact enough.”

“I understand, Lord Ghetsis,” Zinzolin answered, not flinching from bowing before Ghetsis despite how much it pained his back. “My speech is prepared. It would appear that there is significant interest in the event, as well, so I fully expect that everything will work out as we hope.”

“For your sake, I hope it does. Don’t leave me another mess I have to clean up myself.”

Y’know, as weird as this bit of commentary is going to sound, I have to say I really appreciate the length of your scenes. In a lot of cases, your chapters get pretty lengthy, but the scenes break it up a bit at least. Moreover, it gives a reader more breathing room and allows them to digest the scene and see where it fits into the overall scheme of the whole chapter. It’s like being given tiny puzzle pieces, really. They’re easy to handle, but you know they’re necessary for understanding the general message you’re trying to convey from start to finish.

Your fic is easy to read, is what I’m getting at.

As the door slammed behind Pierce, Rosalie took notice of Ariana, who was sitting nearby and weakly propping herself up on the wall.

Wait, was she sitting on the floor (given that she’s both sitting and propping herself up against a wall)? Not that that’s a big deal or anything. Just … huh. There’s a mental image I never thought I’d have, given what Ariana is like.

“We got it, boss!” Jessie determinedly replied.

Capitalize “boss” in this case because it’s standing in for Giovanni’s name.

She pulled her phone from her uniform,

Not sure if “uniform” would be the best word here unless she considers her normal clothing a uniform. Otherwise, it almost implies that she’s still in her Team Rocket outfit, especially considering the fact that there was an earlier chapter that differentiated between her normal clothes and that by calling one of them a “uniform.”

She started to walk away and said over her shoulder,

Hmm. This could be worded slightly better. Perhaps “as she started to walk away, she looked over her shoulder and said”?

slunk off toward the closed-off

Repetition of the word “off” might need to be resolved here.

Producing a blue card imprinted with the Team Rocket insignia, she swiped it through the door’s electronic lock to allow herself access to the dim hallway beyond.

Man, Team Rocket’s everywhere.

You don’t have one of our uniforms so I know you aren’t…”

Comma after “uniforms” for the compound sentence.

“And I think I’m already shipping you and me,”

Just leavin’ this here.

Before Nekou left the hideout that morning, Rosalie had pulled her aside to show her a small vial containing the light-blue liquid.

“I call this perfume Meromero,” the wheelchair-bound scientist explained. “It’s substantially derived from Mental Herb, with a dash of White Herb as well as liquefied Lax Incense extract added. Hit someone with one dose of it and they’ll be out like a light, but additionally, they won’t want to wake up easily because they’ll be dreaming of the person they’re most physically attracted to.”

“Neat,” Nekou said, taking the vial. She pulled open the right side of her unbuttoned uniform and attached it to a mechanism within, consisting of a small clamp and a tube that led to a spray device attached to the strap of her black brassiere. After fixing the one button she ever cared to close, she picked up a nearby beer bottle. “I’m sure I’ll put this to good use.”

To be honest, this scene feels a bit like it’s just here to explain how Nekou got that perfume. While the contents may be important, for right now, it might help to include those details in the previous scene or to think about expanding this scene so it feels less like an explanation and more like something that absolutely must happen. Not to mention it’s a little odd that you go backwards in time to explain something, as you don’t normally do that except for extended periods of time (like the part explaining where Bunny was when she went off to the Ruins of Alph and got lost).

I do like where you’re taking Nekou’s character, though. Her interaction with the officer did feel less like it was anime-style sexual and more like an actual act of cunning that was necessary to get Nekou to where she needed to be, if that makes sense. In other words, I guess what I’m trying to say is the act said something about Nekou’s character this time around, whereas the way she acted with Matt felt more like she was being sexual just for the awkwardness. Or, well, you know how I felt about that earlier when I told you in private.

“Th-that’s okay,” Monroe said back, reverting into his usual nervous self. “A-as long as we all meet up with each other, right?”

Now that’s adorable. Did I just catch on to something sweet about this kid’s character involving a certain someone his age?

Putting away the phone, Looker stared out the window and said, “If they haven’t been acting to violate the plea bargain we gave to them… then what are they happening to be doing, precisely?”

Doesn’t Looker find it strange that there’s nothing in the database concerning Team Rocket, though? Like, that database could easily have been hacked, particularly if he distinctly recalls making that bargain.

Idk, it’s kinda like what I said to you in private earlier, about how it feels like a lot of this fic is actively trying to cast Team Rocket as the good guys. Like, I can totally get behind the idea that they’re actually going to do something with the world beyond just taking it over. What’s harder to get behind are moments like these and the part in the limousine where the Rockets give a homeless guy money. In this case, it simply feels as if Looker is a bit quick to believe that Team Rocket did nothing wrong (although, sure, he had them side with him in the DP arc of the anime), whereas the other part (the part in the limo) spends a lot of time explaining how Team Rocket is morally better than a lot of other criminal organizations. At the end of the day, what I’m trying to get at is it might be better to make Team Rocket’s goodness a bit more subtle—like, even just a tiny bit—because, yeah, they’re still a criminal organization canonically. That and you don’t want to go overboard with your message that they’re ultimately good because then you end up sounding like you really want to push that idea, rather than like they really are good, if that makes sense.

Now, I know that I said I wouldn’t be commenting too much on characterization because I fully recognize that your style is more dramatic than mine, but … yeah. That is something that feels a little off to me, and it might just be because I’m really keeping an eye on Team Rocket, given that I know they’re your favorites. So I also know it’d be so very easy for fan bias to come into play. Like, believe me. It’s so very easy to write a fic about your favorite character and then accidentally influence the story or their characterization to make them look awesome, even if you’re not consciously intending on doing that. Pretty much every author does that now and then, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, even now. So it’s something that you (general you) really have to make a conscious effort to avoid by remembering that these characters are part of a story, rather than the story is part of the characters. In other words, authors who write about their favorite characters have to make a conscious effort to let a character’s actions speak for themselves, rather than set the world up to highlight how awesome their favorites are.

And I know you might want me to clarify privately or go into a longer discussion about this, but I just want to say that’s about all I can offer in terms of an explanation, unfortunately. The solution, in other terms, is making an effort to show instead of tell. If you want Team Rocket to be awesome, you have to let them act awesome, rather than make the story establish that they’re awesome or have the characters go on about how they’re awesome. In this case, you could remove or move the part concerning Looker and Silver to its own scene in order to keep the battle intact. That way, it won’t also disrupt the flow of the battle and allow Jessie and James basically speak for themselves. At the same time, if you choose to keep the scene with Looker and Silver, you could expand upon it so that Looker’s conclusion (that Team Rocket isn’t doing anything wrong) feels less abrupt. After all, he’s an investigator with a strong moral fiber. So if he’s so certain that there’s a criminal record on Team Rocket that he’s prepared to arrest them, then he should probably be a little more surprised and suspicious that they have no criminal record on file.

“You might call it more of a tactical retreat…” added James, “…with our spoils of victory!”

“Stop being theatrical,” Proton warned them.

But I do appreciate the fact that they’re so very clearly Team Rocket. Like, Jessie and James are given to theatrics; Proton is impatient with these shenanigans. It’s the theatrics part of it that really amuses me because that’s part of what makes Jessie and James so fabulous.

“You saw it, you have to arrest them!”

Careful with commas. This is actually a comma splice. You can tell by replacing the comma with a period. Notice how you end up with two separate sentences as a result? That’s your cue to throw in a separator of some sort to keep the split. I would recommend using an exclamation point instead of the comma.

“So you came without being about to die for once, huh?”

Hmm? Do you mean “so you came to me without being about to die”? “So you came to me when you weren’t about to die,” perhaps?

Also! As a side note, while I totally get that your style is more dramatic than mine, it might be a good idea to work on avoiding things like describing characters as going through moments of insanity (or describing characters as insane), like you do just before Nekou snaps out of her frenzy in the bathtub. It’s a habit you have, but it’s more telling instead of showing.


So like I might’ve told you once, one of your strongest suits is plot development and progression. And here, you still get a sense that that’s true. Pretty much everything here feels like it’s needed, like it’s pushing the entire story forwards towards a certain point. Even the moments of downtime, like the part where the gang is shopping and where Munroe sets up that date with Olivia, feel like they’re progressing something, even if that something is as simple as character development. I guess that’s why the flashback I’d pointed out earlier felt so odd, but even that feels like it needs to be there. It just feels like it’s in the wrong place, if that makes sense (or like it’s so vital it’s pretty much only there to get its point across, rather than there to be a part of a story, if that makes sense). But ultimately, besides that, this chapter was enjoyable because in no way did it feel stagnant, even if Matt and the gang didn’t really have too much fighting to do.

Of course, that’s not to say that no important battles took place. I did enjoy the battle between Zinzolin and Team Rocket, in part because Jessie and James were so fantastically theatrical and in-character. The battle itself was also well-paced and descriptive, and on top of everything else, it wasn’t just a bunch of Pokémon whacking each other with standard moves. There’s strategy involved (especially when Wobbuffet literally pops up), so it’s enjoyable to watch from start to finish. My only crit there, as I’ve said, is probably the part with Looker and Silver, just because it’s so brief it feels like it’s just there to praise Team Rocket’s actions. Like I also said earlier, perhaps if it was expanded and placed in its own scene, it might feel a little less abrupt, and anyway, it might be nice to keep the battle scene continuous, rather than interrupt it with Looker and Silver.

In terms of characterization, you’re getting better. Like I also said, this time around, it really did feel like Nekou’s behavior is justified. You can tell she’s using her sexuality as part of her activities as a Team Rocket agent, rather than just because sex. It also feels less anime-like in that it was pretty much Nekou’s only option—not to mention it wasn’t really over-the-top. That and the guard’s reaction was very, very nice.

[spoil]Nekou’s internal fight against Azrael at the end intrigued me greatly—and not just because I’m fascinated by split personality concepts. It’s very clear that Azrael is a part of her, but it’s a part of her in the same sense that Mr. Hyde is a part of Dr. Jekyll. In fact, that entire conversation gave me flashbacks to this song. But it’s also interesting because it’s not that frequent to see anything really shake Nekou up. I mean, sure, she was worried about how Olivia would take Azrael, but here, it’s not just about Olivia or Matt or the others. It’s about herher well-being and sanity against Azrael’s sheer willpower, viciousness, and animalistic nature.

Actually, that’s not accurate. Azrael isn’t animalistic. She’s not exactly a criminal mastermind, given that her answer is “destroy things and kill things and be done with it,” but she’s not in it for survival or for bloodlust. There is a human logic behind her wants, so yes, she really does feel like Mr. Hyde, rather than an animal-like killing machine. And in a way, that makes her more evil because she’s aware that what she wants is wrong, but that’s what she basically gets off to.

So it’ll be interesting to see where this plot line goes because … it really didn’t end well for Dr. Jekyll, either.[/spoil]

When it comes to the other characters, I have to admit that Nekou kinda stole the show from them, but I did think Munroe’s confession was adorable. Not only that, but it was also actually well-paced as well. Romance is something that’s so very easy to get horribly wrong in fanfiction, which is why it’s so important for me to point out that Munroe was just plain adorable, as was Olivia’s reaction to him. It didn’t feel forced or abrupt or anything of the sort.

And, of course, I will never not like Jessie and James’s theatrics, including their reunion with Meowth. That was just, in general, so very much them.

Finally, while we’re talking about characters, the Tenganists’ professionalism at the very end of the scene did a wonderful job of enhancing the intensity of the final note of the chapter. The Tenganists, throughout the fic so far, have basically been a kind of phantom force, not quite relatable (in a very intentional way) but also a very organized, very militaristic force. Their reaction to their screw-up—to do their best to clean up and retreat (not clear out or panic)—shows a sense of intense readiness for their cause, which contributes to emphasizing how enigmatic they are. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense, but I guess what I’m saying is that the more you show them as being this organized underground force, the more mysterious they become. And that actually makes them rather interesting as well.

So in short, while there were blips here and there (easily fixable blips, I think, just by moving information and either extending or removing scenes), the fact is that you’re bringing a lot of interesting material to the table and showing a lot of improvement or strength where it counts. If you keep it up at this pace, it’s clear that you’re only going to get stronger as a writer, which is why I think it’s worth it to keep an eye on your work. That and it’s also clear that you’re pushing this particular story through a coherent plot to a well-thought-out end, so it’s actually rather enjoyable to see what’s about to happen.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Chapter 15 teaser

"Goldenrod City Under Siege (Part 2)"

Summary: As Goldenrod City is paralyzed by protests, Polaris secretly makes its move to get the Meteonite out of the city. However, Team Rocket attacks them, leading to a chain of events that threatens to destroy Goldenrod City.

Character List*:
*Presence on this list does not necessarily mean screen presence

Matt Chiaki
Nekou Langley
Olivia Mistbloom
Bunny Spruce
Jessie
James
Meowth
Giovanni
Proton
Ariana
Dr. Zager
Professor Rosalie
Ada
Trevor
Getriebe
Jeunes
Finansielle
Dr. Colress Antimony
Ghetsis
Shadow Triad Darkness
Zinzolin
Sacred Helix
Looker
Jacob Alexison
Tenganist Prophet
Alesia
Monroe
Rowena Byrne
Polaris members
Tenganists
Pokemon Center nurse
Station employees

Nitpick! Did you mean “film the story”? Also, this is actually a run-on, given that “file the story,” “we’ll talk,” and “rest assured ...” are all independent clauses. This is a pretty easy fix, though. All you’ll need to do is insert a period at “talk” and turn everything after that into a standalone sentence.

No, I meant "file" there.

You're right about the sentence structure, though. When I think about it, I think I do this because I have a bad habit of fearing shorter sentences in groups. I mean like, the sentences sometimes feel choppy to me when they're short and I start to panic. I'll have to work on that.

Y’know, as weird as this bit of commentary is going to sound, I have to say I really appreciate the length of your scenes. In a lot of cases, your chapters get pretty lengthy, but the scenes break it up a bit at least. Moreover, it gives a reader more breathing room and allows them to digest the scene and see where it fits into the overall scheme of the whole chapter. It’s like being given tiny puzzle pieces, really. They’re easy to handle, but you know they’re necessary for understanding the general message you’re trying to convey from start to finish.

Your fic is easy to read, is what I’m getting at.

Thanks. Honestly, I think I credit this to the way I visualize things as I write. I project what I'm writing into a visualization as I go, so I see these things going like a series of scene cuts as if it's a movie.

I also start to get nervous when a scene goes on for two long, so frequent cuts to different scenes helps me too.

Wait, was she sitting on the floor (given that she’s both sitting and propping herself up against a wall)? Not that that’s a big deal or anything. Just … huh. There’s a mental image I never thought I’d have, given what Ariana is like.

...wow, that part came out in a cluster****. I lost track of myself halfway through and put what was intended to be her sitting in a chair/on one of the boxes with her standing and leaning against the wall.

Had I kept the sitting part all the way, she would have been hanging her head or something. The point of it was to convey that she was physically weak in some way at that point.

Capitalize “boss” in this case because it’s standing in for Giovanni’s name.

Yes, you're right.

Not sure if “uniform” would be the best word here unless she considers her normal clothing a uniform. Otherwise, it almost implies that she’s still in her Team Rocket outfit, especially considering the fact that there was an earlier chapter that differentiated between her normal clothes and that by calling one of them a “uniform.”

Let me explain what I was going for there. Once the earlier chapter made reference to the uniform, the intent was for it to remain permanently. I simply didn't describe it until the connection was made clear in order to avoid drawing too clear a line and leading people right directly to the plot point of where it came from.

Hmm. This could be worded slightly better. Perhaps “as she started to walk away, she looked over her shoulder and said”?

You're right, that's better.

Repetition of the word “off” might need to be resolved here.

Again, you're right. Maybe just "closed" would have worked by itself.

Man, Team Rocket’s everywhere.

It's actually a reference to GSC/HGSS, when Team Rocket took over Goldenrod City. I figured they had to be able to get around through the locked doors in the city somehow.

Comma after “uniforms” for the compound sentence.

Alright, got it.


Ah yes, quite accurate. XD

To be honest, this scene feels a bit like it’s just here to explain how Nekou got that perfume. While the contents may be important, for right now, it might help to include those details in the previous scene or to think about expanding this scene so it feels less like an explanation and more like something that absolutely must happen. Not to mention it’s a little odd that you go backwards in time to explain something, as you don’t normally do that except for extended periods of time (like the part explaining where Bunny was when she went off to the Ruins of Alph and got lost).

Upon further consideration, I realize you're right on this point. After looking at where I could have placed it, I could potentially put it as part of a longer flashback explaining where Nekou was the night before (instead of simply explaining it directly as I did.) Or, I simply could just put that scene in the beginning part of the chapter as a present-time scene instead of a flashback.

I do like where you’re taking Nekou’s character, though. Her interaction with the officer did feel less like it was anime-style sexual and more like an actual act of cunning that was necessary to get Nekou to where she needed to be, if that makes sense. In other words, I guess what I’m trying to say is the act said something about Nekou’s character this time around, whereas the way she acted with Matt felt more like she was being sexual just for the awkwardness. Or, well, you know how I felt about that earlier when I told you in private.

This is about what I had expected, or at least, it's how I hoped things would come off. I was aiming for a situation where revelations about Nekou's allegiances would provide explanation for her seemingly (but not actually) random actions in the past, a sort of "oh, so that's why she did it" situation. I think as details of her past get filled in, the reasons for her actions should become more and more clear. That's how I picture things working out.

Now that’s adorable. Did I just catch on to something sweet about this kid’s character involving a certain someone his age?

Yes, yes you did.

Doesn’t Looker find it strange that there’s nothing in the database concerning Team Rocket, though? Like, that database could easily have been hacked, particularly if he distinctly recalls making that bargain.

Idk, it’s kinda like what I said to you in private earlier, about how it feels like a lot of this fic is actively trying to cast Team Rocket as the good guys. Like, I can totally get behind the idea that they’re actually going to do something with the world beyond just taking it over. What’s harder to get behind are moments like these and the part in the limousine where the Rockets give a homeless guy money. In this case, it simply feels as if Looker is a bit quick to believe that Team Rocket did nothing wrong (although, sure, he had them side with him in the DP arc of the anime), whereas the other part (the part in the limo) spends a lot of time explaining how Team Rocket is morally better than a lot of other criminal organizations. At the end of the day, what I’m trying to get at is it might be better to make Team Rocket’s goodness a bit more subtle—like, even just a tiny bit—because, yeah, they’re still a criminal organization canonically. That and you don’t want to go overboard with your message that they’re ultimately good because then you end up sounding like you really want to push that idea, rather than like they really are good, if that makes sense.

I think we may need to have further words about this on Saturday, but I think I get your bigger point, even if I'm not quite grasping the smaller details of it.

I agree that the Looker scene was way too brief, and honestly, I realize I could have benefited by at least making him have to deal with what was going on a bit more. Now that I look at it, I realize his "let's see if they lead us somewhere" should have been foreshadowed way more than it was, too; I should have been playing up his concerns over the apparent link between Polaris and Team Plasma far more in earlier chapters to build up the internal conflict that would lead him to such a strategy.

The homeless guy scene, that in all honesty was a filler transition scene that got out of hand. I probably could have made it work far more if I simply restrained myself more, perhaps by simply having Jessie give the guy something - alluding to her seeing her own impoverished background in him - and then go forward instead of doing the rest.

Now, I know that I said I wouldn’t be commenting too much on characterization because I fully recognize that your style is more dramatic than mine, but … yeah. That is something that feels a little off to me, and it might just be because I’m really keeping an eye on Team Rocket, given that I know they’re your favorites. So I also know it’d be so very easy for fan bias to come into play. Like, believe me. It’s so very easy to write a fic about your favorite character and then accidentally influence the story or their characterization to make them look awesome, even if you’re not consciously intending on doing that. Pretty much every author does that now and then, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, even now. So it’s something that you (general you) really have to make a conscious effort to avoid by remembering that these characters are part of a story, rather than the story is part of the characters. In other words, authors who write about their favorite characters have to make a conscious effort to let a character’s actions speak for themselves, rather than set the world up to highlight how awesome their favorites are.

And I know you might want me to clarify privately or go into a longer discussion about this, but I just want to say that’s about all I can offer in terms of an explanation, unfortunately. The solution, in other terms, is making an effort to show instead of tell. If you want Team Rocket to be awesome, you have to let them act awesome, rather than make the story establish that they’re awesome or have the characters go on about how they’re awesome. In this case, you could remove or move the part concerning Looker and Silver to its own scene in order to keep the battle intact. That way, it won’t also disrupt the flow of the battle and allow Jessie and James basically speak for themselves. At the same time, if you choose to keep the scene with Looker and Silver, you could expand upon it so that Looker’s conclusion (that Team Rocket isn’t doing anything wrong) feels less abrupt. After all, he’s an investigator with a strong moral fiber. So if he’s so certain that there’s a criminal record on Team Rocket that he’s prepared to arrest them, then he should probably be a little more surprised and suspicious that they have no criminal record on file.

Don't worry, I get what you mean, and I'm in total agreement. I overplayed it with them. Fixing it would probably entail the fix to Looker's strategy outlined above and scaling back at least the homeless guy scene, plus I'm going to definitely have to be more careful with where I go from here. Luckily I have a clearly defined plan for where they go from here, so the chance for filler to go off the rails is lessened.

But I do appreciate the fact that they’re so very clearly Team Rocket. Like, Jessie and James are given to theatrics; Proton is impatient with these shenanigans. It’s the theatrics part of it that really amuses me because that’s part of what makes Jessie and James so fabulous.

I'm actually greatly relieved every time I hear this, because the portrayal of Jessie, James and Team Rocket in general is such a touchy subject in large parts of the fandom. I aimed for something that truly blends their over-the-top theatrics from the original Kanto series with their sense of purpose from Best Wishes, and I guess it's working out so far. After getting them down, fitting in the rest of the pieces came naturally, though I did take some adaptations with Ariana to fit her into a bigger puzzle later on.

Careful with commas. This is actually a comma splice. You can tell by replacing the comma with a period. Notice how you end up with two separate sentences as a result? That’s your cue to throw in a separator of some sort to keep the split. I would recommend using an exclamation point instead of the comma.

"You saw it! You have to arrest them!"

Yeah, that does sound better, you're right. Thanks for the tip on that.

As an aside, maybe this is where I could have moved the earlier scene that caused a problem to. Fuse it with this Looker scene and flesh everything out together, you know?

Hmm? Do you mean “so you came to me without being about to die”? “So you came to me when you weren’t about to die,” perhaps?

I had to look at it several times, but I think I see where I got muddle-mouthed there. The speech wasn't as clear as it could have been and ended up falling into a bit of word salad.

Also! As a side note, while I totally get that your style is more dramatic than mine, it might be a good idea to work on avoiding things like describing characters as going through moments of insanity (or describing characters as insane), like you do just before Nekou snaps out of her frenzy in the bathtub. It’s a habit you have, but it’s more telling instead of showing.

That's true. A solution isn't quite readily apparent to me on this one, so I think it's going to take some work. I do have ideas, though.

So like I might’ve told you once, one of your strongest suits is plot development and progression. And here, you still get a sense that that’s true. Pretty much everything here feels like it’s needed, like it’s pushing the entire story forwards towards a certain point. Even the moments of downtime, like the part where the gang is shopping and where Munroe sets up that date with Olivia, feel like they’re progressing something, even if that something is as simple as character development. I guess that’s why the flashback I’d pointed out earlier felt so odd, but even that feels like it needs to be there. It just feels like it’s in the wrong place, if that makes sense (or like it’s so vital it’s pretty much only there to get its point across, rather than there to be a part of a story, if that makes sense). But ultimately, besides that, this chapter was enjoyable because in no way did it feel stagnant, even if Matt and the gang didn’t really have too much fighting to do.

Thank you!

I do try to keep everything fairly on the rails. When I write, I ask myself, is this something I would enjoy reading, or would I get bored? Or, in hand with my visualization habit, would I enjoy this as a visual medium instead of text? Granted, that second one may contribute to the odd anime/movie feel you've described sometimes, but I think it does provide me with an important grounding that keeps me from spinning my wheels each chapter.

On a simpler level, though, I have to admit I simply enjoy complex plots where attention is rewarded, so I try to make everything mean something. It's tough at
times, but pretty rewarding.

As an aside, and we've talked about this before, I want to let other characters besides the main four have some spotlight once in a while, hence chapters like this where the main characters take a back seat to events involving others. I think it helps expand the universe the story takes place in into one that actually feels a bit more organic, instead of being centered around a very specific group of protagonists at all times, if that makes sense.

Of course, that’s not to say that no important battles took place. I did enjoy the battle between Zinzolin and Team Rocket, in part because Jessie and James were so fantastically theatrical and in-character. The battle itself was also well-paced and descriptive, and on top of everything else, it wasn’t just a bunch of Pokémon whacking each other with standard moves. There’s strategy involved (especially when Wobbuffet literally pops up), so it’s enjoyable to watch from start to finish. My only crit there, as I’ve said, is probably the part with Looker and Silver, just because it’s so brief it feels like it’s just there to praise Team Rocket’s actions. Like I also said earlier, perhaps if it was expanded and placed in its own scene, it might feel a little less abrupt, and anyway, it might be nice to keep the battle scene continuous, rather than interrupt it with Looker and Silver.

I'm glad you liked that battle. It was a bit tough to write because it had so many moving parts (so to speak) but I do see what you mean. It would have benefited from some more focus instead of wandering off to Silver and Looker, but I think we're all in agreement on that.

In terms of characterization, you’re getting better. Like I also said, this time around, it really did feel like Nekou’s behavior is justified. You can tell she’s using her sexuality as part of her activities as a Team Rocket agent, rather than just because sex. It also feels less anime-like in that it was pretty much Nekou’s only option—not to mention it wasn’t really over-the-top. That and the guard’s reaction was very, very nice.

I hate to admit it, but I was actually expecting the opposite of this reaction to that scene. I worried about it not working out right as I wrote it.

It's hard to say much on this point so I'll just repeat that I think things with her that seem inexplicable now ought to become a bit clearer in reason once more information is supplied. I think we're on that track now.

[spoil]Nekou’s internal fight against Azrael at the end intrigued me greatly—and not just because I’m fascinated by split personality concepts. It’s very clear that Azrael is a part of her, but it’s a part of her in the same sense that Mr. Hyde is a part of Dr. Jekyll. In fact, that entire conversation gave me flashbacks to this song. But it’s also interesting because it’s not that frequent to see anything really shake Nekou up. I mean, sure, she was worried about how Olivia would take Azrael, but here, it’s not just about Olivia or Matt or the others. It’s about herher well-being and sanity against Azrael’s sheer willpower, viciousness, and animalistic nature.

Actually, that’s not accurate. Azrael isn’t animalistic. She’s not exactly a criminal mastermind, given that her answer is “destroy things and kill things and be done with it,” but she’s not in it for survival or for bloodlust. There is a human logic behind her wants, so yes, she really does feel like Mr. Hyde, rather than an animal-like killing machine. And in a way, that makes her more evil because she’s aware that what she wants is wrong, but that’s what she basically gets off to.

So it’ll be interesting to see where this plot line goes because … it really didn’t end well for Dr. Jekyll, either.[/spoil]

That's an awfully interesting assumption you've got there regarding who that voice was, first off.

Regardless of who you think it is and who it actually is, that's a good analysis of it all. This scene meant a lot to me to get out, because it's one of the few times - possibly the first real one - we've actually gotten to take Nekou, strip away all the acting, all the over-the-top misdirection and attitude in her character, and really look at what's underneath that shell.

I think that's important to note. She's very guarded, and it's not often you really get to see glimpses of the true Nekou instead of an act or misrepresentation.

When it comes to the other characters, I have to admit that Nekou kinda stole the show from them, but I did think Munroe’s confession was adorable. Not only that, but it was also actually well-paced as well. Romance is something that’s so very easy to get horribly wrong in fanfiction, which is why it’s so important for me to point out that Munroe was just plain adorable, as was Olivia’s reaction to him. It didn’t feel forced or abrupt or anything of the sort.

I'm really, truly surprised at how well that plot point has been received. My main worry was that it would come off as something that disrupts Olivia's story and just got tacked on so a 'romance' (though I wouldn't really call it that yet, it's a bit more of a one-sided crush, I'd say) could be included in the plot. I only went through with it because I felt it necessary to kind of... stimulate Olivia's growth out of the dead end she was in due to her earlier problems by giving her more human interaction. We know how she feels about her blood relatives, and we've seen her interact with adoptive figures like Matt and Nekou, but because of a combination of her sheltered upbringing and her own shutting herself off from others, she hasn't had much real interaction with fully separate people.

And, of course, I will never not like Jessie and James’s theatrics, including their reunion with Meowth. That was just, in general, so very much them.

Of course. Balancing them doing things for Giovanni with their general showiness is very important for getting them depicted correctly, I think.

Finally, while we’re talking about characters, the Tenganists’ professionalism at the very end of the scene did a wonderful job of enhancing the intensity of the final note of the chapter. The Tenganists, throughout the fic so far, have basically been a kind of phantom force, not quite relatable (in a very intentional way) but also a very organized, very militaristic force. Their reaction to their screw-up—to do their best to clean up and retreat (not clear out or panic)—shows a sense of intense readiness for their cause, which contributes to emphasizing how enigmatic they are. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense, but I guess what I’m saying is that the more you show them as being this organized underground force, the more mysterious they become. And that actually makes them rather interesting as well.

Wow, I have to say I'm actually surprised once again - pleasantly so - that you reacted that way to that scene.

I understand what you're trying to say. That mystery is something interesting to think about. You have a very clear motive already stated - fighting back against Ghetsis's plan to eradicate them - yet it's quite clear just under the surface that there's more to it than that. Then you get little humanizing moments, like them picking up Renzo or Alesia's brief little history lesson on how they got to this point. Taking it all together leads to the conclusion you described, that the more that you see them - something that should be resolving the mysteries around them - you just know more and more that what's being presented isn't the entire story.

So in short, while there were blips here and there (easily fixable blips, I think, just by moving information and either extending or removing scenes), the fact is that you’re bringing a lot of interesting material to the table and showing a lot of improvement or strength where it counts. If you keep it up at this pace, it’s clear that you’re only going to get stronger as a writer, which is why I think it’s worth it to keep an eye on your work. That and it’s also clear that you’re pushing this particular story through a coherent plot to a well-thought-out end, so it’s actually rather enjoyable to see what’s about to happen.

Ah, thank you so much! I'll do my best to improve with your suggestions!

That was a very thorough review, and I appreciate all the analysis. It really helped me take a look at what I've done so far and put into effect a better vision for where to go next. I hope you continue to like what I've got.
 
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Praxiteles

Friendly POKéMON.
I got pretty hyped up for this fic in the end because of its status at the finale of a huge trilogy and the amount of work you seem to have put in and the character page, and stuff. Let's get the first chapter down already before I procrastinate some more (I'll probably speed up with the chapters-per-post after this review):

“Come on, you lot, hold yourselves together!”

The young doctor, dressed sharply in an immaculate white lab coat, adjusted his glasses nervously as he surveyed the computers surrounding him. Many of the machines bore the same logo that was stitched onto the man’s breast pocket, a letter ‘P’ formed out of the red-and-yellow strands of a double helix.

Maybe a conflict of momentums here? The in-medias-res first line puts a certain kind of image in my head, a crisis unfolding at some speed/intensity, involving, maybe, physical labor? But the paragraph after that is totally static, and seems to ignore the question that was raised by the hook. I see no problem with the kind of 'lukewarm' opening that this seems to come to, one that is clearly in the middle of an actiony situation, but still uses a little bit of exposition to move forward. But the context of the hook really isn't explained or even acknowledged at all, at least until the third paragraph.

I'm certainly keeping in mind that this is almost two-year-old work, of course. I think I might get quite annoyingly dissect-y about a chapter that you wrote so far back, but hopefully critique of even this part can be helpful for revising/tightening the early parts of the story, if that's your intention.

All around him were monitors of the situation unfolding in an operating room directly linked to his lab. He was in charge of what was happening in the other room, and had to address the scientists under his command through a microphone affixed to the desk. Large machines, many of them at least the size of a refrigerator, were clustered in one portion of the lab, while a small kitchen unit sat opposite them. There was also a lounging area that consisted simply of an old, rotting bookcase, drab sofa and decrepit television set; on the wall right next to the bookcase was a framed document assigning a doctorate to the man, whose name was Gabriel Zager. A tiny yellow spider Pokémon, Joltik, skittered hyperactively around the room.

Again, this is a lot of detail for the nature of the scene. All of this is probably fascinating and speaks certain things about Zager, but I'm not in a mood to savor it because, from what I understand/guess, a pretty bad accident is happening in the next room in real time. My instinct is to get to where the accident is described.

Before Zager could ask him a single question, he had torn across the lab to the deep sink on the other side, where he loudly wretched up the contents of his stomach.

'retched', I believe.

Unfortunately, his pensive moment was interrupted when alarms started sounding, drawing him back to the computer bank.

I don't know if I would characterise this happening as unfortunate, since he's stressing out badly either way. I tend to have an unhealthy interest in the prose of someone I read for the first time. The prose in this chapter is a bit meandering and momentumless, I think because it doesn't try to compress thoughts in response to dramatic pressure:

“Are you alright?!” This was a bad sign, and the doctor knew it. He had been assured that the team he was commanding was comprised of very well-trained scientific and medical professionals, so to see one of those very same people unable to handle their own job struck him deeply.

“It’s… it’s horrible...” The scientist was clearly deeply disturbed by what he had seen. He spoke in a shaking, terrified voice, and did not even turn to face his boss. “That thing is a monster… it’s parasitized the very fibers of her being… we never should have played God and done this…”

The italicised sentence almost doesn't move at all. It's hard to explain it more precisely than that. It's a long sentence, and it pretty much describes the logic of maybe a single instant of surprise/dismay, so it kind of blocks up the pacing of that dialogue. I feel that horrific-experiment scenes are often derived from animated episodes, so perhaps you could do the kind of things anime pilots do: short, concise shots of powerful actions, and a great reliance on dialogue to keep the story moving (as well as exposit what happens).

I like the voice actor credits, it really sets the mood for the kind of movie this fic is imitating. I'm not familiar with the names of most of those actors, though, mabe you can tell me about some of them on IRC.

The narration after the credits tightens up a lot better. (In fact now I'm wondering if I'm being an idiot and the pre-credit scene might have been written separately from the rest of the chapter; maybe it's a repeat of a scene from one of the earlier stories. Thats seems possible/sane, doesn't it?)

I'm getting the hang of how to read this fic, which does seem to be shaped a lot like anime. Every scene is getting across a partial, unexplained hint of how the plot transpired. I should pay attention to the dialogue of the characters and the ranks/costumes they hold and their motivations and cetera.

“And I would urge you, Ghetsis, to remember your place. You had all three Angels within your grasp in Unova and you let them slip away. That failing set us back by years and cost a substantial amount of funds to recover from. We cannot sustain any such failure again.”

Angels 8D Perhaps not exactly like in NGE though.

“See anything you like around here?” the clerk inquired, gesturing to the countless flowers around the inside of the building. He was perfectly able to talk despite his identity, in fact, being a Meowth didn’t seem to reduce his humanity at all.

FINALLY SOMEONE I CAN RECOGNIZE. It's so awesome that they're running a flower shop, I see this as the ideal peacetime occupation for them.

Is Bunny the same character from Bay's fic? I'll be reading her for the first time from you, more or less.

“It’s worth noting, though,” Bunny commented as Nekou took a huge slurp out of her beer before crunching a mouthful of chips, “that it’s Matt’s money paying for our luxury accommodations right now.”

“He’s always like this,” explained Olivia, “even when it’s completely out of place. He’s always trying to do favors to try and convince people he’s nice, or something. He shouldn’t have to do so much to make people like him.”

“That sucks pretty ****ing bad,” Nekou blurted out, not bothering to check the expletives that came out in her bored-sounding speech even though Olivia was around. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I get a free spa trip out of it. I’m just saying that I don’t believe in trying to cover or apologize for who you are. When people pulled that on me, I told them to shove it. I couldn’t live like that.”

I bet this characterizes the three of the very well. Nekou seems very bold and unafraid of sounding disruptive, while Olivia is more sympathetic to her mentor, and Bunny probably remains objective and diplomatic about things from what i've heard about her.

I still don't know what roles these characters are playing or which parties they identify with, so I think i should take a look at the recap post too after this chapter.

Sorry I don't have much to say, there's a lot of plot that I don't fully understand and we have a lot of ground to cover after all. This chapter was pretty soundly planned, I think. It puts the story in the context of whatever large-scale events are happening -- Azrael, the meteorite, and those other thieves/actors -- and then starts optimistically enough with a trainer's starter. I can feel all the history that the characters have accumulated long before this story begins, they're certainly not unsuspecting blank slates, this fic seems to pick up in the middle of a long saga. Still you say it's standalone, so it must be.

...This is marvellously unfair for me to have to join in just after Jax gives a review. XP
 

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
The next morning in Goldenrod City was a dim one, as the sky was blotted with clouds that diminished the sun.
I don’t know why, but I like this bit of description. Succinct, brief, and distinct. It was a perfect transition from the grim view the previous section had.
“Goal! And with that goal, the Roshan Glaciers take a one to nothing lead, combining the strength of their Beartic’s goaltending with Cryogonal’s agile shots! After this break, we’ll see if the Dendemille Icicles can tie the score. You’re watching international Pokémon Baccer on GlobalNet.”
Lol, this was cute and creative as hell.
That last proclamation was what it took to finally get the reaction Zinzolin had expected all along from the crowd. A great cheer rose from the people, one that showed they were hungry for more of what Zinzolin was feeding them. Before moving to the next point in his speech, Zinzolin took a moment to bathe in the eager adoration of the crowd before him.
Speeches are, by nature, long, so I’m glad you put this little interlude in between his two speech parts.
“You can NOT be serious…” thought Zinzolin.
Exactly what I was thinking, Zinzolin.
“You’ve got to ask yourselves the hard ****ing question,” Nekou chimed in. She was visibly tense, and was boiling with anger internally, though Bunny had no idea it was what she said that caused it. “Who is worse here, a gang of common thieves or actual ****ing terrorists who are trying to overthrow the government?”
Oh, the irony… Please, Nekou, you’re killing me.
clenching her fists so tightly that her palms bled slightly.
Now she’s killing me even more. I love Nekou so much.
“You’re right.” Turning away from her friend, Olivia slumped in her chair. “But this is just so scary, all of it... is what they’re saying true, that so many people have it that bad? Am I really that well off?”
Oh, Olivia. Your point about this seems to remind me about things like racial privileges given to whites and sexist dominance in regard to men. Whites are well off, and men are well off. And they don’t even realize it. Just like Olivia doesn’t realize it. Eh, I love it.
“But, Monroe, do you consider yourself better than others because of your comfortable life?” asked Nekou.

“No…”

“So then at least from a moral standpoint, you’re fine.
Morally speaking, yes. But it’s still not fair… in my opinion.
“Good! Then you two have fun, and Bunny and I can go visit the Name Rater about Ayin… Sigilyph’s nickname. Nekou, are you coming with us or going to the movie with Olivia?”
The name rater being used in fic? Brilliant.
Meowth turned around and saw Jessie and James. Realizing what had happened, he jumped into their arms, and the three of them all started crying in joy.

“You two guys really saved me!”
The realization and short brief of dissociation he felt when he first snapped out of it seems a bit unrealistic, but that’s just me.
Overall I think the part where Nekou talks to her voices is strongest. The voices are clear, feral, and utterly horrifying, just as I would expect them to be. The part with Team Rocket rescuing Meowth is also amusing, and I’m also amused by Looker and Silver’s interactions. The siege obviously isn’t over yet though, so I await more.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
I don’t know why, but I like this bit of description. Succinct, brief, and distinct. It was a perfect transition from the grim view the previous section had.

Interesting, I didn't expect to hear such a thing.

Lol, this was cute and creative as hell.

I always thought it was a fun hobby for her to have.

Speeches are, by nature, long, so I’m glad you put this little interlude in between his two speech parts.

Making it just be a wall of text would have rendered it impossible to read. Not only that, though, but I think it was necessary to show how the crowd was responding to reinforce the narrative.

Exactly what I was thinking, Zinzolin.

He won't be making that mistake again.

Oh, the irony… Please, Nekou, you’re killing me.

Isn't point of view a fun thing?

Now she’s killing me even more. I love Nekou so much.

Thanks!

Oh, Olivia. Your point about this seems to remind me about things like racial privileges given to whites and sexist dominance in regard to men. Whites are well off, and men are well off. And they don’t even realize it. Just like Olivia doesn’t realize it. Eh, I love it.

Morally speaking, yes. But it’s still not fair… in my opinion.

If I got you thinking, I accomplished what I wanted. The whole subject and how Polaris raises it really hits home for Olivia.

The name rater being used in fic? Brilliant.

I had intended to use him a bit more, including having him actually appear, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it without dragging down the pace.

The realization and short brief of dissociation he felt when he first snapped out of it seems a bit unrealistic, but that’s just me.

How so? Do you mean that it was a bit rushed? If that's it, I think I can see it.

Overall I think the part where Nekou talks to her voices is strongest. The voices are clear, feral, and utterly horrifying, just as I would expect them to be. The part with Team Rocket rescuing Meowth is also amusing, and I’m also amused by Looker and Silver’s interactions. The siege obviously isn’t over yet though, so I await more.

I'm happy to hear you liked those parts. They're some of my favorites too, at least the first two anyway.

Keep looking forward, please!
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Sorry for the double post, but I have replaced the first scene of Chapter 1 with a new revision, which should be considered the official version now. Here it is under this spoiler as well, for convenience.

Deep within the vast complex, a pair of white-coated scientists hurried down a cold, metallic hallway. One of them, a woman wearing her black hair in a bun, was shuffling through the papers in her hands in a panic.

“You’re saying it started a half an hour ago?” the male scientist with her said. “Why did it take me so long to be informed?”

“Thirty-four minutes to be precise, Dr. Zager,” the woman meekly offered. “And the team had to stabilize her immediately, otherwise you wouldn’t even have the time to get here.”

“It’s that bad?” Zager adjusted his thick, round glasses and picked up the pace of his stride. “I was afraid of this happening…”

The pair arrived at a large door bearing the symbol of a double helix twisting into a shape resembling the letter ‘P.’ Zager withdrew an identification card printed with his photograph and touched it to a scanner next to the door, causing it to give way.

The laboratory within was a clutter of computer equipment. Another, smaller door lay on the opposite end of the room between two system towers. A loudspeaker system was set up to connect the two sections of the lab, and at the moment Zager and his aide entered, it was filling the air with the sound of a woman’s agonized screams punctuated by the beeping of a heart monitor.

Without hesitation, Zager ran to his main workstation, a thick laptop running imaging of a DNA strand. A tiny, yellow spider Pokémon jumped up on the table next to it, but Zager waved her off.

“Joltik, not right now. I’m busy.” Reaching into his pocket again, Zager took out a disk, inserted it into the computer, and typed a command.

The computer responded with the text, “GENETIC ENCRYPTION PASSKEY ACCEPTED. ACCESSING POLARIS AMINO BASE MAINFRAME. AZRAEL PROJECT OPERATING SYSTEM, VERSION 7.3 ACTIVATED. USER LOGIN: GABRIEL ZAGER. NINTH OCTOBER, YEAR 1987. System ready…”

The moment the login sequence ended, Zager typed in, “Activate voice command input system.”

“SWITCHING TO VOCAL INPUT MODE. VOCAL INPUT MODE CONFIRMED.”

“Alright, now that that’s settled… turn on direct voice communication, control room to procedure room.”

“CONTROL ROOM TO PROCEDURE ROOM VOICE COMMUNICATION STATUS: ACTIVE.”

Turning his head up, Zager said out loud, “Chimere, I’m here. Give me some idea of what’s happening to you!”

“What do you… think?!’ the woman in the next room screamed back, in between bouts of gasping for air. “You… you all promised me…”

“...that this wouldn’t happen, I know…” Zager finished, hanging his head.

“Dr. Zager, we’re standing by for your orders,” another voice, this one male, said from the procedure room. “We have to do something.”

“She needs painkillers…” Zager’s aide suggested.

“No, Barbara, we can’t…” the doctor swiftly contradicted. “Computer, bring up the most recent full-body imaging scans. Heat, energy, all of them.”

“ACCESSING FULL BODY IMAGING RECORDS, FIFTH OCTOBER, YEAR 1987. LOADING.”

Images of a woman’s body appeared on the screen, and when Barbara saw them, she gasped. “It’s… taken over her body…”

“See, you didn’t pay as close attention to these as I did.” Taking hold of the mouse next to his keyboard, Zager clicked through the images. “I think you see what I mean now, but… computer, bring up blood flow and immune response, side by side.”

“BLOOD FLOW AND IMMUNE SYSTEM RECORDS.” The charts Zager requested appeared on the screen.

“See, look at this. It’s been developing all these months but these are the worst it’s ever been.”

“You’re right, Doctor…” Barbara whispered. “We give her medication of any sort with most of her blood flow going right to the child, it’ll end up going right there with everything else. Who knows what would happen…”

“We played God and this is what we got…”

Another of Chimere’s screams pierced the room, causing Zager and Barbara to jump.

“Chimere? Chimere, stay with us, here! You’ve gotten this far, you can make it!”

“You...lied to me… Zager… just… just get this thing out of me and end this! I don’t want this anymore!”

“Computer, real-time body imaging…”

“REAL-TIME BODY IMAGING ACTIVATED. SCANNING. LOADING.”

As soon as the scan of Chimere’s body appeared on Zager’s screen, his face sank. Taking a deep, labored breath, he typed a new command.

“Deactivate voice command input system.”

“DEACTIVATING VOCAL INPUT MODE. SWITCHING TO MANUAL TEXT INPUT MODE.”

Picking up on the tension in her superior, Barbara nervously asked, “Dr. Zager?”

“She… no. There’s no way she’ll survive. Not with that amount of blood going to the child. I should have realized this would happen when I saw the tests…”

“What do we do, then?”

Before Zager could answer, Chimere’s screaming reached earsplitting volume, accompanied by what sounded like something violently hitting against a plastic surface.

“Dr. Zager!” the male scientist in the procedure room shouted. “I think we’re out of time… my… my God…”

Zager and Barbara just kept staring at the computer’s screen as the screaming got louder and louder, having long passed the point where Chimere could form any coherent words. The tension in the room increased every time the heart monitor beeped.

And then, the screaming broke and abruptly ceased. The heart monitor droned on with an unending tone.

“It’s over…” Zager mumbled, “...I hope.” He then typed in the command, “Full body scan.”

“FULL BODY SCAN ACTIVATED. SCANNING. LOADING.

RESULTS OF AZRAEL PROJECT OPERATION

SUBJECT A. RECOGNIZED AS HOST BODY. HEART RATE ZERO. PULSE ABSENT. RUNNING VITALS CHECK… DIAGNOSIS: EXSANGUINATION. STATUS: DECEASED.”


“Chimere, find a rest worthy of what we did to you…”

Barbara raised a shaky finger and asked, “What does it mean, ‘subject A?’”

As if to answer Barbara’s question, the sound of a baby crying filtered through the loudspeakers.

“SUBJECT B. UNKNOWN. SCANNING FOR FURTHER DATA… MATCH FOUND. SUBJECT B RECOGNIZED AS AZRAEL. RUNNING VITALS CHECK… STATUS: HEALTHY.”

“W-what have we done…” the scientist in the procedure room mumbled.

“I hope whatever deity there is up there has mercy on our souls…”

“Why, Zager? This should be a cause for celebration.”

Both Zager and Barbara spun around to face a video screen mounted on another wall. The individual addressing them from it was obscured by shadows, with only a pair of light-filled glasses clearly visible.

“F-Father,” Zager uttered in fear. “Please…”

“I am not angry with you, Zager.” When the man Zager called ‘Father’ spoke, it sounded as if several people were talking at once, obscuring his true voice. “I am quite proud. It seems your program has born fruit for Polaris.”

“I can only wish it had worked out according to the vision I had for this program. You… you told me this was meant to be research for helping cure disease. I don’t understand why it had to go like this…”

“I didn’t lie to you, Zager. This will help rid mankind of disease as we know it. It will also do much more than that. It’s about time I told you about the true vision of Polaris… the true meaning of the Azrael Project.”
 
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Praxiteles

Friendly POKéMON.
Ah, man, here's the next part of the review finally after that massive delay. Comments on the new first scene as well as the second and third chapter. This seems like a good size of review to me so you can probably expect two-chapter reviews all the way, assuming everything doesn't change up for me like it frequently ends up doing.

The new first scene sets itself up with a bit more ceremony, which I think I already mentioned -- it takes time to set up the conext/etc of what's happening, or at least feels like it does. I mostly think the same things I said last time we talked -- the narration/description is a good bit cleaner, the sense of atmosphere is better, and of course I don't feel that the events are going over my head as much as I did last time. I might also mention what I noticed a while back, that the mood of both this and the original scene always stays at least a little pent-up and subdued: fast-paced, nervous, and intense, of course, but never quite reaching SIRENS-RINGING fever pitch. Which is appropriate considering the plot content of the scene is still kind of 80% ominous foreshadowing.

“Now, Olivia,” Matt cautiously ventured, setting his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to pacify her, “I’m sure Professor Juniper doesn’t mean you any harm, so being rude to her isn’t nice…”

I like how he implies Olivia only has to be polite if the other person isn't eg, trying to kill her.

[quote[Time had not been kind to Doctor Gabriel Zager.[/quote]

I notice this scene begins very simlarly to the post-credit scene about the Polaris research team; I'm not sure if you deliberately wanted an echo or not, but the similarity is certainly noticeable. If I had to say one way or the other, it might be a little redundant to first say that the fallout from the Azrael project tired the team out, then to say it again for the retired head.

“That’s right, you just reminded me. Put the booze away, it’s time for your medicine.”

This remark of course indicates a pretty personal, friendly relationship; I've noticed from the start that the bonds among the Polaris scientists (and the main Rocket executives too) are pretty decent and human, perhaps because of the unnatural situations they've been put through. Zager seemed pretty much like a protagonist from the start and might even be a scientist who had got into this for ethical reasons and was not expecting them to go this far. And Team Rocket making an appearance in the first chapter too -- lots of different shades between heroes and villains; there's one hero trio in a corner of the stage but they're only one party among a host of different motives.

Damn, Ariana shouldn't be takng medicine on any amount of alcohol. o.o

The recount of the previous adventures takes up a pretty big chunk, and it makes me wonder if those plots really have a connection to what's going to happen in this fic -- of course it makes sense that they'd tell their story to Juniper now that they're together, but you take care to summarize each one of the plots that they've gone through so far and end up taking a long time before the somewhat obligated revelation of the pokedex quest. There is something important going on here, I think -- the characters' prior motivations and backgrounds are getting explained, at least Olivia is getting exposited quite a lot. This scene i learn how she's pretty tough and competent, certainly a bit singleminded in this troubled time at least, has helped in a civil war, was truly shaken by one certain experience, and again, can get really focused on a single goal to the detriment of things, people, or pokemon.

I like that Olivia is starting to get a taste for beating people. :D

It looks like Rich's legacy is still coming back to the heroes in odd ways, so I guess the prior events of the trilogy do have their relevance in this fic.

Your battle style is v. nice. The punctuation offered by battle moves lets you build up a nice intense momentum and you know how to keep it from flagging. There's usually one (or two) clear simple strategies at a time and a bunch of exchanged moves get to ride on each of them.

Did you say Chapter 3 is not as full of happenings as the other ones? Olivia almost dies and everybody goes into their private form of BSOD? Your chapters have a lot more going on in them than mine, that's for sure.

The conversation at Dr. Fantomos's house also seems like it has important overtones for the story. We're still seeing a lot of recounting. Your characters are made (partially at least) by their backstories. Either something in the past is what drives them on as in Olivia's case or, like Matt, their history is something they hold to themselves and use as standards for their values. I understand how this kind of storytelling conversation functions between two plot-important 'hero' characters, it probably allows both of them to suss each other out better than any talk about personalities or interests.

But right, we haven't seen so many of the directly plot-advancing scenes that the first chapter was full of.

I decided not to bother you with proofreads of the early chapters (unless you'd like them!) but here's a line break typo:

“Hmm... I agree. Listen, continue to monitor the situation for now. I have some business to finish
wrapping up here in Cherrygrove City. Over and out.”

As for the Moby Dick scene, I thought it might have been slightly bad taste for the main character to literally identify as a dramatic literary hero; to outright say, I'm Ahab in this story, let's do a literary parallel between my story and Moby Dick. It's true this fic is very fundamentally based on hero-struggle plots and there's no doubt what kind of action hero Matt is, but it's still a bit weird if he's aware of himself as a story character. He's definitely framing his own life in terms of story arcs. But, like I said, the way your fic is constructed, the characters may have no choice but to see themselves in those terms.

And of course it is a strong, important scene for the character interaction's sake.

I'm gonna stop procrastinatin'! I'm gonna do it. ... you'll have the whole of an actual review from me sooner or later. -.-;
 
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