Spiteful Murkrow
Early Game Encounter
Hey, so I've been a bit late on that review that I said I'd give, but I finally got my rear in gear enough to collect some thoughts together.
It will be interesting to see that reveal when it comes, as well as what sort of perspective the Prophet's mother has on all of the trials and tribulations that have been befalling her people. The very end of the Prophet's reassurance to Looker and Jacob also couldn't help but make me chuckle a bit.
Missing a newline there.
I'm impressed that you were able to dovetail this particular bit of XY lore into your tale, and in a way that seemed like a reasonable extension. One of these days, you should consider sharing your dark secrets for how to approach canon extension with the rest of us. I would be all over that guide.
I particularly liked this section, it's an interesting juxtaposition of between Ghetsis' face that he puts on between righteous outrage at a genuine systemic issue in his audience's society against that inner schemer and egoist that would destroy everything for him if it got out.
Newline issue again.
Somehow, I get the suspicion that Lucky's telling the whole truth here. But that could just be me reading a bit too much into things.
But what if they dug a tunnel under the city using mainly spoons and made a break for the wild?
Ah yes, that would preclude the spoon-tunnel pretty thoroughly.
That's one creepy sheep there, stalking the team all this time.
Whelp, that's one tree cut down in its prime, and builds nicely off of the surprise of Archer's revelation of his true colors, too.
No honor among thieves, I see. And I like how the escalation builds from realizing that Ghetsis doesn't intend to fight fair on the field to a realization too late that everything was a trap all this time.
All in all, I think you did a great job, and even if it took a little while, you gave just the right amount of oomph to this installment for what you were targeting. I'll be looking forward to your part 2.
“We are going to war with Polaris and Ghetsis,” the Prophet explained, her voice flat. “There aren’t any guarantees in war. Ideally I will return here having killed Ghetsis and put an end to his cause. If things go wrong, though… I can’t let kids like you get wrapped up in this. I want you to protect my son, because no matter where he came from, he’s still mine and I can’t deny my mother the right to see her grandson after all that’s happened.”
“Your mother?” Jacob piped up, sitting with his arms crossed.
“You know her, most likely. She’s far away from here battling in that big tournament all the Champions were invited to. I’d like to see her again, but… I don’t think she could forgive me for what I’ve become.” The Prophet stepped closer to the bars and grasped them before continuing. “And please, Looker, Jacob, I want you to forgive me for locking you up. I just can’t take any risks right now, so I need to wait and verify whose side you’re on. Please understand…”
It will be interesting to see that reveal when it comes, as well as what sort of perspective the Prophet's mother has on all of the trials and tribulations that have been befalling her people. The very end of the Prophet's reassurance to Looker and Jacob also couldn't help but make me chuckle a bit.
A smattering of affirmations met Kuni’s question, prompting her to say to the two Kimono Girls behind her, “Naoko, Zuki, please distribute the tea as requested.” She then turned forward again and said, “Thank you, we always appreciate when guests partake in our customs.”
Naoko and Zuki nodded respectfully to Kuni, then carefully poured the tea out into smooth, cylindrical cups. Zuki, the Kimono Girl dressed in black, brought cups to Nando, Olivia, and Bunny, while the purple-clad Naoko distributed them to Matt, Bill and Audrey.
Missing a newline there.
“Overcome with grief, AZ built a machine to restore his Pokémon to life.” Kuni’s tone remained flat, even when most of her audience gasped in shock at her words. “Besides being the king, AZ mastered the sciences of the Tenganist people and was able to create a Jewel of Life from the Life Plates, something no man had been able to do before. With that Jewel of Life, he built a device to tap into the life energy of the planet and harness it, thus bringing his Pokémon back to life. Not only that, he succeeded.”
“Wait, this is the same story Jacob told us,” Matt realized. “But when he told us it, he said that AZ powered the device using the life energy of other Pokémon.”
“There is much contradictory information in records of these events,” Kuni clarified, “but our job is to preserve the truth. Now, I shall continue…”
Miki and Sayo rolled the scroll forward once more. Now even more ragged than ever, the tall man was standing on a cliff overlooking his flower-like device, tightly clutching the orb as his cape blew in the wind around him.
Matt shrank back slightly, working within his mind to reconcile the different versions of the story he’d heard. The idea that Jacob’s story might have been even a partial answer all along made his heart sink.
“AZ managed to restore his Pokémon to life, but the influence of the overwhelming energy caused his mind to deteriorate. Unable to cope with his overwhelming despair and anger, he decided to seek revenge on those who had taken his beloved Pokémon from him. AZ modified the device, powering it up further by allowing it to draw energy from Pokémon through special stones, thus transforming it into an ultimate weapon. With the weapon combining the powers of the Jewel of Life, the planet’s energy and the life energy of the Pokémon, AZ became a harbinger of destruction that wiped out both sides of the war in an instant. Both AZ and his Pokémon faded into history after these events. Modern works based on this tale gave them the names ‘Oberon’ and ‘Titania’ respectively, in an effort by the writers of later eras trying to create a clearer fictional narrative. They mean ‘king and queen of the fairies.’”
I'm impressed that you were able to dovetail this particular bit of XY lore into your tale, and in a way that seemed like a reasonable extension. One of these days, you should consider sharing your dark secrets for how to approach canon extension with the rest of us. I would be all over that guide.
Ghetsis took several steps to the right before continuing. “As you know, my name is Ghetsis Harmonia, and I’ve come to speak to you on behalf of the Polaris organization.” Just saying the name ‘Polaris’ instead of his own name or that of Team Plasma caused acid to rise in Ghetsis’s throat. “If you’ve heard any of my speeches on television, or if you listened to my assistant when he spoke in Goldenrod City, you have some idea of what I’ve come before you to talk about.” Ghetsis started shaking his fist to accentuate his words. “You’ve come today because deep down in your hearts, you know the corruption of the Pokémon League. You know the corruption that keeps you under the thumb of the rich and the privileged!”
I particularly liked this section, it's an interesting juxtaposition of between Ghetsis' face that he puts on between righteous outrage at a genuine systemic issue in his audience's society against that inner schemer and egoist that would destroy everything for him if it got out.
“I had been planning to take the Pokémon from Professor Elm and go out into Route 29,” Lucky explained, her voice becoming raspy from emotion. “My goal was to win as many battles as I could on my way back home in order to win money I could use to help my family. When Professor Elm denied me the starter Pokémon that should have been mine, I had to spend what little I had left to buy Poké Balls and catch my own Pokémon. With what I had I managed to capture a Pidgey, but I struggled just to make it even as far as Violet City. Those routes around there… there are so many people like me trying to get started from nothing in those areas. Not only did we try to fight each other, those privileged, spoiled people who took what we deserved… they came through and destroyed all of us! We never had a chance!”
“And as you know,” Ghetsis said, raising his voice above the continuing noise of the crowd so they could hear him, “the losing trainer in a battle must pay an amount of prize money to the winner! To the victor goes the spoils, but what goes to the loser? Mimi, why don’t you tell them?”
Newline issue again.
“Your performance this time was pretty impressive,” Dino said, leaning against the side of the stage with his arms crossed. Lucky turned to face him as he continued, “Eating out of garbage cans? That one was a nice touch. Did you or Ghetsis come up with that?”
“Leave me alone,” Lucky coldly replied, “you know I don’t like you or any of your friends over in Athleta’s section. But since you asked, Ghetsis did.”
Somehow, I get the suspicion that Lucky's telling the whole truth here. But that could just be me reading a bit too much into things.
“I know because this isn’t the first time I’ve seen them,” she coldly explained. “Several years ago, in a forest in northeastern Unova, that Pokémon called Mewtwo was seen.” Just like she had correctly guessed what the others were thinking moments earlier, Nekou was well aware that the mere dropping of Mewtwo’s name made their eyes go wide - especially Matt and Bunny due to their encounter with Yung and his Mirage Mewtwo. “It had been captured by Polaris and experimented on even further than ever, but it escaped from them like it escaped from Team Rocket. They weren’t going to give up, though, and hired a Pokémon hunter to recapture it. He tracked it to that forest and used those very same drones to pin down and attack it, but he was stopped by a combination of Mewtwo itself and the efforts of a Pokémon rescue team.” Finally turning her eyes to her audience, she finished, “That’s how I know there’s no way out of this city.”
But what if they dug a tunnel under the city using mainly spoons and made a break for the wild?
“Think about it…” He slowly turned in Bunny’s direction, but stopped halfway and simply stared off into space, his exposed eye hazy and unfocused. Also, his voice was quiet and hollow. “Ghetsis’s speech… remember that he blamed the Tenganists for everything. And if you’re right about this whole stunt being a distraction for something else, wouldn’t the logical conclusion be that his real target is…”
“...the Tenganist locations here!” Bunny exclaimed, pounding her right fist into the palm of her left hand. “He’s already going for the Bell Tower right now, but the next place he’ll probably go is the Dance Hall!”
Ah yes, that would preclude the spoon-tunnel pretty thoroughly.
“Now where are you off to in such a hurry?” she said out loud. “Looks like I just found the next trail to follow…”
Rowena adjusted her scarf, then began following after Matt’s group toward the Dance Hall. She didn’t notice that she was herself being followed.
“Reep…” the wild Mareep growled to herself before continuing her pursuit.
That's one creepy sheep there, stalking the team all this time.
“You mean you haven’t figured out why you detected eleven marks crossing the bridge but ten still remain after the bomb?” Zinzolin scornfully said. “What fools. Haven’t you realized that we knew every step of your little plan?”
Ariana coughed, then demanded with as much strength as she could muster, “How would you know?”
“The insight given to us by our shepherd guides everything,” Archer replied, raising a single finger next to his grinning face. “How could we be lost when we have that?”
“And in this case,” Zinzolin continued for Archer, “it means that Lord Ghetsis didn’t cross the bridge, they all flew over it on their Pokémon. Are you wondering exactly who that eleventh person was? The one who did get killed?”
Zinzolin stopped speaking for a moment, offering the members of Team Rocket the chance to guess the answer to his question. When none did, he picked up again.
“Why, you and your Tenganist friends just blew away dear old Professor Elm. Ghetsis told him he could go be with his family again if he walked over that bridge, and I guess he wasn’t lying…”
Whelp, that's one tree cut down in its prime, and builds nicely off of the surprise of Archer's revelation of his true colors, too.
“Just me and you, eh?” Giovanni quietly fumed. He lowered his head slightly, causing his hate-filled eyes to become partially obscured by the brim of his hat, then recalled Marowak. “I should have known better.”
“You’re right,” Ghetsis taunted him. “You should have.”
Before Giovanni even knew what was happening, Aegislash loomed right in front of him. She had shifted back into her offensive form and had a Shadow Claw at the ready, but this time, her target wasn’t a Pokémon.
“Boss!” Pierce cried out. He tried to fight against Darkness and Chaos’s restraint, but their combined strength was too great for him.
For both Giovanni and Pierce, time seemed to slow to a halt as Aegislash brought her Shadow Claw towards Team Rocket’s leader. He took a single, stunned step back, but he didn’t have the reaction time needed to think of an actual escape route. He felt a sharp, searing pain tear across his head and his vision ran red. It didn’t take long for him to realize as he felt warm fluid coming down his face that it was blood that was distorting his vision - specifically, his blood pouring out of a gash Aegislash sliced across his face.
No honor among thieves, I see. And I like how the escalation builds from realizing that Ghetsis doesn't intend to fight fair on the field to a realization too late that everything was a trap all this time.
All in all, I think you did a great job, and even if it took a little while, you gave just the right amount of oomph to this installment for what you were targeting. I'll be looking forward to your part 2.