Mmkay. This is my first time trying a serious fanfic. I've got a couple of chapters done on it, and I'm planning to get at least ten done before I start to post it. Just to make sure I'm on the right track, I'm presenting the Prologue to you. I accept criticism gratefully.
(It's kinda long for a prologue, but it didn't work as chapter one).
How do I get myself into these things? Cole asked as he brandished his stick, azure eyes flitting back and forth. He was surrounded by dozens upon dozens of angry red insects, each armed with razor sharp wings and mischievous attacks.
I thought Yanma were supposed to be gentle Pokemon, the nine-year old boy thought as he defended himself from the attackers. A couple yards to his left, a young Pokemon was struggling against another swarm of the deranged bugs. Its purple body was covered in bruises, and wounds adorned any flesh that was not protected by its diminutive horns. The Nidoran was in a bad way, but it was still fighting. It was convinced that it could beat these things and please its master if it could just…fight…a little… harder…
Cole saw his companion weakening, and, brushing a lock of white-gold hair from his face, called out, “Prince! Use Poison Sting!”
Drawing up some of its last reserve of strength, Prince shot out a multitude of tiny white barbs. The stings pierced the wings of the assailants, and he was able to escape. Instead of running away, however, the loyal Pokemon was headed straight back into battle for its owner.
Watching it with a sort of detached pride, Cole began to remember the events that had happened shortly before. At home, his mother had begun her usual tirade against his father. Of course, the whole house was in uproar soon enough, as his older brothers and sisters chose sides and began arguments within their own ranks. Unable to bear it any longer, Cole had taken his single possession, the pokeball containing Prince, and departed, sure that he could make it on his own as a trainer. Unfortunately he didn’t even make it to the next town; he was ambushed on Route 35 as he left Goldenrod City.
Smack! The end of his stick came down squarely on one of the Yanma. Its glowing green orb-like eyes blinked once then faded out as its body fell to the ground. Only about a million more to go, Cole thought grimly. Prince, too, had felled his first. He was about to finish it off with a Double Kick when his extra-large ears picked up something. Forgetting completely about his victim, he devoted his energy into deciphering this difference.
With a twitch of his ears he realized. In a near-panic, he dashed toward his owner. The boy looked at him oddly as the small creature posed in front of him defensively. With a mental shrug, Cole turned back to wallop another insect, but in front of him was only empty air. By the time this registered in his brain, he too could hear what the Nidoran had been listening to for minutes.
A deep drone, more melodious and menacing than all of the whines of the Yanma, was coming from the nearby bushes. The bugs had heard it, and were gathering together overhead. Soon the swarm neatly parted and spread itself out. Eventually the insects formed a ring about the clearing, and the bugs themselves seemed to be anticipating something.
They didn’t have to wait long, it turned out. With a near-roar, a large form tore out of the undergrowth. The afternoon sun glinted off its shiny blue body. It was obviously a Yanma, but was much larger at around four feet long and with a wingspan of about 3 feet, not to mention its abnormal coloring. Its yellow-green eyes glinted evilly and seemed to see all while looking at nothing.
The rest of the Yanma had begun a chant-like murmur that seemed to cajole Prince into flinging himself at the Large One. The Large One sat complacently for a moment, then moved forward with great speed so that neither the Nidoran nor Cole saw it. It snatched Prince up in its long spindly legs and flung him to the ground. It then returned to its prior location and observed smugly.
Almost terrified, Cole knew he had to do something. But how could he possibly beat the monstrosity? “H-horn attack, Prince!” He shouted with a dull hope. Again the creature snapped up the smaller and dashed it against the ground.
Prince was angry. He had been so for a while. How dare those good-for-nothing bugs call him a coward! That had been why he had charged indignantly at their king, but now, twice enlightened as to his limits when dealing with this Large One, the Pokemon was devising a strategy. If only he could convey it to his master! But it was in his own hands-err…paws, now. Perhaps the boy would be so kind as to keep out of it. It was for his own good.
Turning his back on the still-waiting King of Yanma, he called to the mob, “Hey! Your stupid King can’t even hurt me. You call yourself Bug Pokemon? I’ve been beaten by more intimidating Caterpie!”
Prince was rather proud of himself. Though this was definitely said in Pokemon, not in Human, the insult was based on those projected at his trainer by others of that kind. Apparently it worked on the bugs as well as suddenly the well-maintained ring broke up and the many pests flooded the battlefield. They were all attacking in a blind rage, and some of them even headed after Cole. The boy, frightened, began to whack at them anew. Prince shook his head. As long as the kid only took out a few more Yanma, his plan would still work.
Outraged, the King began to rumble. It took a moment for even a Nidoran’s keen hearing to make it out. The Large one was angry that his ‘plan’ had been corrupted. It was turning its attention to its followers as it began a lecture. Perfect, Prince thought. He began a new attack, a Take Down. Charging recklessly through the bug-covered arena, he was near invisible to the Large One, whose keen radar vision saw many small bodies and could not distinguish them. Therefore the Nidoran went undetected.
Jirachi, Granter of Wishes, the little pokemon prayed, grant me but this.
He dashed around a group of the pests. Lend me the strength I need… the Large One was now in sight… to do my best and- silver energy swathed over his bruised frame- never to fail my mission!
Cole watched in horror as his only friend in the world again flung himself haphazardly at the monstrosity. “N-no, Prince! G-get away from that thing!” he shouted, but to no avail. The little purple demon was tearing over the battlefield. Cole waited for that horrible moment when his little Pokemon would be smashed and shattered against the ground… and waited… and waited… Then he noticed that the Large One didn’t even flinch as the Nidoran neared. What’s wrong with that thing? He wondered idly as he whacked another stray scarlet bug.
Suddenly a silvery substance covered Prince. It changed him wherever it touched him. The tiny horns that ridged his back suddenly expanded to be as thick as Cole’s wrist and as long as his hand was wide. The horn that adorned his head jutted out an impressive foot and seemed hard as diamond. As the silver energy left, purple flesh and bone filled out the form. Somehow, some way, the nidoran had evolved.
By now, the release of energy given off by the evolution had alerted the Large One that it was in trouble. It was way too late, however. Just as it began an odd attack by sending out black spores from its wings, the new Nidorino’s horn struck its head.
With a moan it backed away, flying crookedly and awkwardly. Soon followed by what remained of the swarm, it departed and flew slowly over the trees. It obviously could fight no more. The battle was won.
(It's kinda long for a prologue, but it didn't work as chapter one).
How do I get myself into these things? Cole asked as he brandished his stick, azure eyes flitting back and forth. He was surrounded by dozens upon dozens of angry red insects, each armed with razor sharp wings and mischievous attacks.
I thought Yanma were supposed to be gentle Pokemon, the nine-year old boy thought as he defended himself from the attackers. A couple yards to his left, a young Pokemon was struggling against another swarm of the deranged bugs. Its purple body was covered in bruises, and wounds adorned any flesh that was not protected by its diminutive horns. The Nidoran was in a bad way, but it was still fighting. It was convinced that it could beat these things and please its master if it could just…fight…a little… harder…
Cole saw his companion weakening, and, brushing a lock of white-gold hair from his face, called out, “Prince! Use Poison Sting!”
Drawing up some of its last reserve of strength, Prince shot out a multitude of tiny white barbs. The stings pierced the wings of the assailants, and he was able to escape. Instead of running away, however, the loyal Pokemon was headed straight back into battle for its owner.
Watching it with a sort of detached pride, Cole began to remember the events that had happened shortly before. At home, his mother had begun her usual tirade against his father. Of course, the whole house was in uproar soon enough, as his older brothers and sisters chose sides and began arguments within their own ranks. Unable to bear it any longer, Cole had taken his single possession, the pokeball containing Prince, and departed, sure that he could make it on his own as a trainer. Unfortunately he didn’t even make it to the next town; he was ambushed on Route 35 as he left Goldenrod City.
Smack! The end of his stick came down squarely on one of the Yanma. Its glowing green orb-like eyes blinked once then faded out as its body fell to the ground. Only about a million more to go, Cole thought grimly. Prince, too, had felled his first. He was about to finish it off with a Double Kick when his extra-large ears picked up something. Forgetting completely about his victim, he devoted his energy into deciphering this difference.
With a twitch of his ears he realized. In a near-panic, he dashed toward his owner. The boy looked at him oddly as the small creature posed in front of him defensively. With a mental shrug, Cole turned back to wallop another insect, but in front of him was only empty air. By the time this registered in his brain, he too could hear what the Nidoran had been listening to for minutes.
A deep drone, more melodious and menacing than all of the whines of the Yanma, was coming from the nearby bushes. The bugs had heard it, and were gathering together overhead. Soon the swarm neatly parted and spread itself out. Eventually the insects formed a ring about the clearing, and the bugs themselves seemed to be anticipating something.
They didn’t have to wait long, it turned out. With a near-roar, a large form tore out of the undergrowth. The afternoon sun glinted off its shiny blue body. It was obviously a Yanma, but was much larger at around four feet long and with a wingspan of about 3 feet, not to mention its abnormal coloring. Its yellow-green eyes glinted evilly and seemed to see all while looking at nothing.
The rest of the Yanma had begun a chant-like murmur that seemed to cajole Prince into flinging himself at the Large One. The Large One sat complacently for a moment, then moved forward with great speed so that neither the Nidoran nor Cole saw it. It snatched Prince up in its long spindly legs and flung him to the ground. It then returned to its prior location and observed smugly.
Almost terrified, Cole knew he had to do something. But how could he possibly beat the monstrosity? “H-horn attack, Prince!” He shouted with a dull hope. Again the creature snapped up the smaller and dashed it against the ground.
Prince was angry. He had been so for a while. How dare those good-for-nothing bugs call him a coward! That had been why he had charged indignantly at their king, but now, twice enlightened as to his limits when dealing with this Large One, the Pokemon was devising a strategy. If only he could convey it to his master! But it was in his own hands-err…paws, now. Perhaps the boy would be so kind as to keep out of it. It was for his own good.
Turning his back on the still-waiting King of Yanma, he called to the mob, “Hey! Your stupid King can’t even hurt me. You call yourself Bug Pokemon? I’ve been beaten by more intimidating Caterpie!”
Prince was rather proud of himself. Though this was definitely said in Pokemon, not in Human, the insult was based on those projected at his trainer by others of that kind. Apparently it worked on the bugs as well as suddenly the well-maintained ring broke up and the many pests flooded the battlefield. They were all attacking in a blind rage, and some of them even headed after Cole. The boy, frightened, began to whack at them anew. Prince shook his head. As long as the kid only took out a few more Yanma, his plan would still work.
Outraged, the King began to rumble. It took a moment for even a Nidoran’s keen hearing to make it out. The Large one was angry that his ‘plan’ had been corrupted. It was turning its attention to its followers as it began a lecture. Perfect, Prince thought. He began a new attack, a Take Down. Charging recklessly through the bug-covered arena, he was near invisible to the Large One, whose keen radar vision saw many small bodies and could not distinguish them. Therefore the Nidoran went undetected.
Jirachi, Granter of Wishes, the little pokemon prayed, grant me but this.
He dashed around a group of the pests. Lend me the strength I need… the Large One was now in sight… to do my best and- silver energy swathed over his bruised frame- never to fail my mission!
Cole watched in horror as his only friend in the world again flung himself haphazardly at the monstrosity. “N-no, Prince! G-get away from that thing!” he shouted, but to no avail. The little purple demon was tearing over the battlefield. Cole waited for that horrible moment when his little Pokemon would be smashed and shattered against the ground… and waited… and waited… Then he noticed that the Large One didn’t even flinch as the Nidoran neared. What’s wrong with that thing? He wondered idly as he whacked another stray scarlet bug.
Suddenly a silvery substance covered Prince. It changed him wherever it touched him. The tiny horns that ridged his back suddenly expanded to be as thick as Cole’s wrist and as long as his hand was wide. The horn that adorned his head jutted out an impressive foot and seemed hard as diamond. As the silver energy left, purple flesh and bone filled out the form. Somehow, some way, the nidoran had evolved.
By now, the release of energy given off by the evolution had alerted the Large One that it was in trouble. It was way too late, however. Just as it began an odd attack by sending out black spores from its wings, the new Nidorino’s horn struck its head.
With a moan it backed away, flying crookedly and awkwardly. Soon followed by what remained of the swarm, it departed and flew slowly over the trees. It obviously could fight no more. The battle was won.