• Hi all. We have had reports of member's signatures being edited to include malicious content. You can rest assured this wasn't done by staff and we can find no indication that the forums themselves have been compromised.

    However, remember to keep your passwords secure. If you use similar logins on multiple sites, people and even bots may be able to access your account.

    We always recommend using unique passwords and enable two-factor authentication if possible. Make sure you are secure.
  • Be sure to join the discussion on our discord at: Discord.gg/serebii
  • If you're still waiting for the e-mail, be sure to check your junk/spam e-mail folders

=.'.'Paco'.'.=

Tale

Well-Known Member
Ok, so I was planning to post this on Christmas and make it some kind of uberish surprise of a reappearance at the forums after like a week or two >.>

But not only did that sound crap, but the fic was too crap to even be worth it so I figured, what the heck, I'll post the thing now!

Really not much to say, I'll have to edit things in as I think of them, because I did have like a whole speech ready when I planned this out >.>;;

I'm not pleased with this chapter, which kind of sucks seeing as its the opening v_v...

But anyways, I'm just gonna post the fic now and shut up.

Paco
(Haw haw, fancy big title!)

Chapters as they Progress:

Chapter One: Rockets Plummet (That's right, no prologue)

Chapter Two: Icy Blue


Chapter One: Rockets Plummet

A recurring wooden tap echoed through countless trees of an autumnal forest, every now and again it occurred, it was accompanied by a strained grunt.

As a single Seedot hung firmly attached the branch of a particularly tall oak tree, swaying a little due to reasons quite unknown to himself, he happily feasted upon the nutrients the plant had to offer and pondered over his current situation. He felt a small pain at his side and again began to sway with a little more momentum.

It was odd; this quite random pain at his side simply kept returning again and again within intervals of silence and absorption and for some similarly bizarre reason, he kept swaying, again and again at a comparable rate.

His eyes, perfectly circular yet half hidden behind his teal-coloured hat, which was akin to that of an acorn’s, were void of emotion and stared blankly ahead of him at the long, rough trunk of a fir tree. Every now and again, the tree before him seemed to move simultaneously with his movement, yet nothing had seemed to cause the movement other than this pain.

Another pain. Another sway. Another moving tree.

It took another stab of pain for the Seedot to connect the two together and see that this pain was the actual cause of his movement, and therefore the cause of the affronted tree’s. Though he was still completely baffled as to what the pain came from.

But as a moment of silence and stillness ensued, the Seedot began to muse – and forgot completely of this pain altogether. The tree he currently hung on certainly was a good source of energy. It was abundant with the nutrients he needed, though he did not know why he needed them, something inside just told him to get them.

He often felt the need to do things, as if forced by some magical power. Such as remaining within the presence of a certain being, that provided for him and was there when he first opened his eyes.

If Seedot’s were blessed with mouths upon their creation, this particular Pokemon would have at that moment smiled.

Another sharp pain at his side caused him to swing with quite a larger force this time – and also for the first time, the long silence that had blessed the tranquil forest was broken; by a familiar sound…


“DAMN IT, SEEDOT! GET THE HELL OUTTA THAT BLESSED TREE!”

Paco Quinn, a boy of recent fifteen years, and owner-slash-parent of a particularly disobedient and deranged Seedot, knelt hopelessly amongst the multicoloured leaves which had long since dropped from the tree before him; his face, clothes and hands all equally haggard and dirty.

His eyes, of the same hue as that of the bark facing him, glared maliciously above at some kind of rounded form that swayed lightly; attached quite firmly to one of the many grand oak’s leafless branches and began to scrutinize its position for any weak spots it may have retained.

With some evident frustration, Paco snatched at a nearby acorn and forcefully got to his feet, despite the protest of his aching limbs. He raised his arm behind his head and squinted a little, obviously aiming for the Seedot that hung and swung quite innocently and obliviously above him.

Then with immense effort, he launched the acorn upon which it successfully managed to hit the Seedot’s side and caused it to sway a small bit, yellowed leaves fluttering to the ground at the slight force. Though the intention of his parting from the tree’s branch was to no avail; for the Seedot continued to hang and sway with similar strength as before. And to make the matter quite worse, the very acorn that he had thrown came plummeting back to the ground and effectively managed to land square in between Paco’s eyes.

He let out a yelp of pain as the acorn bounced off and hit the intended ground with a soft thud, and for the fourth or fifth time, he collapsed on his knees; using a hand for support and a hand to nurse the red lump that was rapidly beginning to rise upon his forehead.

“Damn you, Seedot! Damn you to hell!” He cursed towards the floor, squinting in pain while he rubbed his throbbing head.

If Seedot’s were blessed with mouths, Paco would have been sure that the little demon was sniggering at his discomfort right at that moment.

“PACO QUINN! I might have known!”

Paco gave a lingered groan, as if his life couldn’t worsen to greater extent after the sudden appearance of this particular person.

Close behind him, with a leer that could set the leaves beneath him aflame and smacking her open hand with a large bludgeon, was Paco’s bossy, prying, and downright ugly neighbour, Mrs. Poone.

Paco didn’t even have to turn to know what she wore, most likely a face mask of sorts and a silky pink gown complete with white frills at every possible crevice.
Nor did he have to turn to notice it was her presence, the shrill voice, the over-the-top pronunciation of every word she uttered, the strangled breathing. Yeah, Mrs. Poone alright…

“Harassing defenseless wild Pokemon again are we?”

Before she could continue, Paco leapt up and snapped, pivoting to face the green-faced, bludgeon-wielding Politoed of a woman,

“Quiet, Spoon! I’ve told you to stay out of my business! This Pokemon,” he pointed madly behind him, inaccurately indicating the Seedot that continued to hang firmly upon the branch, “actually belongs to me! Now I’m sick-”

“How dare you!” Spoon interrupted (Paco had gotten quite accustomed to calling Mrs. Poone Spoon, due to the obvious pronunciation of her actual name), her once cucumber-concealed eyes bulging with utmost rage; completely ignoring Paco’s rant like she always did to every bit of speech he spoke, “How dare you!” She repeated, by then her bludgeon tapping coming to a slow halt.

Paco’s expression dropped exhaustedly and he commenced in rubbing the lump on his forehead again, its pain somehow magnified.

“Just you wait Paco Quinn, just you wait! You’re to come with me this instance, from which I will take you back to your own house and inform your mother of your utter insolence!” Her already fit-to-burst stomach protruded a little further and she placed her hands with notable indignation upon her wide hips, her mouth curving with rage, yet the corners giving off signs of her pride at her ‘achievement’.

Instead of taking any heed to her angered words whatsoever, Paco swiveled on the spot and mimicked Spoon’s action of hands-to-hip, observing his Seedot from afar in an attempt to discover a way to allow its release from the branch on which it firmly hung. As he observed and planned, Paco took no notice of the indignant grunt that emitted from behind him.

Again, as he roughly measured the height of the tree then the width of its base, Paco chose not to comprehend the clearing of a throat that made itself quite prominent from behind him.

It wasn’t until five seconds after a third attempt at grabbing his attention that Spoon finally broke.

“That is it! You come with me this instant, Paco, or I will release Bodger!” Her words were pronounced a little more prominently than as usual as she said this, and her anger was clearly audible.

Instead of snapping, Paco came to the conclusion that perhaps a softer approach would have had better effect. With that thought in mind, he slowly turned to face the expected trembling, boulder of a figure of Spoon and spoke in his softest, most matured voice he could,

“Now I can understand your anger, Mrs. Spoon (he couldn’t resist slipping in the hidden utterance), but I must tell you that this Seedot is actually my own, and has been since my fifteenth birthday, which, might I add, was but two days ago-”

“BODGER GO!” There was a small rounded blur of red and white, ensued by a bright flash of white and sparks, before an enormous, humanoid figure had materialized between the two people.

Its hands, retaining but three wide fingers, were larger than Paco’s head alone – perhaps double that, and Paco thought undoubtedly that it would be able to lift his form without any trouble whatsoever, owing to its bulging muscles – of which were most obvious in his legs, which resembled two overgrown pumpkins more than legs themselves. Its head, if one could call it a head, was certainly odd to say the least. It appeared that its mouth was concealed behind a fleshy mask of muscle and bone that formed a downward point to a place on its chest, a triangular area at the tip coloured a brown hue other than the beige of the rest of the skin. Its eyes were not far off slits and were positioned beneath two blue strips of perhaps bone or material that met just before the rest of the face became hidden.

Paco had seen the released Pokemon all too many times before, yet the sheer sight of it never failed to spark the tiniest bit of awe, considering it did belong to Spoon after all. Just its towering size and bulging muscles deemed it to seem unstoppable and unbeatable.

The Hariyama let out a deep rumbling growl upon his appearance, its arms resting lazily on his meter-wide legs, his colossal muscles flexing by his mere act of breathing.

Once getting over his small state of admiration, Paco blinked vigorously and returned to his outraged expression, staring maliciously at Spoon, who stared with a quite similar expression back.

“Bodger, grab this ignorant runt and bring him with me back home. His harassing of wild Pokemon is reason enough for physical contact.” She added with a sneer, brandishing her bludgeon towards Paco. Before any protest could even be uttered, Paco felt what felt like three tree trunks encase and compress his whole body before he was lifted from the leaf-strewn ground with such ease it was as if he were a leaf himself. It wasn’t until he comprehended his situation that Paco began his screams of protest, trying his damnedest to struggle yet firmly prevented from doing so by the sheer strength of Bodger’s hand.

“Spoon you witch! You’re not a policewoman anymore; get the hell off of me!” He yelled malignantly, his words falling upon deaf ears as it echoed through the trees.

“Hear me, Spoon! I’ll kick your *** one day! Let’s see you ridicule and pester me then!” Still, the purely smug Spoon waddled onwards without a second thought upon Paco’s threatening words, perhaps, Paco thought, dreaming of what she’d cook for third breakfast that morning.

Finally comprehending that his cries were to little avail, Paco strained to turn his head behind him to try and catch a glimpse of Seedot. Sure enough, he was still in the exact same spot, staring blankly at the exact same tree as if his trainer did not and never had existed and as if the singular most important thing in the whole world was to rile him senseless while hanging off a tree branch that was inches too high.

Sighing with great annoyance, Paco finally relaxed his body and stared a fiery stare at Spoon who plodded on ahead of Bodger’s heavy footsteps and Paco’s helpless form.

----------​

“Here George, take a whiff of this stuff!” A young boy of nine years knelt before a rounded wooden table, scrutinizing a thick orange substance that almost seemed to bubble within its transparent, five by five centimeter container, disgust obvious within his piercing blue eyes.

With thick brown hair messier than a wild Poochyena’s and a cockney accent that could easily confuse him with a London ragamuffin; you’d never believe that Jamie Quinn was in fact a very lucky child, living in a well-spoken, prideful family of five – brought up a well mannered and well educated young man.

Standing close by, with much neater, longer and straighter brown hair, and retaining an expression similar to Jamie’s, was George Quinn.

Lowering himself to the level of Jamie, George’s head hovered above the goopy liquid and with a small scrunch of the side of his nose; he took a small ‘whiff’ of the substance. He took a long while to actually react, before he pulled a face of utmost displeasure and began to make peculiar choking sounds with his tongue protruding, which seemed to entertain Jamie to a high extent as he giggled boyishly by his side.

“Oh stop it you two! Go out and play or something and stop hanging around beneath my feet!” The pestered voice above the two belonged to a man in his late thirties, his once lengthy brown hair slightly receding around his forehead and graying around the ponytail that hung short, barely reaching the back of his head. He bore quite unusual clothing for a man, the frilly pink apron standing out quite a bit from the rest of his appearance, especially seeing as it contrasted greatly with his orange shirt and green cargo trousers.

“Aw, come on, dad, its not like we can do anythin’. Believe it or not, only one person owns somethin’ remotely entertaining in this house…” Jamie stated - his later statement spoke as more of a mumble. The two boys rose from the chessboard-akin tiled floor and went to leave the room, only to become blocked by their tall-standing father, who held the feather duster in his hand so it pointed to the ceiling and placing his free hand upon his hip.

Jamie glanced up at him, his attempt at ridding the mischievous guilt from his face failing dismally. Instead of speaking, his father merely cocked an eyebrow expectantly, to which Jamie droned, “Okay, okay, we’re too young for Pokemon.” He sighed and made a movement to pass the blockade, but a twitch in his father’s stance brought him and George to an abrupt halt,

“And?” He probed, stooping a little,

“And Paco got the Pokemon for his birthday, not as a gift but as a reward.” George finished indignantly, obviously as annoyed at the matter as Jamie,

“Thank you kindly,” their father replied, turning a full ninety degrees to allow their passing.

As the two made for the stairs, all actions became frozen at the strong wooden rapping that resounded through the house.

“Door!” The boys yelled in excited unison and they both commenced in a series of stumbles and tumbles, much like a dance, as they fought towards the front door, which was painted a pretty sky blue colour, and matched well with the blue-tainted white of the kitchen walls.

While they struggled to the door, their father sighed and placed the duster upon the kitchen table, beside the orange substance that had previously piqued so much curiosity from the pair of children. He then calmly paced towards the door, passing Jamie and George as Jamie tugged at George’s blue jumper in order to overtake him with greater ease, and grabbed the plain, wooden rounded handle before he ushered for the boys to calm down; then rubbed in his victory in the race towards the door with a triumphant shake of his fist and gaping of his mouth, before he regained composure and opened it.

Not so surprisingly, he was faced by a human Politoed wearing a pink nightgown, who heatedly clasped at the collar of a fifteen-year-old boy who seemed not only exhausted by a previous struggle, but greatly haggard. None other than Mrs. Poone and his own son, Paco.

Paco looked quite similar to his father, in terms of hairstyle and facial features. He also retained a short, brown ponytail that reached his neck, yet receding hair was not a problem as, in fact, he had many locks of hair also falling across his face.

“Mrs. Poone, what owes me the current pleasure?” Paco’s father asked with a fake politeness that luckily seemed to pass over Spoon’s head. Instead of replying, Spoon rudely poked her head through the door, to which Paco’s father gestured for her to continue, “Oh please do come in, don’t wait for any invites,” he said, again with a polite air that was ridden with false intention. But again, Spoon missed the sarcasm.

They both stood there for a while, Paco glancing irritably at Spoon who persisted in holding him by the scruff of the neck, and his father raised an eyebrow, similar to the way he did previously, expectantly.

“Toby, I don’t have time for this, fetch Clarrissa, I need to speak to her.” Spoon might have ordered what she said, and Paco’s father, now known as Toby, disguised a rude hand gesture from below his waist with a small chuckle,

“Terrible sorry Sp- Mrs. Spoon, but I’m afraid Clare is working right at this moment, working hard to earn us money, why, what do you need to see her for?” All this time, Toby never took one glimpse at Paco, who likewise glowered at nobody else other than Spoon.

Spoon shuffled uncomfortably, the idea of speaking to Toby obviously unnerving her,

“Well,” she spoke with a newly found sense of authority, “Your son, Paco here, has been causing mischief in the forest again, harassing Pokemon no less, and I don’t wish to intrude on your parenting,” she waved her hand and shook her head, Toby raising an eyebrow yet again, a mocking grin slowly spreading across his face, “but I’m afraid you’re going to have to keep him under more control if you wish for this to stop happening.” She finished, breathing heavily as if the small amount of speech took much effort.

“So if I wish for this to stop happening, and by ‘this’ you must mean your arrival upon my doorstep with my teenage son in your hand, I must stop my son from traveling out to the forest, where he is least likely to disturb villagers, so he can train his new Pokemon?” At this, Toby gained a similar expression to the exhausted Paco, who now hung, staring at the floor hopelessly.

Spoon sniffed a little, dropped Paco (who stumbled before regaining an upward stance, brushing his creased clothes back to position) and scratched her blubbery cheek with a single forefinger, unaware that the face-mask she wore now lodged itself within her overgrown and over painted nail. “Well,” she continued defiantly and indignantly, “perhaps if you could restrain him from bellowing at the top of his voice while he ‘trained’ (she lengthened the word as if she had never used it before), then there would be no cause for complaint!” She performed the familiar action of placing her hands on her hips and protruding her belly, her sense of appreciation for her words rising by the second.

Toby merely sighed and nodded,

“Okay, okay, Mrs. Poone, I’ll make sure to give him a good long lecture on his appalling behaviour and I’ll perhaps lock him in his room for a couple of days, feeding him on nothing but celery slices and cereal crumbs and I’ll make sure to give him a good educational video on the military and how to act as a young boy.” With this, Mrs. Poone swivelled on the spot and marched away, giving off no sign as to whether she comprehended the enormous sarcastic comment, or to whether she was simply being her pompous old self and finally disappeared behind a row of cottages.

Paco let out a relieved sigh and tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt positioned beneath the plain maroon jumper he wore and cleared his throat,

“Cheers for that, dad, I guess that told her eh?” He made a step to walk inside the house, but Toby didn’t move from his spot at the door – therefore causing another blockade.
Paco looked up at him weirdly before hinting again to the fact that he wanted to enter the house, but still Toby stood.

“What?” Paco said annoyingly, folding his arms.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Paco?” Toby inquired, leaning on the doorframe with his shoulder. Paco glanced around him with a fake bemused expression before speaking out the word, as if it were entirely obvious,

“No.”

The two stood, both retaining the same stance throughout a short period of time, Paco getting more confused by the minute.

“You know that creature you received not so long ago, that thing you’ve been hankering for, for years now, that little thing, the, err…Pokemon? Was it? Yeah, where is that precious little beast?” Toby probed, Paco simply groaned,

“That devil is still in the woods, draining an oak tree of it precious nutrients,” he spoke the last two words with a mocking voice – of a much higher pitch than his usual one. At the lack of movement from his father, Paco added “Besides, he always finds his own way home. He’ll wake me up before daybreak no doubt…” With this, Toby merely sighed and allowed Paco to finally pass through the door.

-----------​

“Bullet! Behind the rock!” A man within his twenties performed a skillful and agile dive to the rear of a colossal rock formation that stood grand and sturdy amongst the arid, rocky cliff edge. The location was vast and vacant, void of any natural life other than four figures that stood upon the brown cliff and its rocky terrain. No birds flew, no creatures scuttled, not even a bug was present within the dusty and tattered terrain.

In a blur of silver, the man’s Pupitar, aptly named Bullet, sped to his side behind the towering formation, and both took bracing stances.

A resounding whistle, as if a missile flew through the air, filled the dusty atmosphere and finished with a tremendous crash that blew half of the rock clear off – rubble and dust propelled in all directions and falling to the ground with a crumble.

Impelled with marvelous immensity by a thick, strong beam of blindingly white energy, the half of the rock-face was fired through the dry air, and took a silent tumble from the edge of the cliff, plummeting to a crumbling demise.

With it, the beam faded and thinned within seconds until it had disappeared completely from view and silence swiftly ensued.

Before the rock, now half-rock, stood a burly man dressed in a suit of orange and black, his defined face gradually wrinkling with age and his short-cut once dark brown hair was awfully grey. Perhaps the hefty man’s most outstanding feature was his lack of eyebrows.

However, Giovanni’s intimidating stature and persona was far from unapproachable at that current moment. His face was soaked with sweat and his suit was torn in various places, most of it coated in thick brown dust; scratches littering his bared skin. His expression panicked and exhausted; he stood with a hunch, barely finding himself able to breathe let alone stand with posture.

Beside him, equally as fatigued and with an expression of utmost dread and ache, was his trusted Persian. Her catlike stance was faltering and her once beautifully glossy and groomed cream coat was scarred, blood mixing with grit to form murky patches of darkened crimson. She was breathing with troubled labour, wheezing deeply as if she had just pulled off a formidable attack. Her gem glinted in the beating rays of sunlight.

As a long period of howling wind echoed throughout the dusty atmosphere, no action at all visible before the gasping two, Giovanni’s heavy breathing began to fade. It came to a halt and he lifted himself to an upright stance, his eyes wide while transfixed to the half-blown rock ahead of him.

There was no sign of movement. No sign of presence. Though he had no desire to rush to conclusions, Giovanni couldn’t help but submit to his dawning glee.

“Persian!” He growled, the cat’s head snapping upwards at the call of her name, “Check behind the rock…” Giovanni squinted as he ordered the move. The Persian hesitated with a pained flinch and frown before she began to limp forward with caution, sticking close to the rear of the rock.

There was another unbroken silence, the light-footed Pokemon producing no sound as she limped ahead, at a gradual pace.

Though she needn’t have reached the rock before a shout of pain and thud of a collapsing form resounded from behind her.
Her head swiveled to discover her master’s limp body upon the floor, and what seemed like a giant bullet pelting towards her.

With the last of her reflexes, the Persian ducked for her life and shut her eyes tightly in fear. The sound of rushing air was hastily heard from above, the obvious sign on the Pupitar’s passing, and the Persian leapt to her feet despite the protest of every pained limb in her body.

Her intentions were to attack the Pupitar as best she could then aid her master; but within a split second her intentions were destroyed. Her declared enemy, the man that her master despised and had taught her to do so likewise stood before her, his stature confident and his expression…happy.

His figure had blocked the light of the sun, and so faded his facial details, hidden behind shadow. But one thing that the Persian did notice about the trainer was his possession of a Pokeball within his right hand. He stood, his elbow upon his hip, casually throwing it about the air, its intended destination obvious.

She couldn’t allow it, and with great strain, the Persian lunged maliciously for the man ahead of her with a loud hiss, her glinting teeth bared viciously.

She landed with deftness upon his chest and commenced in tearing at his body as he collapsed to the ground, her razor-sharp claws hacking at his skin with an almost smooth ease.

His howls of pain and struggle hurt her ears and magnified the immense pain within her head, but all thoughts of her own agony were determinedly set aside. Her throbbing paws were numbed with pain as she continued to tear vigorously, blood staining her fur and trickling to the hard floor.

She took a deep breath, and with the last of her efforts made a malignant swing for his neck, releasing a formidable hiss. Her eyes flickered to her right, where a shadow loomed but she brought the claw down with a massive amount of strength nonetheless.

The sharp points failed in touching the skin. With a force that could have impaled her innards, the Persian was caught in full blow of Bullet, who succeeded in reaching her before her lethal blow could be delivered and managed to propel her from his friend in the nick of time.

Nothing she had ever felt compared to the excruciating pain she felt at that moment. Not a limb within her body, not one was clear of pain. She was winded, immobile, inches away from death.

But a glance at her master, who struggled to his feet with a stumble, forced her upwards and upon her own. She could see the Pupitar that had recently pummeled her side nursing his trainer back to his feet.

Regaining what was left of her energy, breathing deeply and bracing herself for the fight that would soon ensue, the Persian lowered her head; thoughts and images of the battle began to flash through her mind. They had been fighting now for little over an hour – battling hard and relentlessly, each opponent diligent in their persistence to continue without fainting before the other.

She had released more energy and effort than she had ever thought possible for her body to achieve, but the importance and sheer equality of power in this battle shone through her master’s expressions and words – constantly urging her spirit and strengthening her to the point of exhaustion.

But she’d fight to the death for her master. He was good to her, he always was, he had brought her up to be what she was now – his strongest companion.

Her eyes flickered and her senses began to tingle. Within a second, she glanced at the trainer who she’d attacked. His Pupitar was no longer by his side, and he was beginning to rise.

She took her view to her master.

“No!” Her eyes were flooded with a ferocity so immense they glowed, and her claws stretched and stabbed at the dusty terrain.

Time slowed with her stilling heartbeat as she took off towards her master. Her paws hit the ground silently as she sprinted forwards, her eyes transfixed upon her struggling master. Her breath was non-existent as she darted forward.

Meters away from him, the Persian leapt to her feet in a lunge that pained her more than ever, but numbed her senses almost to the point of blindness.

Her precision was formidable. There was a voluble crunch that resounded through the vastness of the area, and the silver blur that flew towards Giovanni was knocked from its course by the dexterous cat.

Both tumbled through the air, the Persian’s body limp and helpless, and Bullet’s bemused and uncontrollable.

Persian, unconscious before contact, hit the ground first; her lifeless form skidding through the dust that layered the rock before rolling helplessly towards the cliff edge.

Bullet, unable to pinpoint his position and bewildered by the speeding objects that seemed to fly from all angles, began to loose consciousness – pain from the previous collision was small to begin with, and faded rather quickly, but the force it had induced upon him had certainly made an effect.

Giovanni, barely mobile and no longer able to pull off quick thinking actions simply watched on as his trusted and loyal companion hopelessly continued to its inevitable fate – inside he grieved, though not even this could break through the steely exterior of his expression; his face was still hardened with determination and seriousness.

Yet Giovanni couldn’t help but at least widen his eyes as they set upon his final friend for the last seconds of her presence. But, although at that point it seemed certain the Persian would take the fall, the way in which she had finally departed from her master was not at all expected.

A small sphere, in a blur of red and white, had sped into Giovanni’s vision, and its destination was clear.

With a blinding flash that caused Giovanni to squint, the Persian was struck and disappeared from view – her form transformed into a mass of white, and forcibly sucked into the opened sphere.

Giovanni had finally broken. His face dropped, eyes wide with terror and his muscles gave way, emitting a thud as his heavy form took to the hard, cracked ground.

The sphere had landed right on the cliff’s border, and began to wobble lightly, yet unstably enough to cause concern. However, it didn’t take long for the mechanical ping that ensued; signifying the Persian’s capture and safe wellbeing.

He’d never kept Persian within a Pokeball. She was never captured that way. She was open for containment within a Pokeball.

The silence that would have continued from then on was hastily broken by a hard thud, Bullet finally making contact with the ground and skidding to a heavy halt just before the immobile Pokeball. Although exhausted from the previous throw-about through the air, Bullet had managed to keep aware and successfully managed to keep himself away from the fatal fall.

As he hopped upright with a rocky stomp onto the ground, Giovanni had snapped from his frozen state and glared at the Pokemon ahead of him, beside the Pokemon that was no longer his own.

He then took his sights to his right, face twitching as emotions conflicted within his mind, and was greeted with the towering, yet injured form of his enemy inches away from his body.

His first instinct was to retaliate, but his protesting muscles won over swiftly and he did nothing but stare at the man’s legs, the denim of his jeans torn and bloody.

“It’s over, Giovanni,” came his voice. Though his state was poor, his voice still retained the determination that he had demonstrated through the battle previous, and was as steady as the rock that surrounded the two.

Nothing else could be comprehended, and Giovanni felt the hard ground meet his face before all had faded away.


-----------

Gawd I hate this chapter. And if you did too, do tell me! =D But as a constructive critisism of course...
 
Last edited:

IceKing

Sexorific!
No new fics, aye?

As a single Seedot hung firmly attached the branch of a particularly tall oak tree, swaying a little due to reasons quite unknown to himself, he happily feasted upon the nutrients the plant had to offer and pondered over his current situation.
He felt a small pain at his side and again began to sway with a little more momentum.
It was odd; this quite random pain at his side simply kept returning again and again within intervals of silence and absorption and for some similarly bizarre reason, he kept swaying, again and again at a comparable rate.

I like the way you describe actions and pokemon. That happens pretty rarely so good job on that! Oh, and you tend to put your paragraphs in that odd structure a lot. It should either be one paragraph or a full space between.
You know indents dont work in Serebii right?

Paco Quinn, a boy of recent fifteen years and owner-slash-parent of a particularly disobedient and deranged Seedot knelt hopelessly amongst multicoloured leaves which had long since dropped from the tree before him; his face, clothes and hands all equally haggard and dirty.

Eh, I dont really like the syntax of this passage

He let out a yelp of pain as the acorn bounced off and hit the intended ground with a soft thud, and for the fourth or fifth time, he collapsed on his knees; using a hand for support and a hand to nurse the red lump that was rapidly beginning to rise upon his forehead.

How can an acorn do that much 0_0

Paco didn’t even have to turn to know what she wore, most likely a face mask of sorts and a silky pink gown complete with white frills at every possible crevice.
Nor did he have to turn to notice it was her presence, the shrill voice, the over-the-top pronunciation of every word she uttered, the strangled breathing. Yeah, Mrs. Poone alright…

LOL, I can completely picture her.

Its hands, retaining but three wide fingers, were larger than Paco’s head alone – perhaps double that, and Paco thought undoubtedly that it would be able to lift his form without any trouble whatsoever, owing to its bulging muscles – of which were most obvious in his legs, which resembled two overgrown pumpkins more than legs themselves. Its head, if one could call it a head, was certainly odd to say the least. It appeared that its mouth was concealed behind a fleshy mask of muscle and bone that formed a downward point to a place on its chest, a triangular area at the tip coloured a brown hue other than the beige of the rest of the skin. Its eyes were not far off slits and were positioned beneath two blue strips of perhaps bone or material that met just before the rest of the face became hidden.

Watch out with the excessive use of the same pronouns and try not to cram so much at once because people tend to not be able to picture it if they read such a large description

“Hear me, Spoon! I’ll kick your *** one day! Let’s see you ridicule and pester me then!” Still, the purely smug Spoon waddled onwards without a second thought upon Paco’s threatening words, perhaps, Paco thought, dreaming of what she’d cook for third breakfast that morning.

LMAO! Hes telling an old lady he'll kick her ****? I like this guy!


“Okay, okay, Mrs. Poone, I’ll make sure to give him a good long lecture on his appalling behaviour and I’ll perhaps lock him in his room for a couple of days, feeding him on nothing but celery slices and cereal crumbs and I’ll make sure to give him a good educational video on the military and how to act as a young boy.”

And I love the father as well. Likeable charachters are always good



And...I dont feel like qouting for the Giovanni part so I'm just going to start my actual review now. The title isnt really that interesting, the little dots and other marks are kind of an eyesore, But I decided to read it since it had no reviews and I know you. I really liked the first few paragraphs from Seedots POV and thought the description and stuff was best there, people tend to start out really good in beginnings of chapters. I LOVE the main charachters and I think you made them very enjoyable and original, specially Paco and his father. Mrs. Poone is the typical batty old lady (but with the evil Hariyama) and though she was a little cliched, she was still very funny and enjoyable. The also weird substance kind of got me confused because I had no idea what you were talking about and still dont have any idea. It was nice to see Paco's father in action, the gender roles seemed to be swapped in his and Clarissa's marriage. I loved his interaction with Spoon the best! I felt the last part was really iffy. The battle description wasn't all that good and it was pretty hard to picture. I am definetely interested into who this man and his bullet his (I kept thinking Bullet as an actual gun buttle, lol I think thats what you were intending). I never thought of Giovanni's Persian as female and it was kind of sad reading their downfall. But seriously though, I feel the writing there needed some improvement, it was a lot more choppier and didnt flow as well as the first two parts. Also, PLEASE fix that weird paragraphing thing you do where you have another part starting right below it with no space. In Fanfictions posted on forum, its usually best to have unindented paragraphs with spaces in between.

Overall, good job, very funny and entertaining to read. Work on the action and paragraphing. 7/10
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Thank you IK! Thank you so much!

You know, you've pointed out all of my doubts about this chapter, 'cept the title bit - I thought I'd go overboard 'cos I'm in that kind of mood =D. And hey, perhaps an eyesore will draw people in >.>

The paragraphs, its a habit. I've noticed that it does look odd when posted - but it never really occured to me to change it. I just have this habit, I'll break it though; for the readers!

Eh, I dont really like the syntax of this passage

I see what you mean, I'll swiftly change that.

How can an acorn do that much 0_0

XD I'm not sure what you mean, the acorn only hit him on the head before landing (though that is very unlucky); perhaps I phrased it wrong XP do tell me if I have. Edit: I get it now, yeah, that was one lethal acorn o.o, what can I say? It fell from a high hieght...XP

Watch out with the excessive use of the same pronouns and try not to cram so much at once because people tend to not be able to picture it if they read such a large description

Ugh, I can very honestly say that this was the hardest and worst description of the chapter. I had no idea how to describe the damn thing - his head is so odd o_O. But I'll take your advice for the future.

LMAO! Hes telling an old lady he'll kick her ****? I like this guy!

XD I'm glad. I usually work with more innocent characters when writing stories, but with Paco, I made him far more gutsy than most of my characters, just to add more interest.

The also weird substance kind of got me confused because I had no idea what you were talking about and still dont have any idea

Oh God, I knew that would come back to haunt me. The orange goop will be explained in the next chapter - and the worst part is, it has nothing to do with the plot -_-;

I felt the last part was really iffy. The battle description wasn't all that good and it was pretty hard to picture.

Yeah, yet another bit I struggled with. It was said in another forum that the battle was hard to understand, and I completely understand why it is hard. I wrote it in sections, not in a flow, and it made it far more choppy and less comprehendable - a lesson I shall use in the future.

(I kept thinking Bullet as an actual gun buttle, lol I think thats what you were intending).

Well, kind of the intention. I was wondering how I would go about the mobility of a Pupitar - so I looked up the 'dex entry and apparently it moves by propelling itself through the air with compressed gas.
This really helped me in how it attacked, a giant rock flying through the air would cause serious damage and I just got the idea of a bullet. Meh, the name was apt...

I never thought of Giovanni's Persian as female and it was kind of sad reading their downfall.

Well, I'd used male Pokemon throughout the story so far, I didn't want to seem sexist =3. To be honest, I didn't want to try too hard at the emotions, I am inexperienced and would most probably have screwed them up - but I am very glad to hear that what I did write did have some effect on the situation =D.

Thanks so much, IK, the review is greatly appreciated and I'm really thankful for the help ^-^.
 
Last edited:

xXSaberXx

xxxXsightless
Beside him, equally as fatigued and with an expression of utmost dread and ache, was his trusted Persian. Her catlike stance was faltering and her once beautifully glossy and groomed cream coat was scarred, blood mixing with grit to form murky patches of darkened crimson.

Dear dear dear, this was beautiful. *applause* It was this description that I loved the most, that, and the description of Mrs. Poone. Rofl. Poone. I made some fake pokemon when I was little and that was one of their names. xP

He was a mushroom, so whenever you write Poone Ima all like, 'ROFL MUSHROOM LADEH.'

x3 But fear not. I luffed this story ANYWAY. Twas maybe a little slow about Paco's intro and what not....wouldn't really CALL it an intro but it was something like it. ROFL A SEEDOT! LUFFS TO YOU I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!111onenine.

x3

Good job, Tale! The description of Giovanni and his final moments saddened me. ;-; oh wells. That's a good thing, cause I hardly ever get sad! ^.^ What I'm curious to know is who was the trainer of Bullet? Why did he keeeeel Gio-man? ?_? So many questions.

UNTIL THEN!

Saber.
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Saber said:
Dear dear dear, this was beautiful. *applause* It was this description that I loved the most, that, and the description of Mrs. Poone. Rofl. Poone. I made some fake pokemon when I was little and that was one of their names. xP

He was a mushroom, so whenever you write Poone Ima all like, 'ROFL MUSHROOM LADEH.'

x3 But fear not. I luffed this story ANYWAY. Twas maybe a little slow about Paco's intro and what not....wouldn't really CALL it an intro but it was something like it. ROFL A SEEDOT! LUFFS TO YOU I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!111onenine.

x3

Good job, Tale! The description of Giovanni and his final moments saddened me. ;-; oh wells. That's a good thing, cause I hardly ever get sad! ^.^ What I'm curious to know is who was the trainer of Bullet? Why did he keeeeel Gio-man? ?_? So many questions.

UNTIL THEN!

Saber.

Wow, thanks Saber! I'm glad you could pop by and review ^-^

XD Poone was the most random name; for some odd reason the name Poone and the ability to call her 'Spoon' just clicked all at once and it took five seconds to think of. Though, sadly, I don't think she'll have anything to do with mushrooms in the story >.>

I enjoyed writing Paco's intro, which is most probably why its so slow =P and I love Seedots too! I haven't seen Seedots used much, so I thought I'd nab at the chance; his evolutions rawk also.

It does seem the last bit was rather sad o.o who'd of thought the demise of the leader of the rockets (hence the chapter title) would induce sadness...Oh well, I guess it's a good thing! It may sound odd, but I'm glad it made you sad!

Ahh, I'm afraid the identity of the trainer will not be revealed until a few chapters away ;D.

Thanks lots and lots for the review! I'm so glad you could read it.
 
Yay a promised review is here ^.^

Well I liked the description you used it was very graphic and well it really painted a picturein my mind. I liked how you used Seedot, those little guys don't get enough credit these days in my opinion. Seedot seems quite the little rascal.

And Tale don't worry you description for Hariyama was great, well with me anyway. Also Spoon XD Thats the funniest thing I've ever heard in a fic XD

I like the name Paco, its just so different and his Dad is a very easy character to get use to. ^.^ I hope he gets a big part in up comming chapters *shot* ;)

Wow Giovanni's loss was just great, it had emotion and a Pupitar =D.

This is a great chapter Tale, keep it up or i'll have to keep bugging you ;)...
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Torkoal Stu said:
Yay a promised review is here ^.^

Well I liked the description you used it was very graphic and well it really painted a picturein my mind. I liked how you used Seedot, those little guys don't get enough credit these days in my opinion. Seedot seems quite the little rascal.

And Tale don't worry you description for Hariyama was great, well with me anyway. Also Spoon XD Thats the funniest thing I've ever heard in a fic XD

I like the name Paco, its just so different and his Dad is a very easy character to get use to. ^.^ I hope he gets a big part in up comming chapters *shot*

Wow Giovanni's loss was just great, it had emotion and a Pupitar =D.

This is a great chapter Tale, keep it up or i'll have to keep bugging you ...

Yay! Thank you Stu! I'm so glad you enjoyed it - and I'm astounded you understood the Hariyama description, if I read it again I'd probably puke x.x.

Yeah, I wanted an original name; after all, the whole fic was named after him so it certainly couldn't be dull. I'm hoping its rarity will attract readers just so that can find what it actually means XD. And as for his dad's part, well, I'm not promising anything, but that doesn't mean he won't either ;D oh the power of knowledge...

Thanks Stu! Massively appreciated!

okay, for all those who have read, I've now edited the chapter. The structure has been fixed (I think I got all of the odd paragraphs o.o) and I've hopefully made the battle a little more understandable. No need to read it again unless you really want to, though, not too much has been changed ^-^;.
 
P

Perfect Darkness

Guest
Tale said:
Paco Q uinn, a boy of recent fifteen years,
Take out the space there buddy ;)

Tale said:
pondered over his current situation.He felt a small pain
However put a space between situation and he.

Tale said:
Finally comprehending that his cries were to little avail
Too little avail, not to little avail

Tale said:
and its rocky terrain.No birds flew, no creatures
Make a space between terrain and No.

Okay, grammer lesson done. As said, excellent description. Espically the beginning part with the Seedot. How original of choices-Pupitar and Seedot. Those are rare nowdays in fanfics. None the less, very good. It leaves a lot of open holes for you the fill in in the later chapters which is always good, leaves the reader wondering. Oh and lil note on the side. If you want the é, then you can copy what I wrote and add it into Pokémon and Pokéball. I am a failed reviewer. But it was a very good first chapter, keep updating or I may need to bite you

~;353;
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
damnit Tale ;; why didn't you tell me you started such a kick *** fic.

Overall you hooked me by the paragraph of the Seedot wondering why it was pained in one side and swinging back and forth, had me near holding my breath at the persian's fight/plight, and feeling sympathy for Giovanni, and I never thought I'd hold sympathy for that cold hearted Rocket leader. All in all this chapter tugged, toyed and just grabbed my emotions and attention much like a master ball would.

I so dearly hope you continue this, and welcome back too :p
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Arti said:
Okay, grammer lesson done. As said, excellent description. Espically the beginning part with the Seedot. How original of choices-Pupitar and Seedot. Those are rare nowdays in fanfics. None the less, very good. It leaves a lot of open holes for you the fill in in the later chapters which is always good, leaves the reader wondering. Oh and lil note on the side. If you want the é, then you can copy what I wrote and add it into Pokémon and Pokéball. I am a failed reviewer. But it was a very good first chapter, keep updating or I may need to bite you

~

Okay, typos fixed, thanks for that Arti ;D.

I tried to go for more original Pokemon, as it hieghtens my enjoyment of writing it and of course helps with the overall originality. And yes, Ialways trey to leave a question or two ;D

As for the accent, though I've forgotten how to do it, I just really can't be bothered to slip it in everytime I write Pokesomething XD however, if people find that shoddy, then sure, I'll use the accent, thanks for the offer.

And thank you for the review! *Hugs*

Renegade said:
damnit Tale ;; why didn't you tell me you started such a kick *** fic.

Overall you hooked me by the paragraph of the Seedot wondering why it was pained in one side and swinging back and forth, had me near holding my breath at the persian's fight/plight, and feeling sympathy for Giovanni, and I never thought I'd hold sympathy for that cold hearted Rocket leader. All in all this chapter tugged, toyed and just grabbed my emotions and attention much like a master ball would.

I so dearly hope you continue this, and welcome back too

XD thank you, Ren! Its so nice to hear that ^-^.

Sorry I didn't tell you, but I felt a little uncomfortable sending you a PM reading 'check out my fic', I just don't like doing it >.>; but I'm glad you did spot it; and most of all, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!

Truck loads of thanks to both of you! ^-^.
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Holy crap, that's all I have to say.

I liked it - no, loved it! Especially the last half. The way you portrayed Giovanni's Persian was beautiful, and I loved reading every minute of it - except that pang of loss as she was captured into that Pokeball. All I can say, is I hate the guy who captured her, and I hope Giovanni gets her back - which, if he doesn't die, I'm sure he will. Persian seems, at the moment, to be one of the only things he does care about.

On the other side of the line, if Seedot were indeed graced with mouths, I could definitely see it smiling. It amused me to know end - and SPOON! You don't often hear a name like that, ever. I found it as a whole very amusing. Paco, too, is an interesting character.. you got to love his personality... haha! It's good to see that not everyone has a perfect relationship with his Pokemon. Paco seems a bit stuck up, but nevertheless, I like him.

Do post more.
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Saffire Persian said:
Holy crap, that's all I have to say.

I liked it - no, loved it! Especially the last half. The way you portrayed Giovanni's Persian was beautiful, and I loved reading every minute of it - except that pang of loss as she was captured into that Pokeball. All I can say, is I hate the guy who captured her, and I hope Giovanni gets her back - which, if he doesn't die, I'm sure he will. Persian seems, at the moment, to be one of the only things he does care about.

On the other side of the line, if Seedot were indeed graced with mouths, I could definitely see it smiling. It amused me to know end - and SPOON! You don't often hear a name like that, ever. I found it as a whole very amusing. Paco, too, is an interesting character.. you got to love his personality... haha! It's good to see that not everyone has a perfect relationship with his Pokemon. Paco seems a bit stuck up, but nevertheless, I like him.

Do post more.

Thank you Saffire! I'm glad you like it so much, it's lovely to hear, so encouraging ^-^.

Who knows ('cept for me o' course >=D) what will happen to Giovanni and his dear Persian. Is he dead? Is this trainer guy evil, or just trying to do some good? How did he defeat Giovanni? You'll all see in the not-so-distant-but-kind-of-when-you-think-about-it future, as it's not to be revealed until a couple of chapters onwards. After all, we're concentrating on Paco and his deranged Seedot here ;D.

Spoon has to have beenthe most random name I could have come up with >.>; but it's good to hear (or see) people are amused by it =D. I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy writing about Paco and his personality on a whole, especially his relationship with Seedot; which, if you've been wondering, isn't full of physical abuse, chucking acorns at your Pokemon is quite violent now I come to think of it o.o. XD stuck up, I never thought of it that way, I guess he is kinda - we'll have to see if that developes in future chapters =P.

Again, thanks so much for the review and the handy bump ;D. Which coincidentally, this post has turned out to be >=D.

Thank you! [/thankyoubump]
 
Your story's kind of cute, and it has potential. You've got a lot of people liking it, so you probably don't have to bother with my comments, but I read it so I'll review it just the same.

I love Seedot, hes cool. Your banner quotes my favourite bit. I think Paco seems like a nice enough character, too. Spoon is a fun name, but her character's a bit corny. I'd like to know more bout Paco's family.

The Giovanni story was an interesting one, but your paragraphs were all too small there. You tended to repeat yourself a bit too, which took away from the action. The description for Persian was really nice, I think I would have enjoyed this bit more if you'd gone back and reread what you'd written a little more though. Your writing gives off the sense that you write thigns once and then move on, which shouldn't be the way it is.

It was interesting that you described Paco and his family as 'Cockney.' I immediatly saw them as southerners, like something out of hide and seek or secret window. I think the action i nthe first half of the story was very drab- I got bored and stopped reading, and then came back and read the rest of it today. I think the problem is I'm not that interested yet...there isn't anything there that grabs my attention. I'll keep reading in case something does, but I think the setting, and the accents, and the Spoon bore me more than anything else.

Sorry bout the crappy review, I'm really tired thismorning.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Still, the purely smug Spoon waddled onwards without a second thought upon Paco’s threatening words, perhaps, Paco thought, dreaming of what she’d cook for third breakfast that morning.

XD That's just terrific.

By and large, it's the little touches like that that make this so enjoyable. That, and the really absorbing characterizations. Even the side characters, like Paco's brothers, are really interesting. (Mentioning those brothers reminds me..er, do I want to know what that orange crap they had was? XD ) Spoon, though... XP Holy frelling frell, she takes the cake. Good job on that nasty old toad, there. XD

And CRAP ON A CRAP CRACKER, you used Pupitar! Pupitar! How awesome is that? I never see that thing mentioned anywhere. It's great to see you give it some time in the spotlight. Kudos for Hariyama, too - loved the description of it as the imposing creature it is. ^^ *hugs Hariyama*

Well, this is flippin' boss, so I'll keep reading. You're a hell of a storyteller, you really are. *bows*
 
Last edited:

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
xDDDD The part with the Seedot on the branch swaying was BOSS. It's just so innocent and oblivious...that was pure whimsical genius.

And as everyone's said, Mrs. Spoon is the epitome of "Frumpy Scary Old Lady Next Door Who Peers Over Fence and Demands You Move Your Begonias Because It's Blocking Her View" archetype. XP

What else can I say? I love Bullet...his speed, his coloration, it's perfect. Pupitar's such an overlooked Pokemon with a neat design.
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
WHOAHLY crap. Well I haven't seen this thread in a while, very irresponsible on my part, sorry about that guys >.>

Thanks for the reviews cyndaquil_dratini, Sike and Scrap! I'm so glad you guys could read!

First, to answer the loverly reviews...

Your story's kind of cute, and it has potential. You've got a lot of people liking it, so you probably don't have to bother with my comments, but I read it so I'll review it just the same.

I love Seedot, hes cool. Your banner quotes my favourite bit. I think Paco seems like a nice enough character, too. Spoon is a fun name, but her character's a bit corny. I'd like to know more bout Paco's family.

The Giovanni story was an interesting one, but your paragraphs were all too small there. You tended to repeat yourself a bit too, which took away from the action. The description for Persian was really nice, I think I would have enjoyed this bit more if you'd gone back and reread what you'd written a little more though. Your writing gives off the sense that you write thigns once and then move on, which shouldn't be the way it is.

It was interesting that you described Paco and his family as 'Cockney.' I immediatly saw them as southerners, like something out of hide and seek or secret window. I think the action i nthe first half of the story was very drab- I got bored and stopped reading, and then came back and read the rest of it today. I think the problem is I'm not that interested yet...there isn't anything there that grabs my attention. I'll keep reading in case something does, but I think the setting, and the accents, and the Spoon bore me more than anything else.

Sorry bout the crappy review, I'm really tired thismorning.

All reviews are appreciated, I must bother with yours! It's great to know people like it, but the reviews count in the end ;D.

Spoon herself is VERY corny, I completely agree. I tweaked with her many times to get her to that state, I tried to open the fic with some interesting characters and actions, hence the acorn-chucking and the nicknaming and the Politoed resemblences. Luckily, her character won't appear much in future chapters (unless I change my mind) so her corniness shouldn't be too much of a problem in the future.

Actually, I have to say that I read and re-read and re-re-read the Giovanni battle and tweaked it so much, I think thats the problem. I overdid it a little, and it seemed to ruin it =(. Perhaps a rewrite will fix such problems, but progression is my main priority at the moment e_e.

I agree with you on the lack of action during the family intro, and for that I do apologise.

Thanks so much for the review, much advice taken!

XD That's just terrific.

By and large, it's the little touches like that that make this so enjoyable. That, and the really absorbing characterizations. Even the side characters, like Paco's brothers, are really interesting. (Mentioning those brothers reminds me..er, do I want to know what that orange crap they had was? XD ) Spoon, though... XP Holy frelling frell, she takes the cake. Good job on that nasty old toad, there. XD

And CRAP ON A CRAP CRACKER, you used Pupitar! Pupitar! How awesome is that? I never see that thing mentioned anywhere. It's great to see you give it some time in the spotlight. Kudos for Hariyama, too - loved the description of it as the imposing creature it is. ^^ *hugs Hariyama*

Well, this is flippin' boss, so I'll keep reading. You're a hell of a storyteller, you really are. *bows*

Sike! Thanks so much for reviewing, I'm so happy you could stop by.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the characters, I tried with them above all else, trying to make each one unique and different and interesting. I've been trying to give far more intense characters and stuff, and I'm so glad you like them!

The orange stuff, heheh, oh that suggestiveness could cause such problems - the mystery of that goo will be explained in the next chapter (chapter 3) though, I swear ;P.

I seriously can't believe you liked the Hariyama description, I hate it, so much...

Thank you Sike!!

xDDDD The part with the Seedot on the branch swaying was BOSS. It's just so innocent and oblivious...that was pure whimsical genius.

And as everyone's said, Mrs. Spoon is the epitome of "Frumpy Scary Old Lady Next Door Who Peers Over Fence and Demands You Move Your Begonias Because It's Blocking Her View" archetype. XP

What else can I say? I love Bullet...his speed, his coloration, it's perfect. Pupitar's such an overlooked Pokemon with a neat design.

Scrap! Thank you for reading! Not much I can say that isn't repeated from previous answers to be honest XP so instead I'll shower you with thank yous *showers* ;D.

I agree with the Pupitar, he's so cool and yet he's rarely used, I just had to grab him before anyone else stole his amazing design >=D.

Thank you Scrap! Oh yeah, and get on AIM more - it would be nice to speak to you again ='(!

----

So, after a month or so or something of waiting, I finally managed to create a second chapter. Beware, as it is extracted from what was going to be a much larger chapter which I decided to break down due to my lack of progression >.> so therefore, it might seem...oddly structured...but then again, it might not, I'm just a paranoid kind of guy. Also, the badly-handled mystery of the orange goo won't be explained until next chapter ;-;. Anyway...


Chapter Two: Icy Blue


Evening lingered in its appearance within New Bark Town that day, casting a mixture of orange shades across the cottages and trees that littered it with an attractive tidiness. The soothing light had delicately painted the white of the stone paths, emitting a sort of golden glow across them; certainly succeeding in increasing their appeal.

The fields of grass that sheeted most of New Bark had never been touched with such an array of colours and tones – what with the millions of tiny shadows flecking the verdant with darker hues, and then the golden light of the sun hitting all uncovered areas; it was as if nature was turning mad and switched green shades for the most vivid of colours.

The streets were quiet, as was the town center, and most seemed to be enjoying their Sunday evening indoors – their activities concealed from another’s eye.

To look through windows and to spy on such people, just out of the sheer curiosity of it all would most likely turn out some interesting discoveries. People of New Bark kept mostly to themselves, its traditional tranquility seemed to pass through generations of those who remained within New Bark and reflected in the introversion of most of the residents.

The fact was that nobody knew what anyone would have been doing, anything was possible. It’s definitely odd to consider such a small town with social qualities of a bustling city.

Though for one boy, a boy who wished for nothing more than to keep his business to himself and to keep his privacy from constant violation; a boy who was going through one of the most important stages of his life and career, this particular evening offered no excitement or unexpected actions.

No, lolling around with not a single thing to do and pondering over his life with anxiety and stress, Paco Quinn was simply sat, eyeing a small blue notepad with what could be seen as anticipation, within his bedroom that shone brightly in the beams of sunlight, its deep red walls welcoming the orange light with open arms, their harmony creating a warm and cozy atmosphere.

He let out a lingered sigh. Revision, despite the ease in which he could do it, was not one of Paco’s strong points. Perhaps it was down to sheer laziness, or even the disorganization of Paco’s methods; maybe it was his nerves that prevented him from picking up that notepad and writing down as much key facts as possible form the top of his head.

Paco didn’t know, truth be told, his brain was so crammed full at that point that he simply couldn’t decide which the valid reason was. But it was due to one of those reasons that he just sat. And stared. And pondered.

It wasn’t long, as Paco rested his chin upon his upturned hand, which in turn rested unstably upon his knee, before Paco’s mind began to sway, and daydream. All of a sudden, dust had become the key point to his vision; he noticed how it was far easier to be seen within beaming sunlight, its gradual plummet to the ground almost hypnotizing.

He began to muse over how dust consisted of dead skin, and how it was possible for this skin to reach the ceiling before leisurely floating to the ground for it seemed there was no other way for it to be falling from above.

He compared the dust to his own life. As it fell, it moved so slowly it was almost suspended within mid air – yet once his sight was taken from it and his attention was set aside, the dust seemed to fall a whole lot faster. His life was much like that, evenings so similar to these, long and stretched had filled the past month, when the pressure was at its height, and yet, as the days went by and his lack of revision caught up with him, it seemed time had sped by him too fast.

A small strand of dust caught his eye, it moved in a circular pattern as it fell, quite entertaining to behold and elegant in its flight.

Tap

Paco almost leapt from his chair in fright at the sudden sound beside him that snapped him completely from his study of dust and snatched at his sight immediately.

It was a tapping at his window, from the outside, and the culprit of that tapping was waiting just outside, tight upon Paco’s window ledge, and appearing quite unstable as it stood and tapped.

“Seedot!” Paco hissed with annoyance, he paced towards the window with wide strides and lifted it just so the mobile acorn could squeeze through, “Hurry up!” He snapped menacingly, “It’s freezing out there lately…”

The little creature wiggled his solid round shape through the gap in the window, his legs waggling frantically while they performed all the work. Paco found Seedot’s evolutionary design quite useless, what with its lack of arms and any form of visible orifice. Yet he’d only owned the Seedot for two, nearly three days, and a full study of its habits and physicality was yet to be accomplished.

Seedot had finally managed to squeeze through and took an abrupt tumble to the maroon-carpeted floor, his lack of mouth disallowing the grunt that should have been heard.

Paco irritably shut the window behind him and proceeded back towards the blue wooden chair on which he previously sat, paying no attention to his Seedot as he struggled to his feet and waddled along behind him.

“Oh, finally done feasting and ready for some attention now? Perhaps you can squeeze in the time to even train now, like we’ve supposed to have done for the past two days!” Paco yelled heatedly at the Seedot that stared up at him from the floor, “You’re supposed to have trained for eight hours now, and you’ve not done one of those hours – you just waddle your way over to that oak tree of yours, miraculously climb it and begin your daily scoffing!” Still, Seedot merely gazed up at his trainer, obviously not comprehending a word that was lectured; but, persistently, Paco continued, “Tomorrow, I should hopefully pass a test that will change my life. From there, after a few official actions, I am free to pursue my dream of Pokemon training. Not only do I doubt I will pass after the stress you’ve been aiding to pile upon me, but even if I do pass – what good is a Pokemon as inexperienced as you for protection?” An expected silence ensued, and, as he had been doing throughout Paco’s rant, Seedot watched – his eyes partly concealed beneath that teal hat of his.

“What am I doing?” Paco sighed to himself, “I’m talking to an acorn!” He swiveled on his chair and went back to glaring at his notepad, his mind boiling with frustration. As the silence was yet again apparent, he couldn’t help but flicker a glance towards Seedot, who was still stood, looking at his trainer with an unidentifiable expression.

He tore his view away and pondered again, pessimism flooding his future plans.

A thud and an almost hollow grunt at his side had signified that Seedot had taken a seat on the carpet.

Time stopped.

A grunt?

Paco blinked once, his eyebrows slowly twitching into a small frown as he stared before him. Slowly, very slowly, as curiosity took over, Paco turned his head and took his sights firmly to his now seated Seedot. He cocked his head slightly, scrutinizing the oaken brown of Seedot’s front for any sign of a mouth, perhaps a slit, or a miniscule hole. Nothing was there, yet the silence of the room was enough to reassure him that he had definitely heard a noise.

His frown deepened, and he stooped a little, not allowing his anger to pass and instead fusing it with his curiosity as he spoke, “Did you?” He squinted a little, “Did you just…make a noise?”

Seedot didn’t budge, his emotionless eyes staring blankly into Paco’s, his two feet pointing to the ceiling as he sat. It was useless asking the creature, he wasn’t going to reply, be it out of sheer defiance or just because he understood nothing that Paco said.

Instead, Paco glanced around him in search of a tool that would aid in his reassurance. A small cuddly toy in the form of a weird looking fish rested upon his desk among other things – the reason as to why it was there was unbeknown to Paco.

He lifted himself from his seat and paced towards it, crouching a little. Seedot’s eyes were firmly locked upon his as he went.

He grabbed the fish and turned to face Seedot with what could have been considered as a menacing glint in his eye. The unsuspecting acorn merely sat and stared, unaware of the fish’s purpose.

Paco showed no hesitance in continuing and practically took a run up to the defenseless Pokemon before hopping a little and bringing the soft toy down upon the Seedot’s head - almost forgetting the reason as to why he did just that.

However, silence ensued and Seedot didn’t move an inch or make a sound. Paco blinked a few times, still glaring at his Pokemon before he ultimately decided he did imagine the noise.

“I need a rest,” he stated, and in a teenage-like manner, dropped the fish where he stood and trudged over to his single, blue bed positioned in the corner of the room.

Seedot immediately got to his feet and began to follow, making use of his new found voice as he hobbled along the carpet with each step he took.

Paco swerved and dropped to the floor, his face inches away from Seedot’s and making use of both his forefingers by pointing them at him accusingly,

“You did just make a noise!” He cried with triumph. His anger was diminished on that spot, and was hastily replaced with eagerness and excitement, “Do it again! Go on!” He commanded jovially, his eyes wide and his face still inches away from the walking acorn.

Seedot tilted his head-slash-body, and unintentionally met Paco’s desire by emitting the hollow, almost wooden sound from out of seemingly nowhere.

“Haha!” Paco yelled, glee taking his expression. He looked around him, his thirst for discovery not yet fully quenched.

He began to wonder if the Seedot would now accept orders, perhaps the unearthing of his voice also came accompanied with some intelligence. Paco got to his feet, almost shaking with anticipation and searched his mind for an attack any Seedot would respond to.

As he wracked his brains for a move, it suddenly became apparent to Paco that he knew nothing of Seedot’s move set and quite disappointingly possessed nothing that would divulge such information.

He could have used the internet via the family computer, but that would have required too much effort, the moment of excitement was here and now – searching up a single move to command would spoil the spontaneity of the moment.

He bounced on his heels, reeling off grass-type moves through his mind, yet uncertain of their power and the set level of which they had to be executed being higher than that of Seedot’s. Suddenly a move came to him that he believed to be quite common among grass-types.

Lost in the moment, Paco’s voice raised significantly in decibels when he shouted out the command,

“Seedot, Absorb attack!” At first there was silence, and Seedot continued in performing the action he knew best other than climbing and clinging to trees, tilted his head and stared. Then a loud thud was heard from the next room, which was unfortunately Paco’s two younger brothers’, and George’s voice yelled through the wall, his words muffled and slurred,

“E’re ryin’ oo lay a game!” Paco dismissed them carelessly and concentrated back onto his Pokemon.

Yet for all his efforts in discovering more – Paco had to submit to the fact that he knew none of Seedot’s attacks, and even if he did, it didn’t at all guarantee that Seedot would understand.

Although, with his newly found upbeat attitude, the consequence out of all of this was Paco’s spontaneous rise in motivation to continue with his revising. With a rare smile dancing across his face, Paco lifted Seedot from his space on the floor (another of his wooden squeaks was sounded at the action) and brought him to the desk that had the blue notepad placed upon it.

Paco sat Seedot beside it, took a seat, and immediately began writing down all the key facts he knew of Pokemon Training upon the notepad’s pages.

..:.:.::.:.:..​

An icy glare was tenaciously locked upon the unruffled, tranquil town of New Bark, a cruel intent visible within them – be it true or not. Their firm hold upon the small town had disallowed their sight to stray, even for the rustle of grass nearby that signified the moving presence of another living being.

Hard to make out in the looming darkness, a figure, tall and almost quite foreboding, stood determinedly atop a grassy cliff towering over New Bark as a beautiful natural landmark. Long hair was thrown about gracefully in the slight wind, stronger than a mere breeze yet softer than a gust. Its colour was undeterminable, as was the colour of any other feature upon this figure, all tinted with the black and blues of the dark.

Yet the eyes, piercing and icy blue were unnaturally clear within the dark, and their stillness brought about an eerie effect.

A light, illuminating the head and tail of an approaching Typhlosion was nearing, emitted from the flame that collared its neck and lined the tail, flickering in the darkness much like a candle would within a dreary room.

The creature’s face was grooved in scars and crumpling of the skin, its expression sneering maliciously as it eyed the figure ahead, almost with a longing hunger. Its fur was unkempt, and tufted in places, its claws were uneven and split and its stature was hunched, as if it were bearing a huge weight. It lugged ahead in a juggernaut-like fashion, heavy and slow paced, taking no heed of stealth.

Its collar flickered in the approaching blackness, casting numerous shadows over surrounding objects of nature and illuminating the rear of the form ahead – at which it stared with a visible callousness.

“Remember this place?” A voice broke the calm, originating from the figure; it was surprisingly warm and steady. It was feminine, and seemed to be owned by a young person, perhaps in their early twenties or late teens.

The Typhlosion had finally reached the woman and stood towering above her, seemingly larger than any normal Typhlosion, even with the hunch it retained. Its sea blue eyes scanned over the slowly disappearing town below as the darkness enveloped it, finding it hard to make out details yet its basic shape visible enough.

It gave a low rumble in response, now scanning a certain area of the town,

“Searching for something?” The woman spoke again. Her icy blue eyes had now moved to the Typhlosion beside her, transfixed upon its thin eyes as they searched. The Typhlosion remained silent, still scanning the area with intent,

“Don’t worry, I’m sure its still there. If we can, I’ll let you visit it, what’s the harm...” The woman seemed to trail off and her eyes were yet again locked upon the town, “But,” she continued dreamily, “We must find him first.”
 
Last edited:

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
HOLY WACKO BLOOPING CRAP IT'S ABOUT FARGHENUGGENING TIME YOU UPDATED, TALE!

I'll post a longer comment later, as I'm about to get off soon. XP

EDIT: Ah, screw it, I had to comment or everyone else'd steal the glory. RIGHT.

THAT SEEDOT IS SO CUTE IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.

I love how realistic you've made everything about Seedot...his difficulty in moving around, his lack of a mouth...XD I have got to feel for Paco sometimes, yet at the same time I delight in his woes. I AM A SADIST. D:

As for the endig, 'twas nice and eerie. I simply loved the beautiful description of the blue-eyed woman in the shadows and the Typhlosion; I imagine she was one of the "trinity" trainers who got a starter from the lab and left on her journey? Though that's just my guess, nothing more. ^^;;
 
Last edited:

Tale

Well-Known Member
Holy Sh*t Scrap, you read that that damn fast? @_@ Phenomenal.

I was going to add a bit more from the next chapter on to this one before people could read it (yes, I messed up again), but now you've read it I'll have to leave it XP.

=P That Seedot is a fun creature to write about, I think his lack of limbs and mouth is quite hilarious, especially when combined with his inexperience with just about everything. Do feel free to delight in Paco's struggle >=D.

I enjoyed writing about the woman and her Typhlosion, and I'm looking forward to writing about them in the future. I won't reveal anything regarding your guess though ;D.

Thanks for the insta-review Scrap! It was a pleasant sight to see a reply within a space of two minutes (I'm still finding it quite hard to believe o.o).

Thank you!
 

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
Ah, you should add on. I'd read it again. ^^ And yes, I have the dubious honor of being a speed-reader. XP
 
Top