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Parallel Reality

Spectre

I'm the Juggernaut!
So, this is my first fic. I hope you enjoy. This will be rather sucky, but w/e. I was able to write it during finals month. ;D

DISCLAIMER: I do not own pokemon or any other trademarks referred to in this story. Thanks

Prologue:

Whenever there is light, there must be darkness to help equal the equation. When there is a right, there must be a wrong to consider it. When something is good, there must be a bad to counteract the statement. Everything in the world has a common comparison. A parallel figure who stares at you on the other side of the street with a malevolent glare… No one wishes for an opposite… but its there…

Thus the reason I was made.

~+~Parallel Reality~+~

Who am I…?

What am I…?

Do you know me? Does anyone?

I want to know…I know I am me, but what is…me?

Do I exist?

Am I real?

Is this reality?



Glances being exchanged, lights searing through my pupils, I opened my eyes.

“It’s nearly done… just a few incisions here…” A sound. I could understand it.

Suddenly, I wanted to scream. My head could not calculate what this…this thing was…

Snip…

Demonic voices sang aloud, ringing constantly through my brain. A cold object pressed against me.

Anxiety exploded..

Air drove inside me. I could hear thumping… continuously getting faster… and faster…

Echoes filled the open area.

“It seems to enjoy it. Hahaha, it must feel pain.” A face hovered over, censoring the flashing light. “You like that, doncha?”

Snip…

The same agony, same malicious chilling…thing… pressed onto me. Deeper and deeper it sunk, as I bellowed, pleading for mercy.

They laughed.

Anger overcame me. All thoughts were lost, all logic left behind. This…pain… I wanted to give it to them, make them feel the same gruesome object jerk through them, piercing their bodies and mind, causing them to shriek and beg.

“Stop it now. Are you planning to kill it?” Another sound, a voice. Elderly.

“****ing old man, I’m just having some fun. Can’t you see?” the same, catastrophic voice.

“We must keep it intact. Do not cause unnecessary conflict. Just finish up and we can go.”

“Alright, alright…”

Snip…

************************************

Chapter One: Anomaly


Run.

Don’t stop.

Keep on running.

The end will come.

Have faith in me child.


“Oh my god… What happened to him…?”

In the middle of the bustling streets of Goldenrod, a crowd flocked to one location. Faces tightly struck by expression, all murmuring under their breath.

Some people cried, some froze, some fainted, and some blankly stood.

I was laughing.

“People, people, this is not a sight. Please back away.” An officer pushed through the crowd.

However, the crowd showed no response to the officer.

“This is now a crime scene. Go back to work people.”

More officers joined, slowly disbanding the group. Yellow tape unraveled, girding the area with CAUTION…

Atop of the Goldenrod Casino, I couldn’t stop laughing.

His plea, his tears, his pain were all so sweet.

I looked back at my feast: A dismembered limb flung to one side, his countenance frozen in fear.

Sniggering, I leapt from the top of the Casino, reaching the comfort of the shadows.

************************************

Flames burst in the air.

“Finish it Houka. Overheat.”

Thick clouds of dust compacted together, limiting much eyesight. However, a stream of fire eroded a hole, engulfing the target in flames.

“Oh crap! Joji!” A kid ran to a fallen Swalot. Scorched and burned, the Swalot laid on the ground motionless.

The dust started to settle slowly outlining an Arcanine and its trainer. The Arcanine held a triumphant atmosphere, with its trainer smiling nearby.

“Well done Houka, well done.”

The trainer glanced at the kid.

“You’ve raised a mighty fine Swalot there.” He approached the fallen Swalot, and crouched on one knee.

He searched his bag, rummaging through the medicinal pocket.

“Ah, here it is.” A small, bright yellow crystalline material glistened in the trainer’s hands. He then precariously inserted the mineral into the mouth of the Swalot.

As if waiting for this object, the Swalot opened its eyes, and wearily got up. “Swaa…Swaaoootll”

“Wow, thanks! You are the nicest trainer I’ve ever met! Usually, they just ask for money.”

The trainer just gave a happy look.

“I’ll be leavin now. Take care of that Swalot.”

The kid nodded and hugged his poison pokemon.

************************************

“Houka, I was quite impressed with how you dealt with the pressure of Poison! It seems I’ve done a swell job training you.”

The Arcanine roared playfully, as if replying, “Ya ya, I know.”

“Well, lets get the others out too! We still got sometime before we go to Goldenrod. Let’s have a picnic, eh?”

The dog leaped in the air with joy, as a Golduck, Teddirusa, Manectric, and Marowak appeared onto the plain.

“Duc~Gol!”
“Teddi, Teddi!”
“Ne..Tric!”
“Maro…”

Walking up to the shade, the trainer sat down, taking out food from his bag.

Miltank steak for Houka, duck food for Kane (Pronounced Ka-ne), many Sitrus Berries for Mei, Slowpoke tail for Hito, and Mint leaves for Kai.

Gluttonously gulping down the food, the trainer did not notice that his trainer card had fallen out of his pocket.

The name shone a luminous gold after reflecting off the light.

Kawasaki Hiroshi….
 

Demy

Well-Known Member
Not bad, it did get a bit confusting for me i really didn't know what was going on. in the prlog. but in the First ch1 i sort of got what was going on.

when the next chapter comes it might easyer for me to understand.
3/5
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
I agree with Demy, I didn't have much of an idea what was going on in chapter one - the Prologue, not knowing what was going on was okay.. it's a Prologue, but the first chapter, it was a whole bunch of scenes with no introduction, and we have not much of a clue who the trainer is, what he looks like... anything really. o.o And all the scene changes make it look a tad choppy.
 

Spectre

I'm the Juggernaut!
Hmm, I understand what you guys are getting at. Well, I kinda dislike to introduce the characters, kind of let the reader figure it out. I'll take into consideration about the choppiness of the flurry of scenes. x.x
 
A

Angelstorm

Guest
Well I'm congradulating on your first fic chapter, though it may be a bit fuzzy to some. It's good that you can put your ideas upon paper or screen. (I can't even get my ideas onto a file, let alone write a paragraph in a short amount of time...) This is actually quite good, and different than what I usually see here and there. I can relate to some of these thoughts somewhat, though I don't think I will say anything about my relations.

Who am I…?
What am I…?
Do you know me? Does anyone?
I want to know…I know I am me, but what is…me?
Do I exist?
Am I real?
Is this reality?

Now this brings me to wonder who or what is aking themselves this. It also makes me think that there's a desperation or lust withing this character. Don't know why I thought that, I'm just following that they're thirsting for information about themselves, but I guess I didn't need to say that.

Glances being exchanged, lights searing through my pupils, I opened my eyes.

“It’s nearly done… just a few incisions here…” A sound. I could understand it.

Suddenly, I wanted to scream. My head could not calculate what this…this thing was…

Snip…

Demonic voices sang aloud, ringing constantly through my brain. A cold object pressed against me.

Anxiety exploded..

Air drove inside me. I could hear thumping… continuously getting faster… and faster…

Echoes filled the open area.

“It seems to enjoy it. Hahaha, it must feel pain.” A face hovered over, censoring the flashing light. “You like that, doncha?”

Poor thing. I felt as if I could feel her agony as she battled with the pain of the cutting instrument and herself. I know how it feels to have anxiety... It's not pleasant. I would bash that idiot who said that the creature enjoyed the pain, if he were real. You put quite a bit of emotion in a few sentences.

Snip…

The same agony, same malicious chilling…thing… pressed onto me. Deeper and deeper it sunk, as I bellowed, pleading for mercy.

They laughed.

Anger overcame me. All thoughts were lost, all logic left behind. This…pain… I wanted to give it to them, make them feel the same gruesome object jerk through them, piercing their bodies and mind, causing them to shriek and beg.

“Stop it now. Are you planning to kill it?” Another sound, a voice. Elderly.

“****ing old man, I’m just having some fun. Can’t you see?” the same, catastrophic voice.

“We must keep it intact. Do not cause unnecessary conflict. Just finish up and we can go.”

“Alright, alright…”

Snip…

Breaking point. Even more lust, and anger awakening in your shadowed character. The 'people' are most likely doing experiments on it, and enjoying it makes me feel sick. I'm at least glad you put that elderly man interviening, even though he most likely did it for his own benifit. Ouch.

Though there were (In my eyes.) no true paragraphs, your sentences felt like they were enough, yet also not enough. Description was very little, but the prolouige seemed ok with that. Your first chapter could have used some description, though it is ok for a start I guess.

Now you've added more mystery and questions: Who is the creature, and what is its intentions now that it has escaped from its torturers? What role will Kawasaki Hiroshi play in the coming chapters? But of course those are questions that can't be answered yet. Well I'll stick by and see what directions you take your fic in. Sorry for this long err... review. ^_^'
 

Demy

Well-Known Member
Ok, Ok, I know it may be something to do with the second chapter but when i read the chapter then i will give a oppion. But not bad so far ut don't change from one scence to another so quickly, ok.
 
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