Phoenix

[OokOokOok]

This is my new fic. If you ever happen to find the remains of my old one, good on you. You have just discovered the worst fanfic in the universe. It had parts missed out, grammar problems, a rubbishy plot - no wonder that Zephyr came for it so early. In the poll, almost everyone thought it was either terrible or not very good. So I started this, based on a gang started at school way back when I was nine. The story is called...

Phoenix
Prologue:What Is Phoenix?

What is Phoenix?

It is under the CIA, the FBI, MI5 and MI6.

It is deeper than all organizations, it holds more secrets in one cabinet of its base than the entire Pentagon.

It's different bases, located all over both the human and Pokemon world, are well hidden. More hidden than a crow flying through a pitch black night.

Phoenix is taboo.

They are the ultimate crimebusters, the mysterious men in black hidden in every crowd.

They know every alleyway of every city.

They know all the mafias and triads, and beat them into submission.

But now comes the ultimate challenge.

The Shadows have awoken.

And they are seeking revenge.
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Rubbish. But hopefully respectful rubbish. Remember, Phoenix does not exist. If I was threatening anyone, you'd know.

Feel free to flame, but when I am rich and powerful someday, I will use your username and personal account to track you down and sue you with -insert deleted robot names here-
Expect the first chapter later today.

 

[Hahahabvc87]

There is already a fic here called Phoenix by katiekitten. Using the exact same name might get people confused.
Mods can change the name, but I have a feeling that you aren't very keen on PMing one, are you?

It is deeper than all orginizations, it holds more secrets in one cabinet of it's base than the entire Pentagon.

It's different bases, located all over both the human and Pokemon world, are well hidden.

Dude, use spellcheck! Having such a short prologue with errors in it isn't a very good opening.

But now is the ultimate challenge.

I get what you're trying to say, but grammatically that should be "comes".

I can't really say much about it, but what I can say is that the prologue is so dang general it doesn't give us a clue as to what will happen next. If you're writing to catch your readers' interest and attention, be sure to make at least some parts of it unique, or just write well enough that the mood's there. If you're writing just to tell your story though, be our guest then. We won't complain.

Feel free to flame, but when I am rich and powerful someday, I will use your username and personal account to track you down and sue you with my RoboLaywersTM.

Rule no.2, my man:

2) Do NOT flame, flaming is insulting the author. Saying a fic is bad by saying for example: because I don't like fic about Ash and Misty/May/etc being in love, this would be flaming the author.

There IS a difference between a harsh review and flaming, complaining about a rather harsh review will be seen generally as yourself whining for attention. This is not fluffy candy land for your egos kids.

Authors and fic readers: Don’t tell them they have, simply report it and we’ll remove it and warn them for you flaming back risks a warning for yourself and/or a ban depending on the situation.

 

[The Doctor]

...This isn't even prologue worthy. It would probably look good in a sig as a picture or banner (CHeSHiRe-CaT has done it before, as have I), but not as a fic. The links in Hahahabvc87 are good ways of getting inspiration, plus anything by CHeSH or Saffire Persian. You won't regret this and neither will your team of loopy lawyers! jk.

 

[OokOokOok]

How could such a short prologue be so packed with mistakes? Thanks for pointing them out, I'll change them now.

Oh, and The Doctor [cool name], soon the laywers will be no more. They were just invented to keep really thick flamers off my fic.

RoboLawyers:NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The prologue, by the way, would not fit in my sig. If it could, I'd put it in, but with the links to Ultimate Showdown and my fan art shop [and Hoothoot banner] there just isn't room. And yes, I will look at the links.

 

[OokOokOok]

Thanks for the advice, I have edited accordingly.

 

[Yami Ryu]

The prologue, by the way, would not fit in my sig. If it could, I'd put it in, but with the links to Ultimate Showdown and my fan art shop [and Hoothoot banner] there just isn't room. And yes, I will look at the links.

If your prologue can fit in a sig. IT AINT A PROLOGUE. There's nothing to this, it still really is rubbish you wrote up in the reply box. There's nothing to hint it's pokemon. Nothing to hint it's gonna be great. With how short and skimpy and rushed it is, I doubt you seriously have really read the rules/advice for aspiring authors thread and realise YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO WRITE UP STORIES IN THE REPLY BOX.

 

[katiekitten]

XD I nearly had a heart attack when I saw this... I thought someone had revived ma old fic. I've revised it, ya see. *nods* XD

This does sound interesting. I especially liked the 'Phoenix is a Taboo' part. Very nice. =D

...I'd write it in Microsoft Word first, though, to iron out any common spelling errors. I would have thought that this was more of a preview than a prologue, as the beginning of it is presented in a slightly odd way. Just my opinion, though. =D

I'll be back to check up on you. =D

 

[OokOokOok]

I know, I know.

Yami Ryu - from my experience I know you are an experienced writer, and about the advice/importance/stuff you just posted - thanks. I knew there was something about cut and paste in this. And katiekitten, thanks for the review. So, no flames yet..