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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Creature of Storms

Blue Astra

Icy blue
Nice chapter as always. I loved the scene with Zorua and Scyther’s past was so sad. I would like to point some things out though:

The two attacks collided in midair. Groudon’s Flamethrower, though weak against water, persisted. The heat from the flames began turning some of the water from Kabutops into steam. Kabutops had flashbacks of when he contested his Hyper Beam against Kyogre’s. His face turned hot and his rage grew as he thought about that defeat. In his head, he was promising himself that nothing like that would ever happen again. Kabutops increased the force of his attack until it began overtaking the flames. The stream of water struck Groudon in the chest and was pushing it backwards. Groudon crossed its burly arms and shielded himself with them.

Make the first one ‘he’ and the second ‘it’.


Kabutops ceased fire and used his powerful legs to jump towards Groudon while spinning like a torpedo. Groudon struck him to the ground before he could reach the volcanic beast. Kabutops quickly stood up and began thrusting his sickles at Groudon’s face. Groudon blocked itself with its claws and pounded the ground with its fist, barely missing Kabutops as he somersaulted under Groudon’s legs. Kabutops fired a Hyper Beam at the back of a defenseless Groudon and knocked it onto its stomach.

Make the first one ‘he’, the second one ‘the beast’s face’, the third one ‘its’ and the last one ‘the shellfish Pokemon’.

Almost immediately after Kabutops said that, Groudon jumped out from underground and rammed into Kabutops with its head, sending Kabutops flying high in the air. Groudon’s body began glowing as it motioned towards the sun. The sun seemed to obey it as the rays intensified greatly. Groudon used this solar power to charge up a Solarbeam attack. Kabutops was just landing on the ground in front of a tree when Groudon released the powerful attack. The beam collided with Kabutops and the force from the attack caused the tree to explode, causing bits of bark to rain from the sky.
The first one: ‘the shellfish Pokemon”
The second one: ‘him’
The last one: ‘the creature’


Ragetti hit the back of his back, popping his glass eye out.
‘the back of his head’ perhaps?

That’ll be the day!” Ragetti retorted as he congratulated his Weezing.
Didn’t you mean ‘Pintel’? And I really hope that day will be soon :)


“Hmm, I like the greeting, Captain, but I really need to tell you…” Jack held up a finger to indicate that we wanted one more kiss.
I guess Jack wanted the kiss more than we did, so put ‘he’ there :)


The first Jack snickered and changed back into Zorua.
Man, I loved that scene.

They picked me up and took me with them, saying that if I ended up being anything like my brother that I could be useful to them.

This sentence sounds weird to me. Maybe you could change the second ‘that’ to ‘then’ or eliminate the second ‘that’ and put commas before “if” and before “I could”.


Good work. Keep it up.


~Truthfully yours~
 

Moonlight Amaryllis

♪smoke and mirrors♪
I LOVED that chapter! Not only was the Groudon fight short and sweet, the Scyther's backstory was revealed. He's my favourite character in this story now, next to Zorua XD. Magikarp vs Weezing? Bad luck, my fishy friend, evolve and you'll be biting. I wonder how Weezing taste...>:]

Speaking of Zorua...

Chapter 13

The first Jack snickered and changed back into Zorua. Angelica’s eyes became wide and she spat on the ground. “No puedo creer esto! Usted monstruo pervertido! Voy a matar a alguien!” she said quickly in a very angry tone.

Jack rolled his eyes and returned Zorua into its Pokeball. “What have I told you? Don’t use your illusion power unless I command it!” he scolded. He then smiled at Angelica and inched towards her. “Now where did we leave off, love?”

Angelica put her hand on his chest and stopped him from getting closer. “I have something important to tell you but it will have to wait because of your perverted Pokemon!” she yelled. “I’m going to go wash my mouth out!”

Is Zorua a pervert because he/she pretended to be Jack, or because Zorua's a girl?

Anyways, keep it up! I also appreciate your compliments on my story- still working on Chapter Seven, darn it!!!

Nya~
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Okay so exams are over. I finally got time to finish another chapter! Again, so sorry for the wait and I thank you all for your patience. Some of you, I didn't get a chance to respons to your comments on Chapter 13 so here are my responses:

I have arrived bringing yet another review! Feel free to start clapping. JK.

Well this chapter was great as usual, but it was missing our favorite peg-legged Captain. I was hoping to see what became of him and his "accquired" submarine.

Moving on to relevant things, the Groudon battle, very exciting. Unfortunately it ended with Groudon knocked out, which only serves to make things a living hell for Jack and Co.

Also, a question. What will Phantom use to capture Groudon now that his Ultra Ball is in fragments? Just something I saw.

When will Magikarp's time to shine come? Ragetti's Magikarp has brought honor to the Magikarp species. It didn't win, but it sure put up a fight.

I hope the Zoura antics continue, I really do. Always funny to read.

Sycther's backstory was a little unexpected, but sad none the less. I feel for him.

Thanks for your comments and some of your questions will be answered in this chapter. Magikarp's time to shine is not this chapter, but don't worry it will come!

I guess Jack wanted the kiss more than we did, so put ‘he’ there

Lol funny! Good catch too, thanks. I noticed the other grammar mistakes you pointed out so thanks for those as well.

I LOVED that chapter! Not only was the Groudon fight short and sweet, the Scyther's backstory was revealed. He's my favourite character in this story now, next to Zorua XD. Magikarp vs Weezing? Bad luck, my fishy friend, evolve and you'll be biting. I wonder how Weezing taste...>:]

Speaking of Zorua...
Is Zorua a pervert because he/she pretended to be Jack, or because Zorua's a girl?

Thanks for your kind words! As for Zorua, it is a male. The reason Angelica called Zorua a pervert is because he basically stole a kiss without her permission. Plus he is a Pokemon and she is a human which makes it a little awk lol.

So without further adieu, here is chapter 14!

Chapter 14

Barbossa walked down the stairs, still in uniform, to a surprisingly vast underground area. It was wet and murky, but well-lit and bustling with soldiers and workers. The hidden Jack was clinging to the inside of Barbossa’s jacket. He moved forward cautiously, trying to make sure no one was suspicious of him. He prided himself in his ability to fight, even with only one leg, but to take on the amount of soldiers that was down there would be too much.

“Where’s that submarine?” he muttered to himself. He looked to his left and saw a group of soldiers heading down a dark hallway. Barbossa presumed that was where the submarine would be since it was the only hallway in sight. He creeped behind the pack of soldiers and blended in from the rear. He did his best to keep in step with the marching while Jack did his best to stay hidden.

He heard rumors in the past about the submarine and how the Royal Navy was doing their best to develop the greatest and most powerful underwater weapon. Only one other nation was rumored to have created such a vehicle. Barbossa was anxious to see what the submarine was like and how many of the rumors were true. As he followed the pack into the main room, he saw a large body of water in the center. A gigantic, metallic, acorn-shaped vessel was floating in the water, which looked as though it led back up to the surface of the ocean.

A tall, imposing man who appeared to be the Captain of the submarine walked out of the entrance and towards the pack of soldiers that Barbossa was following. Barbossa’s peg leg was starting to hurt his hip and it was getting moist, making it more difficult to walk. Before the Captain or any of the soldiers could spot him, he limped his way out of the pack and behind a nearby boulder. His breathing quickly became heavy as he held up his peg leg. Sitting down behind the boulder helped ease the pain a bit. Jack climbed out of his garments and onto his shoulder. “What now?” Barbossa whispered to himself and to Jack. He was hoping the soldiers and the Captain would leave the area open for him to sneak onto the submarine, but no such luck. It was being heavily guarded.

Barbossa closed his eyes as he began pondering what he should do. He opened them back up when he felt Jack leap off of his shoulder. He quickly sat up straight and became alarmed for a moment when he saw Jack face-to-face with a bulky, red primate. It’s body was giving off intense heat and it was at least twice the size of little Jack. The two monkeys were glaring at each other. Jack didn’t back down despite the obvious size difference. Barbossa looked around to make sure nobody else was coming. “Who are ya?” he whispered. “You must be a Pokemon, am I right?”

The primate nodded its head. “Sim-Simisear,” it quietly grunted as it continued to keep its focus on Jack.

“Now now, stand down you two,” Barbossa quietly scolded. “Jack ain’t gonna hurt ya. Are ya, Jack?” Jack hesitantly turned its back and hopped back on Barbossa’a shoulder. Simisear peeked around the corner of the boulder and motioned towards the submarine with his hands. “You know a way in there?” Barbossa asked. Simisear responded by nodded his head. “So why ya helping me out, mate?”

Simisear pointed at the Captain in the distance, who was talking to a group of soldiers in a very loud, commanding voice. He was scolding them for being late and was using some derogatory comments towards them. Simisear then used his pointer finger and ran it across his neck as he smiled wryly.

Barbossa smirked. “Ah, so ya hate the Captain, do ya? You help me get into the vessel and I’ll get you away from here. We’ll plunder that submarine. How does that sound?”

Simisear gave a thumbs up and motioned for Barbossa to back up. With great power and speed, the primate dove its body into the ground as if it was water and created a large pathway underground. The hole was wide enough for Barbossa, who climbed down into the hole and followed his new partner. It was wet and murky and the pirate (along with Jack) slipped in the mud a couple of times before finally removing his coat, which was holding him back.

“Someone go check that noise out!” the Captain barked on the surface. This hastened Barbossa and he began crawling through the underground pathway quicker as he heard numerous stomping boots above him.

Simisear led Barbossa and Jack to the surface just behind the submarine. While the distracted soldiers were running around to the other side of the room, Simisear, Barbossa, and Jack all snuck onto the submarine but were greeted by the Captain. Looking at him up close, he was a half a foot taller than Barbossa and bulky. He reached for his musket and stared down Simisear. “I thought I released you, you filthy, useless Pokemon!”

Before he could pull his musket all the way out, Simisear’s hands went ablaze and he used them to grab the Captain by the chest part of his coat. With ferocious strength, the primate Pokemon spun his body around and effortlessly flung the Captain out of the submarine and to the ground on his face. Barbossa was in awe of the Pokemon’s strength, but it didn’t last long as gunfire rang out from the soldiers as soon as their Captain hit the ground. The three ducked into the submarine and Barbossa closed the door. “How do ya work this thing?!” he asked himself as he began pulling random levers.

One of the levers set off a small ignition in the front of the submarine that fired a cannon ball from the front of it. Three soldiers standing by were all knocked over. “Jack, you handle the cannon while I look for a lever to move this thing,” Barbossa ordered. Jack pulled the lever and began firing cannons at the helpless soldiers who began diving out of the way.

Simisear saw a hand crank behind them and used his muscular arms to rapidly spin it. The submarine motors began running and the submarine started going through the water. Bullet rounds connected with the submarine but bounced off the strong metal. “Good! Get us out of here!” Barbossa said to Simisear. The acorn-shaped vessel started zooming through the water and running up the stream that brought them above ground and into the ocean.

The submarine cruised under the water and Barbossa looked out the window at the numerous water Pokemon that were swimming by. He stretched his legs and realized that, while it was small, the vessel had a decent amount of space for he and the two primates. Simisear continued to spin the crank and keep the submarine moving. “I reckon I can get my revenge on Jack Sparrow, after all. He won’t know, or even see, what hit him!”

-----

Kabutops smirked as he looked down at his victim. He then looked up at Phantom, who was still stunned and unable to speak after watching the battle that unfolded. “Well? You gonna thank me or not?”

Phantom was truly impressed with how his first mate fought but he tried playing it cool. He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m still yer Captain so easy with those smart comments. Not bad fighting, though.” He took another Ultra Ball out of his coat pocket, causing Kabutops to cringe. Phantom laughed. “All the Rare Candy power you want and you’re still scared of these?” He hurled the ball at Groudon, causing it to vanish within. The ball shook a few times before settling down.

Phantom picked up his new prize and held it in the air. He revealed his disgusting, yellow teeth as he smiled. I can feel the heat coursing from the ball to my hand,” he said. “Now I can compete with Kyogre and rule land and sea.”

“I just defeated Groudon,” Kabutops scoffed. “I consider myself more qualified than Groudon to fight Kyogre. In fact, you don’t even need Kyogre when you have me. I’m now the world’s strongest Pokemon.”

Phantom gritted his teeth. “Just cool it, already. You had a good fight but it was only one fight. Don’t get so cocky. You’re strong but neither you nor Groudon will ever be as much of a legend as Kyogre. I need you both in top form. I can’t have you daydreaming thinking you’re the greatest when you’re not.”

Kabutops rubbed his sickles together and threateningly approached Phantom, who didn’t even move. “You want to insult me after what I just did for you? Groudon nearly killed you and I saved your life!”

“I didn’t need saving. I’m impervious to pain,” Phantom bragged.

Kabutops dug his sickle into Phantom’s gut near the same spot where Groudon clawed him. Phantom calmly pulled it out of his body and grinned. The sickle had a veil of blood on it. Kabutops growled in frustration. He then took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s remember that we’re on the same team, here. Let’s rather the remaining Rare Candies so I can bring them to my father.”

“Fine, then,” Phantom agreed. “Let’s stop fighting ourselves and focus on our mission, here. We need Groudon to summon Kyogre. It’s a natural behavior for the two to sense and fight one another. Now that we have Groudon, all we need to do is put one of its feet in the ocean and Kyogre will be able to sense its presence even from far away. It will use its instincts to track us down. That is when we pounce.” An evil grin crossed his lips. “We will take the Rare Candies to your father. After that, what do you say we take a little stroll through Cinnabar Island with our new friend?”

-----

Gibbs was on the Crow’s Nest of the Black Pearl doing his best to finish the repairs on the sails. The ship looked to be in much better shape than before after over three days of repair. He wiped a puddle of sweat from his brow and took a breather. “Nice to know I got a whole crew helping me out,” he sarcastically said to himself. He looked down and saw Scrum asleep with his guitar in his hands, Pintel and Ragetti arguing over whose Pokemon was better, Jack running around searching for Angelica to apologize for the actions of his Zorua, and Tajiri and Scyther engaging in a Pokemon battle on the beach. “Or…just me,” Gibbs said as he shook his head.

On the beach, Tajiri’s Raichu and Scyther were battling, but Tajiri was using it more as an opportunity to coach Scyther. “I’ve seen amazing moves from you,” he told Scyther. Just don’t hold back and don’t be afraid to be more aggressive.”

Scyther nodded his head. “Got it.”

“Okay, Raichu, use Thunderbolt!” Tajiri ordered.

“Raaaaaiiiiichuuuuuu!” the rodent shouted as it fired a gigantic bolt of lightning from its body. Scyther rapidly flapped his wings and soared to the right, dodging the bolt. He swooped back on course and swung his sword-like arm at Raichu, who blocked the blow with its tail.

Raichu’s tail then began glowing silver and it leaped high in the air over Scyther. It came down hard with Iron Tail but Scyther was easily able to avoid it. He swung his arm at Raichu again and struck it in the back. Raichu fell to the ground but quickly got up and back into battle position. He spun around and slapped Scyther in the face with his tail. Scyther rubbed his face and let out a grunt of frustration.

“You are good at dodging and speed,” Tajiri said. “You’ve already proven you have no problem with that. You’re offense still needs work. You still haven’t let it all out yet. Stand up for yourself. Pretend my Raichu is someone like Kabutops.”

Raichu looked at Scyther with a cocky grin. Scyther closed his eyes and envisioned the smug look on Kabutops’s face. He heard the mocking, taunts, and abuse. He saw his brother fall to the ground dead. “No more,” he said to himself. “I’m standing up for myself.” He opened his eyes and crossed his arms. He soared through the air with great speed and uncorked his arms with tremendous power, performing X-Scissor for the first time in his life. The next thing he saw was Raichu flip through the air and land on his face in the sand. It took him a moment to realize what he just did.

Tajiri looked at Raichu, who sat up and rubbed its head, stunned for a moment at how hard it was just hit. Tajiri then looked over at Scyther, who began breathing heavy. “I-I’m sorry,” Scyther stammered.

Tajiri saw Raichu get back up and then he smiled. “Don’t be! That was an amazing attack! Where did that come from?”

“I just was reminded of Kabutops and how I’m tired of getting pushed around. I was just trying to stand up for myself for once. I didn’t like getting slapped in the face.”

Tajiri put his hand on Scyther’s shoulder. “Keep standing up for yourself, my friend,” he said. “And there’s no one who can beat you.”

-----

Jack searched the ship for Angelica, hoping he could find out what she was wanting to tell him earlier. Zorua remained on his shoulder. He finally found her in one of the rooms. Her face turned red when she saw Zorua, who began snickering. “Keep that away from me,” she said.

Jack patted Zorua’s head. “Aw, he’s sorry. He told me himself.”

Angelica put her hands on her hips. “Did he? And when you learn to speak Pokemonese?”

“First of all, that is not a word,” Jack said. “Second of all, I’ve grown a bond with Zorua, one no other human will be able to understand. Anyway, I was wanting to know what it is you were trying to tell me earlier.”

“I was trying to warn you about Phantom,” Angelica said.

“That Sasquatch?” Jack said. “We took care of him already, Love. Remember?”

“Yes, I do,” Angelica said. “I ran into Philip in town yesterday, though.”

Jack smiled. “Ah, yes! How’s that Mermaid Charmer doing?”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “He’s just fine. Anyway, he told me he’s sensing that Phantom is not dead and that he can come back as more of a threat than before. Jack, I do not feel like we are safe here or from Phantom. He will simply not stop until he gets Kyogre. Philip compared him to Goliath and said a demonic being like him can be defeated by the Word of God.”

Jack paused for a second. “You mean…we throw a Bible at him and that will kill him?” he asked innocently.

Angelica did a facepalm. “Aye aye aye, Jack. No, we use the words inside of the book. David used the power of the Word to kill Goliath and we can do the same for Phantom.”

“Well, Philip knew what he was talking about last time we saw him,” Jack said. “Anyway, I’ve gotten to thinking about capturing Kyogre for myself.”

“After it almost killed us all?” Angelica said.

“I wasn’t ready that time,” Jack said. “Plus, I didn’t have Zorua with me. Whoever has Kyogre can control the seas. I’ve had the opportunity to stab the heart of Davy Jones and drink from the Fountain of Youth and I passed up both opportunities. I can’t call myself a true adventurer if I let another opportunity like this pass me by.”

“Well, you better be sure we have strong enough Pokemon,” Angelica said. “What we have now won’t cut it.” Zorua, who took offense to that, growled at Angelica. “Oh, get over it,” Angelica said. “You fight the way you kiss: Not that well.”

The two walked outside onto the main deck. Jack looked up at Gibbs, who was still working. “How’s it going up there, mate?” he hollered.

“Almost done but could use some help!” Gibbs shouted back.

“Almost done and happy to help? Glad to hear it, Mr. Gibbs!” Jack shouted up to his first mate.

Gibbs shook his head. “Next time I have a disagreement with Jack it’d be nice to have a Pokemon of my own.”
 

Missingno. Master

Poison-type Trainer
Good chapter. So, Barbossa's Pokémon will be Simisear, eh? Not bad. Not bad.

And the last line makes me pretty sure that the next chapter just might focus on Gibbs getting his own Pokémon. Can't wait to see that.

What I really can't wait for, though, is for Ragetti's Magikarp to evolve, and Jack to take one look at Gyarados and act like he merely loaned Magikarp to Ragetti or something similar.

Scyther learning X-Scissor was pretty badass, too. In fact, the only way this chapter could've been better is if we saw Pintel's Weezing in action again, but that's just my personal preference talking there.
 

Moonlight Amaryllis

♪smoke and mirrors♪
Finally indeed. I'm glad how this chapter turned out. Barbossa gets a new friend, a bit more of Kabutops and Pahntom (I REALLY hope Kabutops turns on that jerk), Scyther becoming stronger, and Jack is bonding with Zorua. Nice going. I spotted a few errors, though. You missed some "" at the Phantom and Kabutops scene. There were a few others as well.

Best line ever, though; "You mean...we throw a Bible at him and that will kill him?"
 

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
And thus the great work returns in a fire of new chapterness!

Good for Barbossa, Simisear seemed like a decent choice as a Pokemon for him. Wonder if Jack and him will have to start competeing for Barbossa's attention in the future.

I'm also eagerly awaiting for the chapter when Kabutops's patience for Phantom will finally break and they fight. I know it'll happen, I mean, Kabutops just stabbed the guy in the gut.
And I have a feeling that there will be a battle that rages in Cinnabar next chapter.

I will also be awaiting the inevitable battle between Syther and Kabutops, that should be a great battle.

And Gibbs, argueably my most favorite somewhat minor character in the series. I have a feeling that he'll finally get his Pokemon after watching everyone else catch theirs.

As he followed the pack into the main room, he saw a large body of water in the center. A gigantic, metallic, acorn-shaped vessel was floating in the water, which looked as though it led back up to the surface of the ocean.
This does sort of match with the submarines at the time. They were mostly barrel or acron shaped due to limited technology. I'm glad that you also pointed out that it was hand cranked, as most were at this time period.
Though I'm not sure about the size of it though, you say it looked gigantic in the quote above, yet in the passage beneath it says that there was room for Barbossa, Jack, and Simisear. And Barbossa even mentions that the sub was fairly small. I don't know what you were trying to do.

The two walked outside onto the main deck. Jack looked up at Gibbs, who was still working. “How’s it going up there, mate?” he hollered.

“Almost done but could use some help!” Gibbs shouted back.

“Almost done and happy to help? Glad to hear it, Mr. Gibbs!” Jack shouted up to his first mate.

Gibbs shook his head. “Next time I have a disagreement with Jack it’d be nice to have a Pokemon of my own.”

Poor Gibbs, he better get his Pokemon soon.

Anyways, great chapter as usual. Glad that your exams are over, I wish the same was for me.

Knightfall signing off...;005;
 

Blue Astra

Icy blue
“You mean… we throw a Bible at him and that will kill him?â€

Long time no see, my friend. Nice chapter though. It was nice hearing from Barbossa and I see you’ve finally decided to give him a second monkey, a fiery one, totally matching his personality. I hope to see some possible bickering between Jack and Simisear. I liked how you focused more on them rather than on Phantom and crew or our heroes.

You had quite a few typo but (yes!) almost (almost) no repetitions.


“Now now, stand down you two,” Barbossa quietly scolded. “Jack ain’t gonna hurt ya. Are ya, Jack?” Jack hesitantly turned its back and hopped back on Barbossa’a shoulder.
Barbossa’s

“You know a way in there?” Barbossa asked. Simisear responded by nodded his head.
nodding’

One of the levers set off a small ignition in the front of the submarine that fired a cannon ball from the front of it
Either you change the first one to ‘bow’ (but I’m not quite sure if you can use ‘bow’ for a submarine) or simply eliminate the second ‘from the front of it’ since it’s not that necessary.

Jack pulled the lever and began firing cannons at the helpless soldiers who began diving out of the way.
Maybe you could change the second to ‘started to dive’ or simply ‘dove’ without ‘began’.

The submarine cruised under the water and Barbossa looked out the window at the numerous water Pokemon that were swimming by. He stretched his legs and realized that, while it was small, the vessel had a decent amount of space for he and the two primates. Simisear continued to spin the crank and keep the submarine moving
‘for him’.

Phantom picked up his new prize and held it in the air. He revealed his disgusting, yellow teeth as he smiled. I can feel the heat coursing from the ball to my hand,” he said.
You forgot to put the “.

“Okay, let’s remember that we’re on the same team, here. Let’s rather the remaining Rare Candies so I can bring them to my father.”
Either‘gather’, or you need a verb there (‘Let’s rather take/gather the…’)


Gibbs was on the Crow’s Nest of the Black Pearl doing his best to finish the repairs on the sails.
Maybe ‘of’? Was he repairing the sails or something on them?

Or…just me,” Gibbs said as he shook his head.
Space

“I’ve seen amazing moves from you,” he told Scyther. Just don’t hold back and don’t be afraid to be more aggressive.”
Again forgot to put the apostrophe.


“You’ve already proven you have no problem with that. You’re offense still needs work.
Scyther is not ‘offence’ by himself (he's actually cute), he just lacks an offensive combat style, so put ‘Your’ there.


And now my most favourite parts of the chapter:

Jack paused for a second. “You mean…we throw a Bible at him and that will kill him?” he asked innocently.
Oh goodness, that’s so funny! But it still needs space there… ;p


The two walked outside onto the main deck. Jack looked up at Gibbs, who was still working. “How’s it going up there, mate?” he hollered.

“Almost done but could use some help!” Gibbs shouted back.

“Almost done and happy to help? Glad to hear it, Mr. Gibbs!” Jack shouted up to his first mate.

Gibbs shook his head. “Next time I have a disagreement with Jack it’d be nice to have a Pokemon of my own.”
My second favourite passage after the epic quote above. And is that a foreshadowing of Gibbs getting a Pokemon in the, possibly, next chapter?



Keep the good work up. Waiting to see more interactions between Pokemon and the crew.

~Truthfully yours~
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Good chapter. So, Barbossa's Pokémon will be Simisear, eh? Not bad. Not bad.

And the last line makes me pretty sure that the next chapter just might focus on Gibbs getting his own Pokémon. Can't wait to see that.

What I really can't wait for, though, is for Ragetti's Magikarp to evolve, and Jack to take one look at Gyarados and act like he merely loaned Magikarp to Ragetti or something similar.

Scyther learning X-Scissor was pretty badass, too. In fact, the only way this chapter could've been better is if we saw Pintel's Weezing in action again, but that's just my personal preference talking there.

Thanks for the review! And yes, Magikarp and Weezing will get more screen time.

Finally indeed. I'm glad how this chapter turned out. Barbossa gets a new friend, a bit more of Kabutops and Pahntom (I REALLY hope Kabutops turns on that jerk), Scyther becoming stronger, and Jack is bonding with Zorua. Nice going. I spotted a few errors, though. You missed some "" at the Phantom and Kabutops scene. There were a few others as well.

Thanks for your kind words and also for the heads up on the quotation marks.

Though I'm not sure about the size of it though, you say it looked gigantic in the quote above, yet in the passage beneath it says that there was room for Barbossa, Jack, and Simisear. And Barbossa even mentions that the sub was fairly small. I don't know what you were trying to do.

That does sound a bit confusing. What I meant by saying it was gigantic was that Barbossa had never seen a vessel like that before and it looked big to him but by submarine standards it was pretty small inside. I should go back and make that more clear. Thanks!

Long time no see, my friend. Nice chapter though. It was nice hearing from Barbossa and I see you’ve finally decided to give him a second monkey, a fiery one, totally matching his personality. I hope to see some possible bickering between Jack and Simisear. I liked how you focused more on them rather than on Phantom and crew or our heroes.

You had quite a few typo but (yes!) almost (almost) no repetitions.

Thanks! It was nice to focus more on Barbossa for once. Glad to see the lack of repetition and thanks for pointing out my typos. I can't wait to write for Gibbs when he gets his Pokemon.
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Chapter 15

Elder sat in his seat in great distress. His entire body was in pain and he was experiencing heavy spells of coughing. He recalled the previous period of his life where he felt this amount of misery. Elder was supposed to die from old age and sickness after living the full life that a Kabutops typically lives. The Rare Candies revived him and he felt like new for years. The energy and strength that the Candies gave him began wearing down quickly. “Please come soon, my son,” he said to himself.

“Elder, is there anything we can do for you?” asked one of the two security guards next to him.

“No,” Elder replied. “I have to rely on my son and the human pirate now.”

“No offense Elder, but your son has never been the most reliable Kabutops of us all,” the other guard scoffed.

Elder used some of his very limited energy to raise his voice at the guard. “Do not doubt my son!” he said before hacking a small puddle of blood onto the ground. His body slowly started falling forward out of the seat when the first guard caught him before he could fall down.

“Look what you did!” the guard snapped at his partner. “Elder, speak to me!” he said desperately.

The two guards quickly turned when Phantom and Kabutops busted into the room. “Father!” Kabutops said as he raced toward Elder. Phantom followed as he took off his coat. They started pulling the Rare Candies out of the pockets. Kabutops held one out to Elder. He took Elder into his arms from the guard’s. “Here, I brought what you needed. See?”

Elder lifted his head and opened his eyes as much as he could. He saw Kabutops over him with a look of great concern. Though his son was worried, he felt an overwhelming sense of joy and satisfaction fall over him. “My son…” he said as he smiled. “I had no doubt you would return. You look much more confident and strong. May the Candies have the same effect on me.”

“Thank you, Father,” Kabutops said. “I took some of them for myself but I saved some like you asked. Are you sure you are okay? You look to be in bad shape.”

“I am much better now that you are here,” Elder said. “Let’s see those Rare Candies.” Kabutops began feeding Elder the Candies one by one as no one spoke for a long while. Everyone stared with anxiety to see if Elder would respond positively. There were a few left, but Elder’s half-closed eyes opened all the way and he was able to stand up on his own. He stretched his arms out and let out a moan of pleasure. “Yes,” he said. “This is the best I’ve felt in years.”

The two guards walked forward. “Elder, since you are feeling better is it alright if we take the remaining Candies for ourselves?”

Kabutops thrusted his arm out and knocked both guards on their backs with great force. “Keep back,” he snarled. “I risked my life to get these for myself and for my father. Certainly not for you.” The guards quickly got on their feet and left the room. Elder finished the remaining Candies and tested his power by firing water from his mouth into the stone wall. The stone wall cracked as if it was shot by a cannon. He smiled, showing his jagged fangs.

“Thank you, my son,” Elder said as he began laughing. Though he was speaking in a quiet, slurred voice earlier, his speaking tone was now loud, booming, and energetic all of a sudden. “I feel rejuvenated!”

“I’ve got even more good news to bring to you,” Phantom said as he held up his Ultra Ball. “We captured Groudon as we were out getting the Rare Candies. Your son did an admirable job fighting it.”

Elder took the ball and held it for a moment. The heat still radiated from the ball. He gave Kabutops a powerful hug. “Haha! That’s my boy! Taking on a legendary Pokemon and emerging victorious! You two really outdid yourselves, didn’t you?”

“I will stop at nothing to get Kyogre,” Phantom said. “I have Groudon, you and Kabutops are super-powered now, and we have an entire army of Kabutops here for backup. My Sharpedo army let me down but I have faith in your kind. What do you say you join us and get out from inside this tiny island. With our power, you can make all of Cinnabar Island your home. No longer will the people there be able to capture you in their Pokeballs and Ultra Balls. We will take them over.”

“The people of Cinnabar have plagued us for years now,” Elder said. “Two of my sons were captured by the so-called ‘trainers’ over there. As long as I can count on you and Groudon to make Cinnabar our new home without humans, we will help you defeat Kyogre and capture it.”

“You got a deal,” Phantom said as he revealed his yellow teeth with a smile. He pulled out a cigar and placed the end on Groudon’s Ultra Ball. The heat from the ball was able to light the cigar. “Whaddya say we rally the troops, then?” he said after taking a puff.

Elder and Kabutops grinned. “I’ll call everyone to attention,” Elder said. “Let’s go to higher ground where my balcony is.”

The three climbed through a small tunnel where a flight of stairs led them to a grand balcony made of stone. It overlooked the entire village. Every home and Kabutops and Kabuto were visible. They looked small as they all walked around working while the younger ones played. “Attention all!” Elder bellowed. He spoke at such a tremendous volume that everyone below them stopped to listen. He stood in the center of the balcony with Kabutops and Phantom on his left and right. “My son has brought me news of the capture of the fabled Pokemon Groudon. We have the beast in our possession as I speak now.”

Many of the Kabutops and Kabuto below gasped almost simultaneously and began chattering amongst themselves. “Quiet everybody!” Elder shouted. “I understand this is big news. My son and his friend Captain Phantom here have promised to use Groudon to lead all of us to a bigger world: Cinnabar Island.” As soon as he said that, more chatter commenced. “Pay attention! We have been in this tiny village for too long! Too many of our kind have been oppressed and captured by the humans!” he said as his voice was steadily rising. “Is that fair?!”

“No!” the crowd shouted back.

“We deserve a bigger village than this. I say we use our new power to take over Cinnabar Island completely!” The cheering and roars of the crowd began rising as the scared young ones began running into their houses. “Once we take over Cinnabar, Groudon will attract Kyogre and we will capture Groudon as well! We will rule land!”

“Yeah!” the crowd shouted back.

“And we will rule the sea!”

“Yeah!”

“So I want every able-bodied Kabutops to fall in now! It’s time for our takeover to begin!” Elder bellowed as he pumped his arm in the air. Phantom and Kabutops shot each other a glance behind Elder. They were both grinning.

-----

Gibbs put the finishing touches on the sail. He looked over the entire ship from the crow’s nest and admired his work. “You would never think she even went through battle,” he said proudly. “We’re ready to head out whenever, now!” He just got done fixing the wood that held the sail intact. That was the main problem with the Pearl. Gibbs was about to climb down the net when he heard what sounded like a small pounding noise on the wood. He looked up and saw a colorful, parrot-looking creature that had a head the shape of a musical note. It was using its beak to pound on the wood that was just fixed. “Hey, hey!” Gibbs said as he tried to shoo the bird away. “Get out of here!”

“Get out of here!” the bird repeated. “Geeet ouuut!” it then sang.

Gibbs stared at it intriguingly. “You’re an interesting bird,” he said. “You don’t look or sound like any bird I’ve ever met. Ya got a name?”

“Chaaatot,” the bird said.

Gibbs nodded his head. “Chatot, huh?” He looked down at the crew members and saw Pintel, Ragetti, and Tajiri all with their Pokemon below. He then noticed Zorua on Jack’s shoulder as well as the other members of the crew with their Pokemon. Gibbs had a small piece of bread in his pocket that he held out. He was hiding a Pokeball behind his back that he intended to use once Chatot got close enough. “C’mon over here, little guy,” he said. “I got some good eats for ya.”

Chatot flew on his shoulder. “No bribe or Pokeball needed. Chatot stays with you,” he said.

Gibbs was stunned for a second. “Umm, okay,” he said. He smiled. “Easiest capture ever.”

“I capture you, not you capture me,” Chatot said.

“Sure, whatever you say,” Gibbs said.

On the beach near the Pearl, Jack and Pintel were in the middle of a battle as Ragetti and Tajiri looked on. The four have been rotating and battling one another with Tajiri coming out victorious most of the time. He had Raichu but also commanded Scyther in battle to help train him more. “Zorua, Fury Swipes!” Jack commanded.

“Weezing, dodge and use Sludge!” Pintel shouted.

Zorua charged at its opponent and leaped high in the air towards the floating Weezing. It took a swipe with its claw but Weezing floated upward to the point where Zorua couldn’t reach. The fox Pokemon became alarmed as it started falling towards the ground. Weezing dumped the sludge from its mouth and it connected with Zorua, pinning it to the ground. Zorua tried getting up and getting the vile substance off of it, but Weezing swooped down and rammed into it, knocking it on its back. Zorua moaned in pain and failed to get up.

Pintel jumped up and down. “Yeah! I won! I beat Jack!” he exclaimed. He embraced Weezing. “Way to go, big fella!” Weezing smiled at the affection it was being shown.

“You just cheated,” Jack said as he put his head down.

“How did he cheat?” Ragetti asked.

“I don’t know, he just did,” Jack said bitterly as he returned Zorua in its Pokeball. “I’m the Captain so I’m right.”

“Y’know, you beat him the previous two times, Jack,” Tajiri pointed out. “Can’t you just let him have this one?”

Jack sighed. “I suppose so. No one will be able to beat me once I get my hands on Kyogre, though.”

“You realize you sound like Phantom now, right?” Tajiri said. “It’s not so easy to capture it as you make it sound. You should know that already.”

“Well, I’m more prepared this time,” Jack said. “I killed Davy Jones, so I can do this!”

Tajiri laughed. “Still on that, eh?”

Pintel was still bragging about his victory. “My Weezing’s amazin’! It can beat anyone!”

“Let’s put that to the test, then,” Angelica said from behind him.

“Oh, Miss Angelica!” Pintel said. “You don’t got nothin’ to battle with. Unless you just wanna fight my Weezing yourself!”

“Tempting as that sounds, I’ll just use my new friend,” she said as she took out a Pokeball and released a Pokemon that resembled a petite, violet-colored feline.

“What is that?” Jack asked. “When did you get that kitty?”

“It’s actually a Purrloin,” Tajiri corrected.

Angelica smiled. “I caught it when I was in town earlier. It was wandering the streets without a trainer so I just threw a Pokeball at it and caught it.”

“You didn’t even need to weaken it?” Scyther asked in amazement.

“Nope,” Angelica responded. “Life just comes easier to some than to others, I guess.”

“Alright!” Pintel said. “Are ya gonna boast or are ya gonna brawl? Let’s go!”

Weezing confronted Purrloin, who was calmly sitting and licking its front paw. Weezing turned to look at Pintel, who shrugged his shoulders and pointed at Purrloin. “I don’t know, just attack the thing!” he said.

Weezing charged at Purrloin, who quickly and gracefully leaped out of the way in time. Weezing crashed into the ground like a meteor, causing a giant hole in the ground. “Hone Claws,” Angelica said. Purrloin’s claws grew to a greater length and became increasingly sharp.

“Use Sludge!” Pintel ordered.

Weezing came out of its hole and fired its Sludge attack at Purrloin, who again darted out of the line of fire. “Night Slash,” Angelica said. Purrloin’s new and improved claws had a purple glow around them as the feline took a giant swipe at the face of Weezing. A large scratch mark was posted on Weezing’s face as it fell to the ground in pain. Angelica smirked. “Bueno, now use Fury Swipes.” With amazing speed, Purrloin thrusted both of its hands at a defenseless Weezing.

Angelica smiled as Pintel put his hands on his head and was stomping on the ground. “No, no, no!” he shouted. “We ain’t losing to a little kitty cat! Time for my last resort. Explosion!”

Weezing’s body began glowing and a veil of radiation surrounded it. Angelica frantically thought of strategies and scanned the battle field. She noticed the crater from before that Weeing created. “Ah!” she said. “Purrloin, jump in the crater and duck!” Purrloin refrained from clawing Weezing and jumped into the crater with its paws over its head just as Weezing exploded. Sand flew everywhere, causing Pintel and Angelica to cover their faces. When the dust settled, Purrloin climbed out of the hole unharmed as Weezing lay unconscious on the ground. “Not bad for a first battle, huh?” Angelica bragged to Pintel.

Pintel let out a heavy sigh as he returned Weezing. “Well played, Ms. Angelica,” he said as the two shook hands.

Gibbs climbed down from the Pearl and joined the group on the beach. Chatot remained on his shoulder. “Uh, Mr. Gibbs, what is that and why does its head look like that?” Jack asked.

“This here is a Chatot,” Gibbs said. “My new Pokemon. I felt left out so I captured it.”

“No, I captured Gibbs,” Chatot said.

“Whatever you say…” Gibbs grumbled.

“Well, what does it do?” Ragetti asked.

“Uh, I don’t really know,” Gibbs responded as he looked up at Chatot.

“It uses its voice mostly to attack,” Tajiri explained. “It uses Sing to put others to sleep, and can also use Hyper Voice.”

“Hyper Voice? Sounds like a lame attack to me,” Pintel said. Chatot growled and flew off of Gibbs’s shoulder towards Pintel. It released an ear-splitting screech that caused everyone to immediately cover their ears. The force of the sound waves from its mouth knocked Pintel on his back. A stunned Pintel sat up quickly and gave Chatot a small wave. “S-sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“Hey fellas!” Scrum said from behind them. Komiko was walking with him as he had his arm around her shoulder.

“Komiko?” Tajiri said. “Who’s at the shop right now?”

“It just closed for the day,” she answered. “Scrum couldn’t wait to show me the Black Pearl.”

“And guess what else?” Scrum said with great excitement. “She hooked me up with my own Pokemon.”

“That seems to be the trend lately,” Jack said. “What is it?”

Scrum released a tall, red cricket from his Pokeball. “Komiko had two Kricketune and she said I could have one. Ain’t she sweet?” Tajiri rolled his eyes.

“The Pearl’s ready to set sail now, Captain,” Gibbs said. “Where is our next destination?”

“To wherever Kyogre is,” Jack said. “That beastie is a treasure that I won’t allow to pass me by.”

“Still don’t think it’s a good idea,” Tajiri commented.

Jack smiled. “Well, that’s why I’m the Captain, eh? We got more power now what with Scyther, my Zorua, Angelica’s Purrloin, Gibbs’s Chatot, two Kricketune, Pintel’s Weezing, Ragetti’s, uh, never mind, and your Raichu.”

“If you’re going after Kyogre then you won’t have me or my Raichu,” Tajiri said. “It’s too dangerous and I won’t see another loved one die at the hands of it.”

There was dead silence for a long time as Jack and Tajiri stared at each other. “So, that’s it then?” Jack said.

“Jack, think this over, will you?” Angelica recommended.

Jack looked at the ground and pondered all the times Tajiri has helped them out and all the great knowledge about their Pokemon that he provided. He was truly struggling with his decision. His thoughts were interrupted and he and everyone else looked toward the city when they saw a fiery explosion and heard loud screams.
 
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Missingno. Master

Poison-type Trainer
Hmm, didn't really see that coming, Angelica getting a Purrloin. I was thinking more along the lines of Ekans or Seviper. Purrloin works, though. I think I'm definitely gonna like Gibbs's Chatot, though. Kinda pissed that Weezing lost to Purrloin, but you can't have everything in life. Still can't wait for when Ragetti's Magikarp evolves and Jack takes one look at Gyarados and tries to make it sound like he was simply loaning it to Ragetti or something.
 

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
Ah, the sweet smell of a fresh baked chapter.

Battles, and plans to declare war on Cinnabar Island's citizens, two very plot worthy points. I'm happy Gibbs finally got caught by Chatot, it's about time he got a Pokemon of his own and I think it fits him very well.
I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter, as according to the cliffhanger you left us with, there is going to be a big fight next chapter.
"The Battle for Cinnabar" I can see it now.

One more thing before I sign off; where is Barbossa and his newly accquired submarine?

Unfortunately I am short of time to do a proper review (this should change as soon as school lets out) as I have exams looming and also desprately trying to make progress on my own story.

So until next chapter,

Knightfall signing off...;005;
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Hmm, didn't really see that coming, Angelica getting a Purrloin. I was thinking more along the lines of Ekans or Seviper. Purrloin works, though. I think I'm definitely gonna like Gibbs's Chatot, though. Kinda pissed that Weezing lost to Purrloin, but you can't have everything in life. Still can't wait for when Ragetti's Magikarp evolves and Jack takes one look at Gyarados and tries to make it sound like he was simply loaning it to Ragetti or something.

Yeah, I felt like Purrloin fit her personality really well though Ekans or Seviper would have been great too. Yep, Weezing will lose once in a while but it did just get done owning Zorua before that. And yeah, Jack's not gonna be too happy when Magikarp evolves.

The chapter seemed a little short, but I enjoyed the interaction between Kabutops and Elder, as well as the battling scenes. "No, I captured you!"

I agree it may have been a bit too short but it's more of a set-up chapter than anything else. And yes, Chatot insists on letting everyone know he did not get captured! lol


Battles, and plans to declare war on Cinnabar Island's citizens, two very plot worthy points. I'm happy Gibbs finally got caught by Chatot, it's about time he got a Pokemon of his own and I think it fits him very well.
I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter, as according to the cliffhanger you left us with, there is going to be a big fight next chapter.
"The Battle for Cinnabar" I can see it now.

One more thing before I sign off; where is Barbossa and his newly accquired submarine?

Unfortunately I am short of time to do a proper review (this should change as soon as school lets out) as I have exams looming and also desprately trying to make progress on my own story.

Yes, I'm excited to write the upcoming battles. Barbossa will return soon, I want to make it a surprise though. And don't worry, I know what it's like with exams lol. Not much free time.
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Chapter 16

“What is that?!” Gibbs exclaimed.

Everyone watched in horror as panic struck the city. In the distance they saw many buildings catch on fire and people frantically running away. A swarm of Kabutops invaded the town and were running rampant, firing their attacks at the innocent people. “Where did all those Kabutops come from?” Scrum wondered.

“There is an island nearby where it is said Kabutops inhabit but I’ve never seen them come out like this,” Komiko said. She put her hands over her mouth and tears were forming in her eyes. “My precious Cinnabar.”

Tajiri hugged Komiko. “Don’t worry, we will fight for our island,” he said. “Who’s with me?”

Jack pulled his sword out. “I’ve had enough trouble facing just one Kabutops, but with all our new friends, I’m up for the challenge. Most of ours are tired out from battling each other, though.”

“I’ve got plenty of potions for them, but we must be quick,” Tajiri said as everyone released their Pokemon. Tajiri quickly sprayed each of them, healing them instantly.

“Alright then!” Pintel shouted as he looked at his newly healed and energized Weezing. He pulled his sword out as did everyone else in the group. “Let’s do this!”

Everyone else lifted their arms up and gave out a war cry as they stormed up the beach towards the chaos. They entered the city and stopped. They looked around in amazement and terror as they saw an infestation of Kabutops wrecking homes and slaying the men who were fighting back with their swords. A large pack of at least fifty Kabutops surrounded the group of pirates and their Pokemon, who were all circled in a defensive stance. “C’mon and get us you no-good, poxy, yellow land lubbers!” Scyther shouted.

Pintel and Ragetti looked back at him and nodded in approval. “Nice one!” Ragetti said.

The Kabutops charged at the group and their Pokemon, who began furiously fighting back. Jack, who had two swords in his hands, began swinging them around with great force. He stabbed one Kabutops in the gut while simultaneously blocking his head from the blow of another opponent. Zorua began glowing a dark violet color and released a Night Daze that knocked over four Kabutops like bowling pins. Jack spun around and sliced through the chest of another Kabutops. He was smiling the whole way. “You guys are a lot softer than your leader!” he teased.

Pintel was having trouble sword fighting one of the Kabutops, who looked as if it was about to kill him after knocking his sword away until Weezing came from behind and dumped a gigantic pile of sludge on it, pinning it to the ground and knocking it out. Ragetti tossed Pintel one of his swords as his Magikarp was able to violently throw itself into the gut of another Kabutops. It was stunned for a second, giving Ragetti time to slice its neck and kill it. “Nice work, buddy!” Ragetti said.

“That much closer to evolving!” Tajiri commented on Magikarp as he and Raichu were fighting off a pack. “Just be patient with it, mate. It’s almost there!” He turned to Raichu. “Raichu, use Thunder!”

Raichu squeezed its cheeks and a roar of thunder was heard above it as a massive lightning bolt came from the sky and fried at least a dozen Kabutops. Many of the Cinnabar Island citizens who were previously running and fighting in panic began cheering when they saw how the pirates were taking care of business. Many of the men and their Pokemon joined in the fight as more Kabutops joined in.

Scrum, Gibbs, and Komiko all faced at least twenty Kabutops in front of them. “What do we do now?” Gibbs asked in a worried tone.

“Grow a pair, will ya!” his Chatot responded.

“Our Pokemon can’t attack them head on, so we will attack their ears,” Komiko said. She whispered to Gibbs and Scrum, telling them what to command.

“Brilliant!” Scrum said. “Kricketune!”

“Kricketune!” Komiko shouted.

“Perish Song!” they commanded simultaneously.

“Chatot, Hyper Voice!” Gibbs yelled.

“I would have even without you,” Chatot said.

The two Kricketune began rubbing their arms together, sending waves of a horrid and unbearable sound towards the pack of Kabutops. Chatot joined in as it opened its mouth and released a deafening cry. The mixture of sound waves was too much to bear as the pack of Kabutops cringed, covered their ears unsuccessfully, and dropped like flies.

Angelica and her Purrloin were each fighting off their own Kabutops. Angelica ducked a ferocious Slash attack and dug her sword into its leg, making it buckle and fall to the ground. He finished it off by thrusting the sword through its chest. Purrloin, meanwhile, fired a Fury Swipes attack into the face of its opponent, making it try to cover its face with its hands. Unfortunately for it, however, its hand are sickles, and it ended up cutting its face up until it fell to the ground unconscious.

Dozens of Kabutops lay on the ground dead, but dozens more joined the fight. Jack was knocked backwards by a Water Gun to his face and was temporarily blinded. Angelica glanced over and noticed that the Kabutops was ready to slay the helpless Jack. “Jack, duck!” she shouted.

He obeyed and Angelica rapidly did a backflip over the ducking Jack, spun to her right and decapitated the Kabutops with her sword. Jack stood up and saw what she did as she smiled at him. “That was unbelievably attractive,” he commented. The two looked around as more Kabutops came in. Something deeper in the city behind the buildings and closer to the volcano was still shooting out fire and causing massive explosions. “Angelica, can you all hold them off here for now? I must go see what’s causing the fires.”

“Got it,” Angelica said.

“Good! Scyther!” Jack called. Scyther looked over and Jack pointed to where the fires were coming from. “I need your help back here. I think your two old friends are behind it.”

Scyther took a deep breath and hesitated for a moment. He then nodded his head. “Let’s do this,” he said. He and Jack raced deep into the city as fight against the pack of Kabutops continued. The two observed many casualties, both person and Kabutops, scattered on the ground and the numerous destroyed homes that were either torn apart of burnt to the ground.

“This doesn’t look good,” Scyther said. “I guarantee you Phantom and Kabutops are behind this. I thought we killed them, though?”

“Phantom can’t seem to die,” Jack said. “Angelica warned me that he was still alive. I think she’s right.”

After a few minutes of searching through the city for their target’s, a giant ball of flames hurtled towards them. They both jumped out of the way as the ball of fire crashed into the ground. Jack and Scyther looked up to see a humongous, red monster that snarled at them. “It’s Groudon!” Scyther exclaimed.

“Hold up a second, Groudon,” a voice from behind the beast said. The voice then began laughing. “Scared, are we?” said Elder as he walked from behind Groudon. Phantom followed. “Our Kabutops army led by my son is attacking the city and clearing it of all the humans as we speak.”

“Also as we speak, my crew and their Pokemon are killing dozens and dozens of Kabutops,” Jack bragged.

“Yer lyin!” Phantom said. “You couldn’t handle Pokemon if your lives depended on it, which they now do.”

“Oh hi, Phantom!” Jack said. “How’s the Kyogre hunt?”

“Almost complete,” he said as he grinned. “I caught the next best thing, Groudon. It will summon Kyogre here and then I will make it mine.”

Jack grinned, as well. “Not if I get it first!”

“Those be fightin’ words, mate!”

“I meant them to be!”

Phantom swung his monstrous sword like a baseball bat at Jack’s head. Jack somersaulted under the legs of Phantom and dug his sword into the back of the behemoth of a man. “Ahhhhh, it stings!” he shouted as he faked pain. He then began laughing. “When will you learn, boy?” he said as he pulled the sword from his back and snapped it in two with just one of his massive hands.

Elder pointed to Groudon. “Groudon, go forward to the ocean and vanquish any pirate you see there. After that, head to the ocean and summon Kyogre.” Groudon obeyed and Elder held his sickles out in front of him. He began approaching Scyther. “My boy seems to be able to handle you alright, so let’s see how I do.” Scyther took a defensive step back as Elder came up on him. “What’s wrong? Old men make you nervous?”

Scyther’s heart rate began rising quickly and sweat was forming on his face. Elder grunted as he thrusted his sickles at Scyther, who blocked the blows and began flapping his wings quickly. He flew over Elder’s head and tried to attack him from behind, but Elder was quick enough to turn around and protect himself.

Jack frantically looked around for anything he could use as a weapon. He readied himself as Phantom came at him and viciously swung his sword downward. Jack somersaulted to his right and dodged it. He then jumped in the air and pummeled Phantom in the face as hard as he could with his fist. Phantom stopped and rubbed his chin for a moment. He then spat blood and two teeth on Jack, who jumped back with disgust and began wiping himself off. “That was a regrettable result to my attack,” he said. Jack thought about what Angelica said was the key to defeating Phantom. “The Word of God,” he said. “Bugger, if I only knew anything it said in a Bible. That’s what I get for not taking time to read one.” He thought for a moment and then smiled as he stared up at Phantom. “I think I got it!” he said. “Don’t do drugs!” Phantom crossed his arms and glared down on him. Jack rubbed his chin. “Hmm, guess not. How about this: Don’t drink thy neighbor’s rum!” Phantom rolled his eye. “No, that’s not it, either,” Jack said.

“I’ve had enough of this,” Phantom said as he threw a left uppercut and pounded Jack high in the air. Jack flipped backward as he was airborne and landed hard on the ground.

Scyther and Elder threw hands at each other for a while before Elder finally broke through and scraped Scyther’s cheek. He cringed in pain but was able to put up a protective veil before Elder could connect with a finishing blow. Surprisingly, it was only a matter of seconds before Elder broke through the veil. “Such petty, diminutive moves!” he declared. “Do you have nothing else in your arsenal?”

Scyther took another deep breath. “I do,” he said. His sword-like arms began glowing as he crossed them in front of his chest. He fired his body forward and released a frightening cry, which both shocked and terrified Elder. Scyther unleashed a powerful X-Scissor attack that scored a critical hit. Scyther landed on his feet as Elder grasped his chest and fell on his face. Scyther looked up and his heart was racing when he saw Elder lying on the ground motionless. A puddle of blood was forming under his body. Scyther was shaking. “I just…”

“You just killed my father!” a voice from behind him said.

Scyther spun around and saw none other than the Kabutops he has known for years standing in front of him. “He, he… and I…” he stammered.

Kabutops stomped toward Scyther. His voice was rising in anger. “I kill your brother so you return the favor by killing my father? I guess you’re more coldhearted than I thought. I suppose you got your revenge.”

“I wasn’t out for revenge,” Scyther tried to explain. “He came after me and I merely defended myself.”

“That’s not how I see it,” Kabutops said. “I see joining the pirates has helped your human vocabulary. Let’s see if it gave you the ability to beat me, though that’s highly doubtful.”

Kabutops fired a Hyper Beam at Scyther, who was barely able to block it with Protect, but the veil broke immediately upon impact. Kabutops ran at Scyther and swung his sickles at a rate of at least five swipes per second. Scyther frantically tried blocking each blow but they were too quick. He was struck in the face again and fell backward. Kabutops landed a kick to his gut and sent him flying and crashing through the walls of a nearby house.

Scyther took refuge in the abandoned house as Kabutops was searching for him. He held his gut and tried catching his breath after getting the wind knocked out of him. “When did he get so strong?” Scyther asked himself quietly. “I don’t stand a chance.” He hid in another room as Kabutops began busting his way through the house like a wrecking ball.

“Come out here, you coward!” Kabutops said. “You can’t kill my father and then run from me! Fight me like a man!”

Scyther peeked out one of the windows and noticed Jack on the ground. He saw Phantom approaching him ready to slice him up. Jack appeared to be unconscious. “We gotta get out of here,” Scyther said to himself. He readied himself and quickly soared through the window. He heard Kabutops shout. The sound of rapid footsteps behind Scyther grew nearer as he headed towards Jack and Phantom. He scooped Jack up just before Phantom could cut him. Instead of striking Jack, Phantom ended up knocking Kabutops to the ground as he was trying to chase Scyther. Scyther looked back and breathed a sigh of relief as he headed back towards the Black Pearl crew.

Kabutops held his head as he stood up. “Thanks a lot,” he said. “Now they’re getting away.”

“Shouldn’t have gotten yerself in the way of my sword,” Phantom said as he shrugged his shoulders. He smiled wickedly. “Anyway, let them go. They still got Groudon to deal with. They’ll all be dead by the time we get back there.”

-----

Angelica, the crew, their Pokemon, and many of the men who were citizens of Cinnabar finished slaying every last Kabutops they saw in the city. Numerous corpses of Kabutops were scattered across the ground. A man from Cinnabar spat on one of the corpses. “This island is ours, you scum!” he declared.

Everyone threw their arms in the air and celebrated over their victory. Angelica still had a look of concern on her face. She looked out towards where Jack and Scyther headed. She saw Scyther flying in and carrying Jack. He dropped Jack, who was just regaining consciousness, on his feet in front of the crew. Angelica embraced Jack. “Jack, are you okay?”

“Fine, love,” he said with a smile.

Angelica looked at Scyther. “What happened to you two?”

“Phantom and Kabutops overpowered us,” he said. “Kabutops is stronger and larger than I’ve ever seen him. It’s almost like he has otherworldly strength.”

“Are they coming now?” Angelica asked.

“Yes, they and Groudon both. I suggest we retreat. We are no match for them.”

“We just took down all of these Kabutops,” Angelica said. “Together, we can all handle them.”

On cue, Groudon, Phantom, and Kabutops all arrived in front of the crew. Everyone readied themselves to fight when Groudon stomped on the ground with great force, causing everyone to fall over. “Weezing, use Sludge!” Pintel ordered as he and the rest of the crew stood up. Weezing fired its attack at Groudon, who blocked it with its bulky arm.

“Raichu, use Quick Attack!” Tajiri ordered. Raichu’s body sped up and hurtled towards Groudon, who swiped its claw quickly enough to knock Raichu backward.

“We can’t do this one-on-one,” Jack said. “Everyone order attacks all the same time!”

“Right,” Tajiri said. “Raichu, Swift!”

“Zorua, Night Daze!” Jack shouted.

“Purrloin, Shadow Ball!” Angelica ordered.

“Chatot, Hyper Voice!” bellowed Gibbs.

“Kricketune, Perish Song!” Komiko and Scrum commanded.

“Weezing, Sludge!” Pintel said.

“Magikarp, Tackle!” Ragetti ordered.

“Scyther, X-Scissor!” Scyther yelled to himself.

All nine Pokemon fired their attacks at Groudon with great force. Groudon prepared itself. It ducked under Swift, blew a breath of flame to disintegrate Night Daze, and blocked Shadow Ball. Before the sound waves could reach it, Groudon used Flamethrower to roast Chatot and the two Kricketune. It crossed its arms and blocked the second Sludge attack, and finally used its right claw to swipe Magikarp away and its left claw to swipe Scyther away. The Pokemon all lay on the ground exhausted while Groudon still approached them, seemingly unharmed. Jack and the crew stared at it in amazement. “Oh, bugger…” Jack said.

Kabutops jumped in front of Groudon and the two fired their Hyper Beams at the group. Both beams combined and landed right in front of them, causing smoke and dust to fly everywhere. The force of the combined attack nearly knocked everyone over again. When the dust cleared, dozens more Kabutops came behind Groudon, Phantom, and Kabutops. Jack and crew were sweating and breathing heavy. Most of them could barely hold up their swords. Their Pokemon were equally as exhausted.

“Tajiri,” Jack said as he looked over.

“Yes, Jack,” Tajiri responded.

“I know we had a disagreement about this before, but you know there’s only one way we can compete with them.”

There was a few seconds of silence. “Yes, let’s go get Kyogre.”

“Everyone to the Pearl!” Jack ordered.

The group turned and hurried towards the beach, using all the energy they could muster. “After them!” Phantom shouted. The pack of Kabutops began chasing the crew of the Pearl, who reached the sand and made a dead sprint towards the ship. They quickly climbed aboard and Gibbs took the helm. The Kabutops followed closely behind and some tried climbing aboard from the rope on the side of the ship.

“Hold them off with Thunderbolt!” Tajiri shouted. Raichu fired its attack and was able to knock off the Kabutops, allowing the Pearl to break away from the pack.

“Kabutops swim well,” Scyther said. “Chatot and I should get the sails going.”

“Good idea!” Gibbs said. “You heard him, Chatot!”

“I hear him, not you!” Chatot said as it flew up towards the sails with Scyther. Both Pokemon furiously flapped their wings, blowing the sails and giving the ship great acceleration. The Pearl sailed on ward and Jack frequently checked the water, making sure no Kabutops were following them. Cinnabar Island quickly got smaller and smaller. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and laid down on his back. “We lost them.”

“We also lost that battle,” Scrum said.

“Those monsters are destroying my city,” Komiko said.

“That is why we must capture Kyogre,” Jack said.

“For Cinnabar Island only,” Tajiri said. “Not for your own selfish gain I hope.”

“Of course,” Jack said without much feeling as he rubbed a wound on his face from Phantom’s fist.

The Pearl sailed until it started to get dark. Not much was said the whole time as everyone was either resting or healing themselves and their Pokemon. Scyther sat down and was staring at the ground. “I just can’t get past Kabutops,” he told himself. “No matter how I try. He still finds a way to beat me.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Pintel said as he and Ragetti sat next to Scyther. “We’ll beat him when we get the chance. Don’t you worry.”

Jack walked over to Angelica, who was on the edge of the ship watching the waves in the ocean pass by. “So, how are you?” Jack asked.

“Fine,” Angelica answered. “I’m exhausted from battle. I hope you are right about Kyogre. I don’t know how much of this I can take.”

“How is our child?” Jack asked quietly as he looked around. “I don’t want you to overwork and risk hurting yourself or our child.”

Angelica smiled and kissed Jack on the cheek. “You are sweet, but you worry too much. I will be fine.”

Scrum walked over and joined Komiko, whom Tajiri was attempting to comfort. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“Cinnabar is the only place I’ve ever known,” she responded. Seeing those beasts terrorize it is too much for me to bear.”

“As much as I hate the idea, our only option is getting Kyogre’s help,” Tajiri said. “We did everything we could to stop Groudon but it and that Kabutops are too powerful. Don’t worry, we will find a way to save our Island.”

“Yes, we will,” Scrum said.

“We must try not to wake the Peacemaker,” Komiko said. “If the blood of the aggressor spills on land and sea, the Peacemaker will come from the sky according to legend. Only few have ever been recorded as seeing it. I hope we don’t have to. It’s attacks can be more devastating than the attacks of Kyogre and Groudon combined.”

“Then why is it called the Peacemaker?” Scrum asked.

“Because it is powerful enough to do whatever it has to in order to cease a battle between Kyogre and Groudon,” Komiko answered.

The ship sailed onward for a while longer guided by Tajiri, who used his best judgment to estimate where Kyogre would be. Jack sat back and enjoyed a bottle of rum. He also tried massaging his aching legs. His eyes slowly began closing in order to take a small nap, but they quickly snapped open when a force connected with the front of the ship and rocked it backward. The startled crew all jumped. “What is it now?” Jack asked.

A vessel shaped like an acorn emerged in front of the ship and two more missiles reloaded on each side of the submarine. “What is that thing?” Ragetti asked.

A window in the front of the submarine revealed none other than Hector Barbossa. “Thought you got rid of me, eh, Jack?” he taunted.

Jack walked closer to the sub. “What?” he shouted back as he pointed to his ear. “I can’t hear you through the window!”

Barbossa rolled his eyes and pulled a lever that opened the window completely. “Thought you got rid of me, eh, Jack? You should have learned that it isn’t quite so easy to do. I got a new vessel and a new friend to help me get the Pearl back,” he said as he motioned towards Simisear.

“I’m battled out by now but you I can handle,” Jack said as he released Zorua. “Battle stations, everyone!” he yelled to his crew.
 

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
New chapter? I must be hallucinating, it hasn't been even two weeks yet!
It might be the sleep deprivation, that's all.
Oh, it's not?
Well, I'm not one to complain, so let us begin!

Wow, this entire chapter was like that part in the action film where lilterly everyone is fighting or doing something pretty amazing. I have a feeling that the next few chapters are going to be like that. If so then all the better!

So even after a vailent effort in the shore of Cinnabar, the might of Groudon cannot be quelled by the forces of Jack and crew. Kyogre is the only option they have, (though I fear that the so-called "Peacemaker" is going to make an appearence sooner or later with a fair amount of destruction as well.

Can't wait to see the battle between Barbossa's submarine and the Black Pearl, the tought of it is making me excited to read it. I can't wait!

Well, this review may be the massive fatigue catching up with me after this weekend, but I don't care.

Great chapter. I'm really eager for the next one.

Knightfall signing off...;005;
 

Blue Astra

Icy blue
Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I thought about doing it today, but then I saw I had to review two chapters. The thing is that surprise surprise exams are pestering me as well and I can say that those two interesting chapters are the only things that keep me alive awake today. It’s nice to see the whole crew with Pokemon and I can say that my favourite part is… Chatot. I simply love his snappy, bossy personality. The battle was full of action and blood and I am curious to see how the hunt for Kyogre will turn out. I am also curious to see the submarine fight.

I noticed some tiny mistakes… Do you reread what you write? I’m sure you could have avoided those tiny mistakes. Just asking. No offence meant.

Well, with those things said, it’s finally quote time…


Chapter 15

The Rare Candies revived him and he felt like new for years. The energy and strength that the Candies gave him began wearing down quickly (though).
You can put ‘though’ there for emphasis

His body slowly started falling forward out of the seat when the first guard caught him before he could fall down.
“hit the ground”

Thank you, Father,” Kabutops said. “I took some of them for myself but I saved some like you asked. Are you sure you are okay? You look to be in (a) bad shape.”
“Thank you, my son,” Elder said as he began laughing. Though he was speaking in a quiet, slurred voice earlier, his speaking tone was now loud, booming, and energetic all of a sudden. “I feel rejuvenated!”
Make it “Though he was speaking in a quiet, slurred voice earlier, now it was loud, booming and energetic all of a sudden”.

Elder took the ball and held it for a moment. The heat still radiated from the ball.
Make the second one “it”

He pulled out a cigar and placed the end on Groudon’s Ultra Ball. The heat from the ball was able to light the cigar.
Make the second one “it”

“Once we take over Cinnabar, Groudon will attract Kyogre and we will capture Groudon as well! We will rule land!”
They already captured Groudon, so change that to ‘it/Kyogre’.

Gibbs put the finishing touches on the sail. He looked over the entire ship from the crow’s nest and admired his work. “You would never think she even went through battle,” he said proudly. “We’re ready to head out whenever, now!” He just got done fixing the wood that held the sail intact. That was the main problem with the Pearl. Gibbs was about to climb down the net when he heard what sounded like a small pounding noise on the wood. He looked up and saw a colorful, parrot-looking creature that had a head the shape of a musical note. It was using its beak to pound on the wood that was just fixed. “Hey, hey!” Gibbs said as he tried to shoo the bird away. “Get out of here!”
How about you change paragraph there? To make it neater.


Gibbs nodded his head. “Chatot, huh?” He looked down at the crew members and saw Pintel, Ragetti, and Tajiri all with their Pokemon below. He then noticed Zorua on Jack’s shoulder. He had a small piece of bread in his pocket that he held out. He was hiding a Pokeball behind his back that he intended to use once Chatot got close enough. “C’mon over here, little guy,” he said. “I got some good eats for ya.”
The way you wrote it here one gets the idea that Zorua not only has pockets, but also hides a Pokeball behind his back to capture Jack… And it is a bit awkward (no, not in the way that Zorua could possibly have pockets).

He looked at the other crew members being with their Pokemon. Fine. But what significance has the fact that Zorua is on Jack’s shoulder? Why do you stress it out? How is it more important? If you want to show that Gibbs also wants to have a Pokemon on his shoulder like Jack has Zorua and is jealous of him you could add more details. A petty proposal of mine would be something like:
“He looked down at the crew members and saw Pintel, Ragetti, and Tajiri all with their Pokemon below. He then noticed Zorua on Jack’s shoulder and a strange feeling lay heavily on his chest. Looking at Chatot, he thought that, finally, this was his chance. Rummaging in his pockets, he found a small piece of bread. He held it out to lure the flying/feathery Pokemon, all the while hiding a Pokeball he had also found, behind his back”
This is just an example, since I don’t want to impose my style on you. Find out how it works best for your writing.

“It just closed for the day,” she answered. “Scrum couldn’t wait to show me the Black Pearl.”
Did it close by itself? Maybe if you put ‘It’s closed’ the shop wouldn’t act on its own…

Ragetti’s, uh, never mind,
If he only knew this ‘never mind’ of a Pokemon would evolve…


Chapter 16

Everyone watched in horror as panic struck the city. In the distance they saw many buildings catch on fire and people frantically running away. A swarm of Kabutops invaded the town and were running rampant, firing their attacks at the innocent people. “Where did all those Kabutops come from?” Scrum wondered.
How about making the second one ‘citizen’.

After a few minutes of searching through the city for their target’s, a giant ball of flames hurtled towards them.
‘Targets’ without the apostrophe.

“I hear him, not you!” Chatot said as it flew up towards the sails with Scyther. Both Pokemon furiously flapped their wings, blowing the sails and giving the ship great acceleration. The Pearl sailed on ward and Jack frequently checked the water, making sure no Kabutops were following them.
You don’t need space there.

“Cinnabar is the only place I’ve ever known,” she responded. Seeing those beasts terrorize it is too much for me to bear.”
You forgot the quotation marks there.


Great job as ever. Waiting to see the oncoming battle. If I survive those exams

Keep it up.


~Truthfully yours~
 

ESPNfanatic35

Catcher of Ubers
Oooh, they're going to get Kyogre, right after fighting off Barbossa- now we're getting somewhere!

Indeed. The climax of the story draws near!

This chapter has so much action! But I saw two or three errors; I suggest that you reread through this chapter to find them. Raichu can't learn Swift, can they? Poor Scyther doesn't get to kill kabutops yet? Cripes. But all in all, good chapter, I eagerly await more.

I believe Raichu could learn swift in the older games but I'm not sure about the newer ones. And yes I did make a couple mistakes that I need to go over. Thanks for pointing that out.

New chapter? I must be hallucinating, it hasn't been even two weeks yet!
It might be the sleep deprivation, that's all.
Oh, it's not?
Well, I'm not one to complain, so let us begin!

Wow, this entire chapter was like that part in the action film where lilterly everyone is fighting or doing something pretty amazing. I have a feeling that the next few chapters are going to be like that. If so then all the better!

So even after a vailent effort in the shore of Cinnabar, the might of Groudon cannot be quelled by the forces of Jack and crew. Kyogre is the only option they have, (though I fear that the so-called "Peacemaker" is going to make an appearence sooner or later with a fair amount of destruction as well.

Yes, I love those parts in movies! And yes, the Peacemaker will have a short but interesting role at the end...

Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I thought about doing it today, but then I saw I had to review two chapters. The thing is that surprise surprise exams are pestering me as well and I can say that those two interesting chapters are the only things that keep me alive awake today. It’s nice to see the whole crew with Pokemon and I can say that my favourite part is… Chatot. I simply love his snappy, bossy personality. The battle was full of action and blood and I am curious to see how the hunt for Kyogre will turn out. I am also curious to see the submarine fight.

I noticed some tiny mistakes… Do you reread what you write? I’m sure you could have avoided those tiny mistakes. Just asking. No offence meant.

No worries. I posted the two chapters pretty soon after one another. And yeah I reread the chapter but I guess it's harder for me to catch my own mistakes if that makes sense. That's why I'm glad you guys can help me. No offense taken.

The way you wrote it here one gets the idea that Zorua not only has pockets, but also hides a Pokeball behind his back to capture Jack… And it is a bit awkward (no, not in the way that Zorua could possibly have pockets).

He looked at the other crew members being with their Pokemon. Fine. But what significance has the fact that Zorua is on Jack’s shoulder? Why do you stress it out? How is it more important? If you want to show that Gibbs also wants to have a Pokemon on his shoulder like Jack has Zorua and is jealous of him you could add more details. A petty proposal of mine would be something like:
“He looked down at the crew members and saw Pintel, Ragetti, and Tajiri all with their Pokemon below. He then noticed Zorua on Jack’s shoulder and a strange feeling lay heavily on his chest. Looking at Chatot, he thought that, finally, this was his chance. Rummaging in his pockets, he found a small piece of bread. He held it out to lure the flying/feathery Pokemon, all the while hiding a Pokeball he had also found, behind his back”
This is just an example, since I don’t want to impose my style on you. Find out how it works best for your writing.

Ok, thanks. I see how that can be confusing. I changed it so it could make more sense.
 
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