AmericanPi
Write on
3rd place: "Five Years Later" by TikTok13
Scoring
AmericanPi: 1st place (70 points)
Bay: 5th place (30 points)
Chibi Pika: 1st place (70 points)
Dragronfree: 4th place (40 points)
Total: 3rd place (210 points)
The most damaged people are the wisest.
Black: Day 1
It had been five years. Five whole years since Team Plasma had fallen. Five whole years since Ghetsis had vanished. 5 years since N had given Reshiram to the newest hero. Seven years since Black left Unova.
It wasn't his fault. He'd travelled the world, alongside Zekrom. He thought he could never return. People would have… mixed opinions on his capture of the legendary dragon that so many revered as a deity. Now he knew that wasn't true. He'd been alone for seven years, save his Pokémon. All of them, holed up in an ancient ruin in a forgotten mountain, deep in the region of Sinnoh. Yes, he'd come across many travellers, but he reluctantly sent them away after a confuse ray from his Pokémon.
The wide howled, and snow bellowed into the mouth of the cave. But never further in. Never far in enough to remind Black that the world was out there and waiting.
7 years.
Alone. In a cave. Clothes littered the cracked slate floor, and remnants of food were scattered here and there. An unidentifiable dusky scent filled the cave, which seemed to cling horribly to everything. A tent stood erect, the once vibrant blue now faded, whilst a campfire crackled nearby, casting a deep amber glow across the night filled cavern, sending shadows dancing across the walls. Black sat, jeans as dark as his name ripped at the knees, and a grey shirt, with an old cyan jacket, weathered and mud stained, pulled over. Clutched in his hand was his hat, the one that he had worn seven years ago. With this attire, and the shadow of a stubble upon his jaw, Black looked as though he had barely changed at all.
Even after 7 years.
But now, he was going to see people again. His friends. His Mum. Cheren. Bianca. White. Maybe even N.
Why was he returning now?
He was growing restless. Black missed everyone, everything. Skyla, Elesa, Cilan, Drayden. Everyone. Even old Clay. He felt like it was finally time. But was this really what the hero wanted - to return home, only to face a stream of questions and accusations? He could only imagine how Cheren would react. Honestly Black, you shocked us all. You're such a bother,. A smile grew upon Black's lips. Now he could imagine Cheren saying those exact words, Bianca by his side, a concerned look upon her face. And that silly green hat.
Black realised just how much he missed them. Clinical as he was, Cheren was fiercely loyal, and always ready to help. And despite her ditzy personality, Bianca was always concerned for the well-being of others. Oh, how he missed them.
Deep down, Black hoped that they still missed him.
But the person he missed the most was White.
It was her opinion that mattered most. She was, no is, his best friend. She always would be. Would she be happy to see him? Or would she feel something else?
Jealousy?
N chose Reshiram, the white dragon, and chose Black to take the dragon of his own name. N chose Black over White. Would she think that it could have been her, going on adventures and meeting new people?
Black sighed. It hadn't been as fun as it sounded.
A sudden blast of cold air filled Black's hideout, snapping him out of his glum reminiscence. Without warning, the freezing air was accompanied by a shivering Snorunt, tumbled in clumsily. Black watched as the small Pokémon rolled towards him on its side, clutching the little teepee cloak tighter. Black smiled, reaching out to stroke the small Ice-Type. It embraced his hand, hugging it tightly and sending frosty flakes across the young man's hand.
"Hello there," Murmured Black, stroking the Snorunt's tip with great affection. "It's nice to have company sometimes." The Snorunt made a little squeaky noise and crawled up Black's arm, coming to a stop at the hollow in his neck, breathing its chilling breath upon his bare skin. "Do you have any friends? A family, perhaps?" The Snorunt wiggled.
"Sno-Sno-Run-No-Runt!" It cried, pointing back to the mouth of the cave with a stubby little finger.
"Wish I was N round about now…" The trainer sighed, rolling his eyes slightly. Nevertheless, he was still curious, and Black stood up, starting to walk. towards the cave's opening. The Snorunt clutched tightly to his neck, its breath sending a sharp chill through Black's whole body, but he didn't mind. It was actually quite soothing. He had to shield his eyes as he stepped into the blizzard, emerging from his cave and back into the world. The snow tore at his body like claws, and despite the thick jacket, he felt naked. He wasn't sure whether or not he imagined it, but he thought he saw someone in the snow. Idiot.
Nonetheless, Snorunt seemed relentless in finding whatever it was in the snow, and Black felt as though he was obliged to aid the little Pokémon. It was his duty as a Champion and a trainer. He called out, cautious.
"Anyone there?" The wind was the only answer. Snorunt continued to cry out, a tinge of panic crawling into its sharp cries.
Then it jumped from Black's shoulder headfirst, straight into the snow below. Black could only see the tip of its head as it sped through the packed powder like a knife through butter. As it ran, Black followed its aimless wanderings.
Then he found what they were looking for. He hadn't seen a person in the blizzard after all. He'd seen a Froslass. It now held Snorunt tightly in an (undoubtedly icy) embrace. Nodding at the Froslass, he turned and began making his way back to the cave, but he could have sworn he heard a cry of Fros!, which he could only assume meant thank you.
Black stepped back into the dryness of his fire-heated cave for what he knew was the final time. After being in the cold and the wind and the snow, the familiarity of the cave an the unnatural warmth was unsettling. What had been his home now felt like a hell. It struck Black that he really was leaving. It seemed impossible, and Black truly believed that the cave had become his life. But it was time at last.
He pulled out a black marker from his pocket and wrote on the wall: Not everything is Black and White; there is always some Grey in between. Sincerely-B. A message to anyone who needs to find a way in life, and discover who they truly are.
That was what Black believed he had achieved. He knew who he was. Who he is.
Patiently and quietly, he cleaned up, packing his tent, his sleeping bag, his clothes. He picked up his Pokeballs, pocketing all but one. A Masterball, the purple surface shimmering in the last slivers of flame. Frowning slightly as a wave of nostalgia hit, Black released Zekrom from his Pokeball, letting the goliath dragon stretch its wings out. Zekrom released a dull roar, and its skin glowed with unyielding electricity. The power in the air made Black's hair stand on end as he began climbing onto the black dragon's back. With a single command, they burst from the cave and into the night skies of Sinnoh.
The loneliest people are the kindest.
Cheren: Day 2
Five years. Cheren sighed. He couldn't believe that it had been five years since his first Gym Battle as the Leader of Aspertia City. Five years since Team Plasma officially disbanded, with Ghetsis' disappearance to accompany it. But it had been seven years since Cheren had last seen his best friend. Black.
Seven whole years.
It seemed decades ago, when they all set out on their journey together, eager fifteen-year olds, ready to discover their paths in life.
Autumn had passed, and crisp snow laced the rooftops of Aspertia City. Cheren pulled his blazer closer around him, shivering as his breath clouded before him in a wisp of ethereal beauty, the tendrils of its grasp like the fingers of a ghostly wraith. His breath wasn't white, nor was it black. It was grey. A perfect blend of Black and White. He'd always been stuck between them, always trying to overcome his weakness but failing to grasp want it truly was. But now Cheren felt as though the barriers of his life had fallen; he had spent most of his time wanting to help others that he had forgotten many important aspects of life. Black had always been there to help him.
Where was his friend now?
Smiling, a rare occurrence for Cheren, he left Aspertia's famous outlook, his scarf fluttering behind him like the tail of a wild and wondrous Pokémon. As he stepped down the stairs, his shoes made a hollow clicking noise that echoed through the eerily silent town like gunshots.
He wished it was louder. The monotonous silence became rather dull every now and then. What a bother. Bianca, she would have started a party, there and then, or made a mini-musical. White would have pushed him into a bush, calling him some ridiculous and illogical name referring to stiffness or visionary impediments. Black would be laughing hysterically. Oh, how he missed his friends.
Cheren was surprised by how sarcastic even his thoughts were. But he did truly miss them; even White.
Reaching the bottom of the slab stone stairs, his feet sending flakes of snow scattering, he paused, but he was unsure why. Glancing to his left, and then to his right, Cheren frowned. What was he doing? He didn't need to stop. Nobody was about - he couldn't have possibly heard someone. Could he?
His only companion on this winter's night was the wind.
Then a buzzing began to emanate from inside his jacket. He jumped at first, cursing Arceus, before quickly pulling out his X-Transceiver, which was flashing and buzzing like its life depended on it. Of course, the X-Transceiver had no life, and was therefore just buzzing and flashing normally. Eyebrows raised in curiosity, Cheren flicked it on. The person who had made the call had no image; their slot was taken up by a grey screen that read Audio Only, in large white text. The other two recipients of the call, however, Cheren knew well, from long, painful days on the road. One was a round faced, rosy cheeked girl with an enormous green hat and glasses, blonde hair cascading to her shoulders like liquid gold. The one and only Bianca.
"HIYA CHEREN!" She chimed in her usual manner, making Cheren cringe as he frantically mashed the volume down button. "Do you know who's calling us? Hey, you started wearing glasses again!? Now we match! Isn't that cool?!" Cheren sighed and held up a finger, not even bothering to think about the interrogation Bianca was giving him.
"Not now Bianca. Call me later."
"Aww, that's so sweet. I forgot how nice you are," A voice mocked. Cheren scanned the screen to see another section of the X-Transceiver, occupied by a girl with a dark brown ponytail and a baseball cap on. White.
"The same to you." Smiling sarcastically, but with a real grin underneath (somewhere), Cheren focused his attention on the grey box. Whoever was calling them better have a good reason. But he couldn't deny that he was happy to see his old friends after so long.
"H-H-Hello? Hello? Hi! Is….is this thing on?" A voice crackled from the speaker, hindered by the sound of torrential rain and gail force wind, but even with the impediment, Cheren knew that voice. It was distinct and unforgettable. And from the looks on the faces of the others, they knew the speaker too. "Ah? Ummm...Okay! Hi guys, it's me." It was impossible to forget who that was. "I'm coming home."
It was him.
It was Black.
Then he hung up, and everyone's screens plunged into darkness. Leaving each of them completely and utterly stumped. Cheren was speechless. After 7 years…Black was going to return? It didn't make any sense. Did it? It was all too confusing. Still trying to get to grips with this news, his X-Transceiver rang once more, vibrating angrily in his palm. He flicked it on again, the bright light enveloping his face. Bianca's screen showed a warm face smiling back at him. Reluctantly, he returned the expression.
"So…" He started awkwardly. "5 years…Was that when we last saw each other?" Shaking her head, Bianca grinned, but barely.
"2 years ago. When we went to visit the Striaton Trio. Remember? You were really stressed with work. You wanted a break." Cheren strained his mind for a while before nodding. He remembered. Barely. It was a few summers ago, and he and Bianca had met up after Cheren had a rough day. They went for a meal at Striaton's Restaurant. But any major details were lost to Cheren. "I missed you." The sweet voice shook Cheren out of his stupor. He focused on the X-Transceiver, adjusting his glasses, to see that Bianca looked sad, on the verge of tears, even.
"I missed you too," Said Cheren.
He meant it.
He needed to change subject quickly; he could swear he was blushing.
"He's really coming back." Bianca's eyes lit up and she nodded vigorously, her hat bouncing on her head.
"I know! Isn't it exciting!?" Clasping her hands in front of her, she did her odd little bob movement, making the video feed shake. Unconsciously gripping the Pokeball in his pocket, Cheren nodded.
"Yes, I guess it is." Suddenly Bianca gasped, and Cheren's eyebrows raised in an expression that was half-surprise, half-amusement. What happened now?
"We need to get a welcome home party sorted! Do you think you can get a hold of the Gym Leaders and gather 'em up? We need all the help we can get!" At this idea, Cheren visibly perked up. Everyone together? Fantastic! He smiled, a full, toothy smile.
"No problem. I don't think the leaders have gathered in years, maybe not since Team Plasma. I'm on it!" Bianca almost shrieked with glee.
"OKAY! THANKS SO MUCH CHEREN!" He was about to reply when she waved at him quickly and said: "OKAY BYEEEEEEE!" before hanging up.
Starting idly at the blank screen of his X-Transceiver, he murmured sadly.
"Be seeing you…Bianca."
The happiest people are really the saddest.
Bianca: Day 3
Nuvema Town had erupted in chaos. After the call to Cheren, Bianca rushed home, only to find that Mr. Serious himself was already there, notebook under his arm and all 12 leaders by his side. White soon arrived after, with Iris, Alder and the members of the E4. Now they were all rushing back and forth, trying to set up a fantastic party for the return of the great hero.
Burgh had his Leavanny sew a large gazebo, which was atop a dark wooden pavilion, built by Marshal, Clay, and their Pokemon. Now Skyla, Elesa and Caitlin were creating the decorations and lights. Bianca watched in awe as they all did their bit to help. Grimsley looking as bored as ever, and Brycen practicing for the human statue competition. Every little helps.
Now she was stood, looking out of the window of Black's old bedroom, alongside Cheren and White. As the three that knew him the best, they were in charge. The room had been untouched since Black's departure. 7 years ago. The bed was ice-cold, the blanket folded pristinely. A thin layer of dust covered the room, and the once white Wii on the floor was now a dull grey. Even the present that once contained the starter Pokémon laid open on Black's desk.
"What do you think?" Asked Cheren, pointing at a plan on his notebook. It was filled with designs and layouts that looked amazing to Bianca. There was the pavilion, and lanterns and bunting hug from the gazebo and to rooftops of every house. Shauntal had agreed to bring her Litwick, which would light the sides of the paths. A buffet table would be laid out, and, by request of White, a sign would be beside it stating, "Woah! Buffet!" With the picture of a Wobuffet. There were other minor touches - The Striaton Trio's handmade food, Elesa's amazing theatrics and effects, etcetera, etcetera, - Cheren wanted everything to be meticulous. Bianca grinned at him.
"Fantastic! Black's gonna love this!" She seemed to shake with suppressed glee.
Suddenly, Burgh's dream-like voice came through the window, followed by Clay's harsh voice.
"NO! NO! That goes here, not there! Embrace the art!"
"I'm gonna embrace somethin' alright…" Rolling his eyes and sighing, Cheren left the room and travelled downstairs, his footsteps cut off by the sound of the main door opening and closing.
The two girls looked at each other knowingly, and waited for Cheren to return before setting any plans in stone. They pored over Cheren's plans before discussing their lives.
"What did you end up doing then?" Asked Bianca jovially. Without hesitation, White replied, an almost bored look on her face.
"I'm the newest Subway Boss, down in Nimbasa. I live in an old house near Lostlorn. It's quiet but I like it, and I can always embrace the rush of the subway trains, eh?" Grinning, White turned to Bianca. "What 'bout you?"
"I'm a professor in training. I still live here, in Nuvema," She said, almost sadly. Compared with Black's life of rogue Champion, Cheren's life of Gym Leader, and White's life as an expert battler, her own felt dull and pointless, hardly worth mentioning.
White opened her mouth to speak, when Cheren's cries of Honestly!, followed by the roar of a Haxorus, cut her off.
Bianca looked out of the window to see Burgh and Clay walking away from each other in opposite directions, but Cheren was nowhere to be seen. For a moment, fear gripped Bianca's heart; she wondered if Cheren had got frustrated enough that he had run off. It wouldn't be the first time. But all fear was washed away as she heard footsteps against the wood of Black's stairs. Cheren emerged from the stairs, looking distinctly ruffled, his shirt half-tucked and glasses askew. Despite her conscience telling her not to, Bianca ran straight towards Cheren and embraced him, wrapped her arms under his. She heard the sharp intake of breath, felt his chest contract against hers. Then the unexpected happened. He wrapped his arms around her. Bianca couldn't see his face, nor could he see hers, as she had settled her head in the hollow of his neck.
She was glad for it.
Her face was redder than the backside of a Charmander.
They were interrupted by White s******ing.
"I hate to interrupt…" She paused. "That… lovely mess. But we've got a job to do." When they didn't react, Bianca felt a hand on her shoulder, followed by a sharp tug. White was pulling them apart, grunting and huffing as she did so. Tripping on the carpet suddenly, she fell over, Bianca tumbling down on top of her. The two collided with a squeal. Meanwhile, Cheren stood, looking shocked and bashful, but keeping his eyes locked on the mess of limbs before him. Bianca felt her face enter the crimson zone, but Cheren's wrinkled in laughter, dimples appearing in his cheeks. Bianca hadn't seen him laugh in a long time. Maybe 5 years. She had forgotten how melodious it was. Forgotten just how much it made the world feel better. How could she have forgotten?
After 5 years!?
It was so infectious that the two girls couldn't help but join in. They laughed and laughed and laughed, but were interrupted by a rough voice.
"Hate ter int'rupt, but yeh migh' wanna get up." It was Clay, the cowboy hat atop his bushy hair casting nightmarish shadows across his face. "We gotta problem."
Nuvema Town had become a bomb site. Scraps of paper, dots of paint and millions of pieces of litter were covering the small town. Literally nothing had been built save the pavilion, which had Burgh's work on the floor. But nothing had been set up. Cheren sighed, head in hands, and White frowned. Both were frustrated, the former more so. But Bianca refused to give up.
"Come on!" She exclaimed, hands on hips. "We've gotta get this sorted for Black! He's a hero, doesn't he deserve a hero's welcome!? This isn't just for Black; this is for us. We have all got back together again for this, and I'm not gonna let it come to nothing!" Gasping for breath, Bianca glanced around. Everyone was watching her. Cheren's mouth was open in shock, and White looked dumbfounded.
"Well said, missy," Clay grunted, a proud look on his face. Even Shauntal, who had a way with words, seemed to revel at the small speech that Bianca just gave.
She felt a little boost. Holding up one hand, she set her face in a determined grin and yelled.
"LET'S DO THIS SHUCKLING THING!"
The most terrified people become the bravest.
White: Day 4
Five whole years since she became Subway Boss. 5 years since she last saw Cheren. And Bianca. Five years.
7 whole years. The last time she saw Black was 7 years ago. She couldn't believe it.
White had led a pretty conventional life since Black's departure, making a name for herself in the Subway, defeating both Ingo and Emmet in a 1 on 2 battle and claiming the Subway throne for herself. Now she was a force to be reckoned with. Cheren had become a leader, and was well on his way to becoming Champion. Bianca was almost a Professor, and she would inspire a new age of trainers. Black was a hero. White was happy with where she stood.
Sighing heavily and flicking her hair, she admired the setting around her. Clay and Burgh had (finally) come to an agreement, and the other leaders had pitched in. The sun was setting, and rainbow coloured lights hung from the rooftops of each house. The Woah-Buffet table was set up beside Juniper's Laboratory, just as White had requested. She s******ed. Despite the time it took, the town looked ready for Black's arrival. Unfortunately, he hadn't arrived yet.
White began to walk up and down the paths, casting looks at everyone she passed. Elesa smiled back at her, Alder waved and yelled, sloshing beer down himself. Trust Alder to get drunk before a party. Even some foreigners had appeared, invited by other Unova Leaders. A tough-looking man with spiked blonde hair and a taller man with a red afro stood beside Roxie, examining her Whirlipede-Guitar. Beside Cheren was a man in a miner's jumpsuit, open to show a smart shirt underneath, ready for a quick change, a man with a violet scarf and sable jacket, and a woman with a long white dress and brown hair. Overwhelmed by the diversity, White couldn't help smiling back at the strangers, including a young girl with green pigtails and overalls, and a man with a sapphire suit and a Lucario by his side.
This was what White loved about life - there were so many people to meet and to know, so many experiences to be had. It was overwhelming. Bianca, who had oddly taken charge, was now rushing back and forth, her glasses askew as she yelled commands at those unfortunate enough to still be working. It was difficult, but the party would be worth it. Hopefully. The cold wind biting at her legs, she came to a halt at the white fence that overlooked the coast.
The sapphire water waved before her serenely, bubbles of snow white froth curling upwards with each fresh wave. The fresh scent of the sea assailed White's nostrils, and a smile played upon her lips as she heard the cry of Wingull catching on the wind. Looking down into the water, she could see Magikarp and Frillish floating gracefully, side by side, in an unexplored world of their own. Smiling even wider, White reluctantly pulled herself from the fence, yanking her jacket tighter over her body. It was cold by the sea. She returned to the center of the town, admiring the well-disciplined Litwick that stood by the side of every path in equal intervals, their flames shifting colours.
Black still wasn't here.
White was growing restless. She wanted to see him again; wanted the party to start. Everyone was just milling about, no action, no entertainment. It was dull and drab. Suddenly, a dark-skinned man popped out of absolutely nowhere, scaring the Muk out of White, grinning with tousled dark blue hair and a white vest on, with baggy blue trousers. Marlon.
"Hey girl," He beamed, his smile a white flash in his face. "How's it hanging?" White shook her head, but beamed back nonetheless. It was good to have company.
"Pretty decent, Marlon. What 'bout you? And don't use a swimming metaphor." She said, glaring at Marlon with mock seriousness. The Leader pushed her arm playfully, grinning all the while.
"Ay, girl, you know me! Always taking a stab at something new, y'know? Gotta make some ripples in a still pool, eh?" White rolled her eyes at the metaphor. Marlon winked. He shrugged and swiped White's hat from her head, before rushing off, swinging it wildly in his hands.
Wrinkles appeared in White's cheeks as she started laughing. She almost doubled over, but calmed down quickly. Marlon would get bored soon enough, and White didn't really care; she needed to change soon anyways. She still wore her ripped shorts, the pockets showing from underneath the jagged edges.
Suddenly, a powerful breeze hit White, making her hair stand on end and goosebumps to appear on her arms. She looked up, and saw pitch-black storm clouds curling in from the horizon. They pulsed with blue electricity, and thunder rolled. For a moment, White feared that Thundurus, Tornadus and Landorus were causing havoc once more. The party would be ruined!
But then a rumble filled the air, louder than any before it. The clouds pulsed again, and bright, white-hot electricity burst from the clouds. The rumble filled the air. Again and again and again. A rhythmic roar.
It sounded familiar. Very familiar.
Again the electricity filled the sky and the roar sounded.
The roar. It had been 7 years. The roar once more. She remembered that growl. It was unique, and belonged to one person only. One Pokémon only. That growl came from Zekrom. And it was as dark as the name of its owner. Black. He was coming.
Reviews
AmericanPi
This entry was amazingly bittersweet. Everything about it - the friends reuniting after seven years, the thoughts of the protagonists as they figured out how to approach their old friends, and the welcome-home party - touched my heart and made me cry. I'm not sure if you were going for the bittersweet angle, but to be honest this angle really worked to tell a poignant story about revisiting old memories and catching up with old friends. I felt happy that Black, White, Cheren, and Bianca were seeing each other after so long, but sad that they had spent so much time apart. This story is a great example of how bittersweet friendship can be, especially if you're away from your friends for a long time.
The techniques you used in this story were very clever. The sayings in the beginnings of each point of view really showed the theme of the story, that every happy moment contains some sadness, and vice versa. I really liked how you switched POVs in this entry, because it shows that every friend is feeling the same way about being apart despite having different life experiences. The fact that the story took place during winter was a nice touch, because we got to see the friends have a heartwarming experience during a cold season. Finally, I really liked the background events and antics of the guests during the party. They added levity to the story without taking away from the main plotline of the friends' reunion.
Even though this was a very strong entry, I thought there were a few aspects of this story that could be improved upon. Firstly, I'm not sure how necessary the scene with the Snorunt and Froslass was. It was cute and showed that Black is a kind person, but the point of this story is the reunion of four friends, so I think the scene with the Snorunt and Froslass could be cut to really focus on the emotions of Black, White, Cheren, and Bianca as they reunite after so many years.
Secondly, I thought the final scene with the four friends taking the first step of their new journey was somewhat vague. It was symbolic of the rekindling of a friendship and a new beginning, but I think the scene would have been better if you had expanded in-story on the circumstances of this new journey. Are the friends really going to take on the Pokemon League challenge again, or are they just taking a step onto Route 1 for ceremonial purposes? Basically, more details in the final scene would have lessened confusion and made the entry stronger in general.
Overall, though, this was a very nice story that gave me a ton of feels. It was on the longer side, but it didn't drag on at all, and did a great job at fulfilling the friendship aspect of the theme as well. Great job!
Bay
This is a fun reunion fic there. I like the slow pace of it where we get a chance to see preparations with the homecoming, how everyone’s doing, and everyone catching up. Most of the characters I think you portrayed well, like Bianca’s upbeat personality and Cheren the more straight laced one. And man, I miss your Grimsley so much hahaha.
One thing I would like to see more of is Cheren putting more of the effort with catching up with Black, as Grimsley puts it. Could have followed up with that.
Biggest thing I want to point out is your grammar. There are instances where you got dialogue punctuation wrong. After dialogue you would often follow up with “Said Black”, “He said”, “The Champion replied,” etc. Usually it goes “said Black”, “he said”, “the Champion” instead. I think going a pronoun and then a dialogue tag like “Black said” would make it easier. Hopefully this makes sense, haha.
Chibi Pika
I was not ready for this.
So when I first started reading this, I was surprised that it was about Black, when at first it seemed like a plot that would be more fitting for Red. But then I got to Cheren’s bit. And, well… that’s when I understood.
If I were to describe this piece in one work, it’d be bittersweet. It perfectly captures that feeling of being struck by fond memories, and enjoying them, but then suddenly feeling stabbed in the heart by the realization that those times are gone. And then you look at the people all around you and realize that they’re still here, but you wonder if you can ever possibly recapture the magic of the times you all once shared. And in some way you can—you can reconnect, you can enjoy each other’s company once more. But there’s still that longing in the back of your mind for something that can’t quite be re-lived and the best thing you can do is push on and try to make new memories because at the end of the day, there’s nothing to be gained by dwelling on the past
And I bring all that up because those are exactly the themes I wanted from this piece and it delivered. It didn’t just reference those themes, it dove into them headfirst. It wasn’t afraid to make all the characters grapple with those contradictory feelings of happiness, sadness, satisfaction, and regret. And part of that is because of the way you gave us time to see from each character’s point of view. The ways their lives have moved on. The dreams they’ve pursued and that irritating feeling of being content but not quite. The feelings of inadequacy, of not quite measuring up to the things everyone else has accomplished. Those last few aren’t even the core themes of the story, and they didn’t even need to be there, and yet they made each of the characters feel that much more complex. And I love the way you use the different personalities of the characters to play with the reader’s emotions, from the cold frustration that Cheren feels, and the way his emotions linger in the background, bubbling up suddenly when he can no longer deny how much he’s missed everyone. To the cheerful energy of Bianca, and the way she channels her efforts into the party, into putting on a joyful air for others so she doesn’t have to face that sadness. To the restless agitation of White, who is satisfied with where she is, but wants to see new things, meet new people, have new experiences. But at the same time, it’s really easy to get caught up with one’s own life and lose touch with the people closest to you.
And that’s especially apparent with Black. He left without saying goodbye, following a quest that seemed too important to ignore, and by the time he realized the mistake he’d made, he was already feeling so much shame that it was too hard to go back and face the people he’d hurt. But that just feeds an endless cycle, refusing to face the hurt, letting more time pass. Ignoring it is the easy road. Facing it is the hard road. No one ever said friendship was easy. It can seem effortless when you’re young, but things have a pesky way of getting more complicated as you get older. It’s not enough to want to recapture the feeling of the times long past. As Grimsley said, it takes effort.
I’ve gotten this far without even bringing up the narration. It’s poetic, it flows beautifully, and did a perfect job capturing not just the look of the setting, but the feel. I felt the cold. I felt the loneliness. I felt the longing. And all those qualities were present not just in the characters’ introspection, but also in moments where they were just… observing their surroundings. It perfectly complemented the mood.
There’s so many other details to love here, especially with the many, many side characters. This isn’t just the story of four friends reacting to one leaving them and them returning, this is an entire network of people whose lives were touched by this one person, and who all came together to welcome him home, in spite of his mistakes, in spite of the way he hurt them. This is a piece that really digs deep into the messy, complicated realities of life, and how they affect the bonds we share with others, and how those bonds are a whole lot stronger than they seem. I liked it a lot.
And on a completely unrelated side note: “Whoa! Buffet!” had me in stitches, and I felt the need to point that out. That is all.
Dragonfree
You do a really nice job of writing the characters here, making their personalities and voices distinct and recognizeable. I loved the concept of tackling Black's return after his years-long absence, reuniting with his friends and family, and the character interactions throughout the story are lovely. There's a tangible dynamic between both individual pairs of characters and the characters as a group, and it's fun to watch them bounce off each other.
Ultimately, though, while I was really intrigued by the first few scenes of this, by the end I was feeling kind of unfulfilled. It's a pretty long fic, but I think there's less actually said in it than the length would indicate. There's a lot of what amounts to little more than namedropping, for one - introducing characters that maybe say an inconsequential line or two each if that, just to let us know that they're there too, before moving on to the next character. It's just not that interesting to read about exactly who came to Black's welcome party; you build a nice atmosphere with some of the details, and you write each of the characters well, but I distinctly got the feeling you were trying to tick off boxes, going out of your way to include every single character explicitly even when it didn't really mean anything for the story.
Also, this fic is split into scenes from different characters' POVs, each headed by a little italicized statement or moral - but as far as I can tell, even though these morals sound interesting and are stated as if they're outlining the theme of the scene in question, the scenes themselves largely don't really communicate those themes, so ultimately they feel a bit all tell and no show. White's scene is headlined "The most terrified people become the bravest", for instance, which sounds like you're about to show us something like White actually being scared and insecure beneath the confident facade she puts on, but that she's capable of true bravery when she wants to, or that she used to be timid and scaredy but grew beyond that - but the actual scene contains nothing of the sort, nothing I can even stretch into being about bravery or lack thereof if I try, much less anything that's discernibly about the most terrified people becoming the bravest. Instead, she just muses briefly and neutrally on what's happened in the past seven years, describes the party preparations, namedrops some characters, is a little overwhelmed and restless for the party to start, and has a completely inconsequential interaction with Marlon before Zekrom arrives with Black and we switch POVs again. None of this seems to have anything to do with the stated theme, and while some of the italicized lines fit their scenes better than others (Bianca really does act happy while briefly showing hidden insecurity and sadness in her POV), I don't think most of the scenes actually end up communicating the interesting character dualities or conflicts that the italics suggest, even when I'm actively looking for them after seeing them spelled out. (Black doesn't really seem particularly damaged or particularly wise; Cheren may be lonely, but hardly comes across as "the kindest"; Cheren resolves to do more to be a friend to Black because Grimsley tells him he's not putting in enough effort, but by this point it seems like he's already forgiven Black, and I can't tell what he might have needed to forgive himself for first.)
Most crucially, the actual reunions, once they happened, ended up not really living up to all the buildup, in my opinion. You still write the characters well and make their voices distinct, but in terms of actual content, most of the reunions end up just being variations on "Black, you're back!" "Yeah, I'm back, it's good to see you again", with nothing really addressing this specific situation, or anything unique about how Black's disappearance affected this particular character, or any feelings more complicated than being happy to see him, or otherwise saying much that's meaningful or interesting. Only Cheren gets to have any kind of actual dialogue with Black, and even there, it's a very short one and Black's response (while nice and heartfelt) is really vague and generic - stuff that practically anyone could say, to anyone. And to me at least, that's just kind of unsatisfying. Why did Black not tell his friends where he was going? If he regretted leaving without a word every single day, why didn't he just send them a message the day after he left? These aren't rhetorical questions, mind you - they're real, interesting questions that are worth exploring. People lose contact with people who genuinely care about them all the time over their own insecurities and hangups and misguided convictions, and there are a ton of genuine, sympathetic, interesting ways that Black's self-imposed exile might have ended up this way. This story seems like it's about to tackle these questions and more, with all the buildup about Black having finally discovered who he truly is and thinking it's time he went back, and each character ruminating vaguely about how long he's been gone in the lead-up, but it ends up sidestepping all of that, and I found that really disappointing.
(I felt particularly weird about Black's reunion with his mother. You write the emotions well, but it's incredibly strange how Black makes no attempt to explain himself to her, after having been gone without a word for seven years, and she doesn't even ask. It also rubs me the wrong way how she's weepy and hysterical while Black has to patiently explain to her that there are other people there and they can catch up later, promise; he's talking to her like a child, which if nothing else sounds exceptionally odd for someone talking to his own mother, for the first time since he was a child.)
Similarly, the ending scene is quite cute, but again, it's heavy on incidental character interactions and light on real substance. None of the characters really talk about or show what it really means to them to be back together there again or why they really wanted to do this - in fact, they talk so little about what they're doing that I'm still not entirely clear on what exactly Black means by a trip down memory lane. (Are they actually planning on journeying around the whole region together, as possibly implied by the final sentence, or just to relive their first day, which sounds more like what Black is going for when he talks about "when they got their first Pokémon" and would make a lot more sense as something they'd decide on a whim like that?) Again, their interactions here really are cute - but I'm just not feeling the emotion, despite being the world's biggest sap for both friendship and nostalgia, because there's no real sense of why this is important or meaningful to the characters. I'm sure you know why it's important to them - but I don't think it's quite getting across on the page.
There are a lot of things you're doing really well here, though. Again, you're a great character writer, their interactions are fantastic, and it's just fun to read them bouncing off one another and to see the firm grasp you have on their personalities. You've got some really good moments - Cheren hugging Black like a brother and saying they're family was very sweet and probably my favorite bit here. Overall you do a really nice job with buildup and atmosphere and some great, amusing imagery. It could be better proofread - there are a lot of typos or misconstructed sentences and some awkward bits of prose (one that jumped out at me: "...his X-Transceiver, which was flashing and buzzing like its life depended on it. Of course, the X-Transceiver had no life, and was therefore just buzzing and flashing normally.") - but your writing is mostly nice and fluid. All in all, I'm intrigued to read your other work and see what you do with longer, more fleshed-out stories. But ultimately this entry lacked impact for me where it counted in this contest, in truly, meaningfully exploring the relationships between these friends, and as a result I'm placing it lower than I would have otherwise.
Scoring
AmericanPi: 1st place (70 points)
Bay: 5th place (30 points)
Chibi Pika: 1st place (70 points)
Dragronfree: 4th place (40 points)
Total: 3rd place (210 points)
* * *
The most damaged people are the wisest.
Black: Day 1
It had been five years. Five whole years since Team Plasma had fallen. Five whole years since Ghetsis had vanished. 5 years since N had given Reshiram to the newest hero. Seven years since Black left Unova.
It wasn't his fault. He'd travelled the world, alongside Zekrom. He thought he could never return. People would have… mixed opinions on his capture of the legendary dragon that so many revered as a deity. Now he knew that wasn't true. He'd been alone for seven years, save his Pokémon. All of them, holed up in an ancient ruin in a forgotten mountain, deep in the region of Sinnoh. Yes, he'd come across many travellers, but he reluctantly sent them away after a confuse ray from his Pokémon.
The wide howled, and snow bellowed into the mouth of the cave. But never further in. Never far in enough to remind Black that the world was out there and waiting.
7 years.
Alone. In a cave. Clothes littered the cracked slate floor, and remnants of food were scattered here and there. An unidentifiable dusky scent filled the cave, which seemed to cling horribly to everything. A tent stood erect, the once vibrant blue now faded, whilst a campfire crackled nearby, casting a deep amber glow across the night filled cavern, sending shadows dancing across the walls. Black sat, jeans as dark as his name ripped at the knees, and a grey shirt, with an old cyan jacket, weathered and mud stained, pulled over. Clutched in his hand was his hat, the one that he had worn seven years ago. With this attire, and the shadow of a stubble upon his jaw, Black looked as though he had barely changed at all.
Even after 7 years.
But now, he was going to see people again. His friends. His Mum. Cheren. Bianca. White. Maybe even N.
Why was he returning now?
He was growing restless. Black missed everyone, everything. Skyla, Elesa, Cilan, Drayden. Everyone. Even old Clay. He felt like it was finally time. But was this really what the hero wanted - to return home, only to face a stream of questions and accusations? He could only imagine how Cheren would react. Honestly Black, you shocked us all. You're such a bother,. A smile grew upon Black's lips. Now he could imagine Cheren saying those exact words, Bianca by his side, a concerned look upon her face. And that silly green hat.
Black realised just how much he missed them. Clinical as he was, Cheren was fiercely loyal, and always ready to help. And despite her ditzy personality, Bianca was always concerned for the well-being of others. Oh, how he missed them.
Deep down, Black hoped that they still missed him.
But the person he missed the most was White.
It was her opinion that mattered most. She was, no is, his best friend. She always would be. Would she be happy to see him? Or would she feel something else?
Jealousy?
N chose Reshiram, the white dragon, and chose Black to take the dragon of his own name. N chose Black over White. Would she think that it could have been her, going on adventures and meeting new people?
Black sighed. It hadn't been as fun as it sounded.
A sudden blast of cold air filled Black's hideout, snapping him out of his glum reminiscence. Without warning, the freezing air was accompanied by a shivering Snorunt, tumbled in clumsily. Black watched as the small Pokémon rolled towards him on its side, clutching the little teepee cloak tighter. Black smiled, reaching out to stroke the small Ice-Type. It embraced his hand, hugging it tightly and sending frosty flakes across the young man's hand.
"Hello there," Murmured Black, stroking the Snorunt's tip with great affection. "It's nice to have company sometimes." The Snorunt made a little squeaky noise and crawled up Black's arm, coming to a stop at the hollow in his neck, breathing its chilling breath upon his bare skin. "Do you have any friends? A family, perhaps?" The Snorunt wiggled.
"Sno-Sno-Run-No-Runt!" It cried, pointing back to the mouth of the cave with a stubby little finger.
"Wish I was N round about now…" The trainer sighed, rolling his eyes slightly. Nevertheless, he was still curious, and Black stood up, starting to walk. towards the cave's opening. The Snorunt clutched tightly to his neck, its breath sending a sharp chill through Black's whole body, but he didn't mind. It was actually quite soothing. He had to shield his eyes as he stepped into the blizzard, emerging from his cave and back into the world. The snow tore at his body like claws, and despite the thick jacket, he felt naked. He wasn't sure whether or not he imagined it, but he thought he saw someone in the snow. Idiot.
Nonetheless, Snorunt seemed relentless in finding whatever it was in the snow, and Black felt as though he was obliged to aid the little Pokémon. It was his duty as a Champion and a trainer. He called out, cautious.
"Anyone there?" The wind was the only answer. Snorunt continued to cry out, a tinge of panic crawling into its sharp cries.
Then it jumped from Black's shoulder headfirst, straight into the snow below. Black could only see the tip of its head as it sped through the packed powder like a knife through butter. As it ran, Black followed its aimless wanderings.
Then he found what they were looking for. He hadn't seen a person in the blizzard after all. He'd seen a Froslass. It now held Snorunt tightly in an (undoubtedly icy) embrace. Nodding at the Froslass, he turned and began making his way back to the cave, but he could have sworn he heard a cry of Fros!, which he could only assume meant thank you.
Black stepped back into the dryness of his fire-heated cave for what he knew was the final time. After being in the cold and the wind and the snow, the familiarity of the cave an the unnatural warmth was unsettling. What had been his home now felt like a hell. It struck Black that he really was leaving. It seemed impossible, and Black truly believed that the cave had become his life. But it was time at last.
He pulled out a black marker from his pocket and wrote on the wall: Not everything is Black and White; there is always some Grey in between. Sincerely-B. A message to anyone who needs to find a way in life, and discover who they truly are.
That was what Black believed he had achieved. He knew who he was. Who he is.
Patiently and quietly, he cleaned up, packing his tent, his sleeping bag, his clothes. He picked up his Pokeballs, pocketing all but one. A Masterball, the purple surface shimmering in the last slivers of flame. Frowning slightly as a wave of nostalgia hit, Black released Zekrom from his Pokeball, letting the goliath dragon stretch its wings out. Zekrom released a dull roar, and its skin glowed with unyielding electricity. The power in the air made Black's hair stand on end as he began climbing onto the black dragon's back. With a single command, they burst from the cave and into the night skies of Sinnoh.
* * *
The loneliest people are the kindest.
Cheren: Day 2
Five years. Cheren sighed. He couldn't believe that it had been five years since his first Gym Battle as the Leader of Aspertia City. Five years since Team Plasma officially disbanded, with Ghetsis' disappearance to accompany it. But it had been seven years since Cheren had last seen his best friend. Black.
Seven whole years.
It seemed decades ago, when they all set out on their journey together, eager fifteen-year olds, ready to discover their paths in life.
Autumn had passed, and crisp snow laced the rooftops of Aspertia City. Cheren pulled his blazer closer around him, shivering as his breath clouded before him in a wisp of ethereal beauty, the tendrils of its grasp like the fingers of a ghostly wraith. His breath wasn't white, nor was it black. It was grey. A perfect blend of Black and White. He'd always been stuck between them, always trying to overcome his weakness but failing to grasp want it truly was. But now Cheren felt as though the barriers of his life had fallen; he had spent most of his time wanting to help others that he had forgotten many important aspects of life. Black had always been there to help him.
Where was his friend now?
Smiling, a rare occurrence for Cheren, he left Aspertia's famous outlook, his scarf fluttering behind him like the tail of a wild and wondrous Pokémon. As he stepped down the stairs, his shoes made a hollow clicking noise that echoed through the eerily silent town like gunshots.
He wished it was louder. The monotonous silence became rather dull every now and then. What a bother. Bianca, she would have started a party, there and then, or made a mini-musical. White would have pushed him into a bush, calling him some ridiculous and illogical name referring to stiffness or visionary impediments. Black would be laughing hysterically. Oh, how he missed his friends.
Cheren was surprised by how sarcastic even his thoughts were. But he did truly miss them; even White.
Reaching the bottom of the slab stone stairs, his feet sending flakes of snow scattering, he paused, but he was unsure why. Glancing to his left, and then to his right, Cheren frowned. What was he doing? He didn't need to stop. Nobody was about - he couldn't have possibly heard someone. Could he?
His only companion on this winter's night was the wind.
Then a buzzing began to emanate from inside his jacket. He jumped at first, cursing Arceus, before quickly pulling out his X-Transceiver, which was flashing and buzzing like its life depended on it. Of course, the X-Transceiver had no life, and was therefore just buzzing and flashing normally. Eyebrows raised in curiosity, Cheren flicked it on. The person who had made the call had no image; their slot was taken up by a grey screen that read Audio Only, in large white text. The other two recipients of the call, however, Cheren knew well, from long, painful days on the road. One was a round faced, rosy cheeked girl with an enormous green hat and glasses, blonde hair cascading to her shoulders like liquid gold. The one and only Bianca.
"HIYA CHEREN!" She chimed in her usual manner, making Cheren cringe as he frantically mashed the volume down button. "Do you know who's calling us? Hey, you started wearing glasses again!? Now we match! Isn't that cool?!" Cheren sighed and held up a finger, not even bothering to think about the interrogation Bianca was giving him.
"Not now Bianca. Call me later."
"Aww, that's so sweet. I forgot how nice you are," A voice mocked. Cheren scanned the screen to see another section of the X-Transceiver, occupied by a girl with a dark brown ponytail and a baseball cap on. White.
"The same to you." Smiling sarcastically, but with a real grin underneath (somewhere), Cheren focused his attention on the grey box. Whoever was calling them better have a good reason. But he couldn't deny that he was happy to see his old friends after so long.
"H-H-Hello? Hello? Hi! Is….is this thing on?" A voice crackled from the speaker, hindered by the sound of torrential rain and gail force wind, but even with the impediment, Cheren knew that voice. It was distinct and unforgettable. And from the looks on the faces of the others, they knew the speaker too. "Ah? Ummm...Okay! Hi guys, it's me." It was impossible to forget who that was. "I'm coming home."
It was him.
It was Black.
Then he hung up, and everyone's screens plunged into darkness. Leaving each of them completely and utterly stumped. Cheren was speechless. After 7 years…Black was going to return? It didn't make any sense. Did it? It was all too confusing. Still trying to get to grips with this news, his X-Transceiver rang once more, vibrating angrily in his palm. He flicked it on again, the bright light enveloping his face. Bianca's screen showed a warm face smiling back at him. Reluctantly, he returned the expression.
"So…" He started awkwardly. "5 years…Was that when we last saw each other?" Shaking her head, Bianca grinned, but barely.
"2 years ago. When we went to visit the Striaton Trio. Remember? You were really stressed with work. You wanted a break." Cheren strained his mind for a while before nodding. He remembered. Barely. It was a few summers ago, and he and Bianca had met up after Cheren had a rough day. They went for a meal at Striaton's Restaurant. But any major details were lost to Cheren. "I missed you." The sweet voice shook Cheren out of his stupor. He focused on the X-Transceiver, adjusting his glasses, to see that Bianca looked sad, on the verge of tears, even.
"I missed you too," Said Cheren.
He meant it.
He needed to change subject quickly; he could swear he was blushing.
"He's really coming back." Bianca's eyes lit up and she nodded vigorously, her hat bouncing on her head.
"I know! Isn't it exciting!?" Clasping her hands in front of her, she did her odd little bob movement, making the video feed shake. Unconsciously gripping the Pokeball in his pocket, Cheren nodded.
"Yes, I guess it is." Suddenly Bianca gasped, and Cheren's eyebrows raised in an expression that was half-surprise, half-amusement. What happened now?
"We need to get a welcome home party sorted! Do you think you can get a hold of the Gym Leaders and gather 'em up? We need all the help we can get!" At this idea, Cheren visibly perked up. Everyone together? Fantastic! He smiled, a full, toothy smile.
"No problem. I don't think the leaders have gathered in years, maybe not since Team Plasma. I'm on it!" Bianca almost shrieked with glee.
"OKAY! THANKS SO MUCH CHEREN!" He was about to reply when she waved at him quickly and said: "OKAY BYEEEEEEE!" before hanging up.
Starting idly at the blank screen of his X-Transceiver, he murmured sadly.
"Be seeing you…Bianca."
* * *
The happiest people are really the saddest.
Bianca: Day 3
Nuvema Town had erupted in chaos. After the call to Cheren, Bianca rushed home, only to find that Mr. Serious himself was already there, notebook under his arm and all 12 leaders by his side. White soon arrived after, with Iris, Alder and the members of the E4. Now they were all rushing back and forth, trying to set up a fantastic party for the return of the great hero.
Burgh had his Leavanny sew a large gazebo, which was atop a dark wooden pavilion, built by Marshal, Clay, and their Pokemon. Now Skyla, Elesa and Caitlin were creating the decorations and lights. Bianca watched in awe as they all did their bit to help. Grimsley looking as bored as ever, and Brycen practicing for the human statue competition. Every little helps.
Now she was stood, looking out of the window of Black's old bedroom, alongside Cheren and White. As the three that knew him the best, they were in charge. The room had been untouched since Black's departure. 7 years ago. The bed was ice-cold, the blanket folded pristinely. A thin layer of dust covered the room, and the once white Wii on the floor was now a dull grey. Even the present that once contained the starter Pokémon laid open on Black's desk.
"What do you think?" Asked Cheren, pointing at a plan on his notebook. It was filled with designs and layouts that looked amazing to Bianca. There was the pavilion, and lanterns and bunting hug from the gazebo and to rooftops of every house. Shauntal had agreed to bring her Litwick, which would light the sides of the paths. A buffet table would be laid out, and, by request of White, a sign would be beside it stating, "Woah! Buffet!" With the picture of a Wobuffet. There were other minor touches - The Striaton Trio's handmade food, Elesa's amazing theatrics and effects, etcetera, etcetera, - Cheren wanted everything to be meticulous. Bianca grinned at him.
"Fantastic! Black's gonna love this!" She seemed to shake with suppressed glee.
Suddenly, Burgh's dream-like voice came through the window, followed by Clay's harsh voice.
"NO! NO! That goes here, not there! Embrace the art!"
"I'm gonna embrace somethin' alright…" Rolling his eyes and sighing, Cheren left the room and travelled downstairs, his footsteps cut off by the sound of the main door opening and closing.
The two girls looked at each other knowingly, and waited for Cheren to return before setting any plans in stone. They pored over Cheren's plans before discussing their lives.
"What did you end up doing then?" Asked Bianca jovially. Without hesitation, White replied, an almost bored look on her face.
"I'm the newest Subway Boss, down in Nimbasa. I live in an old house near Lostlorn. It's quiet but I like it, and I can always embrace the rush of the subway trains, eh?" Grinning, White turned to Bianca. "What 'bout you?"
"I'm a professor in training. I still live here, in Nuvema," She said, almost sadly. Compared with Black's life of rogue Champion, Cheren's life of Gym Leader, and White's life as an expert battler, her own felt dull and pointless, hardly worth mentioning.
White opened her mouth to speak, when Cheren's cries of Honestly!, followed by the roar of a Haxorus, cut her off.
Bianca looked out of the window to see Burgh and Clay walking away from each other in opposite directions, but Cheren was nowhere to be seen. For a moment, fear gripped Bianca's heart; she wondered if Cheren had got frustrated enough that he had run off. It wouldn't be the first time. But all fear was washed away as she heard footsteps against the wood of Black's stairs. Cheren emerged from the stairs, looking distinctly ruffled, his shirt half-tucked and glasses askew. Despite her conscience telling her not to, Bianca ran straight towards Cheren and embraced him, wrapped her arms under his. She heard the sharp intake of breath, felt his chest contract against hers. Then the unexpected happened. He wrapped his arms around her. Bianca couldn't see his face, nor could he see hers, as she had settled her head in the hollow of his neck.
She was glad for it.
Her face was redder than the backside of a Charmander.
They were interrupted by White s******ing.
"I hate to interrupt…" She paused. "That… lovely mess. But we've got a job to do." When they didn't react, Bianca felt a hand on her shoulder, followed by a sharp tug. White was pulling them apart, grunting and huffing as she did so. Tripping on the carpet suddenly, she fell over, Bianca tumbling down on top of her. The two collided with a squeal. Meanwhile, Cheren stood, looking shocked and bashful, but keeping his eyes locked on the mess of limbs before him. Bianca felt her face enter the crimson zone, but Cheren's wrinkled in laughter, dimples appearing in his cheeks. Bianca hadn't seen him laugh in a long time. Maybe 5 years. She had forgotten how melodious it was. Forgotten just how much it made the world feel better. How could she have forgotten?
After 5 years!?
It was so infectious that the two girls couldn't help but join in. They laughed and laughed and laughed, but were interrupted by a rough voice.
"Hate ter int'rupt, but yeh migh' wanna get up." It was Clay, the cowboy hat atop his bushy hair casting nightmarish shadows across his face. "We gotta problem."
Nuvema Town had become a bomb site. Scraps of paper, dots of paint and millions of pieces of litter were covering the small town. Literally nothing had been built save the pavilion, which had Burgh's work on the floor. But nothing had been set up. Cheren sighed, head in hands, and White frowned. Both were frustrated, the former more so. But Bianca refused to give up.
"Come on!" She exclaimed, hands on hips. "We've gotta get this sorted for Black! He's a hero, doesn't he deserve a hero's welcome!? This isn't just for Black; this is for us. We have all got back together again for this, and I'm not gonna let it come to nothing!" Gasping for breath, Bianca glanced around. Everyone was watching her. Cheren's mouth was open in shock, and White looked dumbfounded.
"Well said, missy," Clay grunted, a proud look on his face. Even Shauntal, who had a way with words, seemed to revel at the small speech that Bianca just gave.
She felt a little boost. Holding up one hand, she set her face in a determined grin and yelled.
"LET'S DO THIS SHUCKLING THING!"
* * *
The most terrified people become the bravest.
White: Day 4
Five whole years since she became Subway Boss. 5 years since she last saw Cheren. And Bianca. Five years.
7 whole years. The last time she saw Black was 7 years ago. She couldn't believe it.
White had led a pretty conventional life since Black's departure, making a name for herself in the Subway, defeating both Ingo and Emmet in a 1 on 2 battle and claiming the Subway throne for herself. Now she was a force to be reckoned with. Cheren had become a leader, and was well on his way to becoming Champion. Bianca was almost a Professor, and she would inspire a new age of trainers. Black was a hero. White was happy with where she stood.
Sighing heavily and flicking her hair, she admired the setting around her. Clay and Burgh had (finally) come to an agreement, and the other leaders had pitched in. The sun was setting, and rainbow coloured lights hung from the rooftops of each house. The Woah-Buffet table was set up beside Juniper's Laboratory, just as White had requested. She s******ed. Despite the time it took, the town looked ready for Black's arrival. Unfortunately, he hadn't arrived yet.
White began to walk up and down the paths, casting looks at everyone she passed. Elesa smiled back at her, Alder waved and yelled, sloshing beer down himself. Trust Alder to get drunk before a party. Even some foreigners had appeared, invited by other Unova Leaders. A tough-looking man with spiked blonde hair and a taller man with a red afro stood beside Roxie, examining her Whirlipede-Guitar. Beside Cheren was a man in a miner's jumpsuit, open to show a smart shirt underneath, ready for a quick change, a man with a violet scarf and sable jacket, and a woman with a long white dress and brown hair. Overwhelmed by the diversity, White couldn't help smiling back at the strangers, including a young girl with green pigtails and overalls, and a man with a sapphire suit and a Lucario by his side.
This was what White loved about life - there were so many people to meet and to know, so many experiences to be had. It was overwhelming. Bianca, who had oddly taken charge, was now rushing back and forth, her glasses askew as she yelled commands at those unfortunate enough to still be working. It was difficult, but the party would be worth it. Hopefully. The cold wind biting at her legs, she came to a halt at the white fence that overlooked the coast.
The sapphire water waved before her serenely, bubbles of snow white froth curling upwards with each fresh wave. The fresh scent of the sea assailed White's nostrils, and a smile played upon her lips as she heard the cry of Wingull catching on the wind. Looking down into the water, she could see Magikarp and Frillish floating gracefully, side by side, in an unexplored world of their own. Smiling even wider, White reluctantly pulled herself from the fence, yanking her jacket tighter over her body. It was cold by the sea. She returned to the center of the town, admiring the well-disciplined Litwick that stood by the side of every path in equal intervals, their flames shifting colours.
Black still wasn't here.
White was growing restless. She wanted to see him again; wanted the party to start. Everyone was just milling about, no action, no entertainment. It was dull and drab. Suddenly, a dark-skinned man popped out of absolutely nowhere, scaring the Muk out of White, grinning with tousled dark blue hair and a white vest on, with baggy blue trousers. Marlon.
"Hey girl," He beamed, his smile a white flash in his face. "How's it hanging?" White shook her head, but beamed back nonetheless. It was good to have company.
"Pretty decent, Marlon. What 'bout you? And don't use a swimming metaphor." She said, glaring at Marlon with mock seriousness. The Leader pushed her arm playfully, grinning all the while.
"Ay, girl, you know me! Always taking a stab at something new, y'know? Gotta make some ripples in a still pool, eh?" White rolled her eyes at the metaphor. Marlon winked. He shrugged and swiped White's hat from her head, before rushing off, swinging it wildly in his hands.
Wrinkles appeared in White's cheeks as she started laughing. She almost doubled over, but calmed down quickly. Marlon would get bored soon enough, and White didn't really care; she needed to change soon anyways. She still wore her ripped shorts, the pockets showing from underneath the jagged edges.
Suddenly, a powerful breeze hit White, making her hair stand on end and goosebumps to appear on her arms. She looked up, and saw pitch-black storm clouds curling in from the horizon. They pulsed with blue electricity, and thunder rolled. For a moment, White feared that Thundurus, Tornadus and Landorus were causing havoc once more. The party would be ruined!
But then a rumble filled the air, louder than any before it. The clouds pulsed again, and bright, white-hot electricity burst from the clouds. The rumble filled the air. Again and again and again. A rhythmic roar.
It sounded familiar. Very familiar.
Again the electricity filled the sky and the roar sounded.
The roar. It had been 7 years. The roar once more. She remembered that growl. It was unique, and belonged to one person only. One Pokémon only. That growl came from Zekrom. And it was as dark as the name of its owner. Black. He was coming.
Reviews
AmericanPi
This entry was amazingly bittersweet. Everything about it - the friends reuniting after seven years, the thoughts of the protagonists as they figured out how to approach their old friends, and the welcome-home party - touched my heart and made me cry. I'm not sure if you were going for the bittersweet angle, but to be honest this angle really worked to tell a poignant story about revisiting old memories and catching up with old friends. I felt happy that Black, White, Cheren, and Bianca were seeing each other after so long, but sad that they had spent so much time apart. This story is a great example of how bittersweet friendship can be, especially if you're away from your friends for a long time.
The techniques you used in this story were very clever. The sayings in the beginnings of each point of view really showed the theme of the story, that every happy moment contains some sadness, and vice versa. I really liked how you switched POVs in this entry, because it shows that every friend is feeling the same way about being apart despite having different life experiences. The fact that the story took place during winter was a nice touch, because we got to see the friends have a heartwarming experience during a cold season. Finally, I really liked the background events and antics of the guests during the party. They added levity to the story without taking away from the main plotline of the friends' reunion.
Even though this was a very strong entry, I thought there were a few aspects of this story that could be improved upon. Firstly, I'm not sure how necessary the scene with the Snorunt and Froslass was. It was cute and showed that Black is a kind person, but the point of this story is the reunion of four friends, so I think the scene with the Snorunt and Froslass could be cut to really focus on the emotions of Black, White, Cheren, and Bianca as they reunite after so many years.
Secondly, I thought the final scene with the four friends taking the first step of their new journey was somewhat vague. It was symbolic of the rekindling of a friendship and a new beginning, but I think the scene would have been better if you had expanded in-story on the circumstances of this new journey. Are the friends really going to take on the Pokemon League challenge again, or are they just taking a step onto Route 1 for ceremonial purposes? Basically, more details in the final scene would have lessened confusion and made the entry stronger in general.
Overall, though, this was a very nice story that gave me a ton of feels. It was on the longer side, but it didn't drag on at all, and did a great job at fulfilling the friendship aspect of the theme as well. Great job!
Bay
This is a fun reunion fic there. I like the slow pace of it where we get a chance to see preparations with the homecoming, how everyone’s doing, and everyone catching up. Most of the characters I think you portrayed well, like Bianca’s upbeat personality and Cheren the more straight laced one. And man, I miss your Grimsley so much hahaha.
One thing I would like to see more of is Cheren putting more of the effort with catching up with Black, as Grimsley puts it. Could have followed up with that.
Biggest thing I want to point out is your grammar. There are instances where you got dialogue punctuation wrong. After dialogue you would often follow up with “Said Black”, “He said”, “The Champion replied,” etc. Usually it goes “said Black”, “he said”, “the Champion” instead. I think going a pronoun and then a dialogue tag like “Black said” would make it easier. Hopefully this makes sense, haha.
Chibi Pika
I was not ready for this.
So when I first started reading this, I was surprised that it was about Black, when at first it seemed like a plot that would be more fitting for Red. But then I got to Cheren’s bit. And, well… that’s when I understood.
If I were to describe this piece in one work, it’d be bittersweet. It perfectly captures that feeling of being struck by fond memories, and enjoying them, but then suddenly feeling stabbed in the heart by the realization that those times are gone. And then you look at the people all around you and realize that they’re still here, but you wonder if you can ever possibly recapture the magic of the times you all once shared. And in some way you can—you can reconnect, you can enjoy each other’s company once more. But there’s still that longing in the back of your mind for something that can’t quite be re-lived and the best thing you can do is push on and try to make new memories because at the end of the day, there’s nothing to be gained by dwelling on the past
And I bring all that up because those are exactly the themes I wanted from this piece and it delivered. It didn’t just reference those themes, it dove into them headfirst. It wasn’t afraid to make all the characters grapple with those contradictory feelings of happiness, sadness, satisfaction, and regret. And part of that is because of the way you gave us time to see from each character’s point of view. The ways their lives have moved on. The dreams they’ve pursued and that irritating feeling of being content but not quite. The feelings of inadequacy, of not quite measuring up to the things everyone else has accomplished. Those last few aren’t even the core themes of the story, and they didn’t even need to be there, and yet they made each of the characters feel that much more complex. And I love the way you use the different personalities of the characters to play with the reader’s emotions, from the cold frustration that Cheren feels, and the way his emotions linger in the background, bubbling up suddenly when he can no longer deny how much he’s missed everyone. To the cheerful energy of Bianca, and the way she channels her efforts into the party, into putting on a joyful air for others so she doesn’t have to face that sadness. To the restless agitation of White, who is satisfied with where she is, but wants to see new things, meet new people, have new experiences. But at the same time, it’s really easy to get caught up with one’s own life and lose touch with the people closest to you.
And that’s especially apparent with Black. He left without saying goodbye, following a quest that seemed too important to ignore, and by the time he realized the mistake he’d made, he was already feeling so much shame that it was too hard to go back and face the people he’d hurt. But that just feeds an endless cycle, refusing to face the hurt, letting more time pass. Ignoring it is the easy road. Facing it is the hard road. No one ever said friendship was easy. It can seem effortless when you’re young, but things have a pesky way of getting more complicated as you get older. It’s not enough to want to recapture the feeling of the times long past. As Grimsley said, it takes effort.
I’ve gotten this far without even bringing up the narration. It’s poetic, it flows beautifully, and did a perfect job capturing not just the look of the setting, but the feel. I felt the cold. I felt the loneliness. I felt the longing. And all those qualities were present not just in the characters’ introspection, but also in moments where they were just… observing their surroundings. It perfectly complemented the mood.
There’s so many other details to love here, especially with the many, many side characters. This isn’t just the story of four friends reacting to one leaving them and them returning, this is an entire network of people whose lives were touched by this one person, and who all came together to welcome him home, in spite of his mistakes, in spite of the way he hurt them. This is a piece that really digs deep into the messy, complicated realities of life, and how they affect the bonds we share with others, and how those bonds are a whole lot stronger than they seem. I liked it a lot.
And on a completely unrelated side note: “Whoa! Buffet!” had me in stitches, and I felt the need to point that out. That is all.
Dragonfree
You do a really nice job of writing the characters here, making their personalities and voices distinct and recognizeable. I loved the concept of tackling Black's return after his years-long absence, reuniting with his friends and family, and the character interactions throughout the story are lovely. There's a tangible dynamic between both individual pairs of characters and the characters as a group, and it's fun to watch them bounce off each other.
Ultimately, though, while I was really intrigued by the first few scenes of this, by the end I was feeling kind of unfulfilled. It's a pretty long fic, but I think there's less actually said in it than the length would indicate. There's a lot of what amounts to little more than namedropping, for one - introducing characters that maybe say an inconsequential line or two each if that, just to let us know that they're there too, before moving on to the next character. It's just not that interesting to read about exactly who came to Black's welcome party; you build a nice atmosphere with some of the details, and you write each of the characters well, but I distinctly got the feeling you were trying to tick off boxes, going out of your way to include every single character explicitly even when it didn't really mean anything for the story.
Also, this fic is split into scenes from different characters' POVs, each headed by a little italicized statement or moral - but as far as I can tell, even though these morals sound interesting and are stated as if they're outlining the theme of the scene in question, the scenes themselves largely don't really communicate those themes, so ultimately they feel a bit all tell and no show. White's scene is headlined "The most terrified people become the bravest", for instance, which sounds like you're about to show us something like White actually being scared and insecure beneath the confident facade she puts on, but that she's capable of true bravery when she wants to, or that she used to be timid and scaredy but grew beyond that - but the actual scene contains nothing of the sort, nothing I can even stretch into being about bravery or lack thereof if I try, much less anything that's discernibly about the most terrified people becoming the bravest. Instead, she just muses briefly and neutrally on what's happened in the past seven years, describes the party preparations, namedrops some characters, is a little overwhelmed and restless for the party to start, and has a completely inconsequential interaction with Marlon before Zekrom arrives with Black and we switch POVs again. None of this seems to have anything to do with the stated theme, and while some of the italicized lines fit their scenes better than others (Bianca really does act happy while briefly showing hidden insecurity and sadness in her POV), I don't think most of the scenes actually end up communicating the interesting character dualities or conflicts that the italics suggest, even when I'm actively looking for them after seeing them spelled out. (Black doesn't really seem particularly damaged or particularly wise; Cheren may be lonely, but hardly comes across as "the kindest"; Cheren resolves to do more to be a friend to Black because Grimsley tells him he's not putting in enough effort, but by this point it seems like he's already forgiven Black, and I can't tell what he might have needed to forgive himself for first.)
Most crucially, the actual reunions, once they happened, ended up not really living up to all the buildup, in my opinion. You still write the characters well and make their voices distinct, but in terms of actual content, most of the reunions end up just being variations on "Black, you're back!" "Yeah, I'm back, it's good to see you again", with nothing really addressing this specific situation, or anything unique about how Black's disappearance affected this particular character, or any feelings more complicated than being happy to see him, or otherwise saying much that's meaningful or interesting. Only Cheren gets to have any kind of actual dialogue with Black, and even there, it's a very short one and Black's response (while nice and heartfelt) is really vague and generic - stuff that practically anyone could say, to anyone. And to me at least, that's just kind of unsatisfying. Why did Black not tell his friends where he was going? If he regretted leaving without a word every single day, why didn't he just send them a message the day after he left? These aren't rhetorical questions, mind you - they're real, interesting questions that are worth exploring. People lose contact with people who genuinely care about them all the time over their own insecurities and hangups and misguided convictions, and there are a ton of genuine, sympathetic, interesting ways that Black's self-imposed exile might have ended up this way. This story seems like it's about to tackle these questions and more, with all the buildup about Black having finally discovered who he truly is and thinking it's time he went back, and each character ruminating vaguely about how long he's been gone in the lead-up, but it ends up sidestepping all of that, and I found that really disappointing.
(I felt particularly weird about Black's reunion with his mother. You write the emotions well, but it's incredibly strange how Black makes no attempt to explain himself to her, after having been gone without a word for seven years, and she doesn't even ask. It also rubs me the wrong way how she's weepy and hysterical while Black has to patiently explain to her that there are other people there and they can catch up later, promise; he's talking to her like a child, which if nothing else sounds exceptionally odd for someone talking to his own mother, for the first time since he was a child.)
Similarly, the ending scene is quite cute, but again, it's heavy on incidental character interactions and light on real substance. None of the characters really talk about or show what it really means to them to be back together there again or why they really wanted to do this - in fact, they talk so little about what they're doing that I'm still not entirely clear on what exactly Black means by a trip down memory lane. (Are they actually planning on journeying around the whole region together, as possibly implied by the final sentence, or just to relive their first day, which sounds more like what Black is going for when he talks about "when they got their first Pokémon" and would make a lot more sense as something they'd decide on a whim like that?) Again, their interactions here really are cute - but I'm just not feeling the emotion, despite being the world's biggest sap for both friendship and nostalgia, because there's no real sense of why this is important or meaningful to the characters. I'm sure you know why it's important to them - but I don't think it's quite getting across on the page.
There are a lot of things you're doing really well here, though. Again, you're a great character writer, their interactions are fantastic, and it's just fun to read them bouncing off one another and to see the firm grasp you have on their personalities. You've got some really good moments - Cheren hugging Black like a brother and saying they're family was very sweet and probably my favorite bit here. Overall you do a really nice job with buildup and atmosphere and some great, amusing imagery. It could be better proofread - there are a lot of typos or misconstructed sentences and some awkward bits of prose (one that jumped out at me: "...his X-Transceiver, which was flashing and buzzing like its life depended on it. Of course, the X-Transceiver had no life, and was therefore just buzzing and flashing normally.") - but your writing is mostly nice and fluid. All in all, I'm intrigued to read your other work and see what you do with longer, more fleshed-out stories. But ultimately this entry lacked impact for me where it counted in this contest, in truly, meaningfully exploring the relationships between these friends, and as a result I'm placing it lower than I would have otherwise.
