flameswy
Lord of Light
im new to wrighting, and didnt want to post my whole story. im just posting my newest chapter, to see how the people of serebii rate it. i realy hope this is the right place to do this, or i can just see the mods swooping down upon me. 
so.... this is chap 21, tell me what you think.
ps. none of my other chapeters are this short, but i like this one a lot.
Chapter 21
He sat in the dark, perfectly still. A body fell down from the hole above him, to right in front of his right foot. He opened his eye slowly and looked. Aberhorsen stood a little back, looking at the floor. His deep green robes barely brushed the crude dirt floor of the dug out. “is this the captain?” aberhorsen nodded, through his white hair. His unfocased eyes never left the floor. “I was told… that is, that…” “that we would help. we see.” he stood, slowly from the crude dirt throne hacked into the dug out. Aberhorsen flinched back, but watched admiringly. He moved like a marrionette, as though inviable string held hem so efforoutlesly, not his feet. “prepare your spell. We will assist.” aberhoren nodded, and started chanting, his hands out streached to the corpse. Slowly, his white hair whipped aound his head, as though blown by invisible winds. His unfocased eyes sharpened, harder then brutaka had ever seen them normaly. The corpse on the ground seemen to gasp, chest heaving, but it could just be aberhorsens spell. Then it gave of a loud gasping moan of regret, and its eyes opened. It stood up and looked at them with misty eyes, holding its self limply. “a lich.1” said aberhorsen wonderingly. “and I didn’t even feel a weakening in my magic…” brutaka nodded. “we did all the work. Now go, there are many more captains in my army. The necromancer nodded, and walked backwards bowing, out of the dug out. “ahh…” brutaka sighed. Closing his eyes, alone again the dar damp chamber. It was good to have a body again. Even one shared… “why?” is wasn’t rasped, and that surprised brutaka slightly. He always expected liches to rasp. “why did you kill me? I would have served you to the death…” he looked it in its eyes. Like all liches, they were already changing hue. Soon they would be a bright white, with no iris or pupil. “because.” said them. “now you can serve us through it.” he miled, his eyes red holes burning in his mask, and pushed the liche out side through magic. Then, he gave a deep sigh, crossed with six other voices, and fell asleep again. The room was dark, and perfectly still.
1- a lich is a particularly powerfull form of undead. They, (unlike zombies and skeleton troops) keep any intellect and magical skill they had in life. This makes the tricky to controll, and since it take such tremendous amount of magic to make, they are thankfully rare.
EDIT
wow, it looks even shorter here.
i probaly should have posted a longer chapter...
any way, sorry for the typos... my spell checks on the fritz. just try to ignore them.
so.... this is chap 21, tell me what you think.
ps. none of my other chapeters are this short, but i like this one a lot.
Chapter 21
He sat in the dark, perfectly still. A body fell down from the hole above him, to right in front of his right foot. He opened his eye slowly and looked. Aberhorsen stood a little back, looking at the floor. His deep green robes barely brushed the crude dirt floor of the dug out. “is this the captain?” aberhorsen nodded, through his white hair. His unfocased eyes never left the floor. “I was told… that is, that…” “that we would help. we see.” he stood, slowly from the crude dirt throne hacked into the dug out. Aberhorsen flinched back, but watched admiringly. He moved like a marrionette, as though inviable string held hem so efforoutlesly, not his feet. “prepare your spell. We will assist.” aberhoren nodded, and started chanting, his hands out streached to the corpse. Slowly, his white hair whipped aound his head, as though blown by invisible winds. His unfocased eyes sharpened, harder then brutaka had ever seen them normaly. The corpse on the ground seemen to gasp, chest heaving, but it could just be aberhorsens spell. Then it gave of a loud gasping moan of regret, and its eyes opened. It stood up and looked at them with misty eyes, holding its self limply. “a lich.1” said aberhorsen wonderingly. “and I didn’t even feel a weakening in my magic…” brutaka nodded. “we did all the work. Now go, there are many more captains in my army. The necromancer nodded, and walked backwards bowing, out of the dug out. “ahh…” brutaka sighed. Closing his eyes, alone again the dar damp chamber. It was good to have a body again. Even one shared… “why?” is wasn’t rasped, and that surprised brutaka slightly. He always expected liches to rasp. “why did you kill me? I would have served you to the death…” he looked it in its eyes. Like all liches, they were already changing hue. Soon they would be a bright white, with no iris or pupil. “because.” said them. “now you can serve us through it.” he miled, his eyes red holes burning in his mask, and pushed the liche out side through magic. Then, he gave a deep sigh, crossed with six other voices, and fell asleep again. The room was dark, and perfectly still.
1- a lich is a particularly powerfull form of undead. They, (unlike zombies and skeleton troops) keep any intellect and magical skill they had in life. This makes the tricky to controll, and since it take such tremendous amount of magic to make, they are thankfully rare.
EDIT
wow, it looks even shorter here.
i probaly should have posted a longer chapter...
any way, sorry for the typos... my spell checks on the fritz. just try to ignore them.
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