Pocket Monsters Chronicles (rewrite) PG-14

[Yamato-san]

Welcome. Whether you're new, or an old fan that wishes to read my rewritten version, I hope everybody who comes here enjoys my work. Before you read PMC, though, there are some things that I should make clear to you here and now (mostly for new readers, but old ones might want to read the last eight notes since they specify to the rewrite).


-Let me say this right now, if you're turned off by typical trainer fics, this will look like one for a while at the beginning. However, I can assure you that the storyline changes severely later on, things will become very dark. Please, let me ask that you don't stray away from my fic immediately.

-Also, if you're turned off by script formats, I can assure you mine is very descriptive and well-done. I even PMed Feather Dancer for approval before posting this.

-I will try to update this weekly, but I can get occupied quite easily, and I have college now, so I'm not making any promises.

-For those curious of origins, Pocket Monsters Chronicles was originally conceived as a doujinshi manga by my little brother, who has the screen name Hiro (same as the main character). However, he couldn't scan the pages, time passed, and he got friggin lazy over the whole thing. He allowed me to write it on serebii.net as a fanfic. While some of the original concept of his story is still there, I rewrote a lot of it.

-I only recently discovered that scripted fics are allowed on these forums, so I'm taking the opportunity to rewrite it in such a format. It would be for the best since, as I said, this was originally conceived as a doujinshi.

-This fanfic does not use the English names from the American version of Pokemon, Pocket Monsters Chronicles uses Japanese names from the original Pocket Monsters series. So you don't get confused, I'll put a list of Japanese names compared to English ones before every chapter. Some Japanese names I will translate (ex. Mizu Deppou to Water Gun), but if you're curious as to how they're said in Japanese, I'll put a list like that along with the name notes. I'll also use a bit of Japanese culture in this fic and make notes of that (as well as notes of certain inside jokes or scientific facts not everyone would know of), however, unlike the name notes, the cultural notes will go at the bottom of the post. Unless you want to do a lot of back-tracking, I highly suggest you remember these notes, because I won't reuse them in future chapters.

-The PG-14 rating is there for a reason. There is some strong language, violence, sexual situations, etc., especially later on in the story.

-Aside from being scripted now, I'm also making some slight changes to the story, putting in some more detail, character background, etc.

-For those familiar with the previous version, I should announce that I have decided to translate some of the Japanese terms. However, in case you're interested to know how they're said in Japanese, I inserted a list between the Pokemon Name Comparisons and the Notes called "How To Say It In Japanese". Also, I'm keeping in the name suffixes.

-I know I've said this takes place in the anime continuity with some changes, but I decided to ditch that entirely. It takes place in an entirely different continuity, but there are some similarities and cameos to the anime world. Also, the world is a bit more futuristic, kinda like the one in Toshihiro Ono's Dengeki Pikachu manga. I'll also have little things from said manga such as a holographic Pokemon Zukan (Pokedex).

-If you're interested in looking at the previous version, it can be found at http://www.serebiiforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=86 . If you hate spoilers, I wouldn't recommend this for obvious reasons.

-I'm also posting this fic at Bulbagarden and Pokecommunity. I also have the old version somewhere in the depths of fanfiction.net, but due to lack of reviews there (didn't even get one, actually), I decided to just abandon that.

-To those who remember me saying this on the old thread, let me formally apologize that it turns out rewriting all this will take longer than I originally thought, so you will have to wait a while to see the story continue from where it left off. Once again, I'm very sorry.

-Please review, rate, and advertise this fic however you can. I left off the old thread with over 2800 views and a rating of 4.57 out of a total 7 votes (one vote being my own, admittedly). I really would like to see my fic reach this kind of status again, see more people reading my fic. If you're gonna review my fic, may I request you try to find a time of the day when you think lots of people seem to be viewing? Doing so would bump it up to the first page for more people to see. That'd help me out a lot. I won't threaten to stop this fic if you don't review, but I would be glad to see them. Also, please post an actual review instead of spam.

-So everyone knows, つづく (read as "tsudzuku") means "to be continued".

-Unlike the old thread, I will be editting this first post to list updates.


UPDATES

4/24/05- posted chapter 15.
4/17/05- posted chapter 14.
4/11/05- posted chapter 13.
03/20/05- posted chapter 12.
03/01/05- posted chapter 11.
02/14/05- posted chapter 10.
01/07/05- posted chapter 9.
12/24/04- posted chapter 8.
12/20/04- put in Japanese titles and replaced "END OF CHAPTER" with "つづく" in all previous chapters and will continue doing so for future chapters.
12/18/04- posted chapter 7.
12/11/04- posted chapter 6.
11/27/04- posted chapter 5.
11/07/04- posted chapter 4.
11/04/04- to all the artists out there, please consider looking here.
10/31/04- posted chapter 3.
10/24/04- posted chapter 2.
10/23/04- poll results: I'm not going through with it on this forum.
10/17/04- please go to this poll.
10/03/04- posted thread and chapter 1.

 

[Yamato-san]

here's the first chapter. If you're an old reader, you might notice quite a few changes. I hope no one feels too strongly about such changes. Anyway, enjoy, and please rate and review.

Edit: I asked a question here, but it's been confirmed now. In case you're curious, I wanted to know if three of the Kimono sisters were named Kome, Sumono, and Tameo, or Koume, Sumomo, and Tamao (that latter ones are correct). Thanks goes to Ketsuban on Bulbagarden forums for this.





NAME CHART
-Eievui=Eevee
-Enju City=Ecruteak City
-Thunders=Jolteon
-Booster=Flareon
-Showers=Vaporeon
-Blacky=Umbreon
-Eifi=Espeon

HOW TO SAY IT IN JAPANESE
-Kimono Sisters=Kimono Shimai



CHAPTER 1: THE MYSTERIOUS EIEVUI
第一章：不思議なイーブイ


[Sitting at a desk, a silhouette types on a labtop. The room appears a bit dark and empty.]

Narration: "I've been staying with my sisters for the past few days. I don't have much to do at the moment, so..."

[A look at the keyboard shows that only one hand, what appears to be a left one, is typing.]

Narration: "To pass the time, I've decided to chronicle my recent events, all the interesting things that have occured with me lately. I am the Pokemon trainer of Enju City, Kimono Hiro. My blood type is AB and I was born December 12th in 4084 going by the years since human records have begun, making me a Sagittarius. This is my story."

[The hand punches in another key before the scene changes to the outside of a school building, and then again to the inside of a classroom. The teacher, a tall man with short, black hair, writes on a blackboard while all the students are sitting in their chairs. The boys in the class are wearing gray suits with buttons down the middle of the shirt. The girls are wearing dark blue, knee-length skirts. All of them are focusing on the teacher, except for one boy with short, purple hair. Instead of the teacher, his eyes are looking down at an open manga that he's slightly pulling out from his desk. The contents of the manga that the boy's looking at involves a cute, blue, raptor-like creature with 2 black and red-striped horns on the back of its head in some kind of battle. While the boy's en-tranced in the book, he's unable to notice the teacher walking up to his side and striking him on the head with his teacher's guide.]

Boy: "OWW!!" [Drops manga and holds his head in pain.]

Teacher: "Pay attention, Kimono!"

Hiro (narration): "That's me, the one the teacher just scolded. I'm not usually a goof-off, but this particular class is an exception. A Pokemon trainer's minimum age is 10, but after that age, people who stay in school can take the chance to learn more advanced trainer skills as their choice of extracurricular activities. That's what this class is for, teaching more than the minimum requirements about the creatures in our world, Pokemon, and how to capture, raise, and battle them."

[Hiro rubs his head, picks his manga off the floor and puts it away in his desk, then sighs out a mushroom-shaped cloud before looking at the blackboard and the teacher.]

Hiro (narration): "Being 14, I'm well past the minimum trainer's age. However, I've never been interested in becoming a trainer. I only chose this class because my family was persistant and they expect me to have my own Pokemon some day. The class itself isn't difficult, just very boring. However, one other class is very difficult on me."

[The scene changes to the inside of that same classroom, but instead of the same teacher, there's a different one. This one has gray hair combed over his head and squinty eyes, and he appears to be standing next to Hiro's desk to yell at him.]

Hiro (narration): "This is my literature class. The teacher there yells at me a lot because he doesn't believe me about my family. Every time I write an essay about them, he scolds me for being a liar."

[The teacher continues to yell at Hiro.]

Hiro (narration): "There is a reason it's so hard to believe who my family is, though. It consists of my grandfather and my 5 older sisters."

[The scene changes to show a tall woman with indigo-colored hair that extends to her mid-back, a lavender shirt, and a black dress reaching to her ankles. She looks down at a Thunders that stands next to her and smiles.]

Hiro (narration): "This is my eldest sister, Satsuki. She's able to relate to all of her siblings pretty nicely and is usually one to be very pleased when company comes over. Overall, she's an extremely social person. Likewise, her Thunders enjoys her company and is always there for her to talk to when nobody else is around."

[The scene changes to show a woman with brown hair cut at the shoulders, a white t-shirt, and red bloomers. She points her right index finger forward as a Booster in front of her tackles a punching bag, then back-kicks it.]

Hiro (narration): "My second eldest sister, Koume, is a very competitive person. In her free time, she trains her Booster to be the best fighter it can be."

[The scene changes to show another woman. This one has wavy, waiste-length hair that's light green in coloring and she wears a white summer gown. She sits on the edge of a pier at the side of a lake, gently paddling her bare feet in the water. In front of her, a Showers peaks its head above the lake's surface, then sprays water into the girl's face.]

Hiro (narration): "Sumomo's very gentle and peace-loving, but at the same time, she's very playful. She proves to be a clear-thinking strategist in the games she plays. Her energetic Showers usually gets bored when she's not playing water sports with it, but it manages to entertain itself through other methods."

[A young man walks past a woman with waiste-length lavender hair and a slim, crimson dress. The man stops when the woman's seen moving her mouth, supposedly talking, causing the man to turn his head towards her. She continues talking until the man blushes and runs away, leaving behind the woman, who's now laughing. She stops, though, before she looks down at her leg to see a Blackie biting it in anger.]

Hiro (narration): "Sneaky and devilish are words fitting for Tamao. She's somehow able to find out embarassing secrets and has even extorted a few people with such knowledge. She's a bit of a flirt, too. Her Blackie doesn't have that strong of a relationship with her, since it's against her constant actions, but they're close nontheless."

[A girl with pink hair tied into a ponytail on opposite sides of her head enters a washroom wrapped in a towel and carrying a basket of soaps and scrubs. Across from her is the bathtub, where an Eifi is relaxedly leaning over the edge, enjoying the water. After sliding the door shut behind her, she walks forward only to slip in the same direction and lose grip of the basket. The basket ends up flying towards the tub and hitting the Eifi in the forehead before ricocheting onto the floor. The Eifi annoyedly looks at the girl, who puts her hand behind her head and forces a smile.]

Hiro (narration): "Sakura's my twin, preceding me by a few minutes. She's very cheerful, but also very clumsy, and she seems to carry a sense of right and wrong similar to that of Tamao's Blackie. Her Eifi is rather lazy, that's all I can say about it."

[All five girls pose in colorful kimono with their hair tied up and colored black, their Pokemon all standing next to them.]

Hiro (narration): "If these girls sound familiar, it's because they're the famous Kimono Sisters, citizens of Enju City whom are all well-renowned for performing tea ceremonies and staging traditional dances. Many find it hard to believe that I have a background with such people, especially my teacher. Anyway, everything started on Wednesday, April 15, 4099."

[The school building's shown again. The bell rings and a mass group of students exit through the front door. Among them is Hiro, slinging a book bag over his shoulder with a frustrated look on his face.]

???: "Are you alright, Hiro-kun?"

[Hiro looks over to see Sakura in a school uniform. He tries to look happy in front of her.]

Hiro: "Yeah." [Nods.]

Sakura: "Did that teacher give you trouble again?"

Hiro: [Head droops.] "You could tell, huh?"

Hiro (narration): "Sakura goes to the same school as me, but she's in a different class room. She's tried convincing the teacher that I am related to her, but he only regarded it as showing pity towards a stranger."

Sakura: "Don't worry. He should be convinced you're telling the truth some day." [Looks at watch.] "Ah! Sorry, I need to hurry. See ya later." [Waves and runs off quickly.]

Hiro: [Slowly waves back.] "See ya."

[Hiro is about to continue walking until he hears a rustling in a tree. When he's about to go up to see what it is, a figure falls out of the tree and lands face-first onto the ground. The figure is that of a boy with brown, spiked hair and a school uniform similar to Hiro's.]

Hiro: [Giant sweat drop appears on head.] "Uh... Chris-kun... what are you doing?"

[The boy slowly gets up wobbily while holding his head.]

Chris: "Just training." [Brushes leaves out of his hair.]

Hiro: "Training?"

Chris: "I expect to be climbing a lot of trees like this when I'm out on my big adventure."

Hiro: [sighs] "Adventure? You like to over-exaggerate, huh?"

Hiro (narration): "My old friend and classmate, Chris. He's excited knowing he'll leave on a trainer's journey soon."

Chris: "What? A trainer's journey isn't an exciting adventure?"

Hiro: "You're just walking around getting Pokemon, it's not some kind of epic RPG."

Chris: [Sweatdrops.] "Well, climbing trees should be useful nontheless. Hey, speaking of games, you want to go to the arcade?"

Hiro: "Yeah, I think I might have enough change with me for a couple games."

[Hiro's going through his pockets and counting the coins in his hand while he and Chris walk through a small commercial district.]

Chris: "So how much do you have?"

Hiro: [Looks over at Chris annoyedly.] "If you'd stop breaking my concentration I'd be able to tell."

Chris: [Closes eyes and sweatdrops.] "Sorry."

Hiro: [Clenches the hand holding his coins.] "It doesn't matter, I at least have enough for one g..."

[The silhouette of a small creature runs in front of the two. Hiro's leg moves forward just as the creature is in front of it, causing Hiro to trip. Once he hits the ground, Hiro loses grip on his coins and they all roll into a nearby storm drain.]

Chris: [Quickly turns around to see that Hiro fell down.] "Are you alright, Hiro?"

Hiro: [Stares wide-eyed at the storm drain before punching the ground in frustration.] "S***!"

Chris: [Looks towards Hiro's feet and points.] "Hiro, there."

[Hiro turns around to see an Eievui struggling to get out from under his legs.]

Hiro: "Eh? Eievui?"

[Hiro gets up to free the Eievui, which looks up at him curiously.]

Eievui: "Bui?"

Hiro: [Snarls.] "What the hell are you looking at? Think I'll forgive you for making me lose my money?"

Chris: "Hiro, be easy on it. It wasn't that much of a loss."

Hiro: "Shut up!" [Crouches down and points right index finger at the Eievui.] "I don't forgive those that piss me off so easily..."

[The Eievui bites Hiro's finger, causing him to widen his eyes and clench his teeth. The view changes to show part of the city from a distance.]

Hiro: "GUWAAAAA!!!"

[The view changes back to Hiro, who's holding his finger in pain while the Eievui dashes into an alleyway in the background.]

Hiro: "Gi... damn you..."

Chris: "Are you alright? Is it bleeding?"

Hiro: "I'm fine."

Chris: "I told you to be easy on it."

Hiro: "Shut up."

[Hiro walks up a short flight of stairs to a Shinto shrine, where he sees an old man using a broom to sweep the stone path. The man has long gray hair tied at the back of his head and a gray beard that extends down to the middle of his neck, and he dons a white priest's robe.]

Hiro: "Grandpa, I'm home."

Grandpa: "Welcome home."

Hiro (narration): "Both my parents died not long after I was born, leaving us in the care of our grandfather. He's a kind person, though a bit of a drunkard. Our house is situated next to the shrine that he runs."

[Situated to the left of the shrine is a rather large, two-story house, with an oriental pond and garden in front of it. Hiro starts to walk towards it.]

Grandpa: "Wait, Hiro."

Hiro: [Stops and turns around.] "Huh? What?"

Grandpa: "Just a little while ago, I saw some creature sneak in through your window."

Hiro: "What? Why didn't you try to stop it?"

Grandpa: [Sweatdrops.] "Well... you were expected home very soon anyway... you're so youthful and I'm just an old man..."

Hiro: "You're not even 65 and have kept in good shape..." [Sighs.] "I'll do it."

[Hiro walks into the house carrying the broom his grandfather was using earlier. He begins to slip off his shoes at the entryway before the view changes to the top of a staircase, which Hiro soon walks out of. He eyes a closed door to the left, 3 rooms down from where he stands. He grips the broom tightly and rushes to the door. He opens it and appears shocked.]

Hiro: "Y... YOU!!!"

[An Eievui lies on the tatami inside. It immediately gets up upon seeing Hiro, whom it growls at.]

Hiro: "You're that same one from before! I won't forgive you for earlier!" [Rushes forward holding broom over head.]

[Hiro slams the broom downwards, but the Eievui manages to jump out of the way.]

Eievui: "Bui!" [Bites Hiro in the ankle and then jumps back.]

Hiro: "Ouch!" [Rubs ankle.] "You bas****!"

[Tries to hit the Eievui with the broom again, but Eievui runs between Hiro's legs. It then jumps up to slam Hiro in the back, making him fall forward. He climbs back onto his feet.]

Hiro: [Snarls.] "Take this!"

[Hiro flips the broom and quickly sweeps the handle end forward to strike the Pokemon. However, it jumps up, and it comes down to land on the handle, its small feet keeping balance on the narrow stick.]

Hiro: "Eh?"

[The Eievui runs down the broom stick and headbutts Hiro in the face.]

Hiro: "Gi..."

[The Eievui tries to jump backwards, however, while it's in the air, Hiro quickly flips the broom again and swats the Eievui with the bristle end, slamming it against the floor.]

Hiro: "Kimono Hiro-sama won't let you get away for what you did!"

[From underneath the bristles, the Eievui suddenly looks up at Hiro widemouthed. It climbs out from the bristles and jumps up onto Hiro's head.]

Hiro: "Eh... you...!"

[Hiro drops the broom and is about the grab the Pokemon with his bare hands. However, the Eievui starts affectionately nuzzling against his hair, causing the boy to stop what he's doing.]

Eievui: "Iiiiibui..."

[Question marks appear in the background as Hiro looks upwards.]

Hiro: "Wh... what's happening?"

[Hiro picks up the Eievui and holds it up with both of them facing eachother.]

Hiro: "Hey, what's wrong with you? A moment ago, you were attacking me. Why are you so friendly now?"

Eievui: [Smiles and closes eyes.] "Bui!"

Hiro: [Sighs a mushroom-shaped cloud] "Of course I wouldn't understand the answer, so why did I bother asking?"

[The view changes to show the face of the smiling Eievui, still being held up in Hiro's hands.]

Hiro (narration): "That's how my story began. I just met this confusing Eievui, opening many questions for me to ask, but at the time, I sensed some kind of certainty... that my life would change soon."


つづく



NOTES
-In Japan, surnames come first rather than last, so it's Kimono Hiro instead of Hiro Kimono.
-Japanese students are required to wear uniforms at public schools, usually like the ones described.
-the character in the manga that Hiro's reading is Shimamon. Shimamon is a fan-made Digimon of my brother's.
-In Japan, rather than students changing classes each period, the teachers are the ones who walk to different classes. In between these periods, students are free to walk around the class to converse with eachother or play around a bit.
-Japan has many name suffixes, 'kun' being one of them. 'Kun' is usually used for young boys, but sometimes girls too. For future reference, 'chan' is a way to address young girls and little kids, 'san' is a polite way to address people, and 'sama' is an even politer way and is usually meant towards superiors (it can also be used by oneself to be extremely boastful). 'Sensei' is a title for teachers, 'hakase' is a title for doctors, and 'tachi' specifies a group that is with the person (much like saying "and the others" or "and company" or "and his/her friends" in English).
-Japanese people take off their shoes before entering a house. The floor is lowered in front of the doorway, and such a place is where shoes can be left at.
-Tatami is a straw floor-covering in many Japanese houses.

 

[Ladyumbra]

Hiro: [Sighs a mushroom-shaped cloud]

lol comical i love it. the story
has a bit of surrealness to it but its not bad. so far the Eevee seems to have personality altough it changed its mind awfully quick. other than that i'm damn impressed with this, it's like reading an episode and you make it very easy to create pictures in my mind with your description.

I can't wait to see how the story progresses as I didnt manage to read all of the previous version. goodwork keep it up.

 

[ClowSui]

w00t! w00t! It's the return...

of teh awesome!

Great job with the editting, I can understand it a lot better, 'mato-san!

 

[Dragonfree]

*nods* Yep, example of good script format. I've made a few attempts to read it, but always got lazy after two or three chapters, so I'll be following it now.

The script is well written, it has a lot of detail but doesn't get boring, I can picture it like an episode, and it has quite a bit of humourous stuff that you can just picture as a part of an animé episode. The plot can't be commented on yet, but it looks rather promising. Nice job.

 

[Breezy]

Veddy good story Yamato-san, I too can picture it like an actually episode which is really hard for me now and days . . .

I can't really comment much on scripts so I have no clue how to actually write one (heh ^^; ). Just enough description to not bore ya to death (again, heh ^^; ) but just enough. Gotta love the light humor in here too. So overall, tis a very good fic like I said earlier.

LaTeR dAyZ!

 

[CaptainBlue]

Hmm, it's good, but I always prefer reading a story than a script. Hey, that's just opinion.

Anyway, I'm wondering what sort of script this is meant to be. Ie, film, radio, comic.

radio is generally done in this fashion, as is theatrical plays/ pantomimes and so on. I have no idea what a comic script is like, but fil scripts are done sort of like this.

INT/ CAR. BOB IS DRIVING, JIMMITY IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT.

BOB
I want ice cream.

JIMMITY SIGHS.

JIMMITY
Bob, you always want ice cream.



Sorry if this seems too much of a moaning lecture, I do like it. But I'm just trying to pass on the knowledge. I may have to read more.

 

[Wondrous Sableye]

This is a good fanfic, I feel so annoyed that I didn't read the first version when I had the chance. Oh well.

Apparently the "zooming out to a view of the entire city to emphasize how loud a scream or yell is" is not just limited to animé(I don't get to read a lot of mangas ^_^)…XD

This is indeed excellent script format. Your verbal imagery is ver good, it feels like I'm reading a manga, only my brain is filling in the pictures…cool! The Eievuilutions certainly have good personalities, they go well with those of their trainers. It seems like Espeon and Sakura will certainly provide a nice bit of humor. I'll keep an eye on this fic. Hopefully the details don't get mixed into a massive jumble along with all the other detail from fanfics I'm reading. Keep up the good rewriting!

 

[Charsel]

HEY!! this is a sick fic!!

i feel all too familiar with the japanese style and all, ahhhh, how i miss japan...... anyway to the review!!

spelling, grammer (though bit different) is great!!! love it!! even though its in script, its very easy to read and picture it in real life, or a TV show, its great

im new to this fic, so you've just scored another reader!! by the way, are you part or full japanese?? your name suggests it, just asking... i am too...
;004;

 

[Yamato-san]

thanks for the reviews so far. I especially love how people say they could picture a manga or anime, that's great to know considering I'm improvising for what was originally intended of this story. I'm sorry I couldn't get chapter 2 up last weekend, I'll try to do that soon. Anyway...

Ladyumbra: I can assure you that the reason for Eievui changing its mind so easily will be explained later on.

Captain Blue: Didn't you read the introduction post? This was originally meant to be a doujinshi, so I guess to answer your question, I'm going for a comic-style script.

Golden_Char: I'm not any bit Japanese. 'Yamato-san' is my screen name, not my real name (don't ask me what my real name is). However, I am learning some of the language.

Wondrous Sableye: WARNING! SLIGHT SPOILERS!

I'm sorry to say that Hiro's sisters, like Hiro said in his narration, don't have a large role. However, I don't intend to push them into the background as much as I did in the previous version, and I'm still thinking of ways they could play a bigger part later on (past where I last left off the story in the old version). I'm gonna trail off-subject here, but looking back, it's a good thing I took over my little brother's writing when he gave up trying to scan. Aside from his awful grammar skills, he didn't seem to plan ahead in the actual story-telling. He only wanted Hiro to have an Eievui because a certain Pokemon was his favorite, he wanted Hiro to be related to the Kimono Sisters just because him owning an Eievui would fit their theme, he wanted a cameo character from the anime to travel with Hiro just for the simple purpose of having a cameo character, etc., but he never considered background behind any of this stuff, therefor making certain characters, like the sisters, very 2D. He didn't even give Hiro much of a personality, but whatever was there, I guess it was a Gary Stu (that is the male equivalent of a Mary Sue, right?), for that matter, Chris is the name of a friend he knows in real life. In my previous version, I was rather lazy in correcting most of these mistakes, despite how much I dislike shallow characters. Luckily, I'm writing PMC from the beginning, so I can make this story much more indepth than before.

 

[Wondrous Sableye]

Well, the Eifi and Sakura thing was just a minor guess, and I was judging from the introduction of Sakura and her Eifi. Oh well, I'll still keep an eye on this fic.

 

[Yamato-san]

sorry I'm taking so long to get chapter 2 up, I had to try reformatting my computer the last two days. Anyway, whether I finish it soon or not, I'm gonna hold it off for a week because I recently had an idea, but I'd like to hear people's opinions first. So, for the next week, can I ask that everyone go to this poll, please?

EDIT: Poll's over, too many people are against my idea, so I won't go through with it.



UPDATE: I decided to partake in the anime-style battling. For those of you who don't mind slight spoilers, I've got a little preview of things to come in the squad that I posted. Every Pokemon in my squad will play some role or another in either the future of PMC or one of the 3 fanfics I plan to work on after I finish PMC, and all of their bios and special moves make reference to such roles. Those of you who have been reading PMC before I started over should recognize one of them, possibly two of them if you have an extremely good memory. As of the time of this posting, every Pokemon on my squad has been approved except for the male Nyaasu (Meowth) and female Rokon (Vulpix). I'm still trying to get those two approved, though. You can see my squad here.

 

[Yamato-san]

sorry I'm late with this chapter. I would've had it yesterday when I announced the results of that poll, but... well, laziness occured. Anyway, this chapter ended up having a lot of comedy involved, so I hope you all enjoy.





NAME CHART
-Poppo=Pidgey
-Otachi=Sentret
-Yamikarasu=Murkrow

HOW TO SAY IT IN JAPANESE
-Fire-type=Honoo-type



CHAPTER 2: STALKING POKEMON
第二章：ポケモン・ストーキング


[A small alarm clock is seen sitting on the floor with the numbers '20:34' lit on it in red. It makes a faint beeping sound as the numbers change to '20:35'. Sitting on floor with his legs crossed is Hiro, holding up an open English book in front of his face, which he appears to be studying carefully. He's no longer wearing his school uniform, but instead a pair of jeans and a baggy white sweater with a blue zig-zag pattern at the end of each sleeve. His eyes look up from the book to see an Eievui across from him, which stares at him happily.]

Eievui: [Wags tail.] "Bui!"

Hiro: [Snarls as an X-shaped vein throbs on his forehead.] "guu..." [Lowers eyes to look in the book again.]

Eievui: "Iiiibui!" [Runs up to Hiro, pokes head between Hiro's chest and his book, and smiles.] "Buiiii..."

Hiro: [Snarls before slamming the book down next to him.] "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Eievui: [Cocks head with a confused look on face.] "Bui?"

Hiro: [Frustratedly sighs.] "Why am I stuck with you?"

[Hiro thinks back to earlier in the day. He walks out of the house holding the Eievui and puts it down, then he looks down at it while pointing his finger forward, indicating it to leave. However, the Eievui jumps up into Hiro's chest, causing him to grab it. He immediately throws the Eievui and dashes into the house, however, the Pokemon speedily dashes in before Hiro is able to close the door. Hiro looks at the Eievui in the house and a big sweatdrop appears on the side of his head.]

Hiro: "I couldn't get rid of you. And then grandpa said..."

[Hiro pictures his grandfather standing in front of him while outside the house.]

Grandpa: [Smiles and holds up right index finger.] "It seems to have taken a huge liking to you. You should just keep it."

Hiro: [Holds arms out from his sides.] "Granpda...!"

Grandpa: "You can't get rid of it, it would be for the best."

[Flashback ends. Hiro's still leaning in the corner of the wall, clenching his first while the Eievui continues looking at him.]

Hiro: "Damn you, Grandpa. He probably just wants consistency in us siblings. All my sisters have an Eievui, so now I should have one. He probably set up this whole thing."

Eievui: [Shakes head.] "Buiiii..."

Hiro: "You say he didn't? How can I trust you?" [Looks down at Eievui.]

Eievui: "Bui?"

Hiro: [Drops head.] "What the hell am I doing?" [Raises head again.] "Pokemon can understand humans, but humans can never understand Pokemon. That's always puzzled me."

[Hiro is about to pick up his book again, but then he hears the faint sound of a door opening.]

Faint voice: "I'm home!"

Hiro: "Ah, my sisters are home. Maybe they'll have better advice for getting rid of this thing than Grandpa."

[Hiro gets up, slides his door open, and the Eievui follows him as he runs out of his room. The outside of the house is shown.]

Hiro: "WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?"

[A flock of Poppo fly out of the trees outside while that was being yelled. Back inside the house, close to the entryway, Hiro's eyes are beady and his mouth is gaping open. In front of him stands Koume, while in the background, Sakura and Sumomo are petting Eievui.]

Hiro: [Face returns to normal as he holds his hands out from his sides.] "Sister, that's the same thing Grandpa suggested. I was expecting you to say something different. You're very close friends with that shelter-runner, Kurenai-san, aren't you?"

[Sakura's Eifi, which is laying down next to Sakura, uses its psychokinetic powers to hold up a blue ball, about the size of Eievui, which grabs Eievui's attention.]

Koume: "Yes, we could give it to Karen-chan. However, if she doesn't find a home for it, it'll be sent to the animal-skinner."

Satsuki: [Suddenly runs up and stops next to Koume.] "Hiro! Grandpa told me that that Eievui really likes you. How could you consider having it turned into a drum?"

[Hiro sweats and backs away slightly. In the background, Eievui jumps up and tries grabbing the ball, but Eifi raises it so it's out of reach. Afterwards, Eifi drops the ball, allowing Eievui to grab it and roll around the floor a bit while holding it. Sakura and Sumomo giggle at this.]

Hiro: [Eyes closed while waving his hands in front of his body, big sweatdrop sliding down the side of his head.] "W... w... wait a second. I wasn't suggesting something like that... um..." [Looks upward as he scratches his cheek, then smiles as he holds up his index finger.] "You and Kurenai-san are both big fans of Fire-type Pokemon. Perhaps she could raise her own Booster, the two of you could have the same kind of Pokemon."

Koume: "She told me she's raising enough of her own Pokemon at the moment."

[Hiro collapses and his hand appears to be quivering. Satsuki's eyes turn beady as she looks down at him.]

Sumomo: "Hiro-kun, maybe you should consider being a trainer." [Gets up from playing with Eievui.] "Your meeting with this Pokemon must have been fate."

Tamao's voice: "Yes, another trainer would be great for this family's income."

Hiro: [Stands up again.] "I don't see how... wait... where are you?"

Sakura: [Clenches fists and looks up.] "You aren't looking at my diary again, are you!?"

Tamao: "No, I'm not... OW!!! Blackie, what are you doing?! Ow, ow, ow!!!"

[Sweatdrops slide down everyone's head as they hear the sound of running upstairs.]

Tamao: "Stop, Blackie! Please... WOAH!!!"

[Tamao tumbles down from the staircase. She lands on the floor with swirls in her eyes, teethmarks on her legs, and a book in her hand.]

Sakura: "I knew it!" [Stomps towards Tamao and grabs her book back. She turns her nose upwards in aggravation as she walks away.]

Satsuki: [Walks over and helps Tamao back to her feet.] "Are you alright?"

Tamao: [Her body wobbles a little.] "I'm fine." [Walks up to Hiro.] "Anyway, if you were a trainer, you could go out on a journey, an adventure. As with any adventure, you're bound to come across many treasures."

Hiro: [Annoyedly lowers eyelids.] "Then why don't you leave on a journey?"

Tamao: [Eyes turn beady.] "Eh?" [Pushes the tips of her index fingers together.] "Well... uh..." [Closes her eyes and smiles.] "I'm too busy with my job here with the others."

Koume: [Eyes half-closed and pointing finger at Tamao.] "You've been slacking on that lately. You're only staying here because you're so busy finding embarassing secrets concerning whoever lives in that big mansion in the middle of the city."

[Tamao nearly chokes as a bead of sweat slides down her face. A loud whacking sound is then heard as Tamao's fist is seen coming down from striking Koume's head, which is now tilted and has a large bump on it.]

Tamao: "Stupid, I'm doing no such thing!"

Koume: [Strikes Tamao on the head, giving her a bump in a similar manner.] "Do you even know if anybody lives in that place?!"

Tamao: [Strikes Koume again.] "Yes, someone lives there! The guy's so rich, he owns homes around the world!"

Koume: [Strikes Tamao again.] "What you're doing's still wrong!"

Tamao: [Repeats.] "That's no reason to hit me!"

Koume: [Repeats.] "You hit me first!"

Tamao: [Raises her hand and swings her fist downward.] "You meddled into my affairs!"

Hiro: [Runs in between Tamao and Koume.] "Stop it, you two!"

[Without realizing it, Tamao hits Hiro on top of his head. Hiro's eyes widen and a bump sprouts from his head, then he falls down.]

Tamao: [Sweatdrop slides down her face as she looks down and closes her eyes.] "Ehehe... sorry, Hiro."

Koume: [Closes her eyes and sighs. Whacks Tamao across the back of the head.] "Idiot..."

[Eievui stops rolling with its ball to run over to Hiro.]

Eievui: [Concerned look on face.] "Buiiii... buuuui..."

[The scene changes to night. Hiro's wearing some white pajamas in his room, laying in his futon as he rubs the bump on his head.]

Hiro: [Sighs.] "Maybe someone at school can take this Eievui from me."

[Hiro lays his head down and tries to sleep, but he feels something rub against him. He opens his eyes to see Eievui curling up next to him. Hiro rolls over to his side, facing away from the Pokemon. Eievui gets up and walks over to him and curl again, and Hiro retaliates by scooting further to the side. Eievui still walks over to him. An aggitated Hiro lifts up his futon and flips it off of there, causing Eievui to be thrown against the floor.]

Hiro: "Why do you keep getting close to me? Don't you realize that I still hate you for all the trouble you've caused me today?"

[Eievui looks down with a regretful look on its face. Hiro lays down his futon again and goes back to sleep.]

Eievui: [Sighs.] "bui..." [Looks over at Hiro for a moment before a gleeful smile appears on its face.] "Buiiii..." [Silently walks over to Hiro's futon.]

[The next morning, Hiro slowly opens his eyes, and upon doing so, he sees his hand on top of Eievui, who sleeps peacefully. An X-vein appears on Hiro's forehead as he gets out of his futon and flips Eievui off of it again. Eievui lands on the floor awake, but with swirls in its eyes.]

Hiro: "You bas****! I told you not to sleep near me!"

Eievui: [Stumbles to its feet.] "Bu... iiii... iiii..."

Hiro: [Eyes closed as he starts folding his futon.] "I'm going to school now. Stay here and don't follow me."

[The outside of the house is shown as the date is displayed, "4099年4月16日 ( 木 )" (Thursday, April 16, 4099). Hiro, now dressed in his school uniform and with a book bag slung over his shoulder, walks past his grandfather, who's currently sweeping in front of the shrine.]

Hiro: [Turns and waves.] "Grandpa, see ya later."

Grandpa: [Waves back.] "See ya."

[Hiro starts walking down the steps from the shrine after they exchange greetings. Meanwhile, a window on the upper story of Hiro's house is slowly slid open, and a silhouette jumps from it to a tree, and then to another tree. While Hiro's walking down the street, he looks up towards the top of a small building.]

Hiro: "Huh?"

[Hiro sees the silhouette of a small creature on top of the building. He grabs a rock off the ground.]

Hiro: "I said not to follow me!" [Throws rock.]

[The rock hits the silhouette, causing it to fall over the side of the building and onto the sidewalk.]

Hiro: [Surprised.] "Eh?!"

[The figure on the ground turns out to be an Otachi, which now has swirls in its eyes and a large bump on its head.]

Otachi: "...tachi..." [Gets up and angrily stares at Hiro with fires burning in its eyes.] "Otachiiii..."

Hiro: [Forces a half-smile as his cheek twitches.] "So... sorry..."

Otachi: "OTACHI!!!" [Jumps forward and whacks Hiro's face with its tail.]

Hiro: [Falls backwards.] "OW!!!"

Otachi: "TACHI!!" [Runs forward again.]

Hiro: "Uwaa!"

[Hiro immediately gets up and runs as the Otachi starts chasing him. Hiro runs until he loses the Otachi.]

Hiro: [Pants.] "Maybe that Eievui isn't following me after all."

[Inside the classroom, a middle-aged woman with shoulder-length blonde hair is lecturing the class on math. However, Hiro seems to not be paying much attention to the lecture.]

Hiro: [Thinking.] ("Was Tamao serious about what she said yesterday?")

[Hiro pictures Tamao talking in front of him.]

Tamao: "If you were a trainer, you could go out on a journey, an adventure."

[Flashback ends.]

Hiro: [Thinking.] ("Does she really suggest I leave?") [Shakes head.] ("No, I can't. I like things here, my home, my family. I don't need to be a trainer, I'd rather just stay here instead. Why see the world? Why collect Pokemon? Why search for some non-existant treasure? I have no reason for doing any of that.")

[Hiro looks up at the teacher, trying to focus on the lecture. However, a loud bumping sound is heard to the left.]

Random student's voice: "UWAAAA!! Teacher..."

[Hiro notices all the students looking over to the left, and he does so as well.]

Hiro: [Chokes. Thinking.] ("It... it followed me...")

[Outside the window is Eievui, standing on a tree branch. It jumps from the branch to the window, bashes its head against it, pushes its paw against the glass, and then flips back onto the branch.]

Random student: "It's gonna smash through the window!"

Math teacher: [Walks over to window.] "Calm down everyone. I'll try to send it away."

Hiro: [Thinking.] ("If she opens the window, there's a good chance that stupid Pokemon will jump inside.") [Clenches teeth as a bead of sweat runs down his face.]

Random student: "Wait teacher, you don't know what that thing could be capable of!"

Math teacher: "Huh?"

Random student: "Let one of us handle it."

Hiro: [Raises hand.] "I'll do it!"

[Hiro reaches into his book bag and grabs his boxed lunch. He opens the lid, and takes out 3 rice balls wrapped in clear plastic.]

Random student: "Huh, what's he plan on doing with those?"

[Hiro walks up to the window and slowly unlatches it. Outside, Eievui sees him and wags its tail gleefully. Hiro quickly opens the window and throws a rice ball at Eievui. Rice splatters all over it.]

Eievui: [Starts losing balance on branch, eyes widened and left front leg flailing trying to gain balance again.] "Bui... bui..." [Falls off branch.] "Buiiiiiiiii...!!!"

[Eievui hits the ground. It slowly gets to its feet with tears streaming down from huge, quivering eyes.]

Eievui: [Looks up at Hiro.] "Buiiii...!"

Hiro: "Go away!"

[Hiro notices a Yamikarasu flying nearby. He throws a second riceball up towards it.]

Yamikarasu: "Kara?" [Sees riceball.] "KARAAAAAAA!!!"

[After that loud call, an entire flock of Yamikarasu start flying towards where it is. Meanwhile, the riceball falls down from the sky and lands on top of Eievui. Hiro throws the third riceball at it.]

Eievui: "BUI!" [After being pelted again, it looks up to see Yamikarasu swooping down towards it.] "BUIIIIIII!!!" [Jumps in the air with all its legs flailing and its eyes widened in surprise.]

[Eievui starts to run around while the Yamikarasu pursue it. Some Yamikarasu stay behind to feast on the bits of rice that dropped from Eievui, but many others pursue the rice-covered Pokemon.]

Hiro: [Thinking.] ("I threw out part of my lunch, but that should keep it away for a while.") [Closes window and walks back to his seat.]

[Time passes. While Eievui was being chased by the hungry Yamikarasu, Hiro went through his classes like normal, and right now, his literature teacher is lecturing.]

Hiro: [Pays attention to the lecture until he hears a bumping sound to the left.] "Huh?"

[Hiro looks to his left to see Eievui outside the window again. Now it's panting out of exhaustion and its fur is messed up due to Yamikarasu eating rice from it.]

Random student: "It's that Eievui again!"

Literature teacher: "What's this about?"

Random student: "Teacher, at the beginning of classes, this Eievui tried to smash through the window."

Literature teacher: "Why is everyone so afraid? Eievui's not a very powerful Pokemon. Here, I'll show you."

Multiple students: "Nooo!!"

Hiro: [Chokes.] "Gu...! Stop!"

[The teacher opens the window.]

Literature teacher: "Watch. It's not going to do us any harm."

Eievui: [Looks into the classroom and spots Hiro, then jumps in gleefully.] "BUIIIII!!!"

Students: "UWAAAAA!!!" [Many try shielding themselves.]

Eievui: "Buiii..." [Runs towards Hiro.]

Hiro: "Wait! Stop!" [Frantically waves arms in front of body.]

Eievui: [Jumps onto Hiro's shoulder and nuzzles against his face.] "Bui..."

[Sweatdrops slide down most of the students' faces.]

Literature teacher: [Eyes glow and flames erupt behind him while he walks up to Hiro's desk.] "Kimonooooo....!!!"

Hiro: [Chokes and eyes widen.] "Gi...!"

Literature teacher: "So... that's your Eievui. You weren't very convincing of who your family is in the past, so you try making yourself further convincing by getting an Eievui of your own. Is that is?"

Hiro: [Turns around.] "Wha... what the hell are you talking about? This Eievui just started following me without reason, and when are you going to be convinced that what I say about my sisters is the truth?"

Literature teacher: "The Kimono Sisters do not have a little brother, that's the truth."

Hiro: "They never mentioned me?"

Literature teacher: "They did one time... however, you're close friends with Sakura, they only did it to pity you."

Hiro: [Fist clenches and X-vein appears on forehead as he snarls. He points his finger towards the teacher.] "You're so friggin dense!!! You're an idiot, idiot, idiot!!!"

Eievui: [Gleeful.] "BUI!!" [Jumps off Hiro's shoulder slams into teacher's forehead, then jumps backwards onto Hiro's shoulder again.]

Literature teacher: "GAAAA!!!" [Collapses backwards.]

Students: "Woah..." [Look down at the teacher in surprise.]

Hiro: [Sweats with eyes closed.] "Uh... are you alright?"

Literature teacher: [Slowly opens eyes and lifts head up from the ground.] "I... expect an apology report... before you leave... today..." [Faints.]

[The sun is about to set, and Hiro's just now walking out of the school with Eievui poking out of his book bag.]

Hiro: "Daaaamn... that lousy teacher kept me so late. The idiot just assumed that whole incident was my fault and makes me stay until I finish that report."

Eievui: [Smiles and closes eyes.] "Bui!"

Hiro: [Half-closed eyes look towards the Pokemon on his shoulder.] "Shut up! You caused me even more trouble today."

Eievui: [Looks downwards regretfully.] "buiiiii...."

Hiro: [Closes eyes and smiles.] "Although, I liked watching you hurt that teacher like you did."

Eievui: [Smiles.] "Buii!"

Hiro: [Sighs.] "I really do hate that teacher. It seems he can never be convinced that I'm not lieing and continues putting me through that torment. What's worse, that bas****'s convincing other people that I'm a liar..."

[Hiro continues walking down the sidewalk until he notices a building he's passing by. He stops and looks up at the building, which is rather large and has the words "POKEMON CENTER" written at the top, with "ポケモンセンター" written in small symbols underneath it.]

Hiro: "Maybe... maybe I should consider leaving..."

[Flashback. Sumomo's standing a small distance away.]

Sumomo: "Your meeting with this Pokemon must have been fate."

[Flashback ends. Hiro stares up at the Pokemon Center for a moment. During that time, a couple cars pass by on the street behind him.]

Hiro: "Meh, that's crazy. I don't need to leave, no matter how bad a few people treat me."

[Hiro looks back at the Eievui in his book bag and sighs again.]

Hiro: "Trainer or not, I can't get rid of you, can I?"

Eievui: "Bui!" [Shakes head.]

Hiro: "Crap..." [Tilts head.] "That means I'm forced to get used to you. Oh well..." [Shrugs.] "Guess you're my Pokemon now, Eievui."

Eievui: "BUIII!!" [Jumps out of book bag and prances around Hiro's legs.] "Bui, bui, bui, bui, bui!!!"

Hiro: [Lightly chuckles.] "Come on, let's go home."

[Eievui nods and begins following Hiro down the sidewalk.]


つづく



NOTES
-English language is a required course for Japanese school students.
-Younger family members usually call their elders by a title rather than name. Not just parents, but also older brothers and sisters.

 

[Night]

HAPPY ENDING!!!!!! I like it! I tried the old one, and I couldn't read it cause I was bored. When I read this, It brought me to my attention!!!!! So, I can follow! See ya!

 

[Yamato-san]

just so everyone knows, I editted part of chapter 1. I rewrote that part where Hiro mentioned his sisters not having a big role in his story, because I realized that as I was rewriting everything, I ended up making them do quite a lot more than they did in the past.

Anyway, here's chapter 3. Man, I wasn't expecting that I'd be extending these early parts so much from the old version. I was thinking I'd have a certain event happen by the end of this chapter, but it didn't. Oh well, I guess it's just a sign that I'm not rushing things and doing well with character development this time around ^^.





NAME CHART
-Matsuba=Morty



CHAPTER 3: MY PET
第三章：俺のペット


[A view of the twilight sky is shown while the sound of crickets chirping is heard. The view changes to show the ground in front of Hiro's house. A foot wearing a sneaker steps on the ground, along with 4 small, furry legs. The view changes again to a door, which opens to reveal Hiro, wearing his school uniform, and Eievui next to him.]

Hiro: "Grandpa, I'm home! Eh...?"

[Hiro notices a pair of high-heels next to the door. After slipping off his shoes, he and Eievui walk through an opening in the right the hallway and see Tamao sitting on a black leather couch while reading a book.]

Tamao: [Looks up to notice Hiro. She puts the book down and puts hands on her lap.] "Hiro-kun... you're late coming home today."

Hiro: [Closes eyes and sweatdrops.] "But... Sister's early tonight."

Tamao: [Looks down.] "Well..." [Looks to Hiro.] "I wanted to be here when you came home, so I left early."

Hiro: "Why?"

Tamao: [Gets up from the couch, walks forward, and turns towards Hiro. She then gets onto her knees and bows down.] "What I did to you last night was inexcusible. Please accept this formal apology."

Hiro: [Backs away a bit. A word bubble appears in front of him with a sweatdrop appearing in it.] "Huh? Is this about you accidentally hitting me?"

Tamao: [Head rises from bow.] "I've had time to think it over, and I know how I can make it up for you. I know someone... whom I could 'convince'..." [Evil smirk appears, then disappears.] "...to take that Eievui."

Hiro: [Eyes widen in excitement.] "Really?"

Tamao: [Nods.] "Yeah."

Eievui: "BUIIII!!!"

Hiro: "Huh?" [Looks down at Eievui.]

Eievui: [Sad look on its face as it looks up at Hiro.] "Buuuui.... bui buiiii... bui..."

[Hiro and Eievui stare back at eachother, each one's reflection appearing in the other's eyes. While this occurs, Hiro thinks back to Eievui's cute and cheerful face, then to back when Sakura, Sumomo, and Eifi were playing with Eievui. He then pictures all 5 of his sisters cuddling their respective Pokemon in various ways, all of them looking extremely happy while doing so. Finally, he thinks back to when he and Eievui were in front of the Pokemon Center earlier.]

Hiro: [Sighs.] "I just can't get rid of you, can I? I guess you're my Pokemon now."

[Flashback ends. Eievui continues looking up at Hiro, but Hiro turns towards Tamao.]

Hiro: "Sister, I appreciate it, however..."

Tamao: [Eyes widen.] "Eh? However?"

Hiro: "...however, I decided I'm keeping the Eievui."

[Silence ensues as Hiro, Eievui, and Tamao stay still. Eventually, both Eievui and Tamao grow a smile on their faces.]

Eievui: "BUIIIIIII!!!!" [Jumps up in excitement.]

Tamao: "Yaho!" [Jumps up in excitement as well, eyes closed and arms swinging outwards.] "This means Hiro-kun changed his mind...!"

Hiro: "Don't get the wrong idea!"

Tamao: [Beady eyes open, and she manages to stay in midair during her jump.] "Eh?"

Hiro: [A sweatdrop appears on his head.] "I still don't intend to be a trainer nor go on a journey." [Smirks.] "I just realized that no matter what I do, this Pokemon will keep going to me. I should just endure it. I've had experience with other Eievui in this family before, so it shouldn't be that hard with this type of Pokemon."

Tamao: [Still in previous midair pose.] "So that means no treasure?"

Hiro: [Sighs.] "No."

Tamao: [Falls over backwards with tears streaming down her closed eyes.] "Dammit."

Eievui: [Looks at Tamao and giggles.] "bui..." [Starts laughing.] "BUIIHIHIHIHIHI!!!!"

Hiro: [Turns back towards the hallway and looks back.] "Sister..."

Tamao: [Gets up.] "What?"

Hiro: "Thanks."

Tamao: [Looks at Hiro for a moment before smirking.] "Forget about it."

[Hiro heads towards the staircase while Tamao sits on the floor with her legs crossed.]

Tamao: "Why is that Eievui so attached to him?" [Stares at the ceiling.] "Well, guess I'll have to extort something else out of that guy."

???: [Growling.] "kiiii..."

[Tamao chokes and slowly turns her head around to see her Blackie, growling at her.]

Tamao: [Sweatdrop slides down the side of her head while a twitching cheek forces a half-smile.] "Hehe..." [Closes eyes, smiles, and lightly waves her hand down.] "Joking, joking!"

[Hiro's covered by a blanket as he lays on his futon later that night. Eievui is curled up next to him, sleeping.]

Hiro: [Thinking as he looks over to Eievui.] ("It's never gonna leave me alone, anyway. Besides...")

[Hiro pictures all 5 of his sisters cuddling their Pokemon again before the scene returns to him.]

Hiro: [Thinking.] ("Everyone always seems so happy with a Pokemon of their own. I might as well try that for myself. I don't need a trainer license for that, right? It's simply my pet.")

[Still looking at Eievui, Hiro smiles before closing his eyes and falling asleep. The scene changes to the front of Hiro's school in the day time and the text "4099年4月17日 ( 金 )" (Friday, April 17, 4099) is displayed. To the right of the doorway, Eievui sits on a tree branch, eyes fixed on the door.]

Eievui: [Yawns, then lays down.] "...bui."

[Eievui thinks back to earlier in the day. It and Hiro were standing in front of the school building.]

Hiro: "Eievui, you need you to understand that you can't follow me in here. If you do, I'll get in trouble like yesterday. Please, just wait outside."

[Flashback ends. A droopy-eyed Eievui wags its tail around in boredom. Its eyes widen when it sees a small stab beetle walking in front of it. Eievui sniffs at it curiously, but the beetle pinches it on the nose.]

Eievui: "BUIIII!!" [Flails around batting at the beetle on its nose while tears form in its eyes.]

[The beetle falls off and lands back onto the branch, where it walks away. However, Eievui falls off the branch and hits the ground.]

Eievui: [Painfully groans.] "buiiii...ii...iii..." [Slowly stands up.]

[The school bell starts to ring, and Eievui immediately looks toward it. After a moment, a large group of students walks out of the front door. Eievui looks at the group and spots Hiro in it eventually. It dashes in between other students in the crowd and begins walking next to Hiro. Hiro doesn't even even notice Eievui until he feels something furry rub against his leg and he looks down. He doesn't speak, just smirks, before looking up again.]

Hiro: "It's my turn to cook dinner tonight. Does Eievui want to watch?"

Eievui: [Smiles.] "Bui!"

Hiro: [Eyes half-close.] "You'd get excited over anything I do, wouldn't you?"

[Hiro and Eievui are walking up the steps to the shrine by Hiro's house. While ascending the stairs, Hiro is carrying plastic grocery bags on each arm. When he reaches the top, he looks towards the shrine.]

Hiro: "Huh?"

[A male figure is shown ringing the bell, and then clapping his hands. Hiro stares at the figure. Eievui does the same, but looks confused while it does so.]

Hiro: "Matsuba-san?"

Eievui: "Bui?"

Hiro: "He's Enju City's gym leader. He's a close family friend of ours and visits the shrine often. An extremely spiritual man who longs to be as close to the spirits as the living creatures who are close enough to actually possess spirit-like qualities, Pokemon which he trains."

Eievui: [Looks at the figure in amusement.] "buuiiiii."

Hiro: "Hey, Matsuba-san!"

Matsuba: [Turns around and looks towards Hiro, then smiles before bowing his head.] "Hiro-kun, good afternoon."

Hiro: [Bows back.] "Good afternoon. You look to be in good health." [Walks up to Matsuba.]

Eievui: "Bui!"

Matsuba: "Eh?" [Looks down.] "An Eievui? ....is that your's?"

Hiro: [Nods head.] "Yeah."

Matsuba: "And you always seemed so resilient towards Pokemon training. Maybe you can battle me at my gym some day."

Hiro: [Shakes head.] "No, I'm not officially a trainer."

Matsuba: [Sighs.] "Is that so? So you're still not interested? Such a shame..." [Holds up index finger.] "I've always wanted at least one person from your family to challenge."

[While Hiro and Matsuba are conversing, Eievui curiously sniffs at Hiro's bag on his right side.]

Hiro: "Even if I were a trainer, I doubt I'd be good enough to beat you."

Matsuba: "It's not great for anyone to lack in self-confidence."

Hiro: "Oh?" [Grins.] "Then if I become a trainer, I promise me and Eievui, we'll defeat you together."

[Hiro holds up the bag Eievui was sniffing at so he could hold up a clenched fist, causing Eievui to back away. Eievui runs to Hiro's left and sniffs at that bag instead.]

Matsuba: [Closes eyes and chuckles.] "Now you're being too confident."

[Eievui bites on the left bag and rips the plastic, causing rice bags and wrapped fish fillets to spill out.]

Hiro: [Eyes widen.] "Ah!?" [Looks down at the spilled contents of the bag. An X-vein appears on his head and he closes his eyes.] "Stupid Eievui!"

Eievui: "...buiiii..." [Lowers head while facing backwards, blue vertical lines appear above it.]

Matsuba: [Chuckles again, then smiles.] "It's alright, I can help you with that."

Hiro: [Sighs in relief.] "Thank you very much, Matsuba-san."

[The scene changes to show Hiro storing away all the groceries into the fridge and cupboards while Eievui watches.]

Hiro (narration): "It seemed to happen very rapidly..."

[Hiro's now in his civilian clothes, sits at a low table and works on his homework. Eievui pokes in from under the table in front of Hiro's lap and turns around to look at the papers he's working on. Hiro lifts up his arms when this happens.]

Hiro (narration): "...but within the those three days since meeting, I ended up warming up towards Eievui."

[The next scene involves Hiro, wearing a white apron, in the kitchen. He's boiling rice, cutting vegetables, and grilling fish fillets. Meanwhile, Eievui sits on the window sill watching, but jumps off in terror when it sees a stab beetle land in front of it. Outside the window, Hiro's grandfather is seen sweeping the walkway.]

Hiro (narration): "I still didn't understand why this Pokemon was attracted to me..."

[At a dinner table, Hiro's family is eating the food that Hiro prepared earlier. In the background, all of the family's Pokemon are eating food out of pet dishes including Eievui.]

Hiro (narration): "...I still had no interests in Pokemon..."

[Eievui appears covered in suds. A full shot of Hiro, wrapped in a towl, is seen scrubbing Eievui's fur before turning on a shower head and rinsing it off.]

Hiro (narration): "...but I took it in as my pet anyway. I was giving in to defeat, but I also thought it would be fun."

[Hiro's asleep on his futon again, with Eievui curled up by his side.]

Hiro (narration): "I didn't worry much about it, though, because I knew either way, my peaceful life in Enju City wouldn't change."

[Eievui opens its eyes, then looks back to see that Hiro laid his hands on Eievui in his sleep. Eievui smiles and lays its head back down.]

Hiro (narration): "...but... neither of us... would expect what tomorrow would bring."


つづく

 

[Ladyumbra]

right on the money as usual. description was great not too much not too little. pacing was pretty good niether rushing nor dragging. plot and originality are continuing to be pretty impressive. keep it up. I so wanna see this win an award next time they come around.

 

[ClowSui]

Umbra-chan said all that I wanted to...;_;..

But I'll say it anyways. The description and flow was good. The plot and originality continue to move forward. Revision was great.

 

[Yamato-san]

I so wanna see this win an award next time they come around.

I agree with Clow, this revision seems to be getting me much more reviews than the old version. Last time, I practically had to beg someone to nominate me for a couple categories through my sig and posts on the thread, but it seems likely that won't be the case by the next awards. BTW, I should mention that I did get Fanfiction of the Week over on Pokecommunity.

UPDATE: For all you artists out there, you should consider looking here.

 

[Heracross]

Hey there. I never got around to reading the old version, although I always meant to, but now that I'm reading this one I thought it was very good. The description was great, just enough so that I could visualize what was going on but not so much that it takes away from the point of the script format. Hiro is an interesting character, as are the people around him. His Literature Teacher was funny, and so was his Grandpa. I thought it was amusing how he never seemed to be doing anything but sweeping everywhere.XD The little things you put in like the sisters bashing each other on the head are really funny, and I can picture exactly what it would look like an an animé or manga. Stuff like that really helps make it feel like it could be an animé or manga, it's just the kind of feel I'd like my fic to have if I ever get around to writing it. That's all for now I guess. Keep up the good work.

 

[Charsel]

hey, your new reader here!! 'tis a good story you have in your hands here, keep it up!!

i found a few errors and such (no spelling), but nothing too drastic, i cant rember all of them part from near the end of chap 3, here it is:

Hiro (narration): "...but within the those three days since meeting, I ended up warming up towards Eievui."

i dont get it, well, i know what youre trying to say, but it didnt come out the way it should, oh well...

great cliff hanger, well, kept me wanting more!! cant wait for your next chap, till then cya!
;005;