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Totally agree that Chapter 28 was your best to date. I loved the Entrainment episode, the Battle Logger begging not to be worked on, Throh's spat with the narrator, arm wrestling, Chan and Lilligant's little moment (so cute). All of it was really great and funny! I also laughed at the "Fat Guy Stole my Bike" meme parody.
Chapter 29's fight was also very good and I love how a big guy like Metagross is such a nerd. Also apparently a really good fighter since he was able to beat Chan. Nice job overall, keep 'em coming!
Totally agree that Chapter 28 was your best to date. I loved the Entrainment episode, the Battle Logger begging not to be worked on, Throh's spat with the narrator, arm wrestling, Chan and Lilligant's little moment (so cute). All of it was really great and funny! I also laughed at the "Fat Guy Stole my Bike" meme parody.
Chapter 29's fight was also very good and I love how a big guy like Metagross is such a nerd. Also apparently a really good fighter since he was able to beat Chan. Nice job overall, keep 'em coming!
I've been working a ton on this chapter, I'm glad you like it!
With the intelligence of a supercomputer, why wouldn't he be nerdy?
Well this chapter is interesting- a certain Pokémon's name is brought up in a memory once again. Hmmm...
This chapter also hosts the introduction of a few more original characters, and you'd think what they represent would've been in Punch-Out a while ago, but they aren't. Bonus points if anyone gets the reference to why they're who.
Wa-hey! 30 Chapters! I sorta wished for at least 3, 000 views by this point, but hey, beggers can't be choosers. Enjoy!
Chapter 30: Mind Over Meta
“Wait, so you’re telling me I can heal while the opponent is down?” Hitmonchan was speaking on the phone to Mismagius, while him, Throh, and Lilligant were heading to the Locker Room.
“Affirmative. The feeling of positivity and miniscule movement while your enemy is down has actually been proved to slowly recover your health in battle.”
“Wow. I’ll definitely remember that for my upcoming fights. Thanks for the tip, Mismagius!” Hitmonchan ended the call, but ended up bumping into a mass cluster of Pokémon. “Woah, what’s this?”
Throh sighed. “The paparazzi. I guess something important’s coming up. I don’t know how they even get in here in the first place.”
“Well how do we get in?”
“Just fightin’ through them is the best solution. They don’t really care.” Hitmonchan shoved through the crowd of several monsters, until he encountered the cause of the paparazzi, Machamp speaking to a reporter Gardevoir, while a Magnezone was recording the whole thing with a hefty, high quality video camera.
“So tell us champion, how do you feel against your upcoming match?”
“Oh you mean against ol’ Tyranitar? Pfft! That guy’s such a weakling. He’s all bark and no bite.”
“I can tell why you are overconfident. Your Fighting type attacks provide a very favorable type advantage against Tyranitar’s Rock/Dark type.”
Machamp kept smiling, despite having know idea what type advantages actually were. “Sure I am! Expect a major beatdown in my next fight!”
“Could you spout out your infamous quote to the audience once more?”
“Gladly! Ahem… RELEASE THE BOGUS!” The crowd around him clapped and cheered in glory.
Gardevoir turned around to the camera. “You heard it here, folks! I’m Gardevoir from the CPFA Today channel, signing off!” Gardevoir signaled Magnezone to turn off the camera, and the red light on it turned off. The huge cluster of Pokémon went to leave, except Magnezone stopped leaving when he noticed someone.
“Woah! Aren’t you the legendary Doc Throh?”
“Uh, yeah, I am. Who are you?”
“I’m the camera guy. Dude, I’m a huge fan of you! Could I have an autograph? Sign my camera!” Magnezone held out a pen and his camera. How a Magnezone could hold such things Throh didn’t know, but he signed it anyway. “Hey Gardevoir! Look who it is!”
Gardevoir turned from the hallway and looked back. “It’s just Little Hitmonchan, a Lilligant and some red guy. Come on, we have more important people to cover.”
“No, no! It’s the legendary Doc Throh!”
“Who?”
“I apologize for her rudeness, she’s still new to the CPFA industry. I hope we can meet again some time!” Magnezone apologized as he floated off with his autographed camera.
“Ok… that was odd. It’s nice to know that some people remember me!” Throh felt humble about himself. At this point, Metagross levitated over to them.
“Hey, wasn’t that Gardevoir a freaking beauty queen? Not as much of a beauty queen as you, Lilligant, you’re a beauty Nidoqueen!”
Lilligant sighed. “I’m pretty sure you could say that to all female Gardevoirs.”
“I’m pretty sure if I didn’t know you I could woo her with my superior disc jockey skills!”
HItmonchan ahd Lilligant didn’t understand the Steel/Psychic type, but Throh did. “You were a dj? Since when?”
“Back in the late years of college. Let me elaborate on this topic… by flashback.”
“Yay!”
***
“For several years, being a dj was my job. I traveled across the regions, performing my well trained phonograph record spinning abilities for thousands of dancing, well-dressed Pokémon to hear. My entire family is known for the visual and performing arts, and I had no interest to go into fighting at the time. My father, a Metagross, was a scriptwriter, and his famous work of The Hairy Darmanitan and The Cresseliable, is still being performed in many modern theaters today. Go see them, they talk about modern day-”
“I thought this was a flashback, not an advertisement! Where’s the memories?” Doc Throh complained.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m getting there. My mom, a Wigglytuff, is an opera singer. I’m not exactly sure what my younger sister or brother’s going to be yet. But back to my dj skills, I was talented enough to even be able to mix music to some legendary celebrities. Granted, only a handful, but still, I was getting there!” Metagross’ voice suddenly switched to a serious tone. “However, that was what got me into the fighting buisness…"
***
Metagross was doing his music mixing art in a fabulous stadium, full of thousands of Pokémon doing a simple jig to a funky fresh techno beat. Just as he was about to switch songs, a very popular yet controversial Pokémon floated into the room, looking quite discreeted and angry.
“You.” The celebrity pointed his finger straight at Metagross in aggression. Metagross, who had buffed up earphones on, didn’t hear him, but did see him.
“Oh hey! It’s Mewk Twoson! What can I do for you?” The Steel/Psychic type took a few seconds to take off his earphones to listen.
“I thought I arranged my party to be strictly techno!”
“… So? This is techno. Is it not funky enough for you? Because I-“
“You don’t understand! This song is not only techno, but the song being remixed is a song sang by the band Poliworld!”
“…..”
“I HATE Poliworld! I thought I told someone to tell the dj that absolutely NO Poliworld songs should be played at this social gathering! I remember reading on their blog that they hate Psychic types!”
“Oh. Well no worries! I’ll just switch it to another soundtrack like the Absol Twins-“
“They’re even WORSE! Those two-timers tricked me off of some major money back in the day!” Mewtwo stopped levitating and started stomping right up to Metagross until they were mere inches apart. “Look, iron guy, did you hear the memo that guy sent you?”
“Nuh… no one sent me a memo. The only reason I’m here is because a Serperior asked me to dj for this party- he never gave me any guidelines for what-”
“Rrgh!” At this point, Mewtwo was heavily annoyed. And when Mewtwo’s stress level got maxed out, he shot a Shadow Ball at close range proximity, knocking Metagross all the way to the wall. All of the dancers immediately noticed and went over to help him, at least until Mewtwo turned around dramatically and glared, making them back up slowly.
“Hey! That’s no fair! You want to challenge me? Come get some!” Metagross got back on his four arm/legs and prepared for battle. However, Mewtwo simply had a sly grin on his face and chortled. Metagross started levitating back to the psychic legendary, charging up a Bullet Punch. Mewtwo simply reached out towards the punch and held the robot of a thousands pounds with his own power and psychic power combined. After a gasp from the Pokémon, Mewtwo telekinetically slammed Metagross into the floor behind him. “… Ow…..”
Mewtwo gave Metagross not time to get up however, and snapped his fingers, creating a bundle of fireballs rotating around him. He then sent the fireballs toward the Steel/Psychic type, which then formed to create the Japanese symbol for Fire once the Fire Blast made contact. This attack did an insane amount of damage to Metagross, and even burned him. He struggled to get up, but couldn’t. Mewtwo simply looked away, and began to Teleport to another location, but before activating the move, he stated one last word. “I’m waiting for your challenge.”
***
As the flashback ended, Metagross finished his speech. “It took about three days to fully recover from that Fire Blast. I never actually got to challenging him again, despite then joining the CPFA to see if I had a chance… I was in the UU Circuit when he retired. I wonder where he is now.”
“In that super-high tech jail in some super secret region.” Throh added. “The press always said they limit the Pokémon’s abilities their to their weakest potential to surpress them from escaping. I really wonder how exactly they do that, that’s some powerful stuff!”
“It’s a secret to everybody.” Hitmonchan took a deep breath. “I’ve always wanted to fight the toughest Pokémon, but I wouldn’t want to fight Mewk Twoson- he’d destroy me. And if I became champion, I definitely wouldn’t want to be like him.”
“Well that’s a long way from here, but if you even wanna get close to the top, you better work up a strategy to beating him tomorrow!” Throh pointed towards Metagross, who was checking something on his laptop as they were speaking.
***
The following night, Hitmonchan seemed pumped up and ready for his rematch. As he stepped onto the ring, Metagross was typing a list of things on his computer.
“What are you typing?”
“Oh, just all the thing’s I’m going to buy once I knock you out again! I’m going to start with a backup hardrive… some more parts for the atomic laser I’m building… A bunch of Rare Candies… You’ve gotta manage your money, or you’ll end up broke.”
“Smart. You- wait, did you say atomic laser? What would you do with that?”
“You never know what might happen! Aliens could come and populate our world with dragons and demons! Regular Pokémon attacks may not affect them, so we might have to bring out the big guns and- I’ve explained too much, let’s fight!”
***ROUND 1***
Metagross went for two Bullet Punches, but Hitmonchan dodged and countered. As the Steel/Psychic Pokémon began to use Hammer Arm, the Fighting type countered the attack for a Star by Ice Punching right as the robot reached the peak of its attack.
“What? How’d you do that?”
“I’ve been watching some of your fights to seek your weaknesses!”
“…But how?”
“The internet.”
“Isn’t that ille-“ As Metagross was trying to converse, Hitmonchan Fire Punched him in the mouth for another Star, and prepared for his special.
“DIG!”
Metagross tried to escape away in complete terror, but failed. “Woah-woah-woah… AGITH! Huh… You seem to be learning from your mistakes…” Metagross went in for another Bullet Punch, but missed, for his speaking gave it away. The supercomputer was knocked down after a few more punches.
As the crowd howled in glory, the Raichu then began his counting spree. “One…two…three…” Metagross struggled to get up as quickly as possible, and retained his battle formation. “Fight!”
“Smart… But you’ll never be the champion by copying other’s tactics!”
“You’re basically bagging on yourself now!” Both Pokémon Bullet Punched at the same time, knocking both of them out of their focus, and then Metagross Bullet Punched again while Hitmonchan was still recovering. Once he went for a Hammer Arm, Hitmonchan got back into his groove by side-stepping away from it. The opponent then reached for his digital pet device once more, but was Fire Punched for a star right after he took a peak at it.
“Seriously! I think I got a valuable item and I couldn’t see what it was!” Metagross threw an Ancientpower attack, however Hitmonchan ducked and Fire Punched as much as he could, before finishing off the combo with one more Dig, knocking the opposing Pokémon down.
“One…two…three…”
While tired, Metagross reached up to babble a phrase. “What am I fighting for…” Then the Pokémon collapsed. Hitmonchan was healing himself by lightly shifting around as the enemy was down, just as Mismagius mentioned earlier.
“…four…five…six…” The supercomputer forced himself up once more.
“That’s it! I’m going to crush you!” Metagross screamed right as he charged up a Bullet Punch, but he got countered for a Star. “THIS will end it! METEOR MASH!” Metagross began his special, however Hitmonchan did the same. The Fighting type’s special intercepted the Steel/Psychic type’s special, and activated a one-hit knock down.
“Graaaaaaah!” Metagross was knocked back, holding his hands to his head. “I think I have a headache! Agh!” He dragged his body to different parts of the ring in pain before falling flat on the ring’s floor.
“TKO! The winner is Little Hitmonchan!”
“Hah hah! Wa-hoo! Yeah-hah!” As the winner did his victory dance, the crowd cheered a bit more than average for the Fighting type. Throh and Lilligant seemed very excited as well.
“Woo-wee, son! You do realize where you are now, right?”
“Uh… High in the Over Used circuit?”
“You’re in the top three, baby! It takes a lot of work and dedication to get up there!”
“Hey, that’s my line!” Throh complained as he handed his apprentice a massive bundle of 4800 Pokédollars. “You’re practically a celebrity, Chan! Just without all the death threats, copyright issues and relationship technicalities.”
“Yep! I remember when I had my first one from a Sableye in Hoenn. He complained how the fact that I eat so much chocolate would be a stereotype and would incourage babies to eat more and a bunch of other nasty nonsense.” Throh chomped on his chocolate bar while explaining. “Oh, and hope to death that you don’t receive death threats involving copyright issues from relationship technicalities. I remember an old Dusknoir having a bloodthirsty wife of a Flygon who wanted to take all of his money off of his addictive bobbleheads.”
“How would you make a bobblehead off of a Dusknoir?” Lilligant seemed more into the story than Hitmonchan. Throh brought one Dusknoir bobblehead in good condition out of his napsack.
“They were just so good at making bobbleheads that they could.” He then started to bang his head to the bobblehead’s movements. After both shrugging, Hitmonchan and Lilligant started to bobble their heads as well. A Luvdisc passed by them, staring at them as if they were crazy.
“Just what is love? Certainly not that.” The Luvdisc sighed as it floated away.
“... But anyway, whatever happened to that Dusknoir?”
“He managed to have one son, but after that Dusknoir was dumped. It’s kinda hard to kill a ghost, anyway. But the Glaceon had a good life after that- now she’s tied with a Piloswine in Johto and they run a bakery. And by golly, their cookies are amazing!”
This chapter is a bit short in length of page, but large in terms of words, and is insanely awesome. That's right, it's Machamp's turn to shine.
Despite how awesome this is, I cannot take complete credit of the idea- I got an idea while watching this (watch it after reading), and sat up all night thinking about it. I give credit to them for the hilarious idea.
Try and count how many references you can spot in this chapter! I counted seven, but I may unintentionally added more. Enjoy and be jealous that the real world cannot make such epic movies!
Chapter 31: Extremespeed Lugia the Flare Blitz
“BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!”
“Would you shut up already?” Hitmonchan was annoyed at his constantly beeping Battle Logger on the way to the OU Locker Room with his trio. “This thing’s been chanting this ever since I turned its Wi-Fi on!”
“BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!”
“Have you tried asking it to stop?”
“I! Have not… Battle Logger, stop.”
“BREAK- I’ll stop now.”
“What is this “breaking news” you’ve been talking about? Have we gone to war with those sphere dragon things again?”
“No, and hopefully we will never again. Despite our toughest legendaries and monsters going up against them, we Pokémon were just too weak to compare ourselves with those Bak-“ At this point, Throh was cut off by an Earthquake, coming from the locker room. The three knew something was up, and dashed into the locker room to see Machamp causing those Earthquakes as a tantrum, in front of several fans, as well as the Gardevoir and Magnezone recording crew.
“It’s JUST NOT FAIR! I totally should’ve wiped his rocky head straight off of the stage! I seriously have no idea how the heck the kept knocking me down! It’s an outrage, dudes!”
A lot of the other Pokémon slowly stepped away from Machamp at this point, even the reporters. “O-K… In other news… Surveys show that you’ll be coming up against Little Hitmonchan next. How do you feel-“ Gardevoir noticed Hitmonchan, Throh, and Lilligant at the Locker Room’s entrance. “Oh, there he is now! Hitmonchan, could you please come on camera?”
“Uh… Sure.” Hitmonchan cautiously sauntered onto the scene, and has never been interviewed before in his life, so he was a bit nervous.
“Tell us, Hitmonchan. How does it feel to be in the top three?”
“It’s been an honor. I’ve aimed to go for the top, but in reality I expected to maybe reach the tops of the UU circuit. I couldn’t have done it without the help of Doc Throh, who took me as an apprentice.”
“Right, right… And how do you expect your fight to be with ex-champion Super Macho Machamp to go?”
“Uh…” Hitmonchan turned to Machamp, who was taking several deep breaths off-camera. “…He’s tough alright, but I’ll have to fight him myself before I jump to any rash conclusions.”
“That makes sense.” Gardevoir turned back to the camera. “And that was some words from the wise Hitmonchan himself, who surely must have given a lesson all should take deeply into their hearts. I’m Gardevoir, signing off.” Gardevoir signaled to Magnezone to turn off the recording.
“A lesson? What kind of lesson?” Magnezone was confused.
“I just thought that up on the spot.” Gardevoir whispered. “So now we need to see what that Toxicroak is up to down in the UU circuit…” After the two disappeared, Hitmonchan went up to Machamp.
“So Machamp, what did Tyranitar-“
“ARGH!” The macho monster bawled.
“… What did he do? What were his attacks?”
“They were super quick, dude. I was given little to no time to react to his Pursuit and Thunderpunches… He also makes a sandstorm out of nothing to mess with me…” At this point, Tyranitar stomped into the locker room, making Machamp tremble. “Ack! It’s him! Hide me bro!” Machamp ducked behind Hitmonchan, before realizing he could still be seen, so he then grabbed Throh and Lilligant to cover him up.
“What? Easy on the outfit!”
“Hey! Don’t grab me there!” Even the three Pokémon were not enough to shield Tyranitar’s eyes from Machamp. The Rock/Dark type simply scoffed at them.
“Hmph. Wimp.” Tyranitar continued on his path to his locker. When the coast was clear, Machamp knocked the three to the floor comically to make it look as if nothing happened.
“Man… I hope to Arceus that if I beat Tyranitar, the world will be a more humane universe!”
“You’re in those grief stages that old Mawile psychiatrist noted, right?” Lilligant questioned.
Machamp was in tears at this point. “…BAH HAH HAAA!” Gyarados rushed over to him, and offered the ex-champion a tissue box. Machamp swiped it out of his tail, thanked him, and blew on it painfully. “BBBBBBBBBBBHHHHH!”
“…Three…two…one…”
“…Well that’s done with. Everyone loses at some point. The world can turn again now.” Machamp scratched his head, thinking of what to do now. “Now what was I gonna say… Oh yeah! Hey Hitmonchan, don’t expect any wins from me! These massive muscles and bashing biceps give dudes a pounding and dudettes a lounging!”
“A lounging?”
“No seriously dude, some girls sit on these things! I give them rides around the park on Sundays.”
“That makes sense.” Hitmonchan then brought out his Battle Logger to take notes on. “So tell me, Machamp, what exactly makes you so famous?”
“What exactly? What doesn’t? All my movies reel in the dough big time! But the first time I was actually in a movie was that old-school, anime, and seriously overdramatic one… I think it was called Agility Runner, and it was really cheesy…”
“Would you mind giving us a flashback or interpretation of Agility Runner? Y’know, just for knowledge purpouses.” Lilligant lighted up as she asked.
“Eh, why not? Though my memory is super bad, so I might’ve skipped a few details and paraphrased.”
***
“So there was me, I was the main character, and my name was ExtremeSpeed Lugia, though it was shortened to X, and my nickname was the Flare Blitz. So my full name was Extremespeed Lugia the Flare Blitz. He used to be a nerd at a famous monster busting facility until he got poisoned by a heavily radioactive snake that was being tested for incinerating dinosaurs from the past. He has a long red trenchcoat and a huge symbol on his forehead shaped like a V, but is gold at the intersection. The symbol can be used as a boomerang and a gun, but he doesn’t use the gun because he also has a sword twice as long as five hot dogs combined on end.”
“That sounds quite delectable. Carry on!” Throh started chomping on his chocolate bars vigorously.
“So he also knows this girl who wants to woo and go steady with, but she’s all sassy and stuff and was named Sapphire Softboilded- she was played by a Froslass. She goes out in the middle of the night to do stuff mysteriously. Anyway, so apparently there was this vampire Chandelure named Genomurder, who killed all the people at the monster busting facility and took all of its technology to rule the world. Extremespeed Lugia tried to defeat him, but Genomurder was too powerful, and placed an everlasting burn that could only be extinguished by the kiss of one’s true love within three days, before the fire burns so hard that it chokes him. Also he plans to send the moon on him if he somehow gets the burn off of him.”
“…You know what, who cares about notes?” Hitmonchan tossed his Battle Logger aside.
“I cannot feel pain, but I can feel loneliness!” The Battle Logger complained.
“So Extremespeed goes across the land until he finds a talking robot that can transform into a high-tech car and is all “I am a talking robot, I am faithful to whoever finds me. Be my friend, master.” So X uses that robot to track down Genomurder, who rests in this large dome out in the middle of a desert. But Genomurder is prepared and stuff and has an army of giant robots to fight back!”
“Overkill much?”
“Overkill indeed, dude! But the thing was all these giant robots were based off of Japanese mythology or some other weird country. So those robots chased Extremespeed off, and all hope was lost, until Sapphire came along and revealed that “Oh I’m an angel and I shall protect you!” So they went up into space to meet X’s godfather, which in reality was a Seismitoad. The Seismitoad said “Ah son, you are the chosen one! Go pull that legendary sword from that stone over there that no one else could get out of it!” And then Extremespeed pulled it out of it, and that sword somehow merged with his own to become the Infinity Giga Blade! It had powers over time, magnets, electrical beings, and had mind control as a side effect. His godfather also gave his son an awesome set of armor that didn’t look like armor, since it didn't protect the most vital organs of his body, but it was.”
Lilligant’s eyes bulged. “…Excuse me, I think I- uh, need to… uh… I think I just… Bah!” Lilligant cried away in utter embarrassment, but no one really cared because of them being too involved in the story.
“So Extremespeed, the robot, and Sapphire went back down to fight Genomurder and stuff, and with the Infinity Giga Blade all the robots blow up in a spherical explosion, but the city in the dome is completely fine due to it being made of titanium. The Genomurder yells “Ah but I have one more trick up my sleeve!” And then he grabs Saphire and throws her into the bottom of the sea! Which happened to be right next to the city dome!”
“I don’t think that’s geologically possible-“
“Shh! You’re ruining it Chan! Sometimes not questioning logic is the way to go!”
“So ExtremeSpeed and his robot chase after her to the sea, and run into a mermaid out of nowhere who knows where she is. They follow her but it turns out to be a trap, and she gives him a pleasuring scene, but I’m sure many younger dudes wouldn’t like me to describe it. So then they wake up drifting in the ocean, and are found by a bunch of time traveling pirates looking for treasure. The pirates agreed to help, and eventually they find Sapphire, but they had to beat a kraken, shark, kalamari hybrid that looked both way cool and ridiculous at the same time. The pirates stabbed it with a harpoon and they revived Sapphire with a rare herb that they stole from some mutated witch nurses from outer space, but that’s unimportant.”
Lilligant dashed back into the locker room at this point. “Okay, I’m back. What did I miss?”
“Shh! You’ll ruin the story Lil!”
“So after they revived Sapphire, the fire on Extremespeed Lugia was only mere hours until it was about to choke him, so they run to Genomurder who’s all like “No!” And then Genomurder goes into his giant robot which looks like a dragon, but it’s really a sea monster! It then makes a giant axe out of buildings and slams it on Extremespeed’s robot! But the Extremespeed is completely fine and yells “Aha I have one more trip up my sleeve!” And then! And then! And then! The giant robot combines with the pirate ship to become an even bigger robot with over the shoulder cannons, a cape made of swords, and had a helmet with two swords on it! Then the robot pirate thing shot a giant laser out of its chest, that’s the equivalent of the heat of two suns! But Genomurder is still all “I am invincible! And your burn is almost up!” But then at the last second Sapphire runs up to Extremespeed and kisses him, making the burn shrivel up into mere ash! But the thing is the moon is still crashing! So the giant pirate robot grabs Genomurder’s robot and drags him to where the moon is about to crash, but has to stay there in the meantime! He’s all “How can this be?!” and the robot explosions and sparks fly everywhere, but so does the giant robot pirate ship! But then the pirate ship’s time machine powers activate, sending the three into a technicolored battlefield!”
“Is there thunder and lightning there too?”
“Heck yeah there was! So then they all started fighting, and then it’s almost as Extremespeed’s about to die, and Sapphire’s all “Nooooooooooooo!” and Genomurder’s all “Yeeeeeessssss!” But then, because he believed in his angel who believed in him he shot an enormous laser out of his chest, which sent Genomurder into time, into a time where he didn’t exist! The laser made the entire battlefield explode, sending the two to an earlier time at a tropical resort, and then they go on a picnic and get married.”
Hitmonchan, Throh, and Lilligant were flabbergasted by the insaneness of the story, whether or not Machamp made up at least half of it. “That sounds like the best movie ever! Why haven’t we heard of it before?”
“It wasn’t liked from critics due to how “unrealistic” it was and how there was “no pace.” But what do critics no about pure awesomeness these days?” Machamp stood up tall. “But yeah, that was my first movie. You can probably rent it at the video store- it’s very old. Be sure to check out my other movies, like Dusk, and you’d be an idiot to not see Bridge to Blizzard!” The Fighting type turned to the other Fighting types. “Well, good luck for the upcoming match, Chan! You’ll need it.” As the four Pokémon separated, Metagross was listening in secretly.
“Oh look, another one of Machamp’s tall tales. I watched his movie, and nearly none of that happened. I’m sure it was a racing movie, but the plot wasn’t that long and Genomurder didn’t get killed in the end. And if there were mutant witch nurses, I surely would’ve remembered that part.”
I'm going to be frank, I'd be more interested in this fanfiction if the main character wasn't a Hitmonchan. Not that Hitmonchan is bad, but if I were to create a fan-fiction about Pokemon boxing, Hitmonchan would be the last Pokemon I would use as the main. The reason being is that I would try to be more creative than that. I'm not saying the fanfic is bad, I'm just saying that making a Hitmonchan the star of a Boxing fanfiction is pretty uncreative and predictable.
Just saying.
Edit: Maybe I should clarify. If I were to make a Pokemon/Punch-Out Fan-Fic, I would use a Pokemon I feel would not be fit for boxing, but would be more fit than, say, a Raticate who would most likely play the role of the story's Glass Joe/Gabby Jay character. The Little Mac of the story would have more thought put into it. Where the main antagonist, or the MikeTyson/Mr. Dream/Nick Bruiser of the story would most likely be the Pokemon that would probably be best suited to boxing, which is of coarse, Hitmonchan. So, long story short, a Hitmonchan makes a boring protagonist, but would make a great ANtagonist in my opinion.
Very nice chapters, Hil! I greatly enjoyed the Metagross battle and it was nice to see that Chan realized fire was the way to go. Mewk Twoson sounds like a jerk (as he should be so it makes it more satisfying when Chan beats the heck out of him).
Chapter 31 was also great and hilarious. Super Macho Man was the funniest character in the Wii game and Machamp fits his character perfect. I took a look at the Youtube video and it seems to match your story in a very hilarious way. Someone should indeed make an anime of that magnitude.
I'm going to be frank, I'd be more interested in this fanfiction if the main character wasn't a Hitmonchan. Not that Hitmonchan is bad, but if I were to create a fan-fiction about Pokemon boxing, Hitmonchan would be the last Pokemon I would use as the main. The reason being is that I would try to be more creative than that. I'm not saying the fanfic is bad, I'm just saying that making a Hitmonchan the star of a Boxing fanfiction is pretty uncreative and predictable.
Just saying.
Edit: Maybe I should clarify. If I were to make a Pokemon/Punch-Out Fan-Fic, I would use a Pokemon I feel would not be fit for boxing, but would be more fit than, say, a Raticate who would most likely play the role of the story's Glass Joe/Gabby Jay character. The Little Mac of the story would have more thought put into it. Where the main antagonist, or the MikeTyson/Mr. Dream/Nick Bruiser of the story would most likely be the Pokemon that would probably be best suited to boxing, which is of coarse, Hitmonchan. So, long story short, a Hitmonchan makes a boring protagonist, but would make a great Antagonist in my opinion.
First off, thanks for the review, I think this was the most thoughtful review I've had so far.
I didn't really think of this fic to be a boxing fic, since not everyone in the story particularly fight with their hands. At one point, I did consider a Sawk would be a good protagonist, except having both Throh and Sawk may seem a bit too generic.
Putting Furret as the main character? Might be interesting if then he got coached by Throh. But then what?
Very nice chapters, Hil! I greatly enjoyed the Metagross battle and it was nice to see that Chan realized fire was the way to go. Mewk Twoson sounds like a jerk (as he should be so it makes it more satisfying when Chan beats the heck out of him).
Chapter 31 was also great and hilarious. Super Macho Man was the funniest character in the Wii game and Machamp fits his character perfect. I took a look at the Youtube video and it seems to match your story in a very hilarious way. Someone should indeed make an anime of that magnitude.
“Where the heck is he? I’ve been waiting here for like five minutes now.” Hitmonchan was tapping his foot repulsively on the ring, waiting for Machamp to arrive.
“If he’s late, he’s probably going to make an entrance.” Lilligant called out. “Be on the lookout, he’ll probably pop out from underneath you or something.”
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! The sound of a car came from a golden limousine from the audience, and out of its window seat, Machamp stood from it. The crowd cheered, screamed, and clapped as they saw the grinning Pokémon rise. As he accosted to the ring, it seemed the audience oozed in excitement.
“Are you ready?!”
“Just about- oh wait, the Battle Logger…”
“Too bad! Because I’m gonna put on a show!” Machamp walked to the middle of the ring and turned to the audience, and flexed his pecs.
“Aieeeeee!” All the females in the audience screeched.
“Disgusting…” Hitmonchan turned away as he activated the Battle Logger.
“Super Macho Machamp. #1 of the Over Used Circuit. Record is 48 wins, 2 losses, 47 KOs. Height is 6’2’, weight is 276 lbs, and age is 29. Random fact: Super Macho Machamp has been in over 23 commercials.”
“You’re only 29? You look a bit older than that.”
Machamp immediately got into Hitmonchan’s face. “What did you just say?!”
“Uh… You look a bit younger than 29.”
“…Oh. Well you look younger than... whatever age you are.”
“I’m 17.”
Machamp was impressed. “Dude! That’s way young! Most of us start when we’re around 20! … Never mind that bro, whatever age you are, I’m still going to deliver a smackdown from the ex-champion!”
***ROUND 1***
Once the match started, Machamp waited a moment before delivering his first, quick attack- a simple but effective Karate Chop. “Crunch! Time!”
“Woah! That wasn’t even a Crunch attack! If you want to call out your own attacks, you should be getting its names right.”
“Shut up, bookworm! Hagh…” Machamp crouched to a side of the ring, and prepared his hand by flapping it several times. Hitmonchan could see the move from a mile away, and dodged out of the incoming Wake-Up Slap. “Uck!” The Fighting type punched the other Fighting type with his elemental attacks. As he was getting punched, he panted and banted out odd exclamations as he was knocked around. “Uh-hooo! Ooh! Crunch!” After juggling him with a Fire Punch, Hitmonchan received a Star. Machamp tried another Karate Chop, but missed. “No!” The Superpower Pokémon thought it would be a fantastic idea to use the same move once more, but the same end result occurred. Machamp paused to give the audience and Hitmonchan an enchanting pose. “Photo! Op!”
Hitmonchan had no camera, so his memory for the fight was recorded with his Thunderpunch to the face, and an extra Star. “What does photo op mean?”
“Photo opp-ur-tunity, dude. Get with the superstar lingo, man. If you get past me you’ll need to know its language, man.”
“SKY UPPERCUT!”
Machamp’s tone of voice went from a calm and simple tone to a freaked out and scared tone. “Ow!” The uppercut instantly knocked Machamp down. “Oooooooooo…” The four-armed humanoid ran around the ring to a corner before falling straight on his unneedingly muscular hide.
Throh looked disgusted. “TMI, narrator! Too much info!” A bright red iron girder materialized over Throh’s head, and smashed it, giving him a mild headache. “Yeowch! Why must you hate me so?!”
Lilligant stared at Throh as if he was crazy. “What are you talking about, Throh? You sound crazy- Is that an iron girder?!“ Lilligant suddenly swiped the girder and hugged it, cherishing its metallicness. “I LOVE small little iron inanimate things! So cool, yet so hard!”
“And she thought I was crazy…”
Interlude aside, Raichu was on the ring and counting up. “One…two…three…four…five…”
“Ah… Beginner’s luck!” Machamp pushed himself back up to fight and used Karate Chop, but missed. “Hang! Dude! What the-” Machamp was too busy getting punched to finish his sentence. He then used a new attack, by stomping on the ring floor, sending shockwaves down to make an Earthquake. Hitmonchan dodged, but not in the right direction, and got hit. “Mah-cho!” The obviously macho monster used a, but failed to do any damage, and Hitmonchan even got a Star at the end of it. Since he was low on health, Machamp knew it was time to use his special move. “Super!”
The crowd flipped open their horrible quality cell phone cameras and took as many snapshots of the macho Machamp as he posed. “Macho!”
As he said his species name, an enormous explosion came out from behind him, covering the view for some of the audience, but accentuating it for another part of the audience. “MACHAAAAAAAMP!”
Hitmonchan was trying to understand what recently happened and get the picture flashes out of his eyes. “Where did that explosion come from? I call shenanigans!” While he was trying to comprehend the situation at hand, Machamp charged up his fist, and rotated with it extended, beautifully performing a DynamicPunch right towards Hitmonchan’s cheek. The ex-champion hit even as the challenger dodged, even knocking him down.
“Stay down!”
“I’d rather not, you affluent ab abnormality!”
Machamp scratched his head at this banter. “Duh… What’s an aff- lue-ent?”
Raichu stepped in to explain before counting. “It means you’re rich.”
“Oh. Then I’m affluent AWESOMENESS!”
“Ugh… One…two…three…” Hitmonchan got up a smidge faster as the Electric and Fighting type were conversing. Machamp used a Wake-Up Slap, but ended up missing completely and got Bullet Punched several times in the gut. “I’ve had enough knockdowns during the past week! From here on out, I’m going to abase you and your ego!”
“ROUND OVER!”
“…Next round!”
***INTERMISSION***
For a break, Machamp was having a glorifying and inspirational conversation with some fans taking bad quality pictures on their mp3 players. “Get your hands off the ropes! And if you want these sunglasses, too bad! You can’t afford these sunglasses! … Oh? You want a photo? Well, make sure you get my good side! Oh wait! I only have good side!”
Throh seemed a bit annoyed as Hitmonchan stepped to his side of the ring. “Hey! Hey hey! Hey hey hey! Hey howdy heeey! Heeeeey!”
“What is it, ya fairy?”
“Have you been chattin’ with Mismagius lately? Only she has such a big vocabulary!”
“Oh you’ve noticed my vocab? No, I haven't been chatting with Mismagius. I just felt like saying something smart. No hard feelings, right?”
“Well when you put it that way… NO! If you want a gal, go giggle with girder girl over there… But take a chocolate first, you never know when you’d need it.”
“Who’s girder-“ Hitmonchan turned to Lilligant, who was stroking and caressing the bar like a newborn baby. “…Never mind.”
“My precious…” Lilligant continued to fondle the bar like a piece of gold.
“Hey Lil, what’s with-“
The Grass type immediately snapped. “My metal! NO touchy! Or do you want Lusty Lilligant to whisk you with this bar like a whip?” Hitmonchan was apprehensive about if Lilligant might’ve gotten bonked by that girder, and slowly stepped away. “…I’m going to call you Aiderod.”
Throh chuckled and pointed. “Oh Ms. Metal Maiden, I have to ask a question. What kind of name is that?”
WHAM! ***ROUND 2***
“Hey, hey, Machamp.” Raichu was tapping Machamp’s shoulder with his tail. “I think there’s a fundraiser over there asking for you support. If you want I can pause the-“
Machamp turned to the Electric type, and responded in a negative way. “Get outta my way!” The Fighting type knocked Raichu to the sides of the ring, and a lot of the audience started booing. “It’s showtime!” Machamp then started twisting, turning, and stretching to create some unusually inspiring poses.
“This is blasphemy! Why must everyone dislike fundraising to cleaning up Holon?!” A Persian holding the fundraiser cried. “Just because the Pokémon there may be a little strange doesn’t mean everyone has to forget about it!”
“Dude! Why’d you do that? Not only did you reject a simple donation to clean up Hoenn-“
“You’re saying it wrong!”
“Yeah yeah, but more importantly you smashed down the referee! I hope he’s not that hurt…” Raichu’s leg started twitching, and he did an impressive backflip to get back up on his feet. The crowd was dazzled and clapped for the amazing gymnastics of the referee.
“I AM IRREPLACEABLE!” Raichu dashed away from Machamp before he could get injured any more. “………………….You can start fighting now.”
“No one steals my spotlight, dude! Not even referee rodents! Hang! Ten!” Machamp did a Karate Chop attack straight to Hitmonchan’s face. He then followed up with a Wake-Up Slap, but missed entirely, and a few punches already knocked the ex-champion down.
“One…two…three…four…five…”
Machamp got right back on his feet and began the battle with another Wake-Up Slap as well as an Earthquake attack. Both attacks did not do any damage, and instead resulted in the attacker getting attacked. After this however, Machamp unleashed a new attack. He held his fist up for only a split second before using Payback. “Pump! It!” Since Payback hit the first time, Machamp thought it was an astounding idea to use the attack again. That didn’t work out so well, as Hitmonchan dodged and countered. “Pump! Dude! Ack ack ack! Aha! Oofoo! Ugh! Oooh! Photo!”
Hitmonchan interrupted the photo opportunity to grab a Star. “SKY UPPERCUT!”
“Ow! Ah-hagh!” Machamp tried one more Earthquake attack, but one Fire Punch later Machamp was knocked down.
“One…two…three…four…”
Machamp tilted his head up as if he was about to say something. “Augh… Urg.” The massive Fighting type’s head fell right back down as Raichu continued to count.
“…five…six…seven…eight…”
Machamp got up for the second time in the round, and at this point he wasn’t going to hold anything back. “Super! Macho! MA-CHAAAAAAAAMP!” Explosions once again popped out from behind him as the rich Machamp charged up his Dynamicpunch and began spinning. This time however, Hitmonchan ducked after each punch, as Machamp spun three times before stopping. “Ma- BOGUS!”
Hitmonchan used as much time as he had left to lay a beating of Fire and Thunderpunches on Machamp, but it seemed as if his opponent did not get knocked out of his stun. He wasn’t complaining once he delivered the finishing blow. “Oh!” Machamp felt the final Fire Punch for a few seconds before doing an impressive spin in mid-air, also known as a barrel roll to some, and dropped a ton of Pokédollars from his girdle, sending them all throughout the air. The Persian, Hitmonchan, and several others watching the match up close swiped as much as they could as Machamp let out one final grunt. “Ugh… Oomph…”
“TKO! The winner is Hitmonchan- oh look, money!”
Hitmonchan was too busy grabbing as much cash as he could from the ring floor to shout out a victory cry, but the crowd was super-excited, as he was officially to the top of the Over Used circuit. After taking about 5300 Pokédollars, Hitmonchan was surprised to see Throh with an enormous red bump on his head. “Woah, what happened?”
“I was aiderodded…” Throh slurred as he threw 5551 Pokédollars into the air from the fight, giving Hitmonchan over 10, 000 Pokédollars in salaries! The red Fighting type collided with the floor a few seconds later.
“Score! More cash!” Hitmonchan grasped some more floating bills, and Lilligant did so as well. After waiting five minutes to see if Throh would come back to his senses, Hitmonchan waved a chocolate bar over the body, and the collapsed Pokémon suddenly jumped up and ate the whole bar out of his hand!
“Mmm… Yuck… I hate these kind of wrappers… Where were we?”
“I beat Machamp.”
“Heh hey! Great job son! You’re almost at the…” Throh put his hand to his forehad. “Argh… I think I got a serious migraine from that bar over there…”
“It’s just impossibly large, too!” Lilligant continued to pet the girder. “I don’t know where it came from though, it sort of came out of thin air.”
“It might’ve been that spiritual being from that funky religion a Venusaur from the streets warned me about once. I think he said it means the one from beyond the world hates someone, the world’s about to end, or that spiritual being is using it as a way to say…”
Nice chapter. I had fits trying to beat Super Macho Man on the Wii so it's nice to see Chan beat him up on his first try. The whole California "Bogus" and "Crunch Time!" stuff was really funny. Lilligant's obsession with the girder, while strange, was also funny. Good fights scenes and jokes as usual.
AMAZING chapter, as always. I loved the girder and Lilligant and Raichu was hilarious! However, I thought first try was a little too... predictable. Chan's only lost once, so maybe make him lose more often.
When first thinking up Pokemon to match, Machamp as Macho Man was unavoidable. It makes me wonder if they were based on each other...
Chan's lost three times already- Kadabra, Gyarados, and Metagross have bested him before. I should post his record in the Character page...
Self-inplicted pain, the Girl's Day joke is that in Japan, Girl's Day was actually on March 3rd, but I forgot all about it and posted it on the 4th due to traveling and stuff. I added an extra quirk about it though to make up for it.
Rather uneventful chapter name, but hey.
Chapter 33: Montage
“I’M THE BEST FIGHTER EVER!” Hitmonchan paraded through the halls as if he won the lottery. “NOTHING CAN DESTROY ME!”
“Hitmonchan, remember what happened last time you said that?”
“Said what?”
“Remember the last time you were all overconfident? You got a psychic whooping from Kadabra.”
“That’s behind me!”
“But who’s up next? You’re #1 in the Over Used circuit, but you’re not the champion. That means…”
Bump… bump… The sound of stomping came from a ticked off Tyranitar, who was heading right toward the three. “Hey Chan-baby!” Tyranitar yelled in a monstrous voice, one that seemed low and grumbling at the same time.
Hitmonchan jumped at the voice. “Agh! Uh… Hi Tyranitar.”
“You betta book yo’self a hospital fo tomorrow night! You gonna need it when I’m done with ya.” Tyranitar smacked his knuckles together, and went on to the locker room.
“Geesh, and people thought my grammer was bad…” Throh mocked, but Tyranitar happened to hear said insult, and growled.
“Grrrrr…” As the group was entering the room, the interviewers Gardevoir and Magnezone were already inside the locker room, waiting for a chance to ambush and interview Hitmonchan. A group of assorted Pokémon were also pacing for their arrival, and surrounded the three when they entered.
“Ah, you’ve finally arrived! Please tell us-“
Hitmonchan was mildly disgusted in the fact the two were waiting for him to enter. “…How did you get in here?”
Gardevoir and Magnezone both flashed to the Fighting type a badge attached to an orange sash. Hitmontan squinted and read the words aloud. “Official CPFA Press Pass Badge. Official CPFA Channel Reporter and CPFA Channel Video Recorder. Species Gardevoir and species Magnezone. Blood types A and B. Ages are 28 and 30. … That still doesn’t answer my question.”
“Our press passes double as the key to the locker rooms.”
“Then what about all those random Pokémon that huddle in a circle in here sometimes?” Hitmonchan gestured to the group who were oblivious to the conversation.
“Oh them? I have no idea. I think they have a secret organization or something.” Gradevoir cleared her voice and change the subject. “So… How do you feel about being the fighter before the champion?”
“Shocking, to say the least. I feel like it’s been nearly five months, but clearly it’s been… Uh… Shorter than that.”
“You do realize you’re also one of the quickest fighters in the CPFA to get this high up in such a short period, right? The only others who have done so quicker are Doc Throh…Forsaken Seviper…Mewk Twoson…”
“Hey, that’s me!” Throh smiled and pointed to himself.
“I loved Seviper as a kid! She was the best!” Lilligant sighed.
“Amazing Accelgor… and the current champion, Master Tyranitar himself. Any words of wisdom for us fans to know for the epic upcoming title bout? Any quotes? Thoughts? Limericks? Viral internet memes?”
“Um…” Hitmonchan spouted the first thing to come to mind. Happy Girls’ Day?”
Gardevoir blinked and slowly spun to the camera. “…Well, that was a bit off of the intended demographic, but you heard it first, folks! Little Hitmonchan tells us to honor the day of being a woman, even if he was a day off on that! Surely he is not as sexist as some of the other fighters out there! Flexibility to the female! This is Gardevoir, signing off!” As the Psychic type finished, the Magnezone cameraman turned off the camera. “Come on! You need better things to say!”
The Fighting type scratched his head. “Sorry! I’m not a history quote guru.”
Gardevoir crossed her arms. “Well, if you want to get better reception as a fighter, get some more quotes, or a catchphrase! Don’t just blurt out the first thing that pops into your head! It makes us look bad!” The Psychic type prepared to leave by shooing away at the herd of Pokémon.
“Sorry if Gardevoir was rude to you back there.” Magnezone apologized once again. “She’s cute and all but not sophisticated enough in her reporting ability.”
“She needs more improvisation skills as well.”
“But yeah, what you really need is an addicting catchphrase!”
Hitmonchan was utterly confused. “Addicting…catchphrase?”
“Yeah, like… Ah… You’re such a so zetta Slowpoke! Or… getta load of this! Or maybe even… destruction rains from the heavens! Oh! I know!”
Throh patted Magnezone on the back. “Dude, I’m pretty sure those have been used already. Quit it before we get sued.”
“Sorry, just trying to help. But don’t come crying to the press when people start hating your organs and make fun of you on those weekend night talk shows.” As Magnezone floated off, Machamp stepped in with a blank look on his face. Hitmonchan waved his hand and smiled.
“Hey Machamp! Good fight yesterday!” Machamp did not even turn his head, and continued to his locker. “Hey! Machamp! Hello? What’s up with him?”
“I think he was so overconfident that he was going to win last night that you destroyed his confidence when you beat him. Now he probably wants to rip out your skull and put it as a pelt on one of his mansion’s walls.”
“Gee Lil, isn’t that a bit graphic?”
“Meh, I’ve heard worse. My dad, when we wasn’t watching CPFA fights, he was a horror movie writer. Haven’t you heard of Cuborphan? That thing’s so graphic with all of that well shaped skin and-“
“Did someone say graphics?” Metagross stopped what he was doing and levitated over to the three. “I’ve got the best games with the best graphics at my house!”
“That…wasn’t what we were talking about.”
“Oh? So you surely must mean graphic novels! Please don’t call them comic books, there’s an official organization against calling them that. Support the cause today.”
“…Maybe later. But we were talking about- wait, what video games do you have?” Hitmonchan got sidetracked on another topic.
“Action games… racing games… strategy games… RPGs… you name it! Hey! Why don’t I bring some down so we can have a gaming tournament or something?”
“Sounds cool!”
Throh seemed a bit concerned. “Wait, what if… I don’t know, what if we can’t play em?”
“I can bring a TV.”
“No, the… how can I say this… the forces beyond us may not allow it. Copyright issues and stuff.”
“Who cares? Chan’s rich enough-”
“Well… Bah, yeah, that’s right go ahead.” After getting Throh’s approval, Metagross nodded and went back to his computer to make some plans. “So anyway son, have you been doing any reminiscing lately?”
“Remi… what?”
“Y’know, looking back on all those previous matches you’ve had to look forward to the champion one? Everyone does that.”
Hitmonchan took out his Battle Logger from his backpack. “Oh yeah! I think Mismagius might’ve put something on the Battle Logger that lets me do that. Lemme see… Battle Logger, Flashback Mode.”
“Yay! Flashbacks!” Lilligant cheered.
“Flashback, or montage mode activated. What would you like to think back to?”
“Uh… Every fight I’ve won and how it ended.”
“Certainly… Downloading montage information… Changing font sizes… Avoiding wall breaking procedures… It is advised to add epic music… Flashback has completed downloading. Enjoy the show.” Hitmonchan, Throh, and Lilligant huddled around the small device, and watched the streaming footage, which went along with subtitles for the hearing impaired.
Starring
Little Hitmonchan
And
His Trainer
Doc Throh
------ Guest Stars ------
Glass Furret Boom Electabuzz Roselia Quick
Queen Chansey Piston Dewott Big Emboar
Spy Toxicroak Great Kadabra Bald Rampardos
Dare Weavile Don Ludicolo Techno Metagross
Thirst Gyarados Super Macho Machamp
This is a story of true victory!! But the road is long……
The first fight was a stupidly easy match against the CPFA’s loyal weaking, Glass Furret. He was sent several feet into the air from a Sky Uppercut, with him floating for a few seconds before he slammed against the cold floor of the ring.
“Aigh…”
The second fight was a crushing curbstomp against Boom Electabuzz. The Electric Pokémon took the finishing punch in the face, and anyone could just imagine the bones of Electabuzz exploding in his mind, right before he turned around, stood up straight, muttered one last grunt, and fell on his back.
“Augh…”
The third brawl was a simple smash with Roselia Quick.The Sky Uppercut used to finish off the flower was so powerful that it started to send Roselia flying around the ring! She hit all four corners of the area, before she toppled onto the floor.
“Ouch…”
The epic fourth fight and title match for the RU Circuit was against the powerful Queen Chansey. The atomic Bullet Punch that finished her was so strong that it made her walk backwards out of utter pain. Chansey was dangling at the edge of the ring, and fell on a front-row seated Gorebyss…
“Ugh… no… just woah…”
Four fights were down, and the next and fifth one was against Piston Dewott. A counter against the Water type’s famous Fury Cutter, instantly knocked him towards the ring’s ropes. The ring’s ropes struggled to repel him back up, but it didn’t.
“Ugh! I’ve failed… Ugh!”
The sixth monster to be smacked down was none other than Spy Toxicroak. A Dig attack was the move that did him in, making Toxicroak span around, and he tried to escape via jumping to the ceiling… Except the jump made him leap onto the floor instead.
“!!! Croak…”
The lucky seventh opponent, Big Emboar, got finished off by a counter from his famous Body Slam. Emboar started spinning around, until the ring’s ropes caught him. This knocked him to the floor, until he passed out from exhaustion.
“GUH-HUH!!! Guh… Guh! Ugh…”
The eigth and ninth scrambles were both against the tricky Great Kadabra. In the winning fight, a Fire Punch made Kadabra appear to be teleporting all over the place, appearing every few seconds to mutter a few words, before teleporting right onto the floor, fainted and dazed.
“SCREECH! Oh man…… The pain! IT HURTS!”
The tenth and decisive UU Title Bout was with the popular Don Ludicolo. The rumble was ended with a well-timed Sky Uppercut, as it knocked Ludicolo backwards. As he was trying to reach back up, he picked up a rose he had in his sleeve, and fell on his back. The rose bended down as if he was dead.
“Augh… Aigh…”
The eleventh encounter was with the hyped-up Dare Weavile. The finishing Sky Uppercut knocked Weavile all the way to the opposite side of the ring, getting him tangled in the ropes.
“Fwoah… Ha…”
Battles twelve and thirteen were with the powerful Thirst Gyarados. A terrifying Thunderpunch made Gyarados straighten up, turn around, and fall straight to the ring floor, like a soda bottle tipped over. He reached for a Strength Soda that a fan threw at him, but couldn’t reach it.
“Hurr… Agh… Ugh…”
Fight number fourteen was with the all-powerful Bald Rampardos. Rampardos moaned as he was Sky Uppercut in the skull. “He kept moaning as the fist kept hurting his head. Rampardos eventually turned around, stepped back, and spun on one foot, and collapsed from fatigue.
“Urgh… Agh…the… pain… Ugh… uh…”
The two next melees, number fifteen and sixteen, were against Techno Metagross. After the finishing blows, Metagross was knocked back, holding his hands to his head. He dragged his body to different parts of the ring in pain before falling flat on the ring’s floor.
“Graaaaaaah! I think I have a headache! Agh!”
The most recent battle of this point, fight number seventeen, was with Super Macho Machamp. Machamp felt the final Fire Punch for a few seconds before doing an impressive spin in mid-air, also known as a barrel roll to some, and dropped a ton of Pokédollars from his girdle, sending them all throughout the air.
“Oh! Ugh… Oomph…”
“That was amazing.” Lilligant was in awe with the Battle Logger’s technology.
Throh wasn’t as impressed. “Needs more background effects. It didn’t look like a flashback to me. And that picture of me in the beginning looked horrible!"
“I thought it was pretty cool. It really pumped me up for tomorrow!”
Lilligant’s excitement suddenly stopped. “…Wait a minute, why wasn’t my name in the beginning?! I should’ve contributed to something.”
“I guess the Battle Logger didn’t think you were necessary.”
“Hmph. I’ll show him that I’m important!”
“Technically, I have not been programmed to have a definite gender as of yet, so I am undisclosed-“
Random fact, I watched Silent Steel as I was typing this chapter. People who saw the movie might see a small reference.
Chapter 34: Master Tyranitar
The OU Stadium was roaring and beaming of utter excitement and cheers. For this special occasion, the big headmaster of the CPFA, Senior Weezing, was on his own pedestal right next to the ring to announce the extraordinary event.
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Pokémon of all ages, I come to bring to you this OU Title Bout between two powerful fighters, one of which is a newcomer who climbed all the way to the top of the rankings faster than most others!”
“YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!” The crowd’s screams echoed throughout the stadium.
“Our first one to enter, the challenger, apprentice of the legendary Doc Throh himself, Lit-tle! Hit-mon-chan!” Weezing called out the words at the top of his lungs as Hitmonchan, Throh, and Lilligant stepped to the ring. Hordes of Pokémon cried Hitmonchan’s name extensively. As the aforementioned Fighting type reached to the ring, his two friends gave him some words of encouragement.
“Good luck, son!” Throh waved his chocolate bar in the air.
“Go get em, tiger!” Lilligant grasped tight to Aiderod, the iron girdle.
Weezing levitated towards Hitmonchan with a microphone. “Hitmonchan, do you have any words you’d like to say to all your fans out there before the fight?”
“Umm… Not off the top of my head. I don’t have many fans anyway. There were probably only three or four who actually talked to me.”
“…Well, at least you haven’t gotten any death threats yet, ha hah hah!”
“Please don’t remind me…”
“Now, Hitmonchan, are you ready to face the champion of the CPFA?”
“Bring it on!” Hitmonchan clunched his boxing gloves together. As he did so, an enormous television screen was lowered from the ceiling. “Wait, when did that get there?”
“It is only available for fights the champion is in; it shows montages and dramatic scenes with the power of video editing.” From the screen, a metallic gutair solo began to play, as its tempo dramatically went higher until a picture of Tyranitar flashed on screen, like lightning in a thunderstorm. All of Hitmonchan’s confidence dropped at the glimpse of the champion’s face.
As the video continued, it showed a harsh and pain-brining, twelve second montage of the champion defeating all of the fighters Hitmonchan has fought already, as well as their faint cries as well. It began with Master Tyranitar uppercutting Glass Furret so hard that it must’ve given him brain damage. “EEEEEYAGH!”
It then cut to the Rock/Dark type punching Boom Electabuzz right in the nose. “AORGH!”
Then Tyranitar was shown smacking Roselia away. Surprisingly, her groan almost sounded as if she enjoyed it. “OOW~”
And then there was a punch straight to Queen Chansey’s head. “HOOWAAAH!”
Then there was a jab to Piston Dewott’s chin. “YAAAATA!”
Next was a smack-down to Spy Toxicroak’s forehead. “KROKOROOOAA!”
Right afterwards was a blow straight into Big Emboar’s nose. “WAAAAH!”
After that was a smash to Great Kadabra’s chest. “OOOFUGH!”
With the last six fighters, Tyranitar seemed to punch them all in symphony and simultaneously as the clips went by rapidly. “DOOOK!” Don Ludicolo squeeled.
“HUUGH…” Dare Weavile coughed.
“DDDDDOOII…” Thirst Gyarados pleaded.
“HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAR…” Bald Rampardos sturred.
“YYYYYYAAAAARRRRKKK!” Techno Metagross screamed.
Super Macho Machamp’s final yell was the longest out of all of them. “BOOOOOOOOOO……… GUS!” That last word echoed throughout the silent, last part of the montage, as Machamp’s entire body fell straight to the floor, exhausted and in pain. And with that, the montage ended, the screen rose, and Master Tyranitar showed himself from the other end of the ring. As he sauntered forward, fire shot out of the nearby pistons.
“Muh… Master…. Ty…Tyran…Tyranitar…” Hitmonchan gulped, looking worried out of his mind.
Throh scoffed at the overdramatic montage. “Hah! That was pretty cheesy! Wasn’t that gutair hero from that Steel type band or something? I’m pretty sure that was staged somehow, right Lilligant?” No answer. “Lilligant? Where’d ya go?” The Pokémon turned around to see the Grass type cowerding in a corner out of pure terror, as if a Gengar jumped out at her in the ladies’ room.
“I-I… I never actually saw who the champion was… Thuh… that… freaked me out. If I had thumbs I’d be sucking them so much right now…”
“Dang, why must everyone in this dang world be complete wimps? And a Gengar in a ladies’ room, really?” Throh whined as a spherical chunk of rock materialized over his head…
I’m dead, was the main thought running through Hitmonchan’s mind as Tyranitar approached the challenger.
“So you’re the one knockin’ all the CPFA fighters down like dominoes?”
“Uh… yes. Thing is when I knocked them down, they didn’t make such strange and unusual noises.”
“That’s because you ain’t hittin’ em hard enough!” Tyranitar growled. “And you’re goin’ to be the next one on that, ‘cause there’s no way I’m losing to a noob like you!”
“…Oh really, huh?!” Hitmonchan whipped out his Battle Logger and pointed it towards the behemoth. “Battle Logger, scan, now!”
“Scanning. Next time, do not be so fierce, you’re making this more dramatic than it actually is. Ahem… Master Tyranitar. Current heavyweight champion of the CPFA. Record is 50 wins, is undefeated, 50 KOs. Height is 6’7’, weight is 413 lbs, and age is 40. Random fact: Master Tyranitar was received the opportunity to be in a heavy metal rock band, but he turned it down.”
“Hah! You call that a freakin’ scan?” Tyranitar cracked his knuckles and reached behind him to grab something. “Lemme show you MY Battle Logger! And dis is the champs!” The monster brought out his Battle Logger, and since it was the champion, it was impossibly upgraded.
“Oh… my… diodes…”
Hitmonchan’s Battle Logger was a simple red, but sleek remote-control like device with a touch screen, and an antennae on the front. It had the basic Battle Logger features from the mini-games to the mp3 player. Not to mention Mismagius upgraded it with even more features. However, Tyranitar’s Battle Logger was made of solid gold, made of pure gold nuggets. The superior Battle Logger had three antennae combined with the one long one, had two touch sceens, a stylus the size of a pen, ran at 4g speeds, and had hundreds of other glamorous features and applications automatically integrated into it.
“Battle Logger! Get dis wimp’s data!”
“Aye aye, sir.” Tyranitar’s Battle Logger sounded like a monotone voice of a main enemy of a sci-fi movie series, and in a way also sounded like it had five different voices at the same time. As it scanned, an entire red grid highlighted the entirety of Hitmonchan in only two seconds.
“Little Hitmonchan. Nicknamed Chan. #1 of the Over Used Circuit. Rarely Used level. Record is 15 wins, 3 loss, 15 KOs. Height is 4’7’, weight is 110.7 lbs, and age is 17. Type is Fighting. Mother was a Gothitelle, father was a Hitmontop. Nature possibilities are Naïve and Modest. Last fighter was a victory against Super Macho Machamp. IQ estimate is 94. Bank account is very rich in money, estimation is between 70, 000 and 80, 000. Blood type is B Positive. Relationship status is single. Past relationship is only with a Vaporeon. Moveset is Fire Punch, Thunderpunch, Ice Punch, Bullet Punch. Special attacks are Sky Uppercut and Dig. Has 0 criminal records. Shall I go on, sir?”
“What…”
“The…”
“I think you’ve scared those nobodies enough.” Tyranitar put his Battle Logger behind him. “That’s Champion Mode. Any champion gets the upgrade and by dingies it’s POWERFUL!”
“Really huh? Well… I might be able to get that after tonight’s fight!”
“Hmph, that’s what yo think!” Tyranitar raised his left leg as much as he could, and stomped it onto the floor. “Now imma show you the REAL power of a champion! ARRRAGH!”
***ROUND 1***
“WHO’S READY?! FOR SOME! DESTRUCT-SHUN!!!” Weezing screamed at such a shrieking pitch that it could’ve been stereotypical. The crowd obviously was not holding back with their cheer as the two monsters stood up, and faced each other with unfathomable rage.
Tyranitar Pursuited Hitmonchan right as the bell rang, immediately throwing him off guard. Tyranitar used Pursuit once again at a speed Hitmonchan couldn’t recognize. The challenger tried to be smart and dodge right as the Rock/Dark type moved even a centimeter, however, it didn’t work as planned.
“STAND STILL!” Tyranitar shiftly melded up rocks and held them over his head. As Hitmonchan dodged, he dodged as the monster spoke, and his Rock Slide slammed the challenger. Tyranitar went for his overhand Pursuit attack, but the Fighting type dodged it. “Hwuh?”
Hitmonchan delivered his first blow to the enemy, a sharp Fire Punch, but as he tried to combo with a Thunderpunch, it was blocked. “Wait what?”
“STAND STILL!” Hitmonchan repulsively avoided the next attack, and tried a Thunderpunch and then went for a Fire Punch, but the same punch was blocked.
“He must have a natural reaction or something! That tyrant must’ve gotten the fact that most fighters attack towards the same position, so if he’s combo’d, he’ll protect himself for any extra hits! In other words… that fool has a BRAIN!”
The fight when on, as when Hitmonchan expected another Pursuit, Tyranitar used a Thunderpunch, which had a charge time during the same amount of time it took the Fighting type to dodge, hitting him. The champion used another Pursuit attack, and when the challenger dodged and Fire Punched, he paused to look at the stunned monster. His arms were up to protect his head, so Hitmonchan attacked the blue rhombus-shaped part of Tyranitar’s stomach, allowing the fighter to actually pull a combo off.
“…But thankfully Chan’s got a bigger brain.”
“STAND STILL!”
“I’d rather not.” Hitmonchan shifted to the right and Thunderpunched, following up with a Bullet Punch.
Out of nowhere, Tyranitar tried to spook Himonchan off guard. “BOO!”
Hitmonchan just blinked a few times. Then the Rock/Dark type continued with a Pursuit, which hit. Tyranitar tried another Pursuit, but completely missed. Despite this, the champion knocked the challenger down with a Rock Slide a moment later.
“Bedtime!” Tyranitar fakely pretended to sleep, though Resting could’ve restored some of his health, he just did it to taunt the challenger. “Hah hah hah hah!”
“One…two…three…four…” Hitmonchan grasped the ropes to propel himself back onto the ring.
“You want some more?” Tyranitar Pursuited his enemy, and then missed with another Rock Slide. The champion executed a Thunderpunch once more, but Hitmonchan learned the timing for it and ducked to avoid it. “Wuh-oh!” A couple of punches later, Tyranitar regained his senses and hit Hitmonchan with a Pursuit, but as he told him to stand still…
“Round over!”
***INTERMISSION***
“Tell YO’ FACE! … To leave my fists alone…”
“Can you taste it, Chan? Can you taste it? I can tase it, and it tastes like chocolate mixed with caramel. The Over Used circuit is yours baby, it’s yours! And it tastes like chocolate caramel!”
“Oh really?” Hitmonchan panted. “To me it tastes like salty crackers! I’m drowning in sweat here! It’s only the first round and I was the one who was knocked down!”
“Honestly, it tastes like Moo-Moo Milk to me…” Lilligant added, though it didn’t really affect the conversation at all.
“Some chocolate would be well appreciated you know.”
“You sure you don’t want crackers? I think there’s some in the vending machine down the-“
“Just give me some chocolate already!”
“Ok, ok… Geez, kids these days are so picky.”
***ROUND 2***
Master Tyranitar didn’t say a word- the only thing he did was crash his fists together, unintentionally creating a Supersonic attack. It didn’t confuse anyone though. He instantly Pursuited Hitmonchan again, but after missing with the second, a few more Bullet Punches finally knocked the behemoth down!
The crowd howled in hope for Hitmonchan as Tyranitar stumbled to the edge of the ring and layed flat on the floor. Raichu even seemed a bit anxious for Hitmonchan to win as he stood up to count. “One…two…”
The hope didn’t last for too long as Tyranitar Mega Punched the ring floor to propel himself right back up, and responded with a battle cry while he crashed his fists together. “ARAGH… Afraid?!” Tyranitar stepped back and started to meld something, as if he was about to attack.
“Maybe.” Tyranitar sharply finished up making a plethora of stones, and smacked into Hitmonchan while throwing them, beautifully performing a dangerous Stone Edge attack, doing massive damage to Hitmonchan. The painfully injured Pokémon reactively dodged out of the way of the two remaining Stone Edge attacks that were thrown at him.
“What?!” The Rock/Dark type was stunned and attacked several times. Once he got out of his stun, he shuffled as if he was about to punch, so Hitmonchan waited a second before dodging. This would’ve been a smart move, if Tyranitar actually used Thunderpunch, and didn’t use a new move. “Night-night!” Tyranitar’s fist charged of burning lava, and it collided with Hitmonchan’s cheeks to execute a glorious Fire Punch. It wasn’t glorious for the challenger, who was knocked out from this move.
“One…two…three…four…five…” Hitmonchan struggled to get himself up; he was still dizzy from the Stone Edge.
“You want some more?” To start off, Tyranitar successfully performed a Pursuit and Rock Slide attack in succession. Hitmonchan did pull off a few hits with the incoming Thunderpunch and Rock Slide, but fell to a Thunderpunch and Pursuit. “Bedtime!”
“One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…” Hitmonchan ached and moaned as pulled himself up.
“Afraid?” Hitmonchan dodged a moment early to prepare, but was slightly bit out of sync due to Tyranitar trying to distract him. “BOO!” This distraction worked very well, as the monster Stone Edged the challenger once for critical damage, and a second time for the finishing blow.
“Ugh… Hooo…” The beaten challenger was knocked to the ring’s edge, and the force of the ropes knocked him onto the ring’s floor. Before completely falling, he shook his fists in anger, as he realized he lost the title bout. “Uck.”
“TKO! The winner and champion of the entire CPFA is still Master Tyranitar!”
Tyranitar stomped and grinned towards the screaming audience. “Mwa hah hah, aha hah! Aha hah haaa!”
Throh and Lilligant rushed onto the rings floor to the defeated Hitmonchan, who was not silent with his head down. “Don’t cry, Chan! I’ll offer more of my chocolate bar!”
“Think of it this way, you won’t get as many death threats now!”
Just got done with Chapters 33 and 34 and I am very pleased as usual. Chapter 33's flashbacks were fun (and I knew Lilligant would love it of course). Throh and Metagross geeking out over video games was funny too. Realy, just about any scene with Throh is a funny one though.
Chapter 34 was awesome. You really built Tyranitar up well as an insanely powerful Champ. Also, great job linking him to Mr. Sandman while also adding your own touches to his moves (like the lava punch, that was just awesome!). That was my biggest trouble in the Wii game was when the Champ would always say, "Boo!" It always caught me off guard! Glad you included that here.
Just got done with Chapters 33 and 34 and I am very pleased as usual. Chapter 33's flashbacks were fun (and I knew Lilligant would love it of course). Throh and Metagross geeking out over video games was funny too. Realy, just about any scene with Throh is a funny one though.
Thanks! The picture of Pokemon playing video games is an odd one, considering they're already in a video game. Speaking of video games... this chapter will be about them.
Chapter 34 was awesome. You really built Tyranitar up well as an insanely powerful Champ. Also, great job linking him to Mr. Sandman while also adding your own touches to his moves (like the lava punch, that was just awesome!). That was my biggest trouble in the Wii game was when the Champ would always say, "Boo!" It always caught me off guard! Glad you included that here.
Mr. Sandman just had to be Tyranitar. Sandman=Sand Stream's ability of making sandstorms= a man of sand= I named my first Tyranitar MR SANDMAN (in all caps.) I thought giving Tyranitar a few elemental punches would sort of mirror Hitmonchan a bit. Mr. Sandman was a bit troublesome the first time- I always forget to hit him when he goes "Boo!"
Hoo boy, I've been waiting a long time to write this one. I'd say this is a big turning point for this fan-fic, since this does bring in Tyranitar's storyline, and something else that will be explained soon.
By the way, if you haven't heard or played of the main attraction of the chapter (which I'm sure no one hasn't done), GET IT NOW.
Chapter 35: Fanservice
“Is it just me or do my hips feel enormous today?”
Hitmonchan and Throh suddenly stopped in place and turned to Lilligant. “What was that for? That was completely related to our conversation about bulls.”
“I don’t know, but they just do right now. Do they?”
“It’s a bit awkward to answer but, they look exactly the same as they do yesterday.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!” A screeching sound so powerful suddenly arose from the walls and floor around the three, as if five Earthquakes were going on simultaneously. However, it was only a sound, no damage or harm were done to the three. “What was that?”
Throh tightened his belt. “It’s happened again.”
“What’s happened again?”
“You guys are too young to have known about this, so I’ll just flat out tell you. The fourth wall has been broken.”
“The fourth… what?” Hitmonchan was completely clueless.”
“The intergalactic wall between dimensions. It must’ve destroyed again. As characters, we are now officially known that we are in a completely fictional universe. It was a universal law to not acknowledge that, for that would be slightly cracking the fourth wall until it repairs itself or is completely decimated. I was a kid when the fourth wall was gone, it took a long time for it to be replenished again.”
“How was it broken?”
“No clue. The fourth wall can only be completely broken by excessive use of cracking into it, or by a force powerful beyond imagination. Or if the almighty creator breaks it on purpouse to introduce a plot point.”
“Where is the fourth wall?”
“Everywhere. It’s the only galactic barrier that protects us from interfering with this world, other worlds, and the real world, which, if rumors are true, is a barren wasteland with no real Pokémon that exist.”
“If this is the fourth wall, what about the other three?”
“The first wall is the layer of thickness in the world, which can be any wall. The second wall is the stratosphere and mesosphere- the barrier between sky and space. The third wall is the barrier between franchises, continuities, and dimensions. The fifth wall… I don’t know what’s beyond there. I do know that the fourth and third walls are connected, so if the fourth wall is down, the third one may-“
“Guys! GUYS!” The geeky voice of Metagross called out from the OU Locker Room. “Guess what I have!”
“A girlfriend?” Hitmonchan remarked.
“Even better!”
The group, out of ideas already, dashed towards the locker room. “It better be two…” Lilligant sighed. Inside the locker room were not and girlfriends, but was instead a Nintendo Wii!
“Let the subliminal advertising begin…” Throh muttered, but started to smile after Metagross spoke again.
“And guess what I’ve also got?”
“A Nintendo Fun Club account?!”
“The heck is that? Don’t you mean Club Nintendo? But that’s besides the point!” Metagross flashed a copy of a very popular fighting game to the group. “I found Super Smash Bros. Brawl in my closet! Do you know what this means?”
“You still don’t have a girlfriend?”
“IT’S TIME TO BRAWL!”
*****
Twenty minutes of Wii placing, instructions reading, plugs plugging, battery searching, and chair relocating later, the title “Super Smash Bros. Brawl” read on a TV in the locker room. “Who wants to brawl?!” Metagross was screaming and smiling like a child receiving a Nintendo 64 on Christmas morning.
“I’ll give it a try.” Hitmonchan stepped up.
“Why not?” Throh grabbed a Wii Mote.
“Iwannaplay! Iwannaplay!” Weavile bounced to the TV.
“I hear it’s better than Street Fighter, so it must be awesome.” Gyarados reached for a controller with his tail.
“My gaming ability is UNPRECEDENTED!” Rampardos gloated.
“Okay!” Metagross clamored. “Whoever gets last place in each fight has to give their controller to the next person in line. LET’S DO THIS!” Metagross clicked the buttons on the Wii Mote rather quickly, and selected Ike. Hitmonchan, Throh, and Weavile glanced at the screen to choose their characters.
“I’ll be Game & Watch.”
“Mario for me! Old school’s the best!”
“Hmmmmm… IguessSonic.”
The first match was randomly selected to be the high-flying stage of the Halberd. It was a five minute brawl to see who could get the most wins. Metagross played the most out of the game, so he had the biggest advantage. Hitmonchan adapted to the controls rather quickly, but still had a lot to learn. Weavile didn’t even know how to recover. Throh had the most trouble, for the moves he used when playing Mario as a kid didn’t seem to work now. In the end, Metagross was first, Hitmonchan was second, Weavile third, and Throh was last.
Throh frowned as he passed his controller to Gyarados. “I guess old school isn’t the best these days… Kids these days and their shooting heroes- no personality!”
Gyarados chose the man in green. “Luigi is truly the best. Luigi reigns supreme!”
75m was the randomly selected choice of the match. The easy-to-fall-in pitfall made a lot of KO’s from the newcomers of the game. Metagross won first by a landslide, Hitmonchan and Gyarados tied for second, while Weavile got last, despite jumping all the time in real life, he could not control Sonic’s jumping abilities in Brawl.
“RAH! Ah?” Rampardos’ screaming stopped as he checked the character select screne. “… None of these characters are manly and powerful enough to support my gaming ability- I played Melee more than this and I want a new main…” Rampardos then glared to the right of the screen. “Oooh! Yes! This man looks strong!” The Rock type chose Snake as his character.
Throughout the battle on Corneria, Rampardos was enjoying this manly character, going after everyone. He also screamed several times about how powerful he was. Despite all of these quirks, surprisingly, Hitmonchan barely made it to first, Metagross was second, Rampardos was third, leaving Gyarados last.
“Aw well- playing with a tail is rather difficult. Who wants to go next?”
“I’ll play.” An unexpected and dark voice was grumbled out of seemingly nowhere. The champion himself, Tyranitar, reached for Gyarados’ controller.
“Woah. Didn’t see that coming. Sure, you can play.” Gyarados handed the controller to the champion, and gazed as the Rock/Dark type chose his character.
“I’ve played this game hundreds of times- I know what I’m doing with my main.” He carefully used the Control Pad to choose his best character. When he selected it, nearly all of the Pokémon watching chuckled and chortled- Master Tyranitar’s choice was Kirby.
“Seriously dude? Kirby?”
“Don’t be hatin’ on him!”
The random stage chosen was Final Destination, which was a very basic stage with no real gimmicks. Despite Metagross thinking he’d win this time, he was very wrong. Throughout the whole brawl, Tyranitar proved to be an amazing player with Kirby, managing to KO all of the players at least once within an in-game minute. Tyranitar was crowned the winner, with Metagross second by a far margin, Hitmonchan third, and Rampardos fourth.
“I guess my gaming ability sucks.” Rampardos grunted, and handed his controller to Throh. “I didn’t like Brawl that much anyway. Melee was way better.”
Metagross tried to deny how much he lost to the champion. “…You were just lucky, that’s all. Let me choose someone else.” The Steel/Psychic type chose Falco this time, hoping for a more prominent fight.
The following fight still at Luigi’s Mansion didn’t turn out in his favor, for Metagross, Throh, and Hitmonchan were completely decimated, with Hitmonchan getting last. “Rrgh… One more time!” Metagross repeated about eight different times during the gameplay session, after five more second and even third place victories. “I give up now. You’re just too good.”
Tyranitar smirked down at the Pokémon. “I’m strong and I know it.”
“How did you get so good at Brawl? I’ve never seen anyone be able to combo and do stuff with the ledge like that?”
“Well….. Let me tell you something, Techno Metagross, that question leads to complete life story, so if you’re not into that-”
“I’m into that!” Lilligant called from a distance.
“-then shut off your Wii and go home!”
***
“I was born in the wilderness, on a lone cabin on a mountain; I think it was called Mt. Silver or somethin’. My mama Tyranitar and dad Golem were proud to have me but then they left me alone to fend for myself. Growing up, I honed my skills taking down wild Rapidash, Onix, and Donphan for several years having nothing else better to do. I evolved pretty dang quickly, quicker than anyone else I knew!”
“Did you know anyone?”
“Yeah, for I was once a proclaimed protector of the mountain, and its inhabitants. But one day, that all changed… I was fighting this weird guy one time…”
***
Dust clouds were everywhere from Tyranitar’s sand storm. The Dark type happened to be facing another Dark type, but this one was powerful.
“You are a strong specimen… I knew this would be a mountain full of strong monsters, but you’ve burst my expectations…” A wheezy voice came from the dust clouds.
“Yeah yeah, but you still haven’t told me your purpose here! I’m not going to let you pass until you tell me what you’re here for; you’re scaring everyone!” Tyranitar gritted his teeth.
“I am but a lone harbringer looking for strong Pokémon. I need a troupe composed of the most powerful specimen for my plans that shall end with infinite fortune. I’m giving you one opportunity- would you like infinite fortune?”
“Infinite…fortune? How would you get infinite fortune?”
“It’s simple, really.” The dreadful figure emerged from the dusty figure, revealing himself to be Darkrai. “I am a Darkrai. I can afflict those around me with dreams and nightmares. With such power, I can use a plethora of tactics for stealing. But if that fails, I’ll need a pack of powerful Pokémon to back me up.”
“Hmm… That sounds cruel…” Tyranitar started to think deeply. “But infinite fortune isn’t bad either…”
“I’ll say this again- this is your only opportunity. If you say no, I’m going to pretend this fight never happened and go on my way.” Darkrai held his pitch-black hand out, and started floating towards Tyranitar. “What do you say?”
Tyranitar raised his hand, put on a deceitful grin, and instead of reaching for Darkrai’s hand, he reached for Darkrai’s face with a Fire Punch! “Nice try dark dude! I may be a Dark type, but I ain’t pure evil! Now get the heck outta here!”
Darkrai was on the dusty mountain ground, and was not amused in the slightest. “Whoever fails to comply with my demands and instead insults me must be tortured…” The Dark type charged up an attack for a moment, and then called it out. “DARK VOID!”
“What?” Tyranitar looked down, and saw he was standing in a portal of pure darkness, and was getting pulled in like quicksand! “Hey! Get me outta here! Ack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-“ Once he was sucked completely into the portal, he was then shot back out, but the Rock/Dark type had started snoring.
Darkrai’s hand grew purple, as he placed it on Tyranitar’s head. “This Nightmare shall not end until you learn to harnace the power of its superior form. And that will never happen…” Darkrai continued on his way, as Tyranitar was snoozing in dreamland…
~~~~~~
“Wha… where am I?” Tyranitar was stuck on a lone patch of grass, looking around for a way off. Suddenly, he heard a frightening, low-pitched voice.
“HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!!!”
“Huh? Did that voice just greet me?”
Abruptly, an enormous skyscraper sized pink puffball creature lept from the skies and onto the planet.
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
“POOOOOYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOO!” The puffball monster opened his mouth, starting to inhale the entire planet Tyranitar was on!
“NNNNOOOOOOOOOO~”
~~~~~~
“Huh? I’m back? That must’ve been a nightmare-“
Tyranitar saw a pink puffball running to him. “HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” The Rock/Dark type ran as fast as he could, until his dream ended for real.
******
“So after that experience with that weird guy, I couldn’t stop but having nightmares of that thing every single night. After deep consideration, I packed my things and left the mountain in search of a cure. While in the city, I saw an ad on a billboard, detailing this popular game… And that pink monster in my dreams was on it. I just had to find out who it is, so I wanted to buy that game. Since I was broke, I joined the CPFA as a part-time job.”
“So that’s why you don’t fight often?”
“Yep, to play Smash Bros., and go online to look up strategies.”
“So the only reason you’ve won was because you’ve cheated?!” Metagross wasted no time interrupting the backstory.
“….. No.”
“Well that’s all I needed to know. Who wants to play some more?!”
“Eh, why not? Imma smack you guys silly like I will to Hitmonchan tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Oh right, rematch. I forgot all about that since I was so much into playing.” Hitmonchan grabbed a Wii Mote. “I think you’ve got that reversed, Tyranitar, you’re the one who’s going to get the smackdown!”
******
“I’m the one who’s going to get the smackdown…” Hitmonchan muttered while being Fire Punched by Tyranitar in the following night’s rematch. Both fighters have been knocked down twice in the second round, but the challenger was on his last inch of health.
“Afraid?! Boo!” The beast performed his Stone Edge, but at this point, Hitmonchan was able to dodge each attack with ease. “What?”
As the Fighting type used his elemental punches, right after the last one, Tyranitar Pursuited him, giving him his last knock down of the round. “Ugh… Hooo…” The beaten challenger was knocked to the ring’s edge, and the force of the ropes knocked him onto the ring’s floor.
“No!” Throh and Lilligant called out.
Hitmonchan was about to hit the floor, but at that precise moment, something told him deep inside to keep going. In anger and frustration, right as the fighter was falling to the floor, he stomped his foot down to get a proper footing, and let out a battle cry. “URRRRAAA!” As he sauntered back up, he forced his fist to go back into his fighting stance, surprising the audience, opponent, and friends alike.
“What the heck was that?!” Weezing was astounded. “Out of all my years on this job I’ve never seen someone get up after that many knockdowns!”
In the stands, the Pokémon were heavily discussing it. “Doc? Do you know what that was?”
“I…I have no idea. There’s no rule against it or for it, but that extra oomph may be enough for Hitmonchan to grab the title once and for all…”
A Pursuit and Fire Punch from the champion knocked Hitmonchan down within the first minute. “Ugh… Hooo…”
“…Maybe not.”
“The champion is still Master Tyranitar!” Weezing announced for the hundreds in the stadium.
***
As the three sauntered out of the ring, Hitmonchan seemed the most depressed. “I’m really bummed out right now.”
“Your loss against Tyranitar break ya down? But you’ve done something awesome back there! If you use it strategically next time-”
“No, no. It wasn’t about that. It’s just… the chapter title. The chapter’s almost over and there was no fanservice in this chapter at all!” The two turned to Lilligant.
“That technique you performed last night… That was a Determination Boost.” Mismagius explained to Hitmonchan, as the group were sauntering to the CPFA. The genius Ghost type was called the night before to come the following day to ask about Hitmonchan’s interesting accomplishment the day before.
“Determination… Boost?”
“After a significant amount of time as a fighter, one will have lost. However, when one is so determined to not lose that he shall provide every ounce of his will to go on, his determination level will rise to astounding proportions. That feeling deep inside shall make your heart grow twice its size and give you the superhuman strength to release one more final attempt of success.”
“So it gives me one extra life, huh?”
“If my studies and research are correct, which by the way are correct 92.89% of the time.”
“Well that’s just dandy!”
“Hopefully all the Tyranitar videos I’ll watch will help me learn more of that guys strategy.” As the four stepped into the Locker Room, Machamp noticed them and reluctantly stepped away. “Hey Mach- oh.”
“Speaking of which, why hasn’t Machamp filed for a rematch yet?”
“I guess he was too depressed from his loss to even think about you again. You really smashed his ego- he must’ve thought you were easy.”
“True that, Doc.” At that point, Hitmonchan’s cell phone went off.
DOO DOO DOO DOOOOO!!!
“Oh my goodness gracious was that the Zelda item get theme?!” Mismagius jumped.
“Yeah, it’s my ringtone.”
“I love that game! Granted I’ve only beaten two or three of its games, but the visuals and plots are mind blowing!”
The Fighting type put the small communication device to his ear… does he even have an ear? “Hello?”
“Son! Congratulations! We saw you fight the champion last night! You were amazing out there!”
“Hey dad! Yeah, I’m pretty much at the top! So how are mom and Gothorita?”
“You’re mother’s great! Your sister… well, she could always be doing better. She’s always oozing about how the latest music artists are amazing. But if you ask me, I think it’s a load of bull dust.”
“Hey, hey, not all of it’s bad! Just anything within the last two years or so and is not Japanese are bad.”
“Anyhow, we’re planning to go over and see you if you become the champion!”
“Are you serious?! Johto is pretty far from Sinnoh, you’d have to pay a lot-“
“Nonsense! If it’s for my boy, it’ll be worth it. We’ll be rooting for ya!”
“Well ok. Talk to you later!”
“Bye and good luck son.” The phone conversation ended.
“Well now I’ve got my family coming all the way from Johto to see me. Now let’s start watching Tyranitar’s fights!”
***
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Pokémon of all ages, I come to bring to you the third OU Title Bout between two powerful fighters!”
“YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!” The crowd’s screams echoed throughout the stadium.
“Will Hitmonchan finally manage to dethrone the ultimate rock overlord? Or will Tyranitar leave the Fighting type in the dust?” The crowd was pretty half and half. One side of the arena had giant Hitmonchan banners, while the other side was rooting for Tyranitar while grappling enormous posters. “First up to the fight is the current champion, Master Tyranitar!”
The pseudo-legendary began his walk by using his ability Sand Stream to create a sandstorm, making it appear as if he was stepping out of a sandstorm. The audience screamed at the pure epicness of the maneuver. Once he reached the ring, he let out a determined and deadly battle cry. “ARRRAGH!”
“So, champion, do you have any words you’d like to say before your match?” Weezing gave the microphone over to Tyranitar, despite not having any arms.
“Ever head of “Third time’s the charm?” I don’t believe in superstitions. Hitmonchan’s goin’ down to the ground!”
“Hoo boy, you’re really overconfident with this! Honestly though, I do believe in superstitions. And now, from the challenger’s corner, heeeeeeeeere’s Little Hitmonchan!”
Hitmonchan dashed out to the arena, with a total of three friends behind him. With the way the arena was made, it seemed as if all of his fans were behind him as well, literally in a sense.
“Now, Hitmonchan, do you have any-” Before Weezing could even finish, Hitmonchan already swiped the microphone, and poind to Tyranitar with his fist.
“Listen well, Tyranitar! Your days as champion are numbered! Prepare to meet the light!” The crowd seemed completely enchanted by this quote.
Tyranitar only smirked. “So hurry to me, Chan.” The Rock/Dark type smashed his fists together, making his fists power up with dark energy. “I’ll strip you of those boxing gloves, and sever you from this ring FOREVER!”
That quote popped a reminder into Lilligant’s head. “Hey, didn’t a new 3DS game come out yesterday?”
“Oh yeah! Yeah I gotta pick that up. What was that called? Kid somethin’ or other?”
“You mean that angel game, right? I’m sure you mean Kid Icar-“
***ROUND 1***
Tyranitar went for two Pursuits, but amazingly, Hitmonchan didn’t flinch and instead countered them for Stars! “STAND STILL!” The Fighting type did stand still, but instead Fire Punched the Rock/Dark type when he said that for another Star. “What the… How’d you do that?”
“I’ve got a certain friend who knows where weak spots and pressure points are so I can rack up extreme damage.”
“Not extreme! I said excessive!” Mismagius called out, but Hitmonchan didn’t hear it from all the screaming in the background.
“Humph. So what does that mean?”
“It means… SKY UPPERCUT!”
Tyranitar’s jaw just fell open, and his arms just fell to his knees. “NOOOOOOOOO! AAAAH!” The blow did unfathomable amounts of damage, since a Fighting type move did four times as much as it would to the Rock/Dark type than say, a Fire type.
“Yes! Quantity modulation works!”
“It’s not quantity modulation you fool! It’s quality modification!”
“Quantity…quality…artery… Whatever!” Tyranitar took a moment to recover from the hit, and went for a Rock Slide. The Fighting type simply dodged, and countered a few times, and actually knocked the Rock/Dark type down! Everyone in the arena were simply astounded by what occurred.
“That was the fastest time the champion has ever been taken down, folks!” Weezing hollered into the microphone, and the crowd could not hold their excitement in the slightest. Even fans opposing Hitmonchan started to cheer.
“One…two…three…four…” The behemoth slammed the ground to propel himself back on his feet.
“How… how did you do that?”
“Watching your battle videos over and over, looking for your weak points. And then a friend of mine told me how I could use quality modulation-“
“AHEM!”
“-To give you a harsh smackdown!”
“Hmph. That might’ve worked then, but it ain’t gonna work now!” Tyranitar used a Fire Punch, but failed to make contact. He then was countered by another Rock Slide, and afterwards, went for his special. “Afraid?!”
“Not anymore!”
“BOO! OOH!” The monster unleashed Stone Edge with intense power, but the young fighter memorized when and where to dodge every single attack. “What?!” Opening with a Thunderpunch, Hitmonchan continued the combo with a flury of Bullet and Ice Punches, and right the enemy was knocked out of his stun…
“SKY UPPERCUT!”
“NOOOOOOOOO!” The uppercut was executed with upmost perfection, knocking the Rock/Dark type to the edge of the ring for a second time.
The announcing Poison type was beyond amazed. “My two heads’ minds have been blown! This is not just a battle folks, this is a massacre! Two knock downs in one round! Could Hitmonchan actually win?”
“One…two…three…four…five…six…” Master Tyranitar punched the ground, and roared at the challenger.
“That’s it! No more knockdowns for me! They’re all for you this time! Say good night, Chan!” Tyranitar’s bantering distracted Hitmonchan long enough to deliver a Pursuit right to the face. He then tried a Thunderpunch, but missed. “Afraid?! BOO!” Tyranitar used Stone Edge once again, showing he meant buisness. All of the rocks shot at the Fighting type failed to make contact. “BOO!” Hitmonchan Fire Punched the Rock/Dark type in the head for a star, and used its power immediately to Sky Uppercut the 413 lb. beast off the ground. Being low on health, Tyranitar went for his Stone Edge attack again. “Afraid?! BOO!”
The outcome was exactly like the last time, with Hitmonchan unleashing as many punches as he could, and right when it seemed the Fighting type was going to finish the beast…
“ROUND OVER!”
“Dang it! So close!”
***INTERMISSION***
“This title’s mine, Chan! You ain’t never gonna take it!”
“I pardon for interrupting, but… ain’t and never form a double negative, so in reality, you are basically writing your own death.” Mismagius couldn’t help but be a know-it-all at that point in time.
Tyranitar was not amused, or didn’t feel like correcting himself. “Shut up, nerd! What are you doing in here anyway? Shouldn’t you be in a library or somethin’?”
Mismagius’ eyes widened. “Excuse me, but what term did you recently stereotype me?”
“A nerd.”
“I am slightly offended by that term. At least calling me a geek would be a bit more fitting.”
“Oh, well sorry, geek. You don’t have to be such a missy about it.”
Mismagius gasped. “Did… you… just…call me…”
“Oh now what? Does calling you missy bother you now? Well you already bothered my annual banter with my opponent already, missy!” Mismagius gasped again, highly offended.
“What’s wrong, Mismagius? What’s the matter?” Hitmonchan asked.
“No… don’t remind me!”
“Is there a flashback coming up?”
“Well, why don’t you look a few lines down?”
Lilligant look a few lines down, and smiled. “Yay! Flashback!”
***
“Class, this is our newest student, Misdreavus.” A Ninetales introduced Mismagius as a girl, when she recently transferred to a new school.
“Hello, fellow classmates. I am honored to be your acquaintence in the wonderful universe of learning.”
The pack of Pokémon were dumbfounded of what popped out of the Ghost type’s head. The common class bully was the first one to open his mouth. “What the heck does that mean? Speak in English!” A Yamask called out.
“Well, acquaintance means, companion, or friendship.”
“What does companion mean?”
“Well, that means a partner, or comrade.”
“What does partner mean?”
“A partner is someone who undertakes…”
“Would you shut up with all the words I don’t know?!” Yamask lost his patience, crumpled up a piece of paper, and threw it at the Ghost. “You’re such a missy!”
“Yeah! We’re only in 3rd grade!” A Marill also threw a crumpled up piece of paper. After that, seemingly everyone started crumpling up pieces of paper to throw at the new student.
“Now, now class. We all know the rules. No paper throwing in class. Paper throwing at recess is fair game however. Anyway! Who’s ready to learn their multiplication tables?”
One fantastic learning of multiplication tables later, it was recess. At recess, the Misdreavus was pelted by hundreds of paper balls, and was repeatantly called “Missy” for her intense knowledge. This traumatizing act continued for a month, until Misdreavus and her family moved to a new town.
***
“DON’T! EVER! CALL ME! MISSY!”
“Woah woah, calm down Missy… Oops.”
“DIE!” Hitmonchan, Throh, and Lilligant had to restrain Mismagius from heavily injuring Tyranitar.
“This is why I don’t take you to fights!” Throh remarked.
“I’M GOING TO FOCUS BLAST YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE ORANGE ISLANDS!”
“Where the heck are the Orange Islands?”
“EXACTLY!” The three managed to calm Mismagius down at this point, but not completely. “Hitmonchan, I want you to get up there, and RIP that blue diamond out of his abdomenen!”
Throh just stared at the outraged Ghost type, and then back to his apprentice. “Uh… So, Chan-baby… Want any chocolate?”
Lilligant lightly tapped Hitmonchan’s shoulder. “Yeah, uh… Get out there and… do your best.”
***ROUND 2***
Tyranitar roared out to the air as he stepped up to fight. He swiftly Pursuited, but instead was countered, and actually knocked down.
“Dang. I was only one punch away.”
“One…two…three…four…”
When he got up, Tyranitar screeched, but in a slightly weakened tone compared to the other times he’s yelled. “Arrragh!” The monster went for a Fire Punch, but missed. He then caught the opponent off guard with a Thunderpunch, before taunting him. “Boo!” The taunt was unsatisfactory for him, as he got Fire Punched in the face. An amazing Fighting type move was executed shortly afterwards.
“SKY UPPERCUT!”
“NOOOOO! Woah… This can’t be… I’m low on health… I’m still going to-”
“Be quiet! You’re wasting time!” Hitmonchan impatiently Thunderpunched Tyranitar in the stomach for another Star, and used another Sky Uppercut, knocking the beast down. Some crowd members started to leap out of their seat and cavort around the stands in pure joy.
“One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…” Raichu started to grin at this point. “…eight…NINE! T-“
“No!” Tyranitar slowly but surely forced himself back up to battle. “Afraid?! BOO!” The champion unleashed the devastating Stone Edge attack, and Hitmonchan dodged every single attack, and countered fully. “Afraid?! AFRAID?! ARE YOU FREAKING AFRIAD?!”
“Never!”
“IMMA SEND YOU TO DREAMLAND!” Tyranitar released the strongest Stone Edge attack that he could make. In this angered state, the rocks seemed larger than normal. Hitmonchan carefully dodged the three shots, and began to counter. With a Fire Punch, Bullet Punch, Ice Punch, and another Bullet Punch, he received a Star. At that moment, with Tyranitar stunned, he dramatically finished the fight.
“SKYYYYY UPPERRRR-CUT!” The user attacked the foe with an uppercut thrown skyward with force.
That last moment was injected into Tyranitar’s mind. In said mind, it repeated once more. Then, once again, in slow motion. The monster took the blow for about two seconds, before dramatically dropping to the floor. “DDDDDDRRRRREEEEEAAAAAMMMMLLLLLAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD………. AAARRRRRRRRRAAAGGGHHH………”
“TKO!”
The crowd simply exploded in applaud and cheer. “I can’t believe my eyes! This has got to me one of the most inspirational, epic, and downright mind-boggling fights in the entire CPFA! Little Hitmonchan has defeated the invincible Master Tyranitar!” The crowd’s voices started to get louder as confetti and balloons dropped from the ceiling.
Since Weezing didn’t have any arms, his wife Tentacruel had to hand the newly crowned champion the Champion’s Belt. Hitmonchan’s grin widened to the largest extreme as he held the belt in his hand. “Hah hah hah, HAH!” The Fighting type held the belt for everyone to see.
The group of friends raced to see who could get onto the ring the quickest. Throh was about to win, but Lilligant smacked the Fighting type with her metallic bar to give him a mild concussion first. Said Grass type gave the champion a well-deserved hug as the audience members all said “Awww” simultaneously. After eating a chocolate bar, Throh was back on his feet and lifted both Pokémon up. “Woo-WEE!”
Mismagius had her own intentions, which was screaming at the loser. “Eat it, ya jerk!”
The press leaders Magnezone and Gardevoir scrambled to the top of the ring to be the first to document the amazing event on video.
***
“You’ve finally did it, Chan! You’re the best of the best! The OU Circuit champion!”
“Does that mean the story is over?”
Suddenly, Weezing appeared. “Not yet! A new challenge awaits!”
“Wait, what?”
“Being Over Used Champion brings along the responsibility of upholding your title. Defend your belt against all challengers and become the greatest of all time!”
“…”
“Beat everyone up again to get bragging rights. Are you up for the challenge?”
Hitmonchan thought for a moment before replying. “How bad can this possibly be?! Y’know, I feel like making a music single about that…”
I have an important announcement to all readers! Starting today, Poké Punch-Out is officially cancelled!
Instead, Poké Punch-Out Title Defense shall take its place! The newest chapter shall go up next Saturday!
I do plan to start putting Chapters up biweekly (every two weeks) instead of weekly because I want to get some other personal writing projects done as well.
Thought it was surely done, right? Happy April Fools Day (and my cousin's birthday)!
Gasp!! Wow, that scared me for a sec. I shoulda figured it had something to do with April Fools! Lol. I'm definitely excited for Title Defense time. The fourth wall breaking gag in chapter 35 was great and of course the fight with Tyranitar was epic. Most epic opponent to date so far. I'm excited to see what new things you have in store for the familiar foes!
Hitmonchan, Doc Throh, Lilligant, and Mismagius were stepping out of a movie theater. “That was a great movie we saw the other night!”
“Meh, it was ok. The title character was only in like, half of the movie.”
“The economic message seemed a bit too forced in the closing. I also feel like it may send the wrong message if executed in…”
“Mismagius, don’t be such a nitpicker.”
“I’m not nitpicking; I’m just criticisizing the company’s areas needed of improvement. I mean, the visuals were astounding, despite how the characters flop around like pieces of spaghetti in a bounce house. Why did we choose to view this film, anyway?”
“Why not? I got tons of cash after becoming champion, so we can see any movie we want!”
“Yeah, but didn’t you agree that you’d fight all the fighters you beat before once more?” Lilligant made a good point. “It’s been, like, two weeks since you’ve fought anyone. Aren’t you worried that you’ll start losing a lot more?”
“Bah, I’m going in order, so it’ll all be easy pickings for the first few times. Furret, Electabuzz and Roselia will be a cinch; it’s only Chansey that may actually hit me.”
“Well they might’ve improved.” Suddenly, a good thought popped into Throh’s head. “Why don’t we go to the NU Locker Room and see what they’ve been up to? Y’know, to get a feel of it again. We haven’t even seen them in months.”
“That’s a good idea. Let’s check it out tomorrow…”
“And don’t you need to update the Battle Logger to Champion Mode?”
“Oh yeah! I almost forgot about that.” Hitmonchan reached into his backpack and pulled out his Battle Logger. “I’ll write a reminder about it in this… Right after we watch that robot fighting movie that came out a bit ago!”
“Augh…”
Meanwhile, a secret meeting was being held secretly. The meeting was so secret that the details of its location cannot be determined. Several fighters were waiting for the reason why they were called, and eventually, it was revealed once Tyranitar stomped onto the top of a stage.
“Fellow fighters!” All the chatter came to a close. “As we all should know, two weeks ago, I lost my title to that danged Hitmonchan! Not only that, but that was also my first loss! Ever! Now, if you’re me, you’d probably be infuriated right now. And I still am! Even saying his name makes me want to PUNCH a wall out! … So, I have organized a secret group!” At that moment, a banner was dropped from the top of the stage.
“Fighters and Pokémon alike, I give you the Pokémon Against Hitmonchan Circle! Let your inner hatred of the champion be shared! One by one, raise your heads high and explain our troubles with the champ!” Gyarados was the first to rise. “Excellent! Tell us, Gyarados, why you hate-“
“This is a hating Hitmonchan group? I only came because I heard there was free soda.” Gyarados slithered out of the meeding room, and then about five seconds later, returned, swiped five sodas with his tail, and then left.
“… Next?”
Ludicolo stood this time. “Fellow fighters, that champion is a cheating fool!”
Gasps filled the room. “Interesting! How did he cheat? Did he use illegal moves? Did he use bad medicine? Did he use infinite health cheat codes?”
“Worse than that! He stole my girlfriend!”
There was complete silence in the area. “Actually, she’s sorta gonna be mine someday…” Metagross muttered.
“Hmm… That is considered cheating in some religions… But I don’t think it’s official that they’re goin’ out yet. She hasn’t posted about it on her blog yet. “
“No, no! I’m serious! Besides, she doesn’t even have a blog!”
“Actually she does. She made one a few nights ago, and by the way, she can’t type to save her freakin’ life!”
“But-“
“NEXT!”
“Me! ME!” Rampardos screamed and rose his hand while jumping.
“Oh lookie here, Rampardos has something to say.”
“Um, well, I hate Throh. But Throh is Hitmonchan’s coach! So, therefore by, uh… the distributive property, I hate Hitmonchan!”
Metagross had to pinpoint the Rock type’s Geometry error. “Actually, I believe you mean the transitive property…”
“Yeah yeah whatever. But anyway! I even got my own apprentice! … Well he’s not with me right now, but I do, honest! And it’s a powerful Rock type just like me!”
“Hmm… That sounds fair. Anyone else?”
Machamp slowly rose. “I should’ve destroyed Hitmonchan in my fight, but for some dumb reason I didn’t! He took my ranking of 1st in the Over Used circuit! 2nd in the Over Used circuit is was more degrading than 1st! I lost so much… pride, bets, my personal helicopter, two of my girlfriends… Well that’s not too big of a problem since I have four more… My media advertisers, the chance to star in a talk show, my sunglasses… Even one of my uncles are gone!”
“Your uncle was kidnapped?!”
“No, no. Uncle Magmortar lost all faith in me after I lost to Chan.”
“Ah.” Tyranitar turned to Metagross. “Meta, you’re the only one left who hasn’t spoken. Anything you want to say?”
“Well… Hitmonchan made me lose several items on my virtual pet! They could’ve been rare!”
“Uh… Well I guess that counts. But it’s only just…”
“Only? ONLY?! Do you realize how much I’ve had this guy?! I’ve been playing this virtual pet simulator for nearly five years! Do you realize how valuable these items are? I could’ve receive something that doubles its experience points! I could’ve received loards of virtual cash! Heck, I could’ve received a fishing pole! But no, now I’ll never get to know…”
“…Well that’s just dandy. Now anyways.” Tyranitar cleared his throat. “I made this circle to specifically bash Hitmonchan, but this will not just be a place where we talk about stuff- I’ve bought tons of vitamins, weights, and other gimmicky items that’ll surely help us make Hitmonchan lose his title as quickly as possible! Now who’s with me?”
“I have a question. How gimmicky are they?”
“Gimmicky enough that it’s different every time.”
“I’m convinced.”
***
“Aaaaand it’s done!” Clefable handed back Hitmonchan’s now upgraded Battle Logger to its owner. “Your Battle Logger has been upgraded to Champion Mode! It has a bajillion new cool thingamajigs that make it close to godliness. It’s like having an entire computer in the palm of your hands!”
“Golly…” Hitmonchan held the new, gold plated, mega powerful Battle Logger in his gloves. “Wait, what happens if I lose the champion title? Do I lose the upgrade?”
“Nah, removing that would take too much work. Go out and brag about it to all your friends about it!”
“Ok! I will!” Hitmonchan rotated to his friends, who were directly behind him and heard the whole conversation. “Feast your eyes on this! The Battle Logger 2.0!”
“Wooooow…” Throh and Lilligant leaned forward to get a brighter look.
The Battle Logger automatically started speaking. “I am not the Battle Logger 2.0. I am just the Battle Logger in Champion Mode. Get it right, moron.”
“Hey, be quiet. And why isn’t your voice all monotone like Tyranitar’s logger?”
“The voice setting can be changed by going into the options menu, once you have bought new voices online.”
“Oh. Well I guess they’re cheap…”
“They are sadly not cheap. 500 for new voices and 1,000 to start an account to buy the voices. Blame inflation costs for the uprising of payments.”
"Argh... I hate inflation costs. A year ago I bought a Lava Cookie for 500, and now they're 800... Our political leaders need to stop declaring war on other continuities. Even though we win against all of them."
“It’s a shame Mismagius had to go back to her studies today. She would’ve started drooling if she saw that, and she might’ve been able to find a workaround.” Throh mentioned. “Anyhow, why don’t we go see how the lower tiered fighters are doing?”
***
“Hmm… the room looks the same…”
“Hey! Hitmonchan! Congrats on becoming champion!” Furret called out from a distance.
“Furret! How’s it going?” The two fighters high fived. “Win any fights lately?”
There was silence, and then the two just bursted out laughing. “Aha hah hah! Aha hah ha ha- no.”
“How’s Lopunny?” Lilligant mentioned. “Is she still all chatty and stuff?”
“Is she ever. She’s actually planning to take me to the doctor later today because she thinks I way really injured in my last fight against Electivire. I’m completely fine though.”
“Well girls do tend to- Wait, did you just say Electivire?”
“Yeah! Electabuzz evolved!” Furret gestured to the Thunderbolt Pokémon, who was looking away with his arms crossed. “Ay! Electivire! Hitmonchan came to visit!”
Electivire simply grunted. “Hmph.”
“Yeah, he’s gotten a bit of angst outside of fights, but the thing is in fights, he never stops bragging!”
“Really? I’ll go see if I can get any words out of him then.” Hitmonchan turned to move towards the Electric type… but instead saw pink. “Mmph?”
“Oops! Sorry! Still not used to this form yet!” Hitmonchan bumped right into Chansey, who had evolved into Blissey,“… Oh, hi Hitmonchan!”
“Hey Chans- err, Blissey! Gee, um, you grew like half a foot.”
“I know! I already was super tall as a Chansey, but this is beyond average! Anyway how’s the life of champion? Hopefully it hasn’t gone to your head and stuff.” Blissey shifted her focus to the rest of the group. “Hey Throh. And hi-“ Blissey suddenly gasped as her mouth opened in happiness. “LIL-I-GANT!”
“Chansey- I mean Blissey!” Blissey gave the Grass type an oversized hug.
“I haven’t seen you in for-ever! We totally need to hang out again!”
“That’s… great, but,” Lilligant was sort of trapped. “You’ve become way bigger now… and… I’m… still small…”
“Oops, sorry! I really hate the size difference Pokémon can get when they evolve sometimes. I was tiny as a cookie as a Happiny… Speaking of cookies, I have some in my locker. Anyone want some?”
“Heck yeah- wait,” Throh paused. “What kind of cookies are they? Chocolate chip? White chocolate chip? Double chocolate chip?”
“Double white chocolate chip!”
“Hot dog!” Throh jumped like a child in joy. As Blissey, Lilligant, Furret, and Throh were heading towards the locker, Hitmonchan was dragged back by some sort of vine. “What? What’s going on?!”
“Hey there, Chan-baby.”
The voice sounded somewhat familiar. “Ruh…Roselia?”
“No, but real close…” The vine that grappled Hitmonchan loosened. The Fighting type turned around and saw a Roserade, eyeing him from the corner of a wall. “After a bit of online shopping, I found a Shiny Stone and evolved.”
“That’s, uh… nice. Seems like everyone’s evolved lately.”
“Mm hm.” Roserade sauntered closer towards Hitmonchan with a sly look in her eyes. “Y’know Chan, being champion gives you a lot of social perks.”
“Really- I mean of course it does, yeah! Pokémon say hi to me in the subway now. Usually they're too busy ranting about all sorts of nonsense, like philosophic ideas on how heroes don't die or lose and-”
“Sure sure, but do you know what’s better?” Roserade put her bouqet, her left arm, up to the Fighting type’s chin. “The one in relationship with the champion gets just as much. Did I ever tell you how handsome Fighting types are?”
“Eh heh… Well, you see…”
“AHEM!” The exclamation came from Lilligant, who was already making her way to the two.
“Why… Lilligant! How’s it going girl?”
“Roselia… No, Roserade… It’s been too long.”
“So yeah, where’s Ludicolo?”
“Gone.” The Grass type pushed Hitmonchan out of the conversation. “Question is. What are you doing with my champ?”
Roserade tried to play innocent. “Uh… Nothing! He uh, had some lettuce on his chin and I was removing it for him. With poison.”
“I know what you’re trying to do. You did it with Ludicolo, too. Look, you can date him now, but whatever you do, don’t-“
“Whoops! Look at the time!” Roserade fakely looked at her wrist. “I’m late for my aerobics class! Talk to you later!” Roserade ran out at an extremely quick pace.
Hitmonchan sauntered back up. “What’s up with her?”
“She’s always been like this. I’ve known her for a bit and hate her perfectly chatty guts.”
Throh called out from a few yards away. “Come on guys! Try these chocolate cookies! They’re HEAVENLY!” The two made their way over to Blissey to grab some delectable sweets.
“Hmm…” A Hypno was staring intentively at an x-ray of Furret’s skull. Furret and his girlfriend were in the doctor’s office to check up on his health. Lopunny was tapping her foot impatiently while Furret was sitting on the doctor’s chair playing with an addicting paddle ball he got from the prize wall. “Hmmm……”
Lopunny had had it at this point. “Doctor, doctor, please! Tell us your sacred wisdom! My poor boyfriend’s health is at stake!”
“Hmmmmmmmm……..”
“Tell us, I beg of you!” Lopunny kneeled down and grabbed the Hypno’s hand, who was still staring at the x-ray. “I’ll do anything for you if you help my Furret! I won’t get to the breeding line yet, but anything below that I’ll do! Just tell us already! We’ve been waiting her for HOURS!”
Furret checked the clock. “It’s only been like two minutes.”
“Whatever! Please, Hypno! Save my boyfriend’s soul!”
Hypno finally turned around. “…..First off, I’m a girl.”
“Oh… Well that was super awkward. It’s just that every Hypno I’ve known was a guy, and…”
“Second, Furret seems to have had a lot of his damage done towards the head. His stomach seems to be a lot more resistant than his head. So, I’d suggest he wear… This.” Hypno reached into a cabinet above her, and pulled down an odd helmet.
“A helmet with rocks glued onto it? This is fighting, not arts and crafts!”
“No, no. This is… a Rocky Helmet. It is a defensive item that, when the holder of the items holds it, when he or she takes contact of attacks, the attacker would also take damage. However, this one is special. This Rocky Helmet only protects the head, but it makes your head invincible.”
“That’s amazing!”
“…Unfortunately, this is just a prototype. The straps that hold the helmet down are strong to keep it one one’s head, but we’re not sure how strong the straps actually are... We’re sure to have a better version in about a month…”
“Well my fight with the champion is tomorrow, so are you sure that we can’t just take it for a test drive.”
“I’m not saying you can’t…”
“Then we’ll take it! It’s free, right? The economy’s really killing me with taxes!”
“A regular one would be 200, but since this is enhanced and hasn’t been released to the general public, this item is 500 Pokédollars.”
“Fine…” Lopunny sighed. “You sure I can’t treat your brothers to anything?”
“My siblings are all sisters.” Moments later, the couple walked out of the doctor’s office with a shiny new Rocky Helmet.
“Lopunny?”
“Yes?”
“You watch too many soap operas.”
***
“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a battle that makes a loop of the internal generation gap! Champion Hitmonchan has made a universal announcement that he requests all the Pokémon he fought already to fight again!” The crowd screamed in marvelous glory. Some members of the crowd were even blowing trumpets!
“Ah, it’s great to be back in the ring.” Hitmonchan put his hands… err, gloves behind his head, stepping onto the OU battleground relaxed.
“The first one to rematch our champion is the lowest of the lowest tier, everyone’s favorite underdog, Glaaaaaaass Furret!”
About half of the crowd cheered, as the Normal type entered the ring wearing a Rocky Helmet. Right by his side, his girlfriend was also there, waving involuntarily to the audience.
“Furret? What the heck is that on your head?”
Furret was completely mute until he stepped onto the ring. He then lightly bonked himself in the head to show his toughness. “Yo, dude!” He then pointed his stubby and short arm out towards the champion. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU!”
“Yes! Just as we rehearsed!” Lopunny called out, along with the Pokémon rooting for the underdog, they clapped at how out-of-character the remark was.
“Woah there, that’s a bit too much, don’t you think? Even if you by some crazy chance defeat me, you won’t kill me. I’ve got lawyers! And not just one of them, I’ve got five! One of them is a Drapion. Yeah, that’s right! A Drapion!”
In the nearby stands, Lilligant whispered to Doc Throh. “He’s lying about this right?”
“One hundred percent.” Throh spoke with chocolate in his mouth.
Hitmonchan took out his newly improved Battle Logger. “Is there anything I don’t know about him?”
“Glass Furret’s nature is most likely Timid, IQ estimate is 78. Mother was a Furret, father was a Swoobat. Relationship status is deeply in love with a Lopunny-“
“Ok, ok I think that’s enough.”
“Let the enchanting championship brawl… BEGIN!” Weezing hollered from the top of his poisonous lungs.
***ROUND 1***
“So how’s your health been?” Furret questioned as he pointed to his head. “Mine made me get this.”
“Uh, fine? That’s a weird looking hat thing.” Hitmonchan examined where he was guarding, and he was blocking his stomach. He aimed to Fire Punch the opponent’s health, and instead of doing damage to Furret, the rocks were rocky enough to hurt Hitmonchan instead. “Yeowch! How’d that happen?”
Furret gave the champion a sleek smile. “This Rocky Helmet makes my head completely invincible. It’s apparently supposed to stop me from having permanent brain damage after how many times I’ve been hit in the head.”
“But… that’s not fair!”
“Actually it is. It says so in the Official CPFA Rule Handbook. I forget which rule it is. Look it up at halftime or something…” As Furret was finishing his sentence, he quickly Scratched the Fighting type. “Hah hah! Got ya distracted!”
“Ow… That hurt way more than the last time we fought… How’d you get stronger?”
“Ludicolo came by and gave me some delicious candy and vitamins before the fight… I’m all for anything that’s free! That guy’s a good friend- we totally have the same interests in candy and such. Sometimes it’s like we’re the same person…” As Hitmonchan was listening, Furret once again scratched him quickly.
“Okay, okay! No more deep conversations!”
Hitmonchan anticipated another Scratch attack, but Furret instead hit with Façade. The Normal type then tried a Scratch, but the Fighting type dodged, and started attacking the body instead of the head. “Ah, now I get how to do this.” Furret then Taunted his opponent, but Hitmonchan Thunderpunched him for a Star and unleashed his deadly special attack. “SKY UPPERCUT!”
Furret stood their shocked. “Ah! Oh!” The Rocky Helmet’s straps became loose, and actually rose off of the Normal type’s head, leaving his head exposed for a few seconds. Before Hitmonchan could realize that this was a vital opening, the helmet fell right back onto his skull.
“…….. Oh wait, I could’ve-“
“Too late!” Furret hit the champ with a Scratch attack, and then a Façade. The champion then dodged a Scratch carefully this time and countered. As the Normal type taunted, Hitmonchan smacked him with a Fire Punch.
“SKY UPPERCUT!”
In a completely unexpected turn of events, Furret slowly and sneakily evaded to the right! “Whooops!” As the entire stadium gasped, including the champion, Furret countered with a Façade.
“What the heck was that?! You DODGED my special attack!”
Furret started to laugh maniacally and ridiculously at the same time. “Ahaha! Aha! Haaa! Ha! …… Ha!”
“Are you ok man?”
“Uh… Sure, sure. Anyway, I… no… The whole CPFA’s on to your game now. We know your super special Sky Smashing thingy and we should dodge it. Everyone’s been saying how it’s a game-breaking move. Some even think it should be banned!”
“Banned?! The only moves I remember reading were banned were Guillotine, Fissure, Horn Drill, Sheer Cold, V-create, Sketch, Double Team and Flash… So what if my move is that good? That doesn’t mean you can just avoid- ack!” Hitmonchan was Facaded in mid sentence, and then Furret stepped back via Baton Pass, and readjusted his Rocky Helmet.
“Eh? Eh? I’ll liberate you!”
“That doesn’t even make sense…”
Furret started to shuffle back, but did so at a faster timing than usual, not giving Hitmonchan enough time to counter, and instead knocked the Fighting type down with a Mega Punch! “Ah, hah hah hah ha!”
“One…two…three…four…”
The champion wiped the sweat off of his head. “Gee, Furret, what have you been taking? You seem pretty out of it. I doubt you could’ve improved this much in just a couple of months.”
The fight continued for a few moments, with Furret trying a Scratch and Façade, but missing both times and getting retaliated back with punches. As the Normal type was going to Scratch once more, the time of the round was up.
“Round over!”
***INTERMISSION***
“My head is now in perfect condition! My stomach, though, feels like goo.”
“What kind of analogy is that?”
“Urr… So, I went to my local doctor, and she declared, on paper, that the Hitmonchan species is bad for my health.” Furret commented.
“Is that an insult or a statement?”
“Both? I’m new to this sorta thing…” Before Furret could continue, Lopunny covered the Normal type’s mouth.
“What he meant to say was… It’s an insult directly from your neck to your skull. In other words… YOUR FACE. Now if you’d excuse me…” Lopunny dragged Furret off the ring for a moment to lecture him on how to insult properly, and how to execute more tricks.
“Crunch munch…” Throh had to finish his chocolate bar before spouting out any sarcastic sentences. “Woowee, Chan baby! Let’s give Glass Furret a little respect here, okay… He can always take a whoopin’, even from his girlfriend! Ha ha ha!”
“So, uh… Any tips on how to defeat this guy? He’s as tricky as Metagross now.”
“Metagross? I’d say Rampardos. Meta at least made you lose. I’m guessing to watch his movements really carefully?”
“Some chocolate would be well appreciated.”
“Ok, but I’m not sure about this kind. They had a gigantic 60% off sale of of this brand at the thrift store the other day, but… it tastes a bit lacking. I bought about two whole boxes, but now I understand why they went on sale…”
***ROUND 2***
Once again, Furret secured his Rocky Helmet, and then randomly started to jump up and down while practicing punches. “Ha ha! Up up up up up up up!”
“… What are you doing?”
“Up up up up up up up!”
“Up?” Hitmonchan looked up, and while he was looking, Furret used Scratch on him. “Ouch! Seriously, I need to stop giving you so many openings.”
“Hey, that’s your problem. Go find a good doctor for your health.” Hitmonchan quickly Ice Punched when Furret lowered his guard for a Star, and Sky Uppercutted as he was recovering.
“SKY UPPERCUT!”
“OH!” The Rocky Helmet extended into the air, giving the Fighting type and opportunity to pelt his head with Fire and Thunderpunches. “Oof! Ack! Ache! Ow! Ack! Oooh! Aye yai yai…” The Rocky Helmet snapped right back onto Furret’s head, just in time for him to be knocked down on the last hit.”
“Now, THIS is what should’ve happened last round!”
“One…two…three…four…”
Furret got up, and rolled his fists in the air. “Oh, you’re so going to fear the Glass Furret now!”
Furret looked as if he was going to use Scratch, but instead delayed the move to instead power it up and use Slash, throwing Hitmonchan off. He then used it again. The Fighting type tried to predict and watched for his movement, but got knocked out the next moment due to it being a regular Scratch attack.
“One…two…three…four…”
“This is getting ridiculous now.” Hitmonchan seemed heavily irritated. He dodged and countered a Façade attack, but Furret used a new move, Brick Break, right afterwards. The Normal type then stepped back to try and Mega Punch again.
“Eh? Eh? I’ll liberate you! For real this time!” Furret kept faking Hitmonchan out by taking his foot out, then back in, then out, then back in, waiting for him to miss before sliding in and Mega Punching. He then faked the champion out again with another Slash. One more hit was all that was needed to take the Fighting type down, and the last one happened to be another Slash.
“Ugh… Hooo…” Hitmonchan tried to hold himself up with a Determination Boost, but since he wasn’t feeling confident enough, he fell straight onto the ring floor. “Uck…”
“… Wait… What? Seriously? TKO?” The referee couldn’t believe his eyes. “Glass Furret, the weakest of all the CPFA’s fighters, just became the champion?!”
…
“YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” The crowd was simply astonished, especially the ones who usually rooted for Furret, as they rarely got to cheer.
Even the new champion himself couldn’t believe it. “What? I did it? I’m the champion?!”
“FURRET!” The champ’s girlfriend charged at him, and hugged him in a way that could be called a glomp in some cultures. “I love you!”
“Umm, I love you too?”
“We’re going out to get you the biggest ice cream sundae we can find!”
Furret was instantly excited. “Aha! Haaa! Hoo-RAY!”
***
“I lost to Glass Furret…” Hitmonchan was staring down at the floor.
“Well hey he became stronger, plus you haven’t fought or do any physical activity for a few weeks-“ Throh attempted to reassure the fallen champion, but it didn’t appear to help.
“I lost my first battle as champion to Glass Furret… And now he’s the champ… I lost to Glass Furret… Now I’m going to get laughed and pointed at.”
What's up? Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I'm glad you are doing the rematches! Hypno being a girl was very hilarious as they DO look pretty masculine. And man I remember losing to Glass Joe on the Wii my first time with the headgear and I was shocked. Glad you captured that frustration of how much harder Glass Furret was. Tough loss for poor Hitmonchan.
What's up? Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I'm glad you are doing the rematches! Hypno being a girl was very hilarious as they DO look pretty masculine. And man I remember losing to Glass Joe on the Wii my first time with the headgear and I was shocked. Glad you captured that frustration of how much harder Glass Furret was. Tough loss for poor Hitmonchan.
I find TD Glass Joe way harder than the two fighters after him. TD King Hippo still is pretty difficult though, at least to me.
Just in case you haven't, make sure you've read Chapter 37! Some important facts of knowledge are in there!
There were so many ways to approach it that I feel like I could've done a lot more with this chapter.
For you analytic folks out there, this fanfic as a whole will be over 60 chapters. There's a lot more to cover here than just refights!
By the way, the character index has been slightly updated for Furret. Better late than never!
Chapter 39: Fur the Win
“Weeeeee! My boyfriend is the champion!” Lopunny gloated, and then pointed at Hitmonchan, who was watching from a few yards away. “And you’re not!”
“I know that already.”
“Hey, where’s your girlfriend? I need to tell her that I’m the champion’s girlfriend and she’s not.”
Hitmonchan growned. “First off, she’s not my girlfriend. Second, I have no clue.”
“Ahem! Lopunny, no offense, but I’m not in the mood to carry you right now. And you’re heavier than me.” The new champion was carrying Lopunny into the OU Locker Room, where he now resided.
“Come on! Use your muscles!”
“My stubby arms don’t have muscles! My neck is hurting…”
Machamp strolled right by the two, but then stepped back as he noticed the champion’s struggle. “Hey dude, do you need help with that?”
“Rrgh… Yes please.” Machamp took Lopunny right off of the Normal type with just his thumb and index finger. Furret then fell to the floor. “Thank you…”
Lopunny put her hands on her hip. “So who might you be?”
“You don’t know me? You must be joking. Everyone knows who the almighty, super masculine, #2 in the Over Used ciruict, Super Macho Machamp! I’m not to brag, but, I…”
As Machamp started listing his various achievements in life, including kart racing, milk drinking, bird watching, and wrestling five Mightyena at once, Hitmonchan sauntered over to the new champion. “Hey there, new champ.”
“Hey Chan! Being a champion feels like you’re the king of the world, doesn’t it?”
“Nah, I think it’s more like everything is trying to kill you.” Hitmonchan sighed. “I’ve been getting the evil eye from some other fighters as I pass them in the hallway.”
“Oh come on! This kind of fighting never results in death! We only faint or get unconscious for about a week. Now, if we were all given guns, bombs, and red cars, that would be a different story.”
“So how was that ice cream?”
“What?”
“Lopunny said she’d get you a sundae or something.”
“Oh that? That was heavenly delicious. It was all on her, in multiple ways than intended.” Furret licked his lips.
Hitmonchan was disgusted in multiple ways than intended. “Ew.”
“And we both ate the cherry on top.”
“Eew!”
“And after that, we-“
“I don’t want to hear what happens next!” Hitmonchan walked to Throh, who was at the other side of the Locker Room.
“… I was going to say we did karaoke all night! Do you hate karaoke?”
Hitmonchan didn’t hear any of Furret’s blabbering afterwards. “I’m still super freaked out that Furret of all Pokémon were able to beat me. That doesn’t make me too confident.”
“Get used to it.” Throh took out another chocolate bar and started to unwrap it. “It’s always whenever you decide to rematch someone, by some odd force they become amazing. It’s almost like they’re cheating!”
The Fighting type looked around for a bit until he noticed there was no sight of his other best friend. “Hey, where’s Lilligant?”
“I think she said somethin’ about going to the thrift store. She said it involved your appearance when fighting.”
“She better not be putting me on a diet…”
“Knowing her though, she’s probably doing what Lilligants do- banging things with metal or flowering things.”
At that time, Machamp was finishing boasting about himself. “…was a high school football quarterback, have a major in physics, can sleep with my eyes open, can juggle three bowls of spaghetti, beat the original Mega Man, and I can imitate a Swoobat perfectly!”
“That’s… really something.”
“Want to hear it? Just let me warm up first.”
“I’d rather not.” Lopunny slowly stepped back to Furret as Machamp was breathing in and out deeply. “Furret, that guy is really weird.”
“Eh, I’ve seen weirder.”
“I really hope there isn’t any other weird Pokémon in this circuit- they’re awkward to talk-“ Lopunny noticed Gyarados initiate a conversation with Weavile.
“Hey Weav, got a deck of cards with ya? I’m in the mood to bring some of the other fighters together and play some Mafia.”
“Nah, nottoday.” Weavile snapped his fingers. “Hey! IheardthelocalbookstorehasagroupthatplaysitthereeveryFriday!”
“I’m in!” Gyarados and Weavile both ran out excitedly. Lopunny looked disgusted.
“-Never mind. Everyone in this circuit is weird. Don’t you remember back in high school where everyone there was super nice?”
Furret scoffed. “Yeah, that was only if you were female. Males had to go through severe awkward conversations when put in a group. It seemed like all you girls knew each other.”
“Speaking of high school… Don’t you remember the time we first met?”
“How can I not? That history class was my favorite…”
***
“…And I said, that egg wasn’t there before!” A female Jellicent was chatting and giggling with Lopunny a few minutes before their History class began. “And it turned out it was just Togepi! I was sooooo embarrassed! Mom might’ve killed me!”
“Yikes!” Lopunny remarked. “But what about poor Carracosta?”
“He’s still around, but he still remembers.”
“Ahem, ahem!” The teacher, a Sceptile, coughed. “Now class! Yesterday we were talking about the great Bug and Poison War and how it affected future generations to come. The Pokémon were not so keen on fighting each other over the loot so they fought over it with a game of chess. So! Today I shall present the same situation- I’m going to hand out extra credit points to the team of two who win a dual chess tourney!”
“Now, I’ll pick two random classmates out of a hat, and they shall be teamed up.” The Grass type took out a cheaply bought top hat, and reached into it to choose two team members. “is Zangoose and Seviper!”
The two rivals nearly jumped out of their seats, and they thought the same exact thought. “Urge to kill the teacher…”
“…is rising slowly…..”
“Steelix and Wigglytuff!”
The enormous Steel type turned to his partner. “Hello Wigglytuff, how are you today?”
“Please don’t talk to me… Not in a good mood…”
“Sharpedo and Jellicent!”
“YES! A smart one!” Sharpedo howled.
“Wailmer and Delcatty… Oh wait, where’s Wailmer? He’s never here… Ah well, Delcatty and Rhydon.”
“Uh… Delcatty? Do you know how to play chess? Cuz’ I can’t.”
“Well this’ll be a doozy.”
“Furret and Lopunny!”
“Hmph, I’m partnered with Miss Pretty Popular.” Furret thought, with his stubby arms behind his back. “This’ll be interesting.”
“Who the heck is that guy?” Lopunny whispered to Jellicent. “I feel like I should know him since I know every other guy at this school…”
“I think he’s a Normal type like you… He’s a quiet guy, but is very friendly in the right situation.”
The Sceptile teacher kept reading off about five more names, but most of them were not as interesting. He then let the students team up and gave them a pamphlet on how to play chess.
“Hey there!” Lopunny greeted her partner.
“Uh, hi.”
“Are you good at chess?”
About an hour later, Furret and Lopunny miraculously won the dual chess competition. It involved a massive amount of luck, but Furret was already very familiar with the game. As the two were leaving class, the future couple was having a quick chat.
“So Furret, what do you like to do in your spare time?”
“I like to watch CPFA fights.”
“Really?! Me too!”
“Seriously? I don’t know any girls who like competitive fighting…”
“Well, we’re a rare breed. Hey, do you wanna go catch a fight sometime?”
“Sure!”
***
“And our relationship just jump-started from there.”
Hitmonchan and Throh were secretly listening to the conversation from afar, when at that moment, Lilligant entered the locker room with a plastic bag. Lopunny suddenly noticed and went up to her.
“Hey Lilligant! Guess what I am?”
“Ooh! Let me think… I know! A Pokémon that appears on several celebrity magazines about their recent marriages. And females stare at them and wish that they could be them! And males want to-“
Lopunny cut the Grass type short. “Stop being so immature. As I was saying, I’m the champion’s girlfriend! And you’re not!”
“Look, I acknowledge that you’re pretty. But I have to ask- have you ever been tested for any disorders? Like ADHD?”
“What’s ADHD?”
“… You know what, I don’t really know. Never mind.”
“Whatever it is, I’d like you to acknowledge that I’m a perfectly normal Pokémon that just has more feminine parts than others. Now if you’d excuse me, I’ve got to cuddle my champion.”
“Sure, sure.” Lilligant turned away and spoke to the two Fighting types. “Hey guys, sorry for being absent, but I went to go get you this!” Lilligant pulled out a bright golden tunic from the bag. “I got you new clothes!”
“New…clothes?” The Fighting type wasn’t sure if he was confused, embarrassed, or a mixture of both.
“I made it myself. It’s full of good luck! The thrift store had a sale on paint, so I figured, why not?”
Throh was a bit skeptical on the tunic’s luck. “Uh… Gold isn’t the color of luck, and it looks kinda-“
Hitmonchan immediately covered the Fighting type’s mouth with his fist. “It looks great! Doesn’t it, doc?”
“Muffle… muffle…”
“…By the way, I have the feeling I missed some flashbacks. Did I miss anything?”
“I think they involved Furret and Lopunny…”
“Oh. Well they’re not that important.”
***
In the epic rematch of the century, Hitmonchan vs. Furret, the Fighting type seemingly had the champion in an inifinite lock with Sky Uppercut. As he uppercutted, he smacked the Normal type’s head several times, knocked him aside for a star, hit him with another Sky Uppercut, and repeated.
“Oh! Ai, ooh, ack! Oh!”
“SKY UPPERCUT!” Hitmonchan launched the Normal type several yards into the air once again, in what seemed to be slow motion, and Furret landed on the floor dazed.
“Aiii…”
“TKO! The champion title of the CPFA has been retained by Little Hitmonchan!” The Fighting type held the belt high as the audience screamed in excitement.
“See? What’d I tell you about the tunic?”
“I do feel a bit stronger from it…”
“Woo-wee! The champ is back!”
Those were the only words Furret could here from the ring floor. As the voices got quiter, he could hear footsteps approach.
“Furret, get up.”
The Normal type looked up to his mate. “Lopunny… I’m sorry I couldn’t keep the title. I-“
Lopunny smiled. “You’ll always be my champion. Now let’s go get you some yogurt.”
