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Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - Tales of Underground

Discussion in 'Fan-Comics' started by LucarioIsMegaEvolving, Dec 28, 2019.

  1. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

    Okay, so this comic is a crossover with Undertale, in the sense that it's asking the question: "What if Undertale was a PMD game?" I am aiming that this will be understandable with knowledge of only one of the series, so hopefully, I can do that. This will be told as a sprite comic, made to appear as if it contains screenshots from a PMD game, and I will link to Imgur for the panels. As a side note, I am also making a soundtrack for this, where the appropriate song will be linked in the album, under the panel in which it plays.

    Now that that necessary introductory bit is out of the way, I'll link the prologue.

    https://imgur.com/a/Tmhrzna
     
    Ubermuk and TheCharredDragon like this.
  2. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

    TheCharredDragon likes this.
  3. TheCharredDragon

    TheCharredDragon I mean it when I say I'm an RPG nut

    Hey there! I was rather interested in this and have been meaning to comment but decided to wait a little first so my first review will be a bit longer.

    Before anything else though, first off, I'll admit I'm not the most artistically visual inclined person, but I will say what I can to help improve. Which is why I'm first gonna start with my nitpicks, observations and suggestions.

    First off, the visual part of the comic. Why is the Eevee sprite the "getting hit" one for the first few frames before Chara appeared? Why didn't you use the sleeping one since, you know, Frisk was unconscious. And speaking of that, why did you use that one while Frisk and Chara were first talking in Part 1? Frisk awake at this point. Unless it's to subtly point out they're not standing up. Just thought I'd point that out. I know you can't really edit it without having a bit of trouble so just keeo that in mind.

    I feel like the scene where the Yanma attacks with tackle could've been done a little better by having one being partially seen with its head only sticking out while the other is either about to almost exit or is just passing by the heart, instead of just having both there completely so that there's a sense of movement. Like keyframes in animating if you know that kind of stuff.

    Third...I think it's ultimately not needed, but I think for some of the scenes in the Flowey to have some effects, like explosions for when the Blast Seed was thrown or sweatdrops (or whatever that effect is) when either party is hit.

    Fourth seems less improvement and more, er...error? I think? After the fight with Flowey, Chara is on the left now instead of the right, and Frisk vice-versa. I know you can attribute it to the fight knocking them away, but they switched places. I don't understand how or even why that's the case.

    Now for the story part of this comic. Currently my only complaint is that the dialogue between the characters feels stilted, like they're all speaking like robots, because they're in an odd space between formal and informal, where you both use contractions for words that are commonly contracted in speech and more informal words like "howdy" and "kiddo", yet sometimes in the very next page you don't have them speak informally. I'm currently not sure how else to describe this to you, but basically it feels like they're not really talking and instead it's a computer doing it.

    And second...I personally don't mind, but I feel like some people will think Eevee's a bit overused, like the starters. But, again, I don't mind. Just wanted to point it out.

    Now, for the parts I liked.

    First off...PMD X UNDERTALE. YES. I like the concept right off the bat. I love both series so I can't wait to see how this goes. I like how everything looks. Though, then again, it is PMD graphics so I shouldn't be surprised. But either way, props to you for deciding to make a comic. I might not be that much of an artist, but I dabbled in it a bit and know how hard it can be and how long it takes for a finished piece.

    I like how the story begins is like a fusion of deltarune and the PMD quiz. It looks so cool. I was kind of surprised you showed Frisk right away. But then Part 1 comes out and I kept reading...and was shocked that the Phantump was Chara. I like the choice you went with in that case, but it made panic a little considering well...yeah... But anyways, so far Chara seems nice. I can only hope they(?) don't end up like in canon.

    Also, I think it's a nice touch that Frisk is a bit disoriented in moving with four legs.

    Though back to panicking...when Chara talked of explorers, a part of me hoped for Sans...and then went "oh crap" when I saw it was Flowey. And sure enough, I was right. I mean, every dungeon must have a boss...right? So I wasn't surprised when Toriel came in, but I was surprised she was a Delphox. I had thought she'd be goat related. Or hoofed related, like Ampharos. But I guess it makes sense since, you know, fire.

    I just love how just ignore Flowey. XD I'm sorry, Flowey, but I never liked you. Asriel, yes. You? Nope.

    But then, just as I thought it was over... Necrozma appears. Oh crap. Now things are really getting interesting. If Flowey's not going to be a major antagonist, then what's Necrozma's tie in all of this? Guess I'll just have to wait...

    And...that's all I can think of for now. Hope it was at least helpful. I can't wait for the rest. And good luck to you!
     
  4. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

    First of all, thanks for reviewing. It means a lot, and I need feedback like this to improve.
    Honestly, I probably should have used the sleeping one, but I wanted to communicate that Frisk was injured due to the fall, which in hindsight won't ever be brought up or mentioned. And you're right that I used the sleeping one later to show that Frisk wasn't standing.
    Yeah, I definitely could have done that better, but I wasn't entirely sure how to show the attacks and I thought that my description would suffice.
    I would also have like to include some effects, and I probably should have tried harder to do so. The reason I did not, is because for the attack effects, the only place I could find them was on the Spriters Resource, which gave me a zip file of hundreds of unlabelled attack effect folders, and I did not want to look through that (even though I later did for the fire sprite).
    I didn't notice that and that occurred because I made the panels for that scene before I made the ones for the fight. I had intended to show more movement during the fight, which probably would have resulted in that, but it proved to be too difficult, so I dropped it.
    Honestly, the visual element I thought was the worst done was the custom sprites I made for post-Gen 5 Pokémon, where I felt the shading on them didn't quite match up to the originals.
    Yeah, that's my mistake. I wanted to show that Chara and Toriel talked more formally in comparison to other characters, but I guess I went too over the top. I'll try to tone that down in later parts.
    I also thought Eevee was a bit overused, but I knew that I wanted a Pokémon that was both one of the available starters in a Mystery Dungeon game and also evolved through friendship. My only other option was Riolu, which, as much as I like it, is even more overused.
    I do want to point out because I'm not sure how effectively I communicated this, that Flowey in this, is not the same Flowey as in Undertale. They are unrelated characters except for names. I tried to communicate this by having different speech patterns and personalities shown, as well as no related themes in the soundtrack, but I thought I'd make it clear just in case. It was more of a bait and switch that played off prior expectations from Undertale. But, this Flowey will be brought up again in the future.
    The soundtrack may also give you some clues about what's going on with certain characters.
    Anyway, some of these things were things I knew going in weren't done that well, so I'll probably consider remaking this part at some point, but it won't be for a while.
    Again, thank you for reviewing, and I'll take in your advice for future parts.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
  5. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

    TheCharredDragon and Ubermuk like this.
  6. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

  7. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

    Part 4 is out, featuring revamped character portraits because I finally found the ingame ones for Eevee from Explorers of Sky, which I could then base the rest off. This part is probably the longest, which hopefully makes up for the fact that unfortunately, my posting of new parts will have to slow down after this one.
    Anyway, here's Part 4:
    https://imgur.com/a/9uko1ac
    I should probably also mention that this has a Tumblr blog that also functions as an askblog for the characters, so here's that:
    https://pmd-tales-of-undergrounds.tumblr.com/
     
  8. LucarioIsMegaEvolving

    LucarioIsMegaEvolving A single misplaced step

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