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Pokemon Amethyst A New Journey In A New Region

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by CharMaster482, May 9, 2013.

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  1. CharMaster482

    CharMaster482 Pokemon Champion

    Hi Guys,
    I'm new on Serebii and I have always enjoyed writing so I'm thinking I will try my hand at a FanFic
    Just so you guys know this fanfic may or may not finish( it probably will) depending on how devoted I am to it. If I have decided to stop writing I will post it so people don't keep looking here. One more thing I have terrible grammar and I know so please don't tell me in the comments

    Anyway Lets get going

    Chapter 1. The Journey Begins

    "Oh no" "I'm late I'm late" exclaimed Octobeus as he woke with a start. "Wait, is this the day", he said to himself as he looked at the calendar. "Oh no it is ", He ran down the stairs, almost tripping on his copy of "The Pokemon Encyclopedia" as he charged through the door not even stopping to say hello to his mother (well she did forget to wake him up). How could he have forgotten to set his alarm clock, this was the most important day of his life, the day he would get his first Pokémon. But which would be his first Pokemon? Would it be Sudowudo or maybe Fennekin or maybe, wait what was the third one?"Oh well I guess I'll find out soon enough.

    10 minutes later he found himself in Professor Burk's lab where every trainer in Enclopo Town would get their first Pokemon. As Octobeus ran in he found himself face to face with the his best friend Adam. " Whoa Octobeus slow down bro, You here to get your first Pokemon?". "Yeah of course I am", said Octobeus. "Well,it won't be Sudowudo" said Adam. "Darn that's what I wanted said Octobeus " Wait, or did I want Fennekin or maybe that other one?" "Sorry, that jerk Will took Fennekin". Anyway I had best be going, Oh just wondering why are you in your underwear?

    Ten minutes later Octobeus returned ( this time properly dressed ) and knocked on the door to professor Rowan's room. "Come in", said a deep kind voice. Octobeus hesitantly turned the doorknob and nervously shuffled inside.
    " I presume you're embarrassed you're late?" asked the gray haired short man who was sitting at the desk. " Don't worry about it, My name is Professor Burk, And yours?". " Octobeus, sir" he said. "Sir? You have a very strange surname Octobeus". "No sir-"Only joking",said the Professor rather kindly."Anyway down to business unfortunately due to the fact you slept so late their is only one Pokemon remaining. But before we worry about that you should take these said Proffessor Burk as he handed Octobeus a Pokedex and five Pokeballs. " The Pokeballs and Pokedex ar- "Yes yes I know all that" said Octobeus impatiently " Now what is the last Pokemon?" Proffessor Burk looked slightly surprised and very mad that he had been interrupted and he said " Don't interrupt me! I will explain everything I wish to make clear before I give you you're Pokemon! Now as I was saying the Pokedex and...........

    Five minutes later Octobeus had been thoroughly informed about all the things that he already knew about and was becoming extremely exasperated. "Sir can we please get to the Pokemon part?" asked Octobeus not caring if the Proffessor got mad again. " If you insist " said the proffessor. "Now Pokemon are creatures that......

    Five minutes later.
    "OK now if you are a very attentive listener you might possibly know a bit about the world of Pokemon, Now we shall proceed to the topic of your first one, Unfortunately both Fennekin and Sudowudo have been taken by Will and Adam. So the final Pokemon left is......

    End of Chapter One ( I know how short this is i just wanted to have a cliffhanger ending)
    Last edited: May 9, 2013
  2. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Please check the fanfiction rules. All chapters need to be a minimum of two pages long, and this falls short of one page. You'd need to expand this to fit that limit.

    A few quick pointers:
    - Watch your punctuation and spacing. You need something in dialogue tags (e.g. '" If you insist " said the proffessor.' - better as '"If you insist," said the professor.' - note the killing of spacing around the start and use of a comma as well. Don't go with more than three periods for an ellipsis too (..., not .. or .......).

    - Watch spelling as well. As above, it's professor, not proffessor. Try a spelling/grammar check along with a proof read before posting, as the former would certainly catch on mistakes like those (my browser is telling me as such right now for instance).

    - Go with consistency. E.g. you use 10 minutes and later Ten minutes - go with one form rather than another. I'd advise the latter as generally numbers smaller than 100 should be written out (so seven rather than 7, etc).

    - The 'woke up late on the day they are to have an adventure' idea is a rather overused one, and doesn't really add much to the story itself here it seems. Try offering some original takes to what other fics and for that matter the anime may offer up.

    Thread closed due to the shortness.
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