Hey guys. This is the last chapter. I'm writing an epilogue and then stop writing this. I want to write another fanfiction and this will come back as www.pokemonblu.com
(not a website, the name of the story) sometime. DO NOT MOVE IT NOW. IT IS STILL NOT COMPLETED.
Chapter 9: Everything is Better in Slow Motion
Stan, Kyle, and Cartman continue to walk down the street. “Guys,” Stan said, “is it me or is this the slowest walk ever?” The other two nodded, and started to walk at a normal pace. In about 5 seconds they reached the police station, but as they reached for the door, something distracted them. Not too far from their right was what looked like an orange blob coming towards them. Oh wait, my glasses aren’t on…it’s Kenny.
“Hey guys, I’m back!” he mumbled excitably, “aren’t you surprised?” They all looked at each other and decided to humor Kenny. “Uh, sure Kenny,” Cartman said, “whatever you say. Come on, we’re going to report those guys who caused this whole confusing piece of crap.” Kenny nodded and they all turned the door. However, at the same time a black hole opened up between them and the door.
A weird yellow liquid started to pour out of it. No, not that kind of liquid you disgusting freak. Two black yolks dripped out of the hole, and upon closer inspection, it was Pikachu. “Okay, I may be pee, but I can still kick your asses for poking me with a stick!” That’s when he started to move and drain down to the sewer. “Oh goddamnit! I’ll get you fucckkeerrsss…” Slightly weirded out, they went for the doorknob again.
“Stan!” Stan turned around and saw his dad. “Oh goddamnit, stop with all the suspense!” Cartman yelled. He shot Stan’s dad and, with a mortified Stan, turned the knob. However, it wouldn’t open. Apparently something was happening on the other side of the door, and the knob was being held.
May had her hand on the knob looking at a sobbing Ash. “Stop being a wimp Ash,” she said gruffly. “Be a man! Why’d you think I didn’t want to take this relationship seriously?” Ash wiped his eyes on his shirt and through stifled sobs said, “Serious? We just did it.” He started to yell, “WE JUST FU
CKING DID IT ON A NASTY JAIL FLOOR AND YOU DON’T THINK THAT’S SERIOUS?” May started to back away slowly, pushing the door open. Officer Barbrady hid under his desk.
May tripped over, as she did not expect the door to actually open. She fell onto Kenny face first, Kenny getting a faceful of preteen boob. He mumbled to the others, “Uhh….am I supposed to be liking this?” He takes advantage of it and starts fondling her tits. May…”humbly” responded to this by taking a huge axe and chopping Kenny in half. Very quickly Kyle said, “Oh my God, you killed Kenny, you basta
rds. Anyway, you’re going to pay for sending the FCC after us!” Cartman, Kyle, and Stan all point their teleport guns at May.
Ash looked up from his wimpy whining and saw May in trouble. In classic slow motion he got up and ran towards the door. Stan looked over and yelled to the other two, “Why is everyone walking in slow motion today!” Ash, as he reached the door, jumped in the hair and flew in front of May, yelling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Not soon after that, he fell on his face on the floor. May looked angry and said dejectedly, “Ash, you suck.”
The South Park boys all cocked their guns, Kenny borrowing one from Kyle. They looked at May, half-frightened, half-angry, looking as about to attack but unsure if it’s smart. Then they looked at the sobbing pile in front of May called Ash, mumbling something about being stupid for ever falling for May. “Well you seizure-causing bit
ches, what do you have to say now?” said Cartman. May sighed and slowly said, “Well...to be honest I don’t know.” The boys looked at her puzzled.
She continued. “After going through all this, I believe that I have been stupid and mean. I did not believe simply calling the FCC about a television show would cause all this. We killed your friend, who somehow came back to life. We don’t know where the hell our Pokemon are, and Ash and I no longer have our virginity with us. It’s been a very, very confusing day.”
She took a breath and talked a little louder. “After all of this I think I’ve learned something today. Actually a few things. One, censoring is for fools and there’s no point to the FCC. If you don’t like something on television, just turn it off.” Kyle looked at her angrily. “Two, you can do crazy things at certain times, but it’s better to keep your head cool, or you’ll do something stupid.” Ash looked up at her and smiled. Kyle put his finger on his trigger. “And three, making someone else feel bad to make yourself feel better is just wrong, because that’s bullying.”
Kyle looked extraordinarily angry and yelled at the top of his lungs, “SAY GOODNIGHT, BI
TCH!” He shot her and Ash together and another black hole opened up, sending both of them back to whence they came. “Kyle, what the hell did you do that for!” Stan shouted. Kyle shouted back, “They stole what I was supposed to say!” He folded his arms.
Stan looked at Kyle, then Cartman, and Kenny. “Well guys,” he said calmly, “we’ve been through a lot. I think we should all go home, get some snacks, and come to my house. We’ll all watch Asses of Fire tonight.” Everyone smiled and they went for the door. “Hey guys,” Cartman said, “I’m going to bring some Cheesy Poofs. Cheesy Poofs kick as
s.” They all shut the door behind them.
Officer Barbrady came out of his hiding place under the desk. “Oh thank bejesus I survived that,” he said, wiping his forehead of sweat. “Plus,” he said as he pulled out his shiny two pennies, “I have two new pennies!” However, out of nowhere, something yellow seeped from the ceiling. It dripped on Barbrady’s desk and materialized into a yellow rat. “Give me those!” Pikachu yelled, taking Barbrady’s pennies. He took on a Macgyver voice and said, “If I take these pennies, stick this metal rod in here, plus an old granny wig and charge it up…I’ll be able to go back!” He took his device and shocked it.
The two pennies started to turn yellow, and the electricity went up the metal rod into the granny wig. The wig caught on fire. “Damn!” he yelled. Then a black hole showed up across the room. Pikachu laughed and jumped into it, dropping his device. The hole melted away slowly, then when it disappeared…it crapped its pants.
Barbrady looked at his two pennies on the ground, shriveled up into something worse…souvenir pennies. “NO!” he yelled, “YOU DAMN DIRTY APES! IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG!” He sobbed.
Crapping thing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Something_Wal-Mart_This_Way_Comes