Pokemon Dimesion

[Boonge]

Ok this is kinda my first try and trying this so dont expect that much

POKEMON DIMENSION
CHAPTER 1:
AN AGONISING BEGINNING​

Mum- “Jet get up or else you will be late! screamed Jet’s mum.
Jet- “F***” swore Jet he was exhausted he stayed up the whole night getting ready for his Pokemon journey.
Mum- “Don’t give me that language or else you will get to say hello to the belt! Screamed Jet’s mum
Jet- “Ok…Sorry” “…not…” mumbled Jet.
Jet came rushing down to eat breakfast for he couldn’t be late for Professor Oak, he skulled his orange juice and scoffed all his food.
Jet- “Ohh s***” “Arggghhhh” Jet vomited.
Mum- “You little…” muttered Mum.
Jet- “Umm… I better be going bye mum I’ll keep in touch”
Mum- “Oh wait I forgot to give you something”
WACKKKK
Jet- “Ouchhhhhhhh!” Screamed Jet in agony.
Mum- “Good Luck Jet do your best”
And so Jet walked out for his journey was going to soon begin, he rushed to Prof. Oak’s Lab.
Jet- “Haha right on time!” Jet delightfully said
Prof. Oak- “Did you change your clock due to daylight saving time???” Asked Prof. Oak
Jet- “S***” swore Jet
Prof. Oak “…Ok…” “Your lucky I have lots of Charmanders/Bulbasaurs/Squirtles for trainers picking there starters like you” replied Prof. Oak
Jet- “I don’t know who to pick” said Jet
Prof. Oak- “I’m sure you will know who to pick”
Jet- “Ok I’ve made my choice…I PICK YOU CHARMANDER” Jet replied with great confidence
Prof Oak “Good choice” Oak delightfully replied
Jet- “Thanks Prof. Oak” said Jet
Prof. Oak – “Oh and Daniel & Sarah will accompany you all of you are friends witch will make it fun” Said Oak
Jet- “Ok cool…” said Jet
Jet went outside and sent out Charmander to meet him
Jet- “Hi Charmander I’m your new trainer Jet” Jet happily said
Charmander <Hi Jet hope we become good friends>
Jet- “We will be friends for sure” Jet replied
Jet- “Let’s go Charmander you can walk around with me”
Charmander <Ok cool>
So Jet and Charmander started to walk and try and find Daniel and Sarah when suddenly
Jet- “S***” Jet tripped on a rock
Charmander <S*** what’s that?>
Jet- “I’ll tell you later” Jet smirked
Jet found Daniel and Sarah
Daniel- “Hi kid I see you got a Charmander it seems pretty weak my Squirtle could knock it out” smirked Daniel
Charmander blazed Daniel with fire
Jet- “HAHA I love this Charmander” Jet said
Sarah- “Hi Jet nice Charmander bit feisty like you though, I picked a Baulbasaur”
Jet- “Well guys ready to start???”
Daniel- “Yea” Daniel quietly said
Sarah- “Yea look forward to the journey and all the swearing from Jet should be entertaining” giggled Sarah
Daniel- “Come on out Squirtle” Daniel replied
Squirtle <Hi guys>
Daniel- “Don’t waste your breath on them” smirked Daniel
Sarah- “Go Baulbasaur” said Sarah
Baulbasaur <Hi Charmander and Squirtle>
Jet- “Well come on its time to go……S***” …



DW it's only my 1st chaptar thats slow any tips or hints feedbak would help.

 

[Mew-100]

That is good have a look at mine! ;385;

 

[Xiang]

This is script=no. No description really=no. No rating and warning for any language=not good idea.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Why does it feel there is an invasion of rule breakers atm.

Script. Wow. Bad unproper script at that. First try or not, you should have read the rules, they are there for a reason. Because even if this wasn't a script; What the **** do your characters look like? What does a Charmander look like? A Squirtle? Are they all naked or are they actually dressed? Do they have personalities in that shallow ditch of a character soul of theirs? Or are they two dimensional twits out to once again become a pokemon master. I also have a feeling you wrote this up in the reply box, which is also, against the rules.

 

[Olyon]

OOOOOOOOO.OOOOOOOOOOO

DAMN IT. Okay, I haven't even read this fic; wanna know why? Because within five seconds of skimming, I've realised that what you've done is against the rules.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what you're trying to do with this, you have a script format with a story format. What the hell. Script is against the rules. Unless you write a script properly, with a decent amount of description and good stage directions, this is all against the rules. You know, if you read the damn rules, I wouldn't have to tell you this!

Just delete the post, sort it out into either a story format or decent script format and re-post. Otherwise, just forget it.

And by the way, you should know that you should PM a mod with script formats to get approval before posting it. Now, before I go:

READ. THE. RULES. It takes five minutes. You'll be surprised at how useful they are.

and Mew-100, you are REALLY starting to bug me. What you've put there is SPAM. Not only that, but within those eight words and useless smiley, you've managed to break another rule by advertising. Read the rules or don't post.

 

[Dragonfree]

What they said...

*closes*