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Pokemon Elite

Jason goes to hell

nightmare hour
Pokemon Elite
By jason goes to hell


Chapter 1: The Begining


“Rise and shine Wes time to get your first pokemon from the P.C. Lab!” Wes’s mom yelled from downstairs.

Wes was a kind of a tall yet short boy. Wes woke up and ran down the stairs to the kitchen and forgot his breakfast. Wes ran outside then Wes got on his Mach Bike and rode of to the P.C. Lab.

When Wes got there he saw a crowd of new pokemon trainers. Wes ran in, and the second he got in there he saw a new kid with a weird looking machine on his arm and next to him Wes saw Dr. Marco. Dr. Marco was a tall man with blonde short hair and he always had a lab cote on. “ Thanks Dr. Marco I will do what ever I can do to help” Said the new kid.

“Okay you have to catch all legendary pokemon O yes I almost forgot here’s you’re poke’ balls Aridose” said professor Krane. Wes ran up to Dr. Marco “Why hello there Wes here to get you’re first pokemon because there’s no more left I just gave the last one away” Dr. Marco said sadly.

“Are you sure there’s no more of any pokemon?” Wes asked “Well there is 2 but… o never mind here are you’re choices Bellsprout or Celebi but let me warn you Celebi is quite the rascal knowing that do you still want one this year?” asked Dr. Marco. “Actually I would like Celebi I think we would make a good couple” said Wes “ okay if that’s what you want then here is you’re poke’ Dex and five poke’ balls and also take this” Dr. Marco handed a machine that looked like the one that the other kid was wearing.

“Put it on you’re arm let’s see how it fits” said Dr. Marco Wes agreed and put it on his arm “ wow it fits perfectly now that it fits you’re job is to catch all legendary pokemon this machine will help you catch pokemon”. Said Dr. Marco “why do you want me to do this when you already have Aridose helping you with this” Wes asked “Well the truth is I really don’t know as much about Aridose as you. So I don’t really trust him as much as I trust you,” Dr. Marco told Wes about the Legend pokemon.

The next day while Wes was walking through the forest he herd a rustle the bushes Wes walked over and out jumped a small Jiggley puff and Wes new at that moment it was hurt so it tried to carry it but it started to cry and out of nowhere came a Marshtomp and started to charge at Jiggley puff at that moment Wes sent out Celebi. Said Celebi Leaf Slice and the Marshtomp started to wobble.

Wes Threw A Great ball at it and Marshtomp was caught so then Wes got an idea “I could carry Jiggley puff in a poke’ ball” so Wes did just that and took it to the P.C. And healed it and Marshtomp. Wes went to the first gym and asked for a battle and he got showed to the room were Brock the Pewter City Gym leader was “let’s get the battle started we’ll use a total of 2 pokemon is that okay with you?” Brock asked “ I’m ready” said Wes “go Onix” commanded Brock “okay then go Celebi razor leaf” a bunch off leafs shot at Onix and he flew into the wall

Onix rock throw rocks flung at Celebi and fainted Celebi returned and Wes sent out Marshtomp “ Marshtomp Water gun” a high powered stream of water hit Onix and Onix fainted Brock sent out Geodude “ water gun” again a powerful stream of water came and hit Geodude and it fainted “ Bravo here is you’re bolder badge” said Brock “thanks” said Wes.

While Wes was going to the P.C. Wes saw a Poke’ Shop so Wes went in and bought a couple of poke’ snacks. Wes got to the P.C. and healed his pokemon.

Wes was at the Cerulean City gym Wes went in and Misty was already holding her poke’ ball. Misty was a tallish shortish girl with orange hair. Got the battle started and misty sent out Staryu and Wes sent out Marshtomp. “Marshtomp tackle Staryu” Wes commanded.

Marshtomp hit Staryu as hard as it possibly could and knocked out Staryu “good job go Starmie Water gun!” commanded Misty.

A strong stream of water hit Marshtomp and Marshtomp fainted. “Go Jiggley Puff pound on Starmie!” Wes said.

Jiggley Puff started to beat Starmie and in no time Starmie fainted. “Return Starmie” said Misty.

“Here you deserve this” Misty handed Wes the Cascade Badge.

(If you have any Ideas of how to make it more amusing or Exiting please tell me)
 

Mawile XD

ello thar
I've edited.

I've edited it for you.


Pokemon Elite
By jason goes to hell


Chapter 1: The Begining


“Rise and shine, Wes. It's time to get your first pokemon from the P.C. Lab!” Wes’ mom yelled from downstairs.

Wes was a kind of a tall, yet short boy. He woke up and then ran down the stairs to the kitchen while forgetting his breakfast. Wes ran outside then and then he got on his Mach Bike and rode off to the P.C. Lab.

When Wes got there he saw a crowd of new pokemon trainers. He ran in, and the second he got in there he saw a new kid with a weird looking machine on his arm. Next to him Wes saw a man named Dr. Marco. Dr. Marco was a tall man with blond short hair, and he always had a lab coat on. “ Thanks Dr. Marco. I will do what ever I can do to help.” said the new kid.

“Okay, you have to catch all legendary pokemon. Oh yes, I almost forgot, here’s you’re pokeballs Aridose” said a man called Professor Krane.

Wes ran up to Dr. Marco. “Why hello there Wes. If you're here to get you’re first pokemon, there’s no more left. I just gave the last one away.” Dr. Marco said sadly.

“Are you sure there’s no more pokemon?” Wes asked.

“Well there are two, but… oh never mind. Here are you’re choices: Bellsprout or Celebi. Let me warn you that Celebi is quite the rascal. Knowing that, do you still want one this year?” asked Dr. Marco.

“Actually I would like Celebi. I think we would make a good couple.” said Wes.

“Okay if that’s what you want then here is you’re Poke’ Dex, five pokeballs, and also take this.”

Dr. Marco handed a machine that looked like the one that the other kid was wearing.

“Put it on your arm. Let’s see how it fits” said Dr. Marco.

Wes agreed to this and put it on his arm “Wow! It fits perfectly. Now that it fits your job is to catch all legendary pokemon. This machine will help you to catch pokemon”. said Dr. Marco.

“Why do you want me to do this when you already have Aridose helping you with this” Wes asked.

“Well the truth is I really don’t know as much about Aridose as you, so I don’t really trust him as much as I trust you.” Dr. Marco told Wes about the Legend pokemon.

The next day while Wes was walking through the forest he herd a rustle the bushes Wes walked over and out jumped a small Jigglypuff. Wes knew at that moment that it was hurt, so it tried to carry it. It started to cry and out of nowhere came a Marshtomp. The Marshtomp charged at Jigglypuff.

At that moment Wes sent out Celebi. "Celebi Leaf Slice!" said Wes. The Marshtomp started to wobble.

Wes threw A Great Ball at it, capturing Marshtomp.

Wes got an idea. “I could carry Jigglypuff in a Pokeball!" he said.

Wes did just that and took it to the P.C. He healed it and Marshtomp. Wes went to the first gym and asked for a battle. He was shown the room where Brock the Pewter City Gym Leader was. “Let’s get the battle started. We’ll use a total of 2 pokemon. Is that okay with you?” Brock asked.

“I’m ready” said Wes

“Go Onix” commanded Brock

“Okay then. Go Celebi! Razor Leaf” called out Wes.

A bunch off leaves shot at Onix sending him flying into the wall.

Onix flung rocks at Celebi, causing Celebii to faint. Wes sent out Marshtomp. “Marshtomp, use Water Gun!” he called out.

A high powered stream of water hit Onix, causing it to faint. Brock sent out a Geodude “Water Gun!” called Wes again.

A powerful stream of water came and hit Geodude causing it to faint.

“Bravo! Here is your Boulder Badge.” said Brock.

“Thanks.” said Wes.

While Wes was going to the P.C, he saw a PokeShop. Wes went in and bought a couple of Poke’Snacks.

Wes got to the P.C. and healed his pokemon.

When Wes arrived at the Cerulean City Gym, he went in and the Gym Leader, Misty, was already holding her pokeball.

Misty was a tallish shortish girl with orange hair. Wes started the battle. Misty sent out a Staryu and Wes sent out his Marshtomp.

“Marshtomp, Tackle Staryu!” Wes commanded.

Marshtomp hit Staryu as hard as it possibly could, and knocked it out. “Good job. Go Starmie. Water Gun!” commanded Misty.

A strong stream of water hit Marshtomp, causing it to faint. “Go Jigglypuff. Use Pound on Starmie!” Wes said.

Jigglypuff started to beat up Starmie and in no time it fainted. “Return Starmie” said Misty.

“Here, you deserve this.” Misty handed Wes the Cascade Badge.

In all, there were lots of mistakes. Also, how did Wes know everyone? What did the pokemon look like? What is the P.C? Tell in your writing. Also, how did Wes jump from city to city? If you add more detail, spellcheck, and edit, I'll happily review this novel.

Your Friend,

Mawile XD
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Hrmmmmmm....

Sorry, I can't give a passing grade to this one. It just doesn't do anything for me.....and the plot line reminds me of your earlier "Murder Metagross."

Read some other, high rated fics and learn the ropes, then come back and give it another try.
 
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