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Pokemon Eternal Preview

SuperDude

Well-Known Member
Pokemon Eternal:Mewtwo's Possession

This is my fanfic, it is based on fire red and leaf green and i hope to expand it more asi get further in the story. It is the story of three trainers from Pallet Town (sorry about the unoriginality) but i tried making it as original as possible.
I hope everyone enjoys reading and i look forward to advice, negativity and positive comments which can help to improve in what i lack in.

Seth couldn’t believe his eyes when he walked into the garden; it was hardly a field at all, more like a field. As far as Seth could tell, it was filled with every non-legendary pokemon in Kanto.

“Wow Professor! This is amazing” yelled Seth, his eyes sparkling.

“Ha-ha! That’s what your brother said too”

“So…Where are they?”

“Oh yes! Sorry. Forgot what I was doing for a second there.” Seth sweatdropped.

“Charmander! Squirtle! Bulbasaur!” bellowed Prof. Oak. Four pokemon came running around the side of the house.

“Umm…Professor, Why are there two Squirtles?”

“Hmm, I’m guessing that one of them is a Ditto. But which one?” he tickled one of the Squirtles on the shell, it fell to the ground giggling.

“This one is the real Squirtle. He is very ticklish” he picked up the giggling Squirtle. “Off you go Ditto.” The Ditto looked sad that its little game was already over and turned back into its original body before storming off.

“So, which pokemon do you want to choose?”

Seth eyes all three pokemon: the Bulbasaur was falling asleep on the spot, the Charmander was fingering the fire on its tail and the Squirtle was still giggling.

“I pick……” Seth was cut off by a load voice; it was getting louder and louder.

“What the hell is that?” asked Seth; his question was immediately answered as a young girl burst through the backdoor and collided with him, knocking them both to the floor. Her white hat and his red were thrown from them landing on top of each other next to the STILL giggling Squirtle.

“Oh! Sorry Seth! Didn’t see you there” she picked herself up from on top of him and brushed the dirt off of her blue top and red skirt. Seth just blushed; he had fancied Terra since she first came to Pallet three years ago.

Prof. Oak handed both of them their hats back.

“OK, so Seth as you were saying” said Oak.

“Right. I choose…” he eyed the pokemon again “Charmander.” The Charmander was too pre-occupied with the flame on his tail to notice that he had just been chosen.

“Oh, but that’s what I wanted” moaned Terra, Seth felt guilty about this.

“Well you still have to choose one Terra” said Oak. Terra walked up to the giggling Squirtle and picked him up.

“Ooh! She’s so cute, I’ll take he-” Squirtle finally stopped giggling and scowled at Terra.

Before she could even finish her sentence she was drenched from head to toe with a Water Gun from the scowling Squirtle. She retaliated by kicking the little Squirtle over the house.

“TAKE THAT YOU LITTLE MONSTER!!!! WHAT KIND OF GIRL DOES THAT!?!?!?!?!?” Seth and Oak sweatdropped.

“O well, I guess I’ll take Bulbasaur then!” She smiled at the little pokemon and it sweatdropped.

“OK so Seth chose Charmander and Terra chose Bulbasaur. So that means Oscar gets Squirtle…if we ever find Squirtle that is”

“Its OK Gramps, I already found him.” They spun round to see a boy wearing a black polo neck and purple trousers. He had a small shell tucked under his arm.

“Oscar!” said Oak cheerfully. “You finally got up then?”

“Yeah, and since when could Squirtles fly?”


This is just a small irrelivant part in the story as i didn't particualrily want to ruin the story for anyone.

Super
 
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Chaos Sneasel

Sneasel of Chaos
That's not a real link....
it links to nothing...
~Chaos Sneasel ;215
 
You know it's very hard to preview something with no preview which can be critiqued and that. This has just ended up as well, nada really. Please could you edit your first post and add said preview otherwise I ill have to close this.

Sandra
 

Isfahan

Well-Known Member
I know you said you didn't want to give away part of the story and all, but narrative where the first half of a chore is performed is not really engaging reading, and that's what previews are supposed to do: engage. The scene would be fine within the context of the entire fic, but as a preview it's no good.

Think about movie previews as an example. Those previews never show the protagonist fixing him or herself a cup of coffee and then quietly reading the morning newspaper. They show the parts where they're leaping onto a helicopter's landing struts, or slamming their hands down on an interrogation table, or devouring their love-interest in a sizzling kiss. I recommend you choose faster-paced scenes for previews in the future.
 

SuperDude

Well-Known Member
Ok, i've hope i've done this properly now, so people can enjoy the preview. I made an upbeat one like Isfahan said and i actually put the right link in :p

Well thanks to everyone who read and i hope everyone enjoyed it.
 
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