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Pokemon:Expanded World

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Firemaker

Mammoth Master!
I want to make stories about multiple other pokemon trainers. Ash and friends don't go everywhere and many people are left out. In the first 2 chapters, not much action occurs but the third is somewhat actiony. So without further ado, my stories.

Chapter 1: The first day! Starter Pokemon!


Jack woke up and ran out of bed as fast as he could. Today was October 25th, the only day of the year the Professor of the Sevii Islands handed out pokemon to young trainers. He was already dressed and ready to go out on the ferry.

Before he left the house, his mom handed him a Pokedex, PokeNav Tech, the newest version, and a backpack for the journey. After a good-bye hug, Jack left the house on his way to the ferry.

When waiting on a bench on the port for the ferry to come he saw Juile. Juile was Jack’s female rival and was a good pokemon fisher. So as she sat down on the bench to wait for the ferry she asked, “Which starter are you gonna’ pick?”

Jack was frustrated by needing to answer her question knowing she’d pick the pokemon’s weakness so he ignored her. Juile was a person that was easy to frustrate but wanted to be calm as her resolution. So she tried again by asking, “Where are you gonna’ go after you get your pokemon?”

Jack didn’t know how that could make her better but he didn’t know himself and was going to go wherever the next ferry would go to. Knowing that is a foolish decision he remained quiet. The ferry came and stopped at the island’s port. Juile was already up saying, “How rude.”

She shined her rainbow ticket at the ticket man and he allowed her passage. Jack also got up and showed the man his rainbow ticket. He also got onto the boat. When the ferry started to take off, Jack sat on the deck, looking at the water, thinking about which pokemon to pick and where to head off to.

Jack was very impatient but the islands were far apart and so he took out his PokeNav Tech and started to look at some features including a clock to the hundredths of a second, map of multiple regions, recipes for pokemon food and people’s food, and the original features.

He was so involved in his tiny device he never saw Juile walk onto the deck and look at the sparkling waves.

“Isn’t it beautiful,” She said. “The waves sparkle so much. I think I’m going to be staying around the islands for now.” Jack was shocked. Juile never usually reveals her plans to anybody.

As they approached the island which was named Redwood by Professor Redwood the ferry stopped at a very tiny port which could barely manage a raft left alone a large ferry. Two Machoke that belonged to the Professor helped the two trainers down.

Inside, the professor was waiting for them. They were allowed to pick from 3 pokeballs that were green, red, and blue. Juile picked the green ball and Jack picked the red one. Inside Julie’s pokeball was a Chikorita and inside Jack’s pokeball was a Cyndaquil. They also received 5 pokeballs each. As they waited at the port for the next ferry, Jack looked at his pokeball happily, he was now a trainer….

Chapter 2: Wild Pokemon! First Captures!

As the beautiful sun and waves splashed onto shore, Juile asked Jack, “Can I have your PokeNav number?”

Jack didn’t know what it was for and told her the number. Then she teased and said, “Ha-ha, I now can call you.”

Jack was upset he was tricked and bent down in sorrow. Juile sat down on the bench again and said, “We need to stay together going through the Pokemon League.”

This piped Jack’s interest and he started to listen. Juile continued by saying, “Many Pokemon are a lot stronger than ours but together our Pokemon will do a better job. So what do you say?”

Before Jack could respond, his PokeNav Tech vibrated in his jacket pocket. He took it out and looked at it. The screen said New Text Message. The message read,

“Dear Jack and Juile, before you left I wanted to give you bits of information for your journey. First, each of your Pokemon have a special egg move they were bred with. It is up to you to discover that egg move. Second I’d like to tell you not to be mean to your pokedexs as she is sentient. Good-bye.”

Jack and Juile laughed. Pokedexs weren’t living creatures. The ferry arrived. Though to be honest, it wasn’t a ferry. A tiny motorboat arrived at the island. Jack and Juile climbed aboard. Juile asked to go to One Island. She said she left something there. Jack didn’t question her, he already decided to go with the flow.

Being bored, Jack sent out his Cyndaquil. The tiny fire enchilada squealed happily and cuddled with Jack. Juile also sent out her Chikorita. It looked like a cat with a leaf growing from it’s head. The Chikorita happily ran around the small boat trying not to be cluttered.

The boat continued it’s coarse as Jack and Juile tried to find the egg moves with failing results. The boat finally reached shore and when it did, the two trainers returned their Pokemon.

Juile ran off towards their hometown and told Jack to stay close to the port but capture a Pokemon if he wanted. So Jack walked off into a tall grassy area near the port but he couldn’t see any Pokemon. Even so, he sent out his Cyndaquil to help with the search. As time marched on, Juile came back to the group. Jack waved to get her attention when a Spearow flew over and knocked Jack on the head. He got upset and yelled, “Tackle that bird to the ground!” Cyndaquil crawled up Jack and launched itself at Spearow. The jump was a near miss. As Cyndaquil began to plunge onto the ground, it found a tail feather and grabbed on. The Spearow went ballistic and flew all over the place. Jack found himself going crazy saying “What other moves does Cyndaquil know, what other moves?!”

A voice said something. The voice seemed to be a girls. Too adult for Juile, and everyone else was indoors. The voice said, It knows smokescreen, tackle, and leer. Jack didn’t know what the voice was but tried to attack, “Cyndaquil, try a smokescreen!”

The enchilada was barely hanging onto the feather when it released a black smoke that was nearly impossible to see through. The Spearow calmed down and fell onto the ground. Jack took out one of his balls and threw it at a shadow he thought to be Spearow. The ball hit the bird and stayed on the ground. It seemed Jack caught his first Pokemon.

As the fog cleared, Jack picked up the pokeball and returned Cyndaquil with another one. Then he walked over to Juile and bragged “Ha! I have 2 Pokemon now and you only have one!”

Juile walked over to the cliff and released a Pokemon. Jack worriedly ran over to the water and saw a Barboach flipping in the ocean. “I caught it a few years ago when I was fishing,” she explained. She got to caught up in the bragging that she never noticed Barboach being attacked by a Wingull. Jack pointed down to the water and Juile gasped. “Barboach try an Mud-Slap”

The fish dove down and shot up mud at the bird sticking it’s wings together. It fell in the water unable to move. Jack saw a look at Juile and silently said Please don’t. But she did anyway and threw a pokeball at Wingull the ball fell in the water and sunk. Juile issued her fish to eat the pokeball. Once the command was issued, Barboach was returned.

Jack looks skeptically at Juile. Why would you eat the pokeball? But his thoughts were answered when Juile had her Barboach cough up the ball. Jack was upset. Now she had more pokemon than he did. He wanted more. He released his Spearow and told it to look for more Pokemon. However, after scouting the area, no Pokemon were left. Sadly, Jack returned Spearow and continued along with Juile with their journey through the Sevii Islands.

Chapter 3: Evil Appears! Go-Rock Squad!

Jack grudgingly walked along the path to the next town. He’d been devastated after Juile captured more Pokemon than he did. They hadn’t seen any activity for about a half-hour. Finally they came to a cabin. A girl about the age of 13 came out and told them to come in. The girl introduced herself. “Hello, my name is Michelle. I’ll be cooking you some bread. Please come in.”

Juile and Jack decided to take a break and sent out their Pokemon except for Barboach whom they didn’t have any water for. Spearow and Wingull took to the trees flying in the crowded canopy while Chikorita and Cyndaquil just followed their trainers. After eating Michelle called out her Metapod that was hiding out in one of the trees. She walked over to the trainers and asked “Who wants a battle?”

Jack and Juile couldn’t refuse that. So they went out to the soft grass and Michelle called over her Metapods. Jack called his Cyndaquil and Juile used her Chikorita. Michelle started the battle commanding, “Met, harden, and Pod, tackle Cyndaquil.” Jack command was “Cyndaquil, use smokescreen then tackle Pod.” Juile wouldn’t allow Jack to win the battle so her command was “Chikorita use your leaf to clear the smoke and tackle Met into Pod.”

Met then froze as a rock while Pod flew in to tackle Cyndaquil when it let loose a black smoke. Pod stopped wondering where Cyndaquil is then it is tackled down onto the ground. Pod looked at the shadows and sees a four-legged Pokemon. It rammed itself towards it.

Chikorita franticly tried to clear the air of smoke then it is rammed into. It cuts that action and tackles Pod. Pod never hits Met and Met is still frozen.

Then the two Metapod are taken into the claws of a large machine that looked like a tank. The machine sucks the Pokemon into a box. Then the top of the tank opened up and a person came out. The man said “Heh heh heh, Metapod, rather nice.” The smoke cleared and Jack and Juile saw what happened. “Who are you?” Jack shouted. The man looked rather shocked.

“You don’t know? Well then allow me to introduce myself.
From the hills
To the waters
Even window sills
You’ll all look in fear
Of Go-Rock Squad
I’m Field Commander Tyson and my command is that those Metapod are mine.”

Tyson laughed an evil laugh as the tank closed the lid and started to drive away. Jack was angry. He couldn’t let Tyson steal those Metapod. “Spearow! Start pecking on the tank to break off the Metapod chamber.”

Spearow was caught in the tree branches but attempted and passed a dive through the leaves and began to peck on the heavy green machinery. “Ha-ha-ha!” Tyson laughed, “That tank is metal, you can’t go through it. Now you go Pidgeotto!” Out of a pokeball came a semi-large bird with long hair. However, it had a stare of pure evil. “My Pokemon are made to obey me. Now Pidgeotto, gust!” The large bird blew a gust of wind at Spearow knocking it into the ground.

Jack became angry. “Go Cyndaquil use smokescreen then tackle!” Juile decided to help too. “Chikorita, tackle too!” Cyndaquil then blew black smoke at the tank and bird. “Gust!” Tyson called out. The bird tried to blow away the smoke but it was two late. The two Pokemon tackled it into the tank. Then they began to slightly glow yellow. “What’s that?” Jack asked.

They leveled up. There are 100 levels ranging from 1-100. There are rumors of a even stronger level but it hasn’t been proven yet. The same voice from before said. Just to let you know I am your pokedex.

Jack was amazed. The professor was right, it was alive. Tyson broke the silence. “That’s all nice but come out Houndour!” A firey black and red dog came out. “Ember attack!” The dog launched red balls of fire at the group. The Pokemon couldn’t attack without being hurt.

Then a voice was heard. “Gull! Gull!” Juile’s Wingull came to the rescue and launched water at the dog subduing the fire. Now was their chance. “Wingull use water gun and keep going!” The seagull continued it’s stream of fire but Houndour couldn’t move away. It fell, knocked out and Wingull glowed too.

“Alright now try to break into the tank!” Wingull began a stream at the tank while Chikorita launched razor-fast leaves at the spot. Then, the tank’s cage broke and the Metapods fell.

“Arrrrrgh! You stupid Pokemon! Return!” Tyson glared angrily at the heroes. “This is NOT over, okay.” Then the tank turned around and began to go back.

Michelle ran up to them and said “Oh thank you so much for saving my Pokemon. I wish I had something to give you.”

Jack came up to her with a heroic pose “We don’t need payment, helping others is our job.” Juile then cut in. “I think we oughta’ go now.”

They said their good-byes and left, planning their next destination in the large Pokemon world.
 

Tezza

Bird Master
G'day mate! I'm not sure how familiar you are with the fandom but welcome anyway.

I'm sure others will point this out but you'll probably cop a bit of slack for doing what's considered a typical OT fic. Lots of people start out their fanfiction by leaping out of bed, and running all the way to Professor's Lab. You'll find veteran readers of the fandom will be pretty bored of it. Sorry to break the news but its true.

You could soften the blow by going more into detail and using Earth Logic to write your story. Earth Logic is realism. For example, have you ever 'ran out of bed'? Think of what you do? How do you wake up, fluttering your eyelids, stretching beneath the covers before flinging them back. You slip to the floor? Are you already dressed when you wake up? If you go to bed dressed people usually think you're pretty unco. A shower, check you've got your bag. Go down the stairs. If you're not going to see your mum for a long long time, wouldn't you do more than a hug?

Slow down, make it real. Build up the details, build up his life before his journey so we know he was there before his journey, he has history. Again if it helps use yourself as an example. Imagine yourself, what did you do last week? Go to school? What did Jack do last week? What chores did he do around the house? Did he play on a sports team?

I'd also avoid using the term rival, it's so... generic. It makes us automatically think 'stereotype'. I at least like her correct observation of 'how rude'. Is Jack a rude person? I'd like to see that.

I'm noticing a bit of word repetion, 'also' mostly. Rereading will pick that up. Ditto with the typos and inconsistencies in tense.

Juile never usually reveals her plans to anybody.

However the imagery in the sentence is nice.

Wow, Professor must either really old, really famous, or darn coincidental to be named after the island he lives on. Again, consider earth logic and wonder if this would happen.

You're chosing only the most basic descriptions, and investing too little emotion for us to really care about the Jack and Julie. If we don't care about them, we won't enjoy the story. Come on, this kid was so excited he ran out of bed with the clothes he wore last night! Wow!.... And he just picks up a Pokeball that's red and... voila! How would you feel, what would you think? Really get us excited.

And tsk tsk. The first thing you should have done before posting was read the rules. You didn't care enough about your story to do something as simple as that... Gowan, go read them and then come back and fix up your first post.

On the upside, you're spelling is good and aside from the few typos looks good. You just need to get us excited! Good luck!
 
Please, read the Rules. 1 chapter per post and of at LEAST 3 pages or so in length, not blatant cheap skating. Please repost after you've read them and properly posted.

Of course acknowledge and take note of the review above.

Sandra
 
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