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Pokemon Fate

Boonge

Cascade Trainer
Pokemon Fate.

PG Rated a bit of occasional swearing in it.

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A 13 year old boy was peacefully sleeping in his bed under his blankets and his other stuff.

While another 13 year old boy was shouting in the other boy’s ear with no patience at all “Wake up you F****** idiot!”

“Huh what the…” The other 13 year old boy stubbornly replied.

“Come on Clay hurry up we got to go to Professor Oak.”

“S*** you’re right lets go Zak!” Clay remarked with a shout.

Clay brushed aside the blankets and jumped out of his messy bed.

The two boys ran down the stairs into the kitchen…

“Don’t run once u go outside, I don’t care if your going to be late to get you’re Pokemon it’s raining outside so walk.” Clay and Zak’s mum halting the two hurried boys to warn them.

“Yes mum.” Both of them replied.

“Don’t forget once you get you’re starter Pokemon come back home to get you’re bags.” Mum said.

“Ok, Ok jeezes…” both of them replied with a stubborn look on their faces.

Zak and Clay rushed outside.

They both started to walk towards this huge Pokemon Lab when suddenly…

A pink little cat-like Pokemon with a tail screamed while firing a ball of pink energy.

“Mewwwwwwww!!!”

A green little forest Pokemon fired a wave of green energy.

“Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!”

A white little Pokemon with a funny head fired a dozen of white stars from its mouth.

“Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!”

The 3 attacks collided and all of them ricocheted towards Clay and Zak and all 3 of the attacks hit Zak and Clay knocking both of the teenage boys out cold.

Both of the 3 little Pokemon teleported away from the scene.

“I think there both coming through!” Clay and Zak’s mum shouted with relief.

“Huh.”

“Whata.”

Both boys replied with confusion opening there eyes.

A tall man with white grayish hair who was wearing a lab coat, brown shoes and a ordinary pair of glasses which showed his blue eyes replied “Your Mom found both of you two lying down on the street. Do you remember what happened?”

“No I just remember going out of the house and after that I remember nothing.” Zak replied discomfortably.

Clay agreeing with his brother Zak. “Yea same.”

“Well don’t worry i still have 3 Pokemon left all the starter ones.”

“Great.” both of the boys replied jumping up of the bed.

“Well there are the three pokeballs why don’t you two pick your Pokemon…By random!” Oak smirked.

“What do you mean.” asked Zak.

Well just pick a Pokeball of the table I’m not telling you which one is which.” Oak giggled pointing at the three pokeballs.

“Fine then be that way.” Clay frowned unhappily.

Zak approached the table and grabbed the Pokeball on middle.

Clay approached the table and swiped the Pokeball on the far right.

“Go Pokeball…!” both of the excited boys shouted.

The two pokeballs released a white beam.

Zak’s Pokemon was slowly appearing, same as Clay’s.

“This is so freaking exciting!” shouted Clay.

Zak’s Pokemon appeared.

It was a fire Pokemon it looked like some type of lizard it was orange coloured, it had a flame burning on the tip of its tale, and it looked two feet tall and 19lbs.

Clay’s Pokemon also appeared soon after.

It was a water type Pokemon it looked like a turtle it was coloured blue, it had a shell around it entire body, and it looked like 1’8 foot tall and weighed 20lbs.

“Cool!” both of the boys were amazed.

<I’m hungry!> the little Charmander complained

<I need to poop!> the Squirtle squealed

<Why don’t you have a s*** in your shell?>

<Eat my Shell Buster!>

“That’s enough you two.” the Professor splitting apart the two Pokemon.

“Hi Squirtle.” Clay waved at Squirtle.

<Hi I’m Squirtle who the hell are you?> Squirtle replied with interest.

“I’m your trainer that’s who!”

“Yo Charmander.” Zak called Charmander

<You must be my trainer hey?> Charmander questioned Zak

“Yea I am” replied Zak.

“Well I think it’s time for you two to move out and start your journey.” Professor Oak interrupted the Pokemon Clay and Zak.

“Ok” both Zak and Clay replied.

“Bye remember both of you two are always my champions.” mum kissed the two brothers goodbye.

Clay and Zak walked out of the Lab.

“Hey I think we should go home and get our gear and our bags ready.” Zak commented to Clay.

“That’s a good idea. By the way my Pokemon is better then you’re Pokemon.” remarked Clay with a smile on his face.

“B***s*** you idiot keep on dreaming!” Zak swore at his brother Clay.

The two boys rushed back home and changed clothes.

Clay was wearing a black t-shirt which was just plain black, blue jeans which were lightly ripped and a black hat which labeled “Pokemon.”

While Zak was wearing a long sleeve green t-shirt which said “I don’t obey you” he wore normal plain black tracksuit pants and a plain white hat saying “Pokemon.”

Clay had tired baggy brown eyes and brown spikey hair which was all messed up.

Zak had stubborn blue eyes with messy brown hair.

Zak grabbed bags of food and clothes and stuffed them into his orange traveling bag which he will be using on his Pokemon journey.

Clay did the exact same thing.

“Are you ready Clay?” Zak smiled at Clay.

“Yes I am let’s do this.” Clay smiled and put on his backpack and headed towards the door.

The two went outside when suddenly…


oOENDOo

I know my first chapter is a bit short but my others a much bigger.;026;
 

Boonge

Cascade Trainer
Chapter 2-

"Hey! You two!" A girls voice was heard behind some green big bushes.

"Huh what do you want?" Zak questioned the girl with a puzzled look on his face.

The girl emerged from the big green bushy bushes to reveal herself.

She had long wavy blond hair, blue glistening eyes, she was wearing a pink t-shirt, she had long new blue jeans and had a bag on her shoulders which was light green.

"I want to battle both of you at the same time." The girl smiled pointing her finger at the two brothers who were just standing there listening to the girls every word.

"Ok fine i'll use my only pokemon that i have at the moment 'Charmander' while Clay will use his only pokemon at the moment 'Squirtle' while you use your two pokemon." Zak explained how the battle was going to take place.

"Sounds good to me Zak." Clay smiled with excitement.

"Ok fine, by the way my name is Vicky." Vicky agreeing with the terms of the battle that Zak had explained.

"Lets start the battle then shall we?" Clay was so eager to start he was about to jump out of his own skin.

"Go Squirtle!" Clay threw a pokeball from his hand, the pokeball released a white beam that formed into the small young Squirtle.

"Go Charmander!" Zak threw his pokeball high up in the air and the pokeball opened up quickly and there without a flash appeared the firey Charmander.

"Go Baulbasaur!" Vicky carefully tossed her pokeball into the air slowly and Baulbasaur appeared on the ground.

Baulbasaur looked like a some plant type of dinosaur altough it was small.

It had un-usual spots all over its green body and a big green bulb that looked like a flower bulb stood firmly on its short back.

"Go Nidoran!" Vicky tossed her other pokeball into the air and slowly Nidoran appeared before all the 3 trainers.

It looked a bit like a rabbit, it had spots like Baulbasaur but less spots on it's back area it had a purple horn just like its purple skin.

<Im hungry...> Charmander moaned.

<Im ready to have some fun im going to kick some pokemon a**.> Squirtle was joyfully jumping around.

<Hmmm that seed looks yummy and juicy.> Charmander sighed as it started to day dream.

"Nidoran, Baulbasaur both use tackle attack!" Vicky yelled pointing at the two opposition pokemon.

<Okay you got it.> The Baulbasaur happily folllowing it's trainer's orders.

<Yep Ok.> Nidoran grinned at it's trainer.

"Squirtle you use tackle attack to try your best!" Clay ordered a attack calmly.

<Sure ok...> Squirtle frowned it was getting bored already.

"Charmander fire an ember attack at Baulbasaur." Zak yelled with great confidence.

<Yep sure you got it dude.> Charmander smiled with delight.

Nidoran and Baulbasaur started to run quickly towards both the standing Squirtle and Charmander.

Charmander fired a blaze of hot fire from it's mouth directly towards Baulbasaur, it stopped Baulbasaur right at it's track it was damaged severly.

"Baulbasaur can you go on little buddy?" Vicky smiled sadly.

<I...can...> Baulbasaur lifted itself up it was damaged badly it was barely standing it was burnt all over its body.

While Nidoran charged towards Squirtle, Squirtle quickly jumped in the air then landed on Nidorans back.

Nidoran could'nt move Squirtle was just two heavy for the small Nidoran and slowly the little Nidoran just collapsed and in a matter of time fainted without a fight.

"Great try Nidoran dont worry we will improve together you're going to be very strong soon you just wait." Vicky was compansating her pokemon as Nidoran was returned to its Pokeball.

"Squirtle why did'nt you listen to me?!" Clay was getting frustrated even though Squirtle knocked out Nidoran.

<I felt like riding Nidoran but Nidoran could'nt hold up that little b**** i wanted to ride it.> Frowned Squirtle.

"You're really making me angry!" Clay yelled at Squirtle Clay was trying to rip his hair off he was so frustrated.

"Charmander finish Baulbasaur off scratch attack now!" Zak sighed with reliefe he knew he had won.

Charmander started to rush towards Baulbasaur.

Baulbasaur could'nt move it was to hurt to move.

Chamrander approached Baulbasaur instead of following out Zak's orders it bite Baulbasuar on the seed cuasing Baulbasaur to collapse on the ground.

<You son of a b****> Baulbasaur screamed with agony.

<Yuck that did'nt taste yummy at all.> Charmander grinned angrily.

<I'll bring whip cream next time maybe that will make the seed taste good hey Charmander?> Squirtle commented suggesting an idea to the hungry Charmander.

Baulbasaur closed it's eyes it had fainted.

"Good try Baulbasaur you're the best." Vicky held out her pokeball and Baulbasaur dissapeared into the pokeball.

"Return Charmander you were great." smiled Zak quickly returning Charmander to it's pokeball.

"Good job Squirtle you need a nice deserved rest! Return!" Clay smiled looking at the pokeball.

"That was a great battle maybe will meet each other again sometime." Smiled Vicky putting her hands on her hips.

"Yea i do hope so." Clay put his thumbup.

"Yep hopefully at the Indigo Platue." Zak winked.

"Yea see you." Vicky smiled and walked off with no dissapointment that she had lost.

"Wel now that is over i guess we should be heading out its already 12.00 we should try and get to Viridian City by 1.15 to have lunch." Zak explained to Clay.

"Sounds good bro." Clay smiled and put his pokeball on his belt.

The two started to walk towards the small bushes that led to the famous Viridian City.

"I've also got a idea i think we should catch a pokemon before we get to Viridian City that girl already had two." Clay smiled suggesting an idea.

Suddenly a man started running from a far distance it looked like Professor Oak.

"Zak, Clay huhuhuhuhuhu you forgot something you're lucky i caught up to you two in time." Professor Oak was defintly tired and puffing because of the long run he had to do.

"What did we forget?" Both boys checked there bags.

"No you forgot these: Heres 5 pokeballs for you Clay and for you Zak you need pokeballs to catch other pokemon sucssesfully, and last but not least your pokedex's which have information about everything about pokemon they will come in handy." Professor Oak explained what all the gadgets do.

"Oh thanks those items are the most important i can't belive we forgot them." Clay turned bright red.

"Neither can I, thanks Professor where would we be without you?" smiled Zak very happily.

"Well i'll be off now you two continue your journey, oh and by the way keep safe i think some bad events are going to take place." The Professor warned the two brothers.

"What bad events..." But before Zak could finish his sentence Professor Oak was already rushing back towards Pallet Town.

"Well that was strange." Clay said he was freaked out.

"You dont say!" Zak replied stuboornly.

The two walked through bushes thick grass but this was only the beggining of there journey.

"Chirrrp, Chiiiirrrp"

"Did you hear that?" Clay whispered to Zak.

"Yea i did it's coming through there lets see what it is." Zak whispered quietly to Clay.

The two boys started runing quietly towards the noise where they found a baby Pidgey.

It was very young it must've just hatched today.

Pidgey looked like a small pidgeon except it had sharp brown feathers a yellow small beak little feet and a white chest.

"I'm catching this one i said it first." Clay laughed with pride.

"Fine." Zak sighed as he took a step back.

"I wont need Squirtle to battle this Pidgey it's not even a day old." Clay giggled.

"GO POKEBALL!" Clay threw the pokeball towards the defenceless Pidgey.

The pidgey was inside it's nest on top of a tree waiting for it's mum to give it food.

The pokeball opened up and Pidgey quickly vanished inside the pokeball.

The pokeball was moving from side to side Clay was holding his breath with anticipation...DING!

"Booyea do the Clay dance!" Clay was jumping around he approached the pokeball and put it on his belt next to Squirtle.

"Ok lets go."

"Wait i want to look up Pidgey in my Pokedex." Clay got out his poxedex from his bag.

"Pidgey the little flying bird pokemon, this pokemon is ideal for capturing for newbie trainers.

The two walked on for half an hour until...

"Hey i see houses and buildings we made it Clay we got to Viridian city lets go quickly to the Pokemon Centre we need to Heal our Pokemon Teams...



oOEndOo



PS: SOME rviews would be helpfull ;328;
 

Boonge

Cascade Trainer
Anybody?:(


reviews will help me make my story better so plz try and reveiw
 

YankeeFan2

Number 1
Really awesome story. I would give it three stars!

All you need is to be more descriptive and less dialogue and you have it!

Continue Soon!
 

Boonge

Cascade Trainer
thanks i think i improved alot in chapter 2 lets hope Chapter 3 is even better!
 
Heya!

Highly action packed story you've got here! And interesting sideplot with the Jirachi, Celebi and Mew.

Just a few points for the future - at the moment you're not giving your readers a great deal of insight into your characters. That is, you're telling the readers what the characters do, but aren't providing the reasons and motivations behind their behaviour. Sure, some of it seems obvious - but very little is purely straight forward these days. For almost every decision, there are reasons for and against the chosen course of action. Let's see your character's decision making processes. Let's see what they think of each other and themselves. Let's see where they want to go and why they want to go there. And remember that this isn't just for the human characters - Charmander, Squirtle and now Pidgey will all have their own agendas and personal desires and needs. Let's see how they handle the compromise necessary to live with other people.

And when you give us this insight, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words - for instance, if a character has a certain attribute (for example, kindness and consideration) SHOWING your reader (perhaps in the form of your character taking time to feed and groom his pokemon) is much for effective than TELLING your reader that your character is like that (that is to say, simply saying "*insert name here* was a caring person". Little mannerisms and behaviours can show a lot more personality that simply listing off what a character's personality is like.

Another point - I suggest you cut the swearing. Swearing in stories doesn't make the story or its writer look more mature for including such language - and not only that, the censoring of words looks unusual on the page and distracts the reader from the content of your story. People waste time determining what word you were intending when they might otherwise be reading on with your story. Long rant short - swearing is unnecessary and distasteful. If you want it in, that's obviously your choice, but I probably won't bother continuing to read this.

Overall - you've obviously got a flair for action and awesome characters - flesh it out your characters a bit more and mebbe pack in a bit more description - especially of actions. ^^ Good luck and fun to you!

Piney.
;204;;324;
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
I'm just going to review the first chapter since I don't have much time, but it may be a bit of a harsh review:

A 13 year old boy was peacefully sleeping in his bed under his blankets and his other stuff.

While another 13 year old boy was shouting in the other boy’s ear with no patience at all “Wake up you F****** idiot!”
You had the chance to describe both of them here, you could've said (Example): A Thirteen year old boy with messy, hazel-brown hair and sparkling, dark blue eyes.

Instead, you described them in the end, which wasn't good.

Try not to write too much dialogue by replacing it with describing something, remember: Adjectives are your best friends, they never let you down.

There were a few mistakes like these:
It was a fire Pokemon it looked like some type of lizard it was orange coloured, it had a flame burning on the tip of its tale, and it looked two feet tall and 19lbs.

Why don't change it into this...
It was a fire type Pokemon that looked like a lizard, it had a burning red flame burning on top of its bright orange tail. The little, *insert a nature for Charmander here, for example: Gentle or Joyful* was two feet tall and 19lbs.

Advice: I'm not saying you did any of these mistakes, I'm just telling you be careful not to make any silly spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes. If you're not sure use Microsoft Word or use a dictionary. Be careful not to switch between tenses (Past Tense, Present Tense) I have to admit, sometimes that happens with me but I try my best not to switch between them. Try to add a nice twist to the plot, and be careful: Don't use shinies or anything like that in fics, they aren't a good addition to fics.

If you didn't read these, I suggest you do:
Fanfiction Rules
Advice For Aspiring Authors

~Timid Kyogre
 

Antarctica

Rock/Water
Ha! Ha! Ha! Hey Boonge, that part in chapter one when you wrote what squirtle said to his new trainer...HA! HA! HA! That was funny!
 

Demy

Well-Known Member
This fic is progressing from when you did your frist chapter i give ti 3 stars.

Demy;212;
 
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