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Pokemon: Hoenn Adventure

P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Ok everyone, here is my fic. It has been revised and you all should enjoy it. I think everyone should give it a chance. This is a double so I put chapters 1 and 2 up. Well, enjoy...

Chapter 1: The Beginning

It was a bright and sunny day in Little Root Town. A young boy yawned as he exited his small house on the right side of town. He was wearing a black and red shirt and black pants with yellow at the base. His white hair was being tamed a black headband with the shape of a red poke’ ball on it. He covered his eyes to block out the blinding sun and walked about two steps before he ran into a familiar face.

“Hey Brendan, did you just wake up? “ Asked the girl as he looked at her blankly, “You sleep more than a Snorlax.”

The girl was wearing a short, red, one-piece skirt with a little black under suit. Her silky brown hair was covered by a red bandana with the shape of a poke’ ball outlined in white on it. The two of them had a lot in common, but they also had a lot of differences.

“Do you ever take that headband off?” She asked.

“Well…I take it off in the shower.” He responded sarcastically, “Do you ever take off the Bandana.”

“I think it’s kind of cute.” She said with a smirk.

“So what was it you wanted May? He asked, “I was having a good dream.”

“So what were you dreaming about?” She asked without caring that she had woken him up. “Oh let me guess.” She said putting her hand on her chin as if she were thinking, “You were dreaming about your first Pokemon right?”

“Uh…yea.” He replied, “I was choosing my first Pokemon and I was ready to head out on a journey. But I was in my underwear…and then the pokeball blew up.” May covered her mouth and began to laugh. Brendan always had the funniest dreams and she just loved to hear them.

“I need you to come with me somewhere.” May said without wasting any more time.

“Where?” Brendan asked with a confused look on his face. May and Brandon were two very different people, but they had one major thing in common, they were dreamers. They both dreamt about the world outside of their small town. They had been friends since they were three and neither of them had ever breathed the air outside of Little Root Town. Brandon always dreamt of being a Pokemon Trainer and entering the Pokemon League. He had a collection of Pokemon action figures and watched anything he could find on television that was Pokemon related. He would pretend that he had his own Pokemon and he had played it out in his mind so many times. He often even had dreams of Pokemon and receiving his first one.

May, on the other hand, had always wanted to be a Coordinator. She liked to think that she had a knack for realizing the inner beauty as well as the outer beauty of Pokemon, but she didn’t have one of her own. Her father was professor Birch and had been distributing starter Pokemon to new trainers from all over, but she had yet to receive one herself. She grew up watching her father raise all of these different Pokemon and she would practice her grooming techniques on them, but all that was about to change.

“Well as you know yesterday was my birthday.” She said in a happy voice, “I am now officially fourteen years old!”

“How could I forget?” Brandon asked, “You knocked your birthday cake on top of me. I was up until twelve o’clock trying to get frosting out of my ears.”

“I said I was sorry!” May exclaimed, “Well anyway as I was saying, since I am now ten my dad says I’m old enough to get my own Pokemon. And you can get one too.”

“But I’m fifteen!” Brendan exclaimed, “Tell me again why I couldn’t get my Pokemon when everyone else did?”

“We go over this every time.” May began, “My dad only gives Pokemon to trainers that are leaving on a Pokemon journey, but he said that he would lone one to you so that you can start getting acquainted with Pokemon’s feelings so that when you do go on your journey it will be easier to bond with your Pokemon.”

“Oh,” Brendan said, “That’s right. Oh well, I guess it would help, if we ever do get out of this small town. I want to see the world you know? Battle lots of trainers and compete in the Pokemon League.”

“Yea, Brendan I want to do all of that stuff just as much as you do, but let’s focus on getting a Pokemon first said.” May said with determination.

Brendan nodded his head then he and May ran off to Professor Birch’s lab. They arrived at a giant, rectangular shaped lab at the edge of town. Brendan opted to ring the doorbell, but May just squeezed in front of him and opened the door, smiling widely. He rolled his eyes and walked in behind her. The two of them entered the giant building filled with doors that lead to different rooms of study. May walked around as if she had been going there all of her life and that may be because she had, but Brendan, on the other hand, was completely lost. Professor Birch had done a lot of renovating since Brendan’s last visit so he relied on May to get them to the room where the professor resided. May lead them to the very back of the building where, as they entered the room, they saw her father, along with his assistant, sifting through some Pokemon data on their computer.

“Brendan, May you’re here!” He exclaimed with a big smile on his face as both he and his assistant turned away from the computer, “I was beginning to think that you weren’t going to show up at all.” May already knew what she wanted. She wanted a Torchic. She had been planning on it for a long time now, but the problem was so had Brendan.
“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get our first Pokemon!” Brendan exclaimed with excitement in his voice, “I already know what I want!”

“I want Torchic!” They both exclaimed at the same time.

“What!” May yelled in a loud voice, “You can’t have Torchic. I’m going to get Torchic!”

“No I am!” Brendan exclaimed back.

“No me!” May yelled trying to raise her voice louder than his. The two of them continued to argue for a good five minutes before professor Birch broke it up.

“Look I know that you both had your hearts set on Torchic, but I gave it away just this morning.” Birch said, getting up from his chair and walking over to the shelf on the right wall of the room.

“You what?!” May exclaimed, “Dad how could you do that? You know I wanted Torchic!”

“I’m sorry May, but if there’s one thing that I’ve taught you it’s if you snooze you lose.” Birch said in a firm fatherly voice, “Had the two of you been here on time you might have been able to get Torchic, but because of your tardiness you have to settle for what’s left.”

“Oh, man!” Brendan exclaimed, “I really wanted Torchic too. Oh well, what’s left then?”

“Here I’ll show you.” Birch said. He grabbed a large bag off of the shelf and put it on his desk. He then opened the bag up and pulled out two pokeballs. He threw the poke’ balls and out came a green gecko-like Pokemon and, beside it, a light blue Pokemon. “This is Treecko.” Birch said pointing to the gecko Pokemon. Then he pointed at the other Pokemon, “And this is Mudkip.” Brendan thought to himself as if the appearance of the Pokemon didn’t matter to him. He just wanted the one that was best at battling. May, of course, was moved by the Mudkip’s cuteness and had already made her decision. She figured that Treecko wasn’t cute enough to win in contests and Brendan thought that Mudkip was too cute to have any skills in battle.

“I’ll take Treecko.” Brendan said, confident of his decision.

“And I want Mudkip.” May said also feeling good about her choice.

“Alright then, consider Torchic and Treecko you temporary Pokemon so be sure not to get too attached. I’m going to need them back soon.” Birch said returning the Pokemon to their balls and handing them to Brendan and May.

“Hey, I though that I got to keep the Mudkip!” May exclaimed.

“May you know that these Pokemon are reserved for trainers starting their Pokemon journeys.” Birch replied.

“But I was going to travel around and become a coordinator.” May said with sort of a whiny voice.

“Honey, you cannot travel by yourself alright. Your not ready for a journey like this, definitely not alone.” Birch said as he got on one knee to reach May’s level.

“Dad I’m ten now.” May said, “Why can’t I go on a journey like all of the other kids?”

“I know that you’re ten, but I just don’t think that you’re ready to face this world alone.” Birch said, trying to be suttle about the whole thing, “Maybe if Brendan were to go with you I’d feel a little better, but you know his mother won’t let him, so neither can you.” May began to cry a little.

“Thanks a lot Brendan!” She exclaimed. She ran out of the room and out of the lab, crying her eyes out. Brendan ran after her without hesitation. As May ran thorough the woods on the outskirts of Little Root Town with her pokeball at hand, Brandon tried desperately to find her, but having never been out of the village the truth is, they may never see her again.

To be continued…


Chapter 2: The Attack

“May!” Brendan called out as he walked through the damp forest, “May where are you?” He stopped and sighed.

“Oh come on May where are you?” He asked under his breath. He sighed again and continued to walk along a path that seemed to stretch on forever. He walked about three more steps and he heard the faint sound of crying in the distance. He followed the sound to large tree. He peered behind it to find May crying.

“May, thank goodness your ok.” Brendan said letting out a sigh of relief. “Go away.” She said as she sat, gripping her pokeball. “Look May it’s not my fault that I can’t go on a journey.” Brendan said, “Why are you acting like this?”

“Just go away.” May said as she continued to cry.

“Ok look,” Brendan said as he sat down beside her, “I’m sorry that you can’t follow your dream of becoming a coordinator, but how do you think I feel? You know I’ve wanted to be a trainer since I was a little boy. I think that’s why we became friends. We shared the common dream of getting out of here and seeing the world, but it looks like that won’t be happening until were, like, twenty.” Brendan laughed and May giggled along with him. “So come on May, let’s just go back.” Brendan said, “Besides, you know no matter what happens you’ve always got…me.” Brendan smiled. He had a way with words that would always leave May speechless. And that smile was hypnotizing. She could sit and watch him smile for hours. No matter what happened she knew that Brendan could just smile and she would feel like everything was going to be alright.

“Ok, let’s go.” She said with a smile as she whipped her eyes.

“Let’s give our Pokemon some fresh air.” Brendan suggested.

“Alright.” May agreed, “Mudkip come on out!” She threw her pokeball and Brandon threw his too. Out of the red and white colored balls came their Pokemon Treecko and Mudkip.

“Treecko!” “Mudkip!” They exclaimed with great enthusiasm.

“Hi Mudkip I’m May.” She said bending on one knee and rubbing the Pokemon’s head.

“Torchic, Tor!” It exclaimed as May continued to rub its head.

“Hey we’re getting along already.” May said looking to Brendan.

“Hey Treecko, My name is Brendan.” He said bending down to Treecko’s level, “I’m your temporary trainer.” He put his hand out, but the Treecko just turned away. “Oh come on Treecko, don’t be like that.” Brendan said reaching out and accidentally grabbing its tail. The Treecko got extremely angry. It spun around and gave Brendan a powerful pound attack to the side of the head. He fell over and held his head in pain.

“I feel sorry for the trainer that gets this Pokemon.” He said, “Then again it would be great in battle.” Meanwhile May continued to pet her beloved Mudkip. As she bonded with it she began to grow more and more attached to it.

“Oh it’s so cute.” She said in a baby voice, “I wish I could keep it for longer than a week.”

“How about I keep it forever?” Asked a strangely deep voice. A chain tied like a lasso came down around Mudkip and a man in a red suit reeled in his lucky catch. The man had on a red suit with a weird black symbol on it. His shirt had a black cape attacked to the back and he had on a hood with black horns sticking out of it.

“Hmm a Mudkip, hu?” The man asked now holding the Pokemon, “This will make a lot of money on the market. Or maybe I’ll just keep this one for myself.” Mudkip wiggled around in his arms, shooting embers off in all the wrong directions.

“Who are you?” May asked, “Whatever it doesn’t matter give me Mudkip back!”

“He’s a member of Team Magma.” Brendan said as he walked up beside May.

“Who’s Team Magma?” May asked with a puzzled look on her face.

“They are a notorious group known for harassing Trainers and stealing their Pokemon.” Brendan began, “They bring terror and destruction where ever they go. There part of the reason my mom won’t let me go on a Pokemon journey. That’s not all though…they have a rival team called Team Aqua and they are in a constant power struggle.”

“How do you know all of this stuff?” May asked looking at him.

“I watch the news a lot and read the Pokemon times.” Brendan replied, “I guess you can call me a nerd.” He chuckled.

“Those Aqua geeks have nothing on us. We’ll mop the floor with their pathetic water Pokemon.” The Magma member said.

“How about you battle with me first?” Brendan asked.

“Me, battle a little runt like you?” The member asked in a sarcastic voice, “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“The way I see it is the only reason you wouldn’t is because you’re too afraid.” Brendan said with a shrug of his shoulders, “You’re not afraid of me are you?”

“I ain’t afraid of nothing kid!” The Magma member exclaimed.

“Then what do you say to a one on one match?” Branden asked, “Winner gets the Mudkip.”

“Alright kid I’m game, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The magma member said with a smirk.

“I should be the one warning you.” Brendan said with a smirk of his own.

“Brendan what are you doing?” May asked in a low voice, “If what you said is true then this guy specializes in fire-type Pokemon!”

“Yea so?” Brendan asked.

“So…all you have is that Treecko.” She said, “I’m not the expert on Pokemon battling, but I’m pretty sure that grass-types are weak against fire-types. Treecko is going to get creamed!”

“Don’t worry I won’t lose.” Brendan said maintaining his cocky smirk.

“Look I appreciate you doing this for me, but you are way too determined for your own good.” May said folding her arms.

“Look I’m not actually planning on winning.” Brendan said in a low voice, “I’m just going to stall him. He can’t hold Mudkip and concentrate on the battle at the same time so after he puts it down he’ll be busy with me so you can sneak over there and take Mudkip back. Then we make a run for it."

“That is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard.” She said, “Count me in.”

“Hey if you two love birds are done talking over there can we get this show on the road?” The magma member asked.

“Alright let’s go Treecko!” He exclaimed. Treecko knew what was at stake and despite any problems he had with Brendan he stepped forward to face the challenge hoping that his temporary trainer knew what he was doing.

“So, you’re using a Treecko, hu? Yet another rare Pokemon?” The Magma member asked, “This is going to be like taking candy from a baby, but since your so confident how about this. If you lose I get that Treecko too. So what do you say?”

“I accept.” Brendan said without hesitation. May was surprised and still a little confused by Brendan’s motives, but she had learned to trust him over the years.

“Good.” The Magma member said as an evil smile shot across his face, “Then lets get started, pokeball go!” He threw a pokeball out onto the ground and out came a black dog-like Pokemon. It howled loudly in an attempt to intimidate Treecko, but Treecko did not waver. “Oh, tough Treecko you’ve got there.” The Magma member said sarcastically, “Not afraid of the big bad wolf? Well we’re going to have to make it afraid won’t we? Houndour Ember!” Houndour opened its mouth and out shot a blazing stream of fire aimed directly at Treecko.

“Treecko dodge it!” Brendan commanded.

“Treecko!” It yelled as it leaped to the left avoiding the attack.

“Use another Ember Houndour!” The Magma member yelled. The Pokemon howled as it shot another stream of fire in their direction, but this time it wasn’t aimed at Treecko. The attack was headed toward Brendan. He realized it at the last second and jumped out of the way, but was unable to escape a minor burn on his arm.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed holding his arm, “Hey that’s not fair! You’re not supposed to attack a trainer in a Pokemon battle!”

“Who said anything about playing fair kid?” The Magma member asked. “You’re playing with the big boys now! Houndour use another Ember attack!” The little Pokemon shot yet another stream of fire aimed at Brendan. Just before it hit Treecko jumped in the way and took a direct hit.

“TREEEEECKOOOOOO!” It yelled as it fell to the ground charred and bruised.

“Treecko!” Brendan exclaimed running up to the injured Pokemon and returning it to its pokeball.

“It looks like the games over kid.” The Magma member said, “And now I’ll be taking my prize.” He turned to see that the Torchic was gone. He looked up and saw May trying to sneak off. “Just where do you think you’re going?” He asked stopping May in her tracks. She turned to see him and his Houndour chasing her.

“Who me?” She asked, “I was just going to…” She dropped the sentence and began to run.

“Houndour show her what happens when you cross Team Magma.” He commanded. The Pokemon nodded.

“Hey!” Brendan yelled gaining the members attention, “May keep running now!”

“Oh no you don’t!” The Magma member yelled turning back to her, “Houndour Ember now!” The Houndour shot another Ember attack, but it was now aimed at May. She tried desperately to run, but she tripped, dropping Mudkip. The stream of fire was coming straight at her, but just then Mudkip jumped in front of her and used a Water Gun attack. The two attacks collided causing a cloud of steam, allowing Brendan and May escape.

“Come on let’s get out of here while we still can!” Brendan yelled as he grabbed May and dragged her away with Mudkip at hand. When the dust cleared all that was stood there was the Magma member and his Houndour.

“Those kids will regret messing with Team Magma.” He said to himself, “I swear it.”

Brendan and May made it back to town after a short run. It was mid afternoon and the first thing they did was tell professor Birch what happened, and then he healed Treecko.

“That’s quite a day you two had.” Professor Birch said.

“Yea you should have seen Brendan. He battled like a real pro.” May said sarcastically.

“Shut up!” He exclaimed, “I think I did pretty well for my first Pokemon battle.”

“Yes you did Brendan.” Birch agreed, “You held yourself very well and you knew when your Pokemon had enough. That shows signs of a great trainer.”

“Thanks.” Brendan said, blushing a little, “Well I guess it’s about time for me to get home. My mom is probably worried sick about me. See ya May.”

“Bye Brendan.” May said, “Oh and don’t forget to…” May was cut off by a loud rumbling. “What was that?” She asked.

“Let’s go see.” Brendan said grabbing Treecko’s pokeball. The three of them ran out where the people of Little Root Town were all standing outside of their burning houses.

“Wha…what’s going on here?” May asked one of the female villagers.

“It was a guy from Team Magma. He’s says he wants to see the boy with the white hair. He and his Pokemon burned the great tree down.” She responded pointing to Brendan, “That’s was the only thing that allowed Little Root to prosper for so long and it’s all your fault.”

Brendan stepped up with a blank look in his face as the Magma member stood, glaring at him with an evils smirk smacked across his face.

“What do you want with me?” Brendan asked, “,and how did you know where I lived?”

“Oh come on boy,” He responded, “It was simple to figure out once I saw your Treecko. You could have only gotten that from one place.”

“What do you want from me!?” He asked raising his voice this time.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on outsmarting Team Magma.” He replied, “Now here’s your prize!” He raised his voice and pointed at the burning tree.

“You monster.” May exclaimed.

“Now I shall leave you to bask in this.” The man said turning his back on them, “Remember that Team Magma did this to you.” Just then a blimp with a giant ‘M’ on it came down and picked him up. The blimp flew off leaving the shocked villagers standing around the great tree as it burned in the evening sky.

Brandon was left speechless and May was also at a loss of words. He looks up and sees his mother’s disappointment. He could feel their pain and their hatred. Without any further word he began to walk away in shame.

“Where are you going?” May asked as she caught up to him.

“I have to leave.” He responded, “This is my fault… I can’t stay here. I’m already responsible for this. I won’t let anything like this happen again.”

“Then I’m going with you.” May said. Brendan opened his mouth to speak, but May cut him off. “I’m just as responsible as you are. It was my fault we were even out there in the first place. So I’m going with you and that’s final, but I have just one question… Where are we gonna go?”

“Well I was thinking that now would be a good time to go on that Pokemon Journey we always dreamed of going on.” Brendan replied.

“But what about our parents?” May asked. Just then Brendan’s mother runs up with tears in her eyes.

“I know what you have to do.” She said, “It’s getting dark so I’ll try to make this quick. This is your life and you’re getting older now. I’ve tried to keep you to myself for so long, but you're fifteen and you are starting to learn that your actions have consequences and you have to accept them. So go…go and do what you nee to make things right with yourself. Live your life to the fullest and don’t ever forget to have fun.” Brendan hugged his mom and smiled.

“We can at least stay for the night.” He said.

“That would be nice.” His mother said nodding her head.

That night May and her father stayed over Brendan’s house. They packed their bags for the long journey ahead and made sure to get a good night sleep.

The next morning Brendan and May stood on the edge of the village kissing their parents goodbye.

“I’ll miss you guys.” Brendan’s mom said.

“We’ll miss you too,” May replied, “and thanks for not trying to stop us professer.”

“Why would I do that?” Birch asked, “I realized that I was being too hard on you May. You’re growing up and I just didn’t want to accept that. I didn’t want to let you go, but I’ve learned that every bird must leave the nest someday. I guess today is your day. Oh and Brendan…you have grown up quite a bit. I know that the two of you are capable of great things and you need to get out doing them. So go and don’t come back until you’ve beaten the Pokemon League and won the Grand Pokemon Contest.”

“Thanks dad.” May said standing on her tip toes to give him another kiss.

“Thank you Professor Birch.” Brendan said as he turned away.

“Oh and I got these for you two.” Birch said stopping them. He handed Brendan a Pokedex and a badge case, then he gave May a ribbon case and a bag of Pokeblock.

“It’s just a little gift from me to you.” He said.

“Thank you professor.” Brendan said shaking his hand.

As Brendan and May waved goodbye, not only to their parents, but to the place that they grew up in, they knew that nothing but adventure lie just over the horizon.

To be continued…

So tell me what you think. If you liked it let me know and if you didn't then tell me what i can do to improve. I look forward to hearing from everyone.
 
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Kyuubii

Gigas
Alright, pretty good, you could have made the first chapter a bit longer and I did see a couple grammar mistakes but nothing major. I liked how you started: with the age difference, how Birch 'lent' them the Pokemon, and the Great Tree thing. it was different than other fics but still kept Brendan and May. Finally, I like how Brendan started with Treecko, in most fics he'll start with either Torchic or Mudkip.

P.S. I saw that you posted your thread twice WTF's up with that?
 
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Poseidon

Hoshi No Kabii
The story right now is nice. Original Poke'mon adventure start.
There is one thing I spotted.

“I said I was sorry!” May exclaimed, “Well anyway as I was saying, since I am now ten my dad says I’m old enough to get my own Pokemon. And you can get one two.”
Shouldn't that be too instead of two?
 
P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Here is Chapter 3. This one so happens to be one of my favorite that I've written so far so enjoy...

Chapter 3: Strange Meetings

It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining through the scattered trees, onto May’s head. May and Brendan looked around in amazement. There were Pokemon everywhere.

“Wow!” May exclaimed in excitement.

“Look at all of these Pokemon.” Brendan said with just as much excitement, “I’m gonna try and catch one!” Brendan ran off of the path and into some bushes.

“Typical.” May said as she followed behind him. The two of the peered out of the bushes to see a small brown Pokemon with zigzagging fur, rubbing it’s back against a tree.

“Whoa look at that thing!” Brendan exclaimed, “What is it?”

“Why don’t you look it up in the Pokedex my dad gave you?” May suggested.

“Oh yea I forgot about that.” Brendan said pulling it out of his front pocket. He pushed the button in the middle of the pokeball insignia that at the base of the Pokedex and it opened. A picture of the Pokemon appeared on the screen and a female voice came out of the machine.

Zigzagoon, the Tiny Raccoon Pokemon. The hair on Zigzagoon’s back is very bristly. It rubs its hard back hair against trees as a way of marking its territory.

“Cool!” Brendan exclaimed, “I’m definitely gonna catch this one.” He hopped out of the bushes with a confident smirk on his face. He grabbed a pokeball from the fore strap on his bag. He had the type of bag that only had one strap slinging across your chest. He carried five empty pokeballs on the strap with Treecko’s at the very top. He grabbed the second one and pressed the button in the middle, enhancing its size.

“You’re mine!” He yelled as he threw the poke’ ball at the Zigzagoon. As the pokeball flew closer and closer to the small brown Pokemon Brendan remembered something.

“Oops! I was supposed to weaken it first.” He said under his breath, but it was too late, the Zigzagoon head butted the ball right back at Brendan. He stumbled to catch it and put it back on the strap.

“It looks like you aren’t going to make this easy for me.” Brendan said to the Pokemon as he grabbed Treecko’s pokeball, “Go Treecko!” He exclaimed throwing the ball. It landed in front of the Pokemon and out of the opened ball came a flash of light. When the light dissipated Treecko stood with a calm look on its face.

“Treecko let’s snag this one up!” Brendan yelled, “Use a Pound attack!” Treecko ran at the wild Zigzagoon and spun around dealing a hard blow to the side of its head. It seemed as if the Pokemon didn’t even try to avoid the attack. It stood there for a second then it began to wobble around on its hind legs and fell to the ground.

“Uh…I think we over did it Treecko.” Brendan said.

“Over did it?! Brendan you killed the poor thing!” May exclaimed.

“No I didn’t it probably just feinted.” Brendan reassured, “I’m just gonna catch it.” He reached to grab an empty poke’ ball, but then he heard a beeping noise coming from his Pokedex. He pulled it out of his pocket again and opened it. Once again the female voice emitted from the machine. “Zigzagoon also like to play dead to fool their foes.” Said the voice.

“Play dead!” Brendan exclaimed as he looked up to see that the Zigzagoon had gone,

“You couldn’t tell me this earlier?!” Brendan ran around the area looking for the crafty Pokemon. May and Treecko stood behind looking awkwardly upon Brendan as he frantically searched.

“Don’t just stand there!” He exclaimed, “Help me look Treecko!” Treecko began to look through the bushes along with Brendan. Brendan had begun to give up hope when he heard rustling in a nearby bush.

“Ha! I found you.” He said as he began to approach the bush. He dived into the bush and grabbed it. He began to wrestle it. Treecko and May stood just outside of the bush awaiting Brendan’s catch, but just then a stream of fire shot out of the bush, nearly burning them to a crisp. Brendan fell out of the bush and the Pokemon walked out. It was a red-orange Pokemon. It looked like a lizard, but it had an intense flame burning at the tip of its tail.

“Ok, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that isn’t a Zigzagoon.” May said. Brendan pulled out his Pokedex and looked it up.

Charmander, the lizard Pokemon. This Pokemon has a flame burning at the end of its tail. The flame grows more and more intense when the Pokemon is angry. It is said that if the flame goes out the Pokemon will die.

“Whoa!” Brendan exclaimed, “This is way better than the other one. I’m going to catch this one instead.”

“Now hold on just a minute!” May yelled, “What makes you think I don’t want it?”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m going to catch it!” He yelled back.

“Oh no you’re not I’m catching it!” May yelled trying to raise her voice louder than his.
“ME!” He yelled getting even louder. The two of them argued back and forth about the Pokemon. Treecko just sighed and put his hand on his head. Brendan and May stared each other down for a good five minutes until a boy, about their age, walked out of the bushes.

“There you are Charmander.” He said, “I’ve been looking all over for you.” Brendan and May stopped and looked as the Charmander ran and jumped on the boy.

“Is this your Charmander?” May asked as she walked over to him.

“Yes it is. My name’s Alex.” He said with a smile, “Thanks so much for finding my Charmander. I don’t know what I would have done without it.” Brendan and May blushed with embarrassment.

“I’m Brendan and this is my friend May.” He said.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” Alex replied. He peered over Brendan’s shoulder and looked to Treecko.

“Wow a Treecko!” He exclaimed. He ran over to the Pokemon and began to observe it.

“Hey I know!” He exclaimed, “How about a Pokemon battle?”

“Sure, why not?” Brendan accepted. The two trainers stood at opposite sides of the small field. Treecko stood on Brendan’s side and Charmander on Alex’s.

“Go!” Alex yelled beginning the match.

“Treecko go, use Pound attack!” Brendan commanded

“Charmander dodge and use Metal Claw!” Alex yelled. Charmander jumped out of the way just in time to avoid the attack and came down, slashing Treecko across the stomach with its metal claw attack. Treecko backed away and held its chest.

“His Charmander knows Metal Claw.” Brendan said to himself. He looked up to see that Charmander was coming in for another Metal Claw.

“Treecko look out!” Brendan yelled. Treecko jumped into the air, dodging the attack.

“Now come down with a Pound Attack!” Treecko spun into a pound, but Charmander jumped back, avoiding the attack.

“Come on Brendan think.” He said to himself, “What other moves does Treecko know?” He stopped to think, but it was only a few seconds until he heard Alex tell Charmander to go in for another Metal Claw.

“Oh yea!” He exclaimed, “Treecko use Leer Attack!” He yelled. Treecko’s eyes widened and turned a dark red. Charmander couldn’t help but gaze into them and became dazed with fear, stopping in its tracks.

“Good now Treecko use Pound attack!” Brendan commanded. Treecko spun around and smashed its tail into Charmander, knocking it across the open area.

“Come on Charmander get up.” Alex said. Charmander struggled to its feet.

“Great Charmander, now let’s show him what were made of!” Alex exclaimed, “Use Ember attack!” Charmander’s flame began to grow fierce as it opened its mouth. As it prepared to use its Ember attack Treecko stood ready, but nothing came but a puff of smoke.

“Oh no, not again!” Alex exclaimed.

“Quick Treecko now’s our chance! Use a Quick Attack!” Brendan commanded. Treecko got down on all four legs and began to run at lightning speed at the now vulnerable Charmander. Treecko rammed the Charmander knocking it back. Then it ran behind it and rammed it again. The Charmander flew onto the ground. It struggled hard to stand and faced Treecko. Its legs were about to give in, but it insisted on continuing the fight.

“Charmander return.” Alex said as he held its poke’ ball out. A red beam shot at Charmander and engulfed it and it was returned to its poke’ ball.

“Sometimes you’ve gotta know when you’ve had enough.” Alex said humbly.

“Good job Treecko.” Brendan said as he returned it to its poke, ball, “What happened with you’re Charmander?” Brendan asked.

“Well I just got it a few days ago, but no matter what I try I can’t get it to use Ember attack.” Alex responded.

“Well that Metal Claw attack was doing the trick.” Brendan said, “Besides it probably just needs to rest at the Pokemon Center.”

“Yea, I think there’s a Pokemon Center in OlDale Town.” Alex said, “It’s only about a days walk from here.”

“We’re headed that way too.” May said, “Why don’t you come with us?”

“Alright.” Alex agreed, “Let’s go.” The three of them walked off together, headed towards Ol’ Dale Town where only opportunity lies.

To be continued…

Tell me what you thought.
 
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HB5squared

I'm Back
I like it but its unrealistic...10 years old and out on their own journies? If I was their parents I wouldn't let them go out on a journey especially with evil organizations going around... perhaps 14 or 15 would be a better age.

Also...May the helpless coordinator with a torchic? Wow what a surprise...NOT!

And Team Magma don't specialize with fire type, they specialize with gound type...Groudon...

It's unrealistic and unoriginal, it'd be better with a drop of realism and originality.

Overall...Average
 

Kyuubii

Gigas
It was an allright chapter, I like how you put Zigzagoon in there, he is a very underused Pkmn. I did notice one thing though:
Pokemon Trainer X said:
“No I didn’t it probably just feinted.”
Shouldn't it be 'fainted' not 'feinted'. Anywho I'll be sticking around.
Oh, and one more thing, I kinda agree with HB5, its great you had their ages different, but 10 is a little too young.
Peace,
Kyuubii
 

Draco Malfoy

-REaction
A Hoennshipping Fic... Interesting. For the first time, I'll have to agree with HB5squared, the age is well, a bit young and some ideas are just too cliche. It's unrealistic and unoriginal, it'd be better with some more realism and originality. Try to be creative and imaginative. And it's Brendan, not Brandon ^^;; Overall, I'll give this fic a five and a half out of ten.
 

Demise

...An orange blob...
People, don't go typing insults about someone's fic especially if it is a newbie. Didn't he/she said to give it a chance? Also, it is Brendan not Brandon.

They had been friends since they were three
If I did read correctly, didn't it say that Brendan is twelve, two years older than May?

Don't be lazy and forget the 'y'. It isn'rt that hard to press.

Yea, Brendan I want to do all of that stuff just as much as you do, but let’s focus on getting a Pokemon first said.” May said with determination.
Compare:
Oh,” Brandon said, “That’s right. Oh well, I guess it would help, if we ever do get out of this small town. I want to see the world you know? Battle lots of trainers and compete in the Pokemon League.”
Please don't go changing the names.

Here I’ll show you.” Birch said. He grabbed a large bag off of the shelf and put it on his desk. He then opened the bag up and pulled out two pokeballs. He threw the poke’ balls and out came a green gecko-like Pokemon and, beside it, an orange and yellow chick-like Pokemon. “This is Treecko.” Birch said pointing to the gecko Pokemon. Then he pointed at the chick Pokemon, “And this is Torchic.” Brandon thought to himself as if the appearance of the Pokemon didn’t matter to him. He just wanted the one that was best at battling. May, of course, was moved by the Torchic’s cuteness and had already made her decision. She figured that Treecko wasn’t cute enough to win in contests and Brandon thought that Torchic was too cute to have any skills in battle.
This is a pretty clumped up paragraph. It should be like this:

Here I’ll show you,(put a comma)” Birch said. He grabbed a large bag off [of] (You don't really have to put it there) the shelf and put it on his desk. He then opened the bag up and pulled out two pokeballs. He threw the poke’ balls and out came a green gecko-like Pokemon ,and[,]beside it, an orange and yellow chick-like Pokemon.


“This is Treecko,” Birch said pointing to the gecko Pokemon.

Then he pointed at the chick Pokemon, “And this is Torchic.”

Brandon thought to himself as if the appearance of the Pokemon didn’t matter to him. He just wanted the one that was best at battling.

May, of course, was moved by the Torchic’s cuteness and had already made her decision.

She figured that Treecko wasn’t cute enough to win in contests and Brandon thought that Torchic was too cute to have any skills in battle.
If it is spaced out, it should be a lot easier to read.

“I’ll take Treecko,” Brandon said, confident of his decision.

“And I want Torchic,” May said also feeling good about her choice.

“Alright then, consider Torchic and Treecko you temporary Pokemon so be sure not to get too attached. I’m going to need them back soon,” Birch said returning the Pokemon to their balls and handing them to Brandon and May.
You can replace periods with commas if you are going to label who said it.

“Hi ,Torchic, I’m May.” She said, bending on one knee and rubbing the Pokemon’s head.
If you are going to say a greeting, put a comma before adressing the person's name.

“Thanks a lot, Brandon!” She exclaimed. She ran out of the room and out of the lab, crying her eyes out.

Brandon ran after her without hesitation. As May ran through the woods on the outskirts of Little Root Town with her pokeball at hand, Brandon tried desperately to find her, but having never been out of the village, the truth is, they(?) may never see her again.
The words in italic, are run-ons. Seperate the continuing sentence. 'They?' Isn't it suppose t be 'he?'
When May 'exclaimed' that sentence, I thought that she was happy. Though you can change it into this:
'...She exclaimed, her voice was full of disappointment.'

“Oh, it’s so cute,” She said in a baby voice, “I wish I could keep it for longer than a week.”
Commas needed where bolded.

No, me!” May yelled trying to raise her voice louder than his. The two of them continued to argue for a good five minutes before professor Birch broke it up.
“No, I am!” Brandon exclaimed back.

“Good,” The Magma member said as an evil smile shot across his face, “Then lets get started, poke’ ball go!”

He threw a pokeball out onto the ground and out came a black dog-like Pokemon. It howled loudly in an attempt to intimidate Treecko, but Treecko did not waver.

“Oh, tough Treecko you’ve got there,” The Magma member said sarcastically, “Not afraid of the big bad wolf? Well we’re going to have to make it afraid won’t we? Houndour, Ember!”

Houndour opened its mouth and out shot a blazing stream of fire aimed directly at Treecko.
“Use another Ember, Houndour!”

“Yeah, so?” Brandon asked.

“Brandon, what are you doing?” May asked in a low voice, “If what you said is true, then this guy specializes in fire-type Pokemon!”
Hmm, not only fire-type, ground-type. Also Team Magma and Team Aqua also have dark-type pokemon.

Hmm a Torchic, hu?”
'Hu' or 'Huh'?
Houndour use another Ember attack
Well, if you command the Houndour to 'use' ember attack, wouldn't that be similar to the game? Instead of that, you can so this:
"Houndour, flame that [insert pokemon name] with your ember!"

exclaimed
Over use of exclaim, here. If you work on Ms Word, at least press the shift and the F7 key. It leads you to a Thesaurus.

“What do you want with me?” Brandon asked, “,(the comma is uneeded, Just capitalize the 'And') and how did you know where I lived?”

“But what about our parents?” May asked. Just then Brandon’s mother runs up with tears in her eyes.

“I know what you have to do.” She said, “It’s getting dark so I’ll try to make this quick. This is your life and you’re getting older now. I’ve tried to keep you to myself for so long, but you are starting to learn that your actions have consequences and you have to accept them. So go…go and do what you nee to make things right with yourself. Live your life to the fullest and don’t ever forget to have fun.” Brandon hugged his mom and smiled.
Now that was a sudden change. First the things are too rushed.Brendan's mom first said that he wasn't allowed to go. And suddenly, after May asked about his parents, POOF, his mom comes up and confesses that he should go.

“Why would I do that?” Birch asked, “I realized that I was being too hard on you May. You’re growing up and I just didn’t want to accept that. I didn’t want to let you go, but I’ve learned that every bird must leave the nest someday. I guess today is your day. Oh and Brandon…you have grown up quite a bit. I know that the two of you are capable of great things and you need to get out doing them. So go and don’t come back until you’ve beaten the Pokemon League and won the Grand Pokemon Contest.”
Once again, things are too rushed, and Professor Birch finally realizes that he had been too hard on his daughter.

As Brandon and May waved goodbye, not only to their parents, but to the place that they grew up in, they knew that nothing but adventure lie just over the horizon.
Erm, nice ending statement. That sure builds up suspense...[/sarcasm]

And Hb5squared, don't go telling people's fics were horrible. At least you can be a good person by pointing out where Pokemon Trainer X made it horrible.

It's unrealistic and unoriginal, it'd be better with a drop of realism and originality.
Then tell he/she where it is unrealistic and unoriginal. Maybe some fics are like:

"She confronts a Lugia, and then manages to capture it with a mere pokeball. She didn't even break a sweat. And after that,the Lugia was the girl's first pokemon. And they went beating every pokemon they battle with only one move."

Now that is unrealistic.

It is unrealistic when a Magma grunt confronts them so early in the fic. Pokemon Trainer X, why was the Magma grunt there anyway?

like it but its unrealistic...10 years old and out on their own journies? If I was their parents I wouldn't let them go out on a journey especially with evil organizations going around... perhaps 14 or 15 would be a better age.

Also...May the helpless coordinator with a torchic? Wow what a surprise...NOT!

And Team Magma don't specialize with fire type, they specialize with gound type...Groudon...

It's unrealistic and unoriginal, it'd be better with a drop of realism and originality.

Overall...Average

Isn't that the normal age that they let ten-year olds out into journeys? Evil organization? What about TR in Kanto and Johto?

What else would you expect, Hb5squared? A treeko and torchic was left. Mudkip was already taken. Professor Birch giving a very fabulous contst pokemon?

They also specialize in dark-types. If you haven't played the game or if you have, you might notice that almost every Magam grunt would have a poocheyena or a zubat. Almost every Aqua grunt, would have a zubat or a carvanha. And Maxie has a mighteyna and something else, and Archie has a sharpedo.

...No comment to your last statement...

And Pokemon Trainer X, it is a good story so far. I expect some interesting plot twist. And I look forward for you to keep writing until the end.

Besides all of the errors, the whoe story is seven out of ten. I take two points from it for the grammar mistakes, and one point for the unoriginality.

I hope that this fic will become a great fic. And if you think of ever deleting this thread or stop writing your fic because of someone's insults, then don't. But if you really feel like it is pathatic, yeah, you can go delete this thread, but you can rewrite the whole thing, once you gain more experience.

I'll be keeping my eye out for this thread. Keep up the good work and don't back down.

Later-;197;
 
P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Well thanx for posting you opinions. I had it as "Brendan" in the first place, but I thought it was wrong so I tried change them and I must have missed on. As for May being 10, that is the age that kids go on their journey. I didn't want to stray to fa away from the actuall shows dynamics. I also know about the grammer mystakes. Sometimes I miss them when I do the revisions and the reason that it is "unoriginal" is becouse I like the show alot and I like what they've done to it. I love trainer fic and I love Brendan and May so it's only natural that I decided to make a trainer fic about them. Next, I'm sorry if things seem a little rushed at the end of the second chapter. It was getting too long and I didn't want to add a whole other chapter so sorry about that. And last, but not least May was going to pick Mudkip first, but it was already taken. She was forced to pick either Treecko or Torchic and she picked Torchic. Sorry if it's unoriginal.

Well I appreciate you guys reading it and I will take what you have said into consideration before I post the fourth chapter.
 
P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Well, here's Chapter 4. I Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 4/ Part 1: A Hostage Situation

Brendan and May, along with their new friend Alex, have finally made it to OlDale Town.

“We’re finally here.” Alex said with a smile on his face, “I can’t believe it took us a whole extra day to get here.” He looked up into the sky to see the sun disappearing over the horizon.

“It wouldn’t have if May wasn’t afraid to travel at night.” Brendan stated, “Not to mention the fact that we had to stop about a billion times because she was too tired.”

“Well excuse me if I’m not one with the great outdoors yet!” May exclaimed.

“I used to camp outside with my dad all the time.” Brendan said, “It’s not my fault that you don’t know a thing about the outdoors. It’s no wonder Professor Birch wouldn’t let you travel alone.”

“Well if you’re such an outdoorsman then how about Alex and I go stay at the Pokemon Center and you can sleep out here, Brendan of the jungle!” May yelled.

“You wouldn’t last one second on your own!” Brendan yelled.

“Oh, you think so?!” May asked in a very loud tone.

“I know so!” Brendan yelled back.

“Man you guys argue a lot.” Alex interrupted, “You two should get married.” Both Brendan and May stopped their argument and stared at him with fire in their eyes. It was silent for a moment as they stared angrily at him.

“Uh…forget I said anything.” He said with a nervous look on his face. Alex listened to them argue for another ten minutes and then he cut in.

“Uh…can we just go to the Pokemon Center?” He asked.

“Fine!” Both Brendan and May exclaimed simultaneously. They both walked on opposite sides of Alex as the three of them walked to the Pokemon Center together. Once they arrived they walked straight up to Nurse Joy, sitting behind the front desk.

“Hi, our Pokemon need to be healed, please.” Alex said to the pink haired nurse.

“May’s doesn’t.” Brendan said under his breath, “It’s not like she’s done anything with it anyway.”

“You wanna start something?” May asked getting in his face.

“Come on guys, not again.” Alex said looking back at them, “People are staring at us.” The two of them just folded their arms and looked away from each other.

“Are they always like this?” Nurse Joy asked.

“I’m beginning to think so.” Alex said with a small grin. Nurse Joy giggled.

“Here, I’ll take your Pokemon now.” She said. Brendan and Alex handed her their pokeballs and she took them into the back room.

“This will only take about 15 minutes so why don’t you go back into the cafeteria.” Joy said maintaining her pleasant smile, “Its pasta night and you guys look hungry.” Just then all of their stomachs began to growl at once.

“Dinner sounds good to me.” Brendan said with a grin as he walked toward the door with the sigh that read cafeteria.

“You said it.” May agreed as she followed him.

“Well at least they can agree on something.” Alex said to himself, then he followed closely behind. The three of them sat and talked over their Lasagna. Brendan told Alex about his dream of becoming a Pokemon Master and May told him about wanting to become a Coordinator. Alex then proceeded to explain that he too had a dream. He dreamt of becoming a Pokemon Researcher. After dinner Brendan and Alex received their Pokemon from Nurse Joy.

“I wonder if my Charmander is able to use Ember now.” Alex wondered.

“I don’t think it works like that, but there’s only one way to find out.” May said.

“Let’s go out and see.” Brendan suggested. The three of them exited the Pokemon center from the front door and walked around back. May looked up to see that the sky that was once filled with bright oranges and pinks had faded into a cool dark blue and the stars had come out. They could feel the cool night air all around them as they walked through the soft grass.

“Alright let’s see if it worked.” Alex said as he gripped the pokeball, “Go Charmander!” He threw the ball and out came his cute little Charmander.

“Alright Charmander let’s see what you’ve got!” He exclaimed, “Use Ember attack now!” He yelled. Charmander opened its mouth and prepared to use its Ember attack, but, once again, all it got was a small cloud of black smoke.

“Oh, man.” Alex said in a disappointed voice, “Maybe my Charmander just can’t learn Ember. What good is a fire Pokemon that doesn’t know any fire attacks?” Charmander was now disappointed in itself.

“That Metal Claw attack was pretty tough.” Brendan said trying to cheer him up, “It did a number on Treecko.”

“And if all else fails you can always enter him in a Pokemon Contest.” May added, but Alex didn’t respond. He just held is head down with a sad look on his face.

“I’m going to so some research and find out the cause of this.” Alex said in a determined voice.

“Look, all you have to do is work with your Charmander and help it to learn Ember.” Brendan said, “Come on try it again.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re right Brendan.” Alex said with a sigh, “Alright Charmander, try Ember attack one more time!” Charmander opened its mouth, but no sooner did a stream of fire shoot by, right in front of them.

“Whoa!” Alex exclaimed.

“Isn’t past your bed time kids?” Asked the voice of an obviously older man. The three of them looked to the left and saw a group of magma’s grunts, being lead by and admin, headed toward them. They stopped once they got within two feet of them and the one in the front looked a Brendan and smirked.

“So you’re the one who outsmarted Davis, Brendan is it?” He said. Brendan’s face tightened. He knew that whatever was going on couldn’t be good.

“You really got to him kid. Well don’t think to highly of yourself.” The Magma admin said, “Davis wasn’t all that smart anyway. Don’t know why he let a kid like you get under his skin, even though you did throw our whole plan off that day.”

“Hey is everyone forgetting about me?” May asked. “I was there too.”

“Oh I’m sorry little girl.” The Magma Admin said in a sarcastic voice, “Well boys these kids seem to be quite the heroes. So I guess we’ll have to do to them what we do to all the other trainers who think they’re heroes.” Each one of them threw a pokeballs and out came a Mightyenna, a Ryhorn, a Camrupt, and the admin let out an Arcanine.

“Wow, you guys sure know how to make enemies.” Alex said in a nervous voice as his Charmander growled at the other Pokemon.

“Any last words brats?” Asked the cocky admin as an evil grin shot across his face, “Nothing? That’s too bad, Attack!” Their party of Pokemon prepared to blast them with a barrage of attacks. Arcanine and Camrupt shot a Flamethrower, Mightyenna and Ryhorn charged at the trio. They could feel the heat as the streams of fire moved closer and closer to them, but just as they were about to get fried several streams of water shot out from behind them, knocking Mightyenna and Ryhorn off track and neutralized the fire, covering the entire area with steam.

“What the?” The Magma member asked.

“Who was that?” May followed.

“So you Magmas are still picking on little kids.” Said a voice sourcing from behind our heroes, “How pathetic.” When the smoke cleared four, Team Aqua grunts and an adamant stood before them.

“Great, Team Aqua.” Said the Admin, “What are they doing here.”

“So that’s Team Aqua.” Alex said as he looked back toward them. Each one of them had different water Pokemon beside them. There was a Starmie, a Vaporeon, a Kingler, a Golduck, and the admin had Sealeo at her side. She had red hair covered by a blue bandana and piercing green eyes.

“So I’m going to just give you guys the benefit of the doubt and say that you were also looking to take over OlDale Town. Am I right?” She asked, “Of course I’m right, but don’t worry we’ve already taken the liberty of holding everyone in the Pokemon Center hostage. Our men are in there watching them right now.”

“So Team Aqua has the same idea as ours. Well, I should have known they’d send you, Donna.” The Magma admin said.

“They know each other?” May asked.

“I guess so.” Brendan replied.

“You know when I was with Team Magma, I always felt as if there were some sort of…emptiness in my life.” Donna said, “And then it hit me. I was with the wrong Team. So I had a little chat with Archie and he let me join provided I tell him every secrete I know about Team Magma. Including your plan to take OlDale Town and make it the headquarters of your new base. I gladly accepted, of course.”

“You betrayed us!” The Magma admin exclaimed.

“Oh lighten up Kyle.” Haven said in an uncaring voice, “You should have seen it coming. From the very beginning you knew I didn’t belong there. It was only a matter of time before I broke away and went on to bigger and better things.” Haven seemed to be doing all of the talking while the other members just stood behind her with smug looks on their faces.

“You Aqua’s think you’re so tough.” Kyle said in and irritated voice, “So, how about we settle this right here, right now?!”

“So you wanna dance? I thought you would never ask.” Haven said with a smirk, “But first…” She looked back at one of the Aqua grunts and nudged at him. He nodded his head and began to walk over towards Brendan, May and Alex. He grabbed Brendan by the hair and dragged him off.

“Brendan!” May and Alex yelled simultaneously. Then another grunt came and carried each of them off as well. The three of them were taken to a dark storage room where they were left to rot until the Team Magma and Team Aqua settled their dispute.

“This is just great!” Brendan exclaimed, “Team Magma and Aqua are about to engage in battle that has the potential to tare this entire city apart and there’s nothing that we can do about it.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘nothing’ Brendan.” May said in a devious voice as Brendan and Alex stood confused.

As our heroes are trapped helplessly inside the Pokemon Center, Team Magma and Aqua prepare for and intense battle outside to determine who will gain control of OlDale Town. May might have a plan, but even if they escape their dark prison how are they going to stop both Team Aqua and Magma. To find out you’ll have to read part 2 of Chapter 4, “May's Stand.”

To be continued...
 
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HB5squared

I'm Back
Let me clarify for the fellow reviewers of this fic and for the writer. By unoriginal I think I meant that point clear, May ALWAYS gets a torchic and she is ALWAYS defensless and needs to be saved by Brendan and is ALWAYS a coordinator (when she is in these types of fics)

10 years old is a bad age to be let out and roaming the world, yes it might be the "legal" age in the anime but that doesn't make it any less unrealistic. Could you imagine seeing a ten yer old waltzing around fighting off scary evil orginizations? No! Any responsible parent would not let their child go out and roam around with their pets and a couple of friends. It just sounds really stupid.

By adding a drop of originality I meant switch things up, perhaps May could've gotten the treeko this time and Brendan could've chosen the torchic. It just seems repetitive and really overused. Now they're going to go around defeating team aqua and Magma while maintaing their status as coordinators and trainers....overdone!

By addin a drop or realism, perhaps you could make them older, as it doesn't seem appropriate to have ten year olds going about with evil orginizations roaming trying to cause harm. Also don't you think it'd be more likely that team magma and aqua's pokemon are stronger than their fresh new pokemon. You make it seem like team magma and aqua have been around for a while but yet their pokemon are barely good enough to beat a baby torchic :S

I hope that cleared things up and also DArcstars(and any other reviewers) we're trying to help the author not each other, if you have a problem with the way I review PM me!
 
P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Ok, so I changed the "Brandon" to "Brendan" throughout the first 3 chapters and i gave May a Mudkip instead of Torchic. I hope it's a little better now and as for May being helpless...wait untill the next chapter. She isn't as helpless as you think.

Thanks for the help, you guys were right.
 
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Demise

...An orange blob...
Well, thank you, Hb5squared, for pointing out where it is horrible and where it is unoriginal.
 
P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
Here is part 2 of chapter 4. Please enjoy.

Chapter 4/ Part 2: May’s Stand

“What are you talking about?” Brendan asked.

“Look.” May said pointing up to a vent in the ceiling, “I’m sure that that vent leads to the main room. If one of us can get in there, we could crawl through and open the door from the outside.”

“Wow.” Alex said, “Smart thinking May.”

“Thank you.” She replied with a smile.

“Alright then it’s settled.” Brendan said, “May I’ll give you a boost and you can open the door.”

“What! Me?!” May exclaimed, “Why me!” “Because you are the only one who can fit in the vent.” Brendan said.

“No I’m not going!” May yelled.

“May what’s wrong?” Alex asked, “You’re not…claustrophobic are you?” May didn’t respond.

“You are aren’t you?” Alex asked.

“May, you never told me that.” Brendan said.

“There are a lot of things I haven’t told you about me.” May responded, “It all happened when I was six years old. I was outside of my father’s lab playing. I ran around back and where I saw a weird Pokemon with a long trunk and tusks. I tried to walk up to it, but all of a sudden four long sharp rock came out from underneath me and trapped me.”

“It used Rock Tomb.” Brendan said, “You must have scared it.”

“Well, after that the Pokemon ran away and I was left alone.” She continued, “I was back there for an hour before my dad found me. And I’ve been afraid of closed spaces ever since.”

“Wow.” Brendan said, “I never knew that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to think that I was just another helpless little girl.” May replied, “You so strong willed. When you want something you go for it and you won’t stop until you get it. There’s nothing you won’t do to get to where you want to be. If you believe in something you won’t hesitate to do what it takes to do it and you believe so strongly in yourself that it seems like you’re always so confident that everything will work out. I don’t have that. I just didn’t want you to think that It was a burden to be my friend.” Brendan and Alex were left speechless.

“I’m going to prove to you that I can be just as tough and confident as you can.”

“Is that what you think May?” Brendan asked.

“Thanks Brendan,” She said, “but I don’t need another one of your ‘you can do it’ pep talks this time. I’ll show you what I’m made of.” May said with determination. She jumped on top of a box, jumped and grabbed onto the vent.

“Show us what you’re made of May.” Brendan said under his breath as they waited for her to open the door. They waited for about five minutes and as soon as they were about to give up the door opened and May stood on the other side with a smile.

“Told you guys I could do it.” She said smiling widely. “Never doubted you for a second!” Brendan exclaimed with a smile.

“We can celebrate later. Right now we have to find a way to stop Team Magma and Aqua.” Alex said, “I’ll go free the other hostages.” He began to walk off the opposite way.

“Right then, we’ll go and try to stop Team Magma and Aqua.” Brendan said. May nodded her head and the two of them ran out of the dark, hostile
Pokemon Center.

“Looks like it’s time to get this party started.” Kyle said. His Arcanine was ready to battle.

“I always loved a good party.” Donna said as her Sealeo stood in front of her. All of the other grunts were standing by their Pokemon as the battle was about to begin.

“Arcanine use…” Kyle began, but was interrupted by someone yelling, “STOP!” Everyone looked to see Brendan and May running from around the side of the building.

“How did you brats get out so fast?” Donna asked in an irritated voice.

“Maybe you should have let us handle it Donna.” Kyle said with a smirk.

“By the looks of it I’m guessing you aren’t going to call this fight off if I just ask nicely so…” Brendan said as he pulled a pokeball off of his bag strap, “I’m gonna have to make you stop.” Everyone, with the exception of May, began to laugh out loud.

“Listen kid…” Kyle said, “You may have outsmarted Davis, but it was a fluke, kid, face it.”

“He’s not alone.” May said stepping up with a pokeball in her hand, “He’s got me.” Brendan and May exchanged glances.

“I’ve got you’re back Brendan.” She said with a smile, “No matter how stupid your plans are.”

“Well isn’t this touching?” Donna said in a sarcastic voice, “You think you’re tough don’t you kiddies? Well I’ll take the two of you on, alone.”

“I think I’d better handle this.” Kyle said, “I wouldn’t want you ruining you’re reputation by losing to a couple of kids.”

“Ha, whatever just stay out of my way.” Donna said.

“Could you two stop arguing so we can get this going?” May asked, “I’m getting bored over here.”

“Alright then…” Brendan said, “Treecko, let’s go!” He threw the pokeball and out came his Treecko. “Mudkip, come on out!” May yelled as she threw her pokeball. This was her first Pokemon battle and she was very nervous, but there was too much at stake for them to lose. She had already faced one of her fears, but now it was time to face her ultimate fear, failure.

“Prepare to taste defeat first hand as I burn you’re Pokemon alive!” Kyle yelled intensely, “Arcanine, Flamethrower!” Arcanine shot a gigantic stream of fire from its mouth, aimed directly for the two Pokemon.

“Treecko jump out of the way!” Brendan yelled. Treecko moved just in time, but May had frozen at the sight of the fiery inferno.

“May what are you doing?” Brendan asked quickly, “Tell Mudkip to move, quick!” May didn’t say anything and the fire continued to move closer at a high speed. Mudkip tried to dodge as well, but it wasn’t fast enough.

“Treecko save Mudkip!” Brendan yelled. Treecko jumped in and grabbed Mudkip. It hopped out of the way just in time to save them both, but its leg was burned. The great stream of fire shot right in between Brendan and May and dispersed somewhere in the woods behind them.

“May what’s wrong with you?” Brendan asked, “Come on snap out of it.” May didn’t respond

“This is too easy.” Donna said, “Sealeo finish these two off, use Ice Beam!” The Pokemon shot a beam of ice right towards the injured Treecko.

“Come on Treecko move!” Brendan yelled, but Treecko’s leg was badly burned and it couldn’t stand.

“Oh man this isn’t good.” He said. Brendan looked at May and then began to run towards the Pokemon in an attempt to save them at the last minute, but he knew he wasn’t going to make it. All of a sudden he heard May’s voice echo from behind him and he began to slow down.

“Mudkip use Water Gun on Treecko!” She yelled. Mudkip shot a stream of water Treecko pushing it out of the way.

“Good going May.” Brendan said with a smile. May smiled back at him, but just then Arcanine took off with unthinkable speed and rammed the two Pokemon back into a tree. “The game’s over you little brats.” Kyle said as his Arcanine approached the injured Pokemon. Donna’s Sealeo approached also until the two Pokemon hovered in front of them.

Brendan attempted to return Treecko to its pokeball, but the grunts stood in his way with their Pokemon ready to pounce. It seemed like the end for our heroes until Kyle remembered something.

“Hey,” He said, “Where’s that other brat?” Just then a small stream of fire shot right at Arcanine, hitting it in the side of the head, but it shook it off as if it was nothing. They all looked to see Alex standing with his Charmander. Brendan and May smiled with relief.

“So there he is.” Donna said, “Did you come to play poke battle with you’re little friends.” Her voice got sarcastically babyish.

“No I came to kick your butts.” He responded.

“Oh yea, you and what army?” Kyle asked in a cocky voice. About two dozen trainers, along with their Pokemon, stepped up behind him.

“Me and this army.” He said with a smirk.

“Attack!” The trainers yelled as they ordered their Pokemon to attack Team Magma and Aqua. An army of Pokemon such as Raticate, Poochyena, Dustox, Mightyena, and even a Linoone attacked the feuding teams.

“Damn!” Kyle yelled, “Fall back men, we’ll have to regroup.”

“He’s right.” Haven agreed, “This isn’t that important anyway. Let’s go men, head back to the base.” The two teams ran off into the woods in opposite directions. All the trainers cheered as the stars shone in the sky.

“Man what a night.” Brendan said as he and May walked over to Alex after they returned their Pokemon to their pokeballs.

“Yup…” Alex agreed.

“Hey Alex you’re Charmander used Ember.” May said, “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know.” Alex replied, “When things got rough I guess we both knew that it was up to us to save Treecko and Mudkip. I told it to use Ember and it did.”

“See I told you that you could do it.” Brendan said.

“Wow I’m not even tired.” May said in a surprised tone of voice. “Well I am.” Brendan disagreed, “I’m going to bed, well after we get our Pokemon healed that is.”

“Fine then Brendan.” May said, “You win, but isn’t there something you have to say to me?”

“Yea,” He replied, “We couldn’t have done it without you May." Just then an officer wearing a blue uniform and Baby blue hair walked up to them.

"Hello officer." Alex said politely.

"Don't 'hello officer' me." The officer said in an angry voice, "Do you know who I am?" SHe asked

"I can't say that I do." Alex responded.

"I'm officer Jenny!" She exclaimed shoving her badge in his face, "Now you're going to tell me everything that happened here."

"Ok." Alex replied cooperatively.

"When I talk to you son, you reply 'Yes Officer'! You got that?!?" Officer Jenny yelled.

"Yes miss officer lady." Alex replied nervously.

"Are you nervous son?" She asked.

"No officer." Alex replied, now even more nervouse. Brendan and May stood behind him snickering.

"Is something funny back there?" Officer Jenny asked, "You guys are acting funny. Tell me exactly what happened here."

"Yes Officer." The three of them replied simultaneously. They went on to explain the situation. There story was backed by Nurse Joy, who was watching the whole thing from the window. By the time the police left everyone was very tired. All of the trainers went inside of the Pokemon Center and good a well deserved rest.

About noon the next day, Brendan, May and Alex stood outside of the Pokemon Center with their Pokemon fully recovered.

“We’re headed west to Petalburg City right?” Brendan asked.

“Right.” May responded, “Your dad lives in Petalburg, right Brendan?”

“He sure does.” Brendan replied with a smile, “He hasn’t been home in a while so it’ll be good to see him again.”

“You guys…” Alex said, “I think I’m going to head up north.”

“What? Why?” May asked.

“Well I wanted to stay here and study the Pokemon in this area a little bit.
After seeing what Charmander and I can do as a team, I may even do some more training of my own. Don’t worry though I’m pretty sure that we’ll meet again though.”

“So you’re just gonna leave? Just like that?” Brendan asked breaking the, short, awkward silence.

“After all we’ve been through I’m don’t think I could ever forget you two. We’ll meet again I’m sure of it.” Alex said throwing each one of his arms over one of their shoulders.

“Yea, we’ll meet again.” Brendan said with a smile, “And when we do I’ll be looking forward to a rematch Alex so be sure to get really strong.”

“You can count on it.” Alex said as he and Brendan clasped hands, “Good luck with your gym battles Brendan and good luck with your contests May. I know you guys are going to do great.”

“Thanks Alex and good luck with your studies too.” May said, “We’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you both too.” Alex said as Brendan and May headed west and he began to walk north.

They walked their separate ways waving goodbye until they had vanished over the horizon and as the three of them parted ways Brendan and May knew that they had made a very valuable friend.

To be continued…

What did you think?
 
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Smile Guy

Keep Smiling...
When I first saw this, my immediate thoughts were, "Oh god, another unoriginal Hoenn fic." It is unoriginal but something keeps me there. You have a good writing style. If only you could concentrate it on a better story. But good all the same.

Full review for all the chappies should come soon.
 
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