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Pokemon: Kusarno Journeys

DarkDiaruga69

Diaruga from HELL!!!
This is my fan fiction I am making. It's set in the fictional world of Kusarno. I made it up. If you'd like to find out more about Kusarno, go to my Forum. There's a link in my sig.
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this story.


POKEMON: Kusarno Journeys

Chapter 1: The Pink Butterfree

It's a nice sunny morning in Taskool Forest. Taskool Forest is nice
green forest on the outskirts of Taskool Town. Everywhere you looked,
strange creatures were wandering around. These creatures are called Pokemon!

In the world of Pokemon, humans & Pokemon live in peace with each
other. Some people keep Pokemon as pets. Others as friends. Pokemon can also be trained to different things. Some train them to help people in danger or some to help around the house. But, they can also be trained to do peoples dirty work. Help rob banks, rob houses, steal cars, basically anything. Some even train them to help steal other peoples Pokemon.

They can also be trained to do battle with other Pokemon. The people that do this are called Pokemon Trainers. There are many types of Trainers. Some specialize in certain types of Pokemon. Their goal in life is to catch at least one of each species of Pokemon that they specialize in & train them.

There are also other trainers that don’t specialize in just one type of Pokemon but all types. Their goal is to become Pokemon Masters. A Pokemon Master is someone who has caught at least one of every species of Pokemon.

That is what Harrison wishes to accomplish.
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It’s October twenty fifth. Harrison has been waiting for this day his whole life. He can now get his first Pokemon. When he went to bed the night before he couldn’t get to sleep because he was to excited so he snuck out into the forest to find the best spots to start catching Pokemon.

*Last Night* “Oh, I can’t take this no more.” Said Harrison. He had been tossing & turning for more than two hours now. “I want tomorrow to come quicker but I can’t get to sleep because I’m to excited.” He said sitting up. “I’m going out into the forest. I know I can’t catch any Pokemon but I can look for them.” He said while getting changed. “Max said he was going to wait until my birthday to get his first Pokemon as well so we could get them at the same time & I know he’s my best friend but I don’t wanna be behind him. I’m going to go find where all the good Pokemon live so I can go straight to them once I have mine.”

He climbed out the window, onto a tree branch & down the tree. He looked over at Max’s house & saw that his light was on to. “Looks like Max can’t get to sleep either.” He said & then checked his bag. “Right, I have my torch, Mobile, not that I’ll get much service, map, watch, better put that on now, & I have my note book. Okay, all set, let’s go.” He said to himself & he left towards the forest.

Meanwhile at Max’s house, Max was getting dressed to sneak out as well. “It’s Harrison’s birthday tomorrow & I can finally get my first Pokemon. I wish I never promised Harrison I’d wait until his birthday to get my first Pokemon as well. Well, I suppose that’s what friends are for. Okay, I got everything. I’m going to Taskool Cove.” He walked over to his window & got a glimpse of Harrison walking off into the fields. “That cheeky b**turd. He’s sneaking off too. Thank you full moon.” He said due to the moon giving him just enough light to see Harrison walking off. “Well, I may as well follow him for a while then I’ll go to the Cove.” He climbed out his window & climbed down the rope he made with his sheets & ran after him but making sure not to make to much noise.
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Harrison had been walking for roughly half an hour when he reached the forest. “Okay, I’ll have to mark the trees so I know how to get back.” He said while searching his bag. “CRAP! I left my pocket knife at home. I’ll have to use a rock.” He searched & searched until he found the sharpest rock he could find. “Right, I got a rock. I’ll mark this tree & then go further into the forest.” He marked the tree then went in. Every time he came to a tree not to far away from the last he’d mark it with an arrow pointing to the last tree he marked.

After about twenty five minutes he eventually came to a nice open field in the forest & he shined his torch around to see it. He caught glimpses of some Pokemon sleeping in the trees & some Murkrow’s flying overhead but then something happened.

He heard his watch beep & he looked at it to see that it was twelve o’clock. “It’s now officially my birthday.” He said to himself & then he heard some noises in the trees. He looked up to see hundreds of Metapod’s glowing. “Whoa. That’s beautiful. Yuck, what a girly thing to say.” It seemed that it was time for the Metapods to evolve. One by one the Metapod’s began to change form into Butterfree’s. He also noticed some Silcoon’s & Cascoon’s evolving as well.

Then he saw it. High up in the trees, higher than the others, there was a different Metapod. It evolved into a Butterfree but this one was different than the others. One it was bigger & two, he couldn’t believe it, it was Pink. It was the rarest Pokemon he’d ever seen. Considering he hadn’t seen that many in real life. The only other Pokemon apart from those in & around Taskool Town he’d seen were on T.V. “That’s awesome. I’m going to catch you someday. I promise.” He said to it as it flew down towards him then away into the night sky.

Then he heard a stick crack. “Who’s there?” He waited a moment. “I know someone’s out there. Show yourself.” He said. “I’ll send out my Pokemon.” He said trying to scare them. “Yeah right, what one are you gonna use. Fakeachu. We all know you don’t have any Pokemon Harrison.” Said the person. “Huh, do I know you?” Harrison asked. “Well you should.” Said the voice. “Max, is that you?” Harrison asked. “Yes, you caught me.” Max said while walking out from the bushes. “What are you doing out here?” Asked Harrison. “I could ask you the same question.” Max said. “Well I asked you first.” Said Harrison. “I followed you. I saw you from my bedroom window running out into the fields. So I followed you. I was sneaking out anyways but I was going to go & get you.” He said. “Yeah. I’m sure you were. Where were you going to sneak off to?” Asked Harrison. “The Cove.” He replied. “Oh, well why did you follow me?” Harrison asked. “Will you stop with the freaking questions.” Said Max. “I wanted to see what you were up to okay, & then I was going to go to the Cove.” He said. “Well sorry. I didn’t know you had to have your nappy nap to be in a good mood.” Said Harrison. “Ha ha, very funny, & for your information, I planned this yesterday so I had my “nappy nap” yesterday afternoon.” Said Max sarcastically. “Well now that you’re here, do you wanna come looking for Pokemon with me?” Asked Harrison. “Nah, I’m gonna go to the Cove. You wanna come with me? Max asked. “Nah, I’m right here in the forest. Did you see that Pink Butterfree?” Harrison asked. “Yeah I did actually. I wish I had some Pokeballs with me so I could have caught it. Still, I‘ll catch it someday.” Max replied. “What. No way man. I’m gonna be the one that catches it, not you, not no one. ME!” Said Harrison furiously. “I promise ya that.”
“Fine, what ever you say. Right, I’m going to the Cove now okay. See later today.” Said Max turning around to walk off. “Okay, meet ya at the Prof’s Lab.” “Right’o. See ya.” Max said & he started walking off. “Oh & Harrison.” Said Max. Harrison turned around. “Happy birthday mate.” Max said. “Thanks. See ya.” Said Harrison & they both walked off.
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Harrison was still looking around when he finally got tired. “Jeez I’m lucky I brought a blanket. I’m gonna go to sleep for a couple of hours.” He said & he set an alarm on his watch for seven o’clock & went to sleep. When he woke up there were Pokemon everywhere. He wrote down what Pokemon were there in his note book & set off for town.

Over in the Cove, Max had just found a great spot full of Pokemon. “Whoa, there’s heaps here. Rattata, Pidgey, Nidorans, even Puppyruff.” I’m coming straight here once I have my Pokemon. I wonder what Harrison found apart from Butterfree’s & Beautifly’s. What! Seven already.” He said & he quickly packed up his stuff & left for the Prof’s Lab.

Harrison was just out of the forest when he saw the Pink Butterfree again. “Good, I thought it would have left town but it just came to the fields.” He said. “Don’t go anywhere. I‘M COMING BACK FOR YOU!” He yelled at it & it looked at him as if it understood him. “Yikes! Seven thirty. I better hurry.” & he ran off to town. “I can’t believe I can get my first Pokemon. I’m going to choose Charmander. No, Totodile. No no, Mudkip. Oh I don’t know. I’ll have to wait until I get there to see what’s there.” He said. He could just see Taskool Town over the fields.

Harrison & Max got to town about the same time as each other. When they reached the Lab they saw a sign saying that it wasn’t open until eight thirty so they went home to have breakfast & get changed.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! Your father & I have been worried sick. Why would you sneak out like that?” Yelled his Mum. Crap. I should’ve locked my door. He thought to himself. “Uh, I went into the forest to look for Pokemon.” He said cautiously. “I couldn’t get to sleep. Don’t worry.” He said. “Was there someone with you? What if something happened to you?” She said. “Uh…..Max was with me. Yeah, Max was with me. Go & ask him.” Harrison said. “I don’t bloody care if the Queen herself was with you. And by the way, we rang Max’s Mum & she said he was home all night. She even looked in his room.” She said. “Oh, okay. I was by myself. Don’t worry about it. I was fine. I’ve done it before.” He said. “WHAT!” Yelled his Mum. “Uh oh. I shouldn’t have said that.” He said. “Damn right you shouldn’t have.” She said. “That’s it. You’re grounded.” Said his Mum. “No, please Mum, don’t ground me. It’s my birthday & I’m going to get my first Pokemon. Please Mum. I bet you & Dad did it when you were kids.” He said. “I’m back. Is he home yet?” Said Harrison’s Dad. “Yes, he’s in here.” His Mum said. “Dad, please tell Mum not to ground me. Pleeeeeeease. I only went to find the best spot’s to catch Pokemon. I even saw a Pink Butterfree.” Harrison said to his Dad. “Really. Was it cool? Do you remember where it was?” His Dad said. “Heh hemn.” Coughed his Mother. “Oh, well it was wrong of you but I suppose we could let you off this one time. You are leaving after all.” His Dad said. “WHAT?!” Said his Mum “Wow. Thanks Dad. And I do remember where it was. I’m going to go catch it once I get my Pokemon. I’ll bring it back & show you before I leave.” Said Harrison. “Okay then.” Said his Dad. “Thanks Mum. I love you.” He told his Mother & he hugged her & ran upstairs.


“Why would you do that deer? We were worried sick. He did the wrong thing. He‘s also done this before you know?” Said his Mum. “No, you were worried sick. I knew he could look after himself & I also knew that he’s snuck off before. He doesn’t tell you these things because he knew this is how you’d react. He is leaving no matter what. There’s nothing you could do to stop that. Now I’m going to work okay. I’ll see you when I get home later. Tell Harrison I‘ll see him soon.” He said & grabbed his white coat & he left for work.

“Where’s Dad?” Harrison asked as he came down the stairs to get some breakfast. “He left for work. He said he’ll see you soon.” She said. “Oh, okay. Can you pass me the milk.” He said. “Yep.” She said. He ate his breakfast & got ready to leave for the Lab. “I’ll leave my bag here for now okay Mum. I’ll pick it up after.” He said. “Okay deer. See you later.” She said. She still wasn’t that happy about him sneaking out.

“He walked out the door & decided he’d go & get Max now instead of waiting for him at the Lab. He knocked on his door & Max’s Mother answered. “Oh, hi Harrison.” She said. “Hi, is Max here?” He asked. “Yes, he’s just getting ready to go to the Lab. Would you like to come in Harrison?” She asked. “No I’m right. Could you tell Max to hurry up please.” “Yep, MAX! HURRY UP! HARRISON WANTS TO GO!” She yelled. “Yes yes, I’m coming. Jeez. You didn’t have to yell. I wasn’t out in the fields.” He said coming down the stairs. “You ready Max?” Asked Harrison. “Yep, let’s go.” He replied. “See ya Mum.” “Bye Max. Bye Harrison.” She said. “Bye.” He replied & they walked off towards the Lab.
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“What Pokemon are you gonna get Harrison? I heard they’ve just received some Pokemon from Shinou.” Said Max. “What? Awesome. I don’t really know what Pokemon I’ll get. It’ll either be Charmander, Totodile, Mudkip or Naetoru since it’ll be there.” He said. “Well you do know there are some Kusarno starters don’t you?” Max asked. “Yeah I know, I might choose one of them instead. I’ll see when I get there.” He replied.

When they reached the Lab they opened the gate & walked in. “PROFESSOR MAPLE!! ARE YOU HERE?!” Max yelled when they entered the Lab. “YES, I’M IN HERE” Yelled Professor Maple from another room. They walked in & the Prof was opening a box of Pokeballs. “What’s in there Prof?” Asked Harrison. “These are the Pokemon I have just received from Shinou & Hoenn. Luckily they all have stickers on them so I can tell which is which, otherwise I’d be here all day. Probably all week.” He said. “Now, you two have come for your first Pokemon haven’t you? Well there has been a change of plans.” He said. “WHAT?! What kind of change? Nothing bad is it. We can still get our Pokemon can’t we?” Asked Max. “Yes, don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. You can now choose two starters. You HAVE to choose a Kusarno starter & you’ll get another starter. One of the other Regions ones. Okay. Follow me.” He said. “Awesome, we get two starters. I thought we wouldn’t have been able to get one. Don’t scare us like that Professor.” Said Harrison & they both followed the Prof into another room.

“Okay, here are the Kusarno starters. There’s a Grass type, a Fire type & a Water type. The Grass one is Leafeleo. It’s a Leaf winged Pokemon. The Fire type is Flametor. It’s a Fire Dinosaur Pokemon. Very similar to Charmander & Charmeleon. The Water type is Spraylea. It’s a Water Gecko Pokemon. Now I am sorry to say that there has been a new rule enforced. If you choose Flametor, you cannot choose Charmander as your second choice because they are so similar. Yes it is a completely stupid rule & I was against it.” “That SUCKS!” Yelled Harrison & Max together. “But you can catch Charmander a few cities to the west. Around the north part of Coraick Forest okay.” Said the Prof quietly. “Don’t tell anyone I told you that okay. I told you because I know you both really well. Now, you should know what other starters there are so what ones do you both choose?” He asked. “Well I’m gonna go with Flametor & um. Can you catch the other starters anywhere around Kusarno, close by at least?” asked Harrison. “No, you can’t.” Said the Prof while winking. “You definitely can’t catch the Grass types around Coraick Forest. You also can’t catch the Fire types near the Volcano. You also can’t catch the Water types south of Coraick City around the small Islands.” He said again winking while he said it. “Oh, that’s a shame.” Harrison said sarcastically. “You definitely can’t catch the Shinou starters though. I mean that. You’ll have to trade with someone when you get the chance.” Said the Prof. “Okay, in that case I choose Naetoru.” He said. The Prof handed him his two Pokemon, each with a type sticker & a letter on it. The Flametor Pokeball had a Flame sticker on it with the letter K for Kusarno. Naetoru’s had a Leaf on it with S for Shinou on it. “Okay, what do you choose Max?” Asked Professor Maple. “Well I might go with Spraylea & Cyndaquil.” He said. “Okay then, here you go. Now, do you want to nickname any of them?” Asked the Prof. “Nah, mines right.” Said Harrison. “Hmm. I might nickname Cyndaquil Pyro & Spraylea can stay the same.” Said Max. “Okay then. Here are your licenses & four Pokeballs each, & here are your Pokedex’s. You will need these to record information on the Pokemon you’ve seen & or caught. Now you can start your journey in the Region of Kusarno. I assume you’ll be travelling together?” Asked the Prof. “Yep, but we’ll be going to catch a couple of Pokemon on our own first & then we’ll leave about lunchtime.” Said Max. “Yep, I’m going to the Forest. Where are you going Max?” Asked Harrison. “The Cove again. There’s some real good Pokemon there. Well, I’m actually gonna go there now so I don’t waste any time okay. I’ll see ya about lunchtime okay Harrison. See ya Professor.” Said Max & he left for the Cove. “See ya Max. If I’m not at home then, I’ll be here okay.” Said Harrison. “Yep.” He replied. “See ya Max.” Said the Professor. “Bye.” He said & he left out the front door. “Well I’m going to the Forest. I’m going to get a particular Pokemon. I’ll bring it back & show you later okay Professor.” He said. “Okay Harrison. I’ll see ya later.” He said & Harrison left as well.
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When Harrison reached the fields outside the Forest, he looked everywhere for the Butterfree. “Where the hell is it? I swear it was here when I left this morning.” He said while searching for it. He then ran to the opening in the Forest where he was the night before. He thought he’d get lost but he remembered the markings on the trees he made with his knife. When he got there all he found were Caterpies & Wurmples. “Oh man. I’m never gonna get it now.” He said.

He searched for hours then he left to go home. “Oh well, I can always catch another Butterfree.” He said when he reached the fields. When he got to Taskool Town he went to home to find his Dad. “Mum, is Dad here?” He asked his Mother. “No dear, I think he went back to work.” She said. “Oh, okay. I’ll be back soon okay.” He said “Okay dear. Bye” She replied & he walked towards his fathers work. On the way there he was actually stopped by his Father who was in fact going to get him. “Dad, I couldn‘t find the Butterfree.” He told his Dad “It’s okay, I have surprise for you, come look at this.” He said & he lead Harrison into a Park. “What is it?” He asked. “Shh. Just come & look.” His Dad said.

They reached a pond in the Park & Harrison could not believe it. The Pink Butterfree was there getting a drink from the Pond. “Well, are you gonna catch it?” asked his Dad. “Yep, I sure am.” He replied & he walked towards it & threw out a Pokeball. “GO FLAMETOR. USE EMBER ATTACK!!!” He yelled. Flametor came out of it’s Ball with a blinding flash of red & yellow. The Dinosaur opened it’s mouth & small balls of fire flew out at the Butterfree. “Freeeeeeeeee” Said the Butterfree as it got hit by the fire attack. The Butterfree then flapped it’s wings & a powdery substance came off & floated towards Flametor. “That’s a Stun Spore attack son.” Said Harrison’s Dad. “Okay then. FLAMETOR USE EMBER ATTACK AGAIN!!!” Yelled Harrison. The Dinosaur opened it’s mouth once again & shot the Fire balls at the Butterfree incinerating the Stun Spore along the way. It hit the Butterfree & it fell to the ground.

It got back up & used supersonic. The Supersonic hit Flametor & confused it. “Flametor’s confused Harrison. Quick, try & finish it off.” Said Harrison’s Dad. “Okay Dad. FLAMETOR, USE SCRATCH ATTACK!!!” Yelled Harrison. Flametor ran towards Butterfree & scratched it with it’s sharp claws. “Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee” Squeaked the Butterfree & it fell to the ground once again. “TORRRRRRRRRR.” Yelled Flametor & it to fell to the ground. “Flametor hurt itself in it’s confusion. Quick, catch the Butterfree while it’s down” Said his Dad. “Right’o, GO POKEBALL!!!” Yelled Harrison & he threw an empty Pokeball at the Butterfree. It hit the Butterfree & fell to the ground. The Ball shook once……………twice……………..three times…………….then it made a ping noise. “Yes, I caught it Dad. I caught my first Pokemon.” Said Harrison, he was happier then he’d ever been in his life. “Great work son, great work. I’m gonna go home okay. I’ll see you shortly.” He said. “Okay, I’m gonna go show this to Professor Maple okay.” Harrison said. “Okay then, see you soon.” He said & he walked off. Harrison recalled his Flametor & he walked off towards the Lab.
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When he got to the Lab he went straight in to the Prof’s office. “Hi Harrison. Come to show me something have you?” He asked. “Yep, but I need to heal my Pokemon first. Can you do that?” He asked. “Yep, sure can. Just sit the Pokeballs in the slots on that machine there & press the green button.” He said. Harrison did this & the machine healed his Pokemon. “Okay, now what do you have to show me?” Asked the Professor. “This.” Replied Harrison & he opened the Ball the Butterfree was in. When it came out, little gold stars swirled around it & disappeared. “Wow. You caught a Pink Butterfree.” “Freeeeeeeeeee” Said the Butterfree as it flew around the room. “Now that is good.” He said “Why’s it pink Professor?” Asked Harrison. “It’s pink because it is known as a Shiny Butterfree. It’s called that because it’s a different colour than a normal Butterfree. Shinnies as they are known, are very rare. All Pokemon can be shinnies but it’s very rare to get one. I can’t believe you found one here in Taskool Town. That is very excellent.” “Freeeeeeeeeee” It said again. Now perched upon the windowsill. “I’m sure you will probably see a couple more shinnies on your journey so when you do, I want you to tell me okay. I have been studying shinnies for a few years now & I want to know why they are shiny & how they become shiny. Now, I better let you go, it’s nearly lunchtime okay. I will talk to you later okay.” He said. “Okay Professor. See ya.” He replied & he recalled his Butterfree & left.

When he got home he could see Max walking towards him. “Hey Max. What’d ya catch?” Harrison asked. “I caught a Puppyruff. That’s all. What’d you catch? Nothing I guess.” Said Max sarcastically. “Nope, I caught a Butterfree.” He replied. “Oh wow. A Butterfree. That’s excellent. Real excellent.” He said. “Yeah. Real excellent considering it’s a pink one. Go Butterfree.” He said & he threw the Pokeball it was in up into the air & the Butterfree came out again with the little gold starts flashing around it. “Whoa, cool. I never thought you’d actually catch it.” Said Max still amazed. “Yep, it wasn’t in the Forest so I came back here & Dad saw it in the Park & told me to catch it. So I did.” He said & he recalled it back into it’s Pokeball. “Are you ready to leave Max?” Asked Harrison. “Yep. I just gotta go get my stuff okay. I’ll be back shortly.” He said & he ran off to his house.

“I’m back.” Said Harrison as he walked into his house. “Hi son.” Said his Dad who was at the kitchen table eating his lunch. “Hi dear. Your father told me you caught your first Pokemon. He also told me it’s a Pink Butterfree. Congratulations dear.” His Mum said entering the kitchen. “Thanks Mum. I just came to say goodbye. Me & Max are leaving very shortly okay.” Said Harrison while grabbing some fruit off the kitchen table. “Okay dear. I’ll miss you. You know that don’t you. You can always come home whenever you want okay.” She said while hugging him. “Yes I know. Don’t worry about me. I’m sixteen Mum, I can look after myself.” He said. “Yes I know. But it’s a mothers job to worry about their children.” She said while trying not to cry. “Goodbye son. Have fun on your journey.” Said his Dad while shaking Harrison’s hand. “I’ll probably see you sometime. I have to go on a trip for my job & if we’re lucky, we might see each other. I’ll call you to tell you where I’ll be & when I’ll be there okay.” He said. “Okay Dad. I’ll see you both later.” Said Harrison as he picked up his backpack. “Bye. I’ll miss you.” Said his mother again. “I’ll miss you to Mum. But don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it okay. Bye.” He said as he hugged his mum once again & shook his fathers hand. “Bye.” They both said & he walked out the door.

“You ready Harrison.” Said Max as he came around the corner. “As I’ll ever be. Let’s go.” He said & they walked off towards the road to the next town. “This is gonna be great isn’t it?” Asked Harrison. “Sure is, it sure is.” He said as they reached the road. “Well.” Said Harrison as they both turned around to take one last look at Taskool Town. “Here we go.” He said. “Yep. We ain’t turning back now.” Replied Max. “Nope. We never will.” Harrison replied & they both walked out of Taskool Town to start their Pokemon journey in Kusarno.
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What do you think? It took me awhile so the second chapter probably won't be posted for a while. And yes I know it's long but that's how I like it. The future chapters probably won't be as long but I dare say they will be long. If you'd like to be in it tell me your name, the Pokemon you want & their levels. If you want high leveled ones, you won't be in the fan fic for a while so it's best that you request low leveled ones. But you may request the Pokemon you wish to have in the future of the fan fic. You can also request to have a specific role, such as a Team member. (Aqua, Magma & such) Team Aqua, Magma, Rocket & Galaxy will be in the story but Rocket & Galaxy don't come into it for a while. There is also a Team I made up. The other Team I made up is Team Ivy. You will learn more about them later. Ok then. Request away & I'll post the second Chapter later. Catch ya. Peace.
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Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
First off, don't advertise. It's annoying and against the rules. Second, your title is spelled wrong. Make sure you put everything in a word program or spell check before you post it. Now, this was a chore to read because you didn't space this out properly. It's just customary to create a new line after each sentence of dialogue.

DarkDiaruga69 said:
Shinnies as they are known, are very rare. All Pokemon can be shinnies but it’s very rare to get one. I can’t believe you found one here in Taskool Town.
In this sentence you mentioned that shinies were rare, TWICE, so why in the world is your character coming across one this early in the story. I could believe this if there was a massive swarm of Butterfree, like what Monarch Butterflies do, but the situation that you put your character in was a real letdown.

“I know someone’s out there. Show yourself.” He said. “I’ll send out my Pokemon.” He said trying to scare them. “Yeah right, what one are you gonna use. Fakeachu.
This wasn't the only fakemon that you had in your chapter, so it is absolutely essential that you describe them, as no one knows what they look like. Flametor? I'm guessing that it's a blob of fire. You're really supposed to describe any character so people won't get lost.

This was decent length-wise, but those last two blocks of text at the end of your post were just terrible. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR STORY. I also recommend that you think outside the box and do something creative so that people would want to steal this.
 

DarkDiaruga69

Diaruga from HELL!!!
First off, don't advertise. It's annoying and against the rules. Second, your title is spelled wrong. Make sure you put everything in a word program or spell check before you post it. Now, this was a chore to read because you didn't space this out properly. It's just customary to create a new line after each sentence of dialogue.

What do you mean the title is spelt wrong. Kusarno is my own made-up region. It's meant to be spelt that way.


In this sentence you mentioned that shinies were rare, TWICE, so why in the world is your character coming across one this early in the story. I could believe this if there was a massive swarm of Butterfree, like what Monarch Butterflies do, but the situation that you put your character in was a real letdown.

Sorry. I'll keep that in mind.


This wasn't the only fakemon that you had in your chapter, so it is absolutely essential that you describe them, as no one knows what they look like. Flametor? I'm guessing that it's a blob of fire. You're really supposed to describe any character so people won't get lost.

Fakeachu is not really a fake Pokemon. Don't you get what Max said in the story. “Yeah right, what one are you gonna use. Fakeachu." He said this to be a smart a** because he knew Harrison didn't have any Pokemon. And I did put descriptions of my made-up Pokemon in it. "The Fire type is Flametor. It’s a Fire Dinosaur Pokemon. Very similar to Charmander & Charmeleon." Yes I have used my own made-up Pokemon because it's in my own made-up region. I'll put better descriptions in the next chapter.

This was decent length-wise, but those last two blocks of text at the end of your post were just terrible. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR STORY. I also recommend that you think outside the box and do something creative so that people would want to steal this.

those last two blocks of text weren't part of the story. If you think I shouldn't put previews of the next chapters at the end of each one just say so.

ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR STORY.
What do you mean by that?

Anyways, thanks for your honesty. It's really appreciated. Do you think I should post the future chapters or not?
 

DarkDiaruga69

Diaruga from HELL!!!
WOW!!! This been a very long time coming, can't believe it's been 4 yrs since I've posted in this thread =O Sorry people's, shall try an post a bit more oftenfrom now on =P anyhoo, straight to it, here's chapter 2 of my fanfic. Sorry again for the lateness =(

Chapter 2: The Journey Begins

“FLAMETOR! I CHOOSE YOU!” Said a young boy while throwing a red and white ball. This young boy is 16 year old Harrison. He is from Taskool Town. He has blonde hair with a black baseball cap. He is wearing long baggy Cargo Shorts with a red T-shirt.
The ball that he threw is a Pokéball. They are used to hold Pokémon. As the ball left his hand it opened up to release a bright, white aurora. The aurora then transformed into an orange dinosaur. The dinosaur was about 2, 58” in height. It stood on it's hind legs like a T-Rex. It had red and yellow flame shaped markings on it's underbelly all the way down to the base of it's tail.
“PUPPYRUFF! GO!” Said another young boy while also throwing a Pokéball. This boy is Max who was also 16 years old but a few months older than Harrison. He had brown hair with a red baseball cap and he was wearing Cargo Pants, a blue T-shirt and a black vest.

As Max's Pokéball left his hand it opened to release the same bright, white aurora which then transformed into a small Husky Pup. It was grey all over with a few small black and white markings and it was 1, 11” in height.
“FLAMETOR, USE EMBER ATTACK!” Yelled Harrison and it opened it's mouth and released hundreds of small fire balls that flew straight at Puppyruff.
“RUFFFFFF!” Yelped Puppyruff as it was hit by the fire balls. It was knocked back a meter or so but wasn't badly hurt.
“PUPPYRUFF! USE PUPPY RAGE!” Yelled Max.
It's eyes started to glow and it opened it's mouth and shot a white beam at Flametor.
“Torrrrr!” Said Flametor as it got hit and was knocked back several meters.
“Are you okay Flametor?” Asked Harrison
“Tor.” Said Flametor and it nodded and ran back into the field.
“Good. NOW USE SCRATCH ATTACK!” Yelled Harrison. Flametor ran at Puppy ruff and started scratching it with it's claws. Puppyruff yelped in pain and fell to the ground.
“Don't tell me I've won already Max?” Asked Harrison.
“Nope. PUPPYRUFF! USE PUPPY RAGE AGAIN!” Yelled Max and Puppyruff got back up and it's eyes started glowing again. This time they glowed brighter than they did before.
“PUUUUUUUPPPYYYYYYYYY RUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFF!” It yelled and shot another white beam at Flametor. This time doing a lot more damage.
“Oh no. FLAMETOR! ARE YOU OKAY?!” Asked Harrison.
“Tor.” It whimpered.
“You look like you re badly hurt.” Said Harrison.
“Tor.” It whimpered again as it shook it's head.
“Okay. In that case use Ember AGAIN!” Said Harrison.
“TOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR!” It yelled as it shot out more flaming embers at Puppyruff.
“RUUUUFFFFFFF!” Yelped Puppyruff as it was hit.
“Toooorrrrrrrr.” Whimpered Flametor.
“Huh? What's going on Flametor?” Asked Harrison.
“Tooorrrrrr.” Said Flametor and it collapsed onto the ground.
“Oh no. FLAMETOR!” Yelled Harrison as he ran towards it. “Are you okay?” He asked as he got to it.
“Tor. Tor.” It said and it fainted.
“Oh no. Something's wrong with it. Quick, we gotta heal it somehow.” Said Harrison to Max.
“How?” Asked Max. “There's no Pokécenters even close to here.” He said.
“Well we'll have to find some berries or something. It looks like it's been poisoned somehow.” Said Harrison.
“How would he have gotten poisoned?” Asked Max.
“Well last night I couldn't get to sleep, so I went out into that field over there.” Said Harrison as he pointed to a field not to far away.
“Yeah?” Said Max.
“Well I found a Beedrill and I battled it. During the battle Flametor got hit with the Beedrill's stinger and nothing happened so I thought it was okay.” He said.
“Okay. It must have been a strong Beedrill.” Replied Max.
“Yeah. I think it may have been the leader of the swarm because it had a lot of scars on it's body and a lot of scratches on it's drill thingy's.” Said Harrison.
“Oh. Dang. That sucks doesn't it. Well why'd ya fight it?” Asked Max.
“Because I was bored.” He said.
“Okay then. Let's go find some berries or something okay.” Said Max.
“Okay. Flametor return.” Said Harrison and he held out Flametor's Pokéball and in a flash of red light Flametor disappeared into the Pokéball.
“You too Puppyruff.” Said Max doing the same and Puppyruff disappeared into the Pokéball in a red flash as well.

“It's been an hour and we still haven't found anything. What are we gonna do?” Said Harrison, getting more worried about his Flametor.
“It's okay. As long as it's in it's Pokéball it'll be fine. We will find something...”
Just then Harrison interrupted him.
“Hey, what s that?” He asked while pointing to a bright light in the distance.
“I don't know. It looks like the suns reflecting off of a mirror or something.” Replied Max
“Let's go to it. It could be a house.” Said Harrison and he started to run towards it.
“WAIT! It could also be something else. Oh man, I don't like the look of this.” Said Max and he ran after Harrison.

As they got closer, they saw someone else in the distance.
“Hey, look. There's someone there. He might have some healing items. Quick Max.” Said Harrison now running faster.
“Yeah”... *puff* “you... just” *puff* “go on... ahead. *gulp* “I'll wait... here for... a minute okay.” Said Max and he collapsed onto the ground.
As Harrison got closer he got a better look at the guy. He had a blue baseball cap with black hair. His backpack was red with yellow pockets on it. He had a long sleeved red shirt on and blue cargo pants.
“HEY! CAN YOU HELP ME?!”
Suddenly the boy turned around and put his finger on his lips telling Harrison to be quiet.
“Huh?” Said Harrison.
“SHHH!” Said the boy and he turned around again.
“Okay?” Said Harrison quietly and he snuck up to the boy.
“Oh. It's you Luke. What are you doing?” Whispered Harrison.
“Hi Harrison. Just be quiet. There's someone over there. They re not very good people.” Said Luke.
“But...” Said Harrison but he was interrupted.
“I SAID SHUSH! Can ya do that please?” Asked Luke.
“Yeah I guess.” Replied Harrison.
“Good.” Said Luke and he started to sneak closer.
While Luke was sneaking close to the other people, Harrison went back to see if Max was okay.
“You okay Max?” Asked Harrison as he got to him.
“Yep. Just had to catch my breath. Who's that over there?” Asked Max
“It's Luke. There's someone over there and he's spying on them. Apparently they're not good people.” Replied Harrison.
“Oh. Let's go over there.” Said Max and he started to sneak over towards them as well.

As they got closer they saw that whoever it was came in a huge red aircraft. It had a huge body like an army cargo plane with big jet engines on it's wings. There were big circular burn marks on the ground under the jet engines.
“That would explain the smoke.” Said Luke.
“What smoke?” Whispered Harrison.
“Well I saw some smoke coming from here about an hour and a half ago so I came here.” Said Luke and started to sneak closer.
“Watch out.” Whispered Max as Luke got closer. “They might see you.” He said.
“It's okay. I know what I'm doin... GET DOWN!” Hissed Luke and Harrison and Max fell to the ground like they were ducking from a bullet.
“What are we doing sir?” Said a voice from over near the aircraft.
“We're getting refuelled then we're leaving.” Said another voice.
“But how can we be refuelling here?” Asked the first guy.
“There's a special substance in the soil around here that acts as a fuel. We're getting enough of it to get us to the base.” Said the second guy. “I wish they'd hurry up though. The Pokémon are getting angrier. HURRY UP YOU MORONS!” Said the second guy.
“Okay. I'll go check on the Pokémon.” Said the first guy and he walked off.
“OI Matt. Give you-know-who another tranquilizer okay.” Said the second guy.
“Yes sir.” Replied Matt and he walked into the aircraft.

“I wonder what they have in there? You two stay here. I'll be back soon okay.” Said Luke to Harrison and Max.
“Huh? What? Wait. Do you have any Full heal and Potions?” Asked Harrison.
“Uh, yeah. Why?” Asked Luke.
“My Flametor is poisoned and needs to be healed. Could I have a Full heal and Potion please?” Asked Harrison.
“Yeah. Sure.” Replied Luke and he looked in his bag. “Here ya go. Now wait here okay.” He said as he gave Harrison the items and snuck off.
“Well I m not waiting. What if he gets into trouble. He isn't a good trainer. He only started his journey a couple of days before us.” Said Max.
“Yeah. Well let's go. I'll just heal Flametor first. Flametor. Come on out.” Said Harrison as he released Flametor.
“FLA...” Started Flametor.
“Shhh.” Said Harrison. “Here.” He said and he gave Flametor the Full heal and Potion. “Good. Now return.” He said and Flametor disappeared into his Pokéball.
“Right, let's go.” Said Max and they snuck off after Luke.

“What are we gonna do? That guy is just standing there. We won't get past him.” Said Max.
“Yes we will. Go Butterfree. Distract that guy.” Said Harrison and he released Butterfree out of it's ball.
“FREEEEEE!” Said Butterfree and it flew down towards the guy.
“What the? A pink Butterfree? I gotta capture that.” He said and Butterfree flew away. “Huh? Where are you going? Come back here.” Said the guy and he chased after it.
“Good. Now's our chance. Let's go.” Said Harrison and they ran towards the aircraft.
As they got to the door Butterfree flew back.
“It must of used Sleep Powder on him.” Said Max.
“FREEEE! FREE! FREE!” Said the Butterfree and it nodded.
“Good. Can you stay out here and use Sleep Powder on anyone that comes towards this door please?” Asked Harrison.
“FREE! FREE! FREEEE!” Said Butterfree and it went and landed on one of the aircrafts wings.
“Good. Come on Max. In here.” Said Harrison and they both walked into the aircraft.
Harrison poked his head around a corner to see if there was anyone there.
“Can ya see anyone?” Asked Max
“Nope. All clear.” Said Harrison and they snuck off up the corridor.

Meanwhile in another part of the aircraft, Luke was following the guy that was going to check on the Pokémon.
“C'mon. Hurry up.” Whispered Luke to himself. “For a big aircraft like this you'd think they'd put some camera's up hey?” He said to himself. “Mustn't be that impor...OH MY GOD!” Said Luke as he walked around a corner and quickly ducked back around it.
In the corridor were laser beams, camera's, security guards and other security sort of stuff all over the place. Luckily he wasn't seen by anyone or anything.
“How am I gonna get past all that?” He asked himself then he saw a door to the left of him with a sign saying ELECTRONIC ROOM. NO ENTRY! and it had a huge black M above it.
“Okay. “No entry” always means “Please enter” so I will.” He said and he snuck into the room. Luckily it wasn't closed all the way due to a pen jamming it on the ground.
“They oughtta be more careful with their pens and stuff.” Said Luke as he walked over to a chair surrounded by television screens and switches on the desk.
“Okay, so there are camera's. I just didn't see them and luckily, no one saw me. Huh? Who's that?” He said as he saw two people sneaking around. “Harrison and Max. What are they doing? Oh no. They're about to be caught. Uh... oh no... What do I do? Buttons buttons. Let's press a button. Um... this one.” He said and he pressed a big red button with a bell symbol on it.
Just then an alarm went off and everyone started to run outside.
“I guess I pressed the right one. Good, they're all running away from Harrison and Max.”

“Huh? What s going on? Why's the alarm going off?” Said Harrison.
“Do you think it could have been Luke?” Asked Max.
“I don't know. Well let's keep going. Everyone will be outside now.” Said Harrison and they kept on going.

“Good, keep going you two. Now, where are the Pokémon? Um... uh... Here we go. Okay, I go out this door, go right, then left and then right again and there should be a door. Right, well I better turn off all that security stuff. What button would that be? Um... That one.” He said and he pressed the button and all of it turned off. “Good. Right I'm off to save them Pokémon.” He said and he left out the door and followed the directions.
When he reached the door he opened it to find hundreds of caged Pokémon.
“WHOA! That's a lot of Pokémon. Okay, better start letting them out.” He said and he started to set them free.

Meanwhile outside, everyone was gathered around waiting for the boss to come.
“WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING OUT HERE?!” He asked when he came out from the forest.
“An alarm went off sir. The emergency alarm sir.” Said one guy cautiously.
“Emergency alarm? Well why did it go off?” Asked the boss.
“We thought you set it off sir.” Said another guy.
“Don't be stupid Marko. I was out here the whole time. Wait, where's Dax?” He asked.
“Um... He was over there about ten minutes ago.” Said another guy pointing over towards where Dax was.
“Uh, last time I saw him he was chasing a Butterfree into the forest. A pink one.” Said yet another guy.
“A pink Butterfree? Okay, all of you look around for Dax and the Butterfree. You two, come with me.” Said the boss and him and the other two walked towards the aircraft while the others split up to search for Dax and Butterfree.

When they got to the door Butterfree flew off the wing and over all three of them while sprinkling dust on them.
“FREEEEE!” Yelled Butterfree as it sprinkled the dust over them.
“DON'T BREATHE IT IN! IT'S SLEEP POWDER.” Said the boss.
“You.” Said the boss.
“Yes sir?” Replied one of the guys.
“Stay here and capture that Butterfree. Us two will go inside to see what happened okay.” Said the boss.
“Yes sir.” Replied the guy again. “GO POOCHYENA!” Yelled the guy and he threw a Pokéball into the air which released a small, dark grey dog with rough fur and black stripes on it's back. “USE BITE!” He yelled to the Poochyena and it ran and jumped onto the aircraft and jumped at Butterfree.
“Good. We'll leave you to it.” Said the boss and him and the other guy went inside.

Meanwhile, Harrison and Max were getting closer to the holding bay where Luke was releasing all the Pokémon.
“This must be it.” Said Max as they got to the door.
“Okay, let's go in.” Replied Harrison and they entered the door.
“OI! YOU TWO! HELP ME WITH ALL THESE CAGES!” Yelled Luke when he saw them enter the holding bay.
“OKAY!” Replied Harrison and Max and they both began to open the cages.
There were Pokémon everywhere. Pidgey's were flying around. Rattata's were scurrying about on the floor and lots of others. Then all three of them noticed a secluded cage in the back after they had released all the others. They could tell it was special. They all went down to the cage Harrison got out his flashlight.
“I wonder what it is? Let's have a bet to see who can guess what it is.” He said.
“Just shine the torch on it.” Said Luke and Max.
“Okay, okay. You're no fun.” Said Harrison and he shined the torch on the cage.
Inside was an Espeon. But this Espeon was different. It wasn't a shiny Espeon, it was just, different. It was the usual colour of an Espeon but it had a black tail and yellow rings on it's legs like an Umbreon and white and yellow streaks down it's back.
All of a sudden the cage began to shake fiercely. And then all the other cages began to shake as well.
“Oh no. What's going on?” Said Max.
“I see you've met our Espeon.” Said a voice from the front of the room.
“What? YOU!” Said Luke as they all turned around to see the boss and the second guy standing in the doorway.
“Turn that bloody torch off you imbecile. It gains energy from light and electricity.” He said to Harrison.
“What? NO! It shouldn't be in that cage.” Said Harrison. “It's probably not even your Pokémon.” He said.
“Well, you've caught me there. It isn't mine.” Said the boss.
“Well whose is it?” Asked Max.
“It belongs to us now. We stole it from a very uncooperative trainer. He didn't even know what to do with a Pokémon like this. This Pokémon is what you get if you get some Moon dust and a Sun stone and melt the Moon dust onto the Sun stone and evolve Eevee with it. You see, this uncooperative trainer was working with us, Team Magma. We told him to, how could we say this? Modify the stone and give it to us. He didn't know what we were going to do with it. But then one day he saw us trying to capture an Eevee and it hit him. He figured out that we were going to use the stone on Eevee.”
“But Eevee can't evolve with a Sun stone.” Said Harrison.
“Yes, that's true. Good lad. But this is where the tricky part came in. We had to get a small bit of a Thunder stone and combine it onto the Sun stone. We did and it worked hence the yellow and white streaks on it's back. You see we have made the first Espeon that gains power from light and electricity and has three types. Psychic, Dark and Electric. So this Espeon is very special. It can do things other Espeon's and Umbreon's can't. So turn that BLOODY TORCH OFF OR WE'LL ALL DIE!” Said the Magma boss.
All the cages were shaking very fiercely now.
“NO! I WILL NOT!” Said Harrison and he shined the torch directly onto Espeon.
Then the cage began to rise and then it burst apart. Espeon jumped out and used Psychic on the Boss and the other guy. This was no ordinary Psychic attack. It had electric sparks flying around it and dark circles in the centre of it. Then it all disappeared into the gem like thing on Espeons head. Then all of a sudden a black and purple beam of light shot out of it at the Magma boss and his companion and they both got thrown back so hard they were knocked out. Just after that the blast doors closed and trapped all of them in the holding bay including some of the released Pokémon.

“What are we going to do? We're trapped.” Said Max starting to panic. “We'll be held hostage for the rest of our lives.” He said.
“No we won't.” Said Harrison. “There has to be another way out of here. Have a look around.” He said.
“Okay.” Said Luke.
“Espeon. Esp esp espeon.” Said Espeon.
“Huh?” Said Harrison.
“Espeon.” Said Espeon and it blinked and they were all teleported outside including the other Pokémon.
“FREEEE!” Said Butterfree and flew to Harrison.
“HEY! COME BACK HERE!” Yelled the guy that was battling it. “YOU CAN'T RUN AWA... Uh oh.” He said as he saw Espeon standing there.
“EssspeOOOONNNNNN!” It yelled and it shot a dark beam at the guy and his Pokémon which sent them flying back into the forest.
“Esp. Espeon. Esp esp espeon.” Said Espeon to the three of them.
“Okay? I have no idea what you re saying sorry.” Said Harrison.
“Thankyou for saving me from them young ones. I am truly grateful.” Said a voice in all three of their heads.
“Uh, not a problem.” Said Max looking around. “Is that you Luke?” He asked.
“No moron. It's Espeon. He's using telepathy.” Said Luke.
“Oh.” Replied Max.
“Well thankyou for teleporting us out of there Espeon.” Said Harrison.
“It was no trouble. You saved me. It only seemed fair that I saved you.” Replied Espeon.
“Well what are you going to do now?” Asked Luke.
“I will go back to my family. I may even be leader now. Ha ha. That'd be good.” Replied Espeon.
“Okay then. I guess we will see you again sometime.” Said Harrison.
Then there was a pause as Espeon was staring at nothing in the sky.
“Yes, yes we will see each other again. Sometime in the not so distant future. Good luck on your travels and don't let Charmander get away with what he did okay.” Said Espeon.
“Okay? Uh... what?” Said Harrison.
“You'll know when it comes.” Replied Espeon.
“Okay then. I'll try to remember.” Said Harrison.
“You will. Now I must go. I will see you again. Goodbye.” Said Espeon.
“Okay. See ya.” Said Max.
“Bye. Good luck with your family.” Said Luke.
“See you later.” Said Harrison.
“Okay.” Replied Espeon and it blinked and teleported away.
“Well, that was weird. “Don't let Charmander get away with what he did.” What's that meant to mean?” Said Harrison.
“Well we'll figure it out eventually. Come on. Let's go.” Said Max.
“Where are you going?” Asked Luke.
“We're going to Altray Town. What are you going to do?” Asked Harrison.
“Well I might come with ya's to Altray Town then I don't know what I'm going to do. Is that alright with ya?” Asked Luke
“Fine by me.” Said Harrison.
“And me.” Said Max.
“Then it's settled. We all go to Altray Town then Max and I keep going or you could come with us. It's up to you Luke.” Said Harrison.
“I'll have a think about it okay. Huh? Look, there's smoke coming out of the aircraft.” Said Luke.
“Crap. I think it's on fire. QUICK! RUN!” Yelled Max and they started running into the forest. There were Pokémon everywhere trying to get away from it then it exploded. The explosion was so big that it shook the ground and caused rocks and boulders to tumble off the cliffs surrounding the forest.
Burning debris and embers were falling everywhere but luckily the water type Pokémon were extinguishing it all before it hit the ground and caused a forest fire.
“Whoa. Lucky they were here hey?” Said Max looking at all the different water type Pokémon. There were Poliwags, Poliwhirls, Marills and Woopers all using Water Gun and Bubble to put out the flaming debris and embers. And there were some flying types using Whirlwind to blow it all away from the forest once extinguished.
“Well, what do we do with all that?” Asked Harrison.
“Just leave it. If Team Magma are so worried about them, they'll come back and get all the ruins and members and such.” Replied Luke.
“Okay then. Let's go to Altray Town.” Said Harrison and they headed off.

“Do you think any of them members are dead?” Asked Max.
“Nah. They'll be fine. But who knows? They could be dead for all we know. But they would have had some kind of armour on.” Said Luke.
“Why?” Asked Max.
“Just in case their Pokémon turned on them and attacked them.” Said Luke.
“Oh. Fair enough.” Said Max.
“Yeah. How long will it take us to get to Altray Town Luke?” Asked Harrison.
“Dunno. Should be there by tomorrow afternoon or so.” Replied Luke.
“Oh, cool. How big is it?” Asked Harrison.
“Um, about twice the size of Taskool Town roughly” Said Luke.
“Cool. I've always wanted to go to Altray Town.” Said Max.
“Why?” Asked Luke.
“Dunno. Just have.” Replied Max.
“Fair enough then.” Said Luke. “Well, let's not dawdle.” He said.
“Okay. Let's hurry it up.” Said Harrison and the started to walk faster.

Meanwhile, at the Team Magma H.Q. They were getting ready to fly out and pick up the ruins and other members from the forest.
“HURRY UP YOU MORON S! WE NEED TO GET THERE BEFORE THE POLICE DO!” Yelled one of the Admins.
“YES SIR! WE ARE READY TO GO NOW SIR!” Replied a Magma Grunt.
“GOOD! LET'S GO!” Yelled the Admin and they all got in their aircraft and left for the forest.

Meanwhile back at the ruins, everything is smoking. There are burns all over the place. Some parts of the aircraft are still in tact. Debris is lying everywhere. And on top of a cliff there stood a Pokémon. A big brown beast with a grey smoke cloud on it's back. It had black rings on it 's legs just above it's ankles and creamy coloured fur on it's stomach. This Pokémon is Entei. It was watching the whole explosion up on the cliff. Then it looked straight at a particular part of the forest. Right where it looked was the Magma boss that was attacked by Espeon. He was thrown all the way over there by the explosion.
Then he stirred and then there was a pause. Entei turned around and sprinted off knowing that if it was there, it would be seen by him when he opened his eyes. Then he did. He opened his eyes and looked around. He looked up at the cliff as if he knew something up there was watching him. Then he got up and walked over to the aircraft. He had a search around and found 3 Pokéballs. He pocketed them and walked off. He knew that he'd get into trouble if he stayed there so he walked off to follow Harrison, Max and Luke not knowing where they were going. But he didn't care. He'd find them no matter what and get revenge for ruining his plans.
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I'm now working on chapter 3, halfway done so shall be up in the next week or so =) Hope you enjoy it!
 

GastlyMan

Ghost Type Trainer
Hey, this is pretty good. You may want to explain how Magma got to your region though, since they are from Hoenn.

Meanwhile back at the ruins, everything is smoking. There are burns all over the place. Some parts of the aircraft are still in tact. Debris is lying everywhere. And on top of a cliff there stood a Pokémon.
You changed tenses here, from words like "is" and "are" in the present to "stood," which is past tense. Try keeping it in past tense.

It had black rings on it 's legs just above it's ankles and creamy coloured fur
No apostrophe on "its" in this case. Only use one if it's a contraction for "it is."

Also, like moonlightning said, leave a space or two between paragraphs.

Other than that though, great job! I liked this a lot!
 

DarkDiaruga69

Diaruga from HELL!!!
Hey, this is pretty good. You may want to explain how Magma got to your region though, since they are from Hoenn.


You changed tenses here, from words like "is" and "are" in the present to "stood," which is past tense. Try keeping it in past tense.


No apostrophe on "its" in this case. Only use one if it's a contraction for "it is."

Also, like moonlightning said, leave a space or two between paragraphs.

Other than that though, great job! I liked this a lot!

Oh, my bad, the only reason I did that is because when I originally started it, it was all fine but then I lost the original program i used for it and had to edit it in another program and some of the symbols an such were missing so I just searched through them all and repleced a fair few "its" with "it's" an so on and so fourth, you know what I mean? My bad though lol

And as for the tenses, thanks =) Will keep that in mind. Glad you liked it =D
 
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