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Pokemon league SHOWDOWN!

eonteam123456

Codenumber 242
This is my first fan fic so...don't argue with me. And don't close it.

Episode 1: Mikael vs Terry

Mikael was ready to take on the Pokemon League, and he had a set of Pokemon on his side. He trained his Salamence extra hard, including his Banette and Azumarill. His first battle against Terry was on the Fire field. He started off with Salamence, and Terry threw out a Blaziken. It was easy to beat - two Aerial Aces and it was down. Next up was Cacturne - who was easier, this time using Aerial Ace then Fly. Finally was Metagross - he was going to be tough to be, and Mikael wasn't sure what to use. He tried an Aerial Ace, Fly, Double Edge, Bite, Dragon Claw and Rock Tomb. They had to use all their Pokemon, then Metagross used Protect, then the main thing began.

Then Salamence used Flamethrower, the attack reflected off. He used it five more times, three of which PROPERLY hit, and at one point Metagross hit it with a super strong Meteor Mash, but anyway Metagross was down. Next up was what appeared to be his secret weapon: Latias. You WERE allowed legendaries in the Pokemon League, and two Dragon Claws and Latias was down. After it had used Calm Mind, that is.

Next up was Registeel, which WAS his toughest Pokemon. He took down Salamence with a single Metal Claw.

Mikael sent out his Latios - it had had enough training to compete in the Pokemon League.

Terry ordered Registeel to use Explosion, but he had a nasty item on it: Focus Band, which held you're Pokemon at 1 HP. It fainted Latios, but Mikael used a Max Revive, putting Latios back on full health. He had already sent out Banette. Registeel had used Curse when Mikael sent out Banette - he used an Earthquake when Latios came out, which was useless.

Latios used a Calm Mind several times, then used Thunderbolt. With Registeel done and dusted, he'd won this battle, and it was time for the second round. He was against a trainer called Sara - she had even tougher Pokemon, so Mikael was going to have to decide carefully.

He was on the Water field this time, so he dared not use Salamence's Flamethrower. Sara had mostly Water type Pokemon, so it was a lot easier for her Pokemon.

They could actually jump into the water, and had a nasty Kyogre, so that was not going to be good. He trained his Pokemon more and made his Latios learn Solarbeam, and Banette learn Thunder - because his Latios already knew Thunderbolt.

He had one excellent tactic when using Banette: when Kyogre was out, have the other Pokemon be knocked out. Then throw out Banette and because it would be raining at that time, Thunder was unstoppable.

Latios could take care of her Crobat. Swampert had to be dealt with by Latios 's Solarbeam - first he would use Sunny Day, because he was DEFINETLY sending Latios out first.

Huntail was easy, either Latios or Banette could deal with him. Pelliper could be defeated by Thunder, and he didn't know what else Sara had.

He met up with Sara the next day, and both said they were looking forward to their battle.

Mikael just wondered what her strategy was. They were going to face another girl trainer if they won, her name was Gia. She came from Kanto, where as Mikael, Terry and Sara all came from Hoenn.

She had already beaten a trainer called Bre, who came from Hoenn, too. Sara had beaten a rather cool trainer called Kahn in the 1st Round. There were far more people that came from Hoenn than from anywhere else, 24 of the 32 competiters who qualified were from Hoenn, 4 from other regions, including Gia.

Mikael's battle against Sara was on in 20 minutes. And they had their Pokemon with them, so it was chat, chat, chat for 20 minutes, then it was time to enter the arena.

*Continues in Episode 2*
 
My, we like feeling like we can strut around like we own the place don't we?

I won;t argue, I'll give it to you straight and hope the words sink in.


This is very short, even without opening Word I can tell you it is short, good thing given a game I have running I can't open it right now really.

Who are these people anyway? We have names, no faces, no people, no personaility, no nothing. Are they young? Short? Purple? A closet pineapple? WHO?

I see a mangle of GB style battling and regular style to be hoenst with you. How did these attacks miss/not work/hit? How did the trainers react? How did the Pokemon react? HOW did the match get won? How easy is easy really?

Why in the living hell do these people have legendaries? It's like "lo hai I le haXX0r and now this legendary is my bestest fwiend", there is absolutely no ryhme of reaon why. After this post you will no doubt say you'll explain later or explain in your post.

YOU GAVE LEGENDARIES RIGHT OFF THE BAT, WHY THE HECK DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY WASN'T I TOLD IN THE FIST PLACE?

I mean my god, there is no description, just meaningless words where you have rushed you hidey ho around. Not everybody knows the current gen elgendaries so what are they supposed to do? Imagine the word Kyogre is atatcking another Pokemon? Course we don;t even know how on eath they're attacking, maybe the words ram each other maybe?

Paragraphing is also non-existant.


Get over to the Fanfiction Rules, shoo yourself to Advice for Aspiring Authors and maybe read something a bit more advanced than a little happy picture book. Words is your ability to help visualise and you failed with it, miserably, out of pure laziness.


Gonna leave it open a biiiit longer so other people can comment. That and if the second chapter isn;t seriously up to speed this gets quality killed in an instant.


Sandra
 

Goldliop

Powerplay Champion
I'm not a very big fan, I mean, I understand it was your first try... but, the Salamence had five moves, and there was no back story whatsoever. I would have expected some sort of explanation as to how the characters knew each other... but i overlooked that.
And this being, i assume, a one shot, the action was botched.
Salamence used aerial ace and fly to take out the first two pokemon... there wasn't very much description there. i feel like if you had described the fights a little better, this could have been better.
Good luck on making your next one:)
 

Draconis

Currently active.
This is my first fan fic so...don't argue with me. And don't close it.



Well, someone is feeling high and mighty. This being your first fic does not excuse it being too short, having barely any description, and containing not one, but two Mary Sues, in the first, so called "chapter". You don't even explain how they got legendaries. Did they just pop up, and say "Hi, I'm an uber powerful Poke'mon, and I'm yours now. You don't have to prove you are worthy of capturing me, I'll just hop in the Poke'ball." Seriously, you need to read the fic rules, and advice for aspiring authors threads, before you even think about continuing this so called "fic".
 
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