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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon--Gemstone (PG 13)

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Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
UGG!
Return of the goldfish memory >.<
I forgot about "Cute... But EVIL!"
You... Just... came up.... with... a... non-dark type one? The good old team has MORE to deal with? I pity them... Poor chaps... chapettes? (What do you call girl chaps?)

Yami Ryu isn't here yet?
Tell me you read the aspireing writers thing, cause you will be KILLED if you haven't...
And it actually does help! Two birds... Spearows with one stone!

PS: Can't wait for chapter 5!
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
Who wants to see some spoilers?

Jenny whistled, “Cool…”

Rosa was bursting with much excitement, “Come on! Let’s go in!”

The three of them were about to walk it when a strange voice rang out, “Stop, bzz… what is your purpose here?”

The strange voice made Jenny jump, “What was that?” she shouted in alarm.

“We…are signing up for the guild!” stammered Rosa as she tried to answer the question.

“You’re not lying,” said another voice.

A clue: They're the guards.
 

Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
Good spoilers. It gives me an idea of what Chapter 5 will have in it.
 

Brumrha

Banned
Hmm, you've got yourself a nifty little story here.

Anyway, I'll tell you that you've got better grammar than Danny boy. Still, my prying eyes will find those mistakes, & whenever they do, I'll point them out without hesitation.

I'm also into PMD, & some of the fights you have are neat, so you definitely have my attention.
 

Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
So in Chapter 5 they will be going to the guild.
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
To Torpoleon: Yeah...And those mysterious voices, they're the two guards (No Footprint scanning by the way) Try guess who they are, one of them is physic.
To Brumrha:Well! New reader! You could be a grammar Nazi =) Kidding, I seen you a lot on PMD 2 forums :D And I am a girl...AND I just fixed up the misspellings of your name.
 
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Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
Yeah...
And those mysterious voices, they're the two guards (No Footprint scanning by the way)
Interesting. It doesn't seem like PMD2 which is awesome!
 

Palamon

Silence is Purple
youre welcome i love youre story
 

Pokemanmaster

Whismaking Legend
love your story it is great and i have seen a few mistakes but i really dont care i just want the stroy line, and i really cant take the mick i'm only 12 and i'm not brilliant at writing, can't wait for chapter five. You've given me a great idea for a story and again love your story and can't wait for new chapter
 

PokemonHero

I can see the future
Well, seems you have quite a few readers since I last checked here. Well, considering you already have a number grammar nazis (and that I am not the best when it comes to grammar), I'll become the plot nazi. *Cue evil laughter, lightning, crash of thunder, etc.*

Now that that's out of the way...

I can tell you are definitely making an effort to deviate from the PMD2 plot. One of the biggest mistakes that I see PMD fan fic writers make is sticking to the original game plot rather than creating their own plot. I found it interesting that you included Rosa's family (well, her grandma at least) in this story, since that is one area that the games never address. And Team CBE is certainly a very unique baddie team, mainly because of your choice of members. I will certainly interested in their development.

There are few places that I see could stand some more description. Then there's the fact that the chapters are just a bit too short for the liking of most readers, but you have already addressed that problem so I will not further press the matter. And while I do like that last little bit of foreshadowing at the end of the last chapter, I would have liked to have seen it just a little bit longer. But that's just me.

Looking over your last few chapters, I can see some improvement. Your plot seems to be moving along fairly well. For the next few chapters, I would suggest trying to extending the length some and add some description. I'll be around to see what happens next.
 
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sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
To palamon and Pokemanmaster:Thanks for the support! :)
To PokemonHero:plot Nazi? Go ahead. And the foreshadowing was kept short because if I tell too much you'll guess what will happen.

Anyway...here's chapter 5,change of plans so I decided to post earlier. I swear I nearly kill myself with all those descriptions...

Chapter 5--The Guild With A Smile!

Exploration Teams—A team of two to four Pokémon who explores new dungeons, rescue other Pokémon in need and captures outlaws.The most famous ones in the last fifty years include Team Raiders and Team Destiny.​
Poképedia, Section 1: General​

“Wake up! sleepy head!” shouted a voice.

Jenny groaned and rolled to one side, “What...”

“Come on! Wake up!” said Rosa, shaking Jenny vigorously.

“Ok stop shaking! I am up,” complained Jenny, sleepily, she thought, who was that?

It took Jenny a few seconds for her to take into account for the events that happened yesterday: Rosa, Team CBE, Emily, the fact she turned into a Pokémon, exploration teams, everything.

“Morning!” said Rosa cheerfully, “We’re joining a guild today, remember?” she was jumping in joy, “And I am showing you the whole town today…”

“Yeah I remember,” Jenny cut Rosa off grumpily, being woken up like that wasn’t exactly cheering her up.

Emily smiled, “Rosa sure had a lot of adrenaline today,” she placed a little bowl of food on the table, “Come and have breakfast, I hope you don’t mind—it’s last night’s leftovers.”

The three of them gobbled down their breakfast quickly, well actually Rosa was the one who ate the quickest, the fact about starting an exploration team excited her too much.

Okay…I think someone gave Rosa drugs this morning…Jenny thought as she munched on an apple and watching Rosa at the same time.

Rosa, Jenny and Emily set off after breakfast. Jenny carried the Poképedia with her because she had only started reading it and she reckoned it would be useful later on. They walked into the town.

Treasure Town was buzzing with activity. There were exploration teams in town buying supplies and gathering news from other teams, citizens came to meet up with their friends and shopkeepers doing their daily jobs. It was yet another sunny day as the tree leaves blew in the wind, Pidgeys and Taillows flew in the blue sky.

“Here is the Kangaskhan’s Storage, you store whatever you find on your journey or valuable things there,” Rosa started to explain as she pointed to a brown Pokémon with scaly skin, a pair of bull’s horns, a pouch with a baby Kangaskhan and a black skull plate on its head standing in her shop, “Kangaskhan is kind to everyone, especially young Pokémon.”

“Over there are the Kecleon brothers,” explained Emily, pointing to two chameleons. One is green and the other is purple, but they both have zigzag stripes on their bodies. They were standing in the green and purple shop that is right next to Kangaskhan’s Storage, “They sell items that you use in dungeons, like berries, seeds, iron thorns, orbs and more. The Kecleon brothers have been running their business ever since they inherited the shop from their parents.”

Rosa leaned over to Jenny and whispered, “There is something funny about the Kecleon brothers though, rumours said that the Kecleon brothers get their stocks from dungeons for free, but no one’s sure about that.”

“Well, I believe rumours are ninety-nine percent false,” said Jenny as she looked at Rosa disapprovingly, she hated nasty rumours and believed that they bring humiliation and extreme embarrassment to the victims and are the number one source to bullying.

Rosa rolled her eyes in a weird way and continued explaining as she pointed to a green bird Pokémon with wing in the colours of white, red and black, standing there making weird squawking noises in front of a treasure box, “That’s Xatu’s Appraisal. You can sometimes find little treasure boxes in dungeons. If you do, Xatu can open them for you.”

Wow, treasures, that sound nice, thought Jenny. Everyone was talking about lots of things and Jenny eavesdropped on some of the conversations, not that she really meant to.

“I heard a rumour from the famous Team Aces…they said some places are strangely dangerous that no one had been there exploring for days now…” said one.

“I don’t know about that…” said another, “They said some places are even starting to disappear!”

“Nah, that’s not possible, it’s just another one of those fake rumours,” replied the first voice.

What was that about? Jenny wondered as she walked into the centre of the town with Rosa and Emily.

“That’s Electivire’s Link Shop,” said Rosa as she continued explaining, this time pointing to a shop with the respective Pokémon’s head on it, this Pokémon with black and yellow fur and two yellow antenna stick out on top of his head was standing in the shop, “With Electivire’s help you can be more powerful, but you can get easily tired.”

Linking to make you stronger…wow, I really have a lot to learn, thought Jenny as she listened to Rosa’s explanation.

“That’s Infernape’s Dojo,” explained Emily, pointing to a big building that is built by sturdy rocks, the owner painted the outside black and red and the entrance have some sort of glowing fire balls outside as decoration, “Infernape was a famous explorer until he retired a few years ago and bought the Dojo from the previous owner.”

As Jenny listened, she made a list in her head of all the things she’ll be searching on her Poképedia.

Rosa gave a big sigh from all that explaining, “Finally, that’s Absol’s Disaster Bank,” she was pointing at the where the sides are decorated with fake chest of money, the safe looked like some sort of big termite mound made from steel with five locks on the door. The owner was a white canine with two black scythes on her body—one on the head and the other one as a tail.

“Here’s a fact,” whispered Rosa in Jenny’s ears, “They let Absol run the bank because she’s pessimistic and sarcastic about everything that everybody reckon she’s not likely to steal anything.”

As Rosa spoke Absol glanced at Rosa with an ominous look that could scare the hell out of ghosts, Rosa couldn’t help but flinch a bit.

“That’s for whispering behind someone’s back,” said Emily sternly as she saw Absol glancing.

The three of them walked out of the town, turned left and headed up the hill. There were flowers and grass growing on either side of the road, the flowers waved to the passer-bys in the wind.

“Well, here we are, this is the guild,” said Emily.

Jenny stopped walking and looked at the guild, the entrance was in a semi sphere and it was yellow, on top of it there are five huge fake green leaves sticking out from the yellow semi-sphere. Jenny assumed the leaves are carved out of grout and held together with some sort of strong cement. At the entrance there were wild grass and flowers growing on each side.

Jenny whistled, “Cool…”

Rosa was bursting with much excitement, “Come on! Let’s go in!”

The three of them were about to walk in when a strange voice rang out, “Stop, bzz… what is your purpose here?”

The strange voice made Jenny jump, “What was that?” she shouted in alarm, at the same time getting into a defensive pose.

“We…are signing up for the guild!” stammered Rosa as she tried to answer the question.

“You’re not lying,” said another voice.

“Downloading…” said the first voice, a weird humming noise occurred, like a Yanma getting too close to you on a hot summer day.

The humming noise stopped and the second voice commanded, “You may proceed.”

The three of them were silent at first, until Rosa randomly blurted out, “By the name of Arceus,” Rosa placed her flipper on her chest as she exclaimed, “That scared the hell out of me!”

“Don’t swear, Rosa,” said Emily disapprovingly as the three of them walked in, “It’s unladylike.”

“Yeah gran…” responded Rosa.

The first thing they saw was a ladder leading down, beside it was a board with some sort of guild motto:

One! Don’t shirk work!
Two! Run away and pay!
Three! Smile goes for miles!

The rest was a list of other rules.

“The motto never changed,” muttered Emily, chuckling a little.

Jenny heard Emily’s comment and asked, “Did you use that motto before?”

“I did too child,” said Emily.

“So what was your exploration team called?” asked Jenny, curious.

Emily didn’t answer, instead she looked away, she looked sad.

Rosa hissed, “Jenny, gran never mentioned her exploration team name to anyone, not even me.”

Another secret, Jenny thought as she followed Rosa down the ladder, she glanced back at Emily, who was about to raise her steel flipper to wipe her face, but quickly put it down as she saw Jenny looking.

Jenny couldn’t help but wonder, Emily, what is the secret that you’re keeping from me?

Down the ladder was a hall. There were more Pokémon, exploration teams, Jenny assumed. There was a desk made out of a big smooth rock in the right corner, a notice board was placed near the left hand corner of the hall with what seemed to be news stuck all over it. They walked in, turned around and saw two more boards on the left and right wall, the left hand wall was stuck with envelopes and the right hand side was stuck with Wanted posters. A big brown beaver came up from a stair leading further down and headed towards them.

“Hello here,” greeted Bibarel, “My name is Bibi and I am the Guildmaster’s helper!” he looked to Emily and exclaimed, “Emily! I haven’t seen you for ages, so this is your granddaughter?”

“Hi Bibi, this is Rosa and Jenny,” Emily introduced the two, smiling at her old friend, “They want to sign up for an exploration team and train with the guild.”

“Sure, come this way!” Bibi led the three down another ladder, there was another hall, which Bibi explained that teams assemble here every morning or when there is some important news. On the right hand side of the wall there was a purple door, which Jenny assumed to be the Guildmaster’s office.

“Sunflora! We got visitors!” Bibi knocked on the door as he called out to someone.

The Guildmaster opened the door, she had a yellow sunflower as her face; leaves as her arm and green roots as her feet. “Oh Emily! Haven’t seen you for a long time!” exclaimed Sunflora, “Come in everyone!”

The office simply consisted of a desk with the stationeries and a few chairs placed around in the room, there was also a door behind where Sunflora was sitting, probably Sunflora’s bedroom, Jenny guessed.

“This is Rosa and Jenny,” Bibi introduced.

“So let me guess, you two wants to join the guild?” asked Sunflora with a smile.

“Yes!” shouted Rosa, jumping up and extending one of her flipper in the air.

“Alright, so what will your team name be?” asked Sunflora.

Rosa stopped being excited, “Uh…team name?” she obviously had forgotten to think up a team name last night and now she was flushing in embarrassment, she turned to Jenny and asked, “Jenny, what was our team name? I forgot.”

Jenny rolled her eyes and sighed. Rosa you idiot…she thought.

Sunflora and Bibi were both looking at them two disapprovingly, “Yes?”

Jenny knew she had to think fast, Team Gemstone? No, too boring. Team Firewater? Way too unimaginative. Oh wait…how about…

“Team Gemstar,” Jenny answered confidently, at the same time she gave Rosa a look that said ‘start acting!’

“Oh yeah! Team Gemstar! I remember now!” Rosa slapped herself on the forehead.

“Team Gemstar, nice name!” complimented Sunflora, smiling again, she turned to Bibi and said, “Go get Smeargle, quickly.”

While Sunflora was talking to Emily, Rosa breathed a sigh of relief, turned to Jenny and said, “I like the name!”

“Yeah, but next time can you be more prepared?” said Jenny, a hint of annoyance in her voice. She then thought happily, we’re starting an exploration team! I wonder what it’ll be like!

Bibi returned with Smeargle and went away again to do something. Rosa looked at Smeargle and exclaimed, “Hey! I remember you, you complimented at my sand sculpture!”

“And you’re that little artist!” said Smeargle in surprise, “So you’re registering for an exploration team I see.”

Sunflora handed Smeargle some fine writing paper and Smeargle started filling in the exploration team data, “By the way, the team name is Gemstar,” Sunflora added.

“Got it, madam,” answered Smeargle confidently, “Ok so…Team name, Gemstar.” muttered Smeargle as he wrote, “Members, Rosa, species, Piplup…what’s your name?” asked Smeargle, pointing at Jenny.

“It’s Jenny,” Jenny replied.

“Jenny, species, Torchic. Leader…who’s the leader?” asked Smeargle.

“Jenny’s the leader,” said Rosa quickly before Jenny could open her beak.

Jenny shot Rosa an annoyed look that said, what was that for?

Smeargle scribbled down the details, he handed the paper to Sunflora who stamped a leaf on it, and then she said happily, “All done. Congratulations! You’re now an official exploration team!”

“Yeah!” Rosa jumped happily in the air while Jenny smiled, but inside her she wondered, why did Rosa nominate me as leader?

Sunflora went into the room behind the desk and she came out with a bag, “Here you are! Your starter exploration kit!”

Jenny opened the bag first, she found two winged badges with a semi-sphere in the middle, a purple crystal was in the middle and there were two lines drawn from one side of the crystal to the circumference of the semi-sphere.

Also inside the bag were a wonder map, 500 Poké and two amazing scarves, “The white one is the Defence Scarf,” Emily explained, recognising the scarves, “It helps you defend better. The green one is a Viridian Bow, you can wear it as a bow or as a scarf and it helps you a lot in dungeons too.”

Jenny chose the Viridian Bow and put it on as a scarf, it felt nice and snug. Meanwhile Rosa admired at her Defence Scarf.

“Wow…awesomeness…” said Rosa in awe.

Bibi returned, he came up to Rosa and Jenny and declared, “Come with me, I’ll show you the rest of the guild!”

Smeargle put Team Gemstar’s file away while Emily and Sunflora stayed and chatted.

As Bibi, Jenny and Rosa walked out, Jenny whispered, "Rosa…"

“Look, you helped me and you’re more of a leader than I am, that’s why I nominated you,” Rosa cut Jenny off.

“But I don’t know a thing about exploring!” hissed Jenny.

“Don’t worry, you learn fast anyway,” replied Rosa, “Come on! Believe in yourself! That’s what you told me once, right?” she quoted Jenny's words.

“Yeah…I guess you’re right,” answered Jenny reluctantly.

“That’s the spirit!” grinned Rosa as they walked to a place to the left of Guildmaster’s Office that said “Guild Cafeteria”.

The Guild Cafeteria had five wooden tables, four small tables that could seat four Pokémon and a big table that could seat six Pokémon.

“Here’s where we have our breakfasts and dinners,” explained Bibi, “We don’t normally have lunch because everyone will be on their exploration jobs and most of them could take a long time to finish.”

“So who’s the cook?” asked Rosa with a look of interest.

“That would be Smeargle, he also helps the registration of new teams and new members to any team,” said Bibi, “You don’t want to disturb Smeargle while he’s cooking though—he will get angry and spoils everyone’s dinner,” added Bibi warningly.

“He sounded like a workaholic,” Jenny joked, Bibi couldn’t help suppressing a giggle.

They walked out of the cafeteria and they saw Emily who is about to leave.

“Be good Rosa,” said Emily.

“No worries!” Rosa smiled as she hugged her gran.

“You’re all grown up now,” smiled Emily as she was about to kiss Rosa on the cheek.

“Gran…don’t embarrass me…” groaned Rosa as Emily was about to kiss Rosa.

“Alright, alright…” said Emily cheerfully as she took a step back, “Bye!” She climbed up the ladders.

Bibi led Team Gemstar straight towards a hallway, the side of the hallway had doors and each door had a sign that had the team name on it.

Jenny read the signs, the teams are Team Avatar, Team Eclipse and unbelievably…

“Team CBE?!” said Rosa in a shocked voice, she couldn’t believe it.

We have to live with that bunch of jerks? Thought Jenny, she was both frustrated and surprised.

“Yeah, Team CBE,” said Bibi, he glanced at Team Gemstar’s expression, gave them a weird look and continued, “They earn more rewards than any other team in the guild.”

“I can see why,” said Jenny sarcastically, “So do you know what CBE stands for?” she asked.

“Why of course,” said Bibi, “According to them it stands for courage, bravery and energetic.”

Hearing that, Jenny and Rosa pretended to barf over the side while Bibi frowned at Team Gemstar’s expressions.

The three walked to the end of the hallway; there was a door with a sign that said “Team Gemstar”.

“Wow, our room…” said Rosa in awe.

Bibi opened the door, looking straight from the door they could see two wooden beds, a hazelnut coloured table and two blue chairs placed in random places. On the wall there was another wonder map. The window was at the left hand side of the map. The room was pretty dusty.

“Yeah…since it’s still early, why don’t you two clean the room first?” said Bibi, he apologised, “Sorry about the mess—no one had lived here for some time and we weren’t expecting a new team to join.”

“That’s alright,” said Jenny, slightly disappointed, “That gives us something to do.”

“Right,” said Bibi, “I’ll get the brooms and the straws for the bed. I’ll get some paint too so you can decorate the room.”

“Thanks!” Rosa perked as she heard the word “paint”.

Bibi returned with the paint, brooms and straws and he went back to his work. Jenny moved the table in the far right hand side corner of the room and placed the chairs near it. Rosa got the broom and started sweeping.

“Geez, this is hard work,” complained Rosa as she was dusting the room.

“Well, we got no other cho…Archoo!” Jenny sneezed at the dust, “Mind the dust Rosa!”

“Sorry,” Rosa apologised as she swept the dust more carefully.

As Jenny was done with the job for furniture and Rosa finished dusting the room, they started painting the room.

“Let’s see what colour we have here…” said Jenny as she opened the can.

The paint was turquoise. Rosa and Jenny both got a brush each and they started painting. The two of them couldn’t help giggling when Jenny smeared some paint onto Rosa.

“Payback!!!” shouted Rosa as she flicked some turquoise paint onto Jenny, making her neck fur into a mixture of black, yellow and turquoise.

By the time they finished, the other teams had returned from their jobs. Jenny and Rosa took one look at their room. The place was clean and the wall looked like the surface of a river when the afternoon sun reflects on it.

The two of them walked out, stained in turquoise paint when they met Bibi.

“Yeah…we’ll clean off later Bibi…” Jenny said awkwardly as the other teams stared at them as if they were aliens.

“Let me help,” said a blue mudfish Pokémon with a sensor fin on top of her head, she stepped out and squirted water on both of them. Rosa felt refreshed while Jenny looked a bit grumpy and dripping with wet fur.

“Sorry,” said the Mudkip apologetically as she saw Jenny’s expression, “I forgot Torchics don’t like water…”

“Oh, it’s ok,” said Jenny quickly as she thought, Oh well, at least we’re cleaner.

“My name is Katara,” the Mudkip introduced herself, “My teammates, Aang and Sokka,” she pointed to her teammates, “Aang is the leader.”

Aang was a bird Pokémon with grey and black feathers and a plump white face. Sokka was a brown little lizard with a bone in his hand and he wore skull over his head.

Bibi introduced Team Eclipse. Team Eclipse’s leader was a little green turtle with two leaves on its head, his mates are Ponyta, a horse Pokémon with fiery manes and tails, and Ralts, a shy little Pokémon with green hairs (grass?) covering his eyes, on top of his head were two little red fins. When Jenny said hi to Ralts, it became nervous and hid behind Ponyta.

“Don’t worry, he’s just a bit shy with strangers,” explained Turtwig apologetically, “He’s not being rude or anything.”

Team CBE pretended to smile in a friendly way as they greeted Team Gemstar, “We’ll have so much fun with you,” smiled Skitty. Jenny and Rosa took it as a warning as they greeted them politely.

“And the guild members,” Bibi continued, “Dugtrio, he does the Rescuing board and Outlaw notice board.”

At first Jenny couldn’t see anyone, then suddenly something popped out of the ground, which made Rosa and Jenny jump.

“Nice to meet you,” said the three joined moles, Jenny swore she heard three voices at the same time.

“Cory and Paul, the guards of the guild,” Bibi introduced, “the voices you heard at the entrance would be them.”

The blue and white Porygon waved. It showed no emotions on its face.

Paul was a yellow fox with a spoon on each hand, “Pleasure to meet you,” he greeted.

“And finally, Crawdaunt, he does various jobs around the guild,” introduced Bibi.

The crab Pokémon with the star on its head waved, “Hey, how’s it going kids?” he sounded like a clown.

O……kay? Jenny thought as a sweatdrop rolled down the back of her head.

“Yeah…hi!” Rosa waved awkwardly and Team CBE chortled silently. Jenny glared at them sharply.

“Dinner’s ready!” Smeargle shouted out from the cafeteria.

Everyone ran towards the cafeteria, Smeargle had set the tables and plates of food were on the table. Team Gemstar scrambled to their tables. Jenny saw no sign of Cory.

Jenny asked Smeargle, “Where’s Cory?”

“Oh, he rarely eat anything,” explained Smeargle casually.

This world sure is weird, thought Jenny.

Sunflora came in and sat down on her seat, “Countdown everyone,” she shouted, “THREE, TWO, ONE, EAT!”

Everyone gobbled their food down quickly. The food was delicious.

After dinner Team Gemstar chatted a little with Team Eclipse about what they do everyday. Ralts seemed to be more confident than before as he chatted a little.

Before long Crawdaunt shouted, “Bedtime everyone!”

Rosa went up to her bed, lied down and immediately fell asleep, she must be tired after all the works we’ve done, Jenny thought, oh well, goodnight sleepy head!

**********​

Somewhere else…

“Thank you, Spiritomb, for getting the gem,” said a voice.

“No problem,” said the second voice, obviously Spiritomb.

“Now…you can do the honours, Gardevoir,” said the first voice.

“As you wish, master,” said a new voice.

TBC...

So what do you think? And before you can ask, yes Cory is shiny.
I used the same motto because I need that in my plot.
Anything else? Nope... Now only one thing to do...
*Bracing myself for the Grammar/Plot Nazis, critics etc.*
PS: I have nothing against Gardevoir ok??? So don't kill me!!!
 
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Brumrha

Banned
There were some of those parts that I did find to be a bit funny, especially the part when the two of them gut hosed down by the mudkip after they've finished painting their room.

Now, it's time to scrutinize!

Ok…I think someone gave Rosa drugs this morning…Jenny thought as she munched on an apple and watching Rosa at the same time.

Very funny! That's exactly what I was thinking.

Treasure Town was buzzing. There are exploration teams in town buying supplies and gathering news from other teams, citizens came to meet up with their friends and shopkeepers doing their daily jobs. It was yet another sunny day as the tree leaves blew in the wind, Pidgeys and Taillows flew in the blue sky.

The bold sentence is incomplete; it should be, "Treasure Town was buzzing with activity."

“Here is the Kangaskhan’s Storage, you store whatever you found on your journey or valuable things there,” Rosa started explaining as she pointed to a brown Pokémon with scaly skin, a pair of bull’s horn, a pouch with a baby Kangaskhan and a black skull plate on its head standing in her shop, “Kangaskhan is kind to everyone, especially young Pokémon.”

Kangaskhan has horns? Since when??

“The motto never change,” muttered Emily, chuckling a little.

Improper tense in bold, the proper way is changed; that's the proper tense for your sentence.

Also inside the bag were a wonder map, 500 Poké and two amazing scarves, “The white one is the Defence Scarf,” Emily explained, recognising the scarves, “It helps you defend better. The green one is a Viridian Bow, you can wear it as a bow or as a scarf and it helps you a lot in dungeons too.”

Found a couple of misspellings in here, which I've generously underlined for you. Defence should be defense, & recognising should be recognizing.

“Why of course,” said Bibi, “According to them it stands for courage, bravery and energetic.”

Oh, boy, looks like there is going to be a lot of controversy between those two teams...

Aang was a bird Pokémon with grey and black feathers and a plump white face. Sokka was a brown little lizard with a bone in his hand and he wore skull over his head.

Another misspelling; grey should be gray. & I'm going to take a wild guess & say that Aang is a Starly, & Sokka is a Cubone.

"Hopefully" I've got everything...
 
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The Big Al

I just keeping Octo
Something tells me dinner will be fun when Team CBE discovers they're now in the guild.

Not much happened in this chapter beyond them being accepted in the guild. It seemed a bit easy to me. Though, with Emily as her grandmother, they might be more accepting of Rosa. And you have a nice little secret to Emily that will bring people back.

Whatever, I await your next chapter.
 

Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
Ah-ha! So that's how team CBE gets away with thier crazy name!
I was wondering that.
Now I know that your team eclipse is nothing like mine! (You have some totaly unexpected members!)

See Ya Later (I will do a more through review later)
 

TurtwigFan1

burning it down
Nice chapter, just saw one grammar problem. OK should always be written as Okay. Apart from that it was great!
 

Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
My friend who likes Pokemon has the name Cory!Anyways great chapter 9/10!!
 

Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
Hello! I'm back! Time to throughly review this thing!
First, I'm very happy you brought the smergle back, I liked him! (Lol, he's the cook!)
I tell you, you probably have the most epic guard team, EVER! The shiny porygon is easily placed into the story... after all, TM Klecleon is shiny, isn't he?

Team Avater makes me lol, after all, they are based off one of the funnyest cartoons ever! Katara as mudkip is probally the easiest to figure out, seeing as katara is playfull, and a water-bender, Sooka confused me at first, seeing as he's the same tribe as Katara... But then I remembered the blue boomerang-club weapon he loves to use! At first, I was expecting Aang to be a Natu at first, but once I read he was a starly, I puzzled for a bit, the recalled the combat staff he used to glide (CLOSE COMBAT ATTACK!) and suddenly everything made sense. I still don't know what team eclipse's turtwig has to do with eclipses (Ponyta=sun and Ralts=moon?) but I'm sure I'll have it figured out at some point! :)

All in all, probally the best chapter so far!

See Ya Later!

PS: My chapter 3 is done, with you being the only one that voted!
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
To Brumrha:
Found a couple of misspellings in here, which I've generously underlined for you. Defence should be defense, & recognising should be recognizing.

Another misspelling; grey should be gray. & I'm going to take a wild guess & say that Aang is a Starly, & Sokka is a Cubone.
You do realise I used British spellings, do you? *goes to fix mistakes*
As for Aang and Sokka, you guessed them right.
To The Big Al: Yeah...Emily's little secret could change something...so stay tuned!
To Torpoleon: I named Porygon Cory because they...kinda rhyme together.
To TurtwigFan1: Welcome back! I haven't seen you around for a long time...
To Pockmanmaster: Thanks for the comment, the two teams are randomly named.
To Kindrindra: Avatar The Last Airbender is another one of my favourite shows :D The other teams...well I haven't really thought about their part in the storyline, but we'll see what happens later on. And Team Eclpise...I just thought of the name since*cough*Twilight is taken and all the other names are WAY too unimaginative.
To everybody: Thanks for your reviews! *Goes back to revision for Math, English and History*
PS: To Yami Ryu, if you're reading, before you start telling me that I've been drowned in seas of praises, can I just tell you that chapter 5 was 10 pages of work and I haven't been lazy with the descriptions, okay?
 
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Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
To Brumrha:
You do realise I used British spellings, do you? *goes to fix mistakes*
As for Aang and Sokka, you guessed them right.
To The Big Al: Yeah...Emily's little secret could change something...so stay tuned!
To Torpoleon: I named Porygon Cory because they...kinda rhyme together.
To TurtwigFan1: Welcome back! I haven't seen you around for a long time...
To Pockmanmaster: Thanks for the comment, the two teams are randomly named.
To Kindrindra: Avatar The Last Airbender is another one of my favourite shows :D The other teams...well I haven't really thought about their part in the storyline, but we'll see what happens later on. And Team Eclpise...I just thought of the name since*cough*Twilight is taken and all the other names are WAY too unimaginative.
To everybody: Thanks for your reviews! *Goes back to revision for Math, English and History*
PS: To Yami Ryu, if you're reading, before you start telling me that I've been drowned in seas of praises, can I just tell you that chapter 5 was 10 pages of work and I haven't been lazy with the descriptions, okay?
You are right! Porygon does rhyme with Cory. Creative to use a Porygon and to name it Cory.
 
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