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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon--Gemstone (PG 13)

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Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
Okay, evil Idea I know will never happen, except in my crazy dreamland:

Mail Carrier joins their team!

This already has 100 posts!?!? Wow, I need to catch up!

See Ya Later!

EDIT: I got the first post on page six!
 

Pokemanmaster

Whismaking Legend
I agree with everyone about the thrid member and I know im a bit behind I been away for a few days and I agree with everyone about who the courier was, anyway cant wait for the next chapter
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
Oh yayz! Chapter 7!!! :D
To Kindrindra: Crazy idea...
To The Big Al: Unbelivably, I always get that wrong >_> :D
To Everyone: Well the spoiler was quite obvious!
Read, review, blah blah...you know what I mean. The mystery of the paper carrier will be revealed...right now.

Chapter 7--The Scale Thief
Exploration badges—mysterious badges that won’t transport exploration teams back to their normal place unless mission is complete. Every exploration team should have one at least one for identification.​
--Poképedia Section 1:General​

“Jenny…”

Again? Thought Jenny.

The mysterious figure appeared, Jenny could see that the figure was green.

“Who are you?” Jenny demanded, “Why are you in my dreams and why won’t you answer?”

“I am sorry,” the figure answered, “I can’t…”

“No!” Jenny shouted as the figure began to fade again.

“No…”

**********​

“Rosa, I need to tell you something,” said Jenny as everyone was having their breakfast.

“Yeah, what?” said Rosa in between mouthfuls of food.

If Emily was here now she would surely tell Rosa off, Jenny thought jokingly.

“Jenny, what was that you were about to tell me?” asked Rosa as she swallowed her food.

“Oh yeah,” Jenny snapped out of her thought and answered, “I’ve been having these strange dreams for two days now.”

“So do I!” said Rosa in a shocked voice.

“What?” Jenny exclaimed.

“I don’t know…this figure came into my dream a day after I met you and it kept disappearing before I could talk to it,” explained Rosa.

“You kidding me? That happened to me too!” said Jenny incredulously.

“Wow…I wonder what this means?” said Rosa in awe.

The two of them finishes their breakfast in silence.

**********​

“Let’s try the outlaw notice board today,” said Jenny.

“Yeah, we could train ourselves to become stronger this way,” agreed Rosa.

Team Gemstar went to the board to look for outlaw missions, but the board didn’t have any Wanted posters on it.

“Aww…what a shame,” said Jenny, disappointed.

“Looks like we’re doing rescue…look out!” Rosa cried out in alarm, pointing to the front.

Jenny didn’t have time to look, a Pokémon who was carrying papers smashed into Jenny. The both of them ended up on the ground, paper scattered all over the floor.

“Watch it!” Jenny shouted impolitely.

“I am so sorry!” the Pokémon apologised, she had a big jaw attached to her head and her body was black, “I was in a rush and…I am sorry!”

“It’s okay,” said Jenny quickly.

As Jenny and Mawile got up, Rosa had already picked up the papers for her.

“Hey…” Rosa scanned at the papers, “These are Wanted posters!”

“Yes they are,” said Mawile as she flicked her jaw gracefully, she then introduced herself, “I am Officer Mawile. There has been a delay at the police station today so the Wanted posters were late. Sheriff Lucario sent me to post them here,” Mawile scanned at Team Gemstar and said, “So you’re the new team in the guild?”

“Yep,” Jenny answered, “I am Jenny and…”

“I know Rosa, everyone in town knows each other,” explained Mawile, “So you two want to have a look at the Wanted posters?”

“Yes, please,” said Jenny, smiling.

“Here,” said Mawile as she handed the posters to Team Gemstar.

Jenny flipped through the posters; there were Lombre, Taillow, Mothim…

“How’s this one?” said Rosa as she handed a poster to Jenny.

Jenny looked at the poster; there was a picture of a green gecko with yellow eyes and red belly on it.

Underneath it says:

WANTED
Outlaw: Treecko
For: Stealing Gabite Scale
Last seen: Running towards Waterfall Cave.
Bounty: 400 Poké plus item
Rank: D


“Waterfall Cave?” Rosa shuddered a bit from the name.

“Where is this place anyway?” asked Jenny, “And what’s place like?”

“Waterfall Cave is situated near Mt Bristle. I had to be rescued there because I was stupid enough to use Bubble on a Poliwag that was about to finish me off,” explained Rosa, she then added, her voice sounding like Absol, “Plus, it rains a lot in that dungeon.”

“So? This could be a little challenge for us!” said Jenny encouragingly.

“Are you sure about that?” asked Rosa uncertainly, “You’ll hate the rain.”

“I am sure,” said Jenny confidently, “I like challenges.”

“Here’s the rest,” said Rosa as she handed the posters back to Mawile.

Mawile thanked Rosa and said, “You guys got a pretty important job there, Mister Gabite loves the scale, and he said it was his grandfather’s.”

“Mister Gabite, isn’t he one of the richest Pokémon in town?” asked Rosa in a shocked voice.

“The very same one,” answered Mawile.

“Wow…Jenny, we have an important mission right here!” exclaimed Rosa.

Jenny nodded. She didn’t really give a damn about the client’s status; all she wanted was to try fighting outlaws.

**********​

“So this is the waterfall?” asked Jenny.

After about an hour of walking, they were now standing in front of a majestic waterfall. The water flowed down to the bottom, making a mass of white forms. Some water splashed against the rock face on either side of the waterfall, making the rock faces reflect. The moss and ferns growing near the rock faces also added colour to the scenery.

“Yep,” answered Rosa, “I was wandering around this waterfall and I decide to jump into the waterfall for fun, and I…”

“Whoa…rewind! Did you just say ‘jump into the waterfall’?” asked a shocked Jenny.

“It’ll be okay,” explained Rosa as she looked at Jenny’s shocked face, “On the other side of the waterfall there is a cave, namely Waterfall Cave.”

“It’ll be alright for you!” said Jenny as she pointed out, “I don’t like water!”

“And I thought you said this will be a challenge?” said Rosa sarcastically, crossing her flippers.

Jenny couldn’t find any other words to argue, finally she said, “Alright…I guess I can’t take back my words.”

“So are you ready?” asked Rosa.

“Well…” Jenny shuffled her talons a bit, her heart in her mouth, “I guess so…”

“Okay…count down…”

“Three…”

“Two…”

“ONE!” the both of them shouted as they jumped in.

Jenny felt herself getting wet, but only for a second, then she found herself landed on a hard surface.

“Ow…” whined Jenny, she got up and looked towards a dark path leading beyond.

“Well, here we are, welcome to Waterfall Cave,” said Rosa casually.

**********​

I am seriously going to regret this, thought Jenny as she and Rosa walked around.

Waterfall Cave was very damp, something Jenny hated. Because of the rain, Jenny’s fur was dripping and she’ wasn't happy. There were some spots where the water looked so deep that Jenny did not dare to go near. The walls were slippery because of the wetness. Occasionally Team Gemstar would had to walk on rocky terrains that are so slippery Jenny kept slipping and falling onto the ground.

“I hate this place,” Jenny commented as Rosa helped her stand up for the third time.

“I knew you would,” said Rosa with a sigh, “I warned you.”

“Still,” Jenny shrugged, “It’s too late to turn back now.”

As they walked, Team Gemstar encountered a tadpole Pokémon. He has dark blue skin and its belly was white with black swirl.

“Oh bugger…” Rosa recognised at once as a Poliwag, she used a full body charge on Poliwag, knocking him back.

Poliwag got up and fired his Bubble attack directly at Jenny, who was caught off guard by the attack. She didn’t expect Poliwag to attack her first.

“You think I am dumb?” said Poliwag as he watched gleefully at Jenny, who was yelling in pain from the attack. To Jenny, the Bubble attack stung her like needles.

“How dare you!” Rosa got angry and fired a Bubble attack; Poliwag just absorbed the attack into his body, unfazed.

Poliwag smirked, “You’re the dumbest Piplup I’ve ever seen.”

Rosa slapped herself in frustration and swore, “F***!!!”

Poliwag charged towards Rosa, but Jenny quickly dashed towards Poliwag and knocking him away from Rosa, she then attempted using scratch on Poliwag, resulting a few cuts on Poliwag’s body.

“Let me try this,” Jenny concentrated a bit, but her beak did not glow white.

As Jenny sighed in frustration, Poliwag got up, ready to attack again.

“Useless,” Poliwag taunted, “You can’t even use Peck.”

“Never insult my friend!” Rosa shouted warningly. She jumped up, did a flip in the air and dived towards Poliwag with a Peck. Her beak stabbed at Poliwag, the attack was strong enough to leave Poliwag screeching in pain.

Jenny took a deep breath and felt a burst of energy flowing through her, as it stopped she felt more powerful.

As Poliwag got up again Jenny released an Ember attack. Poliwag didn’t have time to counter with any water attack. The fiery bits of ember reached Poliwag and he fell to the ground, a burn wound on its belly.

Holey s***! What was that? Jenny thought, dazed.

Rosa tapped Jenny, “Come on, let’s go. That guy seriously needs to wash his mouth with a few Rawst Berries, because water won’t work on him,” she was referring to the insult.

“Yeah…let’s go,” said Jenny as they walked away from Poliwag, who hopped into a little pond nearby, cursing as he nursed his burns.

“Rosa, before I used Ember, I felt a surge of energy bursting through me,” Jenny explained as they continue walking, “Do you know what it means?”

“Hmm…I think it might be your Focus Energy move,” said Rosa, “It makes you attack enemies better.”

“Wow…” Jenny exclaimed in awe. But then she said in a disappointed voice, "It would be nice if I could learn Peck like you."

"Don't worry," said Rosa, "Don't let that insult get you, you will learn Peck soon."

"I hope..." muttered Jenny.

**********​

Sometime later the everlasting (in Jenny’s opinion) rain stopped.

Phew…finally…” Jenny sighed in relief as she shook herself, causing the water in her fur to fly all over the place.

Rosa was tired from the walking, she said, “Let’s sit down and eat.”

Rosa took out two apples from the saturated bag, suddenly, a dark blue vine shot out of nowhere, grabbing one of the apples.

Alerted, Rosa started screaming in a high-pitched voice, dropping the other apple, while Jenny quickly fired her Ember attack at the dark blue vine.

“OWWW!” a strange voice yelled out in pain as the vine dropped the apple.

Rosa stopped screaming and picked up the apple beside her, she was wondering whom that voice belonged to.

“Show yourself!” Jenny demanded as she picked up the apple.

A Pokémon revealed itself from behind a big rock; its body was enveloped with many dark blue vines, with two eyes in the middle of that entire messy vine.

“Do you have to be so violent?” Tangela snapped, glaring at Jenny.

“Well I am sorry, mate,” Jenny argued, “But you were scaring my friend…”

“I am hungry and I can’t find any food!” Tangela defended herself.

“Well if you could just ask nicely…” Jenny began.

“Enough of the arguing!” Rosa snapped loudly and stepped between the two of them.

“Here, have it,” said Rosa fished another apple from the bag and handed to Tangela, “But next time, it would be nice if you just ask.”

Tangela apologised as she ate the apple, “I am sorry, it’s hard to find food in this cave.”

“Humph,” grunted Jenny as she calmed down, she took a bite from the apple she just picked up.

“Well, can I help you with something?” asked Tangela, “I can’t just eat your food without thanking you two.”

“We’re looking for a Treecko,” said Rosa, she took a bit out of her apple and pulled the poster out from the bag.

Tangela studied the poster carefully and said, “Hmm…I saw a Treecko come by some time ago. He seemed worried and was in a rush.”

“Interesting…” said Jenny, she thought, I guess Treecko was like that because he was afraid to be caught.

“Thanks,” said Rosa as she tossed the core away, “Do you know which way Treecko headed?”

Tangela shrugged and said apologetically, “Sorry, I don’t know, but it’s highly possible that Treecko headed deeper into the cave.”

Jenny looked disappointed as she finished her apple, “Well, we just have to head deeper, let’s just hope it’s not too wet down there.”

“Have a nice day,” Tangela waved goodbye to Team Gemstar with one of her vines.

**********​

As Team Gemstar headed deeper, Jenny found some curious blue orbs along the way, some of them were labelled “Slumber Orb” and some of them were labelled “Warp Orb”.

The duo also encountered more water Pokémon, not just Poliwag; there were little blue Pokémon with a lily pad on top of their head called Lotad.

When a Lotad blocked Jenny’s way, Jenny attempted to defeat him with Ember, seeing as how Lotads are grass type. But Lotad kept on taunting her by spraying water around him, preventing Jenny’s Ember from burning him.

“Urrgh…” Jenny grunted in frustration as Lotad countered her Ember with Water Gun. Rosa tried to sneak up on Lotad but as soon as she got close she gets blasted away by Lotad’s Water Gun.

Lotad stood there taunting the duo, “Na na na na you can’t hurt me!”

Jenny quickly lost her temper, she ran towards Lotad and started scratching him furiously, cutting the lily pad.

“Shut--the--hell--UP!” Jenny shouted angrily.

Lotad was surprised; he defended with a Water Gun, knocking Jenny away.

“Jenny!” Rosa shouted, seeing her best friend in pain, she pecked at Lotad, enraged.

Lotad couldn’t stand the peck attack, he shouted, “Okay! I surrender!”

Rosa stopped and went over to look at Jenny, while Lotad quickly ran away, fearing Rosa.

“Are you okay?” she asked, helping Jenny up.

Jenny felt weak from all that water, but she said, “I am fine, really.”

“You don’t look fine,” said Rosa as she studied Jenny, “Here,” she gave Jenny an Oran Berry.

“Rosa, this is the last Oran…” before Jenny could finish her sentence Rosa stuffed the berry into Jenny’s beak, the mild taste of the berry reached her and suddenly she felt fine again.

“Well then,” said Rosa casually, “Let’s get going. And that was revenge for stuffing that Cheri Berry into my mouth.” she added.

Jenny couldn’t help laughing at Rosa’s statement.

**********​

“Thank goodness,” Jenny gave a big sigh of relief as she added, “We got through this hell of a place!”

“I know,” Rosa commented, “for sometime I thought those two Psyduck earlier were going to finish us off!”

“Look who’s here,” said Jenny, motioning to the front.

The duo was looking at the rocky and wet place, at the dead end there was a big red gem embedded in the wall. There were two Treeckos resting beside the gem, one of them was unconscious while the other one seemed to be comforting the unconscious Treecko.

Rosa pointed her flipper at Treecko and shouted, “There is no escape now! Hand us the Gabite Scale and we’ll spare you!”

The conscious Treecko looked up in alarm, “Go away or else!” he yelled threateningly.

“Look,” Jenny walked toward Treecko and started speaking in a reasonable voice, “It’s two against one, so…”

Before Jenny could finish her sentence, Treecko charged at Jenny quickly. Jenny landed on the ground with a thud.

“Oi!” Rosa shouted angrily, “You asked for it!” she charged towards Treecko, her beak glowed pearly white.

Treecko became frightened, he quickly fell to the side in order to avoid the attack.

Jenny got up just in time to see the commotion; she fired a shower of ember at Treecko. The scream of Treecko echoed around the cave as the Ember attack hit him.

“You can give up and give the scale now, or else…” Jenny started.

“…Or else you’re in for a tough fight!” Rosa finished her sentence as she got into a defensive pose.

Treecko got up and answered simply, “I can’t give you the scale, I’ve already used it.”

There was an awkward silence, but it was broken when Jenny shouted out randomly, “WHAT?!”

“You USED the Gabite Scale?” exclaimed Rosa, she could not believe her ears.

“Yes,” said Treecko calmly, “I did. So you two can leave us alone now!”

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, mate,” said Jenny sarcastically, “YOU stole the scale and therefore both of you are coming with US.”

“Says who?” Treecko stood up, not about to give in. Suddenly Rosa felt her energy being drained as the light green energy flew towards Treecko, making his injuries disappear.

“Why you little…” Rosa cursed, feeling weaker.

Jenny got tired dealing with Treecko’s stubbornness, this time she successfully made her beak glowed white.

Happy that she had learnt to use Peck, Jenny ran towards Treecko as fast as she could, but Treecko responded by dodging with Quick Attack.

“Huff…” Jenny panted as she took a deep breath and focused.

Meanwhile Rosa fired her Bubble attack in order to keep Treecko busy. As Jenny finished with her Focus Energy she fired her Ember yet again.

“Oh sh-,” Treecko did not have time to swear as he was showered by bits of ember.

“Hey Jenny…” Rosa whispered, motioning her over.

“Yeah…” Jenny went over and Rosa whispered something in her ear as Treecko stood up, trying to recover from the attack.

“Got it?” said Rosa as she finished whispering.

Jenny nodded as they both smiled evilly, their beak glowed pearly white.

“DOUBLE PECK!!!” the duo shouted as they both jumped into the air and dived towards Treecko.

Treecko shrieked as the double attack hit him, giving him a sharp pain all over his body.

“You better come with US and explain everything to Sheriff Lucario and Mister Gabite,” said Jenny fiercely as she looked down at Treecko, who was moaning and unable to get up.

Rosa went over to the other Treecko and carried her over, “Jenny, let’s go.”

“Mission complete, time to go,” said Jenny nonchalantly as the red light enveloped the four of them.

**********​

As they took a seat in Lucario’s Office, Jenny noticed that it was already afternoon.

When in a cave, you do lose track of time easily, thought Jenny.

“So Treecko, what have you got to say for yourself?” Lucario interrogated. The town sheriff was a blue and black jackal, a creamy colour fur on its breast and sharp points sticking out from his breast and knuckles.

“If you hurt my sister then I’ll…” said Treecko threateningly. He was handcuffed and seated in Lucario’s Office, along with Gabite and Team Gemstar. Mister Gabite was a blue dragon Pokémon with sharp scythes around his elbow and two white, sharp claws. His belly was red and a blue fin sticking out from his back. On either side of his head were two egg shape things.

“Look kid, your sister is fine, she’s being looked after by Officer Gallade,” said Gabite, “But you better explain why you used my grandfather’s scale or else…” at the mention of the scale, Gabite was boiling with anger.

“Calm down, Mister Gabite,” said Lucario.

Treecko began explaining, “My name is Oliver and my sister’s name is Nancy.”

“Go on,” said Lucario encouragingly as he jotted down the details.

“Our parents died years ago and since then, we began travelling all over the world, stealing food and sleeping in caves in order to survive,” continued Oliver.

Poor guy, thought Jenny sympathetically.

“One day, we were walking through Mystifying Forest, we accidentally disturbed a fleet of Combees, the Vestpiquen thought we were going to steal their honey so she used Toxic, my sister pushed me out of the way and took the attack all by herself,” as Oliver finished his sentence, he looked as if he was about to cry.

Rosa went over and started comforting Oliver.

“I…I didn’t know what to do, we both managed to escape from the Combees and Vestpiquen, by the time we reached a safe place I…found Nancy having purple spots all over her body…” Oliver continued, struggling to hold back his tears.

“Nancy went into a coma for days and I was desperate. I know that Gabite Scales have magical healing properties, so I…”

“So you stole the scale of Mister Gabite’s grandfather, in order to heal your sister,” Lucario finished Oliver’s sentence.

“Yes,” Oliver admitted, “I used the scale, Nancy’s purple spot is all gone but she’s still unconscious…I am worried.”

“Well what do you expect?” snapped Gabite, “The scale of a dead Gabite heals slower.”

Oliver looked up, “Really?” there was a hint of excitement in his voice, “So my sister is okay?”

“Yes,” grunted Gabite.

“That’s good,” said Jenny, she was feeling happy for Oliver.

“It’s not good!” roared Gabite, causing Jenny to jump in fear, “You sneaked into my house, stole a treasure that was left by my grandfather and USED it!”

Geez sir, calm down! Thought Rosa.

“Well, what do you want to do to Oliver here, Mister Gabite?” said Lucario calmly.

“In order to pay for his crimes,” began Gabite, “I am having his sister to be my servant!”

“WHAT?” Oliver, Jenny and Rosa all shouted unanimously.

Jenny said frantically to Lucario, “Does enforcing child labour count as a crime in the Pokémon world?”

Jenny’s comment caused Lucario, Rosa and Mister Gabite to sweat drop.

“Well,” said Gabite, clearing his throat, “How about this: you three will fight against me. If I win, your sister becomes my servant and you go to the jail; if you win, your sister doesn’t have to be my servant and both of you go free.”

“Well, if this is what Mister Gabite decides, I can’t do anything about it,” commented Lucario. He took out a law book, flipped to the right page and explained, “If a client wishes to deal the outlaw in his/her own hands, then the client has the full authority to do so.”

“I accept your challenge, Mister Gabite,” said Jenny quickly.

Rosa and Oliver gasped in shock.

There was an awkward silence in the room, finally Gabite said, “Okay then, meet me on the beach at noon, tomorrow.”

Then he walked out of the office.

“Team Gemstar,” began Lucario, “I praise your bravery, but are you sure you want to do this?”

Jenny nodded confidently, while Rosa looked uncertain.

“Here’s your reward for the job,” said Lucario as he handed Team Gemstar a bag of Poké and several Oran Berries.

As the team walked out, Oliver muttered to Team Gemstar, “Thank you.”

**********​

“Jenny! What the HELL were you thinking?!” demanded Rosa angrily as they walked back to the guild, “We’re putting Oliver and Nancy’s freedom at risk here!”

“Well, it’s also the only way to help them get free,” answered Jenny as she added, “Right?”

Rosa was speechless, she knew Jenny was right, “But still, Mister Gabite is also very strong…and he’s well respected in this town…”

“We’ll be fine!” encouraged Jenny, “It’s three on one anyway.”

Rosa sighed reluctantly, “I guess you’re right.”

“There is no turning back now,” admitted Jenny.

**********​

That night, Oliver sat on the bed, looking at the moon through the bars.

“Today I met Team Gemstar, that Torchic called Jenny offered help while that Piplup called Rosa stood by her side…I wonder…” Oliver muttered, ignoring the howl from the Luxray in the cell next to him.

Nancy slept peacefully beside him, there weren’t any traces of worry on her face.

Sigh…Nancy, tomorrow might be our last day together. Thought Oliver.

“It’s about time you go to sleep,” said a voice.

Oliver looked up, Lucario was standing outside the cell, watching him.

“You need the energy to fight tomorrow,” said Lucario, “Without it you’re likely to lose.”

“I guess you got a point there,” muttered Oliver as he lied down.

**********​

“Jenny,” whispered Rosa, she was lying on her own bed, “I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I actually,” muttered Jenny as she turned to face Rosa, “I know you’re angry at me for making that decision, that’s why I can’t sleep.”

“I know…sorry if I was mad I you, I worried too much, not exactly a confidence booster for all of us,” sighed Rosa.

“Well, too late to turn back now. We better get some sleep, maybe if we sleep better we’ll be more relaxed, just…think about something else to drive that out of our head!” said Jenny as she tried to memorise some Poképedia entries in her head.

“I guess you’re right,” mumbled Rosa as she started counting Mareeps in her head.

TBC...

So now you know what was happening at the end of chapter 6. :)
 
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Master of All

Call me Peter...
this is great!
i'll definatley be reading this
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
To The Master of All:Oh hi! I was wondering why it took you time to reply on the Pokemon School thread, now I do :D
Thanks, but I reckon somewhere in there could be some grammar mistakes.
 

The Big Al

I just keeping Octo
An interesting chapter.

Actually, it used to be people would pay back their debts with servitude. I guess that's how this Pokemon society works. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I'm hoping for a great battle.

[spoil]I'm guessing Oliver will be the third member.[/spoil]

You still have problems with grammar and tense usage. I honestly suggest you stay with past tense. It's the easiest to use unless you're writing a script.
 

Brumrha

Banned
*busts out his goggles of scrutiny*

The mysterious figure appeared, Jenny could see that the figure was green.

My wild guess is that we're dealing with a Gardevoir in their dreams...

“Yeah, we could train ourselves stronger this way,” agreed Rosa.

This doesn't sound right; a more proper sentence would be “Yeah, we could train ourselves to become stronger this way.”

“Yes they are,” said Mawile as she flicked her jaw gracefully, she then introduced herself, “I am Officer Mawile. There has been a delay at the police station today so the Wanter posters were late. Sheriff Lucario sent me to put them here,” Mawile scanned at Team Gemstar and said, “So you’re the new team in the guild?”

The same as above, “I am Officer Mawile. There has been a delay at the police station today so the Wanter posters were late. Sheriff Lucario sent me to post them up here,” sounds much better to me.

Jenny nodded. She doesn’t really give a damn about the client’s status; all she wants is to try fighting outlaws.

I can already tell that this attitude of hers is going to get herself killed one day...

The duo also encountered more water Pokémon, not just Poliwags; there were little blue Pokémon with a lily pad on top of their head called Lotads.

Addition is in bold, as that makes this much better.

“Well, if this is what Mister Gabite decides, I can’t do anything about it,” commented Lucario. He took out a law book, flipped to the right page and explained, “If a client wishes to deal the outlaw in his/her own hands, then the client have the full authority to do so.”

Improper tense in bold, it should be has.

That's all that I can find, basically. I've actually been finding fewer mistakes, so that means you're actually improving, which is definitely great.
 

TurtwigFan1

burning it down
Some tense changes, some bad grammar, but a great storyline. However, I do think you're rushing a bit, SEVEN chapters in 100 posts is very quick! You might want to slow down and proof-read your chapters more. But overall, good chapter and I enjoyed reading it. Lastly, you used 's' to make Pokemon plural. As we all know Pokemons is incorrect, as is Mareeps and Poliwags. Just Pokemon, Mareep and lots of Poliwag. Gabite seems really mean and Oliver seems sooo cute! Seven Turtwig out of ten.
 
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Torpoleon

Well-Known Member
Awesome Chapter!Can't wait for the next!Keep up the good work!
P.S.This is bro2
 

FocusPresenceEndurance

Aspiring Author
Me again. And with another monster post. I do apologise if there is too much in it. I realise that I gave you a ton of corrections. If you want me to ease off on the spelling and grammar, just let me know.

Its mostly just tense issues though. For the most part, the story is good. Seems like Jenny loved that cave very much.

I'm going to guess that Oliver is the one who is going to be the new team member. I wonder what part in the story his sister will play.

I think Gabite just made the challenge to make him look like he was giving the two Treecko's a chance at salvation. That way people would probably respect him more. Of course he was probably confident that he would win, or maybe he had a trick up his sleeve. Pretty manipulative of him. Of course I may be wrong, its just a guess.

“Yeah, what?” said Rosa between a mouthful of foods.

Should perhaps be: "between mouthfuls of food". So just switch the s to the other word.

“I am so sorry!” the Pokémon apologised, she had a big jaw attached to her head and her body was black, “I was in a rush and…I am sorry!”

You could probably fit in more description for that Mawile. Try to aim so that the person can (if they are familiar with Pokemon) know what Pokemon it is before giving its name.

...“I am Officer Mawile. There has been a delay at the police station today so the Wanter posters were late. Sheriff Lucario sent me to put them here,”...

"Wanted"

“Waterfall Cave is situated near Mt Bristle. I have to be rescued there because I was stupid enough to use Bubble on a Poliwag that was about to finish me off,” explained Rosa, she then added, her voice sounding like Absol, “Plus, it rain a lot in that dungeon.”

"had"
"rains"

Jenny nodded. She doesn’t really give a damn about the client’s status; all she wants is to try fighting outlaws.

OK. 2 things you can do.

1: Change to "nods" this is present tense

2: Change to "didn't" and "wanted was" this is past tense

Personally, I prefer #2 but its up to you.

“Yep,” answered Rosa, “I was wondering around this waterfall and I decide to jump into the waterfall for fun, and I…”

Did you perhaps mean "wandering"?

Jenny can’t find any other words to argue, finally she said, “Alright…I guess I can’t take back my words.”

Keep in mind that I am changing it to past tense since it is what I prefer. Should you decide to reverse this and switch it completely to present tense you can do that too.

"couldn't"

Waterfall Cave was very damp, something Jenny hates. Because of the rain, Jenny’s fur is now dripping and she’s not happy ... Occasionally Team Gemstar * have to walk on rocky terrains that are so slippery Jenny kept slipping and falling onto the ground.

(a * means that you might have missed a word)
"hated"
"was"
"she wasn't"
*"would"

Jenny took a deep breath and felt a burst of energy flowing through her, as it stops she felt more powerful.

"stopped"

Phew…finally…” Jenny sighed in relief as she shook herself and the water in her fur went all over the place.

I think it would sound better like this. "... as she shook herself, causing the water in her fur to fly all over the place."

Rosa stopped screaming and picked up the apple beside her, she was wondering whom that voice belongs to.

"belonged"

Tangela studied the poster carefully and said, “Hmm…I saw a Treecko came by some time ago. He seemed worried and was in a rush.”

"come"

Rosa tried to sneak up on Lotad but as soon as she got close she gets blasted away by Lotad’s Water Gun.

"got"

Jenny have a short temper, she ran towards Lotad and started scratching him furiously, cutting the lily pad.

Instead of saying she had a short temper, why not say something like: "Jenny quickly lost her temper,"

... one of them was unconscious while the other one seems to be comforting the unconscious Treecko.

"seemed"

Treecko became frightened, he quickly fall to the side in order to avoid the attack.

"fell"

“Says who?” Treecko is not about to give up, suddenly Rosa felt her energy being drained as the light green energy flew towards Treecko, making his injuries disappear.

could be worded better. Perhaps "Treecko stood defiantly." or something.

“Hey Jenny…” Rosa whispered to Jenny, motioning her over.

You don't need that.

As they took a seat in Lucario’s Office, Jenny noticed that it’s already afternoon.

"it was

When in a cave, you do get lost track of time easily, thought Jenny.

"lose"

“Look kid, you sister is fine, she’s being looked after by Officer Gallade,”

"your

“Go on,” said Lucario encouragingly as he jolted down the details.

Did you mean "jotted"?

“…think about something else to drive that out of our head!” said Jenny as she tries to memorise some Poképedia entries in her head.

"tried"

Great job! Hopefully this post was able to assist you in some way. I look forward to the next chapter!™
 

Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
This chapter was FUNNY! There were some rather funny jokes that made me lol :)
I'm going to guess that the Treeco is the third member? So... Mawile is also the officer? I wonder who her underlings are...


See Ya Later!
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
Hmm...I ran it through the spell checker and grammar checker a few times, I was about to correct some of the mistakes last night but my internet stuffed up on me >_> I will fix them now guys.
To The Big Al: Just another thing why I HATE grammars.
To TurtwigFan1: Hmm...I thought only Pokémon doesn't have an 's'? And I guess I should slow down...
To Torpoleon: Thanks for your support! Oh! It's bro 2 this time!
To Brumrha:
I can already tell that this attitude of hers is going to get herself killed one day...
She will? :eek:
Well...I trys to give her an unique attitude so she doesn't sound too Mary Sue-ish.
My wild guess is that we're dealing with a Gardevoir in their dreams...
*puts on a wise voice*
You never know who's in Jenny's dream...you may never know.
To FPE:
Seems like Jenny loved that cave very much.
What kind of sarcasm is that...:D
To Kindrindra: I know, the child labour part was kinda random.
*goes to fix mistakes*
 
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sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
Hi guys.
*slaps myself* Right now, I have a freaking problem I need to solve, and this is where I need you guy's opinions, again.
Here's my problem:
It's the fight between Gabite and the duo plus a certain Treecko. In the fight I planned Jenny to learn Night Slash.
So do you think Jenny should learn Night Slash? I would liked her to but then...will it make her sound Mary Sue-ish and ruin the fic?
 

Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
Hmm...
"The attack" You mentioned might be a bit... not mary sueish, but...
I think she should defenatly learn a new attack, but keep that certain one in the wings for later, you might need it when she really needs something... third or so boss? In the meanwhile, how about:
Defensive move: Detect
Offensive move: Slash? This one would also make a great opportunity for when she does learn "That attack" Can you imagine it? Some very difficult situation, she uses slash, and her claw/talon/wing starts glowing with a strange dark purple light...
Cool, huh?


See Ya Later!
 

The Big Al

I just keeping Octo
[spoil]Night Slash is an egg move and should have had to know it all along. I guess should could have never realized she knew it until she gets desperate and tries whatever she can. It's not all that Mary Sue-ish. It's not that supremely powerful of an attack.[/spoil]

I'm looking forward to the fight.
 

Kurloz Makara

Red Death
Wow, this is the first MD fanfic I've reviewed, and you're really good! I love Rosa the best because she's like me a bit. Plus, Piplups are SOOOOO adorable!


Keep it up!!!;385;
 

Brumrha

Banned
I vote in favor of Jenny getting Night Slash, as this will possibly be her only defense against the Psychic Type.

& for a minute I thought you have a severe case of Writer's Block; guess I don't need the help of Dr. House...
 

sweet_piplup123

I lost the game?!?!
To Kindrindra, The Big Al and Brumrha: You both got a point there...but...I am still deciding.
(Okay guys...I will put Night Slash into consideration, but there's a 50/50 chance that I'll put it in later chapters. I haven't totally decided yet so I accept further opinions from anyone.)
To JirachiTheAnimeAddict:Thanks, I'll put more work into it!
Now...here's a spoiler, chapter 8 will take longer than the others because...well...let's just say I am taking TurtwigFan1's advice into account.
As they waked through town almost everyone were watching Team Gemstar, some Pokémon pointed at them and whispered things about them.

“You see those two?”

“Piplup and Torchic?”

“Yeah, that new team called Team Gemstar? That Torchic was the leader, right?”

“That Torchic challenged the respected Mister Gabite to help Treecko, the Gabite Scale thief!”

“Who does she think she is?”

“I know…”

“No respect…and she stood on the dark side…”

“She’s probably a bad Pokémon…”

Jenny turned to the groups of Pokémon and snapped fiercely, “You call enforcing child labour respectable? You call saving your own sister’s life bad? You call…”

“Jenny, stop it already!” Rosa interrupted angrily. Thanks to Jenny’s comment, now everyone was staring at them. Some with a frightened stare, some, a disapproving stare.

(Author's Notes: Nasty...)
 

Brumrha

Banned
Something is telling me that they'll eventually become outlaws themselves...

If that ever happens, then the entire world will wage war against them, with retreat not being an option.

Run Run Run Run,
Run Run
RUN AWAAAAAY!!

A cookie will be awarded to whomever guesses correctly which song I got this from; the cookie is homemade by my mom, so it's guaranteed to be a great one, & there's many 'o plenty of them to go around.
 

The Big Al

I just keeping Octo
Jenny really needs to learn the "When in Rome" rule. Indentured servitude might very well be how the Pokemon handle grievances. She can't hoist her morals on others.

I'm not say challenging Gabite over the issue wrong. Pokemon would also likely see it as an appropriate means of settling problems. However, screaming at people that they're wrong will do them no good.
 
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