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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Pathways of Aspiration

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by pbugle, Oct 22, 2018.

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  1. pbugle

    pbugle Member

    Chapter 16: Fight or Flight
    "He said he'd be here a couple minutes ago, you still think he's going to come?"

    The question was a passing remark, said over infrequent platters of rain against tiled roof and occasional small talk from their few surrounding occupants. The Seedy Pecha, a tavern based around the recreational area of the guild hall entirely too classy to live up to its namesake, provided a fine resting place for Bagon and Raichu. The day was young, the daily fruits of their labor collected, and any light that would of filtered through bar-side windows cut off by grey clouds, a seeming foreboding to both an oncoming storm, as well as the similarly tinted Charmander they would soon meet. Any pokemon fallen to the floor in inebriation from previous day's celebration had left, leaving Chimera and Argon nearly alone, lazing the time away in front of a well worn dartboard tacked to white brick walls.

    "Eh, probably," Chimera replied, reaching for a tray of multicolored darts, much smaller than the ones he was usually acquainted with, "seemed like a 'mon who keeps to their word, wonder what he's been doing for the past–dammit..."

    Three blue darts had been thrown at the board, with two haphazardly pinned to the one and six point sections respectively, while the most recent clattered to the floor with a dull thud. Two yellow darts had already earned his companion eighteen points, with a third soaring through the air to attach itself for a modest addition of three. With an indignant sigh, Chimera reached for a small collection of coins in his exploration bag and held it towards Argon. She eyed the Bagon with morose eyes, but accepted the coinage nonetheless,

    "A-Are you sure? We are just playing for fun, I'm fine if you want to keep the stakes low."

    "Of course," he replied, "I made the bet after all, can only blame myself if things go wrong. Though...I'm a bit surprised, it's not like you'd need to with my piss-poor throwing, but you could just levitate the darts into the board. Why don't you?"

    She tilted her head at the question, closing her eyes to surround another yellow dart in a pink aura. The projectile meandered toward the board in a straight line, lodging itself perfectly in the center,

    "Well...that wouldn't exactly be fair to you, would it? You probably still aren't used to using your short hands for throwing, and the barkeep already said you couldn't use your crossbow to shoot them."

    "True enough," Chimera replied, chuckle accompanied by exchange of narrowed glances with an Octillery pouring drinks, "and I appreciate it. Though...while I like to believe a part of the reason we're limiting ourselves is that we're partners, work wise I mean, the main reason is because of the low stakes."

    Though a tinge of embarrassment came with reminder of his poor performance, Chimera walked back to the board, retrieving darts for Argon and himself,

    "It's an interesting topic at least. What do you say we make a new bet? Whoever gets the lower score this time pays the rent for the next three months."

    "That's...not a bet you're likely going to win," Argon replied, scanning the Bagon's challenging smirk to find that he indeed was serous.

    "Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps I can't throw a dart to save my life, perhaps I've been faking it for just this moment. I'm more trying to prove a point than anything. If we were to do this Argon, and it was completely allowed to levitate the dart, would you still not do it?"

    Chimera was bluffing, that much was easy enough for her to tell. Just as in Uxie's cave, the Bagon's posture concealed his hands, in a failed attempt to hide the periodic shaking that seemed to plague his conscious in times of pressure or nervousness. And yet, the question still intrigued her. Assuming Chimera was somehow able to win, the consequences of upholding the dare would be dire. Her life, once relaxed in pace, would be interrupted with extra missions necessary to match the additional cost of living the Bagon necessitated. Of course, the opposite effect would occur if she were to win, and in her evolutionary abilities was the chance to make the rewards certain. Was upholding a sense of fairness correct, when there was a chance her livelihood could deteriorate so greatly?

    "Yes," she replied, "i-it would suck if I lost, it really would, but it would be worse if I knew I won by not even giving you a chance. I mean...every pokemon is hatched with potential, it shouldn't matter what element you are, how tall you are, whether you can move things with your mind, this should be a game of skill."

    Chimera was slightly perturbed by the response, but his grin soon returned,

    "Fair enough, I can respect that. We're having fun right now, though when the cards are down, I'm worried things can get a little...grey."

    A quint entrance chime directed both pokemon's attention to a familiar Charmander, dyed scales and concealed tail damp from early morning showers. He eyed the two with a smile, avoiding the barkeep's quizzical glances to take a seat near one of the elaborately crafted wooden tables near the tavern's corner.

    "Speak of which..."

    Without another word, Chimera and Argon joined him. A sense of unspoken tension from the previous night seemed to fill the room as orders were taken and drinks and meals served to all, but a toast proposed by the Charmander quickly alleviated this,

    "To friends made and wounds forgiven. Before we start, I feel I should apologize for my behavior yesterday. Emotions and passions are a powerful thing, and despite how my blood boiled at the sight of you Chimera, I realize now I must suppress that part of myself if I am going to achieve my mission."

    They both nodded, though Argon could see a slight hesitation in Chimera as their glasses clinked, a hesitation that she couldn't help matching after a couple of seconds. In the bowls before all three was the contents of a thick stew, consisting of bread, assorted vegetables, and especially small chunks of meat. Chimera dug in first using another tool constructed through his hobby of metallurgy, hosting three short prongs jutting out of the center handle that he would use to carry food to his mouth. Such a tool seemed to the Raichu completely unnecessary, but Chimera was adamant, chalking it up to one of the human customs he was unwilling to abandon just yet. Regardless, looking between Eoin and the forkful of food sent a shiver down her spine, all because of a single thought,

    Meat

    The minute cube of meat about to enter Chimera's mouth was, similarly to the Charmander across from her, dyed to conceal its pallid origins, having a brownish texture unbecoming to its true source. It was a well known fact that, while most meals consisted of root vegetables and berries, there were a small percentage of pokemon around Faire with carnivorous or omnivorous needs. The latter constituted herself and Chimera, wherefore she had informed the Bagon at his first meal that the only source moral enough to obtain this from was the mainland mystery dungeons. She raised her paw to Chimera before the food could enter his mouth, looking toward the Pallid as if she was caught committing a crime.

    "Uh...Eoin," she said, "are you alright with us eating this? I-I mean, judging from where and who it comes from, I can understand if you'd take offense."

    The Pallid eye's were centered on the bowl before him. The disgust in his frown was clear, though it was difficult to judge what part of the meal it was aimed at. Eventually, he turned back to Argon, holding a melancholic smile,

    "No, it is...fine. We all have to eat, the carnivores have to devour some pokemon. In truth, that is not the worst of the problem, but I am getting ahead of myself."

    Chimera for his part had frozen in place with his partners gesture. With the Charmander's approval, he chewed on the cube of meat, watching as his partner slowly lifted a paw to her own bowl to do the same.

    "Well then," she said, "I guess now that we got that out of the way, you could give us your story? I-I just...I need closure. Ever since we met yesterday, there's been this voice in my head saying that I choose the wrong occupation, and that I'm not a good pokemon. I've hurt a lot of pallids in my time here, we both have, it very well could be right, but I need to know from you."

    "You need not worry," Eoin replied, "any pokemon would have done the same in your position, few would have actually taken the time to help me after they knew the truth. But anyway, I suppose I should open this preamble with a question."

    Hasty glances from Eoin confirmed that none of the few pokemon around the tavern were paying the three any mind, and after a moments consideration he raised a hand to his goggles, letting white eyes stare toward both. The Pallid's posture drooped. His voice was slow and deliberate, tail subconsciously concealed between his legs as if he was about to bolt for the exit or hurl himself under the table,

    "Do...do you believe that actions are defined by experience, or that instincts decide who you are able to be? Please be honest."

    The question wasn't a surprise to either, though a moments consideration was necessary before Argon gave her opinion,

    "I'd probably say the former. I-If this isn't some elaborate trick, you're a living testament to that. You aren't defined by where you come from, what species you are, or whether you can breathe fire out of your mouth. Or at least, you shouldn't be."

    "Eh, for me it'd probably be a mix," Chimera replied, looking down to the pronged fork in his hand and the weapon at his side, "the place you come from, the body you inhabit, I think they each have different effects on how you act. It's...push and pull, deciding how much influence from each you're willing to accept and give up."

    Eoin perked up slightly at the response, but any enthusiasm was subverted when he keeled over to the table, holding a hand to his forehead as if to conceal a sharp pain. He raised the opaque goggles to his eyes, not giving either pokemon time to question the brief tapering of his pupils.

    "I appreciate the sentiment. It does a great deal to inflame my heart with drive, though...I have not exactly given a good display showing the former to be true. I fear you were right in a way Chimera, of what you said yesterday, more so than you could possibly imagine."

    The remark only exasperated the quizzical stares shared between Bagon and Raichu, causing Eoin to shoot from his seat, glass raised for another toast,

    "It matters not, all that can be dealt with later. Anyhow, I am sure you both remember what happened after we first encountered each other below Uxie's Cave, correct?"

    The recollection brought a cringe to Chimera's face, but he spoke first,

    "I let you go, Argon offered you that tamato berry, then you walked off the way we came with my badge in your hand?"

    "Correct. From what I can tell, most of my kind are like the ones you usually encounter: thoughtless, aggressive, unforgiving, and nonexistent after the mystery dungeon resets. A few of us, however, go through this...process. Many times our aggression remains, but we start to see things differently. We discover power in knowledge, morality in kindness, and utility in learning. Something in my mind, I do not know what, told me that I wanted to live, and that the badge in your hand was the ticket to all of it."

    A strange sensation fluttered in Argon's chest, one that consisted of equal parts relief and anxiety. If what Eoin said was true, then she hadn't spent the last four years beating creatures as sentient as herself into unconsciousness in self defense. Despite this, the thought occurred that perhaps the sapience Eoin had shown was hidden inside the occasional pallid. Just one month ago they had shoved a stun seed inside the mouth of a transformed bagon and left it to the whims of the mystery dungeon, was there a chance that bagon had the potential to speak just as well as the one next to her?

    "But...something's not right," Chimera said between bites, "even if you were somehow able to figure out how to use the guild badge, how did you get here? More than that, how did you even learn to speak? Awakened or not, it would be next to impossible to learn all that in a month, combined with all that other stuff you supposedly learned."

    "You are correct in that belief. It would have been impossible to learn all I know in such a short time, if not for the help of a certain friend. You remember Uxie, correct?"

    Again, they nodded, eyes a mix of shock and disbelief putting the pieces together,

    "We encountered Uxie at the end of the dungeon. Long story short, we convinced hi—it to leave in order to discover the secrets of life outside of the cave, we haven't spoken since," said Argon.

    "I suspected as much," Eoin replied, raising a hand to his chin,"I still remember that look the lake guardian gave to me on that tiny isle, after my ignoramus brain finally figured out how to get that damn badge to work. I was tired, isolated, barely more than feral at that point, and I suppose it found pity for me. I now realize how similar we really were with your claim; two pokemon entering an entirely new world, one a divine being with the power of knowledge and illusions, another a grey charmander lost in an ocean of distrust."

    Chimera chuckled at the story, not in humor or malice, but understanding,

    "I guess that makes three of us then. I'll spare you the details, but I can relate to entering a world you know very little about."

    "M-Maybe that's why Uxie was so open to you?" Argon commented. "She left us without a trace after exchanging an...item."

    "Perhaps. I would likely be as intelligent as a hatchborn had Uxie not shared with me the same ability it used at the start of civilization. I did not know what it was then, only that after that pokemon closed its eyes and dove into my mind, I truly was transformed. I cannot begin to describe how euphoric it was. Imagine spending the sum of your life trudging through a fog, judging your actions on a blind whim not being able to see past the immediate, then having that gone in an instant."

    The Pallid's eyes shot towards the window in silence. Condensation had since formed from the omnipresent evening rains, concealing what would be an upper view overlooking the guild hall courtyard. As if to illustrate his point, Eoin ran his hand over the window, wiping the collection of moisture onto the table. The courtyard could now be clearly seen to all, though continuing showers as the Charmander sat down made the fog return as quickly as it had left.

    "With the legendary's help, I stowed away on the Draeke, staying on even after you two had left until it made a voyage to the Eastern Faire region. The thirst for knowledge, the need to learn everything I could about the world I now called home was...undeniable. It was overwhelming, but somehow manageable so, if that makes any sense. Uxie helped me along the way of course, brought in books for me to read in the dead of night, disguised my color to those who would be suspicious, helped me attain the items that kept my origins safe. We have since parted ways, though I hope we will meet again."

    "So you're a bookworm then," Chimera said, cracking a smile, "the Charmander that growled at me below Uxie's cave developed a greater interest in reading than I, impressive..."

    "Having to take in so much in a short time, I-I can't imagine what it's like. What's your favorite book to read then?" Argon asked, similarly interested.

    A half second passed when Eoin's mouth opened to respond, but where words should have appeared only came a dull moan. Again, the Charmander's head keeled over toward the table, accompanied by him clutching at his chest and a deep shiver running down his spine.

    "I-I...dear Arceus, please not now, not this soon."

    Eoin's hands shot toward the bag at his side, drink bumping off the table with a crash as he dug through its contents,

    "Where is it? I thought I brought—oh no...how could I have been so careless?"

    "Eoin," Argon exclaimed, shooting to her feet at the display, "do you need medical attention? What can we do to help yo—"

    "Stun seeds!" the Pallid shouted. "do you have any?"

    Argon and Chimera rummaged through their bags, producing only disappointed looks. A glance at the barkeep Octillery saw he was already talking into a silver speaking tube built into the guild hall walls,

    "So be it then," Eoin said, shooting out of his seat onto the tavern floors, "there's no time. I must tell you while I am still here. My mission, I implore you both to accompany me on a mission to the Eastern Faire mainland! I have seen things...horrible things you will have to experience to believe."

    He clamored to his feet, concealed eyes searching desperately for isolation. The Charmander's request was granted by the marble door to a storage closet on the far side of the tavern. Every step of Eoin's sprint to the room seemed to bring another surge of pain into his conscious, but his course remained. The door was forced open as quickly as it was slammed shut, leaving only Argon to look at her partner, gawking expression at the scene being returned,

    "What should we do?" Chimera asked.

    She considered the possibilities. The Pallid was obviously in distress, though provoking him at a point like this could potentially worsen the problem. Deep groans could be heard even through the thick marble door however, and not attempting to provide aid or at least find the problem would be even worse. Had it been most other pokemon, she would have been content to leave it to the guild professionals, but just as the Pallid had stated, he was in a sea of distrust. There was only one other pokemon Argon knew that Eoin was unlikely to respond negatively to in his time of need, and unfortunately for her, that legendary had long since taken its leave.

    "I-I'll follow him, see if I can find out whats going on. We don't know what he's going through, but we don't want to seem like we're cornering him."

    "Oh...right," the Bagon replied, "that's probably true. I'll be here to pull you out if you need me then, answer any questions they have about our new 'friend'. I'm willing to bet he doesn't want his secret being leaked out."

    She nodded, putting one foot in front of the other toward the closet. The groaning had ceased, but in its place was a dull, whispering moan, accompanied by claws scraping against stone wall. Short breaths gave way to long inhalations in an effort to calm her nerves, ending with a sharp creak as a paw laid on the silver door handle slowly forced it open.

    "Eoin," she said, oran berry dug out of her bag in hand, "we're here to help you, we just need you to tell us what's happening."

    The Charmander had curled up into the room's corner, knocking over a broom against one of the wooden shelves on either side in the process. His head shot up at the voice, and the goggles haphazardly clawed off his eyes fell to the floor. Recognizance of the speaker's identity forced the Pallid to turn even more inward, concealing a millisecond look of horror to forces unknown,

    "Please," he pleaded, "shut the door, barricade it, knock me out if you have to. It could be a couple minutes before the effect fades, or a couple hours. The beast...I cannot afford to let him escape."

    The door shut, and Argon raised both paws to Eoin gently,

    "The beast? I don't want to hurt you Eoin. Y-You can't mean—"

    "There's no time. I—aaargh."

    Eoin's head dropped for the last time, subdued scream giving way to a chittering growl. Dyed scales trembled, legs twitched, and grey fire blared. The Pallid looked upward with bared teeth and lunged, cramped conditions of the closet not giving Argon enough to maneuver. Both pokemon fell to the floor with a thud. Sparks crackled preemptively from the Raichu's cheeks as the Charmander's arm raised, just about to strike when their eyes met. For a split second, blue and narrow grey pupils stared toward each other just as they had against the looming stalagmites of an underground lake. Neither said a word, hostile look in the feral's eyes fading into a sense of understanding between the two. Before she could question the situation, three knocks thudded against the door, accompanied by the familiar voice of her partner through the walls,

    "Are you alright? There was a loud noise, do you need my help?"

    "No," she replied, "I...I'm fine."

    She said it again, as though testing to see if she was lying. The Charmander's claws were still raised in a striking position, but it lay still, head cocked to the side and eyes wide. Whatever the creature over top her she was staring at was, it wasn't Eoin. Or...perhaps it was, just not the Eoin she had grown accustomed to on the ballroom floor. Regardless, it slowly reverted to its feet, paranoid glare not leaving its face as it retreated to the far corner of their confines. Halfway to the room's end, the Pallid ran a foot from one room-side shelf to another, punctuating the statement with a growl in what she could only assume was a crude marking of territory. Argon was happy to agree with the declaration, and she likewise sat down opposite the Charmander, back leaned against marble door.

    The Pallid was just as anxious as when Eoin first entered the room, though she suspected this was for different reasons. The creature was cornered, and it knew it, no amount of familiarity could change that fact. If the Charmander's flame was any indication of its agitation, Argon suspected she could cook a three course meal fueled by its own dread. It wouldn't be long for the feral to decide to reengage if nothing were done to quell its nerves. Luckily for her past experience, accompanied by a childhood affinity for spicy foods seemed to provide a solution.

    Argon closed her eyes, letting three red-spiked berries float out of her exploration bag. Its head immediately perked up, temptation taking the place of fear with salivating lips. In accordance with their territorial agreement, she levitated the berry into the Charmander's hand, and exchanged wary smiles after it had fully devoured the tangy food. She did likewise with the second berry, though stopped at the third. The purpose of this whole exercise, she figured, was establishing trust between her and the strange reversion Eoin had endured, and a part of the Raichu's mind was morbidly curious how far she could push it. The pink glow around the third berry faded, and she instead held it in her hand toward the Pallid. The gesture brought a quizzical chirp, but eventually instinct for food overcame apprehension, and the Pallid rose to its feet to walk to her side of the closet.

    "I-uh...I hope you enjoy it, not-Eoin, it's the last one I have."

    Judging whether the Pallid had understood the remark was impossible, but it accepted the berry nonetheless, again beaming a toothy grin half layered with its chewed contents. Argon expected the Charmander to return to its side of the room, but it lay dormant on its feet. In a way, this was her second reunion with the Charmander below Uxie's Cave, and when a creature was neither able to flee nor willing to fight, familiarity again overcame apprehension. It dropped to all fours, tail flame placating below its metal confines to lie its whole body down on the floor, right on top of her lap.

    "Eoin?!" Argon yelped.

    Her bargain had payed off, perhaps even more so then she wanted. Its once greedy smile had morphed into tranquility, and if her hearing still worked, the rumbling chirps coming from the Pallid sounded all to similar to purring. A part of her wanted to back away at the absurd gesture, but the Charmander on her feet, as well as the strange warmth its scales provided, made such movement impossible...and somewhat undesirable. She was trapped, that much was clear, the Pallid nearly as tall as her with eyes closed and tail swishing against stone floor had done a better job at ensnaring her movements than any seviper or tangela inhabiting the mystery dungeons of her daily life. A Raichu who was never one for physical affection, Argon lifted her paws to avoid disturbing the Charmander. It took notice, and the Pallid's eyes opened a smidge, chirping slightly as it craned its neck in her direction with anxious breaths. A quick yelp again escaped her mouth, and she looked between her paw and the way the Charmander in her lap's neck twist and turned, words not being needed to convey the clear request,

    "E-Eoin? If you're still in there, I'm not sure I should—"

    It only let out a soft growl, body curling to pull deeper into the odd embrace. She had known Eoin for barely over a day, and a part of her felt that he was not in a state to make fulfilling its instinctual desires moral. On the other hand, he had informed her that the effect wouldn't be permanent, and keeping the Pallid in a state that wouldn't make it want to bolt out of the closet and attack the first pokemon in sight, not to mention revealing his secret, remained top priority. With a large breath equal part hyperventilation and yawn, she lowered a paw to its neck and started to scratch. Perhaps they could both forget what happened later?

    The effect was immediate. Its tail swished with greater intensity, and breaths quickened to signal a great release of tension. Three knocks again emanated from the marble door at her back, and with a seconds hesitation she shouted back that the situation was within hand. Time passed, and after deliberation with her partner through the wall Chimera walked off, agreeing that visiting a certain Girafarig would be necessary if they were to investigate Eoin's request. After an hour of Raichu and Charmander maintaining the awkwardly comfortable position, light snoozing slithered from its mouth, warmth from its scales forcing Argon to succumb to a similar effect. The adrenaline that had pervaded her body at the start of the encounter faded, bringing with it a quiet contentment that belayed notion of what consequences the reversion would bring.

    It ended when the Charmander turned, yawning as blue and wide-grey eyes met each other after hours of sleep. Argon's paw lay dormant on Eoin's neck mid-scratch, and if there were any sewing pins stored on the shelves between them, the ensuring silence would let both of them hear it drop.

    "Eoin?" she asked.

    "...Yes."

    ****.

    The thought was mutual, and in an instant Eoin broke away from the hold, scrambling to retrieve the goggles knocked under one of the shelves.

    "Arceus, you were not supposed to see that. The beast...I attacked you, did I not?"

    "No actually," she responded, "W-Well, you charged at me, but you stopped. I guess I was able to keep you calm enough that...well you know."

    Eoin froze, face locked in incredibility before looking downward to sneer at his own claws. He sat down next to Argon, taking great care to maintain a distance between the two that wouldn't bring back what had just transpired.

    "It matters not. I...cannot hide my hypocrisy to you any longer. The gift Uxie bestowed upon me, while tremendous, was not perfect. The recursions...the one you just saw, they come with unpredictable intensity. I have been able to subdue its aggression with isolation and stun seeds until this moment."

    Eoin's head drooped, and he snorted towards the metal contraction concealing his grey flame, before readjusting his goggles to hide from Argon's passive stare,

    "For all my talk of civilization, of honor, of knowledge, I cannot escape the fact that deep down, I am just as feral as the Charmander that attacked you underneath that cave, your friend was right..."

    "I...I'm not sure that's the truth, at least not the whole of it," she replied, drawing a puzzled look from Eoin, "I-I mean, I've lived my life with expectations of what pallids are, and I can say for certain that you've subverted all of them. Regardless of what just happened, that shouldn't change all that you've done, or make you any less of the Charmander who learned to talk and dance."

    "But—"

    Again, he looked toward his tail, seeing his own reflection in the warped surface,

    "But he is—I am dangerous. If it had not been you, if it had been your friend or anyone else, I would have attacked as unrelentingly as any other of my kind. How can I accomplish my mission if I cannot even refrain from assaulting those who trust me? I do not deserve to be trusted."

    "Well then...you'll just have to learn how," she said blankly, attempting to convey understanding, "I can try my best to help you, find out what's causing you to act like that and put a stop to it. Pokemon can change. I've always thought you choose who you are, and you've chosen to be better, that's enough to earn my trust."

    Eoin's head remained locked to the floor despite the flattery, seemingly lost in his own expression. In the ensuring silence Argon raised her paw above the neck of the Charmander beside her, before lowering it back to her side, thoughts raging on whether he would appreciate the gesture. Again, her paw hovered just above the back of the Pallid's neck, and again, it retreated to her side. The cycle nearly repeated until Eoin noticed the attempts, melancholic chuckle accompanied by a nearly imperceptible nod.

    "You really believe that?" he asked, turning away to hide his smile as instinctual euphoria carried through his spine. "You are more generous than most."

    "Of course. And I suppose that the first step to that is going through that whole mission you've been talking about. Life's been...pretty nice in the past month, but if there's anything Chimera taught me, it's that variety is the spice of life, can't spend everyday cooked up inside of a room this small."

    The Pallid's smile seemed to fade with recognizance of the road ahead, but quickly returned as she returned the gesture. There weren't any windows to corroborate, but Argon could sense that, for the time being, the clouds had rolled by.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
  2. Namohysip

    Namohysip Dragon Enthusiast

    Alright, getting back into this. I don’t have much to say about the chapter right after the illusions are dropped. It was anticlimactic, but at the same time, I didn’t really see it going any other way. I think it was a bit refreshing to see Chimera and Argon basically talk their way into victory here. I think you handled Uxie abandoning his post pretty well—though I suppose that’s a bit biased coming from me, when I basically have the same logic going on for my centuries-long guardian archetypes.


    My only nagging question is how the Time Gear actually operates. At first, Uxie says that he’s guarding it here to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands and it isn’t taken away. There’s even talk about not messing with it. Yet, when we finally get down to it, Uxie just… gives it to them. And nothing happens when the Gear is removed. I was hoping that Chimera—aware of the games—would make some sort of comment about time freezing if the Gear was removed or something, since that didn’t really happen.


    Now then, onto chapters 12 and 13, I gotta say… you do well at being unpredictable. Like, really well.

    Argon tossing the Time Gear. Them accepting Gold Rank. Them even staying together as a team. I legit wasn't sure which way you'd go. And that's powerful. I really like the fact that I can read this story and not really predict how it’ll turn out scene by scene unless you clearly want me to—for example, the scene with the Stun Seeds, I knew the ending from the start, but I still loved how it played out for how silly that chapter was. I liked the tone there.


    On to some little critiques, though, I have two things--one on the mechanics side, one on the storytelling side. Major one first: your characters, at times and during some key moments, behave conveniently, so to speak. What I mean is, their emotions come fast, and come when it's most impacting to the plot, and sometimes they don't have as much foreshadowing as, perhaps, the could have taken.


    Using the Argon scene--it seemed really odd and convenient for her to be getting those feelings, then, and not earlier, or perhaps later. I later learned that it's because she's afraid of what it means to be in gold rank, and not necessarily the Time Gear itself--and that, I feel, could have been outlined a bit more clearly, since it was so vagueish in the midst that I actually wasn't sure.


    This sorta ties in with that early criticism I had about Chimera suddenly pouring his emotions out to Argon within minutes of first meeting. It's the same issue, actually--their rapid ebb and flow of emotions could use more buildup.



    As for the minor thing, on the mechanics side--and this is particularly pronounced during chapter 12--the way you describe scenery and movements can get wordy at times! I think what's going on is you get so involved in describing exactly how someone is moving or feeling at specific things that you lose sight of how much the reader can reasonably envision before they sorta muddle the details into a vague picture anyway.


    Now, this is more a stylistic choice. Some people like it wordy. Others, less so. But we talked about this in private, and I think you know what I mean about all this. For all I know, I’m just one of those impatient readers who goes, “Yes, yes, I get the picture—next line please!” while others wouldn’t mind basking in a couple extra sentences.


    And then I got to the next three chapters and… my goodness. I’m… basically fully invested in this story at this point. My god, you’ve hit a ton of good points to keep me interested for a while, so long as you answer a few of them as the chapters progress. I can tell you’re setting up for the next few arcs, and I love it.


    So first thing, obviously, good job overall with how you introduced Eoin. I didn't quite piece it together at first for some reason, but in hindsight it makes perfect sense. Really good work. He was the start of these past three chapters and you did well with showing basically an intro to who he is, as well as delving into the mystery about him--basically that he's part of a "rare pallid" that doesn't simply cease after a Dungeon resets, and has persisted long enough to have some teeny tiny semblance of sapience, and then Uxie gave a jump start after that.


    Very cool concept, I knew it was Uxie pretty early on, but yeah, curious how that'll go, and what you'll do with the Pallids as a whole with this new piece of knowledge. And how this ties into why Dungeons are around in the first place, and so on. So many questions, implicit and explicit, and that's the mark of my kind of writing, in a way, heh..


    Now, onto two small things that I’ve noticed. It’s still a bit wordy, but that’s beside the point, and you’re definitely getting better on that front. The first issue that I noticed is how, sometimes, you’re a bit heavy-handed with the philosophy 101 course. There isn’t a lot of buildup toward it—even if in hindsight the question is warranted—and I sort of got flashbacks to my Philosophy classes back in college. It seemed too… I don’t know. Oddly out of place and out of the blue when they happen, and then to go so in depth about it. I feel like you could explore these things in more subtle ways or, at the very least, using dialogue that’s more casual.


    Next up, as much as I really like how our Charmander is turning out as a character, Chimera and Eoin first meeting felt like a big Conflict Ball. Basically, a point in the story where characters are conveniently opposed to one another despite logic dictating that a de-escalation would have been a lot more likely. I understand that Eoin is a tad feral and Chimera is a hothead, but Argon was right there. I feel like after a month together he’d have more trust in her, being alone with Eoin, that she was safe and all that. So this sorta ties in to “convenient emotions,” but this was another instance where the conflict felt a bit unnecessary and contrived. I did give it a pass overall because Chimera was drunk, and you implied well enough that Eoin was still a smidge feral at that moment, but you could have done a bit more for Chimera’s behavior. I don’t know—it’s getting a bit difficult to sympathize with him. Keep ‘im in line, Argon.


    Still, regardless of those two issues, I see a TON of potential here. I’m following this for sure. Go Eoin! Conquer your instincts! Rise above that bloodlust! I’m totally not biased or anything about this!
     
  3. pbugle

    pbugle Member

    Chapter 17: Nature's Beauty
    "Beautiful, isn't it, old chum?"

    The rains had stopped, letting morning fog clear to give the two pokemon on the upper balcony of the WFG hall a view of Pith Town and beyond. White-stone buildings of nearly identical size with red-tiled roofs extended outward. Expanding as such were congested inner streets, ceasing only with the presence of oceanside harbor on one corner, or monumental factories on the other. Chimneys jutted out of the structures in the distance, releasing grey smoke that drifted in the wind like octopus tentacles. Nearly concealing by this exhaust was a massive blob of green to the east. Chimera would have indeed admitted that it was an impressive sight, if not for the fact that the Bagon standing next to Binair over silver balcony rails had his head locked straight down. His eyes didn’t blink, nearly lost within the call of the void.

    "Most any other bagon I've known would have jumped by now; why haven't you?"

    It was a question the former-human had been considering heavily in the past month. The first time he had done it, sightseeing on that familiar cliff side with his companion; next to her one moment and with rocky forehead dug into the beach below the next, it was more a matter of satiating boredom. As frail as his new body was, a certain routine had developed in the Bagon's free time, despite having grown inconsistent as the days went on.

    "I...don't know, not really. I can still feel it looking over the edge, this shot of adrenaline crawling up my spine. But when I hit the ground, there's only a shiver. Something in my mind...this feeling is telling me that what I'm doing is wrong, that it's against my nature."

    Binair walked next to Chimera, occasional glances shifting to the weapon at his side and the grey cape over his back,

    "If we're to analyze this dilemma, old chum, we have to figure out the cause. You know that bagon jump in order to prepare their bodies for evolution, correct? To harden their cells so their forehead grows into a cocoon that protects the development of their wings?"

    Chimera nodded, not shifting his head from the entourage of pokemon below walking into the guild hall entrance. With Binair's info came another cringe, tiny hands shaking with the morning breeze,

    "Of course. Just last night I told someone that they couldn't always fight nature, and that it was in my nature to jump, but the more I do it, the more I realize my mind is shouting at me that it isn't right. I don't understand."

    A pink aura emanated around Chimera's crossbow, shocking him from the trance of below. Peripheral vision showed that a similar light had appeared on the Girafarig's horns.

    "May I?"

    Chimera gestured in approval, letting the device unsling from his waist and float in front of Binair. The Girafarig's eyes narrowed analyzing its inner mechanics from every angle, ending with a smile toward the pokemon at his side.

    "Fine craftsmanship no doubt. And I think we've come to the source of your conflict old chum. You have a particular talent for working with your hands, and with this comes a question you've yet to answer: Do you even want to evolve?"

    "Well, if I did," Chimera replied, flashing a grin to Binair somewhere between humor and melancholy, "I figured I could just mount a giant ballista to my back, how hard could it be?"

    The Bagon turned back toward the ground, letting cool air swish past his scales as he tried to parse whether the way his breaths quickened and his vision narrowed was due to excitement, or dread, or perhaps both. If keyboards still existed in this universe, Chimera figured his words per minute would already suffer with arms and fingers as short as they were, never mind having neither at all. On the other hand, their foes were bound to become more formidable if they were to accept Eoin's offer, and not having access to his elemental abilities had been a source of frustration since his arrival. He closed his eyes and sighed, focus stuck between the stubby appendages he could feel and the crimson-red ones he couldn't, unsure which path to take.

    "Huh," he said, turning back to Binair with a snort, "In all seriousness I'm not sure. God...am I really like that pikachu?"

    "I beg your pardon, what pikachu?"

    "Forget about it. Anyway I've avoided the issue until now, even to my partner, but I think I'll have to say no. If nature is something that forces me to lose my arms...then I'll fight it, even if it makes me a disappointment."

    The Bagon expected Binair to object the statement, or at least nod in disapproval, but on his visage instead appeared a nearly imperceptible grin.


    "On the contrary, I couldn't be happier, old chum. I'm willing to bet you aren't fighting your nature at all, only you're more of a chimera than most realize."

    Chimera nodded and returned the grin, but his hands shook even more with the Girafarig's praise. Something about the way he said it seemed...off, like a teacher spouting vague generalities to lead a student to the correct answer.

    "What do you mean by that?"

    Binair's grin only grew, accompanied by an ornate cane levitating from his side to direct the Bagon to the town below. Chimera's vision followed the pointer. He saw a group of pokemon in the harbor stacking crates onto a three-sailed supply ship, most adorned with tricorns or other appropriate headgear. On the grassy field below was another group, with a Breloom that had thrown his croquet mallet to the ground in frustration just as he had one month ago. Past furnished houses and paved streets was a Meowth, returning to town with soot on its face from being in one of the dirtier factory positions,

    "The world we live in, the games we play, the culture we appreciate, doesn't it seem the least bit...familiar, to a pokemon such as yourself?"

    The answer in Chimera's mind was a yes, if only tentatively. The glazed over stare the Chatot that organized their missions gave hunched over a stack of papers was a familiar one, and the vessels, fashion, and infrastructure throughout Pith Town seemed to be ripped straight from a history book, but he'd be lying to say there were no differences. Just the concept of a mystery dungeon had no equivalent to the world he once knew, and the various tools he had crafted along his journey often drew wandering looks from pokemon that had the power of flight or fire at their figurative fingertips. A second passed until the repercussions of Binair's question followed Chimera's conscious, arms shaking ever more despite his attempts at keeping a straight face. He wanted to keep it a secret, something only his partner would know, but the grin on the Girafarig's tail conveyed what its face couldn't,

    "You...you know, don't you?"

    "How could I not, old chum?" Binair replied, hoof raising to pat what part of a bagon could be considered its shoulders. "The way you fight, the way you think, I've studied humanity enough to know that this weapon isn't something native to this world. The reason you've arrived has yet to be revealed, but rest assured, your secret’s safe with me."

    The weapon levitated back into Chimera's hands, helping to alleviate their quivering. Had the former-human's secret been known to most other pokemon, terror would have stricken his heart, but there was a sense of familiarity in Binair's grin that he couldn't put his finger on, one that assured him that the Girafarig was both genuine and able to be trusted with maintaining it. They both turned outward, looking upon a world as recognizable as it was foreign,

    "Knowledge is a beautiful thing, wouldn't you say? And with knowledge, comes power. In the days before the WFG, most pokemon wouldn't give two figs about humanity's history, but I think we both see now that they were fools. Success doesn't come to many, but when one understands the economy of the caravel, the efficiency of the assembly line, and all the other innovations and systems that humanity took thousands of years to develop, one need only know the sacrifices of integrating them into a world such as this to prosper."

    He recognized the feeling: the satisfaction of brewing curiosities being satiated just as they had talking to his partner in the dead of night. Just as before, answers brought even more questions. The most important difference, the Bagon figured, of living in a world privy to such a crude emulation was that, for once, he was on the right side of it.

    "But...how did that knowledge even get here?"

    "An interesting story, but one for another time," Binair replied. "Right now, I figured we should discuss your purpose for coming here."

    "Oh, of course. Argon and I met this Charmander yesterday, and I think he wants us to go on an expedition with him to that island: Eastern Faire. We've been there before, but only to the mystery dungeons around the coast, and he seems pretty adamant that we head into the mainland. I came here to see if you have any missions available that would fit the bill."

    For probably the first time since their initial meeting, Binair seemed shocked. His poised grin soon returned, but for barely a second, the Girafarig froze up, as if the calculations going through his mind had taken priority over keeping his two faces locked in a cordial demeanor. He cantered around the balcony in a pause to consider his options that Chimera couldn't determine as genuine or pretense.

    "I must say, I wasn't expecting this proposal so soon, considering the nature of your partner, but it does make for a fine opportunity. As for a mission you three could go on...you remember the time gears, correct?"

    "Of course," the Bagon replied with a chuckle, "I'm not sure what you're doing with them, but I am sure they would do a fine job at holding down paper."

    "Very funny," came the deadpan reply, "If you're curious, I've been studying the one you and Argon returned, as well at holding it in protection against less scrupulous pokemon. From what I can ascertain, their presence is in someway related to the existence of mystery dungeons, and if they are brought together, the full extent of the powers they each contain will be discovered."

    Chimera could see where it was going, though thought of their inevitable mission came with another resurgence of memories. His fingers twitched, contemplating the possibility that the yellow orbs that surrounded a Togetic would inevitably appear over him,

    "Hey Binair, would-uh...would the name 'Temporal Tower' ring any bells?"

    He blinked,

    "I don't believe so, should it?"

    A breath of relief escaped Chimera's mouth, whether from the Girafarig's ignorance or simply that whatever knowledge of prediction his memories had given him weren't perfect,

    "No, it's just that...nevermind. So you want us to get more of the time gears, how many are there?"

    "Two," Binair replied, "not counting the ones you've already delivered, guarded by Azelf and Mespirit respectively. I'll tell you their locations when your team departs, but more importantly, I was hoping to accompany you for after the job is finished, to instruct you on a little side business someone with your nature would be well suited for."

    "What sort of side business?" Chimera asked, tone shifting. "I can understand why, but you haven't been too keen to giving out details on missions like these."

    A hoof again raised to Chimera's shoulder, followed by a hearty chuckle from the Girafarig directed toward nobody but himself,

    "I prefer to think of it as on-sight instruction being the superior method. Just know that it's an essential position. Without it, our world would have never advanced to the prosperous state we enjoy."

    Indeed, a light seemed to flash in the Bagon's eyes from the proposal, but it quickly extinguished with consideration of its consequences,

    "It sounds interesting, but...I made a deal with Argon a while back, that we'd try to keep all our missions close to home, I think I might be breaking it by agreeing."

    "But there's a difference this time," Binair replied, "you wouldn't have met me here unless you thought your partner must at least have some interest in going. With this, comes opportunity. If she approves of going on this mission, what harm is there in finding some industrious use of your free time?"

    Chimera's head sank, taking great deal to not let it wander over the edge of the rails. His director was correct in that there wouldn't be harm in a single mission, but after staying with Argon to this point, it would be a shame to see it again snowball into an instance that again left their paths divided. On the other hand, the past month of missions had been as unchallenged as it was monotonous, and the Bagon figured that if it kept up for another year or two without something to break it up, he was bound to go stir crazy. His head returned upward, finding that the hoof once at his side was now suspended toward him, mimicking a gesture no other pokemon on Faire had yet understood,

    "Care to shake on it, old chum? Forgive my bluntness, but I can see it in your eyes: that potential. That drive for more that proves we're two threads in the same stitch. I respect Argon's desire to appreciate the smaller things in life, I wouldn't have been able to mark my legacy without pokemon like her, but...you're different, and in my opinion it would be a waste to let this offer slide. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life where you are now?"

    Chimera already knew the answer, even as his conscious considered the possibilities of where it would lead. He had made a promise to his partner, but he had also made a promise to someone he knew before all of this, illusion or not. If he played his cards right, the Bagon was hopeful he could uphold both. Without another thought, he grasped the Girafarig's hoof with his own stubby arm, resoluteness replacing the gesture's initial awkward nature.

    "No, I don't. I suppose you can't fight nature."

    ---​

    Chimera was soaring through the air, or at least the next best thing, and so were his companions. After a brief rendezvous, Bagon, Raichu, and Charmander found themselves in a fragile, narrow box of wood and canvas construction. A large, green wing jutted out from each side of the frame, giving the glider flight despite the Bagon spotting not a single engine for propulsion. In its place, was a Fearow, Staraptor, and Pidgeot, all wearing harnesses tied to sections of the craft that kept it airborne for the vast amount of distance they had to cover.

    “We’ll be dropping you three off at Mount Shayne in five minutes, hope you all don’t mind the cold!”

    An omnipresent shudder ran through every passenger. Argon nodded toward the source of the warning: a speaking tube that ran alongside the Fearow’s harness through the tug rope and into the fuselage, barely able to convey the message against buckling canvas and winds. Chimera’s eyes remained glued to the window, gazing toward the top of the nearly endless canopy of trees precluding their destination that concealed whatever happenings occurred below. Eoin held his fire close as he cast a glance at the various crates contributing to the craft’s crowded nature. Though the Pallid’s doubts were the highest, hopefully Binair had been honest in his promise that no expense was spared in providing supplies for their journey.

    “You know,” Chimera said, chuckling as he turned to the others, “I couldn’t stand traveling like this back in the day, now…”

    He plastered his face to the window, in the process nearly breaking the glass with his rocky forehead. The exhilaration in the Bagon’s smile seemed like a bizarre contradiction to his partner, for the trembling that divulged terror in his heart was equally present.

    “It’s amazing.”

    Eoin snorted, still feeling the citrus-like aftertaste of a heal seed reverberate through mouth.

    “Speak for yourself Chimera. I read about these craft for a short while, there aren’t many ways a catastrophic failure could occur, but I know them.”

    “Are you afraid of heights?” Argon asked. “I-I’m sorry we didn’t ask sooner, it’s just that, well...when you reverted after we took off, I guess the thought didn’t cross our minds.”

    The Charmander made his best attempt at a reassuring smile, before his eyes closed and he buried his head toward the floor,


    “Only a little. The more I read about it, the more illogical it seemed; trusting your life to an amalgamation of plywood and cloth. The mission comes first, however, and I suppose this is better than climbing Mount Shayne from the bottom.”

    The Pallid had removed his goggles, and Argon spotted a slight taper of his pupils. While not nearly as prevalent as when she watched Eoin jam a stun seed into his mouth at the start of their journey, the effect was noticeable. What truly surprised her, however, was that a grin on Eoin’s face had replaced the usual cringe of pain.


    “Luckily I have not had to bear the brunt of it today. The Beast seems to be far more ignorant of the dangers than myself, and the more I succumbed to its control...the more I felt my fear drifting away. It is a bizarre advantage, and to have two recursions in the past day, with any luck my instinct will be more kind for the road ahead.”

    “Hey, if I wasn’t here, you might not of even needed the stun seed,” Chimera replied, previous excitement interrupted by deep breaths and a nervous look toward his partner, “and speaking of which, what even is this mission you keep talking about? I know my stake in this, but now that you’re back, I’d be nice to know why you even agreed to come with us on this expedition.”

    Eoin’s eyes shut after the remark, and he continued fidgeting with his hands, clutching a stun seed as if afraid to let go. Whether from recurring memories, or simply to avoid looking out of the windows, both pokemon would never know.

    “When I went exploring into the forest, and came across the sight that lead to my mission, I was just as mentally unprepared as you two are now. Just know the...shock, the helplessness I felt, and the knowledge of its repercussions lead me to organize a movement, of which I am the leader. I apologize for my obscurity, but there are times when words can only do so much justice. I only ask for your belief that what I say is genuine.”

    The beginnings of a smile attempted to make their way to the Pallid’s face, subsiding to the middle point between neutrality and frown,

    “As for this specific expedition, I follow you both in the hopes that after this is finished, you will allow me to show you what I speak of in person. Besides, if Uxie chose to remain at its post guarding the time gear, I would be months behind my current intelligence. Having Azelf abandon its fool’s bargain, that is a cause I can follow.”

    “So...you’re doing this to get us to join the group that you’ve created,” Argon commented.

    Eoin nodded. His head shifted to the crates of supplies, grey ember escaping his tongue as it settled on the stack of rations packed for their trip.

    “You know,” Chimera said, eyes likewise closed in recollection, “you gotta wonder why they even guard those things. When Uxie teleported us out of the dungeon with that gear, I thought for sure that time in the area would stop, or...something. But no, unless you count nearly drowning as irregular, nothing happened.”

    Argon turned to her partner, faded paperback cover of a childhood story fresh in her mind,

    “Y-Yeah, so did I. If the legends are true, and they really are in place to keep the flow of time in order, then it should have happened. My best guess is that there’s someone or something keeping time in place after they’re removed, or there’s some other effect that we haven’t seen yet.”

    “And with no Temporal Tower…” Chimera muttered under his breath as he turned to the Pallid, “Eoin, you were there after me and Argon left, did you see anything that might have been caused by the time gear being removed?”

    It took a couple seconds before Eoin could raise his voice. The metal cover religiously attached over the Charmander’s flame had been torn off, revealing a grey cinder that divulged how ill-suited its host was to their high altitudes. Despite this, no notion of complaint had been raised throughout the flight, and after preparatory hyperventilations Eoin seemed satisfied that he had an answer.

    “I do, in fact. Most of the memories before my awakening are little more than hazy emotions and feelings, but just before I was able to teleport myself out of the dungeon, I remember this sensation of...pain, followed by a period of nothingness, then a quiet euphoria. Any movement I tried became heavier, as if with every second my very being was continuously sucked out and put to some higher purpose. For what reason I cannot imagine, but the instant Uxie made contact with me and dove into my mind, it ended, and I felt whatever I had lost being returned.”

    Bagon and Raichu shared a glance, each confirming that they were equally surprised by the story.


    “T-That doesn’t sound pleasant,” Argon said, “are you sure you’re alright with coming with us on this mission? I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

    “Of course,” Eoin replied, “my purpose is bigger than myself, and I am hopeful whatever powers Uxie used have given me an immunity to any future dangers. Forgive me, it gets a little choppier from here, but the look on its face after the experience was akin to...guilt, a sense of culpability that pervaded all of our future interactions. I occasionally asked the lake guardian about the sensation, to no avail. Only just before we parted ways did I question why it was me specifically who was saved from the dungeon’s effects. Uxie’s answer was the last word we exchanged: ‘Redemption’.

    A call through the speaking tube jolted the trio to attention, bated breaths present in all three exacerbated through the Fearow’s voice,

    “We’re...just about to drop you ‘mons off, hold onto your tails! We’ll be back here in a day or so. Air ‘till this point gets too thin to fly, you’ll have to hike the rest if you want to get to the mystery dungeon at the top. Articuno knows why you’d even bother, but may fortune favor the bold.”

    A sharp snap of tow lines detaching pierced through rattling support frames and buckling fabric. All three pokemon sat down and scrambled for something to hang on to, being jolted from their seats with a roaring thud accompanied by skiis skidding against frozen lake water. Every second of deceleration brought fears of a tree shattering through their fragile craft like claws through caterpie, ending only in the brief second where momentum brought the fuselage backward. Thankful breaths, most noticeable from the Charmander, echoed through the narrow confines.


    They unpacked and equipped clothing supplied for the journey: a blend of mareep cloth sewn into thick blankets and coats. Chimera opened the exit. Chilling air and snow rushed through immediately. Partly concealing by such was view of their means of locomotion, visibly exhausted flying back the way they had come. The Bagon turned, grin forming on his face with sight of the gray and white mountain face in the distance no doubt concealing their goal,

    “Well,” Chimera said, snow condensing on his forehead doing little to cull enthusiasm, “shall we?”

    ---
    Author's Notes: I can't thank Namohysip enough for his reviews of my story. I've been responding to him privately about his feedback, and I want to assure anyone who takes the time to look over my story that I will do my best to reply to feedback, either publicly or through private messages.
     
  4. pbugle

    pbugle Member

    Chapter 18: Crimson Snow
    “Y-You know...I haven’t seen a flake of snow in four years. It’s a nice change of pace being here, but...I’m starting to see why I left.”

    Frigid wind flooding into the Raichu’s jaw cut off any further conversation. It was an uphill battle navigating through the twists and turns of Mount Shayne, one that saw Argon periodically checking the mark on their wonder-map, as if analyzing to see if the presider of the WFG hadn’t accidentally marked their location in place of a tropical resort. Hours of travel through a blizzard revealed that their Fearow navigator’s message had been more of a presage than anything. Omnipresent snow took its place upon all three, sticking to legs and tails to create a numbness somewhere between tranquility and agony.

    “You’re not missing much,” Chimera replied, a tiny part of the former-human wishing that whatever force had turned him into a pokemon could have picked something similar to the strange, cloud-like vulpix roaming near their landing site, “where I was from, fresh snow was absolutely peachy keen for exactly one day, until it dried up and and all you had left was a minus twenty windchill and the pleasure of walking like you’re trudging through molasses. At least here we get all three qualities.”

    “Still, there is a unique sense of beauty underneath the toil,” Eoin commented, “my lifespan likely has been less than a hundredth of yours, and I can say without hesitation that the pictures do not do them justice.”

    An unspoken sense of agreement filled the group. Even without looking up, Argon could see the teal tint of luminous aurora reflected in the Pallid’s metallic contraption. The Raichu would be the first to admit to the temptation of a warm bed and actually being able to feel any sensation in her feet and hands. However, as she walked, exchanging smiles between the pokemon on either side of the vast distances they had left behind, there was nowhere else Argon would rather be. If the Pichu yawning in her bed to “Heroes of Time” could see her now, Argon was unsure whether her former self would scoff or quiver. Regardless, she was here now, and the ticking hands of fate powered by the gears they sought had seemed less malicious than her fears proclaimed.

    The familiar tingling sensation of entering a mystery dungeon substituted for any shivering in their necks. Eoin took the lead, wary eyes scanning for sources of danger as they approached a shallower section leading up to the mountain face. Knee high snow made determining what surface they were marching on difficult, but Argon was the first to catch the sudden loss of traction.

    “Watch your step. We might be on a small lake, wouldn’t want to slip, or worse...”

    “Yeah Eoin,” Chimera said, cracking a smile through gusts of icy powder, “adventuring always has that risk, wouldn’t want you to be put on thin ice.”

    A painful groan escaped the gloomy Charmander, though not completely in response to the attempt at humor. Sharp pain echoing through his conscious forced him to his knees. In spite of Eoin’s recognizance of the migraine, it was less severe than that experienced when he attempted to delay a reversion. Argon and Chimera stopped behind the Pallid, simultaneously gasping when a crack followed be several crinkles sounded from under his feet. A single thought beamed into Eoin’s mind, mimicking a form of communication he had grown well accustomed to.

    So, you’re the pallid my sibling spoke so highly of, interesting...


    The ice below Eoin gave way. Chimera was the closest, and dove as far as his feet could in an attempt to grab the Charmander’s tail, missing by mere inches. Argon lifted a hand to her temple and attempted to telekinetically hold the Pallid, but was cut off by an invisible force that pushed him from her grasp. Contrary to their initial belief, the lake did not give way to water underneath the top layer of ice, but formed an icy tunnel angled downward and toward the cliff face. Both reached instinctively for their exploration bags, hearing the Charmander’s screams grow quieter as he slid down.

    “Eoin!” Argon shouted. “Sit tight, we’re gonna get you out of there.”

    Chimera approached the entrance to the unnatural slide with rope in hand. Seconds passed like hours as both pokemon waited for a response. Eventually, Eoin’s voice sounded through the tunnel, carrying a tone more attuned to bewilderment than concern.

    “That-uh...that will not be necessary, I do not believe I am in any danger. Continue navigating up the mountain and through the mystery dungeon, I will meet you two there.”


    Chimera and Argon froze, shared glance between the two attempting to convey what words couldn’t. Again, they heard crackling from the tunnel, punctuated by a loud crash as psychic orbs sent its icy walls collapsing into an impassable jumble.

    “Well…” Chimera deadpanned, ”guess we don’t have much of a choice now. If what I think is happening is happening, we’ll get our meeting with another third of the lake trio, one way or another.”

    Argon was silent staring between her partner and the now inaccessible tunnel, eventually settling on a deep sigh to accept the situation’s sudden deterioration. Clearing the debris would take hours, hours they didn’t have in their wintry surroundings. Eoin had proven himself trustworthy enough, and with any luck would be able to handle whatever was thrown his way. She gave a slight nod to Chimera, shouting what assurances she could through the tunnel before turning to continue up the mountain face.

    They pressed on, footsteps light and tentative in the process. Chilling wind swished against fur and scales. Gusts of white powder blew, concealing movement of any pallid blurs in the distance as well as it did their own. In spite of the mystery dungeon’s peril, a nervous glance from Argon toward the flat lake they had started from forced her paw away from her guild badge. Even without words, they could both admit that whatever dark magic Articuno used had forced the narrow pathways of their surroundings into the safest place to be. A thermos of tapu cocoa levitated out of Argon’s bag as they trudged through the snow, pouring a cup for Chimera and herself. Such a drink would have alleviated the chill running down their spines, if not for a series of dull thuds that sounded in the distance. They looked down, finding faint ripples in the liquid in tandem with the noise.

    “I don’t like this,” said Argon, “t-there’s something out there, and I’d rather we not find out what.”

    “We can’t stop now,” replied Chimera, altering his pace so that he was leading the way, “there’s no shelter where we came from, and we’ll be dead in minutes if we try teleporting before those birds get back. Besides, whatever is out there, we’ll be ready. It hasn’t stopped us before.”

    The thudding became louder, now more akin to a loud crack, followed by periodic shattering. Argon kept pace behind her partner, eyes scanning anxiously through the three feet of distance they could see. He turned back as he walked, brandishing his weapon.

    “Between this thing and your electricity, I doubt there’s anything that could withstand us working together.”

    The Bagon raised a cup to his forehead, tapping against the rocky surface with a satisfying clink.

    “You’d be pressed to find any pokemon more hardheaded than yours truly. It shouldn’t be too hard overcoming any ‘mons we have to butt heads with.”

    For the second time, silence followed. Chimera’s expression pleaded with Argon to at least humor him, but the Raichu seemed frozen, looking past Chimera in a thousand yard stare.

    “C-Come on? It wasn’t that bad, was it—”

    Nothing was said. She pointed past the Bagon, sparks emanating out of her cheeks as resolution overcame apprehension. Slowly, Chimera’s head turned, eyes matching his partner’s initial frozen state. Looming over Chimera not even three feet away was a Rampardos. Splinters of mountain-face rock jutted out of its grey forehead, matching the thick scales and spikes that covered the rest of its body. It looked at the two, a half second passing were pallid pupils looked forward in single-minded rage. An ear-splitting roar echoed through the mountain, forming a battlecry against heavy snow and stone cliffs before it lowered its body to charge.

    “Well...****.”

    ---​

    The two pokemon locked below the frozen lake stood still, staring each other in the eyes analysing the unique specimen before them. Flakes of snow had condensed on the Pallid’s body from the tumultuous slide down, and he took the brief silence to dust them off, concealed eyes analysing their surroundings. Above was the thin sheet of ice his companions had traveled over, snow still visible through the transparent layer. Beams of green light reflected against the cave’s reflective walls, aurora shining downward through the gaps in the snowdrift. This was not the only source, however, for locked underneath the glass-like surface beneath their feet was another beacon. Its aquamarine sheen jutted off in six directions, accompanied by pentagonal radiance as orderly as time itself.

    “Azelf, I presume?” Eoin asked to the three-gemmed pokemon. “Why did you bring me here? I only come to relieve you of the burden that Uxie undertook.”

    It’s not a burden, Eoin, replied the lake guardian, it’s a responsibility, one that my siblings have abandoned in their hubris, in no small part due to the actions of your friends. As for why I brought you here, I suppose my reasoning is one of curiosity. Uxie was always the knowledge seeker, but I cannot deny I was intrigued when he informed me during our arguments of what he had gifted you, and the...condition that resulted from it.

    “It was incredibly generous, but nonetheless I am nothing special. I have learned that every one of the percentage of my kind who are awakened can rise above their ignorance and brutality. Uxie’s gift simply hastened the process, in spite of any unintended consequences.”

    The lake guardian frowned. It was an expression Eoin knew well, one he put on to feign ignorance when forced to conceal dark secrets. The three gems on Azelf’s tail and forehead began to glow, and it slowly levitated toward the Pallid, reaching out with a hand.

    If you really believe that, then would you consent to a little subconscious test? You wouldn’t have come here if you weren’t curious of why I guard this artifact, and I am willing to provide you with answers so long as you’ll do the same.

    Azelf stopped before the Charmander, hand just in front of his forehead waiting for approval. It was true that the knowledge pokemon had shown an unbecoming amount of vagueness in regards to the time gear’s purpose, and standing before him was a legendary with enough connections to lift the fog that had clouded the issue. Besides, if the lake guardians all had similar abilities, he would be dead long before he could put up a fight. With one hand grasped around the warmth of his tail cover, and the other raised to readjust his goggles, Eoin nodded.

    “What do you have in mind?”

    Somewhat of a test, somewhat of a demonstration. Mespirit was particularly adamant that I do this, said that she wanted me to test out a little theory we’ve formed of Uxie’s effect on your subconscious. Fate will decide if you have the willpower to see it through, and if you’ll be the same Eoin in front of me after this is finished.

    A bright red aura emanated from the three gems as Eoin felt Azelf’s hand press into his mind. What fleeting memories the Charmander had flashed before his eyes, ending as his energy dimmed and he collapsed to the floor, whole vision being enveloped in darkness.

    It faded as soon as it appeared, letting Eoin clear the fog out of his head and take note of his strange new surroundings. The icy walls were gone, as was any semblance of cold and the chilling sensation nipping at his fire. He was sitting on a thin blanket of snow, back resting against a dead tree jutting from the lower sections of the mountain. Dense clouds of mist surrounded him, adding to the gloomy atmosphere limiting his vision to the sole other pokemon in the bizarre sequence, one that made his heart jump and the ember on his tail flicker.

    It was Argon, continence as peaceful as the sleeping breaths filling their ill-defined surroundings. Her eyes were closed, tucked into the Charmander as closely as he had been just a day ago. It wasn’t real, of course, days spent under the illusionary power of Uxie had proven to Eoin that a situation like this was too good to be true, and too easy for a pokemon with the powers of the mind to fabricate. Still, if this was all that Azelf had in mind for its supposed test, the Pallid figured that no harm would come in enjoying it while it lasted. His arm wavered just as hers had when reaching a claw to the back of her neck, but assurances that the situation wasn’t real made the gesture come slightly easier. A thick liquid seemed to have condensed around both of his claws, but he quickly pushed the thought away. She pulled in closer, side of her head resting just next to his own maw. They sat still in a minute of quiet contemplation, ending only when the Pallid whispered into the chimeric Raichu’s yellow ear.

    “Thank you, for everything.”

    Lengthy coughs and groans sounded from the other end of the tree, ending their repose. It was difficult for Eoin tell, but there was a sense of familiarity in the cries. It was a jumble of noise, likened to another being’s and his own cries for mercy beneath the cave owned by an old friend. The Pallid’s grey fire blared, seemingly of its own fruition, illuminating the room in contrast to previous experience. Eoin could only watch as Argon’s eyes drifted open, being shocked to alertness looking past him with absolute horror.

    “You...you monster.”

    The look spread to Eoin as his own light let him look over the Raichu. The fur around her neck was not its usual orange color, having been diluted with a dark shade of red. He looked down as she scrambled out of his hold, trembling with recognizance of its source.

    His own claws.

    “No, I...I...it cannot be—”

    He traced her vision, looking to the far side of the tree as another gasp escaped his mouth. A thin line of red trailed off from his own claws through the snow, ending to reveal the source of the moaning: a draconic pokemon he had grown well acquainted with.

    “Y-You killed him Eoin, you killed Chimera.”

    His eyes shut, grotesque imagery piercing through despite his best efforts. Blood covered the Bagon’s body, seeping from puncture marks verbatim to his own claws into bits of charred flesh were his scales had been burnt off. He let out a gurgled cough, covering the snow where it landed in a crimson shade.

    “No...this cannot be real, it is an illusion. It has to be!”

    Argon’s voice answered the plea, piercing into his conscious accompanied by that of the guardians he had come to know.

    It could be, though it may end up being more real than you could ever imagine. Does it really matter?

    The fog dimmed, giving way to another figure buried in the Charmander’s conscious. Standing next to Chimera was a Charmander, exactly matching Eoin’s body structure and height. The only difference of the doppelganger, was that the goggles and tail cover were gone, matching grey scales that showed the Pallid’s true form. It looked toward Eoin with a quizzical chirp, staying in place with a mask of complete innocence.

    Blue, brown, and gray pupils stared into Eoin’s soul. Embers seeped through their cover. His breaths grew in ferocity, and he pointed a claw toward the grey Charmander, vile in his eyes barely concealed underneath their veil.

    “If it is true, than it was the Beast that did the deed, not I. Short as it may be, I have spent my entire life attempting to spread the gift of knowledge to the rest of my kind, but you have not changed, no matter if we wear the same face. You venerate savagery, and should it come to it, that Bagon’s blood will be on your hands, not mine!”

    “That’s not true,” Chimera sputtered out, crimson-soaked hand raising to Eoin before it collapsed to the floor, “this blood is civil.”

    Again, the fog parted. Lying next to Chimera was another corpse, one that drew a malicious glare from Eoin even in its extinguished state. Sprawled decrepit in the snow was a Girafarig. Its predominant head was severed clean off. Its eyes were closed in quiet recollection, conveying a sense of tranquility that made him sick to his stomach. Chimera’s voice snapped Eoin out of his trance, attempt to stand interrupted as the Bagon keeled over, speaking one last time before his final breath.

    “I only wanted to—arghh...I only wanted to protect him! But they were too bitter, too tired of their abusement and destitution, and they demanded blood. You let them. You let everything burn.”

    “You...you do not understand!” Eoin sputtered toward the eyes, living or not, that glared toward him. “The progression my kind deserves is being denied by those that seek to control and oppress. There must be change. Liberty, impartiality, an opportunity for something better, for our ideals to triumph, we cannot hold back on our chance.”

    “So that’s why you’ll let him die?” Argon asked, betrayal evident in her eyes. “Ideals? Because circumstance pushed him to a side that you disagreed with, when were you going to tell me?”

    “I...I should have told you sooner— I should have trusted that you could understand the terror that filled my heart. ”

    Eoin collapsed to the floor. Sweat dripped down his scales as he buried his head to the snow, hands over ears unable to stem Chimera’s groans from mixing with the flickering embers in his conscious. Accusations tumbled to and fro, snapping what was left of his train of thought apart with something far more excruciating and foreign to his new conscious than chilling water could ever be:

    Guilt.

    “Gods...make it stop. Azelf, you have made your point. I beg you, please end this nightmare!”

    Footsteps pattered against crunching snow, barely audible as Eoin curled himself into a ball and began to sob. He gasped as the sound stopped, and he opened his eyes to view the pokemon before him.

    It was himself, holding out a grey-scaled hand with narrowed pupils, seemingly in a gesture of offering. The Beast could not speak the way he could, and yet its eyes said everything.

    “You look so tired. Don’t you want to rest?”

    Without a second thought, Eoin took hold of the Pallid, letting the blood on his own claws spread to it as his vision turned to black, and the Beast took hold.

    ---​

    The Rampardos charged. What awe and terror crept up Chimera’s scales ended in an instant as he felt his partner tackle him to the side. Aurora reflected off of the pointed, grey forehead soaring past them by mere inches.


    The Rampardos turned back. A sense of confusion seemed to have taken over the creature, letting out a short grunt at the sight of the two pokemon before him still standing. Sparks emanated from Argon’s tail. Chimera’s stubby hands fumbled for his weapon. The two shared a nod, judging that they had their foe targeted.

    Snow shrugged off the crossbow string as it released in tandem with a bolt of electricity soaring toward the Rampardos. A half second of hope passed between the two and their dim-witted target. Perhaps the creature’s size and stature only concealed its own weakness? Perhaps the frigid air had made its armored scales brittle, and it would simply be another of the easily-vanquished foes encountered through their journey?

    The bolt tinked off, falling into the snow without even a sound. Argon’s thunderbolt met a similar fate. Electrons diffused easily through its stony scales and into the ground. A glance at Argon found her fur on end, looking toward a pokemon that was more powerful than anything they had faced prior.

    “Well,” Chimera said, gaze switching between his weapon and its target, “I appreciate that we’ve found a foe that forces your level of usefulness down to mine, Argon. Makes me feel less embarrassed.”

    They could only sigh as the Rampardos cocked its head, not a scratch being left on it when it resumed its battle cry. It opened its jaw, revealing bits of snow that condensed into an ice-blue light between its throat. A beam of frost discharged. The ray grew faster than Argon anticipated possible from most rock types, causing her attempt to dive out of the way to be cut short as the cone shot against her feet.

    She moaned. The attack drew a nervous look from her partner as breaths reduced to chittering. Ice crystalized around her feet.

    “Are you alright?”

    “Y-Yeah, I...I’m fine.”

    Numbness growing by the second forced her head to the floor, before abruptly grinding to a halt. A loud crack again cut through the wind, despite being more subdued than the ones foretelling the Rampardos’s presence. She looked up, a shot of adrenaline running up her spine.

    Chimera had charged. His rocky forehead dug into their foe, causing a brief stagger before the pokemon regained its balance. Its eyes fumed, both looking with newfound vigor in their hearts for what she could only assume was a personal challenge.

    “Is that it? Do you want to go, pea-brain? Then let's go! I’ll die before you get to her.”

    “Chimera, this might not be a fight we can win! You just have to keep it distracted, we should run while we have the chance!”

    Her words fell on deaf ears. Argon hacked away at the ice pinning her to the floor as Chimera rushed to put distance between himself and their foe, back toward jagged rocks that jutted out of the mountain face. Only brief outlines through blizzard snow revealed the Rampardos and Bagon’s outline, but that was enough for both to charge, speed only inhibited by knee-high snow.

    They crashed. Argon could feel the vibration through her feet, and could see her partner be launched through the powder.

    “Don’t—arghh...don’t worry. We have to push on, and I can take whatever this blockhead can dish out.”

    The fact that the Rampardos hadn’t moved an inch after their collision proved this was false, but Argon could sense the anger in Chimera’s eyes. He was looking at an obstacle, and the Bagon had proven well enough the only path he knew was straight ahead.

    They reset and charged. Bits of snow fell from their mountain overhang. Again, Chimera was hurled through the floor and into the snow, momentum stopping inches before the jagged rocks at his rear.

    “We can lose it in the snowstorm!” Argon shouted. “It’s not going to let up, we have to leave.”

    It was difficult to tell, but there seemed to be a hint of a smile after every collision, one that accompanied the fire in the Bagon’s eyes. It only lasted a second, before he would force them shut, as if attempting to stem some instinctual, disapproving migraine.

    For the last time, they took their positions, intent on finishing whatever ritual they had started. Argon chipped away at the last bit of ice locking down her feet. She could only watch and shout as time slowed and rocky foreheads met each other.

    “No, wait—”

    The two pokemon had equal speed, but the Rampardos had the advantage in mass. Chimera shot backwards through the air. A painful cry escaped his jaw as the sharp rocks of the mountain face pierced through his arm and leg. The Bagon was a broken mess. He collapsed to the floor, vision being enveloped in blackness.

    “Arghh...please no, not like this...”

    Argon shot to her feat, unable to control her own breaths. Fueled by adrenaline and muscle memory, she untied the various straps keeping her tail in place and zoomed past the Rampardos. It let out a booming roar. In one swift motion, she placed her tail under the Bagon and closed her eyes, surrounding it in pink light to function as a makeshift stretcher.

    “H-Hand on. We need to find some shelter. I’ll get you out of here, I promise you that.”

    The only response was an unintelligible babble. Argon looked to the Rampardos, setting her gaze on the abyss of powdery wind concealing her every surrounding.

    She ran. It followed. Being on all fours forced any semblance of feeling away from all her limbs, but it did little to deter. The snow carried up to her chest, making steps cumbersome and slow. Thuds increased in ferocity, every glance behind her confirming that the Rampardos was getting closer by the second. It opened its jaw, letting out the telltale whir of elemental energy condensing in its jaw. Her fur stood up on end, preparing for bone-chilling crystals to pierce through them when it stopped, interrupted by another noise trudging through mystery dungeons with her partner had made familiar.

    Chimera’s off-hand arm wavered holding the crossbow out. The Rampardos roared in pain, stopping to hold its hands over the bolt sticking out of its right eye. Her partner let out one last chuckle as his muscles gave way and he collapsed.

    They were safe, at least for the moment. No longer being chased let Argon focus on the task at hand, finally able to decipher a sentence from her partner than was more than a gurgle.

    “I brought that on myself. I...I’m sorry for being so stupid. I broke my rule, and now we’re both paying the price for it.”

    “That doesn’t matter,” Argon replied, “great shot, but we’re not out of the woods yet. Gods...I wanted to avoid all of this. Y-You’re going to be alright, don’t worry.”

    The minutes passed. She wandered on. The thin air grew ever more difficult to breathe, and the stress of keeping the Bagon supported through telekinetic powers grew by the second, but fortune smiled upon the Raichu. Her head nearly glazed over the faint outline of a tunnel unnaturally formed in the mountain slope. For one of the brief periods of their treacherous expedition, Argon smiled. She looked back to Chimera, finding his head aimed toward the green and blue sky.

    Immediately, the harsh weather seemed to alleviate as Argon stepped inside of the cave. She set Chimera down. It didn’t take a genius to see the extent of his injuries. His right arm and left leg were bent in ways she didn’t even know were possible. His breaths were sporadic, his blue scales were pale and devoid of blood. She raised a paw to his hand, gasping at the long gaps in the Bagon’s heartbeat.

    Shock.

    Argon froze, staring into the abyss with the knowledge that If Chimera didn’t get treatment soon, her partner was likely going to die. She took in three deep breaths, then turned back to the situation at hand.

    “O-Ok, I got this...please let me have this.


    She took out several blue berries from her pack, grinding them into a thick paste and slathering it onto bandages. They stopped the bleeding well enough, but that was the least of her problems. Chimera’s heartbeat was sporadic, and there wasn’t a single qualified healer that could administer the proper treatment. There was only her, her and the electrons that sparked from the Raichu’s own two paws.

    So it comes to this…please, Arceus, let me remember how many volts it is…

    Too few and the effect would be useless, too many and she’d do more harm than good. Seconds passed of contemplation. The thin air didn’t help any of Argon’s attempts to control her breathing, but knowing that every passing second only increased the chance that her partner would be sent back to wherever humans thought of as the afterlife forced her paws to his chest. Her cheeks sparked, as did her tail as she delivered the first shock.

    “Come on…”

    His chest jolted up, but little else.

    The second shock.

    “Please, let this work.”

    Still, no effect.

    “Work, dammit!”

    She sighed, nearly lowering her head before she let out one last shock, recoiling as the Bagon’s chest again jolted up. Instantly, her paw lowered his hands, moments passing like hours as she determined what fate awaited the former-human.

    Silence...then one heartbeat, then another, and another still. Argon cackled madly to herself, only witnesses being the ice and rock of the cave as her partner’s heartbeat returned to a steady tempo.

    “I-I...I thought I lost you.”

    She drew him in close, watching as the Bagon’s eyes opened to return her smile.

    “Thank you,” he said, forming a toothy grin half layered with his own blood, “my sincerest condolences, now you gotta keep putting up with me.”

    They laughed. The moment didn’t last long, however, before booming thuds sent shivers up their spine. It was Chimera’s turn for his eyes to reveal what words couldn’t, drawing Argon’s gaze to the cave entrance.

    Standing there, fuming breaths obscuring the crimson scar over its right eye, was the Rampardos. It lowered its head, kicking its feet into the snow to charge.

    “Damn…” Argon said, turning back to Chimera with a frown more out of exhaustion than anything, “I guess this is it, either it will kill us, or the cold outside will. I’m...glad we got to know each other. I’d honestly probably be alive if we didn’t team up, but I’m not sure It would be a life worth living.”

    Not a second passed before the Rampardos launched itself toward the two. They both closed their eyes, relieving what memories that had gotten them to this point until oblivion would show its face.

    They would have to wait. The Pallid’s footsteps stopped abruptly, fuming being cut off seemingly mid-breath. A moment passed until their eyes tentatively glimpsed toward their would-be-killer, letting out gasps equal part astonishment and bewilderment.

    The Pallid was motionless in front of them, having been unnaturally interrupted mid-charge, frozen in time.

    ---​

    Author’s Note: My sincerest gratitude to Namohysip, author of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Hands of Creation (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12658897/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Hands-of-Creation). He’s been an amazing help reviewing, betaing, and providing interesting ideas for my story. I’m in the process of reading his story, and I’d definitely recommend checking it out.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
  5. NebulaDreams

    NebulaDreams A Dense Irritating Miniature Beast of Burden

    Hello! I saw you’re new to the Serebii Discord, so I went ahead and checked out some of your work. While you’ve released quite a few chapters already, I do want to highlight the first five chapters including the prologue, since I feel like that’s a good checkpoint for the story.

    Chapter 1-5

    My general thoughts are that this fic is going in a very interesting direction. What I like the most about it is how you’ve taken the classic PMD trope of ‘human gets sucked into PMD world’ and have started twisting it. This is one instance where I feel the protagonist’s human life plays a really integral part in the story, with his expectations of what a PMD world should be like vs reality, where instead of the world being at stake, it’s just as mundane, indifferent and grounded as his own world.

    There were huge shades of this in the prologue, with Chimera making an eventual face-heel turn, and the later chapters, from the nightmare(vision???) he has back at his office all the way up to Binair’s speech at the end of chapter 5. His discussion about humans as the dominant species in their universe and his philosophy to strive to be as ambitious as them was what clinched it for me. I do sort of question how Binair came across the information about the human world, since you’d think it would be a very foreign concept for a Pokemon-only world, but I’m sure that will be answered in due time.

    Having a neurotic foil like Argon only adds to the character drama (chapter 1 got that point across really well), and I can’t wait to see how their relationship will develop before it all goes pear shaped.

    There are certain elements of this fic so far that are very, very good. And then there are other elements that weaken the execution and could be improved on. They’re not story-breaking flaws, for the most part, but they do stack up and make for a less polished story overall.

    For starters, there’s the prose. While I feel it can be descriptive in the right places, which adds a lot of imagery to the scene, the flow can be a bit confusing at times. Sentences tend to be quite long and there can be a lot of clauses in just one sentence alone. That being said, I’m guilty of sprawling sentences as well, so take that with a grain of salt.

    Particular in the opening chapters, you also tend to use comma splices in sentences like these that should just be split into two:

    There are other quibbles I have with the technical parts. While I don’t usually like to rag on about typos, I felt it was so frequent here that I had to point it out, particular with the confusion of words like ‘where’ and ‘were’. There are also quite a few lines that are bolded for seemingly no rhyme or reason, like when a character is introduced or when they’re shouting. It doesn’t feel like you’d take anything away from the impact of the story if you just removed them.

    There are certain issues I have with the pacing of the story and the characterization as well, although they’re both building good momentum at the moment.

    I’d say the biggest stumbling block is the ‘in medias res’ prologue, which spoils a lot of the events of the story in hindsight. Like I said, it does set the groundwork for Chimera’s motivation as a human to make a difference in the world. However, you did a good enough job establishing that with his flashbacks/nightmares to his human life, and how he views himself as insignificant. Why not just start at chapter 1 and build the opening hook around that, or at another point somewhere further in the story that isn’t as spoilery?

    This also impacts the chemistry between Chimera and Argon. Similar to what Namo suggested, knowing their relationship will go south ruins a lot of the fun of seeing them develop, knowing what will happen anyway. I get the feeling this should’ve been a big event, and yet it feels like you’ve blown your wad far too early.

    Another point I had was that Chimera’s characterization could be inconsistent at times, particularly towards the beginning. I don’t think his emotional outburst in ALLCAPS was earned at the chapter 2 point seeing how we’re just getting to know his character. And all things considered, he goes from 'fainting due to seeing the Raichu' to 'okay, I'll join you' really fast. It’s sort of justified since you show him thinking back to the plot of the PMD games, but still, I thought you could’ve banked more on the fish out of water scenario, even if it is a bit formulaic for PMD at this point.

    I know I might’ve spent a lot of time talking about the issues, but overall, this fic has a lot of potential. The story is still in its early stages, but so far, I’m impressed with what’s been presented. I hope to catch up with the rest of your chapters at some point, so I’ll see you around in my next review.
     
  6. pbugle

    pbugle Member

    Chapter 19: Bitter Recollections
    Author's Note: Pathways of Aspiration will be on haitus until the 30th of March. The reasoning for this is that I plan on making revisions for the prologue and chapter 1-4. I'll try to keep the updates on a week by week basis, so be on the lookout if you have an itch for new content.

    ---
    Eoin was surprised to find himself standing. He looked around, new surroundings having lost their usual dark tint. A claw raised to his face as the fog around his vision cleared revealed why.

    Oh...you’re back, I questioned how long it would take before we could continue our little discussion.

    The goggles and cover that masked his appearance sat before him. The Pallid scrambled to the icy floor to redon his veil, gasping with recognizance that the grey scales reflected through the ground were in fact his.

    Your other persona was just as concerned with its appearance as you are. Fortunate for the circumstances, all things considered. Especially since you are among your kind.


    “What do you mean I am—”

    Feral growls and snarls cut through Eoin’s ideation. The realization suddenly dawned on the Charmander of his peril. The flat layer of ice impersonating a lake was gone, replaced by an upward cone of rock doubtlessly forming the top of the mountain. Green light cut through gaps in the rock, bouncing off the surrounding icy patches to illuminate the multitude of pallid, grey pokemon on all sides. For a brief second, Eoin’s fire blared and he jumped back, before it settled to a dull flicker.

    The Pallids paid him no mind. Their vision was instead focused on the lake guardian before them, holding a blue gear in its hand that appeared to be the source of their enamoration.

    “W-Why are they not attacking? They are a ceaseless aggression to any other pokemon, what makes me different?”

    You should already know that. On the matter of specifics, the reason is that you can’t...see like they do, at least not currently.”

    Azelf floated toward the Pallid, gems glowing a red radiance. Again, the lake guardian placed its hand before Eoin’s face, waiting for approval.

    Perhaps another demonstration will shed some light on the matter? I can’t revert your mind, but I can simulate the effect to the best of my ability.

    “Will this be any less traumatic than your last demonstration?” Eoin replied, snort synonymous by a shiver running down his spine.

    The Pallid shirked back as soon as the words left his mouth. He shielded his eyes, in a redundant action that drew a quizzical stare from Azelf. The lake guardian couldn’t tell, but the beginnings of moisture had condensed underneath Eoin’s goggles. He started lifted his grey-scaled hand up as if to wipe, before setting it back to his side.

    “I-I apologize. Blunt as it may have been, your little experiment...it helped. You have seen my memories, and I now know what I must do if I am to navigate this perilous game.”

    That wasn’t entirely the purpose, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

    Eoin nodded, letting Azelf’s hand press into his consciousness. A second passed before his eyes opened, and the full effect took hold. He didn’t pass out, instead finding that flowing across his own hands and body was a vibrant, blue energy. It emanated all across him, sporting a shining radiance that pointed to only one source of his studies.

    “Aura?”

    Correct. The essence of what makes every pokemon what they are, condensed into an easily viewable format for your own convenience. Do you have a prefered color?

    It wasn’t just him. An even brighter and stronger shade of blue ran across the lake guardian pressing against his forehead. The strongest source, however, was close at hand in the form of the blue gear grasped in Azelf’s other arm. It was nearly blinding, luminosity filling the inside of Mount Shayne’s peek as quickly as it was lost, pulsating with a rapid vigor. Unlike Azelf, the light did not seem self sufficient. Beams sprawled out of the gear in all directions, holding flickers of aura in near constant motion from their source to the artifact. The motion was condensed, its battery-like efficiency giving recognizance to the source of the time gear’s power:

    The Pallids.

    The pokemon that matched Eoin’s own grey color sat with complacency. Blue radiance that stemmed from every beam began with each creature, all donned with an aura significantly dimmer than the mountain’s two sentient occupants. He gasped, finding that a single trail from the artifact also connected to himself.

    “W-Why?”

    A gear is simply a tool, Azelf replied blankly, it cannot function without having energy to transfer, and the task of keeping time in order is not one without requirements. Dialga was also not a particularly trusting god, and decided that he had to rely on more than himself to avoid the potential for catastrophe. Enter time gears, and the creatures that fuel and protect them.

    Eoin didn’t say a word. His aura shined as bright as ever, and yet with every second, that which stemmed from the himself and the pallids surrounding him dimmed a nearly imperceivable level. He walked up to a polar Sandshrew, looking into the eyes of a feral creature with his best attempt at empathy.

    “Is it...painful?”

    No, the process is so gradual that most do not even realize it is occurring. An incredible amount of aura is required to power the time gears. Fortunately for Dialga, he had friends in high places, friends that could break the natural laws that govern our universe. In exception to myself, the bodies of all the pokemon here will be reborn once the mystery dungeon resets. Their soul will persist, but with more aura to grease the metaphorical gears of time.

    He shivered. Just as Azelf said, Eoin couldn’t feel the draining effect that the beam of aura illustrated. And yet, he couldn’t deny a newfound sense of emptiness in that knowledge. He didn’t dare continue looking. Blue radiance drifted away as he scrambled out of the lake guardian’s grasp, but nothing could stem the placebo from invading his subconscious.

    “D-Does the same hold true for me? I...I must leave if that is true.”

    Oh, it’s not that bad, Azelf replied with a chuckle, looking back to Eoin as he bolted for the room’s exit, you could chop off your own leg inside of a mystery dungeon and have it back after the reset. Your gift would be gone, but...still. It won’t be a problem anyways if we can get you out of the mystery dungeon before that happens. Like I said, you have given me and my siblings some answers, I directed your other persona here so I could return the favor. Should you have any questions, I will answer them as best I can.

    Eoin made it about halfway to the artificially constructed, icy stairs leading down the mountain when he stopped. Bright sunlight beaming down revealed that it would be many hours before the mystery dungeon’s daily reset, and it would be a shame to give way to cowardice when answers were so close. The risk remained, the risk of losing whatever friends and sentience he had left and becoming as trapped as the creatures around him, but fortune favors the bold. He turned back, eyes switching between Azelf and the unnaturally colored scales that separated his kind from the rest, words not being needed to convey the obvious question.

    Your hue? Might as well get straight through the softballs. At least in a metaphorical sense, even gods are not one to make their work a white donphan. When you gotta make a self-sustaining way of creating new bodies daily for a hundred thousand or so creatures that will never even get a chance to eat, keeping track of what their scales looks like kind of goes out the window. The purpose of pallids didn’t need distinguishable color nor sapience. It helped even, providing a clear distinction between them and the civilized. It is much easier protecting an artifact by creating a charmander instinctually driven to protect than one that might desire something else.

    “So, when I was below Uxie’s Cave, that is why I...”

    Eoin looked downward, briefly taking off his veil to look at his own reflection. The icy floor was murkier than below the lake, and he could have sworn that the Charmander mimicking the way he held his hand out held grey pupils thinner than his own. It returned his smile nonetheless, before Eoin eyes shut in recollection of waking up in Argon’s paws. Panicked as he may have been, the Beast seemed to have made a conscientious decision not to attack. Staring at Azelf, finally aware of what the pallid’s true nature was, perhaps his doppelganger’s aggression wasn’t as ceaseless as he once thought? Along with these thoughts came memory of another instance where a Charmander showed leniency, despite having every reason not to.

    “I did not have my gift then. I was as feral as before I met Uxie, but I still walked away, I still was drawn to the Bagon’s badge. Why? If my purpose was to protect the time gear at all costs, why did I not fulfill it?”

    For the first time since their meeting, Azelf didn’t have an immediate answer. Even from looking at the lake guardian, Eoin could tell that he had spent as much time pondering the question. He floated upward, tone more tentative than assured.

    Pokemon are...fast learners, despite their sense of complacency. My best theory is that being reborn again and again with the same soul has some effect on your mind no matter how feral it is. Arceus knows it wasn’t what the gods wanted, but give a pallid enough time, and it’ll start to show more than simple aggression. Some, like you, simply learnt at a faster rate than most of your kind.

    “So that is what I am, an anomaly?”

    To my knowledge, yes. Though, judging from your memories, I am willing to bet your priorities lie more in what has become of those anomalies, and what they will become, rather than how they came to be.

    Eoin couldn’t help but nod. He looked around the crowd of pallids, unable to judge how many few of the hundred or so dispersed throughout the room had the potential to experience the joys and suffering that civilized life offered. More questions fell from the tip of his tongue, but only one did more than dissipate into grey embers.

    “This is a little superfluous, but if I was truly trapped in an endless cycle of rebirth just as most of my kind are, then...how old am I?”

    A slight chuckle from the lake guardian cut through the resulting silence. It echoed through the chamber, dissipating as quickly as it arrived.

    Well, I guess that depends on you base your age off of your soul or your body? If it’s the latter, a little over a month. The former...lets just say you’ll need a pretty big ember to account for the years between now and the dawn of time.

    The Pallid was lost for words. The passive glances from the pokemon around him grew even harder to avoid. They were not the same pokemon of his dungeon of origin. And yet, if what Azelf said was true, they had been his same kin for longer than his reconditioned mind could possibly comprehend. Eoin found himself staring into the eyes of the Charmander reflected through the floor, as if attempting to gauge how many years of entrapment were hidden behind the soul they gatewayed.

    He didn’t have long. Azelf floated upward with time gear in hand, positioning it just below the mountain peak were rock walls converged into a single point. A shudder ran down Eoin’s feet. There was something in the look Azelf gave to the grey pokemon at his side, a looked that seemed to carry over from siblings.

    And now, we come to the real purpose of why I brought you here. My siblings and I have been talking a lot since Uxie left, and while I find some of their arguments...valid, there is a reason we protect these artifacts. The mystery dungeon’s boundaries end at the peak, and I would like to show you the failsafe of what happens if a time gear is taken. You will be safe, I can guarantee that.

    The gear inched ever so slowly upward, stopping one last time as Azelf’s gaze locked onto the remements of grey flame underneath the Charmander’s cover.

    Tell me Eoin, if you were charged with moving a campfire while keeping it alite, what must happen to the surrounding trees previously used to fuel it?

    The Pallid’s head looked around on a swivel, finding that he was the only one phased by the statement. Eoin didn’t know exactly what the lake guardian had in store, but he could tell that it did not bode well for the fate of the creatures around him. He grew silent.

    Please bear with me. I just want to prove a point, and a demonstration seems like it will be the most impactful.

    Primal emotions seeped into Eoin’s conscious. The Charmander didn’t know how, but he had a few ideas of its source. Terror, curiosity, and tranquility appeared as quickly as they left. He shouted out, not giving his words a second thought.

    “If the fire is to be maintained, the trees...they have to be cut down and transported to keep it fueled.”

    ...Correct.

    The time gear raised to the mountain peak. Green pentagons around it faded, as did its blue radiance, as if it were a motor being reduced to low power mode with electrons being cut. A second passed of nothingness, before a once-forgotten sensation coursed through the Pallid’s body.

    Emptiness.

    He collapsed to the ground. Desolation was no longer a placebo, for a glance toward the pokemon around him found that they had similarly fallen the floor. Feral roars filled the room. Eoin drew a hand to his chest, unable to stem the feeling of his entire being ripped out from under him. He tried lifting his arm up, to no avail. Arms, legs, even blinking seemed like it was being stolen from him. His vision drew black, lost in the knowledge that everything that made him what he was had been frozen in time. The last thing he could see was Azelf appearing before him, and a hand being placed upon his head as three red gems shined. And then…

    It stopped.


    ---​


    “I...I guess this deathtrap of a dungeon isn’t done with us yet.”


    Crazy as it may have been, Argon was inclined to agree. They may have been frozen in a figurative sense, but for the Rampardos motionless before them, the definition was entirely literal. Its head was lowered, pointed end just inches away from their skulls after the creature had lost control of itself and skidded to the floor. Time refused to move in any cell. Either the Bagon at her side was secretly a gorgon, or a force far more calculating and cruel than cold had sucked out the life force of their adversary.


    “W-What happened?” asked Argon.


    Chimera waved his good hand over the Rampardos’s grey eyes, finding no reaction. With what function was left in his right leg, he hovered it over the creature, just about to kick it for further analysis before pulling back. It was probably best not to test it.


    “I...I don’t know, but we—arghh...we have to keep moving.”


    The chilling numbness that bit against Argon’s fur corroborated the statement. She rushed back to her partner, attempting to analyze the extent of the damage.


    “Can you walk?”


    Chimera gave a slight nod. His left leg stood up well enough, but he howled in agony after attempting to put pressure on his right. The Bagon fell back to the floor, companion rushing to his side with oran berries in hand.


    “N-No, don’t worry about it,” he said, plastic smile broken by another groan, “with how cold it is, I can barely feel it.”


    It was a lie, and they both knew. A near silent sigh escaped Chimera’s mouth as a look between the two said what words couldn’t.


    “Nnngh...alright, you got me. I can probably still move, but I’ll need some help.”


    She nodded. Wind and snow howled from the cave’s entrance, assuring both that venturing anywhere outside of the unnatural cave would meet a slow and painful end. Luckily, or unluckily depending on perspective, the other end of the cavern revealed itself as more extensive than it initially seemed. If they were to have any hope of linking up with Eoin like they had planned, they would need to take the chance. Looking back at Chimera told Argon that the Bagon’s body was shouting out against any movement from the two broken limbs. Without careful preparation, they would only exacerbate the problem.


    She looked to their exploration bags, empty from the process of getting travel and repairing her partner’s injuries. Only ice and snow pervaded their surroundings, nowhere near stable enough for a makeshift splint. Slowly, Argon’s gaze lowered to her paws. With any luck, necessity would again prove to be the mother of invention.


    “W-We have to keep those limbs from moving, hold still. This might shock a bit, but you’re just going to have to trust me.”


    “Sure, yeah, do it,” he replied, “I trust you. Besides, can’t make it worse than it already is.”


    Electrons sparked from Argon’s cheeks. Chimera’s cringe soon faded away as she placed her paws over the broken limbs. Numbness overtook cold and pain, taking with it any ability for movement as the joints locked in place.


    “Alright, that should keep it in place until we can get you to a doctor. C-Come on, we need to get moving.”


    She held her paw out, grabbing the Bagon’s hand and slinging it around her neck. It was a tentative process, but they were able to balance against each other, minimizing the pressure against the paralyzed limb as they began to walk. Ice lined the walls between rock floor, making ever more difficult steps an upward battle towards the mountain peak.


    Bagon and Raichu weren’t sure if they were more relieved or horrified at what they saw. Pallids were interspersed around the narrow corridors, all as motionless as their would be killer. Both pokemon stopped when Argon took a brief period to analyze a petrified Mamoswine. Flakes of frost condensed around its fur, any life left drained from its grey eyes. Most of the pallids they passed kept their feral snarls, but the rare pokemon before them undoubtedly showed there was a specific emotion its kind wasn't immune to.


    Fear.


    “D-Do you...do you think we can still save them?”


    “It’s too late for that,” Chimera replied, nearly falling to the floor before regaining balance against his partner, “we got to worry about ourselves now.”


    He could see the pain in her eyes, but she nodded. They walked past the Mamoswine, quivering with the sight of the thin patches of ice that formed on the surface of a deep pool of water. Their path grew even more vertical past the pool, forming a steep incline of ice and stone. There was nowhere to go but up.


    They nodded to each other, slinging arms ever tighter around the other’s neck. Step by step, they climbed. Footholds were shallow and slippery, but they made progress, climbing upward in a manner that was as safe as it could be given the situation.


    Until it wasn’t.


    A shard up ice under Argon’s feet gave way, shriek filling the cavern as she skidded down the makeshift slide. Their hold took Chimera with her. Neither could do anything to stop their momentum, any sense of friction lost among the ice. It sucked, Chimera would be the first to admit that, but the Bagon concluded that it was only a minor setback. That is, until he saw what his companion was sliding toward.


    The pool of water.


    Chimera’s eyes shot open as she landed into the chilling water with a splash. He crawled to the pool as fast as a single leg and stubby arm could take him. With his help, Argon pulled herself out of the icy pond easy enough, but the damage was done. Both her own fur and the thick coat of wool were soaking wet. Water was already beginning to form into ice, punctuated by Chimera’s partner shuddered uncontrollably. The skin beneath her thin fur turned a pale white.


    “W-What’s happening? I-I can’t feel my legs.”


    The statement was blank, in spite of Argon’s shivering, said as if she were restating the long-winded motto for her own guild. In an instant, Chimera discarded his partner’s wet coat, replacing it with his own. There was now only a raincape to shield the Bagon’s scales from the cold, but he didn’t care.


    “Here, you need this more than I do. S-****, we gotta get moving. Eoin’s at the peak of the mountain, he has to be. If we can get there, he can warm you up. At least I hope so.”


    “B-But Eoin’s a pallid, what if he—”


    “We have to try!” he shot back. “We...we have to hope, we don’t have any other options.”


    They took hold of each other. In spite of Argon’s motor functions being lost to the cold, their second attempt was much more successful. They made it to the top of the fiendish slide, continuing up at a shallow incline towards the mountain peak. The Raichu’s steps became sluggish as the minutes passed, and frequently Chimera found that he now shared the role of being a balancing point.


    “Keep pushing! We’ve gone through too much to give up now.”


    She took another step, any semblance of control over her legs leaving as she fell to the icy floor.


    “I-I...I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”


    “No…”


    Chimera fell with her. He set her down, watching as her cobalt-blue eyes closed and blackness enveloped her vision. Tears fell down the Bagon’s cheeks. He held her close, finding her orange fur cold to the touch.


    “Goddammit, it can’t be like this. You’re...you’re the partner pokemon for pete’s sake! If anybody's gonna die first, it’s gonna be me. I-I’ve had my second chance, you deserve it more than I do!”


    His words fell on deaf ears; his partner was unconscious. For a brief second, his gaze shifted toward the path ahead. They had been climbing for a long time, and a hint of blue light shined at the end of the tunnel. A glint shined in Chimera’s eyes. He wiped away his tears, replacing fear with determination as he took hold of his partner with his one arm, and pushed against the icy floor with his one leg. The Bagon crawled, inch by bloody inch, dragging his partner in tow. He prayed to Arceus and fate alike that their salvation was within reach.


    The minutes flowed together. Chimera was barely able to move himself, and dragging another pokemon behind him proved tiring. He huffed, bitter that his former occupation confined to a desk left him unprepared.


    “Y-You know, I just realized something…”


    His head turned. Argon was talking. She was talking! He smiled back to her, subconsciously vowing to do whatever he could to keep his partner cognizant.


    “What’s that?” he asked.


    “This would be a really...ironic way to die.”


    Chimera’s smile disintegrated. He dragged Argon and himself over a short drop, both grunting when they hit the ice with a thud.


    “Don’t...don’t say that. We’ll make it out of this. The cold must be making you delirious.”


    “I-It’s true,” she replied, attempt to wave cut off by assurances that her limbs were useless, “m-my whole life, I choose the easy way out. I stayed home, I avoided others, I did as little work as possible because I told myself it would make me happier. Now that I might be at the end of it, being dragged by my half-dead partner in some random corner of a mountain, it’s...liberating, in a way.”


    Just keep her talking, Chimera thought, if she’s focused on something she might not go into shock like I did.


    “Honestly,” Chimera said, punctuating his statement with what was likely the fakest laugh of his entire life, “you’re probably winning on the whole ‘almost-dead’ competition. How ‘bout I pay the rent for the next month after we get back, as a reward?”


    The Raichu giggled for a brief moment, before sinking back into silence. With every second he pushed, the blue light seemed to get farther away.


    “D-Did I...did I ever tell you about my parents?” Argon asked.


    “No, but I’m sure they want to see you. I’m sure they would be proud of everything you’ve done.”


    She sank back.


    “Yeah, they would. M-My dad was a ninetales if you can believe it. He...he was everything I wasn’t, kinda like you. You couldn’t find a more self made ‘mon, always going on missions, dangerous and lucrative ones.”


    Her eyes closed, drawing another gasp from her partner as visages of ornate berries and familiar trinkets appear in her conscious. Sitting on top, was the thunderous mark of a yellow stone.


    “T-There wasn’t a single thing I could ask for that they couldn’t provide for me. Literally. If I made a comment about wanting a ginseng smoothie for breakfast you can bet they’d have a full crate mail ordered to our house.”


    “That sounds...nice,” Chimera replied, words leaving his mouth on their own accord. His partner was freezing to death, and yet as the Bagon mulled over the story, he couldn’t help but feel a bit of envy.


    “A-Anyway,” she continued, “they said I never asked for much, but there was always this sense of extravagance in the way we lived. A-And...it had a cost. Dad was always traveling. Whether on business or explorations, he’d send us letters of all the amazing sights he saw, how much he appreciated the opportunity we had. He always tried to cover up his injuries when I got to see him, but I could see it in his eyes, the...toll it was having on his body and mind.”


    Argon’s words washed away her partner’s jealousy. Her voice grew even softer, barely whispering after a short pause.


    “Eventually, it got to be too much. H-He got back from exploring an uncharted snow valley around my family’s old home outside of Faire. His fire helped, but it gets a lot colder when the places you’re exploring aren’t part of a tropical region. I ran down to see him, and…”


    Chimera was silent. His partner had stopped shivering, emotions bitter and cold running down her spine.


    “I-It was frostbite. He had bandages around his two back legs above the joint. B-Below the joint...Arceus.”


    Both stopped. Chimera grabbed hold of Argon, tranquil expression on her face being met by pure terror. They embraced, as awkwardly as they could with one participant having an arm paralyzed.


    “No matter what happens, you’re gonna be fine,” he pleaded, “you’re strong, stronger than I am. S-Someday, when it’s cold, we’re gonna sit down and share a drink and think about how funny this all was. This’ll just be a memory.”


    She nodded, though her expression didn’t change. Chimera continued their endless drag down the winding paths of the dungeon, passing ice, rock, and motionless pallids along the way.


    “A-And he kept working, even after losing two limbs. I-I was only a Pichu then. They were great parents given the circumstances, sacrificing so much so I could have a career like them. But after that day I...I couldn’t take it. I ran, like I always do.”


    She chuckled bitterly to herself.


    “It was the most pathetic attempt you could ever imagine. I-I didn’t even bring a coat, just some food and a map, thinking that would keep me alive. T-They had to rescue me after three days, Dad hiked all that way with two wheels on his back legs. After they brought me back things...changed. T-They argued, they yelled, but eventually they told me that I could choose my own fate.”


    “And that’s why you left for Faire?” Chimera asked, tone almost as soft as hers.


    “Yes. I-I left...I left because I knew it would be easy. I read these catalogues in my spare time that told me Faire was a land of opportunity, that by joining the WFG I could make a living were I wouldn’t be in any danger. I-It was true, sort of. I had all the time in the world, I had a roof over my head, pathetic as it may have been, and...I was content, or miserable, I can’t really remember.”


    A faint, pink aura emanated from Chimera’s weapon, lifting it a fraction of an inch before it dissipated into nothingness.


    “I was a pikachu for...a week, I think? Maybe less. I-I made a promise the day I evolved, that I would live life in the easiest manner possible. But...that also had sacrifices. My evolutions were so close that I never fully learned to properly use my psychic abilities.”


    “Well, I guess that’s one thing we can relate to,” Chimera said, returning her grin.


    “O-Of course. That’s why I walk everywhere, among other reasons. T-That’s why I got this big, goofy tail strapped to my back, because without telekinesis I can’t move it otherwise.”


    “Could’ve had me fooled,” replied the Bagon, “I just always assumed it was something natural to your species.”


    The tunnels dragged on, ice lining the walls ever more prevalent with each attempt at a step. Her tone darkened.


    “I...I guess w-what I’m trying to say is that dying in this cave seems like...fate. I-I had my Mom read me this book when I was little, Heroes of Time. I fell asleep before the end of it, but it was about a former-human and pokemon that go on a journey to collect the time gears. No matter what promises I made to myself, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, m-my destiny was sealed when I found you on that beach. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot through it, but...I guess I have to accept my fate.”


    Again, Chimera stopped, looking toward Argon in an expression between pleading and bargain.


    “I know what you’re talking about, thinking that everything here fits into one pre-planned story, but it’s not true!”


    He whispered.


    “God...please don’t let it be true.”


    Silence followed. Chimera’s heart skipped a beat as his partner’s eyes closed. She smiled back to him, tears soaking into her own yellow cheeks.


    “Y-You know, being with you has made me realize something. D-Dad was always exhausted whenever he came home, but when I looked at him, he was...smiling. Even after the incident, he never stopped laughing. I guess his life had more of a purpose than mine, helping pokemon, contributing to society. Ever since you and I teamed up, we’ve helped more pokemon in one month than four years of living on my own. I-I mean...Eoin’s the only one I can name off the top of my head. But still, it feels nice. Thank you.”


    “You’re welcome,” Chimera instantly replied, “you’re the kindest creature, human or pokemon, that I’ve ever met. You’re more generous than I’ll ever be, and no matter what happens, I’ll always appreciate it.”


    She nodded, eyes still closed with head aimed toward the rocky ceiling.


    “I...I think I’m gonna get some sleep now. It’s peaceful.”


    “No!” he shouted. “You can’t! I—”


    Chimera’s head turned. A brief glimmer of hope filled his heart with what he saw, something that on any other day would only bring exasperation.


    Stairs. Orderly, icy, stairs.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2019 at 6:51 AM
  7. pbugle

    pbugle Member

    Review Response to NebulaDreams
    First of all, my sincerest gratitude for giving my story a chance. It's an incredible boost in motivation knowing there are people who are willing to provide the constructive criticism I need.

    As a whole, the more I look at the first five chapters of my story, there's this temptation to go back and give my best shot at revisions. They were stepping stones, in a lot of ways, ones that suffered due to my own carelessness and inexperience. I have no excuse for the grammar errors. I was overly confident starting off, didn't think to closely inspect my chapters after plug and chugging them into a grammar program that's bound to miss these things. You're correct in that the prologue/spoiler seems like its been a problem from the beginning, created more so to keep myself focused on what my story is leading up to than the audience. Unfortunately...I mistook a spoiler for a plot hook. I had this concept in my head when I started making ideas for my story, and it's more a product of my own impatience than anything.

    I can corroborate your comments on my prose. It's overly purple in some parts, noticeably vague in others. I like to believe that I've gotten better, in no small part to having an editor and reviewers like yourself who are experienced. However, only time will tell.

    As for characterization, I think my main problem was that I made it too blunt and inconsistent. 'Convenient emotions' is the phrase for it, not accounting for any foreshadowing to periodic outbursts of emotion. I tried to show my characters as foils, extremes of two different sides. In that, I forwent giving any emotional reasoning for those outburst.

    It's not perfect in the end, but it's mine, and I have an obligation to make it worth my readers time. I appreciate you seeing its potential, I'll try my best to make sure that it lives up to it.
     

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