Pokemon Mystery Dungeon SINNOH

[Pachiri]

WARNING! It is recommended that you only read this FanFic if you have completed the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Blue rescue Team or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team storyline and preferably aftersory. Thank you for reading!


Chapter 1


Dawn went to the Canalave City library to study up on Pokemon. Her head felt heavy and she thought some reading would help her headache. She picked up a book called "Pokemon Mystery Dungeon." She read it, and it said,


"

Spoiler

Once, there was a girl named Kaitlyn. Overnight, she turned into an Eevee. A Chikorita guided her through many adventures in the Beige Rescue Team, lead by Kaitlyn. She and Chikorita once left the town because of an evil Gengar that told the whole village that she was turned into an Eevee because she was cruel to a Gardevoir when it was really him. They fought many legendary Bird Pokemon on their escape when everyone was trying to kill Kaitlyn and Chikorita. Once they figured out that it was Gengar's fault, the Beige Team was forgiven. However, they once had to save the world via a Raquaza. Kaitlyn was killed in the act of when it blew up the mighty meteor that was to destroy the world. Gengar tried to bring Kaitlyn's soul to hell, but accidentially took her into the life zone. They went to see why Kaitlyn was a Pokemon with Ninetales, but it was true that the Gardevoir turned her into one to stop the meteor. Kaitlyn was becoming a human again, but she stayed with her Pokemon friends instead. A cave weilding the power of evolution opened, and Chikorita was then a Bayleef, Kaitlyn later became a Flareon with a Fire Stone, and after that, Bayleef was a Meganium. They had many adventures after that, and...

"

Dawn stopped reading and checked the interesting and tattered book out.

She read it before bed that night. She fell asleep.

Dawn woke up to see her Piplup standing.
The Piplup said, "Hello?"
"Ungh..." was Dawn's reply. "Piplup," she moaned, "Is that you?"
"Yes, it is, how do you know my name?"
"Oh, you know me... It's Dawn!"
"Dawn... Never heard of a Dawn before..."
"Huh?!"
"Oh! Right, some Pokemon have special names... I would think yours is Pikachu, since you are one and all..."
"PIKACHU?!? And you're talking?!"
"Uh, you're a crazy person and all, Dawn..."

 

[Raichu-chan]

This isn't a chapter, it's much too short. You should look at the rules and other fanfictions for help, like mine for instance.

 

[Pachiri]

...

This isn't a chapter, it's much too short. You should look at the rules and other fanfictions for help, like mine for instance.

That's because it's the FIRST chapter, I should've called it a prologue.



Chapter 2


"Dawn, you are a Pokémon." Piplup's voice was softer to convince who she was.
"How could I be a Pikachu?! Do I look like one?!"
"Look in the water," Piplup said as she rolled her eyes.

Dawn saw herself. She felt like crying.

"Oh my gosh!" Dawn screamed as she franticly ran around in a frenzy of circles.

Suddenly, a Skunktank rushed in front of her.

"Help my baby, Stunky! He's in trouble! There was an rockfall over by Tiny woods and...and...IT FELL RIGHT ON TOP OF MY LITTLE STUNKY-WUNKY!" Skunktank burst into tears.
"Well," Dawn said in a snotty voice, "I'm the one in troble right now! I'm a human, not a Pokémon!"
"Human or Pokémon," she said, "You can at least help!"

Dawn paused.

Piplup triumphantly walked in with Dawn and Skunktank.

"Well, Dawn," she started, "We can go to Tiny Woods and pick up 'lil Stunky, if it's fine with you."
"Yes," Dawn answered.
"Hold on, Stunky," Skunktank yelled, "Two strong Pokémon are coming to get you!"

Dawn and Piplup rushed into Tiny Woods.

Dawn muttered, "It sure is big in here..."
"Well, funny, since it is called Tiny Woods, after all..." Piplup replied.
"ACK!" They both yelped at once. A Wurmple came out at them.
"Thundershock!" Dawn the Pikachu let a burst of electricity through its cheeks. It made the Wurmple fall over helplessly.
"Good one," complemented Piplup.
A Sunkern attacked after the Wurmple with a Tackle Attack.
"POUND!" Piplup hit the Grass-type Pokémon with its left wing.
"You're a lefty?" Dawn said curiously.
"Yup," replied the Piplup.
"Who knew you were a stupid old lefty!"
"Gr... Lots of people are lefties, Dawn."
"Oops..."

After battling various Pokémon, Dawn and Piplup finally got to the end of the wood. They saw a tumbled rock.

"Help me!" A voice of a little boy came from under the rock.
"We're coming to get you!" Piplup called.
"Who is this?!"
"It's Piplup and Pik-"
Dawn whispered her name to Piplup.
"I mean, Dawn! Piplup and Dawn!"
"...Okay! Now get me out of here! Oh my Arceus, this HURTS!"
"Bubble!" Piplup let out a wide spray of bubbles at the rock.
"That didn't do much!" Dawn protested.
"Pound!" Piplup hit the rocks with her left wing. It had worked! The Bubble weakened the rock so Piplup could break it with Pound!

After the two Pokémon brought Stunky back to his mother, Piplup and Dawn were discussing something.

"Dawn," Piplup began, "We should start our own Rescue Team. I mean like...doing this for business."
"Like police?"
"What's that?!"
"Oh, something in the human world..."
"Hm..."
"So, I'll do it, if it's with you, Piplup."
Piplup's eyes sparkled like jewels. "You really mean it? Let's call it...um... How about Team Yellow Water?"
"No, Piplup," Dawn replied. "If we're gonna do that, let's just call it Team Pee. Or, heck, Team Peekachu. ...Let's not... Does Blue Thunder sound any better?"
"Oh, yeah! Team Blue Thunder! That's a GREAT Rescue Team name!"
"Okay! So Team Blue Thunder it is!"
"Okay I'm gonna order up a Rescue Team Starter Kit. It'll get here tomorrow."
"Yeah, sure, but where'll we sleep?"
"My place, for now."

They ran over to a strangely built home.

"It'll have to do," said Piplup. "As a Rescue Team Base, too."
"Team Base?" questioned Dawn.
"Yeah."

The two tired Pokémon ran in and went to sleep right away.





Long enough now?

 

[Glajummy]

Not even close... I advise you to take Raichu-chan's advise and go read some other fics, or at least another PMD fic. There is no description of the surroundings or how Pokemon look. It may seem redundant to do so but it would make the fic look much better. Also, from advise I got for my own fic, your chapter shouldn't consist of so much dialogue. So yeah, go read the stickied threads and try again with a new fic or chapter.

 

[bluwirz]

Its an interesting read and does have potential...just work on it a bit more...

 

[My First Breloom]

I think dawn shouldnt be pikachu because hes ash's pokemon and it gives pikachus too much credit.

 

[Glitch]

I will have to agree with the people above. Your writing seems to consist almost only of dialouge and no description or any thoughts about the situation. Use other fanfics as an example.

 

[Sammi]

Pfft. C'mon, wee-one(okay, you're probably older than me, but still...) Learn to write.

Here, a paragraph for a new fic of mine... To be realeased soon.

Tears began to form from its bright orange eyes. Its blank, bored and annoyed face scrunched up and turned into a frown and it began to bawl out for what seemed like no reason. Sobbing quietly, it stood up, falling over in an instant from improper blance. It lay, sprawled out in the lush green grass as the wind blew softly, shifting the grass, making it ruffle and cause scratchy sounds. The sweet aroma of the flowers of many colours wafted around the area, soothing down most... but this Pokemon that was crying, an Oddish... it just didn't calm down.

You should have that much description in one paragraph. Cut down on the speaking! Go with action, flow, flow, flow! In the whole prologue, so far, I've only got TWO peices of dialogue. xD That's the un-edited version, by the way. So, like, also... Dialogue should be seperated...

Desicription, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

"Blaaaaaaah." Said (name). "Blah blah!"

"Blah?" Asked (name).

Jya. ;D I hope it helped a bit.

Oh, and hey bluwirz. I thought you died or something. Remember me? I'm Safyre... Author of [ C.H.A.O.S. ]. :/