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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Team Hydro's Adventures. Reated T.

Gelatino95

Not a tool
Not much happened in this chapter, except some more introductions, so there's not much to be said. You didn't really reveal the species of that one pokemon on Team Aura, so I'm not sure what it is. There were quite a few mistakes too, and I think you said "Water" when you should have said "Fire". I suggest proofreading your chapters before releasing them. Your chapters aren't very long, so it shouldn't be that hard.

Also, when are you going to decide on an avatar?
 
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6shinyblastoise

kitty sneeze!!
hello I'm 6shinyblastoise I have read all you chapters and hope that you keep up the great work you are a great writer and you better make more of these and now for my review.

this is a great story so far Crue is so selfabsorbed and Spiral shy and Helm CRAZY!!! all through there were some mistakes with the wording overall 9.9999999/10

remember I am watching for more chapters I can see them faster then arceus himself .....!@*#! ( in cracked voice and speach) I got thunder bolted ...O_0
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Thanks 6SB. Although, I suggest switching to decaf, that was all kinds of crazy.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to revise the chapters and fix any mistakes. I'll also update the first post with PM List and a userbar I had made for this fanfic.
 

bug pro

Pearl on Phone
Wow, those chapters are great! A sure 9/10 M.O.T Rate! Some minor spelling here and there, but its.worth reading. That mystical dream still bugs me, im thinking what it can be.

I put a link at M.O.T, its Hydrastically good!
 
Your fanfic is brilliant and i was also thinking of writing a fanfic but i don't have many ideas at the moment.
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
Hey~!

Mm, I'm always a fan if PMD 'fics, and I'm certainly enjoying this so far. X3 Your writing style is nice and light, and quite enjoyable to read, and your spelling grammar is good from what I can see- although I'm afraid I'm not viewing this on the best of screens. My phone's a little rubbish. XD I quite like your characters, you have a fun selection, and the plot seems intriguing.

At times, it'd be nicer to see you branching out in your descriptive style, though- at the moment you mostly provide a static list of features, such as 'the mouse-like pokemon was the colour of long unwashed socks, with a pair of black stripes darkening the ends of it's bent tail etcet.' This gets kind of dull for a while, and in general is slightly jarring: you halt the story to provide a description. Switching this style with a more subtle one, such as slipping the description into the story a little more, or using personification of inanimate forces to describe a setting, can bring a lil more variety. :3 Examples of each:

'The wolf lay curled at the base of the well, small shudders rippling across his muddied fur as he struggled to draw each breath, his stunted tail twisted at an awkward angle behind him. Crimson bloomed across his chest, stark against the silver before it bled into the wiry black that curved around his front legs, and he whimpered his pain, curling his trembling paws closer to himself...'

Not perfect, I know, but do you see?

Personification: 'A shrill breeze shrieked through the canyon, tearing at it's worn, red sides and scrambling at the smooth edges of the boulders that littered it's floor...'

Variety is the spice of life. :3 You have a decent amount of description, not too much, not too little, it'd just be nice to see a bit of a switch up. Experiment a lil. :3

On your characterization: I quite like your main character. X3 I'm interested in seeing how this all plays out. :3

I'm part of the review exchange, btw. :3
 
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CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Not much happened in this chapter, except some more introductions, so there's not much to be said. You didn't really reveal the species of that one pokemon on Team Aura, so I'm not sure what it is. There were quite a few mistakes too, and I think you said "Water" when you should have said "Fire". I suggest proofreading your chapters before releasing them. Your chapters aren't very long, so it shouldn't be that hard.

Also, when are you going to decide on an avatar?
Oh, I'll fit that in in the revision, but Yumi (if that's the one you mean) is a Mienfoo.

Your fanfic is brilliant and i was also thinking of writing a fanfic but i don't have many ideas at the moment.
Neither do I, but you only need one or two to start a story. I mean, I only have three parts planned out in this story, so it's mostly just adlibbing as I go along.


Unfortunately, I got hit by hurricane Irene andd lost power. Luckily, I have it back now and I wrote chapter five during the outage, so I'll type it up and post it after scchool. And I'll return the review afterwards Katie.
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Neglect is neglectfully neglectful. And sad. Three days without a post and thirteen days without a new chapter. Good thing I have one now.

Chapter 5: Babysitting

“Team Hydro, please report to the main room!” a loud voice, which the four pokemon had learned belonged to Boomer, the guild’s Exploud guard, boomed.

“Okay,” Crue yelled back. “One second.” Him, Drew, and Helm were I their shared room playing poker. The room was large and painted blue with three small pools of water that acted like beds. “Pocket Snowmen.” He layed down his hand to reveal a pair of eights.

“I have four nines,” Drew replied, showing his hand of four nines and a six. “Looks like I’m winning.”

“Royal Flush!” Helm yelled, throwing down his hand to reveal a 10, Jack, Queen, King, and Ace of Clubs.

“No way,” Crue muttered in disbelieve. “How did he do that? That was his second royal flush in an hour!”

“I have no idea,” Drew replied with wide eyes. “I’m just glad we aren’t playing for money, or we’d both be broke. Let’s get going to the main room so we don’t get yelled at by Sherman.”

“Agreed.” Crue crawled out of the room, Drew and an ecstatic Helm following behind him.

“There you boys are,” Sherman squawked as the boys came into the main room. “What took you so long?”

“We were playing a little poker,” Crue said, shrugging off the question.

“Poker, huh? Me and Bartleby enjoy a nice game of poker every now and then, but that’s not important. I have an important mission for you four.” Sherman pointed at the three boys and Spiral, who had beaten them there.

“What is I?” Spiral asked.

“It’s us!” Remy shouted, jumping out from behind Team Hydro.

“And me!” Kurt yelled, following him.

“Don’t forget this little cutie!” Kitty said, jumping in between her teammates.

“Team Awesome!” the three yelled in unison.

Sherman put a wing to his head before speaking. “Yes, Team Awesome. I want you guys to baby sit them for today.”

“Why us?” Drew questioned.

“They can’t be trusted by themselves, Donna has the flu, Team Wishers is doing a delivery mission, Team Aura is tracking an outlaw, Boomer and Bernie are busy on duty, me and Bartleby have dates with some girls, and I told you to. Any questions?”

“Yeah, how did you get a date?” Boomer yelled from the other side of the guild.

“Shut up Boomer or I’ll make you have to watch Team Awesome by yourself tomorrow!” Sherman yelled back. He turned back to Team Hydro to see them laughing and gave them an angry glare. “You know, maybe I should send you guys after that band of fire-types from before.” A shiver went down the water types’ spines- err, bodies. “That’s what I thought. Now then, I want you guys to escort Team Awesome to the Playground Forest. It is a small forest just to the south of Treasure Town and the pokemon there are rather weak and friendly, so it should be easy. Now, get going.”

()()()()()

Ten minutes later, the two teams came to the forest’s entrance. “Yay, we’re her,” Remy cheered.

“Double yay,” Kurt agreed.

“And a cute, third yay,” Kitty added. The three held up their necklaces and held them up.

“And here’s to a great adventure,” they said together.

“What are those?” Spiral asked, pointing at their necklaces.

“They’re our treasures. We got them on our first adventure. This is my Magby Claw which makes me stronger.” Remy flexed his skinny arm.

“And this is my Elekid Claw, which also makes me stronger.” Kurt flexed like his friend.

“And this is my Smoochum Song, which makes my sp-sp-sp, uhh. How do you pronounce it? Oh yeah, special! It makes my special moves more powerful!” Kitty laughed and twirled around.

“So cute,” Spiral said. “Maybe you guys could tell us about your first mission some time soon.”

“Yeah, but let’s get going so that we can get through this dungeon,” Crue suggested. The two teams then went into the Playground Forest.

The first floor started with a small empty room with just a passage in one of the tree-lined walls. The two teams walked through it to find a larger room with just a purple monkey pokemon with a bulbous, three fingered hand on the end of its tail.

“Aip,” the pokemon said, turning its head. “Aipom!” Six other Aipom jumped out of the trees surrounding the room. The seven monkey pokemon formed a circle around the two teams. Team Hydro got ready to attack as the Aipom… started dancing around them in a circle.

“Watch out,” Crue warned. “Aipom are notorious thieves.”

“”Oh, these cute things wouldn’t steal from us,” Kitty said, jumping into the Aipom circle.

“And if they tried to, I’d sock ‘em right in the face,” Remy threatened.

“Yeah, sock right in the face,” Kurt agreed, the two also joining the dance.

“Aip!” The lead Aipom yelled, stopping. The other six followed. Suddenly, they grabbed the baby pokemon’s treasures and ran off into the trees.

“Wait, stop1” Remy yelled, running after the Aipom. They quickly left sight, however, and he fell to his knees crying. “They t-t-t-took our treasures.”

His two teammates also started crying. “Those meanies,” Kitty whined through her tears.

“I should have socked ‘em,” Kurt complained, punching the ground.

“D-don’t cry,” Drew tried to comfort them. “Please don’t cry.”

“Come on cuties.” Spiral pulled the three baby pokemon into a hug. “It’ll be okay. We’ll get your treasures back, I promise. Don’t cry.”

“She’s right,” Kitty said, rubbing her eyes.

“Y-yeah,” Kurt agreed. “Let’s go into those trees and get ‘em!”

“No,” Crue cut in. “The tree dense areas are filled with wild magic. If you go into them then you will go wild. The only hope is if we can run into the Aipom again.”

The two teams made it through five more rooms before coming to the one with the stairs up. “Sorry we didn’t run into the Aipom, guys,” Spiral apologized. “But the wild magic could’ve done anything. They can be on any floor, so let’s not give up yet.”

The seven went up the stairs to see a large, one room floor. In the center of the room, a mass of small pokemon surrounded a bipedal, dark green chameleon like pokemon. The chameleon pokemon looked up and smiled. “Hello explorers. I am Takuno, eldest of the Kecleon shopkeeper siblings.”

“Kecleon shopkeeper siblings?” Drew questioned. “Kind of strange that there are so many Kecleon shopkeepers, like those two in Treasure town.”

“Ahh, you know my younger brothers Desda and Ceista, the second and sixth of our siblings. There are sixteen of us and we cover all the dungeons and some towns.” The Kecleon turned invisible and then reappeared behind them, showing his bottom half, including a jagged red line around his waist and a long, curled up tail.

“Wait, how do you guys cover all the dungeons? There is a lot of them,” Remy asked.

“Well, you see, Kecleon are immune to the effects of wild magic. Me and my brothers have taken it a step farther and mastered the ability to use wild magic to transport us to other dungeons. I cover public dungeons were the danger is very low and wild pokemon are weak so that civilians may enter and buy from me. The wild pokemon will also occasionally trade items or money they find for food.” Takuno smiled and turned yellow. “So, how may I help you today?”

“That is so cool,” Kurt loudly whispered to Remy.

“I know,” Remy whispered back.

“Wait, wild pokemon trade with you?” Spiral asked. “Have you seen some Aipom today?”

“Oh yes, the Aipom trade with me regularly. They brought by a Magby Claw, an Elekid Claw, and a Smoochum Song around a few minutes ago and traded them for a dozen apples. Hey, would you like to buy them for the babies? Only 300 poke!”

“300 poke! Those are our treasures,” Remy yelled at the shopkeeper.

“Yeah, those Aipom stole them from us,” Kitty added.

Takuno’s smile fell to a frown and he turned blue. “Oh really? I am quite sorry, but I do need to make a profit. How about 18 poke so that I can replace the dozen apples I traded and make a little bit?”

“NO WAY!” Remy and Kurt yelled together. “THEY ARE OUR TREASURES, SO GIVE ‘EM BACK!”

Takuno’s face became angry and he turned red. “Look kids, you shouldn’t have lost you stuff to the Aipom in the first place. I’m trying to cut you a massive deal, so unless you want to start a fight, pay up.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Remy said. “How about this, we fight and if I win we get our treasures for free. If I lose, then we’ll pay for them.”

“No,” Spiral interrupted, pulling into her shell. She came back out holding a small pouch and pulled out six coins, three white and three pink. “Here you go.”

Takuno instantly brightened up and turned back to his original green. “Thank you, here you go.” He grabbed the money and handed over the three necklaces. “Now then, I have more customers to deal with, but please come again any time.” Takuno disappeared again and reappeared in the middle of the mass of wild pokemon who have been waiting patiently for him.

After Team Awesome shared a tearful reunion with their treasures, the pokemon continued on. The next two floors were uneventful with the wild pokemon staying away from them to avoid battles. However, when they reached the fifth, and final, floor, they saw a small pink blob pokemon standing in front of a closed white treasure chest.

“Now all I need to do is open this and take the Ancient Ice Plate,” the Ditto said to himself, having not noticed the two teams. He tried to open the chest, but the top wouldn’t budge. He let out a curse and tackled the chest.

“Watch your mouth!” Helm yelled at the Ditto.

“What the?” The Ditto turned around and growled. “Sorry kids, but I can’t have any witnesses, so I’ll have to kill you all. Transform, Garchomp.” The Ditto grew from one foot to just over six feet tall and started transforming. He took the form of a bipedal shark with arms that had large fins on them, a tail with two small fins on it, and a large dorsal fin on his back. Two spikes were on each arm and leg, with a large claw on the tip of each arm. He turned from pink to a dark blue, except for a large red spot on his chest and stomach, a yellow patch on his lower stomach, and a star on his streamlined head. “Dragon Rush!” A blue aura surrounded him and he charged at the main characters.

“Protect,” three voices said in unison. A thick blue shield of energy surrounded the two teams. The Ditto-Garchomp rammed into it and bounced off.

“Who did that?” He angrily yelled.

“We did,” a British accented voice replied, jumping into view to reveal itself as a Riolu. A Mienfoo and Togepi followed him.

“Team Aura?!” Crue yelled in surprise. “How did you guys find us?”

“We didn’t find you weaklings,” Yumi replied. “There was an aura distortion here so big we could sense it from Treasure Town. After we dropped off the outlaw we were tracking down we came here.”

“Get out of here, you guys,” Odd told the two teams. “Our protect won’t survive much more.”

“No, we’ll stand by you guys and help you fight him,” Drew said.

“How heartwarming,” Ditto-Garchomp growled. “Too bad I’ll have to end this. Transform, Giga Hydreigon.” He grew much larger, almost twelve feet tall. He grew more bulbous, becoming a large blue dragon. Two purple stripes appeared down his chest, mixing into one that went down his tail, which had extended to five feet long and became more serpentine. His arms turned into snake like heads with black fur on their necks. His legs shriveled and became useless, but he also grew a half dozen thin wings that lifted him an inch off the ground, he couldn’t float any higher because of his size. A patch of black fur appeared on his upper chest, surrounding his three necks and a purple collar appeared around his main crocodilian head. “Flamethrower, Dark Pulse, Dragon Pulse.” A black ball of energy appeared in his left head’s mouth, while a blue one appeared in the right head’s mouth. He shot the two energy balls at the protect, causing it to shatter and fade away, as flames gathered in his middle head. “Die.” He shot the flamethrower at the explorers.

“Attack now to stop it,” Ulric ordered. “Vacuum Wave.” He jumped into the air and spun around, shooting a wave of energy at the flamethrower.

“Swift.” Yumi karate chopped the air, sending out a wave of stars.

“Mirror Move.” A mirror of energy appeared in front of Odd that shot out a Swift.

“Acid.” Crue built up a ball of acid and threw it at the opponent’s attack.

“Bubblebeam.” Drew shot out a high speed stream of bubbles at the fire.

“Scratch!” Helm jumped at the flames, ready to scratch them.

“No,” Spiral said, grabbing him with one of her tentacles and pulling him back. “Just sit here. Watergun.” She sent a torrent of water at the fire attack.

“Ember!” Remy shot out three little balls of fire which were absorbed into the blast.

“Thunder Shock.” Kurt rapidly turned his arms, building up a weak electrical current that he shot our at the Ditto-Hydreigon’s Flamethrower.

“EEK!” Kitty let out a scream and ran to the stairs.

As the attacks slammed into the Flamethrower, a smoke overtook the room. “Surf!” The smoke cleared as the Ditto-turned-Hydreigon summoned a large wave of water.

“Escape orb!” Ulric’s eyes glew blue and he summoned a blue orb that he smashed on the ground, causing a cloud to surround the ten guild members. When it cleared, they were back in the guild building.

“What happened?” Sherman yelled, running out of Bartleby’s office.

“We got attacked by a Ditto,” Ulric calmly replied as the members of teams Awesome and Hydro were trying to catch their breaths. “He transformed into a Garchomp and then a Hydreigon and tried to kill us. I was forced to use an escape orb to pull us out when he summoned a Surf.”

“Do you have any idea why he was trying to kill you?” Sherman asked, concern pushing into his voice.

“No, but on the way down the stairs we heard him mention an item called an Ancient Ice Plate. Do you have any knowledge on this object?” Ulric questioned.

“No, can’t say I have,” Sherman replied. “Although it must have been important if he wanted to kill you over it. Do you know anything about this, Bartleby?”

“No!” Bartleby yelled from his office.

“Oh Barty, you’re so cute when you yell,” a female voice came out of the office.

“Shermy, you aren‘t going to just leave me here, are you?” a second female voice said, also from the office.

“Who are they?” Crue asked, having caught his breath and returned it to normal. “Wait, you brought your dates back here? Things must have gone good, eh?”

“Uhh, errr, umm…Well, I guess you could say that. But that isn’t really important. Are you all safe? Were any of you hurt?”

“No, we escaped unharmed. But his threat was very chilling and he seems like the kind of person to track down targets that escape him.” Crue said.

“This is bad, quite bad. I want all of you to take a break for a while, just relax around the guild and do not leave Treasure Town for any reason. Now then, I have a Murkrow to get back to.” Sherman left back to the office.

“Hmm, relax. Well then, I’m going to rest a little. Wake me up sometime tomorrow.” Drew floated off to his room to take a nap.

“Anyone want to play some poker?” Crue asked the others.

“Sure,” Ulric replied, most of the others agreeing.

“Naw,” Remy replied, however. “I think I’ll go take a nap too.”

“Me three,” Kurt said.

“And me five.” Kitty smiled, not realizing that she missed four. The babies left the room in one direction as Crue went in another to get his cards.

Crue entered his room to see Drew getting into his pool. “So, Drew. How does all this make you feel? You weren’t exactly big on the explorer idea when there wasn’t a psychotic Ditto who wanted to kill you.”

“I don’t know what to think, truthfully.” Drew replied, closing his eyes. “But I am going to try and take a lesson from Helm and just be happy while I can. Night.”

“Night Drew. See you later.” Crue grabbed his pack of cards and left the bedroom, hitting the lights for his teammate.


Looooong chapter is long. Seven pages to be exact. That’s almost double an ordinary chapter. But I introduced the Kecleon shops, money (the money is Poke and they are coins that share colors with Monopoly money, so white 1, pink 5, so on. ), and the bad guys. Well, a bad guy. On a side note, while not stated in the story, the Ditto’s name is Psuede (Pronounced Suede). And just some extra little things. Firstly, there will be a little side chapter stemming from this chapter. Secondly, I am going to be doing a little contest. When you review, you can suggest a team of three pokemon, including names and personalities. I will pick the one I think is best and they’ll have a cameo. You must review at the same time, so don’t just be posting teams here. And KatieKitten, for some reason I’m having a bit of trouble getting your story to load. I’ll get it read and reviewed as soon as I can, but I’ll read and review it as soon as I can.
 
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DarknessInZero

<- Es mío! MÍO!
Pretty good. I would like that you put in the history a Duosion. It is one of my fav Pokémon. I also like Luxio. But that isn't the point. The point is that this is a great story.
 

Gelatino95

Not a tool
This chapter wasn't so long. You should see Chapter XXIV of Supernova. Anyway, I'm glad to see a bit more action in this fic after all the boring introductions. It's a bit hard to memorize all the names of the pokemon, so maybe it would help people if you could include their species in the story? You're already doing that a bit, so just continue with what you're already doing.

Another thing is that your transitions are way too abrupt. For example:

"Now then, I want you guys to escort Team Awesome to the Playground Forest. It is a small forest just to the south of Treasure Town and the pokemon there are rather weak and friendly, so it should be easy. Now, get going.”

Ten minutes later, the two teams came to the forest’s entrance. “Yay, we’re her,” Remy cheered.
See how one paragraph, they're in the guild, and then a second later they're in the forest? That is way too abrupt and may confuse people. It also makes readers feel that the story is missing something. There are some ways to avoid this:

1. Include some description of how the characters get to their destination. If doesn't have to be super detailed, one paragraph should be enough. Just give some information on what happened between these two points.

2. Indicate that time has passed. Some people skip an extra line to leave some space in between the two paragraphs. I skip a line and use four tildes (~~~~). If it were up to me, I would make it look like this:

"Now then, I want you guys to escort Team Awesome to the Playground Forest. It is a small forest just to the south of Treasure Town and the pokemon there are rather weak and friendly, so it should be easy. Now, get going.”

~~~~

Ten minutes later, the two teams came to the forest’s entrance. “Yay, we’re her,” Remy cheered.
I'll edit this post later with my team idea.
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Bumping with some news. Firstly, two new chapters will be up in the next few days. One will be a normal chapter that is about 1/6 done. The second is a special chapter that is 1/4 done. Please everyone, R+R.
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Okay guys. Sorry for taking so long, but it's going to be quite a while until the next chapter. As such, I will give you guys a preview of the next chapter.

Chapter 6 Preview: Tales of Treasure Town

It had been two days since their last mission, and the three rescue teams were still stuck in Treasure Town. This is a chronicle of their adventures in the small town.

The story of Crue

Crue was sitting on a stool behind a black counter. He was in front of a large building shaped like a black ghost with a skull mask and one, red pupil. It was the Duskull Bank in Treasure Town, which was slightly misnamed as it’s owner was now a Dusclops, unlike a Duskull like he had been when the bank first opened. His father worked at the bank and had gotten Crue a temporary job there while he couldn’t go on missions.

“This is a lot more boring than I though tit would be,” he muttered to himself.

“Why hello there cutie,” a voice said. Crue looked to see a short rock pokemon with many branches sticking off.

“Oh, hello there ma’am,” Crue greeted the Corsola.

“Oh please, I’m only sixteen. You don’t have to call me ma’am, I can’t be any older than you. The name’s Cora.” The Corsola smiled at Crue.

“Actually, you’re younger than me, I’m seventeen. So, Cora, what do you need?”

“Well, I don’t actually have any business at the bank, but I saw this really cute worker there.” Cora giggled.

“Cute worker? There’s just me, my dad, and his two business-ooh. I get it. Well, you don’t look bad yourself Cora.”

“Oh, thank you.” Cora winked and hearts appeared around her.

“Son,” a deep voice yelled from inside the building. The hearts around Cora disappeared with comical pops.

“What is it dad?” Crue yelled back.

“Who’s there? Is it a customer?” a second, growly voice yelled.

“No, Mr. Sul. It’s just a girl.”

“Is she here for a reason? Is there a line? If there’s a line and you’re just chatting with a girl then you’ll be fired!” Mr. Sul, a Duskull business partner of Crue’s dad and the owner of the bank, responded.

“No, Mr Sul-” Crue was cut of by an explosion coming from a few streets away. “What was that?”

“I have no idea,” Cora said. “You know, if you’re busy I can come back later. Maybe we could meet up here tonight and go get some dinner.”

“I’d like that. What time?” Crue asked.

“How about-”

“Hi Crue, bye Crue.” Cora was cut off by a panicked voice. Drew looked up to see Drew running panickedly down the street. A vulture like pokemon wearing a bone skirt and with a large bone in black feathers on her head flew after him.

“Was that a friend of yours?” Cora asked, watching the chase.

“Uhh, yeah. He’s a friend of mine. Not sure why he was being chased by a Mandibuzz though. Think it may have been related to that explosion?”

“No, they came from opposite directions. Well, I need to get going, so bye. Wait, what time should I come back?” Cora started walking away before stopping.

“I think I asked you that. I get off at six, so how about then?” Crue replied.

“Sure!” Cora smiled and then walked off.

After she left, Crue started talking to himself. “I wonder what was up with that explosion. And with Drew. I’ll have to ask if the others know anything about them later.”

“Are you talking to a customer?” Mr. Sul yelled from inside the building.

“No, sir! I’m just talking to myself,” Crue yelled back.
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Chapter 6: Tales of Treasure Town

It had been two days since their last mission, and the three rescue teams were still stuck in Treasure Town. This is a chronicle of their adventures in the small town.

The story of Crue

Crue was sitting on a stool behind a black counter. He was in front of a large building shaped like a black ghost with a skull mask and one, red pupil. It was the Duskull Bank in Treasure Town, which was slightly misnamed as it’s owner was now a Dusclops, unlike a Duskull like he had been when the bank first opened. His father worked at the bank and had gotten Crue a temporary job there while he couldn’t go on missions.

“This is a lot more boring than I though tit would be,” he muttered to himself.

“Why hello there cutie,” a voice said. Crue looked to see a short rock pokemon with many branches sticking off.

“Oh, hello there ma’am,” Crue greeted the Corsola.

“Oh please, I’m only sixteen. You don’t have to call me ma’am, I can’t be any older than you. The name’s Cora.” The Corsola smiled at Crue.

“Actually, you’re younger than me, I’m seventeen. So, Cora, what do you need?”

“Well, I don’t actually have any business at the bank, but I saw this really cute worker there.” Cora giggled.

“Cute worker? There’s just me, my dad, and his two business-ooh. I get it. Well, you don’t look bad yourself Cora.”

“Oh, thank you.” Cora winked and hearts appeared around her.

“Son,” a deep voice yelled from inside the building. The hearts around Cora disappeared with comical pops.

“What is it dad?” Crue yelled back.

“Who’s there? Is it a customer?” a second, growly voice yelled.

“No, Mr. Sul. It’s just a girl.”

“Is she here for a reason? Is there a line? If there’s a line and you’re just chatting with a girl then you’ll be fired!” Mr. Sul, a Dusclops business partner of Crue’s dad and the owner of the bank, responded.

“No, Mr. Sul-” Crue was cut of by an explosion coming from a few streets away. “What was that?”

“I have no idea,” Cora said. “You know, if you’re busy I can come back later. Maybe we could meet up here tonight and go get some dinner.”

“I’d like that. What time?” Crue asked.

“How about-”

“Hi Crue, bye Crue.” Cora was cut off by a panicked voice. Drew looked up to see Drew running panicked down the street. A vulture like pokemon wearing a bone skirt and with a large bone in black feathers on her head flew after him.

“Was that a friend of yours?” Cora asked, watching the chase.

“Uhh, yeah. He’s a friend of mine. Not sure why he was being chased by a Mandibuzz though. Think it may have been related to that explosion?”

“No, they came from opposite directions. Well, I need to get going, so bye. Wait, what time should I come back?” Cora started walking away before stopping.

“I think I asked you that. I get off at six, so how about then?” Crue replied.

“Sure!” Cora smiled and then walked off.

After she left, Crue started talking to himself. “I wonder what was up with that explosion. And with Drew. I’ll have to ask if the others know anything about them later.”

“Are you talking to a customer?” Mr. Sul yelled from inside the building.

“No, sir! I’m just talking to myself,” Crue yelled back.

()()()

The story of Drew

Drew looked around the store. Racks and shelves of various products were everywhere. “Wow,” he muttered.

“I agree,” Spiral said from next to him. “Oh, look at those Pecha Scarves, they are so cute.”

Drew looked at the white-flecked pink scarves. “Hmm. Pink isn’t really my color. Now green, that’s a good color for me, or yellow. Oh, do you see a worker? I want to know if they have any Wacan Scarves.”

“Yes?” a voice asked form behind them. The two turned around to see a purple Kecleon. “How may I help you?”

“Oh, Mr. Siesta. Yes, you can. I was wondering if you guys had any Wacan Scarves?” Drew asked.

“I believe there are a few by the men’s room,” Mr. Siesta answered, smiling. “Do you need anything else?”

“No, but thank you,” Drew told the Kecleon.

“That reminds me,” Spiral said. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Spiral went in one direction while Drew went in the other.

As he was going along, Drew felt his tentacles brush something and then a bright light surrounded him. Drew closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was in a dimly-lit bar. “What the heck? Where am I?”

“Heh, looks like Felix got another one,” the grey, bipedal rhinoceros like Rhydon bartender said with a laugh. “Name’s Bud, boyyo. This is the Dizzy Dragon Bar. What’s your name, laddy?”

“Oh, um, Drew. My name’s Drew. Who’s Felix, and what do you mean that he got me?”

“Look under ya’self, boy.” Bud replied. Drew looked down to see that he was floating on a gold, fox like pokemon that appeared to be sleeping.

“Agh.” He jumped back and accidentally hit someone. “Oh, uh sorry.” He turned his large head to see a black, bird pokemon that was covered in a liquid that smelled highly of alcohol

“Oh, you done it boyyo,” Bud told him. “That’s Mabe, a Mandibuzz that comes around here often. Luckily for you, she is a bit slow on the draw. But when she starts going, you need to be gone a long way from here. Now go.”

“Okay, where’s the exit?” Drew asked. Bud pointed to an empty doorway, which Drew took off at.

“Get back here you-” Drew slammed into the wall, sending a wave of pain through his body strong enough to block out the end of the Mandibuzz’s sentence. He backed up and ran out the door, the bone vulture pokemon following.

As he was running, Drew saw an explosion near the middle of Treasure Town, and turned towards it. He then noticed Crue sitting on a stool in front of the local bank talking to a Corsola. “Hi Crue, bye Crue.” He turned the corner and ran down that street too.

“Get back here,” the Mandibuzz screeched. “I’ll kill you.”

“Then I’m not stopping!” Drew turned another corner to see a dip in the road. “Awesome, I can hide there.”

“That was awesome!” Helm yelled, jumping out of the hole.

“Move over Helm, I’m coming in!” Drew jumped into the hole next to Helm and a red and white ball pokemon. “what’s up with the Electrode?”

“Long story!” Helm yelled, attracting the Mandibuzz’s attention.

“I see you!” She dived at the two, but they jumped out of the way, making her hit the Electrode which let out an electric blast, knocking her out.

“Quick, get out now,” Drew told Helm. The two got out of the hole and walked a few roads away before talking again.

“That was more awesome than me being blasted from a cannon!” Helm yelled.

“Being blasted from a cannon? When were you blasted out of a cannon?” Drew asked.

“Earlier today!”

“You’ll have to tell me about that later. Let’s go find your sister for now.”

“Yay, sister.” The two walked back to the store to try and find Spiral.

()()()

The Tale of Spiral

“That reminds me,” Spiral said. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Spiral went in one direction while Drew went in the other. However, Spiral didn’t know the layout of the store and quickly got lost. “Where am I? I don’t know this place well, I only use the quick checkout counter. Man, why did I let Drew talk me into a shopping day with him And what is that clicking noise?” Indeed, she had been hearing a clicking noise since she first entered the store, but it seemed to get louder now. “Man, I feel-” she suddenly fell asleep.

()()()

A loud crash woke Spiral up. She looked up to see that she was in a dark, grimy room. “Wh-where am I?” Then, there was another crash and a pokemon came flying in, crashing through a door that she hadn’t noticed yet. She looked at the long pokemon that was lying on its back. It had a black body with two metal spiked circlets around it. The pokemon’s thighs were thick and red with metallic two toed-feet. Protruding from red, covered shoulders were arms that were encased in bladed gauntlets. A red helmet with an axe like horn was on its head.

Suddenly, a tall green pokemon jumped into the room. He was just as tall as the other pokemon would have been if it was standing up. Spiral stared at his long, thin green arms with blades protruding from the shoulders, his white face that was covered in hair that looked like a green helmet with a large mint colored crescent, his thin waist which lead down to his thick white legs, and a strange red growth on his chest. “A Gallade.” she muttered to herself. Gallade’s were famous for being kind beings that would rescue pokemon in trouble.

“Oh, hello,” the Gallade said, noticing that Spiral was awake. “I’m Archibald. This fiendish Bisharp kidnapped you. Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t stop him. Here, let me transport you to safety and get this criminal to the police. Teleport.” Archibald glew with a white light and he picked up Spiral and grabbed one of the Bisharp’s wrists. The light flashed even brighter, causing Spiral to shut her eyes. When she opened them, instead of being somewhere safe, she was in a room that looked identical to the last except the door was intact.

“Where are we, Archibald?” Spiral asked, pulling into her shell.

“Shut up, you fool.” Archibald threw her against the wall so hard that even her shell didn’t stop the pain. She landed upside-down, with tears in her eyes. An evil smile crossed the Gallade’s face. “This is my secondary torture room. I’ve never had to bring one of my victims here before, and you surely aren’t the first victim I’ve had. I guess I’ll get to break it in with your blood.”

“N-n-no! Please, don’t!” Spiral begged.

“Don’t worry, I won’t kill you. Yet.” Archibald let out a laugh that scared Spiral and made her cry even more.

“Why me!?” Spiral asked.

“Because I could. You were weak and now you’ll suffer for it.”

N-no she won’t,” the Bisharp said, unsteadily getting up. “I won’t let you. Swords Dance.” He spun around quickly, regaining his balance and boosting his strength. “You took me down easily before, but now that I know I can help save her, I won’t let you win. Iron Head!” He charged at Archibald, head first.

“Close Combat.” The Gallade pulled back his fist and flung it forward.

“Stone Edge.” The Bisharp jumped back at the last second and summoned a myriad of sharp stones made of energy that struck his opponent’s arm, tearing it up and causing it to bleed on the floor. Then, he continued the Iron Head, slamming into Archibald head first so hard that hey were both knocked back. “Faint Attack.” He disappeared, and then reappeared above Archibald, striking down with a fist covered in dark energy, knocking out the psychic type. “There, beat that freak. Here, let me help you up.” He grabbed Spiral and lifted her up to his shoulder. “Sorry I couldn’t stop him before he threw you against the wall. That must have been painful.”

“Thank you!” Spiral’s tears reinvigorated and she hugged her savior’s head with her tentacles.

“No problem, just helping out a ‘mon in need. The name’s Grimsley, by the way. Now then, let’s get you to safety and him to the police. But first, what’s your name?”

“Sp-Spiral. Thank you so much. I’ll never be able to repay you, you saved my live.”

“You don’t have to. You know, I think I have something you should have, but first we need to get out of here.” Grimsley picked up Archibald by his waist and walked up to the door, kicking it in and walking out of the building to go to the police station and hospital.

()()()

The Tale of Helm:

Helm was randomly wandering around Treasure Town. “This is boring!” he yelled out.

“Well then be bored no longer,” a manly voice yelled, drawing Helm’s attention. The source was a ball like Electrode. “For you can win a free ticket to the Electrode Brothers Show of Awesome! All you need to do is answer a riddle. But first you have to agree to the terms of the challenge. I can give you any riddle I want and you must answer it correctly with just one guess to win the ticket. However, here’s where things get intense. If you agree to join but lose, you have to buy the ticket and you must pay its regular price of 200 Poke. Do you agree?”

“Okay!” Helm yelled excitedly. “But I’m no good at riddles.”

“Well, we’ll see. You know, I’ll be willing to give you two trial questions to help get your brain going. First one, what do you put into a barrel of water to make it lighter?”

“Oh, um, air!” Helm said, confident he was right.

“Wrong kiddo. It’s a hole. Okay, here’s a second one. A Slaking in City A leaves to City B. A Flareon in City B is going to City along the same route, but the opposite direction. Who will be closer to City A when the two meet?”

“The Flareon!” A flash of mischief entered his eye for a second, but the Electrode didn’t notice it.

“Sorry, they would be the same distance, so neither would be closer to City A. Well, those are the trial questions, here’s the real one, and a real doozie.” The Electrode turned around and turned back around with a bag. He opened it up and dumped out two containers and a bottle of water. “Okay kid, the big container holds five cups of water and the small one holds three cups. Use the water from the bottle and the two containers to fill one container with exactly four cups.”

“Okay. Let’s see. Fill up this big 5-cup one. Then dump three of those into the small cup. Pour those three back into the bottle, and put the two from the large cup into the small. Refill the big cup, and dump one cup into the small one, leaving four in the big one. There you go!” The Electrode’s jaw dropped as Helm did the puzzle so easily.

“I think I just got conned. Anyways, here’s your ticket.” He grabbed a ticket out of the bag that had the containers in it with his mouth and handed it to Helm. “The show is at ten, the address is on the ticket. See you there.”

“Okay, thank you mister!” Helm happily yelled as the Electrode rolled off, grumbling something under his breath.

()()()

Helm looked at the big, red and white striped tent. “Wow! Cool!” He went in, handing his ticket to an Electrode at the entrance. When he got in, he got onto the stands and started watching the show. Three Electrode, including the one he met earlier that day, used their explosive powers to do multiple stunts. After about an hour of stunts, the Electrode lined up and started talking.

“Hello, we are the Electrode brothers. We have been doing our circus for years now, but we are going to be closing soon due to some fiscal problems. As such, we were doing a special giveaway today were we went around town and gave riddles and challenges to citizens of Treasure Town for a free ticket. Only one person won a ticket, a young Kabuto. Will you please come down?”

Helm jumped out of the stands to the ground. “Yes?”

“What the, that was a huge jump, how did you do that?” the lead Electrode asked. “Never mind, that isn’t important. What is important is your special price. For winning the free ticket, you get to be in our last stunt ever. We normally finish things off by two of us getting into a cannon and one of us exploding, sending the other flying as a Pokemon cannonball. Well, if you want to, you can replace the flying electrode tonight. What do you say, do you want to do it?”

“Yes! I want to be a cannonball!” Helm yelled in response.

“Okay. Well, you already have a built in helmet, so just go ahead and get in the cannon after my brother gets in,” the Electrode replied. One of the other two got into the cannon and Helm got in after him.

“Get ready kid. Get set, Explosion!” The Electrode in the cannon glew white and let out a wave of energy, Helm latching onto him as the energy started coming out. “Let go kid, if you hold on to me I’ll go fly-” a second, large wave of energy went out from the Ball Pokemon’s body, sending the two flying from the cannon. They ripped through the top of the tent and continued flying, landing hard on a street somewhere in Treasure Town.

“That was awesome!” Helm yelled, jumping out of a dip in the road caused by their collision.

“Move over Helm, I’m coming in!” Drew jumped into the hole next to Helm, surprising the shellfish pokemon. “What’s up with the Electrode?”

“Long story!” Helm yelled.

“I see you!” A Mandibuzz screeched, diving at the two, but they jumped out of the way, making her hit the Electrode which let out an electric blast, knocking her out.

“Quick, get out now,” Drew told Helm. The two got out of the hole and walked a few roads away before talking again.

“That was more awesome than me being blasted from a cannon!” Helm yelled.

“Being blasted from a cannon? When were you blasted out of a cannon?” Drew asked.

“Earlier today!”

“You’ll have to tell me about that later. Let’s go find your sister for now.”

“Yay, sister.” The two walked around a little before getting to a store.


()()()

Some insight to this chapter. The day before I started typing it up (Which was a while ago, but it took me forever to finish this chapter), I watched a 24 hour Avatar: The Last Airbender marathon on Nicktoons. I decided to draw some inspiration from an episode for this chapter, but I wasn’t sure on which episode. I eventually decided to draw inspiration from my favorite episode, ‘Tales of Ba Sing Se.’ So, I did a “The Tale of X” thing for each of Team Hydro’s members. After a bit over a week of working, I decided to just cut Helm’s really short to let me post before this dies. Also, I am looking for a beta reader if anyone’s interested. Sorry for Helm’s section being so terrible, I’ll try to remake it some time to make it better. I think I may have focused too much of Spiral’s story, it kinda wore my creativity out for a long time.
 
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DarknessInZero

<- Es mío! MÍO!
I've read it. Is pretty good but I found a little mistake:

“Okay!” Drew yelled excitedly. “But I’m no good at riddles.”
I think that is Helm here.

Well. The histories were really good. And that was the only mistake I found.
 

DarknessInZero

<- Es mío! MÍO!
Well, the tales. Sorry if that sounded confusing.
 

Gelatino95

Not a tool
Nice work on this. There were a few name mix-ups, so I highly suggest proofreading your chapters before posting them in the future. As usual, Helm is such a funny character.
 

CuriousHeartless

Well-Known Member
Bump. I gotta hand over the computer to my brother. I will work on the next chapter when I get the computer back. Sorry y'all for taking so long, but my computer crapped out meaning I lost the chapter and couldn't start working on it again till today.
 
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