Pokemon: Orange Archipelago

[Feity]

Restarted, again... This is defintly my best work though.

-Chapter One-
-VS. Seaking!-

Beneath the border of Kanto and Johto lies a warm and sweet paradise, the Orange Islands. It was a tropical little region, made up of large and small islands scattered across the Orange Sea. The brilliant blue sea held beauty, adventure, and mystery, just as the legendary beast in its depths did. Above the deep and romantic Orange Sea and the sandy, yellow beaches of the Orange Archipelago were the green tinted skies of the Orange Islands, where just then, a huge blimp emerged from the clouds.

Orange was also constantly looking for ways to train his Slowpoke, Slowgo. He always thought up new ways he could increase Slowgo’s strength, endurance, agility, and accuracy. He knew that these five factors combined made a formula for perfect success in Pokémon Challenges. As he awaited their arrival onto Valencia Island in the blimp’s hold, Orange and Slowgo were currently working on increasing Slowgo’s agility. This was one of Slowgo’s weak points, since Slowpoke are naturally very, very slow and dopey. Orange’s parents looked on reluctantly at their luggage, being battered by Slowgo’s strenuous exercise. Orange had set up their suitcases in a sort of a zigzag pattern. Slowgo was to break his old record and weave its way through the suitcases as Orange timed him with a stopwatch.

“Okay buddy, ready?” asked Orange to Slowgo. Slowgo stared back at its owner with a blank expression. Then, after comprehending the message, Slowgo’s eyes shimmered in a way Orange could tell was a smile. It cried “…Yado?” and Orange understood.

“Great! Ready… Go!” cried Orange. Orange held his finger on the button to start the timer, but did not press it until Slowgo actually began a few seconds later. Orange and his parents cheered Slowgo on as he slowly weaved through the maze of luggage. Orange’s mother winced when Slowgo bumped into her suitcase, and an unpleasant thump rang through the walls of the small, gray passenger hold. Slowgo ignored the collision (he probably wouldn’t have even felt it for a few minutes) and continued his slow pace to the end of the zigzagging suitcases. He drew closer and closer, and finally finished.

Orange hit the stop button as soon as the white tip of Slowgo’s tail came out from behind the final suitcase, his father’s. He excitedly patted Slowgo on its head, and then reached into his pocket. He retrieved a small, gray device, an iPoké, and pointed it at Slowgo. After a quick scan of the dopey Pokémon, Slowgo’s Challenge Stats showed up on the screen. Orange hit the button in the middle, and grinned as his training paid off as the small bar next to ‘Agility’ rose with a beep. He patted Slowgo on his head once more, then retrieved a red and white ball device, a Pokéball, and pointed it at Slowgo.

“Slowgo, return!” he shouted. He pushed the button on it, and Slowgo dissolved. Slowgo then appeared in the transparent red dome top of the Pokéball. The ball shrunk, and Orange reattached it to his belt. He returned his iPoké to his pocket as well. The pilots voice crackled from the speaker above their head.

“We are now arriving on Valencia Island. Please prepare to disembark,” it said. Orange and his family gathered their luggage from around the gray passenger hold, and then buckled down again as the blimp softly touched back down onto the ground.

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Orange had flashing orange eyes, striking and attractive. He didn’t exactly want to come to the Orange Islands, but his love for surfing and water drew him toward it. If there was something Orange loved more than his Slowgo, it was water. Orange loved the water, streams, ponds, rain, everything. Something about the feeling of swiftly gliding with no contact with anything else, Orange found magical. Orange gasped in excitement and astonishment as the taxi holding his family and him stopped in front of a small cottage, right on the sea shore. He groped at the door handle, trying to open it while his eyes lay locked onto the glistening surface of the water. After some difficulty and moving of luggage, Orange and his family had successfully gotten everything into their beach house.

Orange always kept his bathing suit under his clothes, so in no time at all, he was ready to begin swimming. He released Slowgo in a flash of light, and the two dove head on into the breaking waves. Slowgo launched through the water, the one place he could actually be called speedy. Orange swam right by at his side. The trainer and his Pokémon broke the surface of the water, ready to dive back in again, when Orange saw a small cave, buried in a rocky part of the shoreline.

He and Slowgo darted toward it, and stepped barefoot (naturally, for Slowgo) into the cold, wet, dimly lit grotto. The cave wasn’t very deep, but it was still hard to see. If Orange strained his eyes, he could see to the back. In the back, there appeared to be a strangely shaped rock, lying forgotten on the stone cavern floor. Orange picked it up and examined it, concluding that it was a King’s Rock, and item he had heard about. From what he had heard, it was an item to be held by a Pokémon that makes the opponent flinch more during battle. If he remembered correctly, it had strange effects on Poliwhirl and Slowpoke. Orange placed the King’s Rock on Slowgo’s head, and looked into the big, bulging eyes of his Pokémon. Slowgo looked back into the Orange’s bright eyes, which seemed to be glowing it the dim cave. Slowgo sort of grinned, and Orange noticed that his reaction was a little faster then usual. Maybe the King’s Rock really did have special effects on a Slowpoke.

Orange and Slowgo left the dank cave and dove back into the water. The King’s Rock on Slowgo’s head held perfectly, even as they sped through the current, as if it were connecting with Slowgo itself. A few moments later as he came up for air, Orange noticed a dark object out in the waves. As he sat there, bobbing up and down in the water, he grew more and more curious, then decided he had to check it out.

“What do you think, buddy?” asked Orange as he pointed out the strange shadow to Slowgo.

“Yado!” It responded after a little hesitation, which Orange could only assume meant that Slowgo wanted to see it as well.

The two forced their way against the rushing current of the water, and a little bit later, arrived on the not-so-mysterious, not-actually-black object. Orange surveyed the scene with Slowgo floating next to him; standing on a small piece of driftwood, was an Elekid, with two eggs behind it. A fierce and territorial Seaking was circling the driftwood, striking and weakening the Elekid every few seconds. The weak Elekid tried as hard as it could to withstand the brutal onslaught of the Seaking; it seemed to be protecting the two eggs. Orange glared at the Seaking.

“Slowgo, Bubblebeam!” Shouted Orange out of rage. Slowgo’s training for Pokémon Challenges also helped in battle, and Slowgo was very strong. Slowgo did as it was told, and launched a fierce jet of bubbles at Seaking. Seaking was caught off guard. After being launched into the air, it landed with a splash back into the ocean. It faced its new opponent, Orange and Slowgo. It launched forward at Slowgo with a Horn Attack, jabbing his hard head. A few seconds later, Slowgo winced in pain. “Headbutt!” cried Orange at Slowgo. Slowgo rammed into Seaking’s side and Seaking flinched, giving Orange another opportunity to attack. “Now Slowgo, use Psychic!” commanded Orange. Slowgo’s eyes began to glow, and then Seaking soared into the air, a strange aura surrounding him. The Elekid watched in awe from the driftwood at the strength and cooperation of Orange and Slowgo. It’s eyes widened as Slowgo’s psychic powers slammed Seaking back down to the surface of the water. Seaking was weak. Very weak, very close to being knocked out. And Orange noticed. “Finish with another Bubblebeam!” He shouted. Slowgo did as it was told and launched a stream of bubbles at the Seaking. Seaking was going to faint, and it preformed one final act before it was hit by the beam. Seaking launched its heavy and weak body at its first opponet, Elekid, instantly knocking out the defenseless baby Pokémon. The beam hit Seaking, and it fainted.

Orange gasped, and swam closer to the drift wood with Slowgo at his side. He scooped up the little yellow Elekid in his arms, then carefully placed it on Slowgo’s back.

“Keep it above the water, okay?” Orange said to Slowgo. Slowgo nodded his head slowly, and after Orange picked up the two eggs the Elekid was protecting, swam with Orange back to the shore…

-Chapter Two-
-VS. Raticate!-

C&C please

 

[Feity]

-Chapter Two-
-VS. Raticate!-

Orange washed onto the shore with the two eggs in his hands, followed shortly by Slowgo, who was slowed down in his attempts to keep Elekid dry. After putting his clothes back on and putting the two eggs in his backpack, Orange returned to where Slowgo and the Elekid were waiting. Orange reached down to pluck the Elekid off the sand where Slowgo had set it, and the second he did, a powerful shock coursed through him. Orange yelled as he was launched into a formation of rocks behind him, aftershocks of the jolt still running through his body. His back hit the cold rocks hard, and Orange was sure he heard a sickening crunch. He got up with his hand held to his head, and shook of the pain. What made Elekid shock him? Orange looked at Elekid, and noticed that he was a little wet from the mist on the sea. Orange realized that the water increased Elekid’s electricity sensitivity, but why didn’t it hurt Slowgo? Slowgo suddenly winced and let out a small “Yado!” Orange almost laughed. It did hurt Slowgo; it just took him a while to realize it was in pain.

Orange took off his vest and wrapped it around his hands. Hands shaking, Orange staggered towards the Elekid, and gingerly stuck his protected hand out. No shock. Orange let a sigh of relief, then quickly scooped up Elekid and placed him on a flat, sunny rock to dry off and heal. Orange noticed that while the water in the mist made him extra sensitive, the salt in the mist helped heal some of the wounds the wild Seaking gave the Elekid. And then they waited.

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Orange and Slowgo took the time to do what they do best, train for Pokémon Challenges. Orange set up some rocks a safe, yet in view, distance from the mending Elekid. Slowgo was to increase his strength and accuracy as he hit each rock with a Bubblebeam. In the end, Orange decided, he should be able to shatter each rock.

“Ready… Go!” shouted Orange. Slowgo leapt into action, and launched a Bubblebeam on the rock furthest to the right. He hit it on the edge, knocking a brown, eroded chip off of it that landed softly in the warm sand. He moved to the next one, hitting it weakly near the center. And so he continued, until after a while, he was ready to shatter the rocks. Suddenly, the King’s Rock invisibly fastened onto his head flared, and Slowgo’s eyes flashed a blue color. He let out a cry, much deeper than normal. “YADO!” A strange aura surrounded the rocks. They floated into the air, and lined up, one after another. Slowgo belted a cry again “YADO!” and fired a sharp Bubblebeam strait at the rocks. It pierced directly through every rock, leaving a clean circular hole in each. The aura faded, and the rocks dropped back to the ground. They sat in the sand, and then crumbled into dust. Wide eyed and astounded, Orange picked up his jaw.

“Slowgo, that was AMAZING!” he cried. What did the King’s Rock do!? Slowgo blinked, and his eyes returned to their normal glazed look. Slowgo cocked his head to the side, obviously confused. Orange didn’t notice. He took his iPoké from his pocket, and pointed it at Slowgo, just like before. The strength and accuracy bars went up sharply, and Orange happily pat Slowgo on the head as a reward.

Orange turned back to check on how the Elekid was doing. It was gone.

“Waah!” shouted Orange. He scurried around the flat rock he had left the Pokémon, making sure it didn’t fall off. He searched all around the rock, but couldn’t find a thing. Until finally, Orange spotted some small footprints in the sand, leading up the beach. He groaned. This was going to be harder then he thought.

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The Elekid awoke with the sun in his eyes, and a warm feeling in his body. The sun had dried him, and he felt healed. He got up, and walked around the small rock for a moment, stretching his legs, until something caught his attention. A little ways down the beach, a boy and a pink Pokémon were playing together. The boy would say words, and the pink Pokémon would launch bubbles.

Suddenly, the Elekid remembered how he had fainted in the first place. An orange fish Pokémon had attacked him, and the boy and the pink Pokémon had helped him. He also remembered the two eggs he was guarding. He had been guarding them as long as he could remember, which wasn’t that long. In fact, the first thing he could remember was the orange fish, and his need to protect the eggs.

The Elekid sat down on a round rock and watched the boy and his Pokémon play for a little while, while the Elekid kicked his little yellow feet merrily. He soon got bored, and went to explore. He walked up a beach, and past a small cottage. The cottage didn’t seem very interesting, so he walked past it. He soon approached a much larger building, a lab, it seemed. He walked up to the building, and saw a woman and a red rat Pokémon inside. He walked forward to see it, but suddenly ran straight into something. The Elekid rubbed his head, and got back up. He put his hand out, and slowly walked forward again. His hand touched something. What was this? It was like a wall, or a rock, but it was see-through. How could he get inside the fascinating building if there was an invisible wall in the way? He examined the area around the strange barrier, and then looked up. There was something protruding from the see-through wall, a handle. But it was too high up to grab. The baby jumped, then again, and finally on his third try, grabbed the metal handle. He felt a strange sensation in his body; all his natural feeling electric energy was gone. He let go of the handle, and fell lightly back to the ground. He grabbed the handle again, and swung once, twice, three times on it, until it stayed open by itself with a click. He carefully walked through the gap he had created, making sure there was no more invisible walls. The lady and the ret Pokémon looked up at him as he walked into the middle of the room and looked around. It was big, and there was metal all over. The Electric baby Pokémon began instinctively spinning his arms, to recharge the energy he lost. The woman walked up to him, and said “Why, hello there, cutie!” She picked him up, cradled him a bit, and then set him back down. The red rat Pokémon became jealous, and walked up to the Elekid. The Elekid smiled at the Pokémon, but it rudely reacted with a swift chomp onto the Elekid…

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Orange returned Slowgo to its Pokéball, and reattached it to his belt. He then began to carefully follow the footprints, to a rock where he and Slowgo trained, in a circle around it, up the dunes, back down in what looked like a slide, as opposed to walking, back up and down again, back up and off the dunes, past his house, to the glass door of a lab. The Elekid’s footprints overlapped and zigzagged here, as if he were confused, but then disappeared. Orange could only assume he had entered the lab, so he did the same. He entered, and sighed at the battle before him. Some how, in the 3 minutes he had turned his back, the mischievous little Elekid had woken up, ran away, trespassed, and had now gotten in a fight with a Raticate. A red Raticate.

“Is this your Pokémon!?” said a voice. Orange saw for the first time a woman with short purple hair and a white lab coat, Professor Felina Ivy. “Is this your Elekid!?” she repeated.

“Oh, uh… no!” said Orange. Was the Elekid his? He had found it, it just ran away. Then again, he never officially captured it in a Pokéball. “He’s not mine,” said Orange, “But I’ll help him fight.”

“Fight!? Goodness!” said the Professor. She looked at Raticate, then at the Elekid, then at Orange. “I don’t want these Pokémon to fight! Raticate is merely being territorial!” But Orange wasn’t listening.

“Hmm… What attacks do Elekids have?” said Orange, mostly to himself. Professor Ivy pulled out a small orange device, about the size of a book. She fiddled with some of the buttons a bit, then, with the click of her high-heeled shoes, walked over to Orange and showed him the attacks displayed on the screen. It showed a long list.

“Elekid has all these attacks!?” he asked.

“No, point it at him and hit the blue button”, said Professor Ivy in a calm voice. Orange did as she told him, and the list was shortened to two: Thunderpunch, and Karate Chop. The red Raticate cried “Ratta!”, as if reminding everyone that he and the Elekid were in a battle. Raticate was upset that a new Pokémon was invading his space, and was ready to battle for it.

“Listen to what I tell you to do, okay little guy?” said Orange. Elekid looked at him, as if about to challenge his authority, then changed its mind and nodded.

“Elekid!” it cried, tauntingly, at Raticate.

“Okay, use Karate Chop!” cried Orange. Elekid smashed its hand into Raticates skull, rattling it up a bit. The discolored Pokémon struck back with a Hyperfang attack, sinking its fangs into Elekid.

“KID!” it cried in pain, then looked at Orange, angrily, as if saying ‘Tell me to do something already!’

“Sorry, now use a Thunderpunch!” shouted Orange. Ivy cringed as Elekid rammed his sparking fist into Raticate.

“Can you go a bit lighter, please?” she begged. Orange rolled his eyes. Raticate used a Pursuit attack, hitting Elekid dead on. Elekid shook off the attack, then again Karate Chopped Raticate again, as instructed by Orange. Raticate walked around, dizzy, for a moment, then fainted on the tiled lab floor. Orange and Elekid had won.

-Chapter 3-
-VS. Granbull!-

C&C please. Posting, would be nice.

 

[IceKing]

119 views...no reviews. Thats pretty sad... I saw this when you released chapter one but never got time to review.

He retrieved a small, gray device, an iPoké, and pointed it at Slowgo. After a quick scan of the dopey Pokémon, Slowgo’s Challenge Stats showed up on the screen.

Holy crap, I'm having my charachters use IPokes as well, technically its an iPoke Mini though

“Slowgo, Bubblebeam!” Shouted Orange out of rage. Slowgo’s training for Pokémon Challenges also helped in battle, and Slowgo was very strong. Slowgo did as it was told, and launched a fierce jet of bubbles at Seaking. Seaking was caught off guard. After being launched into the air, it landed with a splash back into the ocean. It faced its new opponent, Orange and Slowgo. It launched forward at Slowgo with a Horn Attack, jabbing his hard head. A few seconds later, Slowgo winced in pain. “Headbutt!” cried Orange at Slowgo. Slowgo rammed into Seaking’s side and Seaking flinched, giving Orange another opportunity to attack. “Now Slowgo, use Psychic!” commanded Orange. Slowgo’s eyes began to glow, and then Seaking soared into the air, a strange aura surrounding him. The Elekid watched in awe from the driftwood at the strength and cooperation of Orange and Slowgo. It’s eyes widened as Slowgo’s psychic powers slammed Seaking back down to the surface of the water. Seaking was weak. Very weak, very close to being knocked out. And Orange noticed. “Finish with another Bubblebeam!” He shouted. Slowgo did as it was told and launched a stream of bubbles at the Seaking. Seaking was going to faint, and it preformed one final act before it was hit by the beam. Seaking launched its heavy and weak body at its first opponet, Elekid, instantly knocking out the defenseless baby Pokémon. The beam hit Seaking, and it fainted.

Try not to stuff an entire battle into just one paragraph, spread it out to several and make it nice and dramatic

“Slowgo, that was AMAZING!” he cried. What did the King’s Rock do!? Slowgo blinked, and his eyes returned to their normal glazed look. Slowgo cocked his head to the side, obviously confused. Orange didn’t notice. He took his iPoké from his pocket, and pointed it at Slowgo, just like before. The strength and accuracy bars went up sharply, and Orange happily pat Slowgo on the head as a reward.

Hmm, so as of now, the Kings Rock is only powering up Slowgo rather than making him evolve? Interesting, are you going to factor in the fact it makes opponents flinch more?

It was big, and there was metal all over.

Errm, thats kind of a vague description. Metal all over it? Im picturing that everything is made out of steel.

“Can you go a bit lighter, please?” she begged. Orange rolled his eyes.

Didn't anyone ever tell him to respect his elders o_0


First off, i like your writing style, it didn't bore me and definetely had me reading till the end. But it could use some improvement. As of right now, the fic is kind of dull and isn't really that interesting. I'm liking how you describe how he trains his Slowpoke, but hes kinda rushing into the Orange Archipelago and we don't really know much backstory or things about them. I'd like to see their personalities then rather them being training obesssed manga charachters. Also, your battles could use some work too, they aren't really that interesting either. You should try and add more descriptions and details to make things more vivid.

Good luck getting more reviews!

3/5

 

[Feity]

119 views...no reviews. Thats pretty sad... I saw this when you released chapter one but never got time to review.



Holy crap, I'm having my charachters use IPokes as well, technically its an iPoke Mini though

I started using this a while ago, I first had the idea back in like August. A lot of people seem to be using iPokes...

Try not to stuff an entire battle into just one paragraph, spread it out to several and make it nice and dramatic

Will do

Hmm, so as of now, the Kings Rock is only powering up Slowgo rather than making him evolve? Interesting, are you going to factor in the fact it makes opponents flinch more?

The Kings Rock is giving Slowgo powers as if he were evolved. He will evolve, eventually, and he will make people flinch with it as well

Errm, thats kind of a vague description. Metal all over it? Im picturing that everything is made out of steel.

That entire paragraph is kinda written from Elekid's point of view, so it's supposed to be kinda vague, like he quickly lost interest

Didn't anyone ever tell him to respect his elders o_0

First off, i like your writing style, it didn't bore me and definetely had me reading till the end. But it could use some improvement. As of right now, the fic is kind of dull and isn't really that interesting. I'm liking how you describe how he trains his Slowpoke, but hes kinda rushing into the Orange Archipelago and we don't really know much backstory or things about them. I'd like to see their personalities then rather them being training obesssed manga charachters. Also, your battles could use some work too, they aren't really that interesting either. You should try and add more descriptions and details to make things more vivid.

Good luck getting more reviews!

3/5

Thank you kindly I'll try to incorporate some of your suggestions in for next chapter.

 

[Jade]

i love it alot, keep it up the great work.

 

[Feity]

-Chapter Three-
-VS. Granbull! -

“You got completely carried away!”
“Should only have let you get him off!”
“He had better be okay!”
“Do you want me to call my lawyer!?”
Professor Ivy rudely and angrily pushed Orange out of her lab.
“And take your mean little Elekid with you!” She lightly tossed the little Pokémon out the glass door, and it landed with a soft thump on the sand.

“But it’s not mine! I don’t even have a Poké-” Orange began. Ivy threw open the door and chucked a red and white Pokéball at Orange’s head.

“There! An official Pokémon professor gave you a Pokémon from a trio! It’s yours!’ she yelled. She stuck her tongue out at him and pulled down her eyelid, then slammed the door in Orange’s face.

“Err… Thanks, I guess.” said Orange, not really directed at anyone. He aimed the Pokéball at Elekid, and pushed the button. With a flash of light, the baby Elekid was now inside the ball, visible through the transparent red top. It was officially Orange’s. He removed Slowgo’s Pokéball from his belt, and held a ball in both hands. He pressed both the buttons, and Slowgo and the Elekid came out.

“Slowgo, this is - this is um…” Orange thought of a good nickname for Elekid. To fit with Slowgo, he chose; “Slowgo, this is Buzzgo. Buzzgo, this is Slowgo,” Orange introduced his two Pokémon, “Buzzgo, is that an okay name?”

“Bibi!” said Buzzgo. He smiled at Orange, then smiled at Slowgo as well. After a second, Slowgo smiled a little as well, but to himself, wanted to be Orange’s only Pokémon. He could live with it, though.

Suddenly, Buzzgo started hopping up and down, pointing at Orange.

“Bibibi! Bibibi! Bibibi!” it yelled, pointing at Orange’s backpack.

“What is it?” asked Orange, as he removed his backpack then set it on the sand. Elekid opened it up, and carefully, one at a time, pulled the eggs out. He walked around them, examining them and making they weren’t damaged, then put them back in Oranges backpack.

“Bi.” he said, clarifying they were okay. Orange laughed, then pulled his backpack back over his shoulder.

“Yado?” said Slowgo, looking at the sky. Orange followed his eyes, then he too saw another blimp coming in to land on Valencia Island. Orange scooped up Buzzgo and put him over his backpack straps on his shoulders.

“Hold on buddy!” said Orange. He returned Slowgo, who was too heavy to carry, to his Pokéball, and reattached it to his belt as Orange sprinted to the landing strip with Buzzgo clinging to his hat.

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The blimp was still a little ways from landing when Orange arrived, so he had some time to kill. He lay Buzzgo back on the sand, then re-released Slowgo. Orange took his iPoké from his pocket and pressed some buttons until a hard rock song blasted from the device’s speakers, PokéRock. It was Orange’s favorite, as well as the favorite of pink Pokémon, like Slowgo. Slowgo swayed side-to-side, a little offbeat from the music. Tall stalks of sea grass quivered, and then three Snubbull emerged from the bushes. They were pink as well, and began head banging to the song. Orange laughed, and cranked up the volume. Even Buzzgo, who would usually enjoy PokéTechno, smiled and danced around a bit. Across the reeds in a meadow, a girl was training her Miltank against a wild Paras. The Miltank perked its ears, then, hearing the sound in the distance, gave a happy cry. “Midomido!” It began to walk through the reeds, and its trainer chased after it. Meanwhile, the blimp finally arrived, and Orange switched off his iPoké. The Snubbulls stopped dancing, and looked sadly at Orange. “Buboo?” they said, and Orange shook his head no. One Snubbull’s bottom lip quivered, then all at once, the three of them broke into tears and ran away shouting “Burooo! Burooo!” Orange frowned and opened his mouth to apologize, but was cut short as the blimp noisily touched back down. The girl and her Miltank emerged with a rustle from the reeds. “Mido?” cried the Miltank loudly. Orange jumped, and crashed onto the ground.

“Waah! Who are you?” he said, scuffling on the sandy ground.

“I’m Lemon,” said the girl. She had cool gentle eyes, very sweet and innocent, but with a bitter core bottled up inside. They were vibrant with life and energy. “And this is my Miltank, Milton,” she said.

“Midomido!” the cow Pokémon cried. Lemon held out her hand, and Orange took it. She helped Orange scramble back to his feet. He lolled embarrassedly for a moment, then turned back to the blimp as a ramp emerged from the door, and the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway, silhouetted against the sunlight coming through the window on the other side, was a famous figure of knowledge and admiration: Professor Samuel Oak from Kanto.

“Why, Hello there!” he said merrily. He strolled over to Orange and Lemon, who were standing and gaping at the professor.

Suddenly, a brown blur smashed through the reeds and smashed into Professor Oak. A discolored Granbull had its thick arm around the professor’s neck, strangling him. Orange and Lemon watched in horror, then were snapped back into reality with a loud “NIDO!” from Milton.

“Buzzgo, Slowgo, attack!” shouted Orange, pointing at the huge Pokémon before them.

“No, don’t!” cried Lemon, “They’ll hit the professor!” Orange realized she was right, and, thanks to Slowgo’s slow reaction time, was able to call off the attack before it happened. Orange thought quickly, as the professor was gasping for air as the Granbull hopped up and down violently.

“Well, what attacks does your Miltank know?” asked Orange.

“Uh, Milk Drink, Secret Power, Rollout and -” she began.

“That’s it!” cried Orange. “tell Milton to go around and around Professor Oak and the Granbull!” Lemon did as she was told, though she didn’t see Orange’s plan.

“Milton, do as he told you to! Rollout around the professor and the Pokémon!” she commanded. Milton rolled into a ball, and began moving in a slow circle around Oak and his captor. It began to pick up more and more speed until it was moving so fast it was merely a blur. Through the sand kicked up, Orange could see the Granbull becoming worried and confused. Its grip on the professor was loosening.

“Professor Oak!” cried Orange over the roar of the wind Milton was making, “When I count to three, jump out of the Granbull’s hands!”

“One…” Milton spun faster and faster

“Two…” Orange positioned himself thustly

“Three!” he cried. Oak let go, and through the twister Milton had created, was lifted up and out of the Granbull’s range. Orange’s eyes widened as Professor Oak fell from above. Lemon dashed in just in time, and together, she and Orange painfully padded Professor Oak’s fall.
“Milton, keep rolling!” cried Orange. “Slowgo, Bubblebeam, fast!” he shouted. Slowgo launched a jet of bubbles as fast as he could toward the twister, and the bubbles caught in the wind and menacingly whipped through the air. “Buzzgo, Thunderpunch the stream of bubbles!” shouted Orange. Buzzgo jumped into action and stuck his hand into the jet of bubbles Slowgo was still launching. He spun his left arm to charge more electricity, then all at once released it through his right. The jolt traveled through the stream, and into the wicked twister as well.

“Now stop Milton!” Orange commanded suddenly. Milton lurched to a stop and the lethal twister closed in on the brown Granbull, fainting it instantly. Milton fell over as well, but merely out of exhaustion.

“Mido…” it said softly between pants. Lemon ran over and comforted it while Orange vigorously praised Slowgo and Buzzgo for their work. Oak looked at his discolored attacker and quickly retrieved a Pokéball from his pocket. He threw it at the Granbull and quickly caught it.

“Shiny Pokémon are very rare!” he said, and grinning, he looked through the transparent top at his successful capture inside. The three Snubbull from before peered slowly from behind the reeds and began to cry again as their quick search for the Granbull failed.

“Is that Pokémon their mother…?” wondered Lemon out loud. Orange suddenly felt a pang of guilt. The Snubbull must have gotten upset when Orange turned off the PokéRock and gotten their mother that Oak had now taken from them.

“Professor…” said Orange, “If you are going to capture the Granbull, could you take these three Snubbull as well?” he asked politely as he could.

“I suppose I should, shouldn’t I?” said Oak. He tossed three more Pokéballs, but the three bulldog Pokémon knocked them away. Oak sighed. “It looks like they want to fight, too,” he said. He looked at Orange and Lemon, and they nodded at each other.
“Attack!”

-Chapter 4-
-VS. Tangela!-

 

[Kayote's Bane]

...You have length down... but somehow.. lack a little description, but clearly better than anything I could ever do. Are you trying to do this 'manga' style? With the chapter names and all?

 

[Feity]

I'll definitly try to add more description, and yes, I'm trying to make it manga-ish.

 

[IceKing]

Hello once again Fierce Deity! I'm seeing an improvement in the chapter but you still have some areas that you need to work on. First off, I suggest you make your chapters longer. Ending chapter 4 adruptly at the SNubull battle wasn't really too smart, there was a feeling of incompleteness left (and not because of a cliffhanger); don't be afraid to have nice long chapters! I think the reason that person rated you a one is because he/she just skimmed thruogh it and just noted the chapters seemed short. I foudn the beginning of chapter 4 funny with Professor Ivy throwing him out and all. I also suggest you work on Orange's personality. Right now he seems really bland and partially 2D, we arent seeing too much emotion and depth in him. I'm hoping the introduction of Lemon will result in Orange explaining a bit more about himself so we can learn. Also, two minor things: how can a Slowpoke exactly sway to fast beated rock music and its very confusing having a Miltank say "nidonido" because you think of the Nidoran family. Description isn't really a huge problem but you might want to improve on it.

Overall, you're definetely improving but you still need to step it up!

 

[Feity]

-Chapter 4-
-VS. Tangela!-

Orange, Lemon, and Professor Oak emerged from the leafy green forest laughing, the three Snubbull and the discolored Granbull attached to Professor Oak’s belt. Buzzgo, Milton, and Slowgo followed behind as well, giving off ‘Bi bi bi’s and ‘Mi mi mi’s and occasional ‘Ya ya’. Eventually, the laughter died down.

“Professor Oak, why did you come to Valencia Island anyway?” asked Orange curiously as he looked up at the old man. Oak scratched his head.

“Actually, I don’t remember right now,” he said, then laughed. Orange and Lemon nearly fell over.

“Professor, you were coming to see my mom, remember? She sent me to pick you up” piped up Lemon. Orange looked at her, surprised.

“He came… to see your mom?” he asked.

“That’s right! I came to see Professor Ivy!” said Oak, “I got so caught up with the Granbull I almost forgot”. Orange’s heart dropped, and his face flushed pale.

“P-P-Professor Ivy?” he stuttered. Surely not the woman who kicked Orange out of her lab? Orange and Buzzgo’s eyes met, and they both fidgeted nervously.

Sure enough, a moment later, Orange, Professor Oak, and Lemon had arrived at the place Orange had dreaded they were going to, the large white lab. It actually looked quite cool, shaped with delicate curves made of shimmering silver metal. Orange feared it anyway. Lemon took the lead, and reached her hand out to open the door, a band around her wrist. Orange picked up Buzzgo in his arms and closed his eyes as the door slowly opened with Lemon’s touch. He opened one eye into a wink, and saw Professor Ivy look toward the door, then jump four feet into the air as she launched into explanation about not being ready.

“Oh my god! Professor Oak! So sorry! Lost track of time! Completely forgot! Caught up with some idiot b-” she stopped. Her eyes fell on Orange, and she sneered at him.

“What is HE doing here?” she said, rudely.

“This boy? Mom, he helped save the professor’s life. How could you forget that he was coming? You told me just a little while ago to go get him…” Lemon said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Oh - Er… that was before, um… That was before this boy distracted me with healing my Raticate!” she fidgeted, then waved her arms during the second part of her alibi. She turned away with a “Hm!” Orange shuffled his feet sheepishly.

“I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding,” said Oak, then hopped as he saw the mentioned Raticate. “My goodness, that Raticate is red! Two shiny Pokémon in one day!?” he shouted happily.

“Er… the climate of the Orange Islands makes shiny Pokémon much more common than in other places…” said Professor Ivy quietly. She fidgeted her shiny red shoes as she did this, obviously upset at having dampened Professor Oak’s excitement.

“Well, that’s just as good! This is the sort of thing I came to the Orange Archipelago to learn!” he cried, grinning. He dug in his pocket and pulled out an orange device, a lot like the one Professor Ivy used to check Buzzgo’s attacks.

“Felina, it’s done!” he cried ecstatically. “The Dex is complete!” Oak and Ivy chattered quietly among themselves about the orange Pokédex, Ivy had obviously forgotten about being furious with Orange for the time being.

“The other was just a prototype,” said Lemon, easing Orange’s confused expression, “It was only made to give data about the Pokémon in the lab, and the three starters my mom usually gives out,” she explained.

“Your mom… usually gives out Elekids?” wondered Orange aloud. His own in his arms smiled, and Orange smiled back at it, then at Slowgo, who had followed behind them into the lab with Milton at its side. Oak had finished talking about the changes and bugs he had worked out from the Dex, and moved on to the main order of business, straightening the tie around his neck and fixing his posture to sound more official.

“Professor Ivy, could you fill up this Dex of the Orange Archipelago for me?” he said deeply. Ivy was stunned, she sort of stumbled of words for a moment, then announced “I’m sorry Samuel, I can’t.” Oak was taken aback, but Ivy continued. “I’ve got to take care of the lab, and Lemon, and -” She probably would have continued, had not the door shattered with a deafening crash and a twinkle of falling glass.

Three men in white uniforms stepped through the jagged and sharp doorway, gas masks on their faces. A blood red symbol was on each mans shirt, one that made Professor Oak’s heart freeze. Elekid’s fists sparked, and Orange quickly set him on the ground, where he stood ready to defend his trainer if necessary. Slowgo stepped up next to him, followed by Milton, the three forming a wall in front of the two trainers and the two professors who watched gaping at the scene. The intruder in the middle smirked from behind his mask, then, in a deep, booming voice, shouted ‘Go, Tangela!’. He chucked a black Ultraball into the air, where a Tangela appeared, lashing its tangled purple vines dangerously, a look of fury in his dark eyes.

Elekid lunged forward and swung his fist down for a Karate Chop on the Pokémon, but the blow never hit. A vine snapped out and whipped itself around the Elekid’s arm, disarming it. Elekid tried his other arm, but it ended up tangled in a knot like his right.

“Bi! Bi!” it shouted, struggling to free itself.

“Buzzgo!” Orange bellowed, and gritted his teeth.

“Slowgo, Psychic!” shouted Orange. Nothing happened. He looked at his Slowpoke, and realized that its eyes were glazed, even more so than usual. He followed the deep stare to the source, and gasped. The Tangela’s trainer laughed as Orange realized in horror that the Tangela was swaying a few of its vines slowly in front of its hidden face, hypnotizing Slowgo.

“Psychic!” Orange cried again furiously. Slowgo didn’t move. Buzzgo struggled more, and got his arms tangled more. Suddenly, Orange had an idea.

“Buzzgo, Thunderpunch!” he cried. Buzzgo grinned, and sparked his hands, wrapped entirely by Tangela’s vines. Electricity coursed through the Tangela, but it managed to hang on, and to avoid another blow, it’s vines loosened, and then the Tangela jumped back in a rage of twisted vines.

“Hm” said its trainer, angrily. He nodded at the man to his right, then the one to his left. From an Ultraball, Each sent out a Weepinbell, their gaping mouths twisted into a cruel smirk. The Weepinbells simultaneously wrapped the brown vine topping their bell shaped bodies around a vine on Tangela, then all at once, the three trainers shouted ‘Stun spore!’ The Weepinbells spewed a nauseous yellow powder from their mouths, and Tangela shook its body, releasing the spores from its core as its vines wriggled like snakes in the air. The spores joined, and a toxic blanket fell over Orange, Lemon, the two Professors, and their Pokémon. Lemon and her mother shrieked, and then the four of them fell into darkness as the gas mask-protected men wickedly laughed…

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The three men returned their Pokémon to their respective Pokéball, and signaled out the shattered glass door to more uniformed men outside. They clambered in, and began snatching things from Professor Ivy’s lab. In the middle of the room, a boy clad on orange, a girl clad in yellow, a woman with purple hair and a lab coat, and an old guy in a lab coat, lay next to an Elekid, a Slowpoke with a King’s Rock, a Miltank, and a red Raticate, all of them unconscious from a powerful Stun Spore attack.

One uniformed boy stood outside, concealing his deep fear of what he would see inside behind his neon green eyes. His eyes held no kindness, only bitterness, to the core. He kept them locked in a glare, the more anger he held in them, and the less fear he could show in them. He bit his lip angrily, until he almost bled, then stepped into the cool metal lab. He tried to keep his eyes away from the center, where he knew that if what he feared were in the lab, it would be. He examined the outer perimeter, half looking for anything to snatch. He pulled several specially designed Pokéballs from his uniform and captured several Paras, shaking with fear, from the habitat the professor had made them. He continued to skulk around the walls, capturing a pair of Midoran, and a shiny Vileplume. The man had patrolled the perimeter. Dread filled his mind as he slowly turned his head toward the center of the room. His face turned pale. The two people there… They couldn’t be…? He rushed back outside of the lab and waited for his colleagues to finish looting it.

Moments later, they emerged from the lab as well, carrying the bodies of the unconscious victims over their shoulders. Their arms dangled lifelessly in the air, and their legs dragged pathetically along the sand. The trainer’s Pokémon now lay stored in their Pokéballs on the belts of stranger trainers. The uniformed men dragged their hostages onto a sleek black cruise ship waiting in the bay. A blood red skull was painted on the side, identical to the one on each man’s uniform. The skull was strangely shaped, surely not human. The inside of the ship was basically the same as the outside, black and metallic, though with computers, robots, and other technology crammed into every inch of it. It was a wonder it stayed afloat. The man with the Tangela had his grunts drop off the two trainers in a dingy cell in their brig. The two professors were locked in another on the main floor. Their Pokéballs and other items of value were taken to their boss on the central control room. He stood in a black leather chair, obviously more comfortable then the cold metal ones the grunts around him sat on. The boy with the neon eyes stood in a dark corner of the room, then snuck from it to the brig where the two unconscious trainers were being imprisoned. He knew what he had to do. For his sister.

-Chapter 5-
-VS. Fearow!-

 

[Jade]

Wow, this is alot better than I see a few months ago. Keep it up the awesome work and I can't wait to read some more!

 

[Sk8tergirl9911]

hi
i just strated reading your fic and keep up the good work and please update when you are going to post the next chappie..

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=summergirl9911
;330; visit it and your life will be complete

;196; ya if you dont my friend is going to fry you.

 

[The Doctor]

So Professor Ivy gives out Elekids, huh? My guess is that this follows the strater trio so the Orange Island starters would be [SPOIL]Elekid, Magby and Smoochum.[/SPOIL]

OK, now this story is one fo the best I've read and I always support fanfics done in manga style or in the same universe as Pokemon Special (is this?). Ideas are original and in abundance, and yet the homages to the manga (particularly the nicknames!). Description is one to be improved however, and also when the Snubbulls went "nidonido" it got confusing. Try and match the sounds to the Pokemon.

But Elekid goes "bibibi" anyway.

 

[Feity]

Ahh! It's alive! *pokes it*
I realize I said before this chapter would be VS. Fearow, but there's been a change of plans.

-Chapter 5-
-VS. Zubat!-

Orange stirred. What had happened, again? He couldn’t move his arms. He moved his eyes a bit, but found he couldn’t quite get them open. Why was he so weak? He couldn’t even open his eyes! And so he lay there for a few moments, gathering energy, until finally he did. His vision was blurred, and it felt like everything was trying to move different directions at once. It was dizzying, and so he closed his eyes again. He blinked a couple times, until everything slowly became clear; He was in some sort of jail cell. He was propped awkwardly against a cold steel wall bolted together. Lemon lay to his side, still unconscious, and in front of him were steel bars placed mere inches apart from each other. Maybe he was still recovering from whatever it was that got him here, but was the room swaying? He tried to wake up Lemon, but found that his arms, too, were still limp and weak. A few moments later he slowly rose his arm and gently prodded Lemon’s arm. She stirred. Orange opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He tried again.

“Uhp-L-Lu… Lemon.” He formed the words with his mouth and tongue slowly and clumsily. It became more smooth and flowing. “Leh-Lemon. W-Wake up.” Orange saw Lemon’s eyelids flutter. He smiled. She was going through the exact same thing he did. Orange helped her sit up next to him against the steel wall. That was hard work.

“Wh-What happened?” said Lemon. Orange smiled.
“I dunno, but we’re both really, really weak. Let’s get some sleep,” he said.
“Is… Is the room… swaying?” asked Lemon, slowly looking around. Orange didn’t respond. She slowly turned her head toward him, and his eyes were closed. Somehow he had gathered enough strength to snore loudly and constantly. Lemon smiled. She closed her eyes. She slowly placed her head on Orange’s shoulder. And they slept.

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Orange awoke again, feeling not weak and deadish, but refreshed. When he awoke, Lemon was already up, pacing the room. She glared at him when Orange woke up.

“Oh, you’re finally up, you idiot! Are you aware of how loud you snore!?” she snapped. She had her finger right in Orange’s face. He laughed.

“So have you figured anything out yet?” he asked. Lemon nodded, but looked grim.

“As you can tell from the swaying… We’re on a boat,” she said. “And we’re in the brig, and my mother and Professor Oak are not here, and they took our Pokémon and gear,” she finished. Orange wigged out, and started patting himself down looking for his Pokéballs. He spun around several times, as if expecting Lemon to have missed them sitting in a corner, but alas, she hadn’t. ZPING!

“Waah!” yelled Orange. Something had soared inches from his face. He looked at the steel wall of the ship. A card was stabbed into the wall as if it were clay. “What on earth is this?” asked Orange to himself. He pulled on the card, but it wouldn’t come out. He looked nervously at Lemon. “Heh, my hands are sorta sweaty…” he mumbled. She raised an eyebrow. She strolled over to the wall and effortlessly pulled out the card. She handed it to Orange, smirking. He scowled. “I loosened it.”

“Oh suck up your pride and read the note,” said Lemon, laughing. Orange looked down. He hadn’t noticed a small piece of paper taped to the card. He read it aloud.

“This is the key to the cell. Your Pokémon and equipment are down the corridor in front of you and to the left. Get out of here, and do it quickly, carefully, and silently. From, a friend.” Orange finished. He looked up at Lemon. “I dunno about you, but I’ve never had a friend who’s knocked me out, stolen my stuff, and locked me in a cell on a boat headed towards God knows where.”

“Can you be serious for just one second?” asked Lemon. “Don’t answer that!” she added, as Orange opened his mouth. She took the note for Orange and flipped it over. “It doesn’t say anything about my mom or the professor…” she said sadly.

“Don’t be a greedy,” said Orange, “We’re lucky just to get this. Now lets do what it says and get out of here.”

“Are you sure we can trust this ‘friend’? It’s like you said, I doubt anyone who did this to us is a friend…” said Lemon. Orange put his hand on her arm.

“I know, but it’s the best chance we got,” he said. Lemon nodded. “Then let’s go.”

Orange slid his wrist through the bars, and managed to slide the keycard through the lock. Orange pulled his hand back out as the door creaked and slid out of their way. The captives tiptoed as quietly as they could to the end of the corridor. Orange peeked around the corner into a very dimly lit hall. Sure enough, lying on a small metal bench at the end of the hallway, was their gear and Pokéballs. Orange was about to dash over and grab them, when Lemon grabbed his hand to hold him back. She pointed next to their stuff, with her finger over her lips. Orange followed her eyes, and hanging upside-down in the rafters above the bench, was a Zubat. Orange very slowly and very quietly tiptoed toward the bench, and picked up his Pokémon and slowly reattached them to his belt. He tossed Lemon her backpack and Pokéballs, one of which she dropped. Orange winced, then cautiously looked up again at the Zubat, and noticed it had no eyes. “Oh, it’s blind!” he shouted.

The Zubat’s ears twitched. It opened its mouth wide, then suddenly; all Orange felt was pain. He would have done anything in the world to end the pain that seemed to be splitting his head. “RUN!” he tried to call, though he wasn’t sure if Lemon could even hear. She too had her fingers jammed into her ears, trying desperately to end the relentless Supersonic attack. He turned around and grabbed his back, which he quickly discovered was unzipped. The two eggs Orange had found his Elekid Buzzgo protecting fell out with a crash onto the floor. Orange feared for a moment that they would smash, and was relieved when he saw they were unharmed. Lemon scooped up one in her arms and ran, as Orange turned around to grab the other. He stopped abruptly. Skidding around the corner was a small team of the uniformed men, with the Zubat flying above them.

“They’re escaping!” one called. “Get them!” called another. Orange kept going to grab the egg, when Lemon grabbed his hand.

“Come on! We don’t have time!” he could vaguely hear her say.

“But the egg!” Orange shouted back. She grabbed him and they ran. Orange looked back as he ran, and saw a boy with a shadow over his face snatch the egg as they chased after the escaped prisoners. They came to a fork to the end of a corridor. “Uh, this way!” Orange shouted, and they took the left path. Orange had noticed that the Supersonic had died down a bit. Had they escaped their captors? Orange and Lemon ran up a small flight of stairs, and down another corridor, until they finally saw light leaking through the cracks around a small hatch in the ceiling.

They opened the hatch, and met a dazzling flash of sunlight. They were surrounded on all sides by deep blue ocean. Normally the ocean was a place of comfort for Orange, but now, it made him feel isolated and hopeless. Lemon closed the hatch behind them, and the pair ducked behind the cabin of the ship. Orange removed his two Pokéballs from his belt, and looked sadly at his Pokémon through the transparent red dome tops. Slowgo’s eyes were wide and frightened, and Buzzgo’s were distant and depressed. “I’m sorry buddy,” said Orange to Buzzgo, “We lost one of the eggs.” Buzzgo lowered his head sadly. “But we saved the other one,” Orange said, looking at the egg Lemon clutched in her arms. Suddenly, there was a crack. A deep ridge made its way down the egg in Lemon’s arms. Smaller cracks branched off, until the egg was covered with cracks. The egg fell apart, revealing the small monster inside…\

-Chapter 6-
-VS. Lapras!-

 

[CWisgood]

<3 <3 <3

I wonder who sent the card.

 

[Astinus]

Well, I read the whole thing. Frankly, my dear, I'm impressed. You seem to have a talent in writing. I'm liking your story so far.

The one problem with it is that I find it a little...bland. There aren't any emotions being shown from the characters. Thus, I as a reader don't feel anything either. Describe what Orange feels in a situation. Though, this might just be your writing style.

Good luck to you on this. And I really hope that you get more readers. *poke poke*

 

[Feity]

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll definitly try to add more thoughts and feelings in the future.

 

[FireTrainer92]

This is good I need to make mine as good

 

[SuperDude]

Wow, this is pretty good, keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to finding out whats in the eggs though!

 

[Jade]

Whoa...at least it back now! Keep it up the great work as I LOVE this fanfic :3