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Pokemon Orre: Snagem Rising

What do you think of this fic?


  • Total voters
    4

Morpher01

Bewear my power
Heya, heya, heya! Orion-Sama's fic inspired me to do this.






Prologue:



Team Snagem, one of two teams of evil in Orre, was once nothing more than an annoyance to the people of the fourth region. They were controlled by the stronger, darker likes of the other team, Team Cipher.

Gonzap, Snagem’s leader, had only gone with this willingly on one condition: that Cipher make them special machines that steal Pokemon from their trainers during a battle. Cipher complied, developing the device and dubbing it the “Snag Machine”.

Only one portable Snag Machine was made, and the prototype was given to Snagem to test it. That prototype was stolen by a former member of Snagem, named Wes. Wes blew up the hideout using a cleverly-placed bomb, and not only was Snagem’s Echo Canyon hideout destroyed, but the prototype Snag Machine was stolen.

Gonzap was furious. Some of Cipher’s Shadow Pokemon, fighting machines made by artificially closing the door to a Pokemon’s heart, were stolen by Wes, who utilized the Snag Machine and the special ability of a girl named Rui, who could see the black aura that Shadow Pokemon emanate, to attempt to take down Cipher. If Cipher went down, then so did Snagem.

Cipher offered Gonzap the chance for revenge. In return for a Shadow Skarmory, Gonzap would get rid of Wes. Gonzap was defeated, however, and his Shadow Skarmory Snagged by Wes. Gonzap acknowledged defeat, and allowed Wes to continue and defeat Cipher’s second-in-command, Nascour, and Cipher’s leader, Evice, who posed as the mayor of the City of Water, Phenac City.

Five years after Wes defeated Evice and Cipher with him, a new leader took hold: Greevil. His two sons, Ardos and Eldes, were admins in the new Cipher. Greevil stole a Lugia from the second region, Johto, and turned it into a Shadow Pokemon, showing all of Orre that Cipher was back, bigger and better than before.

Greevil used the newly created Shadow Lugia, dubbed XD001 by Cipher, to steal a large cruise ship, called the S. S Libra. The Libra had a cargo of eighty-four Pokemon aboard it, one of which was from a fifth region. XD001 brought the ship to Citadark Isle, Cipher’s new headquarters, emptied all the Pokemon, and, so as not to leave clues to the authorities, dumped what remained of the ship in a desert. What was unknown to all of them was that the fifth region Pokemon was left on the ship. It was called Bonsly, and it was a pre-evolution of a Johto Pokemon, Sudowoodo.

A new hero had to rise and take the place of Wes: Michael, a boy even younger than Wes. Michael’s Eevee was the only Pokemon he had, and it had been his father’s, who had passed away, but not before giving Michael his Eevee.

Michael lived at a laboratory run by a man named Professor Krane. Michael’s little sister, Jovi, and his mother, Lily, lived there as well. Michael trained much, and became the strongest trainer in Orre, defeating Cipher members left and right.

As expected, word reached around Orre of Michael’s efforts. The only part of it that reached the ears of Gonzap was the fact that Krane developed his own Snag Machine for Michael, and Gonzap wanted it to attempt to restart Team Snagem.

Michael went to the deserted Libra to find the Bonsly at the request of an old man and his granddaughter, only to be ambushed by several Snagem members, and to have his Snag Machine stolen. Michael went to the Snagem Hideout to retrieve the Snag Machine, which Gonzap gave willingly to him.

There were two reasons why Gonzap gave Michael back his Snag Machine. Number one was that Michael was trying to bring down Cipher, who Gonzap wanted revenge on so much. The second and final reason was that the Snag Machine was too small for Gonzap’s large and bulky arms.

Gonzap assisted Michael in infiltrating Cipher’s Shadow Pokemon factory by putting two guards to sleep using a grunt’s Gloom’s Sleep Powder. Michael defeated the admin known as Gorigan and shut down the Shadow Pokemon factory, preventing Cipher from making any more Shadow Pokemon.

Eventually, Michael took down Cipher, and defeated Greevil. All was at peace again…

…until now. A new leader killed Gonzap and took the mantle of Team Snagem’s leadership. This leader, named Dacker, had much more vision than Gonzap ever did. Dacker planned to increase Snagem’s power and rule the world. He promoted several grunts to admins and a second-in-command, now becoming an organization worthy of rivaling Cipher. Cipher had been defeated for the final time…

…and Snagem was about to take their place as the darkest team in Orre, aiming to control as many Shadow Pokemon as possible.

******

Please read, review and rate!
 
Last edited:

Deathborn_606

Power of the mind
All right I don't like this for one reason. We don't know all of what happens during The Uprise Of Cipher so how can somebody make a fic based off a story which isn't even close to being completed. I'd say continue this if you desire but IMO I don't think it's a really good idea.
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
Way too much backstory to hold interest. All you did was summarize ideas that we know from playing the games/reading the other fics. You should start your story with some action. All this fic did was remind me of Return of the Native. It was boring.

I did find no mistakes, so that's good.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
It's enjoyable. I have an addiction to Orre and Shadow Pokémon fics, so that's good with me. I do agree, however, that you could use more action---having Gonzap killed off in the first act was a start, but it needs more. I suspect you will have plenty of action soon, though, so I'm not worried.
 

Morpher01

Bewear my power
Okay, look...this is my first time doing something like this, and I'm glad that SOMEONE actually likes it.

Anyway....could everyone hold off their opinions until the first chapter? After I post that, you can bash me with the Hammers of Critisism.
 
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