To be completely honest, you really are pissing me off now. No, you are not intelligent. Here's what you would do IF you had an IQ of at OVER 9000! er 65. You would listen to Yami Ryu, who is a way better writer than you. Then you would read the ****ing rules. I did and I became a better writer(sort of). Stop badmouthing him because he's a better writer.
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Pokemon Protectors 3!
- Thread starter MagicMew
- Start date
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houndoom15
Pokémon Writer To Be
^ Complete truth, right up there.
I'll give you some ways to improve, because I like to help people.
Stop writing.
Seriously though, that would improve this story a lot, if you just, stopped. Maybe you could take up basketweaving or something? And please, don't post pictures or anything.
I'll give you some ways to improve, because I like to help people.
Stop writing.
Seriously though, that would improve this story a lot, if you just, stopped. Maybe you could take up basketweaving or something? And please, don't post pictures or anything.
Chapter 2-The Adventures In Pastoria City!
The seven EeveeEvolutions had finally, after hours, made it to Pastoria City. But strangely, there was something wrong... Everything was a blackish color. And Pastoria City was deserted. No sign of life at all besides the seven pokemon travelers... except hidden in the shadows... was a large creature. The seven friends walked into the shadows to investigate it.
In an instant, they were blasted away. And the noise of the blast was oddly familiar... They all realized it. They were struck by a Shadow Blast! An eerie pokemon stepped out,
his face was pure terror. His arms looked as though they could thrust you miles away. His body had a strange shape ... almost as if a mouth was placed on his stomach... And, he had no legs or tail. He was a shadowy black color, with piercing red eyes.
This... was a Dusknoir. Dusknoir spoke to the seven EeveeEvolutions under the night sky, "Well, well, well, what took you so long?"
Dusknoir smirked at the fact that they were beginning to realize what he meant by that statement.
And they knew who he was, a Darkness Army Warrior! But he explained that he wasn't.
"Oh, so you think I'm a pretty little fighter? Well... think again! I am not a Warrior, I am, a commander!"
Jolteon replied to his terrifying words, "Commander? What are you talking about?"
Dusknoir smirked again as he knew of their stupidity to the Army. He spoke, "There are Warriors... and there are Commanders... then there are the Beasts... and then there is the Lord of Darkness. It's that simple. Now, there are 3 commanders, I am Commander #3. So if you wish to fight me. You'd better find the other 2 Commanders."
Dusknoir smirked yet again and used Teleport, quickly escaping.
The seven travelers were shocked. But there shock quickly ended when they realized Dusknoir left them a little present, 7 Sableye!
Jolteon battled fiercely against the evil Sableye. So did everyone else. Then, the battles split into one on one.
Flareon delivered a burning Flamethrower, but the Sableye still stood. The Sableye unleashed a deadly Fury Swipes, cutting though Flareon's fur, and nearly, his neck. Flareon fought back with another Flamethrower, giving Sableye harsh scorch marks and finally, Sableye feel over.
Vaporeon used Ice Beam, blasting Sableye with a cold chill. Sableye used Dark Pulse, pushing Vaporeon back a few feet. Vaporeon quickly used one of her most powerful attacks : Hydro Pump! It completely wiped out Sableye. Two down, five to go.
Jolteon used Thunderbolt. It shocked Sableye for a few seconds. But Sableye wouldn't go down that easy. Sableye pierced Jolteon's skin with a razor sharp Shadow Claw, Jolteon couldn't fight back as good now, but he still could fight back anyway! He let loose a Shock Wave on Sableye throwing Sableye to the ground.
Glaceon tried to use an Ice Beam but Sableye quickly dodged it. Glaceon tried again, but to no avail, this was a very fast Sableye. Sableye used Shadow Ball, Glaceon fell to the ground but got back up and tried her Ice Beam once more, it hit and it was a knockout!
Leafeon tried his Razor Leaf, but only a few leaves hit Sableye, who immediately responded with a menacing Night Slash! Leafeon was badly hurt. From the ground, he used a move tha Sableye wouldn't soon forget. The earth shaked. Then, an enormous spiky plant began growing from out of the dirt. Leafeon had unleashed his fury. It was Frenzy Plant! Sableye was unconscious after a branch of the still growing plant grabbed his throat and dropped him.
Umbreon used Shadow Ball, Sableye used a Shadow Ball, it looked as though they were evenly matched for power. But Umbreon was smarter. Each used Shadow Ball again, but when Sableye threw his Shadow Ball at Umbreon, Umbreon held on to his. He used his Shadow Ball to deflect Sableye's, then launched his Shadow Ball before Sableye could used it again. One Sableye left.
Espeon tried every weapon in her arsenal, but to no avail, as Sableye was invincible to her. Sableye got up close and Shadow Clawed Espeon, Espeon had a plan now. Espeon ran up to Sableye and unleashed her Psychic up close, it was a hit. And Espeon finished off the last Sableye. The fights were all over. The seven EeveeEvolutions had won and the Sableye ran off. They ran off... towards Mt. Coronet...
They explored the town and realized the reason it was deserted. It was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep in their beds!
Jolteon moaned, "Ugh. I guess we'll spend the night here."
The following morning, they all woke up bright and early, which was, two hours after they went to sleep!
They walked to the Pokemart and got some supplies : food, water, a fold-able tent, and some juices and elixirs.
The seven pokemon decided it would be best to spend one more night in Pastoria City.
The next day, they set off on their quest once more. Their next destination : Veilstone City!
It was on the way to Veilstone City that they decided on a new path : Go to Veilstone City, then just go west to Hearthome City. It was better than going all the way back to Pastoria, then going up to Hearthome City. This way, their trip would be shorter. And that would be a good thing to have, a shorter journey.
As they continued to travel towards towards Veilstone City, there was a little surprise waiting in the shadows... it looked like an ugly cat. Wait, it IS a ugly cat! Out of the shadows stepped a ferocious Purugly...
The Purugly spoke, "Ah... so you've beaten Dusknoir's Sableye already? It's a pity, if you took more time, you could've lived longer... but now! You shall perish before, ... the first Commander!"
All seven pokemon were shocked beyond belief. Shocked, because now, they must face a deadly foe, the first Commander.....
The seven EeveeEvolutions had finally, after hours, made it to Pastoria City. But strangely, there was something wrong... Everything was a blackish color. And Pastoria City was deserted. No sign of life at all besides the seven pokemon travelers... except hidden in the shadows... was a large creature. The seven friends walked into the shadows to investigate it.
In an instant, they were blasted away. And the noise of the blast was oddly familiar... They all realized it. They were struck by a Shadow Blast! An eerie pokemon stepped out,
his face was pure terror. His arms looked as though they could thrust you miles away. His body had a strange shape ... almost as if a mouth was placed on his stomach... And, he had no legs or tail. He was a shadowy black color, with piercing red eyes.
This... was a Dusknoir. Dusknoir spoke to the seven EeveeEvolutions under the night sky, "Well, well, well, what took you so long?"
Dusknoir smirked at the fact that they were beginning to realize what he meant by that statement.
And they knew who he was, a Darkness Army Warrior! But he explained that he wasn't.
"Oh, so you think I'm a pretty little fighter? Well... think again! I am not a Warrior, I am, a commander!"
Jolteon replied to his terrifying words, "Commander? What are you talking about?"
Dusknoir smirked again as he knew of their stupidity to the Army. He spoke, "There are Warriors... and there are Commanders... then there are the Beasts... and then there is the Lord of Darkness. It's that simple. Now, there are 3 commanders, I am Commander #3. So if you wish to fight me. You'd better find the other 2 Commanders."
Dusknoir smirked yet again and used Teleport, quickly escaping.
The seven travelers were shocked. But there shock quickly ended when they realized Dusknoir left them a little present, 7 Sableye!
Jolteon battled fiercely against the evil Sableye. So did everyone else. Then, the battles split into one on one.
Flareon delivered a burning Flamethrower, but the Sableye still stood. The Sableye unleashed a deadly Fury Swipes, cutting though Flareon's fur, and nearly, his neck. Flareon fought back with another Flamethrower, giving Sableye harsh scorch marks and finally, Sableye feel over.
Vaporeon used Ice Beam, blasting Sableye with a cold chill. Sableye used Dark Pulse, pushing Vaporeon back a few feet. Vaporeon quickly used one of her most powerful attacks : Hydro Pump! It completely wiped out Sableye. Two down, five to go.
Jolteon used Thunderbolt. It shocked Sableye for a few seconds. But Sableye wouldn't go down that easy. Sableye pierced Jolteon's skin with a razor sharp Shadow Claw, Jolteon couldn't fight back as good now, but he still could fight back anyway! He let loose a Shock Wave on Sableye throwing Sableye to the ground.
Glaceon tried to use an Ice Beam but Sableye quickly dodged it. Glaceon tried again, but to no avail, this was a very fast Sableye. Sableye used Shadow Ball, Glaceon fell to the ground but got back up and tried her Ice Beam once more, it hit and it was a knockout!
Leafeon tried his Razor Leaf, but only a few leaves hit Sableye, who immediately responded with a menacing Night Slash! Leafeon was badly hurt. From the ground, he used a move tha Sableye wouldn't soon forget. The earth shaked. Then, an enormous spiky plant began growing from out of the dirt. Leafeon had unleashed his fury. It was Frenzy Plant! Sableye was unconscious after a branch of the still growing plant grabbed his throat and dropped him.
Umbreon used Shadow Ball, Sableye used a Shadow Ball, it looked as though they were evenly matched for power. But Umbreon was smarter. Each used Shadow Ball again, but when Sableye threw his Shadow Ball at Umbreon, Umbreon held on to his. He used his Shadow Ball to deflect Sableye's, then launched his Shadow Ball before Sableye could used it again. One Sableye left.
Espeon tried every weapon in her arsenal, but to no avail, as Sableye was invincible to her. Sableye got up close and Shadow Clawed Espeon, Espeon had a plan now. Espeon ran up to Sableye and unleashed her Psychic up close, it was a hit. And Espeon finished off the last Sableye. The fights were all over. The seven EeveeEvolutions had won and the Sableye ran off. They ran off... towards Mt. Coronet...
They explored the town and realized the reason it was deserted. It was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep in their beds!
Jolteon moaned, "Ugh. I guess we'll spend the night here."
The following morning, they all woke up bright and early, which was, two hours after they went to sleep!
They walked to the Pokemart and got some supplies : food, water, a fold-able tent, and some juices and elixirs.
The seven pokemon decided it would be best to spend one more night in Pastoria City.
The next day, they set off on their quest once more. Their next destination : Veilstone City!
It was on the way to Veilstone City that they decided on a new path : Go to Veilstone City, then just go west to Hearthome City. It was better than going all the way back to Pastoria, then going up to Hearthome City. This way, their trip would be shorter. And that would be a good thing to have, a shorter journey.
As they continued to travel towards towards Veilstone City, there was a little surprise waiting in the shadows... it looked like an ugly cat. Wait, it IS a ugly cat! Out of the shadows stepped a ferocious Purugly...
The Purugly spoke, "Ah... so you've beaten Dusknoir's Sableye already? It's a pity, if you took more time, you could've lived longer... but now! You shall perish before, ... the first Commander!"
All seven pokemon were shocked beyond belief. Shocked, because now, they must face a deadly foe, the first Commander.....
Hm now where did I put it.
Oh yes. Here it is.
The You Fail Button for you see, you failed. Again. You made yet another short chapter, lacking in what even Hanako has kindly told you to elaborate on, and develop. You rushed another battle into seven paragraphs, one paragraph for each battle, but very, very rushed. You didn't describe anything, you didn't explain why in a pure pokemon world there are cities. You didn't describe them as ruins even, you did nothing but, make another short, lacking in quality chapter.
That and I bet I can throw this at a mod, she tells you the exact same thing, and all you do is Oh it was my brother that spammed. Oh it was my brother that posted. Oh it was my brother than insulted. Oh it wasn't me, never me, I'll get better, honest. and you don't and you just spam.
Edit: No wait, several of the paragraphs can't even be called that.
Oh yes. Here it is.
The You Fail Button for you see, you failed. Again. You made yet another short chapter, lacking in what even Hanako has kindly told you to elaborate on, and develop. You rushed another battle into seven paragraphs, one paragraph for each battle, but very, very rushed. You didn't describe anything, you didn't explain why in a pure pokemon world there are cities. You didn't describe them as ruins even, you did nothing but, make another short, lacking in quality chapter.
That and I bet I can throw this at a mod, she tells you the exact same thing, and all you do is Oh it was my brother that spammed. Oh it was my brother that posted. Oh it was my brother than insulted. Oh it wasn't me, never me, I'll get better, honest. and you don't and you just spam.
Edit: No wait, several of the paragraphs can't even be called that.
houndoom15
Pokémon Writer To Be
^ well Yami ryu, I gues we can't really "help" or "criticise" anymore, because apparently his brother's written the entire story.
Oh god,listen,that Bye! thing in authors cafe was him,the pokemon protectors 4 was him,and the insulting of yami ryu was him, (i hate him how he was insulting you like that)
my brother also decided to nearly fake a chapter 2,the real one is not called Strike of ______,i just told him they would fight someone in chapter 2,thats why he didnt know what to put.Please. I posted the real one.
Ok.I will stop writing.Sorry if I wasted your time.
my brother also decided to nearly fake a chapter 2,the real one is not called Strike of ______,i just told him they would fight someone in chapter 2,thats why he didnt know what to put.Please. I posted the real one.
Ok.I will stop writing.Sorry if I wasted your time.
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