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Pokemon: School Version

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by MidnightFennekin, Jan 12, 2013.

  1. MidnightFennekin

    MidnightFennekin Furfrou Fanatic

    Hey guys! Well this is my first Fanfic, and I've decided to make a Fanfic with a twist: I'll be accepting fan characters! You need to post five things. (Six for a Teacher) Species, Nature, Ability, Four Moves and Birthday (and subject taught for a Teacher: only three allowed for each subject.) (Anything older than 18 will be a teacher or heldback, and under 8s will not be accepted.)

    EDIT: Fave Class and a Bio are now also required.

    Now here's the rules: No Legends, No Shinies and evoloutions must be relavent to age (8-12: None Evoloved 12-16: First Evo 16-20+ Final Evo). Fennekin, Froakie and Fennekin cannot be shiny, don't post abilities (we never know) but they are allowed natures and b-day. Not allowed to be over 16 for these 3, and Yvetal and Xernas will be denied, even for the first poster.

    Send your characters to me via VM, and note that this Isn't Role Play. You just send in your character and I'll write about them. First person to request a character is allowed a Legend, Second a Shiny and Third person the Headteacher/Principal. Please VM, so others can see your post: I don't want to others to think they're first and stuff like that.

    Subjects:

    Geography
    Computing
    Battling (Instead of PE)
    PokeHistory (Think of RME and History put fused)
    Beauty
    Poke-Languages (Foreign Langugues and English)
    Science
    Drama
    Maths (The one nobody likes)
    Art
    Music

    Each will have a pre-made member.

    Now let's get this story started!

    PM List:
    None


    Chapter 0: Prolouge

    Jordan was really excited, today he'd join the prestigous Pokemon Academy! He quickly rushed out the door, completely ignoring Aunt Claire's (A Ninetales) warning ("Never battle a Water-Type!"). He ran so fast he ran into (literally) his cousins, Dylan (A Zorua) and Chloe (A shiny Ninetales), who had left earlier.

    "Hey Jordan! I know it's your first day, but don't get too excited!" Chloe calmly said to her cousin in her soothing voice.

    "Yeah, It's my first day aswell cuz! You don't see me bouncing like an Igglybuff!" Dylan chimed in.

    "Sorry, I've heard so much great things about it!" Jordan apolagized.

    Ten Minutes Later, After a Quick Stop At Burrito Shack...

    "So, here we are!" Chloe stated.

    Both Jordan and Dylan were amazed at the sheer size of the building: About 4 four floors they guessed, walls of gold, silver and platinum encrusted with crystals, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, diamonds and pearls! The Black and White marble stairs were trapped at either sides by bushes: A yellow one witn red flowers, the other green with blue flowers. A huge sign hanged at the entrance: XY

    Chloe laughed at both fox Pokemon's amazed gazes.

    "What does XY mean?" Dylan askded, curious.

    "It's the schools... Ummm it's.... I don't know, nobody does!" Chloe admitted.

    "Come on, let's go inside!" Jordan interupted, racing inside.

    While the family entered the school, they were unaware of something that would change their lives forever.

    Somewhere far away, a firerce battle was occuring. A powerful avian Pokemon tried to scratch a graceful deer Pokemon with it's clawed tail, but th deer replied with a powerful attack with it's antler...




    Sorry the prolouge/chapter was short, but I only wrote the neccesary stuff. the first proper chapter will be released sometime next week. Bye! (Sorry for bad spelling and stuff, my Microsoft WOrd's been acting up!)

    Mysterious Deer
    Mystery Avian
    Jordan (Fennekin)
    Chloe (Ninetales*)
    Claire (Ninetales)
    Dylan (Zorua)
     
  2. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Just note that while prologues can be under the limit, chapters need to be 2 pages minimum for these forums.

    User-submitted characters aren't usually the best idea, because then you're writing with characters you may not really know (or may not be exactly as the creator would imagine them). With canon characters you have various pieces to work with (quotes in the games, team, maybe their set up in the anime/manga as well), but here it'd just be what is said by the creator in a PM. Usually it's easier and more effective to write something you come up with.
    Use something else then to check spelling/grammar. There's online tools via google search, and also stuff like Openoffice (free to use) or Google Docs (also free to use, online storage of files as well). Proofreading should also be done too, as stuff like missing full stops, 'askded' and 'apolagized' ought to be picked up upon before posting.


    I'd advise against adding details like that in brackets for a few reasons. For one, it interrupts the flow of the story and reminds the reader this is a story. It is what makes the difference to a written story to one told quickly by a friend on the street who keeps adding in details on the go (the stuff in the brackets). It also falls short in terms of description - what do they look like? What about the personality of the characters? How did they react to the collision - did they all fall over, shout a bit, etc? Consider describing more with what things look like and more importantly how things happen rather than just including notes in brackets like that.
    Timeskips like this don't usually work out well - again, it breaks the pacing of the story. It also comes off as rather random (why...a burrito shack?) and unfunny.

    Lastly, it's = it is, rather than its (possessive) which is what you wanted to use in a few cases at the end.


    Some things to think about anyways. Take more time to edit and try to expand on parts of the story as it comes off as too rushed as-is with the simple errors and lack of description.
     
  3. MidnightFennekin

    MidnightFennekin Furfrou Fanatic


    Thanks, I'm sure thanks to your words that I'll become a better author! When I first saw that you'd posted, I thought that It got closed :p




    Anyway, I'll have to delay it by a few days: My school's planning on having trips early next year and all this planning is exhausting. But It will definetly be posted by next wednesday.
     

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