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Pokemon Star [PG-13]

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
Pokemon Star!
A V3 Crossover Fiction!
((Get ready to kick it Konata style!))

Title: Pokemon Star!
Genre: Crossover/Humor fic
Crossover: Lucky Star + Pokemon
Rating: [PG 13 for: Crude/slightly perverted humor, fantasy violence, and slight suggestive themes that are probably innocent but still mentionable XD]

Chapter 1: Summer's Night

Tick tock, tick tock the clock's hands moved as the time sluggishly passed. The blue haired Konata fell half asleep, listening to her teacher's lecture about appropriate behavior over summer vacation. Konata honestly could not care less, which was why she was constantly pushing her head back up to keep from falling asleep.

"And remember, you are all still students, so stay on your best behavior and do your summer homework," the teacher warned to the students.

The bell rung and Konata suddenly alive with energy, dashed out the door before anybody else could get up. Konata quickly gathered her things and went out to greet her friends. She looked at her friends who just noticed Konata coming. Konata was definitely very small for a 16 year old. Konata was definitely not the standard when it came to size, or puberty for that matter.

"Hello Konata, are you ready for summer break?" Miyuki asked, her long, shiny pink hair fluttering in the breeze while her thick, circular glasses covered her eyes.

"Hello Miyuki," Konata responded. "I'm ready for summer break, but I'm not sure tubby is," Konata teased to Kagami.

"Shut it Konata!" Kagami threatened back while her two purple pigtails jumped up with rage.

"Uh, so, should we plan anything over the summer?" Tsukasa asked her short purple hair and her cute little bow gently blowing in the summer breeze.

Tsukasa and Kagami were twins. They were very different though, Kagami being the smart one and Tsukasa being the not intelligent one of the two. They also had very different hair styles and usually act in an opposite manner to the same situation. Kagami is usually annoyed at Konata because of her wise remarks.

"Meh, don't bother Tsukasa, I'm happy that I'll see less of Konata anyway," Kagami whispered to Tsukasa.

"Oh, never mind then, we'll just plan something later, see you two!" Tsukasa said as she boarded the train with her twin.

Meanwhile Miyuki and Konata went their separate ways. Konata walked down until she found her port to go to her home. It took awhile since it was one of the last ports. Not only that, but, Konata's house was located a far way away from the city where her school was, so she usually had to board the train. Konata got on the train, and soon, it left for the destination nearest to her house. The train's lights were messed up, so the lights ominously flickered off. Soon, Konata became tired, and fell asleep. This time, it was different; she started to have a dream.

"What is going on?" Konata thought to herself as she stood floating in the void.

A dull pink dragon ominously stood as its almost white wings flared with ominous power. A blue dragon that stood on four legs and lacked wings, but merely had a fan-like white tail roared to try and intimidate his eternal opponent. His metallic crest pulsed with blue power as his metal encased feet stomped, teasing his pink enemy to come closer. The pink dragon stood as the pearls lodged in its shoulers pulsed with energy before zooming off with a surprisingly agile pace despite its gigantic proportions.

Palkia and Dialga merely glimpsed at the short cerulean haired girl before they continued their ever raging battle for power. Dialga roared using its time powers; it missed entirely as Palkia flew to the side of the attack. Dialga stepped back and then had to stand still as Palkia prepared a gigantic spacial rend. The spacial rend missed miserably as it collided with the barrier separating the pokemon world from the human world, the spacial rend caused it to deteriorate, making a portal between the Pokemon and human worlds start to open.

What does this . . .? Konata thought to herself before she woke up and realized she was at her stop.

Konata got off and walked about half a mile, contemplating what she had just seen. She had no trouble believing it; it would just be the trouble of explaining to her father about the dream that she had experienced.

Yutaka had been at home sick, and was lying in bed. The frail, short, red haired girl looked like a ten year old despite the fact that she was fourteen. She saw that Konata was coming near her bed, so she sat up, but just fell back down from being so weak.

"Good afternoon . . . Konata," Yutaka hoarsely greeted Konata.

"I'm sorry you're sick; have you had a dream lately of some kind of portal opening?" Konata asked her little cousin.

"Yes, I have, I saw some pink and blue creature fighting each other, I was telling them to stop, but they didn't" Yutaka whispered weakly.

Meanwhile, Kagami and Tsukasa came home. They left their books on their desks and turned on the lights to realize that something had occurred that was definitely not of their doing.

"Spiri, spiritomb" a Spiritomb called in Kagami's room.

"Konata, what the crap did you do this time!?!" Kagami yelled.

Tsukasa heard Kagami yell near by, but she did not really mind. She turned on her light and saw nothing on her bed, so she looked up on the ceiling.

"Oh my goodness, you're the cutest squirrel ever!" Tsukasa said, excited that there was a Pachirisu in her room.

"Pachi!" the cute Pachirisu called as it jumped down onto the floor to reveal itself.

Pachirisu stood up. Her tail was long and had a blue stripe that ran down it. She had small buckteeth that stuck out that made her seem even cuter than Tsukasa had once assumed. Pachirisu's blue checks glowed with electrical power.

Konata, after talking to her little cousin, Yutaka, she went into her room and turned on the lights to see her bed sheets turned into a nest of some sort with a chimchar resting in it. It was orange and had mischievous blue eyes that looked at Konata happily.

"I'm in, heaven," Konata thought to herself before she did a victory dance and picked up the Chimchar.

Miyuki was walking the rest of the way to her house, she noticed that her mother was not home, so Miyuki got out the key out of her tote bag, and opened the door to her large house. She walked inside and walked upstairs.

"I wonder I hear something, what could it be?" Miyuki thought to herself as she turned on the lights in her room.

"Swablu!" a Swablu chirped excitedly as it fluttered on its puffy wings to Miyuki.

"Hello birdie; I'll take care of you don't worry," Miyuki calmed the bird down as the Swablu perched on her chest. "Um, birdie, please don't perch there, perch on my head please," Miyuki asked kindly as the Swablu flew up and perched on her head to look like a puffy white hat.

Miyuki then realized that she should probably get information on this bird that flew into her room so; she went out with her bird and walked down the slope. The street was bustling with rush hour workers running past, the cracked side walk made Miyuki’s walking slightly louder than normal as she was still in her uniform shoes. After passing many homes, she finally arrived at the local pet store. She touched the bell daintily and gently as it rang with a cute tone. She opened the door as her Swablu perched on her shoulder; unfortunately, there was a line to get to the store manager.

“This is a bit of a dilemma; I should probably wait in line if I ever want to know what you are. But first, I think I’ll name you Swabby,” Miyuki explained to Swabby the Swablu.

“Swab,” Swabby chirped.

Miyuki waited in line for about forty five minutes. During that time, she looked at the other people and their pets. They all resembled the Pokemon that she saw in one of Konata’s video games. Miyuki looked through her glasses nervously as she put two and two together and realized that the Pokemon had materialized into the real human world somehow. She then gave a perplexed look as she thought to herself and left the store.

Kagami stared at the Spiritomb for a bit and it stared at her. They were trying to intimidate each other, but that apparently was not working well. They stared at each other for hours until Tsukasa entered with her Pachirisu. Kagami could not help but turn around as her eyes twitched in slight jealousy in anger considering she got a prettier pokemon than her.

“Tsukasa, get out!” Kagami commanded with jealousy and anger as her eyes flashed with a tint of her rage.

Despite their slight dislike at each other, Spiritomb seconded the motion for Tsukasa to get the hell out of her room. Spiritomb made a malevolent face and cried in a weird language of the spirits. Tsukasa, frightened along with her Pachirisu, ran out of the room and tripped over her own slippers.

“What the crud was that for Pachirisu?” Tsukasa asked her Pachirisu, scared about Kagami and her flash of anger.

“I don’t know, she’s probably crossed over to the dark side,” Konata cut in as she opened the door to Tsukasa’s room abruptly.

Konata felt like saying something about her Chimchar. She told her dad she was taking a little trip and that she would be back at about nine p.m. or so. Her father was too busy playing a dating simulation to even notice her leave the door. Konata took the train station again to get to her house. The lights were dimly lit, and she had fallen asleep. Fortunately she did not have the same dream as two hours earlier. Konata arrived at Tsukasa and Kagami’s house and knocked on the door. Tsukasa’s mother came home before and let Konata in just thinking she was there to play video games.

But where was Chimchar the whole time? Konata wore a coat to hide Chimchar, a very smart move, considering that her dad’s coats went all the way down to slightly past her knees since she was short. It was Konata’s perfectly sneaky little plan. As Tsukasa and Pachirisu looked at shock in Konata, Tsukasa’s eyes completely widened as she fell over from surprise when an orange monkey came flying out of Konata’s oversized coat pocket.

“Meet Chimchar!” Konata exclaimed happily as she smiled childishly.

“Konata, why the crap is this abomination in my room Konata, you have some explaining to do you idiot!?!” Kagami yelled as she raised her fist up while Konata turned around with a face that was worthy of an Oscar nomination for the most hilariously sarcastic face ever.
“Kagami, the reason is, you have a demonic soul that is destined to get an evil pokemon like Spiritomb,” Konata changed the expression on her face from sarcastic to a cheeky smile.

“Umm, excuse me girls, can you quiet down please, I’m trying to make dinner here,” the twins’ mom came up and interrupted as the pokemon quickly ran for the hall closet and hid like there was no tomorrow.

“Sure, sorry to bother you Mom. I’ll help you with dinner,” Kagami calmed herself down as she went down with her mom to make dinner.
 
Last edited:

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
((Get ready to kick it Konata style!))
Heck yeah! =D ...Um, hehe I'm a Lucky Star fan, so yeah. ;P

Anyways, seems like you improved the description (both on emtions and physical) quite a bit than from the preview thread. Like how you did the emotions of the characters and have them react how they're surprosed to. Another thing I like is how you made them in character. That's why I love the girls in the anime. ^^

There are a couple things I want to mention. First off, there are times you capitalized the Pokemon's names and there are times you didn't. Usually the writer would do either one. Also, I always thought Tsukasa as an innocent cute little girl and I don't think I remember her cussed in the show before. o_O; And third, it seems like you are writing as you go and not really planning out how to break up the story into chapters (the disclaimer "to be continued"). Usually stories have "Chapter One" to break up the story into chapters and also one of the rules say to not break the chapter into parts. Sorry, but probably a few people might thing the same. If this is indeed Chapter One, then my apologies. ^^;

Again, I quite like this and can't wait to see where this is going. Guess I'll end with my favorite part:

"Hello birdie; I'll take care of you don't worry," Miyuki calmed the bird down as the swablu perched on her chest. "Um, birdie, please don't perch there, perch on my head please," Miyuki asked kindly as the swablu flew up and perched on her head to look like a puffy white hat.
Swaby must've been real comfortable over there. xD
 

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
Thanks for the review Bay! =DD Friends friends friends!

Pokemon Star Chapter Two
Plans, Plans, Plans



Kagami went down to prepare dinner with her mom while Tsukasa and Konata continued their conversation. They discussed what they were going to do over the summer, complained about how hot it was, and then finally moved to the little creatures that they were holding.

“So, how did you find your monkey thingy there?” Tsukasa asked, unknowing of the little orange creature’s name.

“First, it’s a Chimchar, and secondly, I found it in my room,” Konata told Tsukasa as chimchar started to have gas. Oh no, I better back away, Konata thought to herself as she backed up into the hallway.

Chimchar broke wind as fire went flying through the room; Tsukasa and Pachirisu both hid under the desk, scared of the unexpected flames. Tsukasa and Pachirisu made a meek squeal of surprise before getting up. Tsukasa then realized that the fire went away.

“I hope my squirrel doesn’t have an ability as crazy as that,” Tsukasa puffed smoke out of her mouth from something that was burning. “Oh my goodness, my homework is burning!” Tsukasa panicked as she put out the flames of her burning homework with her old summer uniform that she forgot to throw out from last year.

“Well, on the bright side, at least you have an excuse not to do your homework now, but I still have to do mine!” Konata said jealous that Tsukasa’s homework was burned.

“But, what’s the teacher going to say when I tell her an orange monkey that breaks wind with fire burned my homework?” Tsukasa asked as a bead of sweat rolled down her neck.

“I don’t know,” Konata answered a little bit too honestly as Tsukasa fell down on her bed and Pachirisu tried to comfort her.

“Dinner’s ready girls, come and get it!” Tsukasa and Kagami’s mom yelled upstairs.

“What are we going to do with these two?” Tsukasa asked, forgetting that she had a perfect hiding spot.

“Um, can’t they just hide in one of the cabinets in your desk?” Konata asked rhetorically as she opened up a cabinet in the desk and placed some of Tsukasa’s bedding down and a pillow.

“Are you sure they’ll be comfortable, and aren’t they going to get hungry soon?” Tsukasa asked a decent question for once.

“Good point, we’ll bring them up dinner” Konata gave a cheeky smile as they both came downstairs and walked to the dining room where they sat down and ate.

The dinner was a large platter of sushi and there was also a large chicken teriyaki dish so that anybody could have chicken also. The food filled the dining room with an aroma that made the twin’s older sisters twitch their eyes as the chicken and vegetables in the teriyaki sauce sizzled from the lingering heat. And finally Kagami carried the large bowl of steamed rice into the center of the wooden table. Unfortunately, the rice was slightly burnt. Aside from that though, the other food was delicious.

“I’m assuming Kagami cooked the rice because it’s so delicious looking,” Konata remarked sarcastically, her face showing a toothless smile.

Why I ought of, Kagami thought to herself as she looked at Konata and thought of herself punching Konata in the face.

Kagami then sat down as the family tradition of snatching food hastily and rapidly began. Tsukasa of course was not fast enough so she got mostly vegetables instead of chicken. Kagami pitied that her sister was not fast enough, and decided to save some of her chicken for Tsukasa. Konata meanwhile, pigged out and ate as much as she could. After about ten minutes of hasty consumption of the meal, everything was gone and Tsukasa was slightly hungry still since all she got was vegetables, so Kagami gave her the leftover chicken she had.

They were all so full they decided not to have dessert. Tsukasa went upstairs and tried to feed a piece of meat to Pachirisu, but she did not want the piece of chicken at all. Pachirisu, like squirrels, usually ate nuts and berries instead of meat. Chimchar didn’t mind stealing Pachirisu’s piece of brown chicken however; Chimchar greedily ate the piece of chicken.

Meanwhile, Kagami started her homework. She looked at her history homework as she took her time to correctly answer each question. Spiritomb looked with interest as his eyes and mouth turned upside-down and widened from being perplexed at the hiragana and katakana’s meaning. Spiritomb soon got bored from trying to decipher what Kagami’s homework meant in the native language of pokemon, and had a little fun with Kagami’s stuff, making it float around the place using psychic. Kagami’s other books floated around the small room, almost hitting her lightly on the top of her purple haired head.

Soon, though, it was time for Konata to leave, and boy was Kagami glad that she was leaving. Konata let Chimchar out of the window and onto a nearby tree. Chimchar skillfully climbed down as Konata gathered herself and said goodbye to Tsukasa, Kagami, and her family. Chimchar reached the bottom of the tree just as the door closed and Konata left the family’s home.

“Okay, let’s go home Chimchar,” Konata said as they started to walk home.

There was an eerie vibe floating in the sticky, humid air in the night. Nighttime just began about twenty minutes ago. Konata started to think of a scene from an anime where a police officer was killed in a dark alleyway because of a demon.

“Chimchar, do you believe in demons?” Konata asked as she started to get a dark face that made Chimchar cringe while riding on her shoulder.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miyuki meanwhile, had been walking with Swabby down the hill until she had been intercepted by a guy. Miyuki had seen something interesting and went up to read it when she got lost in thought and had fallen over from being deep in thought. Swabby had fluttered up into the air. The guy had picked up her glasses and had given them to her.

“Sorry to trouble you sir,” Miyuki clumsily bowed down, embarrassed the she fell and lost her glasses.

“Oh it’s not a problem,” the blonde haired guy said as his green eyes sparkled slightly.

There was a certain air of innocence around him that made him seem childish despite the fact that he was taller than Miyuki. His blonde hair was slightly spiky, but not too extreme to the point he could be considered a freak. He had a belt with balls that had a red and white and a black stripe in the center with a little white circle where it could apparently opened in some way.

“Umm, excuse me sir, what are those objects on your belt?” Miyuki asked, trying to remember what Konata said about the exact same object earlier when Konata was playing that Pokemon game.

“These are poke balls, they store Pokemon and release them for battle,” the guy explained. “We should get going, it’s kind of late,” the guy stated as he and Miyuki left without even getting to know each others’ names.

Miyuki walked along the sidewalk, the city lights and advertisements glowing in the bustling downtown that seemed to never sleep. Miyuki, deep in thought, walked so far from her home while she was thinking, that she got lost with Swabby.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Konata continued along as she took out her blue cell phone. Konata sent a text message to Tsukasa and Miyuki, telling them to be at the Karaoke parlor tomorrow at eleven a.m. so that they could have some fun without Kagami.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Soon, Tsukasa and Miyuki received the text message. Miyuki looked at her strawberry pink cell phone and then carefully closed it. Tsukasa received the text message and then told Kagami on accident, forgetting that they were supposed to go without her. Kagami decided to accept, thinking that she could get a little defense from Spiritomb if she had to suffer Konata’s verbal abuse.

"Kagami, do you want to go to the karaoke parlor with Konata, Miyuki, and me tomorrow?" Tsukasa asked; at the last word, she realised she slipped up and put her hand over her mouth.

"You're kidding me right?" Kagami asked rhetorically. "Of course I'll come, I don't want you getting lost," Kagami explained.

"What would I do without you?" Tsukasa asked rhetorically as she tried not to think about her big mistake.

"You weren't supposed to tell me were you?" Kagami assumed as she snatched Tsukasa's phone and analyzed the text message. Great, looks like I'm gonna have to make up for my sister's mistake as usual, Kagami inwardly assured her dissapointment as she yawned and gave Tsukasa her phone back; Kagami then proceeded to go to her room where she continued to work on homework.

Tsukasa walked into her room and changed into soft, creamy yellow pajamas. She reached for the light when she realised how much damage the flaming flatulence caused. Half of the desk was charred and crippled, the cabinet's contents slighlty to moderately burned.

"What are my parents going to think Pachirisu?" Tsukasa asked the white squirrel, not knowing the answer to the question.

"Pachi, pachi," Pachirisu worried, not knowing what her aquaintance's parents were going to think about a half burnt desk.

Luckily for Tsukasa, the computer did not get burnt in the narrow blast. Tsukasa proceeded to turn on the computer, she eventually logged in to another Casual RPG game. Tsukasa in this world was a clumsy mage in training.

"Pachirisu, this is not good! I'm surrounded by ogres, ah!" Tsukasa typed while reading the message aloud to Pachirisu who looked at the large green humanoids with blunt clubs on the computer monitor.

*Fantasy Game*

Tsukasa approached in her outfit that resembled a cheerleader's, her hair lightly blowing in the breeze as her yellow bow finished the look. The clumsy girl held a small purple staff. Her shoes were purple and slighlty crooked. The large creatures surrounded her as they prepared to swing their clubs and squish her, thus defeating her and sending her back from this dangerous forest. The trees hid the howls of distant wolves and foxes that could strike the necromancer in training at any moment. The moment was tense, Tsukasa almost too focused on the game when Kagami bonked her on the head.

"You really should be using this time to do your homework so that you don't end up asking me a few days before the end of break," Kagami suggested to Tsukasa as Kagami left the room, leaving Tsukasa and Pachirisu dumbfounded.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, Konata reached the train station and managed to just barely catch the last train ride home for the night. The train passed by the field as the city soon went out of view and many shady looking characters muttered as they petted their dark and toxic type Pokemon. After about thirty minutes, the train stopped, and Konata rushed out with Chimchar and ran quickly to her house as Chimchar got off of her shoulder and nimbly chased after Konata. They ran for about five minutes until they came to Konata’s house and they went inside. Konata’s aunt came home hysterically drunk as usual. Konata greeted her darkly green haired aunt who was in a police uniform casually and went upstairs. She made a bed for Chimchar that was made out of her own bed sheets. Konata did not really care; Konata then went to her computer and put the volume on mute as she played her nightly round of MMO’s.

“Hey, ‘sup everyone?” Konata typed to her fellow players as she slashed a wyvern back with her burning sword of fire.

“N.m and how are you?” Tsukasa’s character typed back as she hid behind Konata’s character. “Well, I have to go to bed now, good night,” Tsukasa typed as her character logged off and the actual Tsukasa went to bed.

Konata really did not think much about Tsukasa leaving. Konata just simply continued to annihilate the creatures that were attacking her in the game. Konata played and played until she realized it was four in the morning, and that she should probably try to sleep so that she could make it to the karaoke outing on time. Konata got herself comfortable on the mattress, the summer heat wafting through the slightly cracked open glass window serving as Konata’s blanket. Konata eventually got bored of the serenity of the wee hours of the morning and began to read one of the many volumes of manga she never bothered to read. Eventually, the sun rose as her eyes cracked open and realized she stayed up the entire night.

“Oh well, no matter, just have to comb my hair and brush my teeth and I’ll be fine,” Konata thought to herself as she walked to the bathroom and woke herself up with a splash of cold water from the white sink.

Konata then undressed and took a cold shower; it was too hot to take a hot shower without over-heating herself. Konata then managed her lengthy blue hair with a good bit of tedious difficulty until it finally came straight down. Konata walked down the stairs and greeted Yutaka who was eating some scrambled eggs while Konata’s father who’s short blue hair stood out from his tan features, read the newspaper as he took a large sip of his black coffee. Chimchar woke up and eventually came tumbling down the stairs like a wild orange animal. Chimchar went flying towards Konata as she almost collapsed due to her short frame.

“Chimchar,” Chimchar greeted Konata while messing with the top of her blue hair.

“It’s so hard to manage long hair nowadays isn’t it?” Konata asked her father as she got out the bacon and a skillet while starting up the stove.

“Um, Konata, what’s that on top of your head?” Yutaka asked as she gave a weak cough.

“It’s a Pokemon,” Konata said as Yutaka was taken aback by how honest Konata sounded.

“Well, it’s in the newspaper, Pokemon exist for an unknown reason,” Konata’s father concluded as he went back to slurping on the yolk of his slightly undercooked sunny side up egg.

“Well, I better get going, it’s 6: 00 a.m. and I have stuff to do,” Konata told her father and Yutaka as she left to get everything set up for the karaoke room.

“Um, can I come too?” Yutaka asked trying to hold off a cough.

“Are you sure? What if you get sick again?” Konata asked, knowing of Yutaka’s weak immune system and the fact that she got sick very often.

“Yes, I can make it until we’re done!” Yutaka raised a fist to the air, but almost had a coughing fit.

“Okay, let’s go then!” Konata exclaimed as Chimchar, Yutaka, and Konata went out the door while Konata’s father gave a rather apathetic look towards the door as the three left.

Miyuki had anticipated the time and had gone to bed early after having purchased bird seeds for Swabby. She had gotten up and has had breakfast, then, Miyuki had fed Swabby. So she had started her walk towards the nearby karaoke parlor that Konata said to meet at. The Karaoke parlor had been opened just about a week ago, and had a special points system for rewards, which is probably the only reason Konata had chosen the new place instead of the old karaoke parlor. Miyuki had decided to bring Swabby for a little bit of good luck.

Kagami woke up early and had breakfast with the rest of her family after doing homework for about an hour. Tsukasa got up slightly late and came down in her pajamas just in time for breakfast. Tsukasa and Kagami ate and then they got dressed. Tsukasa wasted thirty minutes trying to feed her Pachirisu until Kagami came in with a pine-nut that Pachirisu ate upon sight. When Pachirisu tried to hug Kagami, she just went away like she did nothing at all. Pachirisu and Tsukasa stared at each other, both knowing that they did not know the answer to why Kagami just walked away.

Meanwhile, Kagami set up her long, purple pony tails. She put on a lavender tank top and a pair of khaki shorts. Tsukasa applied a pink ribbon with purple dots on it while Pachirisu looked through Tsukasa’s many different ribbons to wear. Eventually, Pachirisu chose one with blue stripes on it and carried it over to Tsukasa and motioned for the ribbon to be tied to her head. Tsukasa did so, and then went back to her outfit. Tsukasa decided to wear a short sleeve shirt that was white and pink striped and a white skirt that came up about two inches above her knees when sitting down.

By 8 a.m., everybody set out with their pokemon and started to head for the karaoke parlor. They all eventually met up as Konata set up the reservations an hour prior. Konata decided to wait in the room with a screen that made animations for the songs, and had a table with dull green cushions for sitting on and watching people sing to the music. The stereos were small and surrounded the room as to encase the parlor room with the instrumental music. Konata, Yutaka, and Chimchar fell asleep about ten minutes before the others came in with their pokemon.

“Um, excuse me, Konata, are you awake?” Miyuki politely inquired as she nudged Konata and Yutaka gingerly.

“Wait, uh wha . . .?” Konata asked as she woke up with hair that seemed to be pulled around in all directions by the cheeky Chimchar; her mouth slightly dotted with drool.

“Oh my, we must have slept when we arrived,” Yutaka figured out as she woke up and the music was now available to sing to.

“So, what shall we choose first?” Konata asked as she gained her sudden composure for this game; for Konata, this was just another game that she would have to do well on.

“Humph, I am not really sure Konata,” Miyuki said as Tsukasa and Pachirisu had a blank face, not knowing what song to select from the oversized list.

“Oh fine let me start!” Kagami abruptly snatched the mic from its little stand as her Spiritomb started to make the tote bag it was confined in start to float in the air.

Kagami searched through the list of songs casually, they went by anime they appeared in and the anime were in alphabetical order and separated by shoujo and shonen. Kagami scrolled down the list of songs until she came across the Mermaid Melody songs and couldn’t really find anything else of interest so she chose the song set from Mermaid Melody. Eventually, she scrolled through until she found Yami no Barokku, a song that the Black Beauty Sisters sang in the second season of Mermaid Melody.

“Kagami, you always have to go for the songs that have suggestive material don’t you?” Konata teased as she inwardly cringed at the image of the Black Beauty Sisters getting touchy and could not make her normal cheeky smile.

Stay calm Kagami, stay calm, Kagami calmed herself as the song began and the Black Beauty Sister’s image appeared on the large screen behind Kagami. The screen also had in the center the word “go!” appeared as the song began to take in Kagami’s singing through the mic.

((Muahaha! Cliff hanger! Sorry to disappoint you all, but I thought it was a bit long at five and a fourth of a page xD)).
 
Last edited:

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Hehe, very cute chapter. Huh, so the girls plan to bring food to their Pokemon? Pretty soon their family will know. XD Also, very cute the squireel wanted to hug Kagami for giving it a nut, though the girl just ignore it. >.> My favorite part is when Konata teased Kagami at the end. XD And man, I wanna know how well she’ll sing that song. XD

There are a few things I want to mention. First, your writing style.

Chimchar broke wind as fire went flying through the room. Tsukasa and Pachirisu both hid under the desk, scared of the unexpected flames. Tsukasa and Pachirisu made a meek squeal of surprise before getting up. Tsukasa then realized that the fire went away.

[QUOTE Chimchar didn’t mind stealing Pachirisu’s piece of brown chicken however. Chimchar greedily ate the piece of chicken. ][/QUOTE]

For the most part you have good sentence structure, but a couple of times you have sentences going like “He did this. He then did that.” That kind of break the flow of the story and the writing style becomes weak. Those two quotes you can combine the sentences and make them into one long sentence.

Soon, Tsukasa and Miyuki received the text message. Miyuki looked at her strawberry pink cell phone and then carefully closed it. Tsukasa received the text message and then told Kagami on accident, forgetting that they were supposed to go without her. Kagami decided to accept, thinking that she could get a little defense from Spiritomb if she had to suffer Konata’s verbal abuse.
This I would say that you tell and not show. IMO, I think this scene would’ve been fun to see. You could’ve put how Tsukasa was nervous when she realized she told Kagami about the karaoke thing. Also, you could’ve shown Kagami’s reaction when her sister told her the news.

Last thing is just a couple of grammar/spelling mistakes. Again, not too great in this area but there’s a couple that I noticed:

“Well, on the bright side, at least you have an excuse not to do your homework now, but I still have to do mine!” Konata said, jealous that Tsukasa’s homework was burned.
A comma after said as “Konata said jealous…” breaks the flow of the sentence.

“These are poke balls, they store Pokemon and release them for battle,” the buy explained. “We should get going, it’s kind of late,” the guy stated as he and Miyuki left without even getting to know each others’ names.
Typo. “Guy.”

Overall, cute chapter. You told me about what’ll happen in Chapter Three, so I can’t wait for that! XD
 

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
((Well, sorry it took me like four months to make my chapter, there have been so many things to do during the school months so far >.>. I also decided to change the focus of the plot to something way different, four months of thinking has made me deviate far from my original chapter planning.))

Pokemon Star Chapter Three
Karaoke and a Battle Too!
(Part one)


Author’s notes: Man, I haven’t posted a chapter in a looong time, sorry y’all, I’ll try to hurry up and get the rest of the chapters up before my thread is completely dead XD.

A girl with medium length, flat, raven hair looked at a strand of her hair as she was day dreaming again. Her glasses glazed her perverted eyes. A gentle green and white creature, humanoid in shape, stealthily sneaked away from her owner and her friends, taking advantage of her owner’s day dreaming.

----------
“Minami,” Yutaka smiled at a girl with short, dark mint green hair.

“Yutaka, what’s the ma . . .,” The green haired girl was interrupted as Yutaka sat in her lap before she could get up from the tree she was sitting behind.

And just before Hiyori’s day-dream ended, Yutaka leaned forward towards Minami.

-------

“Something’s wrong with her I say,” A blond haired girl with peachy skin told a girl with green, short hair.

The green haired girl shrugged as she stood up to see that Hiyori’s Pokemon was gone. Hiyori looked up to realize that her Kirlia was gone.

“We should probably tell the staff up front,” Minami suggested calmly as she and her large, white dog slowly made their way through the crowd of people in the train.


“Don’t get too touchy with each other girls,” Konata snickered as she thought of the Black Beauty sisters; the orange Chimchar cringed at what Konata could be thinking about.

The music for the song started up as Kagami nervously took a breath. She held the purple microphone in her hand. And thus, the song began as Kagami’s voice started to sound, Miyuki, Tsukasa, and Konata all trying to think of what to say while the song played.

“I think I’m going to go next,” Konata said as she scratched her scalp which was under a large layer of medium blue hair.

Kagami continued to sing as her voice sounded slightly too different from the two voices which who originally sang the song about trapping some mermaid princesses. Kagami continued along, her face turning staying calm as she sang the lyrics directly from the screen that was projecting them. Eventually, after about a minute and a half, she finished and the three girls clapped before Konata pushed Kagami back into her seat.

“I’m going to go now,” Konata smiled as she then went quickly to the menu and looked at the songs, quickly choosing the song entitle, Dondake Fanfare.

Tsukasa sighed, realizing that this was a song that Konata knew very well. Miyuki, Tsukasa, Kagami, Spiritomb, Pachirisu, Chimchar, and Swabby observed silently as Konata sang in her excitedly cute voice.

“She can change voices so easily,” Miyuki complemented as she then took a quick glance at Swabby before continuing to observe Konata’s karaoke style energy burst.

“She must be trying to get points for the prizes,” Kagami remarked, due to the fact that Konata had not missed a single note yet.

“Hmm, I wonder if she wanted to get that one thing that they had up earlier, some kind of Pokemon item?” Tsukasa asked as Konata concluded her excited presentation and then sat down.

“Is anybody going to go? If nobody chooses something I’m going again,” Konata asked as she then looked at Miyuki and Tsukasa. “Hmm, Miyuki should sing!” Konata said as she grabbed Miyuki’s hand and got her up quickly.

“It would be my pleasure to,” Miyuki said as she then looked at the menu.

Carefully, she scrolled down the list of songs, wondering which one to choose. Eventually, after about a minute of careful analysis and decision making process in her mind, Miyuki eventually settled on a song. She was about to press the button as Konata stood behind her ominously, with her usual mischievous grin shining in the room’s light. As Miyuki was about to press the button, a certain little orange monkey leaped from Konata’s head and leaped onto the machine, pressing a button for Meikyuu Butterfly by Mizuki Nana.

“Oh hi there, I was just passing along when my Chimchar decided to mess with the machine, sorry, but you’re going to have to sing to this song,” Konata tried to hold back slight laughter since she had set this up; Konata looked at the screen only to realize that, her Chimchar chose the wrong song.

“Okay, sorry if I was in your way or anything,” Miyuki apologized even though she didn’t need to.

A large image of the character from Shugo Chara, Hoshina Utau, appeared behind Miyuki on a large screen. Miyuki looked behind her to realize that this was a song she never heard of before. Miyuki looked as the music began; slightly nervous; she began to sing the words in her slightly boyish voice. Miyuki continued the song as her voice started to become too soft. As it neared the end, Miyuki took a breath that it was over as she sat down and sighed slightly, Swabby perching on her shoulders. Tsukasa looked awkwardly at Yutaka, who had remained silent the whole entire time.

“Sis, can Tsukasa go before me?” Yutaka asked as she hid behind Konata, scared of going up and singing.

“I guess Tsukasa can go in place of you, but you won’t get to sing this time since we only got four minutes left in this room,” Konata told Yutaka who sighed, relieved, before sitting down and letting Tsukasa get up to the stage.

Tsukasa filed through, looking at all of the song choices. She finally found a song choice, unfortunately, Chimchar, who never left the stage, quickly rushed through to press a random button to choose a song for Tsukasa; Pachirisu, angered, decided to get back at Chimchar by giving him a little shock on the fingers, which made the orange monkey back away from the white and dull blue squirrel, who then proceeded to return to her owner, Tsukasa, curling up on the top of her head to form a spiral like hat as she comfortably yawned as music began. Tsukasa remembered this song, Ne-Ni-Ge De Reset. She started to sing the beginning lyrics as the large musical part gave her time to think about what just happened.

Tsukasa started to sing again since more lyrics popped up on the screen. She clumsily sang as the lyrics began to scroll down faster and faster. The lyrics eventually came to a close as Tsukasa prepared to bow, only to find she almost tripped because Pachirisu moved rapidly to her stepping area. Tsukasa then made sure that Pachirisu was not in her foot area before taking a step, unfortunately, as she took a step, she fell on her knees. Tsukasa got back up as Kagami and Spiritomb merely sighed in synch with one another.

The timer rang in the room as the five girls gathered and then left the room, walking down the hall-way and to the reception desk where a lady with tied up black hair and tan skin was standing in a blue blouse and a long, black skirt, ready to work. She smiled as she saw the card that was in Konata’s hands.

“I will take this and add up your total points, please wait thirty seconds for the ticket to process,” the lady told Konata in an elderly voice as she took a red and yellow card that was in Konata’s hands; the lady proceeded to go to the back, where a large amount of noise occurred before a ticket came out of the cash register that was standing on a glass counter in front of Konata, Tsukasa, Miyuki, Kagami, and Yutaka.

The lady came out and grabbed the ticket; she then read and made a weird face as she looked at Konata. The employee then handed Konata the ticket, which Chimchar quickly snatched. Konata snatched right back as she stuck her tongue out at the orange monkey, whose flame was now slightly angered in appearance, almost hitting the ground and causing the building to light up.

“I did it!” Konata suddenly leaped up as the other four girls and their Pokemon made gave the short girl questioning looks, excluding Miyuki, everybody seemed a bit surprised. “Prize time,” Konata shouted excitedly as she practically pranced to the prize counter and eyed the prizes that took a lot of points in an almost lustful manner.

“I must say, that girl is not normal,” Kagami remarked as both Spiritomb and Kagami sighed and looked away from the excited, blue haired Konata who was flying all around the prize table, grabbing a whole bunch of big prizes before handing a tall, blonde man the ticket.

“Have I seen him before?” Miyuki asked as she adjusted her glasses to try and see if she was seeing the right person. “Swabby, do you know?” Miyuki asked Swabby as she merely floated up to make eye contact with Miyuki; Swabby proceeded to turn her body side ways and form a question mark with one of her wings.

Kagami’s Spiritomb was now slightly tired, some kind of spiritual pressure was in the room, and it was coming from the blonde kid. Something was up with him, and it definitely was not normal. Pachirisu felt the same pressure, and nervously clung to Tsukasa’s leg. Pachirisu pointed at the tall prize section clerk who seemed to be emitting a dark aura of some sort to the Pokemon.

As the man returned, his grey blue eyes suddenly became a deep red, something was definitely wrong. Tsukasa then put two and two together, but not entirely.

“Umm, girls, something is wrong with that man,” Tsukasa whispered to Kagami and Yutaka. “What if Konata’s in danger?” Tsukasa worried as she thought of those recent kid-napping cases where the culprits were inspired by adult manga scenarios; Tsukasa and Pachirisu shuttered as Konata’s green eyes opened to see the man’s now red eyes.
“Hmm, where’d you get those contacts?” Konata asked him as the tension suddenly came to a halt. “Those look cool, I need some red contacts to cosplay as a vampire,” Konata stated to the man who blushed.

“Well, I found them at a shop, I’m not exactly sure what the name of it was, but it’s a small shop that’s down the street,” the blonde teen made a lie almost perfectly, holding back demonic laughter.

“I thought you were lying, there’s no costume shop anywhere in this area of downtown,” Konata smiled. “You seem a little fishy,” Konata suddenly grew serious as she slapped him in the face.

“And she would be the only one to know,” Kagami sighed along with Spiritomb.

“Hmm, smart girl, too bad humans are no match for me,” the blonde teenager said as fangs grew out of his mouth, Konata not surprised at all.

“Are you like practicing for some kind of audition or something?” Konata asked, barely shocked by this attack since she saw so many of these situations in her manga. “I must say, you do seem like you’re actually trying to attack me, wait, what is that?” Konata asked as the former teenager was no longer a human. “Whoa, am I like having a dream or are you practicing special effects?” Konata asked, slightly scared, but obviously not showing it.

“Crazy b***, what are you doing, get yourself out of there before you get killed!” Kagami exclaimed as she pulled Konata out of the way of a fearsome black beast.

“I didn’t need any help,” Konata pretended not to be grateful for Kagami’s actions to save her. “I guess we’re actually having a fight, girls, let’s go!” Konata jumped as she raised a fist into the air, the girls and their Pokemon sitting there, merely blinking. “Ugh, some people just don’t know what it’s like to be in a fight, I’ll get rid of this scum if I have to myself,” Konata said as the draconic, jet black dragon vaporized the sealing with a dramatic yellow and orange blast of energy.

“This is scary!” Yutaka hid behind Tsukasa, who then hid behind her twin sister Kagami.

The black creature’s floated high above the ceiling; the creature floated with wings which resembled a kite shape. The creature’s eyes were large and red, resembling an insect almost, its normally green and dark green stripes replaced by black and red, it summoned up a ferocious tornado of sand, which proceeded to fly into the five girls, sending their Pokemon and them into the south wall of the reception building.

“Ugh, I hate Pokemorphs, so cliché,” Konata complained as she dug herself out of the sand. “Girls, are you there?” Konata asked as they all fell face first into a large pile of sand, and then got back up, coughing.

“We’ll be fine, just defeat him without us,” Miyuki told Konata as she then fell on her knees.

“Hmm, I wonder why that dragon is colored black,” Tsukasa asked her Pachirisu, who did not have an answer.

“It’s a Flygon,” Konata explained. “Normally, they’re supposed to be two different shades of green, but this one is black and red,” Konata said. “I think we’re safe to assume that it must be defeated!” Konata leaped up excitedly as Chimchar dug itself out of the pile of sand and leaped onto Konata’s shoulder.

Meanwhile, Tsukasa and Pachirisu were looking for an escape route, unable to bare the battle at hand. They kept on digging and digging, fruitlessly, there efforts went in vain as the sand collapsed on the escape routes almost every time. Kagami nervously looked around as she then saw Yutaka, scared and curled up in a ball like an armadillo. Kagami crawled awkwardly through the raging winds and sand to get to the hot pink haired girl.

“Don’t worry, everything will be okay, even if your cousin is an idiot,” Kagami tried to reassure Yutaka, who uncurled herself and opened her eyes before crawling off to try and help Tsukasa and Pachirisu dig an escape route.

“Hmm, Swabby, what are you doing?” Miyuki asked as Swabby floated in the air, flapping her wings rapidly to avoid being blown away in the horrid gust and sand.

Swabby flapped her wings quickly, slowly making progress to a distant light which was still shining in the sun above. Swabby took about thirty seconds to reach this light, the color of its material becoming clear as Miyuki followed the blue bird with cloud-like wings to the source of light. A sparkling diamond with a mysterious silver feather glowed as Miyuki touched it, holding the gently glowing object in her dainty hands, making sure not to break it.

“So this is what you were leading me to?” Miyuki asked as Swabby got closer to Miyuki’s hands


Minami felt a strange pressure fill the area along with her dog. She swiped away her green hair to see nothing but her two friends. Looking at the stairs to the outside, she quickly ran up them without hesitation, leaving Hiyori and Patricia behind to find the psychic Pokemon which was running rampant through the terminal.

Minami and her large dog rushed forward to see that a black dragon which seemed to be controlling a massive amount of sand and wind energy, was floating about the new karaoke place, whose roof came flying at the two. Minami’s eyes widened as her white dog leaped in front of her. An ominous crystal containing a silver feather appeared on the ground as Minami picked it up, the energy in it glowing in a mysterious manner. The ceiling was getting closer to the two beings; it would crush then in about ten seconds if Minami and her dog did not do anything about it soon.

Minami’s dog bravely leaped at his owner, touching the mysterious crystal which was emitting a rainbow light now. The dog’s white fur suddenly went flying off in all directions, sending the ceiling flying up into mid-air. Minami’s dog was no longer a dog, a figure with white fur and a black face, its paws now a black color, its tail black and in the shape of a deadly sickle. A black and green energy surrounded Minami and her now Pokemon converted dog as they fused together. A flash of green and black light resounded as Minami in a transformed state revealed herself.

The formerly green haired, tall girl changed dramatically. Her simple black coat, undershirt, and jeans became dramatically altered, a pair of black, shorts appearing in their place. Her undershirt and black coat transformed into a button up blouse which had about three of the buttons un-buttoned, leaving the area below her neck and close to her rather flat chest exposed. Her hair remained the same, but, a more dramatic feature adorned her body, a sickle shaped tail.

“Listen to me,” the absol that her dog really was told Minami in her mind. “I was sent here a long time ago, before chaotic situations like this started happening, such as that Pokemon going out of control and destroying the place,” Absol stated casually. “You’re going to have to trust in me if this transformation is going to stay, ironic twist of fate eh?” Absol stated, knowing that for all of Minami’s life he was just a large, white dog.
Minami did not respond as usual, her silent self usually taking action before speaking. Minami ran towards the large object that was about to fall on her. Minami’s pet taking over, Minami flipped in mid-air, releasing a large black pulse of energy from her tail, making the aerial debris implode and merely turn into dust before falling on the ground. Minami landed skillfully before getting another message from Absol.

“Hmm, it seems that you got everything right so far, now we have to stop that Flygon that’s rampaging, god d*** Pokemorphs,” Absol instructed Minami in a cold voice.
Minami the instincts of both Absol and she guide her. Minami leaped flawlessly into the air and covered a good bit of distance, her fingers transforming into ferocious black claws as she neared the unaware Flygon and was about to attack him with a good amount of dark energy. Unfortunately, Minami and Absol did not account for the fact that leaping is not exactly the greatest way to chase down a flying Pokemon. Minami fell just short of slashing the creature down with her, as she fell to the ground, Yutaka smiled and waved hello to her friend. Yutaka quickly approached Minami as Minami landed on the ground.

“Hey, why does that girl get a cool transformation and I don’t?” Konata asked jealous. “Hey, Miyuki, what is that glowing thingy you got there?” Konata asked as Chimchar leaped on her shoulder and tightfistedly grabbed the shining stone in Miyuki’s hands. Chimchar forced the stone into Konata’s hand as they both touched the stone, setting off a flash of blue and red light, causing the sand storm to rise upward. Konata initiated a transformation with her Pokemon.

“That idiot never ceases to amaze me,” Konata said as Spiritomb turned away from Konata, jealous.

Konata and Chimchar fused in a mysterious tornado of blue and red light, a strange combination indeed. Eventually, the two completely fused together, Konata’s hair possessing red ribbons which extended to her shoulders on both sides of her head. Her outfit now replaced by a cheerleading top which exposed just about everything in her waist area except for her chest, a red ribbon appearing behind the back of it. Unfortunately, there was nothing to show off in that department, which made Konata sigh, but then return to her usual excited self as her bottom piece was replaced by a red skirt which possessed a cute little pink bow on the back. Konata’s shows changed from the color black to black with a lot of stripes which resembled fire. Konata then leaped excitedly into the air.

“Us flat girls have to show off what we got!” Konata exclaimed as Miyuki awkwardly laughed and the other girls sighed knowing Konata was going to say something of that sort.

“Hello!” Chimchar interrupted Konata’s excited thoughts.

“Even I didn’t see this coming, what’s up my monkey man?” Konata asked as she climbed up what was left of the walls and leaped up into the whirling platforms of sand high up in the sky where the enemy awaited.

“Well, you may want to know that I can’t exactly fly,” Chimchar said as Konata realized that she was not high enough to reach to platforms where the Black Flygon was located.

“I see your point, oh well, we shall try something different! This is like a video-game, except in real life! I’m not letting this opportunity pass me!” Konata shouted as she landed quickly on the ground, using the impact to leap to a tall sky-scraper nearby.

“Hmm, who knew I would see something of interest here?” Konata asked rhetorically as she looked at a manga artist who was drawing an unknown character.

“C’mon! We have no time to look at manga!” Chimchar shouted in Konata’s head as Konata finally forced herself to leap off of the skyscraper’s side and into the gigantic mass of swirling sand above.

“What should we do? She could not possibly go up there and face that dragon alone,” Miyuki asked.

“Well I say somebody goes up there and helps her, Minami already did enough by clearing up the debris of the ceiling, I say I go!” Kagami asserted herself as she grabbed the stone from Minami, who was in no mood to oppose Kagami; Minami and her Absol diffused, Absol immediately transformed back into his dog state, everybody besides Minami and Absol not knowing that the dog was actually a Pokemon in disguise.

Kagami swiftly grabbed the stone and abruptly picked up her Spiritomb who was rather un-happy about the ladder action. He slightly grunted, and then realized that he had to make physical contact with the stone to actually use it. Spiritomb fazed right through the stone and fell out of Kagami’s arms and onto the ground.

“Okay, Tsukasa, you’re next to try,” Kagami told Tsukasa who was covered in dirt from digging along with her Pachirisu.

“Okay, wait, what does the stone do?” Tsukasa asked as it was too late and her Pachirisu excitedly grabbed the stone, making sure it touched Tsukasa’s hand. “Oh my goodness,” Tsukasa nervously shouted as a soft blue and purple energy collided with each other, initiating the fusion process.


Konata flew gracefully through the blue sky, getting closer to the large platforms which were made of sand. Konata landed on a platform, which started to dissolve before her feet as the Flygon cackled in an evil manner.

“Lord Darkrai will be pleased to here that even the most powerful human can’t defeat his lieutenant,” the black Flygon said to Konata as his mouth filled with a mysterious blue energy, which proceeded to go flying at Konata.

Konata leaped into the air and flipped, dodging imminent death below and from the blue pulse of dragon breath in the front of her. Konata then rolled in the air towards the black Flygon who grunted before flying up higher in the air to avoid the girl’s flip kick attack. Konata started to descend below the platforms once more as a flash of blue and light blue light sent a surge of electricity through the environment, causing the city to suffer a power-outage.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Hm.. I can see the problem you have with not getting reviewers- cliche moments and well using a manga/anime that isn't well known, for a mix. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, it's just not everyone's cup of tea.

Trust me on this I was really surprised my latest work got ANY reviews. And kept any o_O

Keep writing and don't let the lack of reviewers get you down, you've got a decent ammount of views anyways for a story here, about the norm really, so you have stealth admirers. So, dun give up.
 

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
Cliche, I thought that was the problem. Stealth admirers o_O more like stalkers XD. Thanks for responding, the sudden plot twist is to go a bit south. Hmm, can't believe not a lot of people ahve heard of Lucky Star. I've only seen the anime on DVD.

Was there anything good about it? Grammar, plot, anything at all? XD.
 

Kindrindra

大事なのは自分らしいくある事
Wow...
Something crazy like this could only be pulled off in a manga...
My fav part? When the girl said it was like a video game ^_^
Now... I have HEARD about Lucky Star, but I've never seen it or anything... It's the thing with the girl who love anime, right?
My only problem that hasn't been pointed out? Can't keep the characters straight, too many names beggining with K...

Avidly awaiting the next chapter!


See Ya Later!

EDIT: RANK UP! ROCK WRECKER!
 
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