Pokemon Super Adventure

[Teddiursa Warrior]

Okay so this is my second fic so I hope its better than the first one

The Journey Begins

As the first rays of sunlight began to shine upon a small town a Squirtle named Shelby awoke from his slumber. "Wake up sleepyhead" called his Blastoise Mother "today you start your adventure". Instantly Shelby sprang out of his bed and started to pack his belongings into his shell. "Dont worry about that Shelby I bought you a shell bag" said his mother with a smile on her face. 'Really' exclaimed Shelby in excitement "Thanks alot Mum I've wanted one for years!

"Well you need to keep your items" said Shelbys Mother "And guess what its made out of". "Whats it made out of" questioned Shelby and from behind her back Mum revealed a gold silken shell bag that Shelby thought felt as smooth as a Swablus cloud wings. "Wow it feels as smooth as a Swablus cloud wings" said Shelby so excited that he spoke the first thought that came to his mind. "Its made out of Mareeps wool and was sown bye the graceful hands of a Gardevoir" said Mum "so take good care of it". "I will Mum thanks so much" said Shelby so desperate to begin his Journey he felt like he was going to piss his shell. "Okay goodbye Shelby take care of yourself"said Mum "Love you Mum bye" Shelby said and then he walked out the door and took the first step into an adventure of a lifetime.

 

[Teddiursa Warrior]

Okay really short but it gets better

 

[Dilasc]

Really short, that's truly bad,
Double posting means you're had.

I'll be blunt, that second post is pointless! Delete the second post. Anyway, about the first post, it's not much of a chapter, or much of an anything really. It's short and lacking description, so you may want to rethink this next time around for the next chapter.

 

[Teddiursa Warrior]

Okay sorry for the shortness because my computer shuts down alot

A Squirtle And Four Friends

Shelby arrived at his friend Blooms place just to see her mother kiss her goodbye,"Oh hi Shelby" exclaimed Bloom "How ya doing". 'Good' replied Shelby "Are you excited" 'Yup' Bloom answered spore's puffing out of her bulb in her excitement "Oh and could I please store my items in your shell". 'Alright' Shelby said as he took out his golden coloured Mareep bag.

'Wow' she exclaimed "Did your Mum get you that""Yeah she bought it because I have been wanting it for a very long time" he said still with a grin that could light up a house."Well my Mum got me something called Healing necter "It can heal any injury so I want to keep it safe"."Dont worry Bloom I will protect it with my life" Shelby said puffing out his shell comically and begining to strut "I shall bet my shell on it". "And I'll bet my bulb on it then" Bloom said with a giggle "That you will probably lose it". "I think not little Bulbasaur" Shelby said trying sound as much like a humble warrior but also keeping in a tint of silliness to his persona. "Okay then Mr.Macho Man why dont you show me a bit of your battle skills" said Bloom trying to conceal herself from going into a fit of giggles.

Bloom tackled Shelby of the path and both of them play faught as they rolled down a hill. When they got to the bottom Shelby bounced on impact and was sent flying high into th sky and landing right on top of a sleeping Noctowl. The Noctowl exploded into a fit of rage "HOW DARE YOU DISTURBE MY SLEEP" He roared furiously and before Bloom or Shelby had time to say sorry he went into another yelling fit"MY WARRIORS AND I SHALL DESTROY YOU WITH OUR SUPERIOR STRENGTH"!

The enraged Noctowl screeched and instanly a whole score of Hoothoot's flew down from the trees surrounding to join in the battle. Shelby and Bloom went back to back trying to find an escape route from their peril. "Bloom there is only one way to do this" said Shelby trying to keep a note of braveness in his voice. "And that would be" Bloom sobbed while trembling uncontrolably "TO BATTLE" Shelby yelled and shot a gush of water at some Hoothoots. Bloom and Shelby braced themselves for battle as the army of Hoothoot began to close in.

how's that
please review

 

[Dragonfree]

It's still way too short. Please read the rules.

 

[Teddiursa Warrior]

This is gonna be way longer, Well at least compared to how short I have been writing them.

Hoot Goes The Hoothoot

Shelby could not help the fact that he and Bloom had been seperated during the battle. He looked around desperatly for any sign of something that did not look like a Hoothoot. Making out a figure five metres away he started to walk towards it but a Hoothoot stepped in his way and quickly flicked some dust into his eyes.

Stumbling around blindly he thought the best thing to do was to retreat inside his shell. The Hoothoot's began to form a ring around Shelby and see if they could strike him in anyplace unprotected but so far they were unsuccesful in doing so. As Shelby thought about a way to escape he remembered something that his father had once tried to teach him.

FLASHBACK


"It's too hard Daddy" Shelby complained "I can't do it!"

'Shelby' said Shelby's father sternly "You wanted me to teach you how to do this".

"But Daddy it's so hard to do"

"I know son but trust me it will help you out a lot in future."

END FLASHBACK

This happened four year's before Shelby actually started his adventure and he wanted to learn as much skill's for fighting as he could but he did not have the willpower to do difficult one's that required a fair bit of training. Shelby now knew what his father had meant that it would come in handy later on because this was the time he needed this technique.

Focusing his mind he started to spin slowly and started to go faster and faster. He started to stike out at Hoothoot's giving them bad bruises and broken beaks.

Bloom on the other hand was trying to sustain many hit's from the Hoothoot's but was not doing well. The Noctowl leader saw how weak she was and thought he should finish her off. Shelby noticed this and became enraged that somewoene would hurt his friend so badly.

He tried really hard to put as much power into his spinning while the Noctowl did not know what he was doing. Thinking he had enough power he struck the Noctowl right in the forehead knocking the owl out cold.

He slowed down right next to Bloom and watched as the very angry Hoothoot's started to gather around them for huting their leader. "See you in heaven Shelby" cried Bloom "Too bad we didn't get to have much of an adventure". "CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!" suddenly a Charmander, Totodile, Sentret, Aipom and Teddiursa popped out from behind a bush and attacked the Hoothoot's.

The owl's fled in fear back into the forest without lookin back until they were far away from the raider's. "Blazza, Chomper, Fuzzy, Jingles, Bella you saved us" exclaimed Bloom "How did you find us"!

'Well' started Blazza "You did not come on time so we began looking for you and we heard some commotion of the road and we decided to check it out."

Shelby started to tell the other's about the battle, Releived that he had been saved.

read and review

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

As much as it's already been said, I think I need to say it again. Unless a chapter is a page or longer in Word, it's too short to comply with the rules. I'm not brilliant at judging length, but to be on the safe side, I'd advise you to lengthen your chapters.

A recurring error I've noticed is your use of the apostrophe. Apostrophes are used to show possession as in:

The Squirtle's shell was polished.

or as an abbreviation, such as:

"Don't misuse apostrophes!" (Don't is an abbreviation for 'do not')

The exception is 'its' and 'it's'. Its without the apostrophe is used to show possession and "it's" is used as an abbreviation.

As for the content of your fic, I like it. It's cute. If you were to describe the actions a bit more, it could be a lot more exciting. And try not to capitalise loud speech. I prefer to see italics - they look just that little bit more professional.

Well, good luck. I'd like to see this be lifted up a notch or so in the areas I outlined cause I like the way the ideas are shaping up. But neither I nor others enjoy trawling through poor grammar and punctuation - it makes reading harder and distracts from the narrative. Have fun and keep writing!

Piney.
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