Pokemon Talk Shows of Insanity

[hikari_blaze]

Pokemon Talk Shows of Insanity (Rated PG-13)

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. I do own my pokemon’s personalities.

Rating: PG-13 for language
Genre: Humor

Chapter 1: What Happens When You Interview Your Pokemon

The bored Alakazams watched through the cameras as a lady wearing a pink dress comes on stage. She sits down on the blue loveseat and smiles at the audience. “Hello everyone! I’m Mary, and welcome to PT which or Pokemon Talk! Only I don’t know why my director picked such a stupid name and-“ She was interrupted when a flying shoe hits her in the face.

“Shut up already! I got a high heel here and I’m not afraid to use it!” The author threatens waving a pink high heel. That heel had a spike that could stab you.

“Whatever…” Mary mutters. “Anyway, please welcome Blaze Blaziken!” Mary claps while the audience stays silent. A pokemon with feathers with colors of red and yellow walks on the stage and sits down on the red couch. “Hello there, Blaze! Nice of you to be here!”

“I’m only here because Hikari made me after losing a bet. Now I have to star in this stupid show.” Blaze grumbles as he rolls his red eyes.

“Right… anyway, why don’t you tell the audience about your life?”

“Right, why don’t you think of better questions?” he says, his words dripping with sarcasm. He ignores Mary’s twitching face and felt proud at getting Mary mad. “Anyway, I was born from an egg in Littleroot where the trainer of my mom gave me to Prof. Birch who gave me May after she saved his life from getting eaten by a Poochyena.”

“How interesting.” Mary remarked in the voice stars use which means they don’t actually mean it.

“To think Prof. Birch could take care of himself! He could had ran over to the bag, get out a pokeball, and battle the Poochyena himself. But, he had to rely on a girl to save him.”

“Well, aren’t you a load of laughs. Anyway, let’s meet our other co-star. Kip Swampert from the alternative universe of Pokemon Emerald!” The audience does some claps that were barely audible for anyone to hear. A large blue pokemon appears onto to stage, his orange eyes scanning his new surroundings. He smiles at the audience as he sits next to Blaze on the couch. The couch’s four legs collapses under the two pokemon’s weight.

“Smooth move, Kip,” Blaze mutters getting up. The Alakazams use their psychic attack on the couch and threw it out the door of the studio. They dragged a mattress onto the stage, trying to ignore the curses and swears someone shouted as the broken couch fell on him and broke his back, but enough of that.

Kip and Blaze plopped on the mattress which didn’t collapse. Mary smiles at the audience again, and resumes the show. “So, Muddy. What’s it like living in the advance world of Pokemon Emerald? After, Emerald’s much more advanced than Ruby and Sapphire home to Blaze here.”

“Har, har,” Blaze mutters while Kip was just shocked.

“What do you mean ‘Emerald’ and ‘Sapphire’?” Kip’s shocked face turned into a panicked one. “You mean our life is a lie?! NOO!! THE APOCALYSPE!!! IT TRAPPED US ALL IN ANOTHER DIMENSION WHERE WE LIVE A LIE!! AAAAAAHH!!!” Kip panics, standing up with flailing arms, which smacked Blaze in the face. Kip started to run around in circles as he screams about the apocalypse. “HELP, HELP, WE ALL LIVE A LIFE OF LIES! LIES, I SAY!! CALL 119!!”

Blaze started to get annoyed by the yelling his friend was doing. He got up, stuck his leg out where Kip tripped on it and was met with the ground. “Now, shut up.”

Mary just sweatdropped at the two pokemon as they sat back down on the mattress. “Well, Blaze’s the sarcastic one of the Sapphire team and I’m-“ Kip started.

“The stupid one.” Kip turned to face Blaze.

“Why do I have to go by the ‘stupid one’ as you say?”

“Cause I said so,” Blaze explained. Kip shrugs.

“He said so,” Blaze smacks Kip upside the head and Kip clutches his head in pain.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Kip yells.

“For being an idiot!”

“Okay,” Kip shrugged.

“Idiot,” Blaze muttered.

“Like you?” asked Kip.

“…Yes.”

“Ha! You’re an idiot,” Kip laughed. Blaze just stayed silent.

“…Anyway, we are two very interesting pokemon and (cough) Mary (cough)” Blaze started and was interrupted again.

“Hey!” objected Mary.

“I don’t see why we have to lie to our audience. Oh and, did you know that stupid in the Alakazam language means ‘Milk of Justice’?” Kip earned a shoe thrown at him by the Alakazams.

“Did you know that people with decent senses of humor call it sarcasm?”

“What’s sandwich?” Kip asked.

“Never mind,” Blaze grumbled.

“Anyway, we-“ Mary said.

“I still don’t know what sandwich means,” pondered Kip.

“It’s sarcasm, ya dolt,” Blaze rolled his eyes.

“WHO PICKS THE PEOPLE?!” Mary yells.

“You call us humans?!” Blaze yells.

“I’m just following the fukin script!” Mary screams.

“She called us humans!” Kip yells as he and Blaze attacks Mary.

“I’m so suing the script writers,” Mary mutters and Kip and Blaze start beating her up.

With The Script Writers

The two script writers are currently fighting over…

“My donut!”

“No, mine!” It seems the two idiots are fighting over the last chocolate donut.

“Hey, shouldn’t we get back to writing the fukin script, idiot?” the first guy asks.

“Who the hell are you callin’ idiot?!” The second guy yells.

“You!”

“Wha?”

“Ha! Sucker!” The first guy ran off with the chocolate donut.

“Hey! Get back here with my Trix yogurt!” The second guy ran after him.

Back With Blaze, Kip, and Mary

Blaze and Kip had just finished beating up Mary. “Phew, now that that’s done… LET’S GO RAID THE SUGAR SUPPLY!” Blaze yells.

“YAY!!” Blaze and Kip ran off the stage for sugar leaving the beaten up Mary.

Mary comes alive, “That’s it! I quit!” She ran off like a lunatic and out the door.

To Be Continued

Well, how is it? If you have some questions you like to submit or you want to be in the show, just tell me in your reviews. Next chapter might be Jeopardy… but that depends on if I get questions…

 

[Scizor King]

The idiot and the sarcastic clown, hilarious. Nice, but perhaps you should interview 3-4 characters at once?

 

[hikari_blaze]

I think I'll have Sparky (plusle) and Taria (altaria) join and have them interviewed by Jerry Springer.

 

[hikari_blaze]

PokeSpringer

The author walks out onto the stage with Blaze and Kip. “Well, since Mary has quit out of the insanity of Blaze and Kip over here…” She glanced at Blaze and Kip who high-fived each other. “…I have hired a new talk show host for the show.

She hid a smirk as Blaze and Kip said, “Noo!”

“Do you want to me to be the talk show host, boys?”

“No, no, no! It’s cool! Hahaha…” They stammered and laugh uneasily.

“…Please welcome Jerry Springer!”

“Yay!” The two pokemon cheered as Jerry Springer walked onto the stage. The author left to her room where she can get a better view of the insanity her starters will cause.

Jerry Springer smiles at the audience and takes a seat on the red lazy chair as Blaze and Kip sit on the mattress.

“Welcome to the show, Jerry!” Kip greeted.

“Nice to be here, Kip!” Jerry answered. “Alright, now for the interview. You got a letter from SS4 Ed. He asks Blaze, ‘What is it like to be a Blaziken?’”

“Well, I get a bonus fighting type so I kick the normal type’s butt! Hah!” Blaze smirked.

“Just don’t hurt Lenny!” Kip warned. “Oh, and it’s best to stay away from KFC.”

“Gee, thanks for the warning Captain Idiocy,” Blaze said, rolling his eyes.

“You’re welcome, Skipper!” Kip smiled.

“My name’s not Skipper!” Blaze said through gritted teeth. “Wait, do you mean Skippy? Skippy can be helpful to the team, after all, she is level 100. But, she can be pretty buggy.”

“Well, being the good friends we are, Blaze, we should know a lot about each other no matter which universe we are,” Kip said in a president like voice.

“Beautiful,” Jerry sniffed and blew his nose. “Just beautiful.”

“…Right. Kip, where was I born?” Blaze asked.

“You were born from the egg the Easter bunny gave Prof. Birch on Christmas!” Kip explained.

“…Do you even know which region you live in?”

“Of course! I live the region of Hakibob!” Kip smiled.

“…What color are you?” Blaze asked again.

“What is this color you speak of?” Kip wondered.

“…Well ladies and gentlemen,” Blaze started, pointing at Kip. “This is prime example of stupidity.”

“Thank you! I couldn’t have done without Blaze!” Kip smiled.

“Would you like to take that back before I sky uppercut you to Pluto?” Blaze warned as his fist started to glow.

“Uh, yes?” Kip squeaked uneasily.

“I thought so,” Blaze smirked as the glow of his hand disappeared.

“Anyway, SS4 Ed also asked-” Jerry started but was interrupted by none other then Kip.

“How come we can’t read the questions?”

“’Cause I’m the talk show host, now quiet,” Jerry explained.

“Meaner…” Kip muttered.

“Meaner?” asked Blaze.

“Shut up and let me finish,” Jerry grumbled. “SS4 Ed asked Kip, ‘Will you be my friend?"

“Of course I will!” Kip smiled.

“Too bad he doesn’t know where you live,” remarked Blaze.

“(sniff) Well, you sure know how to ruin a mood. (sob)” Kip cried.

“Are you done?” Blaze asked.

“Yep!” Kip cheered. “…Now what do we do?”

“How the heck should I know? I never wanted to do this damn talk show job anyway,” Blaze said.

“…Well, what would it be like if you guys were still wild pokemon?” Jerry asked, trying to keep the show going.

“Well if we were wild, we’d be jumping from tree to tree, eating Wurmples wrapped in muddy seaweed,” Kip started.

“Eew…” Blaze made a disgusted face.

“We would also be one with the pokemon and we would live in a tree house with Brandy and Mr. Whiskers and some Primeapes. That is how we would live.” Kip concluded.

“Nicely put, Tarzan,” Blaze remarked with sarcasm in his voice.

“Thanks and- oh! You were being submarine again!” Kip exclaimed.

“Sarcasm, you dolt!” Blaze yelled at his friend.

“Brandy and Mr. Whiskers?” Jerry asked.

“He watches Disney Channel,” Blaze said bluntly. The three hosts stayed silent.

“Well, how about we bring out our co-hosts!” Jerry suggested. “Please welcome Sparky Plusle and Skippy Beautifly!” Jerry and Kip claps while Blaze stayed silent. The electric pokemon with red plus signs on his cheeks walks onto the stage along with the bug/flying pokemon with vibrant color wings. They sat on the blue couch in the middle of the stage.

“So, Sparky. How do you feel about being on the show here?” Jerry asked.

Sparky grunted, “You should probably think of better questions, Springer.” He got a glance at Jerry’s fuming face, “I’m not very happy about seeing as how I have to work with the overgrown turkey here.”

“I heard that ya damn pipsqueak,” Blaze muttered.

“Why don’t you shut up?” Sparky remarked.

“Why don’t you?” Blaze retorted.

“Anyway…” Skippy interrupted, “I’m very happy to be here and…” Skippy paused and smacked Blaze upside his head with her wing.

“Ow! What was that for!?” Blaze exclaimed.

“For being an idiot! And, I’m not buggy!” Skippy yelled.

“Hey, that’s my line. Let a real expert show ya how it’s done,” Blaze said and smacked Kip upside the head.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Kip howled.

“For being an idiot!” Blaze told him.

“Okay!” Kip shrugged. Blaze turned to face Skippy.

“That’s how it’s really done,” he grinned. Skippy stayed silent.

“Anyway, what’s is it like living in Pokemon Sapphire?” Jerry asked.

“LIES!! NOO!! THE APOCALYSPE TRAPPED US IN ANOTHER DIMENSION WHERE WE LIVE A LIFE OF LIES!” Kip got up from his seat with flailing arms, which smacked Blaze in the face again and kicked Sparky in the face.

“Idiot…” Blaze and Sparky grumbles, rubbing their faces.

Kip just stared at the ceiling and yelled, “LIARS!! YA BIG LYING LIARS OF THE APOCALYSPE!! YOU LIE, LYING LIARS!!”

The Alakazams threw a pie at Kip which hit him in the face.

“Mmm… blueberry!” Kip said, getting his face out of the pie and sat on the mattress.

“Hmm… Well, what’s is it like living with Blaze, Sparky?” Jerry asked, choosing his words more carefully.

“Tch, that overgrown turkey is really a damn pain in the tail,” Sparky scoffed.

“Hey!” Blaze yelled. “You better watch your mouth, pipsqueak!”

“This is coming from the guy who makes Edward Elric look tall,” Sparky rolled his eyes.

“Hey!” Blaze and Ed (who appeared out of nowhere) exclaimed.

“I’m way taller than this pipsqueak!” Blaze yelled.

“Who’re calling pipsqueak?!” Ed yelled at Blaze. They started to get in a fight and an anime fighting could appears.

“Guys, stop!” Skippy yelled. “Sparky, we gotta stop them!”

“Why should we do that?” Sparky said, amused.

“C’MON!” Skippy dragged Sparky into the fight and the anime fighting cloud got bigger.

Jerry sweatdropped. “Well, as you can- AHH!!” He was interrupted when he got trampled by the fighters. The author came onto the stage with a sweatdrop. She looked into the camera.

“Well, uh, that’s a wrap! Ya know and AAAH!” The poor author also got run over by the fighters. She managed to scramble out of the argument. “That’s it! You guys are grounded from sugar!”

THUD!

BANG!

“Ooof!”

CRASH!

BAM!

And some more thuds.

The author turned to see that the four pokemon and Jerry were on the floor out cold.

~To Be Continued~

Feel free to submit some more questions! The team won’t be acting for a while since they’re still in the hospital. XD

BTW, I don’t own Jerry or Ed.

Lenny's my linoone from Pokemon Emerald.

 

[hikari_blaze]

Well, it is okay that I use questions people asked me back at fanfiction.net to post my chapter here?

I'll accept some advice.

Act 3: Rapping and KFC

“Welcome back to the show everyone! I’m your host, Jerry Springer--” Jerry started but was interrupted again.

“What about us?” Kip asked.

“I was just getting to you…” Jerry muttered. “We are back from the hospital and the therapist about getting over sugar,”—At this, the Pokemons twitched—“And after twelve months, we are on the air!”

“Hi, I’m Kip! These are my sidekicks: Blaze, Sparky, and Skippy! We will blow up the world using our super duper ninja powers we learned from the super duper cheese monks who--” Kip was interrupted when Blaze punched him in the face.

“Now… On with the questions!” Skippy grabbed a question card from Jerry, ignoring his “Hey, that’s mine!”

“Let’s see… It’s for Blaze! SS4 Ed asked: “Yo, yo, yo, shnzle! I've been wondering fizzles if you could rap, skanizzle.”

“I know,” Blaze said.

“Then, rap!” Skippy commanded.

“I can rap. I just don’t want to,” Blaze remarked.

“Chicken,” Sparky muttered. Blaze caught the remark and glared at him. Sparky smirked at him.

“You’re a chicken.”

“I am not a chicken! I’m a Blaziken if you forgot in that pea brain of yours!” Blaze scowled.

“Oh… Are there lots of different kinds of chicken? Like… coward, scared, chicken who are too frighten to rap and get made fun of Plusles who--” Blaze restrained himself until…

“FINE, I’LL FREAKING RAP ALL READY!”

“Yay!” Kip cheered and grabbed a bowl of popcorn.

“Is that shoe flavored?” Skippy asked.

“Yeah! How could you tell?” Skippy just said nothing as she kept looking at the sneaker in Kip’s popcorn.

“…Yo, yo, yo, I’m Blaze. Boo ya.” Blaze did his ‘rap’ and silence ensued the stage until some Haunter from the audience threw a tomato at him in the face.

“BOO, YOU STINK!” Blaze just did a Flamethrower at him and shut him up.

“…On with the next question!” Skippy said.

“Hey, that’s my job and my line!” Jerry objected.

Few minutes later…

Jerry just sat in the closet, gagged and tied up.

Back to the show, Skippy continued with her question. “Alright, SS4 Ed asked Kip, “Will you meet me at KFCs for chicken?”

“Sure!” Kip smiled but then grabbed a surprised Blaze by the shoulder and threw him out the window. “FLY, BLAZE, FLY! FLY LIKE A KITE!” he yelled frantically at the screaming Blaze as he plummeted somewhere. Skippy just stared in shock while Sparky just rolled in peals of laughter. After a couple of hours, the door slammed open, revealing a wet Blaze. Apparently, he got plummeted into a lake. He walked onto the stage and faced the audience, trying to ignore the laughing Sparky.

“…Kip?” Blaze called.

“Yeah, Blaze?” Kip smiled like nothing happened. Blaze punched him in the face.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! IT BURNS LIKE THE PLANET OF HOTHOTHOTHOTSPOTSHOT!” Kip screamed in agony and ran around the stage in circles. Blaze tripped him and Kip fell flat on his face.

Skippy just sighed, “I was right. Boy Pokemon are complete idiots…” She glanced at the laughing Sparky who started hiccupping and finally stopped.

“…Anyway…For Sparky from SS4 Ed. Again. He asked: “Could you beat my Plusle whose name is Plus?” All of the sudden, a random Plusle who must be Plus appeared.

“Hello! I am Plus! I like to fight!” Plus introduced and made a kung-fu pose, “We must battle because my trainer blackmailed me to so… CHWAAAAA!” He made battle poses while Sparky just watched with a blank look.

“Right… I’m Sparky and blah blah,” he muttered.

“Do not speak like that! Fight! CH-WO!!” Sparky just stood up from his seat and gave Plus a light tap on the forehead. In an instant, Plus was unconscious on the floor, KO’d.

“Pathetic…” Sparky grumbled.

“That was… quick.” Skippy said.

“And short-lived…” Blaze muttered.

“…The next question from SS4 Ed, again for the sixth time… he asked, moi,” Skippy said, “How did you evolve from Wurmple to Silcoon because my Wurmple from Emerald ended up as a Cascoon!”

“Well, I--” Skippy started but was interrupted by Kip.

“It all started with the planet of Chakotopu! The mighty cake god summoned the Easter Bunny of Pluto saying, ‘You are the ruler of the land of the land of the land of Planet Chakmaku and Blah-Blah and protect them from the turkey of Norway!’ then the god of the strawberry jell-o got mad and summoned Santa Claus to destroy cheese and that’s how Wurmple came to have two kinds of evolution!” Kip smiled.

“…Kip, that had nothing to do with how I evolve from a Silcoon and Ed’s became a Cascoon…” Skippy stated flatly.

“Oh…” Kip murmured. “Well, our trainer’s Wurmple always became Cascoon so she gave up and just caught a Silcoon!”

“… I feel so loved…” Skippy muttered.

“Whatever… On with the questions!” Blaze remarked and took Skippy’s question cards.

“Hey, that’s mine!” she protested.

“Tough.” Blaze shot back and took a card, ignoring Skippy who was being held back by Kip.

“Let me go, let me go, let me GO! I wanna kill that ******* who took the job I took from Jerry!” Skippy yelled.

Jerry

"...I miss my job..."

Stage

“CowgirlXena asked us: “Do you like country music? If not, what type of music do you like?” Well, for starters, I hate country,” Blaze remarked and got a tomato thrown at him in the face.

“BOO, YOU COUNTRY HATER!” Another Haunter yelled at Blaze. A Flamethrower shut him up.

“I love country!” Kip smiled, letting go of Skippy who seemed to have lost her anger.

“Kip, do you even know what country is?” Sparky asked.

“Sure! I even have a country song!” Kip smiled and took a deep breath, “…Kip is… coming around the mountain, here he come! Kip is coming around the mountains, here he comes! Kip is coming around the mountains, Kip is coming around the mountains, Kip is coming around the mountains, here he cooomes!!”

“… One: You suck. Two: That’s a nursery rhyme.” Blaze remarked.

“Well… I made one for Skippy too!” Kip cheered.

“Aww, you’re so sweet!” Skippy blushed. Kip blew a tune into some random harmonica.

“Skippy’s… mad at Blaze for taking Jerry’s questions! Skippy’s mad at Blaze for taking Jerry’s questions! She is mad at Blaze, she’s mad at Blaze, she’s mad at Blaze, she’s mad at Blaze, she’s mad at Blaze for taking Jerry’s questions!” Kip smiled as he sang.

“…That sucked out loud…” Skippy grumbled and smacked Blaze upside the head with her wing.

“What was that for?” Blaze cried.

“For taking my questions which I took from Jerry and being an idiot!” Skippy yelled.

“Damn straight,” Sparky said flatly.

“Whatever…” Blaze muttered, rubbing his head. Skippy smacked him upside the head again.

“What was that for?” Blaze screamed at her.

“For being an idiot!” Skippy retorted.

“…Okay.”

“Much better!” Skippy said.

“Well, next question from CowgirlXena…” Blaze caught a glance at Skippy who glared at him intensely, “Err…” Blaze uneasily handed the question to Skippy who perked up.

“Okay! CowgirlXena asked Blaze, “Would you date Gabrielle my Blaziken from Emerald?”

“Sure!” Blaze smirked.

“Wow, the mutant turkey has admirers!” Sparky rolled his eyes. Blaze glared at him.

“At least, I have admirers!” Blaze retorted at him.

“Sure, mutant turkeys that is.” Sparky smirked. All of the sudden, Blaze and Spakry got into a fight.

Kip just watched while eating popcorn. “…Is that shoe flavored?” Skippy asked again.

“Yeah!” Kip smiled.

“…Skechers?” Skippy asked again.

“Yup!” Kip grinned.

“Cool!” They watched Blaze and Sparky fight while they eat popcorn.

To Be Continued