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Pokemon: The Dark Side Chronicles

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by chalkus, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    If you're looking for a fanfic filled with action, adventure and mystery, this is it. Prepared to be blown away.

    Chapter 1​

    Dawn stepped off the bus, her Piplup right behind her. He called out to her, but she didn’t respond. Dawn’s eyes were locked onto the sign above her, ‘Welcome to Pewter City.’ It took a while before she heard Piplup, she picked him up in her arms and hugged him tightly.

    She tried not to cry, but it was hopeless. Not even Piplup’s warmth could console her.

    Come on, Dawn, you have to do this, she thought.

    She moved one foot, then the other. Soon, she was outside of the bus terminal. She immediately noticed Brock; he smiled, waving back at her. Dawn put on a brave face and approached with a smile as wide as his, but as she got closer, could not help breaking down. She wept into Brock’s open arms and he had to fight off the tears himself.

    “It can’t be true, Brock,” Dawn wailed. “It just can’t.”

    “I wish that were true,” Brock replied. “If I could change things, I would. But I…I can’t.”

    Dawn trembled, looking up into his grave eyes. “So Ash, he’s…he’s really…”

    “I’m afraid so. Ash…Ash is no longer…”

    “Don’t say it! Please don’t!”

    The tears would not stop flowing down Dawn’s face. Brock held her hand and led her away.

    “Let’s go to my place. We can talk about it there.”

    “I…I guess so,” Dawn replied, drying her eyes.

    He led her down the street, and for a moment, Dawn swore she saw a masked person watching them from the nearby bushes. She rubbed her eyes, but saw no one there.

    “Must be my mind playing tricks on me,” she said to herself.


    A person wearing black pants, a black hoodie with a red V on his chest, and a dark gray Metapod mask laughed at Dawn’s pain. He rolled on the ground in glee.

    “Looks like the girl’s already here,” he said to himself. “I had a hunch she would come here first. To think Whitney wasted her time going to Pallet Town. She called me a fool, but I’ll show her.” He giggled. “I’ll show them all. And when that girl is gone, I’ll be a rich man.”


    The kettle whistled.

    Brock went into the kitchen and prepared chamomile tea. He poured a cup for Dawn, but she seemed disinterested. Her gaze was out the window the entire time. Piplup hopped onto Dawn’s lap, and she finally snapped out of her daze.

    “I’m sorry, Brock,” Dawn said. “You’re being so hospitable and I’m just…”

    “Don’t worry about it,” Brock replied with a reassuring smile. “Drink up. The tea will calm you.”


    Dawn took two sips, then asked. “Tell me how it happened, Brock.”

    “You sure you don’t want to rest up first? You must be tired after your long trip from Twinleaf Town.”

    “I’m okay. I want to…no, I need to know what happened.”

    Brock sighed, then poured himself some tea. “I wish I knew what exactly happened, but I will tell you what I know.” He took a sip. “You see, Ash went to Cerulean City to meet Misty.”

    “You mentioned her before, right, back in Sinnoh.”

    “She was our travel buddy for Kanto, Orange Islands and Johto. We separated because Misty had to go back to her gym.”

    “How come.”

    “Her family owned the gym, but Misty is the only one with any real talent. Her sisters are horrible trainers. That gym was practically bleeding badges. They probably would have closed it down had she not gone back.”

    “I see.”

    “Anyway, Ash hasn’t seen Misty in a long time, so he headed over there to reconnect. I would have gone with him, but I had an exam to study for.” He grinned. “Becoming a Pokemon doctor isn’t easy.”

    “I’d imagine.”

    “He and Misty were supposed to meet me here. They went through Mt. Moon, then…it happened.”

    Dawn’s grip on her cup weakened. She rested it on his coffee table.

    “There was a landslide. Some say there was a Pokemon battle just before it happened, but there’s no way to know for sure. What I do know is that neither Ash nor Misty was seen again afterward.”

    Dawn latched onto Piplup. Those last few words cut through her as deep as any knife could. She did not know what to say or think. She felt like crying again, but had done enough of that for one day.

    “But…his body was never found, right?” Dawn said.

    Brock nodded. “It’s a complete mess out there. The Officer Jennys searched extensively, I even went out there myself, but we weren’t able to find anything.”

    “So there’s still a chance that he…”

    Brock laid his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t do this to yourself, Dawn. I’ve had those thoughts, too. I wish Ash would walk through my door right now with that goofy expression on his face. But he won’t, and we have to accept that.”

    Dawn nodded. What Brock said sounded logical. If Ash was alive, why wouldn’t the searchers find him? Why wouldn’t he have assured them he was okay? He was not the kind of person to make them worry like that. The only conclusion that was left was one that she did not want to face.

    “So how’s Ash’s mom doing?”

    “She’s taking it pretty hard. He was her only son, after all.”


    “I was thinking of heading over to Pallet Town tomorrow. You wanna come with me?”

    Dawn nodded. “I think that’s best. I wouldn’t want to be here all alone, anyway.”

    “All right.” He looked out the window, the sun was setting. “It’s gonna be dark soon, and I bet you must be exhausted.” He held out his hand. “I’ll show you to your room.”



    Dawn tossed and turned in her sleep. Her dreams were consumed by Ash. His laugh, his smile, his silliness. When they last saw each other, Ash promised they would meet again. A promise that was now broken. She wanted so much to give him a piece of her mind, but she couldn’t. She envisioned herself digging through the ruble at Mt. Moon, continuously calling Ash’s name, but getting no response. She dug and dug but found nothing. Then a bony hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her down.

    Dawn woke up with a jolt, sweating and breathing heavily. She buried her face in her hands and tried to calm herself down.

    “It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just…”

    She heard a noise from outside her room. Dawn got out of bed and roused Piplup. Together, they went into the living room. Dawn searched for a switch while calling Brock’s name. She found one and turned the lights on.

    No one was there.

    Dawn breathed a sigh of relief just as a knife went flying toward her. She fell to the floor and it went over her head. Someone all in black rushed at her as she scurried away. Her back came up against a glass door, the person in black charged furiously, sword pointed at her chest.

    “Piplup, water gun!” Dawn shouted.

    A high volume of water nailed the person in black from behind and sent him through the glass door. Dawn went through its shattered remains just as he returned to his feet.

    “You’ve got a lot of guts, you know that,” he said.

    “Who the hell are you!” Dawn shouted.

    “Your executioner.” He made a slashing gesture across his neck.

    “Why are you trying to kill me! I don’t even know you!”

    He grinned. “And I don’t know you, but it has to be done.”

    “Why! Tell me why!”

    “You’re a loud one.” He placed his sword into his scabbard. “There’s a bounty on your pretty little head, and I intend to collect.” He pulled out a pokeball. “So get ready!” He threw his pokeball and a Pinsir came out. Dawn’s Piplup stepped forward. “You’re going to use that little thing. Might as well fall on my sword, now.”

    “Don’t underestimate my Piplup.”

    “Fine, I won’t. Pinsir, tackle!”

    It tackled Piplup, but he got back to his feet. Pinsir used tackle again, and Piplup got back up again, but more slowly. It tried a third tackle, but Piplup used bubble, followed by peck. It knocked Pinsir back, but could not bring it down.

    “I see that little pest is not so weak after all,” the person in black said.

    “I told you so,” Dawn replied. “Piplup is more than just a Pokemon to me, he is my friend. And together we will—”

    “Save the speech, girly. Let’s see what happens when I get serious! Pinsir, Bind!”

    Piplup was trapped, then Pinsir followed with storm throw, brick break and finally submission. Piplup laid powerless on the ground. Pinsir tried to attack again, but Dawn covered him with her body.

    “No more! Please, no more!”

    He laughed. “Okay, I’ll leave him alone. He’s not the one I am after, anyway.”

    Pinsir grabbed Dawn in its pincers and began to squeeze. First came the pain, then she could barely breath.

    “W-Why are you…doing this,” she just managed to say.

    “I told you, for the money. Don’t worry, though, I’ll leave some nice flowers on your gravestone.” He laughed loudly. “Now, Pinsir, finish her with vice grip.”

    Its grip tightened. Dawn felt her body being crushed between its pincers. She was in so much pain, she could not even whimper. She wondered why this was happening to her, and whether this was truly the end. If it was, she hoped Piplup would at least survive.

    Suddenly, Piplup got back on its feet. The person in black laughed loudly. Even Pinsir seemed to grin.

    “What are you going to do now, throw more bubbles,” he mocked.

    Dawn’s eyes were locked with Piplup’s, and it gave a mighty shout. Suddenly, he glowed brightly, and he transformed into an Empoleon. He then charged at Pinsir and hit it back with a tackle. It released Dawn and Empoleon got in front of her.

    “Thank you, Pip…I mean, Empoleon.” She forced herself to her feet.

    “Stupid Pokemon,” the person in black said. “It won’t change anything. It’s still a weakling.”

    “Try us and see!” Dawn yelled.

    “Pinsir, tackle!”

    Empoleon dodged, then hit Pinsir with a water gun. Pinsir then tried seismic toss, but missed. Empoleon nailed it with a drill peck that sent it crashing to the ground. Pinsir slowly got up, and attacked with submission, but Empoleon countered with ice punch.

    “No. Not ice!”

    “Now Empoleon, ice beam!”

    Empoleon blasted Pinsir and froze it where it stood. Empoleon then rushed in and finished it off with ice punch, launching it past the person in black.

    “It’s over, mystery man!” Dawn said.

    He called Pinsir back, gritting his teeth. “Not yet. Not yet!”

    He pulled out a pokeball and brought out Metapod. It used harden, then he attached it to his arm, his sword in the other.

    “I’ll end it myself!”

    He charged forward. Empoleon used water gun, but the person in black used the Metapod to block it. He then leapt over Empoleon and rushed Dawn.

    “Know it’s over!” he yelled, and tried to stab her.

    But Dawn sidestepped him. For a moment, he looked into Dawn’s eyes and saw a fury that surprised even him.

    “I’ve had it with you!” Dawn screamed, and nailed him with a roundhouse kick to the head. Empoleon was stunned as much as the person in black, who hit the ground with a thud. His mask went flying off his face.

    “Look like those Hitmon-martial arts classes paid off,” she said.

    She slumped to her knees right afterward, she was still wounded from before. Empoleon rushed to her while the person in black lunged for his mask. Just as he touched it, Brock’s boot came down hard on it.

    “Don’t think so,” he said, then bashed him under his chin with an uppercut. Brock then picked him off the ground by his collar. “Tell me who you are right now! Why did you lock me in my room? Why did you attack Dawn? Answer me!”

    He only laughed, so Brock tightened his grip.

    “You..you certainly have a lot more gumption than your friend.”

    “It was enough for Dawn to beat you!”

    “Not her…the other one.”

    “Other one? You mean Ash?”

    “That’s the one. He did not fare so well before us.”

    “Us?” Dawn interjected. “So there’re more of you?”

    He laughed wildly, so Brock shook him. Suddenly, small black balls fell out of his clothes to the ground and exploded. A thick smoke surrounded them, and the person in black wrestled away from Brock.

    “This isn’t over, not by a long shot,” he yelled before disappearing altogether. Brock tried to find him, but it was fruitless.

    Brock went back to Dawn, who was struggling to stay on her feet. Brock held her up and led her inside his house. He got his medical kit and cleaned up her wounds.

    “How are you holding up?” he asked.

    “I’d feel better if I knew what that was about,” she replied. “He knew about Ash. Why did he mention Ash? Could he be the one who…”

    “Maybe, but we won’t know for sure. Not yet. I’ll have to track him down tomorrow.”

    “No, we will.”

    “But Dawn, your injuries. I know Ash would never forgive me if I let anything else happen to…”

    “It’s my choice. I have to know what happened. I have to know.”

    Brock sighed. “We’ll see. Now drink this. It will make you drowsy, but you’ll feel better when you wake up.”

    Dawn nodded and drank it quickly. “We have to find him Brock. We just have to…I must know why…what happened to…happened to…”

    Dawn fell asleep. Brock left her side and went to his computer. He accessed Ash’s computer to look up some old pictures. He got a good look at the person in black’s face, and there was someone there that he saw once who resembled him. He went through picture after picture, and it was not until he got to the older ones that he found what he was looking for. Right in front of him was the person who attacked them that night.

    “Samurai!” he gasped.

    To be continued…
  2. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Now, before I get into this review, allow me to offer up a positive note. You’re ambitious. Granted, you probably should let your fic speak for itself instead of saying that we should prepare to be blown away, but the point is, you want to do something awesome. And, in fact, you probably could produce something pretty awesome if you took it slowly and developed your fic a bit more carefully.

    But let me just get into the specifics first.

    Here’s a tip. Whenever you insert a comma into a sentence, replace it with a period. If you end up with two complete sentences as a result, then you were about to write a comma splice. Comma splices are run-on sentences, which is to say they’re sentences with awkward wording due to the fact that the whole shebang keeps going long after it should have ended. In the case of comma splices, what makes them run-ons is the fact that when you have two independent clauses (phrases that could stand alone as complete sentences), you can’t join them together with a comma; that’s far too loose of a pause for them. Instead, you need something a little more definite to separate one thought from the other. In many cases, this is a simple matter of inserting a conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so) right after the comma to form a compound, but you might also get away with using a colon, a semicolon, or a period, depending on how much of a pause you want and how related to each other those clauses are.

    Of course, if you end up with one complete sentence and one incomplete sentence, then it’s not a comma splice, and you can keep the comma where it is. However, this particular instance is a splice, and it’s actually a case where you might be better off with a period (because neither clause is related enough to form a compound sentence).

    Weirdly enough, this is also a comma splice. Note that the phrase “Come on, Dawn” can function as its own sentence.

    One of the things I immediately notice about this fic is its lack of description. You don’t really go into detail about what things look like; you really only tell us that things happened. For example, here, we had no idea Dawn was in a bus terminal until this point. You don’t show us her surroundings by describing where she is, so up until this point, she actually could have been anywhere. (I personally thought she just stepped off the bus at the city limit.)

    Remember that your readers are not you, so we come into your work with a blank mental canvas. It’s up to you, the author, to supply us with details so we can visualize what’s going on. While you don’t have to tell us every last detail, it’s a very good idea to give us enough for us to get a general idea of what’s going on or what your world is like. Otherwise, when you do pop out abrupt details like “she walked out of the bus terminal,” it feels jarring to us because we had no reason to believe that was a bus terminal (as an example).

    That’s a rather odd mental image. I mean, if she ran to him and embraced him, that’d be one thing, but weeping into one’s open arms conjures the mental image of someone just bent over someone else’s arms and crying. (This is why you should probably follow through with your descriptions.)

    Also, you’ll need a comma after “arms.” This is actually a compound sentence. (You can tell by replacing the “and” with a period. Note how you end up with two complete thoughts as a result.)

    Y’know, it’s rather odd that no one just comes out and says that he’s dead until a couple pages from now. Brock even goes for a rather awkward way of phrasing it (“Ash is no longer with us”?) in that people don’t really put it that way unless they’re being incredibly formal and tense. It just feels a little melodramatic that no one says “Ash is gone” or “Ash is dead” throughout this work, especially given that it takes so long to get the story to come out with it via the bit about the landslide.

    Why does it take so long to come out with that point anyway? Clearly, it’s something that’s pretty important to Dawn and Brock, considering the fact that Dawn starts off the story by mentioning how messed up she is over the fact that Ash is apparently dead. So really, it’s something that should have been brought up pretty early (even as early as the first few paragraphs of this story) and then expounded upon because not only is Ash’s apparent death common knowledge between our two main characters, but also, it’s the source of their current emotional states. In short, it’s a fact that’s serving as the basis of both scenes, so not mentioning it is a lot like trying to write a Pokémon fic without any mention of Pokémon.

    Of course, there’s also the point that it’s not even clear whether or not the characters think Ash is dead. Now, that’s important distinction to make. It’s obvious that it’s meant to be ambiguous from the story’s perspective (as in, what’s fact is the point that Ash is missing but not necessarily dead-for-certain), but from the characters’ perspective, they’re (or at least Dawn is) … split. On the one hand, it would make sense for either of them to not want to believe that Ash is dead, so it’d be okay to have them bring up the fact that he disappeared. HOWEVER! Both Dawn and Brock act as if he is dead, complete with bawling upon seeing each other and absolutely no plans to go out and search for him. So it’s a bit strange in that what they say implies that they won’t believe Ash is dead, but what they do implies that they absolutely do think he’s dead.

    It feels very much like a paradox here, but the short of it is you really should spin your story so that it’s heavily implied that they’re one or the other but not both. As in, if you want Dawn to believe that Ash might still be alive, you need to go into a bit more detail to describe how she’s still hanging onto hope. (Maybe she’s making plans to go out and find him. Maybe she talks about the rumors that he’s dead without bursting into tears over it because she really does believe he’s alive.) However, if you want them both to believe that Ash is dead, then they’re going to have to come right out and say that he’s dead early on. If you want her to not be certain, then she can’t really start crying and mourning over him because that would imply that she already knows he’s gone.

    Drop the comma. Note that if you replace the comma and conjunction with a period here, you end up with one complete sentence and one incomplete thought.

    Also, this bit about the masked man feels a little abrupt. I mean, she just spent several minutes working herself up into a mess over the thought that Ash is gone, and they’re in a place full of people (assuming that Pewter has people milling around at this time of day). She’s most likely not in an emotional state to take notice of something out of the corner of her eye.

    This is a little awkward in terms of description. The reason why is because although you attach the description to an action (the act of the guy standing there laughing), you’re still putting the action on hold to describe this character. It feels out-of-place and abrupt, in other words.

    Effective description would be done by tying each descriptor to a relevant action. For example, instead of just saying that he’s wearing a Metapod mask, you could describe the man adjusting it or the light glinting off of it. Instead of just saying that he’s wearing a black hoodie with a red V on it, you could call him a black-clad figure (which would cover the pants as well) and mention that the red V stood out somehow. Alternatively, maybe you might say that he zipped up his black hoodie or pulled its hood over his head to hide more of his body before running his fingers over the red V in thought. See, while it’s possible to have descriptions in which you pause the action and spend time rolling out details, it’s usually if one character is studying or focusing on another. Doing it whenever there isn’t a character around draws an odd amount of attention to this character’s appearance and makes the prose feel static and unmoving.

    Side note, but no one actually does this, especially people who are trying not to be discovered. I mean, if someone dropped to the ground and started laughing and rolling around, people would take notice.

    But we’ll get into the way this character is acting later on, especially after you reveal who it is.

    I’d hate to be blunt, but I’m hoping that you don’t mean the gym leader Whitney. I mean, Whitney is cutesy and bubbly in canon, so she wouldn’t really fit in with a group of dark, psychotic assassins.

    Your villain of the moment feels a little … stock, to put it lightly. I say this because you have him laughing maniacally, spouting off a mad scientist cliché (even if he’s not a mad scientist), and going after his goals purely for money. It’s just really difficult to take him seriously as a villain right now because there’s really no reason to expect much out of him besides standard “this character is evil” tropes.

    Putting it another way, people are complex creatures, and as such, characters who are people should really be as complex if they hope to be interesting. This is because the more complex and human your character is, the more unpredictable or relatable (in that a reader can look at them and say, “Hey, I know someone just like that!”) they become, so it makes your story more interesting because your characters are acting in your plot, not just serving stock roles. To put it simply, if your character is human—as in, if they experience emotions and have motivations that aren’t just “I’m evil because I want money/to take over the world”—then your readers can connect with them emotionally a little easier, even if those characters are supposed to be the bad guys. Deep or complex characters have emotions, specific desires, the tendency to make mistakes or **** up the world, and a whole list of other things that make them seem a little more real and make them feel tied into the story a little more.

    But stock characters? Stock characters—the kinds who are evil just for the sake of evil/money/world domination or the kinds who basically go down the list and try to do everything they can to look evil—aren’t quite as interesting because we know they’re evil. We know what they’re going to do, and we know they’re going to strike the main character/plot with brute force, rather than things like psychological warfare or gray-toned moralities. They’re straightforward and cartoonish, rather than menacing or chilling or anything like that. They’re just … not that strong.

    I say all of this because so far, you look like you want to pull off a gritty, dark Pokémon fic, but when you have a character who’s generically evil like Samurai is right now, that gets difficult to do because, well, he looks like a standard melodramatic movie villain, rather than a force we (or the characters) should really be afraid of.

    Buuuuut that’s not really the main issue I have with this character. I’ll get to that later.

    I’ll have to admit that from here onward, I won’t go into detail about grammatical errors, particularly if I see a lot of the same issue over and over again. But just know that there are a lot of issues with things like commas (missing or misused), so definitely try that period test I mentioned earlier. Whenever you have a comma and/or a conjunction, replace it with a period first and see if you get two complete sentences (or would get two complete sentences if a character doesn’t trail off, like Dawn does here). If the answer is yes, then you’ll need to either separate the two clauses with a period or figure out a way to turn the whole shebang into a proper compound.

    Also do the above test for commas you slip into sentences anyway. In some cases, you include commas where you really don’t need them.

    The “right” would suggest that some part of this would need a question mark because Dawn is expressing her uncertainty over whether or not Brock has mentioned Misty. I’d add it right before “back,” which would split “back in Sinnoh” into its own fragment. (It’s perfectly kosher to do it that way, by the by.)

    The Orange Islands. Also, because she wasn’t Brock’s traveling companion for that region (because Brock wasn’t there), it might be more appropriate to say, “She traveled with Ash through [those three regions].”

    This is a question, so it’ll need a question mark where the period is.

    On the positive side, this is one of the few fics I’ve read that acknowledges that Misty took over because her sisters suck at battling and not because they forced her to or are lazy/stupid/insert negative quality besides “terrible at battling” here. So that’s cool.

    This, of course, brings up an interesting question: when does this fic even take place?

    The answer should actually be established somewhere in the fic, but yeah, it’s really not made clear. Is this years after canon (which would make Dawn a young woman instead of a preteen)? Is it directly after Ash’s Kalos adventure? Is it completely ignoring canon and branching off at an earlier point (e.g., right after Ash’s Unova challenge)? Even these details should really be clarified within your story for the ease of the reader.

    By the way, while then could function as a conjunction, it really shouldn’t function as one to connect independent clauses in a compound sentence. That’s just because it’s rather awkward and causes the whole thing to read as if it’s a comma splice. It’s much better to say “and then”—or simply “and.”

    You could probably use “again” or “afterward” without using the other. It’s rather redundant to say both.

    Wouldn’t that just remind her of Ash and then cause her to break down into another mess? I mean, she’s already barely holding it together (apparently), and she’s in a location that isn’t full of stuff related to Ash.

    While fragments for emphasis are totally an okay thing to do, this feels a little awkward because it comes so late after the thing it’s describing (Ash’s promise). It would be much stronger if this was in its own, complete sentence.

    Ruble is a unit of currency; rubble is debris. Ash would need to be very lucky in certain European countries to be buried under ruble.

    Nightmares are very emotional things, so you’ll probably want to add in more emotion in order to get across the horror of it all.

    In fact, that’s something that this scene in general could use: emotion. To do it, remember that emotion has some physical basis. You’re not just afraid. You feel a coldness in your chest. Your stomach turns over. Your heart thrums in your ears, and you feel weak and clammy all over. Your breath even quickens a little, and you can’t help but freeze as you think of all the ways that thing that you’re afraid of will drag you down and suffocate you. And what is it about that thing that you’re afraid of that makes you feel terrified? Are you afraid of drowning in darkness, of being locked in a tiny place where you can’t move or of being under layers and layers of black that presses down all around you until you can’t breathe? Or do you just look at a curling, white smile and yellow eyes and automatically think that your throat is about to be ripped out, even though you can’t put into words why?

    Okay, pop quiz. How do you feel right now, after having read all that? Read it over again and picture everything that I’m describing. Imagine how all those things feel. How do you feel now? Scared? Something else?

    That’s really how you write emotion. You have to hit on what that emotion is on both a physical level and a psychological level. You dwell on things that make you feel certain emotions, and as you dwell on them, you feel them in your body. If you can convey the way a character does both at the same time, your readers will be able to look at what you’ve written and feel some semblance of that emotion too.

    But to just give us brief images without connecting an emotion to them (e.g., “a bony arm reached up to grab her,” as opposed to “a bony arm reached up to grab her, and her heart leapt while her throat burst out in a scream”) or to tell us how a character feels without connecting a psychological attribute to it (e.g., “she cried,” as opposed to “she thought about the absence of Ash and cried”) leaves a sense of disconnect. We can’t really feel what’s going on in that character’s head because all the story is doing is telling us what to feel, not giving us the images that actually make us experience it.

    This idea—of writing to make a reader experience an emotion—is especially important for horror … which nightmares basically are.

    Another thing I want to note is that you use a lot of short, choppy sentences. While those can be used to heighten suspense, doing it so frequently in an action scene (or when you’re not emphasizing anything in particular) tends to slow down the action and make your prose sound jarring. If you vary up your sentence structures, that will allow your prose to flow from one thought to the next, which in turn makes it easier to focus on what’s going on instead of the contents of each sentence.

    Also, again, emotions are still important in an action scene.

    So are descriptions. For the most part, you seem to disconnect Pokémon attacks from their sources (and I’ll get into the dangers of just naming attacks in a second), so the end result is that we can’t really visualize Piplup’s actions. We just see the attack, which causes Piplup to be downgraded as a character.

    Yes, Pokémon are characters too, and their movements should be shown whenever possible for the sake of giving us something to visualize.

    Someone just attacked her out of the blue, and they intended to kill her. Why is she not running away while she still has the chance?

    This is a question, so it should have a question mark where the second comma is.

    No, really, how old is Dawn right now? It seems odd that she would swear, considering she doesn’t canonically. (Yes, even taking into consideration the fact that Pokémon is a kiddie show, Dawn just isn’t the type to swear. She’s polite, ladylike, and a little more poised than Ash’s other companions, so even if she’s shocked, she probably wouldn’t use that kind of language. If we were talking about someone like Jessie, that’d be a different story.)

    It’s rather odd that you capitalize Pokémon species names when they stand in for common nouns (a Pinsir, Dawn’s Piplup), but you don’t capitalize move names or Pokémon-related items.

    While we know what these moves look like in the games, just naming the attacks doesn’t really build a dynamic, exciting battle. The reason why is because we can’t really get a mental image of what these attacks look like in the setting of your story. (It’s a lot like how I said vague or sparse description at earlier points of the fic doesn’t really help us visualize other things, like the setting or emotions.) I mean, yes, Bubble looks like a stream of bubbles, but it’s far more effective if you described how they stream out of Piplup’s mouth and slammed into Pinsir’s stomach, for example. While Tackle might be a full-body hit, it would be far more effective if you described Pinsir looming over Piplup or lunging at Piplip and throwing its entire weight onto the tiny penguin. And it’s most definitely more effective if you described the sound of bubbles snapping against Pinsir’s exoskeleton or the shout Piplup makes when it’s struck or even the cracking of Piplup’s bones under Pinsir’s weight. Point is, when you have action, you have to describe the action in just enough detail for us to imagine what it must be like to be in the fight (or at least to watch it happen). Sure, you don’t want to go overboard with the details, but describing how powerful the punch is leaves more of an impression than just saying one guy punched another guy.

    We also get that the guy is in black. You really don’t need to keep saying that. (After a few times, it even gets a bit redundant, so it’s actually better if you don’t call him “the man in black” or something similar each time you refer to him.)

    Because you don’t capitalize “Water Gun” and “Tackle” elsewhere in this fic, I’m assuming you mean to keep all move names lowercase. Either way, you’ll need to choose one method of capitalization and stick with it for the sake of consistency.

    You’ll want “lay” here. Piplup is doing the action, so you’ll want a form of “to lie” because all forms of its sister verb (“to lay”) mean that the action is being done to something. Meanwhile, the past tense of “to lie” is, oddly enough, just “lay.”

    In other words, if you lay, then that means you were reclining. If you laid, then that means something else put you down. Or, in cruder terms, you didn’t need help to lay, but if you got laid, someone else did the act to you.

    First off, comma splice.

    Second, “breath” is a noun. “breathe” is a verb. You’ll want the verb form here.

    Third, like all of the other comments concerning description here, I have to say that this feels a bit weak. Pain is a very dramatic thing, so you’ll really want to emphasize what it is in order to reel in a reader and pump a little adrenaline into them. They can’t imagine what Dawn’s pain might feel like right now because you don’t describe it in detail. You have no dynamic words here to give us an idea of how bad it is. After all, to us, pain could be anything from a stubbed toe to blinding agony. So to help us out and make us get an idea of what it feels like to be Dawn right now, you’ve got to get in there and start detailing what that pain is. Are Pinsir’s thorns piercing her skin to the muscle, causing her blood to trickle out of her arms and white-hot agony to flood her entire being? Are her bones cracking or threatening to crack? Is the pain so bad that her vision begins to blur, that her perception of reality begins to warp?

    Point is, you promised action. You shouldn’t be afraid to deliver.

    There are a few issues I’ve got with this sentence. (Y’know. Besides the lack of description.)

    First off, there’s a stage between Piplup and Empoleon. What happened to Prinplup?

    Second, speaking of “what happened to” situations, what happened to the Everstone Dawn’s Piplup carries?

    Third, there’s a reason why I’m asking about that Everstone. It’s because a huge part of Piplup’s characterization can be summarized in its refusal to evolve, just like how Ash’s Pikachu is characterized by its refusal to evolve. That decision marked a turning point for Piplup, and it went through an entire episode revolving around how much it absolutely did not want to evolve. It was even willing to run itself into the ground out of exhaustion to avoid doing it. What this says about Piplup is that it’s stubborn, yet at the same time, rather brave and bold. It takes a lot of effort for an under-evolved Pokémon to match the power of a fully evolved one, but Piplup is fully willing to do whatever it takes (using creative techniques, special training, et cetera) to do it. And it actually has, in some cases.

    Point is, evolving Piplup is a lot like having Ash’s Pikachu evolve. It doesn’t really take into consideration the fact that the Pokémon are characters too.

    Empoleon can’t learn Ice Punch. Normally, I wouldn’t really notice/attempt to look up whether or not a Pokémon can use a certain move, but … Empoleon don’t even have fists. So how exactly is it punching Pinsir?

    I mean, if you have a good reason to give a Pokémon the ability to use a move it can’t normally learn, by all means, go for it, but the thing is, you’ll really want to make sure that it makes sense in terms of their bodies. If a Pokémon has a wing instead of a hand, an arm, ecoplasm it can shape into an arm-like appendage if necessary, or so forth, it probably should not be punching.

    (This is, of course, ignoring the fact that it’s just safer to have a Pokémon use moves it can learn, especially if it has a wide movepool anyway. Going outside of those bounds tends to shine a bad light on you because it says to a reader who’s familiar with a Pokémon’s movepool that you didn’t want to come up with creative things to do with the moves they can learn.)

    Also, it’s probably worth it to note that Ice only does regular damage against Bug, so it’s rather odd that Dawn’s opponent would be worked up over an Ice-type move being used. Especially given the fact that Empoleon used a powerful Flying-type move (which is super-effective against Bug) and at least one Water-type move (which gets STAB whenever Empoleon uses it).

    At the risk of talking too much about spoilers, this is a rather odd image for several reasons. First, how is he attaching Metapod to his arm?

    Second … this isn’t what a lot of samurai would do in the first place. I mean, he is literally using a living creature as a shield. That’s more than a little dishonorable. Moreover, samurai don’t use shields, largely because their common weapons (including the one this character canonically has) is a two-handed instrument. While you could probably operate it with one hand (and a few actually did, like Musashi Miyamoto), your movements would be clumsy, meaning your attacks would be ineffective. The reason why is twofold. First, the katana is a very long sword with a long hilt and a pretty good amount of weight, so using it one-handed requires a pretty strong grip in just the right spot to avoid throwing off your arm’s balance. Second, when you wield a katana one-handed the object in your other hand is most likely another sword; samurai were known for not using shields after a certain point in history. Sure, they arguably used them at some point, but it wasn’t a thing throughout the majority of their history.

    Did you mean “now it’s over”?

    Strange that it took her this long to collapse (as in, she didn’t collapse immediately after landing the kick), considering the fact that she was nearly squeezed to death by a Pinsir.

    Of course, this is also ignoring the fact that Dawn probably shouldn’t be able to aim a kick that high anyway if she’s actually that injured, but then again, you don’t really specify how badly she was hurt.

    Well, that’s an odd sequence of questions.

    I mean, sure, he’d probably ask about being locked in his room, but, y’know, one of his closest friends nearly died. So he’d probably be a bit more concerned about that. In any case, the question concerning his room just feels like an explanation, rather than an actual question one would ask in the heat of the moment. It feels like it’s only there to tell the audience where Brock was, rather than to add to the scene itself, if that makes sense. If you’d like to have Brock provide that explanation, you could probably have him bring it up after this guy gets away. I mean, Brock does have to apologize to Dawn for failing to protect her, right?

    It’d be awesome if we could get a glimpse of the look on Brock’s face as he says this. Or a glimpse at what he’s thinking—or, really, anything at all. After all, he’s just been told that this guy was involved in the apparent death of his best friend, so he’s probably obviously showing a lot of emotion. Just writing Brock’s line reduces him to a talking head, rather than a person with body language or a thought process.

    He … was literally within Brock’s reach. Even with cloud cover, it’s odd that he got away so quickly and that Brock has no idea where he is already.

    Drink what? What is Brock giving her? Where did he get it? What does it look like?

    Details are definitely, definitely important here.

    Also, what in a standard medical kit is so powerful that it knocks you flat on your rear seconds after you drink it? Even NyQuil requires a few minutes before you’re out cold.

    Did he just hack someone else’s computer? One that might not even be turned on, let alone online?

    I mean, if you just wanted him to find a picture of the samurai, why not have him look at photos Ash has uploaded to the internet or that Ash has given him?

    Brock has never met the samurai, so how does he know who this person is? In fact, why would he be looking at Ash’s old photographs in order to find this guy’s face? Why would he assume that the person who attacked Dawn and who supposedly attacked Ash was an old friend?

    Also, let’s talk about that samurai while we’re here. See, although Samurai was canonically kinda a dick, it’s better to look at him from the perspective that Ash was a dick too. Even more of a dick, actually. Samurai challenged Ash to a battle, yes, but he ultimately cared about his Bug-types. He was proud of his Pokémon, and he was knowledgable enough to know how to keep them and himself out of trouble. He just wanted to challenge Ash to a fair fight because it was, essentially, a challenge, and Ash’s cockiness pissed Samurai off. Samurai even insulted Ash not because he thought he was better than Ash but instead because Ash ran away instead of protecting his Metapod. Even when berating Ash, Samurai’s comments weren’t focused so much on the Pokémon as they were Ash’s behavior. If anything, Samurai’s entire appearance hinges on the lesson that is “please give a crap about living beings other than yourself,” especially considering the fact that his anger was more or less sparked by the idea that Ash was selfish, crass, and uncaring towards his Pokémon. This all is ignoring, of course, the entire point that if Samurai is meant to be a stereotypical samurai (as characters sometimes were back in the first season), then he’d have his own code of honor he’d be following.

    Point is, Samurai is probably one of the least likely characters to run around and kill people for fun and profit, and he certainly wouldn’t do things like use his own Metapod as a shield. That’s just not honorable because it doesn’t respect the Pokémon themselves. So this Samurai just doesn’t feel like that character. It looks like an OC that happens to have that character’s name, and when you’ve got a first chapter that promises to be edgy like a lot of dark fic in this fandom tend to do, that already sends a bad signal. It says to a reader that you’re going to take a bunch of canon characters and turn them into villains or dark and edgy caricatures of themselves. Whether or not you actually do is uncertain, of course, but there are a lot of fics that start off by treating canon characters this way and end up going down some pretty dangerous paths.

    Now, this all is a problem because while it’s doubtful that you might have fans of Samurai in your audience, it’s still something that fans of the anime in general will pick up on and wonder about. Think of it this way. Making a character be OOC or deviating a lot from canon in general is a lot like writing a science fiction fic in which any basic law of science you can think of doesn’t exist. While you could write a story where, say, gravity isn’t a thing and where perfectly ordinary human beings can survive jumping out of a sixty-seven-story building on Earth, you’ll generally end up needing to explain how that managed to happen somewhere along the way. Most likely, readers will want an explanation for some pretty obvious violations to physics right off the bat because that establishes a foundation for what to expect from your story’s physics.

    In the same way, while you could write a Samurai who’s a psychotic assassin, you’re going to have to address the fact that he isn’t remotely like that in canon. Or, at least, if you do it to more recognizable characters (like Whitney or any other big-name character you include in your fic), you’re going to have to address canon. Otherwise, if you couple things like a cliché villain personality (which, sorry to say, Samurai is pretty much like right now, what with his focus on cashing in on Dawn’s death and the insane laughter and everything else) with a canon character’s personality, it just feels like you didn’t want to work with their canon personality, period. And that’s an impression you want to avoid giving readers because that is a polite way of saying, “Your characterization looks lazy.”

    In the end, while it’s always refreshing to see a fic featuring canon characters around this forum (especially given the fact that, for some odd reason, there seems to be a stigma surrounding using canon characters), this could be better. Your description most definitely needs work, first off. A lot of your time is spent telling us how things happened, rather than showing us by getting into characters’ heads and describing settings, actions, and emotions. It’s really difficult to visualize what’s going on a lot of the time because of that.

    Then, your characterization really needs work. While Brock is an okay character (as in, I really didn’t find anything wrong with his portrayal up until that last scene), Dawn’s emotions are either not there or forced. You have her dialogue fluctuate between the implication that she believes Ash is still alive and the implication that she believes he’s dead, but she spends a lot of time crying as if she definitely believes him to be dead. Or, rather, you say that she’s distraught, but you don’t really get into her head and describe what she’s actually thinking. Alternatively, like in the nightmare scene and the scene where Samurai breaks in, you don’t describe her reactions beyond the way she moves. You don’t let her have much in the way of body language; all movement she makes is only intended on advancing the story from Point A to Point B, rather than describing her emotional and physical state.

    This is, of course, not even getting into Samurai, who is basically a standard psychotic evil villain, nor does it get into the grammar/word usage issues (which can be solved by more careful proofreading and a refresher on comma rules).

    Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should give up writing or that you’re absolutely horrendous. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think there was something that was interesting about this fic. Like I said, it’s not every day that I get to read a fic in this forum about canon characters, and I certainly want to see something dark and gritty. You do start posing questions about what happened to Ash and what kind of conspiracy is involved here, and you do pose them pretty well. It’s just that those questions are lost in the delivery. Like I said, if you cleaned a lot of this up and developed your concepts a bit more, your story will be able to shine through a little more. We’d be able to focus more on that than how detached a battle feels or how out-of-character someone is.
  3. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    Thank for the review. Yeah, there were grammatical and spelling errors that I should have caught, the next chapter will be better. There are a couple things you raised that I want to address.

    1. Piplup evolving into Empoleon will be addressed by Brock in the next chapter.
    2. Brock accessed Ash's computer just like you can access Bill's PC in the Pokemon games. He did so because he recognized Samurai's face from one of his old pictures.
    3. Dawn's emotions are all over the place because Ash's death has deeply hurt her. She is still trying to sort out her feelings.
    4. Dawn is 15 in this story.
    5. Now for Samurai. He might seem like a cartoonish villain, but there is a reason for his behaviour. You'll have to wait and see what it is.
    6. As for Whitney, you will have to wait and see.
  4. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Probably not a good idea to use "I will explain this thing that suspends canon in the next chapter" as an explanation. Again, if it's jarring for a reader, it's going to be jarring for them right in that chapter. Adding an explanation for something that poses a lot of questions (like a lack of a middle stage or why Piplup, a Pokémon that has no desire in canon to evolve, would want to evolve anyway) will just make it feel like you're offering up an excuse for suspending canon, rather than an attempt to make the evolution seem like it fits your story.

    First and foremost, Bill's PC is not a literal PC. It's a storage program, basically like the Dropbox or Google Docs for Pokémon. The term "[developer]'s PC" is just a name.

    Second, Bill's PC is constantly online; a literal personal computer like the one Ash would have is not. Think of it like this. Can you access your best friend's computer via your desktop/laptop right now? Same deal. Even if computers were on a LAN (i.e., computer-to-computer network), there are plenty of files you probably wouldn't be able to access normally, just because computers don't actually work that way.

    But ... he never met Samurai. Ash and Misty met Samurai in the fourth episode; they met Brock in episode five. Unless Brock, for some reason, stalks Viridian Forest or unless Samurai actually left (the latter of which didn't happen), Brock should not know who Samurai is.

    There's a difference between being emotionally unstable and switching from one emotion to another abruptly. Moreover, a lot of her emotional switching seems to stem from her inability to decide for certain how to feel about things that have little or nothing to do with the way Ash treated her. (For example, she's unable to express fear or surprise when she should, and, as I've said, the fact that she switches back and forth between crying over Ash's death and insisting that he's still alive says she can't decide whether or not he's dead. When it comes to the latter, yes, it's possible for someone to be uncertain about another person's fate, but the way Dawn does it makes it look like she's treating Ash like the Schrodinger's Cat: both alive and not alive at the same time.)

    As I've said, this is something you should be establishing in the story. You should be explaining this kind of thing via the description and general exposition/story building in the first scene so that we can get a better understanding as we're reading of what we're looking at.

    Again, as I've said, if you start off with writing a character who's basically a cartoonish caricature of an antagonist, you're not going to reassure readers that your characters are going to get better. All you're saying is that you're only going to build cartoonish antagonists with incredibly cliché motives, not deep, complex characters who can pull off a plan without rolling on the ground laughing.

    I'd hate to put it this way, but you'll want to realize that this isn't how writing works.

    As I've said, the dangerous thing about saying "you'll have to wait and see" is that your reader only gets as much as they can possibly read in order to get an impression. That's why good storytelling involves dropping clues and careful development: because your reader is going to get to chapter one and pass judgment before they reach chapter two and beyond. Why would someone stick around to read future chapters if they think your first one is only okay?

    In this case, you've given us no indication that the characterization is going to be better, and you've given us no indication that the things that look weird in terms of canon are going to be explained. So right now, all we see are the cartoonish antagonist, the suspensions to canon, and other things that you insist have explanations, and to us, it just seems like lazy writing (not to be overly blunt about it) because there's no indication that any of this will make sense in the end. As far as we can tell, your Samurai is still going to be the ridiculously campy villain later on down the line, and you just suspended canon for the sake of convenience—all because, again, we don't have that explanation in the story.

    So ... yeah. Don't wait until later chapters to do things like establish characters and avoid making campy, stereotypical villains. Start from chapter one if you want to impress us.
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2014
  5. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    I know you all wanted it. Here is chapter 2. Enjoy.

    Pokemon: The Dark Side Chronicles

    Chapter 2​

    Samurai darted into the Viridian Forest. He leaned against a tree, huffing and puffing. He slowly caught his breath. His recent failure to kill Dawn replayed constantly in his mind. He held his head and screamed. Turning, he punched the tree he leaned on until his hand bled.

    “I can’t believe it!” he shouted. “I can’t believe I lost!”

    A giggle caught his attention, which turned into a laughter that reverberated in his ears. There was no sanctuary, it surrounded him completely.

    “Who’s there!” he shouted. “Show yourself!”

    Silence followed, and Samurai breathed a sigh of relief until he heard, “Looks like you haven’t changed a bit.”

    Behind him was a woman dressed all in black like he was, except her pants were much shorter, and carried a backpack behind her. Her long, pink her gleamed under the moonlight, giving her an almost angel like glow.

    Samurai frowned. “What the hell do you want, Whitney?”

    Her face was plastered with a childlike innocence that was filled with hypocrisy. “I came to check on you. I heard about your defeat.”

    “H-How do you know about that?”

    “Come now, Samurai. You should know by now how the organization operates.”

    He grunted. “It was just a minor setback. I’ll get the girly girl for sure next time.”

    “Oh really.” Whitney strutted toward him, wagging her finger. “Word is our superior is not too happy about your failure.”

    Samurai gulped. “H-He’s not.”

    “Not at all. In fact, I hear he’s quite furious. You know how his temper is.” Samurai turned away from her. There was almost no color left on his face, and he did not want her to know it. “Which brings me to why I’m here. Looks like the boss wants me to bring you in. He wants to reprimand you…in person.”

    Samurai’s hands were latched to his head again and he screamed, “No! Not now! I almost had her! I’d do anything for one more chance!”

    “Anything? Really, now.” Whitney folded her arms. “Okay Samurai, I’ll help you out.”

    “You? Help me?”

    “Listen, if you don’t want my help, that’s fine. I’ll just have to escort you to the boss. Your choice.”

    Samurai paused and then let out a deep breath. “Fine. I accept.”

    “Good boy.” She took off her backpack and tossed it to him.

    He opened it and frowned. “Is this what I think it is?”

    “Be careful how you use them. If you lose this time, you have nowhere to come back to. Understand?”

    “Yeah, yeah.” Whitney turned and Samurai laid his hand on her shoulder. “You never said what you wanted in return.”

    Whitney shrugged him off. “We’ll settle it later. Ta-ta.”

    She walked into the darkness of the bushes and was quickly out of sight. Samurai clenched his fists and stared into the sky.

    “I won’t fail. Not again…never again!”


    “See you later, Officer Jenny,” Brock said, opening the front door to his house.

    “Bye, Brock,” she replied. “I hope I’ll have something positive to report to you soon.”

    “Just say when. We’ll go over the details over dinner, perhaps?” He winked.

    “Goodbye, Brock.” She winked back.

    He closed the front door and went into the living room. Dawn was on his sofa sitting next to Empoleon. He was nibbling at Pokemon snacks Brock gave him. Dawn’s right hand shook. The cup of tea she held rattled against the saucer beneath it.

    “You okay, Dawn?” he asked.

    “Um…yeah,” Dawn replied. She realized her hand was shaking so she laid her cup on the coffee table. “So he’s still out there.”

    “Officer Jenny said she will use the full resources of the Pewter City police to find him. By now, I guess he’s probable nowhere near the city.”

    “Who is he, anyway?”

    “His name is Samurai. I don’t know anything else about the guy, though. Ash and Misty met him in the Viridian Forest before I met them. I recognized him from a picture Ash showed me once.”

    “Did something bad happen between them?”

    “Can’t say. He never really said anything about the guy.”

    “Remember what he said before? He did something to Ash and he also mentioned others were involved. Why would anyone want to hurt Ash?”

    Brock sat on the chair adjacent to her. “I wish I had the answer.” He scratched his chin. “Something sinister is going on and Ash was a victim of it.”

    Dawn stared at the floor. “And now they want to kill me.”

    They both became silent. Dawn didn’t know what to say let alone think. So much had been happening so quickly. It was hard just to keep up, let alone sort out her feelings. Just a few days ago, she was preparing to head to the Johto region. It would have been her second attempt at winning a major league tournament. She was so excited. Piplup was the only Pokemon she planned to take with her. The rest she would catch and train as she travelled, just as he did. She was almost out the door when she got that phone call. She wished she had missed it. Hearing from Brock again after a couple years was great but when he gave her the news, it was like the world had been turned upside down. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. After finally mustering up the courage to come to Kanto, now she had to deal with a strange young man who she had never met suddenly wanting to kill her. And almost did. This new revelation was almost too much too bear. Thinking about it, a new emotion bubbled to the surface. She clenched her fists tightly, her brow furrowed, her eyes narrowed. She snapped out of it only when Empoleon laid his wing on her shoulder. Dawn calmed down and petted him gently.

    “Thanks, Pip…I mean Empoleon,” Dawn said. “This will take some getting used to.”

    “You’ve got a very special Pokemon,” Brock said. He got a Pokemon treat and held it out for Empoleon, who happily swallowed it. “I’ll have to do a paper on him for school.”

    “The way Piplup evolved into Empoleon…you said it was a double evolution?”

    Brock nodded. “It’s an extremely rare form of evolution. Through sheer will, Piplup forced himself to evolve twice in one go.”

    “I didn’t know that was possible.”

    “Officially, no. There is a theory on double evolutions occurring in one out of every ten million Pokemon, but no one has ever seen it.”

    “But I don’t understand how he evolved. He refused to evolve before, remember? And then I used the stone Nurse Joy gave me to—”

    “But your life was not in serious danger before.” Dawn rubbed her waist. She was okay now, but the pain she felt from Pinsir’s attack was fresh in her mind. “Piplup couldn’t beat Pinsir so when he saw you were about to lose your life, he made himself evolve.” He rubbed his chin. “There’s a possibility that refusing to evolve before, combined with Piplup’s desire to save you, led to the double evolution to occur.” He scurried to his desk and picked up a pen and notepad. “Interesting…”

    “Is that true, Empoleon?” Dawn asked, rubbing his head. “I wish I could rest you on my lap like before, but you’re a little too big now.”

    Empoleon screeched and playfully rubbed his head against Dawn’s chest.

    “Hey, Dawn,” Brock said. “I’m heading to Pallet Town soon. Ash’s mom is expecting me.”

    “I remember when you mentioned that yesterday.”

    “After what happened last night, I think it is best that we go together. There’s no telling where Samurai is now. I wouldn’t want him coming after you alone.”

    Dawn nodded. She did not feel like travelling. She’d prefer to wrap herself in her sheets and lie in bed all day. However, with Samurai on the loose, she could not risk being by herself.

    “When are we heading out?”

    “In an hour. We have a long walk ahead of us.”

    “Okay.” She turned to Empoleon. “We’d better go get ready.”

    Dawn leapt off the sofa, followed closely by Empoleon, and went to her room to change. Brock glumly approached a desk in his living room and pulled open a drawer.

    “I thought my battling days were behind me,” he said to himself. “You’re all I have left, but you’ll have to do.” He pulled out a pokeball and stuffed it in his pants pocket. “I might have lost you Ash but I won’t lose Dawn too. I owe you that much, buddy.”


    Dawn, Empoleon and Brock went past the sign welcoming newcomers to Pewter City. Brock walked with a brisk stride. Dawn and Empoleon were behind him. Her brow was covered in sweat and the distance between her and Brock slowly increased.

    “Hey, brock,” Dawn said. “You mind slowing down a little?” He did not answer. “Brock, did you hear me?” He still did not respond. Dawn let out a deep breath. She turned to her left and said, “Officer Jenny, why are you walking around without any clo—”

    “Where! Where!” Brock said. He turned his neck back and forth so quickly Dawn thought it would snap. Seeing that Officer Jenny was nowhere around, Brock folded his arms and sternly told Dawn, “What did you do that for?”

    “I’ve been trying to talk to you but you weren’t listening,” Dawn said. “You’re walking too quickly. We can barely keep up.”

    Empoleon screeched his agreement. Brock scratched the back of his head.

    “Sorry about that. I was trying to get to Ash’s place as quickly as possible because…”

    Dawn raised her hand to stop him. “I understand why but if we are being followed, tiring ourselves out won’t help.”

    Brock closed his eyes and grinned. “I guess you’re right.”

    Dawn walked ahead of him. “So where are we heading to now?”

    “The Viridian Forest.”

    “That’s the place with the bug Pokemon, right?”

    “Uh-huh. From there we head past Viridian City before getting to Pallet Town.”

    “What’s Pallet Town like.”

    “Small. Quiet. Peaceful. A lot like your hometown.”

    “I guess I’ll feel right at home. I wanted to go there with you guys after Sinnoh, but then, you know.”


    “I’ve been so busy since then. Going from contest to contest. I cried a river when I won the Sinnoh Grand Festival. Then I won Johto after that.”

    “Ash and I saw it on TV. He was very proud of you.”

    Dawn nodded. “I ran into him a couple times in the past few years. Going from region to region, competing in tournaments, can be trying. It’s even harder to stay in touch with anyone. If I wasn’t home when you called, who knows when I would have…well.”

    Dawn and Brock walked in silence until they got to the north entrance of Viridian Forest. They entered through the glass doors and into the air conditioned building that was a treat after all that walking. Brock bought a couple sodas and they drank them while a seated at a bench. The moment they were done, they were up and out of the building and into the Viridian Forest.

    “You’re not afraid of bugs, are you?” Brock asked.

    “Are you kidding?” Dawn replied. “I’m too old for that.”

    Brock grinned. “Misty was scared to death of bugs. She had a hard time coming through here with Ash after they first met.”

    “I see.”

    “Well, let’s get going. We still have a long way to go before Pallet town.”


    Brock led the way with Dawn right behind. Something told her to look back. She wasn’t sure what, it was just a feeling. She saw Officer Jenny hurriedly rushing into the building. She looked frantic. Dawn tugged at Brock’s arm and said, “Hey, Officer Jenny is…”

    Dawn, Empoleon and Brock were rocked off their feet and landed hard against the ground. The tall grass did little to break their fall. Dawn woozily got to her knees. She felt blood trickle down her face from a gash on her cheek. Behind her, the Viridian Forest north entrance was half destroyed and engulfed in flames. The inferno started to spread into the forest.

    “Empoleon, use water gun to douse the flames!”

    Her faithful Pokemon sprayed the flames with a burst of water out of his mouth. Dawn meanwhile went over to Brock and shook him but he did not respond.

    “Please Brock, you’ve gotta get up!” Dawn pleaded. First he grunted and then he coughed. “Thank goodness!” She slung his left arm over her neck and tried to stand him up but could not. “Help me Brock!”


    With Dawn’s help, Brock stood upright. Together, they slowly made their way away from the enflamed entrance to a clearing. The ground shook as a second explosion almost knocked them off their feet again. Dawn rested Brock against a tree and searched ahead. She gasped. The southern entrance was also in ruins.

    “No way out,” Dawn said to herself.

    “You’re right!”

    Dawn’s eyes were fixed ahead of her. Emerging out of the smoke that bellowed from the flames was Samurai, grinning from ear to ear. Dawn retreated to the center of the clearing and called Empoleon to her.

    “So, honey, you like what I’ve done with the place,” he said, approaching her.

    “Stop right there!” Dawn said. “If you don’t, I’ll…”

    Samurai stopped advancing. “Oh no. I hope the girlie girl in the pink skirt doesn’t hurt me. Ha!”

    “Empoleon, get ready!” Empoleon hopped ahead of her and screeched loudly.

    “That thing again,” Samurai said after yawning.

    “He was more than enough the last time!”

    “Well that was then…” He pulled out a pokeball from his pocket. “…and this is now!”

    He tossed the pokeball ahead of him and out of it emerged a Pokemon that looked like Pinsir but was noticeably different. It was bigger, had longer limbs, bigger pincers, and a pair of wings. Dawn took a step back, mouth agape.

    “What is that thing?” she finally asked.

    “Pinsir’s ultimate form.”

    “Ultimate form? What are you talking about? Pinsir can’t evolve!”

    “Shows what you know. With a special stone, a Pinsir can be made to mega evolve into a Pokemon far more powerful than it was before! Allow me to introduce you to Mega Pinsir!”

    Dawn gritted her teeth. She looked behind her to where Brock was. He was in no shape to help. Once again, she was on her own, this time against a Pokemon she had never before seen.

    “Empoleon, it’s up to us,” Dawn said. “We took him down before, and we’ll do it again!”

    Empoleon nodded and fiercely stared down Mega Pinsir who roared in response.

    Samurai laughed hysterically. “Get ready Dawn for the fight of your life. Only one of us is leaving alive!”

    To be continued…
  6. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    New chapter, folks. Remember to post your opinions below. This chapter is action packed, yo.

    Pokemon: The Dark Side Chronicles

    Chapter 3​

    The flames behind Dawn grew taller with every passing moment. Her perspiration soaked skin was a testament to how hot it truly was. The Viridian Forest was being consumed in a hellish inferno that seemingly was inescapable. The bird Pokemon made it out okay but the bugs that could not fly scurried away from the flames, desperately looking for somewhere safe. Dawn looked back at the remains of the northern entrance building. She hoped no one, person or Pokemon alike was killed. As bad as it looked, it did not seen that way.

    “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Dawn said. “The forest is burning down around us, not to mention the number of people and Pokemon who were injured in those blasts.”

    “I couldn’t care less,” Samurai replied.

    “Monster! How can you be so cold?”

    Samurai chuckled. “The money makes it all worthwhile.”

    “You mentioned someone wanted me dead before. Who is it and why?”

    “The who is none of your concern, as for why, I don’t know and don’t care. You aren’t the only one if that makes you feel any better. But you were different. The purse on your head was much higher.”

    Dawn was taken aback by Samurai’s revelation. Someone wanted her dead and was willing to pay off assassins like him to do it. She had many more questions to ask, but it became obvious to her that Samurai probably did not have them. With that crazed smile of his and eyes that bulged near out of the sockets, she wasn’t sure she could trust anything that came out of his mouth.

    “Empoleon,” Dawn said. “We have to win this battle as quickly as possible, okay?”

    Empoleon nodded. Dawn’s thoughts turned to Brock. He was injured and she didn’t know how badly. She would have already checked on him were it not for the Mega Pinsir in front of her. She’d never even heard of that Pokemon before, let alone seen one. It looked tough and Brock’s help would have been appreciated. However, she knew there was no point wishing for what was impossible. Their lives were at stake and the ever burning forest around them was like a clock counting down.

    “Empoleon, aqua jet!” she yelled, wanting to get the first strike in.

    Empoleon instantly rushed upon Mega Pinsir, but it had risen above him.

    “Get him with brick break!” Samurai yelled.

    Mega Pinsir’s right claw shone with a while aura as it came down on Empoleon. He squealed while being knocked back but remained on his feet.

    “Okay Empoleon, hit it with bubble beam!”

    Empoleon fired a large volume of bubbles from its beak, but Mega Pinsir flew around it. Empoleon fired again and again but could not get a single hit.

    “Don’t you see how pointless this is?” Samurai said. “It would be easier if you just surrender yourself to me now.”

    “Shut up!”

    Samurai shrugged. “Suit yourself. Mega Pinsir, use super power.”

    Mega Pinsir dodged bubble beam again and was wrapped in a bright red glow as it swooped down on Empoleon. It was moving too fast to dodge so Empoleon crossed his wings in front of his chest just as Mega Pinsir ploughed into him. Empoleon was vaulted into the air and spun on the ground as he landed.

    “Empoleon!” Dawn screamed. The tears were already forming in the corners of her eyes but she fought them back. Empoleon was still conscious and was fighting back to his feet for another go. She could not cry now, not with Empoleon trying so hard.

    “Such a tough Pokemon, too bad it has to die,” Samurai said. “What else can you expect from such a weak trainer.”

    “We’re not close to finished yet!” Dawn retorted. “Besides, as strong as super power is, it lowers your Pokemon’s attack and defense.”

    “True, which reminds me. Mega Pinsir, focus energy.” Mega Pinsir was wrapped in a white light and boomed as soon as it dissipated. “What is it you were saying?”


    “Cat got your tongue. Oh, well.” He shrugged. “Now Mega Pinsir, use x attack.”

    Mega Pinsir bolted toward Empoleon and bashed him with each pincer. He hit the ground again and got up…slower, this time.

    Dawn was agape. She could not believe how much stronger Mega Pinsir was now compared to when they fought the other day. Empoleon was too much for it to handle then, but as Mega Pinsir it looked like the reverse. She tried to think of a way to win but her mind was drawing a blank. It seemed hopeless. Dawn slumped to her knees. Brock was hurt, the bug Pokemon were surrounded by flames and the entire Viridian Forest was in danger of being destroyed. All because someone wanted her dead. It was up to her to stop him but she couldn’t imagine how.

    “If only I could hit it,” Dawn said to herself. “It’s so agile, so hard to…wait, that’s it.”

    Dawn got back up, the fear and disdain that was evident on her face from the moment the battle began were gone.

    “What’s with you?” Samurai asked. “Has your impending death caused you to go mad?”

    “You’ll see. Empoleon, use rain dance!”

    Empoleon released a tower of water that fell to the earth as rain. It covered a large part of the forest, including the two trainers and their Pokemon, and put out much of the fire. The wild bug Pokemon cheered.

    “What’s the point of that?” Samurai asked. “Those Pokemon aren’t worth the dirt beneath my boots. What a joke!”

    Dawn smirked. “You’ll see. Now, Empoleon, use ice beam!”

    “Crap! Dodge it, Mega Pinsir!”

    An electric like beam of ice was shot at Mega Pinsir and it just managed to dodge and fly around it. It dove down at Empoleon with incredible speed.

    Samurai laughed hysterically. “Now finish that garbage Pokemon off with brick br—”

    Mega Pinsir’s right wing froze and it crashed past Empoleon. It tried to fly again but could not get off the ground.

    “That’s impossible!” Samurai screamed. “Your ice beam missed.”

    “That’s true. I expected Mega Pinsir to dodge, which is why I had Empoleon use rain dance to douse it first. Ice beam was close enough to at least freeze one of Pinsir’s wings. Now you’ve lost your air superiority!”

    “Damn it!” Samurai stomped the ground furiously. “Mega Pinsir, shake it off and use…”

    “Oh no you don’t! Empoleon, aqua jet!”

    Empoleon instantly rammed into Mega Pinsir and sent it rolling. Mega Pinsir got up but was knocked down by aqua jet again and again. Samurai’s eyes bulged even more than they already were and saliva dripped out of his mouth.

    “No!” he screamed, holding his head. “No, no, no! I’m not a loser! I’m not a loser, mommy!”

    “Mommy? What are you talking about?”

    Samurai breathed heavily. He laughed and wiped the saliva around his face, making an even bigger mess.

    “I was a trainer with big dreams once,” he said. “I met Ash in this very place all those years ago while on my journey. But I wasn’t like him. I couldn’t even get eight badges. My parents were very strict. They’re both former champions and demanded that I not embarrass the family name. I tried again and again but I just couldn’t do it. I never even saw the inside of Indigo Plateau. My parents disowned me and left me on my own. I wasn’t to return unless I had won the championship, but I just wasn’t good enough. I tried calling Ash to ask for his help but he never returned my calls. He promised me were friends, he promised that we would meet again. When I needed him, he was nowhere to be seen. The bastard! Because he refused to help me, I bummed from forest to forest, route to route, street to street for years. I was so disillusioned with my life that it got to the point when I could barely tell the difference between fantasy and reality. That was when he stepped in to save me.”


    “The superior. The leader of the Vexus.”

    “The Vexus?”

    “That’s why I can’t lose. I can’t lose to you. I owe him my life, and if I can’t win here, I don’t deserve to keep living! Mega Pinsir, super power!”

    Mega Pinsir was surrounded by a red glow that was brighter than it was before. It was like Mega Pinsir could feel the desperation of his trainer and was going all out for him. Even the frost on its wing melted away.

    “Empoleon, dodge with aqua jet!”

    Empoleon did as he was told but Mega Pinsir relentlessly followed him. All Empoleon could see in front of him was that bright, red glow. Samurai wailed loudly.

    “Empoleon, use bubble beam on the ground!”

    Empoleon blasted into the air with bubble beam just as Mega Pinsir slammed into where he was.”

    “No!” Samurai screamed.

    “Now, use ice beam and follow it with drill peck!”

    Empoleon froze Mega Pinsir’s legs and then doze toward it, his beak brightly glowing. Mega Pinsir could not move. It looked back at Samurai with a melancholic face, almost as if it was apologizing. Empoleon hit perfectly with his attack and plastered Mega Pinsir into the ground. It didn’t move again after that.

    “It’s over,” Dawn said, releasing a deep breath. She turned to Samurai, who was running toward his fallen Pokemon. “You shouldn’t have used super power again. Mega Pinsir’s defense was already weakened after the first one, the second one made it an easy target.”

    Samurai lifted the head of his beaten Pokemon and sobbed. “You did good, buddy.” He returned Mega Pinsir to his Pokeball.

    “Turn yourself in,” Dawn said. “Maybe if you explain your situation to Officer Jenny, she will…”

    “What makes you think,” Samurai said, turning around, “that this is over!” He threw out a pokeball and Metapod appeared. “Now Metapod, takle!”

    Metapod rushed Dawn the moment it was out of its pokeball but Empoleon intercepted with aqua rush. Samurai threw a knife as Metapod went flying that was on a direct path with Dawn’s chest. She could not react fast enough to move out of the way, or to even utter a word. Empoleon batted the knife away with drill peck. Samurai drew his sword and charged like a man who had nothing to lose. Empoleon opened his beak widely and let out a very powerful, high pressure burst of water that slammed into Samurai. It sent him airborne through one half charred tree and bent his back over the trunk of another. He hit the ground with a thud that made Dawn cringe.

    “I didn’t know you could use hydro pump,” Dawn said, hugging Empoleon. “Thank you.” Empoleon screeched and then pointed his left wing toward a tree. “That’s right, we have to help Brock.”

    Dawn rushed over to Brock and shook him. He groggily responded and managed to sit up on his own.

    “I’m so glad you’re okay,” Dawn said. “I thought that…maybe…”

    She began to cry, but Brock wiped away the tear. “I should be thanking you. Thanks to you, we’re safe. I just wish I hadn’t made you fight that guy alone again.”

    “Don’t worry about it.” Dawn lifted Brock up with Empoleon’s help. “Let’s look for a way out of here.”

    They walked toward the northern entrance, but it was in ruin. There was no going in or out. They turned toward the southern entrance when the bloodied, tattered and torn body of Samurai was just barely standing before them. He still had that crazed look on his face, almost like he was enjoying the pain he was obviously in.

    “You again!” Dawn said. “It’s over, don’t you get that?”

    He grinned. “Yes…it’s over…for all of us…”

    “What do you mean by that?”

    “I took precautions…just in case I lost. The entrances…aren’t the only places…that had explosives. I buried a bunch of them…underground.”


    “Enough to send the entire forest sky high.” Samurai pulled a detonator from his pants pocket that Empoleon blasted away with bubble beam. “Too late. Already…pressed the button.” He fell to his knees. “In death, I kept to my word.” He fell on his back. “You have a minute left. Make the best of it.”

    Dawn frantically looked from left to right. There was nowhere for them to go, but it did not stop her from trying to find one. Brock touched her shoulder to calm her.

    “What do we do, Brock?” she asked.

    “Take us back to the northern entrance,” he replied.

    “But Brock…”

    “I know, just trust me.”

    Dawn nodded. She and Empoleon took Brock back from where they came from.

    Samurai looked up at the sky. It was a nice day, as good as any to die. He called his Pokemon out, one on each side. He reached out and held each one of them.

    “I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you,” he said. “The pain only has to last one more moment. Just one more…”

    The sky turned white as the entire Viridian Forest exploded. The charred remains of the once beautiful forest blackened the sky and rained down on those outside of it.

    “Oh no! Brock!” Officer Jenny shouted. She punched the ground. “If only I got there sooner. Damn it!”

    “Ma’am, we need to fall back,” another officer said, grabbing her arm.

    “No! We have to help…”

    “Help who? The place is up in smoke. I’m sorry about your pal but unless you want to end up like him too, I suggest we…”

    Officer Jenny glared at him and he looked away. She sighed.

    “Retreat from this area. There’s nothing more…there’s nothing more we can do here. The fire department will have to handle this.”

    The officer saluted and turned but quickly ended up on his butt. A large black and gray colored Pokemon had burst out of the ground and landed perfectly on both feet. It roared loudly.

    “It’s an Aggron,” Officer Jenny said.

    Officer Jenny approached the hole it made and peered down. All she saw was darkness. As she was about to turn away, she heard, “You look good from this angle, too.”

    Brock stuck his head out of the hole. Officer Jenny pulled him out and hugged him so tight, he almost passed out.

    “Relax Jenny, I’m injured,” Brock said.

    “Sorry. I’m just so…”

    “I know.”

    Dawn climbed out right behind him, followed by Empoleon. Officer Jenny led them to an ambulance and all received medical attention. Dawn explained to her everything that happened, from battling Samurai to him destroying the Viridian Forest in a last ditch effort to kill her.

    “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Empoleon,” Dawn said, rubbing her Pokemon’s back. “Mega Pinsir was really tough but Empoleon still managed to win.” Aggron roared, Dawn giggled. “You too, Aggron. You really pulled through for us.”

    “I wish I had been more helpful,” Brock said, rubbing the back of his head.

    “It’s not your fault, you were injured. Besides, without Aggron we would have been history.”

    “I guess.”

    “If you like, I could massage that bump of yours,” Officer Jenny said with a wink.

    “Sure but Nurse Joy already offered to do me fir—”

    “What was that?” Officer Jenny said with a malicious glare.

    “Just kidding,” Brock said, half terrified. They all laughed.

    “I just wish I knew why he tried to kill me,” Dawn said, changing the mood.

    “You said they called themselves The Vexus,” Brock said. “Ever hear of them, Jenny?”

    She shook her head. “I’ll have to look into it. An organization like that must have a paper trail to follow. It’ll only be a matter of time before we catch up to them.”

    “I hope so,” Dawn said.

    She watched as firemen and their Squirtles sprayed the remains of the Viridian Forest with water gun to douse the flames. She realized how lucky she was to survive. She tried to save as many as she could but it was obvious that many Pokemon lost their lives that day. It was all because someone wanted her dead and did not care who had to die to see it happen. She wondered what she could have possible done to enrage someone that much, but was drawing a blank. In the end, what she knew above all else was that as long as The Vexus existed, her life would be in danger. Ash and Misty had already met their fates, she was determined not to let the same happen to her.

    I can’t let something like this happen again, she thought. Not just for me but for Ash as well. I have to get stronger, stronger than I’ve ever been. The Vexus can count on that.


    Overlooking the chaos that was the Viridian Forest from afar was Whitney dressed more like a tourist than a member of The Vexus. She grunted and shook her head.

    “Samurai, what a waste,” she said. “He could have at least taken the girl with him. And after all my help.”

    Her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her pants pocket and flipped it open.

    “I hear Samurai’s dead,” a muffled voice said.

    “Seems he used explosives and destroyed the entire forest,” Whitney replied. “The fool. Even with those explosives and a pinsirite to mega evolve his Pokemon, he still couldn’t get the job done.”

    “Giselle informed me that those very items had gone missing.”

    “Guess he stole them.”

    “Seems so. In any case, how are the other operations going?”

    “They’re both going as planned. May should be eliminated before the sun sets tomorrow. Iris is moving around but I think she’ll be travelling soon. We’ll get her then.”

    “Splendid. Inform me of any new developments.”

    “Will do, bossman.” Whitney hung up and focused her sights on Dawn. “I almost want to see why Samurai lost to someone like her but I have bigger fish to fry.” She dialed a number on her phone. “But I know someone who will be more than happy to entertain you, sweetheart. This time, you won’t be so lucky.”

    To be continued…
  7. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    Here's the new chapter. Leave comments at the bottom, yo.

    Pokemon: The Dark Side Chronicles

    Chapter 4​

    May was in a cold sweat. She wondered how her day could have turned so wrong. She stepped out early from the Pokemon Center in Rustboro City that morning to train with Blaziken. She was in-between contests and wanted to try a new combination she came up with the night before. She was hardly in the park for five minutes when two motorcycles noisily appeared in front of her. A tall haired guy named Chopper and a blue haired girl named Tyra circled her and threatened to take her out. They were both dressed all in black with a V on their chests. There was no getting around them and there wasn’t an Officer Jenny in sight. She had no choice but to battle them one on two. She kicked herself for only taking Blaziken with her but never expected being attacked. Now her favorite Pokemon was locked in battle with a Golem and a Cloyster and was tiring quickly.

    “Just my luck, they both have the advantage over Blaziken,” May said.

    “Wouldn’t have mattered,” Chopper said, cockily. “We would have beaten you anyway.”

    “No doubt,” Tyra added. “I think it’s time we end this, Chopper.”


    Blaziken was huffing and puffing. He’d been holding his own so far but didn’t look like he could last much longer.

    One on one, we could have taken them, but not like this, May thought. Doesn’t matter now. I have to do this. I can’t let them hurt Blaziken.

    Golem stuck his hand into the ground and used a rock throw. Blaziken dodged to his left and Cloyster advanced toward it to use clamp. Blaziken narrowly dodged Cloyster’s shell and countered with double kick. Golem rushed between them and used defense curl. Blaziken nailed Golem with two swift kicks to its abdomen that knocked it back a couple inches but did no more than that.

    “Double kick would have been much more effective had Golem not raised its defense,” May said. “Those guys are good. I can tell they’ve been battling together for a long time.”

    Golem rubbed its stomach. It was clear that the double kick had more of an effect than was first thought. Cloyster went in front of it.

    “Golem should hang back for a minute to rest up,” Tyra said. “Cloyster and I are more than a match for her.”

    “Sure thing,” Chopper replied. “But remember, we have only so much time before Officer Jenny and her boy scouts arrive. We can’t let The Vexus get comprised.”

    “Then I guess I should stop playing around!” Tyra pointed at Blaziken. “Cloyster, ice beam!”

    A surge of ice was emitted from Cloyster that Blaziken narrowly avoided.

    “Ember, Blaziken!” May yelled.

    Blaziken covered Cloyster in small flames that slowed it down but ultimately shook off.

    “That won’t work against my Cloyster,” Tyra said . “Don’t you even know about type effectiveness? Now Cloyster, hydro pump!”

    Blaziken dodged the first high pressure surge of water, but was nicked by the one that followed it. He stumbled when he landed but before he could recover, Golem smashed into him with a tackle. Blaziken skidded past May. Distraught, she went to him and lifted his head up.

    “Are you okay, Blaziken?” she asked. He nodded. “I don’t know why they’re after us but we can’t let them win.” Blaziken held her hand and nodded again before standing.

    “Is this farce of a battle still going on?” Chopper said, annoyed. “We’ve got better things to do than play with you all day.”

    “Give her a break,” Tyra said. “She lasted a lot longer than Ash did.”

    “What did you say?” May said sternly.

    Chopper smirked. “The Ketchum punk. He tried to put up a fight but not even he could stand up to The Vexus.”

    “So you guys were behind it!” May gritted her teeth. “Damn both of you!”

    “Not us personally but whatever. Of course, now that you know our secret, we can’t let you live.”

    “Not like you were going to live anyway,” Tyra said. “This way makes it a lot more inter—”

    “Shut up!” Dawn roared. “I’ve heard enough from you. You’re going down if it’s the last thing I do!”

    “We can help you with that. Golem, rock throw!”

    “Cloyster, ice beam!”

    Projectiles of rock and ice went flying toward Blaziken. He dodged the ice beam while skillfully smashing the boulders with double kick.

    “Enough of this crap. Tyra, keep Cloyster back so Golem can bring him to his knees with rock tomb!” Cloyster retreated as Golem punched several large rocks out of the ground. “Now it’s time for your buri—”

    “Blaziken, sand attack!” May yelled.

    Blaziken used the fragments of the rocks it punched to blind Golem, Cloyster and their masters.”

    “Now finish Golem with high jump kick!”

    “What! That loser can do that!”

    Blaziken leapt above the sand attack, spun in the air and came down with a powerful, aura enveloped kick. Chopper yelled at Golem to dodge but it was blinded and did not know where to move to. Blaziken’s kick made a direct hit to Golem’s head that knocked the Pokemon into the air. Chopper could do nothing as his Golem went airborne before landing on top of him. Both Pokemon and trainer were out cold.

    “I knew you could do it,” May cheered.

    Blaziken responded with a thumbs up. Cloyster suddenly charged toward him. May yelled at him to dodge and once again managed to do so.

    “I was hoping you’d do that,” Tyra said.

    Cloyster went right past Blaziken and stopped in front of May. The young Pokemon trainer was horrified as she looked up at the Pokemon whose intentions were visible in its eyes.

    “Cloyster, use clamp!” Tyra yelled.

    “Blazi—” May began, but could say no more before Cloyster grabbed her between its shell and squeezed hard. May screamed and Blaziken furiously charged to his master’s aid. He leapt into the air for another high jump kick but Tyra recalled Cloyster before it could hit. May fell to the ground and was motionless.

    “Looks like my job here is done,” Tyra said. She took one look at Chopper and shook her head. “How you were ever the old bike gang’s leader, I’ll never know.”

    She retreated to her bike. Blaziken was tending to May, who was unconscious. He roared loudly, his eyes covered in flames. He wanted so badly to chase down Tyra and make her pay for what she did but he did not want to leave May’s side. Tyra looked back with a smug expression as she sped off. Not long afterwards, the sound of sirens could be heard approaching. Blaziken held May close to him. He wished she would tell him what to do but she did not respond.

    He wondered if she ever would.


    “Hey, Brock,” Dawn said, entering his hospital room. She had a vase of hibiscus flowers and sat it on the table adjacent to his bed. There was another vase of flowers already there. Dawn giggled.

    “I see Officer Jenny was already here,” Dawn said.

    “How’d you know?” Brock said, laughing embarrassingly. “She didn’t leave a card.”

    “I didn’t. I do now, though.”

    They both laughed.

    “You ready to get out, today?”

    “I guess so. It’s been a quick two days. Can’t say I didn’t mind the rest…” A nurse passed by the doorway and waved. Brock waved back. “…or the cute nurses.”

    “I wonder what Jenny would think about that.”

    Brock gulped and they both laughed.

    “Should we be laughing, though,” Dawn said. “Considering everything that has happened.”

    “I know what you mean,” Brock replied. “We almost died back in Viridian Forest.”

    “Samurai wanted me dead enough to destroy the entire forest and even kill himself and his Pokemon. And I still don’t know why.”

    “He mentioned The Vexus. The group he was part of probably sent him after you. Unfortunately, that means even though Samurai is dead, this is not over yet. It’s possible more of them will come after you.”

    “I just hope Officer Jenny and the rest of the police can track them down.”

    “After what happened to the Viridian Forest, getting them is a top priority. Don’t worry about it too much.”


    Dawn thought back to Ash. He was the reason she was in Kanto to begin with. She was so filled with grief after he died, yet since she had been in Kanto, there had been one attack after the other. She didn’t even have time to grieve properly for him. With The Vexus still out there, she still might not. If she did run into them again, she was determined to get some answers, especially about Ash. Samurai mentioned Ash the first time she fought him, and if he followed the orders of The Vexus, there was a good chance they had something to do with Ash’s death, too. She wanted to make sure, because if they did, she was going to make them pay. However, she knew she would need more than Empoleon. As much as she loved him, she would not be able to take on an entire organization with just one Pokemon. She needed more and knew just where to go to get them.

    “After we leave today, are we heading to Pallet Town?” Dawn asked.

    “I was going to rest up at home and head out tomorrow,” Brock replied. “Why?”

    “I haven’t met Ash’s mom since I’ve been in Kanto. I want to offer her my condolences. Also, I want to speak with Professor Oak about something.”

    Brock rubbed his chin. “I see. Come meet me in two hours. I should be ready then.”


    Dawn trained with Empoleon in a nearby park to pass the time. She was shocked when he destroyed a tree with one hydro pump. He had come a long way since being a Piplup. She missed the way he was, she and Piplup travelled together for years. She always imagined him being the way he was forever. However, she was thankful that he did double evolve. Without the extra power, she would not have beaten Samurai and his Mega Pinsir.

    Dawn and Empoleon took a break from training. She bought some ice cream for the both of them and took a seat on a bench. Empoleon licked his ice cream at first and then stuck his beak into it and dug in. Dawn giggled, she thought it was adorable. Her ice cream was still in her hands. She had barely even touched it. She kept thinking about The Vexus and what was in store for her next. They were still out there, no doubt plotting to get her again. She was determined the next time not to be a victim. Whatever happened, she was going to come out on top, and would try to avoid anyone else getting hurt. Brock’s injuries weren’t serious but she could not allow that to happen to him again. She wanted to get stronger and was determined to do just that.

    Dawn was lost in her thoughts and was snapped back to reality when Empoleon started pecking at her hand. Her ice cream had melted and dripped over her hand. Dawn laughed at herself and gave the rest of her ice cream to him. He happily ate it up.

    Dawn looked at her watch. It was almost time to meet up with Brock.

    “Let’s go Empoleon,” she said.

    Dawn and Empoleon left the park and made their way across town to the hospital. By the time they got to Brock’s room, his bag was already packed.

    “You ready, Brock?” Dawn asked.

    “Yeah, let’s go,” Brock replied.

    Brock, Dawn and Empoleon left the hospital and headed down the street. Dawn headed toward the road they had taken two days earlier but Brock turned to a different path.

    “Isn’t the bus station in that direction?” Dawn asked.

    “We can’t go that way. Remember, the Viridian Forest was destroyed and the police are still carrying out their investigation.”

    “Yeah, you’re right.”

    “We’ll just take a bus, instead. It’ll be faster this way.”

    They got to the bus station and Brock bought their tickets. Luckily, the Pallet Town bus had just returned so they only had to wait a couple minutes. Empoleon hopped inside the bus with Dawn close behind him. Brock had one foot in when he was yanked outside. Dawn and Empoleon leapt out of the bus and found Officer Jenny.

    “Woops, thought you might have been someone else,” Dawn said sheepishly. “I’ll give you guys your privacy.”

    “Wait, Dawn,” Officer Jenny said. “You need to hear this, too.”

    The look on Officer Jenny’s face was grave. “What’s wrong?”

    “There’s been another attack. The Vexus was involved once more.”

    Dawn grunted. “What did they do?”

    “It was in Rustboro City. Two members of The Vexus attacked a young girl about your age, Dawn.”

    “Oh, no. Why?”

    “We don’t know for sure, but we believe it’s because of your connection to Ash.”

    “Was the girl who was attacked one of Ash’s friends? Who was it?”

    Officer Jenny paused and then said, “It was May.”

    “What? There’s no way!”

    “There were two of them. She managed to take one of them down. He’s being questioned as we speak. Whatever he knows, we’ll find out. However…”

    “What else is wrong?”

    “However, May was left in pretty bad shape. The truth is, she might not survive her injuries.”

    “Damn it!” Dawn yelled, punching the bus. “Why did this happen? Why is any of this happening?”

    She was about to punch the bus again when Brock caught her fist. Tears had already begun to cover her cheeks.

    “Calm down, Dawn,” he said.

    “How can I be calm? May might not survive, and for what? We don’t even know why!”

    “I know but…”

    “Shouldn’t you be angry, too? You travelled with her longer than I did.”

    “I am. Trust me, I am. But being angry isn’t going to help right now. We have to think of the situation.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “First Ash and Misty were killed, then you were attacked, now May. Someone is attacking those who travelled with Ash. It means there are others who are in danger right now.”

    “Wait, you mean…”

    “Iris. We need to get in contact with her right away.”

    “We already tried,” Officer Jenny said. “She is on a plane to Saffron City. Unfortunately, we’ve been unable to get through to her. Contact with the plane was lost.”

    “Does that mean they already got her?”

    “I doubt it. There must be a technical issue. They’ll be in Saffron soon enough and then we’ll…”

    Empoleon noisily interrupted and pulled at Dawn. She looked up and was instantly agape. She pointed at the sky.

    “It’s falling! It’s falling!”

    Brock and Officer Jenny looked up and were as astonished as Dawn was. A plane was on fire, its parts breaking off from the body. It fell to the ground right next to Mt. Moon and exploded so powerfully, they were rocked off their feet. They all looked in the direction of the crash and they witnessed a scene that was worse than Viridian Forest two days before. Plumes of smoke rose above the fires that had erupted all around the crash site. Dawn fell to her knees and wept.

    “Not you too, Iris! Not you, too!”

    To be continued…
  8. chalkus

    chalkus Well-Known Member

    Latest chapter. Read it while it's hot.

    Pokemon: The Dark Side Chronicles

    Chapter 5​

    Iris, with her Axew firmly positioned on her head, was walking along the streets of Mistralton City alongside Skyla. It had been a long time since she was last in the city and wanted to do some shopping but did not feel up to it. They were heading to the airport, the silence only being broken by the thunderous sound of the airplane above them. Skyla wanted to break the silence but did not know how.

    Finally she said, “You look like you have a lot on your mind.”

    “It’s that obvious, huh,” Iris replied.

    “Ash was a great trainer. He certainly made an impression on me when we battled. Losing him so suddenly must have been tough.”

    “The thing is…” Iris paused. “The thing is…I have never lost a friend before.” Iris rested against a lamppost. “This feeling stinks.”

    “I haven’t been in your position before,” Skyla said, resting her hand on her shoulder. “Everyone I care about is still around. But I do know something about adversity. When the weight of the world seems to be on your shoulders, you just have to pull through, you know. Trust your friends and your Pokemon, they will help you in more ways than you know.”

    Axew cheered and Iris cracked a smile. “Thanks, Skyla. You’ve been a great help. You even got me a flight straight to Saffron City.”

    Skyla smiled. “It was nothing.” She looked at her watch. “We should hurry before you miss your flight.”


    Iris and Skyla hurried down the street to the Mistralton Airport. Iris had been there before but it was much smaller back then. The airstrip in those days only carried cargo once a day but since then it had become a full fledged airport with multiple aircraft that travelled around the world. Skyla had done a lot to reform the airport to what it was now while also being a gym leader. Iris admired her for that. When she told Skyla about Ash’s demise, she immediately offered to lend a hand. Iris was thankful, without her it would have taken much longer to get to Kanto. She had not found out about Ash until a few days after it happened, this way she would make up for the missed time.

    Skyla and Iris stopped in front of the airport. Skyla took out a ticket and handed it to Iris.

    “You’ll need that to get on the plane,” Skyla said. “I also got this for you.” She pulled out a map. “I marked out the route you need to take in order to get to Pallet Town from Saffron City since you’re not too familiar with the area.”

    “You’re like a guardian angel, Skyla,” Iris said.

    “Only prettier,” Skyla replied.

    They giggled. Iris took the map and was about to place it in her bag when she was bumped by someone from behind. A man with blue hair wearing an Eevee cap, a red shirt and blue skinny jeans knocked the map out of her hand and continued into the airport as if nothing happened. Iris yelled after him but he took no heed.

    “Stupid punk!” Iris said, bending over to pick up the map. “Some people are just hopeless.”

    “Don’t let it bother you. Just make sure you get on that plane.”

    “Sure, Skyla.”

    Iris and Skyla hugged, even Axew got into the act. They said their final goodbyes and Iris went into the airport.

    “Remember to keep Axew with you,” Skyla shouted. “Pokemon aren’t allowed to roam free on the plane.”

    “I will. Thanks again.”

    Iris disappeared into the airport and Skyla turned to go. She stopped, looked back and said, “That guy. I wonder if he’s…” She shook her head. “No way. He wouldn’t be here. Anyway, I’ve gotta get back to the gym.”


    “Seat 27-I. Looks like this is our seat, Axew.”

    Iris took a seat. It was comfy and she quickly relaxed into it. Iris picked Axew off her head and laid him on her lap.

    “Remember to stay with me, Axew,” Iris said. “Pokemon aren’t allowed to roam the plane.”

    Axew nodded. Iris looked around the plane. There were at least a dozen people on that flight in coach, she wasn’t sure how many in first class. She began to wonder what it must be like amongst the rich when the pilot announced they were about to take off. Iris strapped on her seatbelt shortly before the plane started to move. Soon they were in the air.

    It was going to be a long flight so Iris laid back and closed her eyes. She thought back to when she first met Ash and he mistook her for a Pokemon. She regretted not knocking him silly then. Afterwards they met up with Cilan and travelled together throughout the Unova region. It was a lot of fun, the most fun she had ever had. She took Ash for granted and teased him sometimes. Ash not being around anymore was never considered. Yet he was gone now and there was nothing she could do about it. At the very least she could pay her respects to his mom.

    The plane shook, which grabbed Iris’ attention. It shook again before becoming calm.

    “This must be the turbulence Skyla told me about,” Iris said.

    A red curtain was parted and entering coach was a familiar sight. It was the man with blue hair with an Eevee cap on his head from before. This time, he wore all black, and there was a V on his chest.

    “Someone with a letter on his chest,” Iris said. “This can’t be good.”

    “You’re right, my dear,” the man replied, approaching her. “Especially for you.”

    Iris leapt out of her seat. “Who are you?”

    “You don’t recognize me?” The man took off his cap and allowed his long hair to flow down his back. “How about now?”

    Iris stared at him intently and said, “Nope. Still no clue.”

    The man threw his cap to the floor and stomped on it. “Liar! You know who I am. There’s no way you couldn’t!”

    “You could save us the time and just tell me who you are.”

    “Lowly brat! How dare you not recognize me, Fiorello Cappucino. The biggest movie star in the world!”

    Iris folded her arms and shook her head. “You mean the guy who makes those suckish action movies.”

    “How dare you!”

    “How dare you! Your last three films bombed worse than a pack of Electrodes doing self destruct! Anyway, what do you want with me?”

    A vein was getting larger and larger on Fiorello’s forehead. He looked like he was about to explode. He pulled a console with a red button on it and pointed at Iris.

    “You wanna see something bomb?”

    He pressed the button and the airplane door blew open. Passengers not strapped in were blown out the airplane. Iris held on to her seat and tried to strap in but it was too much for her. Like the others, she too went flying out of the plane.

    Iris spun around helplessly. One moment the sky was above her, the next it was below. She flew into the clouds, still spinning.

    “Hold on, Axew,” she said. She pulled out a pokeball and released her Dragonite. He swooped below and she landed on its back. “Thanks, Dragonite.” She looked below her. “I can’t see the other people who fell out of the plane. That means…” She clenched her fist. “Dragonite, let’s get back to the plane!”

    The plane was easy to find. Smoke was still bellowing out of it. Iris noticed there was someone standing on top of it. They landed on the plane. Ahead of her was Fiorello, looking at himself with a mirror. She wondered how he was able to stand on the plane so easily, but there was something she wanted to get off her chest first.

    “How could you?” Iris demanded. “Because of you, so many people were…”

    “Doesn’t my hair look great in the wind?” Fiorello responded.


    “This is what years of professional shampooing and conditioning can do. You could learn from me. Your hair looks like it’s crying for…”

    “Shut up about your stupid hair! Why are you doing this? Those people just…”

    “If you were a real hero, you would have saved them. Just like I did in Gigantic: The Revenge.”

    “Stop talking about your stupid movies!”

    “I can’t, for this is all about my movies. Because prissy little girls like you stopped watching, my films became a financial failure. I went from being one of the top stars in the world to being a memory. I couldn’t allow that, especially when my replacement was a no talent hack. I had to get back on top and for that I needed The Vexus.”

    “What’s The Vexus?”

    “An organization that is hell bent on change, that’s all you need to know. We struck a deal, I take care of a problem of theirs, namely you, and I get funding for my next project. It will be a reboot of the Gigantic franchise called Gigantic Begins, and then…”

    “Why would I be a problem to this Vexus? I’ve never even heard of them.”

    “Not even I know that. Doesn’t matter, as long as you die!”

    “It’s one thing to say it, another to do it! Come on Dragonite, let’s take him down!”

    Dragonite roared and Fiorello just laughed.

    “You’re gonna battle me with Dragonite?”

    “Got a problem with that?”

    “Not at all. I’ll just use this!”

    He threw a pokeball and out popped a Glaceon. It looked really well kept, strong too. Worst of all, it was an ice type Pokemon. Iris cringed. She had always feared ice types, and now she had to face one in the most important battle of her life.

    “I see you did your homework. You were expecting me to use Dragonite to take advantage of its weakness.”

    “Of course I had to prepare. This will be the role of a lifetime.”

    “Don’t think type advantage will save you! Let’s go, Dragonite! Dragon rage!”

    Dragonite released a shockwave that surrounded Glaceon. She was stunned momentarily but shook it off. Fiorello commanded ice shard, and Glaceon formed a large ball of ice in front of its mouth and hurled it at Dragonite, who quickly rose above it.

    “Your Dragonite’s faster than I thought it would be, but it doesn’t matter,” Fiorello said. “Glaceon, use hail!”

    Glaceon fired a beam of ice into the sky and the clouds turned dark. A downpour of hail fell down upon them. Glaceon was unaffected but Dragonite got smashed. He landed on the top of the plane and Iris rubbed where it was hit.

    “It had to be hail,” Iris said. “And it won’t go away anytime soon.”

    “Might as well give up now,” Fiorello said. “You haven’t got a chance against us.”

    “We’ll see about that! Dragon rage! Let’s go!”

    Dragonite used another dragon rage but Glaceon dodged it. He fired again and she did the same. Dragonite roared in frustration.

    “Calm down, Dragonite. She can’t outrun us forever.”

    “Sure about that, dragon girl.”

    “We’ll show you! Dragonite, move in close!”

    Dragonite charged toward Glaceon and Fiorello told her to use icy wind. She exhaled a large volume of frigid mist that surrounded herself. Iris realized what was happening and told Dragonite to fly above but it was too late. Dragonite flew into the icy wind and immediately took damage from its frigidness. It leapt back but the damage had already been done. Dragonite wrapped his arms around himself and dropped to one knee.

    “Get up, Dragonite!” Iris yelled.

    “Time’s almost up for you,” Fiorello said, now brushing his hair. “I’ll finish that weakling now!”

    “Dragonite, are you going to take that from him. Come on!”

    Dragonite roared and got to his feet. He flapped his wings then flew high into the sky.

    “Now Dragonite, hyper beam!”

    Dragonite collected a powerful ball of energy in front of its face. Before it could fire, Fiorello raised his palm.

    “Remember, dragon girl, if you use that hyper beam, you’ll hit the plane too. So many people have already died. Do you want to add more to the list?” Iris told Dragonite to stop and Fiorello laughed. “Weakling. Now prepare to lose! Glaceon, bombard them with ice shard.”

    Glaceon fired ice shard time and time again and Dragonite dodged each time. Glaceon fired at Dragonite’s head and forced it to go lower each time. Ice shard was such a quick attack, Dragonite had little time to react and could do nothing else. Fiorello had a gleam in his eyes.

    “It’s low enough. Now Glaceon, use blizzard!”

    Glaceon’s eyes shone white and several pillars of ice erupted along the plane’s roof and smashed into Dragonite. He fell to the plane face first, making sure not to fall on top of Iris. He was hurt and was slow to get back up. Iris looked him over and realized that one of his wings was frozen.

    “Because of hail, blizzard is harder to dodge. Damn it!”

    She was mad but there was more. The plane was damaged in the attack and was descending. Even with the plane falling out of the sky, Fiorello was calm and cool. He looked like he did not even care.

    “How could you!” Iris yelled. “If the plane goes down, everyone dies, including you!”

    “Please. My death scene isn’t in this script. You’re not so lucky. Looks like your Dragonite won’t be flying anymore.”

    Iris cringed. She wished she had ice heal on her but did not expect to be battling during her trip to Kanto, especially on a plane. She tried to break the ice but it was too hard.

    “Glaceon, bombard them with ice shard. I’m on a tight schedule.”

    Glaceon fired multiple ice shards, each one hitting Dragonite. He bellowed. Iris did not know what to do. There seemed to be no way out. Iris picked Axew out of her hair and laid him on Dragonite’s back. She kissed him and rubbed his head. She then leapt off Dragonite and threw herself in front of him.

    “No more!” she yelled. “I won’t let you!”

    “As if I’ll hold back! Glaceon, finish her!”

    Glaceon fired another ice shard. Iris closed her eyes with her arms outstretched. Expecting the worse. She thought she was going to die and end up where Ash was. At least she would not be alone. She hoped her Pokemon at least would survive.

    The ice shard was shattered. Iris opened her eyes to see Dragonite in front of her. He roared and the ice on his wings melted. Axew called to her and Iris nodded.

    “Dragonite…that must be…I see. I’m coming Dragonite.”

    Iris leapt on Dragonite’s back as it soared into the air. It twirled in the air and glowed as it came to a stop. Fiorello was freaking out.

    “What’s happening?” he said nervously. “What is it doing?”

    “It’s a special technique called dragon dance,” Iris replied.

    “Dragon dance? What does that do?”

    “You’ll find out soon enough. Now Dragonite, let’s go!”

    Dragonite charged toward Glaceon. She fired ice shard after ice shard but each one was dodged easily.

    “Use blizzard! Hurry!”

    Glaceon let loose another blizzard that ripped through the roof of the plane. Dragonite swiftly dodged each pillar of ice that came at him without losing any speed.

    “Icy wind! Icy wind!”

    Glaceon started to spew its frigid mist when Dragonite appeared in her face, startling her.

    “Now Dragonite, use fire punch.”

    Dragonite’s right arm was embroiled in flames and he landed a fierce punch on Glaceon that launched it toward Fiorello’s feet. He yelled at Glaceon to get up, but it barely shifted its head. Fiorello let out a high pitched scream.

    “Impossible. I had the advantage…yet I lost…to a silly little dragon girl!”

    “Silly little dragon girl? How dare you. I’m the Unova league champion, after all.”

    “What?” Fiorello stared at the tattered roof of the plane. “I see…I see. No wonder I lost. But it’s not over yet, because I…”

    Fiorello tried to move but his feet were planted to the roof. He tried to remove his boots but they would not come off.

    “Crap, I’m stuck!”

    “Those boots! That’s how you’re able to stand on the plane so easily. They must be magnetic!”

    “Listen! You have to help me! My boots are stuck to the plane. I can’t move.”

    “Forget it. That’s your problem. Let’s go, Dragonite.”

    They rose in the air, and Fiorello screamed for help. They kept going. Fiorello bit his lip and said, “I can help you.” They kept going. “I can give you information.” They still kept going. “I…I…I have info on Ash Ketchum!”

    Dragonite lowered itself near him. “What do you mean by that? Ash is dead.”

    “The organization was responsible. They wanted him out of the way.”

    “So you killed him!”

    “I had nothing to do with it. But what you need to know is…he’s not dead.”

    “What? If you’re lying…”

    “I’m not. The organization faked his death. They need him for…something.”

    “For what?”

    “I don’t know. I’m not in the loop for that kind of stuff. But I do know where he is being held.”

    “Tell me!”

    “Not unless you take me with you!”

    “So you can double cross me later. Forget it.”

    Dragonite pulled away, Fiorello screamed. “Alright, alright! I’ll tell you! Ash Ketchum is being held at…” A pokeball from Fiorello’s belt opened and a Pidgeot came out. “Pidgeot? What are you…”

    Before he could finish, Glaceon froze him with icy wind. She glared at a surprised Iris before hopping on Pidgeot’s back and flying off. Iris wanted to pursue but the plane burst into flames and pieces of it rained to the ground below. Iris ordered Dragonite to pull away, there was no saving Fiorello now. She watched in horror as the plane made its final descent in a downward spiral that ended in a humongous fireball and an ear shattering explosion.

    “I hope no one down there got hurt,” she said. “Fiorello, what a fool. So many died today because of him…including himself. Such a waste.” She clenched her fist. “Ash is still alive, though. I won’t let that kid die, no matter what.” Dragonite nodded and Axew cheered. “Alright, I know we can do this. First, let’s head to Saffron City. I think it’s to the east. Let’s go!”

    Iris sped off to Saffon City with a heavy heart. There was one silver lining, and that was that Ash was still alive. Knowing that gave her the strength to move on and she was determined not to see any more bloodshed.

    Not if she had anything to say about it.

    To be continued…

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