...
I'm...speechless. Completely, utterly speechless.
This...is bad. VERY bad. And don't ask me to be kind about it; I am being kind. And you'd better hope to God that Renegade doesn't take a look in here.
First:
Paragraphing is your friend. Whenever a new person speaks, start a new paragraph.
Second:
Description is an even better friend. Guess what? It was almost nonexistent. This was apparently supposed to be an action-heavy scene. I ask you: where's the action? I want to feel as if I'm there, not like I'm being given by word of mouth some poorly-done summary by your average elementary-schooler. The means that you should really elaborate on the appearances of the characters as well as their actions.
Third:
A word processor is yet another thing with which you should quickly become acquainted. This seriously looks as if it was thought up in all of about five minutes and typed into the reply box. The world of writing doesn't work that way, buddy. Take a look at every good fic in the section. Every chapter takes days, even weeks of planning, writing, and revising before the author deems it ready to be released to the public. I advise you to take a similar course of action before you do anything else with this.
Fourth:
Your game logic fails. Mirror Coat would've been absolutely useless here; in case you didn't know, Shadow Ball is a Ghost-type attack and therefore under the physical attack category. Mirror Coat only deflects special attacks.
Fifth:
WTF. Your logic fails, period. Pokémorphs? How in the hell do you plan on explaining them? Oh, in case you're thinking about saying "genetic splicing," let me tell you right now that that isn't the correct answer. I'm pretty damn sure that injecting a foreign being's cells into one's body does not grant him mystical powers of transformation or elemental control, buddy. Most of the time it doesn't even affect the person's appearance, so in case you were actually thinking along the lines of hybrids, that doesn't work so well either. I've done a lot of thinking on this subject, and I really can't come up with more than one way for this to make even a lick of sense, even within the loose scientific boundaries of the pokémon world.
Also, you have this person, presumably your main character judging by the fact that this was being told from his perspective, taking down Mewtwo without even breaking a sweat. Double WTF. Mewtwo, as in the most powerful pokémon in existence, able to cause life-threatening storms with a wave of his freaking hand, not to mention able to use pretty much any and every technique known to mankind, beaten by a human who apparently has even more godlike powers, since he deflected a physical attack with a counterattack barrier solely for special attacks? Seriously, think about whether or not what you're writing really makes sense.
Finally:
Congrats on pushing Mewtwo waaaay out of character. I remember him being very much a cool, calm and collected kind of character. Last I checked, that doesn't equate to randomly yelling "LIKE HELL IT WON'T" to a human being whose brain he should be able to make implode with a single look.
In short, this preview fails. HORRIBLY. If this a taste of what's to come, then your story will fail even more horribly.
