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Pokemon: The Trials Of Friendship.

Elementman-Novapoke

Well-Known Member
Hey everyone, just to let you know that this is my second fic - first if you don't count the abysmal thing I wrote ages ago. I hope you lot enjoy this, the plot will get better later on, I promise.

If you want me to tell you when I post a new chapter, just ask.
PM LIST:
1.) Shadow Lucario
2.) Cybermew
3). PikaNoob
4). Dramatic Melody

I do sometimes write in big doses, so be warned.

Chapter List
1 - This Is It...

Chapter 1: This Is It…

This is the land of Sinnoh. Here, in Sinnoh there is a vast landscape, which varies from the extremely snowy routes like Route 217, to the incredibly dull route 201 and to the extremely mountainous landscape of Mount Coronet. Now, in the Pokemon world, you are allowed to go on a journey with one of the three region specific starters that would be given to you from the professor of the region. The three starters of the Sinnoh region are Turtwig, the grass turtle, which is green, has a brown and black turtle shell and a small twig spurting out from its forehead. Next is Piplup, the watery penguin which is two different shades of blue; it has a yellow beak. Last, but by no means least is Chimchar, the fiery monkey; it has the body of a small monkey, but apart from where it should have a long tail, it has a small fireball.

Now, as previously mentioned, a person could – and would, given the chance – go on a journey with their Pokemon at the age of ten, and meet a variety of interesting people. However, our two heroes will start their’s at the age of fourteen…

Beep. Beep. Beep.
Drake awoke. He raised his hand and slammed it down onto his alarm clock, which was adorned with miniature sculptures of Pidgeys, Taillows and Starlys.
“Five more minutes…” He murmured groggily, not realising that it was his fourteenth birthday, and the start of his journey, if everything went to plan. After all, it had been delayed for four years. The past four years had been terrible because, to be blunt, he had been plagued with illness. He had always been a frail child, but ever since his hormones kicked in, he got worse and worse; he couldn’t leave his room for a couple of years, and even when he physically could, he had the god of all chest infections. He had been slowly getting better, and eventually fully recovered. He decided that he’d leave on the first birthday he was feeling 100%, and this was the day.

Drake wiped the majority of the crusty ‘sleep’ from the corners of his eyes, and stretched, clicking several joints in his arms and upper back in the process. With the sleep removed from his eyes he leapt out of his bed - eyes still closed – yawning. He stumbled blindly towards where he knew his bedroom’s light switch was. He flicked it down. Through his eyelids he could see that the room was much lighter. He walked to where he presumed his mirror was. He opened his eyes. Instantly he was proved correct, because he saw his steel grey eyes staring back at him; his pupils were changing in size due to the intensity of the light. His hair was a mess. He suffered from something that he called ‘chronic bed hair’ because, as always, his dark brown hair was moulded in a twisted, bizarre; unexplainable shape. This was his normal morning routine, because he thought it was a normal day. He still couldn’t remember that it was his birthday. He opened his door, walked across the beige hall and entered the bathroom. He had a shower – he had a surprise; the water was freezing cold to start -, brushed his teeth and ‘got dressed’. Although the shower woke him up he was still somewhat tired, so he pulled an extremely odd assortment of clothes, a pair of bright yellow ‘Hawaii’ shorts that were put upon a pair of black jeans; a red hoodie with one of his father’s old lilac ties upon it and, humorously, a pair of blue boxer shorts on his head. He looked into his mirror and chuckled to himself, “You loon…” so he got undressed and started to put on some more suitable clothing. Around ten minutes later, he had finished.

Thud. Thud. Thud.
That was the sound of Drake’s mother clambering up the stairs. There was a knock at the door. Drake grunted. The door opened. There was Drake’s brown haired, spectacled; apron wearing mother standing; beaming at him.
“Happy Birthday, Drake!” She sang, brandishing a huge chocolate cake at him.

~~ Next Door ~~

Oscar looked into his mirror. He congratulated himself for putting on a decent set of clothes, suitable for both Drake’s birthday party and the long journey ahead. He was wearing a khaki green t-shirt, which was hidden behind a thick hoodie, which was also khaki. He had a pair of brown; baggy trousers on his lower half, which nearly concealed his black and white ‘surf’ shoes. He had his dirty blonde hair – which had flecks of light brown in it – in a ‘Mohawk’ which was heavily gelled. He looked deep into the mirror; he winked at himself, his emerald eyes twinkling.
“So, today’s the beginning of our journey.” Oscar said excitedly. Oscar and Drake had been friends since they met, which was when they were both 3. Now, a little less than 11 years later, they were going on a journey, at last. You see, when it was Drake’s 10th birthday – four years ago – Oscar made a promise to Drake.

“Drake, I can see that you’re ill; I don’t want to make a huge journey without my best friend.” Oscar whispered.
“But Oscar,” Drake wheezed. “You’ve always wanted to take a journey.”
“Drake,” Oscar interrupted quickly. “I’m not going to leave without you, ever. I promise to wait ‘til you’re better.” He finished.
“Thanks Oscar…” He smiled feebly.


“Drake was fine yesterday.” Oscar muttered to himself. “I hope this’ll be the day!” As he finished his sentence, he closed his door and walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
“Hey Mom,” He said calmly, tearing a croissant into pieces and tossing it into his mouth. “Please don’t worry about me when I’m gone, I know you will anyways, but I’ll keep in touch.” He finished, holding up his green Poketch.
“Okay Oscar, I’ll try. I’ve packed plenty of things in your backpack, just in case.” She said, smiling although she had a tear in her eye. “And have this.” She added, thrusting a Pokemon Egg into his already full hands. It was amber, and it had several black markings on it.
“Thanks Mom.” Oscar said politely.
“It’s for Drake,” She replied. “After all, it is his birthday, and I’ve noticed that you haven’t gotten him anything.” She added sternly.
“Heh, oops.” He thought. “Well, bye Mom, I’m off to Drake’s.” He said quietly.
“Bye Son.” She replied. And with that, Oscar closed the front door, and left his home behind.

He walked out of his house and sighed. He would never see the pale green outside again, nor hear his Mom’s laugh again. Well, at least for a while. He looked down and saw his Mom’s perfect flowerbeds. They were filled with Roses, Dandelions and many other bright; colourful flowers. He walked a dozen – or so – meters and stepped onto next door’s porch. It was Drake’s porch.

Knock. Knock. Knock.
Oscar waited for someone to open the door, greet him and let him in. He expected Drake or Drake’s Mom to greet him, but he was wrong. It was Sandy, Drake’s younger, quieter and scarcely seen sister. She was eleven; nearly twelve. Her angelic blonde hair was flowing by her waist. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a pink and black striped jumper. Her blue eyes twinkled in harsh sunlight.
“Hey Oscar,” She said calmly. “C’mon in.” She continued, moving out of the doorway, not noticing the egg in Oscar’s arms. He walked past the door; entered the house. It was the same as always, the hall was cluttered, Spike – the Poochyena – was running around like a headless Torchic and there was an incredible odour coming from the kitchen. Because of this, it was his favourite house in the world. He preferred it to his own house; the laid-backed and fun attitude was much better than the strict attitude at his house. He also preferred it to his own home because his parents weren’t there. His parents were obsessed with cleanliness and being neat, which Oscar detested.
“Drake’s in there,” She pointed at the lounge door, giggling. “Are you looking forward to the journey?” She asked, overcoming her giggling.
“Well, yeah, I am. It’s gonna be great; we’re gonna meet so many interesting people and Pokemon.” He answered. “But when’re you starting on yours?”
“Hmm,” She thought out aloud. “I don’t know if I’m going to go on one or not, but if I do, it’ll be on my birthday…” She trailed off. “Anyways, I’ll go warn Drake that you’re here.” She said, her giggles returning. She left Oscar’s presence and swooped gracefully into the lounge.
“Why was she giggling so much?” Oscar thought.

~~ The Lounge ~~

“Drake, someone’s here to see you.” Sandy told her bigger brother whilst peering though the open door.
“Let them in!” He ordered. “But who could it be?” He thought. His question was answered when Sandy opened the door, sat on a chair, and the person entered the room. His upper half was khaki; his lower half brown. His emerald eyes sparkled and his dirty blonde hair was styled. It was his best friend. It was Oscar.
“Hey Oscar.” Drake greeted his friend. “Ready yet?”
“Of course, but are you?” He retorted. His hands were hidden behind his back. He was hiding something…
“What’s behind your back, Oscar?” The ‘Birthday Boy’ asked. His friend blushed.
“Nothing… Just, well, Happy Birthday, Drake.” Slowly, he revealed one of his hands; it had nothing on it. But then, he moved his other hand into view. He was holding an egg, an amber and black Pokemon Egg, to be exact. Drake was astonished.
“Wow… Thanks Oscar! I mean, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever received!” He said, nearly lost for words.
“It’s fine; are you ready yet?” Oscar asked nervously. It was obvious that he wanted to go on their journey.
“Well, let me do some things first, come here.” He responded.

~~ Two Hours Later ~~

The two boys had opened all of the presents and cards and Drake had received most of the items he needed for the journey ahead, which included a Poketch, a pop-up tent, a handful of pokeballs, a few books on Pokemon care and – from various relatives – a little less than 400 Pokedollars. They had then cleaned up the mess they made, which consisted entirely of wrapping paper and envelopes. Then after that, they double, triple and quadruple checked their bags; they definitely didn’t want to leave anything behind! And then, after that, they discussed what starters and Pokemon they wanted.
“I want a Piplup!” Oscar exclaimed enthusiastically. “It just looks so cute and…” He then began to rant and rave about how ‘cute’ Piplups were, how much he wanted to squeeze their cheeks and use them as water pistols so he could squirt Drake. “…and I love their shade of blue!” Oscar rarely showed his ‘cute and cuddly’ side, but this, was one of them. “Anyways, what do you want?” Oscar enquired his companion.
Drake hadn’t thought about it. He had thought about going on a journey for over four years now, but, surprisingly, he hadn’t thought about it, once! He could pick Chimchar, the fiery monkey, but although he liked it, he didn’t like it that much. He could pick Piplup, but then again, he didn’t want to copy his friend, no matter how much he liked him. Then, there was Turtwig. He liked Turtwigs and most grass types as a matter of fact. His Dad had mainly Grass types and was researching them abroad, currently in Johto.
“I don’t know,” He replied honestly. “I really don’t know…”
“Oh well,” His friend joked. “I s’pose you’ve gotta make up your mind at some point.” That was true, he did need to make up his mind soon…
“Well, it’s time to go!” Drake beamed. He couldn’t wait to go, even if it did mean leaving home behind…

A couple of minutes later, after they said their goodbyes and checked their bags – again – they set off. They left their hometown of Twinleaf town. They entered the stretch of land known as Route 201. They were greeted with the - “Star! Star! Ly!” - ravenous shrieks of the Starlys and the - “Bi?” – curious cries of the Bidoofs. Starlys are small; common, brown and white bird-like Pokemon and Bidoof are small, brown rodent-like Pokemon with larger-than-average incisors and stubby; bushy tails. A rather cocky Starly flew overhead and seemed to challenge the duo to a battle, but they had to refuse due to the fact that they had no Pokemon, – yet – unless you counted the Pokemon egg, which showed no sign of hatching. So, Drake replied to the Starly, “Sorry; we’ve got no Pokemon.” This angered the Pokemon. It dived down towards the pair. They thought that it was going to dive-bomb them. “Ahh!” Came the cries of the two boys when they assumed the Starly would’ve hit them, but they were wrong. The boys opened their eyes, which they had closed in fear. Oscar laughed.
“Drake got pooped on! Drake got pooped on!” He mocked; it was true. His black t-shirt which had a golden pokeball printed on the front had been splattered with white – and yellow – Starly crap. It had also reached the sleeves of his full-length plain white shirt that he wore beneath it. It had also, by some severe bad luck, reached the crotch and thigh area of his dark blue denim jeans. It didn’t, however, reach his black and white converses, which he was somewhat happy about.
“Gah,” Drake grunted, whilst taking out a handful of tissues from his back see he could clean up the mess. “That Starly must’ve ate something bad, right Oscar?” But Oscar was nowhere to be seen, well, he was in the distance, pointing at a small dirt track.
“Oi! What’re you doing Oscar?!” Drake bellowed at the top of his voice.
“Sandgem Town!” Was Oscar’s reply, he gestured at the small track. Drake knew what that meant. He scrunched up the tissue and threw it into a bush, – “Don’t panic; it’s organic!” – put his bag on and ran towards his friend, the egg still in his hands.

The dirt track was fairly dull. It was a short; winding and dusty road that was adorned with shrubs and bushes on both sides. A small herd of Bidoof hid in the shrubs, huddled in the small patches of shade. It was very hot indeed; beads of sweat dripped down from the two travellers’ faces, splattering down upon the ground beneath them. The two boys opened their backpacks and pulled out bottles of water. Seconds later, they had drained their bottles completely, diminishing their water supplies. Oscar looked at Drake worriedly.
“Don’t worry Oscar, I’m sure we can refill them later.” He said, in response to the worried look on his comrade’s face. The boys packed the bottles back into their bags and continued to walk.

“Drake! We’re here!” Oscar bellowed excitedly. The two boys had finally reached their destination, Sandgem town. It was a nice quaint town, little cottages with pleasant little gardens heavily populated the land and carefree children ran around the streets. Although temporarily distracted by the town’s atmosphere, the boys still knew what they had to do. They had to get to the lab, and receive their starter Pokemon.
“Where’s the lab, Oscar?” Drake asked, half yelling.
“I dunno, I guess we have to explore.” He replied.
“Or ask around.” Drake added, thoughtfully. The two friends nodded at each other and began to explore. An hour later, they had found it. They had found the lab.
“You knock.”
“No, you knock.”
“It’s my birthday; you knock.”
“Don’t use that line on me, you knock!” The two boys argued, nervously. They didn’t know what to expect.
“Shut up!”
“No, you shut up!”
“Both of you, be quiet!” A gruff; elderly voice barked. The arguing duo looked up at the person who yelled. It was a man. He was wearing a light brown suit, a blue jumper, a white shirt, a pair of brown trousers and a tie. He had a big, bushy; pale grey moustache; his bushy eyebrows and wild hair were also the same colour.
“You two seem to be a bit old,” He said, not affected slightly by the boys’ bewildered but nervous looks. “But nonetheless, it’s my duty to supply you with what’s necessary.” He stepped into the lab. “Come in!” His voice echoed. The boys looked at each other nervously, who was this man?
“Do you know who he is?” Drake whispered.
“No, ‘bout you?” Oscar replied.
“No, not a clue. Shall we go in?” Drake asked.
“I s’pose we have to…” Oscar said half-heartedly. The boys walked through the door cautiously.

The interior of the lab seemed to be the opposite of the pristine exterior. It was – to be honest – a complete dump. There were several lab assistants running around franticly after some loose Pokemon. There were piles of books on the floor and mounds of paper – which probably had important data on each sheet – littered the floor. The man who invited them in stood in the middle of all the chaos and smiled.
“This is my lab.” He stated. “And I, am Professor Rowan, the Professor of Sinnoh and,” He smiled again. “The person who will give you your starter Pokemon.” The two boys gasped when he finished his sentence. This was it. They were going to officially start their journey…
“So then, what would you like?” The Professor asked curiously. He gave them a tour around the lab, and let them look at the 3 enclosures; each contained a starter Pokemon.

The first enclosure was filled with luscious trees and sweet smelling plants. In the distance, there was a waterfall and a shallow stream. There was a huge variety of flowers in the area and many trees were bearing fruit.
“Turt, Turt!” The herd of Turtwigs cried. They were all running around enthusiastically, munching on the plants or drinking from the lake. One Turtwig ran towards the lake, whilst yelling “Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!” at the top of its voice. It jumped into the lake. Water sprayed over the Turtwigs that were drinking from the lake.
“Turrr!” They cried as they started to stampede towards the cheeky Turtwig. The Turtwig that jumped in the azure lake span around franticly, it was probably scared. It stopped spinning and looked at the Professor. It charged towards the group. “Twig!” It screeched, trying to escape the other Turtwigs. The Professor bent down and held his arms out. The Turtwig ran into his arms. The other Turtwigs stopped running. It was safe…
“Mischievous little tyke, isn’t he?” The Professor grinned. “Now,” He addressed the Turtwig, which was trying to bury itself in the folds of the Professor’s coat. “Apologise to them, and you’ll be safe, I promise.” The Professor finished, sounding completely sure of himself. He put the grassy turtle down, and it trotted towards the rest of the herd, apologizing in its odd Turtwig language.
“Let’s move on now boys…” The Professor said lazily.

The second enclosure was only next door, but inside it didn’t resemble the first enclosure in any way, shape or form. Instead of a luscious trees and flowers, this enclosure was littered with rocks and boulders. Instead of a waterfall and shallow stream, there was a huge, rocky cliff. There were many small rocks that littered the dusty dirt path and small orange monkey like Pokemon ran around the landscape. They were Chimchar. They were frolicking around their habitat playfully and, every now and then, an outburst of “Chiiiiiim!” could be heard.
“As you boys probably know, these are Chimchar,” The Professor began. “They’re still quite young, despite their playful and carefree personalities. Unfortunately, because they’re still young, I’m not allowing anyone any of these Chimchar for a while; they’ll probably be old enough in a couple of months.” Drake could see that they were young; their butt-flames were incredibly tiny. “So, I’m sorry for showing you these because it’s turned out to be a waste of time.” He laughed.
“So, no Chimchar…” Drake muttered to himself. The Professor gestured at the exit, and the boys knew it was time to see what was in the third and final enclosure…

The last habitat was also different from the other 2 enclosures. It was similar to an aquarium. The entire room – minus the small space that the group of 3 stood in – was a huge tank. Most of the enclosure was below water; it was filled with many water plants and water weeds. Above water, there were many pure white glaciers. Of course, this was the home to the…
“PIPLUP!” Oscar bellowed enthusiastically. It was obvious that he loved Piplups, even the Professor seemed taken back by Oscar’s enthusiasm. Most of the Piplups were sliding on the ice, others were eating fish and one was swimming gracefully underwater on its own.
“What’s wrong with that Piplup, Professor?” Oscar pointed at the lonely Piplup.
“Well, we don’t really know, to be honest, but I personally think that it may be due to him being the smallest there, the runt of the litter.” He said thoughtfully. He was probably correct; the Piplup did seem to be smaller than the others.
“Aww…” Oscar sighed sympathetically. “I feel sorry for him.” A few seconds after Oscar finished his sentence, the group of Piplups threw the scraps of their meal towards the runt, most of which was fish bones and scales. There was very little meat on the scraps.
“Poor thing.” The Professor said sadly. “The sooner a trainer takes it, the better quality of life it’ll receive…” With the end of the sentence, the trio left the room to make one of the biggest decisions of their journey.

Moments later, the two boys and the Professor were in the main – chaotic and messy – room of the lab.
“I’ll leave you two with a couple of my assistants, I hope you choose wisely!” The Professor told them; then turned around and went elsewhere within the lab. The two boys watched the wise man leave their presence, amazed by his youthfulness despite his old age.
“Hello, Boys!” A squeaky voice echoed from behind the two boys, who turned around suddenly. Two men – who looked like they were in their early twenties – were standing before them. One was very lanky, had jet black hair, glasses and was wearing a long white lab-coat. The other was short and rather plump, had greasy, long blonde hair, a bristly moustache and terrible acne. “Do you still need some time to decide?” The taller man with the squeaky voice said, not affected by the boys staring at him.
“Erm…” Drake and Oscar said in unison. Drake wasn’t too sure; it was either Piplup or Turtwig. Oscar, however, definitely knew.
“No, I don’t. I know what I want.” Oscar said, sounding completely sure of himself. “I’ll see you later, Drake.” He added. Oscar left the main room of the lab, and the lanky assistant followed him. Oscar had decided. Now it was Drake’s turn.
“Have you decided yet?” The remaining assistant asked. His voice was also annoyingly high and squeaky. Drake thought long and hard…
“Yes I am. I’d like a Turtwig please.” He replied. And with that, they walked towards the Turtwig enclosure, for the second time.

The enclosure was the same as it was before, it was still abundant with luscious trees and sweet smelling plants, there were still plenty of flowers and the waterfall was still flowing, making a “Plop. Plop. Plop” as the water hit the rocks below. The Turtwigs were doing what they were doing before; they were either munching on the plants or drinking from the lake. Except for one…
“Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!” The mischievous Turtwig cried, whilst jumping into the lake, again. The result was the same as last time, the surrounding Turtwigs stampeded towards the cheeky turtle, which in turn ran towards Drake, happy to see a familiar face. It was obvious that this Turtwig didn’t learn from its past experience; all it did was grin happily. Drake lowered his arms and the Turtwig jumped in.
“You silly Psyduck…” Drake sighed. “Don’t worry mate; you’re coming with me.”
“Tur…” The Turtwig sighed; he must’ve been relieved to escape the habitat and go to the ’real’ world.
Drake turned towards the assistant. “This is the guy I want to take with me. I want him to be my starter Pokemon.” He said somewhat seriously.
“Okay then, please put him on the floor then.” The assistant asked.
“Why?” Drake asked, laughing slightly at the bizarreness of the man’s request.
“So you can throw a Pokeball at it.” He replied.
“Oh!” Drake exclaimed. “But I don’t have any.”
“Use this one,” The man gave him a Pokeball. “And don’t miss!” He chuckled. Drake placed the Turtwig carefully on the floor and then took the Pokeball. It was half red, and half white. There was a slight black outline that separated the two sections, and in the middle was a small button. Drake pressed the button and the sphere tripled in size.
“Go, Pokeball!” He yelled whilst throwing the Pokeball. It hit the Turtwig, ricocheted off of its head and opened in mid-air. A red beam shot out of the ball – which was still frozen in mid-air – and engulfed the Turtwig in a red haze. The reddened Turtwig flew into the ball and somehow managed to fit into the ball. The Pokeball hit the ground.
It shook once.
It shook twice.
It shook again – a third time.
The button glowed red.

“Yeah! I caught Turtwig!” Drake yelled excitedly.
“And you didn’t miss either!” The assistant giggled. “Now,” He said in a more serious tone. “It’s time to go.”

Moments later, Drake was back in the lobby.
“So, I’ve picked this little guy,” He looked down at the Pokeball in his hand. “When Oscar gets here, all we need to do is to get a Pokedex each and we can go!” He cheered joyously.
“Hey Drake!” Oscar’s voice echoed. He was down the hall, by the Piplup enclosure entrance. “Look!” He took a Pokeball out from his pocket and threw it.
“Pip!” The scrawny Piplup chirped. So, Oscar chose the scrawny Piplup…
“He’s called Bubble. What’ve you got?” Oscar asked casually. Drake fumbled around with his Pokeball, and he noticed that Bubble was holding Oscar’s hand. It looked incredibly shy. It probably wasn’t used to people treating it so nicely… Drake finally found the button of the Pokeball and he threw it.
“Go! Atlas!” He yelled as threw the Pokeball. He picked the name just seconds before he threw the ball. Atlas looked up at the ceiling and lazily said its name.
“A Turtwig? Good choice and a good name too.” Oscar praised calmly. Drake was going to thank Oscar for his praise, but was interrupted.
“I see that you two have chosen well.” A gruff voice applauded. It was Professor Rowan. “I see that you two have chosen what I thought you would,” He smiled. “Now take these,” He gave them both a Pokedex. Oscar’s was green and Drake’s was black. “And these.” He gave them both three Pokeballs.
“Thanks you very much, Professor.” The boys said in unison. They looked at each other and grinned. They looked at the Professor, who nodded and calmly said,
“I hope to see you soon, boys.” Drake grabbed his egg and the two boys ran out of the open doors alongside their new friends, friends they would keep until the end of their lives…

To be continued…

(Next: Will The First New Rival Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up?)
 
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Shadow Lucario

Lone Vanguard
Finally a new Sinnoh fic that is really good! At first I didn't think you would describe the Pokemon or the people but you surprised me. I wonder if Drake's attraction to illness will affect their journey? I am now an official reader. Put me on the PM list. There were no mistakes that I saw.

This is Shadow Lucario, signing off
 

cybermew

A la lune!
I can't believe you finally finished the 1st chapter EM-NP, you're a really good writer, more than I gave you credit for.

And I know something about the next chapter that no one else does, cause I created something the next chapter is based on!

Cybermew, saying, good night.
 

Elementman-Novapoke

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the praise and comments guys. I was worried that people wouldn't like it...

The second chapter has just been started, and probably won't be as long as the 1st chapter. I just have a feeling...
It should ve up within a week, maybe less, I hope less.

So, any more comments?
Any Crit?
 
I'm not a very good constructive criticism-er, but, I will definitely keep reading. Put me on your PM list :D
 

Elementman-Novapoke

Well-Known Member
Woah, I thought that this was dead too.
I'll try to get the second chapter up ASAP, but my computer keeps on crashing - sorry.
 

Matt Silver

Rest My Chemistry
I think spacing needs work. I'm not a fan of big chunks of text (And you'd find a lot of other people aren't either), esspecially with dialogue involved. Seems decent enough apart from that though.
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
I really liked this journey fic, it was a helluva lot better than mine when I started out. I liked the description. Athough this didn't bother me, someone else might bring it up. I'm not sure if it's a general rule to start a new paragraph after dialogue or not.

Also, it's going to be really hard for me to get used to the name 'Atlas' without thinking of the Onix in my fic xD Good name, though. :p
 

cybermew

A la lune!
Are we gonna get the next part Liam? Have you got WB?

Eh, I hate WB, luckily, our English teacher is letting us do creative writing, and I am gonna pwn everyone else.
 
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