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Pokemon White Abridged

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Nerdy McNerdface, May 25, 2017.

  1. Hello dear reader! So this completely different to anything I have ever written before, mainly because it's a comedy... and a very sarcastic and satirical one at that.

    So, while replaying Pokemon White, I couldn't help but make fun of the game (although I do still love it to itty bitty pieces). The way I poked fun at it mimicked an Abridged series or parody, and I loved it so much that I thought "hey, why don't I write this up?"

    So this is gonna be a satirical, insane mess of my random brain farts, with characters having their main traits vastly over-exaggerated, personalities being altered for the sake of comedy, a more sketchy style of writing than long chapters, and leading it all is a snarky main girl who would love to do nothing more than take over the world with her Smugleaf.

    I gotta say thank you to parody and Abridged series from talented YouTubers like MattyburritoMB, Something Witty Entertainment and 1KidsEntertainment for inspiring my crazy thoughts.

    Rating = T because Abridged series. Swearing, references to death and violence, potential death and violence, all that marvellous stuff.

    Pokemon White Abridged

    Hilda neatened up her cap, pulling her brown ponytail through the stylish hat's rear and taking a moment to admire herself in the blacked out laptop screen residing on her desk. Today was finally the day she was gonna meet that Smugleaf, and she wasn't gonna let anyone stand in her way. Not even the black-haired teen now standing at the top of her stairs nearly doubled over in exhaustion.

    She turned to Cheren casually, ignoring his wheezing, and smiled. "Oh, so you made it. You're early, you know. I probably should've expected you to rush here like Giratina's Houndooms were on your tail half an hour before you were supposed to regardless, but my poor, childish naivety seems to have gotten the better of me."

    The boy continued to not respond, probably due to a combination of being incredibly unfit and being entirely done with the sarcastic drone his friend seemed to utter every waking second of the day, so Hilda continued. "I might as well get you some water. Considering the way you sound like you're dying, you probably need it."


    Hilda had been doing nothing but staring at the bleached-white box wrapped with emerald green ribbon on her bedroom table and throwing witty remarks at Cheren for forty minutes now. Something was keeping Bianca, although Hilda wasn't sure what the blondie with roughly five brain cells could possibly be worrying over that would cause her to be delayed. As she thought about the possibilities, she put it down to the ditz losing something of hers.

    Her train of thought was set straight off the rails when a voice that reminded Hilda of a distressed cat began echoing up the stairs. "Am I a little late again? Soooooorry!"

    The young girl was practically tearing the stairs apart with her shoes as she scrambled up them. Hilda sighed and rolled her eyes at Bianca. "What did you lose this time? Your bag? Your mascara? Your sanity?"

    Bianca gave a warm smile and a shrug, secretly implying that she didn't give two craps about the clear distaste in the brunette's voice. "Nah, it was all my clothing. I could've been sure that I knew where I put them, but I completely forgot!"

    Hilda facepalmed. "Why was I expecting that as the answer?"

    Cheren decided to join in with the conversation. "Bianca, you were ten minutes, thirty four seconds and five hundred and sixty milliseconds late. Try better to not let Hilda and I down next time or I'll have to be subjected to more of her tasteless statements. And as far I have been physically able to see while living in this town, absolutely nobody would choose being subjected to that over taking their vegetable knife and stabbing themselves with it."

    Hilda groaned. "That was only one time, K2. Well, it depends if that old guy who could've just slipped while chopping those cucumbers counts."


    Bianca spoke up. "Since the Poke-whatevers were delivered to this house, I think it's only fair that Hilda picks which one she wants first."

    Hilda couldn't help but burst out in a wide grin. Finally, her partner in world domination had arrived.

    She didn't hesitate to tear the ribbon off the box, cause the lid to collide with the ceiling and rip the Grass Type's ball from where it rested within crimson velvet. The two teens behind her barely questioned it - they knew how Hilda was an extremely brash girl as well as rude and witty.

    Bianca chose next, gently letting her hand fly over the two other Poke Balls as though she was selecting one at random (which was presumably what she was doing), before she selected the sphere with a sky-blue tag saying "Oshawott".

    Cheren was the last, walking up with a sophisticated aura and not hesitating to pluck out the middle Poke Ball, the one reading "Tepig".

    The three kids stared at each other, then their brand new Pokemon. Bianca broke the temporary silence. "Oh my god this is so cool! I really wanna battle with Owa...Asho... Oh-Sha-Wott, yeah, that's how you say it. Yeah! I really want to battle with it! Hilda, could you battle with me?"

    Hilda nodded. "I feel liked you ditched the difficult challenge of dealing with the battle obsessee over here, but I still need to see if my soul destroyer- I mean, my partner Pokemon is as cool as I thought. Go, Smugleaf!"

    The Poke Ball would've soared into the sky before falling and letting the Pokemon residing within be released, had Hilda first done this outside. As it was, the sphere crashed into the ceiling in a similar way the lid to the box did before her new battle ally was let out.

    Cheren shook his head. "Hilda, you do know that this Grass Type you have selected is called Snivy, and not Smugleaf, don't you?"

    Hilda nodded. "Of course, smartypants. Doesn't mean I can't give the lord the nickname he rightfully deserves."

    Bianca stared in confusion. "Huh?"

    Smugleaf stood proudly at Hilda's feet, attempting to stare down his nose at every Pokemon who dared to try and question his regal status. He may not have been directly descended from, well, any lines of royalty, but he still should've been given every ounce of respect the beings around him had to offer. He grimaced at Bianca's clear lack of respect for such a marvellous life force as himself.

    Hilda gave a knowing glance in the blonde's direction. "See? He loves the name, and deserves every positive statement you could throw at him. Now, let your Pokemon out, and we'll battle."

    Bianca still didn't entirely understand, but didn't have any inclination to care. "Alright. Go, Owashowott!"

    The sound of the Poke Ball releasing the Water Otter masked the faint groan emanating from Cheren's side of the room. "Bianca, if you're going to use your Pokemon's proper name, at least take the time and effort to pronounce said name correctly."

    Bianca and Hilda couldn't care less. Oshawott formed in front of the girl with the lighter hair, causing her to open her mouth slightly in realisation. "Oh, so that's what it looks like!"

    Hilda replied, although no reply was particularly called for or needed. "What?"

    Bianca waved an arm her way. "Oh, it's nothing. So, Owa...Shou... f*ck it, I'm calling you Osha. So, Osha! Let's do this!"


    The kids stared at the chaos the two tiny creatures had caused. Paw prints littered the walls and floor (although none of the Pokemon had paws so even Cheren was left stumped as to how they appeared) and Hilda's new bedsheets were creased and knocked clean off her mattress. Hilda was just grateful that neither her WiiU nor her laptop was harmed, or somebody would've really had a problem when they got a face full of teenage fists.

    Bianca sighed. "Well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Sorry, Hilda."

    Hilda gave a dry response. "Doesn't matter. Smugleaf successfully beat your Osha down like the prince he is. Guess I'm just a destroyer of worlds."

    Cheren heard what Hilda just remarked and frowned. "What?"

    Hilda panicked, not realsing how she had accidentally let slip her master plan, and so hastily came up with a replacement phrase. "I mean, uh, great user of words, yes. I said those commands correctly to a T."

    Apparently that somehow worked, despite Cheren's mind being the size of a pregnant Wailord, and he shrugged. "Yes, you did do considerably well against Bianca, although that was to be expected thanks to her incapability of managing anything requiring her to be even an eighth as competent as she is now. Anyway, it's my turn to battle you, Hilda."

    The brunette flashed a wink. "Yep! And I bet you'll be at least a fraction more of a challenge than Bianca-" she gave a glance to the blonde, who was allowing Osha to snooze inside her hat while she tried to make sense of the moveset tutorial inside her Pokemon Trainer Manual - "and not just because your Fire Type is supposed to be bad for Smugleaf the almighty."

    Cheren pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well, it does make logical sense since two Pokemon of similar strength and exactly the same levels would be on even ground were it not for the typing of one being strong against the typing of the other. After all-"

    Hilda interrupted his statement. "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I read the manual, you don't need to repeat the instructions like you're an AI on autopilot. Let's just get this battle underway already."


    Cheren held his chin inside his hand as he observed the loss that was just obtained. "I didn't speculate before the battle that our Pokemon were too weak to use their elemental powers yet, and that led to the battlers relying on brute strength to win. Tepig lost thanks to Smugleaf using Leer on him to lower his defence, before finishing off the battle by using Tackle multiple times in a row. Very interesting."

    Hilda began smoothing out her duvet as she placed it back onto her bed. "When you're done with the speculative self-discussion, you could help Bianca and I clear up, you know."

    A new female voice pierced the discussion and caused it to dissipate away. "You three don't need to worry about Hilda's room. I can manage it myself, thank you."

    Hilda glanced at the stairwell. "Oh, hey mum. Yeah, you can do all this work for us. We have a journey to begin and a..." Hilda groaned. "And a Pokedex to collect."

    Bianca looked at Hilda in exasperation. "Are you really still going on about..." she tried to say the word Pokedex, but gave up. "About that?"

    Hilda nodded. "Yes, Bianca, and don't think I'll stop anytime soon. Anyway, all three of us should just get up and go now. See you, room, see you mum, see you electronic devices-senpai, I'll see you all again when I can be bothered to catch a Fly HM Slave. Goodbye."

    The three starting trainers made their way down the stairs, and Hilda couldn't help but look at the incredibly forced smile on her mum's face. At this point, she could basically read every expression her only living parent could offer, and this one screamed just the message Hilda had been waiting for.

    "Please, get the everloving f*ck outta this house."


    The Juniper lab was one that Hilda couldn't help but think was probably owned by a mad scientist. What with all the book spines containing horrific titles such as "The Pidgeys and the Combees", "Covering Your Sinful Tracks" and "My Little Ponyta", Hilda wasn't sure whether Professor Aurea Juniper was a sparkly horse fanatic, a lonely woman wishing for more 'excitement' in her life, a secretly psychopathic researcher or a conspiring villain plotting world domination. Hilda hoped that she wasn't the last one, since the girl herself was gearing up to be that very person.

    For now, though, she kept all these thoughts to herself as she moaned once more. "For the last time, I couldn't care less about this stupid flip-phone rip off. You know I can just use Google these days. From what I've researched I've heard most of Unova has great service for my 5c."

    Juniper gave a subtle yet noticeable grin. "Well, you won't be able to stay with that Snivy of yours if you don't accept the other half of the deal, now will you?"

    Like an extremist social justice warrior on Tumblr whenever their gender is assumed, Hilda was instantly triggered by this simple statement. "You are not taking my precious cinnamon bun away from me." She sulked, but accepted the offer of the pointless electronic device, stuffing it within her bag of infinite space where she hoped it would be lost for all eternity.

    With that, the professor stood up with a bright expression on her face, before clasping her hands together in delight. "Right! All of you have your Pokedexes now. It's time for you to set off on your Pokemon journey. Please meet me at Route 1 so I can teach you the best way to catch wild Pokemon."

    She led the way out, with Bianca following suit. However, Cheren and Hilda hung behind just a moment. Cheren stared after Juniper. "I already know how to capture a Pokemon. Why does she feel the need to inform me as well as you and Bianca?"

    Hilda sighed, but strode out the door alongside Cheren regardless. "I've been watching shows displaying this shoo-dizzle since 2 B a Master started airing when I was practically a fetus. But then again, you never know what the professor of concealed intentions could do to us if we refuse this pointless tutorial. You might just need to accept it if you want to remain innocent, alive and without the My Little Ponyta theme seared into your mind."


    "Hey, hey! Hold it!"

    Hilda sighed for what felt like the bajillionth time today as she halted Cheren, leaving the three kids standing together staring out at Route 1. "What is it, Bianca? Did you leave Osha back in my place with mum? Are you stuck on where the exit to town is despite it being an inch from your nose?"

    Bianca shook her head, while her hat somehow didn't fall off in the process. "Nope! I was thinking. Since this is the first time we're leaving Nuvema-"

    Hilda interrupted. "-And considering this place is about the size of a baby Hobbit that probably means we really need to get a life-"

    All that earned her was Bianca giving a cold stare in her direction before the ditz regained control of her sentence. "-I was thinking that we should take the first step onto Route 1 together."

    Cheren shrugged. "This course of action seems like an interesting one. I accept your offer."

    Hilda couldn't care less, and so she decided to make this fact known. "Really, Bianca? I don't care about the sentimentalities. Let's just get on with moving already so we can emerge from the rock we've lived under since the day we first existed."

    The response Hilda earned wasn't exactly in agreement. "Nonono! I want this to be a day to remember, and it'll have more impact if we do it this way."

    The group kept bickering, and several metres away, if one stood close enough to the scene and had keen eyes, they would've been able to see Aurea Juniper waiting by the nearest patch of grass, while regretting every one of her life choices at that moment as she waited for them to finally move an inch from where they were arguing.


    When Hilda finally obliged to Bianca's patronising request and the group all took a slow and 'meaningful' step onto Route 1, there was no hesitation once the first foot was put down. The moment the action occurred, Hilda instantly set her other foot down and began running towards the professor purely just to move on with all this stuff she clearly didn't need right now.

    Juniper masked all of her anger and impatience with a polite expression as Hilda almost crashed into her, with the other two teens being forced to try and keep up with their brash and active companion. "So, you three are here now! Let me show you how to capture more Pokemon right now."

    Hilda began staring off into space as the professor started wading through the grass and trying to find a Pokemon to battle. She began thinking about the good times she'd have with Smugleaf, destroying Gyms, laying the Pokemon league to waste and many other exciting and fun activities awaited her and the miniature lord. Her mind snapped back into the present, however, when the Poke Ball that Juniper had thrown at a wild Patrat clicked to imply a capture.

    "And that's how you do it!" Juniper exclaimed. "Were all three of you watching?"

    Hilda gave a polite nod. "Yeah, totally."

    Bianca merely gave a thumbs up and a wide grin, while Cheren spoke his answer with a blank facial expression and bored tone. "Affirmative."

    The mixed responses did nothing to deter the professor's apparent enthusiasm. "Great! You've taken the first step in your Pokemon journey. Meet me by the entrance to Accumula Town's Pokemon centre. I'm sure you three friends will prevail in all that you do!"

    As the woman flicked her light brown hair and walked away from the group, casually waving behind her as she did so, Hilda, Cheren and Bianca all shared a a knowing glance at each other. Everyone called them 'friends', but it was more 'kids constantly at each other's throats forced to be together thanks to living in the world's smallest town'. Hilda was surprised that the thought hadn't even occurred to Juniper that the three kinda loved to despise each other.

    The glance was cut off by Bianca rushing forward. "Hey! I've got an idea. Why don't we each try to catch as many Pokemon as possible on this route before we reach Accumula? We'll be meeting new friends and filling up the Dokepex. And surely we'll each be able to catch something!"


    Bianca's voice became a whine. "What? How did you catch not a single Pokemon on this Route?"

    Hilda failed to crumble at all under Bianca's shocked stare. "Oh, that was probably because I don't care for any of them and so instead of being all friendly with them, I decided I was going to destroy them instead. Just as a stepping stone for the almighty Smugleaf, you know?"

    Cheren saved Bianca from having to continue to the topic. "Either way, we have all reached Accumula Town. It seems that this place has some kind of event occurring today - the civilians seem as though they are waiting for something to happen over there."

    Hilda glanced at where he pointed. "Yeah, I would think so too considering the bloody massive banners with the big 'P' on them. Anyway, Juniper insisted on us heading to the centre, and I fear to think about what she could punish us with if we refuse."

    The trio made their way towards the huge glass building with the red roof which was commonly known as the Pokemon centre. As far as Hilda could remember, that wasn't the actual centre's name - it was really called "The Centre of Pokemon Health, Journey Safety and Parallel Universe Interactions", but nobody could be bothered to utter such a mouthful of a phrase for fear of getting their tongue twisted.

    The overly enthusiastic face of Professor Juniper greeted the group. "You made it! Oh, that's brilliant. Come on in now! I need to show you around to make sure you know everything."

    Bianca entered without hesitation, and Hilda completely understood - knowing Bianca, she probably really needed the tour - but that didn't stop her and Cheren from sighing as the two followed. From there, Juniper began the tour. "So, the upstairs layer contains the Union Room, a place where you can communicate with trainers from alternate dimensions and see if they wish for a battle or trade. To our right is the Poke Mart - you can buy and sell stuff there, it's that simple. Straight ahead of us is the Nurse of this centre. She'll heal your Pokemon for free, and nothing more."

    Cheren looked at Bianca and frowned. "Are you really that surprised by an interdimensional portal that connects several parallel universes together via a single room somewhere in the time-space continuum? Travel between separate realities has been established since approximately six years ago, Bianca."

    Bianca was unaware that Cheren had uttered a single word as she continued to gaze up at the higher floor in wonder. "That is... oooh... so cool..."

    Hilda interrupted everyone. "Great! Now we know what this building does since we clearly didn't before, I shall now take my leave. See ya!"

    Cheren nodded. "I shall now leave this centre as well. I am fascinated by the event that is taking place in this town today."

    Thanks to the boy's position, he successfully left first, only to call back to the three females through the door. "By the way everything is looking, it appears that the event has begun. If you wish to see just what it is about, I'd recommend leaving now."

    While Hilda decided she might as well leave to go see what was happening (and she wanted to escape the vicinity of the professor as well), Bianca shook her head. "I'm gonna stay here. This intermid- indert- whatever travel looks awesome!"

    A sigh could be heard escaping from professor Juniper's lips. "I want to stay hear. I need to catch up on season 2 of My Li- I mean, catch up on the research my father is sending me."

    As Hilda left, she mentally noted to tick off the first speculation that she had about what the professor was hiding.


    "My name is Ghetsis. I am here representing Team Plasma."

    Hilda gave a subtle punch to the air and spoke in a hushed tone to Cheren. "So that's what the P was for!"

    "Today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to talk to you about Pokemon liberation."

    Hilda frowned. "Wait, what?"

    "I'm sure that most of you believe that we humans and Pokemon have come to live together because we want and need each other. However, is that really the truth?"

    Hilda nodded. "Of course. Smugleaf here is attached to me like a limpet, and I love him like the rock that supports the aforementioned limpet."

    "Have you ever considered that perhaps we humans... only assume that this is the truth?"

    "Well then," Hilda argued in a whisper, "how do you explain Smugleaf if I'm just apparently making my own illusion of our relationship?" The Grass Type refusing to let go of her upper arm gave a quiet but understanding growl.

    "Pokemon are subject to the selfish commands of trainers... they get pushed around when they're supposed to be our 'partners' at work... can anyone say with confidence that there is no truth to what I'm saying?"

    A shrug. "Well, I would, since Pokemon clearly have free wills of their own and according you they are forced to obey our every command, but I'm not gonna mess with a big-*ss team like yours until Smugleaf is ready to destroy legions."

    "Now, ladies and gentlemen, Pokemon are different from humans."

    "You don't say." Hilda's snark came with a glare up at the man recalling all this 'information'.

    "They are living beings that contain unknown potential."

    Hilda gave the quietest clap to Ghetsis as she spouted out a hushed remark. "Well done! Not only did you yet again state the obvious, but you stated a trait that humans also have, thus contradicting your statement!"

    "They are living beings from whom we humans have much to learn. Tell me, what is our responsibility toward these wonderful beings called Pokemon?"

    "Oh," Hilda muttered, "probably coexisting with them, being biffles, being battle buddies, taking over the world as an unstoppable, godly force, nothing against them or anything."

    "That's right! We must liberate the Pokemon!"

    "Now," Hilda held out her hand, "slow down man. You need to rethink yourself a bit there."

    "Then, and only then, will humans and Pokemon truly be equals."

    Hilda used the hand she was holding out to slap herself. "Oh my Arceus. How are we not equals already? One of us has the ball and the other has the deadly powers with the potential to destroy humanity. I'd call that equal."

    "Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between human and Pokemon... and the correct way to proceed."

    "Nah, old guy," Hilda almost silently interjected, "already done that. And I'm proceeding in the 'correct' way already."

    "We sincerely appreciate your attention."

    Hilda stifled a laugh. "Dude! My attention has been half on Cheren's weird hair spike, a third on Smugleaf and how he's gripping my arm just a little to hard, and only a sisxth on your confusing rambling. But if you appreciate that sixth then I'm not stopping you. I didn't care for your opinion anyway."

    And with that, to the relief of Cheren (who had been forced to subjected to yet more of Hilda's wit and so was reconsidering his life choices), the man with the greyish-green hair made his leave alongside seven ridiculously dressed men and women with outlandish ginger hair.

    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
  2. Mia Blaze

    Mia Blaze I'mma gonna Deku in the face, Kacchan

    Like I said, just pure awesomeness. As a fellow adridged lover, I tip my non-existent cap to you.

    Hilda is amazing and must be talented if she's only using the superior Smugleaf whilst Bianca's random "F*ck it" made me laugh. Plus, Juniper likes My little Ponyta... at least she's not a forty year old man still living in his mother's basement.

    Good start and I can't wait to see where it goes from here!
  3. Thanks! I accept the hat tip.

    That's what years of conspiring to take over the world would do to you. Also, yeah, Bianca's gonna have a wild ride.

    Well, she's a forty year old woman probably still living in her father's basement, so...

    Honestly it's probably only gonna go downhill from here, and by that I mean this sh*t's gonna get insane.
  4. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Nerdy! You’re just gonna write every genre, aren’t you? xD

    Alright, I’m a huge sucker for abridged series, and I know it. I’m also excited to see that one of your inspirations was Something Witty, cause I loved what they did with SAO abridged. (It was better than the actual show! They legit made it funny and made the character development genuinely better!) So let’s dive in, shall we?
    While I think the butt-monkey character is a bit overdone in a lot of abridged series, I do like the detail that Bianca legit does not care at all what Hilda thinks of her.
    It was only a few paragraphs ago that her wit was mentioned, so I’d go with something like “they knew that she was as brash as she was rude.” It’s ok to have Hilda constantly compliment herself and her Pokémon, cause that’s in her character, but if the narration does it too much it just feels like the author is ego-stoking. After all, if the story’s doing its job, you don’t need to remind the reader that she’s witty. They’ll get the idea. ;P
    Lmao, I remember when the localized names for the gen 5 starters were revealed and of course the fandom complained as always, and everyone was like “wtf kinda name is Oshawott how do you say that. Wotter is so much better.” Also I am meme trash and I approve of Smugleaf. Especially the bit about his questionable royal status (does his legend date back to the 12th century?)
    Oshawott has paws! :c
    Or some combination of all three.[/shot] xP
    Kiiiiinda rolled my eyes at this bit though, just saying. :p
    YES CHEREN THIS DEFINITELY ISN’T A BIG DEAL. AT ALL. (Bianca being enamored with the Union room is adorable, btw.)
    Aww come on! If Juniper is half the creepy, obsessed fan we think she is, she should be on like, season 6! xD (I say this with nothing but love for the the pony fandom. Their generosity helped me through a seriously rough time in my life.)
    I am definitely getting some serious Kirito vibes from her here. ;D

    I’d have quoted more, but it would get seriously repetitive writing 3000 different ways to say “I lold” so just know that this got a lot more laughs out of me than what you see here. Not a bad start indeed. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this!

  5. Well, might as well try, right?

    I know this is unrelated to the review but I have to agree with you on SAO Abridged. I watched it with my sister and kept making remarks along the lines of "I would've been an SAO fan if the anime was actually like this".

    Well, she wouldn't if she had to deal with that for all sixteen years of her existence :p

    Yeah, I can see where you're coming from here.

    Wow I wasn't even a member of the fandom at that time and I still ended up making a reference to the pre-release hype. 0.o

    I took inspiration from Byakuya Togami there. Probably defeated all of his kin in a Danganronpa-esque game before Juniper found him. As for his legend, it might date back to there, who knows???

    I was thinking more about the flipper feet than the arms, oops. Then again, how would you get so many paw prints with only two upper limbs?

    Oh, you'll see on that matter later.

    Tumblr and the triggered meme sometimes just pisses me off...

    Cheren is just clearly done with Bianca's hype. And yep, Bianca is in love with that interdimensional portal of destiny! (Hint hint at a reference: Cheren says six years ago as a reference to the UB incident with Guzzlord (remember where that Faller died) that happens ten years before SM, and thus six years ago thanks to working out the timeline.

    Heck, maybe she's a newer fan, who knows? Also, I do respect the MLP fandom. This is just an Abridged fic, so yah.

    And thus SWE makes their presence known in my inspiration for this fic.

    Awesome! I'm glad that you found it funny. After all, that was kinda the point.

    Thanks! Like I said earlier, it's probably just gonna become one massive mess of insanity and satire, but if it's funny then yay?
    Last edited: May 26, 2017
  6. TikTok13

    TikTok13 Oh, I have a title?

    Nice to see this, as well as the fact that it is bloody hilarious. I picked up on the reference to K2, and I think you nailed Cheren. While I'm not a major fan of comedy writing, this was really good. You wrote everyone's personalities fantastically, but I'd like it even more if we get to see the character development that occurs in the games. Overall, a big thumbs up! :)
  7. I'm glad you find it funny! If it made me laugh while playing, then I guess that says a lot.

    You actually kind of unintentionally inspired that little quote, so thanks.

    Cool! If you, as a massive Cheren fan, think that I did him well, then I'm really honoured!

    Aww, thanks!

    Oh, I've got plans for that, especially after playing some more today. Look forward to it :)

    Last edited: May 26, 2017
  8. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Yanno, it has been a long, long while since a (non-Nuzlocke) fic made me lol. It's so very difficult to get a humor fic down and so very easy to turn a parody fic into a "lol raaaaandom waffles ~arceus~ x3" shindig that yours is so effing refreshing because it's not one of those "parodies" that's more like a train wreck of random images mashed together. And that's the biggest kudos I have to give to you about this: your fic was actually funny, and it was largely funny because it relied on the ridiculousness of the characters and situation instead of the inappropriateness of an image at any given time. Everyone makes sense in context, so nothing feels forced. Heck, even when Hilda is destroying everything in her path or musing about Juniper's shady book collection and even when Bianca is being ... Bianca, nothing feels out-of-place.

    Or, well, the Tumblr joke kinda did, but that may be because any joke involving Tumblr's social justice crowd just makes me think of Reddit's legion of trilby fedora warriors, so that may or may not be personal preference there.

    In any case, I also like how self-referential this fic is. Of course it would be because Abridged, but I mean you're not simply breaking the fourth wall. Instead, it's lampooning White with the same kind of spirit as Mystery Science Theater 3000. (Hilda's commentary during Ghetsis's speech was even two robots short of an MST3K segment, imo, which was fun.) And ultimately, all around, I think that's the main thing. This fic is so much fun, period.

    Of course, it helps that Hilda is a fun, snarky, slightly violent focal character. And that the characters around her (the super-analytical and uptight Cheren, the ditzy in a way that has yet to get old Bianca, and the largely competent but also not really adults) are mostly bonkers in their own delightful ways.

    In short, thanks for the laugh, and I will certainly keep an eye on this fic for more.
  9. Uhh, thanks? I feel so happy that I managed to make you laugh, especially since this was mostly based on me poking fun at the game while replaying it for the first time since I was kinda hyper at the time.

    I guess that's what happens when you think about the Abridged series in context of the plot as you're playing the game to amuse yourself, rather than playing the plot then thinking after how it'd be "funny" to everyone. There's some charm and context that can be lost in a comedy fic when you think too much about what would appeal to the masses rather than what would actually make you yourself laugh, and considering how I caused myself to go into hysterics while playing the game, I chose that it would be best to stick to what I was already thinking. And I guess that paid off.

    Well, you never know...

    I've never heard of that, but I guess it's a good thing if it was fun for you! As for fourth-wall breaks, I've chosen that the most I'll go to with that is that Pokemon do have stats and there is a battle screen with moveset, although it should be barely referenced unless it's for comedy's sake (for example, a Pokemon forgetting a move or a move's accuracy only being 55% looking at you, Sing).

    That was entirely what I had in mind when I first started writing this - it's just a thing for fun, to make somebody laugh. And that's exactly what it is, apparently!

    Aren't the insane characters what make up an Abridged series, after all?

    You're welcome! I hope that I can keep you entertained... and maybe even make you feel emotional? Yes, I am planning on getting some serious emotions in among the humour later.
  10. DreamSayer

    DreamSayer Name's Adam.

    Well, this story was okay i guess. I mean, i have personally written parodies before, but never an 'abridged' story. That being said, i didn't know what to expect when i went into this story. Sure, it made me chuckle here and there, but it wasn't the 'laugh out loud' kind of humor that i was hoping it would be. Take my words with a grain of salt though, since comedy is very subjective.

    The first problem i noticed with this story was that there were quite a handful of errors. That means that you've either not proofread it or you do not have a beta reader. I recommend that you do both whenever you want to post a story. Even though the typos aren't too much, they can still be a bit distracting.

    Like i said, this is the first abridged story i've read. And after watching several abridged videos on youtube, i expected this one to be similar to that. I was a bit disappointed honestly. Perhaps this simply isn't the type of humor i enjoy.

    The characters were okay, i liked them to an extent. The concept is refreshing and somewhat unique. You just need to up your game a bit more.
  11. Hello dear reader! Sorry for the stupidly long hiatus, I lost motivation to write for a while, but here we are! So, this chapter may be a little short (or long, who knows), but I hope you enjoy it. Also, happy Fourth of July to all you American dudes and dudettes!

    Reminder: Rating is PG-13.

    Chapter 2: Just Why

    As the crowd began to disperse around Cheren and Hilda, the former gave a long sigh. "Hilda, I decided to begin a journey across Unova for multiple reasons. Residing a considerable distance away from you was one of them. If we happen to come across that man making his speech again while we are within the same location, please try your hardest to be quiet or I might just find the nearest building and jump off it."

    Hilda shrugged. "And you think I'd care? Really? Cheren, we've been in the same minuscule town for all sixteen years of our lives, and apparently you've forgotten how I don't give a flying fu-"

    Hilda's sentence was cut short by an unknown voice, although Hilda had trouble understanding what it said thanks to its speed. "Your Pokemon. Just now... it was talking."

    "Huh?" Hilda turned to the direction of the voice. There she saw a young man whose appearance suggested he was a couple of years older then her, with ridiculously long, pastel-green hair and a cap shaded various greys. Cheren stared at the man with a focused stance. "Firstly, please slow down your talking pace. I can barely understand a word you're saying. Secondly, it's common knowledge at this point that Pokemon can communicate to each other in their own language. Why is Hilda's Snivy growling worth being called out beyond any other Pokemon?"

    Hilda would've crossed her arms as she gave a reply of her own, were it not for the Grass Type practically trying to fuse with her arm muscles. "Yeah, please explain. I'm not really a fan of being singled out, unless it's in the news as me being the world's next supervill- I mean, uh..." Hilda desperately searched for another goal Pokemon trainers often searched for, settling on one instantly. "Champion. Yeah. Otherwise, I'm happy to just live out life."

    The man's face turned disappointed as he continued at the same speed, much to the annoyance of both teens. "Oh, so you can't hear it too then... that's a shame. However, I find it interesting that you're pursuing the role of champion. May I ask your name? Mine is N, by the way."

    Ok, Hilda felt more pressured now. This N guy was sounding more insane by the minute, and she didn't exactly want to reveal her name to a stranger that was rambling about hearing something in Pokemon's voices. However, Cheren's blank tone sliced her thoughts into nothingness as he chose to reply for her. "You still haven't explained what you mean by Snivy 'talking'. I would appreciate if you told us why you called to Hilda just to tell us this."

    N shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Now for your names."

    Hilda made to call him out for his bullsh*t explanation-avoiding, but Cheren continued with the conversation anyway. "Very well, but I am definitely going to deduce the answer by the end of this encounter anyway. My name is Cheren, and the girl next to me is Hilda. We have been requested by Professor Aurea Juniper to complete the Unovan Pokedex, and set off on our first journey today. My goal, similar to Hilda's, is to become the champion of the Unova region."

    N suddenly appeared to become intrigued by this statement. "The Pokedex, huh? You're going to confine many, many Pokemon to Poke Balls for that, then."

    Hilda spoke up. "Well, to tell the truth, I'm not up for filling the device at all since-"

    "I'm a Pokemon trainer too," said N, completely cutting off Hilda's explanation as though he had already made up his mind about who she was, "but I can't help wondering... are Pokemon really happy that way?"

    Smugleaf finally let go of Hilda's arm, dropping to the floor as he snarled at the man in front of him in such a tone that suggested both hostility and contempt at once. Hilda didn't know, but she felt confident that Smugleaf had just blatantly denied his statement. Hilda chose to reply as well. "Just like Smugleaf here, I disagree. How can you say that for all Pokemon, when you've most likely met only a small garden pool-sized amount of them? There could be other Smugleafs out there too, you know."

    N, however, had barely listened to her reasoning. "Huh? So you can hear his voice then?"

    "What?" Hilda frowned. "I can hear him growling, definitely. Are you implying that you think I know Pokemon-ese? Yeah, no. Look, just get to your point for being here already."

    N looked like he wanted to continue pressing the subject, but chose against it. "Very well. Hilda, is it? Let me hear your Pokemon's voice again once more, in battle!"

    Hilda looked to Cheren, who merely shrugged. "You may as well, Hilda. I'll watch the battle and try to work out some information. I'll let you know what I discover afterwards. It'll only be a temporary alliance - I definitely do not wish to work with you much - but we both need to know at least a little more of what's going on."

    Hilda rolled her eyes, but chose that she might as well. "Fine then. Bring out your damn Pokemon already."


    Smugleaf stood proud at Hilda's feet, puffing out his chest as he glared down his nose at the fainted Purrloin laying down on the concrete. N called back the cat-like Pokemon, before looking Hilda straight in the eyes. "I never thought Pokemon would say such things... as long as they're confined to Poke Balls, they'll never become perfect beings."

    Hilda smirked. "Really? So the moment I snap this little king's red plastic ball in half, he's suddenly able to become god? He's practically an overlord already."

    N ignored her. "I have to change the world for Pokemon, because they're my friends. I have a feeling I'll see both of you again soon. For now, farewell."

    And with that, without even giving Hilda or Cheren a chance to say goodbye, he walked away, instantly becoming lost within the bustling streets of Accumula Town. Hilda scooped up Smugleaf, holding him within her arms as she turned to Cheren. The boy looked as though he was about to spout something logical and complex as per usual, but then both teens began talking at the same time.

    "Yeah, he's probably with those Plasma guys, isn't he-"

    "Mhm, yes, he's really not that subtle with it-"

    "I'll put a thousand Pokeyen on it that he can also talk to Pokemon since it's kinda bloody obvious."

    "Alright, you're on with that deal, Hilda."

    Hilda gave an almost mocking wink. "Anyway, now that we know this world requires all kinds to turn round, I'd say it's time I gave you a fond farewell. It's time I leave Accumula and set off on this journey with Smugleaf. Gooodbyyyyye!"

    Hilda made a turn to face the gate to Route 2 with Smugleaf nestled in her grasp. Barely bothering to hold sentimentality to stepping through the gate, she rushed through at full pelt.

    Cheren shrugged. "Bye, then."


    "So," Hilda briefed Smugleaf as they rushed towards Route 2, "the first step in taking over the world is gonna be defeating the Gyms. Y'know, we won't be able to defeat a battalion of people at once as we are now so they're the best way to gain strength. And besides, that goal of champion that I'm now going under is perfect to mask my true goals."

    As Hilda emerged in the bright afternoon sunlight, a sudden realisation overcame her. "Wait... I'm finally free. Free of all those people in Nuvema Town. Free of Nuvema Town itself. I can finally escape the insanity. Even if I encounter the odd weirdo like that N man, it'll only seldom occur. I can go live out my dream if taking over the world, and enjoy every second of it! I'll-"

    Her monologue would've continued for much longer, if it wasn't for a certain buzzing noise emerging from her wrist. Hilda stared down, and noticed her XTransceiver wrapped around her wrist with the name 'MUM' flashing brightly upon the screen. Hilda could barely say anything. "No... Arceus, no... I thought I was free..."

    She tried unbuckling the device from her wrist, but to no avail as the device jammed. She cried out in anger as the device refused to shut up, eventually deciding that the buzzing was too unbearable to ignore. "Hey, mum."

    The response was almost too friendly to feel realistic. "Hey, Hilda! I'm so glad to hear you again. Your Snivy is already shaping up to be a great Pokemon! Now, I'm going to hang up quick..."

    A small beeping sound and the screen fuzzing abruptly ended the call, as a distraught and confused Hilda turned at the sound of footsteps behind her. As she completed the turn, she was confronted with the face of her own mother, a clearly forced smile on her face as her hands were held behind her back. Hilda sighed as loudly as she could. "So, mum, why did you journey all the way out here? I have a device that lets me see you on a screen, I don't need to bloody see you in person. In fact, I'd rather you stayed within the confines of loopytown."

    Her mum's enthusiastic tone didn't exactly make Hilda herself feel anymore optimistic. "Oh, don't worry Hilda, I know you'll like it! So, as I was tidying up your room after that battle you had with Bianca, I came across something which I think you've been trying to find for a while now, and I wanted to give them to you. Since I know how much you dislike Nuvema Town-"

    Hilda interrupted. "-I dislike it for a reason, if you didn't quite get that-"

    Her mum continued on regardless of her daughter's statement. "-I decided to come all the way out here to find you! I was going to call you to see where you were, but then I saw you directly ahead of me!"

    Hilda nodded. "Yep yep yep, just get on it. What is this mystical item? If it's my notebook of life goals from when I was seven, forget it. Being the hero of ideals was a stupid idea in the first place."

    A shake of the head. "Nope!" Her mum took her arms from her back, showing that they contained a pair of bright pink shoes. "They're your running shoes I bought you for your fourteenth birthday! I thought those old walking boots of yours were getting a little worn, so I thought you might want to wear these. They're mostly new since you barely wore them, but now that you're finally going on an adventure you might want to use them!"

    Hilda stared at them with a look of contempt in her eyes. "Really, mum? I didn't want to wear these because they're ugly, not because I never left town."

    "Well," Hilda's mum proclaimed, "it doesn't matter. Just take them! You never know when you might need them."

    As she practically forced the shoes into Hilda's hands, she mentioned something else too. "I've heard rumours mentioning something about the letter B, saying it'd make you go even faster, but sounds like a loada crap to me. But maybe just bear it in mind in case of anything actually working, ok?"

    Hilda rolled her eyes. "Look, mum, I don't care. These shoes are about as useless as-"

    "Bye!" Hilda didn't even get a chance to continue before her mum left her in the middle of the path with a look of annoyance and a pair of bright pink shoes within her hands, all the while Smugleaf perched on her shoulder staring at Hilda's mum with a sense of anger at having been interrupted on his briefing with Hilda for such a useless purpose.

    However, Hilda could hear her mum drop the happy facade a little too quickly as she walked away. "Such an ungrateful daughter. Why did she have to be mine?"


    After stuffing the shoes into her bag and hoping they'd end up in the same place as the Pokedex, Hilda continued on through Route 2. For the first time on her journey she began encountering other trainers ready for battles, but they barely meant anything to her. Lillipups? Easy to take down. Patrats? Those eyes weren't threatening in any way. Purrloins? Come on, everyone, their grandma and their toothbrush knows that Purrloin is as useless as an Alakazam without any spoons.

    As Smugleaf and Hilda emerged from the Route victorious against every trainer and left them sobbing in the dust, Hilda turned to her small grass companion with a grin on her face. "Conratulations, sir! Smugleaf, that was beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen destruction like that before in my life - although that would make sense since I've never emerged from town before today - but it was still beautiful. If the map I've got is correct, the next settlement is Striaton City, the location of the first Gym. I'm so excited to see what we'll be defeating - maybe a strong dragon master, or a beautiful model, or a powerful psychic. This better be a challenge I'll feel satisfied in defeating."


    "I, uhhh, ummm, so, this is the, uh..."

    "Why," Hilda said under her breath, "did this have to be the first Gym?"

    She had barged her way through the curtains, defeating the Gym trainers with ease along the way, trying her very hardest to reach the Gym Leader. When she was finally confronted with her apparent foe, she was instantly disappointed. Before her stood not one, but three young men, with the one standing in front being a wimp with short green hair that did nothing but stutter.

    "This, uh-"

    "Brother, step aside." A firm yet fluent voice from the man with dark blue shoulder-length hair forced the wimp to step aside, as the blue-haired man took the middle. "I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you madam. My brother here is often rather timid when it comes to introductions. I'm sure a lovely lady like you deserves something... better for your first impression of us."

    Hilda sighed. "No, I'm fine, just get to the-"

    She was promptly ignored. "Welcome to our gym. Here we have a unique concept in our gym, something which not many others do, and today you will attempt to fight against it. I hope such a beautiful girl will be able to take on such a-"

    "Oh my god!" The third man yelled. "Just let me take over, both of you are useless at introducing this Gym! Cilan, you say nothing, and Cress, you try to hook up with every person to enter! Just let me do this."

    The third man, a short guy with spiky red hair, stood in front of his blue-haired brother to show his importance. "So, this is the Striaton Gym. Here we battle you based on the typing of your main Pokemon. If the Pokemon has no distinct strength or weakness against one of our types, we just randomise who goes first. So, as I can see, your main Pokemon is a Snivy-"

    The Pokemon growled in approval. The redhead continued. "-so that means you'll be up against me, Chili. Be wary, since I use Fire Types!"

    Hilda nodded, trying not to die of exasperation. "Yeah yeah, Smugleaf is weak to that sh*t, I know, I did the research. Just bloody begin or I may just command Smugleaf to rip your face off."

    Chill laughed, albeit a little hesitantly. "Ok, ok, keep your hair on! Let's get this over and done with. Go, Lillipup!"

    It became Hilda's turn to laugh. "Oh wow, such a threatening Fire Type! What am I gonna do? Haha, I've fought so many of these already. Come on Smugleaf, let's do this!"


    The Lillipup was barely an issue. Smugleaf took it down with ease thanks to a particularly nasty Vine Whip, and as the Normal Type was recalled by a noticeably less confident Chili, his next Poke Ball was just within his other hand. "Alright, you may have defeated my first Pokemon, but not to fear! My next Pokemon is even stronger! Go, Pansear!"

    The white plasma emerging from the ball revealed one of the most ridiculous creatures Hilda had ever seen.

    "What the hell is that?" Said Hilda, trying to stifle her laughter and failing. "What- haha- Arceus that is stupid, look at its hair- why is it so stupid- ok, give me a moment-"

    All three of the Gym Leaders, plus the Pansear and Smugleaf, stared at the teenager slowly collapsing on the floor in heaps of laughter, barely able to breath with how much she was giggling. Cilan peered over nervously. "Should we try to, uh, help her or something?"

    Cress shook his head. "No, Cilan. Give the lady some space, she's just enjoying herself very much."

    "Cress," Chili stated, "I think Cilan has a point. This battle does need to continue."

    Smugleaf strutted over to his trainer, tired of her laughter already. He tried for a moment to poke her, which didn't do much. Rolling his eyes, he summoned a vine from seemingly nowhere and slapped Hilda across the cheek with it. The girl cried out, abruptly cutting off her laughter as she looked down at her companion. "Ow! Thanks for stopping that giggle fit, Smugleaf, but please be a little less rough next time. If we're taking over- I mean becoming the champion, then I don't need a bruise on my face to show weakness."

    Chili relaxed. "Oh, finally! Get back up, we need to continue this battle. Please don't continue laughing."

    Hilda stood back up, brushing herself down. "I won't, don't worry. It is really stupid though."


    Despite the typing disadvantage, it wasn't that hard for Smugleaf to cause the monkey of stupid hairdos to faint and cost the battle for Chili. The girl punched the air with victory and went to scoop up her Pokemon. The redhead grinned despite the loss. "Well I never! You're pretty tough for a beginning trainer. Allow me to present you with this badge!"

    He held out a small, shiny strip. It probably had a distinct shape, but Hilda didn't really care. She tore it out of his hands and slammed it down into her badge case, a rather dusty thing that she had been given as a child in case she ever challenged the Gyms, before clipping the thing shut with a little too much force. "Hey, thanks for that! Anyway, I better be popping off now. I've got more Gyms to battle, more things to explore, more sh*t to do, stuff like that, so see ya never!"

    Cress stepped towards her, holding out his hand. "Oh, are you leaving so suddenly? Are you sure you don't want to stay just a moment longer and try our speciality food? This is a restaurant too, you-"

    "Cress," Chili said as he crossed his arms, "she's already left. Please stop flirting with the Gym challengers, it gets annoying."

    A small pause, before all three Gym leaders sighed with relief. Cilan spoke up. "I am so tired of this job. I just want to make tea, can I just make tea?"

    His statement received a sharp elbow to his ribs from the redhead. "No, Cilan. Hell to the no."
  12. Mia Blaze

    Mia Blaze I'mma gonna Deku in the face, Kacchan

    Nerdy, you need a Beta reader. I'll do it for you Via PM if you want or properly when you take this to fanfiction.

    Other than a few minuscule errors, this was pure gold. Hilda is amazing as ever, N was practically following his game dialogue and not listening to anyone else (Plus the bet means Hilda's gonna be rich by Nimbasa City! ) Smugleaf is slapping the peasants down to size, I am so proud of this chapter, so so proud.

    Plus Cilan at the end, how very British of him. Overall it was awesomeness and I am looking forward to what Abridged shenanigans you can pull out next time.
  13. Aww thank you! I do need to make sure I correct the odd typo and stuff.

    Hey, thank you!

    When isn't she, to be honest?

    Some of his quotes are actually almost directly the same, but mostly they get changes here and there. I've got more plans for N in future, so you can look forward to that! Also yes, Cheren's gonna be broke for a bit.

    It's what the lord does but, after all. Also thanks! I'm glad you're proud.

    It's actually mentioned in-game that the Striaton brothers are good at making tea, so I decided I'd implement that at the end. Anyway, awesome that you liked it and I can't wait to write more!
  14. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    I'll be completely and fully honest, I've never really gotten into the abridged series craze. My brother really likes them, and a lot of my friends do, but this is my only real exposure to it.

    I think that this is a pretty strong start! Hilda is the perfect protagonist for a series such as this, with her snarky comments and such. Her name for snivy brought me back to the good old days when Black/White was just a twinkle on the horizon. Cheren doesn't seem to stray far from his original personality, which is fine for me, and Bianca is similar as well. The humor is okay in my opinion, but again, humor is very subjective.

    My only criticisms I have right now is that you don't use pronouns like "she", "him" and "they", and that you might want to tone down the "triggered" and tumblr "did you assume my gender" jokes because they're overdone to the point of blandness and might ruin someone's enjoyment of your fic.

    Otherwise, good luck!
  15. I guess I'm introducing you to a new world then!

    I'm glad you think it's a good start! It seems that Hilda is the thing people like the most in this fic, which is cool!

    I can see where you're coming from there. It's just usually Abridged series are full of them.

    Thank you!
  16. DeliriousAbsol

    DeliriousAbsol Call me Del

    As a lover of 'crack fiction', I just had to give this a read. It's hilariously random while sticking true to the plot of Black/White, which is pretty nice.

    Also, Snivy is one of my fave starters. There's something about that upturned snoot that just needs booping until you get bit.

    A few things I'd like to point out, both things I particularly liked and a couple of typos I noticed.

    Like... probably one of the best sentences in crack fiction ever. Totally want to nominate this for the annual rewards contest, assuming we have one this year that is!

    This needs to be a thing. Why isn't this a thing?

    Just a small typo. 'Stay here'

    Another little typo. 'Sixth'. Assuming this is an oversight, because you spelled it right very shortly after.

    All in all, rather entertaining, and as a lover of Gen 5 I totally approve of more Gen 5 'fics. I think I'll continue with this =D
  17. Eeeee, thank you! I always get fuzzy feelings when someone likes my fanfics.

    It's tied with Oshawott for me :3

    Really? Oh my god that's so cool! I'm so happy you like that line, especially since it didn't come off as well with other readers. Getting nominated for the awards is like my dream!

    Because Game Freak needs to tweak their sense of humour a little.

    Ah, yes, oops. I have a fast typing speed and I use my iPad for all my writing, and the lack of a physical keyboard often means more typos.

    Awesome! I'm so glad you like the fic!
  18. Zipper4242

    Zipper4242 Bewear is the most powerful being in the universe.


    If you need more editors to look at your stuff, I would be happy to. I have a bit of experience, being an amateur novelist myself :)

    This ties with FerretAbridged's XY abridged (I think it got taken off of Youtube now :() for the greatest Abridge yet! Unbelievable job!

    Keep up the amazing work!
  19. Well, I will officially say... I thought this thread had died.

    Awe, thank you :3

    Thanks for the offer, but I've already asked someone to be my beta reader from now on. I hope you don't mind!

    As someone who has been a large fan of FerretAbridged for a while now this makes me so happy! Thank youuu!

    Hah, I haven't updated this in ages, but maybe this review will set the ball rolling again, who knows. I'll see how I feel tomorrow! Seriously thanks for the review!
  20. Hello dear readers! So IM FINALLY BACK! *cries with happiness* I never thought I’d be motivated enough to write Chapter 3 for this story, but when I realised it got nominated for this year’s Funniest Fic Award, I realised that hey people must really like this story and I should keep delivering! So after five months of hiatus on Hilda’s adventures, I hope I can still deliver the same old feeling this fic had back then. This chapter is gonna be ever so slightly different from the others in that I tried something new with the dreamyard to make it more interesting (and leave more opportunities for humour), and thus it may feel a tiny bit slower than other chapters.

    I’ve also gotta give a massive thank you to Ambyssin for accepting the offer of being a beta reader for this story, since he pointed out a lot of technical errors that I’ve gone back and fixed!

    Reminder: this fic is PG-13/T n stuff.

    Chapter 3: We’re a Dunce and a Supervillian, Get Us Out of Here

    As Hilda and Smugleaf emerged from the gym with badge in case, Hilda frowned. “Hey, Smugleaf, doesn’t it feel like that walk out of the gym took ages, or is it just me?”

    Smugleaf only shrugged as best he could from her arm- whether that was a yes or a no Hilda had no idea, but she didn’t care. “Well, no matter, small lord, for we have conquered our first battlefield and shown our strength. The proper destruction of the Gym will happen once we are stronger, but for now we shall move onwards. The world shall fear us all soon enough, and-“

    “Oh! Hello!” A soft lady’s voice sliced through Hilda’s monologue as a young woman stepped in front of her. She looked to be an incredibly sweet woman - long, dark hair surrounded her body and fell to her knees, and she had large, round eyes amplified by glasses of a similar shape. She even wore a flower in her hair, as though it hadn’t been knocked into everyone else enough that she was cute. What caught Hilda’s eye, though, was her white lab coat, which meant this was either an independent researcher or a government scientist set on turning the entire population into a hive mind of robots... or whatever they wanted to do. Either sounded interesting.

    The woman started talking again, bringing Hilda out of her thoughts with a jolt. “Hey, uhh, I don’t know what you were going on about just now with conquering and fear and stuff, but I noticed you had a Snivy and realised that you must be one of Juniper’s researchers!”

    Hilda stared at her with a mix of confusion and contempt. “Firstly, the conquering stuff is none of your business. Secondly, referring to my partner as anything other than Smugleaf is sinful and will be punished if done again after a warning. And thirdly, what about owning him makes you instantly think of the local creep from down under?”

    The woman looked taken aback for a moment, but straightened herself up quickly. “My, you’re quite the intense girl! But yes, I guess I should answer that last one. Snivy, Oshawott, and Tepig tend to be rare across the Pokémon world, so Juniper is extremely lucky to own a whole load of them right in her back garden."

    Hilda held a hand against her hip - not the hand connected to the arm Smugleaf was cutting her blood circulation from with his grip, mind you. “Man, I feel for those creatures. I’m scared to know what that back garden looks like now, or whether that’s just paraphrasing for ‘basement’ since if it’s a garden then I should’ve definitely seen it before. Plus basements are creepier.”

    The woman nodded. “I have heard of... conspiracies concerning Juniper among the researching community, but it doesn’t change the fact that she consistently gives good results and has sent you out on a journey - and that we once were friends long ago, but that’s not the point. Regardless, I’m happy I came across you, since-“

    “Heyyyy, Hilda!” Another female voice pierced right into Hilda’s eardrums as the person who owned it ran up to her. The stupid green hat and the little white face with blue ears poking out from under it was enough evidence to show that Hilda knew this person, and she hated that she knew this person. That didn’t stop Bianca from talking to her, though. “I was just wandering through the city and thought I’d check out the Gym area, and then I saw you!”

    Hilda groaned in disgust. “Bianca, did you forget that we despise each other?”

    Bianca paused, a reflective shine in her eyes, before she suddenly nodded. “Ohh, yeah! We do hate each other! I guess I’ll take my leave-“

    The new woman stopped her. “Hang on. Is that an Oshawott poking out of your hat?”

    The Pokemon in return stared blankly, as though it wasn’t sure what she meant. It looked at itself, then it looked at the name tag on its arm (which Bianca had apparently tied there so she could remember its name), then nodded in agreement.

    Good god, Hilda thought, Bianca actually chose a partner as dumb as her. Somehow.

    The woman clapped her hands in delight. “Oh, my! I got two of you here! This is just perfect. I thought I’d only be bringing one person with me, but this is even better. Come with me for a moment, both of you, I’ve got a very special thing to show you. The name’s Fennel, by the way.”

    Bianca leapt up into the air. “Alright, Fenn... Feen... you! This sounds like it could be fun. Come on, Hilda!”

    The brunette balled her hands into fists, but reluctantly obliged. “Who knows,” she whispered to Smugleaf, “she might have the perfect research to help our quest. Despite the fact that a dunce with an even smaller dunce is with us.”


    Hilda was expecting some kind of high-tech lab with professors and researchers all wandering around spitting out language that only Cheren could understand, while strange concoctions fizzled away in vials suspended by peculiar machines. She thought that it would at least redeem having to go there with Bianca and Fennel, who chatted non-stop about Vivillons and Skitties the whole way while using the word “kawaii” way too often to be bearable.

    But no. Nothing had to go Hilda’s way unless it was a battle.

    “-and here we are, guys! This is my bedroom!”

    Yep, Fennel was definitely on the independent researcher side of the lab coat spectrum. A shame, really, Hilda thought - the other end could give Hilda some awesome apocalypse-bringing devices if the online theories were true. But really? Her bedroom was her lab? It looked alright for what it was worth, with the odd little machine and a strange hospital-like bed, but it didn’t look all that professional or safe.

    “Fennel,” Hilda asked, “is this place even allowed? Like, is it within the regulations of the apartment rental company? I mean, I know I’d break the heck out of the rules even if they were in place, but it still seems odd.” Hilda almost added, “I want to know for future reference,” but then realised that saying her motive out loud would be stupid.

    Fennel hesitated. “I do think they give permits to those who are allowed to conduct experiments in their apartments, but it still limits a lot of what you can experiment on, though. I don’t have a permit though, so I’m fine!”

    Hilda raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s backwards logic, but sure, let’s roll with it. If anything explodes, I can at least blame it on myself.”

    Fennel beamed. “You really would?!”

    Hilda grinned. “Gladly.”

    “Umm, guys?” Bianca interjected. “Can you point out what you’re talking about that’s so dangerous? I only see a bed and some metal things.”

    “Bianca,” Hilda said. “It’s the metal things. They’re the dangerous part of the room. The bed may be too, I don’t know. But the metal things are spiky. And they have strange liquids in them. That’s why it’s dangerous.”

    “Oh!” Bianca cried out. “If it’s dangerous, then I shouldn’t be here!”

    Fennel held her arm, hopefully not as hard as Smugleaf on Hilda’s. “No, don’t go just yet! It won’t do anything right now. I just need to ask something of the two of you. You see, I’m studying dreams and the potential of lucid exploration in the dreams of Pokemon, but I need some Dream Mist, and I can only find that in the Dreamyard just outside town, but it’s all scary over there, and-“

    “Good lord, woman.” Hilda stopped her in her tracks. “Slow the hell down. So you’re exploring cool dream sh*t, but you need some Mist, and that can only be found nearby, but you don’t want to go down there because it freaks you out. And I’m assuming you think that because we are trainers and we have Pokemon that your old friend Creeps McTreewoman gave us, you’re gonna send us into the terror place to get the weird Mist for you. Right?”

    Bianca looked at her in confusion. “I don’t understand what Fenn-woman was saying. She’s doing something about stuff that sounds like what Cheren would say, so maybe I should ask him about it.”

    Fennel shook her head. “You don’t need to ask anyone about my work. The point is, Hilda was right in that I think you two could go out to the Dreamyard and get some Dream Mist for me. It’s quite scary for me since I’m not a trainer, plus sometimes the local Musharna make illusions. But I think you two can do it. And the Munna are so kawaii!”

    Hilda reluctantly took this on board, but the word ‘illusions’ caused her to perk up just a little. “Hang on, illusions? Can these Musharna make just about anything seem like it’s right in front you, when really it’s something completely different? Are they those kinds of illusions?”

    “Well, not exactly,” Fennel replied as she picked up some research notes. “From what I’ve been able to research through observation, Musharna read the thoughts of their foe and create an illusion based on a fear of theirs - not always their worst fear, maybe not even a fear the foe still has, just the first they come across - not to mention its typical psychic abilities. A trained Musharna is often hard to come across, but one in the hands of a talented trainer could be the key to victory, and not just in battle.”

    Hilda’s eyes were practically shining at this point. “You know what, this quest doesn’t sound so bad. I’ll even bring Bianca if I have to, that’s how much I’m committed to this. That Musharna sounds-“

    “Adorable! Don’t you think?” Fennel continued smiling, unaware that Hilda was about to say something completely different. “I’m so happy you’ve accepted! Take this empty potion bottle, you should be able to pick up Dream Mist with it if you’re quick enough. And one for you too, Bianca.”

    As Bianca held the bottle in confusion since she was barely aware she was on this mission now, Hilda took her bottle with a plan in mind. She still had those Poke balls from when she first started out, ones she had saved as old presents from the townspeople of Nuvema expecting her to start her trainer journey aged ten instead of sixteen. As she made to leave, dragging Bianca along with her while she continued to stare at the bottle, Fennel called out for the last time. “Oh, and one more thing.”

    Hilda didn’t really care, and continued without listening. Fennel said anyway, in case she could still hear. “Dream Mist is what gives Musharna its abilities. The Dreamyard is full of it thanks to all the Munna and Musharna there, so you’ll need to be even more careful about what’s real and fake.”


    “This place is creepy!” Bianca moaned. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

    Hilda shrugged. “Is it the ruins scaring you or has a Musharna ambushed you? Look, I’m only here because I want that Pokemon. If I become allies with one, then it’ll be perfect for my team. So, let’s see...”

    Hilda flicked through images on her phone, a notably easier task than usual since she had recalled Smugleaf in case of danger. “So you get a Musharna by evolving a Munna, huh?”

    A small gasp interrupted Hilda’s thoughts from Bianca, who looked over Hilda’s shoulder at her phone. “Ooh, it’s so cute! You know what, Hilda, you said you wanted one of those on the way here, and I’m gonna get one too.”

    Hilda shrugged and continued, directly ignoring Bianca. “Right, all I need to do is find and catch one of those, get some of this Dream Mist around the Dreamyard, whatever it does, and-“

    Her plan recital was promptly cut off as Hilda felt her nose crash right into something in front of her. She blinked, and realised it was a wall. However, Hilda never had a tendency of doing that normally - of course, Bianca did, and so probably did that Oshawott of hers - but Hilda always made sure to look around her surroundings so she didn’t crash into anything, and she could’ve sworn this wall wasn’t there before.

    She was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of Bianca crying out - she, too, had walked into the wall, and the two were now staring at each other as though each was accusing the other of the walk being there. Bianca broke it up first. “That wall... I know I always crash into walls, but that one just showed up in front of me! That’s not fair!”

    Hilda frowned. “It’s the same for me too. As much as I don’t mind you breaking your nose, I’d rather leave mine intact. So, either there’s a sentient wall with a vendetta against idiots and supervillains or something’s messing with us.”

    The two girls looked up at each other again, but for quite possibly the first time it wasn’t in contempt or disgust. Hilda nodded to her. “We’ve gotta be careful. If the sky suddenly turns pink or something then don’t panic-“

    Suddenly the bright blue above them took a hue of violet, and Bianca screamed. Hilda sighed. “I don’t even know why I t-“

    Suddenly, a thought came to her. “Dream Mist... Munna and Musharna live here, right? We get Dream Mist from them... so they must use it in some way for it to be so easy... and Dream Mist has power if Fennel wants it...”

    She walked over to Bianca, who was still screaming, and gave her a harmless slap to cut her out of it. “Hey, dunce, I’ve got an idea for what it could be. I’m not fully sure on it, but we can try it out.”


    It was a tough maze. Hilda constantly held her hand in front of her, Bianca’s hand in her other, imagining the path ahead of her to be clear. She walked slowly, the path seeming to be straightforward only for Hilda to feel her hand on another wall and for it to suddenly appear in front of her. Bianca shrieked every time it happened, much to Hilda’s annoyance, but she continued regardless. She knew that she’d be able to find a Munna if she just kept on going through the winding ruins.

    She had seen them from the outside, but some walls weren’t actually there, and where there was absent space there would be barrels, fences, and yet again, more walls. Then again, Fennel said this place was too much for her, and if a woman who lives in an apartment that could blow up at any minute doesn’t like this place, then Hilda should’ve seen it coming.

    Hilda felt another invisible wall, and it suddenly appeared in front of her to the chorus of Bianca shredding her ears. Hilda’s theory was turning out to be right - as long as she imagined the path as clear ahead of her, then the path became clear. Hilda was confident it was because of the Dream Mist surrounding the Pokemon in this area - it made sense to her that if a Pokemon used Dream Mist a lot, it would leave some Mist unused to just settle around the area. This mist targeted whatever the person was thinking of and projected it in front of them, and that reminded Hilda of what Fennel said about Musharna and its abilities - projecting fears.

    Hilda was sure that she could see the odd meteor flying around, but that was just Bianca’s thoughts coming into play.

    Speaking of her, Bianca perked up and asked a question to Hilda. “Hey, why are you even helping me? I thought we hated each other.”

    Hilda shrugged. “Just this once. I can’t be bothered to leave you behind, anyway. I don’t see the point of doing it right now.”


    The difficulty of navigating the ruins was getting to Hilda, but she continued regardless. She was about to make her way down another path with an unsteady hand in front of her, when she overheard two voices.

    “-the boss requested we get some of this Dream Mist, but I can barely tell what’s happening. The sky looks weird, there are meteors every now and then, and I swear if I walk into another f*cking wall I’ll-“

    “Calm down, we’re getting the hang of the map now. If it’s correct, then all the Munna should be just round-“

    The owners of the voices - a male and a female - turned a corner only to see Hilda and Bianca, both listening in on them. Hilda’s eyes widened when she saw the uniform and hair colour. “Oh, so Team Plasma is here too? Well hello, my name’s Hilda, and no I am not going out with the girl behind me, I’m dragging her along with me. I mean, I think one of your bosses seems a little unhinged but other than that we don’t really have too many differences, so how about we help each other with our-“

    Her introduction was cut short by a small, pink creature floating by. All four people gasped in surprise as it continued past, as carefree as ever, before everyone took action. Bianca flailed, forgetting where she stored her Poke Balls, while Hilda fumbled in her bag for her own Poke Balls. Meanwhile, the two Plasma strangers ran towards the creature, grabbing hold of it and taking it back to where they were standing before, while the creature struggled to get away in shock. There the male grinned. “Ha! We’ve got the Munna! You let go of it and get a bottle, I’ll try and make it create some Mist.”

    The man started gently talking to the Munna, asking for it to give him some Mist (all of which sounded creepy, Hilda had to be honest). The Munna was too in shock to respond, to which the man in turn responded by kicking the poor thing.

    Bianca cried out, while Hilda grimaced and glared at the man before speaking to him in a furious tone. “What the hell?! I thought Team Plasma was supposed be about the life and care of Pokemon or something. Since when did you do things like that? That’s my future partner right there, and you just go and kick it like it’s nothing? Bianca, I never thought I’d ask this, but help me on this one. I know it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s fake, but this is all real, and we need to defeat these Plasma d*cks.”

    The female stopped what she was doing to look back up at the girls. “You’re quite rich with your words, aren’t you? This is all for the greater good, you know.”

    Bianca shrugged. “Kicking is still kicking, and it’s bad. It's really bad when you do it to something cute!"

    The man looked up. “Very well. This thing won’t move for a while, so let’s do battle, why not?”


    Despite Bianca and Osha stumbling over most of their moves, Hilda’s side somehow still turned out to be victorious. Hilda high-fived Smugleaf before he returned to his ball, and now the landscape looked a lot more chaotic from all of the Dream Mist interfering. An imaginary plasma banner was floating in the sky, as well as a replica of Bianca’s hat, some shoes and, for some reason, a bicycle.

    The male Plasma member cursed, before going to kick the Munna anyway, but a beam of white light encased the creature and suddenly it wasn’t there anymore.

    The only thing in its place, a Poke Ball. One bounce, two bounces, three bounces, and a firm click.

    The two Plasma members stared in despair at the ball, as Hilda gave a smile. “Sorry, fellas, but you’re not hurting that thing anymore. It’s mine now, and-“

    “Hilda! Where did the Munna go?!” Bianca cried out in panic. “There’s now only a ball!”

    Hilda rolled her eyes as she went to pick up the ball. “Bianca, it’s in here. And mine now. You don’t need to worry.”

    The female Plasma member looked like she was about to explode, when a figure suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Hilda recognised it as the guy from the talk in Accumula Town however-long ago - Ghetsis. The female Plasma member decided to stop looking like she wanted to explode, instead beginning to pale slightly. “Uhh... I know this place is trippy as balls, but, like... the boss, he shouldn’t be showing up out of nowhere, right?”

    The other member frowned too. “I don’t care, this place is hurting my head. We’re gonna have to tell the boss that we failed his mission, but I’m not gonna stand for being here any longer.”

    With that, the man and the woman scarpered, leaving a sheet of paper behind them. To Hilda's surprise, the Ghetsis illusion actually evaporated into thin air. She decided to give up on questioning it, however, and instead picked up the paper they left behind. She took a look at it, before looking back at Bianca and grinning. “It’s their map. You can go find a Munna of your own, and once you do so, we’ll get some Dream Mist and get the everlasting f*ck outta here.”

    As Bianca nodded and began fumbling around, Hilda realised that she might need some help. She sighed, but decided it was just this occasion, so why not?

    As the two used the map to find a good grass patch, a Musharna hid behind a wall and thought to itself.

    Oi, that girl better look after ma girl, she durn better!


    As the two girls left the Dreamyard exhausted, the sky returning to normal and the pressure of knowing the right way released, Fennel was there to greet them. “Oh my god, you actually did it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

    Hilda gave a tired thumbs-up. “It was... well, it wasn’t nothing, but we did it, and you’re welcome. Here’s your Mist, by the way.”

    As she handed over a bottle full of the stuff, Fennel smiled. “Oh, there’s something else as well. You can now officially be blamed for exploding my bedroom.”

    “So overall,” Hilda said with a bright tone, “a good day, then.”

    Bianca nodded. “We actually worked together! She was nice to me!”

    Hilda looked back at Bianca, scowled, and walked off.

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