Pokemon XD: Nightmare Revolution

[Armored Zangoose]

I'm starting my first fic so don't bash me if I do bad. I hope to get it close to as good as the three fics that inspired me, which were Pokemoin XD: Enigma Shadow,Pokemon Revolution: Johto, and shattered pieces.

These pokemon star in the prolouge:;155; ;025; ;152; ;246; ;158; ;009;

Anyway ;let the fanfic begin!

Prolouge

Eight-year old Girard was going to start pokemon academy the next day so he could be a pokemon trainer. However instead he just was watching the last battle between the top two trainers who challenged the Battle Frontier. The Battle Frontier was leaving Johto tonight and then would have no region to go to, as it had been to each region. They were just going to set up a Battle Tower in Shinou after the original fell apart. There would be no more Battle Frontier.
"This will be the greatest battle ever seen at the Frontier!" yelled the announcer. " The Froniter champion and the challenger will both use four pokemon but only the challenger may switch pokemon!"

The champion, Rick stepped up first. "Go, Shiftry and Primeape!"
His two pokemon came out of there pokeballs and by there looks, were at high levels.
The challenger, Austin stepped foward. " Come on out, Glalie and Slaking!"
A Glalie and Slaking appeared, ready for battle.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Frontier Champion Rick v.s. Pkmn trainer Austin
////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Shiftry, solarbeam! Primeape crosschop! Aim for Glalie!" yelled Rick.
"Camerupt eruption!" yelled Austin.
The eruption knocked out Shiftry but Primeape knocked out Glalie.
"Go, Sceptile!" said Rick.
"Your not going to win! Go Gabaito!"
" Well no one expected a Shinou pokemon!" said the announcer.
Suddenly an Earthquake rocked the arena.
A few audience members fell down and the trainers fell on their backs, as the stadiumj broke apart.
"No! I't... I't can't be... be..." cried Rick weakly.
"To easy" thought Austin.
"Because of this quake the winner is Austin!"
"That's unfair!" yelled Rick.

Rick left to Cerulean city, for all he had was lost. His title, his fans, and half his cousins. They all were never seen after that. Meanwhile,a future trainer watches the battle.

I'll have more up, hopefully tonight.
That not the end of the prolouge though, it's much to short.

Edit:I'm back so I can continue the fic.

"Wow." is all Girard said as he turned off the television. " That was awesome!"
"Get to bed Girard" said his father who walked in, rubbing his eyes." it's ten o'clock."
"I can't sleep. And I want to start practice battles right away!" said Girard.
"Well than watch the Shinou championships. It's a great battle that I was watching upstairs" said Girard's dad.
"Ok, but I prefer Johto." Girard said. He lived in Joht and thought it was the best.
He turned on the tv and changed the channel were he saw a battle between a Pikachu and a Blastoise.
"Gary counters with a fierce hydro pump!"said the announcer." How will Ash and Pikachu win, without Charzard being able to do anything earlier?"
"Pikachu, volt tackle!" said the trainer name Ash.
Blastoise fainted. The trainer Ash was champion.
"The results go like this: Ash from Pallet town in first, Gary, also from pallet in second, and tied in third are Shinji from Tobari city and Jimmy from New bark town!" said the announcer.
Girard turned off the tv."Wow. I want to wina championship so badly now." said Girard.

Girard went to bed and would then start his adventure in two years.
End of prolouge.

Ok. I assume you all know that both Girard and Rick will be main characters.
The first chapter will be when girard starts out, and Steven from R?S?E makes his first appearance.

 

[Willow's Tara]

Well, it's not close to being perfect as Johto: Revolution or anything of the others just yet, but all you need to do is improvement, and don't go jumping down people throats okay

Okay first, alot of people here don't like smilies, so maybe you shouldn't put the smilies there, you could do something like this. Starring: Cydanquil, Chickorata and so on.

Next, you need to put another space when someone talks okay,

And description: That needs alot of working on, people love to be stuck into the story and description is some of the ways to do it. And also describe the feelings of Pokemon, whatm are they feeling when they attacked? What did they look like? How was Girard feeling? And Rick?

Also, I am not familiar with all the Shinou Pokemon names right now so I didn't know what the heck Gabatio was, I could have pictured a flying pig with the colours of all the rainbow and Bull's horns.

Also, lenth is needed, most people usually write chapters up to 3-6 pages and they do it in Microsoft Word.

 

[Armored Zangoose]

Thank you Willow's Tara. The proluoge was kind of bad, but the chapters will be written in three parts, each in a seperate post. Gabaito is the md evolution of the dragon ground type Shinou pokemon.I'll have chapter one up tommorow or the first part of it up tonight.

 

[Zephyr Flare]

You either post that blasted chapter in one go or I close this thread so fast the world stops spinning at the right angle.

Read Advice for Aspiring Authors and Fanfiction Rules, this "start" seems to ignore them to happily dance around with flat lifeless writting. I'm unfortante enough to be forced to use the second chance policy. Either shape up, considerably, or I will be forced to close on quality grounds.

Sandra