Typhlogirl
keep battling on!
Hi everyone! Typhlogirl here, bringing you the finale of Season One of PokeTalk! The pokemon based Talkshow! This feature is not an episode, but is more of a short story, in script format, as is the actual PokeTalk!. I hope you all enjoy this misadventure of Typhlogirl and friends as they seek to make their Christmas happy.
This story is rated PG-14 for occasional swearing. I don't own pokemon. ^_~
<, >= Basic description
*,*= Description of what a character may be doing
P.S. Guys, when you're reviewing, please don't just say 'That was great!' or 'That was bad!" Tell me why. Please, no one line reviews, I'm begging you!
Enjoy:
<It is a relaxed day in Typhlogirl’s studio. There are no guests to interview, so it is deserted apart from the host and her two pokemon. Pebbles is sitting on the floor, looking dejected and scribbling on a piece of paper. Typhlogirl herself is rushing about the place, turning things over and looking flustered. Micheal is trailing her.>
*Well, here we are. Once again trapped in the confines of this television studio, with little more than a bottle of water and some dry biscuits. Yes viewers, Typhlogirl is keeping us captive here in her twisted little sanctuary. Here she is now, running around the studio like a mad Spinda, wearing jeans and a T-Shirt bearing the slogan “My Reality Check bounced”. How appropriate. I am just preparing my message in a bottle, which I intend to throw out the window to any passing people. Hopefully they will rescue me from the tyrannical clutches of this madwoman. Or maybe I’ll just-*
Typhlogirl: Oh will you cut that out and help me find the safe combination!
Pebbles (the Golem): Fine. Ruin my fun. My one break in the depression that being trained by you has forced me under-
Micheal (the Typhlosion): Pebbles, I really think you should shut up. This is important.
Pebbles: Micheal, I really think you smell.
Typhlogirl: Oh stop it, both of you! If we don’t find that safe combination then we are screwed! Now look!
Pebbles: What does it look like?
Typhlogirl: Oh you know, just a piece of paper with numbers on it!
Pebbles: *looks at her message-in-a-bottle* I think I found it.
Typhlogirl: EXCELLENT! Good work Pebbles!
Micheal: Now that’s something you don’t hear everyday.
Pebbles: At least I’ve heard it once in my life.
Micheal: Yeah…you’ve led a very ‘oncey’ life haven’t you?!
Pebbles: …WTF.
Micheal: I don’t know. *pathetic sounding*
Typhlogirl: Shut up please. *sound of a hidden safe clicking open*
Micheal: So how much money have we got?
*All three look in the safe. A few random coins lie about. There’s some bank notes floating around, and random bits of paper.*
Typhlogirl: Not fucking much.
Pebbles: Oh, I disagree. I think our vast wealth could give Bill Gates a run for his money! *sarcastic*
Micheal: Can we just run at his money instead?
Typhlogirl: Shut up! How the hell am I supposed to buy Christmas presents with this?!
Pebbles: Fuck the Christmas presents, how are we supposed to eat?!
Micheal: By putting food in your mouth and chewing, fool! AHAHAH!
Typhlogirl:
Pebbles: Please leave the studio.
Typhlogirl: Quiet, the pair of you. This is serious for once!
Micheal: But I’m never serious!!
Pebbles: That’s because no one takes you seriously Micheal.
Typhlogirl: PEBBLES!
Pebbles: Fine. I’ll shut up.
Typhlogirl: So what are we supposed to do?!
Micheal: *rummaging around in the safe*
Pebbles: I don’t know.
Typhlogirl: That’s all you can say. “I don’t know”. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART POKEMON!!!
Pebbles: You’re supposed to be the smart host, and we know how ridiculous a notion that is.
Typhlogirl: *grinning manically*
Pebbles: Please stop, you look like a psycho clown.
Micheal: Hey guys?
Both: WHAT?!
Micheal: What’s “Life Insurance”?
Typhlogirl: *quickly explains the concept of life insurance to Micheal* Why?
Micheal: Because I found this. *hands a piece of paper to Typhlogirl*
Typhlogirl: *reading* Hey…this is interesting…
Pebbles: What is it? A pretty coffee stain?
Typhlogirl: No…it’s something much better!
Pebbles: Okay, she couldn’t have heard what I said before. Otherwise this would be a priceless moment that I should be recording on film and selling on Ebay.
Typhlogirl: *stops reading and starts thinking*
Micheal: I can just hear the gears of Typhlogirl’s mind whirring!
Pebbles: Can you? That’s funny; all I can hear is a rusty screeching.
Typhlogirl: *makes a rude finger gesture at Pebbles* Yes…that could work…it could WORK…
Pebbles: What, your brain? That would be a pleasant change from the norm.
Typhlogirl: MICHEAL! YOU’RE BRILLIANT!! *glomps Micheal*
Pebbles: Okay. That just…wasn’t politically correct. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TYPHLOGIRL?
Typhlogirl: *ignoring Pebbles and still hugging Micheal* Brilliant Micheal, brilliant!
Pebbles: Isn’t “Brilliant Micheal” an oxymoron?
Typhlogirl: Oh would you shut your pie-hole for five minutes and listen?! Micheal found the answer to our financial distress!
Pebbles: Which is?
Typhlogirl: Life Insurance! Do you know how much he is insured for?!
Pebbles: Five cents?!
Micheal: HEY!
Pebbles: Shut up, I’m being generous.
Typhlogirl: No! ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars!!
Pebbles: O_O That’s a big number.
Typhlogirl: Yes, it is isn’t it?
Micheal: So how are we supposed to get the money?
Typhlogirl: *grin* Oh, that’s simple Micheal. *puts hand on Micheal’s shoulder*
Pebbles: *also grinning* Why yes, yes it is. *puts hand on Micheal’s other shoulder*
Micheal: *scared* W…why are you two grinning like that? You’re scaring me!
Pebbles: To death?
Micheal: Huh? No!
Typhlogirl: He still doesn’t get it!
Pebbles: Micheal. To get the life insurance, we have to take a life away.
Micheal: Ooooh…OH. CRAP, NO! YOU CAN’T KILL ME!!
Pebbles: OH YES WE FUCKING CAN! I’M HUNGRY, BITCH!
Typhlogirl: Pebbles, we aren’t going to kill Micheal.
Pebbles: *wielding a rusty chainsaw* We aren’t?
Typhlogirl: No. We’re just going to pretend he’s died. Then, we’ll get the life insurance, spend it all, and Micheal can magically come back to life!
Pebbles: Hmmm…it could work.
Typhlogirl: Of course it could work. I thought of it.
Pebbles: Oh, you thought of it? I just lost all my confidence in the idea.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
Micheal: Can someone please explain to me how we are supposed to kill me without ACTUALLY killing me?!
Typhlogirl: Weeell…I hadn’t actually thought of that yet.
Pebbles: Why am I not surprised?
Typhlogirl: Shut up.
Pebbles: No. You suck.
Micheal: PLEASE! I’M CONFUSED!
Typhlogirl: For a change.
Pebbles: I think I’ve thought of an idea.
Typhlogirl: And what would that be?
Pebbles: *whispers to Typhlogirl*
Typhlogirl: *thinking* It could work…let’s try it!
Micheal: Why am I getting shivers?
<The trio head out of the studio, and jump into Typhlogirl’s PokeTalk! SUV. The SUV is usually used by the cameramen, and occasionally the security guards. Typhlogirl never uses it. Until now.>
Pebbles: *backseat* Remind me again how this is legal?
Typhlogirl (Fourteen years old): *turning on the engine* It’s not.
Pebbles: Oh, okay then. *sits back in chair.*
Micheal: O-o *passenger seat* Can you drive?
Typhlogirl: Of course! *reversing*
<The SUV crashes into a telephone pole.>
Pebbles: Well, that was promising!
Typhlogirl: Shut up. Now…change gears…foot on the accelerator…and off we go!
<The tyres screech as the SUV belts out of the carpark at a rather unhealthy speed and onto the main road.>
Typhlogirl: *ROAD RAGE* MOVE! *horn* WRONG LANE FUCKER! IT’S MY RIGHT OF WAY! 60KM/H, NOT 10!! YOU SUCK! OUTTA MY WAY! WHO PUT THAT TREE THERE?!?
Micheal: O___O ARRGGHHH!!!
Pebbles: *lazily reading a magazine she found on the seat* Ooh, that’s interesting. I can’t believe they broke up! That has to be the worst outfit I have ever seen…
Typhlogirl: YAAARRRGHHH!!!! *swerve*
Micheal: *praying*
Pebbles: WOW! Hey Typhlogirl, look at this picture!! *shoves magazine over Typhlogirl’s head*
Typhlogirl: PEBBLES!! I CAN’T SEE!!!! *twists steering wheel*
Micheal: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
<Onlookers watch with interest as the SUV spins madly down the road, Micheal’s wails mixed with Typhlogirl’s profanity.>
Typhlogirl: *rips magazine off her head and out the window* YOU IDIOT!! *gets car back under control. Barely.*
Pebbles: THAT WAS MY MAGAZINE!!
Micheal: *looking rather traumatized* I feel car sick…
Typhlogirl: *sigh* Here, have some fresh air. *opens window*
Micheal: *collapses into seat, letting the air carress his face. * Uuugghh…
Pebbles: *pokes* I think you killed him.
Typhlogirl: No, he’s not dead yet. We’ll kill him your way.
Pebbles: If you insist.
Typhlogirl: *completely out of no-where* WE’RE HEREEEEE!! *slams foot on brake*
Micheal: YARGH! *flies forward and hits windshield quite painfully.*
Pebbles: *braced herself on seat* Ouch. Remember kids; always wear your seatbelt!
<Typhlogirl has…parked…the car on the side of the road. It’s very busy, with cars rushing back and forth constantly.>
Typhlogirl: Out we get! *bounces off the seat and onto the ground, runs over to Micheal’s door and opens it.*
Micheal: *falls onto the ground* You…cannot drive…at all…
Pebbles: I have to agree. And I want a new magazine.
Typhlogirl: Yeah well, both of you can stfu. Now get up Micheal. You have to die now.
Micheal: I’m already a victim of your driving.
Typhlogirl: Just get up you idiot. *kicks*
Micheal: *groggily gets to his feet*
Pebbles: *looks at the traffic* Man. You sure can pick’em.
Typhlogirl: Hell yeah. Now Micheal, get out into the middle of the road.
Micheal: *looks at the raging traffic*…you can’t be serious.
Typhlogirl: I am. Now go.
Micheal: BUT I’LL BE TURNED INTO ROADKILL!!!!
Typhlogirl: Duh, I know that! But you’ve only got to pretend to be hit. Just pretend to die, we’ll grab a death certificate, and claim that lovely insurance payout!
Micheal: *gulp* Okay…
<Micheal darts out onto the road when a lapse in traffic occurs. Many cars begin to speed towards him.>
Typhlogirl: *shouting* Now pretend to be hit!!!
Micheal: *sees car coming* ARGH!!! *dodges*
Typhlogirl: NO YOU IDIOT, GET HIT!! HIT!!! STOP MOVING!!
Micheal: I CAN’T!!! YOU TRY DOING THIS!! *dancing around like a spastic fairy*
Pebbles: Oh for the love of…HEY MICHEAL!! YOU’RE A CRAP MASCOT!!
Micheal: *stops moving* OI! THAT WAS-*BANG*
<Micheal is slammed by a car, and sent flying. His flight is cut short by a billboard.>
Typhlogirl: OH MY GOD! MICHEAL!
Pebbles: Thar we go. All done.
Typhlogirl: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!
Pebbles: No, but he has! *points at Micheal*
Typhlogirl: WHAT?! HE SPLIT HIS HEAD OPEN!?
Pebbles: No, I just felt like annoying you when you were emotionally vulnerable.
Typhlogirl: STUFF YOU! *dashing over to the billboard* Micheal! Are you alright?!
Micheal: *dazed* Hee hee…I see birdies…look at them fly…around and around…
Typhlogirl: Thank god you’re alive!
Micheal: Hee hee…cute birdies…wait a sec…wow, the birdies are turning red…ARGH! THE BIRDIES ARE ATTACKING ME!! SAVE ME FROM THEM!!
Pebbles: *has wandered over* Wow, he’s really out of it.
Micheal: *swiping the ‘birdies’* YOU WON’T GET MY SOUL, YOU FLYING DEVILS! I-AM-BUFFY!!
Typhlogirl: O___o
Pebbles: He’ll get over it.
Typhlogirl: He better! You practically killed him!
Pebbles: Oh I got him hit, didn’t I?!
*The driver of the car that hit Micheal runs over* OMG! Is he alright?!
Pebbles: *drops to her feet, pretending to sob. She’s actually covering Micheal’s mouth.*
Typhlogirl: Oh my god he’s dead! *not as sad as she should be* My beloved Typhlosion is dead oh no we better go get a death certificate-
Driver: Oh god…I killed a pokemon…
Typhlogirl: Yes, yes you did. Now we must go-
Driver: I…I…please, let me compensate you…
Typhlogirl: *ears practically perk up* Compensate?
Driver: Yes…I’ll…I’ll…
Typhlogirl: Yes? Yes?
Driver: I’ll pay for the funeral!
Typhlogirl: …funeral?
Pebbles: *nodding furiously*
Typhlogirl: But…oh fine. Pay for the funeral.
Driver: I know some good people! Please, come with me!
Typhlogirl: FINE! Pebbles, get Micheal-I mean, grab the corpse!
Pebbles: *hefts Micheal onto her shoulder.*
<They follow Random Driver to his car, and get it. He drives them to a white building called, “White Gardevoir Funeral’s-We understand that death is not the end of love.”>
Pebbles: Death is not the end of love? God, I’d say it’s pretty final.
Typhlogirl: Shut up!
<They get out, and follow Random Driver inside. It’s pure white in the lobby. A large marble statue of a Gardevoir sits in the centre. Small fountains bubble around it. It’s like a hotel. The group walk up to the counter.>
Attendant: Yes?
RD: We’d like…to book a funeral.
Attendant: Really?
Pebbles: No, we’d actually like a burger and fries.
Typhlogirl: *slaps Pebbles over the head*
Attendant: I see. When would you like to have it?
Typhlogirl: A.S.A.P.
Attendant: Ah yes. Because here at White Gardevoir, we understand that death is not the end of love.
Typhlogirl: Whatever, just move it!
Attendant: How’s in half an hour?
Typhlogirl: Perfect. Keep going!!
Attendant: What kind of grave would you like?
Typhlogirl: What the hell? Do I look like I care?
Pebbles: Strawberry flavoured!
Attendant: *writing* Strawberry…flavoured.
Typhlogirl: O___o Pebbles?
Pebbles: I dunno! It was a joke!
Attendant: Okay! And what kind of tombstone?
Typhlogirl: I don’t bloody know!!
Pebbles: *gleeful* One made of cake!
Attendant: *writing* Made…of…cake. And what would you like the coffin made out of?
Typhlogirl: LOOK PAL, YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT OF TUPPERWARE FOR ALL I CA-
Attendant: *writing* Tupper…ware. Excellent. Because here at White Gardevoir, we understand that death is not the end of love.
Typhlogirl: SAY THAT SLOGAN ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL-
Pebbles: Thanks for that. LET’S GO T-GIRL.
RD: *pays*
Attendant: Thankyou. Because at White Gardevoir-
Typhlogirl: YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR WHITE GARDEVOIR?!
Pebbles: LET’S GO. *drags a furious Typhlogirl out the door.*
<The time of the funeral comes. The city church is decorated with white flowers, and Micheal lies in an open coffin. He’s not quite unconscious, so he has to lie there without moving. Typhlogirl and Pebbles sit on a pew. A group of people have gathered.>
Typhlogirl: *Majorly pissed off* God, all this crap just for an insurance payout…why did you have to go and get a bloody funeral?!
Pebbles: Because it makes him seem more dead. Anyway, I think it’s nice. More than Micheal will get when he really dies, anyway.
Typhlogirl: I should have just interviewed some more guests…
<A priest approaches the alter.>
Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of-
Random person: It’s a funeral fool!
Priest: What? Oh! So it is. So sorry! Hello everyone, and thankyou for coming to farewell…*looks at palm card* Michael the Typhlosion.
Micheal: *sits up* IT’S MICHEAL!
Priest: IT’S A MIRACLE!
<A vase flies through the air and smashes on Micheal’s head. He collapses.>
Typhlogirl: *stands* So sorry, he’s dead now! Please continue!
Priest: Okay…we’ll skip to the speeches by relatives…first, a tribute by the trainer of this unfortunate pokemon, Typhlogirl.
Typhlogirl: *scampers up to the lecturn and looks at the audience.*
Audience: *waits expectantly*
Typhlogirl: *clears throat* A-hem. Micheal…was a Typhlosion.
Audience: o_o
<A person coughs.>
Pebbles: *sobbing onto the pew* That was so beautiful…why is fate so CRUEL??! *slamming fist* WHY?! WHHHHHHYYYYY?!?!?!?! *wailing*
Typhlogirl: *walks off the alter*
Priest: Okay…
Micheal: *sits up* That was SHIT!
Priest: IT’S A MIRACLE!
Typhlogirl: NO IT’S NOT! <lobs another vase.>
Micheal: Uh! *collapses*
Pebbles: CONTINUE PLEASE.
Priest: Um…alright…
Typhlogirl: Look, skip all this crap, can we just get to the burial?!
Priest: Er…alright? Let’s…go to the burial…
<A group of men pick up the black Tupperware coffin, and head out to the strawberry-flavoured grave. A magnificent cake tombstone graces it.>
Typhlogirl: *muttering to Pebbles* Did you get the replacement body?
Pebbles: You mean the dummy? Yeah.
Typhlogirl: Well, where is it?
Pebbles: The shed over there.
Typhlogirl:…why the hell is it in the shed?
Pebbles: Erm…it’s kinda…not a Typhlosion. The shop had no Typhlosion.
Typhlogirl: *monotone* What.
Pebbles: It’s not a Typhlosion dummy. It’s…it’s a Wailord.
Typhlogirl: A Wailord.
Pebbles: Yes.
Typhlogirl: You idiot.
Pebbles: I know! I’m sorry okay!
Typhlogirl: *massages temples* Just…go get it.
Pebbles: *scurries off*
Typhlogirl: Why can’t I have a TINY bit of intelligence around here?!
<At the gravesite on the top of a hill. The priest says some prayers and the coffin is lowered into the grave. Pebbles sneaks around a tree, and gives Typhlogirl a thumbs up.>
Typhlogirl: LOOK! A DISTRACTION!
Group: Where?! WHERE?! *all turning in the direction Typhlogirl pointed.*
Typhlogirl: *beckons at Pebbles, and turns back to distract the people*
Pebbles: *drag the coffin out of the grave (she’s a strong Golem), and shoves the dummy into the grave, shoving the dirt onto it. She runs off and hides, putting the coffin behind her.*
Typhlogirl: *turns back and looks at the grave.* WHAT THE...
<A huge blue tail is sticking out of the grave like a flag.>
Group: *gasping*
Typhlogirl: *slaps head* OOPS! I forgot to tell you! Micheal’s actually a Ditto! SO SORRY!
Group: Ooh!! *nodding*
Typhlogirl: Idiot Golem…
Pebbles: Phew. Glad that’s over, hey Micheal? *turn’s around. No Micheal.* MICHEAL!?
<A faint YEEEEEEE fills the air. Micheal is sliding down the hill in his Tupperware coffin.>
Pebbles: Meep.
Typhlogirl: Thankyou all! Bye now! *runs over* Pebbles? Where’s Micheal?
Pebbles: Meep.
Typhlogirl: What? *looks down the hill* ARRGH! MICHEAL!!!
<The coffin is sliding down the hill at top speed. Typhlogirl gives chase.>
Typhlogirl: MICHEAL! TURN LEFT! LEFT!!!!!!!
Micheal: *turns right*
Typhlogirl: NO!! NOT LEFT, RIGHT!!!
Micheal: *can’t hear her* It’s right? OKAY!
Typhlogirl: NO! THAT LEADS TO-
<Micheal goes crashing right into the Insurance office in his Tupperware coffin. While the employee’s stare, Typhlogirl burst’s in, panting madly. Pebbles screeches up in the SUV.>
Manager: What the HELL is going on here?
Micheal: Owies.
Typhlogirl: O_O Oh dear…
Pebbles: What now?
Typhlogirl: We can explain!
Manager: HOW?
Typhlogirl: Easy! RUN!!!!! *the trio leap into the SUV*
Manager: Hey! COME BACK HERE!!
<Typhlogirl leaps behind the wheel, and the car screeches off down the road.>
Typhlogirl: *behind the wheel* Well, this is brilliant.
Pebbles: Eh?
Typhlogirl: Now the Insurance people have seen Micheal. SO WE CAN’T GET THE INSURANCE PAYOUT!
Pebbles: How do they know it’s the Micheal?
Typhlogirl: Because we’re on at 7:00 every night.
Pebbles: Oh.
Typhlogirl: SO NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!
Pebbles: Well don’t blame me!
Typhlogirl: I BLAME YOU.
Micheal: *lying across the backseat* Argh…my head…
Pebbles: Typhlogirl, I think we should get him to a doctor!
Typhlogirl: WE CAN’T AFFORD A DOCTOR.
Pebbles: Oh yeah.
<The SUV stops at a red traffic light. Typhlogirl tapping her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. Suddenly, a leaflet blows over and gets stuck on the windscreen.>
Typhlogirl: Oh for the love of…Pebbles, get that off will you?!
Pebbles: *reaches out and grabs the leaflet* Hey, this looks interesting.
Typhlogirl: What is it?
Pebbles: *reading* Wanted: Temporary carer at Lil’ Skitty’s Day-care centre. Generous pay. Requirements: Kind nature, preferably female, loves children. Apply at Lil’ Skitty’s on Figtree road.
Typhlogirl: *grin* The answer to our prayers.
Pebbles: How so?
Typhlogirl: *hits accelerator*
<The SUV’s tyres screech, and the large vehicle pelts out onto the road, much to Micheal’s distress.>
Micheal: AAARRRGHHH!!!
Pebbles: *unconcerned*
<Typhlogirl zooms madly down the road, sending cars swerving out the way of her reckless driving.>
Micheal: CAN YOU NOT DRIVE STRAIGHT?!
Typhlogirl: I WOULD, BUT THESE STUPID PEOPLE KEEP APPEARING ON THE ROAD!
Micheal: THAT’S THE FOOTPATH!!!
Typhlogirl: Oh. Oops. SOOOOORRRY!! *screamed out window at person she nearly hit*
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: No. *twists the steering wheel, sending Micheal flying head-first into the window*
Micheal: OH GOD, MY FACE!
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: No, we are not there yet!! *turns steering wheel again, sending Micheal flying the other way*
Micheal: I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!!
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: *turns away from road to scream at Pebbles* DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE ARE THERE YET?!?
Pebbles: *points* Yes actually.
Typhlogirl: What? OH CRAP!
Micheal: WATCH OUT FOR THAT CHILD!!
Typhlogirl: ARGH!! *turning the steering wheel madly*
<The SUV spins madly, sending parents running out of its path. It comes to rest neatly in a car space beside the road.>
Typhlogirl: *leaps out of the car, and pumps fist in the air* Who’s the best driver in the world?!
Pebbles: If running people down and reckless speeding were qualifications, you’d win hands down. Otherwise, hell no.
Typhlogirl: Stuff you. Micheal!
Micheal: *lying unconscious on the back seat*
Typhlogirl: That’s weird; he’s gone to sleep.
Pebbles: Your ignorance kills kittens. Fluffy ones.
Typhlogirl: *ignores, and gets out her mobile phone* Hello, is this Lil’ Skitty’s Day care? I’m calling to apply about the vacant position. No, for my friend. Yes, she’s wonderful with children! And very intelligent and friendly! Really? She can start immediately? EXCELLENT! Thankyou, she’ll be in later. Name?
Pebbles: My god, those kids are doomed if Typhlogirl’s accepting the position.
Typhlogirl: Yes, her name’s Miss Pebbles.
Pebbles: What.
Typhlogirl: Thankyou, she’ll be in soon! *click* All done! Are you ready to work, Miss Pebbles?
Pebbles: You must die. Painfully. Now.
Typhlogirl: *waving hand, unconcerned* Oh nonsense, you’ll be perfect. Now hurry up! The children are waiting for you!
Micheal: *groggy* Ugghh…I’ll never look at this car the same again…
Typhlogirl: Ah, Micheal! You’re awake! Excellent, because you need to help me with MY LATEST SCHEME!! *triumphant pose*
Micheal: Please let me die.
Typhlogirl: Oh, you two are so grim!! Pebbles, go in there and introduce yourself! Find a woman called Miss Teary. Micheal and I are going to go and make money!! *grabs Micheal and drags him back into the car*
Micheal: NO!!! NOT THE CAR OF DEATH!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Typhlogirl: *throws Micheal inside, jumps behind the wheel and locks door* Bye Pebbles!! If you need to contact me, my mobile’s on!! *zoom’s off. Micheal’s screams can be heard*
Pebbles: Oh brilliant. I’ve been ditched here. *wanders into the day-care*
<The Day-care is filled with colour. Children (around 4-8 years old) run around crazily and play with toys. A woman wearing a badge saying, “MISS TEARY” is talking to a child.>
Miss Teary: Now Jimmy, you know you shouldn’t throw the scissors at the other children! *sees Pebbles* Why, hello! You’re a nice Golem, aren’t you?
Pebbles: Don’t mock me.
Miss Teary: *shocked* My goodness! You can talk!
Pebbles: WHY, SO I CAN!! -_-. My name is Miss Pebbles.
Miss Teary: Ah, you’re the replacement Teacher! Thank goodness! Though I thought you’d be human!
Pebbles: I thought you’d be smart. I was wrong.
Miss Teary: *oblivious* Well, you can start now! Children, come over here! This is Miss Pebbles! Say hello!
Children: Hi Miss Pebbles!
Miss Pebbles: How sweet. *sarcasm*
Miss Teary: Now everyone, I’m going to go and clean the art cupboard, so you can play with Miss Pebbles for a while! Okay?
Children: Yes Miss Teary!
Miss Teary: Lovely! *toddles off*
Pebbles: Wonderful. *looks at the children* What are you staring at?!
Child: Why are you made of rocks?
Pebbles: What?
Child: Why are you made of rocks?
Pebbles: I could ask your head the same question, but that would be considered rude.
Another child: Why is your name Miss Pebbles?
Pebbles: Becau-
Another child: Can we call you Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: What.
Another child: Can we call you Miss Rockbottom? Pwease?
Pebbles: *mortified* NO, YOU CANNOT CALL ME MISS ROCKBOTTOM!!!
Another child: Okay, you’re Miss Rockbottom now!!
Pebbles: GOD DAMN-
Another child: Where’s the God Dam?
Child: Is it near the Holy Crap?
Pebbles: O____o
Random child: Are we gunna play games Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: DON’T CALL ME THAT!! And no, we aren’t going to play games. I’m just going to sit here. Now please continue running around pointlessly.
Some child: But we want to play games! *pout*
All together: PLEASE MISS ROCKBOTTOM?!
Pebbles: ALRIGHT!! This game is called ‘Silence’. Whoever stays quiet the longest wins. Start now.
Child: Now?
Pebbles: Yes, now!
Child: After that, or before?
Pebbles: NOW!
Child: Now?
Pebbles: FORGET THAT GAME!! New game. Taillow-Taillow-Swellow. Now get in a circle!
<The children obey.>
Pebbles: *points at Random child* You start!
Random child: Okay! * circling the group, patting the children on their heads* Taillow, Taillow, Taillow…
<This continues for about forty seconds, until->
Random child: SWELLOW!!
<The child he has patted leaps up and chases him around the circle. Without stopping.>
Pebbles: Oi! You can quit running now! STOP!! *trips the kid who, by some miracle, falls in the spare space*
Random child: Owie!
Pebbles: Now you’re it! *points at New child*
New child: Okay! Taillow, Taillow, Taillow…
<A quarter of an hour later.>
Pebbles: KID, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES! JUST PICK SOMEONE!!
New child: Okay! *picks* Swellow!!
Pebbles: KID, I’M NOT PLAYING!!!
<Meanwhile, in Typhlogirl’s car…>
Typhlogirl: I’ve had a brainwave, Micheal!
Micheal: Really. *duck-taping himself to the seat*
Typhlogirl: Yes!
Micheal: And what would that be?
Typhlogirl: Well, I was thinking-
Micheal: That makes a nice change!
Typhlogirl: Shut up! I was thinking that, to raise money for presents, we could have a stand-up comedy show!
Micheal:…but we already have a comedy show. You may have heard of it. PokeTalk?
Typhlogirl: No fool, I mean a live comedy show! With me as the star!
Micheal: I can see it failing now!!
Typhlogirl: Your support is so moving. But I think it could work!
Micheal: But we would need Pebbles.
Typhlogirl: Why?
Micheal: Duh. She’s the one that the viewers think is the funniest!
Typhlogirl: Yeah, well they can stfu.
Micheal: They pay our rent.
Typhlogirl: Fat lot of good that is now, eh? Besides, Pebbles is busy. So we are going to organize this thing. It’ll be an event where you pay afterwards, depending on how much you liked it. It’ll make big money!
Micheal: How can you guarantee that?!
Typhlogirl: Duh. I’ll be doing the comedy!!
Micheal: Then we’re doomed to live as beggars.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
<Back at the Day-care…>
Pebbles: *sitting down, exhausted*
Child: MISS ROCKBOTTOM?
Pebbles: WHAT?
Child: I gotta go potty.
Pebbles: Well go potty.
Child: Can you come with me?
Pebbles: How about…hell no.
Child: But I can’t go unless someone comes with me!
Pebbles: You’re going to have to learn. Because there is no way I’m setting foot inside a toilet with a 4-year-old child. Bye please.
Child: *staggers away*
Random child: Miss Rockbottom, it’s nearly 2:30!!
Pebbles: Your point?
Group: IT’S NEARLY TIME FOR FLOSHI!!!
Pebbles: O____o Who is ‘Floshi’?
New child: He’s the dancing Kangaskan!
Pebbles: …the dancing Kangaskan.
Random child: Yeah! He’s so kool!!
New child: Can you turn on the TP?
Pebbles: Can I turn on the Indian Tent?
Child: Da what?
Pebbles: TP? You know…oh never mind. *switches on the TV*
Floshi: * a person wearing a big fat Kangaskan costume* Hey kids! Are yew ready ta dance?
Children: YAY!
Pebbles: Oh my god.
Floshi: *singing in a ridiculous voice* Oooooooooooohhh…come and play with me today we’re gunna have lotsa fuuuuunnn, come and play inside today there’s toys for everyone! *dancing*
Pebbles: o_____O KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAARGHHHH!! WHAT KIND OF MANGLED SONG IS THIS CRAP?!? IT’S BURNING MY EARS!!
Children: *dancing in a similar way to ‘Floshi’* La la la la LA la la la la la la la laaaaa, la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaa!!
Pebbles: AARGHHHH!!! *fumbles for remote and turns off TV*
Children: AAAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Pebbles: SHUT UP! Threre will be no more ‘FLOSHI’ now! WE ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! ANYTHING ELSE!!
Child: OOH! Can we paint you different colours Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: No.
Child: Can we play with scissors?
Pebbles: Yes.
Children: YAAAAYY!!!
<Back at Golden Typhlosion Studios…>
Typhlogirl: *jumping out of the SUV* So we can hold the show tonight, here at the studio. I’ll get the Machokes to clear the sofas off the stage…
Micheal: *un-duck taping himself* OW! Yeah sure, whatever you say.
Typhlogirl: You’ll be in charge of advertising, so I’ll make some flyers you can distribute…
Micheal: Uh huh.
Typhlogirl: So let’s get things ready!!!
<An hour passes. Typhlogirl makes the flyers, which Micheal runs about distributing them around the city. The Machokes prepare the stage, and sound equipment.>
Typhlogirl: Well, everything is ready Micheal. The show starts at 7:00. It’s currently 3:30.
Micheal: You think we’ll get a decent crowd?
Typhlogirl: Heh, I’m sure of it.
Micheal: Shouldn’t we pick Pebbles up now?
Typhlogirl: Oh yeah! I forgot about her. She’s so forgettable.
Micheal: --; She’d love to hear that.
Typhlogirl: *unconcerned* She would, wouldn’t she? Anyway, come on! In the car!
Micheal: Okay, just a sec. *disappears into studio*
Typhlogirl: The hell?
<Micheal returns wearing two pillows strapped to his body, and a saucepan on his head.>
Typhlogirl: What the fuck are you wearing?! Are you trying out for a freak show or something?
Micheal: Protection. Against your driving.
Typhlogirl: You are such a weirdo.
Micheal: And you are such a bad driver.
Typhlogirl: Just get in the car.
Micheal: *salutes* It’s my funeral.
Typhlogirl: Well, you’ve already had one, so a second couldn’t be too hard could it?!
Micheal: *shrugs*
<The pair get into the car and drive to Lil’ Skitty’s Day-care with no casualties. Apart from a few fire hydrants.>
Typhlogirl: *leaning out of the car* PEBBLES!! COME ON!!
Pebbles: *inside the Daycare* STOP TRYING TO PAINT ME!!!
Child: But you’ve got all these shapes on you Miss Rockbottom! IT’LL BE PRETTY!!!
Pebbles: NO!! GO BACK AND PLAY WITH THE CLEANING LIQUIDS!!
Miss Teary: Oh Miss Pebbles! Your friend is waiting outside!
Typhlogirl: *honks horn*
Pebbles: *looks outside* Oh crap, it’s the Tyrant Queen. Oh well. Must go.
Miss Teary: Well, thankyou for your help Miss Pebbles, it was greatly appreciated! Here’s your paycheck!
Pebbles: Thanks. Later. *walking outside*
Typhlogirl: ‘Bout time.
Pebbles: Yeah yeah, I’m coming!!
Children: *very, very loudly* BYE MISS ROCKBOTTOM!!!!
Pebbles: *freezes*
Typhlogirl: *utter glee* MISS ROCKBOTTOM?!
Pebbles: CRAP!
Typhlogirl: AHAHAHA!! MISS ROCKBOTTOM!! *howling with laughter*
Pebbles: *grumpily gets in car*
Typhlogirl: *still bawling with laughter*
Micheal: Sold your stony ass.
Pebbles: Fuck you.
Typhlogirl: *controls herself and snatches the paycheck* $100 bucks? Dammit, we still need more!
Micheal: Bleh.
Pebbles: Humph.
Typhlogirl: *pulls onto the road* We’re doing a Comedy Show tonight Rockbottom.
Pebbles: Don’t call me that.
Typhlogirl: Sorry, sorry. But the show is tonight.
Pebbles: And you’ve got everything planned, I presume?
Typhlogirl: Yep. And I’ll be doing the jokes!
Pebbles: I thought it was a Comedy show, not a horror film.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
<The trio get back to Golden Typhlosion studios. Hours pass, and the time of the show draws near. People have started to gather outside.>
Typhlogirl: God dammit, where are the security guards?! They’re supposed to be ushers!
Micheal: I dunno.
Pebbles: Probably escaping from you.
Typhlogirl: Quiet Rockbottom.
Pebbles: >_<
Stage hand: Show should start soon.
Typhlogirl: Alright alright, start letting them in.
<The people start filing inside. A few children glomp Pebbles with a loud chorus of, ‘HI MISS ROCKBOTTOM!! Typhlogirl snickers loudly, before getting onto the stage. Micheal is MC.>
Micheal: *fake happy tone* Hi and welcome to the first PokeTalk Comedy Show! Tonight we feature Typhlogirl! *he suddenly pauses.* RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! PLEASE!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! DON’T BECOME LIKE ME!!!!! PLEEEEEEEASEEE!! THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN!!!
Typhlogirl: Oh my god…get him off the stage. *snaps fingers at Stagehand Machokes*
Micheal: *being dragged off* HELP MEEEEEEEE!!
Typhlogirl: *runs onto stage* Ahem. Sorry about that, he hasn’t taken his meds. Well welcome!! Now, lets start things off!
Pebbles: Oh here we go.
Typhlogirl: Two eggs are boiling in a pot. One egg says to the other, “Sure is getting hot in here, it’s it?” And the other says “OH MY GOD a talking egg!”
<Drum beat.>
Audience: *silence*
Pebbles: O____o What the hell was that??!
Typhlogirl: Hmm…tough crowd. Okay, let's try another! Two men walk into a bar. It hurt!
<Drum beat.>
Audience: *someone coughs*
Micheal: *giggling insanely*
Pebbles: Wow Typhlogirl, that was so funny I forgot to laugh!!
Typhlogirl: Geez. Don’t you people have a sense of humour?! Fine. A woman goes into a doctors surgery. “Doctor Doctor,” she says. “Help me! I’ve only got sixty second to live!!” And the doctor replies, “Just give me a minute!” Geddit?
Pebbles: YOU SUCK!
Someone in audience: She’s right you know!
Typhlogirl: OH FINE! *slams down microphone*
Pebbles: Well this was a blowout.
<All of a sudden, Britney Spears music starts. It gets louder and louder.>
Typhlogirl: What the hell?!
<Suddenly, the security Machokes run onto the stage, dressed in dance gear.They move into a formation, and start doing dance moves.>
Typhlogirl: OH MY GOD, SOMEONE STOP THEM BEFORE THEY SCAR THOSE POOR PEOPLE!! I’LL GET SUED!!
<But Typhlogirl is wrong. What a surprise.>
Random audience member: Hey, this is cool!
Random woman: They’re so talented!
Pebbles: OMFG, they actually like it.
Micheal: I guess anything can beat Typhlogirl’s humour.
Typhlogirl: Stuff you Micheal.
<Pebbles runs through the crowd, collecting money from them. They totally get into the Machoke’s dance show. Pebbles gathers a large amount of money. The show goes deep into the night, and the audience all go home satisfied. Micheal, Pebbles and Typhlogirl meet after the show to check out the profits.>
Typhlogirl: O_O Holy crap, there’s like, two thousand dollars in here!! WE’VE GOT ENOUGH MONEY!!
Micheal: Hooray.
Pebbles: Yippee.
Typhlogirl: Oh for goodness sake, can’t you lot ever be enthusiastic about anything?
Pebbles: *grins* Oh, so you want me to be enthusiastic do you?
Typhlogirl: WAIT! On second thought, no!! Not at all!! Be grim and depressed!! DEPRESSED!!
Pebbles: No, you want enthusiasm! So you’ll get enthusiasm!!
Typhlogirl: NO!!!!!
<And so we leave our favourite trio bickering away as usual, finally with enough money to buy Christmas presents for everyone. What’s the moral of this story? Never stop trying, because you never know when you’ll succeed!!!>
END
Micheal: That was a crap story.
Typhlogirl: Oh it was not. Didn’t it make you feel all warm and cuddly inside?
Micheal: Nope. Made me feel cold and depressed, to tell the truth.
Typhlogirl: Oh spare me.
Micheal: No, I won’t actually. It was shithouse. Completely shithouse.
Typhlogirl: Oh yeah? You look shithouse!
Micheal: Your driving is shithouse!
Typhlogirl: Your acting is shithose!
Pebbles: You both smell shithouse!
Typhlogirl: Pebbles?! Where the hell did you come from?!?
Micheal: I don’t know, but it was a shithouse entry!
Pebbles: Just like you’re a shithouse mascot!!
Micheal: WHY YOU! *punches*
Typhlogirl: LOLZ MICHEAL, YOU JUST HIT ROCKBOTTOM!! GEDDIT? GEDDIT?
Pebbles: ARGH!! SAVE US FROM THE LAME JOKES!
Micheal: THAT WAS SHITHOUSE!!
Typhlogirl: Better than you could do, shithouse breath!
Pebbles: WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT YOUR SHITHOUSE MOUTHS UP?!
Typhlogirl: Never, shithouse face!
Micheal: Yeah you shithouse reporter!
Pebbles: AT LEAST I’M DOING SOMETHING TO AID THE SHOW, SHITHOUSE MASCOT MAN!!
Micheal: DAMN YOU!! *slaps*
Typhlogirl: LOLZ MICHEAL, YOU JUST HIT ROCKBOTTOM AGAIN!!
Pebbles: STUFF YOU!! *chases Typhlogirl*
Micheal: Oh no you don’t! TAKE THAT MASCOT THING BACK!! *chases Pebbles*
Typhlogirl: GOODNIGHT FOLKS!! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
-;157;
This story is rated PG-14 for occasional swearing. I don't own pokemon. ^_~
<, >= Basic description
*,*= Description of what a character may be doing
P.S. Guys, when you're reviewing, please don't just say 'That was great!' or 'That was bad!" Tell me why. Please, no one line reviews, I'm begging you!
Enjoy:
+PokeTalk: Catastrophic Christmas+
<It is a relaxed day in Typhlogirl’s studio. There are no guests to interview, so it is deserted apart from the host and her two pokemon. Pebbles is sitting on the floor, looking dejected and scribbling on a piece of paper. Typhlogirl herself is rushing about the place, turning things over and looking flustered. Micheal is trailing her.>
*Well, here we are. Once again trapped in the confines of this television studio, with little more than a bottle of water and some dry biscuits. Yes viewers, Typhlogirl is keeping us captive here in her twisted little sanctuary. Here she is now, running around the studio like a mad Spinda, wearing jeans and a T-Shirt bearing the slogan “My Reality Check bounced”. How appropriate. I am just preparing my message in a bottle, which I intend to throw out the window to any passing people. Hopefully they will rescue me from the tyrannical clutches of this madwoman. Or maybe I’ll just-*
Typhlogirl: Oh will you cut that out and help me find the safe combination!
Pebbles (the Golem): Fine. Ruin my fun. My one break in the depression that being trained by you has forced me under-
Micheal (the Typhlosion): Pebbles, I really think you should shut up. This is important.
Pebbles: Micheal, I really think you smell.
Typhlogirl: Oh stop it, both of you! If we don’t find that safe combination then we are screwed! Now look!
Pebbles: What does it look like?
Typhlogirl: Oh you know, just a piece of paper with numbers on it!
Pebbles: *looks at her message-in-a-bottle* I think I found it.
Typhlogirl: EXCELLENT! Good work Pebbles!
Micheal: Now that’s something you don’t hear everyday.
Pebbles: At least I’ve heard it once in my life.
Micheal: Yeah…you’ve led a very ‘oncey’ life haven’t you?!
Pebbles: …WTF.
Micheal: I don’t know. *pathetic sounding*
Typhlogirl: Shut up please. *sound of a hidden safe clicking open*
Micheal: So how much money have we got?
*All three look in the safe. A few random coins lie about. There’s some bank notes floating around, and random bits of paper.*
Typhlogirl: Not fucking much.
Pebbles: Oh, I disagree. I think our vast wealth could give Bill Gates a run for his money! *sarcastic*
Micheal: Can we just run at his money instead?
Typhlogirl: Shut up! How the hell am I supposed to buy Christmas presents with this?!
Pebbles: Fuck the Christmas presents, how are we supposed to eat?!
Micheal: By putting food in your mouth and chewing, fool! AHAHAH!
Typhlogirl:
Pebbles: Please leave the studio.
Typhlogirl: Quiet, the pair of you. This is serious for once!
Micheal: But I’m never serious!!
Pebbles: That’s because no one takes you seriously Micheal.
Typhlogirl: PEBBLES!
Pebbles: Fine. I’ll shut up.
Typhlogirl: So what are we supposed to do?!
Micheal: *rummaging around in the safe*
Pebbles: I don’t know.
Typhlogirl: That’s all you can say. “I don’t know”. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART POKEMON!!!
Pebbles: You’re supposed to be the smart host, and we know how ridiculous a notion that is.
Typhlogirl: *grinning manically*
Pebbles: Please stop, you look like a psycho clown.
Micheal: Hey guys?
Both: WHAT?!
Micheal: What’s “Life Insurance”?
Typhlogirl: *quickly explains the concept of life insurance to Micheal* Why?
Micheal: Because I found this. *hands a piece of paper to Typhlogirl*
Typhlogirl: *reading* Hey…this is interesting…
Pebbles: What is it? A pretty coffee stain?
Typhlogirl: No…it’s something much better!
Pebbles: Okay, she couldn’t have heard what I said before. Otherwise this would be a priceless moment that I should be recording on film and selling on Ebay.
Typhlogirl: *stops reading and starts thinking*
Micheal: I can just hear the gears of Typhlogirl’s mind whirring!
Pebbles: Can you? That’s funny; all I can hear is a rusty screeching.
Typhlogirl: *makes a rude finger gesture at Pebbles* Yes…that could work…it could WORK…
Pebbles: What, your brain? That would be a pleasant change from the norm.
Typhlogirl: MICHEAL! YOU’RE BRILLIANT!! *glomps Micheal*
Pebbles: Okay. That just…wasn’t politically correct. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TYPHLOGIRL?
Typhlogirl: *ignoring Pebbles and still hugging Micheal* Brilliant Micheal, brilliant!
Pebbles: Isn’t “Brilliant Micheal” an oxymoron?
Typhlogirl: Oh would you shut your pie-hole for five minutes and listen?! Micheal found the answer to our financial distress!
Pebbles: Which is?
Typhlogirl: Life Insurance! Do you know how much he is insured for?!
Pebbles: Five cents?!
Micheal: HEY!
Pebbles: Shut up, I’m being generous.
Typhlogirl: No! ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars!!
Pebbles: O_O That’s a big number.
Typhlogirl: Yes, it is isn’t it?
Micheal: So how are we supposed to get the money?
Typhlogirl: *grin* Oh, that’s simple Micheal. *puts hand on Micheal’s shoulder*
Pebbles: *also grinning* Why yes, yes it is. *puts hand on Micheal’s other shoulder*
Micheal: *scared* W…why are you two grinning like that? You’re scaring me!
Pebbles: To death?
Micheal: Huh? No!
Typhlogirl: He still doesn’t get it!
Pebbles: Micheal. To get the life insurance, we have to take a life away.
Micheal: Ooooh…OH. CRAP, NO! YOU CAN’T KILL ME!!
Pebbles: OH YES WE FUCKING CAN! I’M HUNGRY, BITCH!
Typhlogirl: Pebbles, we aren’t going to kill Micheal.
Pebbles: *wielding a rusty chainsaw* We aren’t?
Typhlogirl: No. We’re just going to pretend he’s died. Then, we’ll get the life insurance, spend it all, and Micheal can magically come back to life!
Pebbles: Hmmm…it could work.
Typhlogirl: Of course it could work. I thought of it.
Pebbles: Oh, you thought of it? I just lost all my confidence in the idea.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
Micheal: Can someone please explain to me how we are supposed to kill me without ACTUALLY killing me?!
Typhlogirl: Weeell…I hadn’t actually thought of that yet.
Pebbles: Why am I not surprised?
Typhlogirl: Shut up.
Pebbles: No. You suck.
Micheal: PLEASE! I’M CONFUSED!
Typhlogirl: For a change.
Pebbles: I think I’ve thought of an idea.
Typhlogirl: And what would that be?
Pebbles: *whispers to Typhlogirl*
Typhlogirl: *thinking* It could work…let’s try it!
Micheal:
Why am I getting shivers?<The trio head out of the studio, and jump into Typhlogirl’s PokeTalk! SUV. The SUV is usually used by the cameramen, and occasionally the security guards. Typhlogirl never uses it. Until now.>
Pebbles: *backseat* Remind me again how this is legal?
Typhlogirl (Fourteen years old): *turning on the engine* It’s not.
Pebbles: Oh, okay then. *sits back in chair.*
Micheal: O-o *passenger seat* Can you drive?
Typhlogirl: Of course! *reversing*
<The SUV crashes into a telephone pole.>
Pebbles: Well, that was promising!
Typhlogirl: Shut up. Now…change gears…foot on the accelerator…and off we go!
<The tyres screech as the SUV belts out of the carpark at a rather unhealthy speed and onto the main road.>
Typhlogirl: *ROAD RAGE* MOVE! *horn* WRONG LANE FUCKER! IT’S MY RIGHT OF WAY! 60KM/H, NOT 10!! YOU SUCK! OUTTA MY WAY! WHO PUT THAT TREE THERE?!?
Micheal: O___O ARRGGHHH!!!
Pebbles: *lazily reading a magazine she found on the seat* Ooh, that’s interesting. I can’t believe they broke up! That has to be the worst outfit I have ever seen…
Typhlogirl: YAAARRRGHHH!!!! *swerve*
Micheal: *praying*
Pebbles: WOW! Hey Typhlogirl, look at this picture!! *shoves magazine over Typhlogirl’s head*
Typhlogirl: PEBBLES!! I CAN’T SEE!!!! *twists steering wheel*
Micheal: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
<Onlookers watch with interest as the SUV spins madly down the road, Micheal’s wails mixed with Typhlogirl’s profanity.>
Typhlogirl: *rips magazine off her head and out the window* YOU IDIOT!! *gets car back under control. Barely.*
Pebbles: THAT WAS MY MAGAZINE!!
Micheal: *looking rather traumatized* I feel car sick…
Typhlogirl: *sigh* Here, have some fresh air. *opens window*
Micheal: *collapses into seat, letting the air carress his face. * Uuugghh…
Pebbles: *pokes* I think you killed him.
Typhlogirl: No, he’s not dead yet. We’ll kill him your way.
Pebbles: If you insist.
Typhlogirl: *completely out of no-where* WE’RE HEREEEEE!! *slams foot on brake*
Micheal: YARGH! *flies forward and hits windshield quite painfully.*
Pebbles: *braced herself on seat* Ouch. Remember kids; always wear your seatbelt!
<Typhlogirl has…parked…the car on the side of the road. It’s very busy, with cars rushing back and forth constantly.>
Typhlogirl: Out we get! *bounces off the seat and onto the ground, runs over to Micheal’s door and opens it.*
Micheal: *falls onto the ground* You…cannot drive…at all…
Pebbles: I have to agree. And I want a new magazine.
Typhlogirl: Yeah well, both of you can stfu. Now get up Micheal. You have to die now.
Micheal: I’m already a victim of your driving.
Typhlogirl: Just get up you idiot. *kicks*
Micheal: *groggily gets to his feet*
Pebbles: *looks at the traffic* Man. You sure can pick’em.
Typhlogirl: Hell yeah. Now Micheal, get out into the middle of the road.
Micheal: *looks at the raging traffic*…you can’t be serious.
Typhlogirl: I am. Now go.
Micheal: BUT I’LL BE TURNED INTO ROADKILL!!!!
Typhlogirl: Duh, I know that! But you’ve only got to pretend to be hit. Just pretend to die, we’ll grab a death certificate, and claim that lovely insurance payout!
Micheal: *gulp* Okay…
<Micheal darts out onto the road when a lapse in traffic occurs. Many cars begin to speed towards him.>
Typhlogirl: *shouting* Now pretend to be hit!!!
Micheal: *sees car coming* ARGH!!! *dodges*
Typhlogirl: NO YOU IDIOT, GET HIT!! HIT!!! STOP MOVING!!
Micheal: I CAN’T!!! YOU TRY DOING THIS!! *dancing around like a spastic fairy*
Pebbles: Oh for the love of…HEY MICHEAL!! YOU’RE A CRAP MASCOT!!
Micheal: *stops moving* OI! THAT WAS-*BANG*
<Micheal is slammed by a car, and sent flying. His flight is cut short by a billboard.>
Typhlogirl: OH MY GOD! MICHEAL!
Pebbles: Thar we go. All done.
Typhlogirl: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!
Pebbles: No, but he has! *points at Micheal*
Typhlogirl: WHAT?! HE SPLIT HIS HEAD OPEN!?
Pebbles: No, I just felt like annoying you when you were emotionally vulnerable.
Typhlogirl: STUFF YOU! *dashing over to the billboard* Micheal! Are you alright?!
Micheal: *dazed* Hee hee…I see birdies…look at them fly…around and around…
Typhlogirl: Thank god you’re alive!
Micheal: Hee hee…cute birdies…wait a sec…wow, the birdies are turning red…ARGH! THE BIRDIES ARE ATTACKING ME!! SAVE ME FROM THEM!!
Pebbles: *has wandered over* Wow, he’s really out of it.
Micheal: *swiping the ‘birdies’* YOU WON’T GET MY SOUL, YOU FLYING DEVILS! I-AM-BUFFY!!
Typhlogirl: O___o
Pebbles: He’ll get over it.
Typhlogirl: He better! You practically killed him!
Pebbles: Oh I got him hit, didn’t I?!
*The driver of the car that hit Micheal runs over* OMG! Is he alright?!
Pebbles: *drops to her feet, pretending to sob. She’s actually covering Micheal’s mouth.*
Typhlogirl: Oh my god he’s dead! *not as sad as she should be* My beloved Typhlosion is dead oh no we better go get a death certificate-
Driver: Oh god…I killed a pokemon…
Typhlogirl: Yes, yes you did. Now we must go-
Driver: I…I…please, let me compensate you…
Typhlogirl: *ears practically perk up* Compensate?
Driver: Yes…I’ll…I’ll…
Typhlogirl: Yes? Yes?
Driver: I’ll pay for the funeral!
Typhlogirl: …funeral?
Pebbles: *nodding furiously*
Typhlogirl: But…oh fine. Pay for the funeral.
Driver: I know some good people! Please, come with me!
Typhlogirl: FINE! Pebbles, get Micheal-I mean, grab the corpse!
Pebbles: *hefts Micheal onto her shoulder.*
<They follow Random Driver to his car, and get it. He drives them to a white building called, “White Gardevoir Funeral’s-We understand that death is not the end of love.”>
Pebbles: Death is not the end of love? God, I’d say it’s pretty final.
Typhlogirl: Shut up!
<They get out, and follow Random Driver inside. It’s pure white in the lobby. A large marble statue of a Gardevoir sits in the centre. Small fountains bubble around it. It’s like a hotel. The group walk up to the counter.>
Attendant: Yes?
RD: We’d like…to book a funeral.
Attendant: Really?
Pebbles: No, we’d actually like a burger and fries.
Typhlogirl: *slaps Pebbles over the head*
Attendant: I see. When would you like to have it?
Typhlogirl: A.S.A.P.
Attendant: Ah yes. Because here at White Gardevoir, we understand that death is not the end of love.
Typhlogirl: Whatever, just move it!
Attendant: How’s in half an hour?
Typhlogirl: Perfect. Keep going!!
Attendant: What kind of grave would you like?
Typhlogirl:
What the hell? Do I look like I care? Pebbles: Strawberry flavoured!
Attendant: *writing* Strawberry…flavoured.
Typhlogirl: O___o Pebbles?
Pebbles: I dunno! It was a joke!
Attendant: Okay! And what kind of tombstone?
Typhlogirl: I don’t bloody know!!
Pebbles: *gleeful* One made of cake!
Attendant: *writing* Made…of…cake. And what would you like the coffin made out of?
Typhlogirl: LOOK PAL, YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT OF TUPPERWARE FOR ALL I CA-
Attendant: *writing* Tupper…ware. Excellent. Because here at White Gardevoir, we understand that death is not the end of love.
Typhlogirl: SAY THAT SLOGAN ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL-
Pebbles: Thanks for that. LET’S GO T-GIRL.
RD: *pays*
Attendant: Thankyou. Because at White Gardevoir-
Typhlogirl: YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR WHITE GARDEVOIR?!
Pebbles: LET’S GO. *drags a furious Typhlogirl out the door.*
<The time of the funeral comes. The city church is decorated with white flowers, and Micheal lies in an open coffin. He’s not quite unconscious, so he has to lie there without moving. Typhlogirl and Pebbles sit on a pew. A group of people have gathered.>
Typhlogirl: *Majorly pissed off* God, all this crap just for an insurance payout…why did you have to go and get a bloody funeral?!
Pebbles: Because it makes him seem more dead. Anyway, I think it’s nice. More than Micheal will get when he really dies, anyway.
Typhlogirl: I should have just interviewed some more guests…
<A priest approaches the alter.>
Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of-
Random person: It’s a funeral fool!
Priest: What? Oh! So it is. So sorry! Hello everyone, and thankyou for coming to farewell…*looks at palm card* Michael the Typhlosion.
Micheal: *sits up* IT’S MICHEAL!
Priest: IT’S A MIRACLE!
<A vase flies through the air and smashes on Micheal’s head. He collapses.>
Typhlogirl: *stands* So sorry, he’s dead now! Please continue!
Priest:
Okay…we’ll skip to the speeches by relatives…first, a tribute by the trainer of this unfortunate pokemon, Typhlogirl.Typhlogirl: *scampers up to the lecturn and looks at the audience.*
Audience: *waits expectantly*
Typhlogirl: *clears throat* A-hem. Micheal…was a Typhlosion.
Audience: o_o
<A person coughs.>
Pebbles: *sobbing onto the pew* That was so beautiful…why is fate so CRUEL??! *slamming fist* WHY?! WHHHHHHYYYYY?!?!?!?! *wailing*
Typhlogirl: *walks off the alter*
Priest:
Okay…Micheal: *sits up* That was SHIT!
Priest: IT’S A MIRACLE!
Typhlogirl: NO IT’S NOT! <lobs another vase.>
Micheal: Uh! *collapses*
Pebbles: CONTINUE PLEASE.
Priest: Um…alright…
Typhlogirl: Look, skip all this crap, can we just get to the burial?!
Priest: Er…alright? Let’s…go to the burial…
<A group of men pick up the black Tupperware coffin, and head out to the strawberry-flavoured grave. A magnificent cake tombstone graces it.>
Typhlogirl: *muttering to Pebbles* Did you get the replacement body?
Pebbles: You mean the dummy? Yeah.
Typhlogirl: Well, where is it?
Pebbles: The shed over there.
Typhlogirl:…why the hell is it in the shed?
Pebbles: Erm…it’s kinda…not a Typhlosion. The shop had no Typhlosion.
Typhlogirl: *monotone* What.
Pebbles: It’s not a Typhlosion dummy. It’s…it’s a Wailord.
Typhlogirl: A Wailord.
Pebbles: Yes.
Typhlogirl: You idiot.
Pebbles: I know! I’m sorry okay!
Typhlogirl: *massages temples* Just…go get it.
Pebbles: *scurries off*
Typhlogirl: Why can’t I have a TINY bit of intelligence around here?!
<At the gravesite on the top of a hill. The priest says some prayers and the coffin is lowered into the grave. Pebbles sneaks around a tree, and gives Typhlogirl a thumbs up.>
Typhlogirl: LOOK! A DISTRACTION!
Group: Where?! WHERE?! *all turning in the direction Typhlogirl pointed.*
Typhlogirl: *beckons at Pebbles, and turns back to distract the people*
Pebbles: *drag the coffin out of the grave (she’s a strong Golem), and shoves the dummy into the grave, shoving the dirt onto it. She runs off and hides, putting the coffin behind her.*
Typhlogirl: *turns back and looks at the grave.* WHAT THE...
<A huge blue tail is sticking out of the grave like a flag.>
Group: *gasping*
Typhlogirl: *slaps head* OOPS! I forgot to tell you! Micheal’s actually a Ditto! SO SORRY!
Group: Ooh!! *nodding*
Typhlogirl: Idiot Golem…
Pebbles: Phew. Glad that’s over, hey Micheal? *turn’s around. No Micheal.* MICHEAL!?
<A faint YEEEEEEE fills the air. Micheal is sliding down the hill in his Tupperware coffin.>
Pebbles: Meep.
Typhlogirl: Thankyou all! Bye now! *runs over* Pebbles? Where’s Micheal?
Pebbles: Meep.
Typhlogirl: What? *looks down the hill* ARRGH! MICHEAL!!!
<The coffin is sliding down the hill at top speed. Typhlogirl gives chase.>
Typhlogirl: MICHEAL! TURN LEFT! LEFT!!!!!!!
Micheal: *turns right*
Typhlogirl: NO!! NOT LEFT, RIGHT!!!
Micheal: *can’t hear her* It’s right? OKAY!
Typhlogirl: NO! THAT LEADS TO-
<Micheal goes crashing right into the Insurance office in his Tupperware coffin. While the employee’s stare, Typhlogirl burst’s in, panting madly. Pebbles screeches up in the SUV.>
Manager: What the HELL is going on here?
Micheal: Owies.
Typhlogirl: O_O Oh dear…
Pebbles: What now?
Typhlogirl: We can explain!
Manager: HOW?
Typhlogirl: Easy! RUN!!!!! *the trio leap into the SUV*
Manager: Hey! COME BACK HERE!!
<Typhlogirl leaps behind the wheel, and the car screeches off down the road.>
Typhlogirl: *behind the wheel* Well, this is brilliant.
Pebbles: Eh?
Typhlogirl: Now the Insurance people have seen Micheal. SO WE CAN’T GET THE INSURANCE PAYOUT!
Pebbles: How do they know it’s the Micheal?
Typhlogirl: Because we’re on at 7:00 every night.
Pebbles: Oh.
Typhlogirl: SO NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!
Pebbles: Well don’t blame me!
Typhlogirl: I BLAME YOU.
Micheal: *lying across the backseat* Argh…my head…
Pebbles: Typhlogirl, I think we should get him to a doctor!
Typhlogirl: WE CAN’T AFFORD A DOCTOR.
Pebbles: Oh yeah.
<The SUV stops at a red traffic light. Typhlogirl tapping her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. Suddenly, a leaflet blows over and gets stuck on the windscreen.>
Typhlogirl: Oh for the love of…Pebbles, get that off will you?!
Pebbles: *reaches out and grabs the leaflet* Hey, this looks interesting.
Typhlogirl: What is it?
Pebbles: *reading* Wanted: Temporary carer at Lil’ Skitty’s Day-care centre. Generous pay. Requirements: Kind nature, preferably female, loves children. Apply at Lil’ Skitty’s on Figtree road.
Typhlogirl: *grin* The answer to our prayers.
Pebbles: How so?
Typhlogirl: *hits accelerator*
<The SUV’s tyres screech, and the large vehicle pelts out onto the road, much to Micheal’s distress.>
Micheal: AAARRRGHHH!!!
Pebbles: *unconcerned*
<Typhlogirl zooms madly down the road, sending cars swerving out the way of her reckless driving.>
Micheal: CAN YOU NOT DRIVE STRAIGHT?!
Typhlogirl: I WOULD, BUT THESE STUPID PEOPLE KEEP APPEARING ON THE ROAD!
Micheal: THAT’S THE FOOTPATH!!!
Typhlogirl: Oh. Oops. SOOOOORRRY!! *screamed out window at person she nearly hit*
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: No. *twists the steering wheel, sending Micheal flying head-first into the window*
Micheal: OH GOD, MY FACE!
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: No, we are not there yet!! *turns steering wheel again, sending Micheal flying the other way*
Micheal: I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!!
Pebbles: Are we there yet?
Typhlogirl: *turns away from road to scream at Pebbles* DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE ARE THERE YET?!?
Pebbles: *points* Yes actually.
Typhlogirl: What? OH CRAP!
Micheal: WATCH OUT FOR THAT CHILD!!
Typhlogirl: ARGH!! *turning the steering wheel madly*
<The SUV spins madly, sending parents running out of its path. It comes to rest neatly in a car space beside the road.>
Typhlogirl: *leaps out of the car, and pumps fist in the air* Who’s the best driver in the world?!
Pebbles: If running people down and reckless speeding were qualifications, you’d win hands down. Otherwise, hell no.
Typhlogirl: Stuff you. Micheal!
Micheal: *lying unconscious on the back seat*
Typhlogirl: That’s weird; he’s gone to sleep.
Pebbles: Your ignorance kills kittens. Fluffy ones.
Typhlogirl: *ignores, and gets out her mobile phone* Hello, is this Lil’ Skitty’s Day care? I’m calling to apply about the vacant position. No, for my friend. Yes, she’s wonderful with children! And very intelligent and friendly! Really? She can start immediately? EXCELLENT! Thankyou, she’ll be in later. Name?
Pebbles: My god, those kids are doomed if Typhlogirl’s accepting the position.
Typhlogirl: Yes, her name’s Miss Pebbles.
Pebbles: What.
Typhlogirl: Thankyou, she’ll be in soon! *click* All done! Are you ready to work, Miss Pebbles?
Pebbles: You must die. Painfully. Now.
Typhlogirl: *waving hand, unconcerned* Oh nonsense, you’ll be perfect. Now hurry up! The children are waiting for you!
Micheal: *groggy* Ugghh…I’ll never look at this car the same again…
Typhlogirl: Ah, Micheal! You’re awake! Excellent, because you need to help me with MY LATEST SCHEME!! *triumphant pose*
Micheal: Please let me die.
Typhlogirl: Oh, you two are so grim!! Pebbles, go in there and introduce yourself! Find a woman called Miss Teary. Micheal and I are going to go and make money!! *grabs Micheal and drags him back into the car*
Micheal: NO!!! NOT THE CAR OF DEATH!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Typhlogirl: *throws Micheal inside, jumps behind the wheel and locks door* Bye Pebbles!! If you need to contact me, my mobile’s on!! *zoom’s off. Micheal’s screams can be heard*
Pebbles: Oh brilliant. I’ve been ditched here. *wanders into the day-care*
<The Day-care is filled with colour. Children (around 4-8 years old) run around crazily and play with toys. A woman wearing a badge saying, “MISS TEARY” is talking to a child.>
Miss Teary: Now Jimmy, you know you shouldn’t throw the scissors at the other children! *sees Pebbles* Why, hello! You’re a nice Golem, aren’t you?
Pebbles: Don’t mock me.
Miss Teary: *shocked* My goodness! You can talk!
Pebbles: WHY, SO I CAN!! -_-. My name is Miss Pebbles.
Miss Teary: Ah, you’re the replacement Teacher! Thank goodness! Though I thought you’d be human!
Pebbles: I thought you’d be smart. I was wrong.
Miss Teary: *oblivious* Well, you can start now! Children, come over here! This is Miss Pebbles! Say hello!
Children: Hi Miss Pebbles!
Miss Pebbles: How sweet. *sarcasm*
Miss Teary: Now everyone, I’m going to go and clean the art cupboard, so you can play with Miss Pebbles for a while! Okay?
Children: Yes Miss Teary!
Miss Teary: Lovely! *toddles off*
Pebbles: Wonderful. *looks at the children* What are you staring at?!
Child: Why are you made of rocks?
Pebbles: What?
Child: Why are you made of rocks?
Pebbles: I could ask your head the same question, but that would be considered rude.
Another child: Why is your name Miss Pebbles?
Pebbles: Becau-
Another child: Can we call you Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: What.
Another child: Can we call you Miss Rockbottom? Pwease?
Pebbles: *mortified* NO, YOU CANNOT CALL ME MISS ROCKBOTTOM!!!
Another child: Okay, you’re Miss Rockbottom now!!
Pebbles: GOD DAMN-
Another child: Where’s the God Dam?
Child: Is it near the Holy Crap?
Pebbles: O____o
Random child: Are we gunna play games Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: DON’T CALL ME THAT!! And no, we aren’t going to play games. I’m just going to sit here. Now please continue running around pointlessly.
Some child: But we want to play games! *pout*
All together: PLEASE MISS ROCKBOTTOM?!
Pebbles: ALRIGHT!! This game is called ‘Silence’. Whoever stays quiet the longest wins. Start now.
Child: Now?
Pebbles: Yes, now!
Child: After that, or before?
Pebbles: NOW!
Child: Now?
Pebbles: FORGET THAT GAME!! New game. Taillow-Taillow-Swellow. Now get in a circle!
<The children obey.>
Pebbles: *points at Random child* You start!
Random child: Okay! * circling the group, patting the children on their heads* Taillow, Taillow, Taillow…
<This continues for about forty seconds, until->
Random child: SWELLOW!!
<The child he has patted leaps up and chases him around the circle. Without stopping.>
Pebbles: Oi! You can quit running now! STOP!! *trips the kid who, by some miracle, falls in the spare space*
Random child: Owie!
Pebbles: Now you’re it! *points at New child*
New child: Okay! Taillow, Taillow, Taillow…
<A quarter of an hour later.>
Pebbles: KID, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES! JUST PICK SOMEONE!!
New child: Okay! *picks* Swellow!!
Pebbles: KID, I’M NOT PLAYING!!!
<Meanwhile, in Typhlogirl’s car…>
Typhlogirl: I’ve had a brainwave, Micheal!
Micheal: Really. *duck-taping himself to the seat*
Typhlogirl: Yes!
Micheal: And what would that be?
Typhlogirl: Well, I was thinking-
Micheal: That makes a nice change!
Typhlogirl: Shut up! I was thinking that, to raise money for presents, we could have a stand-up comedy show!
Micheal:
…but we already have a comedy show. You may have heard of it. PokeTalk?Typhlogirl: No fool, I mean a live comedy show! With me as the star!
Micheal: I can see it failing now!!
Typhlogirl: Your support is so moving. But I think it could work!
Micheal: But we would need Pebbles.
Typhlogirl:
Why?Micheal: Duh. She’s the one that the viewers think is the funniest!
Typhlogirl: Yeah, well they can stfu.
Micheal: They pay our rent.
Typhlogirl: Fat lot of good that is now, eh? Besides, Pebbles is busy. So we are going to organize this thing. It’ll be an event where you pay afterwards, depending on how much you liked it. It’ll make big money!
Micheal: How can you guarantee that?!
Typhlogirl: Duh. I’ll be doing the comedy!!
Micheal: Then we’re doomed to live as beggars.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
<Back at the Day-care…>
Pebbles: *sitting down, exhausted*
Child: MISS ROCKBOTTOM?
Pebbles: WHAT?
Child: I gotta go potty.
Pebbles: Well go potty.
Child: Can you come with me?
Pebbles: How about…hell no.
Child: But I can’t go unless someone comes with me!
Pebbles: You’re going to have to learn. Because there is no way I’m setting foot inside a toilet with a 4-year-old child. Bye please.
Child: *staggers away*
Random child: Miss Rockbottom, it’s nearly 2:30!!
Pebbles: Your point?
Group: IT’S NEARLY TIME FOR FLOSHI!!!
Pebbles: O____o Who is ‘Floshi’?
New child: He’s the dancing Kangaskan!
Pebbles: …the dancing Kangaskan.
Random child: Yeah! He’s so kool!!
New child: Can you turn on the TP?
Pebbles: Can I turn on the Indian Tent?
Child: Da what?
Pebbles: TP? You know…oh never mind. *switches on the TV*
Floshi: * a person wearing a big fat Kangaskan costume* Hey kids! Are yew ready ta dance?
Children: YAY!
Pebbles: Oh my god.
Floshi: *singing in a ridiculous voice* Oooooooooooohhh…come and play with me today we’re gunna have lotsa fuuuuunnn, come and play inside today there’s toys for everyone! *dancing*
Pebbles: o_____O KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAARGHHHH!! WHAT KIND OF MANGLED SONG IS THIS CRAP?!? IT’S BURNING MY EARS!!
Children: *dancing in a similar way to ‘Floshi’* La la la la LA la la la la la la la laaaaa, la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaa!!
Pebbles: AARGHHHH!!! *fumbles for remote and turns off TV*
Children: AAAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Pebbles: SHUT UP! Threre will be no more ‘FLOSHI’ now! WE ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! ANYTHING ELSE!!
Child: OOH! Can we paint you different colours Miss Rockbottom?
Pebbles: No.
Child: Can we play with scissors?
Pebbles: Yes.
Children: YAAAAYY!!!
<Back at Golden Typhlosion Studios…>
Typhlogirl: *jumping out of the SUV* So we can hold the show tonight, here at the studio. I’ll get the Machokes to clear the sofas off the stage…
Micheal: *un-duck taping himself* OW! Yeah sure, whatever you say.
Typhlogirl: You’ll be in charge of advertising, so I’ll make some flyers you can distribute…
Micheal: Uh huh.
Typhlogirl: So let’s get things ready!!!
<An hour passes. Typhlogirl makes the flyers, which Micheal runs about distributing them around the city. The Machokes prepare the stage, and sound equipment.>
Typhlogirl: Well, everything is ready Micheal. The show starts at 7:00. It’s currently 3:30.
Micheal: You think we’ll get a decent crowd?
Typhlogirl: Heh, I’m sure of it.
Micheal: Shouldn’t we pick Pebbles up now?
Typhlogirl: Oh yeah! I forgot about her. She’s so forgettable.
Micheal: --; She’d love to hear that.
Typhlogirl: *unconcerned* She would, wouldn’t she? Anyway, come on! In the car!
Micheal: Okay, just a sec. *disappears into studio*
Typhlogirl: The hell?
<Micheal returns wearing two pillows strapped to his body, and a saucepan on his head.>
Typhlogirl:
What the fuck are you wearing?! Are you trying out for a freak show or something? Micheal: Protection. Against your driving.
Typhlogirl: You are such a weirdo.
Micheal: And you are such a bad driver.
Typhlogirl: Just get in the car.
Micheal: *salutes* It’s my funeral.
Typhlogirl: Well, you’ve already had one, so a second couldn’t be too hard could it?!
Micheal: *shrugs*
<The pair get into the car and drive to Lil’ Skitty’s Day-care with no casualties. Apart from a few fire hydrants.>
Typhlogirl: *leaning out of the car* PEBBLES!! COME ON!!
Pebbles: *inside the Daycare* STOP TRYING TO PAINT ME!!!
Child: But you’ve got all these shapes on you Miss Rockbottom! IT’LL BE PRETTY!!!
Pebbles: NO!! GO BACK AND PLAY WITH THE CLEANING LIQUIDS!!
Miss Teary: Oh Miss Pebbles! Your friend is waiting outside!
Typhlogirl: *honks horn*
Pebbles: *looks outside* Oh crap, it’s the Tyrant Queen. Oh well. Must go.
Miss Teary: Well, thankyou for your help Miss Pebbles, it was greatly appreciated! Here’s your paycheck!
Pebbles: Thanks. Later. *walking outside*
Typhlogirl: ‘Bout time.
Pebbles: Yeah yeah, I’m coming!!
Children: *very, very loudly* BYE MISS ROCKBOTTOM!!!!
Pebbles: *freezes*
Typhlogirl: *utter glee* MISS ROCKBOTTOM?!
Pebbles: CRAP!
Typhlogirl: AHAHAHA!! MISS ROCKBOTTOM!! *howling with laughter*
Pebbles: *grumpily gets in car*
Typhlogirl: *still bawling with laughter*
Micheal: Sold your stony ass.
Pebbles: Fuck you.
Typhlogirl: *controls herself and snatches the paycheck* $100 bucks? Dammit, we still need more!
Micheal: Bleh.
Pebbles: Humph.
Typhlogirl: *pulls onto the road* We’re doing a Comedy Show tonight Rockbottom.
Pebbles: Don’t call me that.
Typhlogirl: Sorry, sorry. But the show is tonight.
Pebbles: And you’ve got everything planned, I presume?
Typhlogirl: Yep. And I’ll be doing the jokes!
Pebbles: I thought it was a Comedy show, not a horror film.
Typhlogirl: ¬¬
<The trio get back to Golden Typhlosion studios. Hours pass, and the time of the show draws near. People have started to gather outside.>
Typhlogirl: God dammit, where are the security guards?! They’re supposed to be ushers!
Micheal: I dunno.
Pebbles: Probably escaping from you.
Typhlogirl: Quiet Rockbottom.
Pebbles: >_<
Stage hand: Show should start soon.
Typhlogirl: Alright alright, start letting them in.
<The people start filing inside. A few children glomp Pebbles with a loud chorus of, ‘HI MISS ROCKBOTTOM!! Typhlogirl snickers loudly, before getting onto the stage. Micheal is MC.>
Micheal: *fake happy tone* Hi and welcome to the first PokeTalk Comedy Show! Tonight we feature Typhlogirl! *he suddenly pauses.* RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! PLEASE!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! DON’T BECOME LIKE ME!!!!! PLEEEEEEEASEEE!! THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN!!!
Typhlogirl: Oh my god…get him off the stage. *snaps fingers at Stagehand Machokes*
Micheal: *being dragged off* HELP MEEEEEEEE!!
Typhlogirl: *runs onto stage* Ahem. Sorry about that, he hasn’t taken his meds. Well welcome!! Now, lets start things off!
Pebbles: Oh here we go.
Typhlogirl: Two eggs are boiling in a pot. One egg says to the other, “Sure is getting hot in here, it’s it?” And the other says “OH MY GOD a talking egg!”
<Drum beat.>
Audience: *silence*
Pebbles: O____o What the hell was that??!
Typhlogirl: Hmm…tough crowd. Okay, let's try another! Two men walk into a bar. It hurt!
<Drum beat.>
Audience: *someone coughs*
Micheal: *giggling insanely*
Pebbles: Wow Typhlogirl, that was so funny I forgot to laugh!!
Typhlogirl: Geez. Don’t you people have a sense of humour?! Fine. A woman goes into a doctors surgery. “Doctor Doctor,” she says. “Help me! I’ve only got sixty second to live!!” And the doctor replies, “Just give me a minute!” Geddit?
Pebbles: YOU SUCK!
Someone in audience: She’s right you know!
Typhlogirl: OH FINE! *slams down microphone*
Pebbles: Well this was a blowout.
<All of a sudden, Britney Spears music starts. It gets louder and louder.>
Typhlogirl: What the hell?!
<Suddenly, the security Machokes run onto the stage, dressed in dance gear.They move into a formation, and start doing dance moves.>
Typhlogirl: OH MY GOD, SOMEONE STOP THEM BEFORE THEY SCAR THOSE POOR PEOPLE!! I’LL GET SUED!!
<But Typhlogirl is wrong. What a surprise.>
Random audience member: Hey, this is cool!
Random woman: They’re so talented!
Pebbles: OMFG, they actually like it.
Micheal: I guess anything can beat Typhlogirl’s humour.
Typhlogirl: Stuff you Micheal.
<Pebbles runs through the crowd, collecting money from them. They totally get into the Machoke’s dance show. Pebbles gathers a large amount of money. The show goes deep into the night, and the audience all go home satisfied. Micheal, Pebbles and Typhlogirl meet after the show to check out the profits.>
Typhlogirl: O_O Holy crap, there’s like, two thousand dollars in here!! WE’VE GOT ENOUGH MONEY!!
Micheal: Hooray.
Pebbles: Yippee.
Typhlogirl: Oh for goodness sake, can’t you lot ever be enthusiastic about anything?
Pebbles: *grins* Oh, so you want me to be enthusiastic do you?
Typhlogirl: WAIT! On second thought, no!! Not at all!! Be grim and depressed!! DEPRESSED!!
Pebbles: No, you want enthusiasm! So you’ll get enthusiasm!!
Typhlogirl: NO!!!!!
<And so we leave our favourite trio bickering away as usual, finally with enough money to buy Christmas presents for everyone. What’s the moral of this story? Never stop trying, because you never know when you’ll succeed!!!>
END
Micheal: That was a crap story.
Typhlogirl: Oh it was not. Didn’t it make you feel all warm and cuddly inside?
Micheal: Nope. Made me feel cold and depressed, to tell the truth.
Typhlogirl: Oh spare me.
Micheal: No, I won’t actually. It was shithouse. Completely shithouse.
Typhlogirl: Oh yeah? You look shithouse!
Micheal: Your driving is shithouse!
Typhlogirl: Your acting is shithose!
Pebbles: You both smell shithouse!
Typhlogirl: Pebbles?! Where the hell did you come from?!?
Micheal: I don’t know, but it was a shithouse entry!
Pebbles: Just like you’re a shithouse mascot!!
Micheal: WHY YOU! *punches*
Typhlogirl: LOLZ MICHEAL, YOU JUST HIT ROCKBOTTOM!! GEDDIT? GEDDIT?
Pebbles: ARGH!! SAVE US FROM THE LAME JOKES!
Micheal: THAT WAS SHITHOUSE!!
Typhlogirl: Better than you could do, shithouse breath!
Pebbles: WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT YOUR SHITHOUSE MOUTHS UP?!
Typhlogirl: Never, shithouse face!
Micheal: Yeah you shithouse reporter!
Pebbles: AT LEAST I’M DOING SOMETHING TO AID THE SHOW, SHITHOUSE MASCOT MAN!!
Micheal: DAMN YOU!! *slaps*
Typhlogirl: LOLZ MICHEAL, YOU JUST HIT ROCKBOTTOM AGAIN!!
Pebbles: STUFF YOU!! *chases Typhlogirl*
Micheal: Oh no you don’t! TAKE THAT MASCOT THING BACK!! *chases Pebbles*
Typhlogirl: GOODNIGHT FOLKS!! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
~+MERRY CHRISTMAS+~
;157;FROM ALL THE CAST OF POKETALK!!!;076;
;157;FROM ALL THE CAST OF POKETALK!!!;076;
-;157;
