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Pokevillage!

D

Dean

Wonder of Thunder!
Pokevillage is about two kids who live in a huge village! Watch them meet new pokemon and friends and have exciting battles!

Episode 1: Choose your starter! (Eevee and meowth! A normal combonation!)
Episode 2: Katherine catches a Pokemon! (Protect Venonat!)
 
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S

stoopidmahn

Banned
YAY! first reply!!! ok, you should make speach bubles, because i cant tell whos talking, also make it longer...
 
P

Phatkav

Waiting for FFXIII
This seems like another journy comic. Anyway I will still read it.

I found one mistake. You spelled meet wrong.
 
T

Tbone2356

ᵀᴴᴱ ᴼᴿᴵᴳᴵᴻᴬᴸ
Average...

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!!

Nah I am just kidding, but their is alot of room for improvment.

1. It was way too rushed, Saying Bye--->Saying Hi----->Magically appear near a beach------->Heroes Ordered To Choose Starter... Its way too rushed...

2. If this takes place in a village, why do they need starters? They could have had housepets or somethin already...

3. The Trainer Sprites are not the best in the world.. The shading is bad and the figures look flat..

4. So what is the plot? You shouldv'e addresed it before Dean left his house.

5. Text under the panel's don't work well.. They make the comic appear more sloppy and make you appear lazy. You should use speech bubbles.

6. You need to work on your grammer, big time.
Errors
"(Eevee and meowth! A normal combonation!)" should be "(Eevee and Meowth! A normal combination!)"
"Bye Sweetie!" should be "Bye, sweetie!" (I'm not sure on the comma though)
"How are yoyu going to choose for a partner Dean?" should be "Who are you going to choose for a partner, Dean?" (Again, not sure about the comma)
"I don't know....mabey an Eevee" should be "I don't know.... Maybe an Eevee."
"Who will they mmet?" should be "Who will they meet?"

Text that could be better
The whole one sentence you gave on the first post about the comic doesn't really explain much.. Be creative and type up a paragraph.
The nickname "Cuby" might be better if it were "Cubey" or "Cubie" makes it easier to prononce and looks nicer, but "Cuby" works just aswell.
"Hey Katherine! You ready to go?" Would work better if it were "Hey Katherine! Are you ready to go?" or "Hey, Katherine, are you ready to go?"

This comic could have a nice chance, but you need to pick up on some of the things I suggested. Take my advice seriously and I wish you good luck on this comic.. ;194;
 
D

Dean

Wonder of Thunder!
Thanks for the C+C guys! I'm going to start the second episode. It's going to be longer and I'll try to fix speeling and grammar mistakes.

Edit: Epsiode 2 is now up!

Episode 2: Katherine catches a Pokemon! (Protect Venonat!)
 
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M

~!Mudkip Kitteh!~

PWNED.
There's not much to add that wasn't said in Tbone2356's post...

I really think you have something here, but there IS room for improvement. MAJOR improvement.

Not to seem negative, but with the text beneath the boxes, you should probably colour code it, and tell us which colour is who talking.

Good luck with this!

~MK ;258;
 
T

Treeckoman7

Stickers are ghetto
Oh the cliche...
This is bad.
Unhumorous journey comics are looked down upon here. This is way too cliche. I already know the next episode. To the Gym! To Battle (enter name here)! Maybe if this had humor and wasn't a JOURNEY comic it wouldn't be so bad.
 
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