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Polo, Jedi Mew, and the Sith

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Rated:pG or PG-13(I'll let someone more used to fics decide.)

This is the same thing as a trainer and his skills and his mew and the sith, except it will use proper paragraphing(I just hope to your expectactions) There is a bit of violence.

Polo's info
Age:13
Sex:Male
Clothes:Wears a red shirt and red pants.
Hair:Black
Skin:White

Sith Champion's info
Age:25
Sex:Male
Clothes:Wears a suit or black pants and shirt and cape.
Hair:Black
Skin:White

Polo's Dad
Age:35
Sex:Male
Clothes:Wears all blue.
Hair:Black
Skin:White

The rest of the main characters in this chapter you can see in your video games so go look for they're pictures on the internet or get a gameboy and find the characters in your pkmn games.



This Chapter is a bit violent, I'm giving you guys a heads up, someone's hand gets cut off.

Poke Wars:Episode l Polo Jedi and Mew and the Sith


Chapter 1:Vegence of the Sith

"Don't make me kill you!" hollered a trainer in a suit with a Dragonite, Metagross and Tyranitar behind him.

"So you've killed all my Grunts and Admins have you?" laughed Giovanni.

"No, my Pokemon just left them with an inch of their life remaining." smirked the trainer in a suit.

"Admins in hiding, attack!" yelled Giovanni.

Meanwhile. A thirteen year old named Polo awoke in his house in Littleroot Town and saw a pink cat-like
Pokemon fly by window. "Was...that a Mew?" said Polo.

He had a tracking device for Pokemon in his pocket, he worked on it since he was 10 and he finally completed it on that night. Polo ran outside of his house and threw the tracking chip at the Mew. It successfully onto Mew and shrunk to become undectable by anything's eye. Polo took a little device out of his pocket that looked like a cell phone, that had the tracking devices's location on it. "Yes." whispered Polo in relief and he went back in his house to see his father in a
rage.

"What the heck were you doing outside at 3:00 AM?! "Just-" Polo began when his father interupted him. "I've had enough!" roared Polo's dad punching Polo in the face walking back upstairs to his room. "Just 5
more hours now." whispered Polo's dad to himself. "I will be free of my son and I will be able to eat doughnuts
without trying to hide them."

Back at Rocket headquarters. "Holy crap!!!" cried a bunch of Team Rocket Admins on the floor with wounds.

"Giovanni, turn yourself in before you look like those pathetic amateurs!" demanded the trainer in a suit. "Fine, I'll go." lied Giovanni.

"Dragonite, Tyranitar, grab the old bag of dirt who only can use 1% of his brain. Metagross, you protect me." ordered the trainer in a suit.

The trainer in a suit, his Pokemon and Giovanni went to the Viridian City Police Department. "I've got Giovanni." the trainer in a suit told one of the police officers.

"Good, we'll have his Pokemon set free and lock him up for life." said he police officer.

"Actually, we'll have to give him a trial, I just hope the judge gives him a painful death sentence." said the trainer in a suit.

Meanwhile. "Wake up it is 8:00 AM start your Pokemon journey and get out of my house!" roared Polo's dad.
"Alright, but why do you treat me so badly?" asked Polo.
"Because I eat alot of dough, I mean poker games 24/7 from now on." lied Polo's dad. "Well see you." said Polo walking outside of the house.

"At least I won't have to deal with black eyes anymore." said Polo entering Professor Birch's Pokemon Lab.

"Ah, Polo yes you came here for a Pokemon right?" asked Professor Birch.

"Yes, that is right." answered Polo.

There was a beeping sound in Polo's pocket. Polo picked up the object which happened to be the the tracking device for the Mew. Polo looked at it and he saw that the Mew was inside the lab. "Professor Birch, I need some Pokeballs, NOW!" hollared Polo,grabbing one of the Pokeballs
containing a Pokemon on a desk randomly and giving Professor Birch $3000(poke dollars=$ in this fan
fiction).

"Sure." Professor Birch said giving Polo 15 Pokeballs.

Polo looked at the Mew on the ceiling and threw a Pokeball at it sand concealed it in the Pokeball. "Why did you just throw a Pokeball at the ceiling?" asked Professor Birch.
The Pokeball was shaking. "It is a Mew." said Polo.

"I doubt it but it must be a Pokemon, the ball is shaking." replied Professor Birch.

The Mew was successfully caught. "Go, Mew!" said Polo throwing the Pokeball on the ground revealing the Mew.

"Amazing, I have never seen a Mew before! I have a present for you." said Professor Birch astoundingly giving Polo a National Pokedex.

"It can contain data of every single Pokemon. There are over 380 Pokemon in the world. I think you have the skill to fill the National Dex up quite a bit." said Professor Birch.

"I will do the best I can." said Polo smiling and walking out of the lab.

When Polo entered route 101 he heard a very vicious growl torwards him. "I am a Pokemaniac, give me your Mew and
your National Pokedex! I've been chasing that thing on foot for months!" growled the Pokemaniac.


"Bummer, but the Mew is mine." said Polo.

"I helped Professor Oak create the very first Pokedex and I want the Mew and the National Pokedex!" growled the Pokemaniac.

"You can't have my Mew!" hollared Polo.



"I'll just have to take it by force then! Go, Rhydon!" growled the Pokemaniac sending out his Rhydon.

Meanwhile. "Yeah, ever since there were people in this house I tried not to get fat. " snickered Polo's eating doughnuts.

Meanwhile. Mew was goofing off when Rhydon Horndrilled it. "Mew return!" cried Polo returning Mew to it's Pokeball.

"The National Pokedex and th...th...the M...M...ME....MEW are MINE!!!" growled the Pokemaniac.

The Pokemaniac ran for the Pokeball Mew was in and the National Pokedex when the trainer in a suit who turned Giovanni in tripped him. "This kid never agreed to the wager, besides he is to young to gamble" said the trainer in a suit.

"Who the are you?" asked Polo.

"Alright, you may not beleive me but I am the World Pokemon Champion." said the trainer in a suit.

"Actually, I beleive you." said Polo honestly.

"If I win all his possessions become mine!" growled the Pokemaniac.

"Very well but you will be facing off against me." said the Champion.

"Here we go." gulped Polo.

"I am P.G.M.G." roared the Pokemaniac.

"Meaning?" asked the Champion.

"It means Psycho Genius Maniac Geek!" roared the Pokemaniac. "Right...I'm just gonna call you weirdo. Kid, let's get the heck outta here." said a very disturbed Champion.

Polo walked into Odale town leaving the Champion and the Pokemaniac, but the Pokemaniac pickpocketed Polo's Mew. The Pokemaniac sent out the knocked out Mew and drew a knife to it's tail. "Giovanni will pay me a heck of a lot of money for this tail!" whispered the Pokemaniac.

The Champion caught this from the corner of his eye. "You Team Rocket dirt bag!" yelled the Champion kicking the knife out of the Team Rocket Grunt's hand and into a tree.

The Champion put gloves on, pulled the knife from the tree and cut one of the Grunts hands off and pinned the arm that was missing a hand onto the tree. The Champion then got the ball that Mew was in and gave it to Polo. "Polo, you can finish him, he's a member of Team Rocket. I ought to get home to Saffron City in the Kanto Region." said the Champion getting on his Dragonite and flying away.

"Go, Mew!" yelled Polo sending his Mew.

"Mew, 20 Mega Punches!" ordered Polo.

Mew punched the Team Rocket Grunt in the face 20 times thus knocking him out. The police were already chasing the Team Rocket Grunt and when they found him the looked at Polo very intensly. "Did you do this?" a police officer asked pulling the knife from the Grunt's arm releasing him from the tree.

"I did not do anything with the knife, but he tried to cut my Mew's tail off so my Mew fought back using Mega Punch on him." said Polo.

"Even though he is a criminal, next time please try to keep your Mew under control, I can tell your Mew hit him well over 10 times." said the police officer strictly handcuffing the Grunt.

"Oh, do you know who attacked him with the knife?" asked the police officer.

"Yes, the world Champion took this guys knife cut off his hand and pinned him to the tree with it." said Polo sweating.

"That's all we need to know." said the police officer as he and the other police officers took the Team Rocket Grunt to jail and to question him.

"Mew, are you tired?" asked Polo.

Mew nodded and said "Mew."

"Then let's goto a Pokemon Center." replied Polo.

Mew followed Polo levatating over him into the Odale Town Pokemon Center. Meanwhile.

"I am free!" yelled Giovanni.


"They didn't get the Pokeballs my Pokemon were in!"

Meanwhile in Saffron City. A police officer said into a megaphone in front of the World Pokemon Champion's mansion. "Come out, you are under arrest for attempted murder! We've got you surrounded!"

The Champion's Moltres used Fire Blast on a sword with a cylinder blade and it was burned to look red for a long time so it looked like a red lightsaber. "Thank you for making my lightsaber, Moltres." said
the World Champion returning the Moltres to it's Ultra Ball.

He came out side with all black, a black cape, and his lightsaber behind his back.

"Are you gonna come quitely?" asked one of the police officers.

"No." said the Champion quitely, jumping behind the cop then killing the cop by stabbing him behind the back.

"I have a lightsaber. And I am one with the dark side!" hollared the Champion.

Truth is, he mixed his DNA with aMagneton and an Alakazam and an Umbreon and a Rapidash. "Now feel the true power of the dark side!" said the Champion as he threw one cop into a stop sign and he zapped another until he died.

A cop shot at him, but the Champion simply used his psychic powers and made the bullet knock the cops head off. "You are simple beings without any power of the force, how do expect to defeat me?" laughed the Champion as he lifted 20 cops into the air 500 feet then letting them drop and die.

Meanwhile. "You Mew is perfectly healed back to full health." said a nurse giving Polo back his Mew, Polo was wondering, since he picked up the Pokeball on the desk randomly he didn't know what Pokemon he got.

So he threw the Pokeball on the ground revealing a Mudkip. Back at Saffron City. "Cops, please surrender, you don't know how to deal with the dark side!" laughed the Champion zapping more police to death.
The police retreated.

"Heh, you don't know my powers." laughed the Champion.

15 minutes later the military came in tanks. This however was also a failure. The Champion just bended the turrets on the tanks to shoot the drivers in it. Then the Champion barged into people's homes slicing everyone's head off with his lightsaber(including the children). He broke into retirement homes and killed everyone in there too. He used his speed of a level 100 top stat Rapidash to escape the police pursuit. He broke into Silph Co. and killed all the people in there too. "Heh, this is fun!" laughed the Champion.

"But I really should go get that Mew so I have every Pokemon move known too mankind!" whispered the Champion to himself.

The police sent their Arcanines to use Extremespeed and hit the Champion but whenever an Arcanine got near him, he just pulled out his lightsaber and sliced it's head off. "This has gone on long enough, it is time for me to end this!" roared the Champion making all of the police fly back into buildings knocking out some cops and killing others.

The Champion got on his Dragonite and flew away to Hoenn. He found Polo and his Mew at Odale Town. "Dragonite, let me see this kid." said the Champion.

"Ahhh it's the killer who killed all those cops at Saffron!" said someone inside the Pokemon Center.

Polo remembered that the Champion lived in Saffron City. "How could you?!" asked Polo.

"Heh, I have my reasons. Now that everyone fears me it is time to take your Mew!" laughed the Champion.

"Mew run, Mudkip run!" he ordered them.

"I have the speed of a Rapidash so I can catch up with that Mew whenever I want. But, for now I will enjoy killing you!" laughed the Champion pulling out his red lightsaber.

Polo's Mew stayed. "I said run! If you don't run now he will be able to find you!" said Polo trying to save Mew's life.

Mew used Transform on the Champion. "Smart little Mew aren't you. No we will see what wins, skill or power!" roared the Champion.

"Um, why is the Mew's lightsaber blue? It should be red like mine!" growled the Champion.

"My Mew is not evil like you! Mew is a Jedi!" said Polo.

"Very well, I shall reveal my true identity, I am Sith Champion!" roared the Pokemon World Champion.

"I guess my DNA is to complicated. So let's hope your Mew doesn't have this attack!" said Sith Champion zapping Mew.

"Mew!" Mew cried.

"Enough of this! Reveal your true form!" roared Sith Champion.

Sith Champion kept on zapping Mew until Mew was knocked out and it looked like a regular Mew, but the blue lightsaber was still in Mew's hand. Polo found a Max Revive on the ground and used it on Mew. Mew got up and it seemed if Mew's expierience level and all of it's stats just doubled. "Mew, use slash!" ordered Polo.

Mew got up with the lightsaber and Slashed Sith Champion on the chest. "Fool, I have defense great as an Umbreon, that just simply tickle-" Sith Champion's boasting was cut off by another slash to the chest.

Sith Champion used his Psychic powers to pull a tree out of the ground and hit Mew, but Mew took control of the tree hitting Sith Champion and putting the tree on top of Sith Champion. Sith Champion picked the tree up then got up. He then hit Mew with the tree, it knocked Mew all the way into route 102 and knocked Mew into the pond. "Mew!" cried Polo.

Mew got out of the water very weakly and cried "Mew!"
then Mew fainted.

Polo returned Mew to it's Pokeball. "I will spare you for now!" said Sith Champion running into route 103.

"Crap, I can't kill the Mew, I must turn the Mew to the dark side!" thought Sith Champion to himself.

Meanwhile. "You Mew seems to unable to be helped." said the nurse.

"What?!" cried Polo.

"Stop the crying, if it dies it dies." said the disturbed nurse.

"Goto the waiting room if you won't stop bothering me." said the nurse.

Mew woke up then went back to sleep. "See, it will be alright." said the nurse.

Polo sighed in relief. The Mew woke up again got up picked up its lightsaber and said "Mew!" in an calm tone.

"Here is your Mew." said the nurse picking up Mew, giving it to Polo and walking him out of the E-R room.

Polo and Mew looked at the TV and they watched it show the battle between Mew and Sith Champion. "Boy, I'm suprised someone would have the courage to video camera it!" said Polo astounded.

Mew nodded and said "Mew."

A Super Nerd appeared and said "I had courage alright, heh heh!"

"Weird." said Polo and Mew nodded.
 
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Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
This was one of the most boring, and lamest stories I've ever seen that included a legendary, let alone Mew. You skimped out in describing the characters, because why, you could use the internet to find pictures? Because you gave a half arsed description about the three main characters?

Wow you score so many points.

And if this was a humor fic; you really didn't get any success in that area either. AND OMG Mew getting revived by a Max Revive and stats doubling! IS IT A SAIYAJIN POKEMON? DID IT WATCH TOO MUCH DRAGONBALL Z? IS IT RELATED TO GOKU? VEGETA?

Seriously, you should go back to the drawing board with this one hell of a mary sue fic.
 
DBZ is like on of the most dumbest show. Let me give you something to make fun of it.

Goku:I'm gonna kill you for no reason.
Freiza:Me too.
(Goku kills Freiza for no reason)
Goku:Time to kill more people for no reason.

That is why I don't watch DBZ. And it said that because Mew was knocked out by a horndrill and it said it SEEMed.
 
Everything Renegade said. Grammatical & spacing errors. And... oh my God... you gave Polo a MEW?! That has GOT to be the BIGGEST Mary-Sue I've ever heard in my life without it being a noob comedy fic. As far as I read, since I skipped out on most of the stuff, Nurse Joy treated Mew like an ordinary Pokemon instead of going "OH MY GOSH!". Also, no description. Bye.
 
What do you mean by Mary Sue and I really hope you read the part where Sith Champion killed the kids.
 
Don't forget about Gary Stu! He's Mary Sue's male counterpart!
 
How did you like it when Sith Champion killed the children, I liked that part a lot.
 

Dilasc

Boip!
I'm going to suggest you read other stories by authors with a high star rating, and see why their work has the five stars they've earned, unlike you, who gives yourself 5 stars, undeservedly. Like others have said, its weak.

It's also very random. One second a Dragonite is in Kanto, then its over the ocean, magically back in Hoenn. Why did this need to happen like that? In one scene, the boy's father gives his son a fierce punch in the face? Right, nobody calls child abuse, why? All in all, things make absolutely no sense. Try to apply logic to your story.

Pokemon Master Miror B. said:
How did you like it when Sith Champion killed the children, I liked that part a lot.

You're oblivious to the main points we're trying to make here. Besides the fact, the scene was very randomly done and made very little sense.

The guy goes on mass genocide in a very poorly described scene. My fellow readers... THIS, this my friends is how you describe an EPIC, EARTH-SHATTERING, OVER THE TOP , and so very MOVING scene. Now someone put a cork on my sarcasm jar, it's leaking like mad!
 
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Chapter 2:WAR!

This chapter is extremely violent.

New main characters in the chapter.

The Nurse
Age:Unknown
Sex:Female
Clothes:All white with a white skirt and a white hat with an S on it.
Hair:Red
Skin:Black

Polo and Mew were goofing around and they stopped when the nurse who showed the Mew no respect fired a rocket launcher at the PokeMart. Polo and Mew went up to the nurse and Polo shouted at her, "What the hell was that all about?!"

The nurse reloaded and fired the rocket launcher at Polo but Mew came in and took the hit and was knocked out. The nurse had it coming, a punch straight to the face from Polo. Polo picked Mew up and took it to the Pokemon Center. But, to an unpleasent suprise all Polo saw was everything blown up. Polo looked everywhere to look for a healing machine for his Mew. "Now you goto hell!" Polo heard the nurse he punched shout.

The nurse fired another rocket from the rocket launcher at Polo, but Polo crouched just in time and a wall had a hole blown threw it instead. Polo looked at the room and it had a healing machine fairly damaged, but Polo put his Mew in it anyway and it worked put it only revived Mew half way.

Mew woke up, took it's blue lightsaber out and tried to slash the nurse with it but the nurse got her red lightsaber out and blocked. Mew flew up, picked Polo up by his collar and flew away to Petalburg City in safety pretty fast. "Whew, we made it!" said Polo in relief and Mew put him down.

They went to Petalburg Pokemon Center and they showed Mew to the nurse and she was astounded and yelled "Oh my gosh, where did you get it?!"

"It appeared in front of my house 1 night then the next day I caught it inside Professor Birch's Lab. My Mew is a bit hurt, will you please heal it?" asked Polo handing his Mew over to the nurse.

10 minutes later the nurse handed Polo his Mew back. Polo bowed then leaved the Pokemon Center. Polo was shocked with sorrow as he saw the nurse with her red lightsaber and infront of her was his Mudkip with all his limbs cut off. Polo came to tears and shouted, "Mew, send this demon to hell!"

Mew picked up it's lightsaber and slashed at the nurse 30 times but each attack was blocked. "Anger and hatred Mew, that is what's needed to turn to the dark side!" shouted the nurse.

Polo got down to his knees and looked at his Mudkip with the deepest sorrow in tears. "How could I let this happen?!" sobbed Polo.

A trainer in a mask and white clothes with white skin walked by and laughed like a jerk, "Dude, guys don't cry. It's just a Mudkip, get over it."

Mew was fighting with all it's might but the nurse kept blocking the hits until finally Mew cut one of the nurse's arms off. "Dammit!" shrieked the nurse fleeing to route 104.

The trainer who walked by said, "I really suggest you get indoors, there is a war going on."

"What the hell do you mean by war?!" asked Polo.

The trainer sighed, "You know, like killing, and crap. Anyway, I gotta go now." said the trainer going into the Pokemon Center.

Polo went inside the Pokemon Center. A nurse dicovered a secret basment inside the Pokemon Center and was escorting everyone inside there. As Polo walked on he saw it covered with trainers. Polo stood up and said "Everyone, if you want to kill me, go ahead. It is my fault this war is going on." said Polo

A bulky trainer interupted and shouted, "Your one little kid how could you?!"

Polo resumed his speech, "I have a Mew, they are after it. Everyone stay here I am going to aid in the war and avenge my Mudkip!" said Polo concluding his speech and walking out of the Pokemon Center with his Mew tagging along.

Mew and Polo walked into route 102 to see that it was now a battlefield. Mew got up and slashed someone on the opposing side. "Everyone, don't worry about the other enemies, get me that Mew alive!" shouted Sith Champion from the other side of the battlefield.

When the opposing Charizard's dashed for Mew, it just used Ancientpower knocking all of them out and killing some of the Charizards. "All of my troops, retreat, leave this Mew to me!" demanded Sith Champion.

Sith Champion zapped everyone on the other side and killed everyone except for Polo and Mew. "Polo, watch me send your Mew to hell!" laughed Sith Champion.

Mew and Sith Champion took out their lightsabers and went at it. The nurse who was missing an arm tried to sneak up on Mew but Mew detected this and sliced the nurse's head off. While Mew was distracted Sith Champion zapped Mew. Polo jumped in to take the attack and gave Mew some time to fight back. But Mew just watched in horror as it's owner was being zapped. "Now, Polo. Join the dark side!" laughed Sith Champion putting Polo down from within an inch of his life.

"N..Never..." said Polo faintly as he passed out.

This cut the line for Mew. Mew viciously growled, "Mew! Mew! Mew!"

Mew took the dead nurse's lightsaber and went at the Sith Champion with both lightsabers. Mew cut one of Sith Champion's arms off. Sith Champion laughed, "Replacable!" fleeing from battle with his troops.

Mew took Polo back to the Pokemon Center and lied him down on the ground in the secret basement. "Did we win this battle?" asked the bulky trainer.

Mew didn't make any body language responses, all Mew did was look at Polo's body in horror.

End of Chapter, sorry about the chapter's shortness.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
... I see you haven't attempted to make your writing any better.

"What the hell do you mean by war?!" asked Polo.

The trainer sighed, "You know, like killing, and crap. Anyway, I gotta go now." said the trainer going into the Pokemon Center.

Outside of the word Said being abused a whole lot in your writing, I don't think you got the trainer's responce to the question of 'what do you mean by war!?', as I think 'Polo' meant 'War? What? Why!?' as in why is there a war. Not 'what is war'. And 'Like killing and crap' really wasn't the greatest answer ever.

10 minutes later the nurse handed Polo his Mew back. Polo bowed then leaved the Pokemon Center. Polo was shocked with sorrow as he saw the nurse with her red lightsaber and infront of her was his Mudkip with all his limbs cut off. Polo came to tears and shouted, "Mew, send this demon to hell!"

Okay, okay, BACK THE BAND WAGON UP. A Nurse Joy, I assume, attacked, and killed, a Mudkip? What the ****? How did a Nurse Joy HURT A POKEMON, and WHY when they are about as good as good can be, and I believe would open a can of whoop *** like there's no tomorrow if they thought a pokemon, or trainer was in danger, in their poke`center. Also, how could he 'leaved', I assume you mean Leave, you're typos are also getting on my nerves but back to the topic, how could he LEAVE then see the nurse with his Mudkip, slashed to pieces, or as you said without its legs. Which is pathetic PG-13 at best and to get R you would have had to describe the poor water type's mangled, bloodied and ransacked corpse that the nurse joy butchered and left for Polo to find.

Then there's also the fact evil Nurse gave back Mew when it could have taken it to Sith Champion. OH NOES. Yet what does evil nurse do? Kill the Mudkip and give Mew back.

Wow.

When the opposing Charizard's dashed for Mew, it just used Ancientpower knocking all of them out and killing some of the Charizards. "All of my troops, retreat, leave this Mew to me!" demanded Sith Champion.

I could see Ancient Power striking one, or two Charizards at a time. But I doubt Mew would be fast enough to summon enough rocks to down an, I guess, battalion of Charizards. That and the fact they'd probably would have been able to dodge by taking to the air, use Smoke Screen, Roar, Gust, a number of attacks to affect Ancient Power... and well, one paragraph of 'violence' that isn't even violent, is well. Bleah.

Mew woke up, took it's blue lightsaber out and tried to slash the nurse with it but the nurse got her red lightsaber out and blocked. Mew flew up, picked Polo up by his collar and flew away to Petalburg City in safety pretty fast. "Whew, we made it!" said Polo in relief and Mew put him down.

... a bit MEH-able, given the fact that Mew, supposedly, was only halfway awake, revived and powered. Once again overpowering your main character, not giving them depth, or any emotional qualities, and etc from what I first said.

I have two things to say;

One: God I hope Polo died in this chapter. It would be a day to rejoice in the death of another 'I ARE HERO YOU ARE ZERO' character.

Two: I really do hope this gets closed.
 
Um, she didn't take Mew to Sith Champion because if she tried to esacpe, as you should know Pkmn Centers are filled with trainers, she would be overpowered.
 

Meep

ok.
A kid captures a Mew with an ordinary pokeball. The Mew instantly listens to the kid's every command. Oh, and for no reason in particular everyone has lightsabers. The Mew also has no emotions whatsoever, and for some reason is not making even the smallest thought by itself.
Your plot is tangled, hard to understand, and makes no sense. Your characters are bland, cardboard-cutout shadows, who have unrealistic reactions (Someone would not say "It's just a Mudkip." Mudkips are rare pokemon). Your writing style is bland, like rice sitting in a bowl. An undescribed bowl. Add some spice to the rice, make it tangy with adjectives and spicy with adverbs! Next time you write, make it fun to read. Proofread it. Get someone else to also proofread it after you have a few times.

Pokemon Master Miror B. said:
Um, she didn't take Mew to Sith Champion because if she tried to esacpe, as you should know Pkmn Centers are filled with trainers, she would be overpowered.
How could she cut up the Mudkip then?! Oh, so a Pokemon Center filled with trainers would notice a nurse casually walking out the door but they are oblivious to a pokemon being butchered?
 
Mudkip was outside. And Mew almost always attacks on its own.

New main characters to this chapter.

Darth Man
Age:Unknown
Sex:Male
Clothes:Black Cape, black pants, black shirt and a hood.
Hair:bald, but hidden under the hood.
Skin:A black and red face.

I'm working on chapter 3.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Pokemon Master Miror B. said:
Um, she didn't take Mew to Sith Champion because if she tried to esacpe, as you should know Pkmn Centers are filled with trainers, she would be overpowered.
Mudkip was outside. And Mew almost always attacks on its own.

Somehow I think this proves, not even you know what's going on. And you've shown yourself to be an ignore-er of advice. So yeah, pretty much I am reporting you.
 
Your just jealous. So what should it be, um, Polo gets his llimbs cut off, riiiiight, that would be dumb.
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Pokemon Master Miror B. said:
Your just jealous. So what should it be, um, Polo gets his llimbs cut off, riiiiight, that would be dumb.
:sigh: That is just rude and ignorant. I hate to say it but this fic is unlogical, unreasonable, the plot is hard to understand, characters are unrealistic, and although quite violent, it's uninteresting.

And btw, get off your high horse!
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Pokemon Master Miror B. said:
Your just jealous. So what should it be, um, Polo gets his llimbs cut off, riiiiight, that would be dumb.

.. why would I be jealous of something that makes some of my worst stories and characters scream depth and personality when compared to this? If I was jealous of this I would have to be one sorry *** writer. Which I am not. So please, get off your high horse and back to reality.

I am not jealous of your 'fanfic'. I want to mock it. Greatly. With a rubber spoon. Because you are another idiot, making another OT fic, WITH A LEGENDARY AND YOU ARE ALL I AM THE GREATEST. And ignoring what the real writers are saying.

Which is you suck and so does your fic. Does that get through to you where kind and big words don't really seem too?

And no, Polo shouldn't lose his limbs. I said Polo should Die. Not become a mopey limbless mary sue.
 
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